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autumnslance · 6 months
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Werlyt in Lorebook 3
So Werlyt gets a page expanding on its location and history a bit, to be expected as the new Encyclopaedia Eorzea 3 goes over both Shadowbringers and Endwalker content. What they do with its history as an Imperial province again paints Gaius in a better light...in ways we already knew were IC for him as established in earlier content, while also being straight up out of Machiavelli's The Prince in a way that makes complete sense for the Empire when dealing with conquered provinces, and how we've even heard before how some of them are ruled very much like native Garlean regions.
See, one of the oldest tricks in the literal book is you conquer a province, and especially if it proves unruly, you give it a nasty governor. Use them to root out the rebellious factions, while also tearing apart the old systems, stripping resources, crushing the populace, etc. THEN you send in a Reasonable Guy to take over who ousts the bad vicious leader, restores order, treats the people well, and so on. Now that new governor--and by extension his emperor for sending him--looks better in the eyes of the people, a problematic political/military rival has been killed/broken politically, the unruly elements have already been culled, and the people are just grateful for a reprieve from their misery. More acquiescent and "this isn't so bad after all."
Another famous literary example (and with a new movie a few months out) is Dune; once Harkonnen takes back Arrakis, he sends one nephew, Raban, who is literally nicknamed "the Beast", to be a horrible bully of a governor. His job is to root out the remaining loyal Atreides and quash the local Fremen. Then once Raban's atrocities were at their peak, Harkonnen meant to send in his heir, Feyd-Ruatha, to be the golden prince who would get rid of the problematic Raban (lethally if needed) and be accepted by the people as a decent leader. Of course, Dune's story rolls out differently, but the play is the same.
The Garlean Empire did the exact same thing in Werlyt.
For 30 years the subjugated nation was oppressed and stripped of resources. When the Empire's attention moved toward Othard and the military presence thinned enough a rebellion rose up, it was still crushed, but not before the previous viceroy was killed in the revolt.
Then Gaius van Baelsar came in and restored order. We already knew Gaius had a habit of appointing the right people for the job, regardless of race and social standing; he continued that in Werlyt, and was otherwise a good governor, working to ensure the populace was cared for, administered properly, even improved education and literacy rates. So after a few decades of crushing abuse...now Werlyt had a "reasonable governor" who treated them like people and took care of them, if still under the auspices of the Empire. They made it look like a better deal, and the previous guy was a mistake that shouldn't have happened.
This also tracks with pre-Praetorium Gaius as the "true believer" of Garlemald's Imperial mission of taming the "savage" lands and ushering them into the "civilized" ways of the Empire and adding those peoples' knowledges, cultures, skills, and might to the Empire to make everyone better. That "unity" aspect he and other leaders like Quintus van Cinna spouted while missing the hypocrisy. Gaius was a good governor because he thought that was the entire point--and then also led to his opposition of the Meteor Project. He never wanted to wipe Eorzea out, he wanted to bring it under Imperial control and govern it as he had Werlyt.
So for twenty years, Gaius was the reasonable governor getting good grades in cultivating Werlyt as a respectable and flourishing province of the Empire. Then he was sent to Ala Mhigo to conquer that, and through it the rest of Eorzea.
...And then Valens van Varro took over Werlyt and pretty much overnight undid everything reasonable a decent governor would do because of his jealousy over Gaius and his own ambitions for power, especially after the civil wars left the Imperial throne vacant. Also cuz again, they have to spend this branch of story making Gaius look better by making Valens cartoonishly bad at everything. Rather than trusting what they already wrote about a complicated man who truly believed in his mission until forced to see how he had been a pawn sowing misery his whole life. But they've tended to rewrite Gaius and his on screen characterization a lot as it is, and with Garlemald not getting an expansion of its own (they had considered it but ultimately worked its fall into ShB and EW), it feels like they hammer this point in Werlyt to speed run what was supposed to be an actual rehabilitation arc for the character.
And then it once again frames the quintent as rebellious heroes who thwarted Valens plans to use them and the Weapons project for his own ends and sure we'll let that go cuz the folks in Werlyt need something. They do have a named leader (Talbot Hunte) and a government set up and none of it really mentions Gaius, though we know they put him in charge of their military. Cuz yeah, he was one of their conquerers--but they also know that they can work with him and that he knows how to run an army effectively.
Also all the quintet are literally named "aan Baelsar" in their entries, though the main thing I noticed there was that Milisandia did in fact dye her hair red to account for the discrepancy in her child appearances in the various flashbacks. Apparently it was cuz she noticed Alfonse seemed very fond of one of their caretakers at the orphanage, and so Milisandia changed her hair to be the same color to try and get his attention, quietly pining for him for years but never letting him know about her not-quite-sisterly affections.
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blackblood-tonic · 10 months
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Emblem concerts I've done for the Emblematic Contest
I just forgot to post them here
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larkkspuur · 2 years
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Intrinsically linked.
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A drawing of Antares, an Enderian. He is falling through space. He is wearing a full faced mask, a purple-toned white shirt with a bow on the back and black pants that turn purple at the edges. both of his hands and his chest/stomach have slashes on them that cut the shirt. His mask is cracked. There is a light coming from his chest and a small string coming from it, cut a small distance away. There are tears coming from his face.
The text in the top left reads:
Soulmate has disconnected from the link
Thank you for using our service.
Have a nice day.
END ID.
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skeletalk-art · 1 year
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Elder Scrolls Skyrim: The Dreamstride (Lorebook, Audiobook & Art)
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Is the Eridean number system base 10?
This is a piece of worldbuilding that I’ve thought about, but not truly fleshed out with its own history; I like to think that, much like many of the early civilizations of our own world, the cultures of Erdeia developed base 10 number systems independently, and at least by the current year, Y475, with sufficient cultural diffusion and sufficient international diplomatic relations such that a unified calendar system can be established, most of the world (or at least the more-developed nations, kingdoms, or empires) has agreed to the use of mathematical or scientific measurement methods similar to our world’s SI standard. Great question, thanks for the inspiration!
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troythecatfish · 5 months
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valentine-cafe · 6 months
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. ˚◞♡ 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒂 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒆, 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒈𝒐◞ ₊˚
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⊹ ۪ ࣪ ᥫ᭡ our wiki ꒱ 
𖹭. our lorebook/wiki is on an external site ( notion ), you do not need any former knowledge of this site ro navigate
𖹭.it looks better on desktop, but if you are on mobile, make sure that you change your browser settings to "desktop site" in the top left corner. otherwise, you can simple use the mobile look
𖹭. if you struggle with anything don't be afraid to give us a shout!
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thebridgebeyond · 8 months
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Lorebook:
The Taiber’su Civil War
I've been thinking about the monarchs again, which is not unusual considering I'm still processing the zhuard monarch who reached Issuhiro. But a few days ago I got some insight..
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There was only ever one record of the Taiber’su taking over a realm, and it was their own. The brief epiphany on the matter suddenly came through and it became realized that it was a gritty situation involving faction(s) of Taiber’su. One of which, from what I gleaned, was more radicalized that the other (they may not have been the only ones in the skirmish to be such a way but I sense a civil war conflict between two). It's strange to have a different view of the zhuard creators than previously noted, but that's sometimes the case when I get glimpses like these. They weren't conquers (that much I knew..they never invaded anywhere outside of their realm on purpose minus Expo 07).
That belligerent faction sought to turn the realm into something they saw as a better fit for them. They wanted to create without interference. The ability to make their own fauna, to recreate what was their own world--it was a very odd obsession that I can't really pinpoint the source of. For some, the act of playing God may come to mind, and that's most likely the case. This faction was not in need of making such creatures...they did so out of enjoyment.
When things were getting hairy during this civil war, they made an executive decision to release two zhuard monarchs to test their power and as a show of might (the Issuhiro monarch was the third, but she was not involved in this first incident). The agenda again was more or less to turn the realm into an area for their own creations, letting them be an artistic and, in some cases, more advanced interpretation of what the faction saw. Thus the Taiber’su empire being born, slowly.
In these instances of monarch attacks, the targets were not only enemy towers, but Taiber’su civilians too. The damage from the two resulted in far too many casualties, even when the monarchs were called back in a stupor. The attacks were random but happened more than once. The realm really did become a wasteland--the monarchs (particularly one and of her frenzies) evaporated the oceans, the area grew dark with ashes, and one would only spot strange creations in the darkness.
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lapandablasee · 9 months
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fighting the urge to make a neocities lorebook just for me and my ocs but I need to draw them more to do that, praying for a hyperfixation stat like rn please god
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haunted-xander · 1 year
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And so I, the fool, bleeds to play the saviour
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autumnslance · 6 months
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Does the new EE volume cover any of the job abilities or artifact gears we've gotten since ShB? Really curious about things like Xenoglossy and the afflatus spells
The only jobs with abilities and artifact gear it goes into are those introduced in Shadowbringers and Endwalker; Gunbreaker, Dancer, Reaper, Sage, and Blue Mage get write ups. There’s a 2 page spread of some Machinist weapons, but otherwise the previous jobs are not touched on again.
The book is very focused on the ancient world and set up for the Zodiark/Hydaelyn conflict leading to the plot, the First, the new regions in EW, Ardbert & crew’s journey and explaining the details of Shadowkeeper’s villainy (and why she’s so guilt-ridden over it all now cuz wow), and all the people, places, storylines, side content, holidays, and creatures we’ve encountered the last 2 expacs, up to the end of 6.0 (So there's no patch information). All of the 24 man raids from ARR through Stormblood, Bozja, and the 4 man dungeons of Shadowbringers and 6.0 are detailed.
But Not YoRHa: Dark Apocalypse. The NieR raids are entirely missing from the lorebook. Anogg and Konogg get short entries in the section with the other dwarves, but the last quarter of Anogg’s entry is blotted out (one of three entries in the book that are redacted; the Beavers and Other Ones in Ultima Thule are the others). I expect the raid series' lore is being folded in NieR's own, as is per usual with extra-game material for that series.
Also there's more than a little gender muckery going on; an unseen leader with no one sure what they look like or what gender they are. Giott from the ShB Role Quests being referred to as "they." Nutsy, of Clan Nutsy hunts, is suddenly using she/her (kinda sure it was he/him in game?? Have to check if they ever mentioned Nutsy's pronouns/gender before). The Loporrits have no biological gender, they pick pronouns cuz they think the people of Etheirys doing so is a cute "quirk." They stuck with the lore of Viera/Viis children not having visible biological sex traits until puberty (and then most of them present as female). This on top of what we got about dragons in the patch content (we knew about the asexual reproduction, but it's confirmed they really don't care about gender and also choose it out of a hat), and is emphasized in Vrtra's simulacra being of various ages and genders over time; Varshan's just the latest random model.
They also seem to emphasize even more that this book is written as if in universe, even with several of the secrets it does spill, noting the Scions' reports and information, and how much of it is trustworthy or not, and what the Scions themselves did not report on or redacted, which is really things like not talking publicly about exactly what happened to them--nor the details of the WoL's battles--in Ultima Thule. So it seems primarily to preserve some MSQ specific events for playthrough, and also to not simply blow-by-blow retell said MSQ. It also says where their accounts have been corroborated by other sources, such as when they note the Sharlayan Forum unanimously backing the Scions' records without caveats.
This also indicates the Scions are understandably not publicly sharing all the Traumas MSQ has put them through, nor some of the truly dangerous or simply sensitive information the main party is privy to. And adds a neat little twist on how some folks may be skeptical of the Scions actions, methods, and motivations for their heroics and what that looks like to the general public from the outside, and the people who have to collect and record these histories and observations, even if the evidence speaks for itself.
The devs do this "in universe" storytelling often, because doing so gives the writers wiggle room to make changes/retcons, as the IC writers of these framing devices and lore info dumps can be mistaken, lying, biased, or otherwise writing to their own agenda even while purporting to be as objectively honest as possible. It allows for flexibility in the lore for them, and makes space for plenty of headcanons for us.
I'll probably do a post on the Vrandtic language and alphabet, and Faerie runes, at some point as that's of interest for me in specific. For now, let's just say they took the easy-ish way despite going into detail on the development and proliferation of Eorzean Common in a previous EE.
In fact, here's the Table of Content for the Lorebook, transcript under the cut, mistakes probably mine, etc:
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THE INVENTORY OR INDEX
CONTAINING THE CONTENT OF VII BOOKS SEEKING TRUTHS ACROSS AND BEYOND OUR STAR
The First Book: Etheirys 005
The Ancient World - 006
The Beginning of the Final Days - 014
Norvrandt and the First - 024
The History of Norvrandt - 026
The Warriors of Light - 032
The Flood of Light -040
A Century of Vrandtic History - 043
The Language of Norvrandt - 052
Eorzean Holiday Traditions - 054
The Second Book: Children of the Cosmos 065
The Hrothgar - 066
The Viera - 068
The Arkasodara - 070
The Loporrits - 072
Races from Distant Stars - 074
Peoples of the First - 082
The Pixies - 086
The Nu Mou - 088
The Fuath - 090
The Tupaq Amaro - 091
The Qitarri - 092
The Hobgoblin - 094
The Third Book: Distant Lands 095
The Crystarium - 096
Lakeland - 104
Eulmore - 106
Kholusia - 110
Amh Araeng - 112
Il Mheg - 114
The Rak'tika Greatwood - 116
The Tempest - 118
Werlyt - 120
Bozja - 122
Old Sharlayan - 124
Labyrinthos - 130
Radz-at-Han - 132
Thavnair - 140
Garlemald - 142
Mare Lamentorum - 144
Elpis - 146
Ultima Thule - 148
The Fourth Book: Servants of Fate 151
Faces of the Crystarium - 152
Vanquishers of Virtue - 154
Makers of the Mean - 156
Faces of Lakeland - 158
Faces of Kholusia - 159
Faces of Eulmore - 161
Faces o Amh Araeng - 163
Away with the Fae - 165
Keepers o the Rak'tika Greatwood - 166
Faces of the Tempest - 168
Faces of Werlyt - 169
The Bozjan Resistance - 171
The IVth Legion - 172
Faces of the Firmament - 173
Faces of Sharlayan - 174
Scholars of the Studium - 175
Faces of Labyrinthos - 177
Faces of Thavnair - 178
Faces of Garlemald - 180
Faces of Mare Lamentorum - 182
Faces of Elpis - 183
Echoes of Ultima Thule - 185
Faces from Journeys Past - 186
The Fifth Book: Journeys Traced 189
The Unending Journey - 190
The Labyrinth of the Ancients - 192
Syrcus Tower - 193
The World of Darkness - 194
The Void Ark - 195
The Weeping City of Mhach - 196
Dun Scaith - 197
The Royal City of Rabanaste - 198
The Ridorana Lighthouse - 199
The Orbonne Monastery - 200
The Bozjan Southern Front - 201
Castrum Lacus Litore - 202
Delubrum Reginae - 203
Zadnor - 204
The Burn - 206
The Ghimlyt Dark - 207
Holminster Switch - 208
Dohn Mheg - 209
The Qitana Ravel - 210
Malikah's Well - 211
Mt. Gulg - 212
Amaurot - 213
The Twinning - 214
Akademia Anyder - 215
The Grand Cosmos - 216
Anamnesis Anyder - 215
The Heroes' Gauntlet - 218
Matoya's Relict - 219
Paglth'an - 220
The Tower of Zot - 221
The Tower of Babil - 222
Vanaspati - 223
Ktisis Hyperborea - 224
The Aitiascope - 225
The Dead Ends - 226
The Stigma Dreamscape - 227
Smileton - 228
The Sixth Book: Inventive Designs 229
Gunbreaker - 230
Dancer - 232
Reaper - 234
Sage - 236
Blue Mage - 238
The Gunblade - 240
Throwing Weapons - 242
The Scythe - 244
Nouliths - 246
Machinist Kit - 248
A Gunbreaker's Panoply - 250
A Dancer's Panoply - 251
A Reaper's Panoply - 252
A Sage's Panoply - 253
A Blue Mage's Panoply - 254
The Seventh Book: Curious Creatures 255
A Broader Bestiary - 256
Beastkin - 258
Seedkin - 260
Wavekin - 261
Cloudkin - 262
Scalekin - 263
Forgekin - 264
Ashkin & Voidsent - 268
Soulkin - 269
Transfigured - 271
Extrastellar Life - 273
Creations - 275
Eden Primals - 278
Beasts of the Final Days - 282
The Ultima Weapon Projects - 286
Elite Clan Nutsy Marks - 292
Lakeland - 292
Kholusia - 293
Amh Araeng - 294
Il Mheg - 295
The Rak'tika Greatwood - 296
The Tempest - 297
Elite Marks of the Gleaners' Guildship - 298
Labyrinthos - 298
Thavnair - 299
Garlenald - 300
Mare Lamentorum - 301
Elpis - 302
Ultima Thule - 303
Supplements
Solidarity Through Celebration - 064
Protectors of the Realm - 150
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deathflare · 1 year
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erenville
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larkkspuur · 2 years
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A muzzled hound I'm tied and bound A wild beast crying for release I want my mouth So I may howl And share with silence of the trees
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The Illusionist, a character belonging to/portrayed by @tempulian​. She has long, braided blackish purpleish hair, black shadowy skin that is dripping, a white shirt that puffs at the sleeves and ends at the elbows, a long purple skirt, and around her neck is an eye of ender. She also has a white mask with pitch black eyes and mouth and “eyeshadow” that is lime green with streaks of white. The mask is frowning. She is reaching for her neck where the eye of ender is, that has blood behind it and a sketchy hand reaching out for it through her chest. Her hair is cut off at the end of the braid, where the end looks like a scorpion stinger with lime green drips coming out of it. Around her neck are white, fanged teeth with blood on them. Behind her are a pair of angry pink eyes.
End ID
Bloodless version under cut
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Same image but the blood has been removed from the teeth and from behind the hand and ender eye, and the hand reaching through her chest is white. End ID
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glassedplanets · 2 months
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Can you do it, Drifter? Can you make the Man with the Golden Gun the villain in the eyes of those who would tempt the Dark?
redraw!
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a-driftamongopenstars · 5 months
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when Riven!Mara told Uldren "you looked into an abyss, bowed to false kings and suffered uncountable betrayals. you were humiliated, imprisoned, manipulated... Taken. and still you have up everything, because you love", she really wasn't wrong. she literally did not lie.
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silverjirachi · 2 months
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How were you a cult leader for a week?
Okay so this is going to be a looooonnnggg story and I never even really sat back and thought about how batshit insane it was until I started talking about it with other people. Which is more recently than you'd expect for the fact that it took place over ten years ago. But back then I also didn't have the life experience to see how.. weird and creepy it was until well, well afterwards.
Another thing that contributed to the fact that I never really thought or spoke about it because that was actually a core tenant of the program. If you talk about it, you're ruining the "sacredness" of the experience if someone else might go through it. So you gotta keep it secret so it's not spoiled for them. Which was a way bigger deal at my school than it now is like, out in the wild. And when I said that first part out loud "So like, oh! I'm not actually supposed to talk about this, BUT" I realized this was some cult shit.
Like I said, long story so I'm gonna put it under a cut for people who wanna read.
Alright so. This story begins at my co-ed Catholic high school. Each year as part of our like, religious enrichment, we went on "retreats" or missions to different areas locally. Freshmen didn't have one, though their was like 1 day of service out in the community. (We went to a retirement home and passed out valentine's cards all day if memory serves).
Sophomores and Juniors got to participate in the more coveted, multiple-day religious retreats that were school-sponsored excuses to get out of school. And they were mandatory, even if you were not Catholic.
What's important to know about these retreats is that they were FAMOUS at our school. They were surrounded with so much mystique, hype, and infamy. People spread rumors about them. People spread lies about them. People spread gossip about who did what with such and such during these retreats. One common, straight-faced lie that almost ALL seniors told about the Senior Retreat was that you all "got naked and danced around a fire" (this will be relevant later). The Naked Fire Dance was like a schoolwide JOKE about this very famous, very infamous senior retreat called Kairos.
What added to this hype, particularly around Kairos, is that once you completed it, you got this special (though rather plain-looking) cross that was given out at the end of the retreat. ALL the seniors who had been through Kairos wore them, EVERY DAY, and groups of students were taken on retreats in groups of 40-50, so not the whole class got them at once. It was like a gradual progression watching these crosses appear around peoples' necks. And like, they got to miss ALMOST A FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL. Come on now. That's amazing.
I actually broke down crying when my own Kairos cross broke during band practice and my percussion instructor fixed it for me. That's how important these things were, both as an emotional AND a status symbol. Wearing a Kairos cross was on an equal level with having a class ring - if you wore one, you had MADE IT.
So I was naturally STOKED when I discovered I was selected to take part in Kairos at the end of my JUNIOR YEAR rather than my senior year. Looking back on it, this absolutely was not random. Kairos retreats were split into different dates for a very particular purpose, and that was to make sure there was always a fresh influx of students to become the next set of "leaders" on these retreats. The first round of Kairos actually began in May or June of the respective class's JUNIOR YEAR so that there would be some classmates to lead the next Kairos that would begin in the proper senior year in the fall. I was selected for this first session because they ABSOLUTELY had already scouted me out as a potential leader and wanted to make sure I had the chance to. I had good grades in religion, participation in church, etc, and kind of had a reputation for it.
Funnily enough, these were all numbered, and I was on Kairos 68. I led Kairos 69, which they changed to Kairos 70. Do the kids these day know? Do they even know their whole numbering system is off because their school refused to allow Kairos 69 to exist?
BUT WHEN ARE WE GETTING TO THE CULT SHIT? Ok. We'll get into the cult shit now.
So the first thing to know about these retreats and therefore also Kairos is that they take place in the middle of the woods. They're at a spiritual retreat center led by some monks about 30-40 minutes away from the school. So you are ISOLATED in what is essentially a large cabin but feels more like a retirement home. Everyone gets their own tiny little room that basically only had a bed, a dresser, and your own sink in it.
They take you into this cabin in the middle of the woods and of course you have to give up all your electronics. Your phone is confiscated from you if they find you have brought it, etc. Not only this, but then you find that they have covered up all the clocks. So you start to develop this immediate sense of restlessness and time blindness because all the clocks are covered with a white sheet and a sign that says "GOD'S TIME." Your entire day structure and even sense of TIME are now at the mercy of the cult leaders, excuse me, I mean student leaders and teacher chaperones on the retreat.
There are no parents here. It's just about fifty 17 to 18 year olds and about 7 teachers. And about 6 student "group leaders" who had a very, very central and important role in the whole event.
What essentially happened was for the next 4 days, we sat in this group conference room at round tables listening to talks and having breakout discussions about Jesus all day. Church in the morning and evening. You got max like, 1, maybe 2 hours of free time after lunch. Literally just living that #monasterylife. But there was something very... particular... about these talks that are things I definitely do not think go down at a monastery.
Each day, a handful of the teachers and student group leaders gave talks surrounded a particular topic or theme of the day. I can't remember all of them, but they'd be things like Piety, and Service, and Charity, and Forgiveness, etc. Christian values. Each talk had a name centered around a particular value. Mine was Piety.
The thing about these talks though, is that they were incredibly, deeply, invasively personal.
Now, I'm going to be upfront and say no one was forced to go up there and spill the deepest darkest secrets of their life. All the student leaders had signed up for this KNOWING they'd be asked to write an incredibly personal sermon on their assigned topic. But there is something addictive about that cult mentality when everyone is getting up on that pulpit oversharing well, you wanna spill your whole life story too. (However, we'll get back to some insider secrets about this later).
TW next paragraphs off-hand but not graphically mentioning suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm and cutting, domestic abuse, etc.
Teachers went up there and talked about their marriages and divorces and how such things brought them closer to God. About how their drunken fathers beat them. Student leaders got up there and gave talks about their suicide attempts or being abused and how being saved from these things brought them closer to god. I learned the intimate ups and downs of my teachers' and fellow classmates' lives in a way I NEVER thought I would and it would all be wrapped up in a little lesson about god. They'd play a little meaningful song of the speaker's choice before and after the sermon to set the scene and help everyone reflect and pray. Mine were Uncharted by Sara Bareilles and The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin. Very deep and meaningful stuff to me at age 17.
As the week progresses and the students drink more of the kool-aid, the participant students are even allowed to go up and say a few words too. And I am not kidding when I say each night there would be at least 1-2 confessions of suicidal ideation or suicide attempts, a handful of mentions of cutting or self harm, and a handful of mentions of actively being abused, even in relationships with other students not on the retreat.
No trigger warnings because this was like 2012 and those were only JUST becoming a thing.
Now, looking back on it now as someone who has taught middle and high schoolers, I can only say: WHaT THE HELL? Teachers absolutely were not required to report these confessions, and I think actively were encouraged not to. I know for a fact student leaders were not supposed to report anything. Because it was supposed to be a safe space where people could say anything. To know someone might take action outside that world would violate the sacred trust we were building with one another, and the closeness we were getting to god. People could reach out to someone individually after the retreat, but unlike in a lot of other cases where it would be MANDATORY for an adult to report certain things, no such enforcement here existed. As a teen, that seemed awesome. As an adult who has taught and looked after children now, I am horrified. I know it's a complicated nuanced topic, but holy hell batman.
And as a 17-year-old retreat leader, I felt responsible for my flock. One girl confessed to me about her mom who was being actively abusive, and I, at the tender age of 17, was suddenly put in a position where I felt like I had to do something for her. I'M NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THAT!! I'M SEVENTEEN!!! But she confided in me and now I wanna support her in any way I can. I went over to her house several times after that retreat and honestly almost got myself into some horrible, dangerous situations because I felt like I was obligated to because we had shared this soul-baring bond at Kairos. I TOLD NO ONE. I GOT HELP FROM NO ADULT ON THIS.
BUT THESE TALKS WEREN'T EVEN THE ONLY WILD AND WACKY THINGS THAT HAPPENED THAT WEEK!!
One of the other biggest events at Kairos was "letters night." This happens on like the second night of the retreat when all 50 teenagers are herded into a dark room lit only by a few candles and sit in silence for a few minutes. We're all sitting there wondering what's going on. Then, all of a sudden, one of our teachers starts reading a letter addressed to someone. At the end of the letter, it's revealed its from a parent or loved one of at student in the room. They're called up to receive their letter and a hug of comfort if they want it, because of course half of us are sobbing at this point. This goes on for all fifty students in the room. Each of us gets a deeply personal letter from our parents or loved ones about our life stories read in front of forty-nine of our other peers. I can't even imagine how this must have felt for someone without loving parents, but they made it work so everyone had a meaningful letter read aloud.
After that LONG, LONG process, we do one final meditation and are led back to our rooms for sleep. It is then we discover BOATLOADS of letters from other students that have been dumped all over our rooms and our beds. Letters of love, encouragement, well-wishes. Confessions of love or admiration. Letters of apology. Truly anything your upperclassmen friends, relatives, or others might want to write about you. The letters night is kept INCREDIBLY secret and is actually one of the reasons I never talked about Kairos. Because, as personal as it is, it was also an incredibly powerful, formative moment for me. It made me feel more loved and more valued as a person who made a difference on this earth than anything else in my life at that point, and I hung on to my Kairos letters for a very long time afterwards. And the not knowing anything, the surprise of it all really contributed to that. It was like getting hit with a truck with nothing but sheer love, especially at a time in my life when I felt worthless and unwanted and was, myself, actively considering suicide. Writing letters to my group members and friends going on Kairos was my favorite part of the whole process.
And then there was. The moment you have all been waiting for. THE NAKED FIRE DANCE.
Now, thankfully, this was not an actual naked fire dance. But the joke was at last revealed. It is called the naked fire dance, because it is at this point that THE STUDENT LEADERS, and ONLY the students leaders, NO TEACHERS, take their small flock back UNSUPERVISED into these small breakout rooms and they have... the naked fire dance. All the lights are off. It's the middle of the night. The small room is lit only with one candle, and everyone sits in a circle as the teenage cult leader starts with a single prayer. Then she opens up the floor. Now all the students, heart to heart, sit around this single candle for the next hour sharing secrets about themselves. Confessing things to each other. It's called the naked fire dance because you "take off your masks" (aka "get naked) in a circle around "a fire" (candle).
Again, this was an incredibly moving and formative experience for me. I was in a group with jocks, cheerleaders, people I'd NEVER interact with normally. And I felt so loved and connected to them. But that's a big component about how cults work. They feel good!!
Then, you all go back for one final group prayer and are released to bed. The next morning is the 4th day where they do some wrapping up, and you find out the whole retreat is structured around Jesus' 3 day death or whatever. And then you, on the 4th day - rise again. You live the fourth!! And you also talk about it to no one. Ever. That is a very important component of Living the 4th: Don't you dare fucking talk about it.
You go back to the school on a bus for your parents to pick you up and you are led into the chapel for one "final prayer" it's then that you are stampeded at down the hallway by all the other students who have already been through Kairos. That was also very special, like the letters moment. Just a WALL of over a hundred other teenagers running straight for you screaming. My boyfriend was there and picked me up and spun me around it was really sweet and nice. Trainwreck of love.
AND NOW FOR SOME INSIDER KNOWLEDGE FROM SOMEONE WHO SPENT A WEEK AS A CULT LEADER STUDENT DISCUSSION LEADER:
Every night after we'd send the students to bed, all the teachers and student leaders would convene in this other, side cabin like a high council. It was there that we'd review how the day went, how our breakout and small group discussions went, things we were observing in our flock student group, things we wanted advice and guidance on, etc. They were nice meetings. We'd have snacks. It'd be fun etc.
BUT. MY FAVORITE PART OF THESE MEETINGS. WE'D TALK ABOUT OUR NEXT TARGETS. WE'D TALK ABOUT WHO IN OUR GROUPS WE THOUGHT WAS CLOSE TO "BREAKING." AKA OPENING UP TO BARE THEIR SOUL AND CONNECT TO THE OTHER STUDENTS. TO LIKE. SPILL ALL THEIR BEANS.
WE WOULD DISCUSS STRATEGIES TO HELP BREAK THEM.
"Oh yeah I think letters night tomorrow is gonna break Chris enough to open up at the naked fire dance."
"Kelsey is SO CLOSE to getting there I think she'll break through tomorrow morning."
"Yeah I think Ryan just needs his space but I can tell he'll come around so we'll not push we'll just gently continue to offer."
HELLO???
I'M SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD AND IN A ROOMFUL OF OTHER STUDENTS AND MY TEACHERS TALKING ABOUT HOW TO PSYCHOLOGICALLY MANIPULATE OTHER STUDENTS INTO SHARING SECRETS ABOUT THEMSELVES???
And again, never even thought that was weird or culty until now. Just thought I was helping my fellow students get the most out of Kairos. And you're not supposed to talk about Kairos, btw.
Anyways. TL;DR it was a really great experience for me and taught me a lot about empathy for others and self love, however there were definitely more than a few ethical violations and things that now raise a number of concerns for me as an adult that I think will never get fully addressed.
And that's how I helped to lead a cult for a week!
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