#lonely. but that will b very short term | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ohblitz0 · 8 months

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A/N: Okay— I saw this post and it inspired me to write something of my own. When it comes to Price, I just can’t help myself, okay!!!

Warnings: Neighbor!Price, Dirty talk, Profanity, Unprotected p and v (wrap the tool before you fool) Age gap, Smoking, Use of sex toy, Degrading, annnnd I think that’s it? Let me know if I missed anything. Mdni!!

He knows. He definitely knows now what’s going on inside of that pretty little head of yours. At first it wasn’t as noticeable since he’d be gone for long periods of time because of work. But, when he was around, he noticed his pretty little neighbor. You were always so sweet to him. The coming down of missions were hard but the small interactions he had with you brought him back, eased him into a normal routine at home.

His apartment was small but it was home. He didn’t need anything extravagant since it was just him and he’d be away most of the time. Time here was less lonely with you as his neighbor. You once asked him to fix the faucet of your kitchen sink.

There was a knock at his door, it was a bit strange to him because he never has visitors unless called upon. Swiftly pushing his handgun behind the back of his jeans before he went to the door. Just in case. When he opened the door he realized it was no threat just you— but that doe eyed look on your face could be the death of him.

“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Price— Uhm, my sink, it’s leaking and I was wondering if you could come by and take a look?” Your hands were clasped in front of you, a bit fidgety from nerves. You couldn’t help it. Your attraction to this military man gave you butterflies in your stomach. Before he answered he had given you a once over, eyes drifting from your own to down your body before back up to your eyes. You could feel your cheeks start to burn, only just realizing you were wearing a pair of very short sleep shorts and a small little tank— poor little you forgetting to put a bra on. Instantly you wrapped your arms around your chest but in Price’s eyes that only made it worse. You were practically showcasing your pretty tits to the older man.

“No bother at all, sweetheart. I’ll come have a look.” He said after clearing his throat. He’d let you know that he would meet you there after grabbing some tools. After this, it became a frequent thing. You would come over and ask for his help with things in your apartment. In return you’d bake him goodies or make him lemonade for hot days. In reality, you wanted to give him more than just that.

Your life in terms of men were not so good. You weren’t looking for a relationship but if someone good came along you weren’t opposed to the idea. Recently though, you’ve had many hookups. Each one being more disappointing than the last. You blamed the man next door. Just looking at Price made your thighs clench with need, you had to let off that steam some how, okay? The only thing is, those nights were never satisfying, leaving you to fake it every time.

“You okay, love?”

Shit.

You didn’t realize you were daydreaming. You couldn’t help it not when Price was in your apartment, large biceps on display as he fixed a light in your bedroom that ‘seemed’ to stop working. You only nodded giving him a small smile in return but that didn’t seem to satisfy him. He stopped what he was doing and stepped down the ladder. Arms crossed now with a stern look on that handsome face— that sent a shiver down your spine.

“C’mere.” He simply said, sitting down at the edge of your bed and patting the empty spot next to him. You obeyed, walking over to him and sitting down with hands clasped upon your lap. You knew he wouldn’t finish his work unless you gave him some answer. You sighed. Don’t make it obvious.

“Nothing serious, really. Just boy problems.” Which made him hum in return.

“Whatever it is, love. Don’t go after boys anymore but men that’ll treat you right, okay? You deserve more than that.” And with that he placed his large hand on top of your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. You turned to look at his face, your cheeks a bit flushed, your cunt throbbing just from his touch.

“Like you?” You asked softly, a small grin made its way on your face. Feeling a bit bold with the Captian in the moment. This made him retract his hand, clearing his throat as he stood up.

“I could be your dad, sweetheart. Maybe, a bit too old.”

“So..” you muttered to yourself as you stood up. He definitely heard your soft voice which made him look back down at you. You only smiled up at him.

“What did you say?”

“Want some lemonade?”

After this moment your interactions with Price were different. You openly ogled him, your stare would linger on him as he ‘fixed’ things in your home. You had to make up things just to get him here at this point. You needed to see him, it sated that ache between your legs.

One evening you had come home from an outing with friends, bringing along a visitor that would hopefully fill your needs. He was cute, your age, and made you laugh all evening so why not? The two of you walked towards your front door but you’d notice that cloud of smoke anywhere. Price was sitting out front with a cigar in hand, white tank top tucked into jeans that just hug his large thighs perfectly. His arms out on display was making your mind foggy. He had too much control over you and you realized that when the man next to you laughed a bit.

“Hm?” You hummed as you looked back at him. He gestured a hand to the door and you giggled softly, muttering sorry before opening it and walking in together.

Instantly his hands were on you, cradling your face as he kissed you softly. You hummed in delight, wrapping your arms around his neck, jumping up to wrap your legs around his waist as he carried you to bed. When he began fucking you, you whined— not in pleasure but in frustration. The poor man on top of you couldn’t tell the difference though. Again you were left to fake another orgasm. Why couldn’t anyone make you feel good? You blamed Price for this. You blamed all of it on him because why was he so handsome? Later that night when your little fling left you couldn’t sleep. Rolling over in your bed you went into your nightstand to grab your trusty vibrator. Pushing your underwear aside you heard the buzz start to go off when you turned it on, placing it against your folds.

“Hmm, fuck—please, sir..” you whimpered out, already a mess from just the thought of him alone. You felt that edging climax came near and when it did, his name fell from your lips like a song.

Your alarm jolted you awake. The sun beaming little streaks of light through the curtains of your bedroom. You groggily got up, stretching your limbs before going into your bathroom to get cleaned up. Once you were all finished, you started making yourself some coffee to start the day. A little headache was itching at your brain from the night before, you didn’t have much to drink but you had enough to feel it. You were just relaxing when you heard a knock at your door.

Strange.

You got up, your bare feet padding against the wooden floors as you opened your door. Surprised to see Price standing there, a certain look in his eyes. This felt like deja vu. It was like the first time you went over to his place, you were wearing your skimpy little sleep shorts and tank but now he was at your door wanting something. Before you could speak, he shook his head almost disapprovingly of you.

“What did I tell you, hm?” His voice wasn’t the soft one he usually spoke to you with. This one was stern, authoritative, powerful. It made your heart pick up as you looked up at him in confusion. He ‘tsk’ at your failure to answer, allowing himself through the threshold and closing the door.

“Price! You can’t just barge your way in..I just woke up.” You said with utter confusion, your arms crossing over your chest, trying to cover up in front of him but it was no use. He’d already seen this before, hadn’t he? He scoffed, arms crossing over his own chest as he towered over you. His stance allow made it clear that he was the one in charge.

“What. Did. I. Tell. You?” He demanded, stepping in your space as one of his hands went to grip the nape of your neck, pulling you close. Your face fell flushed and your core was already soaking. Your eyes searched his own for answers, your arms leaving your chest as both your small hands went to grip on his arm that was holding you for support. You stammered a bit at first, a loss for words before it clicked. He saw. He saw you last night with that boy.

“Don’t go after boys..” You trailed off, and he raised a brow, his thumb caressing your bottom lip that trembled in anticipation.

“Attagirl. And what did you decide to do? Hm?” He was mocking you now and it made your knees weak. His other hand went to your hip, gripping the soft flesh there, to steady you. You whined, your grip tightening on his arm as you looked at him with pleading eyes, ‘go on’ he muttered.

“I brought a boy home.” You almost whimpered out pathetically. You needed him so bad but he was punishing you, making you wait, because you went against his advice didn’t you?

“That’s right. I’d call you a good girl but you haven’t been one have you?” His words stung deliciously.

“We’ll have to fix that.” He murmured more to himself as swiftly picked you up, throwing you over his shoulder and heading straight to your bedroom. A small gasp leaving your lips from the action.

“John!”

“No, no, it’s sir. Isn’t it?”

Fuck. He heard you last night. He heard everything. He threw you on your bed, a small ‘hmf’ sound leaving your lips as you sat up on your elbows looking up at him. The sound of his belt buckle made your eyes dart down to his waist, a prominent bulge could be seen straining against his jeans. When he freed his cock, you eyes grew big, he was so fucking huge. You started to shuffled backwards into your bed but that only made him scoff. His large hand gripping one of your ankles and pulling you back down to him.

“Running away are we?” He chuckled.

He was manhandling you at this point. Flipping you over on your stomach, pushing your ass up to him. He roughly pulled your sleep shorts down your thighs, finding that you weren’t wearing underwear at all. Fuck, the sight of your cunt was gonna make him cum already.

“No. You’re gonna stay put and take all of me, sweetheart. This is what you wanted isn’t it? Bringing me here to do pointless things that I’m sure your dumb little brain could figure out. But, I think that’s what you need. Need me to tell you what to do huh?” You only whimpered out, not able to muster up any thought or words as you felt the tip of his cock run up and down your folds. He started pushing inside you, painfully slow, your hands gripping the sheets, mewling at the thickness.

“You can take me, baby. Cunt already got used last night didn’t it? No need for me to loosen you up, hm?” And with that he thrusted in hard, bottoming out inside you. Your face pressed into your mattress as you moaned. He was too big, bigger than any guy you’ve had, you weren’t used to this at all.

“Please, sir— please..” already cockdrunk, you couldn’t form any coherent words but all you knew was that he needed to fuck you.

“Sh, sh. I’m gonna take care of ya.” He grunted out, his body leaning over yours, engulfing you in him, you were so much smaller than him. His lips kissed at the back of your neck, his hands gripping your hips as he started to thrust. They were fast and sharp, hitting a spot that nobody has been able to reach. Your back arched into him, ass pressing into him more as his hips connected with it. The lewd sounds of skin connecting and your juices covering his cock could be heard.

“Thaaat’s my girl. Taking my cock so well, like it was made for me.” He murmured alongside your neck, nipping the skin there. You could feel his warm breath, mixed with the faint smell of a cigar and mint. The sound of his own grunts spurring you on.

“it was..hmf— jus’ for you.” You moaned, turning your head to get a look at him. Your hair messy, already sticking to the side of your forehead. John leaned down, connecting your lips in a rough kiss. All teeth and tongue as he snapped his hips harder and faster. As he pulled away, a small string of spit connecting the two of you. He sat up, pressing a hand into your lower back, making it arch more for him.

“Waited so fucking long for this—hm fuck, You gonna be my good girl, baby? Shit. No more going out with boys who don’t know how to please this sweet cunt of yours.” His other hand moving from your hip to rub against your puffy clit. This made you whine, bucking your ass back into him for more.

“was so frustrated.. needed you so so bad!” you babbled, feeling that edge that only you were able to make when you were alone. John was making you feel more than that. A knot at the pit of your stomach felt like it was gonna break, like you were gonna burst full of ecstasy.

“ ‘m gonna— sir, please, ‘m gonna cu—“

“Yeah? Gonna cum all over my cock? Go ahead, sweetness. Fucking make a mess.” He growled, gripping your hair into a fist as he started plowing into you. His hips becoming sloppier as he came near his own release. You clenched around him hard and moaning so loudly, finally sedating that ache that’s been there for months.

“Fuuuckk, that’s a good girl, that’s my fucking girl. Did so good for me. Fuck. I’m close, darling.” He grunted, hips fucking into you at a dying pace. Leaning forward in over you with a hand resting near your head as he grinds deep inside of you. His head pressed into your neck, you cunt pulsing from overstimulation.

“Where baby? Where do you—fuck, where?” He babbled to you, feeling himself come undone, the fact that he was asking made your stomach flip.

“inside, pleaaase?” your voice so fucked out and needy. your answer sent him over the edge. He groaned loudly, giving two hard thrusts before his seed coated the inside of your walls.

“Fuuuckin’ hell.” He moaned, hands gripping your hips so hard you’re sure bruises will be there tomorrow. You giggled, pressing back into him more, wriggling your ass, helping him ride out his high. You felt so full, finally satisfied. A whine leaving you lips as he pulled out, that full feeling disappearing. His hands gripped your ass, spreading the flesh so he could see his cum leak out of your sweet cunt.

“Now, what did you learn?” He breathed out deeply, hands kneading the flesh of your ass. You twisted your body slowly, a drunken look at on your face. God, he looked so good. His body glistening in sweat, the happy trailed that lead all the way down…

“Hey, focus up.” His voice stern as he gave your ass a small swat. You giggled again, biting your lip, the sound made his own lips turn up into a grin.

“No more boys. Just you, sir.” You squeaked out, turning over fully on your back so you could sit up. You felt his cum and your own slick dripping down your thighs as you moved. One of his hands grasping your chin, tilting you to look up at him.

“And that’s an order.” He whispered before placing the gentlest kiss upon your lips.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

A/N: Hope you all enjoy our Mr. Price. <3

#captain price #john soap mactavish #john price #könig mw2 #soap mw2 #ghost mw2 #call of duty mw2 #gaz mw2 #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #cod price #price x reader #simon ghost riley

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helaelaemond · 6 months

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Billy Washington NSFW Alphabet

source

Billy x reader masterlist

Written with established girlfriend/partner reader in mind.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

soft and tender. He doesn't rush to clean up, and would rather spend the immediate moments after with you in his arms, stroking your cheek, your back, and offering whatever affection you can welcome.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he knows how much you love his hands and he learns to take care of them for your sake - hand cream in the winter and when he remembers, letting you cut his cuticles. He also likes when he gets the 'v' across his hips and lower stomach. He loves your breasts, and will utterly worship them for hours if he can.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Billy both hates and loves seeing his come on you. On the one hand, he doesn't like 'degrading' you - he's watched enough porn to know that it can be a dirty and degrading thing, and he thinks you're above it. But on the other hand... you ARE his. You belong to him, or at least that's how he feels deep, deep down.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

when he was lonely, he spent money on personalised camgirl experiences. There's nothing shameful about paying for sexual experiences, but because it was rooted in a lot of his shame and isolation, he would never, ever admit to it. It's his 'dirty' secret.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he has experience in both long-term relationships, and short-term arrangements. He's average in bed, nothing amazing in general, but when he's in love with his partner, the depths of his devotion can make sex incredible.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

missionary on the sofa where he can balance himself with one foot on the floor, one knee on the cushion.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

depends on the situation, and who he's with! When he's with someone he loves, he can really let go and not focus too intensely on what's happening, and so he can laugh more easily. But a lot of the time he puts pressure on himself to 'perform' well - when he's in that mindset, laughter can make him feel laughed at, rather than with. That can make him pretty serious.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

in his flop era, he's unkempt, on the dirtier side of unkempt. When he's in a stable and healthy relationship, he's always clean. He grooms a bit - trims rather than shaves between his legs. The smattering of hair on his chest is left as is for the most part, but he will occasionally wax. He's not hairy on his back.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

with a partner he loves, he is very romantic in the moment - he's all soft touches, long looks, devoted kisses. Your comfort and pleasure is paramount to him, and even if he's fucking you within an inch of your life, he still tells you how much he loves you, how good you are for him. If it's slow and steady, he'll stroke your hair and kiss your temple and smile so sweetly at you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

if he's in a relationship, he jacks off to clear the pipes, as it were. He usually likes to orgasm once every two days or so, but this can vary depending on what anti-depressants he's on. He no longer uses porn to jack off, and you've sent him enough voice notes, videos, photos, for him to find completion with just a few tugs.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

daddy kink. This was discovered by accident after he leaned into a soft!dom role. One thing led to another in the moment, and the 'D' word slipped out. He realised that it filled him with pride, because for the first time, he really felt in control, and like he had someone to take care of and make feel good. It's a secret thing that he doesn't share with anyone unless he's in a committed relationship with them.

L = Location (favourite places to fuck)

nothing beats the comfort of home. The sofa is his all time favourite place - not only because it allows for a great number of positions, but because when company comes over, he can look over at it and think of how he had you mewling there an hour ago.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Billy is a young man - a gust of wind can get him going. But aside from the obvious (a lingering glance that lasts too long, holding his hand a little too tight, touching his chest innocently, and so on and so forth), being hugged from behind. Feeling you press your body against his from behind, your breasts against his back, your hands on his stomach or chest, makes him feel really good. Being reassured and praised outside of a sexual context also turns him on, because it creates a safe space for him where he feels valued. Feeling safe makes him horny as hell around you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hardcore BDSM and related activities. More taboo sexual acts don't interest him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Billy Washington is a pussy eating champ. He is a total whore for pussy - he gets on his knees and it's the only thing on his mind. He worships it, devotes himself to it, gets drunk on it. He can come from eating pussy alone, it turns him on so fucking much. If he could only participate in one sexual act for the rest of his life, it would be performing oral. And like a true artist, he's always perfecting his craft.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it varies, but he's more likely to be on the slower and more sensual side with someone he loves - you've got all the time in the world, why rush?

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

they're alright, but he'd rather wait hours for a time when you can take your time and enjoy it, rather than rush it. He'd be more up for a mutual handjob to relieve the tension, rather than oral or penetrative sex where he'd prefer to take his time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he's less likely to take risks than his partner. He likes to play it safe in terms of location, but if he does take a risk (for example, with a new position) he's more likely to just give it a go rather than talk about it beforehand (because he's usually too embarrassed to find the words). Usually, whatever you want to try, he'll go along with it!

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

put a cock ring on him, and Billy will last as long as you want him to, even if it makes him red and sore and weeping. In the beginning of his sex life, like many young people, his stamina was minimal. However, as he gets older, and gets properly medicated, his stamina improves. Sometimes the medication means he lasts too long, but that's okay!

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

yes - he has a fleshlight, and for you, he's invested in grinders. He loves to strap one to his thigh and help you grind to orgasm on it. He's also up for small butt plugs, cock rings (vibrating or otherwise), magic wands. Nothing kinky, really, but toys that can enhance your play together.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

only a little - he can't deny you anything, really, so if you beg and plead, he's powerless

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

with someone he loves, he can be vocal, especially if he's reassured that his sounds are welcome. The more he's encouraged, the more free he is. Whimpers, soft begs, loud moans, throaty cries - he will let you hear it all, if you'll make him feel safe to do so.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

like most British men, he's uncircumcised. He loves his foreskin being teased.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

tall and lanky, and he can get definition with minimal effort in the gym. Well hung even when soft, but not well-endowed enough to cause pain.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

moderate - he's happy to have sex no more than 2-3 times a week, although if you wanted it every day he would definitely be able to keep up. That being said, he is perfectly happy to sort himself out. He'd prefer to cuddle with you in bed every night without you feeling any kind of pressure to engage in acts you're not in the mood for - and he makes sure you know this, too.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

with someone he loves, he'll fall asleep pretty quick - he feels safe. He wishes he could stay awake longer just to enjoy your company and watch your lovely face, but sometimes the relaxation is just too great, and it's sleep time!

#billy washington #billy washington x reader #billy drabble #ewanverse #ewan nation #billy washington x you #i love him ur honour #mine

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chlorine-and-daisies · 25 days

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i see people with internet friends who gush about each other's work and write collabs and exchange ideas, and it's beautiful

people who have found their own voice and unique takes on characters

and i enjoy it on one level but on another level it's just like

i'm not good enough to deserve to be let into that

sometimes it hurts more to know that you're not a bad writer, you're just a mediocre one.

like i usually don't get hate or even constructive criticism (which btw i would welcome) on my writing, i've received one or two very sweet comments that mean the world to me

but generally i haven't gotten much of a response in terms of hits/kudos/comments, my stuff just flies under the radar usually, which suggests that a. i need to improve my summaries and tags and b. i'm just not standing out in this huge fandom

there is so much good and unique writing out there, and i don't have super original ideas, i tend to write things that are pretty simple and short and not super original

and also obviously my mostly canon compliant oneshots won't be able to get attention next to longer aus

and i'm young with lots of time to grow comparing myself to experienced writers but god

i often leave long comments on people's work and make recommendations and analyze what they're doing, i try to support others and hope that the friendships will come but it feels like i'm just here alone

because again i can't stand out

and don't get me started on that boop day which was fun but i gave Way Way More than i received and it felt like a popularity contest in a way

i wish i had better ideas, i wish i could write something more touching

i wish i was likable

i have enough knowledge to recognize good writing but not enough skill to write something good myself

i'm so painfully jealous

even in a large fandom the world is so small and so lonely

it's a self fulfilling cycle where the lack of reception translates into lack of motivation and second-guessing myself and writer's block

i finally scheduled a consultation with student health at my college today, something i should have done years ago

and as i take steps to improve my mental health i hope that i'll start to be able to interact with others in healthier ways and stop comparing myself so much

but for the time being it's just so hard, it's so hard

it's ironic how i joined this fandom because of my connection to aziraphale, someone who is also socially awkward and absorbed in special interests, but it ended up making me feel worse about those traits in myself

bc he is an angel and doesn't care about being cringy, but i am unfortunately human

my partner says i should take a break from tumblr if it's no longer fun for me

i probably should

#i'm chronically online and unable to take care of myself #i'm aware that this will not help me make friends it will likely make things worse #just getting it all out #just had to vent to someone who isn't my partner for a change

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azrielgreen · 9 months

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Hi Az! Hope you’re doing good 💗

After the most recent steddie twitter BS I’ve been really debating leaving that place for good. The vibes are completely off and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells all the time in order to fit in. I almost feel like I’m back at church again?? People are constantly shaming others to feel good with themselves and fighting for a pedestal of righteousness. But at the same time I’ve got some lovely mutuals there and I don’t wanna loose touch with the community. Tumblr is a much more comfortable place to be around people, but at the same time it feels a bit more lonely, at least for me. Maybe because I’m still not used to it.

In short, I was wondering if you have any tips on how to navigate inside online fandom spaces and avoid that type of toxicity while still standing your ground and keeping in touch with those who matter the most.

Hello lovely.

I've had a bunch of asks like this after this past week and it's sad to see the fandom splitting and cannibalising itself, even though this is usually what happens to some degree at least. I think it's always especially painful when communities and friendships were formed. I'm really sorry it's not so enjoyable anymore.

Navigating fandom space, especially within the social side of things, requires, IMO, a healthy understanding that a) this is all temporary and b) to take breaks often. To not let it become your whole life because it can be addictive and consuming. That's not to say you can't enjoy the content, the media, the people, but the construct of fandom as it exists within social media is, in my honest opinion, deeply toxic. I really don't think fanfic was ever made to be aired and shared like it is and fandom visibility is a breeding ground for insecure people to clique up and light torches rather than remain open minded and remember this is all fiction and it's all completely temporary.

That's beside the point, however.

Tumblr is a much quieter space which I personally enjoy way more than Twitter, but it's lacking the high volume of Twitter and the constant interactions, the scroll feed. I think getting away from this mindset of having everything we want and more shoved in our faces is good. We went searching for content once, we can go searching for content again.

Unfortunately, when it comes to friendships, stuff like this tends to show you who your friends really were in the first place. I've seen people absolutely ripping into each other this last week, turning on each other, it's foul. It's so sad, but i've seen it happen many times before and it is, for me, the canary down the mine in terms of when to pull back from the social side of fandom and focus on the writing again. For me, it's always been that anyway, so it takes very little to draw a boundary on Twitter but for many, it's a painful loss of something that was once encouraging, kind and vibrant.

Nothing lasts forever and good things are always coming around the corner if we can let go of what doesn't serve us.

You'll find your balance and your joy again, I just know it.

All my love, Az.

💜💜💜

#askaz #fanfiction #steddie

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leonbastralle · 2 months

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GAMES I PLAYED IN 2023 - FIRST HALF-ISH

i've been seeing a lot of this in gif form but i do not have the energy or video material and also i'm late but i rly wanted to make a post where i say a lil bit abt all the games i played and how i liked them!

pokemon platinum, soulsilver, white, white 2, y, sun, alpha sapphire & shield: i started a big mainline pokemon marathon in 2022 but most of it fell on 2023. it was a lovely time tbh and i miss it! platinum was a bit too grindy (but we love cynthia) and soulsilver traumatised me for glitch reasons. my favorites out of this lineup were definitely gen 5 in terms of storyline and pokemon selection, the later ones were a bit too handholdy and slow for my taste, and alpha sapphire could not compete w the og emerald which is my favorite pokemon game of all time. i did rly love shield though but that's bc i'm a) a football girl and b) i played it on my wife's sofa askfjhkasjf. anyway music is bangers all around and i do love The Concept of pokemon so i didn't hate any of them.

lonely people potion shop: this was an absolute surprise indie gem that i found on my wife's itch.io in 2022 but i replayed it for her in 2023 so it counts. this game is a rly short very fruity visual novel where you make potions for people and chat with them. it's one of the most heartwarming and gentle games i've played, every character is so lovely and caring towards each other and also to you the player! 100% would recommend i cried a bit several times.

validate: i really wanted to love this game because a dating sim/visual novel/narrative fiction type game w a super diverse cast (in terms of backgrounds, body types, gender, sexuality, and mental health struggles) and such a lovely art style? sounds perfect! and it would be if the characters weren't so...unlikeable sjfhaksjfa. it eventually got so difficult for me to root for them and also kind of frustrating bc the routes overlap in a way that even if you get good outcomes in one route, you can still mess up the relationship in a different route (because you have routes for each of the characters) so i ended up not finishing it.

neo cab: another one i never finished but was rly intrigued by! another visual novel but choices matter type deal where you play as a taxi driver in a dystopian world where you're being replaced by self driving taxis. the mechanics and cast are really cool and if the storyline didn't stress me out so much i would've finished it by now but i definitely will one day!

coffee talk 1/2: barista simulator meets visual novel in an urban fantasy setting where you also kinda save the world one drink at a time! i loved the first one so so much and finally played it last year in preparation for the second one coming out that i'd been anxiously awaiting, it's so vibey and the characters and their storylines are so interesting and i loved seeing their heartfelt interactions! also the first game was giving such strong queer vibes but they kinda dropped the ball w that in the second game trying to backtrack on that. ruined the experience for me a little bit but still a very solid game w cool additions to the already great cast of the first game!

skyrim: not much to say about that one. my favorite classic walking simulator that i keep coming back to, still very much playable and so pretty even on the switch! unfortunately also incredibly broken so i can't finish the solstheim questlines kjsfhkajsfas fuck you todd howard

calico: wonky little game where you explore the world and also bake and own a café that you can fill with all sorts of animals from cats to snow foxes to capybaras because why the fuck not! absolutely delightful, 10/10

later alligator: lovely little puzzle game w great old timey detective vibes and a banger soundtrack where everyone is alligators. these characters are such great fun, i loved the writing and i loved learning about all of them and doing tasks for them! the minigames got a bit frustrating at times bc i was lacking the coordination skills or just general strategy and there are some completionist things i could never do because of that and the main character (the main guy you're doing things for, not the player character) can get on your nerves pretty quickly but otherwise a lovely game w a great twist in my opinion

strange horticulture: this one made it into my all time favorites too. you play as the owner of a supernatural plant shop in a place where A Lot of strange things are going on. it has a bunch of really cool mechanics like plant identification and a lot of map related puzzles to find new plants, secrets etc. the overarching story that gets revealed bit by bit from an unknown person's pov outside of the gameplay while related events are also happening in real time was so interesting, and there are a lot of cool choices you can make that lead to various more or less unsettling outcomes. the spooky vibe is SO good but at the same time it has a very calming homey feel AND YOU CAN PET THE CAT 10000/10

penko park: another absolute indie banger. probably something like a pokemon snap but the beasties look fucking stupid and kinda creepy and the lore is cursed as hell. throughout the game you explore the remains of a park that was built upon the abuse of all sorts of cute little creatures (and big creatures) and while you mostly try to take pictures of every weird looking fella in their different emotional states that you bring upon them in various ways, maybe there's something you can do to right the wrongs of the park founders! who knows! (also special shoutout because these are german devs and as a german, i am especially demanding when it comes to german games and this one knocked it out of the park) (haha the park get it)

#my games #gaming year in review #idk how tf to tag this so im just gonna slap some random ones that ill hopefully be reusing eventually #theres a second part some other time bc i played too many games skjdhfksdf #it was the unemployment

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mysoullanguage · 9 months

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Before I ask my question, I really enjoy your page. I love how detailed your posts are. There's clearly a lot of effort being put into these. My question is what does it mean to have your Sun and Saturn conjunct in the 8th house?

8th house really likes to challenge the planets sitting there. i often feel like the planets in 8h can never get a break; they are always being challenged and redefined in some "redemptive" arc. your sun and saturn being in 8h really changes your perspective on life, boundaries, and working. here's why:

your sun is your purpose and willpower; therefore, by being in 8h, you will have numerous perspective shifts within your life. if this placement is negatively manifested it will breed someone incapable of embracing change and someone who is constantly paranoid of change. this is pluto's house, and i like to associate 8h with the death card in tarot wherever i can, because they both share similarities not found anywhere else. the tarot's death card is a forceful change that beckons you to shed and transform. when someone is resistant (i.e. when the sun is negatively manifested) the changes become torturous because the person is forced to sit with an unending feeling of impatience and longing. this is especially apparent when saturn is a planet that almost lives to work and needs to be on top of everything. so, now you're met with a queue of changes needed to be made to you and your ego, your identity, and the like.

when i say negatively or positively manifested, i mean this: if a planet has many squares or oppositions to it, it becomes negatively aspected, therefore manifesting negative qualities that would otherwise be expressed. it can also just mean a lack of cooperation with the planet's nature. if positively manifested, it means the planet has little to no squares or oppositions and actually has more trines or sextiles to support its positive qualities. it also means the person becomes more likely to work with what's uncomfortable...

because your sun conjuncts your saturn, you will inevitably inhabit some saturnian qualities, such as being stern or strict, or just very formal or refined in the way you speak and/or act. you present yourself very seriously or at least you limit yourself to other people. this placement, sun x saturn conjunction in 8h, can signify fortune or financial prosperity if you follow the path of money and material success. in general, you may be a shy or introverted person. with others, you tend to be quieter. you don't let others know you so personally so quickly. with this placement, there will be a lot of urges to change your identity and who you are as a person. it's almost like having a scorpio rising - but not entirely. the purpose of this placement is to challenge your consistency and self-promise to shed and change and become better. it's like cleansing your soul from whatever you've done in your life or past life. it may feel unfortunate having this placement where your habits and patterns are constantly challenged but it is a stepping stone towards healing and regrowth. many people dog on this placement (sun or saturn in 8h) because it can be painful or it can feel like you're never good enough for anything. indeed, there can be great self-esteem issues or issues deciding who you are because you have so many identities you fit into but also don't.

in general, sun x saturn conjunction is a self-disciplined placement. there are a lot of strict boundaries to you and it's not easy accessing you as a person. you are a patient person with long-term visions as opposed to short-term ones. you can be traditional or just a very humble person in general. you may have matured early or are just very mature in general. you could've been quiet as a child or felt like you've never fit in/never fit in now. you could be lonely.

there will be tests done to your self-esteem, your self-worth, dignity, and etc., to see what you are willing to tolerate in your life. your boundaries will be tested to see if you can put yourself first. money may be of significance to you, whether it means you may have issues with money, or are just naturally fortunate/are hardworking. you will be tested on your identity and whether you're happy with who you are. i see many people say if you have an 8h sun it feels like your life is on a constant move toward "self-betterment" but it feels like the way in which you become better is through pain/suffering/identity losses. maybe you can relate with this, too.

i hope this answered your question.

#astrology #astro observations #astro notes

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girlwithfish · 6 months

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hii hope this isn't weird but i saw all your posts about your partial hospitalization program and i might actually start going to one soon so i wanted to ask what an average day is like and what to expect ! hope your treatment is going well!!

hii! thank u ^-^ i know its scary i was vrery anxious to start but my first 3 days have been going pretty well!! it was overwhelming for me at first esp if ur not used to being in a group setting but the ppl in my group r pretty nice! and i really like most of the therapists on staff, i think this is important bc if u dont like them maybe itd be not as bearable or like a pleasant experience 😭 ofc everything im saying is specific to my program nd stuff so urs could be run different! but my php has around 6-7? ish therapists on staff and a different member leads group sessions thru out the day and they rotate, sometimes 2 therapists at once. and its a diff therapist on the schedule and not rly consistent idk how they determine that lol. but i rly get a lot out of each therapists insights and find the sessions to b pretty helpful. i treat it like school honestly where i try to be very active in listening the whole day and take in what theyre saying and take notes from discussions and anything that resonates with me. they give us a binder bc there r a lot of handouts and also give a journal so i use both a lot and treat it like a class. it can be comforting to be around other people who are in a similar place as u where they also had to go to a 6 hour a day program, makes u feel a little less lonely. my program is very dbt and cbt centered, w an emphasis on skills. we have a different topic each week, like last week was emotions and this week is connection & communication. they break up sessions into an hour each and we have an hour for lunch at 12. since its not a super long term thing, w a lot packed into the short term as they prepare u for IOP (intensive outpatient) its def overwhelming at times cuz ur at therapy for six hours a day for five days a week so im rly trying to try to find relaxation outside of therapy nd ways to unwind. theres around 12ish ppl in my group who ur with every day. everyone ur has a different care plan and schedule, w ppl moving down to IOP and usually at least one new person to a couple new ppl a day since ive been here. so the group ur w does change every day a little just bc everyones on a different track. we're assigned a therapist who u meet with once a week for 50min and also a psychiatrist who u also meet w once a week. therapists will pull u out of session to talk w u or go over safety plan n stuff. every morning they have u fill out a check in sheet with u assessing ur SUD (subjective units of distress) score, if ur having any thoughts of sh suicide or intents. asks u of an achievement ur proud of in the past 24 hrs, any notes for ur therapist, what skills uve used in the past day. we also have music therapist who comes in a couple days a week and yoga once a week. good luck!!! its a lot but uve got this! remember to take time for urself and unwind after therapy. if u have any other questions lmk i hope this helped!! genuinely the ppl on staff here r very nice so it definitely makes this place more pleasant for me and the content is very insightful. i like how things r run here and dont have many complaints. if ur looking into diff programs definitely check the reviews for the place on google or smth bc the place i go to i had a positive outlook toward when i was anticipating starting bc there were a lot of good reviews and ppl talking abt their positive experiences so i felt good abt it! wishing u the best ❤️🎀

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levmada · 2 years

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First Times Anthology, extra 1: welcome to the jungle

work summary » Intimate, vulnerable, gentle. Concepts Levi is a stranger to, until you.

ch.summary: You and Levi visit Marley, along with the rest of the Scouts. Unexpected trouble finds you both however—not in the form of enemies, but a strongman competition.

content/warnings: kinda slice-of-life, Levi is a very modest and kind man, suggestive near the end, visiting Marley, enough to make you giggle and kick your feet

wc: ~2.2k

a/n: hiii as i said on the last anthology chappy i wrote this a lonnng time ago but i am posting it now!! its not necessary to understand the story, jus filling in the blanks of the canon plot with some fun :)

・work masterpost・

Blending in with dignified men in top hats and tweed jackets, the women in short dungarees and cardigans, and rompers, the things are called... It wasn’t a difficult mission per se, not until you and Levi found yourselves in the middle of Liberio’s bustling main street.

“It looks a lot like Mayfest,” you whisper to him. He might as well be glued against your side, not holding but squeezing your hand. He hates crowds. “You know, the colors? Wow, look at all that food—”

“How do we get outta here?” he grumbles.

The air smells remarkably of fluffy candy, smoked pork, and sweat. The thick of Liberio is a palette of all shades of brown, but with the festival thrown in the middle of everything, the cacophony of reds and violets and blues make his eyes tired.

“Umm…”

He says your name like a curse. “This is… They have water in guns. Like it’s target practice.”

“It looks like a game,” you murmur.

“Let’s regroup with the others.”

Despite the delights of the carnival on behalf of the Tybur family, in a few days, this place will be a battlefield. You agree with him, but even if you didn’t, his evident anxiety would’ve convinced you regardless.

You remember in great clarity what Hange ordered: “Don’t make any new friends, of course, but get a lay of the land, as well as the people.”

To scout was the order in short, but just as well, this mission demands covertness. But such a setting offers quite the opposite.

You let Levi usher you down a smaller side street away from most of all the commotion. The street is lined with food stands and small games; it’s a little difficult to act like you’ve lived here all your lives when the sights have Wall Sina beaten in terms of flair.

With his hat tugged low over his forehead, you notice his attention pivots constantly: from the small beanbags children are throwing, the men in suspenders smoking, and the water guns in the hands of teenagers. He regards them all with deathly caution.

“You look a little anxious,” you try to encourage (what you mean is, “You look a word away from stabbing someone,”) and drape your arm around his waist.

Instantly, he makes efforts to loosen up, but he is an iron beam still.

“Let’s keep taking the sidestreets, love.”

He calms a little more, naturally this time, and clears his throat.

What’s that stupid expression Onyakopon always uses? A fish out of water?

“Yeah.”

But—ever attentive to the slightest details—his gaze finds a lonely hammer strewn on the ground. It’s comically large, comically out of place too, near a food stand selling what looks to be fat sausages in sleeves of bread. Once he pauses, it inevitably steals your glance too.

“Aye! Sir!” a man shouts. His voice sounds raw from heavy cigar smoke.

Levi goes stiff, and you do too. You don't look like you’ve been caught red-handed at a crime scene, but your acting could be better, you think.

The man, as plump as a piglet, is about three stalls down. He asks if Levi would mind retrieving the hammer for him, as it’s for the ‘high striker’. Question marks ring in your mind.

“If you can pick it up, that is,” he laughs. “Thank you kindly!”

Levi worries he’ll draw attention if he doesn’t. His sharp gaze shoots to your own under your straw hat for a second opinion, and you give him a tiny shrug.

There’s little question whether he can lift the hammer. It would stretch up to the bottom of his thighs if he bothered to take an exact measurement.

It has a fat, wooden grip when he lugs it up and over his shoulder, the head not looking like metal so much as something much less weapon-like: deep red rubber, or silicone maybe. It’s not very heavy at all.

The man’s scruffy jaw drops. It stays that way until he rushes from out behind the stall and Levi drops the handle in his outstretched hands.

Roger, you both learn he’s called, grunts under the weight of the thing. His balding forehead is already riddled with sweat, and a vein pops up for the effort it takes him to hold it.

“Incredible,” he gawks. “Whatever fool shipped these things made ‘em too heavy for mosta my customers. You sure are strong, sir!”

Levi idles on his feet awkwardly.

You elbow him a little. These people are friendly—it would be suspicious not to act friendly back.

He nods. “Uh-huh… Thanks.”

A few other people are watching your exchange now. Their attention fuels the frown on your face. As casually as possible, you link your elbow with Levi’s as a tell that you should leave. He’s tense again.

Roger tells you both his name and lets the hammer drop down, so he leans against it as if it were a cane.

“Say,” he says, and spits tobacco onto the paved street. “Would you mind helping me drum up some business by playing a round?” Then he laughs. “F’you need permission from your lady, I understand.”

You try miserably not to snort. You’re Levi’s lady. Cute.

Without even looking at you, Levi turns him down. The two of you have somewhere to be, but his answer only draws more attention. Mostly from people who witnessed him lift the hammer like it was a mere paperweight.

Do they think a solid ‘no’ means a challenge? Fuck. At any rate, you’re drawing too many eyes. Walking away now may worsen things.

You try to make your smile easy. “C’mon, darling. Don’t be modest.”

He glares daggers at you before he notices the attention too. Some are whispering to their friends, and there’s even a noble-looking young woman staring like he’s worth a million bucks.

Worst of all, Roger claims the game is free.

Levi thinks in a string of curses. Even if you two didn’t run the risk of blowing your cover, all this attention flutters his insides and makes his head high and thin. He hates crowds.

You encourage him to "give it a try". Is that an order?

Roger’s wrinkly grin is shit-eating; a salesman’s grin. Once he invites the two of you over and Levi gets an eyeful of what he’s up against, he studies it intently.

The high striker—the strongman game, or the strength tester, Roger explains—is a towering pike of wood painted bright red like the hammer, with numbers crawling up towards the very top. Up there sits a silver bell of some kind. At the bottom sits a flat, round hunk of metal—Must be where the hammer goes down.—and a knobbed dinger. Depending on the strength of the strike, it’ll fly up.

A crowd of tattered browns, suspenders, and sundresses is slowly, ever so slowly, wandering over to see what all the fuss is about. The soft-eyed look you show him says you're sorry, but your mouth says: “Do your best, hm?”

“This is embarrassing,” Levi grumbles. He can say so freely since Roger is leaned up against the high striker, beckoning even more people to come ‘round.

You can get a real word in too. “Don’t try. If you do, then…”

“Then we’ll never hear the end of it,” he finishes. Sometimes you both really do share the same mind.

Once more, the hammer is easy in his grip: sturdy, but perfectly movable. It reminds him of how ODM feels fastened around his waist.

It must only be around ten or twenty kilos then, which isn’t much considering what Levi’s used to.

Meanwhile, Roger is putting on a show of handing off an identical hammer to a man whose build makes Levi look adolescent in comparison. The way he looks reminds him of Mike.

The glaring white armband the man wears means he’s an Eldian, he notices. He can’t get over the nausea swimming in his stomach, hearing them all jeer when it turns out he can’t lift it. Both him and the hammer crumples down low to the road, and the commotion grows.

He doesn’t wait for quiet before hefting the round head over his shoulder and letting gravity do the rest. But right before it hits, he cuts the force off.

A shame—the dinger falls far short of halfway before clacketing back down. Victory cools his anxiety.

Disappointment draws over the crowd. Roger, for one, looks scandalized, and if Levi was looking at you he just knows you’d be trying (and failing) not to smirk. You’re a horrible liar.

He shrugs and looks to Roger’s round face for direction. “Sorry, I guess I’m not strong after all. Is that it?”

Roger stammers, and gestures wildly. “No! Surely you’re playing some sorta trick on me, sir!”

“I saw him!” shouts a very young child. He kicks around in the arms of a woman who must be his anxious mother. “S’like a feather! Picked it up like—like—”

Apparently, the brat makes a very convincing argument, for the consensus soon becomes that Levi is simply a very modest man who didn’t try very hard because he’s embarrassed. He ought to try again, "for real" this time.

He doesn’t know about modesty, but it’s true he did the bare minimum.

Now what? Get it up higher?—Shoot the dinger into the sky? For all he and you know, too much word of these hysterics has already drifted to the street over.

Meaningfully, you nod. You’re encouraging him.

“Try as hard as you can,” you advise with a smile. “You can do it, my dear.”

My dear. You never call him that unless you’re making fun of him. His face feels hot and red all over, but underneath a deeply annoyed expression, he’s thinking.

It’s true, none of these people know your names. Your genuine warning from earlier too—“Don’t try.”—is a great deal similar to what you just said. You actually want him to try as hard as he can, and then you can both make your escape during the chaos, so no one can track you down.

Break it, then.

Levi hefts the hammer over his shoulder once more, and nods to Roger. The man looks like his breadwinning cow just got shot. “Fine, I’ll try again. No promises, though.”

His brow lifts, and a wide grin breaks over his cheeks. “Great! As hard as you can, my man!”

Sorry, Levi thinks. He evens out his stance and tightens his grip on the coarse wood. When he slings it over his shoulder, the noise the round metal makes is like a hundred cymbals crashing together.

The dinger shoots up like a bottlerocket, faster than an eye can track, and something—must be the silver bell—shrieks, victorious. Then wood cracks, and the tone of the wailing bell dies.

Whoops of surprise fall from the mouths of the people. The dinger has vanished.

Levi pays it no mind. He tosses the hammer aside and scans the crowd for your retreating back. Already, he’s moving, bullying through the throes of people in your wake.

It’s not hard at all to catch sight of you. The suit jacket you chose, plus the pleated skirt, is as dark as the middle of the ocean. Say, when one is glaring straight into the depths in efforts to find the bottom... Levi would know.

The hubbub and chatter is lost on you both in a lost section of the city. Heels and all, he watches in admiration as you hop over a wooden barricade reading the words, WRONG WAY TO EVENT, and follows your heels.

You’re both safe. Now you stop, the most fantastic grin on your face, and snag his hand. Again, you run, and somehow he feels much lighter.

“Gods!” you hiss, excitement barely contained. “You’re so amazing. Love it when you read my mind.”

Levi has to brace his stupid hat on his head so it doesn’t fly off. He’s simply relieved to be away from the people, especially the attention, and the chance of someone discovering that devils have infiltrated Marley. He’s relieved you’re pleased with him, too.

When you’re well and truly out of the way, you both ease into a solid walk by the mouth of an alleyway.

“Yeah,” he huffs, and straightens out his lapels with his free hand. “I—thanks. Now let’s get out of here already.”

Without any warning, you reel him in for a bruising kiss. Levi is always amazing. If only it wasn’t for his suit jacket, you could’ve seen his muscles flex, right before he brought the hammer down and blew everyone’s fucking minds—including your own.

If he wasn’t amazing for reading you perfectly, he’s amazing for his show of modesty back there. You find it insanely attractive, sexy as hell in fact, and as soon as the two of you are alone again, be it bedroom or a linen closet on the damn airship—

He groans low when you lick into his mouth, and wrenches himself away.

“Let’s—” your lips smack, “—somewhere. Wanna suck you—”

“Fuck,” he huffs. His eyes shoot to the street. “Then c’mon already.”

Finally, you get yourselves out of there.

| levi masterlist | main masterlist |

#levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman x you #levi x you #levi x reader #snk #attack on titan #levi attack on titan #levi heichou #levi ackerman #captain levi ackerman #captain levi x you #captain levi x reader #levi ackermann x reader #levi aot #levi ackerman x reader #aot season 4 #anthology

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anjumbai · 3 months

Text

The Stranger by Albert Camus: Thoughts

"But I couldn't quite understand how an ordinary man's good qualities could become crushing accusations against a guilty man."

The Stranger is the first book I read written by Albert Camus, and it surely won't be the last. It's a relatively simple and short novel. While simple in terms of the laid-back storytelling, the final parts of the book showcase something complex, a way of thinking not common to man I guess.

Our narrator is a peculiar man. I felt like this was another "unreliable narrator" narrating to the readers of his simple and random life. The final part of the book had made me question whether all of the book was a facade, created by our narrator to convince the readers that he was dejected, isolated from his own emotions. It almost appeared to me that he was so emotional that he hid all of it at some point. But we never see our narrator talk about his past, future or anything that could remotely provide temporary meaning to us readers.

He did everything in an option basis. If he wasn't doing task a, he'd just find a task b. If he was presented task c by some random dude, he'd just go along with it considering his conveniences.

Mind you, he wasn't isolated from the world. He didn't speak much or sometimes at all, but he was doing anything a normal guy would. It was just the total randomness of the book, the lack of insightful monologue that you find erratic. But the narrator made it work, and it was this randomness of his life that keeps the readers hooked I believe. There is no backstory presented to us explaining why he is the way he is. It made me question where the book was going, and the end result was surely not disappointing.

Might it be that some people are so convinced that life is arbitrary that they deliberately lose sight of themselves, so they don't madden themselves by life's so-called randomness?

Whatever it may be, in the end, I saw a very lonely man, craving for human connection. Spoilers ahead.

"For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate." this line solidified the man's loneliness to me. And it felt like a reminder of what extent we might go just for human connection. Just as we see our narrator crave even the hateful cries of people, so he can feel something at the end of his life. This in particular, which also happened to the be the last line of the book, really got me thinking and questioning why someone would choose to live like that. And of course I didn't have any answers.

Thanks to The Stranger, I can now solidify another writer to look into and read more of. The Stranger didn't add much of a value to my life, and I don't think I learnt something from it either. But the final parts of the book has made me interested in Albert Camus in general, who was an independent thinker: the type you'd wanna know about. Independent thinkers provide you with a variety of ideas, which you can compare and even challenge with your. Some might say you lose your individuality by reading such fiction, and it may even be true to some extent. But it's only through rebuilding myself in many ways do I feel alive, and that's why I'll be scheduling to read The Myth of Sisyphus next.

I did have low expectations of the book; considering how the internet just throws around the title. But I'm leaving with a positive impression on the book. 7/10, really simple and easy to get into. Choose the Matthew Ward translation, and read it while you're feeling a lil laid back, or if you shot someone cause the sun was annoying you.

#books #bookish #book review #the stranger #albert camus #review

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sahara-solaris-solace · 1 year

Text

Cang Du Backstory, Goals & Some Headcanons

( Some thoughts of the man of iron. So sad that he had a short appearance. He, and other Quincies DESERVE some backstory like how Kubo did to the Arrancars and the beloved Shinigami )

BACKSTORY

- Cang Du is actually in his mid 20s’ and was born and reside in the Monolith village. The village itself was one of the most isolated ones in China.

- He is actually well versed with ancient relics and scrolls.

- Will probably ended up as an archeologist if he was born under normal circumstances.

- He is actually a prodigy for his age but retained his down to earth nature due to his realism view.

- As a child, he was always a quiet boy. He learnt some basic martial arts from his relative ( probably Uncle), so his introvert nature won’t attract any annoying pests or potential bullies. He prefers to be in his own thoughts than being surrounded by people. He enjoyed taking a stroll by the forest to breathe the fresh air and the soothing silence.

- He either being with his parents, single parent or single relative.

- He actually grad with DEANS LIST for the said archeologist course. Masters with full scholarship as he is a very self sufficient man.

- He mostly spent time alone or doing odd jobs like working as a librarian or a bodyguard at any random warehouse for some free time and some extra cash. Trust me, like no one had a clue regarding him. He just do his job and behave in exchange to be left alone.

- His family was basically a traditional one in a good way as Cang Du seemed to disagree with the polygamy of the Emperor in the past.

- His family probably left the world when he is around late teens, making the poor man more lonely as by then, he adopted a nomadic lifestyle.

GOALS

- Cang Du actually discovered his powers when he was around 5 but he kept it a secret from his family to prevent them from being concerned.

- He knew despite loving his powers, the society considered it as some kind of mutation so he self taught on how to manage and control his power.

- He learnt some history regarding Quincies from one of the scrolls and learnt that his late grandfather from his mother side is a Quincy himself.

- He enjoyed being in solitude but a small part of him felt lonely, unwelcomed in the human world.

- When one of the Quincies ( Probably Gerard or Lille ), approached him and offer a place in one of the elite forces, Cang Du quickly jumped in, felt relief that he had a purpose regarding his origins.

- He did not mind it being fascist and militaristic. He is an unapproachable and silent guy so it did not effect him one bit. He just steer clear of any issue, do his job and he can do whatever he want.

- Like most Sternritters, he too have a mind of his own. However, one of the main reasons he respected Yhwach was due to the latter gave him a purpose over a lonely life.

HEADCANONS

- I always see him as a male version of Annie Leonhardt from SNK/ AOT.

- He is actually a naturally handsome guy so believe me when I say many women actually fawn over him but he remained oblivious to it.

- If Cang Du is a normal soldier, Bambietta probably would hit on him but she knew any feud with other Sternritter is punishable by death.

- In his university days, some women left him some letters but he either side read them or did not bother by it and left it under spider web lockers.

- Candice actually tried to strike a conversation in attempt to try to decently know him, but Cang Du usually respond with one/ two words or with gestures before it ended in uncomfortable silence. Candice usually sweat dropped as Cang Du walked away from the place.

- Bazz B tried to strike conversation with him but like Candice, he either gave a few words of responds or gestures. He also gave a look as a sign to stop. Bazz B also tried to ask him for drinks and teased him as some women find him attractive but he hardly took note of those.

- Was probably in cordial terms with others like Gremmy and As Nodt.

- Cang Du is a virgin 150%. He was one of those man who hardly give a thought and just steer clear from human contact. He probably doesn’t know what sex is so when at rare time where he needed to relief himself, he do it very briefly and quietly as he often felt awkward.

- Mask De Maculine and Askin are two eccentric goodies but he was just on good terms with both of them.

- If some women or waiter try to make a move, he swiftly move away or politely state his disinterest with being in a relationship. I do see it sometimes happen and that’s why Bazz B make fun of him.

#bleach #thousand years blood war #cang du #quincy

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appleciders · 1 year

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A) city in a location i don’t love but to an apartment with my beloved friends, will have much broader social life bc i know so many people my age in the area, will get to do fun activities with them, but will be a minimum 18hrs flight (and between 8 and 10 hour time difference) from any of my family and has weather known to make me a bit depressed

B) city in a country i’ve only lived in for short spans before but where my entire family will be (but none of them are my age and really able to like…do social things), beautiful location, have much better social infrastructure in terms of like…paid time off and taxes and stuff, but have no social network and will need to build it from scratch, will be between 14 and 18hr flight from pretty much all of my non-family connections and friends

C) find a place in the area i grew up (and am currently) in, where i love the location and have a deep relationship with the place, weather is great, close to nature, have many non-peer connections here (family friends, neighbors, organizations) but where basically all of my friends have moved away (most 3hrs time difference and 5hrs flight) from because it is very expensive to live here so i would have to figure out a cost of living situation and build a new social network from scratch

D) move somewhere completely new (maybe not either of the two previous countries) and figure it out!

disclaimer: i am a currently a 22yo who doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life but is pretty lonely currently tbh, really close and good relationship with my family who i’ve been living with for the past year, big social person who loves and miss my friends dearly, and i would only be committing to this move for like a year or two im not saying it would be Forever

#this will probably help nothing but i’m Thinking Through things so like. why not!!!#maybe it’ll be like flipping a coin and if everyone votes for an option i’m not feeling i’ll get an answer that way #no matter what my parents are probably gonna sell my childhood home which i definitely have Feelings abt but intellectually do understand #it’s just…gonna take some grieving to come to terms with it emotionally

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choconanime · 1 year

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More copied from Twitter dot com only that is relationship hcs

you know what gonna ramble about zinnia🧵🧵not really ship just ideas for relationship with zaku~

Why did zinnia n zakuro start off a rough start?

Well it all started by a simple question ment for qu and zinnia, "what are you two(relationship)?" And while starless has a no personal info policy, i take it as a "well it isn't THAT personal a simple "were friends " or "were-

colleges" should suffice, something that in surface level it isn't that deep unless you elaborate you get me? Yet that set zinnia off really badly due to Qu not answering right away n she stayed quiet seeing his taken aback reaction/ unable to clearly answer, reopening open wounds n making her storm off.

That incident she blame it at Zakuro for asking smt "personal", for the longest time.

Why did he even ask that question?

Well i don't have smt precise ,but this idea was born from qu and zinnia actually route due to then being in awkward and bumpy relationship at the begging of new starless and since he likes to fuck around n find out due his curious nature

though a. He prolly asked out of curiosity but B. Legit didn't though it would cause such a rugus so can see him be also taken aback at the bad reception, i already knew zakuro made a bad first impression towards zinnia and made it worse after she heard he and sin made Saki-

( which in my au is adami, someone important to her) collapse.

Which honestly for a bit she was thinking mhm maybe i was overeating ,i should apologize to him-> heard the news he was somehow involved with Asami accident -> her: nvm fuck him ->

zinnia since she been working since old starless and half of team is from old starlesss (like before the remodeling of new starless), she gets along with them/ friendly even qu is a slowly healing relationship n Hari,he's polite n prove in her eyes he means well so she like warm

up fast but Zakuro due to everything that happened she just treat him very coldly and is very obvious real quick she has no interest in him.

And it would had been left like that if it wasn't due to zinnia ,on C valentine's finally opening up a tinny bit n just...

Idk to keep long story short she said her thanks for everything you done for the team/ compliments him for the first time/ finally calls him by stage name( even though she uses very formal honorifics)

n idk i just got the idea that maybe realizing that made him happy,he wanted to try to at least be on speaking terms with her afterwards n that's where like their friendship (or au if I'm simping hard)

starts like platonic or not is a slow burn about a. Rebuilding trust bcuz this is also counting all the shenanigans he does as the problem child of c( which ily for that king keep it up) b. Both actually start caring n it's just a fun route

And c. Pls miss call me by my stage name i feel so left out n cold n lonely and <- starts being dramatic

Zinnia: yes yes zakuro-san i get it stop yes i understand uh huh I'll use ur name now yes yes+ also seeing due to how zinnia works in the kitchen n doesnt really approach anyone unless she a. has free time b. been ask out ,ofc this relationship took more time they barely see each other in a way gsdbiugds +zinnia only actively approach on the rare occasion taht your like close bcuz otherwise she by nature is very quiet, she adjust and can speak more if your not the talkative type but if not she just stays quiet n having no desires to make things better can see zakuro really feeling "left out" with zinnia when his whole ass group gets along n then he speaks n she just answer a simple hmh or i see...

#zinnia #rambling here #clownery ik but is fun to try building stuff

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akiiyamashun · 2 years

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headcanon: Akiyama and Hana’s relationship

For the purposes of my portrayal, I don’t write Akiyama being infatuated with (or still having romantic feelings for) Eri or Yasuko, as well as Hana. However, considering the role that Hana has in Akiyama’s life and also in relation to Sky Finance, I thought it would be helpful to delve a little bit in how I see their relationship (from Akiyama’s perspective).

Although there are certain in-game moments where it seems to be teased that these two share some sort of reciprocal romantic bond (the ending to Y4; their shared duet for the karaoke; the interactions during Dead Souls, although the game is not strictly part of the universal canon for the series), I never really saw Akiyama as someone being canonically in love with Hana - not without further development.

For me, this is based mainly on a very shallow reason: Akiyama seems to be physically attracted (and likely to develop romantic inclinations in relation) to a very specific type of woman, with slender figures and stereotypically beautiful. I’ve explored his personal preferences here before and I believe that the ‘Lonely Hana-chan’ substory from Y4 corroborates this; Akiyama seems to be incapable of recognizing Hana as someone ‘beautiful’ (as per his own standards - he often remarks on certain attributes of particular girls that cross his path just fine) and it is not until the Y4 epilogue and Hana’s ‘transformation’ that he seems to react to her differently - but for a very short-lived period and seemingly for comical reasons rather than anything else.

In my specific interpretation, Akiyama (sadly) is unable to look past what he was taught to be a ‘perfect’ woman; while in terms of personality he’s very much capable (and in fact, prefers) women who are on the bolder side, filled with self-confidence and essentially able to walk all over him, the same doesn’t apply to their looks. He’s still very much stuck there, and unless there is a reason for Akiyama to re-examine his bias and how this part of him is still severely affected by socially constructed ideas of ‘beauty’, chances are he will never really realize that Hana could be a romantic interest (for him).

A secondary reason lies in the fact that they have an employment relationship. Although the game refers to Hana as his ‘secretary’ initially, it’s clear that she has much more agency and is in fact a manager/CEO of Sky Finance at some capacity. Akiyama recognizes this in a few situations - and given what happened before with Eri, I don’t think Akiyama would be, in principle, willing to cross that line of having a romantic dalliance with someone who’s also an employee/co-worker (particularly if there is a degree of hierarchical subordination - which appears to be the case with Hana referring to him as ‘boss’ - 社長 - technically, ‘president’, which is how Akiyama introduces himself to third parties in relation to Sky Finance).

In conclusion, for the purposes of my portrayal, I do think Akiyama has sworn off two things: a) romance in the workplace, of any kind, given how badly it ended for him the first time; and b) romance with a customer (at least during the period they are a customer with outstanding installments to be repaid) given the inherent vulnerability of the people who come to him for loans and how this would be extremely unprofessional of him (Yasuko is, to day, the unique breach to this rule given her stark similarity to Eri).

Hana is (and always will be) a trusted confidante and someone Akiyama will never blink twice before going to her rescue/ensuring she’s protected - she’s one of the few exceptions to his general trust issues where genuine and profound friendships are concerned, but it is very unlikely for (my) Akiyama to see this bond as anything in addition to simply platonic.

#iv. headcanon

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museenkuss · 2 years

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Hello sweetie!💓

How are you? Are you ready for your next job?

Maybe it is a strange question and you don't have to answer it but what do you do when you are feeling lonely?

I am finding myself in a strange spot it my life and I would like some recommendations💖💖

Hi!! 🌹

thank you for asking!! I still have some time to prepare, thankfully..but I'm excited already haha :')

Loneliness is a difficult topic and a heavy cross to bear. In general, I think the best two ways of dealing with it are a) reaching out to others and b) learning to enjoy one's own company. [the second one is probably more interesting, so let's start with a)]

Now, the first part might sound like the logical thing to do: Reaching out to a friend. But it's actually quite tricky because at times like this, we might find ourselves without anyone to turn to - we want to reach out, but to whom? Sometimes, the rut we find ourselves in clouds or vision and we forget about the good friends we have, so when that crashing wave of loneliness hits out of nowhere, a short-term solution might just be to go to our contacts, to see our friends there and remember they care for us, even if we haven't talked in a while. And then we have to dare to reach out. However, sometimes that's not enough. We lose friends sometimes and find ourselves truly without anyone to text or reach out to. A long-term solution then might be to make new friends - which is very scary, I know. But I think we need to keep in mind that everyone is lonely, all the time. So the first step is to put yourself in a position where you share time with strangers regularly - I think after 20h spent together we start to think of someone as a friend? Something like that. So, regularly spending time together is a first step. At work, at uni/school, in dance/art/writing classes - a good rule of thumb is that when you find yourself thinking "I wish I could make friends here", you can assume that a good chunk of people are thinking the same thing. That mindset usually helps me to dare to be the one who says that first "you have a really nice handwriting" - and even if the person in question won't be our next best friend, a little chat alone helps a lot to ease that clench of loneliness around our hearts.

~🌹~

To move on to the second point - I think think sometimes what we interpret as loneliness is boredom or fear of spending time with ourselves without the distraction of another person (i.e. being nervous to have lunch alone and being judged by onlookers). With the way we're living today, we are often made to feel like we have to be surrounded by people and that certain things can only be enjoyed in a group. For one, we can end up feeling ashamed for being on our own. Apart from that, this mindset can result in us not doing things simply because we have nobody to do them with. That's something that happens to me quite often - the feeling of being made to feel lonely. It's like a compulsory loneliness. Additionally, I sometimes feel a rush of loneliness when I'm online for too long. Online spaces are great, but they can be incredibly isolating - we see everyone having fun and being in their own bubble, and if we're not in that circle of "treasured mutuals" (or don't feel like we are), "social media" can lead to us just feeling more alone with ourselves. Thus, when the feeling of loneliness rushes up to me sudden and unexpected, a short-term solution I turn to is to detach myself from online spaces and spend time with myself - reading or watching something for an hour without interruption, but also forcing myself to create something, be it writing, baking or drawing. Anything that interrupts the downward spiral and reminds me that there are many, many things to be enjoyed alone. I find that journaling can help, but sometimes it ends in an endless circle of repeated misery - which CAN feel freeing, but if I don't want to slip into that mindset, I try things like listing my favourite songs at the moment or writing a book/movie review, copying down a poem or writing a little essay on something ("spring rain", "things to dislike about renaissance art" etc). A long-term solution for me personally is forcing myself to spend time with myself in public. It's a reminder to myself that I don't need people around to do things I enjoy - and that I, in fact, enjoy some things most when I do them on my own, at my own time. Going to museums, for example, or shopping for books and perfumes.

~🌹~

To sum it up: Maybe the loneliness stems from genuine lack of connection. In that case, even the slightest, faintest hint of a human contact might be a first step to combat it. But it's also possible that what feels like loneliness is the pressure put on us to be constantly surrounded by other people - and here we have to remember that we are enough.

What really helps me here is a short Novala Takemoto essay on loneliness - at this point, I unfortunately don't remember where I found it, but when I feel anxious or sad because I'm not surrounded by the girl group american media is telling me I should have, it's worth its weight in gold to me.

A maiden stands coldly like a glass plain that seems like it would shatter if touched, encased in a hard shell for protection, and that maiden, tightly bound in a web of honey and gazing at you all alone, isn’t she cute.

~🌹~

My darling, I'm really sorry you are at a point in your life where you feel lonely. This got very long, but I hope that maybe, some parts of it were helpful to you. We're going to make it through ♥️

#ask

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