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#like. im just word vomiting right now
robbyykeene · 2 years
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God I still can’t quite verbalize what I found so frustrating about Johnny Lawrence this season. On paper, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s finally being a dad to Robby, he’s also being there for Miguel, him and Daniel have stopped fighting and he even goes to great lengths to protect Daniel this season. But it’s just. The way it all happened, maybe? Or rather, the way the show addresses so many of Johnny’s prior mistakes, specifically with Robby.
Like, even completely ignoring #BabyGate2022. There’s just something about the way his scenes with Robby were handled. Johnny admits he made mistakes, that he wasn’t a good dad. But at the same time, even though Johnny says that, the show bails him out from ever confronting exactly how deep his problems ran.
He tells Robby him and Daniel went to go search for Robby, and that’s how he ended up with the car. This becomes a moment of clarity, where Robby goes hey, maybe my dad put in more effort than I realized. But…Johnny searching for Robby is, while technically true, not really what happened? Daniel dragged Johnny out kicking and screaming to go looking for Robby, and Johnny subsequently bailed a few hours in after things got too heated with Daniel. To reframe this as a moment where Johnny made an effort as a dad feels like a lie. Especially because that’s not how it was framed in season 3.
And then there’s Robby telling Johnny “I lived in here, remember?” about the van, and Johnny responding “how could I ever forget.” And yet…in the previous 4 seasons of the show, Johnny has repeatedly shown zero care or concern about Robby’s living situation. And then there’s Johnny being extremely worried about Carmen’s safety, telling her coming to Mexico would be too dangerous. But…it’s not too dangerous for his son? He doesn’t care if Robby could get hurt? Does it even cross his mind? Are we, as the audience, even supposed to consider that?
And then later, when Johnny and Daniel are talking, and Johnny says “I got Robby out of Cobra Kai.” But he didn’t? Robby got himself out—that was one of his defining character moments of season 4. In fact, Johnny basically ignored Robby the entire season, seemed to completely forget about his existence, and only had a real conversation with him after Robby had already decided to quit Cobra Kai.
And I guess it’s just this whole pattern, right? Because yeah, they had Johnny somewhat apologize to Robby, to Shannon, make an effort to actually be there for once. But it felt hollow and fake and unearned because of how the show tried to coverup and erase and gloss over everything that’s really happened between Johnny and Robby. Johnny might verbally apologize, but the show itself can’t and won’t acknowledge what he’s really apologizing for.
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came across a show called cruise ship killers which is just Peak Daytime TV Crime Documentary, and somehow i think im marathoning it and notes so far:
cruise ships continue to be the ugliest boats ever
people have to come up with real unique excuses when they killed someone on a cruise ship which led to a guy changing his story from "my wife was blown overboard" to "the ukranian government is framing me for murder".
he was found guilty. the jury did not believe all of ukraine was guilty as he claimed (this case was in the 90s btw)
several times its noted that other passengers are annoyed that their holiday has been so rudely interrupted by a murder and can everyone just hurry up please so they can continue?
on some cruises, you can go to the staff and be like "hi, my room was broken into and all they stole was my underwear, please can i move cabins?" and theyll be like "sorry, were all booked up but you can disembark at the next port we stop at on your own cost :)". this is not a surprise
theres one case where theyre like "based on the victims diary, it has to be this guy" which is a fascinating approach to solving crime that does not lead to a conviction thankfully.
the show notes "an all male jury found him not guilty" in the diary episode as if its like a bomb theyve dropped, but when your entire case is based on the victims diary, its kinda hard prove murder beyond all reasonable doubt?
as ugly as cruise ships are, they do get some real pretty shots of the ocean and coasts
they really love to just repeat the same information over and over and over again. we get it, the guy was seasick.
remember the guy who stole someones underwear? yeah, he did that and then a few hours later, the victim was dead and it wasnt him. his wife was his alibi though so im sure that was fun for him.
there was another guy who didnt kill the victim but was being creepy and after establishing it wasnt him, the captain ordered him not to talk to any other women and to stay in his cabin for the rest of the trip.
also, they found him because someone came forward and was like "i dont know his name, but hes so suntanned, hes basically a tomato, youll recognise him" and they did
i think they say a variation of "little do they know, theyll be the last person to see X alive" every episode
its always nice to know that if you do go missing/overboard on a cruise ship, theres a decent chance your death will be ruled a suicide for convenience's sake <3
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xysidhe · 2 years
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Best character choice I've ever made is deciding to give Regulus a knife. Cause he went from genius bookworm to evil genius yandere real quick.
Regulus: You live another day, Potter, only because my brother would be saddened if you died.
Regulus: But if you hurt him even once I will not hesitate to gut you like a fish
James, utterly unaware he now has an 11 year old Nemesis who isn't even in Hogwarts yet: Why do I hear boss music?
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naenaex0xx · 2 months
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maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone
#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol#my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c)#well. im happy if i get to do it now#cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !!#okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment#so im writing things im proud of!#brushed my teeth for more than two mins today#n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross#but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night!#that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time#and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<)#and oh. i want to start going on walks..#itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me#just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside#n thats not good :<#those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends!#ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol#its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well-#i guess i wanna get closer to people?#and.. talk to ny old friends too#i feel to guilty#im not good with this stuff. it drains me#but anyways. baby steps right? who knows#maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good#ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol#but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright#<333#posts.nae/rambles
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agrebel18 · 11 months
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Today I found out that shooting your shot platonically is WAY HARDER than shooting your shot romantically like oh my lord
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gachaparadise · 6 months
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ahhh the Penacony leaks are really coming in now.
*chuckles* I'm in danger.
#i keep going back and forth about if i'm skipping Ratio. I was 100% going for him but now. looking at whats coming#I like Sunday and Robin and Boothill and Gallagher and Misha and Aventurine and DUKE INFERNO?!?#okay. i just saw that Aventurine might be sustain unit. i NEED one of those so bad.#my accounts gonna be completely fucked if i don't get a good support sometime soon. so like. that moves him WAY up my priorities list#and moves Ratio down :( still dunno exactly what he does waiting for official release to make final decisions#but. if he's really an imaginary dps. i might... *dies a little bit* skip him#i just!!! i have DH!!! i WANT to use DH! he's my favourite character in the damn game!#and >_> is Ratio going to have story relevance? i thought Argenti would get more then just a companion quest but he hasn't#and that kinda... bums me out? i like the meet a character THEN roll for them not the other way around. i like character who matter plotwis#A!NY!WAY! putting that aside. i might just go for the 50/50 and take what i get. just to smooth out my pity if nothing else#i don't have most of the standard pool so chances are *knocks on wood* i'll have something new to work with#and like we are getting an absolute BARRAGE of hard skip banners coming up after him.#i do not care for these women at all. extremely mid designs i SLEEP#(except for the judge she fucks but. jades are tight right now honey im sorry!!)#so. i've got a little but of time to save afterwards#post: misc#game: honkai sr#these tags are long and disjointed but its *checks clock* almost 2:30 am so. i'm a bit. you know.#i could save this draft for tomorrow and edit into something resembling a human's train of thought instead of word vomit but#i kinda wanna capture the moment. this is how i saw the leaks. the essence of desperation of a f2p. aahhh gacha my beloved.
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cloudbrooksblog · 10 months
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I found a few screenshots from when we had to make a slideshow presentation in order to convince our "mother" to let us be vaccinated for COVID-19. I thought they were funny, especially the later two. You have to put yourself in the mind of a clickbait youtuber in order to keep the attention of conspiracy theorists.
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The goal was to convince her the side effects of the vaccine were better than a lonely death by COVID. 2023 and I find myself needing to pull teeth with her in order to get boosters. I can't wait to be 18, even if jobs and taxes are bad or whatever.
#get vaccinated#vaccinate your kids#kids are people too#i swear you need to remember that sometimes#i want to be 18 already!! no that doesnt mean im stupid and naive that means CPS workers told me “sorry that doesn't sound that bad”#like “we have actual cases of abuse to be working on right now” FUCK OFF i cant wait to be an adult#for context this isnt the only abuse#they are worse than this#im just. constant reminders of why i want to be 18 already are tiring lmao#VENT#tw vent#word vomit#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#im so tired#part of me is like. im 17 and already this tired.. why even try with adulthood? they all say it just gets worse and if im already so tired#they say ill never make it if im already this tired#so its like. why even try#then i remember!! they assume my life is better than this#“this” not being what you see in the post btw#they all assume im giving them all the possible info right now#“right now” being whenever i try venting to any adult that claims they want me to#ive stopped venting to adults tbh. even if they encourage it whenever im noticeably tired-looking or sad#adults arent safe to talk to at all idc what adults think of me saying that#you want me to share what im feeling with you? act like it#you try solving my problems and then say its cause you care but im starting to think#you (vague adult that i speak to IRL who isn't reading this post)#you are just hearing the baby (me) cry and are trying to find the solution to make me shut the fuck up before you throw me into the sun#cause im annoying. cause im a kid#i mean. im 17 but omg#this tumblr post has turned into me just letting out years worth of bullshit HAHAHA
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doodlesolar · 10 months
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lunar-fey · 11 months
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i wish my brain would . stop. or at least slow down a bit
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bambi-lesbian-posts · 2 years
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I'm being given the opportunity to transfer to a college in Japan, and because it accepts FASFA and also offers merit-based scholarships, on top of japanese currency being ¥150 to the USdollar, it's basically VERY affordable for me to go. It also has dormitories and homestay opportunities. Also I've been wanting to go to Japan for the past few years, so this is a dream for me.
But the problems are,
A: I'm a coward and suddenly transferring to Japan and being alone there when I'm not super confident in my Japanese speaking & reading skills yet is terrifying. I don't know the basic 2,500 kanji that are deemed essential in Japan. I don't even know 100 kanji. I know like. 30 at best right now.
B: I will have to leave my job to go there, for a few months at the very least (if I only go for one semester) or 3 years at most (the max amount the program offers, I believe) and finding work in Japan as a foreigner and a college student could be very tricky. To make it worse, I almost have a full sleeve of tattoos on my arm. Tattoos are frowned upon in Japan for the most part, and even though it's not a big deal as a foreigner, what japanese company would want to hire a butch female foreigner with tattoos?? Very few.
C: My cat is old and I won't be able to take her with me to Japan, and leaving her behind will be stressful for me (both because she might kick the bucket while I'm in Japan and because I will be completely alone in Japan without her)
D: I have one semester left to finish my associates degree, so if I DO go then it'll be after I finish my associates, because it will be easier that way instead of finishing my credits in another country (if they even offer all the courses I will need to finish my degree requirements in the first place)
E: They don't offer any biological science majors (that I can see so far, I still need to look more) so if I DO go it'll be for some sort of language or literature course because that seems to be what they specialize in.
F: Covid. Sickness. International travel struggles. I am so so scared of getting lost and sick in a foreign country especially after a global fuckign plague. Not to mention, I lose my voice at high altitudes, so plane rides essentially make me mute (with a horribly dry and sore throat) which will make my fear of sickness even worse & maybe make others uncomfortable given recent events. Also will I need a visa? How do I go about getting one for Japan?
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littleberrybat · 8 months
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how do you tell your only friend that you really appreciate their love of horror and them wanting to share it with you but two outta the three "tame" horror shows/books they recommended have made you extremely uncomfortable and also nauseous after finishing them and you'd really prefer if you'd never watched/read them at all, without making your friend feel bad or triggering their anxiety and making them think you hate them
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hxlcyon · 1 year
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i need more piercings
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somebody sent me the sweetest and most beautiful anon ask i've ever received and im gonna be crying now because it is so very much and i cannot even deal with the level of aching and lovely and hopeful feelings the dearest anon has now passed to me i think im going to screech as loudly as is humanly possible and hope my parents don't hear me and wake up
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peachypinkygloss · 23 days
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make you mine — jjk
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You never suspected the evil would have taken the form of Jungkook, a hot guy from your college, but when he takes interest in you, you rapidly discover the secret he's hiding.
★ pairing: incubus!jungkook x fem!reader
★ genre: horror, smut, college au, jennifer's body au
★ word count: 5.8k
★ warnings: graphic description of gore (mention of blood & injuries), dub-con, jock!jk, implied inexperienced!reader, dom jk/sub reader, unprotected sex, praising, fingering, multiple orgasms, jk's kinda mean but hey he's evil so 🤷🏻‍♀️.
a.n.: here she is guys 🙈 it was both hard & fun to write lol but honestly the result is *chef's kiss*. read the warnings pls thank you!! im so scared of posting it 🥲
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Jungkook thinks he never felt that much pain in his whole entire life. It’s like his soul is screaming from the inside out, as if someone stabbed him in the stomach, tearing his guts apart. 
Oh, but that’s actually what happened…
How can he still be alive? He swears he was dead seconds ago, losing liters of blood through the cut in his stomach. But he’s very much conscious right now, getting out of the woods he was brutally murdered in. Well, is it still murder if he survived? 
It doesn’t really matter anymore anyway. All he can think about at this moment is how hungry he is. He would devour anything he can eat, and god, why does the person on the other side of the pavement look so… edible? 
He feels the dried blood dripping from his mouth and his hands stained in the same red substance, holding his stomach where, surprisingly, he is no longer bleeding from.The pain is atrocious, but he needs to fucking eat, and he approaches the person faster. 
The moment they notice him, their eyes grow bigger and they let out a strident scream, but Jungkook gives them no time to leave.
He doesn’t know what in the hell possesses him to jump on that poor human, his teeth becoming sharper than they ever were, shredding their neck in pieces, their screams slowly dying down as he eats like a starved animal.
The fresh blood is coating the dried layer on his chin. He feels like an uncontrollable beast, and he’s literally acting like one right now. No one with a right mind would have ever done this… but it’s like he isn’t a human. 
He was revived from the dead, he can’t possibly be human anymore… 
He has an idea as to why this happened. 
Those girls — that girl band who he seemed so enthralled by — sacrificed him, and for what…? For fame? For money? Whatever it is, they killed the wrong person because obviously the sacrifice didn’t fucking work. 
Well, at least on Jungkook’s side. 
He doesn’t know where they went — probably out of town, living their best life as if they didn’t murder a guy for their crappy albums to get more sales. 
He’s cursed now, or whatever the hell is happening to him. 
He looks down at his victim; it’s a man. 
As he eats, he suddenly feels nauseous, vomiting what he had so far swallowed. A dark liquid comes out of his mouth, and god, it’s even more painful than the cut in his stomach. 
He feels disgusted by himself — why isn’t he full? Eating felt so good, considering how starved he was, but it’s like he ate something … expired. 
Argh, what’s wrong with him… He ate someone’s guts, of course it doesn’t taste like a 5 stars meal. Then why did his instinct tell him to do that? 
That’s fucked up. 
The next few days are horrible for Jungkook. 
After that night, he doesn’t eat anything except for raw chicken and other types of meat that were just not enough to satiate him. It doesn't taste good either. 
He lays in bed most of the time, having no energy, skipping the gym and his practices, which he usually never does. He gets texts from his friends, but he doesn’t bother to check his phone. 
It’s on Sunday night that he decides to leave his bed, going to look at himself in the mirror. He has big dark circles under his eyes — not particularly flattering. He’s still very hungry, but none of the food in his fridge makes him want to eat. 
There’s one thing he’d want, though… 
It’s when he receives a text from a specific person that he knows what to do. 
iseul: hey, gguk. wanna study together for tomorrow’s exam?
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“Hey, man,” Jungkook’s teammate, Doyun, greets him. “Heard about Hana? That’s fucked up,” he states, walking beside his friend. “And right after Iseul… My parents refuse my sister to go out alone now.”
“Yeah, I heard,” Jungkook replies, not really caring, but still listening. 
It’s not like anybody liked Hana before, he doesn’t understand why everybody suddenly cares now that she’s dead. She needed to die to finally have some importance. How sad. 
She wasn’t that good of a laid either, so really, what’s the matter? Sure, it’s tragic, but who’s going to miss her besides her family. 
“Can’t be an animal at this point,” his teammate says under his breath, “Do you wanna know what I’m thinking?”
Not really…
“What?”
“I’m thinking it’s gotta be some ‘Jack the Ripper’ kinda guy. You know those freaks who wanna be the modern this or that.”
Kind of offensive… 
Jungkook rolls his eyes without Doyun noticing, snickering at his words.
“The police’s saying it’s a bear or some shit,” Jungkook explains, reaching his class. “That’s more believable than your ‘modern Jack the Ripper’.” He mimics quotes with his fingers, stopping in front of the classroom. 
Doyun still doesn’t seem convinced, but it’s not Jungkook’s job to make him less stupid. He can believe what he wants, he’s not an investigator even though he thinks he is. 
“See you at practice, alright?”
“Yeah, later, man.”
Jungkook has never been very attentive in class. He doesn’t care about a lot of things and college is one of them. He wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for his parents and their high expectations of him. 
He’s looking outside the windows, noticing the grey clouds, heavy rain pouring from the sky. A flash of lighting breaks through the sky, hearing the thunder a second after. 
Nobody seems attentive either, all interested in the thunderstorm that’s starting. It might be the strongest they’ve seen in a couple of years. 
“Crap,” the teacher says as the electricity is cut off, surely because of the thunder. 
Girls are gasping, some of them whispering to each other about how creepy the situation has become while the professor waits for the power to get back on, wanting to continue teaching his class. 
Jungkook’s phone lights up as he gets a new notification. He takes a glimpse, reading the text he just received. 
doyun: practice’s canceled.. 
Great, Jungkook thinks. He really needed to get some steam off, but it won’t happen today. 
“Sir!” A girl raises her hand, catching the attention of the professor. “All classes got canceled. Can we leave? Apparently, the power isn’t coming back in a few hours.”
“Well, I won’t teach in the dark…” 
The professor seems quite disappointed, but he lets everyone go back home, seeing no point in staying if he can’t teach. 
While exiting the classroom, Jungkook gets bumped into by someone. He doesn’t move much, but the person drops their books on the floor, bending down to pick them up hurriedly. 
“Shit… Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” you apologize, standing back up when you have all of your books in your arms.
“It’s fine,” Jungkook mumbles and you give him a straight smile, still feeling apologetic. 
He recognizes you from highschool, a girl he never talked to, but who he knew the name of. Then, he watches you walking away for a short moment, eyeing your form up and down, memorizing it. 
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You’re in the cafeteria, sitting with your friends, waiting for about a good 30 minutes now. The storm from yesterday is still ongoing, and the power is very unstable, cutting off every couple of times.
The finals are scheduled for today and the administration told the students to come regardless of the storm, thinking it would stop during the night. So you’re waiting to be sent to the gym where the exams are usually taking place, but seeing the electricity goes off and comes back every second, it isn’t the best time to start an exam. 
People are free to go, it’s college after all, but most of the students are staying in case a decision is made. You know you wouldn’t want to skip your exam, that’s why you’re staying, even though it is starting to get really long. 
No murder has happened since the beginning of the storm, confirming the police suspicions that it might be a wild animal doing this. A bear wouldn’t come out during a thunderstorm, hence why no bodies have been found or anyone going missing. 
You don’t really know what to think about the whole thing. You never really experienced anything of the sort before, only ever seen it in the news, taking place in a far away city. Now, it’s really different to see it in person, seeing people grieving, freaking out. 
You don’t understand how an animal would do such a thing, especially since they aren’t known to attack humans, or… eat them. But everybody is kind of desperate to find a culprit. 
As you’re looking through your notes, you notice that you’re missing a piece of information that you absolutely need to know for your test. You would ask your friends, but none of them are in this class with you. Plus, you forgot your book so the only solution would be to go to the library. 
The place is lit up by candles and oil lamps. The power doesn’t seem to have come back here. 
The librarian isn’t even here, so you can’t ask her for directions, which would be really useful, but you’ll do without. You go to the biology section and start searching for the book you need. It takes you some time, carefully looking through the shelves until you notice an older edition of the book. You hope what you need is in there.
You start flipping the pages to the right chapter, but you jump out of surprise and drop the book to the floor at the sound of someone else’s voice. 
“Aren’t you supposed to attend your exam?”
It’s the guy you bumped into yesterday; Jungkook. 
What’s weird is that you didn’t at all hear him, you could have swore you were alone in the library. Guess he’s a really quiet walker, hence why you didn’t even see him coming out of the classroom the day before. 
“Uh, y-yeah,” you stammer out, furrowing your brows. You bend down to pick up the book, his eyes following your movements closely. “Just had to come here for this,” you say and show the object in question in your hand. “What about you?”
He leans on the shelves beside him. 
“Didn’t feel like wasting my time back there,” he explains and you nod, not really sure what he wants exactly… It’s not like you’re friends or anything.
You can’t see much of him with the low lighting in the library, but you still catch on the way he’s looking at you intently. It makes you slightly uncomfortable, considering he’s towering over you with all his height. And Jungkook is very tall compared to you. 
“Is- Is there something else you wanted to ask me…?” You manage to let out, voice a bit shaky and uneasy. 
“Are you scared?” he asks casually.
He steps closer to you, and you don’t understand why you don’t step back. It’s like you don’t dare.
“What?”
“The storm. Pretty intense, right?”
Is he really interested to know if you’re scared of storms or is he playing with you? Why would he even play with you in the first place, that’s what you wonder. 
His behaviour really confuses you. It’s true that you don’t know him, but he isn’t the type of guy to just… creep girls out. Maybe it’s not his intention though?
“Oh, yeah… It’s- it’s nothing I've ever seen before,” you confess in a weak voice. 
“Me neither,” Jungkook replies. 
You hold the book against you tighter like it’s some sort of protection, or just as emotional support. You don’t know what’s up with him, but it has you feeling some type of way… 
You feel the knot in your stomach getting tighter as he gets even closer, trapping you between him and the bookshelves. 
Yes, you’re scared, but not of the storm… of him.
And… there’s a part of you that likes it — likes the attention he gives you, the way his dark eyes look at your body. His gaze makes you think of a carnivore, a predator. 
You’re the food he was looking for. 
“It’s really loud, isn’t it?” he observes. “I wonder… if you had to scream, would anybody hear you?”
That startles you right away. 
“Jungkook-” Saying his name seems to catch his attention, his eyes looking directly into yours. “Stop it.”
He doesn’t break eye contact, and you’re destabilized by how long he can hold your gaze, a shiver running up your spine, making the hair on your arms stand up. 
It’s only to whisper in your ear that his eyes leave yours. 
“Stop what exactly?”
His hot breath hits the side of your neck, hearing your heart pounding in your chest, the knot in your stomach becoming heavier and heavier. Your hands clasp around your book, holding onto it for dear life as you gulp down the excess of saliva in your mouth. 
You scrunch your eyes shut when you feel his hands on your hips, fingers sneaking under the hem of your top. Your core heats up, blood rushing to your cheeks… and clitoris. 
“What do you want?” You breathe out, opening your eyes when Jungkook faces you again. 
He takes the book from you, putting it back onto the shelves, not caring if it’s the wrong placement. 
“Just a little bit of fun,” he answers, “wouldn’t you like that, hm?” He slips his index finger under the band of your skirt, pulling you closer to him, his lips only centimetres away from yours. “I know girls like you are too shy to ask for it… So I’m making the first move.” 
“No, I-” You begin, but don’t have the time to finish your sentence. 
“It’s fine, I’m gonna take the lead. You don’t have to worry about anything, pretty,” he tells you, tilting his head and pressing a light kiss to your lips. Surprisingly, you reciprocate it. He pulls his hand away from your skirt, enveloping it around your throat, not putting any pressure yet. “I knew you’d be into it, you’re a little freak, aren’t you?” 
You don’t know what to answer. Is there even anything you can say back to him? What’s the point of lying when he has you trapped between his large body and the bookshelves, his tattooed fingers gripping your neck, his lips brushing over your face. 
But would that be really a lie saying he’s wrong about you? He doesn’t know you…
He kisses you again, this time sloppier, his tongue dominating yours easily. He nudges your legs open with his knee, his other hand swiftly diving under the hem of your skirt, groping your flesh in a lewd way that keeps you out of breath — apart from the fact that his tongue is currently exploring your mouth. 
He graces the bump of your pussy covered by your panties with his fingers, making your knees buckle at the unexpected contact. He rubs the pad of his middle finger over your clit, a whine escaping your throat, muffled by his mouth on yours. The moment is brief until he slips his hand into your underwear. 
You try to make him stop by grabbing his wrist, pulling away from his lips to pathetically whisper a ‘p-please’ that makes him chuckle. 
“Already begging for me, sweetheart?” He softly laughs, smirking at you. “Excited by the idea of a guy’s fingers in your little cunt instead of yours? Is that it?”
You frown because that wasn’t the reason why you begged him, but now that he said this… your thoughts are going into a completely different way. What’s wrong with you?
“Do you wanna know how it feels, baby? How it’s like to have your pussy stuffed by someone else’s fingers…” 
He’s not waiting for an answer as he starts stroking your bud of nerves in slow circular motions, applying some pressure to really make you feel it. You let out another whine, this time of pleasure. 
Jungkook then shifts down to your entrance, circling it with a lot of delicacy, but this gentleness of his doesn’t go on for long as he pushes a finger into you. You bite down on your bottom lip — the size of his fingers are in no comparison to yours. Your eyes swell up in water, little cries escaping your mouth when he adds a second digit. 
“I know, I know,” he whispers, “must be uncomfortable, hm?” You nod your head, confirming his words. “It’ll feel good soon, I promise. You’re used to the feel of your tiny fingers, it’s normal…”
When he says this, you have a hard time believing him. How could it feel good when you weren’t at all prepared for this — when it’s not what you wanted. 
He begins to move his fingers inside of you, slow and long strokes at first, circling your clit with his thumb at the same time. He curls his fingers, making a little hook, patting your sweet spot. The intrusion is uncomfortable, but it progressively gets so much more pleasurable as he thrusts into you at a regular pace. 
Tears are still falling down from your eyes, eyelashes wet and sticky, but they aren’t the result of your pain… 
“You’re pretty when you cry,” Jungkook murmurs beside your ear, butterflies in your stomach when he tells you this. 
He unwraps his hand from your throat to instead grab your thigh, placing your leg around his hip. You now feel his fingers way deeper inside of you, gently and deliciously stimulating your g-spot. You dare to look down where his left hand is operating between your thighs, sliding in until he’s knuckles deep into your pussy. This makes you breathless, head rolling back on your shoulders and hitting the shelves behind you. 
“Oh, my god-!” You exclaim when Jungkook’s ministrations bring you so close to your orgasm. Your legs are twitching, your body warning you of your approaching high.
You’d probably be more aware of his hard cock trapped in his baggy jeans, but you literally cannot focus on anything else other than Jungkook fingering you, hitting your sensitive spot each time he thrusts in. 
“That’s it, baby,” he encourages, moving faster. “You feel it? Huh?” He asks and you croak out a weak ‘yes’. “Tell me how it feels.”
You hate his questions — you hate them so much. He knows how you feel, but he wants you to say it, he wants you to say that you enjoy it, and… your body really does. 
“G-Good.”
“Yeah?” he breathes out, fucking your cunt with his fingers, enthralled by the little moans you let out.
“Yes,” you confirm, closing your eyes and nodding your head. “Fuck!” You curse out when you finally reach your high, grasping onto his forearm as you ride out your orgasm, your entire body shaking. 
Jungkook helps you by slowly rubbing your puffy clit in circles, telling you more dirty words in your ear, all said in the sweetest voice, as if what he’s doing can be described as anything sweet. 
“Good girl,” he praises, “see, I told you it’d feel great.”
He still has his head in the crook of your neck, and you frown at the feeling of sharp teeth against your skin. It’s barely there, just brushing over it, as if hesitating to act… but Jungkook retrieves back, looking into your reddened eyes. 
He could stop there, but he won’t — though he got what he wanted, he needs more… 
He pulls his hand out of your panties, fingers glistening in your arousal. “Open wide for me, baby,” he instructs. 
You glance at his hand, a little repulsed. You’ve never thought about tasting yourself and it’s surely nothing you’d have ever done… if not for Jungkook. 
You then reluctantly open your mouth and he enters his wet fingers in. 
“Suck,” he adds on, expecting you to follow his orders, and you do without a second thought. 
He stares down at you while you lick his fingers clean and he slides them a bit deeper, pushing down on your tongue. The taste of yourself isn’t what you thought it’d be… It doesn’t taste much, in fact. 
He removes his fingers from your mouth only to put them in his own after. “As sweet as you are,” he grins. “Turn around.”
You hesitate for a second, looking at him credulously, before doing what he asked you to do on trembling legs. 
“Are you…?” You say under your breath, looking over your shoulder and seeing Jungkook pulling the zipper of his pants down. 
“Going to put my cock into you?” he finishes your question for you. “Yeah, I am.”
You stop breathing at his answer, sensing his deft fingers touching your thighs and hips, going under your skirt to drag your panties down. 
He soon gets his cock out of his briefs, pumping himself a couple of times before aligning his head with your dripping wet entrance. His tattooed hand keeps your skirt crumpled up over your ass, laying the other one on your hip. 
“Careful, sweetheart,” he says softly beside your ear, “because this might sting a little bit more than two fingers.” He swipes the head of his cock through your sticky folds and all you can do is moan pathetically at the feeling, lewd, wet noises echoing in the big library. 
You can’t see his length even with the way you contort your head to look over your shoulder, but you’re still able to see his chest and hips moving as he pushes his cock into your pussy. Though you have no idea what he looks like, the painful feeling of your cunt getting stretched out to his size tells you he’s really big. 
And he was right. This hurts way more than his fingers, the two feelings are not comparable at all. 
“Jungkook-,” you cry out, holding the shelves in front of you till there’s no more blood in your knuckles. 
He hears you, loving the sounds you’re making because of him and the way you say his name with eyes full of tears. When he bottoms out inside of you, his pelvis flushed against your ass, he lets out a low grunt and throws his head back, closing his eyes to savour the pleasure entirely. 
You involuntarily clench around him, making him tighten his grip on your hip. He then starts thrusting into you, his cock sliding in and out of your pussy at a slow but harsh pace. Each time he bottoms out, Jungkook makes sure the skin of his thighs slap against your ass, the sounds almost as loud as your little moans and whimpers. 
But the storm is so intense and noisy that he’s pretty sure nobody else in the library could hear you — if there was anyone here apart from the two of you anyway. 
Your wetness allows him to fuck his cock into your pussy back and forth, welcoming him so perfectly without any restriction. It’s almost impossible for him to not hit your sweet spot, and he reaches so much deeper when he lifts up your thigh with the hand that was previously placed on your hip. 
You don’t know how long you can stay in this position, especially when Jungkook’s drilling his hard cock into you like nothing else matters. It’s like he needs it from you, and as the pleasure only builds up in you, you start thinking you need it desperately, too. 
You’re breathing heavily, and so is he, feeling his hot breath on your neck when he tilts his head down closer to yours. You can clearly hear his breathing now as well as his deep grunts that leave his mouth every time your walls close tightly around his girth, literally sucking him in. 
“Shit,” he curses out as he pushes lightly on your back, deepening the arch of it so your ass is flushed against his pelvis. “How could I have ever passed over you… You’re so- fuck,” Jungkook chokes out, not finishing his sentence, but you have a guess on what he wanted to say. 
He then kisses your neck pretty messily, but it only raises the temperature of your body, your skin boiling hot under his soft lips. He leaves a wet trail behind, going up to your ear, down to your shoulder. 
Telling him to stop isn’t even possible anymore, it wouldn’t make any sense… would be absolutely stupid when you’re so close to your second orgasm. 
As he thrusts into you, his balls smack your pussy, and the sounds are just too vulgar, but it’s honestly arousing you so much. Jungkook lets go of your thigh to take a hold of your jaw, turning it around so he can look at your face. 
Your mouth is ajar to let out big puffs of air, and it’s the same for him, his breathing being irregular and heavy. He didn’t think he would ever need something that badly, which is making you his, surprisingly enough. 
Making you his in whatever way possible; whether it’s by fucking you or eating you — or both. Jungkook doesn’t care, he just wants it. 
It doesn’t take long for your second orgasm to pass through you, arms and legs shaking as the knot at the pit of your stomach snaps. Jungkook feels it very clearly, your walls hugging his cock terribly tightly, bringing him closer to his own orgasm as well.
“Holy fuck,” he hisses, his hip thrusts accelerating, literally burying his cock in your cunt until he slips out. He rapidly strokes himself and cums on your ass, strings of white cum falling on you. “Oh, god…”
He stays in this position for a couple of seconds, catching his breath. He then slightly backs away, making sure to keep your skirt crumpled up over your butt, looking at the mess he made of you. 
Suddenly, you both catch on the voices entering the library, making you rush to dress up and clean yourselves — especially you. 
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
You’re in your bedroom, studying and writing down on your notebook while lying down on your bed. It’s relatively quiet in your house, hearing the TV downstairs playing and the ceiling fan above your head running. 
The ringtone of your cellphone breaks the silence, buzzing on top of your bedsheets. It’s a number that you don’t recognize, but the first digitals show you that it’s a number from your area. So you pick it up. 
“Hello?” 
“Hey, pretty.”
“Uh, who is this?” You ask the person on the other side of the line because you have no idea who would call you like this. They must know you.
“Take a guess,” they say, and their tone is oddly a little flirty. 
You frown, starting to remember where you heard this voice for the last time… And in which situation exactly. 
“... Jungkook?” 
He laughs at that and you can imagine the cheeky smile he’s sporting right now. 
“You got it,” he replies, “see, I knew you’d remember me.” 
You immediately feel uneasy despite the fact you’re just talking through the phone, but things have happened since your encounter with Jungkook.
Things such as more dead girls, all brutally murdered by this ‘animal’. 
You suspected nothing until you noticed how tired looking Jungkook was a day or two after what happened in the library. Normally, you wouldn’t have looked at him, but you literally couldn’t get him out of your head after how intimate the both of you had been together. 
Each time he was in the same hallway as you, you’d give him a glance and nothing more as you were too shy to talk to him or even look at him for too long. 
But sometimes you dared to watch him a little longer when he didn’t know you were in the same room as him. 
And you saw the dark circles, the bad attitude he had with his friends, and the disdain look he seemed to give to everybody. You also saw him get in his car with a girl. You were jealous for a second, but you felt totally different the next day when that same girl went missing and that Jungkook seemed to be doing fine again. 
At first, it was just silly thoughts, but it was too strong of a coincidence, you couldn’t think about anything else. 
“Yeah…” You say back, shoulders tense as you sit up on your bed. “How did you get my number?” 
“Asked Doyun for it,” he simply explains. “You did a project back in highschool together. Remember?”
You do remember. You were so stressed out about it. Paired with a popular jock? You believed the teacher was against you, but it turned out that Doyun was way nicer than you thought.
“Luckily, you didn’t change numbers.”
Lucky for who?
“Right,” you huff out, looking through your window, a shiver passing through you at the thought of Jungkook hiding somewhere.
“What’re you doing?” he asks.
“Uhm, just studying… Why?” 
“Wanna go out with me?” Jungkook proposes after a few seconds of silence. 
You look through your window again. It’s dark outside. This would be such a bad idea… 
“It’s 9 p.m. on a Thursday night,” you begin, sounding way too bitchy for his liking, “where would we go? And why would I even go out with you…”
“The park’s always open,” he adds.
“What-”
“Relax. Nothing bad gonna happen, alright?" his voice resonates through the phone, hearing a slight laugh after. "I miss you, that's all."
You bite down on your lip, shaking your head to get all of your stupid thoughts away. As much as you hate to admit it, you love hearing that from Jungkook. That’s all you wanted him to say since he left you in the library… tell you he needs you as much as you need him. 
But this isn’t the time for that — there won’t ever be another time anyway. 
You respond nothing and so he takes it as a yes. “I’ll come pick you up in 10 minutes. Put something pretty on,” he chuckles, hanging up. 
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
The park isn’t an open space with benches and a fountain. It’s basically the woods where you go for hiking. There are paths you can follow that will all lead you to the same place at the end. 
You could have thought of something smarter, or less dangerous, but you didn’t have any time. Jungkook showed up at your entrance precisely 10 minutes after he hung up and you weren’t exactly ready to see him just yet. 
You had to get in his car anyway, the whole ride being quiet until you arrived at your destination. Your stomach churned up the moment you entered the woods, Jungkook behind you. 
Your heart is still beating super fast right now, whether it’s because you’re absolutely scared or because Jungkook is kissing you feverishly, it doesn’t matter. You can’t do this, and you don’t know how it might end for you if you let yourself be distracted by him. 
“Jungkook,” you manage to say between kisses. You push harder on his chest, making him stop from putting his tongue in your mouth. “We need to talk,” you say firmly. 
“About what?” he chuckles, diving back down to the crook of your neck where he plants wet kisses, his hand sneaking up under your dress while the other holds your hip. 
You squirm, fighting hard to not let yourself give in to his touch. 
“I saw… I saw Jia and you getting into your car the other day,” you confess and he backs away from your neck when he hears that, looking intently at your face. 
“And? You were jealous, is that it?” He questions, lifting one eyebrow. 
“No! I mean-,” you answer right after, thinking about what to say and how to say it. “She went missing the day after you saw her, and-”
Jungkook gets visibly annoyed, trapping his bottom lip between his teeth. He lets go of you, still looking at you, but not with lustful eyes anymore. 
“What? What are you trying to say, huh?” He huffs out. “That I killed her? Fucking crazy.”
You feel bad. Is he really guilty?
He has to be. You know he is. 
“Back in the library,” you begin to say, “were you… did you intend to kill me?” You eventually say it all, breath caught in your throat as you watch Jungkook registering your words. 
He sighs, “why would it matter?” You frown at that, about to respond, but he steps closer to you, trapping you between him and the tree again. “Just let me take care of you, gonna make you feel good, baby…” 
He slips his hands under your dress so rapidly that you don’t have any time to react, immediately overwhelmed by his groping and his lips all over you. 
But you get back your senses, using all your force to push him away. You succeed to have a safe distance between the two of you.
“So you’re admitting it!? You wanted to- to do the same thing to me!”
“No,” he disagrees, his voice harsh, sounding quite annoyed. “I just wanted- Fuck!” he exclaims angrily, but it’s like he doesn’t know what to say. 
“You could have everybody you wanted, Jungkook,” you state, looking him into the eyes, “why me?”
He looks back at you and you wonder how you couldn’t have seen it before… The evil. 
“Why not? You’re hot, kinda a stuck-up, but I had to try it, you know,” he chuckles. “For a nerdy girl, you sure know how to take dick.”
It angers you to a point… 
“Fuck you!”
And without thinking twice, you reach down to pick up the pocket knife you hid in your boot before. 
You open it and you rush toward Jungkook, stabbing him in his lower stomach. You retrieve the knife a bit too hastily, resulting in you dropping it and falling down on your butt to the ground. 
Jungkook also falls down, holding onto his stomach, red blood dripping out of his cut onto his hands. He yells out many curses, sucking air through his teeth to appease the pain as much as he can. 
You watch him, startled and out of breath, eventually turning around and searching for your knife. When you find it, you get back up and to Jungkook, but he isn’t there anymore.
He has completely disappeared. 
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
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.
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2K notes · View notes
evie-sturns · 4 months
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red - 𝘔𝘢𝘵𝘵 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘰
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summary: you and matt have been dating for a month, the most you've ever done is made out, one night things turn, which results in you and matt both losing your virginity.
warnings: smut, virgin!matt, virgin!reader, swearing, fluff.
------------------... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ..------------------
i'm 19, and still a virgin. my boyfriend matt doesnt know, i'm too scared to tell him even though i know he would never judge me. nothing sexual has ever happened between us, but its bound to happen at some point, right?
matt and i are laying in his bed together, the house is empty for once as we cuddle close, watching a movie. i take a deep breath through my nose, anxiety rushing through me as my thoughts race
what if it hurts? what if matt won't think of me the same if i tell him? am i even ready?
"y/n, are you okay sweetheart, you're tensing like crazy." matt rubs my back, reasurringly.
"matt." i whisper, my voice hoarse.
"yeah?" he says, sitting up, his back pressing against the headboard as i lay on his chest.
what do i even say? i cant just say- "i want to have sex with you."
shit. the words came out like word vomit.
i throw my hand over my mouth, sitting up off matts chest and leaping off the bed. an awkward silence floods through the room as i reach for the door handle.
"come back." he says calmly, patting the spot next to him.
i nod like a guilty kid as i walk back over to his bed, sitting down next to him. "did you mean what you said sweetheart?" he says, interlocking our fingers. "possibly.." i mumble, my cheeks flushing.
matt laughs
"what!!" i say, slapping him softly.
"you're so red." he giggles,
"god shut up." i mumble, a smile spreading across my face.
another silence grows in the room as we decide what to say next. i clear my throat, "matt i need to say something." i whisper, looking everywhere but at him. he nods, squeezing my hand.
"i'm uh.. a virgin.?" i say, barely audible as i rub my eyes. "but like, i know its weird from my age but its just, i really love you, and everything about you.. i think i want you to take my virginity.."
"me too." he says, his cheeks red.
"you too?" i repeat, my eyebrows furrowing.
the room goes quiet, i'm quite frankly in shock.
its no secret matt's had mutiple girlfriends before me, but im finding it hard to wrap my head around how hes never done anything.
"look who's red now." i smile, staring at matts face.
"shush," he says, pressing a finger to my lips.
i pull off my shirt, revealing my white lacy bra.
matt's eyes widen. "oh." he coughs, his eyes fixated on my chest.
"too soon?" i ask, reaching for my shirt, starting to put it back on. "no no-.." he says grabbing the shirt from my hands and throwing it across the room. "is it really that good that you had to throw it across the room?" i laugh
"well don't want to risk you putting it back on!" he shrugs before pulling off his crewneck. i swallow hard, "i don't know what i'm doing if i'm being honest." i sigh, matt sits up, pressing a kiss to my forehead, "me neither, we'll figure it out." matt smiles.
i lay back on the bed as matt stands up, spreading my legs apart and stepping between them, he places a hand on the side of my face as he leans down, kissing from my neck.. to my chest.. to my belly button.
my breathing intensifies. pure nerves flooding through my body.
"are you nervous..?" he asks, pausing his pecks at my waistband.
"no." i lie through my teeth.
"mm yes you are..." he says teasingly.
"fine, i just don't want it to hurt, my friends all say it is the most uncomfortable thing the first time.." i mumble, running a hand through my hair.
"i know, you're stressing me out now!" he laughs, yanking down his sweatpants leaving him in his boxers. i follow his lead, unclasping my bra, matt stares at me shamelessly "fuck." he mumbles "you're so pretty.." he whispers.
“you okay?” he asks, reaching for the waistband of my shorts. i nod, looking him in the eyes.
“can i take these two off?” he asks, referring to my panties and shorts,
“y-yeah.. yep.” i mumble, he pauses.
“please don’t be nervous, just try to relax and i promise you it won’t hurt okay?” he says leaning down and kissing the tip of my nose.
“i’ll try to relax.” i say to matt, he slowly pulls down my panties, leaving me revealed in-front of him
“oh my god- okay, this might be a weird question but do you ever touch yourself..” matt says, staring at me
i burst into giggles, my face going red. matt slams a hand over his face “stupid question?” he smiles.
“no no.. it’s a good question but yeah i do. why?” i smirk
“oh thank god, i was worried about you.. being too tight and if i’m too big it won’t fit.” he says with a sigh
“mr. big dick over here everyone!” I joke, resulting in him rubbing his eyes “i didnt mean it like that.”
“you’re cute matt.” i say spreading my legs apart.
matt’s breath hitches in his throat as he stares at me, it’s probably the first naked woman that he’s been with in person.
“i have condoms..” he mumbled quietly
“oh.” i say with a disappointed tone
“babe i am not making you pregnant at 19.” he scoffs, opening his bedside table.
“i’m on the pill dumbass.” i smile, reaching for him
“i thought you were a virgin?” he asks his eyebrows furrowing
“matt i am, it’s just for other reaso-.. fuck it i’ll explain later”
matt’s boxers have a noticeable bulge pressing from the inside.
“you can take those off..” i whisper.
“yeah yup uhm of course!” he says shakily.
“why are you nervous now??” i laugh and he groans
“what if i’m bad..” he sighs
“where’s my clit.” i say bluntly, he points to it exactly.
“where the hole.” i say again, again he points to it with accuracy
“there you go, you’ll be fine, and i cant even judge you cause i don’t know better either!” i say assuring him
he slowly pulls off his boxers, his erection sprinting out tapping his bellybutton. “oh my god.” i whisper to myself.
“we need a towel matt..” i say standing up off the bed.
“for what?” he says quietly
“blood?” i say casually, he turns white. “what.”
he looks around nervously “you’re on your period?”
i laugh, “i’m on birth control sweetheart, remember?”
“then why the fuck will you bleed..”
“look at you, that dick will rip my hymen.” i say, he hands me his shirt,
“i don’t know what the fuck that means but here’s a shirt you can put under you.” he says nervously, his hand shaking as he passes me the shirt.
“you’re okay if it gets blood on it?”
“mhm i just wanna start..” he says quietly.
“jesus okay.” i say laying back on the bed, the shirt under me.
he grabs his base as he stands between my legs, he rubs his tip over my folds, sending goosebumps around my body. i let out a desperate moan.
“just tap me if you want me to stop and i will instantly okay..?” matt says, his tone less shaky then before. “i’ll go so slow.”
he lines himself up with my hole, pushing himself toward slightly, nothing happens.
“i cant um.. go further.” he says, pushing at my entrance
“what.?” i ask
“i think you really need to relax your whole body, loosen up a little bit okay?” he says pressing a kiss to my cheek.
he holds out a hand infront of my mouth “spit.” he demands
“gross!” i say with a smirk painted across my face
“i know..” he says, his hand not moving away, i spit into his hand, matt quickly moves it down, using it as a lube.
“relax as much as you can okay?” he says, pressing slowly into me.
“fuck fuck fuck..” i moan, squeezing my eyes shut
i feel his tip slide into me, a loud whimper escapes matt’s mouth “oh my god..” he pushes further into me, a stretching burning sensation grows as i feel a tear fall down my cheek, he pushes the rest of the way in, stopping completely to look at me as he’s still buried inside me.
“hey hey, don’t cry your okay, you took it all!” he says caressing my cheek and rubbing the few tears that fell away. “tell me when to move, remember if you need a break tell me, if you want me to stop tap me.” he says.
i nod, looking him in the eyes “move.. please-“ i say, balling the sheets up with my fists, he nods, pulling almost out then thrusting back in, he’s going slowly.
matt is clearly trying to conceal his noises as he continues to pull out then push in. the burning sensation slowly disappears, and is replaced with pleasure
a strong smile spreads across my face, “feels good now?” he asks, his voice croaky.
“yes..” i manage to squeeze out “faster.. please” he picks up the pace slightly “i’m not gonna last long this time.” he warns
i clench around him, he twitches inside me then instantly fills me up, my jaw goes slack as i look up at him.
“shit i am so sorry..” he says pulling out with a slick sound, he grabs my hips and stands me up, i feel his cum start to leak down my leg as my leg shakes
“oh shit oh shit..” he says frantically looking around, he settles on his shirt, grabbing it and places it on me, collecting everything that is coming out of me. i laugh at the sight of him between my legs, wiping his orgasm off my thighs.
“was that okay for you, did it hurt?” he says picking me up.
“i think you just rearranged my organs.”
his cheeks go red.
------------------... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ..------------------
very much requested hope you guys liked it,
don’t be shy to spam my inbox btw i love talking to people
1K notes · View notes
highvern · 13 days
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YUCK
Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x f!reader
Genre: fluff, suggestive moments
warnings: mentions of illness/body fluids (snot, vomit), avoidant attachment from reader, Hoshi best boy
Length: ~2.9k
Note: more of this couples bc im crazy thank u @gyuswhore
series m.list: Houdini [s], Green Light [s, f], Talk [a, s, f]
m.list
This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked.
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Two and a half months of hooking up with a guy who may or may not be a furry and things start feeling…comfortable. 
You’ll pretend until the day you die that every time the weekend rolls around you won’t end up naked in Soonyoung’s bed. Or your own. Usually it is your own because he has more roommates than you and yours leaves to stay at her boyfriend’s until Monday night which means there is no need to keep quiet (which you and Soonyoung both struggle with but you refuse to acknowledge that fact). 
It allows for many nights bent over the kitchen counter, Soonyoung’s chest hot against the back of your thighs as he works you up with his mouth. Or occasional nights on the couch after you both are too into each other to make it upstairs to your room, planted firmly in his lap while pinning his hands to the cushions. There's also the nights he drags you straight to bed and demonstrates exactly what all the pictures you took while tucked away in the privacy of a gross bar bathroom did to him. 
You’re pretty sure Soonyoung has picked up on your game by now because instead of asking ‘if’ he’s taken to asking ‘when’ he can come over. And it's annoying that it doesn’t really annoy you at all.
Soonyoung comes over on Friday nights and leaves Saturday afternoon, except when he shows up on Saturday mornings and stays well into Sunday night. Or the occasional weekend where you remember who you are and show up on his door and leave three hours later with cum still drying on your thigh as you walk past his roommates still pregaming in the living room.
Except now it's Friday and you’ve got nothing on your mind except for the inside of a toilet bowl and the cool tile of the bathroom floor.
Call it food poisoning or maybe the flu, but you’ve been in and out of sleep since the early hours of dawn. Shivering on the floor, the only company you have is a pile of dirty clothes. Even the crack of light under the door is too much stimulation for your illness-racked brain to tolerate.
“Y/N?” your roommate calls from the other side of the darkness, out in the hallway where it's safe from whatever curse is making home in your gut. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home? I don’t mind.”
“I’m fine,” you groan. Your words couldn’t convince the deaf but you try anyway. 
She responds but it slips right past because another bout of nausea takes hold.
You manage to fall asleep at some point, clammy on the floor with aching hips. Maybe an hour or maybe ten minutes. It doesn't really make a difference because you still feel like shit when the door opens and the hall light burns through your retinas.
“Hazel, I said I’m— What are you doing here?” you croak from the floor. 
Soonyoung stairs down at you, face soft with something that might be worry but it’s probably just the fever melting your brain. “You look like shit.” 
“You always know just what to say.” The usual snark isn’t there, replaced by a pathetic helpless whine of discomfort because all you want is to curl up and die. “Did you come to insult me or…?”
“Hazel let me know you were sick and usually sick people need medicine and soup so I brought that and this tea my mom used to give me as a kid.” 
“Are you trying to cure me so you can get your dick wet?” 
“No. If I wanted to stick my dick in a Petri dish I feel like there are easier ways to go about it.” He kneels right next to you like he isn’t the slightest bit concerned about catching the plague brewing in your immune system. A cool hand cups your cheek, thumb gentle at your temple where a dull throb has haunted you all day. You lean into the comforting touch without much thought.  “When was the last time you showered?” 
“I don’t know. Like two days ago?” 
“Yeah, I can smell that. Alright my little germ cell, let’s get you cleaned up.” 
His arms snake under yours, dragging you from the floor even with your muscles limp. It takes more maneuvering but you don’t bother helping. If he wants to play not-so-sexy nurse and patient then that's his problem. The warmth of his sweater is welcome though. 
“Is this some weird fetish thing?” Nose buried in Soonyoung’s chest, it comes out in a jumble. “Because I can’t handle this and the furry stuff.” 
“Yes, caring about your health is a fetish for me. Really gets me off knowing you’ve been a good girl and taken your vitamins.” 
“I knew it.” you whisper. “I’m not calling you daddy if that’s what you want.” 
Soonyoung laughs and the movement sends another bolt of pain through your skull. He tuts over your responding whimper and what may be his lips press to the side of your head briefly. It’s warm and comforting, the beat of his heart lulling you into the first satisfying rest since you woke up. Your hands bunching the front of his shirt are desperate for anything to keep you steady. 
Thankfully, he doesn’t release you while setting things up for a shower; accommodating for your weight with a slow shuffle and more placating coos against your hairline every time you protest a sudden jostle. The chill of the bathroom fully sets in when he pushes down your sweats and shucks off your snot stained sweater before tossing away his own. If you weren’t barely functioning it might even be impressive that he’s kept you in his arms the entire time.
“If you’re trying to fuck me, I hope you don’t mind snot.” You blow your nose against the curve of his neck just to be a bitch. 
You feel more naked under the stream of water than you ever have, which is ironic given you’ve had Soonyoung face to crotch more times than you can count. Something about the non-sexual nature of nudeness, feeling the least sexy you ever have while he scrubs you down with gentle hands, turns your stomach more than before.
“I’m not trying to fuck you,” he laughs again; a thousand volts straight to the heart. “Don’t worry.” 
You pop out of hiding, hurt by the idea. “You don’t want to fuck me?” 
Soonyoung’s face is soft, cheeks round and hair already damp to his forehead. He isn’t disgusted by the puke on your breath or the sweat matting your hair. Or if he is, he hides it well. “I always want to fuck you but right now I’m trying to make sure you don’t die.” 
You dive back into his shoulder, mind numb to anything beyond the silky feel of hands washing away days of ick. You’ve felt his hands on almost every part of your body but right now they lack the characteristic urgency from those moments where you can’t get enough of each other quick enough. He’s touching you the way he does in the glow of the moon after you’ve both been satisfied, when Soonyoung thinks you’re asleep and you let him as every curve and dip and hill of your body is covered in gentle strokes like he’s committing you to memory.
“I can do that on my own,” you argue. 
The facts aren’t stacked in your favor right now but it’s the principle: you don’t need him to take care of you. You can handle it on your own. He’s only here because you let him.
“Oh, I know. Now close your eyes so I don’t get soap in them.”
He cups your face, thumbs rubbing away the sweat that's been caked on since morning. Then it’s a rough washcloth doused in the scent of your face wash but you swat it away in favor of the calluses on his fingers. If you weren’t a dead woman walking he’d never get a chance to be this close. 
How is it more terrifying for someone to wipe away your boogers than let him see you naked multiple times a week? A question knotting your stomach into tight pieces as Soonyoung hums some tune you don’t recognize like he’s more than happy to do so.
Your brain stops working after so long; too exhausted from everything to think more about what this all means. Not even the familiar flat press of his front against yours can incite a response beyond content. All the world shrinks into the pitter patter of the water swirling around the drain, and the parts that are warmed by Soonyoung and the parts that are waiting to be.
When you come back to awareness, the waters off and he is whispering something into your clammy forehead.
“Hmmm?” 
“I said, it’s time to get out.”
More shuffling gets you back into your room where the mattress takes your weight while he digs around for fresh clothes. You roll onto your side, clad in a towel and nothing else, resound to fall asleep then and there.
“Alright, arms up,” he commands. 
You try to pull away, diving back into the pillow soaked from your hair but Soonyoung gets you up at the waist, maneuvering stiff limbs patiently.
“Do you have an armpit fetish too?” you ask with the collar stuck around the top of your head. 
“And you call me a freak?”
Next is pants, and it takes a few tries for you to even consider being helpful. Soonyoung lifts each leg individually, working the fabric as far as he can. Then a few dramatic grunts from coordinating your entire body weight but you’re back in a clean pair of pajamas and tucked under the covers. Soonyoung didn’t rise to any more of your snide remarks about being naked. He simply avoiding your bare skin like it’d burn. Not even his favorite thing about you (boobs) gets any attention, just a few chuckles and more kisses into your temple.
You melt into the plush mattress, hidden beneath a pile of blankets from the cruel world that cursed you with new realizations you're not prepared for just yet. 
Eyes closed the entire time, you hear Soonyoung leave without so much as a goodbye. In theory it’s what you want. Exactly how you prefer; you alone, him somewhere you can pretend all the confounding feelings don’t exist. You didn’t even want him to show up in the first place, but now that he’s been here and you’re horrifically aware how nice it feels to have someone take care of you. You miss him. 
And as soon as the pit opens up, you hear someone shuffling down the hall coming towards your room.
“Alright, once you eat something you can sleep.”
The thought of food tightens your stomach more than the fact he didn’t leave you but he’s right. You need fluids and you’re not strong willed enough to get them yourself.
After the first few bites, you feel a little more human and less like a walking sack of shit. With it, the discomfort of this entire ordeal rears with a new vengeance. 
“Why are you here?” It sounds like an accusation.
He doesn’t even miss a beat. “Because I like you.” 
Soonyoung says it matter of factly, the same way the sky is blue and water is wet, while shoving another bite into your mouth.
You’re too exhausted for a fight right now; not with the only person making a real effort to keep you alive, but the instinct is strong after years of low expectations and plenty of disappointment.
“Why?” 
“Because I just do.” 
Your eyes meet over the spoon. He doesn’t look annoyed or perturbed or even angry. He likes you whether you like it or not. 
“I don’t date.” 
“Okay,” he agrees, wiping at the spill dripping from your chin.
“You aren’t gonna argue?” 
“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’ and your need for confrontation with it. “You don’t wanna date? That’s fine. I’ll take whatever I can get, even if that’s spoon feeding you on your deathbed.” 
You take the next bite before commenting, “You’re so weird.” 
“I like you too. Now open up for the airplane.” He makes the noise and the medicine twists your brain into actually finding it funny. “How are you pretty even when you’re blowing your nose on my shirt?”
“Deal with the devil.”
He passes you a cold cup when you brush away the remainder of the soup. One sip is all it takes.
“How did you know I like the orange Gatorade?”
“I asked Jun to give me June’s number and she gave me Hazel’s number and I asked while I was at the store.”
“You went through all that trouble just to buy me the right Gatorade?” you snort.
“It really wasn’t any trouble.”
It isn’t but it’s more than anyone else has ever done for you. The fresh wave of nausea has nothing to do with your cold.
“I’m tired,” you tell him. 
The mess is cleaned up in silence. You pretend to fall asleep and Soonyoung lets you until he’s shoving more medicine your way. 
You shake your head, failing to refuse because Soonyoung is doing that dumb airplane nose again and when you cough up a laugh he shoves the spoon in your mouth and you’re left with no choice but to swallow.
Then he’s up and you watch through heavy eyes as he gathers his things. You’ll blame it on the drugs loosening the clutch you have on your emotions later.
“Where are you going?” you ask with faux apathy, negated by the fist tangled in the hem of his sweatshirt in case he evaporates away.
“Home. Unless…you want me to stay?” A tug at the sweater is your answer to that horrible thought. “Oh, thank god – I was getting sad.”
You roll over, offering him your back to curl around. The muscles tensed around your spine soften when he does. 
I sleep better when you’re here.
You won’t tell him that but Soonyoung stiffens for a moment and the fear you’ve said the wrong thing creeps in where fatigue hasn’t rooted just yet. But a kiss to your covered shoulder and a hand under your sweater, flat against your stomach so you stay as close as possible calms the thoughts enough you can drift off.
It’s strange. Having the heat of his body at your back without the limpness of a good fuck still coursing through your veins to thaw the parts that hate pillow talk and the stickiness that come with it.
What's even stranger is that you don’t really mind it all. If anything, it’s actually pretty nice.
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