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kirishoshego · 3 years

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Confidental Composition//Bakugo

!!!MINORS DNI!!! 18+ONLY !!!

This is the first part of my little 'Teachers Pet Series' (I will add the link once I got all parts covered and the right ideas).

Summary: A simple task fucked up late at night as you send the wrong version of a piece of homework to your English literature teacher Mister Bakugo. Of course, he would want to see you after class the next day. But not for the reasons you might think. Pairing: Docent!Bakugo x afab!student!y/n // Words: 4.2k+ Side note: Insert a friend or random name you want for X :)

TW: nsfw: slow burn (sorry), spanking with a ruler, hair pulling, being bend over a desk, calling him sir, spitting, choking, dirty talk, degrading, slight praise

„Write an essay about the worst description of a woman or coitus. In the essay, explain why it is bad and then rewrite it. At least 30 pages, max. 60 pages (sources and any other extras you please to include, excluded). Due Date: 8 weeks from now on, 35% worth of your end grade. Questions can be asked per E-Mail, or, if you must, I’m free every Wednesday afternoon for meetings strictly for this essay and this essay only.“

A sigh left your lips as you starred at the piece of paper for the tenth time today ever since he handed it out to you and your classmates. The options you had were endless, you knew so many bad pieces about both topics and could write more than 100 pages about them as well. Everyone in class you talked to had decided on their topic already, some were even further. It was X who told you to just write the topics on a piece of paper and let fate do its work.

Black ink on a badly ripped blue note decided that you were going to write about a sex scene. Just now that you thought about it, rewriting something like that for your professor to read was an awfully stupid idea, yet you decided to listen to a small piece of paper.

At first, you were going to go with Fifty Shades of Grey but you felt like the choice was chewed up and spat out. It took you three days to finally decide on a book and once you settled there was no turning back. Considering your ignited interest in this topic you weren’t surprised when you were done within the first four weeks. Knowing the editing is going to take another week, maybe even a week and a half, you decided to take a small break, just one or two days off. On your second day, you decided to visit the new coffee shop that had just opened up around the corner.

Never had you expected to see your professor near your living spot. You were about to greet him when you noticed his pissed-off expression on his face and only now did you spot the woman behind him. She grabbed his arm and made him turn on the relatively small and empty street.

„Suki you can’t be serious,“ she was angry and hurt, while he seemed to be angry and annoyed. Not much of a difference than to how you see him on the daily, to be honest. „Are you fucking stupid? Of course, I’m fucking god damn serious. It was your choice to cheat on me and now I choose to throw you on the streets where you apparently belong, go ask one of your little boy toys to take you in for all I care,“ you were frozen in place, not entirely sure what to do. Right now your eyes were glued on his chest that was clad in a tight, black pullover, rising up and down heavily as his nostrils were flared caused by his anger. „Because you gave me no choice! If you like that sort of weird, rough shit then paddle your own canoe! I need something soft and tender-,“ before she could finish her sentence he laughed. Cold and slightly maniac in a way.

„Then get some fucking chicken! If you don’t like how I’m in bed then break up with me and piss off but don’t send my best friend a nude to ask him to come over. Even a ten-year-old would see how stupid that is,“at that moment your eyes met. His eyebrows were furled together, red eyes expression furry and disgust. Blond hair usually styled like he was going to be on the cover of Vogue, like he had been before, now slightly messy. Plump lips slightly apart to let his teeth shine through slightly before wetting them with his tongue. Your eyes widened and before you knew what you were doing you waved at him, making him cock his eyebrows in confusion for a second before noticing it was you who he was looking at. Turning on your heels you walked past busy crowds of people as you walked back home, trying to understand what you had just seen and why your angry professor had turned you on more than anyone had done before.

It was a stupid idea to ditch the next teaching unit of his but you had absolutely no clue how you were going to look at him. You knew teachers had a private life themselves, but never would you have guessed that you would run into one of them in your small area. As far as you knew he lived across town according to the very, very few private stories he had shared in magazines.

„Dear Professor,

down below is my finished project as an attachment in form of a PDF. I know you request it to be printed as well and I had planned to hand it in today, but sadly I came down with the flu. I’m looking forward to attending your next unit in the following week.

Have a nice week,

Y/N Y/L/N“

Maybe he had forgotten that you were there already and you were worrying too much about it. You were his student, nothing more, nothing less. Bakugo could care less about you, right? The flu did go around a lot right now, so it wouldn’t be completely unthinkable that you were sick. Itching eyes signaled you that it was time to go to bed now, so you closed your laptop and went to bed, not knowing what the next day will hold for you.

X had waited for you at the main entrance the next day to give you all the information you might need and ask why you weren’t there, considering it was obvious that you had the flu for one day only. At first, you were hesitant to explain what you had witnessed, it was messy already and you doubt Mister Bakugo would want the fight to go viral at his workplace. „Just one of those days you know? I had my mind completely full and felt like crap,“ that was the best excuse you could come up with, a white little lie that wouldn’t harm anyone. „Glad to see you’re doing- Oh, hello Professor,“ X smiled at someone behind you. There was no need to turn around to know who it was, the scent of his very expensive and extremely beguiling perfume clouding your mind. „Hello,“ his gruff voice greeted your friend shortly as you turned around, met with his muscular chest. You didn’t expect him to be so close to you, but here you were, tilting your head slightly as you looked up to him through your lashes, feeling not just your cheeks growing hot. „Good morning Sir,“ your voice sounded a lot more confident than you were feeling. Bakugo clenched his fist around the fake leather of his bag, his red eyes starring right into your soul as you had no chance of escaping whatever was going to happen next. „Miss Y/L/N, just the person I was looking for,“ fuck. „You were?“ X and you said at the same time, but your friend decided to excuse themself after a single glare from the older man. „How may I help you, Professor?“ You asked after swallowing down the anxious feeling that threatened to rise. „I received your Mail yesterday, with the PDF,“ okay, why did he search you just to tell you he got your assignment? Was it that bad? „But I’m relatively sure that it was the wrong one, considering I doubt that you want your teacher to know that 'this shit is so bad, but I wouldn’t mind being bent over a writing desk like that' with a smirking emoji at the end,“ only when his finger pushed your chin upwards gently you noticed that it was agape, shame filling every molecule in your body as you already planned your escape out of this country. Nobody was near you to see the weirdly intimidating scene happening between you and your teacher.

„Also I know you didn’t have the flu. I don’t appreciate being lied to. Tomorrow five p.m. in my office, don’t be late or you will get in more trouble. Send me the actual version tonight so I can grade it. I won’t let something as unprofessional as this slide again, understood?“ You nodded, taking in all of the information given to you, and somewhat in all of this mess felt thankful that he was giving you a second chance. The man in front of you rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, ordering you to speak up. „Yes Sir, thank you,“ you sounded more confident than you felt inside. „Good,“ was all Bakugo said before he turned around, leaving you behind in the big hall dumbfounded and confused… And horny.

As if Chronos himself felt immense joy in your misery, minutes appeared to be hours and the panic inside of you only grew the closer you came to five in the afternoon. You tried everything, watching a show, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, reading a book you had put of for so long, went outside, cooked something, worked on another assignment, stopped yourself from destroying your hair, made the phone call you so desperately had put off and it’s still only ten p.m on the same day. How was that even possible? As you laid in bed you tossed and turned, the thought of your really hot teacher all angry, breathing heavily, his hands roaming your body. It was hard to pinpoint exactly when those thoughts turned into a very lucid dream, but when you woke up in the morning, already an hour too late to your first period, all you wanted to do was scream into your pillow.

Considering first class is canceled, you wanna go grab breakfast? X texted you.

Canceled? Checking your mails you saw your teacher had sent out a mail, excusing themselves and explaining they came down with the flu. A blessing in disguise. You let X know that you would meet up at the building and go grab something near it. Once agreed, you took a quick shower, a moment of peace given to you as water hit your body. There was no way you could do anything between your last class and the meeting with Professor Bakugo, so you tried to look your best possible for the next upcoming hours.

Suddenly time flew by and the closer you got the more you begged for a little bit more time, for him to postpone it, anything. But no, here you were, five minutes early and looking around to spot the blond man with no luck. „Miss Y/L/N. Step inside,“ you jumped slightly as his voice boomed up behind you, not expecting him to be in the office already.

Once you walked inside you were stunned about how clean everything was, no matter where you looked it was neat. His books were sorted alphabetically with marks between them to let him know when a new letter began. As far as you could tell he used cherry wood for his pieces of furniture, a big, black carpet in a corner underneath a small seating area, and some books placed on the table. Even his paperwork was stacked in order. Big glass windows allowed the evening sun to fall into the room, its warmness kissing your skin while you were seated in front of him, a big writing desk between the two of you, on it your work.

It was quiet for a short moment, before he leaned back in his chair, red eyes mustering you up and down which didn’t help at all. „What would you like to talk about first? Your assignment or the fact that you lied to me?“ Why was he so bothered by your lie? You knew plenty of students calling in sick every once in a while even though they aren’t. „I apologize for both of it. It shouldn’t have happened and I learned from my mistake,“ you were hoping that it would ease his anger a little bit but he seemed more worked up than usual. „Although I don’t understand why you are so angry at me for it? Plenty students lie-,“ „Yes, but they aren’t stupid enough to make it so obvious,“ he interrupted you. „I could care less about who’s missing my class, it’s their fault in the end if they decide learning is unnecessary. However you are one of my top students, I expected better from you. You could have excused yourself with no explanation. But you chose to add the feeble lie about being sick for what?“

You took in a deep breath, feeling as if another lie would be caught immediate, so you had no other choice but to tell him the real reason: „I heard the fight you had with the woman you were with, in the café, and I didn’t know how to react when I see you in your class,“ there was a small moment where he looked honestly confused before something clicked in his brain. „So it was you who I saw. What did you hear?“ „I can’t really rem-,“ „One more lie and I will lose my temper, don’t test me,“ shit, why was he turning you on so much right now. He’s your teacher for god’s sake and angry at you, this wasn’t the right time. „That she doesn’t agree with certain things in your private life,“ „Like?“ he knew you tried to talk around it, yet he wanted you to talk about, to see you embarrassed again, he liked that look on you. „The way you fuck,“ it was said before your brain could even comprehend the words, another apology laying at the tip of your tongue but his next question cut you off before you could say something else. „Why were you there in the first place? I’ve been there a few times and never saw you or any other student,“ he explained. „Because I live close by?“ It sounded more defiantly than you had wanted, causing your opponent to cock his eyebrow.

„I feel like you’re forgetting who’s the authority figure here,“ he walked up to his door, locking it before coming back. Now he was right in front of you, slightly sitting on his desk and the sleeves of his button-up shirt pushed up a little. „No sir, I’m sorry,“ „You see, the problem is, I don’t really believe you,“ with that he pulled you up, bodies pressed against each other, letting you feel his toned torso while the muscles in his arms flexed slightly.

„You lied to me once already, I think I have to teach you a lesson,“ everything happened so fast and you suddenly found yourself face down on his desk with his hand between your shoulder blades, the other one grabbing his wooden ruler. „If I recall correctly this is what you wanted right?“ His voice was low, slightly above a whisper as his upper body was pressed against your back while he pulled a few hair strands from your face. „Yes, but Professor I don’t think this is a good idea,“ your inner voice yelled at you, saying this was the best idea ever, angry that you possibly ruined your dreams coming true.

„Tell me to stop and I will do so immediately. Your choice. There will be no consequences if you worry about that,“ he reassured you, waiting for you to get up and run, but you didn’t and the current position allowed him to feel you clench your legs. „So?“ He asked again, the ruler in his hand basically burning with the anticipation of hitting your skin. „No, don't stop,“ you breathed, awaiting his next move.

„Good,“ with that he exposed your raised ass, your underwear the only thing between your bare skin and the wood that came down upon it, one foot raising in the air because of the sudden pain. „From now on if you say stop I won’t listen, you will tell me how you feel through colors. If it’s too much you tell me red and I will drop everything, understood?“ Another spank was delivered to the same spot.

„Yes,“ another one. You weren’t sure if he hit harder or if your skin turned more sensitive with every blow.

„It’s sir to you,“ you could feel him lunge out but shortly before the ruler came down he stoped, laughing slightly at your small jump.

„Yes sir,“ another one.

„You’re going to apologize every time my ruler paints your cute ass even redder, got it?“ You nodded your head, a moan escaping the back of your throat as he spanked you yet again.

„One more thing, be a good girl and stay quiet, wouldn’t wanna get caught now do we?“ He knew it was going to be torture for you to follow his order the more he continued and in a way he wanted you to fail. There was so much build-up inside of him and it appears that you were willing enough for him to use you as he pleased. That’s why you were his favorite. Bakugo knew what he was doing was wrong and he never expected to feel this way for one of his students but forbidden fruit tastes the best.

You stopped counting after the seventh blow, sorries, sirs and small whimpers fall from your lips as if they were your whole vocabulary. At one point you started crying, tears mixed with mascara running down your cheeks. He tried to remember something that turned him on more than the sight of your messed-up body with no luck. Everything build up inside of him, everything itching in his hands, the inner desires he had to soften for his ex, it all was going to come down on you. His thick girth twitched at the simple thought of finally being surrounded by your dripping wet cunt.

A warm soft hand rubbed over your bruised flesh while the other one found its way into your hair to pull you up to him, your back arched.

„What are you sorry for?“ Your mind was clouded with pleasure and pain, the only thought right now was the feeling of his dick print right between your sore cheeks. „I asked my little bitch a question, I expect you to fucking answer,“ this time he spanked you with his hand but it was just as intense as his ruler. „I don’t know,“ you breathed, a soft moan slipping out of you when his thumb barely circled your throbbing clit. „You’re just apologizing because you want me to use you?“ You could hear him chuckle lowly before he pushed your underwear to the side, his middle finger now playing with you. „Yes sir,“ Katsuki couldn’t hear a single ounce of shame in your voice and he wondered how long you had been thinking about him like this before.

„I never expected you to be such a dumb, cock hungry whore,“ The sound of his belt hitting the floor was dull like it was far away from you but at the same time, you felt him closer than before. Strong hands around your waist turned you around and once again he lifted your head with his finger underneath your chin, studying your ruined make-up as if he was memorizing every little detail he never wanted to forget. The blond, muscular man lifted you with ease, your behind getting a small moment of cooling as it hit his wooden desk.

Bakugo dried your tears slightly with his thumb, smearing it even more. „Only for you,“ you whispered and in that moment he couldn’t stop himself, he just had to kiss you. Not sweet and gentle, but passionately and hungry, like he was poisoned and your kiss was the antidote. The hand behind your head traveling to the front as you were laid down completely.

„If I had known before I would have fucked you so much sooner,“ with one hard thrust he was buried deep inside of you, one hand over your mouth because he knew you wouldn’t be able to keep quiet and the other one around your throat, squeezing shut and watching you struggle against it slightly. Your professor was thicker than what you were used to and you didn’t know how good it would feel until now. With the first few snaps of his hips, you knew you never wanted to feel something else anymore.

Your hands went to his arms and you tugged on them, causing him to let go as the blood found its way back to your brain. „Color?“ he asked, afraid you weren’t able to handle him. „Green,“ was all you could get out before another moan cut off your ability to talk.

„Good girl,“ he whispered into your ear, kissing down from your earlobe to your shoulder before sucking on a rather sensitive spot. Both of your wrists were held over your head with his left hand, with the explanation that he doesn’t appreciate being stopped while using you however he pleased. The right hand was going from between your chest after he admired your bouncing tits thoroughly, to your stomach to connect with your most sensitive bundle of nerves. Bakugo switched from circles to eights, from fast to slow, but the harshness of his hips never haltered.

„I know you wanna scream right now, but I can’t allow that. Can’t let others hear what a dirty slut you are for me right now. I promise I will fuck you in my house if you behave now. You can moan my name as much as you want. Or maybe I will gag you, watch you drool all over yourself. Maybe I will tie you up and edge you for an hour straight until you’re begging me to fuck you, you like the sound of that, huh? I can feel you squeezing around me,“ another chuckle left his plump lips as he watched you struggle to stay up on your feet.

„Maybe I will let you choke on my dick while I work on something for the next lesson. Gonna use you as my little cum dump. Let you think about it again when I talk about it in front of the whole class. Do-,“ you were so close when a sudden knock on the door startled you both, but he never once stopped what he was doing, if anything he went even harder, whispering into your ear to be quiet for him.

„Hey Kat, your ex is outside and says she wants to talk, want me to send her in?“ It was the psychologist professor Shinso, his voice as done and deep as usual. „No, I’m occupied,“ Bakugo saw your mouth open after you fought so hard against it, he couldn’t let you moan, not right now. He did the first thing he could think of, spitting into it and watching you swallow. Oh, he would definitely film you do this with his cum covering you everywhere and the thought brought him slightly closer to his release. „Still grading papers huh? I don’t get where you got all of that energy from,“ his voice was blurred out by Bakugo whispering into your ear. „Do you want me to tell you what we're doing right now? Let him know I’m fucking my little toy stupid right now?“ And while you were shaking your head no it was the last straw for you and you found yourself grabbing his hand to put over your mouth, biting your lips until you tasted blood to muffle the scream you couldn’t stop. Bakugo cursed under his breath when he could feel you throbbing around his dick and your nails digging into his arm. „Tell her to leave me the fuck alone, she’s already forgotten,“ his voice sounded strained and you knew he was close as well. „Ah, I see. Well then have fun,“ his laugh was fading away the further he went.

„Can’t believe that made you cum, you’re even more perfect than I thought, such a dirty girl, tsk,“ both his hands are on your hips and he pulled your body against him with every thrust. You were still coming down from your orgasm when you felt his thrusts turning sloppy before he stopped completely, his dick now pulsing while he was holding you tightly. Breath uneven and getting stable on his feet again he turned you around, careful so he wouldn’t hurt you.

„Next time I gonna make sure you can’t walk but right now I need you to be able to leave the building,“ he pulled his pants back up and added: „Sadly,“ before walking around his desk.

It was still hard for you to stand so you sat down, wincing as the usually soft cushion now felt like thousand of tiny spikes on your bruised ass. Before you pull your bottoms up again he grabbed your wrist and pulled you up, once again with a stern expression on his face you were so familiar with.

„I apparently really fucked you stupid if you think I let you leave like this,“ having him put cooling cream on your bare bum felt more intimate than having him be balls deep inside you. „Sorry I just thought-,“ „Well, you thought wrong. I don’t know what kind of boys you had in the past but now that you have me there are going to be changes, got that?“

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

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“One cappuccino and chocolate brownie, please” - Chapter 2

Summary: Darcie Angel is thirty years old and owner of the famous cafe “The Coffee Cup” in New York City. She is known for her sweet smile and her amazing customer service. For six months now, John Wick has visited her cafe every day, earning himself a table that is always reserved for him. Darcie can’t stop thinking about him and when he asks her out one day, her dreams are finally coming true. But will it last?

John Wick x OFC Darcie

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: None

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter //

The next day, I’m working in the kitchen, since we’re a little short on staff, since one of the employees had a family emergency. Raye, my other best friend—who is a disaster in the kitchen, yet a miracle with an espresso machine—walks into the kitchen. Her short blonde hairs dance around her face, her arms crossed in front of her chest, all while she has a mischievous grin on her face.

‘Oh my God, what did you do now?’ Jennie asks, looking up from the dishwasher.

‘Well, mister tall, dark and handsome just arrived and he looked really disappointed that a certain Darcie Angel wasn’t behind the register and there was no little puppy Tiki to greet him.’ She leans against the doorframe. ‘You should come out and make him his usual order. One cappuccino and a chocolate brownie. God, he should record audiobooks. I don’t care what he would read, but I’d be turned on.’

‘Enough,’ I interrupt her. I place down the dough and ask: ‘Wouldn’t that be obvious though?’

‘Goodness gracious,’ Raye says, rolling her eyes. ‘He wants you and you want him, that’s what’s obvious here. Please, just go out there, make him your cappuccino and the brownie and say something about how delicious he looks today.’

‘Well, I’m not doing that last part,’ I say ‘but I’ll go out, fine.’ I take off the apron and wash my hands, before I look in the mirror to check my appearance.

‘You look hot, don’t worry,’ Raye says. ‘Now go. If another customer comes in, I’ll take care of it. I’ve got your back, you know that.’

‘You always do.’ I walk past her and hear Tiki walking behind me. From the corners of my eyes, I see John sitting at his regular table and he notices me coming out of the kitchen, but I’m too nervous to wave at him or to even look at him.

After I made a rosetta as latte art, I grab the chocolate brownie and I keep thinking about what I can give him today. I grab one pink macaron and a heart shaped chocolate, with praline filling inside of it. I place it on the tray, write on the small note: to John with a heart and before I can regret that, I walk up to his table, Tiki already running in front of me. She jumps on his lap and licks his face.

‘Hi, pretty girl,’ he says to her, scratching her behind her ears. He holds up a doggy snack and she opens her tiny mouth. He feeds her the snack and laughs.

‘There you go,’ I say placing it in front of him.

‘Darcie,’ he says with a smile, his dark eyes lighting up. ‘You’re working today, I see.’

I nod. ‘Just helping out in the kitchen,’ I say. ‘We’re a little short staffed.’

‘Sucks to hear.’

I hear customers come in, but like Raye promised, she is behind the register to help them out. She winks at me, giving me a little bit of encouragement.

‘You gave me another macaron and some chocolate.’

‘Everything for my favorite customer,’ I say with a smile. ‘And maybe if I give you tiny teasers of every other lovely thing we have around here, you might decide to branch out one day.’

‘That’s really sweet.’

‘Well,’ I say shrugging my shoulders, not knowing how to take his compliment. ‘Enjoy it, John.’

I want to walk away, but I’m stopped when he says: ‘Wait, I have something for you.’

‘Really?’ I ask. ‘For me?’

John nods. ‘Yeah, I thought you might like it. If you don’t, just say so, I don’t mind.’

I take a seat in front of him at the oval table and he gives me a neatly wrapped present. I carefully open the gift, hoping not to tear the wrapping paper, that on its own I love. I see the back of a picture frame and when I turn it around, my eyes nearly roll out of their sockets. ‘Oh my God,’ I say, looking at the vintage poster that is surround by a white picture frame. A basket is filled with very, almost unnatural pink peaches and roses all round it. The grass is bright green and the sky has an orange glow on it.

It fits the aesthetic perfectly of our cafe. ‘This is beautiful, John,’ I say looking up from the poster. ‘Where did you get this?’

‘Flea market.’

‘You go to flea markets?’ I ask. ‘Never pecked you for a guy who strolls through flea markets.’

‘Sometimes, yes,’ he smiles. ‘I usually look for old books, but when I saw this picture, I instantly thought of your cafe. Figured that it would fit.’ He blushes a bit. ‘So… You like it?’

‘Like it? I love it. This fits here perfectly and we have been searching all over internet for poster to hang up. We have like two in the back, but we never hung them up, because it would look ridiculous if we only had those two, but now that we have three, I think we can place them right over there.’ I point to the left side of the cafe, where tiny lights shine on the off white wall. ‘Don’t you think?’

‘I do,’ he says with a smile, after he looks over his shoulder to check out the wall I’m pointing at.

‘Wish I could hang them up right now, but using a drill while people are eating, wouldn’t be so good for our reputation, I suppose.’ I chuckle. ‘So, probably have wait until tonight.’

‘I can help out, if you want,’ he says. ‘I think I can reach it a bit easier than you can.’

‘Are you indirectly insulting me, John?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, Darcie, I would never.’ He feeds Tiki another doggy snack. ‘Only if you want of course.’

‘Well, if it’s not too much trouble. I don’t even know if we have the right equipment, anyways.’

‘I’ll bring something with me from home,’ he says. ‘Really, I would love to help you.’

My cheeks burn. I can’t believe he is offering this and that he would love to help. ‘Well,’ I say. ‘We close at seven and I don’t think it’s too late to start drilling the walls then, do you?’

‘Don’t think so. I’ll be here at seven.’ John smiles, causing me to copy him.

‘I have to get working,’ I say. ‘Really, John, thanks for this poster and thank you for helping me tonight.’

‘Not a problem.’

I lean over the table, to scratch Tiki’s head. ‘Be good to our favorite customer, okay, Tiki?’

She licks my hand in response and I tell John to enjoy his cappuccino and chocolate brownie. I walk to the kitchen, with the wrapping paper and poster in my hand. ‘Oh my God,’ I say to Jennie and Raye, who is still here, while Ellie is helping out the customers. ‘Look what he gave me. For the cafe!’

‘Oh, mister tall, dark and handsome has good taste,’ Raye remarks, while looking at the poster.

‘And tonight he is coming back to hang this one up and the other two.’

Jennie gulps. ‘He is coming back tonight?’ she repeats. ‘Though this is such a bizarre way of flirting, I’m actually digging it. This is insanely cute.’ She looks over Raye’s shoulder at the poster and asks: ‘Where did he buy this?’

‘Flea market. He goes there to buy old books.’

‘But then he saw this and thought: let me buy this for Darcie who works in the cafe that I almost live in?’ Raye snorts and looks at Jennie. ‘He is so into her.’

‘Raye’s right,’ Jennie says. ‘So, I figure you close tonight?’

‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘think that’s for the best.’

⟢⟡⟣

Raye, Jennie and I are best friends since high school. We’ve been through it all. Jennie’s first heartbreak, my college breakdowns, Raye’s STD (that was quite the experience). We were there when Jennie’s parents died in a car accident. We were there when Raye lived in her car after she lost her job and she didn’t tell us. They were there when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, after finding out that he was cheating on me and hid a kid from me, the entire five years we were dating.

So, two minutes before we officially close, they have already cleaned their respective workplaces for the day. ‘Well,’ Raye says, while she stands in front of me, ‘be gorgeous, be funny and please, ask him out on a date if he doesn’t ask you.’ She places her hands on my shoulders and says: ‘You can do it.’

Jennie gives me a tight hug, wishing me luck with whatever is going to happen and the two of them walk out of the cafe, smiles nearly too big for their faces and when they close the door, it’s just me and Tiki.

I pick her up and say: ‘Your favorite customers is coming over in just a couple of minutes. So, be a good girl and be just as sweet as you always are.’ I press kisses on her head, resulting in her licking my face. I giggle, holding her up. ‘Such a cute girl.’

Tiki is about a year old. I got her right after my break up with Eric. I had to move my stuff out of his apartment, so I could move into the apartment my parents bought for me, which was almost a celebratory gift, since they really hated Eric. But the apartment was empty and it scared me a little bit to be alone all the time.

Though Tiki isn’t that dangerous looking, she is a nice companion.

With Tiki resting on my arm, I walk to the door, to turn around the sign from OPEN to CLOSED. When I’m about to turn around, I see John with a toolbox in his hands. He is not wearing a jacket—it’s too hot for that anyways—and I open the door for him.

‘There is my favorite customer,’ I chuckle. ‘Come on in, John.’

‘Thank you, Darcie.’

I close the door behind him and Tiki becomes wild in my arms, desperate to greet John. I put her on the ground and she sprints towards him. Since he was already counting on that, he catches her easily and lets her lick his face. ‘I missed you too, cutie pie,’ he laughs. ‘Yes, I brought snacks for you. Let’s ask your mommy if it’s okay if I give you a snack.’

My heart nearly stops beating after hearing him referring to me as ‘mommy’. I mean, I don’t want to be the type of girl who has a crush on a man and imagines a future wedding, house and kids, but I can’t help it. John is so insanely handsome, that thinking about a future with him, is just way too easy.

The suits he wears give a great glimpse of when he stands at the end of the aisle, waiting for me to arrive. How he is treating my dog is a nice vision of him living in the same house as me. And now he referred to me as ‘mommy’ and I know that when I’m going to sleep tonight, I will dream about us having kids, who hopefully have the same beautiful dark eyes as he has and have his same sweet giggle.

‘Just one snack,’ I say.

John gives Tiki a kiss on top of her head and after he put her down, he shows her a little chew stick. ‘Sit down,’ he tells her and she obeys. ‘Look like a doll.’ She lifts her front paws from the floor, tilting her head. He chuckles. ‘Good girl.’

‘I still can’t believe you managed to teach her “look like a doll” while I had trouble with “sit down”.’

John pats himself on his chest. ‘I think you lack patience.’

‘I don’t lack patience,’ I say to him. ‘She just needs to listen. I was told that these breeds were intelligent, but it took me days before she listened to her own name.’

He chuckles. ‘So, Darcie, tell me, have you thought about where you want the posters?’

‘As a matter of fact, I did.’ I hold up the three posters, the one that he gave me and the two old school posters. One of them shows to people on a date and the other one shows two little kids drinking a Coca Cola. I walk to the wall and stand on one of the stools. ‘This one,’ I say, standing on my tippy toes, ‘needs to be here.’

The two people on a date poster needs to be on the right side of the wall, mostly because there is a weird smudge that isn’t fungus, but also won’t go away and we really need to cover that up.

My calves start to shake, from standing on my toes for too long and John walks up to me. ‘I got it, Darcie,’ he says, holding out his hand. ‘Careful now, we don’t want you to fall flat on your face.’

I smile, hold his hand and step off the stool. ‘You remembered where I want it?’

‘Yes, I do.’ With his index finger, he taps on his temple, causing me to chuckle.

‘This one,’—the Coca Cola one—‘I want here, on the left side.’ I don’t need a stool to show him where I want that one. ‘And the beautiful poster you gave me, needs to be in the middle, so he can stand out. It’s by far the prettiest one.’

‘You think?’ he says with a smile on his face.

‘Mhm, I do.’ I turn to him. ‘You understand my taste exactly. Very impressive.’

‘I’ll start on the first poster,’ John says, walking back to his tool box, leaning over, giving me a very nice view of his bottom. It always surprised me how great his ass looked and left me with lots of dreams, leaving me all hot and bothered.

‘You want something to drink?’ I ask, hoping I take my mind off his ass. ‘I can make you some tea, or coffee, if you want. Water, some soda. I’ve got it all.’

‘Soda sounds good, Darcie.’ He stands up and smirks. ‘You’re blushing,’ he notes.

‘No, just a little warm,’I say quickly. ‘I’ll get you something to drink.’

I walk back to the register, while I crouch down to the small refrigerator, where the staff can get some different drinks than just coffee or tea. I think John would appreciate a coca cola and since I’m really in the mood for some sprite, I grab that glass bottle for myself. I open them and pour the drinks in glasses.

I watch as John sets up the drill and I bite my bottom lip. God, his arms are so toned. He looks delicious. I sigh deeply, taking a sip from the pink straw. ‘You sure you don’t need help?’ I ask.

‘No, I can manage.’

‘You sure? If you fall and break your neck, I lose a very frequent and paying customer.’

‘And here I was thinking I’m your favorite customer.’

‘Well,’ I say, ‘that too. Tiki, baby, come here. We don’t want John to step on you, darling.’

The light brown fluffy dog trots towards me and I lift her up, placing her on the counter. I take another sip of my sprite. John has all the things set up and he places the drill against the wall. ‘You still want those posters there?’

‘Yes, I do.’

The noise is really loud, so I cover my ears, but I see Tiki howling. When the drilling stops, she finishes her howl and then looks at me, before staring at John. ‘I’m sorry, cutie pie,’ he says to her in a high voice, ‘didn’t mean to scare you.’

He grabs a plug and pushes it in the wall. He looks like such an expert hanging up those posters, because within ten minutes, they all hang on the wall. ‘You like?’ John asks, plopping next to me on a chair, that face the wall.

‘I love it,’ I say. ‘I do feel like I need more decoration.’ I hand him his Cola that I set on the table and he nods as a thank you. ‘Thank you for doing this.’

‘No problem,’ he says. ‘I really like it here.’

‘Hence the reason you’re here every single day.’

‘Well, I feel the need to tell you the real reason I’m here every day.’ He looks sideways and says: ‘It’s because of your dog.’

‘And here I was, thinking you really liked my coffee.’

He bumps his knee against mine. ‘Just kidding, Darcie.’

With the way he is sitting, I feel so tiny. Tiki jumps on his lap and when he holds her with one hand, I feel my mind is racing to places it really shouldn’t go right now. ‘How old is Tiki anyways?’ he asks.

‘A little older than a year,’ I say. ‘I think I got her around the same time I got the cafe.’

‘So, I missed her birthday?’

‘You did,’ I say. ‘It was really rough on her, but after a long talk, I convinced her to forgive you.’

John fills the empty cafe with his laughter. ‘You’re crazy, Darcie. Tell me, did you always wanted to have a cafe?’

I shrug. ‘When I was in college, I started working at Starbucks and later on worked in a few smaller cafes. Though it was really nice and I learned a lot, I never felt like a place I really wanted to spend time. So when my boyfriend broke up with me, my parents bought me an apartment, I got myself a dog and I realized that I got a degree in International Business, so I should start a business. I’m really lucky my parents helped me financially, because without them I don’t know if I would’ve made it this far.’

‘Well,’ John says, ‘you made this place feel like a home to lots of people.’

That’s such an endearing compliment.

‘And your ex-boyfriend is a loser,’ he adds.

I chuckle, bringing my hand to my mouth. ‘He was. My parents hated him and somehow let me date him for five years.’

‘Why did they hate him?’

‘He cheated on me,’ I say, ‘basically from the start of our relationship, all the way to the end and he somehow got a kid out of one of those side things he had. He has now “changed” his life and according to his FaceBook he is now a doting father.’

John scoffs, before taking a sip of his Cola. ‘What a fucking idiot,’ he says.

‘Well, I’m better off without him anyways. He was a pain in the ass. I think him breaking up with me was the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, no, my parents helping me buying this place, getting a loan, the boring stuff that happens when you start a business. That was the best thing that ever happened to me.’

‘And getting Tiki,’ John says.

‘Of course.’

We both don’t say anything, just sipping our drinks and stare at the wall. ‘I should clean up,’ I say, when the glass is empty.

‘You need to do a lot?’ he asks.

‘Just vacuuming that part and closing the kitchen.’

‘If you give me a vacuum, I’ll clean up there. You close off the kitchen.’

‘Are you sure? I mean, you are a customer after all.’

‘I don’t mind,’ he says. ‘Is Tiki afraid of vacuums or…?’

‘If you hold her while vacuuming, she don’t mind.’

I roll the vacuum to him and he plugs it in. I quickly clean up the kitchen, going over the spots that Jennie forgot and make sure that everything is all ready for tomorrow. I close off behind me, making sure everything is locked and I hear that John is done.

Before I actually get out of the kitchen, I stop. ‘You are such a cutie,’ I hear him cooing to Tiki. I hide a bit better and hope to hear some more. ‘But that’s obvious when you have an owner like Darcie.’ His voice is deep and low, but I do hear him. I hear him kiss Tiki, but then the talking has stopped, unfortunately.

‘I’m done,’ I say, flicking out the light in the kitchen. ‘You already…’ I try to spot the vacuum, but John has already stowed the vacuum away.

‘I did,’ he says. He picks up Tiki as he stands up and presses more kisses on her head.

‘I can’t believe my tiny labradoodle has a man like you totally whipped for her.’

‘It’s impossible to resist this face,’ John admits, walking over to me. ‘You’re done for today?’

I nod. ‘Just have to take Tiki out for a walk.’

‘You live around here?’

I shake my head. ‘No, I’m thinking about getting a cab. Usually I take the bus, but I’m pretty tired.’

‘I can drive you,’ he says. ‘We could first take Tiki out for a walk and then I drive you home.’

‘I feel like I’ve been taking up a lot of your time. I bet you have something better to do.’

‘I don’t,’ he says. ‘Besides, I suggested it. You’re not taking up my time, I’m enjoying my time with you.’

My palms grow sweaty. He is enjoying his time with me. Apparently I’m pretty entertaining. That causes me to smile. ‘Well, if you insist.’

#keanu reeves x oc #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves #keanu reeves x original character #keanu reeves x ofc #john wick x oc #john wick fanfic #john wick #john wick x original character #john wick x ofc #one cappuccino and a chocolate brownie please

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rigelmejo · 3 years

Text

march 3/15/2021

im trying to read through tae kim’s grammar guide right now because i’m officially further in the nukemarine LLJ memrise decks (there’s tae kim grammar guide sections in there) than i am in actually reading the grammar guide. And obviously these example sentences in the memrise deck would teach me more if i CLEARLY understood why they’re like how they are. which i... need to read the grammar guide section to understand lol.

my goal rn with japanese is? to get further in the nukemarine LLJ decks than i did last time. I’ve already mildly accomplished that (have done officially MORE of the tae kim section than before, have NOT redone the 190 common words i did last time i did this though). there are about 400 more cards in this tae kim section (LLJ 4) and then 1000ish cards in the common word section (LLJ 5). I would love to get them done.

it would be sweet if i could get them done before April 22?/24? whenever Nier Replicant comes out because then I could play that baby in english and japanese! Then Nier Automata! ToT The Entire thing that kicked me back into wanting to study japanese was my old love for certain video games and desperately wanting to know what their stories/characters are like before translation/localization. So it would be cool if I could play them a little ;-; or at least check out lets plays.

(which, checking out the kh2 lets play has been going pretty well so far... also that part where namine says “we aren’t meant to exist” and roxas says “how could you say such a thing? even if it were true” he says in japanese like “thats brutal/harsh to say. even if its true.” ...great to know that line is equally raw and heartbreaking in japanese lol. KH2′s localization did real good on like equal vibe to original just like ‘less nuanced’ if that makes sense. also thanks to the chinese hanzi i know now watching the KH2 lets play means i can figure out a lot of noun’s writing even though i don’t catch the pronunciation... also i’m catching a lot of words that mean like ‘beautiful/good’ as in like ‘great move’ and ‘dang’ lol.)

i had to stop myself from redoing the chinese flashcards i’ve done in the past! because i get ‘into a zone’ lol. And i really don’t need to waste time redoing those 2000 cards. i also needed to stop myself from doing the hsk 5-6 cards. because realistically? i know half of them, i should just set a lot to ‘ignore’ on the computer but im too lazy, and i’m learning a lot of vocab from reading right now. i don’t need hsk words to pass any test. The words i’m learning right now in reading are a lot more applicable to the actual shows i watch/things i listen to/things i read. its more useful to me to keep reading. and also to not sidetrack my japanese lol. i have read... 39 chapters this month... this month is only half over! hanshe is truly motivating ToT it also helps the story CONSTANTLY ends on cliffhangers so i keep clicking next chapter. who knows, maybe hanshe will help me kick up my reading speed. it already shaved off 10 minutes per 20 pages - now my 20 pages are down to 30 minutes to read, which is better than a few months ago. hanshe has 155 chapters so i HOPE it speeds up my reading lol.

hanshe is increasing my vocab though, its definitely noticeable over time. and hanshe has really good repetition of vocab which helps with learning and later the payoff means i never have to look up the word in future once its learned while it remains useful to me and i keep being reminded of it. after i get bored of hanshe OR i finish it, whichever comes first, its either back to a priest novel or into another pingxie fanfic written by hanshe’s author. The author did one fanfic that’s only 33 chapters so that would be NICE to do after this one lol ToT

summary of what’s turned out to be my studying methods this month:

Japanese:

reading through grammar guides (the one yue-muffin made and tae kim’s). so just grammar explanation reading.

doing nukemarine LLJ decks (in the ACTUAL order they are in the deck to completion - last time i did like 3 per time and never finished any lol. this is bolded because it’s the primary activity i’m prioritizing). so SRS flashcards. it’s working well right now because i can just put this activity in anytime i have downtime, like when i pause shows (since we know me i gotta take a break from a show every 20 minutes lol). i am bafflingly in a flashcard mood and i’m trying to take advantage of it while i got it.

*when i feel like it: watching kh2 lets play. so some immersion where i look up words. (and when Nier Replicant remaster releases next month I’m likely to at least a tiny bit try to play it in japanese ToT lol we’ll see)

so grammar reading, srs flashcards covering some grammar/listening/reading/vocab, and some optional immersion.

(a note: i gave up on the japaneseaudiolessons for now because i got bored. its a great resource! i just don’t feel like it right now. and from an efficiency perspective, nukemarine LLJ decks cover vocab, grammar, audio, reading - so I don’t need another resource for that right now).

Chinese:

reading through hanshe. so immersion reading, intensive reading looking up unknown words. (unknown words are happening less so its getting less ‘intense’ lol)

listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio. so listening to audio flashcards. for building up listening comprehension/repetition to pick up some more common words. (i’ve been doing this during daily walks making it much easier for me to consistently do, doing it mainly to supplement the Reading Heavy study i’m doing, i can drop this and pick it up later if i want since its mostly easy background listening)

*I am slowly rereading the grammar guide on www.chinese-grammar.com for explicit grammar clarification. but this is not a high priority, since I sort of implicitly understand a lot of this and i’m not working on fixing production mistakes yet. i just... miss knowing wtf is going on in the grammar lol.

*when i feel like it: Listening Reading The Glass Maiden/Love and Redemption Novel. I’ve done 2-3 hours of it this past week, but i don’t know when or if I’ll just stop. Thankfully l-r is beneficial somewhat even if i switch up books later. i WANT to L-R you have no idea (to Silent Reading and Guardian REALLY badly lol). But its so time intensive, and requires a lot of focus, and i have to really plan to do it for an hour at a time usually. I am so bad at doing stuff for that long consistently. I was in the mood earlier this week! ToT

*when i feel like it: watching chinese shows raw. I was super in the mood this month because Word of Honor came out, and Killer and Healer came out, and Rattan came out, and I didn’t want to wait for subs. As a result I watched a LOT of raw episodes this month. However, english subs have caught up and since I’m lazy I’m inclined to just watch the subs - especially since youku ITSELF just put english subs on their most-ahead viewing schedule version of the eps on youku vip. so guess who’s buying youuku vip today? -3-)/ That said... even if I stop for a while, if Rattan subs move too slow I’ll probably watch those raw. And as SOON as 2ha’s drama Immortality drops I am highly likely to watch the raws for that since I likely won’t be able to wait. Watching shows is pretty highly dependent on how much I want to watch something and if subs take a while lol.

so reading, and listening. and a little listening-reading method too. mainly just working on reading, listening, vocab acquisition. chinese is going good - for a few months now i’ve just had the plan ‘read often while looking up unknown words, and add some listening study activity when i have time.’ It’s simple, and its been working well. later on down the road i’ll need some explicit grammar clarification again, but this is bare bones enough of a study plan at the moment. i’m clearly picking up words and phrases and hanzi at a reasonable pace. its not the Fastest obviously, but it is causing improvement over time and since i’m enjoying it i see no reason to change it up.

ending things

...who knows WHY i am so well focused this month with so much energy... tbh... i track how many chapters i read a month/audio i listen to/show episodes i watch etc, and this month is like as much as 3 other of my usual months combined. also my japanese has been basically ‘dabbling only’ prior to this month.

although... maybe in part its how i’ve gotten better at reading hanshe? Reading being easier certainly motivates me TO read more. And watching shows was MUCH easier this month (still not ‘easy’ but following the main plot is) which definitely makes me Want to watch more. Also i am... unbelievably motivated by a challenge. I think i got it in my head that i ‘really want to do more of Nukemarine’s LLJ courses and see how much i understand after them’ and now... i really want them DONE. so maybe the current things motivating me will hold out for a while.

(On the listening-reading front meanwhile, that activity takes SO much concentration its hard to do if i’m tired, BUT i have so many TRANSLATED novels i want to read recently and honestly its fun hearing the chinese narration and audiobook actors so like... i very much Want to do l-r so i can hear them as i read the translation... immovable object of me tired versus how much i’m interested in them lol ToT).

also thank u thank u @a-whump-muffin for sending me those lets plays because honestly it got me so excited again and its so cool to see them!!! <3 <3 and its so much easier to watch them versus committing to playing a whole game myself just yet ToT

#rant #march progress #march #it is wild how much i've already done this month #i really have done a Lot?#maybe my reading kick from early this month is just transfering to chinese #from january on i read 11 books in english? or 12 #and now hanshe i'm speeding through? i think maybe hanshe just got easy enough to feel like reading a hard english book #and since i was reading english like non fiction i am already in a 'can handle takes a while per chapter' zone #since non fiction takes me like 1 hour for 20 pages or something horrific like that lol ToT

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wacem · 4 years

Text

Alone in the Dark

An Until Dawn fic by Wacem

Read it here or check it out on AO3, where everything is definitely formatted properly, because I suck at Tumblr.

Chapter 1

Chris --- 5:35 AM

Tunnel to Sanatorium

Chris stumbled back a few steps and craned his neck to watch Sam clamber up the wall like a spider monkey. He shook his head. He'd never understand how a person could make that look so effortless. Hell, he'd never understand the appeal of rock-climbing in the first place. He supposed it was useful in circumstances like these, but heights just weren't his thing. At all.

“Guess it’s just you and me now, A--”

He turned around and stopped dead in his tracks. He thought Ash was right behind him, but his eyes met nothing but darkness. With the agonizingly slow pace he'd been able to keep up, he hadn’t even considered the possibility that she wouldn’t catch up. Hell, that's the only reason he hadn't waited for her back at the manhole. She had just groused at him for moving too slowly, so he figured he might as well get a head start. That way, she could overtake him, and no time would be wasted waiting for his crippled ass to keep up.

Only she hadn't.

And now there wasn't so much as a glimmer of reflection on a rock to indicate her existence.

"Ash?" he'd meant to call out, but it came out as more of a trembling whisper.

The wendigo got her. The thought sent a cold dagger through his heart and made his legs feel heavy. No. Not her. I've already lost enough tonight. Please, God, not her, too. His throat tightened, and unwelcome tears stung his already aching eyes.

"Ash??" His voice tore through the lump in his throat and cracked. It sounded way too shrill to his ears, and the way it echoed through the caves filled his soul with dread. As far as he knew, the wendigo could hear just fine; it was just its vision that was funky. Biting his lips to hold in the rising panic, he took a shaky step forward. The pain in his ankle, objecting to having been temporarily forgotten, vigorously reminded him of its existence. He grunted softly.

Images of the stranger, alive one second, gone the next, flooded his mind for the umpteenth time since it happened. Only this time, it was Ashley's body dropping to its knees. Ashley's head thudding heavily into the snow while he stood paralyzed with fear, clutching the stranger's shotgun uselessly as the air filled with the monster's shrieks. First, the wendigo, he'll render you immobile. Then he strips the skin off of your entire body, piece by piece.

Nononono. She can't be dead. I'd have heard something, right? Screams or something. I didn't hear anything, so maybe she just got lost.

"Y-yeah… yeah... she just got lost," he murmured to himself, hoping its utterance would make it true. Chris continued limping toward where he'd seen her last. He'd noticed a path branching off to the left on the way here. Maybe she took that by mistake. She did have a notoriously wretched sense of direction, and they hadn't exactly marked their passage.

As he moved, his mind wandered to the time he and Ash had gone to see Star Trek Into Darkness in IMAX. There wasn't an IMAX theater in their hometown, so they'd had to drive all the way to the city-- an hour away. Chris had just gotten off an overnight double and was utterly wiped, so he'd given Ash the keys to his car and let her drive. He'd figured that way he could catch some z's on the way up and actually be conscious for the movie. Big. Mistake. Next thing he'd known, Ashley's sheepish voice was waking him up saying, "We're here!" When he'd looked at the clock, he saw that they were four and a half hours late for the movie. They couldn't even catch a later showing! Turned out Ash had driven them to every single movie theater in the city-- during rush hour traffic, no less! --before she finally found the one their tickets were for. It wasn't a total loss; they were able to get a refund on their tickets, since they weren't torn or anything, and they tried again (successfully) the following week, thanks to Chris' superior mastery of navigation. Now that he thought of it… that had been the first time they'd really gone anywhere together without someone else tagging along. Purely coincidentally (he told himself), that was also when Chris first noticed how very, very frantically the butterflies fluttered their wings in his stomach whenever he was near her.

After that day, she was firmly forbidden from ever driving them anywhere again. From then on, her official job on road trips was to be the in-flight entertainment. This normally took the form of her reading one of her books aloud like a live-performance audiobook. It was a duty she solemnly accepted and performed with gusto; she even did voices for the different characters. The memory made soft laughter rise up out of him like a bubble, and, like a bubble, it abruptly vanished at the thought that he might never hear her silly voices again.

Oh, God, Ash. Please be okay. I could probably handle losing Emily and Jess… maybe even Josh. But not you.

Emily's face, pale and gray in the light of the monitors, mouth drawn open in a silent scream, dark blood oozing from the hole where her eye had been. The contents of her blown-out skull adorning the wall behind her head like a macabre rorschach. The image he'd been fighting to suppress since it happened hit him like a freight train. He doubled over and retched the nothing he'd had for dinner onto the cave floor. The sudden shift in balance irked his ankle and made him stagger against a rock, aggravating the tender spot in his ribs and jarring his aching jaw. He groaned. As he pushed himself away from the wall, he wiped at a tickle under his nose, and his hand came away bloody. Great. His nose was bleeding again.

Shit, he was a mess.

At least his nose wasn't broken. Or… he didn't think it was broken. His jaw, like the proverbial fat lady, sorta dominated the chorus of facial maladies, and he'd had other things on his mind when he'd rammed his face full-speed into that damned tree. Like, for instance, not getting eviscerated by the wendigo hot on his heels. You know… something that could be happening to Ash right now?

Come on, Ash, where are you? Please be okay.

Ignoring the pain in his ankle, he picked up his pace. It wasn't long before he came upon the drop he'd completely forgotten about. Only, going this direction, it wasn't a drop. It was a climb. A string of curses and obscenities ran circles around his brain. The ledge wasn't low, coming up just above his shoulders. Even his attempts to gently lower himself when coming the other way had yielded a sharp pain in his ankle on landing. How the ever-loving fuck was he supposed to get back up? "Dammit, Sam…" he muttered. "Remind me why you left the gimp to navigate these tunnels alone?" Of course, she’d been just as oblivious to Ash’s absence as he was, but that was beside the point.

Why had they even come here? Something about Mike and the sanatorium and the wendigo and needing to warn him about something and hell if he knew. He hadn't read the journal that had Ash and Sam up in a tizzy. Nobody thought to volunteer to him any information they'd found out, and frankly… he'd been too relieved at the prospect of getting away from Emily's body to ask questions. Now he regretted not asking. The decision to leave the safe room might have gotten Ash killed, and he needed to know it was for a worthy cause. At this point, though, even if it was for a worthy cause, if it was down to a choice between Mike's life and Ash's… well… was that even really a choice? Especially since Mike just…

A deafening bang, reinforcing the ringing in his ear. Ghostly face, mouth stretched open in a scream cut short. Dark blood trickling down from the blackness of her eye socket.

"Oh, God…" Chris stumbled against the wall blocking his way, using it for support as his lungs tried to explode out of his aching chest. His body rocked back and forth; the arm holding the flashlight hugged his ribs in place, while his free hand clapped over his mouth to hold back his sobs. The burns near his mouth shouted their protest, and he stifled a moan.

Oh, God, how had this night gotten so fucked? This was supposed to be a good night! A night of remembrance and catharsis. A night of reconciliation and rekindling estranged friendships. A psycho? He could handle that. It was horrible, but he at least understood a psycho. But curses? Monsters?? How do you fight something like that? How do you escape something that moves that fast? How do you protect someone from a fear so pervasive that it makes them murder their own friends?

Oh, shut up with that 'they' and 'them' bullshit. You helped, Christopher. By sitting there and stoking that fear, you might as well have pulled the trigger yourself.

No, no, no. He hadn't wanted Emily to die!

You should have done something, then. Should have helped Sam calm them down. Should have disarmed Mike. You could have forced him to stop. Overpowered him. Something! You call yourself a man, but you just sat there like a pussy and let it happen. Just like with the stranger!

His head was swimming, and his ribs were on fire. Somewhere along the way, he'd sunken down to his knees, still rocking. He was hyperventilating.

Let's face it, Chris. You didn't do anything, because you didn't want to do anything. You were just as afraid as Mike and Ash, and just as willing to sacrifice Emily to save your own ass.

"I didn't think he was going to shoot her." The words were rapid, small, and gasping, barely audible. Mike hadn't shot Josh. He’d bitched at Chris for even thinking he would. So why would he shoot Emily? It was a bluff. Had to be. Just to scare her out of the room. Chris wasn't about to ruin Mike's bluff again.

Her small legs falling from the desk, limp and lifeless, making her whole body jerk when they stopped short of the floor. Her head settling on the wall beneath the Jackson Pollock pattern of her blood and brains was the last movement she'd ever make. Chris squeezed his eyes shut, but the image persisted.

How is that even better? You didn't think Mike would shoot her? But you were perfectly content to let him sacrifice her to that thing out there. You've seen what it does. You, more than anyone else here, know that compared to that? The bullet was a mercy. You didn't care if or how she died. You just didn't want to see it happen, you selfish asshole. You killed her, and you killed her for no damn reason.

"We didn't know, we didn't know, we didn't know…" His hands and face were tingling. Shit, he was about to pass out. Now was not the time for this; he had to find Ash. He forced himself to take a deep breath in. The pain in his side kept him from holding it as long as he'd have liked, and it all came out in a pitiful sigh. But his head felt clearer, at least. He repeated this exercise until his thoughts stopped spiraling, sliding his free hand up under his glasses to wipe away the tears blurring his eyes.

Now wasn't the time for self-recrimination or excuses. Ash was in here somewhere. The wendigo might have her. He keeps you alive and aware and feasts on your organs, one piece at a time. He couldn't let that happen to her. Melting down in a cave wasn't going to help anyone, and Chris refused to have another death on his conscience because he was too wrapped up in himself to lift a finger to stop it. Especially not Ashley’s.

He sighed, pushing himself back onto his good leg and regarded the ledge. How the hell was he supposed to climb this? Even at the best of times, he was a pathetic climber. He'd damn near broken his neck trying to clamber over the wall by the broken gate at the bottom of the mountain. And now? With a bum ankle, a jacked up face, probably a concussion, and whatever the hell was going on with his ribs? He groaned, grabbing the ledge and hoisting himself up until the edge was under his armpits. His legs scrabbled uselessly for purchase on the sheer rock. His ribs protested strenuously. He was just about to lose his grip when his right foot found an outcropping and pushed off hard enough to get his left leg over the edge. But the momentary victory was promptly shat upon by the blinding agony in his ankle.

"Aggghh!" he hissed "Ow ow ow ow ow ow owwwww!!" Each syllable gave him strength as he pulled himself up the rest of the way and rolled over onto his good side. He curled into a ball of misery and grabbed his throbbing leg. "Shitshitshitshitfuckingshiiiiiiit!"

When the pain died back down to a dull throb, he slowly pulled himself up to his feet. It was more miserable than ever to put weight on his ankle, but it still held him, so he hobbled onward. Had to be getting close to the branch-off now.

He felt, more than saw, the side tunnel open up to his right. The air was suddenly less close, and through the passage, the wind sang a soft and haunting song. Dripping water served as percussion. It vaguely harmonized with the ringing in his ear. He flicked his flashlight over to the opening.

"Ash?" His own voice startled him, deafeningly loud against the cavern's subtle symphony. What if the wendigo could hear? What if he was just broadcasting his presence?

C'mon, dude. Pull yourself together. Your nerves are fried.

He thought maybe he heard something further down the side passage, but he wasn't sure what. It was hard to tell over the persistent ringing in his ear, but… it could have been Ash. Then again, didn't the stranger also say the wendigo could mimic human voices? If that was the wendigo, then Ash could already be dead, and he'd be walking to his own demise. Even if the thing hadn't gotten around to killing her yet, a rescue attempt would almost certainly end in his death. He wasn't even armed.

But if it wasn't the wendigo… if Ash had fallen somewhere and couldn't get back up or something. If she was hurt, if she was calling for help... could he forgive himself for not checking?

Gingerly, he opened his mouth and felt the swollen skin from his cheek to his adam's apple pull tight in protest. The right hinge of his jaw popped enthusiastically. That was new.

Ah, what the hell. He'd already sacrificed himself for Ash once tonight. Why not do it again? Maybe this time it'd actually matter.

His free hand hovered over his jaw, afraid to actually touch it, lest it reawaken the fire in his skin. Bright flash, deafening bang, a ringing that drowned out Ashley begging him to shoot her instead. Shockwave smashing into his jaw and knocking his head back hard enough to give him whiplash. Burning agony in his face making him want to scream. But he wasn't dead. How was he not dead?

He shook off the memory, "I- I'm coming, Ash. Hold on. I'm coming." And he limped forward.

The entrance to the side passage wasn't level with the main passage, and Chris almost tripped over it. Which, he discovered, would have been very bad. There was a pretty sizable drop on the other side. He climbed onto the berm, hanging his legs off the far side, and just stared at the drop with his flashlight. You gotta be freaking kidding me.

This was even higher than the drop in the main passage, and that one had hurt badly enough. Even if he didn't straight-up break his ankle, he didn't know if he'd be able to climb back out of this on his own. But, short of Ash noping back to the lodge without telling anyone, which seemed unlikely, there was no other direction she could have gone. He should have just waited for her to close the grate. Dammit, he was such a moron. She was only lost because, after she’d refused to leave him behind, he’d gone right ahead and done it to her. There was no way he was going to abandon her again.

That settled it. He took a deep breath and slid his butt off the berm. His stomach had an out-of-body experience for a second of freefall. His landing was rough and graceless, but he managed to keep his feet by reeling into a wall. There was a loud, painful pop from his ankle that he badly hoped was just his joint settling. His jaw snapped shut at the impact and its muscles seized up painfully, cutting his cry of pain into a muffled groan. His hand came up instinctively to massage the tension out of his fucked up jaw only to aggravate the burns. He hummed miserably through his nose. Damn it all. Josh, more than any one of them, should have known how dangerous blanks were at point-blank range. Chris wanted to believe that Josh, his best friend, hadn't meant for him to damn near blow his face off for a prank. But he also had a hard time reconciling that with all the rest of the batshit crazy bullshit Josh had pulled on him tonight. That and the fact that Josh seemed neither surprised nor particularly concerned by how badly Chris had been hurt by the muzzle flash. What chilled him to the bone was the very real possibility that Josh knew exactly what he was doing when he gave Chris a gun loaded with blanks and encouraged him to put it up to his own head and pull the trigger. He was damn lucky he'd decided to aim it under his jaw instead of at his temple. The latter probably would have killed him.

Had Josh wanted that? Did he really hate Chris that much? God knows Chris had blamed himself plenty enough for his part--or lack thereof-- in Hannah and Beth's disappearance. If he hadn't had so much to drink, he might have been able to stop things before they got out of hand. Or at least he could have been the one to go after Hannah, instead of Beth. But no. He'd been too shitfaced to be of use to anyone. Classic Chris maneuver. Always present when things went tits up, but his presence was never beneficial. He'd had to find out what happened second-hand, despite being there. If Chris was being honest with himself, he deserved a good, healthy, superheated blast of explosive decompression to the face.

But if Josh felt that way, too, how had Chris gone a whole year without noticing? He wasn't completely blind. He'd known things weren't good with Josh, but he had no idea they were anywhere near homicidal levels of bad. Was he really so self-absorbed that he couldn't see how deeply his best friend was hurting? Had he been so busy pining after Ashley that he'd completely missed how much Josh hated him?

That would make sense, wouldn't it? Just a couple hours ago, he'd literally sacrificed Josh to save Ash. Flipped a switch, knowing full-well that it would send a whirling blade of doom over to cut his best friend in half. It didn't matter that it wasn't real. He hadn't known that at the time, and Josh knew he didn’t know. And now Josh knew that Chris was perfectly willing to kill him for a girl. What an awful truth to discover about someone you thought cared about you. Chris knew he'd be upset if their positions were reversed. So perhaps this was his punishment for prioritizing Ash above everything else. After all, nobody would have been hurt if he'd chosen to shoot Ash, right? She'd been across the table from him; too far away to be affected by a blank. But no…no... the thought of shooting her… it was unthinkable. It made his stomach tie up in knots. Even now, knowing the gun had been filled with blanks, he'd still rather shoot himself.

The pain in his jaw subsided as the muscles slowly relaxed. He pushed himself off the wall and limped through the tunnel, hoping there weren't any more branch-offs to complicate things.

All right, jackass. You're down in a hole, playing hero to impress a girl who may or may not still be alive, armed with a flashlight and bad puns. You haven't even touched the wendigo yet, and you're already beat to hell. Like a dipstick, you left the shotgun back in the lodge. What, exactly, is your plan?

Find Ash? Not die? That was pretty much the extent of it.

That's not much of a plan.

Much as he hated his little Voice of Better Judgment and loved few things more than ignoring it, he had to admit it had a point. He'd be no help to Ash dead.

The earth shook. Like, legitimately shook, making him stumble. A deep rumble resonated into his very soul. Rocks big and small were shaken loose from the cavern's ceiling, pelting the ground all around him. One of the bigger ones nailed him in the shoulder. The blow, only slightly softened by the padding of his coat, drove him to one knee.

"Shit!" he cried, raising his other arm up to shield his head. When the patter of falling pebbles tapered off, and it seemed the cave wasn't planning to collapse on him after all, he lowered his arm and tilted the flashlight beam up toward the ceiling. "What the hell was that?" But the stalactites above him had no answer. They just dripped menacingly, promising that, next time, one of them would fall on him and leave him with more than just a bruise. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Don't even think about it. I've got my eye on you. All of you."

One of the stalactites dripped directly onto his glasses. "Aw, c'mon. Really?" He dropped his head and snatched his glasses from his face, unzipping his sweater to go to town on the soiled lens with his t-shirt. "Whyyy?" Chris did the best job he could cleaning them, but his shirt was drenched in sweat, and the water was… not clean. That lens was thoroughly smudged now. Wiping it might have actually made the situation worse. Squinting through that nonsense was gonna give him a headache in about three seconds. He put his glasses back on and glowered at the ceiling with one eye. "Not cool."

Defiantly, the stalactite dripped at him again, but this time he dodged it and got back to his feet, grimacing as he put weight on his right leg. "Onward and upward," he muttered and continued deeper into the tunnel.

The tunnel wound and twisted. The floor was uneven and threatened to turn his ankle with every step. The walls and ceiling closed in around him, making him want to duck his head, to avoid the jagged rocks above. The path was so dark and claustrophobic, the beam of his flashlight seemed barely capable of cutting through it. Why would Ash ever come this way?

"Ash?" He paused to listen for any response, but the tinnitus was just too damn loud. He reached up to vigorously rub and bat at his ear, hoping to clear the stupid out of it, but, stubbornly, the ringing persisted. Who knew discharging a gun right next to your head could fuck up your hearing so bad?

He sighed. Well… you knew that. That's why you always wear hearing protection at the range. But, like an idiot, you still did it. In fairness, though, he hadn't exactly been expecting to survive the gunshot. His hearing had been pretty low on his list of considerations. Now though? He was kinda starting to think maybe Van Gogh wasn't quite so crazy for cutting off his own ear.

The passage turned sharply to the right and opened up again into a room held up by mining beams. Moonlight filtered in through the cracks of a boarded up shaft, casting god-rays on a table beneath. In front of the table was a trap door, and in front of that…

"Oh no..." Chris blinked, not wanting to be sure of what he was seeing. Maybe it was just a trick of the light passing through his filthy glasses. He closed one eye, cutting off the interference from the lens smudged in cave crap, but that didn't help much. He'd have to get closer.

But he really didn't want to get closer. Because that thing on the floor looked a lot like Ashley's beanie. And it was in a massive puddle of blood. If he moved closer, the comforting arms of doubt would vanish from around him. And he couldn't bear the thought of knowing something had happened to her. But what was the point? He already knew, didn't he?

"Oh my God, no..." his legs buckled, and he staggered forward to keep upright, dropping to his knees in front of the offending object, only faintly aware of the blood soaking through his jeans. There could no longer be any doubt. That was Ash's beanie, and it was covered in blood. The wendigo had gotten to her. Chris had seen what it does, how fast it works. He could see all the blood. So much blood. Surely nobody could survive that much blood loss.

Ash. His Ash… with her long-suffering indulgence of his sense of humor, her big doe eyes, her adorable button nose, and the soft, warm lips he'd only just gotten to touch with his own…was....

The last beam supporting the mental dam that had been holding back his steadily mounting despair finally cracked. His grief came pouring out of his mouth in a flood of tears and sobs, unmindful of the danger he, himself, must be in. "Oh my God, Ash. No. No!" He scooped her beanie into his free hand, feeling the soft wool slither over his fingers, leaving in its wake streaks of blood. Fresh blood. His hands felt like they were a million miles away, as he rubbed the blood-- Ash's blood-- between his fingers. The room around him wobbled and swayed; everything was surreal. It felt exactly like a nightmare. Yes. This was a nightmare. It had to be. But if so, why couldn't he wake up??

"I can't stand it…" he whimpered, his voice cracking. "None of this can be happening. This can't be real! Please tell me it's not real!" He lifted the beanie to his face, imploring it to respond. Begging Ashley to appear from around the corner or out of the trap door and tell him it was just a joke. A prank. A nightmare. That she was okay. But she didn't. The beanie reeked of iron, not corn syrup. Tears poured down his cheeks as he lowered the beanie and tucked it into his pocket. "No… no… no…" His eyes dropped to the cavern floor, looking for something-- anything-- to latch on to. Any sign that it wasn't hopeless. All he saw was a trail of blood connecting the puddle to the trap door, where it ended. If there was any chance whatsoever of finding her, it'd be down there.

Numbly, he got back to his feet and shuffled over to the trap door. There was the gnawing sensation that he was just throwing his life away, but he couldn't be bothered to care anymore. If she'd died because he left her behind, then maybe he didn't deserve to survive the night. He bent down stiffly and opened the trap door. There were more support beams down there, some ancient, leaky hazmat drums, and pipes leading into darkness. The air was rank with the smell of must and whatever was coming out of those barrels. More blood pooled at the base of the ladder. Shit, there was so much of it. It trailed off in the direction the pipes were running.

Setting the trapdoor down clumsily against the legs of the table, Chris started down the ladder. But after all the climbing, jumping, and… even just walking, his ankle picked that exact moment to decide it'd had enough. The first moment he put all his weight on it, it crumpled, and his foot slipped off of the rung. His hands, hampered by the flashlight, lost their grip on the ladder, and down he went, landing hard on his back. The air whooshed out of his lungs, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his chest to expand and let new air in.

God, this is how I die? By falling off a ladder that's like two inches high? After everything else, this is how it ends? For f-- Then his diaphragm started functioning again. His endless, involuntary groan stopped, and he took a huge, shaky breath. Nope. Not dying. His ribs hurt like a mother-- more than they already had-- but nothing in there seemed to be moving in an unnatural way, so he supposed he must be all right. Just knocked the wind out of himself. Slowly, he rolled over and fumbled for the flashlight that had flown out of his grasp during the fall. Once he found that, he rose unsteadily to his feet, his ankle grumbling like Yosemite Sam.

With one hand, he rubbed at his leg conciliatorily; with the other, he cast the beam of the flashlight down to the pool of blood at the base of the ladder. Its structural integrity had been obliterated when he landed in it, but it was easy enough to follow the trail.

He didn't have to follow it far.

A few yards beyond the reach of the moonlight streaming through the trap door, his flashlight beam fell upon a big, red lump on the floor. Chris felt his stomach seize up into a tight ball and cram itself into his throat. For a long moment, he absolutely could not get his feet to move. When they did, they felt so heavy it was like moving through mud. Everything around the shape disappeared from his consciousness, and the closer he got, the more clear it became. Soon, it was impossible for him to deny the truth of what he was seeing. It was Ashley’s hoodie. But it was like those old crime scene photos from the Manson murders that Josh had shown him once. One of the victims was wearing a white nightgown so saturated in blood that the investigators initially thought it was red. Ash’s hoodie was the same way. You’d never know from looking at it now that it was gray. But there was something else wrong with it. It wasn't lying right on the cavern floor. It should be lying flat. Why wasn't it lying flat?

You know why, Christopher.

"No," he hissed viciously. "It's just her hoodie. If she was in it, I’d see her head sticking out. Maybe her hoodie came off while she was fighting."

But down beneath the waistband of her hoodie were her shorts, and coming out the bottom of those were her leggings and boots, and those were definitely not empty. And there’s no way all of that would come off in a fight. But there was still nothing coming out of the collar of her hoodie! Then his eyes drifted down to her sleeves. Poking delicately out the ends were small, pale, crimson-streaked fingers. Unmistakeable.

The ramifications of what he was seeing hit him like a ton of bricks. The stranger. Alive one second. Gone the next. His head toppling from his shoulders and thudding heavily to the snow. But it had Ashley's face when it landed. "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God." He wanted to deny it. He needed to deny it, but no matter how hard his mind whirled for anything to latch onto, there was nothing but the truth.

Where was her head?? Letting out a horrible yell, he dropped his flashlight, fell to her side and found her hand, but there was no head to cradle. No eyes to look into. No hair to stroke. No cheek to caress. And her lips… the memory of her kiss haunted him, a ghost of warmth on his icy lips. The sensation was so intoxicating, and now he would never experience it again. He had no way to feel close to her but to take her blood-streaked hand and sandwich it between his own.

Noise was coming out of him, maybe he was saying something, but hell if he knew what it was. He didn't even know if there were words, or if it was just a mindless outpouring of pure anguish. His vision swam as it locked in on the perfectly manicured fingers of the hand he held, took in the blood caked in the cuticles and under her nails. Was it hers or the pig's blood Josh had used to fake his death? Did it matter? Did anything matter? Then he couldn't see anything but vague blobs. His vision was obscured behind a flood of grief, and even blinking couldn't clear his eyes. So he closed them and doubled over into a hopeless, rocking ball. Unaware he was doing it, he pressed the back of her hand to his mouth, sobbing into it, washing away the blood with his tears. Her hand was still warm. Still warm! Maybe if he'd realized she was gone sooner… if he hadn't wasted so much time being an emotional wreck… if he hadn’t been an idiot and hurt his ankle in the first place… he might have been here in time to help… to do something…

To take her place.

Yes. That, more than anything else, was what he wanted right now. He wanted to die knowing that she'd be all right because of it. But he'd never get to do that, because… because... Ashley was--

His mind recoiled violently from the word. He just couldn't accept it. This was clearly someone else's body. Someone wearing her clothes. One of Josh's horribly realistic dummies, maybe, with the head ripped off. He desperately wanted to cling to that idea. It felt warm and comfortable. But deep down he knew better. The smell of her hand, like peaches and vanilla mixed with old books. The soft warmth of her skin against his cold cheek. They were as familiar to him as the weight of his glasses on his nose-- impossible to mistake for anything else. For anyone else. There was no escaping the reality. This was Ashley’s body. Ashley was dead. Her words echoed back to him.

It's just not fair!

His face stretched in a rictus of grief as he lowered his head to her chest, using it to muffle his sobs.

It's too late, Chris. What's the point?

Her chest was silent and still. No heartbeat to be heard. No whooshing of air through her lungs. No rise and fall of her breast. Each observation came like the fall of a hammer on a nail being driven through his heart.

We've wasted everything.

"Oh, God, Ash. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." His voice was too high and broken, muffled by the fabric of her hoodie and coming out in quick, wavering gasps amidst the rapid heaving of his chest. "It should have been me. It should have been me. I should have saved you. I'm so sorry." His head was swimming. His face was heavy and tingling, and his lips were numb. His hands, still clasping hers, felt a million miles away. Chris was vaguely aware that he was hyperventilating again, but there was no stopping it this time; he didn’t want to stop it. He just didn't care anymore. If he died down here, what difference did it make? He’d failed in the one thing that mattered most to him; there was no living with that. Spots bloomed across his vision, even though his eyes were closed. Vaguely, he heard the sound of something clamoring in the room up above. He sat up, opened his eyes, and still couldn't see through the swarm of darkness blooming across his vision. At the movement, he felt the blood drain out of his face. Suddenly, his head lolled heavily forward, his shoulders went limp, and he slumped over Ash's body in a dead faint.

#until dawn #chris hartley #fanfiction #elliepollie #wacem scribbles

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scarletwelly-boots · 4 years

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Books Read 2019

It’s time again for my annual books read post (a little earlier than usual, but I couldn’t wait). I read 24 books in 2019, 4 books more than last year, though two are in progress and I expect to finish them by the new year.

It is year four of the reading challenge from Popsugar. There were 48 categories this year, so I got 50% again. Unlike last year, I did not change any categories, but I may have taken liberties with some again, we’ll see. So, without further ado, let’s begin the list. [Under the cut]

1. How to Train Your Dragon, by Cressida Cowell (A book becoming a movie in 2019). Okay, so there have already been two movies in this series, but the last one (*sob*) came out this year, so it counts. I read this book and a few of the others in the series a few years ago, but revisited the first one this year. It’s really good, but don’t go into it expecting it to be like the movies. The character names are the same, but that’s about it. If you can get your hands on the audiobook version, it’s read by David Tennant, which is excellent. Definitely recommend; it’s just as good as the movies.

2. Little House in the Big Woods, by Laura Ingalls Wilder (A book that makes you nostalgic). This is another reread. My dad read the whole series aloud to my sister and I when we were barely older than Laura is in the first book. It was the series he read before the Harry Potter books came out, and we both got sucked into that series. So yeah, very nostalgic. This is a series of semi-autobiographical stories chronicling Wilder’s pioneer childhood, and this is the first in the series. Some of the language doesn’t really age well, but for the most part it’s a delightful book.

3. An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, by Hank Green (a book you think should be turned into a movie). Holy. Shit. I was very, very pleasantly surprised by Hank Green’s debut novel (and yes, John Green is his brother). This is a mysterious book about first encounters and internet fame, with a queer young adult (like, really YA, as in post-college) protagonist. She’s kind of shitty sometimes, but I would argue all twenty-somethings are shitty sometimes (I mean, I literally typed “*sob*” two entries up, like I’m channeling my 2009 self, and I didn’t delete it.). I would highly, highly recommend. And apparently, SOMEDAY, there’s supposed to be a sequel, thank GOD.

4. Loki: Agent of Asgard, by Jason Ewing (a reread of a favorite book). I could actually get away with a reread for this one! I love this graphic novel series. I love how they depict Loki, how he finally gets a goddamn redemption arc. It’s a really fun read. Check it out.

5. The Beast Within, by Serena Valentino (a book inspired by mythology, legend, or folklore). A companion novel to Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. I don’t really remember much about this book. It was weird. But like, it plays with the timeline and the curse a little bit, where the beast gets cursed but doesn’t become a beast immediately. He slowly transforms as his behavior gets worse and more cruel. Apparently he used to be friends with Gaston, but Gaston forgot about him once he finally transformed. Really weird. If you’re obsessed with this fairytale like I am, give it a shot. If not, it probably won’t be that interesting.

6. Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen (a book you see someone reading on TV or in a movie). Another reread. I know it’s a classic, but I seriously just love this book.

7. Howl’s Moving Castle, by Diane Wynne Jones (a book about someone with a superpower). Another reread of a favorite book, what can I say. The movie is my favorite movie, but the book is better.

8. Carry On, by Rainbow Rowell (a book told from multiple character POV’s). Okay, listen. I had to reread this book, because it had been a few years and the sequel came out this year. Think of this as generic brand Harry Potter if Draco was a vampire, was Harry’s roommate, and helplessly in love with Harry. I’m serious, it’s generic brand. But damn if I don’t love it. @JKR, this could be us but Harry had to be the jock that married his high school sweetheart and grew up to be a cop. Definitely read.

9. Franny and Zooey, by JD Salinger (a book with no chapters/unusual chapter headings/unconventionally numbered chapters). My brother got me this book for my birthday. Before this I had only read Catcher in the Rye, which I started out hating when I was fourteen but turned into loving when I was nineteen. Honestly I think this novel is better than that one. I really loved it. Highly recommend. What’s it about? Who the fuck knows? But to quote my brother: “At its core, I think this book is about a smart brother and a smart sister. I think we can relate.” So read it and buy it for the smart brother or sister or sibling in your life.

10. 1916, by Tim Pat Coogan (read a book during the season it is set in). This is an Irish history book about the Easter Rising of 1916 and (what I didn’t know when I started reading it in April) everything that came after that can trace its cause back to the rebellion, all the way to the centennial of the Rising. The Easter Rising was the catalyst of Irish freedom. It was like the Boston Tea Party of Ireland, rather than the Battle of Yorktown (as in it kickstarted the War for Independence but didn’t immediately result in freedom), that is, if the instigators of the Boston Tea Party were rounded up, imprisoned in Kilmainham Gaol, and a week later almost all executed by firing squad. It’s a tedious read if you’re not into Irish history or history in general, but I enjoyed it.

11. Loki: Where Mischief Lies, by Mackenzi Lee (a book set in space). Okay, technically it takes place on Asgard and Earth, but those are planets, and planets are in space, so it counts! I’m still reading it, but I really like it so far. (Honestly I maybe just like the idea of Loki in knee high black boots marketed towards women and black nails. I never promised not to be gay.)

12. Norse Mythology, by Neil Gaiman (a book set in Scandinavia). I’m sorry! I read this book every year. Neil Gaiman is an amazing writer, and we all know I’m gay as shit for some good Loki tales.

13. Artemis Fowl, by Eoin Colfer (a book that takes place in a single day). Okay, I know people love this fantasy series, and since it’s Irish I fully expected to, too. But I didn’t like any of the characters enough to read the rest of the series, least of all Artemis himself. I struggle to enjoy stories if I don’t like the main character, and Artemis was kind of a shit. Sorry, I did not like this one.

14. Skulduggery Pleasant, by Derek Landy (a debut novel). I just started this one, too, but I really like it already. I think the audiobook is read by the same guy that read Artemis Fowl, but already this is way better than that one. The characters are likable, for one (god, the bar is so low for fantasy books for me right now). It’s a mystery and a fantasy, and the main-ish character is literally an anthropomorphic skeleton detective. It’s excellent. I’m going to read the whole series. (I have to; my mom accidentally got me the 12th installment for my birthday.)

15. Red, White, and Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston (a book that’s published in 2019). I read this twice. It’s so beautiful. I really expected it to be a shitty YA novel, but it wasn’t! It was very romantic (once they stopped “hating” each other), and gay. The premise sounds far-fetched: First Son of the United States falls for the Crown Prince of England. But, guys, it’s soooo gooooood. Highly, highly, highly recommend.

16. The Wisconsin Road Guide to Mysterious Creatures, by Chad Lewis (a book featuring an extinct or imaginary creature). I mean, you can make your own decision whether these cryptids are real or imaginary. This is a travel guide to cryptids in Wisconsin, which I got on vacation earlier this year. I liked it, but reading a road guide for pleasure is admittedly kind of weird. Recommend if you’re planning a road trip through Wisconsin and want to stop at some cryptid, ghostly, or Nessie-like hotspots. Or if you just want to fuck Mothman, like me. (Dustybae’s not in this particular travel book though.)

17. Take Me With You, by Andrea Gibson (a book recommended by a celebrity you admire). Okay, so it was by a celeb I admire, not recommended by. This is a very quick read, of quotes from Gibson’s poetry. They are a queer spoken word poet with some really good pieces. They’re on spotify and apple music, probably among other sources. Recommend their work, but the book is very short, so maybe only purchase if you enjoy their work.

18. This is How it Always Is, by Laurie Frankel (a book about a family). This book was really, really good. It was passed around the aunts in my family until it got to my mom and I, which was really kind of a magical thing. It’s about a family navigating the challenges and gifts of raising a trans child. I cried a couple times, and it was so good. It’s written by a parent of a trans child, so it came from a place of understanding, and it was interesting to read this type of narrative from a parent’s perspective, when usually being genderfluid myself, I tend to consume media that is from the perspective of trans characters themselves. I had some very interesting conversations with my aunts and mom about it, and I really think this book changed my family a little bit, and I didn’t expect it to change me, too. Highly recommend.

19. Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Suzanne Clark (a book that includes a wedding). So the wedding is at the very beginning, and sadly not between Strange and Norrell. But it’s really good. Lots of magic, lots of regency-era Britishness. The book is huge, but there is a miniseries on Netflix based on the novel and that’s really good too. Highly recommend, and still in love with my man John Childermass. Hnng.

20. Wayward Son, by Rainbow Rowell (a book by an author whose first and last names start with the same letter). Sequel to Carry On. Sheer madness. I loved it. Think of it as generic brand Harry Potter post-DH, if Harry sprouted dragon wings during the final battle, is gay as shit for Draco, and a year later Harry, Draco, and Hermione are set loose on America with .5 seconds of research, severe culture shock, one cell phone between them, and a half-assed plan to rescue Ginny who may or may not want to be rescued. Shit show, but well done and I’m fully invested and ready for the third installment.

21. Good Omens, by Neil Gaiman (a book with a two-word title). I’m sorry, I need to shift to caps for this. GUYS I FUCKING LOVE THIS STORY YOU HAVE NO IDEA IT IS THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS EVER COME INTO MY WORLD! I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE WATCHED THE AMAZON SERIES THIRTEEN TIMES TO DATE AND IMMEDIATELY DEVOURED THE BOOK IN THREE DAYS. You don’t know what it’s about? Where have you BEEN?! An angel and a demon who are gay as shit for each other and love humanity way more than either of their respective sides. One downside is that as the miniseries came out like twenty years after the novel, my two favorite parts were only written for the series, and are not in the novel. But the book is still very, very good. 15/10.

22. Dumplin’, by Julie Murphy (a book revolving around a puzzle or game). I took game to mean competition, so this is about a beauty competition. I watched the Netflix movie first. I honesty thought I was not gonna like it, but holy shit it was amazing. Admittedly I think the movie was better (despite having Jennifer Aniston in it), but the book was really good, too. Recommend.

23. The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde (your favorite prompt from a past Popsugar reading challenge; a book with a queer protagonist). God, please read this book. This has been up there in my list of favorite books since I was fourteen. Oscar Wilde is a master storyteller, and Dorian Gray is intriguing and despicable and beautiful. I’ve already read this, but I love it too much not to.

24. Terrible Queer Creatures, by Brian Lacey (a book set in an abbey, cloister, monastery, vicarage, or convent). Okay, so it’s not set there for the whole book, but gay monks and nuns are things. This was another birthday present, and an absolute hit. Combining two of my favorite things: Irish history and queer history. I had no idea a book like this existed. I’m still really excited about it. The only issue I have is that most of the one chapter dedicated to gay women involve biographies of people that were actually probably trans men, like Dr. Barry. They could have probably had a separate chapter and then a chapter of the clear lesbians and bisexual women (including trans women, of course). Lumping them in with the women in a chapter specifically dedicated to queer women did not seem particularly inclusive. But overall I really enjoyed the book.

Top Ten Books of 2019 post will be forthcoming.

#books #Book Recommendations #book recs

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raevenlywrites · 5 years

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Elevensies Tag

Tagged by @chaos-reign and @carrotgirl-1 fiveever ago, let’s see what makes a Raevenly write, shall we?

Da Rules: Do 11 questions, make 11 questions, tag 11 people. Or however you wanna do it. Just as long as you’re having fun ;)

I’m gonna front load my questions and tags so you don’t have to read all my long winded ramblings :P

Tagging: @yuutfa @borntomezmer @cirianne @jaimistoryteller @nectareouswrites @ratracechronicler @silvertalonwriteblr @katekarl @pens-swords-stuff @endlesshourglass and @oceanwriter

1. What do you mainly write?

2. When did you start writing and why?

3. If you could pull one character from your work into our world, who and why?

4. Do you create other art for your worlds (maps, songs, art?) If so, shaaaare please?

5. What’s one work you’d like to try to adapt to another medium (comics, screenplay, etc?)

6. What gets you really excited to work on a piece?

7. What’s the weirdest question you’ve ever had while writing?

8. What part of a scene comes to you first?

9. How much time do you spent on non-writing writing (moodboards/playlists, researching, etc?)

10. What’s been your biggest point of growth as a writer?

11. What do you want to say to the writeblr community?

And now onto my questions. All TWENTY-TWO OF THEM

1. Do you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find?

Kinda? There’s a lot of crossover characters, so like “that weird guy you met at my cousin’s birthday party” might very well be Ruth, or Roanan, or Zig. But otherwise nothing really intentional.

2. If you could ask one successful author three questions about their writing, writing process, or books, what would they be?

Oh man I have no idea. I become a complete dork when talking to my heroes. Maybe “How could you?” “How dare?!” and the like

3. Do you have a library membership?

I sure do! I use the digital services to check out free audiobooks all the time!

4. Ebooks. Yay or nay?

Eeeehh? I don’t do much visual reading lately, e or otherwise

5. What feeling do you want readers to get from what you write?

I want them to love these idiots as much as I do. My goal is make everyone feel like my OC is their best friend whom they love and cherish and want to smack upside the head when they dumb.

On a grander scale, I want my work to help normalize diversity. It’s time for more stories about queer people, brown people, disabled people, people people.

6. What time of day are you the most productive?

If I figure it out, I’ll be sure to let you know.

But seriously, when I’m well rested enough to wake up naturally (instead of being drug from a rem cycle by the alarm) then I do my best writing first thing in the morning over coffee.

7. What is your writing Kryptonite?

SCENE LAYOUT. I am forever losing if someone is sitting/standing/lying down, if they already poured the cup of coffee, if they ever put those pants back on, etc. I just don’t really “see” my scenes, so I’m not grounded in their lay out. My favorite scenes are those that take place in cars, cause there’s not much to do but sit and drive XD

8. Which scenes are your favorite to write?

Those moments of time where things slow down and your senses become hyperaware and it’s all internal monologue. The best :D

9. What comes first in your development/outlining process, plot or character?

Usually character, but it’s usually a character that arises from a “what if” question, so I guess that’s plot? idk. writing is hard man.

10. What is your favorite novel to film (or TV) adaptation?

Stardust. But only because I loved the movie and hated the book (which almost never happens seriously books are awesome)

11. Do you think of yourself more as an artist or an entertainer?

I’ve actually struggled with this a lot lately. I am a performer, whether its singing or writing or dancing or just being the weirdo who keeps the conversation going. I feel of the energy of my audience. And as a writer, that is often *extrememly* lacking. So i’ve spent the past year letting go of the idea that anyone will ever care about my writing and honestly, it’s been very freeing. Instead of being crushed that I never share anything and what I do share doesn’t get any notes, now I’m just excited to have hammered through a really difficult scene. Letting go of the entertainer/interaction element has really turned writing from a source of angst and frustration into something I like again.

1. How do you pick character names?

I just kinda let them come to me?

2. Which OC would you like to meet irl?

Zig! We would be besties!

3. Sunset or sunrise?

Both. Yay Vampire time!

4. Would you rather explore the deep space or the deep seas?

NEITHER OH MY GOD HOW TERRIFYING

5. What inspired your latest WIP?

I don’t know as much about my hyena shapeshifters as I wanted to. So I made some up and am doing slice of life to see what makes them tick

6. Happy endings or sad endings?

Happy. My writing partner demands fluff

7. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes, but I don’t believe they’re the trapped souls of dead humans

8. What’s the first line from your favorite WIP?

YOU CAN’T ASK ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MY CHILDREN LIKE THAT.

But my favorite first line is “Lawrence Crane was a terrible name for an assassin.”

9. If you could shapeshift into any animal, which would it be?

Wolf.

10. So if you’re heading to a lovely garden buffet, with every cuisine imaginable, and you had free-flowing drinks and a chocolate fountain and desserts galore, and you’re wearing a nice dress or suit, right, and there’s a line in front of the roasted meats area, but you’re drooling and you just can’t wait to bite into that juicy steak so you go–you go to the seafood section, and then you see this person, this person who’s hogging all the lobster, just smiling at you as they keep piling on lobster after lobster, they can’t hold it anymore, they don’t have enough hands or plates, so you help them out, and after you help them out they smile sweetly and ask if you’d care for some lobster.

Who is this person?

BIRD

11. What’s your favorite line from your favorite OC?

*crying* I’m begging you. PLEASE stop making me pick my favorite child. You’re tearing this family apart.

#tag games #about me

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ahopelessreader · 5 years

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Title: The Disasters Author: M.K. England Genre: ya scifi Page Count: 352 Format: physical book/audiobook (narrated by James Fouhey) Trigger Warnings: n/a Rating: 3.5/5 stars

I had a lot of fun with this! That’s probably the best way to describe my overall feelings on this book: fun. If you enjoy fun, punchy scifi, I would definitely pick this up, because I don’t think it’ll disappoint. I enjoyed the book for what it was, despite the flaws I find with it, which we’ll get into more in the spoilery section of the review. But as a basis, I would say pick this up if you enjoy ya scifi, but definitely keep in mind this is a debut novel on their debut book. It was a slightly better than average debut, but still a debut nonetheless, and I can’t wait to see where they go from here. With that out of the way, let’s get into this.

I think the most effective method for reviewing this book is going back to the format I had for Smut, and yes, someday I hope to have a consistent structure for these things, but I’m not sure I’ve figured that out yet.

THE PLOT

So right off the bat, the general plot idea, a small group of people survive a deadly attack and are being chased down to prevent word from getting out/foiling the rest of the plan reminded me of The Illuminae Files, but that’s not a bad thing. If you’re a scifi book, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to be compared to Illuminae concept wise. But in the middle it goes straight into heist mode, at least for a few chapters, before getting back to the other thing. And I think the plot juggles all of these elements well: the four main characters getting kicked out of the academy, surviving the attack, going to a different planet/galaxy, the heist, stopping the attack, all of it was handled well and still moved at a relatively fast, punchy pace. I think the plot was pretty well woven in every aspect, except for the romantic subplots. And, if you don’t like this kind of thing, be warned, this book features a love triangle. And I do feel like “really guys, it’s 2018 (when this book was published), can’t we do better?”

The love triangle was the weakest aspect of this book, plot wise or other, and that’s not just because I preferred one relationship over the other (though I acknowledge that neither of them were particularly well handled), but we’re going to put a pin in that when we go a little bit deeper into the characters.

The other big issue I had with the plot was that everything all seemed to go a little too conveniently for our heroes. Like, it never really seemed like anyone was in danger, and maybe that was a product of the tone being more on the fun/humor side of things, but it didn’t create any sort of tension, and I think the scene where they go to bust Case out of the holding cell and she’s already free is a good example of that, but even when they’re actually stealing their ship, and even the big finale, nothing felt like it was actually at stake. And I think that’s a problem when you spend the first couple of chapters killing a bunch of of nameless characters, but nothing else follows through on that.

THE CHARACTERS

Our main character was Nax Hall, a pilot who failed out of the academy, though it takes a good chunk of the book to find out why. He also has some flight related baggage that carries along through a good majority of the book. He was quick witted and sarcastic and a generally good person and the biggest #DisasterBi I have ever read in a book since Tanner from Autoboyography. He was very easy to like, and I did, ultimately like him. The downside to him, though, is two-fold: one, I don’t think the payoff of his tragic backstory/what he did to get kicked out of the academy was really worth it after all the hype for a good... sixty to seventy percent of the book. Yes, you find out he was piloting a rocket and he messed up and injured himself and his brother in a bad crash, but the only repercussions were in his head. The other problem comes back in the form of the aforementioned love triangle, which I think at this point is going to need to have its own section or we’d be here all day.

The other characters, Rion, Zee, Case, and Asra, are all fantastic in their own rights. I loved badass, levelheaded, medical genius, transwoman Zee, and her backstory was the only one I felt genuinely sorry and and hurt for. She was fantastic. My other favorite was Rion, a British rich kid who was charming and funny in a dry way. Genius girl Case, who wants to do the Right Thing, is the most outwardly mean of the group, and has anxiety. In terms of backstory, she was the other of the academy rejects I felt sorry for. Asra was the rebel “hacker/genius” behind the operations and I liked her too.

One thing I loved about these characters is you do see them talk and decision make and they don’t all trust each other right away, but they still care about each other. Although, I won’t lie, I definitely think Asra could’ve been a little bit more mysterious and unclear in her motivations, maybe to bring some “do we trust her” tension, but there was none there. The one time we got a moment like that, it was over before it could really begin. The other thing I loved about this was the diversity. Four of the five main characters were characters of color, at least three of the main cast were LGBT+ explicitly (I’m not quite sure about Asra).

The one thing that niggled me a bit is that none of the characters really developed much. They just... were. Which I suppose makes sense for how short an amount of time this book spans, but it comes back to bite it in the butt with how close these characters become so fast. I get that they went through something traumatic together, but I wish we had gotten to see more of their bonding.

THE LOVE TRIANGLE

The weakest part of the book. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on this, but the love triangle between Rion/Nax/Case was the worst part of the book for me, especially because it felt extremely instaloveish, considering I’m pretty sure their connections started forming on the first day of like the four they spent together. Like I said, I could see them all being friendly, but a romance? Let alone two? I think it would’ve been better to cut one or both of them. I will say, from my perspective, Rion and Nax did have better chemistry than Nax and Case, but that’s not saying much, especially because it felt like Nax was pendulum swinging from one to the other whenever one was in the room, though again, I do think the point goes to Rion’s favor, and it does seem like it’s the one England was setting up more, considering thinking of him when he and Case were kissing is what caused them to stop. However, I really don’t like that after the kiss between Nax and Case, Case is just watching all of Nax and Rion’s interactions. Ugh. Hard pass on this one guys, and I usually LOVE a good romance plot/subplot in my books.

THE WRITING

Overall, I think the writing was fine, though take that with a grain of salt because you have to usually be a particularly special amount of awful for me to pick up on it. The one criticism I have regarding the writing is that it’s a little... repetitive. There’s countless jokes/comments about Zee and kicking, Nax says Rion or Case do something in a “thoroughly distracting way” quite a few times, and Rion and Case even have damn near the same compliment for Nax at one part of the book. The writing never bored or infuriated me, but it didn’t spark anything inside me, either. But it was definitely serviceable.

THE THEMES

Ultimately, I think this book’s heart and soul are in the right place, and it’s message of “we’re all disasters, but we all deserve a chance to fly” is a good one, if a touch overused. I think it was delivered on well, though if the stakes had been a bit higher or every character didn’t have such a specific set of skills, I think this could’ve hit better. But I like the themes/message of the book.

THE AUDIOBOOK

I’m going to keep it short, since this doesn’t really effect the quality of the novel as a whole, but I wanted to comment on it anyway, I think James Fouhey did a good job on the book. I don’t know if he’s a new favorite of mine (like Kirsten Leigh is slowly becoming), but I wouldn’t be opposed to listening to something he narrates again. I would definitely pick up the audiobook if you’re curious.

CONCLUSION

I’m recommending this. If you want a fun, fast scifi read that doesn’t take itself too seriously and will definitely hold your interest despite its faults, you won’t regret it. I certainly don’t regret my time with these human disasters.

#the disasters #review #books #book: the disasters #author: mk england #review: the disasters #genre: young adult #genre: scifi

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loud-snoring-os · 6 years

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Excellent information, but extremely difficult to follow. I have to say, I so badly want to give this book a better review. It has amazing thoughts and insights in it, and has really helped me understand health in a whole new way. I feel less pressure to exercises and eat a certain way. However, I really struggle with the way the plan is set up and to follow. I read and followed her first book with great results, but so many questions left unanswered. This book has addressed more, but the plan is extremely hard to follow!! I'm a physical therapist and want to suggest this book to my patients because I love the principles, but follow through is extremely difficult (and I have no kids.) I can't imagine how moms do this. I even tried buying the audiobook with the PDFs and it's still unhelpful. The shopping lists don't align with what the recipes need. I find myself going to the grocery story EVERY day because I don't have what I need. She also doesnt provide a good plan for how to cook, except for chopping up vegetables ahead of time (which you will still probably run out of). I just love the plan but wish it was better organized and easier to use. The stress of following perfectly takes a lot of joy out of the process. I hope in future books she Go to Amazon

a big mistake for me Things went well during detox- I lost 6 pounds, but then nothing for the next remainder of the month. This plan is so labor intensive that I was cooking constantly and had no extra time to exercise. I have a family and had to cook for them too. I also live in a small town, so the ingredients were hard to get. I had to drive an hour to buy escarole! I also made a consultation appointment with the writer. I had suffered through 18 days by the time the appointment came up, had paid in full ahead of time, sent lots of paperwork, had blood labwork done, and completed a diary. I had lots of questions. I had lost 6 pounds during the clense and then nothing for the remaining 12 days. I obviously needed help interpreting and managing. About an hour before my appointment, I got an email with all caps writing and red highlights on my diary that informed me that my appointment was cancelled because I was a failure at following the book properly. So after all the work and not even a single cheat- I was rejected and left with no plan. I know I cannot go on for much longer with this labor intensive of a plan. I am completeley lost. I feel somewhat hopeless and wish I had never tried it. Go to Amazon

I gained weight. Maybe you won’t. If you try it, get the hardcopy instead. I was hopeful that this diagnostic approach to developing a customized plan would be helpful toward arresting the inflammation of my autoimmune eye disease. I did not get positive results and gained a pound on the clease. Go to Amazon

Not a good plan Not an easy plan to follow...I didn't even keep the book Go to Amazon

life changing! Three and a half years ago I bought the first book written by Lyn-Genet Recitas called "the plan". That book changed my life and taught me how to eat and how to live my life happier and healthier. Now I am down 170 lbs. Her new book "The Metabolism Plan" goes into even more depth then the first book on how to get the weight down and restore the metabolism and thyroid to its optimal ability. The best part is that if you haven't read the first book, that's okay because all the information for success is included in this amazing gem of a book and then some. I absolutely recommend "The Metabolism Plan" for both new planners and even those like me who have followed the original book. Imagine a simplified plan to change and improve the quality of your life and health. A plan so easy you can implement it in your own homes for your whole family. This book gives you the building blocks for a happier and healthier you. You get to eat great foods while learning how to heal your body, eat and how to exercise at a level perfectly tailored to you. No more extreme fad diets and no more hours wasted at the gym. This is the way to go folks. It changed my life and can change yours! Go to Amazon

Worked for my husbands psoriatic arthritis, not for me Followed for 4 months: Go to Amazon

I bought this book a month before it was released and had to wait but you can buy it now, so don't wait. I've had a lifetime of trying diet after diet that didn't work. My priority has always been to reduce the inflammation in my body so I could once again be healthy. Lyn-Genet's first book, The Plan, really opened my eyes to what was going on in my body. It's amazing what eating the right foods for your body can do for you. I had some things that I didn't quite figure out the first go-around but these things were addressed in more detail in The Metabolism Plan so I was able to figure out what I was doing wrong. The major addition to The Metabolism Plan is testing for exercise that works for you. I was running 50 to 70 miles per week and gaining weight, I thought how is that possible. Not long after, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. After reading The Metabolism Plan, I now understand how my workouts were causing me to gain weight and to have problems with my thyroid. I have purchased this book for some of my family members because their health depends on it. I highly recommend this book for anyone that wants to be healthy once and for all and the weight loss is a wonderful benefit! Go to Amazon

You have probably noticed your body reacts to different foods and exercise and here is the book that explains why This book has guiding principles that you have not heard of before; such as, just because a food is deemed healthy doesn't mean it works for your body. Lyn-Genet teaches you how to figure out which foods your body likes and doesn't like. You have probably already noticed your body reacting to certain foods and didn't consider this principle but this is what Lyn-Genet's research is based on. Great information and guidelines to follow, good recipes, very practical. Go to Amazon

Five Stars Great book and everything in it makes sense and is USEFUL. Five Stars Five Stars Three Stars and now I'm glad I did Doesn't work as well as the author claims Great book, learning so much, and losing weight in a healthy way! Like the author suggest Five Stars

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dorksideproductions · 7 years

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Alright, let me get this out of the way… When I first heard there was an entire novel coming about the tragically underused, almost throwaway character from The Force Awakens, Captain Phasma, I was bummed. I mean, there are so many awesome new characters and events to explore in this time period in the Star Wars canon that I felt like an entire novel about Phasma was simply not needed. Well, when I’m wrong I’m wrong. With Phasma, author Delilah S. Dawson has crafted an amazing and creative origin story for the chrome-laden Captain of the First Order’s Stormtrooper division, pulling inspiration from very unexpected sources (a dash of Dune, a smidge of Lord of the Flies, and a whole lot of Lost – yeah, for real). Bottom line – Phasma is a tour de force novel from start to finish, and one of the best pieces of work in the new canon. Of course, my review will contain lots of ***SPOILERS***, so as always skip below the image to read the rest of the review if you so desire. But first, let me say this – READ THIS BOOK! There, how’s that for a recommendation?

Before going any further, I want to make everyone aware that I consume almost every Star Wars novel in audiobook format, which you know if you listen to our podcast, The Exhaust Port, and let me say narrator January LaVoy (who also narrated the amazing novel Bloodline) straight crushes it and certainly added to my enjoyment of Phasma. Also, the format of the novel takes a little getting used to, as it’s mainly conveyed in a story format, via a captured Resistance spy named Vi Moradi as she’s being interrogated by a First Order officer named Captain Cardinal. Cardinal is a rival of Phasma’s and is desperate for some intel on her in order to bring her down, as he senses there’s something she’s hiding. Well, it just so happens Vi has been on the trail of our chrome Captain as well, so when her ship is apprehended by the First Order Star Destroyer the Absolution, Cardinal takes matters into his own hands, secretly interrogating Vi for every bit of information she has on Phasma. What unfolds during the telling of the story is a gripping tale of a warrior and her rise to power – from the desolate and primitive world of Parnassos to being in the position of power we meet her in during the events of The Force Awakens. And I’m very happy to report she’s MUCH more than a cool looking character in chrome armor. Having summed that up, I’m going to outline a few bullet points containing what I loved about Phasma:

The format — as I mentioned above, having the events unfold in a storytelling format took a little getting used to, but after the first few chapters it was smooth sailing. Dare I say the format is what made the book. The contrast of cool confidence that Vi emits with the slow breakdown that Captain Cardinal experiences as the novel progresses was an extra dimension that added to my overall enjoyment of an already amazing story. Both of these characters are very well written and thoroughly fleshed out, even though Phasma and her rise to power were the main focus. Kudos to the author for pulling this off, to me it was a risk that paid off in spades.

Parnassos and Phasma’s beginnings — I have to admit, I was not expecting Phasma to come from the humble beginnings of what essentially amounts to a primitive tribe. She and her brother Keldo lead a clan called the Scyre, that’s constantly at war with another primitive clan called the Claw (the Claws are lead by a Dug, nice touch Delilah, nice touch). As events unfold the feel of this social structure took on a very Lord of the Flies feel to me (further emphasized by a cataclysmic event I’ll reference below). One thing I have to say though is that from the very beginning of the book, Phasma is a very capable and ruthless fighter and leader, as she commands and trains the warrior sect of her clan.

The catalyst — the main events (again, as told by Vi to Cardinal) are set in motion when a starship crashes on Parnassos, thanks to an old planetary defense system (more on that below). It turns out this craft contains none other than General Brendol Hux of the First Order (featured in the Aftermath series of novels and father of General Armitage Hux, from The Force Awakens). Phasma and her warriors from the Scyre agree to take Hux and his crew on a journey across the desolate landscape of the planet to get back to their ship, with the hopes of joining them and helping her people escape the planet.

Let’s talk about Phasma, the person — more kudos to the author for not trying to make Phasma an overly complicated and conflicted character. To me that took guts, and again, it pays off incredibly well. Phasma (yes, that’s her real name) is what she is – a ruthless, and dare I say heartless, warrior who will do anything to achieve her goals. She is who she is, it’s simple and it works. During the course of the book she betrays her Scyre clan (and her brother, Keldo), brakes a truce with the Claw Clan by killing their leader, sacrifices more than a few of her own clanmates, and grows more and more selfish as she and her warriors traverse the treacherous landscape of Parnassos in an effort to get the stranded First Order contingent back to their crashed ship, all the while striving to earn the favor of General Brendol Hux so she can join the First Order and leave Parnassos and life on the planet behind. Early in the book it seems she wants help from the First Order for the sake of her entire clan. However, as the novel progresses we realize more and more that Phasma is out for herself, and whatever she needs to do to accomplish this end game she is going to do, including murdering her own brother. Sorry for the spoiler, but I warned you… Also worth mentioning is that as the story progresses she slowly trades her handmade leather mask and armor for more modern apparatus, eventually claiming an ill-fitting set of First Order Stormtrooper armor from one of the fallen members of the group, morphing into what she believes Brendol is looking for.

Phasma’s face — yes, Phasma looks just like the actress that portrays her in the films, Gwendoline Christie, setting up the possibility of what is (hopefully) an eventual unmasking of the character in either The Last Jedi or Episode IX.

The Lost factor — I was struck by how similar parts of the story were to the television show Lost. I’m not sure if Dawson is a big fan of the series or not, but after reading Phasma I have to believe she is. The similarities to the abandoned facilities Phasma, Hux, and their party encounter as they traverse the landscape of Parnassos are uncanny, with Con Star Mining Corporation standing in for the DHARMA Initiative. We even come across a character (a Gand no less, thanks Delilah!!) who states time passes differently on Parnassos. This is never fleshed out or explained further, and I simply took it as another nod to Lost. Maybe I’m crazy, but to anyone else who reads the book, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it! I hope to run into Delilah at a convention one day soon and to have to opportunity to sit down with her and discuss this very detail from the book.

The disaster of a planet that is Parnassos — as the crew travels across the planet, Brendol is able to determine that a nuclear event occurred on the planet, due to an accident caused by Con Star Mining, that ruined the planet and made it unlivable. However, the planetary defense system the corporation installed is still intact, further isolating the inhabitants of the planet. As the group gets closer and closer to the source of the blast (and the First Order contingent’s ship) everyone starts to experience radiation poisoning. Not to mention, it’s made clear that the living conditions are getting worse and worse on the planet in general, with conceiving and birthing children even becoming a rarity.

Vi Moradi — in her role as captive Resistance spy and storyteller, Vi excels. Again, a great job by the author to flesh this character out as she conveys the story to her captor. Also, big ups to narrator January LaVoy for keeping it simple with Vi’s voice, essentially using her own voice for this character. She plays Cardinal like a fiddle, prolonging the story (which certainly works to the reader’s benefit) and wearing him down to the point where he is questioning the First Order and its leadership.

Captain Cardinal — I loved the character of Captain Cardinal. Clad in custom red armor, Cardinal was initially placed in charge of the First Order’s training program in addition to being General Brendol Hux’s personal guard. He is also one of the only troopers in the First Order to have been given a name in addition to his number (CD-0922), further setting him apart. However, when Phasma mysteriously arrives things change almost overnight for him. The program is split, and Cardinal is placed in charge of only training the kid, while Phasma gets the older troops. Cardinal is also replaced as Hux’s personal guard. This sets into motion his growing desire and obsession to find out everything he can about the mysterious Captain Phasma, sensing she’s hiding something, and eventually realizing she was behind the eventual death of Brendol Hux. I loved that as the book progressed he softened towards Vi, being torn between finding out the truth about his rival, conducting a secret interrogation, and wanting to let Vi go in the end. Vi also wins him over, planting seeds of doubt about the First Order and their overall goals in general. To me this further emphasizes that First Order trooper programming isn’t foolproof, reinforcing Finn’s defection in The Force Awakens. A small but noteworthy detail in the book that adds to the believability of Finn’s story arc in the film.

The First Order — Cardinal quickly realizes how ruthless the First Order truly is when he goes to General Armitage Hux with information on Phasma and her role in the elder Hux’s death. Armitage quickly laughs it off and states he was aware and even conspired with her to have him killed! THIS IS THE FIRST ORDER!!!!! I loved it, and if you’ve read the Aftermath series you know that the younger Hux has every reason to hate his dad.

The fight — well, you knew that Cardinal would confront Phasma and that a duel would ensue. You also probably guessed Phasma would whip his ass, and she did. The setup is cool, though. Vi presents Cardinal with two items of importance to the story that she retrieved when she was on Parnassos – a beetle native to the planet whose bite causes a victim to liquefy over a short period of time (and which was the vehicle of Brendol’s death), and a dagger coated in a fungus that Phasma used on Parnassos, notably to kill Balder, the Dug leader of the Claw Clan – which he packs to use in his fight. Phasma crushes the beetle and ends up stabbing Cardinal in the lung with the dagger, seemingly sealing his fate. Phasma disables all the camera feeds and leaves Cardinal to die. However, Vi shows up and gets him to a ship and the two leave the Absolution together, hopefully setting up another story during which Cardinal is fighting with the resistance, right Delilah??

Phasma’s armor — if you have the Visual Dictionary from The Force Awakens you knew that Phasma’s armor was forged from the remains of Emperor Palpatine’s yacht, the Imperialis, but you didn’t know how this came about. Well, thanks to this book now you do. A year after leaving Parnassos Phasma traveled back to find the ship and used one of the defunct Con Star factories to forge the chrome armor herself. Awesome! (Also, for more info on the Imperialis check out the awesome 5 issue Lando comic series!).

Siv — the story that Vi tells had to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is a former member of the Scyre who journeyed with Phasma and Hux on the quest across Parnassos to find the crashed ship. In the end, Siv was deemed to be “too soft” to come with them and join the First Order, even though she was revealed to be pregnant at the time. She takes up residence in an old Con Star facility, which is stocked with everything she and the child will need to survive, as well as a large contingent of droids to help and serve them. Vi promised to go back and get her and her child, so we are to assume that is where she and Cardinal head immediately after leaving the Absolution, especially in light of Phasma’s comment that she might need to travel back to the planet to tie up loose ends, although this is left open-ended.

The mystery of Grand Admiral Rae Sloane — and that’s exactly what it is, a mystery. Yes, she is mentioned by Cardinal in a conversation with the younger General Hux, but it’s ambiguous. I’m assuming she is dead at this point in the timeline, but again, it’s left open, purposefully. Just wanted to mention that as I know people will be wondering. Everyone wants more Rae Sloane and don’t worry, I’m sure we are going to get it.

In review, Phasma is a great novel, one of the best in the new canon. What makes Phasma so good is that it’s so different from any book we’ve gotten to date, and this is accomplished in amazing fashion by author Delilah S. Dawson. I hope Lucasfilm and the story group already have another book cued up for her, as I’m in love with her writing style! I have been very vocal about my support of the full canon reboot that occurred when Disney bought Lucasfilm, and Phasma is a great example of why the new canon is vastly superior to the old EU and Legends. Again, no slight on that material and I’ve read it all, I’m just enamored with all the new stories – and more so the varied styles these stories are being told in – and can’t wait for more. I highly recommend Phasma to any Star Wars fan, you’ll blaze through it. You can also learn more about Delilah S. Dawson at her website, and on Twitter and Instagram. Hit her up after you’ve read the book and let her know how awesome it is! Lastly, here are a few official images of some of the characters in the book – Vi, Captain Cardinal, and Keldo.

Captain Cardinal

Vi Moradi

Keldo

~ Todd

'Phasma', by Delilah S. Dawson - Reviewed by Todd Alright, let me get this out of the way... When I first heard there was an entire novel coming about the tragically underused, almost throwaway character from…

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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random thoughts:

i want to do a guardian print novels comparison lol.

i have a simplified edition which in some ways is excellent: it has the kunlun prequel text, all of the extras, the chapters are edited in a way that clearly indicates priest polished it up to make the story ‘better’ (priest changed chapter 1 from Guo Changcheng seeing a random guy with no legs to Zhu Hong’s tail and fainting, adds details to a lot of chapters). The only thing its missing is the explicit sex scene (I think - it might even have it for all i know, but i’m guessing not since that’s usually cut out of simplified print novels i think?). But like in general - my simplified chinese Guardian novel seems to be the most complete version of the novel as far as final edits/extras. This isn’t necessarily the link I bought from, but this is the simplified print version I have (aliexpress does have a lot of priest books for sale).

I just got the traditional character version of the books (which is so beautiful WOW the covers and inside looks so nice). So far, its chapter content is more like the webnovel (so no scene edits/details added like my simplified version, no Kunlun prequel). There are a few edits of wording on small things (suddenly versus abruptly, next/then, that kind of thing). I don’t think it has any of the extras, so its not the original traditional published version with the shen san extra (i thought it was?). So upside is my simplified copy does seem to be the most complete, and the traditional one i have matches the webnovel most if i wanted to compare differences. Downside is i’m surprised the traditional version has so little content? This is the traditional print versions I bought, volume 1 and volume 2. That site can be ordered from in english, worldwide.

feeling the urge to do something with japanese again but i don’t know what. logically, doing nukemarines memrise decks is... probs the most effective thing to do. i don’t feel like doing flashcards though.

i kind of feel like listening to japanese core 6k or japaneseaudiolessons, just because i can just play them in the background (easier mentally than flashcards). maybe reading japanese audio lessons basically textbook - but that’s if i feel like reading?

also just kind of. feel like playing a video game - maybe kh2 since i know the game well enough i can still ‘speed play’ if i don’t want to slow down and read everything on screen (whereas persona 3 and crisis core took 1 hour to get to save points since i had to slow down and read everything). i read some scripts yesterday in japanese... and watched some shows yesterday (though that hardly counts since they had eng subs). my mind just wants to ‘do’ things, not really do flashcards lol. so like? listening, watching, playing - my brain thinks it sounds fun! but reading lessons/doing flashcard drilling of study materials, i feel tired lol...

i also kind of. just want to do some challenge for myself like: do clozemaster japanese for 1 month and see how much i get through/how much i improve? or do japaneseaudiolessons for 1 month and see how far i get etc.

chinese wise: i officially re-did all 12 chapters of Guardian with Listening Reading Method step 2 with the other audiobook by wheat. Now I’m officially on a new chapter 13, with avenuex’s audiobook, and going back to doing step 2 AND step 3 (for vocab). Again, as SOON as i switch to avenuex its easier to follow what’s going on without looking things up - i think part of it is the way she narrates sort of... slows down and speeds up depending on the emphasis in the sentence? so its easier to catch exactly what’s key info/characters interacting versus description. and also her voices for everyone are more different, and she edited in guardian drama music so a lot of the scenes i bet have some ‘ingrained’ memory from when i watched the show helping me recognize the scene that’s going on. i imagine for ‘comprehensible input’ this version just has a lot more i ‘get.’ also just in general i love her audiobook ToT.

though wheat’s is really nice! i like wheat’s voice and would love to talk like them. For shadowing, I find wheats is really good because the audio is mainly just voice, and a deeper voice (which i both would rather sound like and find easier to identify the words clearly as far as for repeating), and all an even speaking speed except dialogue - so i can repeat after what wheat says in small phrase bursts without falling behind too much. So for listening in the background, more general listening practice, and for shadowing practice i plan to use wheat’s more.

while step 3 is more focus intensive, i think doing it once minimizes how many words i have to look up in step 2 and how many times i feel step 2 would benefit me. when i skip step 3 i feel like i could do step 2 for 3-4 times and keep picking up a lot of new words. so to speed up progress, probably just going to do step 3 then step 2 again (or step 2 then 3 we’ll see).

L-R method has really helped my vocab for guardian ToT i have no problem reading the traditional version now. i also have far less trouble reading new chapters for the first time (still have words i need to look up, just its not enough to prevent me from following the main idea and details). I’m really glad I decided to try L-R method with guardian. I’m really excited how this is going to affect reading other priest novels later (or L-R tian ya ke, sha po lang, mo du). Because i can already notice it making Mo Du a bit easier. and i’m only 13 chapters in out of 100+ plus extras. I notice it makes reading and listening skills better. I don’t know about its claim from some of “from A1 to B1″ in 30 hours (which is what someone did with Italian, with some previous romance language study). Because I was probably like a A2 or weak B1 when I started trying this? (Idk I was like HSK4 with a smattering of extra passive knowledge that didn’t line up to HSK 5-6 exactly, so i could read Xiao Wangzi and watch Shan He Ling etc but only knew like half the words on HSK 5-6). So I don’t know if for a beginner, if L-R method for chinese would get them very far, or how many hours it would take. I’d say for a beginner-intermediate learner though, it will boost your listening level quickly (vocab a bit slower but i do notice progress now). And since listening level can fall behind reading, that’s a nice thing.

I read about someone who’d done L-R for mandarin for 300 hours though with less progress made though and i’m still curious why. Because i’ve done about maybe 30 hours and seen a lot more - idk if just having a base in chinese first helps a lot (like i got the 300+ hours basic learning done before i even tried L-R method and they just need to get through their hours to hit milestones too), or if they do something different. But given that experience, i do think if L-R isn’t giving small noticeable progress at least every 5 hours or so (and reasonably noticeable progress like easier listening comprehension of previously studied chapters or learned some handfuls of new words in 10 hours) then it makes sense to switch it up or try something else. like for me - switching to a literal word for word text using pleco dictation-translate tool has been much more effective. i would guess in part because its word for word so i don’t have to put in mental effort to re-arrange sentence grammar to the words i’m hearing in the audio (but more effort to know chinese grammar so not as helpful as a beginner in some ways unless u understand the story beforehand with step 1 reading the text in a language u understand). and in part because it keeps my translation synced to the audio so i don’t lose my place, can replay portions, and don’t therefore waste time being as mentally drained or confused. and doing step 2 in pleco (or anything with a quick click dictionary) so i can see some definitions with step 2.

still kind of want to just binge the videos on “learn korean in korean” youtube channel. he just makes such good lessons even though i’m not really studying korean.

also... mmm... korean clozemaster... mmm (i would probably learn nothing because translations do not tend to be literal for many asian languages on there so chinese and japanese only work for me cause i know enough words/grammar already to catch when things are not literal/outright wrong)

#june #june progress

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rigelmejo · 4 years

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Ok so I’m still reading this fanfic, still on chapter 3. In my defense I am reading DAILY and this fic is well written and also complex ah.

I do think me pushing through the first few chapters helped immensely though. Authors do have a “style/particular word choice preference” and I think I’m through the bulk of it. Now I can pick up a lot more of this author’s usual adjective choices and ways of describing. Like which words are used to express things like sigh, look, gently, weakly, expressionlessly, warm, cold etc. As for the nouns - I think that is a hurdle whenever there’s new exposition, but once that introduction is over the same nouns are repeated again and again because they’re plot relevant. (In this case, the home Zhang Qiling owns and it’s furniture and layout objects, the silk clothing shop and embroidery/tailoring items he interacts with regularly, photography related words, ghost/blood related words). Now that those parts of the world have been established, the narration just keeps repeating those same words in new contexts as the plot progresses. So it’s gotten easier - I’m now recognizing a lot of those words without looking them up. I imagine I’ll keep getting repetition on these words as I read, which is helping me learn them. And there shouldn’t be another huge hurdle until the plot switches to a new ‘arc’ with new main nouns (idk maybe a bank? An isolated river bank? Who knows what will be next).

I do think I’m learning some words, I do think the repetition is helping me learn some words. Thankfully, I am also picking up a bit of new Hanzi recognition too - this part is slower going, but for the very frequent words (and words with very intuitive radicals like 飘 and 瞟) I am starting to easily recognize them.

I do think this read through is benefiting me. This novel is so “hard” to me, so it takes like 40 minutes a chapter. But I have no doubt my reading speed will be way up once I go back to easier material, and my dictionary lookups will be less frequent. Easier stuff being: less intense plot fanfics, stories I’m familiar with (Silent Reading and Guardian might well be easier after this), dmbj might well become easier (dmbj is WAY LESS descriptive than this fic), slice of life novels will Definitely be easier.

So, like usual: I do something too hard for me, and it makes the things actually-my-level suddenly much easier. My current reading method for this novel: reading through and thinking the pronunciation, clicking any new words I need to understand (I’ve just been looking up all new words cause I’m not I’m a rush), and clicking any new words I don’t know the pronunciation of to listen to it. So basically, intensive reading. I normally prefer to do extensive reading and only look up as necessary to follow the main gist, but I am using this fic to drag my vocabulary up more - so more lookups. Also, this fic is really good, I don’t want to skip any details. I noticed with this fic: I’m very good in general with reading dialogue without dictionary help, compared to other parts of a novel.

—-

Other activity I’m doing for study/etc: Listening-Reading Method with Silent Reading by Priest.

Goal is to drag up my listening comprehension, and hopefully learn some new words/phrases by listening. Ideally this method eventually gives you some “natural learning” base ability so that you can hear simpler audio and fully comprehend it afterward (or mostly, to the point you can then pick up new words from context when listening to easier content). And so that you can have better ability to comprehend listening when watching shows/talking etc. I very much want to drag my listening comprehension at least up to my reading level. And I’d LOVE if I picked up new words too - since i am fairly good at recognizing Hanzi in reading, if I had more audio base of words I think I could pick up overall words in reading a bit easier (as in remember their pronunciation faster).

For this, I have been doing Step 1 - reading a chapter in English for context. Then step 3 - listening to chinese audiobook and skimming the English to attach meaning to what I hear and follow along. It’s been working very well.

I skipped step 2 since I already have listened to the audiobook with the chinese text for some chapters before, and I listen pretty decently already. I might do step 2 AFTER I’m done with the book in step 3, in order to attach Hanzi spelling to the audio words I’m picking up in this Step 3 read through. In that way, I can use Step 2 to improve my reading comprehension a little (to try and match both reading and listening levels a bit more).

Step 3 has been very easy. But it is critical that: I read each chapter in English first (otherwise, I try to read the English instead of skimming for meaning when I do step 3). And also that the audio matches the translation content wise! As in the paragraphs roughly are the same! This makes all the difference in if step 3 can even benefit you!!! On if step 3 is even possible as a study method!!! For Silent Reading, a few lines of dialogue are switched or ordered differently, but all of the paragraphs are still there in some form, and all the descriptive paragraphs mostly have the same exact sentence order. (And dialogue being varied is less of an issue for me - unknown words still seem to match the English so I can attach some meaning to them, and I can already understand dialogue pretty well when listening without any text so these changes don’t make me lost). Also, the person reading aloud tends to pause a little after each paragraph, giving me time to realize we’ve moved on (if I somehow did get lost mid paragraph), and giving me a chance to figure out if a paragraph was skipped in the audio (it almost never is, but if so, this pause gives me time to skim and figure out where I am in the text again). The audio being so compatible with the text means step 3 is very easy. I do NOT have to waste some of my concentration to struggle to match audio to text, I can use all of my focus on listening to the audio and glancing for the definition of unknown words. Which is the main goal of Step 3. (I tried L-R Method with a novel with highly mismatched audio, and it was so bad I couldn’t even do a chapter all the way through, and most of my focus was just keeping my place in the text - not even focusing on the audio’s meaning). For Silent Reading I have been able to easily breeze through Step 3, simply following along. The readers voice is also very clear, so I can easily locate the sentence I’m hearing based on the words I know WELL.

I imagine doing this for Guardian, with Avenuex’s audiobook, would be equally “smooth” as an experience. Her audiobook matches the text almost perfectly, her reading voice is clear and a good normal pace (I can follow the gist just listening to the audio on its own twice or so), and she naturally pauses with the flow of the story shifts.

#rant #study progress #reading progress #happily yes my word lookup alone #is improving my vocab #which is great since i am avoiding flashcards for a while #progress #listening reading method

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rigelmejo · 4 years

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Things I can confirm with my personal learning experience are possible:

1. Yes learning up to HSK 4 materials within a year is possible. I think as long as some effort is put into ensuring that material is part of what you study, it can be worked through within a year. I read one persons claim that they learned up to HSK 4 with their self-made flashcard study materials in 8 months. I can believe that... it took me roughly 10-11 months to learn up to that amount of HSK 4 material. If I’d been studying primarily FOR HSK levels, I probably could have covered that material in 8 months. So I do think the goal of getting from no knowledge to HSK 4 in a year is achievable and not necessarily an extreme goal.

2. Yes achieving that can take as little as 1 to a couple hours a day of study on average. Some days I studied 15 minutes, some a few hours, some I didn’t study. I probably averaged around 1-2 hours a day of ‘Chinese adjacent studying.’ By that I mean: some study was grammar reading, sometimes flashcards, sometimes intensively reading some Chinese novel, sometimes studying Hanzi reference books, sometimes extensively trying to read, sometimes trying to chat in chinese with people or browse on Chinese social media, sometimes reading a manhua page or two, sometimes trying to watch a show with no English sub, sometimes watching a show with dual English-chinese subtitles and just consciously stopping to note to myself some new words I wanted to know (usually by pausing and rereading Just the chinese subs to try to understand the line, looking up the chinese words I wanted to know in Pleco and saving them). I am only now... finally.... also incorporating listening to audio only stuff more sometimes.

But basically - I just did a little of whatever, whenever, amongst the activities above. Most days I did Something, some days I spent more time than others. But I was by no means studying a ton. I probably studied as much as I exercise a day or less. Also a lot of my ‘study adjacent’ activities could easily just be part of my regular hobbies - using some of my reading time in a week for chinese, using some time I usually watch shows/YouTube for watching chinese shows, using some time I listen to music and dance to play chinese music and dance, etc. I use some down time when I’d goof off on social media to do flashcards (when I manage to do flashcards).

3. Things I think for me, based on my experiences, help me learn a language much more ‘easily’ than if I didn’t do them: reading a grammar guide super early on!!! (It’s brutal but it helps, just chugging through one quick! The overview helps!)

Learning the 1000 most common words ASAP!!! (It helps me so much and I put off doing this longer in chinese than I wish I would have in retrospect, comprehension went from ??? To me getting at LEAST the gist of nearly everything in chinese.)

Practicing trying to read ASAP and then regularly as in once every couple weeks (again it seems brutal, but helped my French tremendously, and likewise I think it really motivated my chinese study/helped me set goals/helped me improve faster).

Practicing trying to watch chinese shows in only chinese (also brutal at first, I didn’t do this until 5ish months in, but its been tremendously helpful for me and the more I did it the more it helped, so doing this regularly as in a few times a week helps a LOT).

Practicing listening ONLY regularly. (I didn’t start doing this until maybe 10 months in, but I have noticed it’s helping my inner ‘reading voice,’ my listening comprehension, and my feel for how to say things, a ton. I’ve looked into Repetitive Listening lately and I think it may benefit me to try that, regardless I can say listening-only practice is definitely helping my listening comprehension a LOT).

Studying the first 500ish Hanzi from a mnemonics source. (I used a book, and that starting point carried me all the way to where I am now - I probably need to do more of this soon, either with a book or Heisig mnemonic flashcards etc. With my books I literally originally used No flashcards for Hanzi I just read a mnemonic reference book - the Tuttle 800 characters one - about halfway through in chunks of 1/2 to 1 chapter a day. That’s it. And occasionally I’d flip through the book and read random Hanzi entries, and look thru it to highlight Hanzi I’d learned since the last time I’d opened the book. Probably the lowest effort way to do this, if u hate flashcards and can tolerate reading like me - however I was often watching chinese dramas with English and Chinese subs, so I was ‘seeing’ Hanzi I’d studied regularly in my shows, which probably helped me remember them.)

In summary: reading a grammar guide fast, learning high frequency Hanzi ASAP, learning the most common words, and immersing often Even in the earlier months when it was harder for me (with reading, shows with only chinese subs, shows with dual subs while looking up words I noticed, and with audio only like audiobooks/songs). I genuinely think reading from like months 2 onward while BRUTAL helped so much, just like it did with French. It helped a lot with comprehension and grammar ‘clicking’ in my mind, with learning wordsz Probably the Most importantly it motivated and helped me really measure my progress, and also helped me pinpoint my goals then set them regularly.

It’s kind of rough trying to read early on when your comprehension Might genuinely be at like 20%. But for me it really helps so much it’s worth doing. I did it on a whim for chinese study, because it’s basically the main way I studied and learned French. And wow am I glad I tried to apply it to chinese. I’m so glad I didn’t get so intimidated by the hanzi that I didn’t... try. I think me trying so early also made the difficulty curve always feel Rewardingly and Refreshingly easier constantly, even though it’s still difficult lol. But never as difficult as the time before, etc. Which is always a nice feeling.

—-—-

Yeah I read an article recently, by a man named Timo who made (a very nice) 3 part Anki deck for Chinese (I’m using his HSK deck since it has example sentences - and visual images of the sentence scenes - for every word, something my memrise decks lacked, but helps a ton with context and proper usage). His decks also included a grammar guide deck fbut another person made a version that displays better of that kind of deck which is what I’m using). Anyway, In his article he said he learned to HSK 4 in 8 months with his decks.

I’ve been mulling over if that’s reasonable, when I realized I also basically did that it just took me a couple more months since I didn’t even focus primarily on HSK level material coverage until I Was 8 months in already. In retrospect, I think it’s definitely a goal that’s attainable. It’s not so wildly difficult that only aspiring polyglots or intense studiers could manage. I think he studied like roughly an hour a day too, so likewise his study habits were pretty normal and not extreme time-wise.

—-

Now, this last bit is pure rough opinion based on what i think the levels match up to based on what I can comprehend versus what I could in French. So take everything below with a huge amount of salt. To be fair... I think HSK 4 really is a reasonable goal to aim for. I think it feels a lot like B1 level in French was - I can start to read most things for at least bare minimum gist of the main ideas, and some things in topics I’m familiar with (or with more common words/phrases) I can understand 90-100% of including all the specific details.

Basically, it gets me to where I can start picking up the meaning of at least some things in context, and the point where i can at least guess what a sentence is doing a Bit based on its grammar clues. like noticing the adjectives, verbs, tenses, nouns, and at least being able to guess if the unknown words could drastically affect the meaning of the sentence - example: I can tell if it’s a descriptor of location in a scene I could possibly Skip and still follow the plot, or an adjective I could guess means something similar to the previous more noun-heavy description, or if it’s a noun being interacted with/verb doing something I need to look up to follow the plot. HSK 4 also gets me to where I can start to follow most everyday basic convos, and some more specialized ones as long as they’re on topics I know some words for/or use common words. Examples: most shows for at least 50% of the dialogue, small talk, Internet comments, basically stuff surrounding context is usually related to. And i can talk about some of that comfortably (this is my weak spot, as it is in French, cause I need to practice more to expand my active vocabulary).

So, convos now can be followed and at least understood (and sometimes participated in) like when I was in maybe 1st or 2nd grade in English. I can engage with a lot of topics, Especially if most words used are common words, but once things get specialized I have a lot to either ‘learn/lookup’ or need to ask clarification about. Reading/watching is a bit easier then convos, since often the material provides enough context for me to ‘guess’ some of that specialized stuff’s meanings as it comes up.

But I say kind of comparable to B1 because... well for me french at this level was usable, but not ‘easy’ and not fully functional to the point I could say I can reasonably rely on it for any general needs/wants. I think B2 is more when you start being able to comfortably write/speak on most any topic at least to some general capacity, and can comprehend enough you feel comfortable following and catching main points and most general details (so not needing to look up 20% of what you hear/read for a decent chunk of certain clarification). And I do Not think HSK 4 (at least my own coverage of it) is able to do that B2 kind of stuff. I can do the ‘B1 kind of stuff’ with weak spots in production (just like in French, because I don’t practice those skills enough).

#rant #im thinking about how #i read a guys article #aboyt learning to hsk 4 in 8 months #in retrospect #i think thats attainable #not a wildly lofty goal

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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March Progress Updates, and April Goals:

This hopefully will not get to long. Progress made in March.

Chinese progress:

Chinese novel chapters read in March: 64 (most are 寒舍, these chapters average at 10 pages on my phone compared to the usual 20, so also for size comparison’s sake this is equal to around 32 20-page chapters... still I think this is most chapters I’ve read in a month so far)

Chapters I studied with Listening-Reading Method: 4 (L-R to The Glass Maiden, Love and Redemption’s novel. I only did it as I felt like it though... and as usual the way audio didn’t line up to chapter endings made it hard, so next time I do L-R I’m still planning on Guardian or Silent Reading. That said, this amounted probably 2+ hours of audio. Currently on The Glass Maiden: chapter 5, Audio 12)

Chinese shows watched: 10. (At the beginning of this month I was watching Word of Honor and Killer and Healer raw, until english subs came out. I did well enough to follow the plot so yay I plan to take advantage of that next time I can’t wait for subs ToT but I still don’t catch nuance super well so the eng subs I still picked up new stuff... related to this I definitely think I could rewatch Guardian in chinese only now, if I wanted to pay attention to the chinese lines/wording, especially since that plot I know well already. A big part of why I’m missing some nuance is usually the first watch I’m trying to catch all the plot so some things go over my head, then if I rewatched a woh or kah episode I caught more little line details)

Chinese Spoonfed Audio listened to: 11 (I was in the habit of walking and listening to one file per day, but then I twisted my ankle lol ToT. I would love to just... finish these files. That said they make great chill practice/review)

Japanese progress:

Japanese Audio Lessons: 1 (I was trying to do something with this - very good resource - but ended up not focusing on it).

Japanese KH Let’s Play watched: 6 (so 30 minute to 1 hour lets play videos, where I listened and looked up words as desired in jisho.org. I also watched a few random things like Ratchet and Clank I found in japanese lol, but I’m only counting this cause its what I watched for a decent length of time and paid attention to)

Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide, lessons read: 10 (I’m almost done with part 1 which has 11 lessons - i think the guide has 3 main parts. I’m trying to read ahead of doing the Nukemarine deck’s tae kim relevant portions)

Nukemarine Memrise decks: finished LLJ 3 - Kanji, 289/318 finished in LLJ 4 Tae Kim part 1. (Ideally I would like to get done LLJ 4 part 2, LLJ 5 before I start trying to PLAY a video game in japanese again. LLJ 4 parts cover beginner grammar, and LLJ 5 is 1000 common words. Long scale ideally, I would like to finish Nukemarine’s first 8-10 decks, since I think that sets a good foundation and utilizes all the main parts of it - the rest is like more in depth intermediate/advanced niche stuff. From there I’d like to just go back to immersing, maybe read my 2 textbooks that focus on Japanese Reading eventually. The short term goal this month was to do the OLD stuff I’ve done in these decks years ago, and surpass it. Which I DID. As of this month I’ve gone farther in the Nukemarine decks than I did last time I studied japanese or tried to play japanese games/read manga. So good job mejo! ToT You are officially studying new material. I’m not... in the most flashcard mood ever, and not really in the mood to read Tae Kim very much... but doing those 2 things has been the most effective study this month so its what I ended up doing)

So yeah... made some decent progress this month. As usual I did not do what I expected to do. I REALLY really thought in February or March I’d finally Listen Reading Method go through Guardian but lol... still hasn’t happened. That said, I found files for all of Silent Reading’s audiobook and Guardian’s audiobook I already had (and because of how avenuex made it - the chapters LINE UP perfect with the text). So I am prepared to L-R a priest book I love whenever the motivation finally hits.

Reading has been going a lot better than I ever could have expected. And I did try a few pages of a few other novels - I still have many words to learn lol. The second I switched to a new novel my words I had to look up increased a LOT. That’s good in a way though, it means the next novel I go to will teach me a lot too. At the moment, I plan to kind of just stick to hanshe - and probably this author - for a while. At least as far as intensive reading where I look up each word. The ease of reading feels good and I’m not ready to give that up quite yet (I will be once I get invested in a new story tho probably lol). I have also been slowly extensively reading Guardian, and if I do pick books for extensive reading they’ll likely be priest ones for now. Just because I have english translations available to reference and read first, and I’m familiar with priest’s writing style, so its an extensive reading material I can pick up a lot of words from context when I read. This past month Guardian was the only novel I really extensively read a bit - and with the eng translation to help, it went well.

I also checked HSK words this month, and my brain forgot 100-200 HSK 4 words, and like half of HSK 5. Its not an issue right now since I’m studying to read and watch shows, not to pass an HSK test. But its something I should keep in mind. I got tempted to go through HSK flashcards but... genuinely I need to separate my study activities if I intend to focus and make progress. When I’m doing flashcards for chinese AND japanese I just end up giving up and doing none. The only time study methods don’t seem to interact is when its immersion, since i don’t have to ‘progress’ through material I just have to choose to do ‘some random thing’. (So no lesson 1-10 etc that I must do in order, just any random video or chapter read counts).

So in light of that, my April Study Plan I would like to be mostly the same. Will it work out that way, who knows? But Ideally:

Chinese April Plan:

Read chinese chapters. (intensively - hanshe or X, extensively optional - Guardian probably)

Try to Listen Reading Method a bit (probably Guardian, or Silent Reading)

Optional - continue listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio (would be nice to get into the 20s)

Optional - watch some shows in chinese (realistically I predict that if 2ha’s Immortality drops in April I will 100% be doing this if english subs aren’t immediately available, and doing as many eps as needed so this count could well be 10-20 eps lol by the end of April. but if english subs are then I probably will be too busy to bother watching anything with chinese subs only. this activity is highly dependent of if i will have a reason to)

Related - read through Guardian and/or Silent Reading in english (while this is not directly studying at ALL, the more of these I read the less I’ll avoid ‘L-R’ since the prep-work and time L-R takes will be shorter, also then it’ll be enjoyable refreshing instead of me trying to follow the plot for the first time... same with extensive reading, if i’ve read in english then the extensive reading is less mentally draining and less daunting and i tend to do it more... this past month my Guardian extensive reading was mainly just restrained by how much i’d read beforehand in english)

Yes, mainly big reading focus again, with optional activities where I might listen more. L-R would ideally work great alongside me reading, just because then I’d be practicing both listening skills and reading.

Japanese April Plan:

Continue reading Tae Kim’s Grammar Guide (would be nice to get through at least 10 more lessons)

Continue through Nukemarine LLJ decks (intense goal is to get through LLJ 4-part 1, LLJ 4-part 2, and LLJ 5... though I would be floored and happy if I just get a few hundred into LLJ 5...)

Optional - try to play some Nier in japanese at end of month (dream goal is I get through enough of Nukemarine by the end of April to play the game getting remastered IN japanese TOO but. That’s probably a pipe dream lol. I’m getting the remastered Nier at end of April and if its like Automata then it’ll come with both language options, and it would be very cool to have an english and a japanese save file...although the language is ??? since its like sci fi fantasy so if its hard i might not play it long... but just to have a foundation enough to even play it a little would be cool. I could always play KH2 if i feel like maybe i have hope lol)

Optional - watch more japanese lets plays (fun, easy, why not)

Bolded is what I really PLAN to do in April. But we will see lol.

#study plan #april study plan #april #march progress #progress #march

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