#maybe i should have used a readmore but

[ahamkara-apologist]

you have GOT to post guardian pics I'm begging you. feed us (me?) information about your characters. I must know. it is imperative

TYSM FOR ENABLING ME ANON BC THEY ARE MY BLORBOS AND IM VIBRATING ABOUT THEM. buckle the fuck up because this is gonna be a long fucking post

Okay first up is Aeris Sharphawk- aro/ace, he/him. he's my main character, my hunter, and the Young Wolf of my timeline.

He’s half-Awoken, half-Human (I’ll get to that in a moment, he’s actually an older oc of mine that I ported over from Bloodborne whose bastard nature needed a D2 equivalent), and the older half-brother to my solar titan, Marcelline Attenbough- one of the few little remnants from their past life that they were able to discover in a diary on Marcie’s corpse when they were rezzed together (which occurred because their ghosts are twins). He’s autistic, lawful neutral, and vastly prefers using Darkness over Light because of sensory issues; his ghost (Hoarfrost, previously Mercury) mods his helmets to drastically reduce noise, but he can’t help how Arc tingles, Solar burns, and Void numbs. Tends to spend most of his battles either hyperfocused or dissociated to deal with it. As for the lawful neutral title, that’s because he doesn’t fight for the Vanguard because of a loyalty to humanity, but exclusively for the survival of the Last City and everyone in it. This extended to House Light and the Cabal under Caital instantaneously, and would do so to Eramis if she so chose, because he really just doesn’t take most things personally. He's sometimes derogatorily called 'the Vanguard's Hound' because of this.  

He’s skilled with a bow, and is cursed with a resting haunted stare that can rival even the fiercest bird of prey- hence his title, given to him because his last name wasn’t present in the little diary that Marcie had when they were rezzed. Personality wise, he’s quiet, stoic, extremely efficient at what he does, fiercely protective of those he loves, and deeply curious about the unknown- though if you don’t know him, you’d never be able to guess it, because he struggles deeply with facial expressions and tone, giving him the appearance that he’s ruthlessly cold and unfeeling (pretty much the Guardian we see in game). Because of this, he tends to do much better with Eliksni than most of humanity- bar the Awoken, though Mara makes him deeply uncomfortable- and is thus far more comfortable with them. He’s the moon to Marcie’s sun, and helps keep her in check, for despite her cheery personality, she has a very strong sense of justice and a penchant for impulsive, temperamental behavior when she thinks that justice has been wronged. This goes both ways, however, as Aeris is the very definition of ‘curiosity killed the cat’; he voluntarily gets bit by venomous snakes at venom labs to see how immunity/allergies develops over time, and has a fascination with the Vex that got him a ‘needs watching’ report after he nearly jumped into a pool of radiolaria to see what would happen. The older-brother affection isn’t related to just Marcie, though; he’s unofficially adopted Eido as his younger sister (or kid? Because uhhh that curiosity of his has extended to fucking Misraaks once or twice), and is a mentor figure of sorts to Crow, though he’s unaware that Crow idolizes him; he only hunted Uldren down to keep Marcie out of trouble, as he didn’t like Cayde and was neutral on Uldren, so seeing Crow for the first time didn’t bother him at all. Tutored on occasion by Osiris, and thus has a very deep respect for him. 

People other than Marcie that he likes:  Zavala, Ikora, Osiris, Eido, Misraaks, Eris, and Variks, Petrichor-12 (oc), Viper-4 (oc, lightless guardian), Crow

People he dislikes: Cayde, the Spider, Clovis Bray, Savathun, Mara Sov, Petra Venj (can’t read her very well), anyone who is loud or insistent or confusing 

Primary class (Dark): Stasis

Primary class (Light): Arcstrider

Motifs: Dark, cool blue/silver, viper and hawk symbolism

Likes: Learning about things, working with the Eliksni, being good at being a hunter, bows/glaives/swords, playing with Strand, Gambit (surprisingly)

Dislikes: Crucible, loud noises, fusion rifles, snipers because of the kick (despite being very good with them), shotguns, fans and most other guardians 

Fun fact: When Hoarfrost and Solaris found them, it was in a frigid part of old Russia, with Aeris holding Marcie close to his chest with his back to the door- they had frozen to death while trying to keep each other warm, and were under a thick layer of permafrost. When they were risen, they found out their names, their relationship to each other, and the fact that their father was a cheating bastard who produced Aeris after screwing an Awoken woman for the novelty of it because Marcie had a little diary in her front pocket, which had been somewhat preserved by the cold. Both their ghosts theorize that the reason why Aeris is so drawn to Stasis and Marcie to Solar is because of how they died, though neither guardian will say anything about it. He can also speak near-fluent Eliksni.

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Then there’s Marcie, younger half-sister to Aeris and the sun to his moon; she/her, Solar Titan, lesbian, lawful good. Where he is quiet and introverted, she is loud and bombastic, and where he likes to dart in and strike down his enemies from afar, she likes to punch. I just recently made her in Destiny because the character creation doesn't really match how I see her, hence why she's got Arc on here

(closer to her actual face minus the blue eyes; this is a very old bloodborne pic)

Unlike her half-brother, Marcie is a full human, and- according to the diary she rezzed with- was objectively her father's favorite, though the feeling was not mutual, and their relationship was strained by her taking so kindly to the bastard son he tried to send away. Compared to Aeris, she's bright, bubbly, and outgoing, but has a fierce temper, and is quick to snap if something has pushed her too far-think a jack russel's terrier of a human being. Her ghost's name is Solaris (previously Quicksilver), and she prefers the Light and Solar by far. Her preferred method of combat is to hit first, ask questions later, which can be incredibly effective or incredibly dangerous depending on who's on the opposite end of her wrath. Her and Aeris share many quests together, with me typically attributing all the seasons that I didn’t play to Marcie, given that I didn’t make a Destiny character for her for the longest time. 

She was best friends with Cayde, and was so devastated by his death that Aeris had to go instead, as she would have killed anything and everything in vengeance without a second thought. She did, however, kill Riven- something that Aeris himself was somewhat reluctant to do,given his fascination with the Ahamkara. She's stubborn as a mule, surprisingly strong despite her small stature (well, small-ish), and is an absolute massive lesbian, with her type specifically being 'big strong ladies who can kill me'- which was primarily why she wasn't allowed to fight Eramis, or other big hotties, as she has a pretty hardcore crush on her. (The second reason was that she would have stood and bickered with Eramis about the ethics of what she was doing until either one or the other yielded). Instead, she was assigned to work with Misraaks to evacuate House Light refugees, which ended up being a fortuitous partnership with the coming of the Endless Night. Now, her primary work for the Vanguard consists of aiding Eliksni refugees, along with general alien-human politics and tackling xenophobia, as well as working on being an apprentice Splicer. She is very, VERY passionate about equal rights and will drag you to the Crucible if you fight her- and good fucking luck winning against her, because she fucking loves the Crucible and will beat your ass everytime. She’s somewhat of a local celebrity in that reguard

Her deep fondness for her brother comes primarily from the fact that he is one of the few people to take her seriously without either asking her to calm down or come off as patronizing- he's also a well of stability to her excitable moods, the voice of reason to her hyperempathy. While he keeps her from biting off more than she can chew, she acts as his translator + guide, yanking him back onto the path of sanity if he starts to wander into the Deep, and helping him with dysfunction things that Hoarfrost can’t do. She also enjoys working through the data he collects, even if she has no desire to go searching for it herself, so they make a good pair- even if, like most siblings, they will argue over every little thing and sometimes drive each other up the walls with their stubbornness.

I've already mentioned that she got along with Cayde, but her other friends at the tower are Shaxx, Drifter, Saint-14, and Ada-1. Misraaks is her mentor, as well as one of the few people who can talk her down from stupid shit, with uh…questionable results. And while she couldn't stand the sight of Crow when Aeris dragged him back, she managed to befriend him reguardless, mostly because he was so different from the Uldren she remembered that she couldn’t help but accept him for who he was. She often went out drinking with him and Amanda, and was devastated when she died. 

People she likes: Cayde, Shaxx, Drifter, Saint-14, Ada-1, Misraaks, Crow, Amanda (rip), Caiatl

People she dislikes: Uldren Sov, The Osmium Siblings, The Spider, Lakshmi-2, anyone against the Eliksni or people who are rude to Aeris, Calus

Likes: Crucible, Gambit, fucking around with weapons in new and creative ways, going out to drink with friends, playfully flirting, helping with construction work around the Eliksni District, playing around with the Light, moths and other fuzzy creatures

Primary Class (Light): Solar

Primary Class (Dark): Strand

Dislikes: Fighting Eliksni, any exploding enemies that she can’t punch, bows because Aeris will always be better than her at using them, the fact that Aeris fucked Misraaks at one point for science, being alone, her inability to score a girl who isn’t a war criminal

Motif: crimson and gold, bears or lion with eagle wings

Fun fact: Her grasp on Eliksni is actually more fluent than Aeris, and she spends a good deal of her time in the Tower socializing with people while he’s off doing…whatever.

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Okay, now onto Petrichor-12, who decided to nope out of being a Guardian so I deleted their slot to make Marcie before I really did anything to dazzle them up

Petrichor-12 is a now-retired guardian that actually came from a dream I had before I even played Destiny. They/them or he/him, neutral good, Void titan, ghost is seldom-speaking and called Whisper. Neutral good. I attribute them with D1 content, so they’re the guardian that killed Crota and Oryx, though Marcie and Aeris were also there to help.

Petrichor is an older, somewhat quiet, melancholy do-gooder that's been haunted by guilt ever since they found out the memories of who they were via the Deep Stone Crypt- a bodyguard for Clovis Bray that was turned to a path of anger, abuse, and violence after agreeing to be tested on for power, and got corrupted by the Darkness. This, paired with being rezzed in the Dark Ages, means that they have a lot of trauma surrounding violence, power, and the dilemma of being made to kill when all you want to do is save people. As such, Eramis's predicament troubles them greatly, and while it was them who gunned her down in conjunction with Aeris, they often found themselves returning to her frozen body on Europa to talk to her (presumed corpse) about Darkness corruption in a sort of venting monologue-advice system, which worked both as a way of fending off their troubles as well as keep an eye on her state- though now that she’s defrosted they’ve vowed never come near her again out of embarrassment. 

While retired, they are a stalwart defender of anyone who needs it and a keeper of peace, driven partially by a genuine desire to do good and a need to prove themselves not the person that they used to be. No longer able to mingle with other guardians or humanity at large due to PTSD from what they learned, they live in the Botza district as an ambassador between the Eliksni and humanity, they like to knit + quilt in their free time, teaching whichever hatchlings will listen and getting tutored on weaving by old Wolves in return. They're also 6'3", so…lorge. Zavala and Misraaks are the two people they talk to the most outside of the Eliksni refugees, and they drop by to say hi to Eva and knit with her whenever they have the chance. The war with the Witness is threatning to bring them out of retirement, something that they are deeply unhappy with. 

People he likes: Namrask, Misraaks, Saladin, Zavala, Ikora, Osiris (recently), Marcie and Aeris, Saint-14, Eris (complicated)

People they dislike: Themselves, Osiris (formerly), Eramis (reminds them of themselves), Ghaul, Oryx, Xivu Arath, Clovis Bray, anyone who goads them to fight, Elsie and Ana Bray by association, Rasputin 

Motif: gold and sapphire blue, used to have a gryphon motif but stopped wearing it because they don’t want to be recognized as the Kingkiller

Likes: Knitting, sewing, weaving, gardening, really anything restorative they can do with their free hands that forces their mind not to wander

Class (Light): Void, sometimes Arc

Class (Dark): no.

Dislikes: War, fighting, being a guardian, everything that has to do with what they used to be, anything Braytech sciences, the cumulative trauma from the Dark Ages and seeing recordings of who they used to be in the Deep Stone Crypt, their own fear of themselves

Fun fact: Petrichor-12 can speak Eliksni fluently, having modulated their voice and hearing to be able to incorporate the subsonic clicks and chirps in their speech, and is now working on learning Ulurant despite not at all liking the Cabal empire

.

Ash: Another dream character of mine, and my newest Guardian (so she’s somewhat of a wip). She/her, solar + void warlock, chaotic neutral to lawful evil depending on her mood. Pansexual but bitchless. Rezzed in the tail end of the Dark Ages, just long enough for her to see how horrible everything was but not long enough to see the true extent of it. Scholar of the Light, and most recently a scholar of the Dark as well.

Ash is a warlock with an awful temper, a moral code that changes on a whim, and a ravenous appetite for knowledge that comes at the cost of everyone else, including herself. Her ghost (an anxious and caring little lass) is called Nutmeg, and is pretty much the only indicator that she has a soft spot. Ash dedicated herself to learning how to get closer to the Light, but unlike the more conventional meditations that people usually do to, she was inspired by ancient Greek priestesses and decided for a more unconventional route- by doing hard drugs. By getting either extremely drunk or very high, she claims that she overcomes the need for meditation (or, rather, bypasses it entirely because she’s too impatient for it) and gains a deeper connection with her powers, as she’s connecting with it instinctually rather than choosing to seek it out. Nutmeg and many others are not as convinced about this method, but they also can’t deny that it doesn’t have its perks, as Ash does have a very powerful connection to her light- mainly through exploding things, or setting everything around her on fire. It’s how she used to survive the Warlords she’d steal from in the Dark Ages, and she’s known specifically for her ability to mimic a nova bomb, but with solar power, which is strong particularly for how unexpected it is. 

However, being constantly hungover and harbouring no friends doesn’t exactly have its benefits, and as a result Ash is almost always grumpy, abrasive, quick to anger, quick to turn to cruel jibes and mocking when being defensive (which is often), and is generally awful to be around. She has no friends other than Nutmeg (whose bond has become strained as of late, since Ash is now turning to substance abuse for coping with the impending threat of the Witness rather than simply using it for her studies), her apartment is an uncleaned shithole she only uses for crashing in when she’s particularly out of it, and she's constantly in a state of passive-aggressive warfare with Osiris, as she and him used to occasionally cross paths and share research; they might have had a student-teacher dynamic if they didn’t grate so abrasively, and if Ash wasn’t so much of a lone wolf. He’s tried to whip her into shape a couple of times, but to no avail- they just devolved into shouting matches. Pretty much the only people she listens to are the Drifter and Nutmeg, but whether or not she’ll actually take their advice is a toss-up. 

Despite this, she will overall always choose to do what's right and will begrudgingly trudge along with people in random strikes to ensure that important missions get done, as she fears failure more than she does judgment. And yet, to an extent she also fears judgment, for part of the reason why she’s so cruel is to keep people at arm’s length, so as to prevent them from learning her weaknesses- not even her constant complaining about being bitchless will cover up that the core reason why she makes no effort to clean herself up and be nicer is because she fears vulnerability. She’s also brilliant with the Light and cunningly adept with the Dark, which is why the Vanguard continues to ask for her help and expertise.   

People she likes: the Drifter, Hawthorne, Nutmeg, Eido, Toland, Shaxx to most everybody’s surprise

People she dislikes: Pretty much the whole Vanguard and 90% of other guardians, Saladin, the Iron Lords, Osiris, Misraaks, 

Primary class (Dark): Stasis, wants to learn Strand but has a hard time letting go

Primary class (Light): Solar, Void

Likes: Learning nuances of the Light that others don’t go into detail to, connecting with the Light, growing more powerful and shaping it into new, experimental Supers that would make Zavala have a heart attack if he saw them in action, taking leadership in Strikes and prodding around New Lights to teach them about what it is to be a Guardian (but gently), killing assholes to put them in their place, spooking people

Dislikes: Being told what to do, being reminded that she’s a mess, being reminded that she’s afraid and that her behavior is starting to turn self-detrimental, being looked down on by other Guardians, the restrictive nature of Vanguard protocol that keeps her from playing around with her experimental supers, guardians who have no respect or care about mortal lives, getting kicked from bars for fighting said guardians with no respect or care for mortal lives, being reminded that she has a soft side and cares so much for other people that it scares her

Colours/theme: black, flame-gold, and green

Fun fact: Likes the Hive aesthetic, and knows their tongue just for the hell of it. Has quite a bit of fun tormenting and taunting Hive Lightbearers, loves digging around the Osmium Siblings. Despite this, she’s not passionate about the Hive, and doesn’t care one bit if they’re wiped out or not. She also pretty much never takes off the Stag helm, as dropping a rift on death has saved her ass more than once, and tends to sleep in her robes. It’s a miracle that she doesn’t stink something awful, but smells perpetually like smoke instead.

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and last but not least: Viper-4, an ex-guardian who I have almost nothing on because he tends to be a side character: he/him, trans exo, primarily black chassis with red markings, not yet settled on alignment. A friend of Aeris, he's an ex-Hunter who is now the primary caretaker for a variety of venomous snakes whose species have survived the Collapse. He collects their venom to try to recreate old Golden-Age medicines and antivenom- which he does with Aeris's help- and had his forearms modded with soft silicone so that the snakes don't hurt him if they bite him. Generally a friendly and chill guy, but has a melancholy air as most Ghostless do, and wants to learn Strand so that he has some modicum of control over the elements again, as his lack of feeling the Light was the hardest part about his Ghost's death. Much like Brya and Sagira, his ghost sacrificed her to save him, but he blames himself for her death and pretty much entirely refuses to talk about it. Used to be quite adept with Void. I note that he's trans here because it carried over into his exo body, as he was raised with synthetic top surgery scars that were then worked into beautiful engravings of flowers, swords, and snakes by Viper-1

#long post #destiny 2 #my ocs #my guardians #oc: aeris sharphawk #oc: marcelline attenbough #oc: petrichor-12 #oc: ash #oc: viper-4 #maybe i should have used a readmore but #im paranoid about accidentally deleting this blog and having it be lost #sjdhfg

[dbphantom]

I can only dream of seeing a fraction of the discourse that happens on OP tumblr

#Maybe when punk records goes global #Seriously tho imagine all the Strawhat Luffy callout posts #'can't believe Luffy would become an emperor I thought he hated the WG like the rest of us #| please say sike' #'friendly reminder that u can support the revolutionaries without supporting M*nk*y D. L*ffy 🥰' #'Strawhat released thousands of bloodthirsty criminals from prison. If u support him u support their crimes. Fleet members dni 😒' #'he brought Jimbe a previous member of the sun pirates into his crew. U KNOW WHO ELSE WAS AN EX-MEMBER OF THE SUN PIRATES? #| AND LETS NOT FORGET JIMBE WAS A WARLORD. CROCODILE AND DOFLAMINGO WERE ALSO PART OF THAT SYSTEM #|| you guys are seriously saying Strawhat Luffy- the guy who declared war on the world government- supports the warlord system? #||| they're literally pirates who then aligned with the WG. Remember Kuma?? If Strawhat wanted he totally could #|||| they killed his brother????????????? #||||| also Jimbe left + got arrested when they decided to KILL ROGER'S SON #|||||| Roger's son is Luffy's brother? Great so he's also the son of the guy who caused all of these pirates? #||||||| holy shit dude.' #'see a lot of str*wh*t support on this site but they're also pirates. how many of you have been hurt by pirates? they're all scum #it's super hypocritical to support them and condemn the rest. ur either for pirates or against them you literally can't pick and choose. #marines should reblog this. pirates and pirate supporters DNI' #'alright guys I've done a lot of thinking and this is why I'm finally renouncing the Strawhat pirates... [readmore] #SIKE LOL EAT SHIT I LOVE THESE CRIMINALS AND THEIR WANTON VIOLENCE FUCK THE WORLD GOVERNMENT LONG LIVE THE FUTURE KING!!!!!!!' #cruddy rambles #I'm just having fun lol #Wait I could make one of those 'tumblr in the [blank] world' posts but for OP... I totally should XD

[lunar-fey]

#bragi wip behind the readmore sorry it uh. feels too Visible to just post it normally right now. #i think hes coming along okay ahaha? #but uh i think im about ready to line it. tomorrow. after i sleep. maybe. #i have to properly figure out whats going on with the jacket first LOL #uhhhhm reblogs turned off feel free to like/comment tho #just want to limit being perceived. esp since its unfinished PLUS havent drawn anything in. #h. about a year. #bonus: my hands dont really hurt and my shoulder hurts a little but not as much as it used to after drawing ^^ #if i pace myself i should be okay. today i did not pace myself. and instead zoned in and lost uh #like. #~8 ish hours. #the fey arts

[s0urfangs]

I could hand you Tai for the match up thing but he's horrifically undate-able (a challenge)

Necromancer, deep in his studies, knows too much (literally been around since pre searing) technically an eligible bachelor through being a widower but has a few horrible literal skeletons in his closet regarding that

Only really interested in people if they bring something new to the table that interests him

(also he has a little nightmare courtier assistant who's smitten for him who he barely gives the time of day who may or may not try to sabotage any attempts lol)

A CHALLENGE? ALRIGHT. I have bad taste and so does Fedsy.

Ok. so. First things first. We are going to have a problem with that nightmare court assistant. They’re the lot that gave Feds what he colloquially calls vampirism and he will indiscriminately kill them. They either have to die, or Tai has to be interesting enough for Fedsy to ignore it. 

Despite the fact he’s having a time. Fedsy does feel/is quite lonely, at least during the start of HoT. He’s a little vulnerable. Bad combination! I simply do not think he would be able to resist harassing Tai about magic and such, but would be sure to keep his facade up. No vulnerability. None. You get the full bratty little bastard. Maybe he only noticed him at first after inflicting violence upon his assistant and was like hm, interesting. Anyway. Things that could interest him from Tai? Necromancer. Came back from the dead. Doesn’t have a connection to the pale tree. 

WHY? Well. Fedsys dream is fucked up. He has vampirism. He wants it GONE. He will commit a few crimes for this to happen. He figures it’s for the greater good. Also… he’s just curious about anything and everything he can use, especially to further either his mesmer magic or alchemy. 

So. bullies him into helping him cure the vampirism. (Or at least, that’s what he’s telling himself.) Fedsy is good with people, so I do believe he’d recognise how Tai works. Hi. I killed an entire dragon. Not interested? Not interested in how a little guy murders an entire dragon? Man. your loss. I’m literally in the pact. Also I’ve got this disease and it's kind of cool. Bite people sometimes. Do you ever just wanna see a guy go apeshit? Bet your little shit of an assistant can’t do THAT. I can almost imagine him trying to latch onto him for some form of protection in that godsforsaken jungle. Hey. hey. You wouldn't wanna lose a valid specimen right. RIGHT? PLEASE. PLEASE I HATE IT HERE. I’LL DO ANYTHING PLE

He would not mention the egg. No way. He’s not an irredeemable villain. As long as it only hurts himself that's fine. 

EERM. ARGUABLY, I WENT OFF TOPIC. DATING HIM? Yes, if the manipulation for information doesn’t work, he would try flirting. Hell, he might do it anyway just to entertain himself and make him feel a bit more in control. You have to approach him like a nervous dog with genuine feelings but if you just want a fling AND it’d help him get info? AND he doesn’t have to be alone in the hell jungle? Yeah, sure, it is not difficult. You can bully him. It's fine he’s got no self preservation. He likes it a little. He thinks it's hot and he needs and craves validation in that way all the time. Sighs. Fedsy, babe. Stop it.

.... Also he's got a little bit of a thing for nerds. And just more composed/quieter people in general. Likes to try break that composure. watch out watch out watch ou-

#excuse the fact theres not much romantically in there #id have had to start guessing and didnt wanna ANNHIALATE ur guy so #just BLURTED whatever came to mind #god. maybe i should use readmores #anyway feds is going to provoke tai until he gets what he wants or gets killed probably #u kno how it is. its fine #i hope you all know me for my ridiculously long ask responses by now >:3 #ocposting #Tai #ask game #silvpost #oc:fedsy

[mc-pumpkin]

I dunno what these two have going on but they should do it more often

(transcript under a readmore because it's a teeny bit long)

qBBH: Slime

qSlime: We Are One

qBBH: Maybe... maybe the enemy was inside of us all along, Slime

qSlime: All of a sudden I understand. Maybe the enemy was among us the whole time

qBBH: Yeah I get you, I get you Slime

qSlime: Bad I- I get you too! I get you- I understand now!

qBBH: I feel like I'm a part of you

qSlime: Dude, I would spawn kill me!

qBBH: No, I would spawn kill you too! Holy crap

qSlime: We could spawn kill each other. I understand, yin and yang, it all makes sense

qBBH: I know, I just want to spend forever with you now Slime

qSlime: Okay wait this is moving really fast, this is moving really fast

qBBH: I never realized how green your eyes were...

qSlime: Okay I've never actually been on the receiving end of this I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do, oh shit. Mariana!

qBBH: Slime

qSlime: Mariana! My bitch wife-

qBBH: Slime!!

qSlime: Please!

qBBH: SLIME ARE YOU SINGLE?? I NEED TO KNOW

qSlime: OH GOD I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW

qBBH: I JUST WANT- I'M CURIOUS!

qSlime: IT'S NEBULOUS! IT'S A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP

#qsmp #qsmpblogging #slimecicle #bbh #badboyhalo #slimehalo #? #also fyi I've heard qbbh asking if qSlime is single is a bit of an ooc moment as qbbh wouldn't know romance if it hit him in the face

[theskit]

Stickers AU

Anyone linking here from the previous posts or wanting to use the links on this post to go back/forward to the other parts and not wanting to spoil the surprise stickers, after using the link, click on my blog name to go to the actual post, as direct linking takes away the readmore cut. I'll take this out and fix it if I can find out how. Sorry!

Part 6

《Prev Next》

Danny floated along as he caught his breath. Okay, so jump scaring the Red Hood *might* not have been the best plan he'd ever come up with, but man, was it funny!

It was getting kind of late, though. He should probably start making his way back to the hotel. Any more vigilante pranks would have to wait for another time. Good thing the conference was on a long weekend. He had one more night to try his luck before they left Monday afternoon for the drive back to Amity.

Pulling up the map on his phone, Danny started making his way back. Just over halfway there, he jolted to a stop, catching sight of a rippling back shadow. Batman's distinctive silhouette was marked briefly against a building wall before being almost lost again in the perpetual dimness of the city rooftops at night.

Well, well, well, looks like he might have the chance to bag all the bats and birds of Gotham in one night, leaving tomorrow to hunt down in Bludhaven for Nightwing.

Eeeeexcellent. Danny pulled himself straight in mid-air, steepling his fingers and druming them together in classic Evil Villian style, grinning in a manner that would have shown entirely too many teeth had he been visible.

Now, this would require *true* stealth if he wanted to both get a sticker onto Batman's utility belt, as well as help himself to a batarang or two. Because Ellie was right, there would be no greater souvenir from his time in Gotham than a batarang from *the* Batman himself.

Choosing a sticker and prepping it, Danny sidled up to where Batman was staring down at a building that was probably not as vacant as it looked if it called for that much concentration. All the better for him if Batman was distracted though.

Moving by inches, carefully controlling his breathing so as not to make a sound, Danny made it to Batman's side. Batman was... probably? right handed, most people were, so he was gunna make an educated guess that the sharp throwing objects would be on the left side of the belt.

Getting ready to make the grab and stick, Danny nearly jumped out of his skin as Batman moved his arm and draped his cape over the space where Danny was standing intangibly right next to him, in a gesture that seemed more ingrained habit than conscious thought.

O-KAY! Time to go before Batman had a chance to recognize that there was no one where he very obviously expected someone to be. Robin, maybe?

Thoughts to think another time! Moving with all the speed and precision he could muster while his heart was still attempting to leave the city without him, Danny swiped one hand through a series of belt pouches while the other oh-so-gently tapped a sticker to the front buckle.

Not even stopping to see what it was he'd swiped, Danny made a quick exit, stage left, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Batman was jolted out of his concentration when he felt a nudge at his belt as his cape settled against his side once more. Whirling to the left, he scanned the rooftop but saw no one.

Which was entirely unexpected as his instincts were *sure* a small presence had been snug up to his side, like a young Dick or Tim when they got tired or a bit overwhelmed while on patrol and wanted to hide in his cape.

But neither Dick nor Tim, or even Damian (though Damian had never actually done so) was small or young enough to have done that in *years*.

A quick inspection found his belt pouches missing a handful of batarangs, some candy he kept on hand to help soothe distressed children, and the extra just-in-case comm unit. As well as the addition of a glowing sticker, much like the one currently decorating the batmobile, somehow placed on the buckle despite him neither seeing or hearing anything.

@mygood-bitch99 @stargazer-luna @easily-broken-by-emotion @dolfay @britcision @cyber-geist @is-this-even-relatable @alcorbearson @fisticuffsatapplebees @thegatorsgoose @my-mom-calls-me-rat @some-rotten-nest @crystalqueertea @meira-3919 @wandererofthestars @seraphinedemort

#dpxdc #theskit writes #Stickers AU #danny makes his own stickers :3 #and now danny is running around gotham like a gremlin #with a pocket full of homemade stickers #whatever will he do with them? 😈

[ooctlt]

I think the etiquette of ask blogs is a forgotten art. what I'm saying is (imo) it's not that people don't want to play, it is they don't know HOW, and more importantly they don't understand that the game exists to begin with. obviously you do not have to teach people the rules because your time and energy is finite but idk. it feels like from some of your OOC responses that you assume people know the rules and are playing badly, but I genuinely think people (me) just don't know what you are wanting them (us) to do. and also they (i) don't know how to tell if they (i) are playing the game correctly.

An example I am genuinely confused about is, is inciting a "shut up" answer a signal that the game is being played correctly, because we are inciting a reaction from the character? or is a "shut up" answer a signal that we are playing wrong and need to do something different? I'm sorry. I really love your art and seeing the story unfold but I'm confused and I want to play and I don't understand how.

yeah ive had a couple people tell me this has been the first active askblog in a while and the concept of askblog etiquette has been forgotten- @thatneoncrisis and i made a diagram:

link to full-res image

a "shut up" reaction will hopefully show whether or not it's a closed path of exploration: if you have gideon sweating, going "pshhh its nothinggg" it means there is something worth exploring. if you have harrow slamming the door in your face, that is an advance that wont work on her

transcript under the readmore:

DEAD END QUESTION ANON: CAMILLA DO YOU THINK HARROW'S HOT?

"Please stop talking to me."

This question is BAD because it's BLUNT, INCREDIBLY PERSONAL and founded on INCOMPLETE KNOWLEDGE of their relationship.

NOTE that its not that shitty questions will NEVER be answered, its that 1) they have a LOWER chance of being answered and 2) they have a HIGHER chance of being made fun of in character

gideon: haha who thinks harrow is HOT

DECENT INCONSEQUENTIAL QUESTION ANON: CAMILLA DO YOU LIKE TO DO ANYTHING FUN WITH HARROW?

"Sure. We run a lot of errands together."

This kind of question may not advance the plot, as it is INCREDIBLY BROAD yet NONINVASIVE. They're good for quick 1-3 panel answers. May generally be met with a less EXCITING answer.

It might also be DIFFICULT TO ANSWER because a broad question could include MULTIPLE ANSWERS - asking "do you guys go out" could not be answered SUSTAINABLY, because i cannot draw all the places they visit

ANON: EVERYONE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CLOUD / WATER / MOLECULAR STRUCTURE / BONE / CAR / COFFEE BRAND/ BOOK CHARACTER?

me: "i have to do so much research"

NEAT QUESTION CAMILLA HAS HARROW EVER ASKED YOU TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER SHE WAS EXCITED ABOUT?

"Yes, actually. She once invited me to [REDACTED], I didn't know she liked that sort of thing."

This question is SICK AS FUCK because not only do you learn something SUBSTANTIAL about the characters, you have stumbled upon A NEW PLOT BRANCH, one that actively deepens character connections and their past within the world. It specifically remarks upon a MEMORY* rather than AN OPINION and will typically be LONGER.

Another good option is to PROMPT something following this:

ANON: CAMILLA, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TAKING HARROW OUT TO DO [REDACTED] THAT SHE LIKES BEFORE XYZ?

and this can then spiral onward…

*DM, ONE TIME I ASKED ABOUT A MEMORY AND I GOT A RUDE ANSWER; WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

It's not that this topic can never be spoken about, it's about WHEN you asked it and HOW you said it, or even WHO you asked.

Some topics, like the nature of HARROW AND GIDEON'S UPBRINGING are too recent for them to talk about, it has only been TWO YEARS since they left and there are SPECIFICS about the situation that the AUDIENCE hasn't discovered yet. There are things like GIDEON'S PARENTS that she CANNOT answer because she DOESN'T KNOW and answering multiple asks with I DON'T KNOW becomes repetitive and dull for both the DM and PLAYER.

BUT! She can learn! Over time, when the time is appropriate and feels the most natural for STORY PROGESSION. Think of it like a BAD ENDING in a visual novel. You START OVER and ask a DIFFERENT QUESTION, or approach it from a DIFFERENT ANGLE. If Gideon reacts poorly to someone congratulating her leaving BAD CIRCUMSTANCES, consider talking to her about the FUTURE. Instead of trying to pry at Camilla to see if she had an INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with Pyrrha, try to ask about other things in that period of her life, like how they met or what caused her to move out.

FINALLY, if you'd like an ask to be answered out of character, your best bet would be to goto @notedchampagne and send it there. If you'd like an ask to be answered SINCERELY or you don't want SNARK, you can specify this in the ask, but know this blog may not be your thing.

#actual ooc

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

Transcript of Shelby's Video:

CW: Abuse

:readmore:

Hello! I don't know if you can even hear it, I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just gonna turn it off. Um, hello! Um, welcome! We are in emote only because I'm just gonna be talking today, and then I'm gonna go! I'm gonna go!

Um, yeah, it was very, very low. There's, there's no need. I just, it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so — Hello! Um, I want to talk about something today that, um, very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on, I had to take it off. Um, I'm gonna try and just, I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say to keep track of, sort of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything. So I will be reading from something, um, a good portion of the time, but not 100 percent of the time. Um, and I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I'm, I really like writing down my thoughts. So I did that.

Um, oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. How do I make that happen for just today? Um. Shoulda had that already. I shoulda had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just gonna have to be that way. I'm so sorry.

Um. I'm all good. Um, yeah, okay. Today's just gonna be talking. Uh, I'm just gonna start reading from what I wrote, and go from there.

I have a really big coffee, I'm gonna take a swig. And I have my water, and I'm gonna take a swig of that.

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had, um, in dating because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, um, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, uh, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me, um, but that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Um, some people just weren't the right people.

Um, and speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now because silence has always brought me peace. And this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace. Um, and I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I'd never thought that could happen to me.

And so for me, this is important because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did. Um, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely. Because the, the truth is it was dangerous. Um, there were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um, I endured some pretty terrible treatment. Um, and I might touch on some things here and there about that. But, um, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, um, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

Um, it took me 10 months after to heal. And I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. Um, I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me. Um, because that one actually helped me release a lot of, um, built up anger I was having over the last year. Um, but the anger that I was feeling was for myself because, um, I felt like I should have known better.

I felt so stupid at myself for, um, sort of just staying through all of this. Um, and I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists and I was like "So, this thing happened ... and I wasn't really sure ... It just seems weird now to me looking back," and all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use.

Um, and I was being hurt in my last relationship. And it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. Um, I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted with an anonymous account. But in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. Um, and all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

Um, and I was so mad at myself because I was lying to, um, at a certain point to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it'd make him look really bad. Um, I didn't think that I would cry and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

Um, but he always cared more about how it looked and that was really important, not what was true. Um, and it was really subtle. When I hear about, um, when I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching, um, so I thought that this wasn't violent enough, um, to be abuse. Uh, I thought that it was just like a constant accident that he kept hurting me. Um, but he's not hitting me and it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me.

Uh, he had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had had this habit since he was a kid. And even his mom said that that was true. And he said it was just affectionate and that that might have been — I mean, I think that that might have been true, maybe, at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie, but that's just my personal opinion, um, and I had no problem with just biting, that isn't even the most uncommon thing, um, but he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag, um, and he wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me. Which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before. And so why would I call it abuse? And why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable. Um, but of course I was because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

Um, and then he did, for the first time, by accident, uh, and I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant, um, I thought that it would only happen once, and he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently, um, but he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me, um, so we were gonna use a safe word, um, so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended.

Uh, and saying that out loud now doesn't sound — Like, that's not very sound logic. Um, but at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me. But in reality, it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. Um, that shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. Um, and then I have to laugh it off because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of all of our friends and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned and that's not anybody's fault because I was lying. I was lying and it wasn't fine because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was. How much I didn't like being hurt all the time and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it and I tried telling him over and over again because he wasn't actually trying at all to not hurt me, um, but he said he would try, at first, and then he started saying things like it was my pain tolerance that was too low, or I'm exaggerating how much it actually hurts. He's not even biting that hard. I'm, I'm being dramatic. Um, but his biting escalated to a point where I was covered in bruises all over my arms and they hurt and he would poke at them for fun. And he even felt so comfortable showing off my bruises that he had caused to our friends because he would bite me so hard by accident, "by accident." He would even joke that it looked like he abused me. Um, and eventually he did acknowledge how bad it looked that I was covered in bruises all the time. So he stopped, um, biting my arms as often. And he started biting my legs instead. Um, and it was in the last couple of months of the relationship that every time he bit me, it was until I needed to use this safe word. Um, it had become his benchmark for when to stop.

Only once I was definitely hurt, um, which meant I was being hurt every single day, um, multiple times a day, uh, for all of the days that we spent together in person. And when I asked him to stop again, this time he said, "This is who he is. He isn't going to change." Those were his words. And I remember a lot of, specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end.

Um, because I'm good at remembering words and especially his wording. I became really good at remembering because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. And — But he would fight me on it sometimes 'cause I would po- I would point it out and, uh, he would insist that he had never said the thing that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" Um, and he definitely said the things that I heard him say and other people heard him say.

So, he had, now at this point, weaponized the safe word and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis. And he wasn't sorry anymore. Um, I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore because now sometimes he would bite me and I would yell out the safe word because it hurts so bad and he'd clamp down even harder and, just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go and sometimes I'd say the safe word and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin and sometimes he'd smile after, um, like a gloating grin?

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous. Gagging daily, um, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends.

Um, but I felt so unwanted and ignored. Um, and I would tell him that and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true, like the, "I love you." "I love you more," but he was like, really serious about it.

Um, and looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100 percent love bombing. Um, and we were friends for a time. Um, at least people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word friend very loosely because, um, we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together when, like a handful of times throughout the, the whole time that we knew each other, um, but did not talk to each other.

So I wouldn't have even called him my friend until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship and then that friendship turned romantic and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. Um, he called me his soulmate. He talked about "forever" one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in five years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out and I didn't have a preference because I — My feeling of it is that the timing is right and with the right person, I could, um, but if that doesn't work out in time or the time, you know, I, I'm not super pressed about it. Um, but I started opening my mind up to the idea with him because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was, later on, when I could tell things like, were declining.

And, um, now all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. Um, and I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know.

I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. Um, and I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said, now, "I'm not the co-" quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that.

Why are you dating me?

In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. Uh, he would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted to, like, he wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear. And uh, I have though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff and I, again, I didn't want to, it wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over, uh, which isn't normal for me.

I hate lies. Um, and yet I ended up lying for him. So, uh, but he had lied about big things and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do. And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time.

We were not going to see each other very much, a few days out of every few months, um, and now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. Um, at one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple of months. At another point, he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting him- contradicting himself in the same conversation.

And with no time to do anything about it. I arrived — the one of — Never mind. I'm gonna get to something later, but I literally arrived for three days for this conversation to happen and then leave. Um, my cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now — Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

Um, so no time to fix any of the problems all the sudden because there are three days before he leaves and he insisted he did not want to break up. He, and so, he was expecting me to have a solution somehow, magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise, um, whatsoever.

And he said that "the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility," towards the end. Also his words. Um, so it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him. And he was at this point, basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. Um — she's eating my laundry. Please don't cause problems. — Um, and I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little and he — I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who, who just happened to ask and just wasn't me. So, um, and he also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money.

In fact, he said that himself. He, uh, that was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together. Because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. Um, and I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted to.

Um, but then he also admitted to me that he had grown resent- uh, he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud. A lot of these bits he said out loud. Because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out.

He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason. Like, there was no reason to feel that way and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel. Um, but, I don't know, I think, there, I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happen the way that they did and why he was lying all of the time.

Um, but, he was "resentful" of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change, and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him.

And I didn't even want to. Um, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after, um, what it really was that had happened. That he had abused me. And, in fact, we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. Um, and then he never spoke to me again. Uh, outside of like a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, um, so at least I got my clothes back, uh, I had a whole closet full.

However, uh, he did throw away all of my other things, uh, without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word, and I didn't block him till ten months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. Um, but, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, uh, and he would never talk about how he felt. Um, I, I think he even, I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner. Like, there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Like, not even a chance, because three days before he left, that was actually a lie too, also.

He didn't leave for another week after I left. He, he brought me in, had this three day conversation, he was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left, uh, with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates too.

Um, but I do believe that there, uh, that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know because of the safe word that he made.

Uh, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me and he didn't care. And even looked like he was enjoying it, sometimes. Um, and I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. Um, there was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me.

And I couldn't do it, obviously. And he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people? That's insane. Um, and I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

Um, he had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he "was just waiting for things to change on their own." Um, he said he also "didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for." Um, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me.

Uh, and he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were, uh, long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. Uh, and then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

Um, and I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean, um, he lived in filth like I have never seen, and I've seen filth. This was the worst. Uh, he would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. Uh, he got an ant infestation once, um, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said, he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," um, so I had to buy Antkiller. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months, and months, and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, that's mould. It's mould. He complained about being tired all the time too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mould will do that too.

But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months. But it's not mould. Um, when I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Um, just, he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets.

Um, and I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how and I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing and I was like, "He just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him." Um, and then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there because he just waits for me to get there to do it.

Um, and I only found out about that after we broke up because he said it behind my back. Uh, I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear. I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. Um, but I had my own bathroom.

Um, all the, all the cleaning, all the laundry. All of it. I was paying for. All of the, um, like paper towels, like soap, all of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. Um, I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too.

Um, I was paying for food more than half the time. Uh, because he would often push me into ordering food for us even if I had paid for the last meal, or the meal before that. Um, and I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. Um, none at all, but I wanted to at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing like a back and forth. Um, but, uh, I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time too. Um, but I was also paying for every plane ticket and the cat sitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England.

Um, and he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me because he paid for the flights that we would both take. Um, but that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that, that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself, but I was telling him that I couldn't afford it, uh, all by myself all the time because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. Uh, that was like the basis of our entire relationship starting off. Um, so then he agreed to pay for the cat sitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. Um, and he did that once, and then never did it again, uh, despite many more months of dating.

Uh, and I was traveling often. Um, I had to. Because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose, choose, to not spend it on me because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me. Often.

Um, and I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time. And I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, uh, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first.

Um, and then at the end of the relationship, he said, "Maybe things would have been different if I lived there." If I lived there. Uh, like I had said I would the whole time and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship. Um, and I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous.

Um, he was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. Uh, his actions escalated, um, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. Uh, and I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. Um, I want people to see the signs that I refused to.

I want you to listen to your body. Um, and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

Um, I really thought I, I couldn't — Because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship, I just thought I was so much smarter. To never — and I was like, "if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time." But you, you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse, and worse, and worse, until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew, and, and didn't care.

That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? What? It wasn't violent enough." Um, but I was being hurt multiple times every single day. Days, and days, and days, and days, for a month at a time in a row, uh, and I'm not even speaking on most, because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person.

I don't think that most people can be defined in a black and white, you're good or you're bad, but I do believe that there is a line that you can cross and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line. You know what I mean? Um, and I watched a couple of things cross that line. And I just, I, I truly feel now that my soul is so healed.

Um, I am light years beyond him. Uh, this was the last thing that I felt like I needed to do — That's my cat. — Um, before I could move forward and hopefully never talk about him ever again. Outside of maybe my stories that I want to tell about other shitty things he did. Anonymously mixed in with the other stories I still have of shitty things that shitty exes did.

Because I think it's important for us to share our stories and our experiences. I think it's important for all of us to know that we deserve so much better than this. Um, and I think that if people don't want us to talk about the shitty things that they do, then they shouldn't do shitty things. Um, and this just felt so important to share.

I always wanted to share my experiences. I always will. Um, and that's kind of it. That's it. That's the end of everything I prepared. I reserve the right, uh, entirely to change my mind later and tell every story I want to, um, but for now that's all I really have, I feel like, from my soul, I want to speak on. Because I think that this can help other people.

I think that it can help other victims. Um, I have already talked to a number of — I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people. Um, but I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were through, uh, with me through this whole thing. And my friends who also were experiencing similar, similar sorts of situations, um, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So, um, I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people — I did it again. — I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today. Um, but I am gonna go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately gonna go become distracted by watching Love Is Blind. I already watched all of it already and I don't care.

So thank you, um, for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. Um, um, I am going to be taking, uh, the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday and I'll be back next week and, uh, you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably. But, uh, thank you all. I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Um, go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now and I'll see you guys later. Bye.

Wilbur's response:

In the past week a series of allegations have been made over my conduct from an ex-girlfriend. I want to emphasise that, although I feel it fair to offer my perspective, this person's feelings are completely valid. I have taken my time sharing this statement as I wanted to process and respond respectfully and with the hope to gain a deeper understanding for the situation.

During our relationship's final months, I regrettably became slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish. These actions caused a lot of pain to my ex-girlfriend and I've since sought therapy to address these behaviours, making significant lifestyle changes to rectify my past actions. I have come to realise how much my past behaviour hurt this person, but I truly, compassionately believe I have made great strides from the person I once was and hope I can continue to grow and improve on this trajectory.

The allegation of abuse, particularly in the form of biting, deeply shocked me. Throughout our relationship, I understood from our numerous conversations and text message exchanges on the subject, that this behaviour was consensual, playful and reciprocally enjoyed. I truly believe those personal message exchanges reflect mutual affection and understanding. Out of respect for her, I choose not to publish them and I emphasise my perspective is not shared to diminish or invalidate anyone's feelings. Instead I share it in the hope that I can offer a genuine, fair and relevant insight into my understanding of the situation. While I may perceive our interactions differently, I recognise that this person has processed and expressed feelings of hurt. I want to extend my sincerest apologies for any pain that I caused.

I am fully committed to understanding and addressing her concerns going forward. I hope my perspective sheds light on this situation without detracting from its message. I am dedicated to earning and maintaining the trust of those around me and hope I continue to be held to these high standards I wish to attain and maintain.

- Will

Shubble's response:

i could not have imagined what i would wake up to today. my ex pretending he thought i enjoyed being hurt... and all of my friends immediately coming to my defense. The support has brought me to tears, i don't even know what to say. i'll be back, i'll just be taking a little time

and for the record, i don't accept the apology

#shelby #shelby shubble #wilbur situation #Youtube

[shujilovedive]

'Under The Bleachers'

Shuji Hanma x College Cheerleader Reader

part I / part II

description: After years of bullying and harrasment at the hands of Shuji Hanma, he finally get's what he's wanted out of you all a long. Just don't fight back too much and maybe it'll be enjoyable.

cw: sexual assault (not Hanma) , cumplay, creampie, unprotected sex, Hanma's toxic and twisted, trauma, reader is treated shitty, blood, murder.

notes: inspired by Gwi-nam from all of us are dead.

Twelve Years Ago

“Stop! Get it away from me!” Tears spurted from your eyes as you backed up, tripping over the grass and your pretty afternoon dress that your mother had warned you not to play in.

“Oh, come on! It’s not gonna hurt you!” Hanma laughed, advancing towards you, hands clasped over something you could only imagine was some kind of disgusting bug. Even at nine years old, Hanma was still tall for his age, standing a good four to five inches above you. You wanted to call out for your mom or dad, but you knew Hanma would just laugh at you even more. 

“Hanma! Stop!”. Some adult should have heard your cries. Some adult should have stopped Hanma Shuji, either back then when he was just a little kid or now. But they didn’t and they won’t.

Hanma opened his hands and made a tossing motion at you, watching as you screamed and fell onto the ground, shaking your limbs and crying out of fear. Tears blurred your vision as you shook your dress and tried to find whatever he had thrown at you.

“Hay- It was just a joke…Calm down.” Hanma stared down at your shaking form, opening his hands. “I didn’t even have anything.” He looked amused by your state of fear, looking down at you as if you were inferior to him.

Your cries softened as he spoke, body still trembling, heart attempting to slow down inside of your chest. “I hate you! Leave me alone!”

Suddenly he knelt down, rolling his eyes in amusement as he watched you shake in fear. “You’re such a big baby. Stop cryin’ come here.” He opened up his arm’s to invite you into a hug with a sheepish grin.

You stared at him with teary, blurred eyes, not completely trusting of him. Crawling forward, you hugged the young boy, crying into his shoulder.

“Don’t do that ever again!”

:readmore:

Present

“Shit, baby…”, Hanma groaned, thrusting his cock up into your warm cunt, leaning his head back in response to the way your walls sucked him in. You leaned forward, using the handlebars of his motorbike to steady yourself, head hanging low as you panted, condensation causing your breath to be visible in the harsh cold air. Yet your body was still hot, due to your prior cheerleading performance and the way Hanma was working your pretty body. 

Hanma just couldn’t help himself, seeing you bounce around in your cute skirt with that adorable, pride filled smile that he loved so much. He hated football, so he deserved a reward for coming to these dumb games anyway. And he took that reward in form of fucking you behind the stadium on his motorcycle bike, dim sky obscuring the two of you from sight. 

He had pulled the side of your under shorts and panties to the side without problem, allowing you to melt on his cock like usual. He leaned down, his torso leaning over yours  as he began to kiss the back of your neck, nudging your soft skin with his nose. “Shh…you don’t wanna attract attention do you? I’m starting to think you like the idea of getting caught.” He taunted you as you moaned, still pressing his lips against your neck. You might have hated Hanma Shuji, but you couldn’t lie, he knew just how to work your body. You had been told sex wasn’t all it was made out to be by others, but you had a hard time agreeing when Hanma was so fucking good at it. 

“Hanma…”, You moaned under your breathe, closing your eyes as an orgasm rolled over your body, filling you with serotonin. Hanma continued to fuck in and out of you, rhythm becoming messy and disgruntled as he reached his own orgasm, cumming inside of you. Everytime he did this, it made you anxious, fear of pregnancy haunting you for the next few days. But Hanma assured you it was okay because of your birth control, and after morning pills. Even then though, your boyfriend would go to the store and buy pills, a pregnancy test and whatever else you wanted to make you feel better.

“Why, Hanma…”,You sounded stressed and  scared as you rested your head on the handle bars of his motorcycle. “Shhh…it’ll be okay, baby.” He kissed your neck over and over, letting go of your panties and shorts, allowing his cum to seep out of you into your panties. “I’ll go to the store tomorrow morning, don’t worry your pretty little head.” He squeezed your waist, kissing the skin of your neck one more time before slowly climbing off his motorcycle. “Let’s go home, okay?” you knew he didn’t actually mean your own home but you felt gross and longed to take a long warm shower.

Things had changed. You told yourself that they had changed for the better. They had to have changed for the better. No longer were you and your friends harassed or stalked, no longer were you forced into compromising positions against your will….well, kind of. You had traded years of torture and misery at the tattooed hands of Shuji Hanma away, in exchange for some sorry toxic excuse of a relationship.

Your friends were of course shocked when you told them you were dating your own tormenter. They didn’t understand and you continued to brush off their questions, trying to pretend it was your decision. 

You wrapped your arms tight around his waist, pressing your cold cheek to his back as he lit the engine up on his motorcycle and drifted onto the road.You had become used to being a passenger on Hanma’s motorcycle, even though at first you had practically begged him not to make you ride it. Not only did you not trust motorcycles, but you didn’t trust Hanma. Yet, here you were now, face flushed against his jacket as your hair waved around wildly in the wind and the fabric of your clothes caught the breeze. Hanma had pointed out your habit of squeezing him as tight as you could as if he was going to fly away and that was true, even now your arms were locked around him in a death grip. 

The bright neon lights of the city were something you weren’t very accustomed to, being more of a country girl. But ever since you had begun to date Hanma, he often brought you into the different districts of Tokyo. Filled with people, vendors, traffic and shops, you could never run out of things to do there. And maybe you could have found some enjoyment in it, if the person you were with wasn’t Shuji Hanma, who lived in the crappiest part of the city.

He drifted between cars, making you close your eyes in an effort to not see just how close you got to the passing vehicles, fingering gripping tightly into the front of Hanma’s jacket.

Hanma loved taking you out on motorcycle rides and this was one of the main reasons, you had no choice but to put all your trust in him. The feeling of your body pressed flush against him, squirming and adjusting yourself when he stopped at a stop light. He liked to turn his head to look back at you, seeing the uncertain and doe-like look you would give him. Your eyebrows would furrow up at him, arms loosening until the switch of the light to green, uncomfortable with the stickiness between your legs, then your arms would once again tighten around his waist.

Of course, Hanma has always loved motorcycle rides, but you made it all the more enjoyable. 

He turned down a now familiar, grungie alleyway, coming to a stop behind the huge trash bin and kicking the lock into place. You waited for him to get off , arms falling away  from his waist before following, lifting your leg over the seat and onto the ground. Hanma chained the bike up quietly,leaning it against the concrete wall before sticking his hands in his pockets and leading the way farther down the alley.

The two of you approached a rickety looking door and Hanma pulled a dull key out of his pocket, clicking open the door and pushing it forward. You could barely call the place an apartment since the man who owned it was supposedly dead. When Hanma told you that, you had chosen not to ask anymore questions. But now the place was Hanma’s, decorated with posters and records, an ashtray or two, some empty cans of beer and energy drinks. The first time Hanma had brought you here, you remember being uncomfortable, fearful of the shady area it was in. Hanma had almost been the only source of comfort you had at that time and unlike how you were quick to avoid his advances, that night you were grateful for the way he wrapped his arm around you, settling you into his side. But you learned quickly that when you were with Hanma, no one who knew him would mess with you, or even speak to you. And the few poor guys who had, didn’t leave without permanent injury.

You dropped your bag in the corner like usual, kicking your shoes off and eyeing a pair of your panties that were hanging over his sofa chair. It probably needed a wash…and maybe some holy water at this point. Hanma went straight to the bathroom and you pulled off the jacket he had put on you, slinging it over the jacket hanger before crawling onto his bed. The bed was a double, comfy enough for a convict with fluffy enough sheets. You had brought one or two of your own blankets to remind you of home when you slept over but they smelt of him now.

“I’m going to run the shower for us.” Hanma’s head poked out from the bathroom, landing on your huddled form on the bed. You couldn’t help the soft sigh under your breathe, having hoped you’d get a bit of alone time without Shuji hovering over you. “Sounds good.”

But Hanma knew you better and he stepped out of the bathroom and leaned against the door frame, eyeing you. “Would you rather wash up by yourself? With the leftover cold water that I leave for you? Go ahead. You can stay out here and wait for me to finish. Listen to the neighbors fuck each other shitless through those paper thin walls. And the stray’s scratchin’ at the door.” 

If Hanma was good at anything, it was forcing you to do things you didn’t want, either by manipulation or threats. You didn’t want to shower in cold water, obviously. And you definitely didn’t wanna sit alone in his dingy apartment, paranoid and uncomfortable. As much as you disliked your ‘boyfriend’, he made you feel secure. And you hated it.

“No, I don’t want that. I’m just tired, that's all- I wanna shower with you.” You insisted, climbing off the bed and grabbing at the bottom of your cheer top and pulling it up.

Hanma pretended to ponder, tapping on the frame of the doorway before nodding. “Thought so.” Then he disappeared back into the bathroom and the sound of rushing water echoed into the apartment.

You repeated your soft sigh before stripping your skirt off and tossing them on his bed. Being naked in front of Hanma was always hard, sometimes you had no reaction, he had seen you like this many times. Then other times, your mind would fill with the memories of him forcing your clothes off before and after you started dating. And you found yourself freezing up like you had done so long ago. Hanma had become a bit more accepting of these moments, he knew he had probably broken you a bit. So he tried to be patient, soothing you the best he could with hushed encouragement and praise. But if you needed it, he had helped you out of your clothes before.

Cum filled panties and your bra came off next and soon you were stark naked and walking towards the bathroom. One thing you always felt ashamed about was the way you had begun to ogle Hanma. His muscular form, his long hands, his sharp jawline. You hated him, but there was no denying that he was a sight for sore eyes. You watched as he lifted his shirt off and his back muscles flexed, the way he rolled his shoulders had you breathless for a moment. Thankfully, he was too busy undoing his pants to notice your stares and you shook yourself out of it before slipping past him, visible in the mirror to him, to get in the shower.

The water was always too hot when you showered with Hanma, he would turn the temperature almost to the max and treated it like it was a cool stream of water. Meanwhile, you cowered to the side of the shower, water splashing on you and burning your skin. Luckily, Hanma’s tall form slipped into the shower and the water began to bounce off of his back as he sheltered you from the burning spray of the shower. 

The two of you were silent for a while, Hanma’s hair flattening against his head as he closed his eyes and enjoyed the steamy water running down his skin. You just watched him, leaning against the wall of the shower, slowly getting used to the heat and the steam that swam around the room. After a little bit, Hanma opened his eyes, sharp golden orbs lowering down to your wet form, watching how quick you were to cover your chest. He could only snort, already used to the way you hid yourself from him, no matter how many times he would strip you naked and fuck you until the only word you could say, was ‘Hanma’. He knew he should feel bad for continuously forcing you to expose yourself to him, even if you didn’t want to, either by manipulation or force. But to him, the way you seemed to forget how much you despised him and clung onto him during and after sex, was worth it to him. 

But he didn’t know just how insecure you were when he did this to you, like a reminder of the other times he had traumatized you, humiliating you in front of his friends. It might have not been the same situation, but you experienced that same emotion from those memories every time he pressured you.

“Come here.” He motioned towards himself before taking a step forward, knowing you weren’t going to listen. You remained tense with your lower arms crossed over your chest as your boyfriend grabbed onto your upper arms and pulled you closer to him, under the steaming water. He grabbed a rag and began to clean up between your legs, your own arms holding onto him for balance as he leaned over to do so. He then stood up and one hand began to repeat a circular rubbing motion on your skin as the other grabbed a bottle of shampoo from the shower rack. 

You rubbed a new soapy rag into his bicep, eyes glancing up between his arm and the way he was watching you with warm eyes, obviously pleased with your show of ‘affection’. Meanwhile he continued to rub shampoo into your scalp, watching how your eyes became hazy. 

“Tomorrow you are gonna come out with me, I got a few things to do and we are going to spend some time downtown.” You hated the idea, knowing how dangerous downtown was, even if you were with Hanma. You wanted to go home and pretend he didn’t exist for a while. But what Hanma said, usually went, so you just agreed with him.

“Okay..”, You mumbled, rubbing the soap across his chest now, lightly ogling him again. He rolled his shoulders slightly, watching the way your eyes trailed along his body. He had a  few scars here and there from fights, but he was absolutely toned, all his defined muscles flexed every time he moved and he knew you had a slight staring problem. “You’re my girlfriend, ya know. You can touch me if you want.” He leaned down, voice resembling a purr as he bent slightly over you. You pulled the rag away and cowered away from his form slightly, “No! Stop teasing me.” You snapped, feeling ashamed as he cackled above you. 

Hanma washed your hair out then his own before insisting on scrubbing you down. Once you were both finished, the two of you climbed out of the showers, drying yourself off and preparing for bed. The football game had drained you, you hadn’t been getting enough practice lately which made the routines even harder and the ‘routine’ you had to perform for Hanma after left you exhausted. 

You collapsed into Hanma’s bed after pulling one of his shirts on, the smell of him engulfing your every sense as you began to fix his blanket on top of you. Hanma himself pulled on a pair of sweatpants before climbing into bed behind you, his arms immediately pulling you flush into him. The two of your sleeping habits had become entwined, the usual spooning routine would take place every night. You had always cuddled with your stuffed animals, imagining you had someone to cuddle with and even if it was Hanma…you couldn’t make yourself hate it. He was warm and would usually rest his knee between your legs and bury his face in the back of your neck. 

You were absolutely beat at this point and had begun to let drift off in his muscular arms, when suddenly Hanma squeezed your waist, “I have a question.” 

You didn’t bother opening your eyes, instead making a small humming sound to indicate you were listening. Hoping it would be a simple question that you could answer, then he would leave you alone and let you sleep. 

“Would you care if I cheated on you?” You could practically hear the way he was grinning, lips brushing against your ear. Your eyes opened up in reaction to the question, furrowing your eyebrows, hand still resting over his.“Well..ya? Cheating is wrong, I’d be pissed.” you murmured, staring off at the wall near your side of the bed.

“But you hate me, don’t you? So why would you care?”

Your eyes furrowed even deeper, realizing what he was saying. “Because! It would….are you thinking about cheating on me?”

He chuckled softly in your ear, “Of course not, I was just wondering…Would you cheat on me?”

“No.” Was your immediate answer and this pleased Hanma who kissed the side of your neck softly, squeezing you close

“What would you do if I cheated on you?” You said after a while, even though you knew you probably wouldn’t be fond of how he answered.

Hanma hummed softly, thinking. “I’d probably kill the guy.”

“Hanma!”

“What? You wanted to know. I don’t care who he is, if he’s my friend or even my best friend.” He laughed, “Hell, even if it’s Kisaki.” Hanma had talked about Kisaki before and you had realized just how highly he thought of him. If he wasn’t with you, forcing you to follow him around and stick by his side, he was with Kisaki.

“I’d rip him limb from limb.”

You didn’t doubt Hanma would kill someone for you, you knew enough about your boyfriend to know that violence was commonplace for him and he treated all the dangerous activities he partook in like an afternoon picnic. You were just hoping you’d never have to be involved in any of Hanma’s gang related affairs, you’d rather stay slightly oblivious to it. Though it was hard to ignore the blood that would stain his clothes on occasion. 

“..Can we sleep now?” Your voice sounded slightly aggravated and Hanma grinned, kissing the back of your head. He took pride in how easily it was for him to annoy you, poking all your buttons. It was just too easy for him. Especially when you acted like you had no feelings for him,  when he knew you did. 

“Ya, Ya. Goodnight, doll.”

“Goodnight Hanma.”

When you awoke, Hanma wasn’t in bed anymore, his keys, phone and usual choice of jacket gone from their usual spots. You rolled over to his side of the bed, sighing and grabbing his pillow, holding it to your chest. Maybe you did despise Hanma Shuji as a human being, but your fight and passion had dwindled, leaving a dormant spot inside of you waiting to be filled up. He was all you had left, wasn’t he? Your family rarely spoke to you, you had been missing practices after practice because of your boyfriend. He had consumed your life. So was it that crazy that when he was gone, it felt wrong? You buried your face in his pillow, sighing softly. You hated when he left you alone in this dirty ‘apartment’.

The doorknob clicked after a few minutes and Hanma stepped back inside, his hair now dry and styled into his normal look, plastic shopping bags in his hands. He shut the door behind him and looked at you as you let go of his pillow, sitting up to meet his gaze. “Cuddling with my pillow?” He teased, setting the bags on his bed before pulling his jacket off and tossing it on a nearby chair. 

Ignoring his teasing, you crawled towards the bags and began to sift through them, grabbing the box of morning after pills and prying them open. Hanma began to sift through the bags as well as you climbed off the bed and over to his tiny little kitchen area, pouring yourself a cup of water and downing one of the pills. 

Hanma grinned as he stepped behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing one hand flush to your stomach. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you accidentally got pregnant, I’d kill to see you all pretty and round with my kid.”

‘You’re the worst, stop it.”  You snapped, pushing his hand away and moving away from him back to the bed, the idea of getting pregnant with Hanma’s kid making you feel ill.

“You feelin’ sick? You don’t look too good. You know what that’s a symptom of.”

“Hanma, stop!” You suddenly snapped at him, anger clear in your eyes as you crawled back into the bed. “I hate when you cum in me, it’s scary!” You shouted.

Hanma stared at you for a moment, seeming to consider what you were saying, remaining calm like he always seemed to when you got upset. After a second, he walked over to the bed and sat down, looking at you with a bit of a mocking look. “I’ll stop doin’ it if it upsets you that much.”

“It does.”

“Then I won’t do it anymore.” He tossed his hands up a bit before crawling towards you and pulling you close to him, ignoring the way you huffed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. “I won’t do it anymore, okay? I’ll pull out, I’ll use protection, if it’ll make you feel better. Shit.” 

“It would..’ You stopped fighting him, muttering your words as you laid on your side, his arms around your waist.

“Then that settles it, come on. Don’t be so crabby, I just like teasing you.”  The two of you remained quiet after this exchange, Hanma holding you in his arms as you slowly felt your irritation and anxiety begin to fade, placing your hands over his and laying your head on the bed. “You promise?”

You don’t know why you asked this since Hanma had never broken a promise to you before, when he said he was going to do something, he always did it. It was one of his only redeeming qualities.

“Ya, I promise.” He murmured, kissing the top of your head before sitting up a bit and leaning over you to grab one of the plastic bags. “I bought something for you that I thought you could wear today.” 

You watched him lift up the shirt, still laying slightly under him as he leaned over you. It was a cropped t-shirt that showed a bit of cleavage, bright pink with a pretty y2k like gemstone design on the front. Hanma had a certain taste that you had come to realize over time, always a bit slutty, always a bit cute. He liked showing you off, knowing no one else could have you. You can’t say it was your favorite design ever but you nodded, considering he had bought it for you. “Sure.” 

He grinned and dropped the shirt, running his fingers through your hair for a moment.

“Let’s get ready.”

You walked hand in hand with your convict boyfriend down the grubby streets of downtown. You stuck out like a sore thumb with that pretty skirt of yours and the crop top that Hanma had picked out for you. Hanma’s hands were sizeable compared to yours, hiding your hands inside of his. The stares you received from passing men made you uncomfortable but Hanma barely seemed to react as he led you along. You almost prayed for their sake that they didn’t try anything, knowing Hanma would beat them shitless and be in a shitty mood for the next few hours.

“Let’s go in here.” Hanma spoke after a while of walking, stopping at what looked like a small convenience store with glowing red bead lights and a flashing open sign.

The two of you had been out for awhile now and it was starting to get slightly dark outside, stopping at little shops and even taking a moment for Hanma to socialize with a friend or two. He held the door open and allowed you to walk in before following, hand still clasped in yours. The store was full of the normal types of snacks you’d find around Tokyo, but there were also a few other things from different countries around the world.

“I’m gonna look around.” You said, looking at your tall boyfriend who nodded, letting go of your hand. “Go ahead.” 

The store only had two isles and was relatively small, so Hanma didn’t mind allowing you to wander off. He approached the cash register and began to motion towards the cigarettes he wanted at the cashier as he fished into his pockets. You walked along the small aisle, looking at all the small snacks and drinks from different cultures. You were pretty hesitant to try anything, not being able to read some of the titles or ingredients inside of them. 

“Grab whatever you want.” Hanma spoke without looking at you, pulling yen out of his wallet and beginning to sort through it. You bit your lip and made your last minute decision, walking back to the cash register and setting down some kind of Taiwanese jelly cup onto the table. Hanma looked down at it before nodding, “Grab me one too.”

The two of you exited the shop and you began to peel open the lid of your jelly cup, while Hanma wrapped an arm around your waist since he couldn’t hold your hand. You had noticed this about Hanma, he seemed fond of always having a hand on you at all times. It was very uncomfortable in the beginning of the relationship, the way his hand would linger on your thigh or back, but you had gotten used to it over time. You unwrapped the spoon you had grabbed from the store, dipping it inside the cup and bringing it to your lips, while Hanma watched you out of the corner of his eye. It tasted sweet, with that hint of coconut you had expected. After you swallowed the first two bites, you noticed the way Hanma was watching you. “What..?” You looked confused before sticking your spoon into the cup and bringing a bite of jelly up to his face.

He looked amused, laughing and giving you a gentle squeeze. “I was just admirin’ my girl.” That didn’t stop him from taking the bite of jelly off the spoon, not wanting to let such an opportunity go to waste. “You should feed me more often, it’s cute. Unless you want me to feed you.”  

“No.” You replied quickly, stuffing your spoon back inside your jelly cup and looking down as the two of you approached a crosswalk. “Whatever.” He shrugged, rolling his eyes as the two of you waited for your turn to cross the road. “You did it pretty naturally though, so you don’t have to act like you didn’t want to.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, stabbing at your jelly a bit.

The light turned green and Hanma led you across the street towards a bar that he frequented, one that you had shown a dislike to more than once. Everytime you had gone inside, you could smell the alcohol in the air and felt the  eyes of the grubby men watching you inside of the cramped space. You especially didn’t want to have to go in today considering what you were wearing. One hand holding your jelly cup with the spoon in it, you grabbed Hanma’s arm, stopping him in his place. He looked back at you, seemingly annoyed, knowing you were gonna complain about going inside.

“I don’t want to go in, it makes me uncomfortable.” You pleaded, fingers gripping around the fabric of his jacket. He sighed, eyes rolling into the back of his head again as he looked down at his beloved girlfriend. “You kiddin’ me? Never once has anything happened to you in there, I’ve kept you safe every time. I just want some lunch and a drink, why do you have to be such a big baby about this every time.” He insulted, looking down at you with what seemed like disdain. It hurt. It shouldn’t have since you expected this kind of treatment from Hanma, but he usually wasn’t this sour with you. 

“I know..but it still makes me really uncomfortable, they all stare at me.” You murmured, glancing into the dim window where tables and tables of men, drinking and laughing sat in a very tight space. “Damnit…”, Hanma rolled his shoulders slightly, jaw clenching as he pulled his arm away from your waist, grabbing your wrist.

“Please just let me wait outside!”, You pleaded, feeling the way he began to drag you towards the door. He glanced back at you, looking at the way your eyes began to water. It wasn’t him making you cry either, it was your fear of the men inside. That annoyed him even more. “Fine, don’t move an inch. Got it? I’ll be back in a minute.” He let go of your wrist, tossing his hand lazily into the air before pushing open the door and going inside. And just like that, an afternoon out with Hanma that had seemed to be going okay, was ruined.

You stood outside the door, watching his shadowy figure through the window disappear into the clumps of people. You felt an anxiety similar to being a little kid, your mother leaving you in the waiting room at the dentist for the first time, or getting lost in the store away from your parents. A sinking dread that you fought, knowing it would escalate into panic if you didn’t control it. You gripped your jelly cup in your hand, watching your breathe in the cold air and wishing Hanma had left you his jacket. 

Men and women passed in front of you down the sidewalk, some glancing your way while others ignored you completely. What was really two minutes felt like an eternity and you kept glancing inside, hoping you’d see the tall figure of Hanma approaching the door.

“Hay, look at you.” A voice came from your right and you turned your head to look at a group of three men exiting the sketchy alleyway next to the store. They looked sufficiently drunk, cigarettes in their dirty hands, eyes glued to your figure. “What a pretty face, you out here by yourself, sweetheart?” The man who had first spoken stepped closer to you, scruff lining his jaw, seemingly uncut and unwashed for what looked like awhile. Behind him stood a skinnier guy with down turned eyes while the third wore a beanie pulled over his head. Your heart began racing in your chest, this being exactly what you had feared would happen if you came down town.

They all wore the same jackets that looked to be some kind of gang apparel, script written down the sides. A blatant sign of danger, that would tell the normal person to avoid someone like these men at all times. “No- my boyfriends inside. I’m sorry.” You lifted your hands, backing up towards the door and getting ready to grab the handle when the man who spoke to you first, grabbed your wrist and tugged you away from it.

“That’s stupid of him, leaving a pretty thing like you out here. But lucky for us, huh?” The scent of whiskey filled your nostrils and you quickly began trying to pull away, shrieks escaping your parted lips. “Shut up.” His hand clasped over your lips and with the help of his friends, he began to drag you away from the bar and down the alleyway.

The man with the stubble shoved you against the dirty brick walk of the back of the store, having dragged you a fair good way away from the entrance to the building. “Isn’t very often we get a cute girl like you wandering around here, easy to snatch off the streets. Your boyfriend must be real fuckin’ stupid.”  He pressed your cheek hard against the wall, dragging your skin against the hard brick. You cried out loudly, too filled with fear and shock to even think of calling out for help. “Shut up, bitch.” One of the men from behind you slapped your rear hard before grabbing the fabric of your skirt and tearing it down your legs. You felt sick, the familiar feeling of your first time with Hanma and all the times he had taken advantage of you before coming back, but seemingly ten times worse. Cries of pain left your lips, another hand slapped over your mouth, muffling your voice from echoing down the alleyway. 

“Let’s make this shit quick before someone comes, get her on the ground.” The first man instructed and the man with the beanie complied, shoving you into the concrete. You immediately felt someone climb on top of your, harsh hands grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head, not bothering to cover up your cries anymore as one of the other men got on his knees and tugged your panties down. 

You began to hyperventilate as the sound of unzipping pants informed you of what was about to come, tears dripping onto the concrete as you squeezed your eyes closed, hoping it would all end quickly.

“I’ll fucking kill you.” Hanma’s familiar voice brought you back to reality, your eyes shooting open to watch your delinquent boyfriend stalk down the alleyway towards the three men, you still struggling under the first one. You had never seen him look so terrifying before, his face was dark, unspeakable anger written across it. His voice sounded unusually deep and filled with malice, yet it never sounded more comforting. You squirmed forward as the man on top of you began to stand up, seemingly rushed and panicked. You looked back in confusion, watching the faces of the gangsters contort into looks of absolute horror. 

“It’s the fuckin reaper..”, The tall man spurt out, his voice cracking as he backed up. You couldn’t even begin to understand what was happening as these men who had seconds ago been so confident and brutal, were now cowering away from your boyfriend.

“Shit, dude. We didn’t know she was your girl. Fuck!” The first guy pleaded. Hanma didn’t seem to even hear them as he stepped past your trembling form towards them. He was going to kill them.

Suddenly the man in the beanie grabbed onto what seemed to be an empty beer bottle on the floor of the alley and slung it in your direction while yelling, “Run!”

Hanma spun around in an almost frantic movement as the bottle slammed on the ground next to you, shattering into pieces. Within seconds he was on the ground, kneeling in the glass next to your trembling form as the three men took off out of the alleyway, quick footsteps echoing out in the distance.

“Hanma!”, Your sobs were broken and so was your breathing, hands over your head as your arms stung, one of two pieces of glass having found your skin. “Fuckin’ stupid!”, Hanma bellowed, causing you to flinch away in fear, his arms flying down to grab your trembling form and pull you into his arms. You sobbed loudly, face halfway pressed into his chest as he struggled to pull your skirt and panties back up. “Not you, you’re not fuckin’ stupid.” He said quickly, hand bringing your face to his chest. You couldn’t properly speak, words coming out in blubbers and stammers. The only word you could clearly get out was Hanma’s name, which you took to repeating. He stroked your hair shakily as he stood up, clutching you to his body. “I’m sorry.” Was his replies to your cries, holding you tightly against him as he began to make his way out of the alleyway with your trembling form in his arms.

Your halfway empty jelly cup sat on the floor of the alleyway, nearly being stepped on by Hanma as he carried you away.

By the time the two of you arrived back at his apartment, Hanma was deadly silent. He didn’t speak a word as he used tweezers to pull the glass from your skin, ignoring your cries as he pressed alcohol into the wounds. You still couldn’t speak, now that things were semi calm, you were having a hard time registering what had happened in your mind. He grabbed some bandaids from his cabinet, holding you still as he pressed them onto your cuts, grip on your firm and unnecessarily tight.

“Hanma.” You repeated, throat clenching in emotion.

“Stop.” Hanma finally spoke, seemingly being driven crazy by you repeating his name over and over. He felt absolutely furious, at himself, at those men, and somewhat at your for not listening to him. He couldn’t take listening to you say his name over and over, to him it sounded like you were blaming him, repeating his name like he was the only one who could protect you. He was and he should have. He had failed and he didn’t know how to cope with it.

You whimpered in response, a heavy sob leaving your mouth as he scooped you up into his arms again. “Stay here, don’t move a inch. Don’t call anyone, don’t even look outside.” Hanma muttered, laying you onto his bed. That’s what he had told you before, not to move and inch, it made him all the more angry.

“But-.”

“Don’t fucking go anywhere, you just be quiet. Got it?” He snapped at you as he grabbed his motorcycle keys from their hanger, throwing open the door and slamming it behind him, locking it in place. The sound of a motorcycle revving up followed not much later.

Then you were alone. That was the last thing you wanted to be right now. Hanma had left you, again. You began to sob even harder, burying your face into the blankets of the bed and screaming into them. Fear couldn’t even describe how you felt, you were desperate. You needed Hanma, why couldn’t he understand that? You had done nothing but repeated his name for over an hour now and yet he had abandoned you inside of his crummy apartment. 

Minutes turned into hours and your hope that told you Hanma would be back soon began to dwindle. It was three hours later when you finally  heard the door to the apartment open and your boyfriend stepped inside.

“Hanma?...” You whispered, crawling towards the side of the bed, eyes widening in fear as the color of his clothes was revealed in the light. Hanma was covered in blood, his shirt, knuckles, and face. Everywhere.  He looked tired, walking towards the bathroom for a moment and leaning on the doorway. 

You went to say his name again but you instead bit your lip, not wanting to anger him again. He sauntered into the bathroom and at the same time, you slowly got off the bed and approached the open bathroom door. Hanma was leaning on the bathroom counter, blood coated his clothing and knuckles, the look on his face was disgruntled and unfocused as he stared down at the sink. You stood there quietly for a moment, waiting for him to move or give you some kind of acknowledgment. But he didn’t. And so you slowly walked behind him and pried open one of the bathroom cabinets, doing your best to sort through the unorganized products lining the shelves. You grabbed onto some bandages, a slightly used bottle of antibiotic ointment, alcohol, anything that you thought could be used. 

Hanma still wasn’t looking at you, he was staring at the sink like before, eyes focused on what seemed to be nothing at all.

“Shuji…please sit down.” You spoke softly, aware of how your voice seemed to tremble. Who could blame you, you had been through a horrifying ideal today and Hanma was acting uncharacteristically quiet. He slowly looked up from the sink, turning his head to look at you with dark, cold eyes. “You afraid of me?”

You clutched the bottle of rubbing alcohol tightly in your hand, hands trembling at your sides. “Ya…”, You murmured, eyes drawn to red liquid drying on his clothes. His jaw clenched and he tossed his head to the side before turning towards you completely, “You should be.” He said simply before brushing past your shaking form and sitting down on the lid of the toilet, sighing and clasping his hands between his legs.You slowly turned around to look at him, feeling relieved now that he was sitting down. 

You got down onto your knees, looking up at him with shaky hands. “Can I wash your hands?” 

You continued to run the bloody rag through the sink before kneeling next to his quiet form again, gently brushing and dabbing the rag over his bruised and cut knuckles. Everyonce in a while he would flinch in pain, but remained quiet as he watched you with emotionless eyes. You didn’t know what to say to him. Part of you didn’t wanna know what he had done while he was gone, and part of you was now upset with him for leaving you the way he had. Then you were also scared, scared of him and how he was acting. He never acted like this with you, it was unusual and terrifying to say the least. 

You chewed on your bottom lip as you started unwrapping the roll of bandages, pulling your skin from the fabric every time it got stuck. Hanma’s hands, despite the traumatizing evening, we’re completely still now. You took one in your hand and slowly began to wrap the bandage around his knuckles.

“What happened?” You broke the long lasting silence, glancing up at your boyfriend who was still looking down at you. He shrugged his tense shoulders, looking away from you as he rolled his neck. “I killed them.”

Your hands came to a stop around his, holding the end of the bandage you were wrapping around him in a shaky hand. You could have assumed that was what had happened, especially after what he had told you the night before. He seemed to be willing to do anything for you, even if you didn’t want it. And you certainly didn’t want the death of three men in your conscience, even if they were monsters. 

“I recognized the gang they were in so I paid them a visit.” Hanma grabbed the last bit of bandage in your now frozen hand, finishing on his first hand treatment. “They got what they deserved.”

You wanted to disagree, to say you didn’t want him killing someone because of you, but Hanma was territorial. And men who took advantage of women like that….they probably would have done it again if not to you. So maybe they did deserve it..but hadn’t Hanma done the same to you? How was it any different? Because he had coerced you into it? 

You stayed silent for a second, before speaking your mind. “You’re a hypocrite Hanma.”

You don’t know where you got the bravery to say something like that to him, especially when he had been acting so off all night. You sounded kind of like your old self, full of pride and resistance when it came to Hanma’s harassment and advances on you. But you were angry with Hanma, despite the way you were nursing his wounds and taking care of him. Not only had he left you alone when you needed him to fulfill his own selfish needs, but he was guilty of the exact thing he had killed those men for.

You didn’t wanna look up at Hanma’s face after confronting him, scared of the way he would be staring down at you with anger and disdain. But Hanma didn't react that way at all. Instead, he began to laugh. You glared up at him, watching that stone cold expression turn into one of uncontrolled amusement. His lips turned upwards in a bursting grin as he cackled, reaching out with his bandaged hand to rub your head. You pulled away, anger clear on your face. “It’s not funny! You are just as bad as them! You took advantage of me!” You shouted at him, yet it didn’t change the expression on his face.

“You think I’m not aware of that? Of course I am! But it doesn’t matter, they don’t deserve it because of what they did. They deserve it because they did it to you. And no one touches or hurts what's mine, except me.” He continued to laugh, almost mocking you as you began to tear up, disgusted and hurt by Hanma’s delusional thinking.

“You’re crazy!”You sounded unbelievably distressed as you shakely stood up, tears ready to burst from your eyes. “You don’t even care about how much distress it causes me! You don’t even care about me! You just see me as a possession! They tried to rape me and you act like some territorial dog. This is why I hate you!”. Hanma’s laughter ceased and he went deadly quiet once again. Your heart began to pace wildly as he stood up, quickly backing away from his tall form.

“You don’t know anything about how I feel for you. You think I don’t care about your distress? You're dead wrong. I only care about your distress, that’s the thing. I don’t care about anyone else's suffering, they can kill themselves for all I care. Doesn’t matter to me, gorgeous.” You tried to avoid the bandaged hand that flew towards your wrist, but you failed to move quick enough. His fingers gripped your wrist, pulling you back to him. 

“You aren’t a possession to me, but you are mine. Maybe you are right, I do act like a dog and maybe I am a hypocrite. Think of me how you want, hate me if you want. But we both know you can’t survive without me at this point. You’re dependent on me and in return I’ll take care of you.”

It felt like he was just spouting words at this point. Tears burst from your eyes as you began to cry. He was right, you were dependent on him. You couldn’t stand being away from him for too long and deep inside you had begun to crave his affection and adoration. No one had ever shown you the type of romantic love he had, everyone else avoided you because of him. But you couldn't stand being alone, not anymore.. You hated him, but yet you wanted him so bad. 

“You know I’ve loved you since we were kids, right? Can you blame me for being so protective of you? I look at you, crying and terrified and I see that little girl I used to pick on. I’d rip out someone's heart if they hurt her.”

“But you hurt me! Hanma! You're twisted!”, You cried, pulling on your wrist.

He stared down at you, jaw clenching. You could tell your words were having somewhat of an effect on him. As much as he said he didn’t care about you disliking him, it truly bothered him. Ever since he was young he’d imagined you and him being together, joking around together and truly loving each other. But he had burnt that bridge, yet he refused to admit it or let it go.

“You can love me, it’ll make it easier. No one will love you the way I do. No one has ever loved you the way I do.”

Your throat tightened and you began to cry even harder, you hated fighting like this with Hanma. It took everything in you to stand up for yourself like this, it was exhausting. You had given up on arguing and pushing him away for a reason, even if it broke your spirit,  it was so much easier to just let him have his way.

“Hanma..”, You sobbed, stepping forward and burying your face into his chest. He took no time in wrapping his arms around you, letting go of your wrist and cradling you close to him. Pleased with the way you had given up on fighting with him.

“I’m sorry, okay? Will that make you feel better? I feel bad for making you cry.” He muttered into your ear as wet tears slid down your cheeks, the scent of iron filling your nose due to the crusted blood on his clothes. But that didn’t stop you from clinging tightly to him. 

“Why’d you leave me here alone after-,” You gasped, breathing quickening as you looked up at him, tears and snot running down your face. “I needed you, I needed you and you weren't there.”

Hanma’s face dropped completely as he looked away from you, eyes drifting up above your head. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking or if he was thinking at all. Did he care? You had a hard time imagining that, Hanma rarely showed any type of deep, genuine emotion other than affection towards you. Never had you seen him cry or ever get sad over something. Anger or disdain was his go to emotion.

One of Hanma’s hands came up to hold the back of your head, he was being very  unusually gentle, fingers slowly slipping into your hair and massaging your scalp. 

“Shit….” He pursed his lips, a look of regret and slight guilt washing over his face. It was a look you had never seen before, he didn’t seem to know how to react. Hanma wasn’t great at taking care of others, at least not emotionally. He was trying his best with you though, trying his best for you. But he was selfish, he had always been selfish, that’s what it had taken for him to survive his whole life. He had never considered anyone else’s feelings, he couldn’t help the way he would sometimes return to his old ways.

“I didn’t think about it…”, He muttered, slowly looking back down at your quivering bottom lip and red eyes. “I was just angry- I thought that maybe giving them what they deserved would make you feel better.” he muttered, frowning as you shook your head back and forth.

“I just wanted you to hold me-“. Your breath began to  quicken and Hanma tightened his hold on you, squeezing you close. You gagged slightly against the dried blood on his fabric but he didn’t seem to notice. “I will, I’m here. Okay? I’m sorry.” he clenched his jaw as his words did nothing to calm your breathing.

“Lets just shower and get in bed, okay? We both need to clean up. Then I’ll take care of you in return for you taking care of me.” 

The two of you took a quick, silent shower, and Hanma finished bandaging up his other hand while you sat on the lid of the toilet nearby, not wanting to go far from him, even if it was just the other room. Hanma helped slip you into your pajamas, grimacing at the forming bruises on your wrists, ass and knees. He didn’t regret murdering those men, he’d do it ten times over. He didn’t understand why it didn’t make you feel better.

You crawled in bed as he put on a pair of sweatpants, watching him with tired and somber eyes. You were trying not to think of what had happened to you and the way Hanma had reacted to all of it. How he had left you outside the bar and afterwards when he brought you home. It was all so wrong, he had reacted so inappropriately. Yet, that didn’t stop you from crawling into his arms as he got in bed, deciding to cuddle up to him this time instead of the usual spooning routine. You needed some kind of comfort, even if the one providing it was Hanma. 

It didn’t take long for the soft cries to return as you hid yourself in his body, he stroked your hair softly in response, not knowing what else to do. He felt like he had failed slightly, in protecting you. But what if you had just listened to him in the first place, like he had told you to. Was it his fault? If you had just stayed by his side…instead of waiting outside, you wouldn’t have been grabbed by those men.

 He would never let that happen ever again.

Neither of you fell asleep for the next few hours.Your cries eventually quieted down as you stayed unmoving in his warm embrace. Mind replaying what had happened to you no matter how hard you tried to fight the thoughts. They bullied their way into your mind, filling you with dread and sorrow and you began to blame yourself. T had just gone inside with Hanma like he had told you to in the first place, if you had just listened to him, you’d probably be eating some of his shitty take out with him right now in bed. He’d tease you until your face was red with anger then joke around with you till you couldn’t hold in your laughs anymore. Lips turning into a slight smile when he pointed out the way the corners of them were trembling. You’d do anything for those semi normal nights now, you felt like you had taken them for granted. Because this night was hell and sleep seemed impossible.

 The only thing that kept you from falling apart completely was your hypocritical boyfriend.

Shuji Hanma. You hated him. Yet, you loved him. The saying ‘two sides of the same coin’ was beginning to sound more and more true in your mind.

#hanma x reader #hanma x you #hanma shuji #hanma shuji x reader #hanmashuji #hanma smut #hanma shuuji x reader #shuji hanma x reader #tokyo revengers fanfic #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x reader #under.the.bleachers

[griefabyss69]

Inside The Fall

Written for @steddiemicrofic!

[ AO3 ]

'FOOL' wc: 1987 | rated: T | cw: Mention of weed

(This is the April Fool's version of the prompt, it includes all of the words needed)

Steve's used to stepping up in life or death situations, but otherwise he's directionless. He isn't expecting Eddie to be so good at helping him figure out the other parts of his future.

(Continues after the readmore)

"Step into my office," Eddie says with a guiding sweep of his arm.

"You mean your bedroom?" Steve asks just to be annoying.

Eddie's smile doesn't dim but his eyes narrow, all sharp and shit.

"Yes, well, sometimes you have to mix business and pleasure when you're waiting around on the sweet cash that's supposed to be coming in any day now," he says, shutting the door behind them.

Eddie's bedroom isn't really like the last one, though Steve had only seen that in the height of insanity, when it'd been newly deserted and then torn through in search of anti-Vecna music.

This one is neater, though still pretty chaotic. Steve can't help but like it, even though he has to wait for Eddie to clear off his desk before he can conduct his business.

"Come, make yourself comfortable," he says, gesturing at his unmade bed.

Steve ignores the thrill in his gut as he carefully sits down at the edge of it. He doesn't make a joke about cum, or about making himself more comfortable, or about Eddie offering up his bed. He's on his best behavior because otherwise he's going to go too far and Eddie's going to think he's still just a stupid jock who has bad jokes, despite all of the shit they went through together; old habits and all of that.

Once Eddie's cleared his desk, he moves to the other end of it, leaning against the wall but resting his ass against the stack of milk crates he uses for shelving. He nods at the chair, his smile all menacing as if Steve was one of his players and he was going to give him a hard battle.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," he says when Steve hesitates, pulling a box out of his pocket.

Steve has to laugh a little bit, and moves over to the chair, settling in with his elbows on the desk. He has to look up to meet Eddie's eyes, and that puts another thrill in him, this one is harder to ignore.

"Don't let me win," Steve says, smirking. He knows that's not how tarot cards work, but Eddie's laugh is worth it, like he gets the joke and doesn't think he’s actually stupid.

"I'd never do that," Eddie gasps, bending to spread the cards out on the desk. They're all face down, so Steve can only admire the cool design on the back, but maybe after Eddie's finished reading into his future or whatever he'll let him look through all of them.

He explains some of what he's doing, and it seems simple enough. He asks Eddie a question, Eddie gets him to shuffle the cards, then there’s some kind of sorting thing, then he pulls a few of them.

"What would you like to ask?"

He's tempted to ask something… easy. Something that doesn't matter, and doesn't show Eddie the inside of his head. But Eddie had offered this in the first place because Steve had admitted that his thoughts have been all fucked up, he's been pretty lost these days.

"What should I do with myself this summer?"

Eddie nods, considering that as he gestures to the cards.

Steve carefully shuffles them around in a big mess, as instructed. It's kind of fun, and he takes his time before sitting back, relaxing.

"Okay, that should be all mixed up," he says, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. He's determined to try to be comfortable, even with Eddie looming over him, his arms crossed over his chest.

He looks really good from here.

"Good," Eddie says, bends to corral the cards back into order, tapping it into neatness before he sets it down. "Split the deck in half for me."

Steve leans forward, meaning to find the exact center, but he ends up going with his gut and splits it closer to the bottom. For whatever reason, he's more curious about what's buried deeper.

"Thank you."

Eddie chews on his lip as he thinks, eyes going from Steve to the cards and back against a few times before he smiles.

"Draw three cards from here," he says, tapping the shorter stack. "Place them face down in a row."

Steve follows his instructions.

While he doesn't really believe that the cards are magic or whatever, he does believe in Eddie's ability to create an atmosphere. He's not even being dramatic or loud or anything, but he's bringing such an earnest seriousness to it that makes Steve decide to take it seriously too.

"Okay. If this doesn't answer your question at all, we can do another run of it, with more cards," he says, leaning his palms on the table. "Though usually unless a question involves a lot of people or a lot of moving parts, three is perfectly fine to answer it."

Steve starts to feel nervous, so he just nods and watches Eddie’s hands, thinks about how clean Eddie's new rings look, wondering when they'll start to get worn in by life like the last ones.

Eddie turns over the first card.

"The Knight of Swords," he says, his dimples coming out even as he tries to suppress a smile. "Other cards in this suit can be a warning, but this one is generally good."

Steve swallows. He knows he doesn't want bad news, but Eddie told him this all wasn't like, his destiny anyway. It's more of a guidance thing, like he can choose to take it's message or not.

Eddie flips the next one.

"The Seven of Wands."

He doesn't say anything else about it yet, just thinks for a moment before moving on, flipping the last one.

"The Fool."

Steve's eyebrows raise, because that doesn't sound good.

"Okay," Eddie says, leaning back against the wall, playing with one of his shiny rings. "What I'm getting for this is that you're restless, and that instead of all of the freaky monster adventures you've had, you really need a good adventure. Something new, maybe something a little different than you're used to, but ultimately you need to relax and just do what you want."

Steve looks at The Fool, about to walk off a cliff, and feels skeptical.

"Won't I end up like that?" he asks, pointing at it.

"Don't take the pictures so literally," Eddie says, and Steve has to sigh at him. "Your energy is high, like a magnet for good things," he elaborates, pointing at the Knight of Swords.

Next he points at the Seven of Wands.

"You're probably doubting yourself, dealing with a lot of fear and uncertainty, but good things are in store if you just do what you're scared of anyway. You need to remember that you're in charge of your life now."

Steve gets a lump in his throat. He hasn't ever felt in charge of his life.

"And our Fool here, what he says is that you need to pick something and try it out, whether it works or not. Do it thoughtfully, but you don't have to think that hard about it."

"Oh," Steve says. He hadn't expected to feel so… encouraged. Taken care of. "That's nice of him."

Eddie laughs, his voice quieter when he leans back down against the desk.

"It sounds like it'll be a good summer for you," he says.

After Eddie had cleaned up the cards and Steve had successfully kept himself from crying, they went off on the first nice adventure of Steve's summer.

Eddie had put a couple joints in with his smokes, and then they wandered off on a late afternoon walk, right into the shady forest, where it's not too dark yet.

"You know," Eddie begins as they walk side by side even though the path is kinda narrow. "I think you'd make a good Knight."

Steve thinks it's so not fair how much that makes him blush. He has to duck his head and grin at the ground just so he doesn't like, tackle Eddie and kiss him on the mouth and plummet off of the cliff of his own foolish behavior.

"Yeah? Do you think there'd a Knight for a baseball bat with nails in it?" he asks, looking back up to keep up his eyes on the area. Mostly it’s tree branches and nothing tougher than a squirrel.

Eddie laughs, nudges up against him as he moves, and because it's like, June, it's warm enough that he's just in his new Hellfire t-shirt, the sleeves rolled up. That means the skin of their arms brush together and Steve's brain lights right up.

"A nailbat is kind of like a sword," Eddie muses, the warm look in his eye doing irreparable damage to Steve's self control. "I might be more interested in what kind of Fool you are, though."

Steve blushes harder, mourning how it'd started to go back down just a moment ago. There's no way Eddie could've known what he'd been thinking of doing, but he knows and so do the blood vessels in his face.

"Uh, I'm not sure," he lies, shrugging. "I guess we'll find out."

Eddie beams, slides an arm around his shoulders as he says something that gets totally lost – Steve's brain has honed in on Eddie's body and only that, his feet starting to trip over themselves as he takes in the solid way they fit together.

"Easy," Eddie murmurs as he makes sure he doesn't face plant. "Is it too hard to walk this way?"

It's a little awkward, but there's no way Steve's letting him go.

"Nah, just had two left feet for a second," he says, turning his face to smile at Eddie and – Christ – he's right there. He has to go cross eyed to get a good look at him.

His gut pulls hard but he breathes through it. If anything, he knows how to be a gentleman and not just do whatever the hell he wants. Maybe his instinct for self protection is pretty busted by now, but at least he's not about to go around kissing random men just because he wants to.

Eddie laughs, and his eyes must be going cross eyed too, because they dip down to stare at his mouth instead, his long eyelashes showing off their thick, sweet curve.

"Girls would kill to have your eyelashes," he says, pleased when Eddie opens his eyes wide, shocked.

"What?" he laughs, glancing at the path before looking back at Steve. He's glad that one of them is looking out for tree roots, because Steve can't bring himself to care about anything but the feeling of Eddie's breath on his face.

"Your eyelashes, they're really long and nice," he says, less afraid to compliment him than he'd thought. "Most girls wear mascara to get theirs to look like yours."

"Oh." Eddie grins, turning his head to duck it all bashfully, and Jesus, Steve recognizes himself in that. "Thank you."

Steve can see the stones crumble from the cliff under his foot, knocking their way down the side until they disappear. He's about to do something really stupid – foolish – but his composure falls away under the force of every side of Eddie he sees.

"Eddie?" he asks, waiting until their eyes meet. "Will you kiss me?"

Eddie stumbles, barely catches himself from landing flat on his face, pulling Steve half down with him.

"Uh," he says, a nervous laugh chilling the air. "Why?"

Steve swallows hard, planting his ass on the ground so he's not halfway between straddling him or getting up.

"Because even though I'm scared, I should ask about what I want, right?"

"Oh, okay," Eddie’s voice is thin and strangled. "Sure."

It's a yes despite how Eddie looks scared now, so Steve leans in and crushes their mouths together, falling freely among the stones of his trepidation. Eddie kisses him back like they’re standing on solid ground.

#griefabyss69 writing #steddiemicroficapril #steddiemicroficaprilfools #steddie fanfiction #steddie fanfic

[stealingpotatoes]

Invitation to talk about Sayuri and Nymie?

:D CAN OF WORMS: OPENED!! i'll tell u abt how they got found as Jedi

ok so Sayuri is one of the students that doesn't rlly go home bc there isn't much to go back to. Basically her parents were Rebellion pilots (or one was a pilot the other a mechanic. kinda unsure) but were both killed in action against the Empire abt 3-4ABY ish. obvs the Rebellion couldn't look after a 7-8yo while fighting the Empire

so the remainder of the squad manage to get her back to her parents' home village/ where she was born. so having like Everything change all at once leaves her pretty ?? and gives her some serious trusting-her-environment issues. her coolgirl "i dont care" persona is very much a result of this bc she's worried abt getting too comfy in smthn. (which is at odds w the OTHER issue she got from this event which is "deathly afraid of flying" an issue not helped if Master "traffic laws are just guidelines" Skywalker is piloting. but she tries 2 act like shes fine)

this is gonna get kinda long so im gonna smack some unposted art here and then go into a readmore

anyway fast forwarding to when Sayuri's abt 13 (roughly 9aby) she's visiting her parent's old squadron on a New Republic bc they'd all come visit whenever she could and after the Empire's fall they did a lot more pick her up and fly her to a base to ALL see her. and they're like omg Sayuri you came at the PERFECT time bc this rlly amazing pilot war hero who's also some like. mystical whatever is here!! he's on his way to some magic place we heard. maybe u can meet him!! which sayuri meets w her usual whatever bc she's not that gassed abt war heroes.

very worth noting that the squad's probably all seen her move shit with her mind, but theyre like oh you know how it is with teenage girls. the "nobody knows what a jedi is" + "the empire existed for a decent bit of her childhood" thing has kept anyone from being like yeahh sayuri should like. talk to someone abt this.

anyway she goes along when the squad are like c'mon let's see if we can see him. ok the only way i can describe this is you know the spiderverse like... spidey-sense recognition thing? that's basically what happens LOL Luke and Sayuri both have a FORCE USER RECOGNISED?? moment and Luke then makes a beeline for her then realises oh shit tiny teenager not jedi. would you LIKE to be a jedi?? and sayuri who hates her village and is feeling the strongest emotional connection she's felt in forever w this stranger she met 2 seconds ago is like okay fuckin sure yeah. and woo jedi!!

i posted my unposted nymie art yesterday but likkeeee pretend theres some here <3

So Sayuri falls into the "one of the Jedi found them thru the force or by chance" category of students who get found. However Nymie very much falls into the second category, which is "CAN SOMEONE DEAL WITH THIS WEIRD SUPERPOWERED CHILD FOR US????"

So 2 things about Nymie: 1. like i've said before, she's from a very rich high class pantoran family. super stuck up, mostly raised by nannies & tutors, but somehow Nymie just didn't get the stuck-up genes like all her (4!!) siblings who are just obsessed w their social standing etc and is instead just :D all the time. 2. her proficiency ig is the living force esp in the 'good at connecting to animals' way (which I think means I legally need to draw her w Ezra).

so the former often led her to escaping her family's stuffy parties and galas or whatever (usually to whoever's house it is' garden or somewhere she wasnt meant to be) to find something interesting. usually a pet <3 one particular time when she was 9 she was following her Pet Sense but couldnt find anything in the house. so she kinda just reached out more and long story short thats how Nymie managed to call this hugemassive beast (i'd tell u what it was if i knew pantoran animals LOL) out of the nearby countryside to her. massively distressing for everyone, all these rich ppl were like "OH MY GOD I NEARLY DIED" (it didnt attack anyone). very funny exciting time for Nymie who was enjoying this new beastie friend til animal control showed up. saddening. everyone is confused bc HOW did that happen

a dude old (and cool) enough to have seen more than one jedi in their heyday (+ idk uni researcher knows his shit) noticed what happened w it going straight to Nymie and overheard her account and realised what happened and was like hi nymie's parents. i think u need to get into contact w the new republic bc thats a jedi right there (which they take and go oo social climbing. we have a jedi child people will think we're cooler. bc theyre assholes)

and yeah im losing steam now but luke shows up and she joins the academyyay!

#i tried to NOT go on a 2000 hour ted talk #bc im pretty sure i could give a solid 5k of meta on top of any explanations of abt... 95% of my OCs lolll #which does mean this comes off as a lil messy but hey #sayuri ireshla #nymie #oc #original characters #luke's students

[m1d-45]

i need MISERY and SADNESS and ANGST !

reader absolutely sobbing to bird xiao. i mean fucking wailing, man.

our birdie was going about his usual business, peeping around, looking for any possible dangers, maybe bring back a nice acorn. once he’s done, he’ll fly back to us, glad to report — (chirp a few times) — that the area is safe.

but instead of finding you eagerly awaiting him with an outstretched hand, he finds you curled in on yourself, stifling sobs.

he lands on the ground in front of you, worriedly hopping past the squirrels and deer nudging various forest tributes to you. he peeps once, but you don’t respond. he peeps a second time, and this warrants an answer.

you weakly unfurl yourself, willing your head upwards.

xiao now notices the state of your clothes. tattered, dirty, and dampened with what he hopes is just a peculiar blue juice.

he then meets a pair of reddened, glossy eyes. your cheek was scratched, and your now visible hands badly scraped. he chirps in concern, flapping his wings and hopping closer to your face.

that same face scrunches once again, as you curl your head back into your knees. as another sob escapes, you only wordlessly produce a few almonds from your pocket. you only whimpered an apology as a deer laid at your feet.

the almonds were not what he wanted. he did not need an apology for- what? a lack of attention? no, none of that. he only wanted you to be happy. how had he failed you again? he was a disgrace to the adepti, he was surely deserving of avid punishment. perhaps the loss of a finger would serve well. or two, after all, he had been too selfish and ignorant to save you. why was he even aIive? why was he ever even born? such a faiIure should never have been —

his inner monologue was cut off by an offering of a hand instead. you shakily nudged him with your index finger, making him release a squeak.

“hey.. i said i’m fine, right? please eat. you’re always so hungry.”

you sniffled.

“i can find some plants, and-“

but the sobs only continued.

“and fix it..”

your hand went limp as your cries shook your body. you didn’t even bother to weep silently anymore.

the squirrels chittered, the approaching raccoon held a rock in its small hands as an offering. a deer sniffed your head as you curled into fetal position again.

“i didn’t want this- i- i didn’t want to—”

i was just having fun, why did- how did it come this far?-”

a rabbit hopped closer.

“i want to go home. i miss my mom, i miss my dad, i miss their hugs-”

the deer at your feet nudged your leg.

“why can’t i just die aIready?”

xiao squealed, flapping his little wings furiously. he chirped and chirped, trying to bring you back to your senses.

he’d seen this thing time and time again- the form taken by relinquishment. once the thought was spoken, it could only end in misfortune.

he knew this was only a psychological effect, of course. to lose a battle when a small part of you wants to. to become careless and fall asleep on a thinly frozen lake. or, to intentionally cause one’s own end.

but that would not stop him from bringing you charms of good fortune in the following days. talisman to ward off draining spirits, necklaces and bracelets he personally imbued with evil-vanquishing power.

it did not stop him from distancing himself from you, in fear his karmic binds had effected you. that they were having the same effect on you as his siblings- as himself.

he had to protect you.

it was his duty.

-owl anon RAAAHH

i’m sorry this got so long, my thumbs go *taptaptaptap* on my keyboard while i just watch

oh…. you get it.

(under the readmore because my fingers tend to go)

xiao blessing small pebbles with adeptal energy, ignoring how it stings his hands as he wraps it in a leaf. as the one enchanting the stone, he’s granted a small amount of grace, but protection charms always tended to hiss at his karma.

he picks it up with his claws, flapping up and into the skies of liyue. he always brings you small gifts, and he knows you keep them, at least for a little while. he’s not sure if the magic is absorbed into you, if it fades, or if you simply lose them—some small part of him is satisfied at the image of mountain shaper being repelled by a simple stone—but he brings them to you faithfully. you always greet him the same way, and anticipation begins to bubbles under his skin at the thought.

he loves seeing you.

…but not like this.

your tree is more crowded than usual, various small wildlife surrounding you. nothing big, nothing threatening—the deer hesitate at the treeline, huffing and pawing at the ground—but worrying for certain.

he gives his same warning cry he always does, but you don’t step out to greet him. he has to duck beneath the leaves, and he sees you… crying.

he freezes, dropping a few inches in his shock, but quickly recovers.

(he can’t hesitate. he can’t pause. there’s no time for his own problems when you are in pain-)

he lands on your arm, bumping his head to yours and giving you a small chirp.

(please be okay. please be okay. please let the teal grass around you be lighting, or his bird eyes. please.)

another bump. another chirp. he reaches and pulls a leaf from your hair, turning to drop it away, and when he looks back you managed to lift your head.

he can’t stop the way he jumps, flapping to regain his balance at the smear of blue across your face.

“oh… hello there, little friend.”

he can’t even bring himself to be as happy as he normally is at your voice.

you take the wrapped rock from your claws, both you and the leaf unfurling. the blue stone glitters, and you smile slightly. from his new perch on your wrist and your shift in posture, he can’t help but notice more and more tragic details about you.

a slash across your waist, the cloth of your shirt clinging to your skin. the dirt across your skin, the tracks of tears down your cheeks.

“th-“ you cough, and the stone in your hand pulses outside of your view. “thank you, pretty bird.”

some part of him hopes that the stone brings you some joy. that you can absorb some of his magic- hell, he’d enchant it again if he needed to, expending every drop of energy he had of it meant you didn’t have to cry.

but not even the beauty of the earth can mend the tragedy of betrayal.

if anything, you cry more, curling up again in an attempt to hide from the world that wanted you dead. concerned cheeps slip from his beak as easily as the rabbits and birds around you hop closer. none dare to get as close as he, but acorns and river stones and pushed towards you, a ring of offerings surrounding their god.

“sorry,” you stutter, your voice choked, and he wonders why you’re apologizing. “i- i still-“ another sob. xiao feels like crying himself.

(he has no right to be distraught. not when he’s the blade you fear)

“here,” you manage, offering up a shaking handful of crushed almonds. you still have him your food, you still went through the strain and effort of crushing them so he could eat them in this form- even after the adepti had injured you, you still found it in yourself to help him?

(you didn’t know he was an adeptus. he was still lying to you. he hasn’t even taken any serious action, he couldn’t even try and help you when you still helped and cooed over and loved him-)

“do- do you-“ your voice hitched and broke, and he chirped, hopping up your arm. how he wished he could comfort you properly. how he wished he wasn’t a coward, that he could do more. “i know it isn’t enough, i-“ fresh tears welled in your eyes, and he had the feeling the pain ran deeper than your skin. “i’m sorry.”

you were sorry? why? he didn’t need an apology, he- if anything he should apologize. you deserved his offerings and apologies, you deserved his effort- and he couldn’t even give you that. he couldn’t even do what he was meant to, he wasted air with every breath, he spent his time protecting the citizens that hurt you. you shouldn’t be giving you his food, he should be giving you his blade, his armor, his mask, his- his faith.

he didn’t deserve to cry. but when he took a look at his own actions, he couldn’t help but think that he should be the one with blood on his skin, with ragged clothes and heaving breaths.

(he should be dead for what he allowed to happen to you.)

“please eat,” you sobbed, nudging him with the hand holding the almonds. “i can- i’m- you can trust me.”

(you shouldn’t trust him.)

“please…”

he hated seeing you cry. he hated hearing your sobs and knowing he was indirectly part of the cause. he hated that he was too much of a coward to take any serious action, he hated that he still stood besides your enemies, he hated that some of your blood fell on his hands, hated that every ounce of strength he had was one that you didn’t, and it was his fault. at least partially.

(entirely.)

your cries took words, pleads to the wildlife for a world they didn’t know, people and names you begged to carry you from your position.

“i just wanted to have fun.” you should be. you should be dressed in gold with jewelry of silver, you should be smiling and dancing with the ones you had blessed, traveling nations not as a fugitive, but as a god. “i never meant to come here. i never meant to be a problem.”

he hates that he knows you’d be safer in your previous world. he hates it. he hates it. he hates the adepti, he hates the millelith, the knights, the matra, he hates every blade that dared to cross your skin.

(he hates himself. he hates that he’s never done enough. he hates that he’s still so much of a coward he can’t take any action, not even against himself. he should turn his spear on himself, for allowing such heresy.)

you sniffled, harshly wiping at your eyes.

“god, why can’t i just die?”

ice frosted xiao’s veins.

he would understand if you were angry. he would understand if your tears were of frustration, if you beat at the ground instead of your aggressor’s bones, if you wanted to shout and take out your anger on the sky. he’d offer himself for your wrath—at least then he could finally be of service—but for you to wish to offer your life?

for you to be convinced that the death of a god was the only solution for the falsehood of another…

how long had this thought been in your head? how long had you offhandedly thought of letting yourself be captured, be slain, of giving up what you had blessed upon so many? how many times had you debating letting a wound get worse, of allowing infection to rid you of the thorns of this world?

xiao hopped up your arm, cooing sadly and curling into your neck.

he wished he could do more. he wished that he could hold you with human arms, he wished he could give you faith in your own creations, he wished he could whisk you away and take on the world himself, that he could fight on your behalf, that you would remain safe and if anything, he would be the one to die.

“don’t cry,” you said shakily, awkwardly reaching to pet over his wings.

how could he not, when his god had forsaken everything, including themself?

#m1d : [chats] #m1d : [secrets] #bird!xiao shenanigans #fuck t all the bird xiao stuff is now under this tag #we ball baby #owl anon #ALSO. THE COLORS IN THIS ASK. I AM GIVING YOU A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD AND TUCKING YOU INTO BED BTW. #hhrrrrrrrr me when colors #i should make a bird xiao tag. hm. #eh but they’re on the masterlist who cares

[ari-zonia]

Decided to revamp my Sinner Slugcats so they're not all just multicolored scugs.

I did look into some of the symbols and stuff of the game, so the writing is more or less "Outlaw, Number", since I wasn't sure how to make a "Sinner" symbol in the RW language, so I just used Outlaw since it has the lowest Karma symbol anyway.

Intricacies under the readmore

Yi Sang: Inspired by daszombes' Deadlands video, he is a "Flying Slugcat", like a sugar glider or flying squirrel. He has no true flight, but it works

Faust: Some sort of Echo or associated. Has her own citizen ID drone of an unknown Iterator, and it also acts as a little scanner (inspired by @astragatwo's take on scug Faust). She still maintains Gourmand's crafting ability, but it might be more taxing with her smaller frame.

Don Quixote: A special breed of Slugcat meant to go fast, her legs are quite powerful, letting her make longer pounces or generally run faster than most other scugs. Obviously, her lack of weight makes her weak to poleplants/worm grass, but y'know.

Ryoshu: Similar to Spearmaster, but by way of King Vulture, she only has one spear directly connected to her that she can recall (it does not act like SM's feeding needles). Also, a subtle detail is that her ears are absolutely massive compared to most scugs, giving her enhanced hearing.

Meursault: (Perhaps a Purposed Being?) He has face armor not unlike a lizard, in fact he's about the same size as a blue lizard. His bite is quite powerful, and he's certainly the best to have in front going through pipes, as his face will deflect spears (should the scavs be aggro or something). He might also have better climbing ability, able to get on walls and such, but he's very heavy so idk

Hong Lu: Bioluminescent, like a fun mix of lantern mice and cyan lizards, he can "turn it off" as it were. His tail also can be used as a small flashbang, but obviously only once (per cycle). Of course, this helps with coalescipedes, but makes him a damn beacon otherwise.

Heathcliff: Still Artificer based, where explosions and such just don't really bother him and he's able to maul enemies (though obviously his bite is weaker than Meur's). He also has a pearl hanging around his neck of unknown use, but clearly given to him by someone special.

Ishmael: Rivulet, but even closer to salamander where she actually has fins, her ability to swim is obviously a cut above everyone else's. She's probably had a bad run in or two with Leviathans. Her cloak is probably a gift from whatever version of Queequeg this world has

Rodion: Also inspired by astragatwo, she's mega fluffy making her very warm. Though, this does make it annoying for her to swim if the area is cold because she'll freeze faster. I still like the idea she can carry more scugs on her, but idk. (She does look more like a fox, but such is the price of floof)

Sinclair: Saint-lite, and still pup-sized (he's an adult, just tiny like Don) so long as he's not at lowest Karma, he has limited ability to incapacitate enemies (not quite enough to ascend) and fly a bit with said ability. I basically wanted to reference his Mark of Cain somehow.

Outis: Ironically, just your average Slugcat. She probably has stuff going on with reputation or maybe she allows Echos to appear on first visit, or convinces Pebbles to not murder everyone immediately

Gregor: Definitely a creature that has been fucked with too much. Originally just a Slugcat that had been spliced with a centiwing (sorta like how the Miros Vultures are hybrids), he seemed to have got infected by the Rot, most likely when whatever Iterator structure he was hanging out around pulled a Pebbles

#ari art #rain world #limbus company #yi sang #faust #don quixote #ryoshu #meursault #hong lu #heathcliff #ishmael #rodion #emil sinclair #outis #gregor

[basilone]

I want to hear your thoughts on fandom and the recent influx of the term content creation!

Well, anon, you are in luck! (Or not, depending on your definition of luck. 😉) I just so happen to have many Thoughts & Opinions™ about this. I will get wordy, this will get lengthy, and I will be social and put most of my thoughts under a readmore cut.

I personally try to avoid the terms ‘content’ and ‘content creation’ when talking about fandom works and a fandom’s creative pursuits nowadays. Occasionally, sure, it happens that it slips out anyway – it’s a term we’re all really used to using! – but I want to be as mindful about its use as possible. This is a personal decision on my account and I won’t get uppity about other people’s use of these terms, though.

But, Killy, you might say... why would you avoid using these terms? For me, here’s why:

Content is not synonymous with art;

Content creation indicates something different than art creation;

Fandom should not be subject to consumerism;

Fandom is about connection.

If all a fandom puts out is classified as content, that fandom is going to die.

Yeah. I know. Melodramatic much? I’m on my fainting couch here, folks. 😂 But let’s dig in, shall we?

You know, maybe it’s just the archivist in me that balks at the term ‘content’. Content is a data entry field in the archival system we use at my real-life job: literally speaking, this data entry field is where we put a brief summary of the document attached to that specific archival file. It contains information that tells you the key takeaways of what the document is about, but it will not contain the full text of the document itself. Content is one of the points of access for our archival search: I know what I’m looking for, so I put a few keywords into our search and it pulls up the relevant file. But what do I need, really need, in my line of work? It’s the document itself, not the data entry field. The document tells me the whole story that I need to be able to truly do my job well. The content-field is a cliffnotes edition of that story.

It’s the same way with the art we create in fandom. I’m gonna take myself as an example here, because I create a fair bit! (Shocking, I know. Local Tumblr cryptid sighting, more at 11. 😎) I spend hours writing fic. I spend hours sorting through screencaps before screeching at Photoshop for a lengthy amount of time. I spend days pouring over quotes, books, documents, photographs, tutorials, and other things that will help me create something cool. I apply color theory, art framing/perspective, narrative focus, and many other theories and techniques to my writing and my giffing. If I were to put my finished work or any of my WIPs in that same archive system, it would be the document within the archival file. The tags I use on my posts? Those are markers similar to the content-field. They tell you who my gifset depicts and from which show it is. They tell you which OC of mine my fic is about. My work contains these things I tagged.

But my creative work is not content itself.

Content is marketable, easy access, blurb-y stuff. Content is something you absorb within one minute flat. Content is the highlight reel. It’s what fills a page, something you’ll scroll past in a heartbeat, something that barely stands out in a long long long list of stuff. Content is what you consume on a lazy Sunday afternoon without ever being forced to read lengthy pieces, take in the details of what you see, pause mid-scroll to ponder the meaning of life, whatever else have you. Create content and you create a flash in the pan, a quick laugh maybe, before it fizzles back out again. Create content and it’s here today and gone tomorrow without anyone mourning its absence for too long.

Art should last longer than that, don’t you think? 😉

So when I see people put a fic request in an askbox and it’s phrased like “Speirs x spy!reader fluff” and that very same request makes its way into about ten more askboxes before the fandom starts comparing asks? I might be inclined to classify us all as slot machines. Put an ask in and out rolls a fic. Who cares which slot machine it came from? As long as you’ve got your painstakingly crafted fics that you consume the same way you do actual content, right? We, its writers, are just lucky if we get a pat of acknowledgement on our little slot machine head for our troubles, aren’t we?

When I see an overly detailed summary of what sounds like a full-fledged fic in an askbox and the demand is “write this for me”, I recoil from the screen and go “child, who the hell birthed you, were you raised in a barn?” out loud. If you can tell a story in the space of an askbox, consider asking for help to let that story – a story you own, a story that is more yours that it could ever be mine – grow into what it has the potential to be.

When I see fics and gifsets and other creations get likes but not reblogs, I mutter something about the state of fandom economy these days. We exist in a little fandom bubble. Our bubble can’t expand or blow from place to place without a little help from our friends. And you’re my friends, right? I know the follow-button says follow, guys, believe me, I’m not that far gone, but for me ‘follow’ means ‘friend’. 💚 You’re my buddy now. Suck it up. We’ll share a can of peaches. 🍑

When I see fics and other creations get reblogged without tags or comments attached, I die a little on the inside. I feel like a little Victorian orphan child going “please, reblogger, a little penny of thought for its creator, if it pleases?”. I feel like commentless and/or tagless reblogging is giving me nothing, nothing at all, about who you are.

And I want to get to know you! I want to know who’s in my notes. I want to know who’s scrambling through my MotA gifsets like a fat little raccoon inhaling its third helping of a box of jelly-filled donuts. I want to know who is adopting which character and why. I want to know that it’s your birthday, or that you had a bad day and needed a pick-me-up, or that you are locked in an Ikea at three in the morning reading my blog by the bright lights of countless Solhetta bulbs. I want to know that you love my OC Darlene but that you ain’t sure what the hell my OC Lottie’s got to do with anything. I want to know what tickles you – a turn of phrase I used, a color in a gifset, a little detail I captured that made me go !!!!!! on the inside while I was creating too – and I want to know what moves you.

What reaches into the soil of your being and nourishes you enough to blossom into whichever lovely self you can grow to be? What is precious to you? What comforts you in the dark nights of your soul, when all light feels like it’s faded out? What do you love, truly love? What feeling and thought and idea and love love LOVE do you consume – truly consume, head to tail, no takebacks – and what are you consumed by in turn?

Let me connect with you. Let me know the little internet scraps of you that tell me you’re a DeMarco girlie, or that you’re here for Hoosier only, or that you’re as feral and batty about Speirs as I am, or that you actually really can’t stand the one dude everyone else raves about. Let me know that you like angsty quotes on gifsets – feel free to yell at me for making you schedule an impromptu therapy session – or let me know you saw what I did in my fic there and you’ll be demanding compensation from me while you lie down and wail about it. Let me know you’re very into those lovely blues on a gifset (I know, SO good, right??) or that you are side-eyeing me because that close-up of your fave turned you into a little puddle.

Let me know what moves you, because I created these things with love. I created them because they moved me, too. I created them because I have a story to tell, somehow. I created them because the whole world is a string of stories and I want to pass the heart of them on to you. I created them not because I want to jump on a hypetrain that races past all the episodes and all the alternate universes and all the stories without stopping, but because I want to soak up the sun and point at something and tell you “look, isn’t this beautiful?”. I created them not because I am looking for a quick fix or a distraction or an escape, but because I want to give you something that nourishes you as it has nourished me.

That’s so much more than that quick flash in the pan, yeah? That’s so much more than what content could ever hope to be. That’s something that lasts beyond the clicks and gives you an ever-expanding horizon that leaves you wondering just what in the world is next.

Let me repeat point five: if all a fandom puts out is classified as content, that fandom is going to die. Because content doesn’t sustain you. Connection does. And connection? That happens with meaningful interaction. That happens when you stop getting followers and start getting friends. That happens when you treat all forms of art as something unique that can be precious to someone, rather than something to like today and forget about tomorrow.

Can I do a lil mic drop? Yeah. I think I’m gonna. Just this once. 🎤

#fandom things #yeah so this got long but in my defense I have never pontificated about this in public much before #sometimes I reveal myself as the crochety little fandom old I am #creative asks

[fernsnailz]

February 2024 Review Roundup

well i sure did watch some stuff and read one book this month

the things i finished this month reminded me that for every incredible piece of art i find myself enjoying, i end up watching some Hot Garbage immediately after to balance things out again. idk why i do this.

i have quite a bit to say about both the things i enjoyed and the things that brought me physical pain this month, so there is um. a lot under the cut. any previous desire for brevity i had in january has been completely thrown out the window as i use these roundups as an outlet to gush about things i like and complain about things i didn't. fair warning, if you open the readmore you will be scrolling for a while. enjoy i guess

House of Leaves

does any other book out there have the balls to write a completely fake interview with stephen king

House of Leaves is a novel you gotta throw around a little bit. It feels really weird that my copy is still in the pristine state I bought it in - It seems like it should have water damage and smell like mildew with its pages falling out and spine cracked into pieces. Getting the full story from this book requires flipping back and forth, turning it around, searching for answers. All things considered it’s not that difficult of a read, but its format still allows you to feel like you’re discovering every hidden piece for yourself, and I really liked that interactivity. I was engaged pretty much the whole way through.

I don’t really think I’ll be able to revisit this book anytime soon though. It’s difficult for me to format what else I’d like to say about it because to be honest, it caught me off guard and disturbed me on a fairly personal level. There’s a relief I feel when I remember that I don’t actually know what was going on with the house - maybe that was intentional on the book’s behalf, maybe I just didn’t look hard enough for answers. I don’t know. But the implication that something divine was down there was enough of an answer for me. The book's good. read it if you want a spooooooky time or if you never want to look at a hallway the same way again

Doctor Who (Series 1-4) (rewatch)

ok so this is a fuckload of doctor who to cover so i’m gonna give some thoughts on a few of the characters and my favorite + least favorite episodes

9th doctor: My favorite butch lesbian. Christopher Eccleston truly embodies the concept of The Doctor so, so well: otherworldly guy who knows too much, genuinely cares about life across the universe, and also has a bit of deep, unresolved rage. His moments of joy and careless fun stick with me the most, he absolutely radiates with life and brings so much to this character.

Rose: I first watched Doctor Who when I was in middle school, and I didn’t like Rose that much back then. And guys. I have bad news. I'm still not really much of a Rose fan

I definitely understood her more this watch through - that desire for adventure and some sort of control over her life, emotions so strong that she’s willing to throw near everything away. That’s just what being 19 is like sometimes. I think Rose is a very compelling character who just happens to frustrate me a bit. And that’s kinda the point, her co-dependent relationship with the Doctor is doomed to fail and it's meant to hurt. Ultimately, I think when I first watched the show I was too young to understand Rose, and now I’m just too old to relate to her.

Captain Jack: Jack is my favorite character. I fucking love this guy. Dude has the worst luck in the whole universe and still cannot be stopped. Legendary. Every episode with him is a goddamn delight because he has so much chemistry with every single cast member. No notes 10/10 i love my problematic bisexual king

10th doctor: About four episodes into David Tennant’s run I realized that he dresses like a Hazbin Hotel character and it made me very sad. Still, there’s a reason this guy inspired every middle schooler to buy a pair of converse in 2008. He has style, he has depth, he’s got the sauce. It’s genuinely terrifying to see his anger, I like that a lot of 10’s run is about his denial of godhood and power over life in the universe, something that the rest of the time lords desired. idk i like my sad pathetic little weasel but he's also a huge fucking asshole sometimes which sucks. especially when it's directed at Martha.

Martha: Martha I am so sorry for what this show put you through. Martha was my favorite companion when I first watched the show, and I still have a huge soft spot for her. Her ability to hold her own and navigate foreign worlds using her own intelligence absolutely rules, and her drive forward is unbreakable. But the show seems to put her down at every possible opportunity, most notably with how 10 treats her. Her struggles and wants are constantly ignored, and she's often treated as a rebound from Rose. And I like that she eventually chooses to end it by not traveling with 10 anymore, but it hurts because it feels like she was never given the same chance or care that Rose and Donna were. This era of Doctor Who really doesn’t treat its black companions well because Mickey goes through something similar - both Martha and Mickey are characters designed to be ignored or left behind, and it sucks.

Donna: Donna Noble is one of the greatest fictional characters to ever exist. Despite seemingly living a fairly average life and working a fairly average job, Donna reflects the idea that no one is truly "average" and every single person is brimming with personality, life, and love. I love that her relationship with 10 is purely platonic, personally their friendship feels like it has a lot more depth than either of the romance-oriented relationships 10 had with Rose and Martha. 10 and Donna bounce off of each other so well and it's delightful, Donna brings so much humor and life to every world she's taken to and it's incredible. I wish her and Captain Jack could have interacted more.

My favorite episode: The Runaway Bride is hard to not choose as my favorite. I have a blast every time I watch this episode and it’s such a good introduction for Donna. Also the Tardis car chase kills me, I love when it cuts to the kids in the back of another car clapping and cheering. I was also surprised by the episode Midnight - it’s dreadful to watch and I kinda loved it. So much spirals out of control when shit hits the fan, even though no one has any idea what they’re trying to fight against. Really interesting exploration as to how fear can drive people apart.

My least favorite episode: It’s Love & Monsters. I wish I liked this episode - stories that follow regular ass people living in this world are often some of the best episodes in the series (Weeping Angels and all that). And this episode definitely has some of that. It’s honestly really touching to see this group of nerds get together and enjoy life in the first part of the episode. I think the antagonist of “guy who absorbs people” ends up dragging down any charm this story had because he just. eats all of the interesting characters. But despite me disliking this episode, I honestly have a deep respect for it - it’s fucking crazy. It ends with the main guy telling us about his sex life with his girlfriend who is now stuck in a piece of concrete. Where else are you going to get a story like this. It fucking sucks and that’s hilarious

oh also the production design: GODDDDDD I FUCKING LOVE THE PRODUCTION DESIGN AND SETS ON THIS SHOW. I love how dirty and rundown a lot of the spaceship sets look with wires and lights scattered everywhere. And a number of alien designs also go CRAZY with the prosthetics - I keep thinking about the Hath from The Doctor’s Daughter and how every head prosthetic had liquid inside it that could bubble. Absolutely crazy. I also love the moments where you can clearly see they did not have that much time and just had to throw something together or pain a bald cap green. Jank is the nature of sci-fi production design and I dearly love and miss that Doctor Who jank.

Rebuild of Evangelion

Last year after finishing the original Evangelion series + End of Evangelion, I remember going through the Evangelion tumblr tag and being very confused by the number of slice of life/found family-esque fanworks of the cast. It left me puzzled and thinking “...did we even watch the same thing??”

APPARENTLY NOT

[spoiler warning here because these movies are very good and i give the best parts away. if you want to watch these movies then DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!]

I honestly never expected a world where these characters got a happy ending. I so, so badly wish I could see 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 in theaters - these movies are stunning. I know I say things “go crazy” a lot, but man. They go fucking CRAZY.

While I have a few issues with how the first two movies adapted the original show, I do think the changes they made better serve the story this rebuild is trying to tell. For example, my favorite episode in the original Eva series is episode 18, where Toji is chosen to pilot Unit 03. It’s absolutely terrifying because Shinji doesn’t know who 03’s pilot is, yet he’s forced to be inside Unit 01 as it tears 03 apart. His resolve not to kill anyone despite not even knowing who’s in danger is an aspect of that episode I love and speaks to Shinji's inherent humanity, and when he learns Toji was in there it hurts even more. The rebuild movies change Unit 03’s pilot to Auska, and Shinji knows she’s in there from the start. I think this choice works for the movies and is still an effective emotional beat, but personally I still prefer the version where Shinji had no idea who was in there. That lack of knowledge is infinitely more terrifying to me.

I really like what these movies did with some of the angel designs though. The sixth angel (the fuckin. blue diamond cube thing) works really well in 3D/CG animation. The way the thing warps and moves is otherly and terrifying - and it’s just a fucking cube. I’ve always really loved how the Eva series approaches angel designs and the divine - despite the alien-like designs, there’s often something extremely familiar about them. They’re often reminiscent of an animal, a machine, or a human. This is also how they approached the anti-universe in these movies, I loved how it takes the form of various locations from the series and turns them into a movie set. It’s deeply familiar, but ultimately just an illusion of familiarity like the angels and the divine.

Also I gotta say. I fucking love Mari. I think she’s hilarious. She first meets Shinji by accidentally parachuting into him and then immediately starts crawling on all fours to sniff him. This girl also introduces “Beast Mode” where the Eva pilots can go wild turn their mechs into a fucking. superpowered beast of some sort. And also she defeats a whole army by using the Eiffel Tower as a spear. She’s such an absurd character and I honestly kinda love it. The only thing I knew about these movies before watching them was this gif of her Backing That Shit Up and she truly lives up to the insane nature of this shot.

My favorite section of these movies is definitely the first part of 3.0+1.0 where the pilots are basically just living a domestic life in a small town - it’s truly beautiful. The growth that Rei’s copy goes through here is fantastic, I love stories about seemingly emotionless beings learning how to live. And right after she dies, we get the shot that absolutely broke me the first time I saw it:

This shit. The way you can just barely tell he’s been crying from the red around his eyes. They don't talk about it, they barely linger on it, but it's allowed just enough time to punch you in the gut. I don’t know why this shot got me as hard as it did but goddamn. jesus christ. i want to throw up

There’s some goofy shit in these movies. The infinite synch rate. Misato’s stupidass hat and sunglasses. Some goofy ass 3D animation that doesn’t age super well. The rainbow that shows up every time an angel dies. But these things really didn’t take me out of the core of these films, and there’s so much genuine emotion and beauty in this series that had me absolutely hooked - especially in the last two films. They go crazy. My favorite line is 100% “The only thing a son can do for his father is pat him on the shoulder… or kill him.” and man. ain’t that what Evangelion is all about. i love these movies

High School Musical 3

kinda slaps just a little bit

High School Musical 3 starts with a finale number. The last high school basketball game of Troy Bolton’s life - and it goes kinda hard. The classic pep band brass that’s essential to so many High School Musical numbers returns, and the constant theme of two feuding cheer teams in the background? Genius. This is truly art. I love listening to Now or Never without visuals because in the middle Troy just starts coughing and gagging seemingly out of nowhere

Unfortunately, starting the movie at such a high point means that the rest of the runtime doesn’t quite match up to it. The story lags and meanders quite a bit, but part of me kinda appreciates that - it’s their last semester of high school, which is always a time of confusion and turmoil. However, I do have a pitch for how they could have countered the constant falling action this movie seems to go through:

The Wildcats should have lost their last game at the beginning of the movie.

What if the game is instead the inciting incident that leads Troy and his besties through their tumultuous last semester? Troy is still torn between basketball and theater, but his identity would be even further challenged here - is winning and success all that matters for him, or is it the love of sport and performance that keeps him going? idk whatever this movie came out 16 years ago i can’t be out here writing AUs for it jgnfsgfnjdksg

Some miscellaneous thoughts about this movie that i don’t care about formatting into larger paragraphs:

Ryan and Sharpay’s number (I Want It All) slaps as usual. The part where Ryan shouts “MADISON SQUARE GARDEN!!!!!!!” makes me so happy every time i hear it

The production design and sets go absolutely fucking crazy. I still have no idea how they pulled off the spinning hallway in Scream.

One of the classic staples of HSM is Chad’s shirts. Most of them are fairly silly and like something you would expect to find in the walmart clearance section. However, there’s one shirt he has in this movie that confused the hell out of me. It’s this one:

What the FUCK does Greenster mean. Is it just a combination of Green and Monster?? Why??? What green monster are we talking about here????? Where the fuck did this shirt come from?????????

Avatar The Last Airbender (2024)

There’s really only one word I can think of to describe what this show is like: sauceless. No flavor. No depth. No character. No sauce. This show is honestly so fucking boring and seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the appeal of the original Avatar series is - not necessarily because things are changed or removed from the original, but because nothing of substance is added in return. 

Most of the characters are mere echoes of their original counterparts when compared to their source material. Sokka is reduced to a guy who wants to fight good, Katara’s stubborn and confrontational nature is very rarely utilized, and Aang’s mischievous antics and love of fun is sorely missing. One of the major reasons for the dull interpretations seems to be the directing - While I have faith that most of these actors are trying their best (especially since a number of them are kids/young adults), the direction seems to be incredibly lackluster and takes away nearly every cast member’s stage presence or personality. There’s a number of reaction shots of the main trio that just look like this: 😐😐😐 as if they were just told to “look concerned” at the events unfolding before them. And these issues are apparent in the majority of the performances - for example, General Zhao talks like he’s in a board meeting up until the last episode, and it’s an incredibly flat performance. He talks somewhat monotone in the original series as well, but this live-action take on the character often meanders with his dialogue and lacks that sharp, terrifying quality that I think this character needs. Uncle Iroh also feels incredibly stiff in this adaptation, and it’s a goddamn crime that they took away the cunty little outfit and chains he was originally wearing when he gets captured by earthbenders. wait who said that

Credit where credit is due, there’s a few cast members that seem to be giving their best. It’s clear that Aang’s actor enjoys the role and does pretty well despite the lackluster direction and dialogue he’s given. On top of that, I think Zuko’s actor is honestly the best part of the show. His take on Zuko leans much more into teenage tendencies and sarcasm, which, although it can be silly, is a welcome take of the character in my opinion and pretty fun to watch. There’s this one line he has at the beginning of episode 2 where, in an incredibly whiny tone of voice, he goes “He RAN! The ultimate warrior! He’s a Coward :((((“ and the read is so. fucking funny

The case of bad direction isn’t limited to the performances, however. It’s also stunningly apparent in how everything is shot. Despite being in a widescreen format, most shots are incredibly centered - you could crop the entire runtime into a 4:3 frame and you wouldn’t be cutting out much of anything. I’ve seen some speculation that this was an intentional choice to make things more adaptable or readable for TikTok/phone video, but honestly I think that’s a dumb take. I think the issue stems from a lack of creativity and thoughtless composition. Keeping everything staged in the center can make shots feel disjointed, lacking much depth, or completely empty. It’s a boring way to shoot and indicates that the show lacks any unique vision at all.

Overall, this show doesn't really seem to understand what makes Avatar interesting in the first place. It's more interested in spectacle and action than the characters' relationships, emotions, and mistakes. I try not to compare it too much to the original since it's allowed to take liberties with its adaptation, but very few of its changes add much to the end result or give it a unique voice. It's just sauceless and boring.

Some YouTube videos i liked in February:

💥 My House.WAD - Inside Doom's Most Terrifying Mod (some supplemental House of Leaves material for ya) 💥 Martha Jones Deserved Better (this video explains how Doctor Who did Martha dirty better than i ever could) 💥 bringing JUSTICE to the worst garfield game 💥 Selling Kids for Clout: The Downfall of Family Channels

And that’s my roundup for February! Thank you for reading, I promise there are no more reviews left to scroll through below this goodbye. Nope, nothing else I watched this month. Bye!

…ok is everyone gone. phew, i’m glad no one noticed i pulled an hbomberguy and hid the largest part of this post under a false ending. Anyway holy shit i need to talk about hazbin hotel

Hazbin Hotel

well i didn’t like it

Hazbin Hotel is a weird, fascinating mess of a show. Every episode left me wondering what creative decisions (or lack thereof) led to the sequence of images I just watched. There’s been a lot of discussion of this show recently and I’m not interested in covering every critique I have, but there’s a few things that I'd like to talk about somewhat in-depth.

Hell is real and it's just Red Chicago

The setting of Hell is kinda boring in this show.

Let me try to put this into perspective. Aside from the hotel, here’s a list of the locations we see in Hell:

A boardroom

A video store

Vox’s evil lair (it has cyber sharks which is kinda cool)

Various streets

Another boardroom

A BDSM club

Carmilla’s house (it’s gray and has. balconies?)

A porn studio

A bar

Another bar

A town square (full of cannibals)

None of these locations really take on any sort of otherworldly form besides some vague demonic imagery scattered throughout (and the cannibals. i guess. whatever). In short, Hazbin Hotel’s setting resembles Chicago more than it does Hell.

I can see a world where that’s intentional. Perhaps making Hell resemble a modern city could be used as a thematic tool or point of relatability? But Hazbin doesn’t really do anything like that - since the characters rarely ever interact with their environments, these locations end up seeming like they lack creativity, like they’re just cardboard sets where characters go to swear. They all start to blend together after a while - every street feels the same, every boardroom fades into the background, and every bar feels like a google image search result for the word “club.” This world feels stunningly empty despite the busy designs and colors. Even though the backgrounds are painted and designed fairly well, nothing of substance is ever really added to them through the story.

However, a few musical numbers take effort to break away from these settings. This felt like a weight off of my shoulders whenever it happened, it was nice to see some interesting setpieces and backgrounds that weren’t red. I liked the bombastic and over-the-top broadway lights in Loser and the glowing alternate world in Charlie and Lucifer’s song. But these moments are few and crowded by the dull locations in Hell - or worse, the Hotel itself.

Despite being the namesake of the show, the actual Hazbin Hotel is… lifeless. Which, yeah, it’s a hotel where dead people go in the afterlife, but it’s missing any sort of personality or history besides “it’s old and falling apart.” I expected the hotel to be full of secrets - like maybe some hidden passages or rooms, or mysterious cabinets full of rotted meats, or old valuables hidden under the rugs by the previous owners. Something for the cast to explore and discover, and as they get closer to each other they also start to understand the hotel more. Alastor seems very intent on keeping the physical hotel standing for some reason, but I never really understood why. There’s nothing there. And that nothingness is fully realized when at the end of the show, they just rebuild the entire hotel to be grand and beautiful - an emotional beat that didn’t hit me at all because I never felt like I knew the hotel in the first place. Despite rebuilding it from the ground up, it will feel just as empty.

3 SHOTS THAT DRIVE ME CRAZY

I was truly baffled at how some of these scenes are timed and put together. Multiple sequences left me feeling nauseous and dazed - the camera moves like it’s being swung on the end of a rope, and there’s so many misplaced or meaningless cuts scattered through these episodes.

There’s a sequence of three shots in the first episode that I want to dissect. I will fully admit that I'm breaching nitpicking territory here, but the shot composition issues in this show are pretty rampant and my analysis here is just a hyper-specific look at a single part of that larger problem. Hopefully you can also use it as a quick storyboarding lesson too idk

First, we see Adam teasing Charlie.

Then, it cuts straight to this shot:

A few things here. 

Shot 2 is just closer on the characters, which is not a great idea to cut to after the previous waist-up shot. On top of being a jarring jump cut, there is no purpose for this new shot. All the information we see here (Adam laughs, Charlie fake laughs) could have just been conveyed in the previous shot.

Despite the characters being in the same position as the last shot, the background changes. This straight up just feels like an error. I think the idea is supposed to be that the camera is at a different angle, but the position of the characters does not convey that. It looks like reality changes behind them.

And if that’s not enough, this is the shot we get immediately after those two:

In this shot, the residents of the hotel sit on the couch as Vaggie walks into the shot, framing them between her legs. But there’s something… off.

Vaggie either looks like she’s floating or she’s three stories tall. Quick storyboard lesson as to why:

The main problem with this shot is that the perspective of the background doesn’t match up with where Vaggie is placed. The couch is framed as if the camera were above it, but Vaggie is framed like the camera is floor-level below her. I’ve traced the shot and added a perspective grid to hopefully better illustrate this:

Do you see what I mean? If the camera WAS actually on the floor like Vaggie’s position in the shot suggests, the composition would look more like this:

Notice how much closer the floor grid is to the bottom of the frame and how you can see the underside of the couch.

And to be fair, this is probably what the original storyboard for this shot looked like! Personally I think something went wrong in the compositing stage - this might be a couch background from another shot that was reused here to save time, or whoever approved this shot just let the error slide since the shot is so short (i've been there. sometimes you let the jank slide). Most animated shows will have some poorly framed shots and continuity errors because mistakes are bound to happen, but two egregious ones right next to each other like this is. pretty bad. It's so noticeable from a directing perspective.

Here’s the thing: these three shots happen in the span of like 10 seconds. Most viewers probably wouldn’t notice these issues, and that's fine. But even though these errors are quick, they stack upon each other so fast that even if you can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong, something still feels wrong. There’s so many other moments where the show breaks extremely basic shot composition, continuity, and staging rules - for example, the second musical number of the show breaks the 180 rule like four times for no good reason. The whole show feels like a dizzy, nauseating mess because the shots rarely feel like they form anything cohesive.

MY ROOMMATE TOLD ME TO GO TO BED SO HERE ARE SOME FINAL THOUGHTS

Here’s a rundown on some other thoughts that I don’t care to format into larger sections:

The show seems to lack much to say about sin and redemption other than “redemption good.” like sure, but what are they being redeemed from? Is heaven truly the place they deserve to go after being redeemed, even though it’s shown to be unjust? Are there sins that are too great to be redeemed from, or others that shouldn't be considered sins at all? I asked myself a number of questions like this, but never got many answers from Hazbin.

This show has a bad relationship with kink and sex. Both are mostly used as a punchline or a form of control. I didn’t like it. Perhaps the reason Hazbin never really comments on the nature of sin is because it needs you to consider sex and kink sinful or otherly for these jokes to hit.

Some of the animation is crazy good. I will praise any animator that even attempts to make these character designs move. A number of extremely talented people worked on this show, a few of the musical sequences in particular have some incredible movement.

Alastor is a very boring character. It’s wild that most of the side characters in this show only exist to talk about how much they like or hate Alastor, he mostly just stands to the side of some shots or kills random nameless goons. I expected him to have a much larger role in the story, but he just gets his ass kicked in the final episode and then crawls back to the hotel.

Episode 4 is the most cohesive, and i think Angel is the best character in the show. Unfortunately, the fact that Hazbin takes so much effort to show Angel’s misery left me… concerned? None of the other characters get treated as poorly as Angel by the narrative. There’s a few smaller explorations of trauma, but nothing remotely compares to what Angel is put through on-screen. This isn’t to say that I think the whole cast needs to be extremely traumatized and constantly miserable, but rather that I find it concerning that the only character subjected to incredibly graphic abuse and torture (that we see or hear about) is the gay sex worker. Which sucks, because I think the concept of hypersexuality resulted from sexual abuse is an important topic worthy of discussing in adult media. I just think they tried to execute this theme without much critical thought beforehand.

I think the voice cast does a fantastic job for the most part. Keith David is way too good for Husk.

I really liked the one shot where Charlie opens her phone and we see that she has a contact for every individual egg minion.

I was very brave and got through this whole review without talking about my new least favorite character of all time, Vox. here’s what I think of him:

The overall vision and end result of Hazbin Hotel is just mediocre. While I don’t know what led to the messy state this show ended up in, my guess is that it was probably the result of inadequate direction, sloppy writing, and lacking creative support from the studios involved. Because of this, please understand that I have no desire or intention to put down any individual artists that worked on this show - I hope it's clear that most of my criticisms are directed at the larger vision these artists were given to execute and/or the lack of creative support they received while working on this show.

I also don’t really have much desire to participate in any further Hazbin discussion or discourse because it has wasted enough of my time already and I want to be free of this curse. please spare my inbox from hazbin hotel discourse. please. i'm begging.

You want to know what the most fucked up thing about this is though? Despite everything I said about Hazbin, Avatar the Last Airbender 2024 is still the worst show I watched this month. I would take Hazbin over Avatar 2024 literally any day.

well if you got this far. thanks for reading. also sorry you read all that. whelp alright back into my hole i go bye bye

#to get to my hazbin hotel opinions you must first read my pitch on how i would have written high school musical 3 #jesus christ. either i gotta watch less things or learn to shut the hell up next month this is a longass post #review roundup #long post

[gnashingwailing]

@fireflywritesgt LOVINGLY WRITING MY UNHINGED CH23 THOUGHTS AND THEN BURYING THEM UNDER A READMORE. I felt such overwhelming hype when I saw we got 2 chapters in 1 day I truly was ready to throw my phone out the fucking window. TOO MUCH JOY FOR ONE LITTLE GNASH... I hadn't even finished processing ch21......

first off pov Joe when he goes to Calloway's to pick up his cute new tailored fit in 3 days

soooo right from the jump. hey.

"“…’cause he’s way better off than I am, it’ll make it harder for me to leave him or something. That he’s luring me in. I mean—” Joe laughed nervously as he steeled himself in preparation for how the captain would react to his next statement “—if it were a giant treating me the way he treats me, everyone would call me a pet.”

“Well of course they would, Joe. That’s because giants are evil.” The captain said matter-of-factly.

He may as well have poked Joe squarely in the eye. Nonetheless, the bartender continued."

hey. UM. Joe you beautiful idiot who canonically has bad luck and, presumably from reading this very chapter, a terrible poker face. Maybe you should have said. Any Other Thing? GODDD in my heart he's definitely sooo overconfident and drunk like wow I am so smooth :) nobody suspects a thing :) while Calloway is having a conversation with him like uh... just saying, but you know, none of us could stop you from. for example. idk. becoming a giant's pet. we wouldn't like that but it's just a random thing that came to mind just now, unrelated to the really tall really wealthy really powerful guy who is afraid of taking advantage of you by luring you in and giving you things like a giant would and maybe isn't treating you like a person. And you're afraid you shouldn't want it. Like BRO IT IS SO OVER FOR YOU even without Harry literally calling Joe's name 3+ times in the dead silence 😭😭😭😭 And presumably Harry having been waiting around there for a while to see Joe! Loitering in a way we know tinies are on guard about since they all noticed that snatcher back in Ch13!

They're idiots ur honor, so true, but it's all worth it to see Joe get rescued and swoon like a damsel ... I definitely wonder if Calloway observed any of that, and what he might think about it if so. >:) May or may not have been daydreaming and writing bits about how horrifying it would be to give your surrogate kid all this well-meaning advice, see him nearly slip to his death, and while you're hurrying down to try and help him, watching him call out to a walking nightmare for help and then get whisked away by it

I have a pet theory that everything we've seen from Calloway so far has been pretty heavily colored by it being from Joe's perspective when he's having a bad day, and maybe he will be more understanding than we think? Objectively, I didn't think he was being very rude or anything back in Ch 13, when he was speculating on Joe's love life. It rankled Joe, which is understandable, but he 1) he's happy that Joe looks good, 2) he doesn't let Gutters or O'Grady rag on Joe too hard and 3) he just generally seems like an interested father figure would about his kid's love life:

"“Oh, lay off him, Tim. It’s a good borrowing year!” Captain Calloway cut in. “We all have ‘em, we all enjoy ‘em, we all cry ourselves to sleep when they’re over.”

Relief washed over Joe like the warm water in Harry’s sink.

“Though I gotta say…” The captain gave a wry smile as he continued. “…it could just as easily be someone else’s good borrowing year if ya’ catch my drift. Could be he’s got a little sweetheart looking after him. A brick of pure chocolate? That’s practically a dowry."”

Although I may be wrong here, since Ch 21's incident at Tiny Town with the Italian mob that saved him gives us the insight that "[for] the first time in Joe’s entire existence at that, Joe understood what it was like to have a real father." So maybe Calloway is not that nurturing to Joe and not much of a caring dad -- as @remordsposthume's tags so wisely point out:

WTF WAS HE DOING LETTING HIM LEAVE THE BAR LMAO. Calloway's Den of Drunkards confirmed for an "everybody drive home drunk. it's not my problem" bar??? Everyone is processing TAoLaW thru their own cultural lens and. in that spirit. lmfao. I must say. Calloway reminds me of the libertarian redneck dads I've known who just let their kids do whatever. If he was a giant I think he'd let his kids ride ATVs thru the woods drunk. Most probably he would also be ridin around drunk with them. "If you die it's your own damn fault" being his motto is too on the nose LOL. Huge farm dad "I LOVE MY SONS. ONLY HALF OF THEM WILL SURVIVE TO ADULTHOOD BUT I DO LOVE THEM" energy. To Me.

(Btw Harry & Joe processing their parental issues together WHEN <3)

BUT ANYWAY YEAH EVEN IF CALLOWAY WAS THE MOST UNOBSERVANT GUY IN THE WORLD RE: THAT SUSPICIOUS CONVERSATION? YOU WERE LITERALLY BOTH SCREAMING EACH OTHERS' NAMES LIKE LOVESICK ROMANCE PROTAGONISTS RIGHT UNDER THE DREDGE THAT'S STILL PROBABLY GOT AT LEAST SOME NIGHT MARKET CUSTOMERS? HELLO?? @94444 we are on the same wavelength rn

AND MORE ABOUT CALLOWAY... I am very heartened by how you mentioned once, Warren, that you planned to give each character real depth and treat them with sincerity. I feel very interested about when that time will be for Calloway! We know that he takes in kids (or at least O'Grady and Joe scratch that. tag lore be upon me) and teaches them how to sell trinkets. We know that he hates giants. We know he's been horribly injured in a way that led to him losing a hand, an eye, and possibly teeth. Knowing what we do about the risks of being a borrower, and how casually cruel giants are to them, it's not unlikely those last 2 things are related. I'M TAKING YOUR TAGS AND RUNNING AWAY WITH THEM LIKE A DOG W SOMETHING IN ITS MOUTH.

So Calloway knew them for several years as vulnerable kids... then lost them for a year or so... then got them back after they escaped the watchmaker's? I will be interested to see if that trauma means he's more protective of them, or uh, still more drunk libertarian dad about them. Lmao. He seemed like he cared about Joe getting into Tiny Town way back in Ch3 tho at least! (as an aside... interested in who Gutters is, too. He SEEMS to be older than Joe/Tim, but he could also still be a Calloway Kid himself... he seems to defer to Calloway... and/or he could just be some guy embittered about giant/tiny relations. which. fair, brother.)

If the broader Tiny Town culture (such as it is... would word get around about this incident with Joe and Harry, or does news just not travel that well amongst lots of secluded borrower communities? much to consider. it makes sense in a dark way why you would physically mark somebody who's transgressed against society's cardinal rule, in a culture where you cannot generally spread information effectively) would reject Joe for his proclivities... will Calloway, too? Or is it Joe's anxiety making him think that? I'm afraid we already know how Tim would feel. Other than him, Calloway is the person who Joe seems most connected to in miniature society... Although Harry's worry about Joe not spending enough time around his fellow miniatures in Ch22 is at least partially motivated by his own guilt-trip, I think he has a bit of a point! I hope Joe doesn't lose touch with everyone -- or if he does, I hope there will be new friends out there for him, too, who are more understanding.

(LORRAINE WHEN)

Now Calloway aside, OBVIOUSLY THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER HAD ME HOOTIN AND HOLLERIN.

“Joe… can we go back to the big, sexy giant part for a second?” <- LIT'RALLY me rereading this chapter 800 times

A snapping turtle is a fantastic little horror for poor Joe to face, woof. Those fuckers are scary enough when ur height is measured in feet. The quick way they snap is no joke. Just want to 👏👏👏👏 about how good this passage is: The turtle’s maw emerged from the waters of the lake like the gaping mouth of some ancient monster that fed on the souls of sailors. The grimy lakewater rushed over its beady little eyes as its beak, sharp as a dagger, flew towards Joe faster than a gunshot. YEAH.

It just!! makes my little heart sooooo happy to see that Joe does have someone who will unconditionally look out for him...!!! Harry has his issues, and they're still learning how to open up about themselves, but he consistently shows up!! :') the thought of him waiting for his man all night ... hoping the dredge would be the place Joe meant ... and then acting sooo fast when he saw a tiny guy fall off of it... what a faithful hound of a [future] boyfriend. Calloway is so right. Joe deserves somebody to look after him. And Joe has done the (forgive me for the loaded meme) girl math on this. One big man is the best possible outcome for him. ONLY THE BIGGEST MAN WILL DO to keep him off of his bullshit as much as possible 👍👍

And OF COURSE god their conversation is just so so so fucking funny. "Thank you" "fuck no I'm not" -> "FUCK YOU" is INCREDIBLE i CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT lmaooooo and Harry still being so gentle about receiving this insult and trying to parse what Joe means ... he does listen to Joe, they're definitely not back to square one as drunk!Joe feared, his own issues are just getting in the way! (And Joe's are getting in the way of him seeing thru Harry's facade into what the real issue is! We love to see it!)

"“I meant that. You don’t get to call me handsome until you start listening to me.” He slurred. “You gotta—you gotta want it.”

Joe crossed his arms and scowled up at the beautiful man and his beautiful face as Harry tried to parse what Joe was saying.

“Want it…?” Harry echoed.

“Yeah. You gotta want to be my friend. And screw what anyone else thinks!”"

And did anyone else cackle at how Joe telephone-gamed Calloway's advice to still be in plausible-deniability-land. "You gotta want to be my friend" ok. not what he fuckin said. run that back real quick -> "Not if you’re being open about what you want and everything. That’s how love works, Joe. You gotta want it."

I just adored the moments of insight between them, too. "... Joe knew his real answer was yes – he was just too afraid to say it overtly. He argued and fought and begrudgingly accepted it instead. / What was that saying to Harry?" vs. Ch22 Harry's revelation: "How much of his relationship with Joe was genuine, he wondered, and how much of it was Joe going along with Harry’s suggestions in the name of diplomacy?"

Joe IS acting like somebody who's being coerced! Harry IS being a trustworthy guy by noticing it and checking in once their relationship is definitely turning intimate! It's so fascinating to think in hindsight that every time Joe turned red and embarrassed, Harry was having a thought at the back of his mind like "he doesn't want this. I'm scaring him. He doesn't want me, and he doesn't even know the real me yet. And worse, he can't tell me, because he's afraid of what I might do to him." But he can't SAY all that because it would hurt too much if he said it and Joe confirmed he was actually correct, so Ch22 comes out as a trainwreck where he's accidentally insulting Joe's ability to survive without him. (Side note I KNEW Harry wasn't REALLY considering Joe his landlord. Sad!!! That fucked up scrawny starving guy has squatter's rights and he was doing pretty good all things considered maybe !!!)

The respective issues ~Society~ has given both of them just make it impossible to talk about the root of their problems without baring your guts in a really terrifying way. OOF.

HOWEVER this chapter confirming that homophobia isn't such a problem in tiny society is going to make this eventual conversation betwen them real interesting... Harry like "You don't understand Joe :( there's something really wrong with me... ... I like ... men..." and Joe being like "omg :) :) :) :) :) wait what's wrong with you tho" and then Joe "No you don't understand Harry :( I know this is sick but... I like.. giants... I'm sure you could never see someone smaller than you as anything other than a pet ..." and Harry just ":) :) :) :) oh what no :) Georgie was shorter than me" I hope they can have a good, baffled laugh at how long they could've been snuggling guilt-free. At the end of the angst. <3

#taolaw