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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

A film doesn't need to be “good for you” to be good. Look at 1974's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre for example. It’s horrifying and unsettling. That’s the point. That’s what makes it great. Nearly 50 years later, it still terrifies while its long lineage of sequels, prequels, remakes, and reboots continuously disappoint. Attempting to imitate David Gordon Green’s Halloween (2018), 2022’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre promises much and then fails to deliver in every department except for one.

In 2022, young entrepreneurs Melody (Sarah Yarkin) and Dante (Jacob Latimore), along with Melody’s sister Lila (Elsie Fisher) and Dante’s fiance Ruth (Nell Hudson) have purchased the abandoned Texas town of Harlow so they can sell the properties and create a trendy, gentrified hot spot. They didn’t expect anyone to be living in the dilapidated buildings, much less an elderly woman named Ginny (Alice Krige) and the mentally stunted, murderous man in her care (Mark Burnham) - the culprit behind a 1973 bloodbath we call The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

If you want gore, this movie has it by the truckload. Despite being what? 70? 80 years old? Leatherface effortlessly turns everyone into pools of chunky salsa. Via his trademark chainsaw, of course, but also using hammers, knives, shards of glass, meat cleavers, and people’s own broken limbs. I believe David Blue Garcia was aiming to make this man who wears human skin for a mask seem demonically strong but the movie takes it to such an extreme it feels more like this story is set in a calcium-deficient universe.

Get ready to follow some of the dumbest horror movie protagonists you’ve met in a while. Now let me be clear. I’m not criticizing Dante for going into a house he believes is abandoned to look for important paperwork. He saw the two weirdos living there leave. He doesn’t know he’s in a horror movie whose antagonist can teleport and make his chainsaw silent if the scene demands it to be. I am calling him and his friends stupid for their complete lack of preparation, forethought, or common sense. When you have an entire town of dusty buildings to sell, you don’t show up 15 minutes before your potential buyers do. You case the joint, you make sure nothing is going to interfere with your big venture. When something goes wrong and the old lady who wasn’t supposed to be there has a heart attack, you don’t follow her and the police up to the hospital because, why would you? You don’t insult the guy brandishing a gun when you’re in the middle of nowhere with no authorities to be found - not if you want to live anyway.

Aside from the nauseatingly convincing viscera and blood, there’s only one thing this movie does somewhat well. Even then it's so scattered, I'm certain it was by accident. This movie is set in the present when people have cell phones, v-logs, and eagerly pull out their cameras whenever they see anything remotely dodgy. I’ve often criticized horror movies for finding contrived ways to get rid of their devices and/or signals. In TCM, Leatherface stumbles upon a big group of people. They’re frightened and puzzled, they pull out their phones and warn him with cancellation if he steps forward. It doesn’t go well for them. There’s a kernel of a good idea there. Yes, you can call the police, you can record evidence, you can do all sorts of things but they won't help you right there and then if your assailant doesn’t care. At that moment, the movie has sort of cracked a slasher movie problem. The police are on their way. They’ll be here in 30 minutes. Just in time to scoop what’s left of you into a Ziplock bag. The rest of the time, however, people just forget they have phones. No one calls for help, no one texts their friends to let them know “I’m trapped in this house and there’s a hulking lunatic in here with me, if you come in, make sure you do it quietly!” We know there isn’t a police officer within the surrounding 50 miles, but they don’t!

At face value, Texas Chainsaw Massacre seems similar to 2018’s Halloween. Both ignore all of the previous chapters except for the original and bring back the lone survivor so she can face the demon that’s plagued her all of these years by putting him to rest once and for all. Both are significantly more brutal and violent than their ancestors. The difference is that Laurie Strode was a memorable character we grew attached to and that her (still ongoing) struggle against The Shape/Michael Myers feels like it's going somewhere new. TCM just wants to restore the status quo so it can pump out more gruesome sequels - the post-credit scene confirms this.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre is indistinguishable from the later Friday the 13th films, or any other randomly chosen slasher flick. The staggering body count might please gorehounds. For everyone else, it's a depressing, pointless film with nothing to say and no imagination, whatsoever. (May 13, 2022)

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duranduratulsa · 6 months

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Now showing on DuranDuranTulsa's Horror Show...Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) on Netflix #movie #movies #horror #texaschainsawmassacre #tobehooper #riptobehooper #leatherface #sarahyarkin #elsiefisher #markburnham #olwenfouere #NellHudson #JacobLatimore #moedunford #AliceKrige #JohnLarroquette #2020s #Netflix

#movies #movie #horror #texas chainsaw massacre #tobe hooper #rip tobe hooper #Leatherface #sarah yarkin #Elsie Fisher #mark burnham #olwen fouere #nell hudson #jacob latimore #moe dunford #alice krige #john larroquette #2020s #Netflix

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r-e-c-o-g-n-i-z-e-r · 1 year

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

#Texas Chainsaw Massacre #David Blue Garcia #Mark Burnham #Leatherface

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rookie-critic · 1 year

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022, dir. David Blue Garcia) - review by Rookie-Critic

Texas Chainsaw Massacre, not to be confused with 1974's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, was about as unneeded a sequel as any of these new-age "requels" are (except for you, Scream, you're doing great. Just pay Neve Campbell more and get her back on board, like, c'mon guys), but I will admit to having a ton of fun on the back half of it. Discarding all other sequels & prequels and acting as a direct sequel to the first film, which I believe now puts us on timeline #4 for this franchise and perfectly mirroring the trajectory of the Halloween franchise, this edition of Texas Chainsaw sees a group of Gen Z entrepreneurs driving into a Texas ghost town where they're going to flip it for a profit and gentrify the living hell out of it, but, of course, we all know who's been hiding out there since the events of the '74 film.

Cameo by Alice Krige aside, the first half of the film doesn't have much to offer. The setup is pretty innocuous and the dialogue seems like it was written by someone who went on r/GenZ for no more than 30 minutes and said "yeah, I think I got this." Even the first few kills that Leatherface performs feel a little hollow. After my experience with 2017's Leatherface, I was already rolling my eyes and ready to write this off as another completely failed entry, and that's about the moment that a leg gets inverted with a sledgehammer. The kills in this movie are genuinely pretty sick, and I mean that in a genuine, complimentary way. There is, quite frankly, an amazing amount of "holy shit" moments in this, including one gonzo gnarly sequence involving a party bus. Sadly, that party bus sequence also happens to include what is possibly the worst piece of humor in the entire franchise, but we'll give it a slight pass because everything immediately following that atrocious joke is pure Chainsaw gold. There are a lot of examples of bad horror tropes being used even in the moments of this film that are good, including a gotcha moment that you can see coming from a mile away and a particular final girl-adjacent trope that I have always hated in horror sequels of the past. This is a frustrating one, because there is, undoubtedly, so much potential here for something that could have been good. If the writing had just been better (or a little bit worse, honestly), we could have had a Texas Chainsaw entry that was just a fun time, but instead we got an entry that is fun at times and hard to watch at most other times. While I did find myself having fun for a decent chunk of the film, I can't in good conscience give it a good score. Just know that if you're a genre fan, there is, at the very least, a little to latch onto here.

Score: 4/10

Currently streaming on Netflix.

#Texas Chainsaw Massacre #Texas Chainsaw #The Texas Chain Saw Massacre #Sarah Yarkin #Elsie Fisher #Mark Burnham #Olwen Fouéré #Moe Dunford #Jacob Latimore #Nell Hudson #John Larroquette #Alice Krige #Jessica Allain #William Hope #film review #movie review #2022 films

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kubrick-kafkaboy · 3 months

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empire strikes back (1980) dir. irvin kershner

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ravenbeakx · 3 months

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bo burnham as markiplier, pt.3

#bo burnham #boburnham #markiplier #mark fischbach #this has been in my drafts for way too long but i haven't really found any more pics to match #picspam

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faeriescorpio · 1 year

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Don’t Wanna Know by Bo Burnham- In Space With Markiplier

just thinking about engineer Mark

#markiplier #in space with markiplier #in space with markiplier part 2 #iswm part 2 #iswm 2 #iswm #iswm mark #engineer mark #iswm engineer mark #markiplier egos #markiplier ego #bo burnham #animatic

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sunshinymystique · 3 months

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how the world works by bo Burnham is just a mark and friends song right

#mark and friends #bo burnham #puppets

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idk3ither · 1 year

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I hate that markiplier and bo burnham say room the exact same way

#anyway I saw lewis capaldi live a few days ago and it was really fun #markiplier #mark fischbach #bo burnham #who killed markiplier #a date with markiplier #a heist with markiplier #in space with markiplier #markiplier meme #markiplier fandom #bo burnham inside #youtube #netflix #music?

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channelrat · 2 years

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#mine #the inside outtakes #bo burnham #.....#we got a #number 1 victory royale yea fortnite we bout to get down ( get down )#10 kills on the board right now #just wiped out tomato town #my friend just got downed #i revived him now we're heading southbound #now we're in the pleasant park streets #look at the map go to the mark streets #tAKE ME TO YOUR XBOX TO PLAY FORTNITE TODAY #you can take me to moisty mire #bUT NOT LOOT LAKE #i really love to #chug jug with you #we can be pro fortnite gamers #(pro fortnite gamers)

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don-lichterman · 2 years

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Working in the NHS is 'absolutely terrible'

Working in the NHS is ‘absolutely terrible’

Working in the NHS is ‘absolutely terrible’ Source link

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tadpolesonalgae · 7 months

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Azriel x reader: Milestones

A/N: I was listening to FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight) by Bo Burnham for the entire time while writing this :’)

Warnings: fluff

Word Count: 2,255

Visual Prompt here!

You’re so screwed.

So, so, so screwed.

Check the second hand on your watch, dodging out the way of passersby, feet practically dancing over the cobbles as you speed-walk toward the restaurant. There’s no way you’re going to make it. Absolutely no way. Gods, you were already marked late last week. One more strike and the consequences will be inflicted on your salary. You really don’t want to have to rely on Azriel to get food in again.

Eyes flit through shop windows mindlessly, hoping the weather will still be relatively temperate after your shift—your hopes are pretty high. The afternoons have been fairly mild recently, the smallest crispness only just beginning to creep in. Frost dusting the leaves, diamond dew-drops glittering in finely spun web.

A flash of white causes you to come to an abrupt halt, backtracking a few steps to peer through the large expanse of glass, the shop name typed out in bold letters across the pane. Contained within the front display are three dresses: pale yellow, white and pale orange, from left to right. Each is held upon a female mannequin torso, the fabric swishing as customers pass by in the background.

The centre dress. It’s lovely. The stitching, the length…the fabric looks like it wouldn’t itch, either.

Shuffle around some mental calculations…size, width, length. All good.

Damn. It looks like it would fit you.

Your watch practically burns into your wrist, searing your skin, urging you to move forward, time ticking away as you stare and stare. Looking at it alone, you know it’ll be pricey…possibly unaffordable, if you get a portion of your wages spliced off. You just have to try it on. Even if it’s utterly out of your price range, you can get to wear it, just to see if it really is as lovely as it looks.

But for now, you’ve got to sprint to work. You’ll just stop by later. Have something to look forward to.

————

You’re in absolutely no condition to try on that dress.

One slightly too-loud word away from crumpling into a pile of tears and washing down a drain, never to be seen again. Left to wallow beneath the city, dissolving into the Sidra.

Velaris is a lovely place to live, but it’s not perfect. Well, its citizens aren’t perfect. Between the male who had insisted his steak wasn’t properly cooked, to the female who sent her food back seven times, to the group of fae who were short on their bill by five gold pieces… Tears well at the memories alone. You got stuck on cleaning up, anyway—punishment for being late. At least your salary will remain untouched for now. The dress still stands a chance.

However, it will have to wait for tomorrow. Cleaning up takes long enough as it is, but having to do it on your own is a whole new level of misery. By the time the chairs are up on the tables, the floor’s been swept and the remaining utensils washed and returned to their rightful places, you’re on the verge of collapsing. Feet aching, wrists aching, head aching. The moment you get home, you’re going to pass out on the welcome mat.

The key clicks in the restaurant lock, finally done with the horrifically long day, and your back slumps, spine aching. What a miserable day.

Footsteps sound behind you, closer than any of those passing by, and you turn. Only to be overshadowed by—

You nearly burst into tears. “Az…” Lips tilt down in the corners, vision blurring as your voice wobbles.

“You were supposed to be home three hours ago,” he says gently, stepping closer, wings flaring to shield you from the partygoers and other currently unwelcome folk. “I thought you might’ve been hit with a long day,” he sighs, arms reaching out, tucking you against him, wings curving round, swallowing you whole.

You whimper as you fall into him, a few tears slipping out as you grip him, pressing into his leathers as his scent encompasses you. Heat warms your bones, sinking into your skin, slowly encouraging your light to start up again. Tears begin to slow, eyes drying as his comfort soothes you out, calming you down from the utterly hellish day. His hand strokes patterns down your back, pressing kisses to the crown of your head, making you want to melt like butter. Melt and splash onto him, soak into his skin so you can always be together.

Sniffing, you step back, wiping your cheeks; drying your eyes as you manage to get a hold of yourself. Azriel’s hands rest atop your shoulders, holding you together while you gather up the strength to do it yourself. “Feeling better now?” He asks, attention solely on you. Head dips in confirmation, though he waits a moment longer before stepping away. “Let’s get home. Then we can get into bed and forget today ever happened.” A sad smile lifts your lips as you look up at him gratefully. “Thanks, Az.”

He shrugs it off, hand swallowing yours as you begin the darkened walk back, faelight illuminating the way. You don’t miss how his shadows dart around you when you reach a slightly unstable part of the cobbles, how his hand tightens on your own. “Want to talk about all the shitty people?” He offers, a laugh bubbling from your chest. “Not really,” you mumble, “I don’t want to give attention to their shittiness.” He nods in the low light, going quiet.

“You know,” he starts slowly, “I think you’re pretty strong for going back there day after day.” You snort. Hand squeezes you, “I’m not joking. Having to interact with that many people, put up with so much bullshit, and keep going back?” He hums quietly, and the tears well again—you turn your head slightly. “Says the Spymaster,” you mumble, “you’re one of the strongest people I know.”

“And you don’t see me waitressing,” he counters.

Laughter bursts suddenly from your lungs, blaring through the night air. Tears spill as you laugh, squeezing closer to him, feeling how his wing wraps around you affectionately. “I really love you sometimes, Az,” you half cry, half laugh. You can feel the grin on his mouth as he peers at you, a single brow quirked. “Only sometimes?” You sniff again, praying your nose won’t start running this time. “Okay…all the time,” you relent, “but particularly now. I extra-specially love you.”

He replies with a laugh of his own, making you go all soft and fuzzy inside, heat warming your breastbone as your temperature spikes with pleasure. Hearing him laugh…it makes you happy. Especially when he’s happy from you. That’s the Special Happy—only his kind.

————

“Oh…”

You blink a few times, comprehending the words. It was sold a few days ago.

“Do you know…I mean, will there be another?” You ask, trying not to sound as crestfallen as you feel. The shop assistant shakes her head, curls bouncing as she does so, “I’m afraid not. At least, not that I know of. It was a one-off from the seamstress—she generally doesn’t do dresses like that.”

“Oh…” You repeat.

“I’m sorry you missed it,” she tries to console. “If it helps at all, the male who bought it mentioned it was for his wife—it’ll have a loved home.” You nod weakly. It helps a little. You press your lips together in a tight smile, “thank you anyway, for being so kind about it. You probably didn’t want to have to comfort a moping customer today when you clocked in.”

She smiles gently, “it’s no skin of my back. I hope you’ll find something else at some point.” You nod your head dutifully, then turn, glumly padding out of the shop. Azriel remains where you left him, stood just to the side of the entrance—worried about knocking a mannequin over in the compact shop. “They didn’t have it?” He asks, noting your expression. Shake your head dismally, sighing. “Gods, if I’d been earlier that day I could’ve gone in after work. It might’ve still been there.”

His arm wraps over your shoulders, pulling you into his side while you fall into step beside him. “Oh well,” you murmur, “the female was very nice about it, so that’s something, I suppose. Not a totally awful experience.” Azriel hums in response, squeezing gently. Puff air out from your lips, “anywhere you’d like to go, then?” He thinks for a little, pausing to contemplate the question. As if he hasn’t already made a list ranging from highest to lowest priority of places he’s like to visit today. You know his games quite well.

“What about food? A hungry stomach won’t help with your mood.”

“I asked where you’d like to go. Not where my stomach does,” you reply grumpily. He gives you a pointed look and you sigh. A reluctant smile raising your lips. He’s right.

“Will you at least pick a place you like?” You sigh, leaning into him, taking in his scent. He chuckles at that, already leading you away from the shop, distraction having succeeded.

————

A week later, and the dress still glimmers in the backstreets of your memory.

Eyes have begun checking the store front day after day, just to see if another similar one has been sent over, but—nothing. So far.

So far, you remind yourself. There’ll be other dresses. Other nice things to look forward to. Other things to be happy about. Like your husband having been completely free today. A smile curves you lips as you shuffle through your wardrobe, searching for something nice to wear for him.

Neither of you particularly fancied going out to eat—despite it probably having been easier to do so. But you spend so much time around other people eating, and you’d just be habitually tense the entire evening. Not to mention Azriel wouldn’t find it fun, either. So you’re having a quiet night in, after a loud day out, shared with friends and family alike.

He knocks on your door, stepping in soon after. “Looking for something to wear?” He asks, a lilt to his voice. You roll your eyes, smiling none the less, “how’d you know? And you didn’t wait for my answer. I could’ve been changing.” Tongue flicks out to wet his lips, eyes latched upon your own. Heat warms your cheeks, shaking your head, grinning to yourself.

Azriel walks over, large hands settling at your waist, gently turning you to face him. Lowers his mouth over yours, lips slanting together. You’re surprised at first, caught off guard by the soft display of affection, but then you melt into it, hands cupping his jaw, his own keeping you close against his chest. Pull away to look at one another. “What was that for?” You whisper hoarsely, peering up into gentle hazel eyes.

Lips curve, turning you around to face the bed. A cream box laying atop the neatly made duvet, pretty bow tied atop it. “For me?” You ask, looking up at him, head tilting back against his chest. He nods, gentle pushing you forward, “have a look.”

Smiling, you raise the lid from the box, feeling his gaze warming your skin.

Blink.

White fabric…

Eyes lock on hazel, mischievous and adoring.

Turn back to the gift.

Swallowing, shaky fingers dip into the box, latching on the familiar fabric. Stand from the bed, allowing the dress to unfold in front of you, held up by the seams atop the sleeves. It’s the dress.

Your dress.

Lower it slowly, eyes heating as they connect with his, softened with affection. “You…” Azriel nods gently, expression shifting to something a little vulnerable. “I hope you like it.”

The tears start before you have the chance to even try to stop them, lip wobbling as you set the dress down on the bed, hurrying over. Arms wrap around him, burying your head in his chest, willing your eyes to dry. Hands settle against you, stroking your hair, tracing circles over your back, laughing quietly. Keeping you safe in the quiet of your bedroom.

“You like it?” He asks, making sure he’s gotten it right. He could never get it wrong, but you nod anyway. “I love you and hate you so much right now,” you mumble, sniffing. Pulling away a little—enough to peer up at him. “What have I done to earn your hate?” He smiles, hand still stroking your hair. “How am I ever supposed to top this for you?” You murmur, fingers gripping him tighter. “You’ve set the standard so high, how am I ever supposed to match it?”

Azriel laughs, shaking his head, “go put it on for me, and you’ll have done so.”

You doubt it, but follow his instructions anyway, changing out of your day clothes, shifting into the dress. Soft and gentle on your skin, fitting comfortably, not too heavy; not too light. Utterly perfect. Lip wobbles again as you arrange the fabric to sit how you want, turning to look at him, waiting his opinion. “What do you think?”

“I think I pity everyone who’ll never get to see you like this,” he murmurs, silently walking forward, stopping when his feet are either side your own. “And I think I’m the luckiest male alive because I’m the first you chose to show.” Cups your jaw, pressing a kiss to your forehead. Pulls away to look at you, smiling adoringly.

“Happy Birthday.”

General Taglist: @myheartfollower @tcris2020 @mali22 @amygdtjhddzvb @sfhsgrad-blog

Az Taglist: @azrielshadows1nger @jurdanpotter @positivewitch

#Azriel #Azriel x reader #Azriel fluff #fluff #acotar #Azriel x reader fluff #Azriel shadowsinger #Shadowsinger #Milestones

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r-e-c-o-g-n-i-z-e-r · 2 years

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Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

#Texas Chainsaw Massacre #David Blue Garcia #Mark Burnham #Leatherface

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algea · 10 days

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hi guys here’s some more headcannons for Lars (btw i’m doing these literally right before my exam🥲)

like i said last time, these are my headcannons, they may not be yours…

Lars loves ice cream. Even though he may deny it, he has a massive sweet tooth. You most definitely can bribe him with sweets.

Lars is a cat person. Sorry guys, had to say it. It’s not that he hates dogs, he just thinks it’s easier to take care of cats, plus they’re super goofy. He would probably own a black cat or a calico. Lars would so spoil his cat as much as possible, you think it’s a little unfair.

Lars’ favorite genre of books is dystopian fiction. Something about robots and future make him excited. He really likes the book Brave New World.

Lars takes you on a date every week. That’s how his momma raised him. He may not be from America, but he sure knows how to treat a lady. He really enjoys going to the movies or the beach with you. He thinks you’re so beautiful when the salty air blows your hair softly around you. Lars loves the smell of the sea and thinks that he would definitely propose to you on the beach.

He is super good at video games. Not like the Last of Us or Call of Duty, I mean like Centipede and Donkey Kong. It’s what he grew up playing, so expect him to be insanely good. Also don’t play him in Super Smash Ultimate, he would shit on you fr.

Lars hates when you talk to someone on the phone when he’s with you. He likes being the center of attention when he’s with you. He also thinks it’s super rude because you’re spending time with him. Unless it’s your mom, then he completely understands and gives you some slack.

His favorite comedian is Bo Burnham. More importantly, he likes the music Bo creates. It makes him literally giggle when he listens to it. You think it’s a little weird, but you’re glad he’s actually enjoying something.

Whenever you’ve been at the lab for a few days, Lars always makes you a bath before you come home so you can have some alone time. Probably the nicest thing he’ll do for you, but it definitely shows that he loves you so much.

Lars doesn’t like the heat. He’d rather be in the cold where he can wear multiple layers instead of sweating to death. Poor dude was stuck with that most of his life, so he loved it when he moved to New York.

Mr. Nerd geeks out when someone talks about Ghost Corps in a good way. He’ll yap on and on forever about it if you let him. Sometimes you’ll have to drag him away from the poor soul who struck up a conversation with him.

He has a photo album like the ‘Our Adventure Book’ from Up, which contains photos of you and him together. He looks at it whenever he feels sad or needs motivation.

He has a system of marks for when you looks especially attractive to him. Normally they’re color coded for the color you wear and have a specific shape for what kind of outfit it is.

Surprisingly, Lars’ love language is gift giving. He loves giving you little trinkets that you’ve mentioned you liked. It’s the cutest thing ever. It shows he pays attention to you.

Lars loves it when you wear his glasses. He thinks you look like a nerd and it makes you 10x cuter. If you’re in the lab and you steal them off him, he won’t take them back until you give them to him.

um sorry if these are a little short, i’ll definitely make more in the future

#ghostbusters #ghostbusters frozen empire #lars pinfield #ghostbusters x reader #lars pinfield x reader #lars pinfield x you #james acaster

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