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kxizoku-ou · 10 days

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CP9 Cat Headcanons

This is... a very silly post. XD After seeing a similar concept on Pixiv (images 10–12 in this log) and critiquing the breed choices it used, I wound up writing my own take on it.

These are written with actual cats in mind (not my usual Hybrid Au), and the breed choices are just for fun— as in, largely chosen based on looks/vibes, not anything too serious. I was definitely channeling that early 2000s "characters are cats for some reason now" mini-genre, so these are pure fluff/comedy, for once... >3>

. . .

Lucci

(Bengal)

Serial toy murderer. Violently destroys any and every toy you give him within a matter of hours, days at MOST.

Some of the things he’s done to his toys probably qualify as war crimes tbh. Likes to drown the catnip mice in his water dish. Also enjoys tearing things into ragged chunks/”gutting” the stuffing.

Sometimes you wake up to him on your chest with a present.

(A chunk of mutilated cat toy. He drops it onto your face.)

The most athletic cat you’ll ever know. There is no surface in your house he can’t reach SOMEHOW. Also can and will learn how to open doors, drawers, etc, and will use this unfortunate skill to get into everything if he’s bored.

Affectionate, but only on his terms. You don’t decide when you’re allowed to pet him; when the mood strikes, he’ll interrupt whatever you’re doing and forcefully put his body in your lap.

You’re not allowed to move until he decides you’re done. :)

Has a surprisingly cute kneading habit. He’ll go Baby Mode and make biscuits for hours. Sucks on certain blankets too.

Kaku

(Devon Rex)

ZOOMIES TO THE MAX.

Seemingly never sits still. Will run from one end of your house to the other at all hours of the day. At night, you’re regularly woken up by the distinct rapid thumping of galloping kitty paws.

Likes high places and unexpected perching spots. This includes your shoulder— and he can make the jump on his own!

Playful, but not prone to destroying his toys. Prefers batting hard objects down a flight of stairs to tearing the plush ones open.

Too brave (and curious) for his own good. Lacks any sense of danger when it comes to investigating something that’s caught his interest.

This includes slipping through the front door.

Not super cuddly, but likes being near you/keeping an eye on what you’re doing.

Has a squeaky “old man” meow. WEH!

Jabra

(Egyptian Mau)

Wild, playful, curious, and so very destructive. If he’s not kept entertained, your property will suffer for it.

Requires FREQUENT play and attention, but fortunately, he’s not too hard to please. Throwing a squishy ball for “fetch” can keep him occupied for hours.

The asshole cat who will make direct eye contact with you before (very deliberately) knocking something off a shelf, then sit there smugly while you try to scold him.

Very talkative! When he wants your attention, he YELLS, and seeing wildlife outside always brings out that excited, bloodthirsty chitter.

Taking him to the vet is an ordeal, for everyone involved...

Doesn’t mind being pet and handled. Pesters you for affection regularly, but gets bitey when he’s had enough. :/

Highly territorial. Will not tolerate other cats/animals near him.

Kalifa

(Turkish Angora)

Truly the embodiment of the “disdainful gorgeous fancy cat” trope.

Her fur is incredible, due largely in part to near-constant grooming. Do NOT interrupt her washing.

She’ll wash your fingers too if she’s feeling affectionate. Mlem mlem mlemmmm...

Likes to be involved in what you’re doing. The kind of cat to walk across your keyboard or loaf-sit on top of stray paperwork, seemingly oblivious to how badly she’s getting in the way.

At least your “adorable secretary” makes for good moral support!

Not overly playful, but she can be a DEADLY hunter when the mood strikes— fast, agile, and with amazing reflexes no matter what kind of toy you put in front of her.

Weirdly fickle about when you’re allowed to touch her. Will glare, hiss, and swat at fingers if you test those boundaries.

Blueno

(Norwegian Forest Cat)

The most quiet, low-maintenance, independent cat imaginable. You nearly forget he exists, sometimes.

Not much of a meower, but has a deep, calming, rumbly purr.

Content to curl up on a chair or in a corner and let you go about your day! He’ll alternate between napping and silently staring in your general direction; the eye contact is a sign of affection. <3

Won’t seek out attention on his own, but also won’t fight it if you pick him up and carry him around like a plushie.

...he stays limp and docile no matter what you do to him, actually.

Needs regular brushing, or his fur starts to matt. It’s pretty much the only “extra attention” he’ll require, though, and he’s (fortunately) cooperative about it.

Learned how to open doors at some point. You don’t know how he managed that.

Fukurou

(Persian)

R O U N D (and it’s not just fluff)

Despite being shaped like a furry bowling ball, he’s quite playful, and way more agile/fast-moving than you’d expect.

...that energy is much less cute when his full weight lands on your abdomen in the middle of the night, however.

VERY affectionate. Will take any opportunity to lay his chin on your palm, headbutt your shoulder/wrists, put his paws on your chest so he can try to lovingly lick your face, etc— purring all the while!

Chatty cat!! Chirps and squeaks at you non-stop; if you “respond” to him, it turns into a back-and-forth conversation with his mrrep-ing.

Fond of high places, like bookshelves and tall dressers.

It’s unclear how such a heavy cat manages to get up onto them, but he usually ends up yowling for help when he can’t get back down.

Kumadori

(British Longhair)

A huge, massively fluffy mini-lion of a cat, with that “polite little gentleman” face common in his breed.

Sheds. Sheds SO MUCH. All of your clothes are covered in his fur, no matter how hard you try to keep him thoroughly brushed.

You cannot escape the fluff.

YOWLS. The loudest, most determined drama queen when he wants something. Acts like he’s dying if his food bowl is empty for more than half an hour, non-stop howling included.

Extremely cuddly; wants as much attention from you as you’ll give, and will flop his entire body into your lap to get it.

Fond of jingly toys! The louder and more annoying the bell, the better.

If you ever have to give him medicine (be it a pill or liquid), he’s utterly betrayed. Gives you the huge, sad, miserable scared-kitty eyes for the rest of the evening, and won’t let you touch him.

(He’s over it by morning, and back to purring in your arms. Baby.)

Spandam

(Siamese)

The ugliest purebred imaginable, and his personality isn’t better. <3

Health issues. Skin/coat problems, numerous food sensitivities, arthritis, frequent UTIs, and a crooked tail from a past injury.

King of separation anxiety. If he can’t find you, he’s HOWLING, then finding a corner to cower in until his protector is back.

Truly the embodiment of the phrase “scardey cat”. Terrified of everything from the vacuum to rustling plastic bags. Huddles under the couch, trembling pathetically, after every little scare.

...it is kind of cute when he runs to you to “save” him, however.

This clumsy dumbass WILL get himself hurt (in incredibly stupid ways) if you don’t keep an eye on him. Utterly oblivious to real danger.

His distressed yowling is awful, and the attention-demanding yells aren’t much better. The classic So So Whiney Baby Siamese!

NEEDS to be the only cat in the household— he’s violently territorial, but guaranteed to end up the other cat’s punching bag once he’s pissed them off enough.

#One Piece #CP9 #CP0 #Lucci #Rob Lucci #Kaku #Jabra #Kalifa #Blueno #Fukurou #Kumadori #Spandam #Headcanon #Reader

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im-illegal · 2 months

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i love this itsuzumi panel.. mushrooms, yum. top ten cats that go mlem

#itsuzumi #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi

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minotaur-asterion · 6 days

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Cold [insert entire emoji list here]

Do it >:)

This took me 20 days, Sal! Curse you! (Shakes fist)

🏳️‍🌈 Sexuality: Unlabeled! I don’t label any of the voices’ sexualities

🏳️‍⚧️ Gender: Unlabeled, UNLESS within Stubborn’s line of sight, in which case they’re both female until they break line of sight

😇 Religion: I mean… Cold’s a fragment of a god. He probably should believe in his progenitor? He’s not the type to worship, though

🧸 Childhood: In my human/magical girl AU, Cole’s raised by a single father. Him and Hernando are childhood friends (I’m just a sucker for childhood friends)

👻 Fear: Already answered!

🎶 Music: He prefers super energetic music, like breakcore and hyperpop. Classical is alright, but it can get a little boring if he’s not doing something while listening to it

👽 Quirk: He loves loves loves knives. Throwing knives, cooking knives, stabbing and parrying and hunting, he loves them. He has a collection in his closet; they’re in tip-top shape but he never uses them

💤 Sleep: Cold sleeps like the dead. No dreams, no talking in his sleep, no moving around in the middle of the night. It freaks everyone out until they see his chest move

🦾 Disability: Some of the star-shaped scars on his body will give him bouts of weakness or phantom pain when touched

💝 Love language: Physical touch all the way. If he’s sitting with someone at least one of his limbs is draped over them or touching them somehow. Cold likes to lay on top of others like a cat

🫂 Friendship: He doesn’t normally verbally express to his friends that he loves and supports them, but even so, he’s always in their corner and is willing to defend them

💔 Angst: Somehow, despite not having any parents, Cold has mommy and daddy issues /lh

🪢 Family: Since he’s so deeply connected to The Long Quiet and the idea of what they were supposed to be, he considers them the closest thing to blood family he has. There’s the other voices, sure, but that’s more found family than anything. He still thinks about The Long Quiet sometimes. Misses them, maybe

📓 Hobby: Already answered!

👗 Clothes: Cold’s wardrobe mainly consists of sweaters over revealing clothes. The sweaters are always worn off-shoulder. Always!

🔪 Fighting: Cold is an incredible ambusher, able to go for the weak points quicker than the eye can follow. However, he’s horrible at defending himself- a glass cannon of sorts

🌟 Desires: Cold wishes he were easier to entertain. Interesting stuff can come and go but it’s hard to land on something long enough to feel as though he can stop trying to look for the “next thing,” so to speak. It’s exhausting in of itself

🥇 Excels at: Cold’s good at killing. He’s good at the guitar. I don’t see what other skills he would ever need /j

🍫 Food: He’s not good at eating whatever’s put in front of him. Most foods are the wrong flavor, wrong texture, wrong smell, or some combination of the three. Liquid foods are usually the safest, so those are usually his go-to

🎭 Lies: His biggest lie, he has told to others and himself- he doesn’t feel anything. The others have preconceived notions about him that causes backlash when he tries to expand beyond them and express his feelings, even unintentionally, and it causes him to retreat back to his stoic shell

❤️‍🔥 Romantic: Cold has trouble trying to differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, so he usually tries to look to the other person to determine what he should be feeling. Once he decides their relationship is romantic, he’ll begin to develop a little crush

💄 Appearance: If he doesn’t close his mouth the right way, sometimes his fangs stick out from beneath his lip. Think of this like a cat mlem

🖕 Anger: The sight of a visibly angry Cold is rare, since his anger is implosive. He’ll bottle it up and let it out in private and resorts to complaining to blow off some steam

🐱 Animal: If Cold came across an animal, chances are they’d get along. (Unless it’s Beast. Beast will eat him) He thinks snakes are neat

😬 Worst Thing Done: Besides slaying damsels? He eats cereal dry. FOR FUN.

😭 Worst Thing Happened: Probably the stuck in the void thing. In his opinion, metaphysical death is so much worse than physical death

😶 Random: Cold’s favorite piece of media is Waiting For Godot. The play features characters who are waiting for something that’ll never come- something he can immensely relate to

#slay the princess #slay the princess headcanons #voice of the cold

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a-noone · 2 months

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On the subject of Spock-as-cat-person.

I am imagining Old Married Spones aboard DS9….

Spock: (steps out from behind a potted plant with a cat strapped to his chest in a baby carrier.)

Bones: “JESUS, Spock! What’d I tell ya about poofing out of nowhere like goddamn Dracula?”

Spock: “We can discuss where I ‘poofed’ from, if, in fact, I ‘poofed’ at all. Richard has the hiccups.”

Bones: “ —Richard?!”

Spock: (points at the most special hiccuping orange boy in the baby carrier)

Bones: “where did you get a baby carrier— never mind that! There have been humans on this station less than 72 hours! Where did you find a cat?”

Spock: “The communist Ferengi was feeding him. “

Bones: “…. I … ain’t even gonna ask.”

Richard: *hiccup* *mlem mlem mlem* *hiccup*

Spock: O_O “Leonard he does not have a family.”

Bones: “You don’t know that until you look for a chip”

Spock: “I do know that, because I have mind melded with him.”

Bones: *collapses with a sigh of resignation* “ok, I guess I’ll go set up a litter box on our yacht…”

#spones #old married spones #spock #mccoy

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c-jay-s-text-posts-only · 11 months

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Seems Like A Bit Much.

Written with permission from @howlingday

Jaune was resting in his dorm room at Beacon with the lights off. It had been a good day so far, and he was feeling pleased with himself.

He hadn't been picked on by Cardin yet, his training with Pyrrha had gone without a hitch, and his girlfriend was calm and happy - which was a first.

'Normally, she's excited and happy.' He thought.

He didn't mind her either way.

Jaune had more energy than Ren, so he could easily keep up with Nora. But all the same, he only had so much energy, and with school taking up most of his time, dividing his into all things was slowly taking its toll on him.

'Man, I don't even get how Ren does it. And he's half-asleep a lot!' He mused.

But right now, it wasn't a problem. He had a free period after Lunch, and was using the opportunity to have a nice long rest.

Normally, he'd go to the gym to get some exercise, but Beacon was noisy, and right now, Jaune wanted a quiet break.

And yes, Jaune was dating Nora, and so had been for a few months now. He still wasn't sure how it happened. All he knew was that it had, and Ren approved.

Pyrrha was a different story, but she was okay with that as well.

Jaune was grateful, and happy. He liked Nora. She was a fun-loving girl, if a little extreme from time to time. Her hugs were amazing too; Jaune actually liked feeling squished like a rubber duck every now and again.

Sometimes, it was what he needed.

Just then, the door slammed open.

"HELLO HOUSE!" Cheered Nora, "I HAVE RETURNED!"

Jaune smiled. Hearing her voice was always a pleasure.

"Hi Nora." He chuckled, not getting up from the bed.

Nora's bombastic smile split into a mischievous cat-like grin, and with a wiggle of her hips, she bounded into the room and pounced on Jaune.

"OOF!" Jaune gasped as the bed creaked beneath him.

"Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee~." Nora straddled him, delighted, "Hi Jauney."

"Nora . . ." Jaune patted her head, "Do you always have to mount me like this whenever I'm lying down?"

He knew she liked hearing him speak like that, but Nora pouted adorably.

"Don't you like it?" She asked,

"Not when I'm trying to breathe." Jaune answered,

"But you're ALWAYS trying to do that!" She protested,

"When you're hugging me, I'm not." He tilted his head to look at her face.

Nora tried to keep pouting, but Jaune had answered cleverly, like always.

"Smart-meanie." She turned her nose up, the cat-like expression on her face quietly creeping back on.

Jaune chuckled again.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He tried, "I'll let you crush me with your gloriously thunderous thighs whenever you want-"

That brought her back.

"AND WELL YOU SHOULD." Nora pressed the tip of her nose into Jaune's.

This was something else they liked doing together. While they did share regular kisses, the Mantlan Smoochie - Nora's personal dubbing - was something she enjoyed endlessly.

It was intimate, but not something you needed a break to breathe from. And made snuggle sessions with Jaune, the superior comfort activity.

Unless you rubbed your noses together too hard and too long, then it would chafe. Jaune had found that out the hard way and started putting lotion on his nose every night after he took a shower.

Jaune and Nora gazed into each other's eyes for what felt like an age, breathing down their faces as if they were trying to smell them. Neither could tire of staring into worlds their eyes hid through distance and darkness.

Nora's eyes were a gorgeous oceany teal.

Jaune's eyes were a beautiful, cloudy night sky.

It was an elegant correlation, so Weiss had declared when she heard them describing their irises.

After a few more minutes of staring and heavy breathing, Jaune couldn't help himself.

"Mlem." And he stuck out his tongue,

"BLAH!" Nora jerked back up, rubbing her cuff against her upper lip.

Jaune laughed.

"Ew! Jaune, what have I told you about that!" Nora hadn't liked it at all,

"Aw, c'mon," Jaune sat up at last, "It didn't even touch you then!"

Nora wanted to lecture him, but she couldn't. Jaune's smile was disarming, and she knew he meant no harm, he never did. And he was right, his tongue hadn't reached her.

This was an ick she just had.

She didn't mind the idea of being licked. Having private time together meant hands and mouths would wander, so it was okay then. But her face was a no-lick zone as far as she was concerned - unless it was a dog or a cat who did the licking, then it was fine.

"Whatever." She put her hand on his face and pulled her fingers back.

*Thwack!*

"Ah-!" Jaune recoiled and ruefully felt his forehead.

"Remember Jauney, no tongue." She booped his nose,

"Okay, okay, I get it." He relented,

"Good boy." Nora's cat-like smile returned,

"Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-" Jaune blushed as his mouth spread into a goofy smile.

Nora laughed. She sometimes forgot how much Jaune liked being called sweet names like that.

"You're lucky you're so cute." And she pecked his nose before laying down next to him.

Nora snaked one arm under Jaune's back and draped the other across his chest, and he did the same to her.

"So-" She nuzzled his face, "What'cha doin'?"

Jaune yawned.

"Ahh, just takin' a breather." He nuzzled her back, "It's loud outside."

"I hear ya." Nora understood and nodded, "You wanna lay here until next period?"

"Yeah, sure-" Jaune stopped short and looked at her, "Hol' up, don't you have class right now?"

Once again, Nora’s cat-like expression returned.

"Not if they don't find me." She gently bit his ear lobe,

"Ah~!" Jaune gasped, "Nora . . ."

"What~," Nora breathed into his ear, "do you seriously wanna miss out on spending time with your awesome, sexy girlfriend?"

Jaune tried not to get too excited; hot, sweet whispers really got him going.

He knew Nora needed to get to class. It was her dream to be a Huntress too, and he wanted to see that happen. After all, he still wanted to be a Huntsman himself.

Still, Jaune sighed. He knew he couldn't really stop Nora in the end.

"No . . ." He admitted with a sigh, "I don't want to miss that."

"Thennnnn~?" She pressed her nose into his cheek.

Jaune let out a breathy chuckle; he never thought his face could be ticklish until Nora showed him. He just pulled Nora closer and pecked her cheek.

"Now, that's better." Nora hugged him tightly back.

They stayed like that for a little while.

"Hey, can I use your scroll for something?" Nora asked,

"I don't know, can you?" Jaune teased,

"Ah- dude . . ." Nora was not impressed,

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Jaune wrinkled his nose as he laughed, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding, of course you may."

"Mmmmmm- nom~." Nora bit Jaune's face,

"YOW!" He yelped and tried to squirm away, giggling.

Nora wouldn't let him. She didn't like it when he made these kinds of little jokes.

'Who even cares about properly using "may" or "can" anyways?' She thought.

"Nora, please!" Jaune wheezed, still squirming around, "I can't breathe anymore!!"

Contrary to what you might expect, Nora knew when enough was enough. She had always known about Jaune’s ticklish face, but never took full advantage of it.

At last, she let him go, and Jaune pulled out his scroll. Nora watched with interest as he entered the PIN. She never memorized it, though. Nora knew all relationships worked on trust, and a person's scroll PIN was private.

She also heard horror stories about girls who demanded to go through their boyfriend's devices to see whether they'd been cheating.

Nora dreaded turning out like one of those girls.

Jaune didn't deserve that.

He was a sweetie.

The homescreen flared to life, and the background, Nora spotted something.

"Hey, who's that?" She asked,

"Huh?" Jaune looked, "Where-"

"There!" And she pointed,

"Ah-" Jaune lowered his brows when he saw, "Nora, that's just you."

He was right. It was a picture he had taken of Nora on their first date night. They saw the new Spruce Willis movie, and had a lovely pancake supper at IHOP. After that, they decided to go for a walk on the 'funside', where all manner of entertainment venues were established.

It had all been great fun, they both agreed that one of the crane machines at the Arcade needed an adjustment and wound up seriously upsetting the staff. That made Nora angry, so she decided to teach them a lesson.

Even Jaune wasn't strong enough to hold her back, and now they were both banned from that arcade.

"BAAAAGH!" Nora blared like an airhorn,

"Ow." Jaune deadpanned,

"Wrong answer." Nora had mastered that ridiculous cat-like smirk,

"Uh, how?" Jaune wanted to know,

"The correct answer is," Nora paused impressively, "My 'super cute, absolutely adorable, too-beautiful-to-be-compared, big-booty, big-tiddie, ultra-mega-special-wifey', Nora~!"

Jaune gave her a funny look.

"That- . . . That seems like a bit much . . ." He remarked.

Nora looked offended.

"Ye- but- the- Whaddiyou mean?!" She demanded,

"Weren't you just awesome and sexy a few minutes ago?" Jaune easily returned,

"I'm allowed to upgrade!" Nora persisted,

"What, did you find a secret checkpoint or something?" Jaune smirked,

"You're my frikken' secret checkpoint, dummy!" Nora pouted and pressed her face against him,

"Okay, okay, okay!" Jaune pulled her close and rubbed her back to soothe her, "I get it. I'll call you that from now on then."

Nora pouted in his arms.

"You better." She said petulantly.

"Okay, I will." Then Jaune paused,

"Well?" Nora raised an expectant eyebrow,

". . . What was the whole thing again?" He asked hopefully, "I gotta put it in my scroll now."

Nora stopped her pouting.

"Super cute, absolutely adorable, beautiful-beyond-compare, big-booty-big-tiddie, ultra-mega-special-wifey." She rattled off only too well,

"Helluva mouthful." Jaune shook his head, and changed the name of Nora's scroll contact.

Nora had the perfect comeback.

"I bet you've taken bigger things in yours, though." She grinned,

"'EY-YO!" Jaune nearly sat upright, but Nora kept him down.

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha~!" She cackled, "GOT'EM!"

"D'oh, you . . ." Jaune couldn't even try being firm with her now.

And so they lay there for a little while longer. But after a minute or two of browsing Jaune's scroll, Nora fidgeted uncomfortably.

"No, but seriously." She peered at him, "I'm not too much for you, am I?"

Jaune was confused.

"What do you mean?" He asked,

"Like," Nora voiced her concern, "am I too exciting, or too energetic, or-"

"No, Nora." Jaune set his scroll down on the bed and gave her a tight hug, "I promise you're not that bad."

"I'm not?" Nora felt relieved,

"No, you're not." Jaune smiled into her forehead, "I do have moments where I think you're just a little too much, but at the end of the day, it's nothing I can't adjust to."

Nora's heart sank a little.

". . . Like . . .?" She had to know,

"Like what?" Jaune tilted his head,

"Like, what moments are you talking about." Nora dreaded to hear what he said next,

"Oh!" Jaune pondered, "Well, there's one thing I'm still working on."

". . . Yeah . . .?" The suspense was killing her,

"Waking up." Jaune smirked as if it were obvious, "I'm not an early bird like you."

"Ah- . . . Huh?" That wasn't the answer Nora had expected.

Then again, she supposed it could have been worse. That helped a little, but her smile didn't return. Jaune spotted this.

"Hey, cheer up." He nuzzled her forehead, "It's not a bad thing."

"Are you sure?" Nora eyed him doubtfully,

"Of course!" Jaune promised, "It's just one little thing we need to adjust to. Sorry- that I need to adjust to."

He amended quickly.

"Hrmm . . . okay . . ." Conceded Nora,

"But you know what that means, right?" Jaune gave her a playful look.

Nora pursed her lips to the side.

"I guess that means I have to start sleeping in?" She asked,

"No, it means I have to get used to waking up earlier than you!" Jaune gave her a Mantlan Smoochie.

Nora's eyes lit up.

Was this a challenge?

Was he REALLY challenging her?

. . .

Oh.

. . .

OH.

. . .

OHHHH!

OH, IT WAS ON NOW.

"No, you won't!" Nora straddled him again and returned the smoochie, "Then I'll have to get up EVEN EARLIER THAN YOU!"

Jaune laughed.

"At this rate, we're gonna have stay up all night!" Jaune countered.

That made Nora laugh too.

"Then that's just what we'll do!" She declared,

"Stay up all night?" Jaune was surprised,

"Yup!" Nora popped the "p".

Jaune shook his head with a happy smile.

"Fine by me." He agreed, "As long as we're both staying up together."

"Together . . ." Nora smiled back.

Yeah.

They liked the sound of that.

#rwby #jaune arc #nora valkyrie #nora's arc #fluffy #sweet #feeling mushy #ginger girl #isn’t she cute #isn’t he lovely

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pfhwrittes · 1 month

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boydad!simon this, girldad!simon that. no, no. you're all wrong. catdad!simon riley.

catdad!simon riley who actually hates being called a cat dad.

catdad!simon riley who finds his first cat by scooping up this soaking wet tiny tortoiseshell kitten that had been huddled up by the doors to his flat.

catdad!simon riley who dries the little thing off and gets scratched and growled at the entire time.

catdad!simon riley who plunks a tin of tuna on a plate and watches as the little monster makes growling "mmm rrrr mlem mrrr grrr" noises the entire time.

catdad!simon riley who realises he needs more supplies than just a plate and a clump of kitchen roll if the thing isn't going to piss and shit in his bathroom the entire time.

catdad!simon riley who scoops up the little gremlin and shoves it into the front of his hoodie so he can pop to pets at home to pick up a litter tray, kitten food, and a couple of toy mice to keep the little fucker entertained.

catdad!simon riley who takes the kitten to the vets the following day with the full intention of surrendering the little shit for keeping him up all night by playing with his bootlaces.

catdad!simon riley that calls the kitten "cat" when the overly bubbly vet nurse on reception asks for its name.

catdad!simon riley that learns that cat is a perfectly healthy little girl despite being a little bit on the young side.

catdad!simon riley that walks out of the vets with cat stuck in the front of his zipped up hoodie and a pamphlet about caring for his new kitten, and advice about spaying her sooner rather than later.

catdad!simon riley who slowly fills his camera roll with pictures of the little fucker.

catdad!simon riley who lets cat ride on his shoulders whenever she likes. catdad!simon riley who lets cat sleep on his pillow or nap on his chest. catdad!simon riley that spoils cat rotten with new toys every month.

catdad!simon riley that will never admit to being happy that cat is in his life and gives him a reason to get up in the morning.

#pfh headcannons #i'm never going to write about characters having children #it's just not something that interests me #i'm a firm believer that you can replace babies in fics with cats and still get the same result #sr

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salternateunreality2 · 4 months

Text

Preggoroth: Momma Cat

Note: the "research" for this post was abso-fucking-lutely delightful

----------------------

Cloud: why is my boss biting the back of my scarf?

Zack, being held by the scruff of his neck: oh it's his new thing, don't worry about it!

Cloud: erk! Zack, where is he dragging me. Zack. I am worried, Zack.

Zack: Cuddles!

Cloud: ZACK!

youtube

---------------

3am

Sephiroth: *scratch scratch*

Zack: mlem mlem mlem huh? Oh, the door....

Sephiroth: 🐱

Zack: Hey bud, what's u- IS THAT A LIVE WERERAT?!?!

Sephiroth: You need to learn how to hunt.

Zack: IT IS 3AM

Sephiroth: ??? Wererats are nocturnal???

Zack: WHAT?! NO DON'T SET IT DOWN AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Angeal: Zack! I heard you screa- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Wererat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Genesis: *wisely invested in earplugs and won't find out about this until later* zzzzzz...

Sephiroth: Zack, kill it with your instincts.

Zack: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT'S CLIMBING INTO MY COUCH!!!!!

Sephiroth: Once you're done here, I will lead you to their primary nest, this is important for your development.

Angeal: *beating the couch with a broom*

Zack: *scrambling for his sword*

----------------

Cloud: Alright, if that will be all, sir, I'll get back to my post.

Sephiroth: *growl*

Cloud: ...was there something you needed, sir?

Sephiroth: No, Strife, you are free to go.

Cloud: *moves towards door*

Sephiroth: *growl*

Cloud: *steps back*

Sephiroth: *purr*

Cloud: *moves towards door*

Sephiroth: *growl*

Cloud: *steps back*

Sephiroth: *purr*

Zack: Cloud, come on, just crawl under the desk.

Kunsel: Yeah, it's super cozy down here!

Roche: There's snacks!

Cloud: IS IT A DESK OR A CLOWN CAR?!

Kunsel: Both

Zack: Haha both

Roche: *snacking noises*

#cloud strife #ff7 #sephiroth #angeal hewley #genesis rhapsodos #zack fair #preggoroth #kunsel #roche ff7 #Youtube

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imhumanguysiswear · 1 year

Text

Imagine the Noceda family gathering for a festivity, they’re all in a relative house (except Luz and Hunter because they are in the Owl House with Eda as they HAD to introduce her to it) it’s late in the day, and while the adults are in the kitchen talking there’s Vee in the sofa in her basilisk form, very sleepy, completely relaxed and sprawled out with every kid cousin there having fun petting her

And then she yawns, literally opening her mouth and showing a lot of razor sharp teeth and then closing it and going “mlem” like a cat

And while the kids literally do not care all the adults are bewildered (why does she have SO MANY TEETH) Camila is there going “aww look at her! She’s adorable!”

Cat yawning for reference:

#vee is a cat #Camila loves her snake daughter #somebody should actually draw this #the owl house #vee noceda #camila noceda #vee the basilisk #toh vee #vee toh #vee #noceda extended family #noceda family headcanon #noceda family #noceda

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flowercrowngods · 10 months

Note

hello 🫶 i heard we’re submitting cat pics!! on the left is my dear baby boy Sox, and on the right is the Queen of the House, Padme!! 💖

*gasp* liv!! 🥺🥹🤍 hi love!

(the reflex to go "mlem" each time i see a liddle cat tongue peeking out hhh) Sox and Padme, i am SO WEAK!!! i love them a lot, thank you darling aah 🥹😭🤍 gib them a liddle kith from me if you're/they're so inclined

#it's been so long since we talked liv but i hope you're having the BEST june ��🤍#kitties for dio #not st #asks #mlem :3

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thewideawakechronicles · 19 days

Note

*cat go mlem*

Mrrrrp rrrrow

Lucas is still petting the cat.

#strawberry cherryhaze #lucas

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darkshuubi · 11 months

Text

People you would like to know better

Tagged by: @vincentvampiria beloved <3

1. Three ships: AkuRoku from Kingdom Hearts will always have special place in my heart, Tallstar x Jake from Warrior Cats (how can you not love a pair of gay kitties?!), not in shipping that much but uuuuuh lets say Captain and Pat from BBC Ghosts their interactions with each other are ADORABLE

2. First ever ship: probably SasuNaru lol xDD or maybe Yuki x Shuichi from Gravitation could be first???? i have no clue

3. Last song: Storybook - Geoff Zanelli and Jon Brion from Christopher Robin soundtrack, such a cool chill song, giving strong fantasy dnd vibes <3

4. Last movie: The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) good fun many giggles

5. Currently reading: Wampir z MO by Andrzej Pilipiuk (fun story about vampires living in PRL), waiting for Warriors: First Battle to come out (wojownicy slaaaay!)

6. Currently watching: The promised Neverland, i need to finally catch up on the stand up to cancer bake off tho :C

7. Currently consuming: Caramel cappucchino from Aldi mlem mlem mlem

8. Currently craving: never can go wrong with something snacky snacky like a pack of cheetos but anything you can do *chrup chrup* on would do nmn Tagging: @animefanka @proppane @nietoperq @evilcocoabats c'mere do some funsies uwu

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wellthebardsdead · 2 years

Text

Another Shimada coffee because I need the sweetness! ~Bambi

———

Jack: okay so what else did you miss out on growing up that you really wanted?

Gabe: so far we’ve covered county fair food, bbq food, pizza, cartoons, video games, owning pets though I think your cat lizard debates that point-

Sojiro: spirit dragon and he’s not my pet. When I die he’ll move onto a new master.

Tsubasa: *cleaning himself like a cat, looks up mid mlem* OwO

Gabe: right…

Jack: never mind that, what do you want Soji? Anything you missed out on that you want to experience we can do for you.

Sojiro: Disneyland.

Gabe: that hell on ea-

Jack: *covers his mouth* you wanna go to Disney pumpkin?

Sojiro: it’s the happiest place on earth right?… I want to take the kids there mainly but… I always wanted to go and see the fireworks, and the rides look so fun…

Gabe: *already booking time off and grumbling* gotta pay a mortgage for a good damn bear claw-

*a few weeks later*

Sojiro and the kids: *holding over priced snacks all wearing Mickey ears*

Jack: *taking a photo* SMILE!

Gabe: *holding Genji whose equally unhappy about being at the park* can we find a bench? Please? I’m dying here!

Genji: ABEH!! (I have a rash and that mouses head is mine!!)

#overwatch #overwatch shitposts #genji shimada #gabriel reyes #jack morrison #sojiro shimada #Shimada coffee #coffee shop au

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starbudspresents · 2 years

Text

Re.Gray 001 - opening

♠ [ READ ON AO3 ] ♠

♠ [ RAW image gallery ] ♠

Warning: the footnote links all go to AO3, but you can still find them at the bottom of the post if you scroll down.

♦ 5

Narration: Exorcists... Narration: Those under God's thrall.1 Narration: They exist2 to lay rest to those ill-fated beings which arise from the darkness.

♦ 6 & 7

1st Night - opening

♦ 8

Townsperson 1: Hey, did you know? Apparently a load of people have disappeared from this church. Townsperson 1: It's abandoned, so penniless travellers often spend the night there. Townsperson 1: But come morning, they're nowhere to be found! Nought left but their clothes. Townsperson 1: Some say it's cursed. There was that incident two years ago, after all, when...

Narration: At the close of an imaginary 19th century, Narration: mysterious events had begun to move within obscuring clouds of steam.

♦ 9

Charles: Moa! Charles: A-Are you really going in there!?

Moa: The locals have been flooding us with complaints about this church. Moa: People disappearing and such.

Charles: I-I know... because of the curse, innit? sfx: buruburu [Charles shivering in fear]

Moa: Charles... and you call yourself a copper? Moa: Some lousy rumour making the rounds, that's all it is. We've just got to see for ourselves. Moa: There's no bloody curse.

Charles: I-If you say so....

sfx: giii [the dry hinges of the church door creaking as it opens]

♦ 10

Moa: Good grief, what a wreck. Moa: Do travellers really manage to sleep in here?

Charles: AAIEEEE

Moa: Huh!?

Charles: M-My leg...

sfx: munya [cat snuggling up, mrrp]

Moa: It's a cat, you twit.

Charles: H-Huh?

sfx: basasasasa [the flapflapflapping of many leathery little wings]

Moa:

What's that sou—?11

Moa: Whoa— Moa: Ahhh!

sfx: zuh [Allen's hand reaching out from inside the cloud of bats] sfx: basasasasa [the flappy flappy flock of bats]

Charles: Haa... Haa... Are you all right, Moa!? Charles: ...Moa!?

♦ 12

sfx: babababa [thundering up stairs] sfx: batan [door being thrown open] sfx: DON [Moa getting slammed into a chair inside]

Allen: Got you. Allen: You're not getting away again.

Moa: Cough, hack—

Allen: !?

♦ 13

Allen: What's this... Allen: Hang on, a person!? Allen: Why would anyone be here—

sfx: gachin [cuffs clicking shut]

Moa: How dare you— Allen, side: ugh Allen: And a copper, at that!!

Moa: Identify yourself!

Allen: I-I'm terribly sorry! I was just so intent, I didn't realize—

Moa: !

Allen: I only meant to catch this cat. Allen: I'm, er Allen: just Allen: a traveller....

♦ 14

Allen: Goodness. Allen: I had no idea this place had such a nasty reputation. Allen: I arrived in town just this morning, you see, Allen: but just as I was passing by this church, this stray cat happened to swallow something valuable of mine, Allen: so I've been chasing it down all day...

sfx: pero pero pero [mlem mlem mlem]

Moa: ...

Allen: G-God's honest truth! Allen: It's something my master entrusted to me, I absolutely mustn't lose it!

Moa: "Master"? Moa: And where might that person be?

Allen: Er, he... scarpered on me, back in India....

Allen & Moa: ........

Allen, side: This is all your fault!

sfx: jih [cat mrrping as it looks up at him]

Moa: He's just a kid, isn't he. Moa: Bit of an odd duck, though... Moa: Well. I'm going to fetch my partner, so you sit tight now.

♦ 15

Charles: AAAAIIIEEEEE

sfx: dododododo [the blam-blam-blam of heavy gunfire]

Moa: Wh— Moa: What's—!?

Allen: Um—

sfx: bah [Moa slams the door behind her, leaving Allen cuffed inside the room]

Moa: You stay put! Moa: That came from downstairs! Moa: Who goes there!? Moa: !

♦ 16

Moa: Ch— Moa: Charles?

sfx: sususususu [sibilant rustling]

♦ 17

sfx: SUSUSUSUSU [louder sibilant rustling]

Moa: !

sfx: SUH— [sibilance suddenly stops] sfx: PAH [Charles bursts apart into dirt-like clods]

Moa: What on—

♦ 18

sfx: bararara [bits of Charles thudding to the floor]

Moa: The rumours... Moa: can't have been true.... Moa: urk Moa: Why can't... Moa: I breathe...?

Allen: BAH [Allen popping out of nowhere to clap a handkerchief over her face]

Moa: !?

♦ 19

Moa: !

Allen: Careful, now. Allen: The fumes coming off that corpse are toxic. Allen: This is an Akuma's handiwork.

Moa: A—?

Allen: Officer!?

Moa: A demon's...?3

sfx: hah [Moa sucks in a breath as her eyes fly open]

♦ 20

sfx: gabah [Moa sits bolt upright]

Officer: Oho! Moa, you're up!

Moa: Engh... Where am I...?

Officer: The station! And just in time, come quick.

Moa: Eh?

Officer: Inspector, Constable Moa has regained consciousness! sfx: kon kon [knock knock]

Inspector: Get her in here.

sfx: hah [Moa flinches] Moa: Wait, Charles is—

sfx: batan [door banging shut]

Officer: Yes, we're aware. Officer: We're interrogating the suspect now.

Moa: You are!?

♦ 21

Inspector: Name: Allen Walker.

sfx: chi—n [chagrined silence]

Allen, side: Hullo.

Inspector: Place of residence: unknown. Stateless minor. Inspector: You killed him!!

Allen: I did no such thing!! Allen: Why am I under suspicion!? Allen: All I did was haul your swoony constable home to you! Allen, side: How unfair!

Inspector: You were there in the church, were you not? Suspicious enough! Inspector: And besides, look at your hand! Isn't it red with blood!?

Allen: Er, no, that's how it always—

sfx: gui [yank]

♦ 22

sfx: bah [glove falling partly off to reveal the back of Allen's hand]

Moa: !?

Inspector: W-W-What in blazes...!? Inspector: Faugh!

♦ 23

sfx: sabuibo [gooseflesh]

Inspector: What is wrong with you!? Inspector: Didn't it hurt to jam a cross in there!? Inspector: You're a real nutter, you are!! Inspector: You oughta take better care of the body your parents blessed you with! Inspector, side: You're all pasty-faced, too!

Moa: Um, sir—! Moa: This boy was with me right up until the incident occurred.

Inspector: Come again!?

sfx: boribori [murmuring] Officer: Sir, we found many large bullet holes at the scene of the crime, Officer: but all he had on him was that cat. Officer: We've searched the church, but found no firearm of such caliber anywhere.

Inspector: How could you faint at a time like that, Constable Moa Hesse!?

♦ 24

Moa: I-I'm terribly sorry, sir.

sfx: dosah [fuming] Inspector: You've got to grit your teeth and bear it! Right there, an eyewitness to the crime, and you didn't even get a look at the culprit?

Allen: I know your culprit.

Moa & Inspector: !?

Allen: I didn't see it, but I do know what manner of thing it is. Allen: Please allow me to collaborate with your investigation. Allen: It's something known as an "AKUMA". Allen: One runs into them quite a lot in my line of work. Allen: They gain experience4 as they kill, and level up when they have enough.

♦ 25

Allen: This one will kill again. And again. Allen: Unless we stop it soon, it will become unstoppable. Allen: This cross of mine is an anti-Akuma weapon. Allen: Have you ever heard of "Exorcists"? Allen: If so, you may know that we are clergyfolk who specialize in Akuma extermination.

♦ 26

sfx: tak tak tak [bootsteps]

Townsperson: Heard a policeman got done in. Townsperson: Dreadful scene it was, too.

sfx: teku teku teku [bootheels on cobblestones]

Townsperson: Were the rumours true, then?

Townsperson: The place has got to be haunted, Townsperson: after that mess with Father Mark....

Townsperson: Oh? What mess?

Townsperson: Keep your voices down when discussing such things, yeah?

Townsperson: Well, two years back or so, there was a terrible accident involving the parish parson and his wife....

♦ 27

sfx: shuuu [fsshh, fumes hissing out of Mark's mouth]

sfx: koh [stamp of a boot coming down with jaunty finality]

sfx: shuuu shuuu [every time Mark exhales, the cloud of fumes rises]

Earl: Good heavens, you have given them all a fright, Earl: our dear, darling Akuma. Earl: We must have you do some more killing to level you up. A great deal more. ♡♡

♦ 28

Moa: Mark?5 Moa: I'm home, Mark! Moa: How are you feeling?

sfx: suh [Earl sinks into the shadows and vanishes]

sfx: gaCHA [door opening]

Mark: welcome home Moa Mark: you're back early today

♦ 29

Moa: Ah, you've left your dinner again! Moa: You've hardly been eating at all, lately. Moa: That's no good. You've got to eat properly.

Mark: ...I'm already... full.... Mark: ...sorry.... Mark: ...but I'll get hungry again soon...

Moa: Keep your chin up, all right? Moa: I'm sure that's what my sister in heaven would want.

♦ 30

sfx: GACHAAAN [great clangor of things falling down and banging into each other]

Allen: Argh! Will you quit squirming!?

Mark: ...do we have... a guest...?

Moa: Er, well, Moa: bit of a long story, that.

Allen: .....

sfx: kon! [bonk!]

sfx: PUGIII [the cat gives an offended screech]

Moa: Yooouu! What on earth are you up to? Didn't I tell you not to leave that room!?

Allen: Yes, but—

Moa: You were heading back to the church, weren't you!

Allen: Just for a minute—!

Moa: Absolutely not!!

sfx: shi [Moa's hand shoots out and catches the back of Allen's collar] sfx: gah [Allen chokes on said collar]

Allen & Moa: Siigghh.

♦ 31

sfx: irah [irritation] Inspector: "Exorcist"? Inspector: Poppycock. Inspector: I'll deal with you later! Inspector: For now, I'm heading back to the scene of the crime. Constable, you take this rascal home with you and keep an eye on him, y'hear?

Moa, side: sigh Moa: Put bluntly, I'm on house arrest.

Allen: The church is just over there, and yet.... Allen: I wonder if the Inspector and his men are all right. sfx: sowa sowa sowa [Allen sweating bullets]

Moa: Allen, Moa: do you really think a demon is responsible for this?

Allen: ...Yes?

Moa: But demons are only an idea our forebears came up with to cope with their fears of plague and disaster.

♦ 32

Moa: They only exist in word and thought, not in reality. Moa: I can't abide all that nonsense, myself.

Allen: Ah... that isn't what I'm referring to when I use the word "Akuma", though.

Moa: Huh?

Allen: "AKUMA" is also the name of a weapon. Allen: A malignant6 living weapon designed for use against humanity. Allen: I refer to them.

♦ 33

Allen: They look just like ordinary people most of the time, so they can be quite difficult to spot....

sfx: BAN [door bangs open]

Moa & Allen: !!

Mark: Urgh... sfx: buru buru [Mark trembling] Mark: Unnghh....

Moa: Mark!? Moa: What's the matter?

♦ 34

Allen: AKUMA!

Mark: I'm Mark: I'm so Mark: hungry Mark: let me kill you—

Moa: What?

♦ 35

sfx: KIN [light bursting out as the human shell disintegrates]

Moa: Mark...?

sfx: kiiiiiiiii [high-pitched sound emitting from the Akuma]

♦ 36

Moa: What in the world.

♦ 37

sfx: DO DO DO DO DO DO [Akuma gunfire, blam blam blam]

sfx: bashu! [Allen & co. getting thrown through the wall out into open air]

♦ 38

sfx: gugigi... [bullet flying and suddenly stopping short] sfx: hyrurururu [all of them still soaring but without the ugly buzzing sound of the bullet] sfx: DOKAN [them breaking through the church wall on impact and sliding to a halt in the rubble]

sfx: DOOOON [the whompf of their impact heard several rooms away] sfx: garagara gara [clatter of wall-bits continuing to fall]

Inspector: Hrm?

Allen: Ouch. Allen: A— Are you all right, miss?

Moa: Mmph... Moa: Where are we...?

Allen: Across the road, in the church.... Allen: We really went flying.

sfx: juuu [bullet offgassing]

♦ 39

Moa: Wh— Moa: Did you catch that!?

Allen: Hands off. Allen: It's made of the Akuma's blood, Allen: which has a toxic virus built into it. Allen: They turn their bodies into guns to shoot these. Allen: If you're hit, the virus swiftly spreads throughout your body, until at last...

sfx: zu [pentacle stains blooming]

Allen: ...you shatter.

sfx: PAN [cat's body blows apart into dusty chunks]

♦ 40

Allen: Damn it all....

sfx: parara [crumbling]

Allen: I am so sorry I couldn't save you....

Moa: Wait, but what happened to Mark...?

Allen: Miss, Akuma wear the bodies of the dead in order to infiltrate society.

sfx: basa [rustle of Allen putting his coat over the cat's remains]

Allen: That was not your brother-in-law. Allen: It was the thing that killed him and has been hiding in his skin ever since: Allen: an Akuma.

♦ 41

Moa: It killed— Mark is dead!?

sfx: bah [yank]

Allen: Here it comes.

Inspector: Oi, you lot! What d'you think you're doing here, eh!?

Allen: !? Allen: Inspector!?

Inspector: Eugh, what is that?

♦ 42

Inspector: Looks dodgy, whatever it is! Fire!

sfx: chuin chuin [pwing pwing of bullets bouncing harmlessly of the Akuma's armoured skin] sfx: chuin [pwing]

Allen: Guns are useless, run for your lives!!

Moa: Don't—

sfx: DO DO DO DO [gunfire]

♦ 43

sfx: DO DO [blam blam]

sfx: PAN [all those bodies bursting apart at once]

Moa: Inspector... Moa: Everyone... Moa: You— You monster!! Why would you kill them? Moa: Why!?

Allen: There's no point asking it, miss.

♦ 44

Allen: It isn't that it wants to do these things... Allen: As a weapon, it's been programmed to pursue its own evolution.

Moa: So it's just a killing machine!!

Allen: No. Not quite. Allen: Akuma have souls installed7 within them, Allen: and those souls are ruled by their Maker. Allen: Anguished by the sins they're committing, repulsed by their new bodies, they come to profoundly resent this world. Allen: The "frustration" of the soul provides the energy driving an Akuma to evolve. Allen: This one, too, has such a soul installed.

♦ 45

Allen: A woman. Allen: She must have had a very deep bond with Mark, to have made him her skin.... Allen: The ingredients of an Akuma Allen: are one "device", one "soul", and one "tragedy". Allen: Everyone carries at least a little darkness within their heart. Allen: When a tragedy deepens that for someone, the Maker comes to them, and an Akuma is born.

♦ 46

Allen: Mark must have gone through something terrible, for the Maker to be drawn to him.

Moa: A "tragedy"....

Moa: Congratulations, Crea!

Crea: Thank you, Moa!

♦ 47

Moa: My sister and I were still young when we lost our parents. Moa: Father Mark always looked out for us and made sure we were all right. Moa: Eventually, he and Crea fell in love and were married.8 Moa: They seemed so happy.

Mark: I hear you're on the outs with Moa?

Crea: I really don't want her joining the police. Crea: I know she just wants to go after the burglars who murdered our parents.

♦ 48

Crea: God is spiteful, isn't he. Crea: I've set aside my own hatred to focus only on giving her a happy life, Crea: yet still He set her on this path....

Mark: Have faith, Crea. Mark: Revenge isn't what she's after at all. Mark: She only wants to keep us safe and happy all our days.

sfx: gusu [sob]

Mark: You and God have raised her together, haven't you?

sfx: buh [weight settling a fraction of an inch lower as the rope frays]

Mark: So have faith.

♦ 49

Mark: In Moa's heart, Mark: and in God's protection. Mark: He does not betray His faithful.

Crea: ... Crea: You're right. Crea: I will have faith.

sfx: buh [frayed rope finally lets go]

♦ 50

Mark: CREA!! Mark: How could you, Lord... Mark: Crea... Mark: Crea... Mark: CREA!!!

♦ 51

Moa: After the accident, Moa: he became sick at heart...

Mark: The Lord God stole my wife from me!! Mark: Is this what I get for trusting in Him!? Mark: Curse His name!!

Allen: A priest cursing the name of God... Allen: Yes, that must have been what drew him to Mark.

♦ 52

Allen: The Maker, I mean.

sfx: pyoko [flag pops out of pumpkin wand] flag: PRO BONO

Earl: Why, good evening. ♡ Earl: This here is a sorcerous body we've9 made. Any soul put into it will come back to life. ♡ Earl: Let us steal Crea back from your detestable God. ♡ Earl: We shall need your cooperation, of course. ♡ Earl: As someone deeply bound to Crea, we need your voice... Earl: ...in order to summon her soul back from the world beyond. ♡

♦ 53

sfx: vun [soul thundering down into body; interestingly, this is the same sound effect used whenever someone activates their Innocence] sfx: su— [hiss of the mechanism beginning to work]

Crea: M—

sfx: gigigi [mechanical jittering]

Crea: Mark... Crea: What have you done?

Mark: What?

Crea: How could you make me an Akuma!? Crea: I'm trapped! I can't get out!!

Earl: Ohoho~ ♡ You belong to us, now, Crea darling. ♡ Earl: And here are your orders: kill this man and don his skin. ♡

sfx: gashuh [Earl seizing Mark from behind to prevent him from running]

Crea: Nnnghh....

sfx: bi bi bi bi bi [body crackling as the sorcerous body — the "device" — forces the soul installed within it to obey]

♦ 54

sfx: bushuh [blood splatting as the sorcerous body begins shoving its way down Mark's throat]

Earl: Happy birthday to you~ ♫♪ Earl: Happy birthday to you~ ♫

sfx: goku borin baki goki [crunch crack slorp etc.]

Crea: Stop it! Crea: Please, stop!

Earl: Happy birthday, dear... ♪ Earl: Crea. sfx: chi—n [Earl taps triangle] Earl: There now, all done. ♡

♦ 55

Moa: You're not saying Moa: that's Crea... Moa: That thing is my sister!?

Allen: Thou divine cross that abidest within me, Allen: lend me thy strength, for to destroy the darkness.10

♦ 56 & 57

Allen: Thou pitiable Akuma, Allen: may thy soul find salvation.

♦ 58

sfx: gah [fingertips of Allen's transformed arm puncturing armour] sfx: DO [Allen's whole body thumping into the Akuma after his arm passes all clean through it]

Allen: I am sorry... you must be in pain, Allen: but I will ease your suffering now. Allen: If you're able, Miss Crea, Allen: please rest in peace.

♦ 59

sfx: BO [bwoom]

♦ 60

Crea: Thank you.... sfx: fuu [last bit of Crea dissipates]

Moa: I... wonder if they've found their way to God. Moa: My sister, Moa: and Mark.... Allen: I'm sure they must have....

sfx: gusu [sob]

♦ 61

Narration: The "Millennium Earl"; Narration: that is the name the Maker goes by. Narration: He now directs his Scenario, which will depict the end of humankind. Narration: Thwarting him is the duty of all Exorcists.

♦ 62

ALLEN WALKER

Nationality: English Height: 168cm | 5'6 Weight: 58kg | 128lbs Birthday: Unknown. 12/25 is the date he was adopted by his foster father Mana. Age: 15 (approximately)

Author's notes: I usually like my protagonists on the cheerful, rambunctious side, so god only knows where this kid came from. I originally based him on the main character of an earlier work of mine, "Zone," who was a long-haired girl, but since he's a boy I had to think hard about what might suit him better. In the end, I considered how things would look with his Order uniform coat, and wound up going with this. Wonder what's going through that little head today?

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FOOTNOTES

見入られた miirareta is a vague term that can mean anything from "entranced by", "enthralled by" to "possessed by". [ ♠ ]

在る aru is the inanimate form of "to be", implying that the Exorcists are not living creatures but objects. [ ♠ ]

The word "akuma" is written in at least three different ways throughout the text: "AKUMA" (romaji), アクマ (katakana), and 悪魔 (kanji). When written in kanji, it refers to the actual Japanese word for "demon". When written the other two ways, it refers to the Earl's Akuma, the creature specific to this manga. Moa is confused because she only understands the word "akuma" to mean "demon". Other characters will be confused the same way later on, so I'm opting for this to improve future clarity: AKUMA = AKUMA アクマ = Akuma 悪魔 = demon [ ♠ ]

Literally 経験値 keikenchi, experience points, the same EXP used in gaming vernacular. [ ♠ ]

Honourific: 義兄さん niisan. This is homophonous with the more common niisan that simply means "elder brother", but the extra kanji makes it "brother-in-law"; this is her sibling's husband. [ ♠ ]

悪性 akusei, which is specifically "malignant" in the cancerous sense, of something alive and eating away at its host body. [ ♠ ]

All the computer-y terms used during this conversation and later on — "programmed", "installed", "EXP", etc. — are deliberate and relevant. The Akuma are technology as much or more than they are magic, technology far beyond that of the rest of the world this story inhabits. [ ♠ ]

No, Anglican priests and nuns are not allowed to get married. I'd guess that the author hadn't put that much research into things yet, this being only the pilot episode and not guaranteed serialization. [ ♠ ]

The Earl's first-person pronoun of choice is 我輩 wagahai, "our company/group", which is considered equivalent to the majestic plural or "royal we" in English. This is very important to the plot later on, as the pronoun is one of the only ways to tell whether the person speaking is Mana or the Earl. [ ♠ ]

A note about Japanese grammar: when constructing a sentence in Japanese, the verb always comes at the very end. This means that if someone trails off or leaves out the end of a sentence, it renders the rest of the sentence ambiguous in a way that is mostly untranslatable to English, wherein the verb generally occurs earlier on. Leaving it out gives things a weighty, portentous feel, which goes well with all the Biblical themes and speech elements. In this example, Allen actually says "Thou divine cross that abidest within me, ____ strength for to destroy the darkness", with that blank happening at the end, but there's no natural way to phrase that in English. The same goes for "May thy soul ____ salvation", as well as "____ in peace" a bit later on. Whenever this comes up, I'll generally fill in the most likely candidate, but make note that I've done so, in case I turn out to be wrong. (PS: "for to" is not a typo, it's an archaic construction meaning "for the purpose of" or "with the intention of", ie "went down for to harvest the grain".) Also note that the verb I translated to "abide" is 宿る yadoru, which refers to something dwelling within something else, such as a parasite within its host or a fetus within its mother. To yadoru is to sit tight and bide one's time ("bide" being a version of "abide"), conserving one's resources until the opportune moment arrives. It's a very interesting choice of word. [ ♠ ]

MISC NOTES

Avid manga-readers will notice the absence of honourifics here. I made that (painful) choice because according to the author (see vol. 3 Q&A), all the characters in the story she's telling are originally speaking English, so she's "translating" it into Japanese for her audience. When localizing something into Japanese, one has to add honourifics to make things sound natural, but it wouldn't make much sense to keep them when undubbing the work back into English. That said, they do often convey a lot of context clues that can't easily be gotten across any other way, so I'll put in footnotes whenever we come across an interesting one.

#dgm #d.gray-man #d gray man #dgm translations #dgm meta #re.gray #this is a test to see how badly tumblr breaks everything if I copy/paste from AO3 #it seems to me you all might want to have the text here as well for more direct discussion #if it works #i'll post both here and on AO3 going forward #fingers crossed!#eta: it broke all the superscripts #but that seems to be the worst of it actually #this might be workable

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