Tumgik
#man im losing literally every part of myself now
toruq · 2 years
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bluetimeombre · 4 months
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⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ falling out of love
fans think that you and tom are falling out of love after filming for ballad of songbirds and snakes and you don't post about each other much, so you show them that it's far from the truth.
[heres to 2024 coming soon. this is not part of my ongoing series but a little something else to hold you all over. never proofread, just vibing. btw just watched salt burn and I’m scared of barry now]
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
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liked by… rachelzegler, joshandresrivera, hunterschafer & others
tomblyth: the vibes are green
893k likes 398k comments
user: he’s so happy!!!
user: um, where’s yourusername?
user: that’s definitely not yourusername
user: they don’t have to be around each other all the time
user: they haven’t been seen together in ages ☹️☹️
user: if they break up I’ll cry myself to sleep every night
user: my man looks so good
user: maybe she just didn’t want to hike (i wouldn’t)
user: 😍😍
user: he’s active again!!!!
user: I miss them
user: where’s yourusername
user: daddy 🔥🔥🔥🔥
user: just wanna know who the girl he’s with is, i just wanna know
user: is that the necklace yourusername gave him?
user: y’all are obsessed!!!
user: let my man live
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liked by …. florence.pugh, austinbutler, jaimieflatters & others
yourusername: packing only the essentials
901k likes 650k comments
user: packing?
user: what do you mean packing, where you going?
user: hotmamma
user: I love u
user: where’s tom
user: where is she going? to tom
user: is she leaving tom?
user: I love her whole vibe
user: I hope she’s going to go see tom 😔😔
user: why is she always slaying, it must be so tiring to be her
user: tomblyth
user: tomblyth
user: tomblyth
user: I can’t lose my third set of parents plssss
user: hearts breaking rn
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
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user: rip tomblyth and yourusername, I’ll miss you
user: cosying up??? they’re literally just talking
user: it was bound to happen
user: tom!!!! cone get ur gurl
user: crying in the club rn
user: not believing in anything until they confirm
user: I can’t believe it; i won’t
user: love is dead
user: as long as they’re happy
user: they were probably pr for the hunger games and it’s been over two years, who cares now
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liked by… jaimieflaters, sadiesink_, zendaya & others
yourusername: that’s a rap on me and my Malibu dude!
871k likes 0comments
[comments restricted]
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
‘It’s so over,’
trending on twitter
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
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liked by… tomblyth, rachelzegler, jamieflaters, tomholland2013 &others
yourusername: tom and I falling out of love, a compilation
1.1m likes 832k comments
user: oh it’s so back
user: she really said stop it!
user: parents!!!!
user: THANK GOD
user: taking the toaster out of the bath rn
user: goals
rachelzegler: you guys are so cute I’m gonna throw up
user: the fourth picture hello?!?!?!
user: damnnnnn
user: THANK GOD IM SO HAPPY
user: stfu enews
user: he’s such a gentleman in every picture but the fourth
user: I just knows he’s packing
zendaya: ❤️
user: planning the wedding
user: twitter lied!!
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liked by … yourusername, rachelzegler, joshandresrivera & others
tomblyth: falling out of love? more like falling in love with every single day that passes. I love you
tagged: yourusername
1m likes 750k comments
user: AHHHHHHHH
user: the posts!!!! the posts!!!!!
user: I just know they picked out these photos together
user: I love them
user: they’re giggling and kicking their feet rn
user: this is the cutest damn couple ever
user: I know they’re so in love because look at like these pictures, so darn cute
user: two years going on forever!!!
user: they could never make me believe you guys were over
user: they were literally probably just laughing off the rumors
user: they had us in the first half, ngl
⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
‘Oh it’s so back!’
trending on twitter
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sirenlulls · 7 months
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get him back! → theburntchip
pairing , theburntchip x youtuber!reader
summary , where, in lieu of yours and chip’s reconnection, fans find out how it happened, and just why you ended things in the first place.
part one (bad idea, right?)
oh, i wanna get him back! 'cause then again, i really miss him, and it makes me real sad
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🔴 Y/n L/n Talks On Breakup, Reconnection, The Launch Of Her Brand, & More! FULL POD EP.77 -Saving Grace
join premiere!
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LIVE CHAT !
user: stop i’m actually gonna cry ☹️☹️☹️
user: I KNEW THOSE TWITTER B WORDS WERE WRONG I KNEW THEY DIDNT END BADLY
user: that’s so lala land of them
user: “if i ever complained, i’d be the nagging girlfriend” NO BABY 😭😭😭😭
user: never thought i’d say it but i’m glad they broke up bcs if they hadn’t done it then, it would’ve been MESSY messy
user: off topic but can we please talk about how pretty she is :(
user: “if he ever complained about you, i would’ve given him a belting” YES GRACE 👏👏👏
user: WHY DIDNT WE GET Y/N ON HERE SOONER OMGGGGGG I LOVE THIS DUO SM
user: Sending love from Brazil! XX 🇧🇷🇧🇷❤️❤️
user: stop that’s so sad ☹️
user: she’s so real for the anxiety thing
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LIVE CHAT !
user: i feel like i’m watching a tv show
user: “i don’t want to lose this again” and when i start sobbing????
user: ok but is the dick game good
user: HE SWIPED UP ON A COSTA TOASTIE ☠️
user: nah he’s down BAD me too but like 😭
user: he def would’ve thrown a temper tantrum if she didn’t respond
user: grace booing is so real i wanted a kissing in the rain screaming ‘i love you’ confession
user: her smile when she said she’s happy now man they’re literally my parents ☹️
user: Love you both X ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
user: ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹
user: the world is healing
user: NAH MAN SWEAR THATS CHIPS BOICE COMING IN NOW
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LIVE CHAT !
user: i’m actually gonna cry i missed them sm ☹️😭
user: the camera switching to her looking at him with heart eyes after calling him a bellend is so funny GET HER ASS 👏
user: chip is the new an*rew t*te 🙏
user: oh how i missed him calling her lady and missus
user: he’s the leader of the sassy man epidemic oh lord
user: OMG I FORGOT WHEN SHE YSED TO GO ON COFFEE DATES WITH HIS MUM
user: leave my girl and her spotify playlists alone
user: this has literally made my year
user: just in time for y/n’s fall vids
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[tagged: savinggracepod , gkbarry_ , theburntchip]
❤️ liked by georgeclarkeey, georgebxggs, and 98,992 others
yourusername mum! mum! i made it! i’m on saving grace!!!!!! (and i figured i deserved at least one pic of chip from the launch x)
user that episode was the funniest thing ever i can’t even i nearly pissed myself when grace pretended to spank u with the paddle 😭😭😭
user mother ur so gorg i’m speechless
user you know the content is gonna slap when y/n l/n is there
user im so obsessed with u pls
user CAL AND CHIP AT THE FUNCTION SIR 👏🙇‍♀️
user best video in youtube history methinks
gkbarry_ loved having you on babe, even if the boss man gatecrashed 🫶❤️
yourusername he doesn’t like feeling left out smh
theburntchip oh alright then
max_balegde ICONIC!!!!!!
user MY ROMAN EMPIRE
user i hope you know that twt is in flames rn
user i gen teared up a bit when you talked about the breakup 🥹
user icons only
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[tagged: ynapparel , nellarose , theburntchip]
❤️ liked by landonorris, behzinga and 97,872 others
yourusername self representing by wearing @ ynapparel the past (and every) week 😩🤭 featuring the love of my life & chip ig…
theburntchip wow alright
theburntchip i thought you were a g 😔
yourusername oops sorry babe
theburntchip we’re over smh
yourusername oh no… what a shame ☹️ anyway… hot girl winter!!!!!!
theburntchip the fits are fire though 😮‍💨
yourusername as always x
user EATING SLAYING DEVOURING
user OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
user forever obsessed with u
user graduated from cuntingtion university with an phd in slaying
nellarose love you bae x
calfreezy chip looking dashing as per usual
theburntchip aye thank you brotha
nellarose AYYYY LOOKING SEXY 🔥🔥🔥🔥
yourusername ALL YOU BABY 💋💋💋
ynapparel looking good and dressed to kill 😉😇🩷
user face card NEVER declines
lissiemackintosh this barbie is my mother
user ur so real lissie
faithlouisak doll 🤩
alice_hez 😍🔥🖤
user WHATS THE SQUARE ROOT OF 64?????
user angel girl 🤍
centralcee 😮‍💨🔥🔥🔥🔥
user NAHHH HES BRAVE COMMENTING ON THE POST W HER BOYFRIEND
user CENCH GET OUTTA HERE MAN
user SIRENSIRENSIREN Y/N BABY RUN!!!!!
user OH??????
user wait am i missing smth why are we freaking out
user @ user cench has always been lowk flirting with y/n, like she interviewed him at some event last yr and he was being so flirty and obviously she was giving him blank wall back BUT when her and chip broke up he got even WORSE like man was always in her comments tryna chat her up and she entertained it a lil but now the bitch is back and he’s bold
user NAH MAN GTFO WE JUST GOT CHIP BACK IN THE PICTURE WE CANT HAVE U RUINING THAT
theburntchip just posted to their story
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TW for ED/ARFID talk
I'm severely emetophobic (to the point of ARFID) yet I love tummies so much? The noises, the smooth skin, how it changes shape depending on how full it is, the fact that we need them to keep us alive! Everything! But only online. I'm such a sucker for upset tummy fluff yet if someone said their stomach hurt in real life I would probably cry on spot and hold my breath around them forever. I think part of the love for tummies (or I guess you could say kink but it's not that sexual for me) is because I wish I could do it IRL. I wish I could comfort people and rub their tummies when they don't feel well. So instead I go to tumblr where I can do it no problem. I know this is rambling, but I hope someone relates
-lurker anon
TW: OCD, Emetophobia
hi anon!! thank you for sharing!! im sure a lot of us (including me!!) can relate!
i’ll share a little bit about myself! everything with me started as a child, and there are a lot of overlapping layers. i knew from an early age (literally by 5 years old) that it was exciting to me when cute boys had stomach aches (usually from being fed too much, throwing up wasn’t really on my radar quite yet but it makes sense because it comes with the territory). most of the pieces of media i can remember leaving an impact on me usually cut away or just insinuated that a male character was nauseous or too full by showing their face turn green or having them duck off screen. nothing was ever particularly graphic. this also led to a fixation on stomachs in general, especially the stomachs of bigger guys.
though i never admitted this fascination to anyone (and nobody ever shamed me), i felt weird because i knew other people didn’t share this fixation, so i kept it to myself and tried to enjoy it in private (this usually took the form of writing stories or seeking out media that possibly had sick boys in it. i was a real sleuth). i was a bit obsessive with it, but overall most of the harm was internal rather than external because i was convinced that to enjoy watching men’s pain and discomfort must have meant i was evil or that something was seriously with me.
the thing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that when you explain your compulsions and thoughts out loud they sound silly because you know they aren’t true, but you can’t help but think them. as a child my thoughts told me that to become sick was an admittance of weakness (which, obviously is SO not true lmao) and that expressing vulnerability was a man’s job. i developed crippling emetophobia that has persisted into my adulthood. the idea with vomiting and its lack of control was absolutely horrifying to me.
a man being sick? there is nothing sexier.
but me?
i began to have panic attacks through middle and high school. this later led to contamination OCD, always being terrified of being sick, and again, worrying and having thoughts about why i found it so attractive when boys admitted they were nauseous (that i must be corrupt, a bad person, crazy, etc).
sometimes i think our brains help us cope with trauma and fear by throwing us a bone every now and again. my fear of losing control manifests in fantasies where i hold all the power. i use my fetishes to strengthen the relationship i have with myself: that im not evil, or wrong, or corrupt, or out of control, or crazy. im just a girl who does things a little differently, and control in my fetish life helps me feel more comfortable dealing with my emetophobia in real life.
anyway, that was a long tangent, but i hope this resonates with the people!! 😭 we just love tummies man. i too love the little sounds they make and what those little sounds mean, the look of them, the way they sit on people’s hips, the fact that they can bloat bigger or get smaller, that we anthropomorphize them by saying they get “upset,” the chest and nipples right above them—i could write a manifesto i SWEAR.
-the duchess 👑🦢
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ysines · 4 months
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every time an incel starts screeching and crying about how jogne has been dumbed dOwN so seraphina can "look better" (in reality, every time Uru DARES to make seraphina exceed at anything in comparison to John, and not necessarily even "exceeding", more like any time Seraphina is portrayed as something nore than a handmaden created to be an extension of John and a plot tool to make him look good or drive him in some direction) yall lose your fucking minds. I get ya tho, everyone knows that men are smarter than those subhumans- I mean, females- I mean, women. How dare a female character succeed where a male character fails- moreover, how DARE a female character succeed where the MALE LEAD fails. Disgraceful. Disgusting. Mary Sue FEMINIST PROPAGANDA.
Yall are so embarrassing it'd be funny if it wasn't so disturbing.
john isnt smarter than sera because hes a man??? that just used to be a part of his character. he was the first one to realize something was up when sera was kidnapped.
also im a woman too 😭 i do not see myself or other women as subhuman to men??
i dont like when sera is better at things john was supposed to be good at for... no reason. there was no time where sera trained enough to be better at or equal to in fighting skill than someone who has been training their entire life.
every character is supposed to drive john in a certain direction because john is the main character. the protagonist. its HIS story, for the most part. however, every character also has their own smaller stories, such as sera's situation with spectre or the powertrio dealing with ember
sera has been exceeding where john fails for a while now. she helps him with his homework because hes an idiot academically. shes more mature than he is (as is VERY obvious in joker/king arc). she succeeds where john fails the entirety of the joker/king arcs. the entire point of those arcs were to show how john fails. literally every character was doing better than him
just because sera is his best friend and supports him doesnt mean shes only a "handmaiden." she has her own stories, relationships, personality, skills.
i dont mind sera. i just dont want her to be perfect.
also what the fuck is this post how do you actually refer to females as subhumans??? lmao
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m4ndysk4nkovich · 8 months
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hiya!!
what sort of music do you think debbie is into?
AHHHH YES IM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS ASK
anon i don’t think you realized what you have just started i am insane
marina, this is canon. she says it in season 4, and i will honestly make an entire other post regarding this because she is so marina-coded and almost every marina song fits her (ie. teen idle, the family jewels, primadonna, girls, mans world, i am not a robot), and i think that the time period she listens to marina is so important to her character in a way because season 4 debbie’s mindset is VERY teen idle.
lana del rey, so i think that @l0st4l1fe will definitely agree with me on this and probably have more to say on it, but i’d definitely say lana del rey. the time that she was born makes lana del rey fitting for her, and especially if she was into marina, because a lot of marina fans are lana fans (myself included). and the song “did you know that there’s a tunnel under ocean blvd” is SO debbie gallagher (like the lyrics, “don’t forget me”), also a&w is very debbie. i also think that mandy probably liked ultraviolence, and i’ll say something about mandy in a second because i definitely think that mandy influenced debbie’s music taste.
hole, so some people may know this about me, some people may not, but i am a MAJOR hole fan and i definitely think that debbie would like hole. hole is very much “female rage”, and debbie very much is the character that comes to mind when i hear “female rage”. hole’s song doll parts fits mandy a lot, so i think that she would like hole for that reason (+ the fact that hole is a female grunge band, which she may like), and i think that she showed debbie hole. hole’s song i think that i would die is about losing custody of your daughter, so i think that debbie would resonate with that. and the song she walks on me is just SO season 5/10 debbie and i have no explanation other than she just sounds so angry. whatever- 10/10 band and she may like them.
taylor swift, again, this is kind of just the time that she grew up, like, she was six when debut came out so she was just kind of growing up with that music and i could see her liking it. she probably really likes reputation and folklore (she’s a mirrorball girlie) now, but back in season one/two she liked speak now and fearless.
paramore, yet another band she stole from mandy. i actually could see her stealing this from mandy and ian both because i have no explanation really but ian seems like he would like paramore (the song tell me it’s okay reminds me of him). debbie would definitely like all i wanted and ain’t it fun. those songs are just very debbie.
fiona apple, i actually see this with fiona (gallagher, lol) more, but this would just be her stealing her big sisters music taste. she wouldn’t really like fiona apple, but i think she would like i want you to love me because c’mon, it’s debbie.
lorde, again, kinda just the listening to marina in 2014 set this off. the song the love club is literally SO her in season 4 with holly and ellie (“it’s time the kid got free”, “there are fights for being my best friend” “take the pill make it too real”), i have a post saved in my drafts all about that. and also liability fits (“get you wild, make you leave”), as well as ribs (“and i’ve never felt more alone, feels so scary getting old”.)
i can probably think of more but that’s it for now ok bye bye
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Katie IM SO SCARED. I've been considering changes I never have before? I kind of hate my face and want to eradicate every photo of myself? Is it normal to see how beautiful and how much fun trans ladies are having and feel envious? What if someone tries out transition just as a prank but it doesn't go well? Can you go back? I had this really weird (but extremely cisgender) dream?? Do you think more girls want ugly cis boyfriends or like goth trans dommes? I just want to have an easy, simple life. I'm really scared and I don't want to make my life worse. How do I know if I'm just falling for the "if you can't get goth gf then become goth gf" meme? That's probably all it is, right? I'm not trans
Could you just please say I'm not trans?
It sounds like you know what path to take, just look at how you've worded some of this, hun....
I hate my old face and made an entirely new and curated personal social media presence to distance myself from that part of me and am even getting FFS now, i was sick with envy over the trans community on here to the point that it eventually made me a crazy person, you can absolutely transition as a bit but you'll quickly find you won't want to go back even tho you absolutely can. Hmmmm ugly man or goth domme idk what lesbians want I'll have to get back to you on that.
As for an easy and simple life, that's...unfortunately not in the cards for any of us. This IS going to bump the difficulty to hardcore, I can't sugarcoat things. Even for the most privileged girls, it's a fucking struggle and you're gonna lose partners and friends and possibly family and definitely your mind so so many times...but holy fucking shit I couldn't ever go back, I am finally so content with who I am and what I'm doing, like....fuck I love being trans so goddamn much. Living in a very queer friendly area is a huge help tbh, the physical access to community has literally saved me.
Girl the first post I made post-transition was something like 'become the goth GF you want to see in the world'...if you can't stop thinking about it, you should probably try it and see how it feels. If it's not for you, no harm no foul, and nobody needs to know about it. You can stealth transition and just boymode in public and practice looks in private until you're comfortable.
This all sums up to me having to politely decline to your last request as I regretfully inform you that you could very well be trans, honey. As I've said before, cis people don't have to wonder this hard about it
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season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch
huge spoilers obviously
(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)
RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE
(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)
ok its over thank god
JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions
also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO
can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you
TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO
boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions
LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged
"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line
honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.
ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing
KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world
dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even
"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard
"Youre still you" 🥺
SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is
oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'
NEW HOUSE WHO DIS
cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason
this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode
JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home
VICTOR
victoooor
"You dont look good" im losing it
thank you victor
victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest
JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS
"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man
"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please
jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me
"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.
donna brought up abby omgomg
OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME
(maybe)
(arghhhh this is so hard)
"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy
(sara voice) okay
"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo
CAR GRAVEYARD
"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT
no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.
"okay" ill kill him
victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry
what a scene. my god.
SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?
"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you
poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer
"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day
oh boy this scene (me about every scene)
"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years
"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy
jim rightly proud of his badass kid
"you put hate inside me" :'(
is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice
a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao
SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU
i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao
KENNY
oh my god kenny
im hurt seeing him so hurt
TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT
oh elgin
elgin youre too sweet
elginnnnn
everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you
KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL
now please do jade
"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"
KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO
i love her so much
"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me
"I am at the end of my rope" oh god
TABITHA??????
holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack
this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying
I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW
i knew jim would not vote box lets goo
BOYD WHY
Randall ????
OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this
what an episode my god
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freddieskid · 2 years
Text
HI I JUST FINISHED OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH FOR THE FIRST TIME (way late on bandwagon I know) AND IM ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND IT WAS SO GOOD
Here are some of my main thoughts and I will try to keep it a little less unhinged :D
SPOILERS AHEAD
They’re so gay, your honor
The b a t h t u b bo n d i n g scene
I’m in love with a taika
As a voltron fan, seeing Rhys in this role was lovely
Omg omg non-binary rep? As a non-binary person that was so beautiful and lovely and healing
The moment Ed laid eyes on Stede he was a goner omfg poor man
Jim and Olu omg friends to loverssss slay
The acting was genuinely so good I felt so absolutely unbelievably sucked in
I started watching episode one MONTHS ago, and I didn’t like it. I decided to give it another shot and watched the whole show today and AHHDHS thank god I did
Stede and Ed are 100% autistic/neurodivergent and I ADORE them for it
Seeing so many romance cliches but with older gay men was so lovely? Like there was emotional intimacy and realness and god my brain is on fire I can’t word rn.
Also hearing they/them used so casually for Jim even with the Nun who raised them made me so happy T^T
WHEN THEY FINALLY KISSED I LITERALLY SCREAMED
Gay people are so dramatic and I adore how fucking upset Ed is as much as it hurts me. The fort was just so good.
Lucius is wing man, confidant, and icon #1 always.
Taika crying makes me cry. Every time.
I always wanted to be a pirate as a little kid. I find myself relating to Stede bonnet a lot. Wanting to be in an adventure but minus the bloodshed. Overwhelming guilt. So much love and wanting the world for the people around him. God it was just so fucking good and so fucking funny. I now see why the world was freaking out. Honestky kind of glad that I waited until now, when seasON 2 WAS ANNOUNCED AHHHH
Please feel free to scream with me/share your favorite parts/analysis/fun facts/ gay yearning etc.
thank you. The end.
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kithtaehyung · 11 months
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I'm speechless but in a good way! I knew this piece was going to tear my heart into pieces and it did. . and it did! I thought "it's going to be more heartbreaking than forfeit isn't it. ." oh future wine you couldn't be even more correct. Such an outstanding story..
First off: Jungkook scene
I was legit holding my breath throughout the scene, I knew Jungkook was going to do something that makes me put my phone down and exit the room ( and he did! )
Protective brother and boyfriend? hell yes. I was cheering for bro to beat his ass and yn told him to stop and I was like "you're right.. he holds a strong punch.."
Wow wow so many emotions in this scene alone, yns dialogue truly had me moved and pierced my heart many times. Their feelings matter so so much and I completely understand them.
I won't lie my brain stopped working when yn said they still love Jungkook and when they said "not in a way you want me to" I let out the longest breath ever.. don't scare me Ryen! /lh
God.. someone get me a friend like Dom, please? most realistic girlfriend you need! The way she has both yn and Yoongi's back? Hard to find a friend like her!
Second: The beauty between YN and Yoongi
Wow wow Wow. It felt like a punch in the stomach when Yoongi told them they had to wait for a while, I was literally scared for them both and wondered how long it was going to be ( and I got my answer later on :') )
It was just nights ago that you cradled all his moonlight in your palms.
And now you’ll be farther apart than stars. 
Beautiful lines, truly, almost let a few tears fall just from those lines alone!
This is a little personal, and I've wrote about this many times, but I just love the way you write yn. I was never able to relate to other yns in other writings but this one? This one, this is the one for me. How could I cry so much from their dialogue or story alone? I always asked myself that I realize it's because they're the exact replica of me. An overthinking mess, low self-esteem but confident when they needed to be, considerate of others, apologetic, always too scared to reach out or voice their thoughts, you name it. When they describe people as seasons, I understood them completely, people come and go, or they stay.
And you suddenly know Yoongi is summer.
Endless. 
RYEN. did you know what you did to me with 2 lines? ALONE? I literally burst out crying and had to pause for a second because I kept smiling like a maniac! Oh I missed these two so much :')
My favorite thing about yn and Yoongi? They're each other's safe space. The way you instantly see their moods being brighter when they're together and see how they've seen each other at their most vulnerable moments. I'm just- AH.
Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi-
Uhm. Uhm hand in marriage? For both, please! You and every reader is invited to me, Yoongis, and yn's wedding I hope you all show up! The smut scene had me in shambles and when yn told Yoongi to do all of those things? Yeah Yoongi I get it, I do.
THE DESK?? THE DESK?? GUYS THE DES-
Happy God Damn Pride Month To Me.
And back to fluffiness and a sprinkle of sadness: THE RELEASE PARTY! THE CHAMPIONSHIP YES!! GOD ( Ryen ) MAKE THESE TWO HAPPY ( oh wine don't forget the ending .. )
THEY GAGGED ME SO BAD OH MAN I MISS THEM
Last but not least: yn and bro
Their sibling dynamic is just, chefs kiss! Them reminiscing on their past and the part about bro dressing up to look more mature to get food? Adorable but also heartbreaking :(
Screw the goddamn parents!
“Cus I feel… Uhh.” He moves his lips around in thought, as if the next sentence takes strategy to arrange. “I feel like we don’t really talk anymore.” 
“…Oh."
clenching my fists I totally get how depressing it is when siblings lose that type of connection or become more distant, especially since they were so close and had each other's back!
THE ENDING THE ENDING OH GOD THE ENDING IM SCARED
-🍷
WINEEE omfg this commentary is absolutely stunning! thank you so much for reading and taking the time to write all of this out, i am speechless? but i can't be speechless for long bc we got things to sAY
I'm speechless but in a good way! I knew this piece was going to tear my heart into pieces and it did. . and it did! I thought "it's going to be more heartbreaking than forfeit isn't it. ." oh future wine you couldn't be even more correct. Such an outstanding story..
forfeit broke me emotionally, and so did this one. just in a different way bc things between them have been fleshed out in forfeit<33
I was legit holding my breath throughout the scene, I knew Jungkook was going to do something that makes me put my phone down and exit the room ( and he did! ) Protective brother and boyfriend? hell yes. I was cheering for bro to beat his ass and yn told him to stop and I was like "you're right.. he holds a strong punch.." Wow wow so many emotions in this scene alone, yns dialogue truly had me moved and pierced my heart many times. Their feelings matter so so much and I completely understand them. I won't lie my brain stopped working when yn said they still love Jungkook and when they said "not in a way you want me to" I let out the longest breath ever.. don't scare me Ryen! /lh God.. someone get me a friend like Dom, please? most realistic girlfriend you need! The way she has both yn and Yoongi's back? Hard to find a friend like her!
AHHH the whole beginning took me foreverrrr to finish bc there was a shit ton to juggle and account for! i always need to get into these characters' heads during a scene, while also watching it from a reader perspective. so imagine trying to get through a scene with four people - two of which don't realize they're all part of the same situation dklfjdsjklf it was difficult but we pulled through!
glad the dialogue was good! that's the part that was finished first (which is pretty normal for me) and didn't change much. and DOM BEST DOM BEST!!!!
Second: The beauty between YN and Yoongi Wow wow Wow. It felt like a punch in the stomach when Yoongi told them they had to wait for a while, I was literally scared for them both and wondered how long it was going to be ( and I got my answer later on :') )
it was a HUGE punch to the gut, you're so right :(( especially since we just got through a big talk and don't get time to process!
It was just nights ago that you cradled all his moonlight in your palms. And now you’ll be farther apart than stars.  Beautiful lines, truly, almost let a few tears fall just from those lines alone!
these are one of the parts that i was crying through so *thumbs up underwater* This is a little personal, and I've wrote about this many times, but I just love the way you write yn. I was never able to relate to other yns in other writings but this one? This one, this is the one for me. How could I cry so much from their dialogue or story alone? I always asked myself that I realize it's because they're the exact replica of me. An overthinking mess, low self-esteem but confident when they needed to be, considerate of others, apologetic, always too scared to reach out or voice their thoughts, you name it. When they describe people as seasons, I understood them completely, people come and go, or they stay.
oh, babe :( this makes me feel touched but also i wanna give you a huge hug. i have always been set on making this series as relatable as possible, and that literally starts with reader. are some people gonna be the exact opposite in every way? of course! not all of us fit the same mold. but from what i've experienced and seen, there's a lot of reader in a lot of us. and i wanna also tell everyone that resonates with reader that you are strong, you can be just as confident. you can be this fucking cool while still overthink like hell and not be sure of a lot of things. believe in yourself and know when you need to start complimenting yourself instead of bringing that inner child down.
And you suddenly know Yoongi is summer. Endless.  RYEN. did you know what you did to me with 2 lines? ALONE? I literally burst out crying and had to pause for a second because I kept smiling like a maniac! Oh I missed these two so much :')
I FUCKING CRIED AS SOON AS THESE LINES CAME OUT AND I WAS IN PUBLIC LMAOOOO no joke i was sitting in a damn tea shop. and had to like. tilt my head up and sit back in order to not completely bust out crying. :')))
My favorite thing about yn and Yoongi? They're each other's safe space. The way you instantly see their moods being brighter when they're together and see how they've seen each other at their most vulnerable moments. I'm just- AH. Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi playing the guitar Yoongi-
GAHHH this is one of my favorite things to portray bc as soon as they got to reunite?? they both laugh. it's the very first thing that happens and honestly i love that so fcking much😭 and him playing the guitar earlier was just too much for me to handle UGHHH
Uhm. Uhm hand in marriage? For both, please! You and every reader is invited to me, Yoongis, and yn's wedding I hope you all show up! The smut scene had me in shambles and when yn told Yoongi to do all of those things? Yeah Yoongi I get it, I do. THE DESK?? THE DESK?? GUYS THE DES- Happy God Damn Pride Month To Me.
HAPPY GD PRIDE MONTH LMAOOOO the way everyone needs to get in line for reader!!!! move out of the damn way, min!!
And back to fluffiness and a sprinkle of sadness: THE RELEASE PARTY! THE CHAMPIONSHIP YES!! GOD ( Ryen ) MAKE THESE TWO HAPPY ( oh wine don't forget the ending .. ) THEY GAGGED ME SO BAD OH MAN I MISS THEM
so much more to goooooo eheheheh hope you're ready!! i missed them. very very very much. it was so comforting to work on this fr again.
Last but not least: yn and bro Their sibling dynamic is just, chefs kiss! Them reminiscing on their past and the part about bro dressing up to look more mature to get food? Adorable but also heartbreaking :( Screw the goddamn parents!
YES. i love them both and wanna protect them from literally everything ever?? bro really did The Most and i want him to know he's loved!! screw the gd parents!! but that convo was much needed and i'm glad they have each other.
“Cus I feel… Uhh.” He moves his lips around in thought, as if the next sentence takes strategy to arrange. “I feel like we don’t really talk anymore.”  “…Oh." clenching my fists I totally get how depressing it is when siblings lose that type of connection or become more distant, especially since they were so close and had each other's back!
i believe in them! and honestly i think bro is just thinking it's much worse than it is (overthinking? could be familiar? lmao) bc he's the one that travels and his protectiveness does cause other things like hiding info. so. he isn't without his flaws and does have his own hurdles to recognize and overcome!
THE ENDING THE ENDING OH GOD THE ENDING IM SCARED
MWAHAHHAHHAHA YOU SHOULD BE OK BYEEEEE
but seriously, thank you for reading, wine! it's always so fun to respond to asks like these :D gave me a bunch to talk about!
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good evening. heres your o overcoat askliveblogging notes:
- the first paragraph is already so cinematic wtf ech
- at this point im gonna turn this into a film myself
- "people were weak by nature; he knew that lesson well" heyyyyyy echie is that a reference to dazai abusing him heyyyyy ☹️
- THEY TALK TELEPAHITHICALLY OH MY GOD
- frilly neck thing he could never remember the name of
- I THINK HIS SOCKS WOULD HAVE CATS AND PUMPKINS ON THEM
- god i wanna draw rashoumon in an apron now
- ITS LIKE A MOM HAHAHAJAAHHDDH
- "take ur melatonin u sick overworked bitch"
- god his thought process is spot on echelon this is gorgeous. dazai teaching him that actions always have a negative consequence and that he needs to be taught a lesson is so awfully heartbreaking
- dude its like he gave birth to his ability i LOVE this
- GROCERY STORE UWWWAAAHHSHFHF
- RASHOUMON MOM CANON
- gin laughing 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
- OH MY GOD. GINS DEAL. IM GONNA LOSE T HELP ME HAHAJAJAHSHHD I LOVE THEM SM
- "A flower born in darkness could only ever stay in darkness because anything light that dared come near would instantly be tainted." oh my lord.
- he totally liked that plush
- okay ive gotta say i LOVE your characterization of akutagawa. the way he is trying so hard to not yell at the cashier is spot on, especially considering that he probably doesnt know proper communication skills. you. oh my god /pos
- oh god this cant be good. not dazai
- PLEASE I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT TACHIHARAS NAME WAS LMAOOO
- "The day Dazai left the Port Mafia was the day Akutagawa snapped. It was as if something holding him from within had crumbled away, and the shards dug themselves into every part of his soul." i cant even emphasize how much i love this bit. i wanna carve the words into my arm and stare at them for the rest of eternity
- originally i thought that chuuya wouldve sent him the basket, especially because he mentioned akutagawa being sick towards the beginning, but now dazai makes sense. also i LOVE how you word akutagawas mindset throughout the fic. its obvious he has trauma and i just adore how you arent portraying it as seeking approval and rather being immature and mentally painting dazai as someone bad because thats all he knows
- he refuses to believe that dazai had changed and was becoming a better person. its gorgeous. my god.
- KATAI??? YOU PULLED OUT THE B I G GUNS MFER OH MY HAHAJAJAHSHDJ
- my jaw is wide open btw i was NOT expecting him
- "you think a VPN can stop me?" said every pirater ever (me)
- KATAIIIISISHSHUEHFHFHFJFJF
- ECHELON HE SOUNDS JUST LIKE HOW HE DOES IN KUNIKIDA AND KATAIS BRILLIANT DAYS IM GONNA CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
- watch: its tachihara. boom case solved.- akutagawa has autism pov
- I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KN E W W W WIT WAS CHUUYA
- chuuya shit-eating note 💀💀💀💀💀
- ohhhhhhh gin my girl i love them so much i love gin 🥺🥺
- SLEEP DEPRIVED AKUTAGAWA LETS GO MFERS
final thoughts:this was a gift from god, truly. this is easily one of my favoritest fics ive ever read to this date. akutagawa's persistent villanizing of atsushi and dazai is perfect, and his anger is just so hdhejhskajsjfjfjfshdndjfjdbd i cant even. i love this so much and i have no words <3
ajhsdjkhsdksdhkds literally grinning at my screen as I read this :D :D :D
I'm so so glad you like the first paragraph because starting paragraphs are one of the hardest things to write and usually turn out to be not the best :'). I had a sketch of Rashoumon in an apron somewhere but I can't find it *sobs*. I never actually came up with any of their fake names because I was lazy, but Tachihara's fake name is basically the equivalent of "the peepee poopoo man" or something similar. unfortunately I don't think I did Katai justice in this fic because I wrote this before I read Brilliant Days, but I guess he can have some dumb jokes as a treat. also autistic Akutagawa so true
anyway, if you're curious and have the time, you can go back and try to find all of the tiny, subtle things I hid in the actual text. most of them are about how Akutagawa refers to things
also THANK YOU THANK YOU THANKYOUTHAKNYIOU SDJHGFKSDKLDSJ :DDDDDD
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all or nothing episode 5: stream of consciousness comments
-oh boy...NOT READY
-edu and the january transfer window...how we all feel lol
-that side of me that loves...legal proceedings and shit (when reading “true crime” stuff in the past my fav part was always the trial) finds this stuff about the auba dilemma really interesting
-y’all work with mikel why can’t you say his name right omg
-edu being like WARNING: talking to mikel about this issue will be Dangerous Proceed With Caution 
-man this all is just. Uncomfortable to watch
-mikel arteta eyebrows queen of north london
-mikel drops his first “fucking” of the episode
-granit staring at him so Intently whenever he talks 🥺
-eddie nketiah episode??? omg fuck yes i love this for us
-oh gosh nottingham forest....here comes the dressing room....wait shit granit wasn’t even there bc of covid so we’ll never get to see how he reacted to that (in person)
-FFF I FORGOT THIS IS WHEN NUNO COMES OFF IN THE 1ST HALF
-omg “if i lose a duel i get upset”...at one point he just straight up shrieked i swear what demon lives inside of this man
-charlie patino is like what did i get myself into
-god i just wanna hug all of them....i Love them so much
-LMAO emile going to nando’s bc his mom isn’t home ajkdf;akldf
-the way every scene mikel and this tim lewis guy have together is like an evil mastermind scene...and he sucks up to mikel so much “my relationship with mikel isn’t transactional” yeah ok sure
-OMG just got a clip of mikel saying his own name that kind of thing is Important (*it sounds really cute when he says it lmao)
-wait what is this a granit episode all of a sudden?
-granit laughing happily: “i’m one of the oldest already!  and i’m still 28!”
-i SWEAR when granit smiles and laughs the world is literally ok again!!! he is a GIFT!
- “people think i’m very aggressive, because of my game”
-jfc whenever i see him mouthing “fuck off” in that clip i get [redacted]
-OMG GRANIT TELLING THESE FANS HARASSING HIM TO SHUT UP JADKFLKADF;AKF god why didn’t u make me granit
-”not one of us as kids start football because of the money.  you start football because you love it”
-beautiful shots of granit omg ffffff god i wish amazon let you fuckin screenshot
-ah, and this segues right into liverpool lol
-granit being mini manager in the dressing room
-let’s stop and reflect on how PERFECT xhakarteta is as a couple they were made for each other tyvm i’m having sO many emotions and Feelings
-granit sad and alone and upset in the dressing room after kicking diogo jota...oh my whole heart i love one man. i know we saw this in the trailer but y’all it’s beautiful and heartbreaking
-laca and baby gabi coming off the pitch holding hands...my HEART
-oh oh oh they show mikel going over to hug sad granit before he leaves the dressing room....hgjskgjsjsg it was G rated but it says it all
-mikel asking the staff how to pronounce “goosebumps” lmao
-his nice dressing room talks are so sweet and heartfelt
-ayo i don’t need these fans’ shitty opinions on granit...keep it to Yourselves
-kt and rob coming into the canteen all hyped up!!!!!  i love them!!! i hope someone takes a video of them dancing pls
-ben white and aaron content!...omg seeing that gabon scored....sigh
-this scene of everyone teasing granit about his card....his bde in this is INSANE and it’s also kinda serving deki vibes for me god i’m having such like Envy and Feelings
-OMG WAIT ARE WE GOING TO HIS HOUSE NOW OMG
-OMG HE JUST SAID SHPIRTI IM TO AYANA I AM DYING AND SCREAMING
-his kids are so cute and happy the family life vibes are SOLID
-yo we get to hear leonita speak?!! she has a really nice voice (vanja vibes) and i like what she’s saying about granit
-THIS WAS AMAZING IT’S EVERYTHING I’M DYING AJDKF;LAKDFDF
-back to auba drama...sigh
-SIR put your fucking eyelashes AWAY sos 911
-DUBAI TIME
- “in spain they call it casa pepe...it means pepe’s house he can do whatever he fucking wants.” ...mikel there’s no way that’s a thing but can we all just start saying “casa pepe” now
-mikel praising granit :’))) whose Slutty Dubai Arms are in all their glory
-mikel Yelling at granit on the pitch omggggg...
-he’s losing his voice again and the dude goes “your voice is fucking terrible” jakd;akdlfdf drag him
-LMAO barca dicking around is anyone surprised
-they literally got the deal done ONE MINUTE before the deadline??? i’d say “that was fake for tv” but this is arsenal football club after all
-wow that episode was...wow
-the last one left to watch is going to be a WHOPPER cause it has us going to mikel’s house? it’s shorter than the others but like. do i have the ability to process that rn
-damn guys just w Ow this episode was doing the most
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onlyjaeyun · 27 days
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my sweetest love angel baby zadie!!💕 oh my goodness my apologies for being so inactive recently😭 but i made sure to make some time to catch up on CH today since i finally have a day to myself!! i still have to read chap 47 but omg i got through 44-46 this afternoon and!!!!!! where do i even begin omg i guess i’ll start w/ the heartbreak first and then make my way towards the healing🥹
chap 44 absolutely broke me like i could feel every single emotion from sadness, guilt, anger, confusion, frustration, literally everything😭 i was scrolling through some asks and saw that people didn’t agree w/ yn giving in so easily but personally, it made 100% sense that she reacted and processed everything the way she did bc they were inseparable before the incident and it’s hard to just let someone go who you dedicated your time and life to at such a young age. they both have a lot of healing to do and i think it’s great that they get to do it together, and piece the parts that were broken. kind of like them picking up each other’s puzzle pieces and putting them together if that makes sense??
our hoonyn has come such a long way like i genuinely cannot believe we are at that point of the story and CH is almost ending🥺❤️‍🩹 but i am soooo here for lovey dovey hoonyn and their friends losing their fucking minds over the dynamic change with them flirting and calling each other baby in the chats like they are SO CUTE MY BABIES😭🩷
ALSO QUICK LIFE UPDATE SINCE I’VE BEEN MIA FOR SO LONG😭 ur girl is finally cuffed 🥹🥹🥹 we made it official a couple weeks ago and i think i’m falling for this guy even more like he gives me butterflies every single time we hang out and there are also times where we just chill at my place or his and we can sit in comfortable silence while we do our own things. he’s the cutest and sweetest ever zadie he makes me so happy🥺💓
BUT IM SO HAPPY TO FINALLY CHAT W/ YOU AGAIN BABY!! i truly missed your kind and genuine words🫶🏻 i’m glad to see that you’re also taking time for yourself and prioritizing your needs, especially your mental/physical health!! it’s what you deserve baby, pls keep doing that. pls accept all the kisses i’m sending your way to make up for the time i spent away😭 i love you the most my love!! hope this week is as lovely as you are🩷🤍
- 💌
my angel love, my sweetheart, my honey boo 🥺🥺🥺i missed you SO much and am so so so happy you've found some time to check in and give me an update on yourself and life 🥺🤍
first of all, i'm SO so so so so happy for you baby you deserve the best and i'm SO relieved and happy to hear that your man's been treating you so well, you truly deserve that princess treatment so don't ever settle for less!!! i hope it goes smoothly and as good as possible for you two 🥺🤍
i also wanna say thank you for your detailed feednack on the last few chapters of CH, you know your words hold such a great place in my heart and i'm so grateful for all your love and support my love 🥺🤍☁️💫
i've been doing well, especially now that i know you're doing good too baby, please take care of yourself and dont ever worry about checking in, just want you to be okay!!! sending you the biggest kiss ever 🥺🤍
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I'm new to Tumblr so it's interesting that immediately a tarot reading appears is resonates so strongly. (I tried finding this persons post but I left the tab so I lost which blog did this)
Butterfly[if it matters Capricorn] = new guy(main dude im talking about)
ex[Gemini] = Wolf
I've been dating this guy that has really switched my perception on relationships. A little background this guy is not well favored by my friend(who is actually one of the mutuals that was the reason I met him) to the point that she didn't talk to me for a while about the issue...thats a long story for another time... this guy has changed my perspective so much that I didn't think anyone could.
Previous to him[Butterfly], I was in a chaotic relationship, constantly inconsistent. I was convinced I didn't want to find anyone else after him[Wolf] because I was exhausted of giving my love, loyalty, time and effort for me to be easily discarded. It wasn't just him but also past people that haven't treated me the best.
This tarot is insane because he truly did emotionally help get me back on my feet...he could tell when I was feeling very vulnerable and he can read the room very fast. he would do small acts to get me out of my dissociative state... it was a week or two from when Wolf and I called it off and I had just explained it to him and his friend. it was like he was taking mental notes of my cues. little did he know I was taking notes also...
we then take this out of the intimate event to dms. he jokes with me and obv I still have a guard up, but he was making it hard NOT to trust him... he was handling me amazingly, asking me in-depth questions that made me really think about my emotions, reactions and how I treat those around me. throughout this he's made me feel so secure and safe. he would constantly reassure me, he's probably the most stable person I've ever dated.
in relation to the tarot reading he literally did introduce me to his friends and he integrated me into his life with ease. mind you, I AM NOT USED TO THIS TREATMENT... with every past dude it felt like I was draining myself so i didn't lose them[imma make a separate blog analyzing my own flaws in relationships] but with him he makes it feel like ease.
he's a writer, he wrote me a letter, for the first time a week or two ago that was so expressive, so sensual and made feel seen, I'm usually the one analyzing and being more in touch with others' emotions. in a way I feel like being with him is truly healing parts of my inner child. he writes beautiful lyrics about love... he reads love poems and is so in touch with his emotions. I know this is bare minimum but sometimes I can barely even regulate my own emotions.
he's always encouraging me to do my best, encouraging me to get better. one of the first things he said to me was along the lines of "I don't want to jump too fast with you because I want you to get better and be able to feel better on your own" already off the bat that combatted my dependency issues. he didn't want me to become dependent on him to be my happiness... which already made me immediately feel seen.
people here obv don't know anything about me but I'm very sexual and I enjoy s3x, a lot of the times when Im with a man Im usually, immediately physically s3xual with them, I held back a lot with Butterfly...read disclaimer at the bottom.... after a while we stopped caring that my best friend didn't like him so we've been sneaking around ever since. but I truly feel like I'm with someone that I can succeed with. he's literally met my dad and sisters, my sisters like him a lot and my dad doesn't care as long as im happy but im sure he'd like him if they had a conversation.
{**DISCLAIMER**}Why did I hold back? I am not supposed to be seeing him or even talking to him. I know now some of you might be thinking I'm home wrecking my friends relationship, maybe you're thinking that Butterfly is my friend's bf but no, she genuinely acts like she hates this man, she's in a relationship with another... Let me clarify that my friend is not in a relationship with Butterfly. I am NO home wrecker.
I could literally talk about this all day but I got other shit to let out
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oh i love you so much. i just feel so loving towards you tonight i just want to write my heart out. i never thought id be so in love ever, honestly before you i thought i was the most unlovable person, thank you for showing me what love is, all my life ive never felt love reciprocated to me but this time knowing that even if i dont love myself or believe in myself one day therell be atleast one person who would disagree. i cannot tell you enough how much of an impact youve had on my life, ive never been happier, i dont feel depressed anymore knowing youll always be there for me and how youve told me how i mean to you and that youre so proud of me. it goes such a long way i promise. the efforts you take for me and how much you adjust things for me whether it be ruining your sleep schedule or calling me in a train, it brings such a smile to my face knowing that wow man someone is so in love with me that theyre willing to go out of their way to do all this for me. i feel loved, i feel so fullfilled and i feel so not lonely anymore. thank you for healing a part of me i didnt know i needed to be touched, 13 year old vivaan no longer wants to kill himself and thinks life is entirely depressing anymore, because you made it shine, you brought light to my life and now you are my life, youre all i look after all i want, every thought, every action everything just comes down to you good or bad and thats beautiful that it settles to you because theres nothing i would want mean ore to me than you. 217/365 days. and ive only seen you for 2 of them but im not going to go on that sad path of how i miss it and everything because whats the point of being sad about it anymore? it was such a happy time and just so surreal and blissful it felt like nothing mattered in this world, it felt like it was just us and just hapiness. baby i can only fill my journal pages with you and asking you to come here i can only go to temples and ask god for you to come here too, i can only manifest for you to come here. theres not much i can do but im doing everything in my power for it, and i hope youre trying your best too, and im sure if its meant to happen and if im deserving enough to see you again according to god that time will come. please if you come here please surprise me okay?. we can only be optimistic and thats how we should be. i miss you so much everyday baby but talking to you makes me feel better about myself and life in general life doesnt feel so bad for the x minutes we talk and i really love that. 217 days and i only want this counter to never stop, i love how enthusisastic we are about each other everyday and just the way we sort things out, love each other be there for each other is goals and im so glad my first relationship turned out like this. theres nobody id want my first kiss to be on an empty metro station at 10:42am. on a personal level, im so proud of you baby i dont remind you enough as you remind me but i will from now, youre the most beautiful, wonderful, intelligent and just lovable person ive met and i literally mean it. you go through so much and even though you sleep through it most its tough to be you somedays and its tough to manage being so smart and just all that life brings you down for. im always going to be your biggest fan baby except when you colour your hair or get a piercing but ( jk i would love you as much still ) yeah im always going to be there for you, youre a good student, girlfriend, friend, sister and most importantly youre a beautiful human, and i mean that fromhow gorgeous you look to your morals and your so swwet heart. theres nobody like you and im glad there is nobody like you because youre all id ever want and i never want to let go off your hand.
i love you so so much baby i promise you that you mean the world to me and i never want to lose you.
there would be no vivaan without you my love, there would be no happy vivaan without sanskriti.
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writewrapped · 1 year
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A PHASE. EVERYTHING HAVE A PHASE.
It's sad, isnt it? for god sake this is gonna be a sad post. but my inner self believe sad and happy is like a season, come and go. so this is it..
Being a working mom is beautiful, yet painful. I mean, i still believe a fulltime mom should be more tiring. but hear me out for this one.
First born, away from my parents and i am a working mom. Not to mention i could hire any nannies to help me but i choose to be this way. All by myself.
The first month when the baby is about three months old here are the hardest, its the hardest because of the adapting phase. but then this all make sense and i could follow the rhythym. when im about in the same step with my son, he then changing, he change and growing, everyday, almost everyday. he grow fast and beautiful. yep i lost my rhythym, again and again.
This is the best part. No matter he grow into something beautiful, something i can not mention where it is gonna be, he always made me "fine, i can do this". he made me do it without any other option that came to my mind. and by that, in a good way, im grateful for the feeling.
Listen, please keep ur sense, we havent reach IT enough
The phase. The stuck-in-routine phase. When you feel you lost interest in everything because of this routine. An everyday must-to-do full of taking care of this baby that i can not taking care of myself and my love one. And how i can not fillin up my soul with romantic things and the things that boost my dopamine. The butterfly in my stomach, the reasons to be alive. Everything feels like just gone by a single click. Gone with a stuck-in-routine.
Me, the girl who always thought to be the happiest girl alive, with my husband in my left-side and my son in my right-side, always romanticize every single thing he/i do just to make me feel all over the moon. The worst part is the phase of wakin up and realize everything not as good as what i thought. On how he could easily break the promise he made with me, on how he always choosing his phone over talkin to me, on how he always talk a bit and how he lose interest over the house. HURT ME THE MOST.
Im a working mom. 24 hours feels not enough for me. SO MANY things to do. Yet a fact that we are double income but also sandwhich generation for both of our parents.
Yep, my sons are now seven months old, he grow beautiful and so many things he wants to learn. He is in the phase of a cute baby with funny behaviour. He is being effortlessly cute and always make me smile. yet in the other side, my husband keep showing me many expression i refuse to notice. Things that helps me hold on and the reasons for me to be alive is gone.
And the most part, i hated the most, i hate to feel a butterfly from another random man just by catching a curious gaze over me. I MEAN?????? i literally hope u could do better than this, adinda.
I mean, this is all my choice to finally got here. To be alone taking care of everything without a helper. but sometimes myself got drained. I dont know which one is to blame, me who stuck in routine and can not bring this heat romance or my husband who also stuck in routine and not even think about it (re: romantic things) at all?
I can write anything here because i believe this is a phase. I believe this just a normal phase where every family would gone through.
In this phase, i always pray that by any small stupid things we do could boost up our situation. Could make me happy. Is it about our son or everything we do.
I also feel sorry that my husband have to gone through this, especially- he have to be with me all the time.
I hope this not-so-big house, can be the place me and my husband always looking for. To see the smile of our son, to hear the giggles, the baby smell all over the rooms. Everything. And i hope, up from every wishes, we're happy with each other, no matter what phase are we in.
Maybe all the blame is on me.
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