#mr lisgoe

[9leaguesofmirrors]

The Debt Collector and the Sin Detector

This fic is inspired by @jfinb, specifically the hilarious dynamic they wrote between Reverend Bernice and Lisgoe. I had to write a fic where they met, so here it is!

Also, this might be one of my favourite fic titles I've come up with

ALSO also, this fic takes place in a world where Lisgoe finds out about Ross and Pauline doing stuff while he and Ross were talking, so it could be taken as a sequel to The Downgrade, but it wasn't intended as such

CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of sex, cheating, and alcohol consumption

When Lisgoe skulked into the local bar, he was fuming. Having to walk in the rain, when he didn't bring a coat, after finding out the guy he was maybe-or-maybe-not trying to get somewhere with went and had sex with his boss did not help his hypertension

What made it somewhat better was seeing, as he went to the bar and ordered a beer, the Reverend sat in the corner of the room with a large brandy in her hand

"Fucking hell!" Lisgoe laughed as he approached her, beer bottle in his hand "Reverend Bernice Woodall, downing a drink like a champ!"

"Who's this twat..." She muttered, glaring at Lisgoe "What do you want?"

"I thought drinking was against the rules of the Bible."

"And I thought being a nosy little bugger went against the rules of society."

This just amused Lisgoe further and he took the seat opposite Bernice. He looked at her for a few seconds, taking a swig of his beer

"Come here often?"

"Why are you talking to me like a horny teenager?"

"I'm asking you a fucking question!"

"Drink your drink."

As the man sneered and leaned his elbows on the table, Bernice studied him for a few seconds. For some reason, she felt as though she'd seen his face before - or at least heard that disgustingly sexy voice before

"You ever been to church, Pet?"

"Fuck no!" He laughed again "I have a brother that's a Reverend, but we don't speak. I collect people's debts, and the shite I've done would send me straight to Hell - if I believed in it."

That's when it finally clicked, there was only one man in Royston Vasey that acted this dickish

"Mr Lisgoe himself," Bernice sipped her brandy "never thought I'd see the day."

"Never thought I'd see a Reverend drinking a brandy, but I guess there's a first for everything."

"If you had to sit around listening to a bunch of boring sods whine about disappointing Sky Daddy, you'd be in here everyday. At least you can punch them in the face when they piss you off."

Lisgoe made a face of agreement and drank his drink again. He'd almost forgotten about the fiasco with Ross until Bernice asked:

"So, what brings you here?"

That instantly made him clam up, glaring at Bernice slightly

"Since when was this a fucking confession booth?"

"I'm asking you a fucking question!" Bernice imitated Lisgoe's previous statement, which got a withering look in response

"What would you do if you found out someone you were seeing was bumming their boss behind your back?" He snarled before holding up his bottle "I've earned every drop of this."

Of all the reasons, Bernice wasn't expecting Lisgoe to be caught in a love triangle. He didn't exactly seem like the type to be annoyed over something like that

"She sounds like a daft twat. You're a cunt, but you're not ugly. And to wrap her legs around her own boss? Sounds like a dirty slapper to me."

"I don't give a shite anymore. I mean, do I look bothered? Is my face bothered, Reverend?"

"Not at all."

As they sipped their drinks, a neutral silence fell over them. Lisgoe was the one to break it

"And it was a he, he slept with his female boss."

"You fucking what? You mean you're a bum muncher?"

That got a slightly put-off glare from Lisgoe

"First of all, I'm not munching any bums! Second of all, just because I was with a guy doesn't mean I'm gay - I like women too."

"So you're a... what do they say? Bipolar? By proxy?"

"... Bisexual?"

"That's the bastard!"

Lisgoe shrugged, downing a gulp of his beer and slamming the bottle down with a satified sigh

"I don't label it. Only two things matter: either the other person has to be fuckable or I have to be really, really, really bored."

"Just make sure you get the boss out of the way."

"Piss off!" Lisgoe snapped, not showing any signs of offence "It's his loss, I'm a fucking delight!"

"You seem to be 2 shits short of a toilet in my eyes."

"At least I'm not wasting away in a little booth listening to people complain all day."

Oddly enough, the casual back-and-forth made Lisgoe feel a little less uptight about the whole situation prior. It felt good to have another person that was just as much of a foul-mouthed dick as he was - even if she did look slightly rotten

"About that fella, ever thought about revenge?"

Lisgoe looked at her, left eye twitching in confusion

"Your ex fling had it off with his boss," she explained "what better way to show him up than taking someone home? Someone that'll get Royston Vasey talking."

"You think I should pimp myself out?"

"No, you silly goat! I'm saying you should cause a scandal. He's an attention whore, so do something that takes that away. Plus, it might light a fire under his backside."

Lisgoe considered the suggestion, looking around at the people inhabiting the bar. Nobody was that impressive. In fact, they were unspecial at best and repulsive at worst - so nothing had really changed there

"Everyone here looks one cough away from death. I don't mind someone a bit older, but not fucking decrepid!"

"With the way your love life's going, you can't afford to be picky."

"Rude bitch! I thought the Bible preached kindness and shite?"

"I'm a Reverend drinking a brandy at one in the morning, do you really think I'm worried about a big book?"

Once again, Lisgoe found himself puffing out a laugh. It was an odd feeling; it was nice, but in a way that felt different to Ross. Less intense, more casual

Bernice finished off her brandy and placed the glass on the table, she then drummed her nails against the wood as she waited for the pleasant buzz of alcohol to hit her system

"Want another one?"

"Nah, don't bother."

"You a lightweight then?"

Bernice looked at him like he was the daftest twat in Royston Vasey

"Do I look like a lightweight to you? Can a woman not refuse a drink from a stranger? I don't want you using my body as a sex doll - not when I'm unconcious anyway."

"Fucking hell, relax! I'm not that twisted and I'm definitely not that desperate." Lisgoe finished off his beer "I'm asking because, shockingly, I'm enjoying myself. It's like talking to someone's batty grandma."

"Batty grandma!" Bernice was taken aback and apalled by the comparison "Don't take fucking liberties, Mr Lisgoe."

"You can just call me 'Lisgoe', nevermind that 'Mr' shite... unless saying that turns you on or something."

"I have a right mind to buy another drink just to lob the glass at your fucking head!"

Lisgoe smirked to himself, leaning back in his chair. He had to admit, talking to Bernice seemed to do a fair bit of good to his mood. It was a strange feeling, he felt more drawn to the Reverend than any other stranger, but not in the same way he was drawn to Ross. To him, they were in a strange middle ground between acquaintances and partners

"Got something on your mind, Pet?"

That effectively snapped Lisgoe out of interally berating himself and he turned to Bernice with a shrug

"Just bored."

Bernice's lips formed into a sly smile. She didn't feel a connection to the man in front of her - well, not a romantic one at least - but she wasn't blind just yet. She may have had a mild astigmatism, but her sight was fine other than that. And what she was seeing got her juices flowing... in more ways than one!

And who was she to pass up the opportunity?

"How bored are you, Pet?"

At that point, Lisgoe realised her game. Despite thinking that Bernice looked slightly decaying, there was something about her that suggested a decent lay - plus, shagging a Reverend was on his bucket list

"Really, really, really fucking bored." He shrugged "And up for revenge. But I need some help with that."

"Nothing like a revenge shag, is there, Mr. Lisgoe?"

Lisgoe got up with a devilish grin

"Knew that turned you on, you perverted shite."

*********************************************

Bernice was the first to emerge from her confessional booth, her knees slightly stiff as she walked out. She looked around for a bit before confirming nobody was there

Lisgoe then exited, zipping up his trousers and scowling at her

"Last time I checked, people don't bite when they suck dick."

"I didn't bite you, don't be a big baby!" Bernice snapped back "My teeth just grazed you."

"That wasn't grazing, Bernice, I have bitemarks on my dick!"

"Don't act like you don't like it rough, you're the exact type. Bet that boytoy of yours took chunks out of you."

"Yeah, I like to play with pain, but Ross never bit me on the tip of my cock."

"Well, Ross is currently balls-deep in another woman, so you'll have to save those fantasies for another night."

With a sneer, Lisgoe leaned his back against the confessional booth. To say the experience was pleasant would be unture, but... at least... no, it was just unpleasant. And it caused Lisgoe's mind to wander back to a few weeks ago. The memories weren't even sexual, they were just better than whatever the fuck just happened

"Now what?"

Bernice's voice, once again, effectively snapped him out of his own head

"I'm not fucking you again."

"Never said I wanted that."

A pause in the conversation

"You're a fucking terrible shag," Lisgoe said "but you're not bad to talk to. You're a battered old witch and I like that."

"Well, I like that you're a moody prick with a weird sense of humour."

"That's oddly nice coming from-"

"You also have a very nice moan."

"And you had to fucking ruin it!"

They both ended up laughing, a proper laugh that neither of them had shared before. The kind of laugh that felt satisfying in a strange way

The kind of laugh only friends share

A/N: This took longer to finish than I thought, mainly because I forgot I even wrote it. It's a little cursed and VERY silly, but it's also a favourite for that exact reason

#league of gentlemen #the league of gentlemen #tlog #joseph lisgoe #mr lisgoe #lisgoe #ross gaines #bernice woodall #reverend bernice #gainsgoe #gainesgoe

[legzakimmbo]

Intoxication - Gainesgoe (Ross Gaines X Joseph Lisgoe)

“How much did you say?”

“Two grand. Two fucking bricks!"

Upon these words, Ross’ glance averted to the three gambling machines shamefully stuck in the corner of the pub. It was easy to tell that the owner wasn’t proud of the purchase. The idea that someone in that meaningless little town would actually want that amount of money (knowing they could never pay it off ; the jobs in Royston Vasey could never suffice) baffled him. Ross pitied the man, but simultaneously, he commended him for having the courage to request that amount from Lisgoe.

The two had crossed paths a few days ago, with thanks to the small sum of money Ross had owed Lisgoe ; Ross was austere and logical, he knew how to handle money, but living in Royston Vasey, you’re bound to owe a debt or two at any given point. And if you weren’t paid a visit by his two incompetent henchmen, you would be visited by Mr Lisgoe himself. And he was much less forgiving than them.

So why was Ross sitting next to him in the pub, surrounded by several empty glasses and an anxious waiter constantly waiting to pour their next drink?

Matter of fact, Lisgoe wondered that as well. Almost every encounter he had with people who wouldn’t cough up on time didn’t end on such a positive note. There must have been something about the brunette man that made him grow a fondness towards him.

Perhaps it was his indifferent nature. Or his abrasiveness upon being demanded so harshly, while others would have probably shit themselves.

The debt collector blamed these uncouth thoughts on his inebriation.

“Do you want me to pay? I wouldn’t mind.”

Ross’ offer was quickly overshadowed by Lisgoe silencing him. “Nah. No need. Poor bastard can’t repay the debt with cash only, so-”

“So you’re taking drinks for free.”

“Shut up! I’m fucking getting there.”

Lisgoe took another sip of the bitter absinthe spirit, wiping away any careless alcohol that beaded at the corners of his mouth. “That skittish cunt almost dragged us down with him, with how much he owed me. This ain’t stealing, Ross. This is the price.”

Ross felt no need to question him further. He was smart enough to understand the other’s logic, but also read his drunken, antsy mood. “Fair enough.”

A brief silence.

“If I knew I could get free drinks from it, I would have become indebted to you a long time ago.”

Lisgoe processed the joke and chuckled hoarsely, running his thumb across the rim of the glass. “Yeah, well, don’t get too cosy. This was just by chance.”

“That so?”

“Mmh.” His confirmation was muffled by another sip. From their conversation, Ross had concluded that this was most definitely not going to be the only time they crossed paths. The mutual feeling of interest was too strong for them to just turn round and not see each other again. And it was definitely not the first time, either ; their prior encounter was rocky. A lot of demanding and shouting ensued from Lisgoe alone. But something must have clearly triggered for the two of them to end up sitting on Ross’ sofa, watching Dexter for what felt like a very fast hour.

Lisgoe wasn’t a shit debt collector. He was just shit with Ross.

“You really confuse me, Ross Gaines.”

“I’m aware.”

-------------------------------

The streets of Royston Vasey that night were weirdly bleak.

The occasional lamppost would emit a luminescent glow onto the quiet shops, and (on the off chance that one would appear) no car would dare sputter its engine and interrupt the tranquillity of 1 in the morning. Would anything dare to do such a thing?

Ross and Lisgoe, apparently.

The two faces, beyond inebriated at that point, stumbled from the doors, catching each other before either took a fall to the pavement.

“Fucking ‘ell,”

The useful input from the debt collector rang through the street, as a pale hand ran through his slicked, black hair. With enough hairspray, it remained intact. The wind was less forgiving on Ross’ hair, however. But somehow, it still looked fine, perhaps even better, if Lisgoe could daresay.

“Can’t drive back like this.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe because it’d be illegal.”

“Prissy prick."

“Can’t drive n’nyway. We walked here,” Ross would look about, using Lisgoe’s frame to prevent himself from coming face to face with the pavement. “Barbara’s prolly asleep b’now, as well.”

“Bah. We can walk.”

“Hardly.”

Regardless, they’d try their best to brave the awkward, drunken walk back to their houses. The two would share a sporadic conversation every now and then, but for the most part, they just listened to a deafening silence. The cool breeze complimented the burning intoxication in their throats whilst the wind would numb every speck of exposed skin. It was safe to say that it had been a long time since either of them had experienced such a cold comfort, as the silence indicated that they were revelling in it for as long as they could.

“Joseph.”

Ross looked back up wearily. “Pardon?”

“‘S m’name. Joseph.”

In that moment, Ross was taken aback by the sudden vulnerability being displayed by the hard shell of a man. But it didn’t taint the conversation. Not one bit. “Then I must say, ‘s been good to meetchoo, Joseph.”

Ross’ drunken unintelligibility drew out a raspy laugh from Joseph, who sighed with surprising content as the atmosphere returned to the comfortable silence. Minutes passed, before they stood before the apartment building belonging to the brunette.

“I’m gonnuh’ b’fucking shattered,” Lisgoe managed to spit out groggily, eyeing the complex behind them briefly. Ross pondered for a moment ; he had no idea whether it was the alcohol talking, but regardless, the next thought he had escaped his lips.

“You cuhn’ stay f’the night. On the sofa. F’you’d like.”

“Course not, fucking Mother Teresa.”

Ah.

For the first time that night, he must have misread him.

Rather than feeling embarrassed, he instead felt an appreciation for his erratic nature. A feeling which completely clouded his intoxicated mind.

As Lisgoe began to trudge off, the brunette spoke up again.

“This wonh’ be our lass encounter. Y’know that, don’ you?”

He stopped for a moment and glanced back with a mere shrug. “S’ppose yer right.”

They were both drunk. Equally drunk. But there was a tang to his response that felt very much genuine, as much as sober Lisgoe would have hated it.

No goodbyes were shared. No farewells were bid. But perhaps it was because it just wasn’t necessary.

It felt… good. For a change.

Ross exhaled deeply, as if he had forgotten to breathe for a moment, before withdrawing into the apartment.

----------

first time writing in ages!!

quite chuffed with it actually, might write some more of them. take both art pieces I've done of them so far too

#reece shearsmith #joseph lisgoe #gainesgoe #ross gaines #the league of gentlemen #writing #the league of gents #league of gentlemen writing #fanfic #gainesgoe fanfic #I love them sm im not normal

[loveshearsmith]

Hey, your fics are honestly so well-written, I don't usually read "x reader" but I do frequently branch out to genres I'm not familiar with and I really like your writing style

I saw on your pinned post that you take requests and I have an odd one. Recently, I've become lowkey obsessed with the idea of Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe and was wondering if you'd ever be willing to write a fic about them? I'll be honest, I have no idea how specific you like requests to be, but I'm giving you free reign to take it in any direction you see fit. If you're up for it, then thank you so much! If not, then fair enough and I wish you good luck for your future stories 😄

thank you for your kind words!! i want to give this a go for you (so sorry for the delay in responding), but to be 100% honest, i'm not entirely sure i'll give your vision much justice! i'm very used to writing 'x reader' and i have never actually written 2 character ships before...

because of this, i've decided to do a short drabble style so that i don't have to delve into too much specific detail for a story line, and risk messing up lmao. i really hope this is okay, let me know what you think and hopefully i might be able to branch out into more similar subjects in the future :)

p.s. my blog is starting to look like a ross fan account at this point... and I'm not mad about it lolll.

---

Opposites Attract - Joseph Lisgoe x Ross Gaines

[not proof read]

his slicked back hair, narrowed eyes, and angry demeanor did nothing to intimidate ross. "i'm telling you, you've got the wrong house. i don't owe anybody anything." ross' tone remained calm and collected, which only seemed to agitate lisgoe even further.

"oh, yeah?" he drew closer to ross, forcing himself further into the doorway. "then how come your address is the one printed on the fucking paper slip?" lisgoe shoved the paper that he was holding to force it against ross' chest, encouraging him to hold it himself and read it. ross lifted the paper and glanced at it nonchalantly, before looking back at the angered man with a shrug of his shoulders.

"i really don't know. i'm sorry that i can't help you" ross said politely, stepping slightly backwards to close the front door between the pair of them.

"don't you dare even think about shutting this fucking door on me." joseph moved his foot into the door frame to act as a door stop, causing it to be left half-open.

with an excessive exhale of air, ross re-opened the door and stared questionably at the man before him. "what do you actually want from me?"

"I've only told you about fifty times, i want the money you owe me! i'm not leaving here until i get it."

ironically, he did end up leaving empty-handed, having realised that ross was perhaps just as stubborn as himself. joseph lay in bed that night, thoughts racing about the strange encounter he'd had that day. ross. why was he so... different? he had been so relaxed the whole time that lisgoe was shouting in his face. joseph's terrible anger and extreme persistence is the only thing he had to use in his power against people. it was the only strength he ever needed. so why was ross so unphased? it infuriated him...

the next day, lisgoe wandered the streets with barry and glen, ready to tackle the next set of debt-avoiders. joseph stood still in his tracks as a familiar face walked towards him down the street. "well if it isn't mr. gaines! we were gonna be paying you another visit later today" joseph spat, sarcasm lacing heavily in his voice.

"i'm not entirely sure why. you'd be wasting your time, to be honest." there it was. that calm voice that joseph hated so much. ross was supposed to be scared of him, what was he doing wrong?

"oh, you know exactly why." he gritted his teeth. "your name is on that paper, you owe us money and that is that!"

"have you perhaps taken this up with your little minions?" ross gestured towards the two cowardly men stood behind lisgoe, who were not helping the situation at all. "clearly somebody has made a mistake here. i've never even heard of you in my life, mr. lisgoe, i certainly don't owe you any money." ross' tone was more sarcastic this time, especially on the emphasis of joseph's name, which only caused chills to travel over his skin.

before he could even respond, ross had walked past them and continued down the street, swinging his briefcase happily as he went. shock and bewilderment momentarily lingered on joseph's face as he watched the man leave, before his eyes landed on his two useless workers, quickly resorting to his usual stern expression.

"he seems pretty certain he doesn't owe anyth-" barry began, before being silenced by lisgoe's rough hand that grabbed onto the back of his neck and forced him to walk forward, continuing their journey in silence.

---

it was late evening and lisgoe lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to relax with a mind racing yet again over his impenetrable client. before long, he gave in and jumped up, pulling on his jacket and rushing out of the door.

ross sat alone, reading a book contently on his couch, before a buzz from the intercom interrupted his quiet evening.

"hello?" he answered, waiting to find out who was at the door. "it's lisgoe. let me in."

ross chuckled slightly, "why would i do that?"

"because i fucking said so." he was stern. not in a mood to be messed around with. and ross seemed to realise that.

the main door buzzed open and joseph raced to ross' apartment number, suddenly coming to a halt as he came eye to eye with ross who stood leaning smugly against the doorframe. "are we still not done here?" he said slyly, watching lisgoe's face as it washed over with anger.

"what is the matter with you, gaines? why aren't you intimidated by me?" his brows were furrowed and his fists were balled so tightly that his knuckles turned a pale white.

"why would i be intimidated by you?" he seemed genuinely confused. "i know that i don't owe you any money, so there's nothing to be afraid of." he smiled slightly, which made joseph's blood boil.

"you listen here," he inched up to ross, backing him into the door and staring deep into his eyes, his voice now so low and close to a whisper. "i spoke with my idiot coworkers, they did make a mistake and it turns out you're not in my debt. you should consider yourself extremely luck-"

"you came all the way here to tell me that?" ross interrupted, maintaining deep eye contact with the man who stood so close to him that he could feel his breath on his face.

"no!" lisgoe spat, grabbing ross' shoulders and pushing them into the door he was leaning against, frustration flowing through his veins. "i came here to make you aware of who you could've been dealing with. and who you just might be dealing with one day if you're not careful. i am one of the most powerful people in vasey, and i don't think you're taking this seriously enough."

ross breathed yet another sarcastic chuckle, still completely unphased by the insecure debt-collector. "why are you so annoyed that i'm not scared of you?"

lisgoe's grip on his shoulders loosened, dropping his hands to his sides. he took a step back and swallowed deeply, trying to process his question.

"i- i'm not." he stuttered, lying through his teeth. of course he was annoyed. he just couldn't understand why his usual scary behaviour didn't have the same affect on ross as it did with everyone else. he was intrigued, more than anything. ross was uninterested, which made him... irresistible, in a way. lisgoe wanted to make him interested.

"something wrong, lisgoe?" ross questioned, tilting his head and looking at the man with raised eyebrows.

"wipe that smug look off your face before i cut it off" he grumbled, revealing his small pocket-knife that he held in his blazer.

"okay. i just have one question for you," gaines began. "if you know i don't owe you money, and you're not annoyed at me, why are you stood here after-dark pointing a knife at me?"

"you just don't get it... do ya?" lisgoe sniggered, tucking the blade back into his pocket. "i thought you were supposed to be smart."

"well, no. i don't get it!" ross' voice raised slightly. "however i'd still say i'm smarter than you..." he mumbled.

"watch ya fuckin' mouth" joseph grimaced through gritted teeth. his eyes trailed over ross, flicking up and down before landing back on his face, making eye contact.

a heavy silence fell over the two of them, the atmosphere tense. ross swallowed hard as they stared at one another. "what...?" he almost stuttered, unable to read lisgoe's expression. the first time he ever let his guard down in front of lisgoe.

joseph approached him once again, closing the gap between them, breath hot on his face.

"you're so hard to read, gaines. like a closed book." he whispered, his words so quiet for only ross to hear. "...can you open yourself up to me?"

---

a/n: welllll there it is. wasn't really sure how to end it so it's kinda weak and rushed. like i say i'm inexperienced with character ships, but i enjoyed writing that (eventhough it was only short.)

there might be a part 2? if i can come up with any ideas or if you want to suggest anything for me!

#ross gaines #joseph lisgoe #the league of gentlemen #the league of gentlemen imagines #reece shearsmith #league of gentlemen #fanfic #joseph lisgoe imagine #ross gaines x joseph lisgoe #opposites attract

[minilev]

Tagged by @purplelupins to "tell ten of the most niche characters you’ve ever searched “x reader” fics for, and then share this with ten of your favourite people":

Hans Gruber

Jedediah Shine ofc

Reverend Mr Beebe (A Room With A View 1985)

Goat (Doom 2005)

Lisgoe (The League of Gentlemen)

Randy (Intruder 1989)

Jeremy Danvers (Bitten)

Detective Loki (Prisoners)

Santana (Riddick)

Would love to see Dunbar from Basic, but I know that it just doesn't exist.

Some of them are quite known but since i didn't find what i was looking for - i consider them niche.

Not tagging anyone since this might be delicate and private subject, but I'm 👀

#ao3 should have search history as a tool of shame #tbh existence of x reader didn't even cross my mind until lately #such things usually just got forgotten because it's useless to search really niche characters #tag game

[crusheswhimsandfancies]

That’s easier said than done, Mr Lisgoe, Sir🫦

#irresistible #bad boy joseph lisgoe #tlog #reece shearsmith #my gifs

[outtamyleague1490]

🖤He still makes me weak at the knees🖤

#Mr Lisgoe #reece shearsmith #Joseph Lisgoe #the league of gentlemen #tlog #royston vasey #fuck i love him #why wasn’t there more Lisgoe #he always gets me going #TMI

[tlogblog]

thinking about. Bernice

#me n j (edbuchans) are rewatching the panto #she’s got lisgoe in tights and trainers on the brain #i’ve got mrs angry priest #tlog #bernice woodall #the league of gentlemen #reece shearsmith

[bibelots]

Had a dream last night that I was staying over at a house where literally every single Reece Shearsmith character lived

#MR LISGOE WAS IN THE SHED #piffle

[sarnie-for-varney]

who's your favourite character from each episode? ^ ^

This will take me a while but... thank you @lapis-lazuliie!

There will be SPOILERS!

Series 1:

Sardines - Stuart. He is literally just... innuendos galore and we love that. He is so ridiculous but so sweet at the same time. Anything that comes out of his mouth in that episode is funny

A Quiet Night In - This one is tricky because it's hard to become attached to people when they just use actions. But I would say Ray just because he gets so annoyed at Eddie and literally everything, and he is the most intelligent out if the two (even though he's still pretty stupid)

Tom and Gerri - This is one is going to be weird because its actually neither Reece or Steve's characters. I love Tom and he deserves better but like... it was actually Stevie, Conleth Hill's character. He was just SO hilarious and sassy, we love it

Last Gasp - In all honesty, it was Tamsin. The little girl. The rest of the characters were dicks and annoyed me, honestly. She was the only one making sense and who made the most logical decisions.

The Understudy - My favourite character was probably Jim. As you mentioned, he never actually does anything wrong and he just wants to be a good actor. He doesn't want to be an understudy, that's all. The fame later does get to his head a little but... who can blame him?

The Harrowing - Hectoooor, my boooyyy! He was SUCH a character. Reece plays such a great creepy 'Addams Family' character who is definitely not a vampire.

Series 2:

La Couchette - Ahh this one is a hard pick, and its between Maxwell and Shona. Maxwell was so moody and gave me successful Lisgoe vibes. THE HAIR 🥰! But Shona was so respectful and a lovely human being. I can't really choose for that one 😳

Christine - Of course it's got to be Christine. My beloved Sheridan, come on. But just the way she realises more and more as it goes on, the emotion I can't

Gadge - Mr Warren. Now hear me out... I know we are supposed to hate him but just the way he is so determined to accuse Elizabeth, it really reflects how real witchfinders were then. And like... the hair, that too maybe

Cold Comfort - I am going to be hated for this but... George. I can explain. I like George because he just seems so creepy and... kind of crazy. He goes through the trouble of sending his colleagues completely bonkers by pretending to be a teenage girl, its epic psychopathic behaviour.

Nana's Party - Pat 👏🏻 deserves 👏🏻 more 👏🏻. I will always believe that. He takes so much shit, honestly. He has to deal with his bitch of a wife, he knows she's having an affair with his best friend, and he gets electrocuted. He just wants to watch porn videos, play pranks and eat food! Leave him alone 😭

Séance Time - I'll admit that I don't really enjoy this episode so I don't really have a favourite character. But Steve's character, Pete, just cracked me up. He didn't even want to be there and he just basically messed everything up 😂

Series 3:

The Devil of Christmas - the one's a hard one to choose for because I didn't really become very attached to any of the characters. However, Kathy really shines as the main role and the way she literally kills Julian at the end is brilliant. However, it is chilling quickly the actress for Kathy (as in her actress on the set of the episode, not in real life lol) became suddenly distressed as she realised what was going on at the end.

The Bill. This is an episode that I've only really watched a couple of times, and in all honesty, I dislike all of the characters. Not because I dislike the episode, just because I feel like the characters are supposed to be disliked. I probably sympathise with Archie the most but he's still kind of a dick 😂

Sphinx. Squires!! Okay... this is going to be a tricky one to explain. It's not just because of the get up, you know the gown 😳. That is one reason- ahem... but technically he only poisoned Nina in self defence. I understand the um... underslip buy yeAH

Empty Orchestra. Probably Janet. She deserved better and she literally got shat on just because she's deaf. Also... she got Greg and Connie found out AND she got the guy she wanted in the end so like... YES. Also can I just say... the way the heartbeat was done at the end between then, the lads outdid themselves.

Diddle Diddle Dumpling. This is another episode I don't actually watch too often but of course, David is my boi. He's a depressed boy and he's going through the worst thing ever, he gets attached to a shoe. Come on... I feel bad for him, man

Private View. My favourite character here is definitely Jean. She was actually kind of wholesome at first before you realise she was the one killing everybody. She just loves her son and wants revenge, jeez

Series 4:

Zanzibar. Sorry... Henry. Look... the accent, the costume, just... hIM. The knife, bloody hell. Honky on main 😳✋🏻

Bernie. This one is tricky because like... Tommy and Len but I think I'll have to go with Tommy. He goes through so much grief and its him that makes the episode so emotional. The way he's so serious throughout the whole episode and then just breaks down, so saddening. And then finding out that he's imagining the whole thing. Ughhh chills!

Once Removed. MUUURDER MITTENNNSSS! Viktor is just so great and I'm lOOKING respectfully. Sorry but the "listen to me, bitch" line 😳✋🏻

To Have and To Hold. Look... I've said it before and I'll say it again: Harriet did absolutely nothing wrong. Adrian is a dick and I hated him from the start but once you find out what he did... nO. I'm glad he plummeted down those stairs. So yeah... Harriet is my favourite

Wow, sorry! I completely forgot And The Winner Is.... I will go with Jackie for this one because she is just so adorable. Okay, she's an actor in disguise but like... she's really sweet and they all pick on her.

Tempting Fate. Maz is hilarious but I have to go with Nick here. Pleasseee, I know that he did a shitty thing at the end. But he's a mystical boi with his degree in a mythology and folklore. And like... the bird tattoo! Lisgoe vibes 😳

Deadline. Technically there aren't characters in this but like... Reece 😳

Series 5:

The Referee's a W*nker. OH this is a hard one because I literally watched this for the first time the other day. I avoided it up until now because I hate football. But I think I have to go with Oggy. I don't know, he's just so funny and he makes the jokes that I actually understood so... that's good.

Death Be Not Proud. MAUREEN, my girl. Mrs Sowerbutts, you have my heart ✋🏻. She's amazing. Yeeees she's a murderer and has a weird obsession with her son but mAuReEn

Love's Great Adventure. Trevor! I know I said I wasn't very attached to him, but I am more to him than the others in this episode. I do love Julia but like... Trevor just goes through so much, even from his own son, so I do feel for him alot.

Misdirection. Come on, it's got to be Neville. The hANDS and just his... enigmatic vibe. Love him. Him killing that guy was a dick move but like... he cute so ☺

Thinking Out Loud. I know there was TECHNICALLY only two characters in this, since the rest were Nadia's personalities. However, I think it's a pick between Aiden and Angel. I think it's Angel though, she's so positive and lovely. And genuinely funny. Really loved the old 'YouTube storytime' feel.

The Stakeout. Varney lol. Like... wOw was not expecting that. Like he can succ my necc any day tbh... sOrry being honky on main. No, honestly it was so surprising that he turned out as a vampire. Then again, maybe I'm just uncultured.

Series 6:

Wuthering Heist. Obviously, I go for my boy Scaramouche! He was so tiny and funny, the cutest little goblin. For some reason, Reece looked alot smaller in this episode but I think its because he was stood next to Mario alot. He was an icon.

Simon Says. This is tricky, because I love both Simon and Spencer. However, Spencer is the way to go. He was just so angry and sassy, but he honestly had every right to act that way. This random dude basically took over his career, I'd probably react that way too.

Lip Service. Felix because he was just so sweet, and he didn't deserve that. Like he got loads of shit from Muller and then he got shot like tf Iris-

Hurry Up and Wait. I seriously love Bev, and I can't even tell you why. She's just sweet and she likes toys 🥰. We know the ending but like... I still love her.

How Do You Plead?. Is this even a question? It's Urban, of course. He is just so adorable and he's a little angel. Seriously has been a nurse his whole life because he killed a kid in school. If that's not atoning for your sins, I don't know what is

Proms. I'm so sorry but it's Brian 😂. And its not just because he's d*ddy. He's smol and bitter, but he's such a complex character. He's fruity, he's angry, and he's definitely not sober. Yes King!

#inside no.9 #in9 #ask #ask response #lapis-lazuliie

[not-your-house-keeper-221b]

Jelly, Zach, Lisgoe

Jen are you trying to kill me???

F: Lisgoe like damn hes just the right amount of pissy for it to be hot like and the neck tat does something for me i cant explain

M: Jelly i would risk it all for that one handed grumpy clown and i feel like he needs someone in his life like when hes with mr wren hes more chill so id be that person

K: Zach like hes nuts and would probs try to kill me for the tree gods so imma kill him before he has the chance

Thanks for asking ❤️

#FMK

[afieldinengland]

do not understand all you tlog fans simping for mr lisgoe but i see you, i support you,

#HES SO VIOLENT. is it the neck tattoo

[9leaguesofmirrors]

Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe Things

AKA: Gainsgoe headcanons that have me in a chokehold

When they realise they like the other person, them being less disturbed by the fact they're into guys and more disgusted by the fact they're feeling things that aren't negative

Them showing their affection by bullying each other. I don't mean the playful teasing that normal couples do, Lisgoe will insult Ross, who will retort back with a snide remark, to which Lisgoe will respond to with a threat and so on - nobody else is allowed to do it though, they're protective of each other

Them having frequent back-and-forths/"snark-swapping", but rarely actually arguing because they aren't fussed with typical Relationship Problems™️: work getting in the way? They're both dedicated to their jobs. Future plans? They both think marriage is a waste of time and money and GOD knows they hate children. Insecurities? With Ross and Lisgoe? Now THAT'S a laugh!

But also... both of them lowkey feeling constant pressure to constantly be the best in their field and always feeling the need to compete with others, and slowly, subconciously, learning how to be OK with having off moment

This doesn't stop them from being absolute terrors to the inhabitants of Royston Vasey

Lisgoe secretly having a thing for Ross' eyes and REFUSING to admit that he likes how piercing they are because that's gross and pathetic

Ross liking how angular Lisgoe's features are

Occasionally, he'll absentmindedly run his hands along Lisgoe's collarbones and hips and/or touch his jawline while they're talking - Lisgoe teases him for it, but never pushes him away

"You're doing it again, you handsy bastard"

"I don't hear you complaining"

Ross appreciating Lisgoe's up-front attitude and Lisgoe liking that Ross offers solutions to problems

Lisgoe secretly being the reason Ross stops ranting about how "disgustingly trashy" tattoos are because he keeps seeing them on Lisgoe's torso and arms on the rare occasions that they're exposed and damn it, they suit him

Ross being the only person to call him "Joseph"

Lisgoe being banned from the kitchen because he can't cook (he sets fire to pasta because he doesn't add water, that's how bad he is), and him being stubborn and trying to anyway because he's a grown man, damn it!

"Ross, I said I'm cooking tonight"

"And I said, if I'm going to die, I'm doing it on my own accord. Not by a housefire and DEFINITELY not from your attempt at risotto"

Their physical affection (with the exception of that side of things) being minimal and private because ew, PDA and ew, sap

It usually involves hands (don't be dirty!); a hand on the back, on the shoulder, Lisgoe using Ross' shoulder as an armrest because he's a habitual leaner

On a few occasions, because kissing is NOT what he does (other than... mhm), Lisgoe has a tendancy to kiss the corner of Ross' mouth

And Ross Gaines feels NOTHING about this! He's so NORMAL about it! It totally doesn't take him a moment to steady his breathing because he's SO UNAFFECTED, HE'S ROSS GAINES FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Lisgoe trying to find ways to make Ross swear (which is a rare occurance as it is); sometimes it's because he finds it funny, other times because it's very attractive - it depends on the situation

"I don't understand why someone people don't possess any basic understanding on how to act like normal people. They're vile"

"They're worse than that, surely"

"... I'm not doing it"

"Come on, you're itching to say it. Call them an asshole, or a twat, just let it-"

"They're a bunch of wankers. Happy?"

"Very"

Them being an absolute power duo

Ross is the brains, obviously. He's logical, quick-witted and is able to work his way out of any puzzle - what he lacks in strength, he makes up for in knowledge and application

"I appreciate the effort you put into your story, but I know for a fact that it doesn't add up. And I think you do too, am I correct?"

Many people assume Lisgoe is the "muscle" (in spirit, we all know he's tall and lanky), and that isn't wrong. But, due to the nature of his work (and the fact that he's a tyrannical bastard), he's VERY good at reading body language and facial expressions. The slightest nervous twitch or smug smirk, he'll catch on no matter how small it is

"You're scared. Why? Because you know you're fucked? Or is it because you know I'm about to dash your brains into the fucking pavement?"

Both of them getting jealous when the other gets flirted with; Ross has silent rage, while Lisgoe drags the person away and sorts them out himself

Them being the most feared couple in Royston Vasey

Them REVELLING in their reputation

#league of gentlemen #the league of gentlemen #joseph lisgoe #joseph nigel lisgoe #ross gaines #tlog #gainsgoe #royston vasey #lisgoe #mr lisgoe

[deanmartinofficial]

top 5 league of gentlemen sketches?

store detective

attachments dating agency

everybody out!

debt collectors (post-mr. lisgoe)

mr. chinnery (specifically the cow)

these rn’t in order n also not a definitive top 5 :/

#tlog #asks

[pinketts]

Thoughts I've had watching League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse

This is the third time I've watched this. The first time I had a sip of wine everytime I thought something rude about Reece so...er...forgot most of it. Second time I had commentary on.

Good Leeds accent from Michael Sheen

Who let Mickey be in charge of a dog?

Is that Todd Grimshaw from Corrie being perved over by Herr Lipp?

"Slingin' yer jelly every hour God sends!" is a line that haunts me.

Why are Chinnery and Pauline the people Bernice consults about the Apocalypse? Surely there are better choices in Vasey?

No wonder the locals in Hadfield get pissed off in real life if gangs of German perverts are wandering around.

Papa Lazarou's black face looks more like a charcoal face mask in the film for some reason.

Not as related, but I like putting the soundtrack on when I study.

Geoff's lack of technological know how remains wonderful.

Steve's just perving on himself.

What does it say about our world that these three would be the most normal, easy to blend in people? And that the people who were meant to go were Bernice, Pauline and Chinnery?

Please just assume any time Reece is in this film as himself that I'm thinking something inappropriate.

Geoff is quite sweet really. Bless.

VICTORIA WOOD

"The creature has to see, sweetie".

Poor Vagina Eyed Man Whose Name I Don't Recall.

Oooh look at the stop motion.

Steve's olde worlde character looks like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Steve's clearly thinking "Hurr, Geoff's big cock. Hurr."

"Things are feeling really good between us". I mean you were calling him an arsehole earlier but a bit of German singing has fixed it? OK...

Reece in a tuxedo. Godddddddd. Ahem. Sorry.

Shearsmitzzzz

How could he do the gig on his own, really? Unless they're just talking a bit? He can't do the sketches.

THE NORTH

NOT HERE INT NAAAARTH

Mark, stop trying to be friends!

Pauline's little curtsey, bless

Who could get mistaken for a gangster? Oooh...Lisgoe! A Lisgoe film!

Ooh, skewered like a kebab!

Does this film still pass the Bechdel test if it has two named female characters talking about something other than a man, but they're both played by men?

I love the campness of Mr Pea.

You know Geoff's got this gun?

Aw. It's quite a sweet ending really. Except for all the death.

#reece shearsmith #the league of gentlemen #the league of gentlemen's apocalypse #steve pemberton #mark gatiss #jeremy dyson #michael sheen

[darkwitch-aviva]

Mr. Lisgoe is decidedly not happy to be on my phone!

#Mr. Lisgoe #Tlog #league of gentlemen

[outtamyleague1490]

I can soooo relate to Mr Lisgoes face here !

#mmmm Mr Lisgoe #god i love him #reece shearsmith #league of gentlemen #tlog #royston vasey #joseph lisgoe #steve pemberton #jeremy dyson #mark gatiss