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usergyumoved · 1 year

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♡ hello everyone. apologies for interrupting the usual scheduled programming, but here i am... once again; for the past month or so, i've been debating if i should write this or not. the results are in, so let's go!

i don’t know where i’m really going with this nor if anyone really cares to read these next few words, but i’m doing this anyway in hopes at least one of you can get something good out of it. this is an open letter specially directed at the people listed btw. apologies for how long it turned out. ♡

do you ever get hit by this overwhelming wave of love? sometimes, when i think of you guys and this place, that's what usually goes down. not so long ago i used to wonder "what if no one really enjoys me around? what if they just tolerate me at best?"; you can never be 100% sure if feelings are mutual and that can lead to anxiety and stress. this mindset often made me feel like even though i am here with so many great people, i don't belong with them. has anyone ever felt like that? i’ve been working on a couple of things as of lately; learning about them too. so far, i’ve figured that it's okay to feel lonely sometimes. it's okay to feel like you don't belong even in a room full of people you love so dearly. at the end of the day, the ones who truly love and care for you, they won’t stop loving you, they won’t care any less for you. people love you even when you aren’t around to experience it. time really plays a small role in these circumstances. people love you, regardless!

our minds will play evil tricks on us every now and then, but we should never go down that path. it makes no sense to keep people you dislike, around... right? so maybe, you guys actually do enjoy me. these stressful and anxious moments, are just that. split seconds that shouldn’t really matter. i know i love each one of you, even if love means one thing to someone, but another thing to someone else; even when i’m not vocal about it, i know i love you guys! ♡

to anyone who might be emotionally dealing with the worst at the moment: these bad thoughts will come and go, inevitably so, but they're not you. i hope there will come a day where they are not in control of your every moment. they are not you. i figured that, somewhere down the line, things are not always easy. we see people talking about the positive side, the bright side, the golden hours, the sun shining, “tomorrow is a brand new day”, and to some of you, it’s not that easy. it leaves you with this unsettling feeling that you might be different then... bad different. maybe you think you can never get better. maybe you got used to being in the dark, you don’t even want to bother finding a beam of light — hi friend, i’m here to let you know that: it’s okay, please take it easy. of all the given possibilities, you chose here! it takes so much courage to just be, when there’s always something trying to crush us from the inside out. time looks different for each person, not being able to keep up with everyone else’s, does not equal not being worthy of changes. your time will come, so let go of comparison for a while, you will be able to understand what all the positive fuzz is about. for now, thank you for being here! remember that you dont have to be at war with yourself all the time. you dont have to take yourself as the great enemy who must be defeated in order for the big victory of a lifetime to come. maybe you’ve learned that in order to be worthy of something, you have to carry this burden as a personal never ending battle, as punishment for something. sometimes you forget that you are just a person. i hope one day you will learn to work through whatever you’ve been through. and as you go through your days remember that every moment is just a moment, when you can’t take it one day at a time, try to just take it one breath at a time. ♡

to anyone who might have felt this way too, who somehow have felt like you are just existing with no purpose whatsoever: i saw someone once say that we don't really matter to this universe given the countless galaxies there are out there and how small we are compared to everything. they might have a point, but from the very small humanly perspective, we are actually so wonderful. as i’m thinking of each one of you... how can we not matter? existing itself is already a big deal. we don’t need to fill up the same space as the constellations to mean something bigger than ourselves. to everyone on this list: people do love you, people will love you! you play an essential part, even when you don’t really see it. when it comes to giving out the love you have, don't forget to keep some of it to yourself too. emptying yourself just to keep others whole can lead to unbearable outcomes. don’t lose yourself! love people like it’s the last thing you can do, even if you get nothing in return. love the people you care for; love the people you don't personally know; love the people who are yet to come; but above all, love yourself the most. and to those you can’t love at all, for whatever reasons, let them go. ♡

"you’re going to realize it one day — that happiness was never about your job, or your degree, or being in a relationship. happiness was never about following in the footsteps of all of those who came before you, it was never about being like the others. one day, you’re going to see it — that happiness was always about the discovery, the hope, the listening to your heart and following it wherever it chose to go. happiness was always about being kinder to yourself, it was always about embracing the person you were becoming. one day, you will understand. that happiness was always about learning how to live with yourself, that happiness was never in the hands of other people. it was always about you. it was always about you."

to anyone who might be feeling alone or hurt or lost or just tired in these trying times, here's what i know: there's a whole life ahead of you, and even if we don’t have a forever line, we still have time. if we must go through it, then i hope you find the strength to keep going forward, despite it all, despite all the possibilities... what if it all does work out? i hope you find the right path for yourself, the one that will make all your past selves so proud. i hope you grow to understand that some places might just not be right for you, and that it’s okay. not every house you visit, ends up being a home anyway. sometimes the only thing we can do, is to wait for the rain to pass just so we can take a look at the clear blue sky again. i hope you can learn how to let some things go, i hope that the people and those places who ended up being a lesson, don't stop you from keep looking around. ♡

"above all else, i hope you give yourself permission to believe that you are not defined by a person's inability to love you, or by a person's inability to choose you. i hope you do not abandon who you are. i hope you do not neglect or question yourself. i hope you remember to love yourself better than anyone ever could, i hope you learn how to give yourself that kind of strength. i hope you remind yourself that you are rare, that you hold value here. i hope seasons of being misunderstood, of being unappreciated, do not cause you to see yourself through the eyes of those who could not celebrate you or support you. above all else, i hope you connect with just how worthy you have always been. i hope you give yourself permission to be all that you are."

hold onto yourself with kindness and love during this long season of strangeness and hurt and let go of everything that weighs heavy in your heart, that does not allow you to be who you are meant to become. ♡

i know once you finish reading this, the world out there will still hold such ugly parts to itself, and most people will still take pride in being evil for fun, but for a few minutes i just wanted to let out some good into your lives, i hope you can feel a little better. know that i really mean everything i just said, even if i still wish i could’ve said more. to all of you, who i consider my dear friends, come back to these words every now and then if you wish. in case we don’t get to see each other in the future, my wish is for future you to be having fun everywhere they go. to keep finding kindness and beauty and hope and genuine love, no matter what. to learn new things and meet the right people. to find all the places you are meant to find. to never question if the good moments are coming to an end soon. to never question if you truly deserve it all. you know you do.

i hope you can heal from all the things you don’t talk about anymore. i hope the happiness you never thought would come, will become a constant in your life as a reminder that you finally made it. i hope you will learn how to take good care of your heart. i hope you can look after and at yourself with pride and never go back from that. when the time comes, i hope you can forgive yourself too. thank you for making it this far, hope this message finds you all well! ♡

@jaeyxns ⋆ @hyunjinz ⋆ @yonglixx ⋆ @seonghwaminho ⋆ @innielove ⋆ @leemarkies

@angelfelix ⋆ @lveclouds ⋆ @goldenkths ⋆ @senor-hoberto ⋆ @vminsos ⋆ @cherryeoo ⋆ @lixbf ⋆ @fantascia ⋆ @tenluvie ⋆ @doyotual ⋆ @01oona ⋆ @pvppycats ⋆ @mawklee ⋆ @angelcupid ⋆ @leenow ⋆ @eonava ⋆

@hyunpic ⋆ @bangchanz ⋆ @binsuns ⋆ @nano-swarm ⋆ @brianbangs ⋆ @ddominho ⋆ @doyunhos ⋆ @seungkwan-s ⋆ @yeonjune ⋆ @sooblixs ⋆ @foxinies ⋆ @lesbianlovestay ⋆ @seungknow ⋆ @hueningkai ⋆ @mercurymorning ⋆ @tixti ⋆ @wonjinist ⋆ @usertae ⋆ @moonsua ⋆ @jeonwonwoo ⋆

@saerom ⋆ @jisungshotfirst ⋆ @yutito ⋆ @angelic-jun ⋆ @sugarushride ⋆ @tmpttion ⋆ @ghostin ⋆ @shorelinnes ⋆ @euijin ⋆ @dykeyeonjun ⋆ @bcomgyu ⋆ @boosoonseok ⋆ @radagone ⋆ @physicstaff ⋆ @eightiesharrington ⋆ @kenobei ⋆ @sympatheticfiend ⋆

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#lovefolder

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jammingjaem · 3 months

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dream store

12. can you listen please?

PAIRING | lee haechan x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS | rising up in the music industry as a young songwriter and producer, you wouldn’t think that you’d get hired by sm entertainment and write a song for your favorite group. although there was one downfall: you don’t think making music makes you happy anymore. but the endearing and charismatic lee haechan has swept you off of your feet. and here you’re asking yourself— what are you waiting for in life?

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AUTHOR’S NOTE | … hi i’m back :3

TAGLIST (closed.) | @celestialsluvrs @cosmicwintr @suzayaaa @polarisjisung @lovefolder @jinsoul-gf @fullsunahceah @renjunniex @wonkivrse @en-gelic @tywritesstuff @jenodreamer @haechansbbg @miyawwn @n0hyuck @222brainrot @ur-purin @dinonuguaegi @replayenthusiast @i6renj @giaccolo @nanawrlds @multifandomania @jeongintwt @luv4jeno @lelengerine @gomdojun @yeppietennie @jaeimjaemin @thisisnotjacinta @hugs2doie @mystverse @jjaeyuns @rksbae @x-jaehyunluvr-x @bunchofroses07 @darlingz99 @yv72s @lixizpixi @ggukkiedae @cupidsmoons

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svnflower-writes · 2 months

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i could never give you peace

description: James reached his hand out, gently cupping Regulus’ cheek and moving some hair out of his eyes. “Hey, little star.” Regulus leaned slightly into the touch, but didn’t speak. “Let’s get you to your room, yeah?”

in which James comforts Regulus after a particularly bad fight with his parents.

relationship: bodyguard!james potter x regulus black

warnings: mentions of child abuse, secret/forbidden relationship, hurt/comfort, angst, james may be slightly out of character but idk maybe he's just sad 😭

requested: yes!! @allyeardepression requested this about 4 months ago and i am SO sorry for taking so long writer's block has been kicking my ass omg i started writing as soon as you requested it but it sat there unfinished for far too long. anyway i hope you like it!!!

note: uh ok hi. this is the first thing i've posted in MONTHS and i wrote most of it in class so it's not great but fuck it i had to post something. also... sorry. the first thing i write in five months and it's heartwrenching angst, which is very typical of me. also based off a taylor swift song which is also very typical of me

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54453148

marauders taglist: (lmk if you want to be added or removed) @lovefolder @gu1lty-as-sin @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies @a-beautiful-fool @optimizedchaos @qwerty-keysmash @lost-in-reveriie @tulips-best @nqds

James had to pretend that it didn’t affect him, seeing Orion and Walburga treat their children like they did. After all, he was there to work for all of them. But Merlin, he felt bad. The looks that flashed across the younger brother’s face were subtle enough that anyone else would have missed it, but James didn’t miss any small details—especially when they were to do with the little star.

This was one of these moments, James was positioned outside the closed door as he heard the screaming match going on directly behind him. He heard snippets of conversation, words such as ‘useless’ and ‘pathetic’ making their way to his ears and crushing a little bit of his heart. He supposed he was lucky not to be in the room while it was happening, but all he wanted was to rush in and protect Regulus from the harsh words and actions of his parents.

James allowed his head to rest against the wall, exhaling slowly as his eyes trailed over the dark tiles on the ceilings. The decor on the house was not to James’ personal taste, a combination of dark brown, green, cream, and black. He glanced down to the floor, the extravagant geometric tiles making him feel claustrophobic and sick to the stomach. Harsh black wallpaper covered the wall, the dull gold picture frames making a pathetic attempt to soften the unharmonious glare. The paintings in the frames were judging him, the upturned noses and narrowed eyes made that obvious enough.

James and Regulus had been quick to subtly remove the paintings in the hallway outside Reg’s room—Orion and Walburga didn’t tend to go up there, so no one noticed. Sirius had given them a knowing smirk when he’d caught them sneaking down a hall with a covered portrait of one of Regulus’ great aunts, but he had said nothing. Sirius held an undeniable feeling of respect for James, he could see how much he cared for his little brother, and for that he was eternally grateful.

A sharp, high pitched shout broke James out of his trance, and he glanced at the door with a grimace.

Walburga Black was his least favourite person in the whole world. He couldn’t clearly hear what followed the shout, but he had a few ideas of what it could be. He had been in the room when this had happened a few times before, and Sirius had always seemed indifferent to his parents actions—James knew he wasn’t, of course.

It was all just an act in the Black family, everyone simply pretending to be okay and pushing their feelings to the back of their minds. Regulus was less numb to the pain, and while Sirius just sat there sprawled out on the couch, ignoring his parents, Regulus always looked unnaturally stiff. He was trying to copy Sirius, that much was obvious. But it was clear that the words got to Regulus, the way his brows furrowed and he blinked quickly or looked away with fiddling hands.

Then again, maybe there was a reason that James noticed these things—not that he could take much notice of whatever underlying feelings there were anyway, since Regulus might as well be his employer. He knew Regulus felt the same, of course. There were signs, there had been since a mere two months after James started the job. Fleeting glances, brief touching of fingers as James passed him something to eat, waiting for him in the halls— the list could go on and on.

Regulus knew that James liked him too, as James wasn’t exactly subtle. He tended to forget himself when they were around others, such as Sirius or Pandora—which made for a lot of teasing from the two. Barty and Evan couldn’t say much, as they were in much the same situation.

So the two had kept up the secret whispers and hidden gazes, neither boy making any more to further the relationship, even behind closed doors. There was only so much they could get away with, and they were not embarrassed to admit that they were terrified. They were terrified of the nature of their world, the judgements and the prejudice that came with merely trying to exist. They would prefer to be open with each other about their relationship, but they would take whatever they could get at this point.

The door next to him flew open and Walburga stormed out, not even sparing James the slightest glance as she walked past him. Orion followed close behind, the harsh glare painting his face giving James an idea of the severity of the fight. After the brother’s exchanged short hushed whispers, Sirius walked through the door, offering James a small, polite smile. He walked past and James stopped him quietly. Sirius’ eyes narrowed slightly.

“Is there anything I can do?” At James’ words, Sirius’ expression softened.

“Talk to him. I’ve done as much as I can, but I think we both know that you’re better at this stuff.” Sirius pulled James into a quick hug, “and thank you. It means a lot that you try, seriously. It’s not exactly part of your job description.” Sirius being Sirius, he laughed, but it was obvious that he wasn’t actually amused. James had known Sirius for three years, and if there was one thing he had learnt about him, it was his use of humour as a coping mechanism.

“You go sneak out to Remus, I’ll take care of him.”

Sirius grinned slightly, reaching out to ruffle James’ hair, “aw, you know me too well.”

James groaned at his now messy hair—as if his hair wasn’t always a mess—pushing Sirius away and waving him towards the door, “go find your lover, Pads.”

Sirius was out the door without another word.

James glanced down the hallway to ensure it was empty and walked into the room the fight had just taken place in. Regulus was sitting on the ground and had his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around them, and head leaning against the cushion of the couch. He didn’t look up when James entered, nor when the older boy crouched down in front of him. His face wasn’t betraying what emotions he was feeling, but James knew.

James always knew.

James reached his hand out, gently cupping Regulus’ cheek and moving some hair out of his eyes. “Hey, little star.” Regulus leaned slightly into the touch, but didn’t speak. “Let’s get you to your room, yeah?”

Regulus nodded, mumbling something incoherent under his breath before looking up. “Good idea.” he took James’ outstretched hand to help him up off the ground. Even well after he had stood up, he kept his hand in James’, determined not to let go.

Regulus clearly had something he wanted to say, but his brain was not connected to the rest of his body, still in autopilot from the fight. His eyes were empty and his hands were clasped together in front of him as James gently rested his palm on his lower back to guide him up the stairs. Regulus subtly leaned into the touch, his heartbeat slowly calming and the goosebumps littering his skin beginning to fade.

Merely being near James brought him an unparalleled sense of peace.

James let his hand rub up and down his lower back comfortingly, and for a brief second he considered taking Regulus’ hand in his own but he decided against it. His brain was plagued with guilt, wishing he could rescue Regulus from the cruel reality that was his family. But no matter what James wanted, it wasn’t that simple. It never was.

James could never give Regulus peace.

Regulus stopped walking and James looked up from where his gaze had been fixed on the floor in confusion. He soon noticed that they were in fact directly outside the door to Regulus’ room. Regulus seemed to take notice of the fact that James was lost in his head and he squeezed his hand reassuringly.

After checking if the hallway was clear, James quickly opened the door. He wasn’t really supposed to enter any of the private rooms in the house, but Regulus had insisted many times that it was alright. No matter how safe Regulus felt around him, he couldn’t risk Orion and Walburga spotting him. He really was Regulus’ only source of comfort.

Regulus sat down on his bed with a blank expression on his face. James sat down next to him and pulled a bottle of water out of his bag. He handed it to Regulus with no words spoken, because the pair didn’t need words. This routine was very familiar to the two of them now, it was almost a second nature.

James quickly checked for any injuries—he hadn’t heard anything to make him suspect that there could’ve been a physical nature to the fight, but he had seen enough bruises on the Black siblings to make double checking an automatic part of the procedure. There was one on the side of Regulus’ cheek, and James pulled out the healing ointment from his bag and carefully put a little bit on the bruise.

James pushed the guilt at being unable to protect Regulus from his parents aside, knowing that this was not about him.

Once Regulus had finished, he slowly leaned into James’ side, letting out a sigh as he closed his eyes. The crook of James’ neck was like a puzzle piece that was made perfectly for Regulus’ head, and as the two slowly relaxed into each other's presence, James let his hands drift up to Regulus’ hair. His fingers slowly entangled themselves into the dark curls as he comfortingly stroked Regulus’ forehead.

It was clear to James that the support Regulus needed right now was not someone to tend to his wounds, but someone to hold him. So hold him he did. James’ right hand moved slowly up and down the small of Regulus’ back soothingly, showing an undeniable caution not to startle the younger boy with any quick movements.

He cared more about the little star than was possible to admit, and he prioritised his safety over everything else. The two lay in each other’s arms for what felt like (and probably was) hours. Suddenly, Regulus shifted in his arms, mumbling something under his breath.

James tilted his head like a confused puppy, gesturing for Regulus to repeat himself. Regulus cleared his throat and glanced away.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For…” Regulus trailed off, and James was about to let it go—he wasn’t going to push for him to open up more than he was willing to do.

“...for keeping me safe.”

The dark haired boy’s voice was merely a whisper, head buried into James’ shoulder as he refused to meet his eyes. He was embarrassed, James realised. He didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent.

James thought that the two were about to fall back into their silence, when Regulus spoke. “It’s peaceful.”

Giving him an inquisitive look, James turned to face Regulus.

“Being here with you. You’re peaceful.”

James stiffened slightly before slowly nodding, “yeah, I know what you mean. You’re peaceful too, little star.”

You deserve more peace than I can give you.

Regulus smiled up at him, entwining their fingers reassuringly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more at peace than I am when I lie here with you.”

Merlin, it’s like he can hear my thoughts.

Finally, James responded. “You mean more to me than anyone else ever has, little star.”

There was a raw honesty in his tone. He may not love their situation, but he loved the boy in front of him with his whole heart.

No matter where this road was leading, James knew it was where he wanted to go. Whatever the roadworks along the way, he was in this for good.

#luc posts #luc writes #jegulus #james x regulus #james potter #regulus black #i'm so sorry this took so long #also its unneceseraly sad so uh #angst #hurt/comfort #marauders #sirius black #wolfstar mention #james potter x regulus black #marauders era #harry potter marauders #harry potter

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miryofshampoo · 2 months

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WHAT THE FAWK GUYS

UAAGHAHHH

am i tweakinh

THANK YOU SO MUCJHH!!! IM SO FLATTERED

should i host an event ive been thinking about it for a while... so i MIGHT

fave and greatest most talented sweetest mooties @bunchofroses07 , @maneated , @euncsace , @cinnikoi , @fyidor , @crystlhrts , @i6gyu , @1025flora , @mizkie , @bellelovesyou , @egorls , @lovefolder , @shiolu , @chaeyoungxs , @fairytopea , @lovm4rk , @licoofe , @eternalgyu if i forgot someone kms.

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO DEEPLU

#miryofshampoo #miry #tumblr milestone

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liliansun · 3 months

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I SEE SPARKS FLY : 23 : how did this go wrong

summary : jeno was the calm before the storm, never letting his his smile ever turn sour. his touch was the warmth she never knew she needed and when his eyes turned into little crescents, sal thanked the moon that night for giving him such features that resembled. all things seemed fine, until she realized she yearned for that same smile too many have seen. scared, she runs from the feelings that knock on her door, unbeknownst that he was waiting for her to answer him.

prev : 24 : : masterlist

taglist : @dinonuguaegi @shwizhies @jaylaxies @dearlyminhyung @cutesince2000 @minkyuncutie @haechansbbg @luv4jeno @haechology @velvet-side @lovefolder @tywritesstuff @sunflowerbebe07 @i6renj @e-forgettable @myhaechan @nyukyujs @naids4luv @daegalfangirl

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maneated · 3 months

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heyy erbbodyyy I love @lovefolder TERRIBLY..!!!!

#ivana Ur my new fav #yippie

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theiconfair · 4 years

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Free Love & Romance Isolated vector fill icons pack 4

12 Love & Romance Isolated fill icons pack include Love folder, Happy family, Blooming, flower, Couple, Lovers, Congratulations, Correspondence, heart balloon, Favorite, feeling, Heart sign gender, devil heart, Favorite, feeling and Heart sign.Free vector icons in SVG, PSD, EPS and AI format file available for commercial use. Read the full article

#Blooming #Congratulations #Correspondence #Couple #devilheart #favorite #feeling #feelingandHeartsign #flower #Happyfamily #heartballoon #Heartsigngender #Lovefolder #Lovers

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wendyandcharles · 7 years

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Tweeted

ReadersGazette: Lovefolds of Our Upbringing: A family's journey in life (Aiga .la_pulou https://t.co/QIFXWPfCmy "… https://t.co/Qhe0ZxHvTO

— Wendy Siefken (@WendyandCharles) August 3, 2017

#IFTTT #Twitter

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emmibluhm-blog · 7 years

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#sleepless. zahnweh. böse zahnfee. #thebed #loversihadandliked #sexdrugs ..&#disco #somethingschange #forgood #faltenliebe #lovefolds #schatz #finden. #freude.freutag..hehe #freitag. #laphotodujour #asphaltbeauty #inthehood #berlinstyle #berlinstagram #neukölln #photooftheday #subjectivlyobjective #kodak #nikonfm2 #analogphotography #film #berlingirl #

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usergyumoved · 2 years

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jen stop you’re so cute 😭 famous platonic soulmates giving very much so sun and moon (aka haechan and taeil) <3 and every time you say i’m a comfort blog for you it just makes my heart so full 😭 i don’t even remember how we became moots but i’m so glad we did 💗

oooh SUN&MOON!!!!!! 🥺💗💗💗 exactly exactly!!!! and yk those “tyunning being soulmates (vid compilation)” type of energy too??? WOULD BE US 100% but cooler 💕💕💕 and U ARE !!! 💗💗💗 i see u and i’m like “my baby hello!!!!!! 😔💙” hehe <3 ur like a BIG HUG 💐 and i also dont remember when or how, nor do i rmbr how the dash was before u around lol

#idk how it goes btwn haechan n taeil but i trust it is fun and sweet and they adore each other lol #if past lives are a real thing we surely met before im telling u also u being an E + me being an I perfectly fits the sun-moon trope 🥰#anywho hello i love uuuuu will write u a long letter letting u know all abt the cool things in life one day pinky promise <3 #cay 🐻#lovefolder #mail 💌

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jammingjaem · 3 months

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dream store

14. maybe i forgive you

PAIRING | lee haechan x fem!reader

mark dropped y/n off at the location haechan had specified right after their hotpot night, quickly driving haechan to his place before retrieving his own car keys. hastily, haechan drove back to the han river where y/n was waiting. spotting a flower shop, he decided to buy her a bouquet of various flowers before joining her.

“where have you been?” y/n asked, crossing her arms as she eyed the bouquet in haechan’s hand. “you’re not going to kill me and use those flowers—” she started jokingly, prompting an eye roll from haechan.

“no, you idiot. i wanted to properly apologize to you,” haechan clarified, handing her the bouquet along with his journal.

“why are you giving me your journal? we’re done with broken melodies,” she questioned, tilting her head curiously as she accepted the flowers and journal.

“maybe if you read the last page of the journal, you’d understand,” haechan suggested.

y/n began to read haechan's apology, absorbing his heartfelt words describing his regret, happiness, and growing feelings for her.

“i’m interested in you,” y/n read aloud, meeting haechan’s gaze with surprise. “you like me?” she asked, seeking confirmation.

haechan nodded shyly. “i’m just realizing that i have growing feelings for you,” he confessed, his voice tinged with vulnerability. “maybe that was why i was so bent on trying to make things right? more than a friend should,” he admitted. “y/n, i’m really sorry for hurting your feelings.”

“my job here is done,” y/n said, smiling softly as she closed the journal. “you proved yourself, broken melodies is coming out in two weeks, and you stayed true to your words about keeping a distance, so…” she paused, taking a deep breath. “maybe i forgive you.”

“maybe?” haechan repeated, disbelief evident in his tone.

“i forgive you,” y/n declared, opening her arms. haechan eagerly embraced her, relief flooding through him at her forgiveness.

as haechan held y/n tightly in his arms, he couldn't resist the urge to express his affection. gently, he leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head, causing her cheeks to flush with warmth. y/n buried her face in his chest, hiding her bashful smile as she savored the intimate moment between them.

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AUTHOR’S NOTE | one more chapter until dream store is finished </33

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svnflower-writes · 26 days

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i'll stay in the pool and drown (so i don't have to watch you leave)

description: in which Sirius runs away and Regulus is left to deal with his emotions alone.

relationship: james potter x regulus black

warnings: mentioned child abuse + neglect, angst, hurt/comfort, not much jegulus more focused on reg and sirius. not a warning but i love pandora sm

word count: 3,806

requested: no but it tied for first in the poll

note: inspired by me listening to tv by billie eilish on loop (title lyric is so regulus coded). some mutuals will know allll about my little spiral and how it included a lotttt of tv by billie. oops. this is very angsty and possibly a reflection of my mental state rn but uh… sorry??? also this is totally unedited as always oops. also there’s not really much jegulus but the stuff that's there is fluffy. It’s mainly regulus and sirius being siblings and regulus centred angst bc i love him. a bit of sirius focused angst snuck in at the end and i didn't plan that but i love him soooo. again. i'm sorry. this is almost 4k words of pure angst. so.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54978655

Regulus supposed that deep down, he had always known how everything would turn out. Sirius was always going to leave him, it was an unavoidable fact. Some things were simply written in the stars, irreversible parts of life that could not be changed by mere mortals meddling around with them. But just because it was fixed in stone, just because it was fate, didn’t stop Regulus from being completely and utterly destroyed by the mere concept.

Sirius had been the only true constant in his life.

He had been there when Regulus was five and their mother had looked at him with true resentment in her eyes and slapped him across the face for the first time. He had held the younger boy in his arms and ran his fingers through his hair, both boys shaking with fear as tears rolled down their cheeks.

He had been with Regulus when he was eight and Orion had verbally abused him for merely interacting with a muggleborn. Sirius had sat down with Regulus and ensured that he had known that nothing he had done was wrong. After Reggie had understood this, they snuck to the kitchen and stole a jar of cookies to eat while the two hid in Sirius’ room.

He had been there when Regulus was nine, his parents locking him in his room with no food for two days because he had freed one of their house elves. Sirius had sat outside Regulus’ door for the whole time, whispering to him and slipping food through the gap under the bed. They had sat in silence, neither finding anything to say that could possibly improve the situation. But silence or not, being there together made them both feel immensely better.

Sirius leaving for Hogwarts was one of the worst years of Regulus’ life—he knew Sirius would be back, though, and that’s what kept him counting the days.

Once Regulus came to Hogwarts, him and Sirius had seemed to drift apart slightly. This didn’t hurt as much as Regulus had anticipated it would, because he now had friends. He had Pandora, Evan, Barty, and Dorcas. Sometimes he had Sirius too, but Sirius was popular; he didn’t need to cling to his brother like he once had. Regulus didn’t miss the lingering glances in hallways, but he never really took any specific notice of them. He assumed that if Sirius had wanted to speak to him, he would have.

In the summer holiday after Regulus’ first year, the brothers had reconnected. They grew closer than ever, and although they still didn’t speak much at school when they finally returned, there was no doubting the love between them.

Sirius had always been there. Whether he was actually present in the moment or just in Regulus’ head, he was always by his side in his heart. But then, during the Christmas holidays of the year when Sirius turned sixteen, something seemed to change. Sirius’ fights with their parents became more and more frequent, going from happening twice a week to twice a day. He stopped being around as often, crashing at James’ house a few times a week. Regulus was holding his breath, knowing that if he stepped out of line even the slightest bit, one of his parents would snap and everything would take a turn for the worse.

He was also spending an increasing amount of time at Pandora’s house, her sweet nature a much preferred option to the feeling of walking on eggshells in his own home. Evan was there most of the time, and where Evan was, so was Barty. Every once in a while they’d manage to drag Dorcas away from Marlene and get the whole group together, but that was rather rare. It was nice, though, spending time together without the pressure of school. It ensured that Regulus understood that they actually wanted to be around him, something he had struggled with for as long as he could remember.

One thing Regulus knew was that if asked who his best friend was, he would say Pandora without hesitation. He never doubted her genuinity, which soothed a lot of his anxiety and helped him put things into perspective. Regulus needed to know that he was wanted, and Pandora never hesitated to reassure him. The two had just had the Rosier house to themselves, Barty and Evan on a date and Pandora and Evan’s parents out for a dinner party. Music softly playing off Pandora’s record player she had bought at a muggle thrift store, the two sat on her bed eating chocolate brownies and talking about what some would consider nothing but was everything to them. They had been doing this for about six hours when Regulus decided that he should probably head home to avoid his parent’s anger at him for being late.

Regulus got home and knew before he even stepped in the door that something was terribly wrong. Slowly and cautiously opening the door, Regulus held his breath as he stepped inside. The house was eerily silent, no whispers of paintings or hurried footsteps of houselves, let alone not a single sign of human life. Exhaling softly, he quietly shut the door and attempted to walk down the hallway without making a sound–which turned out to be easier said than done. The eyes on the paintings followed his every move, not once losing focus on him. He raised his hand to his forehead and pushed some stray hairs out of his eyes before making his way up the stairs to his room. He went three steps at a time, eyes fixed on the floor as the nervous lump in his throat simply grew. After what felt like an eternity, he made it to his room. His hand closed around the cold metal doorknob and he exhaled shakily. Turning the door handle, he stepped into his room before pausing. He turned, eyes landing on the door to Sirius’ room. Sighing softly, he closed his door and made his way across the hall to the door of his brother’s room.

He knocked softly.

No reply.

“Sirius?”

He knocked again, slightly louder this time.

Still, nothing.

“Sirius, can I come in?”

There was no response. Regulus sighed, slumping down on the floor, leaning back against the door and letting his head knock against the wood. He chucked. “Doesn’t this remind you of something?”

Once again, nothing. He didn’t really know what he had expected.

“Sirius, I don’t mind if you don’t want to talk to me. I won’t be offended. Can I just come in and make sure you’re okay? Please?”

The silence that followed ached painfully in Regulus’ ears.

“I’m going to take your silence as a confirmation that I can come in.”

The only sound that broke the silence was Regulus’ sigh. He stood up, opening the door of Sirius’ room and glancing around slowly. It was messier than usual. Sirius wasn’t a tidy person, but he wasn’t this messy. Clothes covered every inch of the ground and one drawer of his chest of drawers had almost fallen right out of the frame. His bed was a sorry excuse of being made, covers and sheets falling off to the point where they were more on the floor than the bed itself. There was no Sirius to be seen.

“I guess he’s spending the night at James’ again.”

He turned to leave before pausing. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and started writing.

Hi, Siri.

I assume you’re at James’, and I hope you’re okay.

I miss you, by the way. Maybe we could hang out when you get home back.

Reg

Regulus liked James—possibly a little too much —so he knew his brother was in good hands. He just wished he could see him.

Two days later, Sirius wasn’t back. It was now pretty obvious to Regulus that he was not going to be back. Sirius had left .

Left him. Sirius had left him.

He couldn’t quite believe it. He had spent five hours last night simply sitting on Sirius’ bed, wishing he was still there. The emotions he was feeling were not quite describable, but if he was in a state where he could think of the words matching these emotions, he’d probably say he felt betrayed, lost, and hurt. Of course, he would never actually say that. Regulus wasn’t one to express his emotions. One thing that Regulus understood was that he felt no form of anger towards his brother. He recognised why Sirius had left, and he thought it was very understandable. What he hated was being left. He was alone in this horrendously big house and he didn’t even have it in him to talk to Pandora about it.

Regulus had never felt comfortable sharing his feelings. He assumed this was due to his parents pushing them away whenever he had tried to tell them anything at all.

Regulus knew he’d be okay. He didn’t need other people to survive, he never had.

Three weeks later, Pandora showed up at his bedroom door with a box of chocolates and a mission. She was determined to get him outside and out of the bedroom he was rotting in if it was the last thing she did. Regulus knew he was lucky to have a friend like her, but he wanted nothing more than to sit in his bedroom for the rest of his life. Part of him knew this was unhealthy, but part of him just didn’t want to show his face to the silent house he was residing in.

Pandora would do anything to make Regulus feel okay, and she was well aware that to do this she would have to take him to Sirius, but they would cross that bridge when the time was right. First, she had to carefully shake him out of his shell of self destruction, reminding him that there were people who cared for him.

Pandora sat on his bed, looking at him with soft eyes that he avoided at all costs. “Reg… Reg, look at me.”

He didn’t, but that didn’t stop Pandora from softly cupping his head in her hands. “Regulus, I have been your best friend for five years. I know something’s wrong—and you don’t have to tell me. Just come to my house with me, Merlin knows you need to get out of this house, and Barty and Evan are out. You don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to talk to.”

Now Regulus looked up Ever so slowly, he leaned in to rest his head on his best friend’s shoulders, not speaking but his eyes holding more meaning than his words at this moment possibly could.

After ten minutes of simply being in each other's presence, Regulus spoke. “Can we get out of this house?”

Pandora nodded, helping him up. “My house?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Would you rather be alone or do you mind seeing everyone else?”

“Where are they?”

“I think they’re at Marlene’s house.”

Regulus was not close to Marlene. He didn’t know much about her, in all honesty, but because her and Dorcas were practically attached by the hip, he assumed that she was nice. And to tell the truth, Regulus needed to see his friends. He paused before muttering.

“I want to see everyone.”

“Alright.”

Much to his relief, the mood of the hangout didn’t change vividly when he arrived. He noticed Barty and Evan shared a soft glance between them, and Dorcas gave him a quick hug that was noticeably more gentle than usual, but the conversation stayed as lively as it had been before he arrived. Regulus allowed himself to lean into Pandora’s side, twirling her long hair between his fingers. She continued talking to Dorcas as her right arm embraced Regulus into her side. Regulus didn’t speak much, but no one expected him to.

As comforting and grounding as it was, it wasn’t what he needed. Regulus needed reassurance, he needed affirmations that he wasn’t the reason his brother had left. And the only person who could truly give him this confirmation was Sirius himself. He felt guilty about this; Pandora was doing more than she had to do and he couldn’t feel the amount of gratitude he knew he should be feeling. He must have stiffened, because his best friend looked down at him with an amount of gentleness that made him feel alarmingly close to tears. He felt impossibly small, looking down at his hands and fixing his gaze on the golden sun ring he always wore as he tried to regulate his breathing.

Marlene looked at him curiously from where she sat on the dark red couch across the room. She cautiously glanced at Dorcas before speaking. “I know where Sirius is if you want to see him.” That was possibly the most Marlene had ever said to him. Regulus stared at her blankly for a moment, before nodding slowly.

“Yeah, uh. That sounds nice.” his voice was impossibly weak, and he might have been embarrassed had he had any awareness of himself at this moment. But he felt like a shell of himself, he wasn’t really there.

“Okay. We probably shouldn’t all go, it might be overwhelming. So–”

“I’ll come.” Pandora spoke, much to Regulus’ relief. Despite not feeling entirely complete with her affection and care, he appreciated it. It was a kind of foreign concept to him, the genuine adoration she had for him. He had never witnessed that in his family, let alone experienced it himself. He smiled shakily at her and she squeezed his hand reassuringly.

The trip to find Sirius was quiet, but no one seemed to mind. When they were about halfway there, Regulus’ heart leapt as he had a sudden realisation. They were on their way to James’ house. On second thought, it made sense. James Potter was Sirius’ best friend, he wasn’t sure why he was so alarmed by this fact. When they arrived at the house, Regulus took a deep breath. He was overwhelmed by the emotions of this moment, the concept of seeing Sirius for the first time in two and a half weeks and being back at James’ house was causing his head to spin. He hadn’t seen James in almost a month and it was achingly evident from the heavy feeling in his heart.

Walking through the door, the first thing he saw was Sirius’ black Doc Martens sitting next to a few pairs of dirty converse beside the doormat. James’ converse. He swallowed. The first thing he heard was Sirius’ voice from a few rooms away, which almost made him do a double take. Marlene walked further into the house after quickly kicking off her red converse, and Regulus followed soon after. Pandora kept her distance behind the two, not wanting to intrude on the moment—this consideration once again reminding Regulus how deeply he loved her.

Marlene glanced back to make sure Regulus was behind her, smiling gently at him before walking into the Potter’s living room. James looked up instantly, eyes widening a fraction as he took in the boy standing in the doorway. He clearly didn’t think his words through before blurting, “Reg?”

Sirius stopped talking, whirling around with wide, panicked eyes. “Regulus?”

Regulus desperately searched in his brother’s eyes for a sign that he could go hug him, that he could say something, that he could walk further into the room. There was a certain element of distress in Regulus’ eyes as he seeked the affirmation he so desperately needed. Sirius seemed to be in shock, and it was clear to James that he would not be affirming his brother’s doubts any time soon. He wanted to, of course he did—James was well aware that Sirius loved Regulus more than anything in his entire world. So James spoke up, saying possibly the most awkward thing he could have said in this situation.

“Do you want a cup of tea?”

Regulus seemed to do a double take, but he nodded. He hadn’t considered that in order to make the cup of tea, James would have to leave the room. And James leaving the room meant Regulus and Sirius being the only ones in the room. He was unaware of this fact until James left the room, throwing a sweet, gentle smile over his shoulder. Regulus felt alarmingly alone without him there, his eyes darting from Sirius to the wall to the floor to Sirius again to his hands. He didn’t want to stare; if there was one thing that his parents had succeeded in, it was raising their youngest son with impeccable manners. No matter how good his manners were, his parents had failed to teach him how to deal with his anxiety. He fiddled with his hands, twirling the gold ring on his index finger around slowly for about a minute before finally looking up again.

This time, Sirius was looking at him too. The older brother seemed to understand that Regulus was not going to be the one to start this conversation, so he sighed and sat down, patting the spot on the couch next to him. Regulus sat, decidedly further away from Sirius than Sirius had gestured for, but Sirius didn’t seem to mind—if he did, he had the decency to stay silent. It would be hypocritical for Sirius to get upset about Regulus not sitting next to him on the couch after leaving him alone with their parents for two and a half weeks.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius eventually spoke.

Regulus said nothing, so Sirius shakily continued. “I didn’t want to leave you. It’s just– it just– it was too much. They were too much, you know?”

“They always have been.” Regulus mumbled softly.

“And they said something about Moony.”

Of course they did.

Sirius sighed, “he told me off for leaving you though. Said I should have bought you with me.”

“You should have.”

“I know.”

Just as the two brothers fell into an awkward silence, James walked in with a small grin on his face. “Okay, so, I think I remembered pretty well how you like your tea.”

Sirius looked between the two as James passed Regulus the mug, watching how their fingertips brushed and a smile graced Regulus’ lips. Regulus didn’t like milk or sugar in his tea, something that Sirius had always wrinkled his nose at. James took his tea far sweeter than Reg did, but he was more than happy to make it exactly to Regulus’ tastes if that was what would make him happy. “It’s perfect. I can’t believe you remembered.”

“How could I not?”

It was then that Sirius’ eyes fell to their hands, noticing that Regulus’ gold ring was a sun symbol and James wore a silver star one. This was a contrast to both of their usual jewellery colours, the gold earrings in James’ ears suddenly a lot more obvious than they had been minutes ago. Sirius silently watched the interactions between the two and swallowed slowly.

Sirius had this burning need to be loved, to be appreciated, to be the favourite. Regulus was his parents’ favourite son, and although he acted like this didn’t faze him, it stung. Sirius had introduced Reg to Barty and Evan, and now the three were inseparable. Sirius didn’t even talk to the two Slytherins anymore. Remus loved Regulus, the two had bonded over things that Sirius couldn’t even begin to understand—and he knew it was stupid. He knew that Remus looked at him like he had literally hung the stars, but there was this underlying jealousy of the fact that his brother got along with everyone without even trying. Regulus didn’t want to get along with people, he’d be quite happy spending his days whispering with Pandora and basking in his own company.

Was Regulus more likeable? More manageable? That had to be it. Sirius was too much for people. Sirius was too much for everyone.

And now, his best friend was snogging his brother behind his back. It wasn’t that he was bothered by their relationship, he didn’t care who Regulus dated as long as they didn’t hurt him—and James would never hurt him.

James was, theoretically, perfect for Regulus. They balanced each other out, much like Sirius and Remus. James was the Yang to his Yin, the base to his acid, the light to his dark. And perhaps it was the fact that the two fit together so naturally that bothered him. Perhaps it was the inherent jealousy of Regulus always being better than him at everything. Regulus had Sirius’ best friend looking at him with pure, soft adoration in his eyes, and Sirius couldn’t even deny how much sense they made together.

In his heart, Sirius knew how much love James had for him. James was one of those people who did not ration out the love and care he gave people, he was overflowing with genuine devotion and love, not hesitating to shower those around him with it. And Sirius knew that the two of them had the strongest friendship he had ever had and likely ever would. He knew it wasn’t going to change. Merlin, with how James gazed at Regulus, Sirius predicted that whatever they had had been going on for at least five months. And those five months had not changed how James had acted with Sirius, their friendship was as codependent as ever.

Sirius knew that James had enough love for both of them. He knew that the love that James could give was exactly what Regulus needed. Sirius knew that these feelings had been drilled into his mind by how his parents had treated him, but his parents weren’t here now. Sirius knew that this trauma ran deep, however, and it would take a while for him to come to terms with this relationship.

Regulus could tell from the look in his eyes that he had figured it out. It didn’t bother him, the only reason he and James hadn’t mentioned it to anyone was due to the complications with their families and how difficult it was to actually see each other regularly. Offering a soft smile to Sirius, Regulus leaned into his brother’s side. Sirius froze up for a moment, glancing at James as his eyes widened. James smiled tenderly at the two before getting up and leaving the room to wherever Marlene and Pandora were.

Slowly, Sirius relaxed, and Regulus almost breathed a sigh of relief. “I missed this.”

Sirius hummed, “I missed you more than you know, little star .”

Sighing, Regulus closed his eyes. Sirius may never be the constant in his life he had once been, but as long as he was part of it, Regulus couldn’t complain.

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