#maybe it’s from my glssses

[fivenightsatcorans]

not sure if i have a headache from caffeine withdrawal or what but this is not pleant :(

#my head hurts and i’m resllly tired :( #maybe it’s from my glssses

[anime-addict-362]

Better Than a Street Whore

CW: NSFW, Shigaraki x Y/N, bottom Shigaraki, he threatens to kill Y/N a lot, begging, overstimulation, lots of kissing, half-assed written aftercare, Y/N switches between degrading his dick and prasing him for being good, I wrote this within 2 hours, forgive me, it was out of boredom promise

× × × × × ×

Shigaraki stood in front of Y/N. Why did she need to be there? She was hired by All For One, but she didn't do anything. Just sat around on her phone all day.

Despite her lack of work, All For One demanded she be there, and he was not allowed to kill her. Damnit.

"Can you leave," He asked, annoyed with the sound of her nails clacking on her phone screen.

"Nah," Y/N didn't even look at him, still typing. "Big man wants me here. I gotta be here."

"Why," Shigaraki scoffed.

"I dunno," She shrugged. "Ask him, he's your master or whatever."

"I-"

"And what is up with that," Y/N rolled her eyes. "Master used outside of the bathroom? Weird."

He blinked. What was she talking about? What did she mean, outside of the bedroom?

"Don't tell me you're confused," She finally looked up from her phone, to look at him amused. "Not bitch boy being a virgin."

Not allowed to kill her. He was allowed to hurt her.

She dodged the glass that flew towards her head with a yelp, and she grabbed her phone before she could drop it.

"I'm not a virgin," He yelled over the glsss shattering.

"Jesus," She mumbled. "It was just a goddamn joke. The fuck is wrong with you?"

"Real fucking funny," He rolled his eyes.

"So," She asked, standing up fully. "Who'd you lose your virginity to?"

His eyes widened. "None of your goddamn business!"

He wanted to dust her when she approached, but no, he wasn't allowed to.

"I bet you used that nomu," She pouted, ignoring his rage filled look. "You needed to feel in control for once so you took something you could order around with no consequence."

"I- I absolutely-"

"Or," She smirked, running a hand on his tense stomach. "You had it fuck you until you couldn't breath, just to get out of your mind for a bit. I could only imagine the cock one those things-"

Shigaraki smacked her hands when she started estimating the... girth of a potential nomu penis. "They don't even have a penis!"

"Oh," Y/N looked to him. "Still big fingers. One is around the size over a bigger than average human dick. I get you could take multiple though-"

"I'm going to murder you," She yelped with a laugh as he reached for her, and she ran.

"No killing me," She squealed as he threw her on the couch. "It's not allowed! Your master wouldn't like it!"

He groaned. Of course he told her about the rule. "Just- Leave. Get out."

"I can't," She shrugged, relaxing back. "Not for a few weeks."

He walked away, but like a fucking dog, she followed with a giggle. "So? Did you fuck the nomus?"

"No," He yelled.

"You can tell me," She pouted. "I'll share one of my fucked up sex stories if you tell me yours."

"No," He scoffed.

"Virgin," She accused.

"Shut up," He grabbed another cup but she was taking it from him before he could chuck it at her.

"Are you a virgin," This time, her tone of genuine. "No laughing, promise."

He blinked, confused on why she cared... Fuck it. Maybe it'll get her to back off.

"No," He answered honestly. "And it wasn't a nomu, you sick freak."

She shrugged. "So who was it?"

Shigaraki moved uncomfortably, shrugging. "I don't remember her name. Just a hook up from awhile ago."

"So it didn't mean anything," She looked judgey. "Have you had any meaningful sex?"

He scoffed. "I lead a very large group of murderous villains. What makes you think I have time for feelings?"

She shrugged, and he jumped at her grabbing his hand. She held it up by the palm, then traced his fingers once she turn it upright.

"Are you trying to kill yourself," He mumbled, watching her fingers trace his calloused hand.

"This is not nearly a suicide attempt," She chuckled. "How do you have sex with absolutely no feeling behind it? I never understood the hype around that."

He gulped as her hand continued up his arm. "I- I don't know. It's just how it is."

She hummed, a hand going to his chest. "You're not pushing me away."

She was right. He wasn't.

"I don't have meaningful sex," He tried to tell her, both of her hands now on him. "I don't let feelings get involved."

"That's not exactly what meaningful sex means," She mumbled, pulling his shirt up suddenly. "At least not to me."

He helped pull the shirt off. God, it was hot in there. She shoved him against the bar, hands holding his waist. He was awfully skinny, so she grabbed quite a bit of him just like that.

"I'm going to make you feel so good," She whispered, going to his neck. "Gonna let me? Let me make you feel amazing."

He huffed, staring at her body, that was pressed up against his. He gasped at the bite on his neck. "Fuck- Yes. Yes Y/N."

She grinned, bringing a hand up to wrap in his hair. She held him in place while she kissed him, roughly. He groaned, gripping the counter behind him.

"You're hot," She grinned, hands swiping over his ribs. "Lead me to your room."

Was he really about to do this? Was he really about to have sex with a woman he finds insanely annoying?

He didn't need to answer that, because the way he pulled her to his bedroom was answer enough.

Y/N pulled him back into a rough kiss the second the door was closed, pushing him against it.

"Now, listen up," She grabbed his face, holding it in place so he stayed looking at her. "I want you touching me, so go put on those silly gloves you have."

Shigaraki huffed, but listened. He moved to his nightstand and grabbed them, slipping them on easily. Once on, Y/N was back in him, kissing him, hands wandering.

He leaned down after a few moments, and picked her up to wrap her legs around his waist. "Okay?"

"Yeah, it's okay," Y/N confirmed with a small smile. She removed her arms around him to pull her shirt off... God, he better not drop her. She would be pissed.

In his defense, he seemed to be somewhat strong. At least enough to hold her.

Once the shirt was off, she proceeded to kiss down his neck. "Lay down on the bed, Shigaraki. Sit me right on you."

Shigaraki wasn't sure he had it in him to refuse. Not with the way her sweet voice sounded, so close to his ear, the way her hand tangled in his hair, the other running down his chest again.

So he sat on the bed, making sure Y/N's legs weren't trapped under him before he laid back. He didn't even think over how good Y/N would look straddling him.

Y/N smiled when she noticed Shigaraki's eyes wandering. "Like what you see?"

"It's decent," Shigaraki huffed.

Y/N pouted at that. "We both know that's a lie. I can tell by the way your face is already burning, you think much different."

Shigaraki gulped, looking up to Y/N. "I don't-"

"I also feel your hard on," Y/N chuckled, putting her hands on either side of his head. "Why not just tell me how you feel? You might get something in return."

He stared at her. "Like?"

"You're a smart man, Shigaraki. Look at our position and take a guess about what I'll do to you," She chuckled. "So? Go on."

He looked her in the eye. "You're fucking infuriating."

"Ouch," She put a hand on her heart. "Keep going."

"You're... attractive, I guess," He cleared his throat, refusing to let his voice crack right now.

"Attractive? Care to elaborate?"

God fuck, this woman.

"I hate you," He groaned, feeling a hand move to the waistband of his pants.

"I'll leave you all hard if you don't start doing what I ask," Y/N's voice was lower now, as if she wss threatening him.

He didn't care though. He could get himself off. He didn't need Y/N to make him come, even if he would probably regret it later... What would Y/N do?

Would she suck him off? Or would they just start having sex? He would enjoy either way but-

He gasped at the hand that grabbed his face, forcing him to look to Y/N. "I'm sitting right here, about to give you the best orgasm of your pathetic life and you're ignoring me?"

"No- I wasn't ignoring you," He went onto explain. But it was hard to explain the way his thoughts got caught up. It didn't matter though, because he remembered what she wanted.

"You're so hot," He huffed, grabbing the wrist of the hand that still held his face. "You're... Pretty too."

Y/N knew the word "pretty" wasn't ever in his vocabulary, but it did sound good coming out of his mouth, in that shaky voice.

"Pretty huh," She grinned, kissing him and finally letting go of his face. "You're pretty yourself, handsome."

He gulped at the compliment. He wasn't sure he liked the compliment, it sounded unrealistic. Him? Pretty? Handsome?

He wasn't given a lot of time to think it over, not with Y/N moving between his legs and pulling his sweatpants snd boxers off in one swipe.

"Y/N," He huffed, feeling her kiss the inside of his thighs. Why was she so bold? Why was she so close?

She kept kissing him, feeling his breathing picking up the closer she got to his dick. She really wanted to see him come, and she wanted it to be the best he's ever had.

Not that would be that hard. She's not the most experienced person in the world but compared to some random woman on the street? Odds are she was way better.

After a few moments, she reached down to her shirt pocket. Sweet, she still had a few condoms left.

"You know, I do think you're very attractive," Y/N spoke up, opening the condom. "I'm sure a lot of the fucked up women on the street want to have some fun with you. Probably even some men."

Shigaraki huffed. What do you say in response to that? Thanks?

"That being said, I think you're a little of a whore and always accept when someone asks to fuck you," Y/N's words made him tense.

"I am not-"

"What I'm getting at," Y/N interrupted him. "Is that I have a hard time believing you don't have some sort of STI. God knows what the people around here have. Especially Dabi."

Shigaraki scoffed. "I don't have an STI."

"Yeah? And who tested you, and when," Y/N raided an eyebrow. "I'm already lowering my standards to give you a decent orgasm, one better than those street sluts can give you, don't get picky now."

Shigaraki gulped as she slid the condom on him. "So what? You think I have a STI and you're still going to have sex with me?"

Y/N grinned. "Oh I'm not fucking you until you get tested. I'm just gonna get you off, and you're gonna get me off. But I'm sure I'll have to teach you, I doubt you know how to properly please a woman."

He glared at her. "Why are you suddenly being a bitch?"

She raised an eyebrow. "So you do know how to make a woman come? And you know, not one of those fake ones. I promise, I won't fake it."

He didn't even know what to say. What do you say to anything she's saying? She was nuts!

He groaned when her hand grabbed his dick, which was now completely covered by the condom. "If you're not gonna fuck me, what's with the condom?"

"You don't have running water here," Y/N raised an eyebrow. "Your dick is probably gross. Again, you seem like a great fuck, but I'm lowering my standards for you. They are practically rock bottom right now."

Shigaraki glared at her harder. "I could kill you at any moment."

"You're right," She smiled softly, starting to jack him off at a gentle pace. "You could. But you're not going to. You like me calling you gross. You're practically whimpering just because my hand is wrapped around your filthy cock. It twitches whenever I insult you. You fucking love this, being under me, just taking my insults."

Shigaraki groaned when she squeezed his cock suddenly, and very hard. He felt like he was close, all her dumb (and very untrue...) words were getting to him.

"Y/N," He gasped, trying to get her hand off of him.

"Beg," She grinned wildly. "Beg me to make you come, tell me how much you love me degrading your filthy cock. Do it."

He whimpered, grabbing her wrist. God, her grip was fucking tough.

"Please," He whispered.

"Hm?"

"Please," He yelled out, holding her arm. "Fuck- Please Y/N, make me come. Degrade me, do whatever, just please, make me come."

...he was pathetic. What was wrong with him?

Y/N hummed, loosening her hand. "Keep going."

"Fuck," He breathed out at the relief. "Please Y/N, god fuck, I need it. I'm so close, please."

He might kill himself later, honestly.

She chuckled, and moved her hand, just enough to get him to come. "I've heard better. But I guess I can't expect too much from you."

Shigaraki moaned, stomach tensing. "Y/N- Oh god."

"C'mon," Y/N grinned, hand moving quicker. "You can come, Tomura. You're doing so good, keep going."

Her suddenly, sickeningly sweet words made his heart tighten, and he eyes roll back. "Fuck- Y/N- please."

She leaned forward and kissed him. He moaned in her mouth, a hand going up to her back. He needed something to hold.

Y/N hissed as his free fingers caught on her skin, but just moved her hand quicker. And it worked, because he was moaning aloud again, as he came, filling the condom.

He whimpered when her hand didn't stop, and moved the hand on her back to her hip to grab more. "Y/N, please, I came already."

"It wasn't good enough," Y/N kissed just under his ear. "I wanna see you crying. I wanna hear you yell my name, I need you begging me to stop because you can't handle how good it feels."

Shigaraki let out a sob, her hand not letting up the quick pace at all. "Y/N- Its too much, please."

"You're doing so good," She whispered, and kissed his jaw. "You're taking it so good, you're being so good for me. You can take another one, I know you can."

He nodded slowly, barely aware of the fact he was drooling. He laid his head back as she kissed him. She was so sweet now. What changed? Did he do something to make her want to be nice all of the sudden?

"Y/N," He moaned quietly against her lips. "Please- I don't think I can-"

"You can," She whispered again, sending a weird feeling through Shigaraki. "You're doing so good already. I know you can be even better."

He felt another sob rip through his chest. "Be mean again- Stop."

She hummed, kissing him. "Why would I be mean when you're being such a good boy? You deserve to be treated nicely after listening,to me so well."

He moaned as her hand twisted around the head of his cock, spreading the come throughout the condom. "I'm- I'm close again- Y/N, god."

"Good boy," She hummed. "C'mon, be a good boy and come for me."

He sobbed and he felt his orgasm build up again. It was a lot, almost overwhelming. "It's- I'm coming- Y/N," He moaned shakily as he came, feeling tears fall as her hand helped him through it.

"Good job," She whispered, stopping her hand. "Such a good job."

He took a deep breath, but it only came out uneven and shaky. He yelped when her hand tightened and moved down the length of his cock slowly.

"Y/N, please," He sobbed, hands shaking, and hips pulling away.

She laughed, pulling her hand away. "Now tell me... Was that better or worse compared to those street whores?"

"Better," He sobbed again, her legs just barely brushing up again his cock. "So much better- Fuck!"

She couldn't stop grinning. But she decided to have some mercy, and stop touching his dick until he calmed down. For now, she just held him, arms wrapping around him.

She sighed at the sob and his arms wrapping around her back, tears wetting her shoulder. "You did such a good job, Tomura. Go ahead and rest."

Why was he still crying? It was done, they were done. But her consistent praise wasn't helping.

"Take a deep breath, Tomura. You did so good, you're done," She kissed his neck. "C'mon, take a deep breath now."

He was way past the point of feeling silly, so he just listened to her, taking a deep breath. He noticed something wet on his hand so he looked to where it restrd on Y/N back.

"I'm sorry," He breathed out, noticing he definitely made her bleed with scratches... It was hard to go out and get nail clippers, okay? Fuck off.

Y/N found the apology comical. He threatened to kill her multiple times and now he was apologizing for a scratch. She made the decision to lot laugh though.

"It's okay," She smiled softly, kissing his cheek. "I'm gonna clean you up, okay?"

He shook his head. "No- I need to make you-"

"It's okay, Tomura," She sat up, out of his arms. "It's alright. You're tired, you need to rest. And I'm going to clean you up."

He nodded, wiping the tears from his face.

It took a few minutes for the embarrassment to set in. It seemed the moment Y/N was cleaning his come covered dick was the moment he lost his humanity, and was officially a disgrace of a villain.

"Oh stop," Y/N scoffed as he tried to pull away. "So dramatic, its just your own dick."

He huffed, face red. "I'm good- Please leave."

"Uh huh," She finally stopped, throwing the towel next to the bed. "Get your eyes off my tits, perv."

"Put your shirt back on," He argued back.

She shrugged, and grabbed her shirt. "I'll be downstairs," He watched her get up and walk out his bedroom. "You owe me an orgasm!"

#mha smut #x reader #x y/n #dom y/n #dom reader #sub Shigaraki #bottom shigaraki #shigaraki tomura #tomura Shigaraki x y/n #top reader #dom reader x Shigaraki

[engelfeather]

Whats a g/t trope y'all genuinely hate, but is considered a "hot take"

For me it's borrower stories, specifically those that always follow the same formula and never get creative.

As in, borrower is outside looking for food or smt, somehow gets into a situation where they are trapped, human finds them, borrower is scared and tries to flee, yet gets trapped under a glsss, with the human assuring them that they're kind and won't harm them. Then after a few chapters, the borrower leaves behind all the fear they held for humans and becomes close friends with them (this especially throws me off whenever the borrower has had a friend or a family member be killed by a human). They usually also meet their friends who are also super nice.

I understand that most humans wouldn't be out here tormenting a tiny person they found, but I honestly don't get the hype behind stories where it's only fluff and basically almost always the same plot.

The human characters are usually the most boring to read about, which is a huge let down for me. Especially as, it feels weird that I've yet to see a borrower story where the human genuinely freaks out that a tiny person has been watching them all along.

I mean how disturbing is it to know that you were being watched all this time, that you were never truly alone. Including in moments where you were feeling down.

For more interesting prompts, you could have the human actually be someone insane, that sees the borrower as nothing more than another experiment or something to exploit for money, with the borrower showing them that they are sentient, yet, perhaps, due to sn inability to understand each other, the humans doesn't understand what they're doing.

Or

Have the borrower have a whole web of crime with other borrowers, where they purposefully steal things from humans to make their days just a little more upsetting. Getting back at them for, maybe, having hunted them in the past. Have borrowers actually be evil little gremlins or something.

Heck, maybe even have the two be criminals, with the borrower helping breaking into people's houses and spying on them, to see who has the best stuff to steal from and the human doing the rest.

And if you do give your borrower a sadder backstory, please please please let them deal with their trauma and not completely remove it for fluff. Have them have moments where they feel inferior and break down, rushing back to their holes regardless of if the human is being nice or not. Let the human get frustrated with the borrower for not fully trusting them, not knowing the full story. LET THEM HAVE TENSE MOMENTS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT TO SEE THEM FIGHT

MAKE THEM HAVE CLASHING PERSONALITIES WHERE THEY OFTEN GET INTO HEATED ARGUMENTS

Idfkanyway hope you liked this silly lil ranty rant I wrote. No hate to anyone who writes borrower stories, considering my own story has borrower elements.

-Lucky

#giant/tiny #giant #giant tiny #gt #sfw giant/tiny #sizetumblr #tiny #borrowers #sfw #borrower #rant post #rant #Gt rant #borrower story #story prompts #idk what else to tag #idk how to tag this

[cjxkpopxwriting]

Sooooo it’s late! But here we go, Valentine’s Day Jimin! I hope you enjoy this sickly sweet fluffy bit! 😍😍😍

- - -Aim was true- - -

“What did you get Y/N?”

He had asked every member of the group insessantly for the last two weeks. He knew it was just another commercial type holiday, but the sight of pink and red everywhere, mixed with romance and candy and sappy romantic comedies and kisses and flowers all made him a big puddle of goo. Jimin was already as soft as cotton candy, according to you, but Valentine’s Day made him even more so. It also made him overly stressed about getting the perfect gift.

While you were good friends with everyone, you meant quite a lot more to him. He hadn’t told you that, but... still. Yoongi gave him a curious look as he unpacked another suitcase and returned his travel items to their place, pausing as he began to throw a pair of jeans at the dirty hamper in his closet. “You’re stressing too much about this, Jimin. Why does it matter what I got?” The puppy dog eyes looking back at him crumpled the grumpy man’s scowl and he chuckled softly, before rounding the bed to hold his shoulders.

“Think about this: Y/N is... always so thankful for anything we give them. From ramen all the way up to that Chanel gift box we gave at Christmas. Y/N wouldn’t have even worn it if we didn’t threaten them because they wanted to keep it safe. So... whatever you get will be amazing still. And... I just got a little box of those chocolates Y/N likes. The uh... cookies and cream one.”

Jimin blinked. Ok. So far, Namjoon had gotten the next installment of your favorite book series, Tae had gotten open ended movie tickets, Jin had bought new cookware, Hoseok had gotten a satchel like his because you liked it so much, Yoongi got candy, and Jungkook had promised a photo shoot of your choice. They were all things that reflected them in a way... so maybe he should do something like that too?

Now that he stood here watching you clean up and get ready to go, laughing with Jin and Yoongi, he felt like he was losing his courage. The soft pink shirt you wore seemed to flutter with every movement and made you look even more angelic than normal. Your hair was styled perfectly, and he swore you had to have had a facial because you were glowing. God... could there be anyone more perfect in the universe?

“Jimin?”

He crashed back to earth when your soft voice washes over him, eyes going wide and his smile making them disappear just as fast. “Yes?” You laughed, the sound making his heart sputter behind his ribs, and he curled in on himself cutely, making you laugh even more. “You’re adorable, you know that right?” His blush was clear, but so was yours. Thankfully it wasn’t just him. “Not as adorable as you.” He followed you for a second, and you paused when you noticed. “Did you... need something?”

He hesitates and your warm hand in his makes him sink back into his heels, unaware that he’d been on his toes in the first place. “I got you something... I wanted to wait. Uhm... hang on.” You are guided to a seat, and he offers a sheepish grin before dashing towards the balcony he closed off to everyone for the night. Jimin races to light every candle, cursing when it doesn’t work right away, and then steps back to admire his handy work. “Ok... good. Here we go.”

The blindfold surprised you, but you played along, letting him guide you to the secret spot. He had gone all out, hanging twinkle lights and placing tea lights in strategic places. Two glssses of wine at the little table he’d set up with rose petals of three different colors and a brand new throw blanket that was so lush he felt sinful for buying it. Soft piano music tinkles as he slides the door open and leads you out, the cool air making you shiver. “My jacket...” you begin, but he’s suddenly engulfing you in warmth.

“I know... I came prepared.”

His tone has dipped into that lower register he only uses when thoughtful, shy, or emotional. What was this? As the blindfold unravels, Jimin apologizes for tugging your hair a little, and then steps back, bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he awaits your judgement. Your face says it all, eyes wide with wonder and surprise and then glittering with tears. “I... wanted to make it feel like a warm hug... if it’s too much I can...”

Jimin is silenced as you launch yourself at him, arms wrapped around his neck securely, face tucked under his jaw. “It does... it’s perfect. Don’t change anything.” His arms are around you in a second, cradling you close and you relish his warmth and his scent, head spinning as you seek to hear his heartbeat. “I love it Jimin.” He takes a shaky breath, and you look up, eyes bright with emotion as he smiles down at you. “And I... love you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N.”

Love?

He catches the confusion on your face and begins to backtrack before you press a finger to his lips. “I love you too, Jiminssi.” He seems to melt a little, rigid back going slack under your hands, and laughs shyly. “Really?” You nod quickly, fingers already stroking his cheeks. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say your Cupid... but your aim is true.” He giggles, the sound silenced by a soft kiss. Your first kiss. On the balcony with the amazing view, wrapped in the warmest set of arms and blanket you’d ever seen in your life. He giggles as he parts, his fingers cupping your cheek to truly kiss you, stealing your breath for the first time of several times that night.

It was indeed a happy Valentine’s Day.

#jimin #bts writing #bts #valentines day

[knightofameris]

hi babess!! i was wondering if i could get a haikyuu matchup?? i’m an entp, i love going on spontaneous adventures, the crazier the betterrr. i also love visiting like abandoned places and haunted houses and stuffs soo. more ab my personality is that i’m an ambivert but leaning more towards extroverted. i like joking around A LOT and i’m v sarcastic. i’m 5’1 and i have long brown wavy hair and have freckles. i also wear glasses but i like walking around ✨blind✨. but yeah that’s ab it thank you<3

match ups are closed! check match up statuses on my pinned post because they’ll change! (in the mean time, my 500 event is open for self ships in Haikyuu!)

hiiii bb sorry it took me so long!!

I dunno if i was just influenced by your URL kfakhdfkahf BUT as i was reading through the ENTP personality plus their romantic relationships, I actually do feel like you’d be a good pair with Bokuto Koutarou???

Why you two work well together!

So for one thing, we all know that Bokuto is someone who never really had ANHONE to stick with him. A lot of people told him he went too hard when it came to volleyball and he was kinda like. Tok good? No one could keep up. But with you I think you could. ENTPs are known for pushing boundaries and trying to be the better version of themselves. So I think you guys would match well with that. Bokuto would also love love love going on adventures with you. He does a lot of impulse things, I mean he pushed the fire alarm because he got curious,,, like. Boi. I think it would be so much fun when you tease him too or being sarcastic cus he’ll go baby mode and you have to kiss him better. And on days where you just want to chill??? Bokuto would be kinda fine with that. He has a lot of energy but if you ever chill with him and cuddle he’ll calm down cus I see him as someone who loves physical affection. Also that height difference 👀👀 actuslly the cutest. Also if you ever forget your glasses make him carry you. He’ll carry you for sure cus he likes being close to you and if he’s giving you a piggy back ride it’s like just a long hug and somewhat acceptable AHAHAH

How you guys get together!

I think this would be so cute if you guys got together by like.

You were going on a night adventure

And so was Bokuto

And akaashi was there too because okay if he couldn’t tell Bokuto no he might as well go with him so he doesn’t die

So maybe you’re exploring an abandoned place and you were With your friends

But you got separated and shit that’s scary

Then you literally crash into Bokuto?

And he’s terrifying to you and your glasses fall off and he’s this shadowy figure

But the moonlight shows some of his features

And it’s just his golden eyes and his hair that sticks up

And yoh SCREAM

then Bokuto screams

And Akaashi comes running and Bokuto was like “why are you screaming is there a ghost!” Cus he doesn’t realize you’re scared of him

And akaashi sees the glssses on the ground so he gives it to you after you scramble to try to get away but when you hear Bokuto talk you’re like oh shit

It’s fine

Anyway I feel like because of that akaashi asks u why TOURE alone and you’re just like I got separated from my friends and that you screamed cus Bokuto was kinda terrifying lol

So Bokuto offers that they’ll both stick with you

And so you guys talk and find out you go to separate schools )):

But Bokuto is like you’re really fun! And I kinda feel bad for scaring you.

And so mayhaps you offer to continue to go on adventures together.

Some of them are planned

Some are spontaneous

Akaashi tags along to make sure you guys stay safe

But then eventually he slowly stops cus he hates third wheeling when he realizes you teo both have feelings for each other

But he’s also like GDI I need to make sure they’re safe but also,,,,

But it turns out fine somehow because the first and only time akaashi stops going with yall

Is when Bokuto comes back and is like !!! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

And akaashi is like ... he doesn’t know what to say except okay

And Bokuto is like ARENT you gonna ask who????

Then akaashi just gives him a deadpan look and says your name lol

#ameris ships people #bokutoswaifuu

[tamiddyinyourcity]

hes one of those dudes where with glssses on, theyre pretty cute, in a peter parker way, and them off just???? is??? so fucking different????

i guesss their glasses are pretty thick, glasdes cover (yet outline) the entire eye area and sides of his face, so them off really makes it like "bro what, since when are your eyes and cheekbones like that? what the fuck?", and i get astonished.

(I never say that out loud, of course.)

But, he definitely had the face for some modeling potential. Even as an Instagram E-Boy or some shit; homie could really paint his nails black and get contacts and hed literally be swimming in p-

anyway, imma not think of him in that context right now bro.

.....also, whats with exes; and enjoying the fact that sex with others had gone wack when they left?

Like with me and Other Patrick, the blonde one, he was deeeefinitely insecure, for some reason, about the fact that i had been with three other men in the time between our breakup, and his surprise In And Out visit in October, I believe.

But upon hearing that none of the men had any physical stamina, stroke, size, weren't my type, or just flat out that I haven't been having a grand ol time with the weiners ive associated with.....

Nigga was so happy. Or at the very least, contented. And well, hearing that he *tried* to have sex with girls, but describing it as "could not stay hard" and "wasnt attracted to them so i really couldnt".... it was somehow flattering i guess, although sad. It says a lot, if a single man who's finally cut free from monogamy can finally smash puss and gets cold feet at it.....

And before me and Brunette Patrick had our most recent breakup, moments before getting back with each other, we talked.

He talked about attempting Tinder, and "going for anyone with something in their bio to respond to, not based on looks". (Weird flex, but okay.) And described his most positive experience as, "Hey," "Hey", "What's up?", and maybe one more text, before never getting messaged again.....

My normal self: oh :( ouch

That inner part of me that still wanted to date him: sucks to suck, i wanna fuck

And I talked to him about seeing who he referred to as the "Infamous Patrick"..... haha, funny guy.... But, i respect that he knows that guy had a good place in my life as one of the most positive relationships to date.

*outside of ours, but ill just say friends or girls and spitting never ended me and Infamous Patrick's relationship......*

Other than once.... or, twice..... but that's not very relevant, is it?????

Anyways.

And of course, BP was glad as hell to hear that Infamous Patrick, by now, could not live up to his title. I was honest; we kissed, and tried stuff, and it felt.... weird, so I just stopped. And of course all about his aloof and overly noncaring personality, being more bark than bite, hot to trot....

Did i say hot to trot? What the fuck, ew. But it fits, so, im keeping it.

He was too eager to smash, and not as eager to actually have some sort of talk or connection with me. And when confronted, kept making excuses.... I refuse to have any sort of dynamic in my life, where a "good friend" wont ask any information about me at all, and will barely react when told whats going on in my life.....

Fuck you, Patrick.

The.... blonde one, in this context.

You are a t h o t .

...."I'm a man of GOD", I thought, as I deadass left his ass.

Imma pause from writing to jam to this song, relevant ass song. I really did have a bunch of guys contact me.... Flattering; but the thing is, a person of substance, outside of someone being a human cumbucket ready to spill on any cute girl that they meet, is a lot more fun to be around than the one that just wants to smash.

Hell, even when me and Brown Patrick smashed, we had fun. We had talks, cuddled, fell asleep together, watched Murder Party and other movies..... all that. And i felt good with him.

And when he did eventually try a "im not sure ill have time for much more than just strictly sex on weekdays, but maybe the weekends we can hang more?", and i just straight up said "thats not what im looking for", and homie realized QUICK that yes, even with my high ass sex drive and mild disdain over how they get sometimes, that im not just there to get piped.

Plus not gonna lie, if i couldve be out here having completely mindless or emotionless sex at the time...... i could have found people with more stamina that couldve touched my cervix. (Thats when it also became apparent that i liked that guy, if i really was like "sex lasts shorter than a vine and i didnt get to come, but i dont mind, im just here to cuddle with him for an hour or so before work.")

So if its:

Not amazing sex but good hangouts and conversation - good hangouts and conversation = "thats not what im looking for".

So, he got the hint, aaaaand managed to make time for me in the weekdays by finishing his chores early. Healthy, not gonna lie, if honesty lead to him finishing tasks when he wakes up instead of procrastinating, AND he gets to still socialize.

But back to the "post-old-breakup, pre-recent-breakup", makeup story.....

BP, upon hearing how absolutely tragic hanging out with Infamous Patrick had went, couldnt even politely hold in his enjoyment.

Nigga smiled like heeeeell, he was so giddy. I guess it would be amusing, if a guy who's got almost everything you don't, gets rejected by me, since he's not you.... id be flattered too.

Like if someone said, "We almost got (insert famous comedian) here for this show, but we decided you'd be a better headliner", I'd probably tap dance, if I had the knowledge (and shoes) for it.

Anyway, he was ecstatic. He was sliiiiightly not showing it, but it was apparent when he was literally blushing and smiling ear to ear, (and i wasnt even saying it in a "He Ain't You", Chris Brown esque way, i was saying it in a "im devastated, i really liked this guy but its just so different from the passion being there before"..... patrick is a little psychopathic here, lmfao.)

Also, the song She Ain't You sums up the feelings between the two similarly named fellas, but tumblr isnt finding the song for me on here..... so, boo, tomato, then.

Aaaand then Patrick suddenly decides that hearing that means its time to start getting reaaaaally close to my face in his bed, smiling, doing that thing with his eyes he does. (He's a pretty guy, but i doubt he realizes how good he looks sometimes.)

Long story short, we didnt smash.

.......until the next morning, but it was good.

And i suppose there is a little bit of an ego boost, hearing mutually that no one else has been with your boyfriend/girlfriend, in the time you've been gone.

Or having terrible sex. They'll go, "Aw, that sucks", but in their head, screaming "LETS GOOOOOOO" and punching the air in joy.

Since its the excitement of "now do i have a chance?", and the satisfaction of "and even if i don't, cool, sex is going terrible and so is meeting new people.... a win either way."

.....yeah.

It's a shame things didn't work out.

I was venting the other night at the whole breakup recently and thinking, "so when exactly was the point of him losing all romantic feelings for me?"

After the distressed phone call? After the *incident?* Was his mind already made up? Or was he just saying that, to make it easier, for the sake of having space from me or whatever?

I dunno, i guess thats what happened for our very first fight and making up.

I apologized to him, he accepted despite being mildly irritated with me.... Then heard that I had feelings for him before when I had acted out, and he was like "...........Oh", and then spontaneously started to consider restarting a romantic relationship with me.

I really have no idea how his emotions work, in terms of how easily he can choose when or when to not be with a person.....

Anyways.

Continuing off of the other night, basically we chatted some more about things, until it got time to walk him to his car.

He asked me, "So, what about the graveyard hangout seemed like a date?"

"Well, you did ask me to go with you there, almost instantly after telling me I wanted a person who could think of cute dates to take me on...... So it kinda clicked on its own, even if it was wrong."

And somehow despite changing the conversation course several times, he said, "You didn't answer my question.... How did it seem like a date?"

And in the moment, I felt frustrated he was asking, but in present day, i kinda realize this is his way of going, "What kind of dates does she like?", in a way that isnt blatantly telling me he has interest in me yet again, while still being aloof and phrasing it like pure curiousity.

(Which was smart. Since he knew i hated the idea of telling someone how to date me.... phrasing it this way got a much better reception than if he went "well what kind of dates do you want me to take you on?" Its nice i guess. He still wanted to go out with me, but like, found a slick way to get a cheat code for good dates, that he wouldn't have known otherwise....)

So when he asked, I was frustrated, only since I was shocked he couldn't see how from my original answer.... But I pushed through my blushing to go, "Well, i dont know, man, you had asked me to do my favorite thing that i always love to do, (watercoloring,) at a nice and scenic spot for a day, (a graveyard.... but, a nice graveyard with a beautiful view of the whole city,) and, it seemed a little PERSONAL, since i really love scenic views, and like????? It just had everything i liked, so, i kinda jumped to the conclusion myself even though you probably dont know all that about me....."

And I think his brain has went, "Hm, Okay", and jotted notes down, since our next hangout after that was at...... whats the name of that place?

The Docks?

Anyway, it was scenic. It was more his idea, we were originally gonna check out my old job together and id show him their cameras, but he was like "Oh thats right next to the loading docks, can we go over there first?"

Had a jolly ol time telling him stories about the wildest parts of my life, and staring at the ocean, n shit like that.

Aaaaand i recall specifically at one point, we had been sitting down somewhere, watching a big boat drill holes in the bottom of the sea. (We had no idea what they were doing back then, so we sat staring at it, pondering what its function possibly was....)

We talked more. Somehow it lead to BDSM, or more specifically, bdsmtest.org, since I was curious what kind of answers he had.... back when we were actually FWBs, though, heh.

But he decided, "Its a nice sunny day, might as well show her all of my answers on the bdsm kink test she had shown me", and i was surprised, we had a bunch in common.

If he had a kink for "brat taming", then it made sense why he put up with my bitchy comments that day we had the graveyard date, even with losing romantic interest.

Great, now im horny.

Anyways.

That lead to us passively saying I'd be open to trying out certain things with him, if he felt comfortable with that. He said sure, and that he'd think about it and what he'd want to try and whatnot....

Cool.

I didn't have massive feelings about it. I saw it as, "He's told me before that he's only 50% sure about his romantic interest in me, so no need to get my hopes up. Any guy would be happy to smash a girl, so ill see it as that."

But admittedly, even when i was holding back from thinking he'd want anything to do with me....

I did notice him staring at me with a really huge smile, even as I was looking away.

......he didn't do that the last time I had saw him, so my guess is he really did lose feelings with me. Hell, even our post-breakup talk, one where we just talked about our relationship but werent together again, he did that smile he does.

.......and now im kinda tearing up, since.... yeah, its shitty when the dude that always seems ecstatic to see me cant even muster eye contact when i first enter his car.

.....imma get back to the story, or else ill just feel worse.

So we were looking at the waterside, and he was sitting basically almost arms and knees touching side by side with me, and giving me this huge ass stare and grin.

I kept thinking, "I really wanna kiss this man", but..... I wasn't gonna make the first move. He needed to be ready on his own.

Plus, if he did ever make the first move, it would let me know how badly he actually wanted to be with me. If he can get past all the nerves and all of the unsureness of how im feeling, and still go, "Fuck it; i like you", and ask me on a date.

So, i didnt kiss him.

And he didn't kiss me.

..........

But we had one more hangout after that.

We went to a local pizza shop in my part of my city, i think to run errands. I believe this was getting ready for the 1st Halloween Party, so.... yeah, we bought some green hairspray for my Joker costume and had hung out.

I remember that he kept being.... odd, the whole time. Or maybe I was, since I wanted to get burgers at the really nice outside diner down the street, and then he went "how bout we go in here?", to the local janky pizza shop, so i pretended i didnt want a juicy, healthy burger stuffed with moist veggies and mayo.....

....and that i wanted greasy pizza, that would trigger my lactose intolerance.

Needless to say, i didnt eat, and he was odd about it, but i just told him i was glad to be his company.

.....he then kept being on his phone the WHOLE TIME, MAKING TWEETS. Jesus christ man! Youll be salty if i check my phone for the time, but will do this????

I thought to myself, "This isnt what i want.... I cant keep doing this. I want an actual relationship. And its clear hes not into me, from the way he's acting, and the way he never told me if he ever did fully decide he was romantically interested in me or not..... I should move on, but i might just stop hanging with him for awhile till things go easily....."

A.k.a., "if he wanted me, he wouldve been told me. I gotta move on."

We eventually got in his car, and then as he was driving; he got.... nervous.

I asked what was up, and out it came...

"So when we hang out..... should I just try to be as romantic as possible, to make sure you enjoy being with me?"

Did he read my mind???? Oh wow. I was blushing like a motherfucker. My mind was confused as hell. And like...... to be honest, that is a really sweet alternative to saying "I really like you, please date me", or something like that.

Anyways, yeah, we started dating again.

And.... i felt glad.

He kept up on that promise too. Made an effort for me, bought me flowers or my favorite candy when i forgot i even told him that about me, all that.........

I was really happy at the beginning of our relationship.

And modern day, it all ended, since..... no matter what, there was no respect for me being had.

No understanding my perspective, my boundaries, being iffy, excluding me from his friends and putting it off for such a long time...........

It was just so fucking weird.

I don't know if I can forgive him for that.

Especially if he was sooooo mad at me for my reasonings for the first breakup, just to prove all my points for the second one.

.....sad thing is, writing all of this about how he was before put me in such a good mood, remembering how sweet it all was.

And now?

It just ruins it, knowing its all dead and gone.

I.... yeah.

Not sure when he decided all his romantic feelings were gone either, and its not like I can ask him about it. (I can try, but for some reason im respecting HIS boundaries of wanting me to go fuck myself, and just letting him someday see if he wants to contact me first....)

And..... i hate that.

I dont know.

I guess; just to know, how would i handle ever seeing him again?

He'd have to call me himself and explain the sudden reason WHY he'd want to see me, especially after both of us did some mutually atrocious shit post breakup.

A public meeting place, somewhere that we can both leave, and preferably a place that doesn't serve McDonalds Sprite that he could throw on me, in an act of "hyper delayed vigilante karma."

Discussing everything under the sun..... If I did invite someone back into my life, romantic or not, id have to know how things had went for them, their thoughts, and just a check in on their life i guess.

Lots of boundaries. Just.... yeah, some things cant happen again. And simply put, im not expecting him to anytime soon contact me, or even trust me if he ever did.... but it takes time to rebuild trust back. And after the pain of banging him, regaining intimacy with him, and actually thinking things were working, just for things to go terribly....... i doubt id be open to seeing him. He let me down too many times before, i really cant tell someone about my life or even date their ass, if..... its never guaranteed how much theyll show they care. It's really hard to impress a person after you dump them over some shit that they didn't even do....

And yeah.

He was good before, but never perfect.

I shouldn't paint an amazing image of him. He was a typical brown haired white kid with social anxiety, thats really not hard to find, even in a predominantly black city. (Theyre all on reddit, basically, you wont find them doing shit else other than reddit or hiding in their homes or something.)

The cool thing was that he was a marxist, and i genuinely liked those conversations with him. But, its not hard to find a broke person and go "being able to not work would be great" and have an intelligent conversation on the matter.....

And he liked philosophy. But most people do, in a sense. I can find friends online who wanna talk till 5am about that, and it shouldnt really be hard, right? It wont be with a cute guy naked, but itll be someone who doesnt dump me in an idiotic way.

And yeah.

I will be alright.

Its just a shame, i really liked this stupid motherfucker.

Which can be interpreted as....

"Damn, i really liked..... this mother fucker????? Why? Fuck."

"Damn.... I really liked this muhfucker...." (One Wish by Ray J plays in the background.)

And yeah, i liked the guy.

Not ecstatic about this.

My friend said some dumb shit in regards to "he probably still had feelings to an extent even when breaking up", (she meant platonic,) and i really wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up about it. I could care less if he still "cared about me to an extent and had feelings during the breakup", those are clearly doing nothing now... and, he doesnt wanna see me, or speak to me.

And somehow lost feelings for me in under 24 hours.

And i have no fucking idea why.

THATS why im upset. God i really wanna just tell her off, but im gonna be a mature adult, and vaguepost on my spam about it like a normal 19 year old would.

So yeah.

10:11am, talked to Cam. I was hesitant to talk to him for pretty obvious reasons, but he was fine. Said he heard non-conflicting stories of what happened, with differences in who wronged who, (patrick is a fake little shit, and i have a high intolerance to men that cant keep promises, plus, valuable reasons to go back to therapy..... that's all anyone needs to know,) and that he wouldnt be taking a stance.

At least there's that.

I'm just..... not ecstatic about things.

And if Patrick is framing the story where I'm the bad guy.... to an extent, understandable. Before the conk on the head, i have no idea how he was feeling about staying around me, or what.

But that doesnt bring a smile to my face, now, does it?

"Oh, Tamia told me to suck a cock when I uninvited her to my party, a decision that wasnt my ownnnnnn!", is translation for "Tamia got upset with me, since i refused any of her resolutions to the situation, and allowed my friends to dictate what they want over my own wants for my own birthday party.... I caved in to them, she was hurt, and then I wanna push all responsibility off of me and onto her; in terms of "who wronged who"."

I hate his guy, jesus christ.

Anyways, eventually, ill be seeing someone new. Someone that understands me, and wont ever put me in situations where id feel like this.

Where I always have to think, "I never would have done that to him".

"I would have chose differently."

All of that.

I'll see someone new, that values me. Who would never even have friends that control his life so much in the first place, and wouldn't accuse me of being controlling, for pointing out obviously toxic behaviors among those he calls his closest friends around him.

Ideally, someone romantic. Genuinely caring. Can fuck and not jizz before he even gets the condom on. (Yes, that happened before.)

Its a shame that Patrick was almost this person in several ways.... but simply wasn't. He almost was a sweet guy, but all of his bullshit got too much..... Even his Christmas Gift was pre-bought, and had no thought put into it whatsoever, but he had the gall to scoff at my gift as well. Fucking asshole! Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck shit.

Suck my cock, Patrick.

I guess he's just gotta become a distant "what the actual fuck was that" memory. Just like Zack, Zack #2, OG Patrick, John, Crackhead John, whoever..... just far as hell from me man.

I'll forget Azalea even existed, not like i ever met her, despite all the efforts to.

I'll forget about the party, and just replace the memories. What did I do on December 27th? Did i cry and starve for two days straight alone in my house, or did i spend the day drawing, sketching and listening to music? If I gotta replace memories, then, thats just a way to stoo things from getting worse.

I probably will avoid that, though. I prefer all my outlets to be honest about things that happened. And, trust me, its not fun forgetting half a year of my life like previous events caused things to happen for me........

And yeah.

Feels good.

Alright.

I'll see someone new, where dating doesn't have to be a constant cycle of trial and error. Where i don't have to practically have my spam page as a handbook on how to date me, or how i feel about things that i cant really feel comfortable to tell him about.....

(Flashback: that time i made a vent post about one of my "idk her and now im nervous about them being alone together tonight????"/"he really never calls me pretty, i know i am but it takes a toll after some time" posts on my spam, and he saw it, then texted me in the morning the next day, something cute about how he thought that I was beautiful....)

Ah yeah, that stings like hell to remember.

Another flashback: last time we had sex, he could detect that was happening again, and told me all about how beautiful he thought my body was as he had sex......

Whoop whoop, I'm about to get that weird cross combination of horny and sad, yet again.

I hate it! Why did this all have to happen? It was going so well. Or, decent.

......i just cant teach someone how to date me. There's always someone out there who knew shit that he didnt, and wouldn't have to be educated on things like, "dont let grown men spit on your girlfriend and get up in her face if you're literally supposed to defend her", or "don't just keep the peace, if it literally means hiding your significant other, over petty bullshit that you legitimately said yourself, 'is some dumb shit that nobody should even care about', and then shun your girlfriend for being hurt at being excluded.... while not shunning your friends, for purposely deciding to start fights at your fucking birthday over me."

I'll date someone thoughtful, creative, caring. Makes promises that they know they can keep. That aren't trainwrecks of a person, that won't make me feel like shit over things.

And that i probably would like enough to be able to go home, without throwing a sprite in his face, and still feel good about things.

The more i think about things, i dont regret the soda toss. It was just supposed to happen, i guess.

Thats all.

10:39am, gonna go get a pedicure and relax instead of thinking about how i wanna kick someone in their chest today.

And gonna find a therapist in 2020, so that i can be reassured what things are healthy, or toxic, in the new decade by someone else who is unbiased in several different ways....

Thats all.

Peace out.

#me #yep #exes #yikes