#meaning it's even harder to find them

[waterfallofspace]

Sooo~ Here's a little practice I did for S/atoSugu voices~

It's definitely a first try, and I'm honestly more anxious than normal about sharing/posting it since I haven't seen any (!?) G/ojo or G/eto wavs on here, soooo my own internal bar is their actual voices, whiiich is difficult (impossible) to meet.

But as long as I clarify this is practice for getting their tones/speech patterns better, (and figuring out what pitch to set my voice at ToT) then I think it'll be okay that I posted something not up to my own standard..? maaaybe?~

Either way, I scripted, recorded, and edited this today, so I'm throwing it out into the void and whatever happens happens! (big thank you to @veersnz for basically 'shut up and allow yourself to be imperfect'ing me, I needed it <333)

#waterfallwav #still a wav even though it's just practice~ #I have ~ideas~ for them but to do so I need to get their tones/inflections down better #I think... part of the reason it feels so hard is that I adore G/ojo's tones/way of speaking so much? #Also just he has this sort of playful freedom that I find a biiit hard to copy #taunting/teasing which I do too naturally #so it's harder for me to do it the way HE would and not the way I would i think?? #also just... not having seen anyone else attempt them leaves it feeling more vulnerable~ #like I have to match the ACTUAL voices- not just do a good mimic in my own voice #either way I'm throwing this and scurrying away and hoping the fact it's practice means it'll be alright ToT #snzaudio #snzwav

[sysig]

Experimentation (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Sans #Papyrus #Continuing the theme of memories and what Gaster ruined for them haha #He doesn't even have to be here and he's making their lives harder! Par for the course #Lots of things have the potential to trigger their memories - a familiar smell or a food they recognize #But there were so many things they never experienced and sifting between them is very difficult! #Especially considering most of what they ''remember'' is actually just their Reaction to Something - like the smoke smell making them tense #Sans here getting a Reaction for sure tho - being questioned and experimented on does Not feel good #It's Papyrus doing it so that's one thing but even still - not having fun with this #Papyrus is so curious! He wants to know! He always seems to be a bit left out on finding things out haha #Sans being the more science-minded of the two probably has an impact there - ask your brother he'll help figure it out #Unless he really doesn't want to because it feels weird please stop (lol) #Still tho being asked to eat things as an experiment? ''oh hey bro maybe going to grillby's will remind me of something'' ''SANS'' lol #Papyrus didn't mean anything by continuing to ask questions he's just curious! #Sans goes to write down the results and then feels Even Worse so scribbles them out #''don't tell me what to do!'' directed nowhere in particular #Tries really hard to put it out of him mind A Lot #This remembering business sure is uncomfortable! #Look what you did Gaster you took a perfectly fun data-gathering session and turned it into something they'll need therapy for!

[good-beanswrites]

I wanted to bring up a silly ship idea. Just for fun.

03, 06, 09, 10

Was this before Kotoko attacked them? After? I dunno.

Thoughts?

YES the cringefail 20yo polycule 👏👏👏 Thank you for the request! I've seen a lot about the individual pairs, so it was really fun to think about all their dynamics together! I have a set of hcs that could work in the current canon Milgram, and then a normal au set because it's so fun thinking about them :3

Milgram-focused

The I’m-a-loner-who’s-doing-it-for-justice-don’t-TOUCH-me pair finally meet their match when confronted with the I-loved-someone-so-much-and-don’t-plan-on-stopping pair. They all go into the relationship with grand ideas of love: they think it’s all heroic acts of saving, massive gestures or love, and dramatic confessions. Over time, they realize the real heroism/romance is in the little things. 

Mahiru has her hands full with three people who neglect themselves for the sake of their work/interests, but she always loves feeding them and helping give them what they need. In turn, they can give her more affection and attention than she could ever ask for. They make sure someone is always around to spend time with her.

Each of the three is a perfect match for dealing with John’s reveal. Mahiru is calming and helps tone down Mikoto’s initial stress. Fuuta is honest and will help Mikoto finally confront his own situation and move forward. And since Kotoko can match his strength, Mikoto doesn’t need to be afraid of accidentally hurting anyone. Mikoto becomes less stressed with the overall situation as well as more accepting of himself/John.

I always love the idea that Fuuta is secretly starstruck by Kotoko and John’s strength. He’ll never admit how much he admires their ability to stand up and fight. He feels really safe around them. He’s glad to have the opportunity to fight for someone else, too – he likes to be Mahiru’s self-proclaimed protector and hero. (Even though most of the time she can stand up for herself, she still likes letting him take care of her.)

Kotoko’s experiences let her hold solid conversations with everyone. She’s similar enough to Fuuta where they share some interests (social issues, schooling, etc.) She understands hard work and burnout to earn Mikoto’s respect. She understands physical strength to earn John’s. She has a lot of people-knowledge, so she can gossip and talk about Tokyo life to Mahiru (Mappi’s doing most of the ‘gossiping,’ but Kotoko has solid additions). She's a good listener and has a good memory, so everyone feels heard by her.

They start to rub off on each other. Mahiru and Mikoto learn to be a bit tougher in standing up for herself. Fuuta, John, and Kotoko learn to take a breath before jumping right to violence. They stay very much who they are, but pick up on just a few habits that make their lives easier.

Their styles also influence one another: Fuuta gets pointers from all three about piercing his ears (though it takes him a long time to get up the nerve to do it). Mahiru helps the others dress more trendy and boost their confidence, and they teach her to worry less about her appearance and relax more. 

If they get together T1, Kotoko is shocked by the T1 verdicts. She might pull away from everyone in initial horror, but after developing a relationship ahead of time, she doesn’t follow through with her attacks. If not, then maybe in T3 when Kotoko is suffering from her guilty verdict, Mahiru and Mikoto are able to bridge the gap and develop a friendship, leading to more. Fuuta would take longer to come around, but I think seeing Kotoko got through the same pain as him, his hero instincts would kick in and he’d gradually help. 

Normal-au

Mahiru once again tries out her lovers’ interests, and gets a bunch of new hobbies. Fuuta teaches her to game, she works out with Kotoko, and she tries out photography with Mikoto. She becomes close with Fuuta’s beautician sister, and enjoys bonding over fashion and hair. She helps redye Mikoto’s hair, and give the other two pointers on style now and then. When going to nicer events, she and Mikoto have to step in and stop the others from their sneaker/hoodie combos. As the only one with a license, she’s the designated driver at all events, but doesn’t mind. 

Fuuta uses his tech skills to set up social media accounts for the others. He helps Mahiru network her flower shop, fighting anyone who leaves a bad comment/review. He helps set up a complex online portfolio for Mikoto. He and Kotoko still have a passion for justice, and he becomes the tech brains behind her vigilante operations (very Ron Stoppable - Kim Possible) It’s not necessarily healthy growth, but they’re happy with it lmao

Mikoto is the only full-time worker, the others are all still in university, and he makes sure to keep them all on track. He knows the most efficient tricks and cheats about getting papers done, pulling all-nighters, and cramming before an exam. The others have learned to spot when he’s burning himself out for others, and will stop him when he tries to take on too much. They’ll take care of him and force him to rest. While he can still get into a bit of trouble, John learns to call them first and get some help. 

Kotoko has trained herself to find people and information easily to catch criminals, but she finds use for it in much more mundane ways – she tracks down clients for Mahiru, snoops around Mikoto’s company to make sure he’s being treated right, and keeps an eye out for the people Fuuta is calling out and/or hanging out with. She goes on runs with Mahiru, and bike rides with Mikoto. Fuuta tags along sometimes to strengthen his legs for soccer. 

There’s definitely potential for them all to have their murders pre- or mid- relationship, and they help one another improve themselves and heal. I’m also a sucker for the relationship itself to cause them to change their ways and narrowly avoid the murder in the first place. (For the latter, Mahiru would ironically be the last to join the relationship, since she’d still be with her bf until the other three inspire her to break it off with him gently.)

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #mahiru shiina #mikoto kayano #john milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #you got a peek at some in the first set but i cleaned them up and finally finished the second set >:3 #thank you for waiting asdfdsf these were really fun to think about :D #im loving the image of the four workout buddies asdfdsf #and id imagine their home is filled with photos as mikoto and mappi take a bunch of everyone :') #even in milgram i can see them snapping lots of shots #i know its harder to swing a post-attack relationship but i do think its possible given how intense everything is #just as prisoners were friends one day in t1 and enemies the next in t2 i think things can change fast #and yeah... im so sappy over them all picturing these massive gestures of love: #beating someone up to protect their lover - gifting them something elaborate - saving them from a burning building - planning an exotic dat #and instead they find that preparing a meal after a long day means the world to them #getting up early to workout and keep them company is huge #remembering little details about them and their interests changes their lives #<333 #OUGH now i just want them to be happy ;---; #headcanon time milgram

[camellcat]

thinking about angel!Liam just absolutely fucking decking demon!Theo

Liam is, at first, completely horrified, right? like, oh, dear heavens, he just punched someone! that's not very holy of him! ...but also, Theo is a demon... surely he's just... acting within his angelic duties... to thwart demon wiles... yeah...?

and Theo cannot decide whether to laugh his ass off because he just got an angel to punch someone or start panicking that maybe he's pushed Liam too far and he'll be discoperated or smth. which ofc he won't be bc Liam (as much as he loath to admit it) does not hate Theo, but they are not at the stage in which Theo is certain of that!!

but once Theo gets him back it (dreadfully, in Liam's opinion, and cruelly giddily in Theo's) becomes a Thing.

#oh yeah that's right Liam threw the first punch #Theo talked big game but never actually put his hands on the angel for fear of being smited(? smut? smitten.) #Liam? Liam tried very very hard to talk no game and then came out swinging (literally) #and Theo was absolutely overjoyed to take advantage of that #they both have caused their fair share of bloody noses #only one has to hide it and the other gets to revel in tempting an angel to such a petty violence #at first it starts off as Theo egging Liam into fights so he can sock the stupid angel #but when Liam starts getting attention from Upstairs after a few centuries of this back and forth they've got going on #Theo quickly tries to spin it into something positive for the both of them (thinking of 6x16. you are too. we all are) #forces him to realize he in fact does not want to lose his only... whatever Liam is to him #I think Liam would warm up to Theo first even if he will not say it #Liam fell first Theo fell harder blah blah blah such and such and the likes #being creative is exhausting sheeesh can someone make my au for me LOL #anyways this was another exercise in “I wanted to draw this but the drawing was refusing to happen so here it is in words instead” #thiam #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf #good omens #so sorry go people but I need to find this later and it IS a go crossover au so... I mean it counts... I think

[jrueships]

wish there was a way i could just automatically block people complaining about their sports bets associated with the player im searching up on Twitter bcs idgaf

#WAHHH I BETTED ON JABA REBOUNDS AND #jaba is a fucking twink #do u srsly think he wouldve beaten like fuckin ZION #just cus he had a great game last time or whatever doesnt mean shit this game bcs why are we expecting consistency from the growing pain era #or if the matchup sounded good on paper but ppl didnt do research like that player was actually considering sitting out due to illness #but kept playing bcs he didnt wanna disappoint yall #and all anyone could care abt was not getting their money's worth on him like wtf #it's like empathy is getting harder and harder to find now #it's all abt consumerism and product and pay #when i search up jaren im looking for cute pics and funny moments #what the fuck is a parlay bitch get tf away from me #and yes i could mute those words but the fact that theres so many of them is insane like #can u even get all the variations #shits so annoying I HATE SPORTS BETTING!!!!!!!

[coquelicoq]

one important thing about work emails is that whoever you send them to can forward them to anyone else, or reply to you and copy other people. so if you're going to talk about a third party in your email, only say things you would be okay with the third party reading. because people can and will just suddenly CC brand new people on a long email chain, who will then be able to backread anything you've ever said in any of your previous responses that you were sending to only one person. word to the wise.

#i mention this because this just happened to me today BUT it was fine because i already do this #i was writing to client A and mentioned client B who has been making both of our lives harder #but because it's my policy never to trash talk one client to another client (they all know each other btw) #(and some of them are contractors for others of them) #the thing that i said about client B was not something i had to then regret a few days later #when client A for some fucking reason CC'd client B in her response to me #i worded it like 'i'm sorry this has been so hectic and last-minute. it took me a while to understand what client B wanted.' #which has the virtue of being true and also not denigrating client B in any way even though what i meant was #'client B has been so confusing in everything he has said to me that i couldn't give you any advance warning' #but i didn't SAY that. so we're golden #the thing is you will be SO tempted SO often to tell someone that something is a third party's fault #because it will often be a third party's fault!!!!! but you must resist every time. especially in writing #<-this is not universal advice bc sometimes you need to stand up for yourself or whatever. i just mean in venting situations #no venting to clients about other clients. sometimes you need to vent with them in order to build rapport and get them to see you as #an ally rather than an obstacle but you cannot vent ABOUT other people. they can do it but you can't. you have to find other things #to vent about #my posts

[snugglyporos]

Confused poro chitters! Is pretty sure this is not human language? Is very strange. Not sure what all these squiggles mean! seems very odd to poros.

#absolutely dying laughing whenever I get one of these like #some people really hate them I find them hilarious #like what do these shorthand things even mean??? #why are there random extra letters #back in my day they tried harder! #also laughing at the idea of someone like handing a poro an ad like this

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[icewindandboringhorror]

I found socks with my favorite flowers on them (nasturtiums!), but they literally don't match anything I own, so making an outfit with them is difficult.. just all black with the bright shoes and a random stuffed animal for accents lol

#self #ootd #still unsure if I should do the like.. 'saying where stuff is from' section at the end of outfit posts like I think it's popular to do #but it just feels repetitive because basically for everything is just 'it's all thrifted' occasional 'shoes from ebay 10 years ago so I don #t remember the seller' or 'socks from a random sock store in the mall 2 years ago' etc. #even the stuffed animal is from the bins lol #Shoes and tights and wigs are the only things that it tends to be harder to get from the bins. Though I still find some #except wigs. I wouldn't really wear Bin Wigs since half the bins have like mysterious wet stuff and mold in them or etc. #I've gotten some shoes and stuff there though. But most of my shoes are from online. It's just that theyre also not from #like.. brands..?? Like 'converse' or something. It's more.. some random ebay seller in 2017 or something #so then that feels weird too because I thought the point of that being popular is so people can go find the things you're wearing and #buy them or whatever. but in my case that would never be helpful ghjbjk #since I also keep things so long. I have shoes and stuff Ive had since elementary school #good luck tracking down where I got these tights on ebay in 2011. good luck going to the bins or a thriftstore and finding the same #exact dress or etc. So then in that case does it even matter?? eh #The only sense I could see it being useful in is like. people seeing that they could make looks without spending a lot of money. #since I have had some comments on costumes or makeups before like 'omg I would love to look like this if I had the $$ for clothes *sad emo #ji*' or whatever. and I always want to message them and be like.. this entire outfit cost like $2.. you can do it. Don't get discouraged #I mean depending on the resources available to you. I know not everyone has a bins type place near the #m. but still. and all of my makeup and wigs are cheap as hell. Probably full of terrible chemicals. but I wear them like. once every 5 mont #hs or less since I dont do full costumes that often so hopefully wont get an infection or something. etc. etc. #ANYWAY. I could see it being useful I guess in just letting people know most of everything is secondhand #if that's meaningful to them for some reason. but also I feel like thats obvious since I talk about it. so #still just seems repetitive to me. ANYWAY. Love nasturtiums... aaaaaa... even though it's not my colors at all and I never #wear black or anything that would match them #I had to do it. I also normally would never ever pay $12 for socks but.. it's SO specific to my tastes and I had never seen anything #with nasturtiums on it before since they dont seem as popular as like roses or sunflowers. One of my once every 2 years #impulse buys at a mall ghjhjb.. (I never go to malls and also just rarely buy stuff in general since I'm evil miserly penny pincher etc.) #Kind of like how once a year I allow myself to have one steak from a restaurant or something but that's all. Once every few years #I will go to a large mall at a not busy time of day so I can avoid crowds. just to look around for fun. and will maybe buy like. One thing

[asleepinawell]

this little quest chain was one of my favorites in ew because of the perspective it gave into the ancients, a very different one from what little we get from emet and hermes. there’s pretty ample proof that their society was not in any way perfect and was actually really deeply flawed to the core, but this is a look at people, individuals, and ones outside of the main bunch we talk to

put in a read more to spare your dashes

they go to speed up the aether dispersal of some creations (animals) that were killed and they call the deaths distressing and want to find a way to pay respects to the fallen and bring peace to their souls. at the wol’s suggestion they gather flowers for the dead. and they say what amounts to a prayer over the bodies. it’s so very very different from how hermes believes everyone feels and how hythlodaeus spoke of ‘returning to the star’ being beautiful (though even hythlodaeus said a brief prayer for the first boss in ktisis hyberboreia)

and yes, they still talk about life and death in terms of ‘purpose’ and this is no way refutes the callousness towards other lives we’ve seen some of the ancients display in elpis, but my personal take is that it shows that some of them at least understood on some level that there were important things missing in their culture that they needed. even if they didn’t fully grasp why, they were searching for these missing pieces. in this case, a way to process grief and acknowledge the worth of a life, even a non-human life. and they also actively ask for the new ideas the wol presents and talk about incorporating them into their lives and duties

there’s also a ton of little side quests in elpis that involve one person asking you to find or check on another person, or to carry a message to them. there’s so many people who care about each other and are just absolutely godawful at expressing it in person and need the poor wol to act as an intermediary (this happens in present day as well but it was just every 5 seconds in elpis)

there’s one striking one where one person asks you to bring a second person a message about how that second person’s concept was approved and succeeding (I forget the exact details) in the hopes that it would dissuade them from returning to the star. it didn’t dissuade them and the first person accepted that pretty calmly, but the thought was there. there was this hope that they could keep someone they cared about around longer even if the argument they tried to use to persuade them came back to that grim ideology about ‘purpose’. they lacked the framework to think about it another way, but they still tried

it’s definitely a stark contrast from the shade amaurotines we saw in shb (assuming for the sake of argument that they were accurate depictions and not biased by emet which is a big assumption), especially the ones who turned the topic of ‘should we save the lives of others on the planet or just focus on ourselves’ into a casual debate topic as a pastime. there are really terrible ways of thinking about the world that have been ingrained into the population presumably from birth. that’s not something that can easily be changed. but it could be changed. the potential was there

at a societal level the ancient world was terrible in so many ways, and ultimately doomed if it couldn’t change, but at an individual level the people had so much potential and at least some of them were trying their best to make sense of the things their society denied them and adapt their lives

my personal takeaway from all this (which is just a headcanon aka an opinion and i’m not trying to sell as canon), was that if their society could have been changed then the ancients had the potential to have produced people who could have faced meteion. i’m leaving aside the questions of the timeframe and zodiark tempering everyone because that’s not my point. my point is that the ancients weren’t inherently unable to be who was needed to save their world. the density of their aether making them unable to interact with dynamis is highly symbolic of the flaws of their society, of course, but that shouldn’t have stopped them from talking to meteion, from showing compassion and understanding and hope in the face of despair

i’m not trying to take any jabs about any characters’ decisions in the story because the actual situation they were in was extremely complicated (like hey zodiark tempering people!) and that would also miss my point. mostly i’m just saying this makes the fate of their people even more depressing. they were an entire race of people who had all the potential that the sundered humans do despite being stuck in a shit society that happened to be shit in the exact way that made dealing with meteion and the final days a seemingly insurmountable task. their near-immortality and creation powers made it even harder for them to really understand the problem, but not impossible. they had the raw potential and lacked the tools to use it to save themselves. it’s just really damned sad

#hello i just finished up elpis in my replay and i am big sad about it #panda gives us more time with some of their world but i don't wanna go into panda spoilers in this post #ffxiv #ffxivmp #mp #i mean emet is such an obvious example of this too #though in the complicated way that he was predisposed to not quite fit in and it made him cling even harder to the fallacy #i remember thinking that a big difference between emet and herms is emet had emotional support in the form of azem and hyth #but there's that short story that showed hermes had people who tried to support him #he just isolated himself #like cranky socially awkward introvert emet still managed to find the friendship he needed #which was great until he lost it and couldn't cope and doubled down on clinging desperately to all the wrong things #i would never excuse emet for what he became but god i feel awful for the man he once was #(still want to bully him tho) #this entire post is also the thesis for my fic series lol #like what if some of the ancients (hyth in hades) were shown the flaws in their world in a way they couldn't refute #and given a chance and the time needed to change #the reason i made the assumption wrt the shade amaurotines is because i thought of them as a game device #being used to show the player about amaurot and its culture #rather than a statement about emet

[hella1975]

choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her

#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me #and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front #always always bowl me over #like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time #like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that #when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair #but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard #so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment? #and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's #even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with #bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc #i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum #BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart #like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me #it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE #and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry #and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls #that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good #and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her #that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension #and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone #but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her #i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me #but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her #girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH #hella goes home

[the-darklings]

"if he ever does this to you again, I'll kill him" HULLO??? THIS BEING ON CORI/WANDERER PINTEREST BOARD IS MAKING ME FERAL (also adored Part X ur so talented omg bye Iloveyou)

oh yeah, forgot to mention this.

Cori/Wanderer have their own section now.

#it was so hard to find pins for their dynamic. it’s so niche. but also making it inclusive? even harder. #if any poc readers come across any poc friendly pins for them pls send them (even if on anon) so I can save/edit them #i mean pins that fit but aren’t outright romantic or sexual? harder than you might think. so just take these more so as ‘visual’ inspo #rather than outright ‘this is how wanderer looks’ #this is annoying me lmaooo can you tell? sjdjdjkckd #asks #fic: today i bury you in me #corinthian & wanderer #(also yes that pin is the vibe lmao I mean he won’t but also 👁 the intent is there)

[revolutionarysuicide]

always strongly considering complaining about all the related but separate times the nhs has either literally forced a treatment on me against my consent, or strongly pressured me into consenting to a treatment I'd already explicitly said I didn't want, but I'm always worried that if I complain about these things the complaint will just be used to withhold treatment I actually do both consent to and actively want

#including a medically unnecessary surgery they talked me into having when I was 17 that's going to make trans surgeries and medical #transition in general a lot harder and which also left huge scars on me and has had a bunch of other adverse effects #I was gonna call them ugly scars but I felt that might be mean to people with big scars. ig I probably wouldn't find them so ugly if they #weren't a constant unavoidable reminder of my medical trauma maybe 🤷‍♀️ #also nobody say that my complaint would not be used against me. you don't know the context 👍 #also if I told the nhs I never consented to [redacted] they'd probably take me off it which is reasonable but then I'd need [redacted] #instead which they're probably not gonna give me so my health would just deteriorate even more in absence of both

[ehlnofay]

I need to write two characters with the most unhinged enmeshed nonromantic relationship imaginable. and I need to do it right now

#I LIKE being aromantic. is the thing #it rules it kicks ass etc all you dumbasses are faffing around worrying about kissing when you could be looking at pictures of fish #or literally anything else #I'm right about this. everyone else is fussed about nothing #HOWEVER. it is a tad bit lonely. when it feels like everyone else in the world is worrying about kissing #and there I am. looking at pictures of cool fish on my own #I'm saying it kind of jokily but like... genuinely it's rough out here sometimes!! #I see my dear friends being happy in relationships and I am happy for them but it's. #you know. there's a bit of an edge to it. there's this feeling that people don't value the way that I love - even though I surround myself #with lovely people and I know that's not true - and it's hard not to feel like one day I will be left behind #I'm getting a bit older and it's getting harder to work with peoples' schedules and I'm scared for what it means for ten years from now #everyone will find people who are more important to them than me. and I will still be looking at the pictures of fish #and then I go to my little books and shows and all manner of stories and ALL OF THESE GUYS ARE FUSSED ABOUT KISSING TOO #and it's like goddamn can't a bitch catch a break #can't a bitch see people caring for each other in a way he can understand #romance is sweet and all sometimes. I don't despise it. but fucking hell if it isn't oversaturated as shit!!!! #enough!!!!! we've seen enough of this!!!! if I don't right now think of seven different platonic ways #for people to be profoundly important to one another. that are also kind of fucked up but like in a delightful way #I am going to FLIP MY LID #anyway google the barreleye fish right now. it's a cool ass fish #fay complains

[gender-euphowrya]

i know our fatphobic cultures have deepfried and glassblown people's brains but it always boggles my mind when a fat person is fatphobic ??? what are you doing

#i mean like #your overweight aunt telling her daughter who's slimmer than her to lose weight #fat middle-aged women in the street making a face at a young fat girl in a crop top #people saying stuff like ''she could look so much better if...'' while being fatter than the person they're talking about #couples of equivalent sizes turning each other's weight into a punchline #like. this isn't something that makes my life any harder so as annoying as it is i don't feel the need to address it #but nobody in my family seems to get that I Do Not Care what weight i am #i've put on weight over the last year or so and when i say it's not an issue to me #my mom & grandma just act like... it should be ??? like i should be feeling awful and beating myself up over it ???? #shouldn't you be GLAD that i'm not ? that i'm not stuffing myself with celery and then puking it up ? #that i'm feeling comfortable ? that i'm not depressed over it ? that i think i look just fine ?? #meanwhile mom's way heavier than me and used to be even more before she had An Entire Surgery to lose weight #i mean. both my parents were fat. it's genetics. i'm never gonna be stick thin. i do not care ??? #i'm gonna look like harvey guillen jack black matt berry y'know ?? all men people find attractive ?? what's there to worry about #AND EVEN THEN. even if we lived in a nightmare world where people had shit taste and found them ugly #still wouldn't make it a problem ? idgaf what people think of my appearance ?? i'm vibing

[coquelicoq]

I don't know if it's rude to ask, so apologies in advance if I sound mean, but… how come you repeatedly bring up old posts of yours from three or more years ago? Do you remember each original post you make and intentionally bring them back? Like, I don't think there's anything wrong, your blog can be whatever you want, obviously, and your stuff is always funny or curious in some way, just… I'm kind of lost as of how it came to be, I guess? I don't think I remember my own posts after 6 months, much least if I have to go back to 2020!

ahaha no it's usually just because i'm going back through a tag looking for something else! i recently went back through my entire "my posts" tag (which contains...1468 posts, dear lord) and while i was doing that saw several posts that i felt like reblogging for whatever reason. so it's usually not that i remember them and go looking for them on purpose, it's that i come across them incidentally in the course of doing something else.

if you want to know why i reblog them after coming across them, 1) usually i don't! you are seeing the tip of the iceberg lol, and 2) it's mostly because it's hard to resist the "sooo true, bestie" urge, even when the bestie is just...yourself.

#sometimes...things that are written by me...are things i agree with #but oftentimes they are not once a few years have passed lol. i mean i just looked at 1468 posts by yours truly #and queued probably 1% of them #oh i also went through my asks tag which was another 500 or so posts #if you want to know why i'm putting myself through this it's for a really ridiculous reason #namely: several nights ago i had insomnia brought on by (get this) being too excited to sleep because my brain wouldn't stop #coming up with crosslinguistic french/english puns #and a couple of them in particular i was like oh god this would be a great tumblr username! #however as i've said before i had no plans to ever change my username (even though i don't like it) #because doing so would break any links that contain my current username #i had resigned myself to just living with this username forever. but once i thought of some usernames i actually like #it became harder to resist the urge to change it... #so now i have this convoluted plan to try to identify and tag as many of the links as i can #so that after i switch names i can go back and fix the links #however i'm not sure how feasible this is. there are a lot of links #and no matter what i do short of going through all 45k posts on this blog i will be bound to miss some of them anyway #(i think getting a domain would solve this problem but i don't wanna get a domain bc i'd have to give wordpress my legal name) #indecisive superhero meme w the buttons 'the need to have punny username' vs. 'the need to be able to find things on my blog' #asks #anon #actually anon probably the majority of the time i rb something i wrote 3 years ago it's bc i forgot about it #i come across it and am like oh yeah! this! and it's like a brand new discovery so i put it back on the dash lol #anyway thanks for your ask! i got a kick out of it 😂