wellthebardsdead

[wellthebardsdead]

Kaidan: okay let’s get moving.

Taliesin: wait, can’t leave him behind.

Kaidan: who?

Taliesin: *points at the table and marigold fast asleep with his head resting in his arms* sleeping beauty.

Kaidan: oh for divines sakes, petal wake up we got to get moving if we want to reach winterhold before nightfall. *nudges him gently* come on wake up.

Taliesin: let me try. *walks over and whispers in his ear* marigold wake up my wife will be home any minute now-

Marigold: *jolts awake and falls out of his chair* oh gods where’s my underwear?!

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Raphael: father, mother… this is my betrothed. *gestures to Tav*

Tav: Hi.

Mephistopheles: A. Mortal… there’ll be no devil left in your spawn…

Baalphegor: hm… I suppose they are rather amusing to look at.

*literally 10 minutes later*

Mephistopheles: Are you sure you want to marry my youngest? He’s only a half devil I have far more eligible children who’d be much more worthy of you than him.

Raphael: I-father!

Tav: yes I love him I want to be with him.

Mephistopheles: are you sure that tadpole didn’t take a chunk out of your brain?

Raphael: IT CERTAINLY DIDNT!!

Baalphegor: *pouring Tav tea* Oh hush dear- now tell me more about how Mizora ended up in that mind flayer pod? And don’t leave out Any details I want to rub it in before I have her skinned alive for pestering you and your little friends~

Tav: your parents are nice :3

Raphael: they like you more than me. >:(

#baalphegor forgotten realms #Mephistopheles forgotten realms #tav bg3 #Raphael bg3

[wellthebardsdead]

And now, the adventures of tiny Kar’niss, continued~ enjoy~

———

Tav: settling in okay?

Minthara: Your camp is comfortable compared to-

‘Hiss!’

Minthara: hm?

Tav: oh- uh- *pulls their shirt down revealing Kar’niss waving his toothpick of a sword in her direction*

Kar’niss: hiss!! Spider worshipping bitch! Hiss!

Tav: I’m so sorry he’s-

Minthara: *reaches into their shirt grabbing him gently and laying him flat on her palm as she seemingly starts peeling back his carapace*

Tav: wh-what are you doing?! You’re hurting him!

Minthara: He’ll be in a lot more pain if I don’t remove it- *pulls it off revealing it to be left over moult he couldn’t reach* there. Perhaps now he’ll be in better spirits.

Kar’niss: *blinks realising his back isn’t in pain anymore* hhhunnn??? *feels his back and trills as he tickles the sensitive shell* … *looks up at minthara before nervously hugging her hand looking very guilty about his behaviour* sorry…

Minthara: you’re forgiven. *pats his hair* to think I may be turned into a creature like him if I return home… Why is he so small though?

Tav: oh Gale hit him with a minimise spell and for some reason it’s not wearing off. At least it’s easier to travel with him like this and we can keep him comfortable until we find a cure for his curse.

Minthara: *now tickling his belly* indeed.

Kar’niss: *trilling and tippity tapping her fingers with his legs*

#Kar’niss #minthara bg3 #tav bg3

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Raphael: I think of myself as, the fox~

Tav: You, whine incessantly? Absolutely reek with an indescribable stench? scream while having sex?

Raphael: I?! You contemptuous little-

Haarlep: two of those things are true~

Raphael: IM GOING TO BEAT YOU IN THE FACE AND ASS!

#Raphael bg3 #haarlep bg3 #he actually smells like my favourite candy #cherries and sweet musk = pink musk #it tastes and smells like a sweet warm hug #it’s very popular here in Australia #the sulphur part though I could do without but needs must when the devil pisses in your boot

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*sighs and hits reblog* I can’t escape him. He’s got me. I want his Denis.

[wellthebardsdead]

𝙃𝙚 𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙨. 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚? 𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙀𝙢𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙤𝙧?

[wellthebardsdead]

𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑? 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙 - 𝑓𝑎𝑟 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑡.

[wellthebardsdead]

Astarion: the devil shows up wherever he pleases, in an outhouse, an old pair of boots, my own bedroll, the gods damned egg carton even!

Tav: I doubt he’d turn up there.

*literally 10 minutes later*

Astarion: *his turn to cook dinner, picks up an egg only to see Raphael’s face staring back at him*

Devilled egg: Hello~

Astarion: *high pitched screaming as he hurls the egg across camp*

Devilled egg: *cracks open upon impact and a tiny Raphael steps out of it and leans on the shell* A good evening to you too~

#devilled egg #Raphael bg3

[wellthebardsdead]

Also left cheek, right cheek, chin and Larian Studios on the throat this man is using every ounce of strength to not burst into complete and utter laughter.

He is holding his composure together by a thread.

POV the last piece of your grand evil scheme walks into the room for the first time and they have ‘forehead’ tattooed on their forehead

[wellthebardsdead]

Poor Athis just said it out of reflex too 😭😂 when he wakes up and everything’s explained he’s just like “I won’t say it again just don’t hit me again”

Poor Vivi and Sterenwould be the most protected dunmer in skyrim after the companion hears their story 😭

Vivienne: *getting dressed, quietly wrapping his scarf around his shoulders and pulling it over his hair to conceal his face*

Steren: *gently grabs hold of it and pulls it back* you don’t have to do that anymore… we’re safe here Vivi…

Vivienne: …Okay. *smiles and pulls it back*

*literally 30 minutes later*

Vivienne: *walks into jorrvaskr with steren to look for work*

Athis: *drops his sword* Vivec?!

Vivienne: *grabs sterens cape and hides beneath it*

Steren: oops.

[wellthebardsdead]

Jasmin Darnell

[wellthebardsdead]

Vivienne: *getting dressed, quietly wrapping his scarf around his shoulders and pulling it over his hair to conceal his face*

Steren: *gently grabs hold of it and pulls it back* you don’t have to do that anymore… we’re safe here Vivi…

Vivienne: …Okay. *smiles and pulls it back*

*literally 30 minutes later*

Vivienne: *walks into jorrvaskr with steren to look for work*

Athis: *drops his sword* Vivec?!

Vivienne: *grabs sterens cape and hides beneath it*

Steren: oops.

#vivienne dragonborn #steren nerevarine #skyrim

[wellthebardsdead]

Haarlep: Go on Raphael, they already know you can’t hide anything from me~ tell them the truth…

Raphael: you vile creature… *huffs and turns to face Tav* I- I care about you. There. I said it… and I taste bile rising in the back of my throat just uttering that alone.

Tav: feelings of affection frighten you, and that’s okay-

Raphael: No it’s not… I look at you and an indescribable rage overtakes me because of these- Feelings. *huffs* Just Admitting them leaves me feeling vulnerable, enraged… helpless.

Tav: do you think that by admitting to them that you’re giving me some form of power over you?

Raphael: I’m not giving it… You already have it… when I look at you… all I want is you. To be wanted by you and… it sickens me.

Tav: …I love you.

Raphael: … *human form giving way to wings and horns as his eyes burn like fire against his red skin, his footsteps quick and precise like a predator ready to disembowel its prey, his heavy footfalls stopping just before them as he looms over their smaller frame and flares open his wings, his tail raised and fangs bared in a snarl* …Say it again…

Tav: … *reaches their arms up around his shoulders, pulling him down and into a gentle hug as they stroke his hair and rub the base of his wings* I love you…

Raphael: … *drops down to his knees and hugs them around the waist* …Please don’t leave me…

Tav: I won’t… *continues patting his hair* I love you…

Haarlep: … *smiles softly* they’re telling the truth.

Raphael: … *squeezes Tav around the waist tighter*

#raphael bg3 #haarlep bg3 #tav bg3

[wellthebardsdead]

As long as I breathe this motherfucker will not know an ounce of peace

[wellthebardsdead]

Oh yeah I'm gonna be So Normal about this.

[wellthebardsdead]

Same energy

#shadowheart bg3 #bg3 shart

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Voss: please you must accept the devils offer we-

Tav: it’s alright, wait for us downstairs.

Voss: *looks at them, then at Raphael, then at lae’zel*

Lae’zel: listen to them Kithrak, you can trust them.

Voss: *nods* very well… I will await you downstairs. *walks out*

Raphael: I’m glad to see you’ve made i-

*squeak!*

Minsc: I? Boo? You know this man??

Raphael: boo?

Boo: *scurry’s down minsc’s arm and leaps from him onto Raphael’s awaiting palm, before scurrying up to his shoulder* squeak!

Raphael: I- well yes I know that-

Boo: squeak!

Raphael: yes and I’m greatful for th-

Boo: squeak! Squeak!

Raphael: I?! You can’t be serious! Let’s be reasonable here my furry friend-

Boo: SQUEAK!!

Raphael: Ugh! Fine! Take the damned thing! *summons the hammer dropping it at tavs feet*

Boo: squeak.

Raphael: what about her?! I know I owe you more than a few favours but-

Boo: *grabs his face* …

Raphael: *visibly nervous* …I’ll release her.

Boo: squeak.

Raphael: …And apologise.

*a few minutes later*

Astarion: I would. Like to thoroughly and sincerely apologise to boo… I don’t want to know what that hamster is capable of.

Minsc: a wise choice! Boo is the most mighty and powerful hamster in all the realms! And he accepts your apology.

Boo: squeak!

Tav: who was it he asked Raphael to release by the way?

*meanwhile in the house of hope*

Korrilla: I don’t want to end my contract with Raphael, he’s a great boss and he gives me what I want when I want it Hope!

Hope: ughhh if you won’t leave then I’ll stay here. He’s not allowed to hurt me anymore so I guess I’ll forgive him. He seems to be suffering enough as is-

Raphael: *bawling his eyes out into his pillow because his plans all got undone by a hamster* ITS NOT FAAAAAIR!!!

Haarlep: *patting his hair* there there~

#minsc bg3 #minsc and boo #boo bg3 #Tav bg3 #raphael bg3 #hope bg3 #Korrilla bg3 #astarion bg3 #lae’zel bg3 #haarlep bg3 #kithrak voss #yea this is based on the stream #boo on the devils shoulder #their friends your honour