#moony is a flirt always so. revenge..............

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about lily evans and the marauders, aka moony, wormtail, padfoot and prongs. given that i didn't use their actual names, i think you can figure out where this is going. it's also long as hell, so. canon vs fanon, marauder edition, except snek is sleep deprived.

now, before we begin, i don't dislike the marauders. or lily, tbh. if I'm being perfectly, genuinely honest, i still go back and forth sometimes but they've been growing on me for a while now. the canon versions, at least. fanon does them real dirty, and that's part of why i'm writing this, because i'm genuinely tired of it. it's an injustice.

you can at least make excuses for james and lily, who were so undeveloped that jkr practically dropped a fill-in-the-blank sheet of character information in our laps, but sirius, remus and peter were around long enough for y'all to get real acquainted with them.

in canon, sirius black is an unhinged mf. genuinely. this isn't to say he's a bad guy, in fact, we see that he's still capable of doing good things, still capable of love, still capable of all the things that prove he's actually not bad at heart, just,,, severely traumatised and very steeped in negativity from his time with the dementors. what i'm saying is that this man is absolutely, no questions asked, no holds barred demented, and how could he not be? the guy sat wrongfully imprisoned in azkaban for twelve years, a good portion of which he spent as a dog in order to protect himself from the dementors. he certainly wasn't completely insane, but you cannot tell me that he was all there. he got out of azkaban fuelled almost solely by the intent to get revenge on pettigrew, tried to commit murder in front of three witnesses who were also children—one of whom was his godson—ate rats and was also malnourished, which i'm certain did not help the situation any. this man is off his goddamn rocker, and you know what? you love to see it. good for him.

oh, but, snek, that's what he's like as an adult. what about when they were at school? before azkaban? my guy, the reaction he has to grimmauld place is not the reaction of someone without trauma. i don't believe that walburga and orion were the type to physically abuse their children, but whatever happened in that house helped to fuck him up enough that he skipped the joke of part of practical joke, and pranked snape by telling him how to meet a werewolf that he knew would be fully transformed and dangerous to humans. more than that, the werewolf was remus, whom he's friends with, and who—best case scenario—would be facing a trial if james hadn't stepped in. you can say that maybe he didn't think about or understand the gravitas of his actions, but at the end of it, that's not how properly sane people react to people they dislike, and that's not how they treat their friends. if anything, it reads like he was in the middle of a breakdown and absolutely losing his shit and he wasn't thinking at all.

my guy went through some serious shit, and was in no way completely mentally stable. we can see pretty clearly that he's got a serious dark side to him that probably would have gone unbridled had he not disagreed with his family, and yet, fanon took one look at him and went, "teehee, uwu bad boi go vroom."

fanon said padfoot is a pretty boy with nice hair who is tastefully traumatised from his horribly abusive household. sirius rides his motorcycle and plays jokes and flirts with anything that moves, but he can do no real wrong and always comes back to his soft, bookish, chocolate-loving boyfriend remus, who will laugh about his lycanthropy and quietly disapprove but secretly laugh at his friends' antics while hiding his smile in his cardigan.

respectfully, what in the absolute fuck.

i'd put that meme in here if i could, the one that's like, "well done, you've broken _______ down to its bare essentials," but no. i can't bc it doesn't even apply. this isn't a meme, it's theseus' fucking ship.

fanon broke it down, and replaced the pieces one by one until we got to this point, where we need to sit down and ask ourselves, "is this even the same character?"

the answer is no, by the way. it isn't. when people talk about woobifying characters—you know, taking away every flaw they have, romanticising everything they do and making them only capable of doing good, wonderful, lovely things?—this is what we mean.

and it'd be one thing if it was just the one character, but, no. fanon went all in and made them all squeaky clean and boring, especially peter, who draws the shortest of the straws.

remus got fucked, too. not just because fanon insists on sticking him into a relationship with sirius. which, we'll tackle wolfstar in a bit, but that's not even the worst of it. here, we have yet another example of blatant, rampant woobifying. again, is he a bad person? no. we know he's a good guy, we know he's generally kind and well-mannered, we know that he wants to fo the right thing but hey, fun fact. did you know that you can be nice and a coward? did you know that you can be benevolent and good and kindly and have the greatest of intentions and still be shady as fuck? no? ask dumbledore. the man played people like chess pieces when he needed to, and he was a twinkly grandpa. these are things that can coexist.

teenage remus is a coward who, understandably, does not stand up to his friends, likely for fear of being ostracised, and doesn't uphold his prefect duties as he should and takes part in their bullying of snape as a result. he lets them romp with him in werewolf form while they are in their animagus forms and then, he lets them continue to do so even after they have multiple close calls, which, again, had anything happened, would have resulted in a trial in the best case scenario.

grownup remus is still a coward, he tells no one that sirius can move about the school in his animagus form despite wholeheartedly believing that he's a mass murderer, he tries to run out on his wife and unborn kid. he isn't deliberately making attempts to harm anyone, but he's content to sit back and let things happen to him and around him so he doesn't rock the boat, although he is capable of action, which we see when he is more than willing to help sirius merk pettigrew in the shack. he can be careless, he runs out to the shack knowing he hasn't taken his wolfsbane and ends up transforming in front of the students he, as a teacher, is meant to be protecting. of course, this doesn't negate his good qualities, it just bears repeating that his flaws do exist, and they're pretty serious.

fanon moony is always pleasant and kind and soft-spoken and bookish, and he always has to have his chocolate. he knows when to tell off his friends, and he'll do it, even if he's secretly amused by everything they do and laughs about it with his best friend, lily evans, who coincidentally spends all her time with them so he and sirius can go on double dates with james and lily and no one has to remember peter exists.

why. theseus' ship 2.0. does the actual character still exist or is this something entirely different thing bearing the same name?

as for peter, who needs peter pettigrew, the actual, legitimate, fourth marauder when you have lily evans? canon pettigrew is opportunistic as fuck. he's latching himself to the biggest bad on the block and he's going all in. for teenage peter, that was james and sirius, and for adult peter, that's voldemort. canon peter is good enough at transfiguration to master the animagus transformation, just like his friends, and he's good enough at potions to brew the potion that gives voldemort a body. and honestly, you can't say he wasn't brave. he could've run off somewhere and died, or changed his identity or something after he faked his death and framed sirius, but, no. he goes and resurrects voldemort. that's fucked up, yeah, but it happened and honestly, i respect that it. he stuck to his guns.

fanon wormtail is lucky if he exists beyond being a spineless sycophant for james and sirius, or an evil conniving little rat who's looking to toss his entire friend group to the wolves at eleven.

of course, this isn't meant to negate his bad qualities, he still murdered people and framed sirius and sold out the potters to die, but his good characteristics do exist, and james, sirius and remus genuinely were his friends.

and now, we get to lily and james.

we have hardly any information on either of them. they're a pair of cardboard cutouts that we can paint and stick flyers to and colour outside the lines however we want. we can do whatever the fuck, as long lily is brave and smart and somewhat kind and james is brave and willing to die for his family. we were essentially handed a pair of ocs.

and yet.

what little bits of canon we have are thrown out of the window regardless.

james is privileged and rich, and he throws hexes for fun. he's willing to hex lily when she disagrees with him, and then, he goes behind her back to continue hexing snape after she believes that he's stopped doing so. and that's all we know about him until he dies for his family at twenty-one years old. once again, say it with me: this does not negate his good qualities. he definitely had them, he took sirius in when sirius ran away from home, he became an animagus to keep remus company as a wolf, and he saved snape in the shack, thereby saving remus and sirius by extension. him having flaws does not make him a bad person.

fanon prongs is a feminist. he fights for equal rights for women everywhere, and he constantly treats his girlfriend, lily, like an absolute queen. he's the hottest boy in school and everyone claps when he walks through the halls. mcgonagall and dumbledore are always patting him on the back and making jokes with him. he has a built-in dark detector that helps him sense when someone is a evil and needs to he punished.

give me a break. the dude's cool and all, but was the gary stu treatment necessary?

...oh, he needed to match fanon lily? right, right.

canon lily is a contradiction unto herself. she's supposedly a great friend, but since we see her at a point where they were already drifting apart, we see her putting little effort into keeping their friendship afloat. she victim blames based on rumours, she doesn't seem to care over much about what snape has to say about the people who have been tormenting him since day one. and she's justified, of course, she doesn't have to stick around. canon lily is a bit of hypocrite, she says that snape calls everyone of her birth mudblood, but then that begs the question why she still hangs around with him if that's the case. he calls her mudblood, she retaliates by calling him snivellus, and finishes up with a dig about his underwear, which, sure, it's kicking a man with a rusty spoon and pouring salt in the wound, but she's, again, justified. i get where she was coming from. and then, of course, she dies for her kid after marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied her quote-unquote best friend for their entire school careers. but, like i said, canon lily is, in many ways, a contradiction.

lily is basically a plot device. she pushes everyone's narrative but her own, and does little else.

of course, this trend would continue in fanon. fanon lily exists to be the perfect girl who gets really angry over the slightest injustice, and of course, she gets to be one half of one of the oldest enemies-to-lovers "it was just sexual tension" cliche pairings in the book. she's just,,, a mary sue. in so many fics, so many headcanons, she's just pettigrew's stand-in, a girl to form a gang with marlene, mary and dorcas—who happen to be more undeveloped ocs who also get the woobify mary sue treatment—to parallel the marauders. there is nothing compelling about her character when she's presented as a saint, and even less when she's supposedly the other moral compass for the marauders that doesn't actually work because she thinks that james is cute.

and this brings me to the next topic. jily. what, why, how. this was supposed to be a healthy, happy relationship that would have lasted in the long run? absolutely not. even for its time, i can't say that i see it lasting.

first of all, jkr presents james' crush on lily as just that: a crush. a mildly obsessive one, but a crush nonetheless, which she tries to liken to the pulling of pigtails. and then, we see that james' way of getting her to go out with him consists of blackmail, and when that doesn't work, he resorts to threatening her. this could have been set aside if he had actually, genuinely changed when they started spending more time together, but as we're told by sirius and remus, he didn't. he just got better at hiding what he was up to. and it has to be that he hid it, because if she knew, this further damages the character that she's set up to have and paints her out to be either unable to stand up to him or an enabler.

regardless, they get married. and while i have trouble believing that it was out of genuine love, there are scenarios that could make some semblance of sense. it's wartime, after all, and maybe lily is worried about her stability in the wizarding world, so why not marry into an established family whose son is already showing interest? or perhaps, she falls into the trap of every bad boy cliche ever, and she thinks to herself, well, i got him to be better then, maybe i can get him to do even better in the future. or maybe, she doesn't get into a relationship with him immediately and sees him on and off, until eventually, she accidentally gets pregnant and they scramble to have a shotgun wedding so as not to leave lily alone at nineteen with a baby. or maybe they marry each other because they're there and sure, neither of then is ready and they don't know what love even is but what else is there to do when there's a dark lord about? anyways, the point is, they get married.

and then what? if we count pottermore into canon, he goes on to further damage her relationship with petunia and vernon, to the point where she ends up crying. if we don't, she fades into the background enough that nobody has anything to say about her. she's harry's mum, she's james' wife, lily potter, she was kind and smart and brave and that's it. her agency is gone, anything else we have of her personality is gone.

jily just,,, wasn't built to last. and, yeah, this,,, this is a hill i'll die on.

same with wolfstar, honestly. there are so many reasons why it wouldn't work, but fanon has made it so fucking prevalent that it's literally everywhere no matter where you look.

first of all, i've said it before and i'll say it again. sirius is more likely to get with james that he is to ever end up in a relationship with remus. their chemistry is just,,, underdeveloped. net zero for a relationship.

secondly, sirius instigated the werewolf prank, and lupin would have paid the price for it. this could have been overlooked, but he doesn't seem the slightest bit guilty about any of it when it's brought up in poa. he could have been responsible for lupin losing the security of his place at hogwarts in the best case scenario, and in the worst case, his life. and he seems to look forward to full moons, even though they clearly aren't pleasant for remus, which,,, yeah, you're going to have fun, but like, maybe be concerned about the fact that your friend undergoes excruciating pain and it isn't a pleasant time for him? read the room, my g.

thirdly, they don't trust each other as much as fanon seems to think they do. they were both willing to believe each other the traitor before ever suspecting pettigrew. sirius thought remus gave away the potters, hell, he thought remus was a spy for voldemort, and remus was convinced that sirius was a mass murderer. neither of them needed to be convinced.

fourthly, maybe i'm reading too much into it, but like. sirius had money. remus had no money, since, yk, he was a werewolf and struggling for cash and still, sirius,,, did not leave him any money. i feel like if you had money to spare, you would give to your friend who is literally poor. but, again, maybe i'm reading too much into it and this isn't as valid a point as i think it is.

and ehh, the fifth reason is that it's,,, actually very much not the representation for the ltgbt community that fanon says it is but y'all aren't ready for that conversation.

anyways, just,,, even when you set the couple shit aside, the power dynamics between everyone here is fucked. like, james and sirius are clearly at the top of food chain calling the shots and egging each other on. then there's lily, who isn't even a marauder, but is always ever-so-slightly above remus but still not on their level, because, well. neither of them actually listen to her. remus is the novelty friend, the friend who's,,, alright, i guess, but you keep them around specifically because they're funny or they can dance or they have something that you can either show off to other people or keep as your little inside joke, your little secret, yk? and peter is just sort of there. like, yeah, he can do what we can but does that make him as good as we are? no. does he have a funny little something about him that we can exploit? nah. therefore he sits at the bottom. and like, yeah, james and sirius are on the same level, but james is yanking sirius' chain, not the other way around. anyways, like i said. power dynamic's fucked and it bothers me that we were given all of this, and fanon decided to take it all and throw it away so they could give us flamboyant!badboi!sirius black x softboi!motherhen!remus lupin going on double dates with feminist!trustfundbaby!james potter and saint!lily evans while ignoring peter pettiwho?

theseus' fucking ship, indeed.

anyways, this needed to be said. it might not make as much sense as i want it to, considering it's 4:12 in the morning as i'm posting this, after taking a break from writing to do some research and coming across way too much content about fanon marauders, but it's here and it still makes enough sense that you can read it and understand what i mean. and like, at the end of the day, you can go ahead and headcanon whatever you please, you can write fic and make art and do whatever you like, just,,, remember that they're exactly that. headcanons. stop presenting fanon as canon. please. i'm literally begging. we actually have evidence against it. just,,, acknowledge that they're headcanons and stop putting them forward as though they're able to fit into canon. please.

#harry potter #marauder fanon #canon vs fanon #lily evans #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #the marauders #severus snape is mentioned a few times #but this isn't about him #i'm just #so sick of fanon #i need to like refilter my tags or smth bc istg i see more fanon marauder posts than i do anything else #anyways this is my take #and yeah it is 4:11 in the morning and i'm tired #i can't remember when i started this but yeah #point is i am so done #anti jily #anti wolfstar

[clairecrive]

“Useless planning” - Sirius Black x reader

A/n: this is my first time writing Sirius even though I love him to death and he's my favourite... I lowkey think I didn't do a good enough job but oh well. Here it is, I hope you like it anyway.

Warnings: none, fluff all the way

Word count: 3K 

(let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist)

(I know this is Billy but I thought the sub to be quite fitting)

Insecurities were normal. Everyone has them. And the same went with flaws and imperfections. Nothing to be ashamed about. That's what y/n and Marlene were trying to convince Lily about. Of course, it's easier said than done but acknowledging the fact is the first step into accepting them.

"James tells me that they're beautiful and that I shouldn't worry about them but I don't know. I don't like them." Lily had confessed to feeling self-conscious about her scars and stretch marks and reticent she was in letting James see her body for this very reason. Of course, the boy you love telling you that you're beautiful the way you are is certainly flattering but not problem-solving in this case. At least, y/n thought so and let her friends know.

"I don't think seeing it that way is going to help."

"When has James helped to make something better?" Marlene snickered making y/n roll her eyes and Lily glower at her.

"They don't have to be beautiful and you don't have to look at them in that way. They're just natural, you know? There's a reason you have them, meaning that it's your body's reaction to something." Sometimes, it helped using the scientific approach. Others, however, sharing was indeed caring.

"And in fact, everyone has them. Look." So pulling her skirt up a bit, y/n showed the marks that adorned her thighs.

"How are you so confident about them?"

"I'm not, actually. And it has taken me a long time to accept them, let alone show them this way." In fact, it had taken a long time for y/n to come to terms with the way her body was and to accept it and love it. It was still a work in progress if she had to be honest. But she was not ashamed to wear shorts or mini skirts now and that was indeed progress.

"And, I'm not saying that James is wrong or anything. I'm sure he told you that because they're a part of you and that boy cherishes the ground you walk on like you're a saint or something. He just wants to help and that's sweet of him. I think though, that this is something you have to come to terms on your own too." Y/n felt like adding. By all means, James' efforts were appreciated but she didn't want her friend loving herself through someone elses' love.

"Y/n's right. Don't think you're beautiful because Jamesie says so but because you are." Marlene agreed before throwing a chocolate frog in her mouth.

"So you're saying that Sirius telling you you're beautiful didn't help you even a bit?" Lily threw with a suggestive raise of eyebrows pointed at y/n who barely shrugged not wanting to indulge her.

"It's like with Remus, you know? He has five people telling him that he's the most precious human being on this heart and that his scars hardly make him less attractive but does he agree? Of course not. And yeah, us telling him certainly helps but it's something he has to realize himself or the situation won't ever change." But she couldn't help herself and had to add, "Besides, Sirius says that about every girl at Hogwarts. It's hardly helpful."

"She has a point." Still munching on her sweet, Marlene agreed yet again even though this time her tone had grown sombre. It had been a while and she was over it but she had been one of those girls to make the mistake of fooling herself into thinking that Sirius was going to give her more.

"He doesn't look at them the way he looks at you though." Stubborn as always, Lily insisted.

"I'm sure it's 'cause he sees a challenge."

"If only he knew you liked him."

"Why don't you tell him, then? He's been after you since the year started." Following up on Marlene's lead, Lily wondered.

"Don't get me wrong, I like him alright. But I'm not interested in what he can give me."

"Mindblowing sex?" Marlene pointed out in an a-matter-of-fact tone

"Fleeting interest and attention." To which y/n sternly replied.

"His attention is hardly fleeting seeing as it's been months."

"Lily, why are you pursuing this? We both see how he is with girls and I refuse to end up like that."

"There's nothing wrong in liking someone and letting them know." Lily got defensive, maybe because she was thinking of James. Whatever the case, she wasn't going to change y/n's mind. She was not being delusional, just pragmatic.

"They're pathetic." Marlene snickered and even if y/n agreed to some degree, she ignored her.

"No there's not. It's the end result that I'm referring to." Y/n conceded but the problem wasn't that. It took a lot of courage to publicly pursue someone, that she had to admit.

"Which is?"

"Heartbroken," Marlene answered solemnly earning a nod from y/n.

The group of girls were utterly clueless about the material they had provided for the aforementioned guys who were currently under the invisibility cloak.

Remus rosy-cheeked but flattered at y/n's words. Not that it was the first time he had heard them but it was always nice to feel appreciated. James was glad that his efforts were not noticed by everyone but especially by Lily even though he didn't like the fact that she was still worrying about something that seemed so meaningless for him. Peter looked bored to death as he couldn't be bothered with girl problems while Sirius was pouting despite the fact that the girl he had been chasing for months had confessed to liking him back.

But that pout was short-lived as Sirius Black was known for being a man of action. Now that he knew why y/n was so reticent in giving in to his flirting, he had the key to solving this problem. The smirk he was so infamous for took its place on his lips while a plan was already forming in his mind.

"Stop blushing, Moony, we tell you that every day and so does y/n. Now c'mon I have a girl to woo." And with that, he pushed everyone away and filling them in on his plan when they were out of the girls' earshot.

The first phase of the plan was to take place in a couple of hours at lunch. He was to show that his attention was solely reserved for y/n and her only. Sirius knew that he had a reputation and even he was aware that he was a big flirt. While he knew that it was completely harmless, he could see how it looked in y/n's eyes. Or in everyone's really.

So when lunchtime came around, Sirius took his place at the Gryffindor table. Y/n usually sat with them, on the bench across from him and beside Remus. Deep in conversation with Moony, she didn't notice him sitting down but he didn't do anything to grab her attention. He waited patiently for y/n to be done with whatever she was talking about with Remus to finally speak.

"Hello there, angel. Aren't you looking cute tonight." The plan was in motion, his charm: on.

"Hi, Sirius." And yet, y/n appeared to be unbothered.

"I heard you got into a little of a catfight."

"You made it sound like we pulled each others' hair or something."

"Isn't that what happened?"

"Of course not. I was just telling Moony what happened, he can fill you in." She said dismissively while gathering her things.

"Why don't you do it?" Sirius tried to keep the desperation out of his voice but given the smirk Remus gave him, he was failing. Just like the first phase of his plan.

"I have a class to attend Black." Rolling her eyes at him, y/n stood up not before leaving a kiss on Remus' head, " see you later Moons."

"Don't I get a kiss too?" She heard Sirius' cry of indignation and didn't even turn around to respond.  

"My kisses are for those you can appreciate them and you get far too many of those from others to do so."

"I swear if I didn't hear her before, I'd say she's head over heels for you," Sirius complained to his friend slouching in his seat. His eyes following her silhouette until y/n walked out of the room.

"She's my best friend." Shrugging his shoulders, Remus brushed away his worries. Yes, y/n was affectionate with him but she had always been this way. There was nothing romantic behind her gestures.

"We've known her the same amount of time, why is she so comfortable with you than she is with me? You're not the one constantly flirting with her."

"She's cautious about opening up with people and as you've heard before she doesn't trust you with her feelings." He pointed out what Sirius already knew given her previous confession. The first phase of the plan had seemingly failed. Y/n hadn't stuck around long enough for him to put it into motion but he had not lost hope yet.

"You seemed to have your work cut out for you though, Pads," Remus said after a while and told him about the fight he had mentioned when he first sat down. Apparently, some girl was complaining to one of her friends about him and the way he had treated her. What had made y/n compelled to butt in and defend his honour though, was that the girl had twisted what actually happened, spreading instead some nasty shit about him to no doubt get her revenge. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, after all.

"You know how much she hates confrontations and arguing but she went straight into one for you. It must mean you've done something right."

Sirius couldn't help the smile that found its way on his lips at Remus' words. He had gathered as much seeing as he knew her well. They had been friends since first year after all. Also, because that meant that he didn't need most of the phases of his plan but one: earning y/n's trust.

He knew that he had it in some quantity seeing as you were friends. He just had to nudge her to take a step in the direction he knew she wanted to take but was too afraid to.

So, when your last class ended, he made sure to be waiting for you outside. As always you were one of the last to get out, Marlene and Lily on your side.

"Since when do you specialize in chaperone activities, Black?" Marlene snickered when she noticed him leaning on the wall.

"Only for the fairest maiden of the kingdom, of course."

His charm was one of the things he was most known for but he had never been able to work his magic on you in that way. One day, you were talking with Remus about some books you were reading and how enchanted you were with old stories and myths and legends. Sirius of course had no idea what you were talking about, not having read that particular book, but he was familiar enough with the subject thanks to his education. So he had started talking like a medieval knight just to catch your attention and maybe to annoy you but he was pleased to notice the amusement in your eyes and how you'd respond to him in a similar tone, playing along with him. Whenever you two started talking like this, the others would always look at you weirdly but none of you seemed bothered by it, least of all Sirius. Whatever he could do to make you smile, he'd do it gladly.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure, dear sir?" She played along and Sirius was counting on it. He briefly threw a suggestive look at Lily who seemed to understand as she pulled Marlene away ignoring her protests.

"Oh no, the pleasure is all mine, my lady. Would you give me the honour of coming with me? I have a surprise for you." And to top it all, he offered her his arm. Y/n didn't know whether to roll her eyes at him or indulge him but she'd be lying to herself if she said that she wasn't intrigued.

"How can I say no when you ask so politely, sir."  And so she took his arm and followed him through the hallways up to the Astronomy Tower. Y/n knew what this place meant to Sirius. They had even spent a lot of time there together. It had kind of become their place when they needed some peace and quiet or to simply spend some time together away from the noisiness of the common room.

"I'm here to prove that I'm worthy of your affections, my chérie." He solemnly said after you sat down. If this whole thing had been somewhat normal between you, this was certainly not and it definitely took her by surprise.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you like me, y/n."

"That's hardly a secret, Sirius. We're friends, of course, I like you."

"I mean, you like me as I like you. Not just as friends."

"Who told you?"

"Most importantly, I know why you're refusing my advances."

"Look, Sirius-"

"Please, let me say this first and I promise that I won't bother you after if you say no." Despite the pun he and his friends would always throw around, he wasn't known to be this serious and he hardly ever was. Taken back by the sheer determination she found in his eyes and in his tone, y/n simply nodded and let him talk.

"I understand your reservations, if I were you I'd be thinking the same. You know me though, y/n, better than most and you know that I care about you. I can see why you'd be afraid of opening your heart to me but I swear I wouldn't be insisting so much if I wasn't sure that this is what I want." y/n had never heard Sirius talk about his feelings so freely. She'd be lying if she denied how his words touched her, her heartbeat would give her away.

But there was also something else on stake.

"It's not that, Sirius."

"Then what is it? Don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you. It's just- I don't want to get heartbroken and ruin our friendship at the same time."

"If you trust me then why are you so sure that I'm going to hurt you?" Sirius wears his heart on his sleeve, that was one of the things y/n had always admired him for. How brave he was to always show and tell every that went pass his mind. Now, seeing him like this, arms crossed on his chest, his eyes flashing, her heart helpelessly hurt and she almost winced at the fact that she was hurting him.

"Oh no, Sirius, no. I don't think you'd do that willingly. After all, it's not anyone's fault if you lose interest in me or just stop caring for me in that way. And when that happens, I'm not sure I can go back to just being friends. Thus, ruining our group of friends and that is not something I'm willing to give up to attempt whatever it is you're proposing." She quickly tried to explain, desperate to make him see that it wasn't about him, not completely. Mostly, she was afraid. Afraid of admitting her feelings for him, afraid of indulging them knowing that when you have something special, it means that you can lose it.

"That goes both ways you know." But Sirius was always able to see right through her. And he knew what he felt and now that he also knew how she felt, he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"I did not wake up yesterday and realized I have feelings for you, Sirius." she scoffed, not telling him that she had been in love with him since they come back from the summer break in their third year. They were now in their fifth.

"It didn't happen to me neither. If you haven't noticed, I've been chasing you for months."

"Yes, while always having an alternative option on the go."

"I thought you had learned by now not to listen to rumours." Sirius tilted his head in a way that reminded y/n of an adorable puppy.

"When it comes to you and girls, Sirius, they're not rumours. At least, not the part that interested me."

"What do you mean?"

"I know that you treat them right and I know that you don't offer them more than what you give them. Those are rumours they spread in hope that other girls will stay away from you and you'd go back to them. But you do get with them. Sure, Katy was talking bullshit about you being an asshole and I know that's not true but I also know that you have been with her."

"A year ago."

"Then why is she still talking about it?"

"Don't know, angel. I'm pretty memorable if I do say so myself."

"So, you're saying that you haven't been with anyone in a year?"

"I've been too busy with you, chérie."

Well, that was news. Y/n had to admit that she hadn't seen this coming. And it definitely changed things. Sirius had been right when he said that she knew him better than most. And so, when she looked into his eyes, she knew that along with smug and cocky he was also being honest.

"Well, I've just checked your agenda, my love, and it seems it will be so for quite some time."

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

"A bit of both."

"I'm more than fine with it, angel. Now, give me a kiss and bring me to heaven."

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