#like she had all the right instincts to make Anne’s partner his own person

[angsty-violet]

Coffee for Three

Aramis stopped as he caught sight of a new coffee shop. He was always on the lookout for places that he could spend some time writing and getting out of Anne’s hair. Now that she worked from home, the house was a little crowded at times and he took every opportunity to find somewhere he could write without bothering her.

He stepped inside and was immediately assaulted by the sweet smell of coffee and cookies. It was quiet, not very busy, with plenty of tables. He could just make out the soft sounds of light music and decided to give it a try. He stepped up to the counter and perused the menus, delighted to see that there were a number of tea options available for purchase.

“What can I get for you?”

Aramis tugged his eyes away from the menu and landed on the most handsome man on the planet. His skin shone with a slight sheet of sweat and his broad shoulders stretched his shirt tight. Aramis had to swallow back the instinctive urge to say ‘you.’

“I’d like a large Darjeeling please.”

“Coming right up. Feel free to have a seat and I’ll bring it to you.”

Aramis nodded and caught the man’s name on his nametag. “Porthos” was a strong handsome name for a strong handsome man.

He took his computer bag and picked a table near one of the windows with a good view of the counter. He opened it up and started to type out the outline for his next book. However, every time he put down a few words he was distracted by the man at the counter preparing several drinks at the same time. His mouth watered at the sight of his arms working to create several drinks.

Aramis pulled out his phone and shot off a quick text to Anne.

“Found the cutest guy, going to ask him out. Alright with you?”

“If I can come along, yeah.”

Aramis sighed. It wasn’t impossible to get a date with a stranger as a poly couple, but it wasn’t easy either. Too many people were weirded out by the thought of being with more than one person. Well, all he could do was try.

When Porthos brought him his drink Aramis had assumed he was going to be smooth about it, instead what came out of his mouth was more like a desperate lonely person, trying to get any kind of social contact.

“Do you want to go out on a date with two very lovely, albeit slightly odd people? One of which is me, and the other is a very lovely woman who is smart and successful.” Aramis saw the look on Porthos’ face which was somewhere between surprised and flabbergasted and could hit himself.

“I mean, not if you don’t want to, of course. Don’t feel obligated. It’s just you’re very handsome and clearly very hard working and you seem like the sort of opened minded man to go out on a date with a couple.”

Porthos held up a single hand and Aramis managed to stop talking. “I’d love to go on a date with you and your partner. I just moved here, and I don’t really know anyone but my friend Athos and his excitable boyfriend d’Artagnan. So, yes, I’ll go out on a date with you.”

Aramis grinned and let out an awkward laugh. “Great, so, give me your number and I’ll text you so we can set it up.”

Porthos smirked and turned the disposable coffee cup to face Aramis. Aramis glanced at it and saw a phone number written with a smiley face.

Aramis had changed his outfit four times and now Anne and both cats were watching in fascination as he checked himself in the mirror, again.

“I liked the second better than this.”

Aramis turned to look at her and then back to the mirror. She could see that he agreed with her. Which of course he would because she was correct. Her own outfit had already been chosen a half hour ago and now she was just waiting for him to decide on an outfit. Whoever this man was, clearly Aramis liked him a lot. Not to mention that they had been texting back and forth every waking minute.

He changed his outfit just as the doorbell chimed and Anne was on her feet before he could even offer to get the door.

She whipped open the door to look the man her boyfriend had asked out up and down. He was just as Aramis had described him, although he had changed out of his work clothes into a nice pair of slacks and a button-up shirt. She held out one of her hands.

“Hello, I’m Anne. Come in and make yourself comfortable.”

#three musketeers #aramis/porthos/anne #aramis #porthos #anne #bbc musketeers #polyamory #meet cute

[nanamikeento]

serendipity

pairing: Marcus Pike x female!reader

summary: You’ve never been one to believe in luck, but when you get to know your handsome neighbor, something makes you change your beliefs.

warnings: tw blood, gunshot wounds, medical inaccuracies, mentions of sex (or lack thereof), one (1) line from Ratched (i couldn’t help it), also fluff and a sm**ch

word count: 3.7k

series masterlist | general masterlist

You’ve never believed things happened for a certain reason. Several failed relationships taught you that things happen because simply they happen. There’s not always a meaning hidden behind, or a lesson to be learned. Sometimes, they do. Most times, they don’t. And that’s okay with you.

Lady Luck isn’t always by your side and you’ve gotten used to it, even now as you try to push a loveseat through the door of your new apartment. It’s early in the morning and you didn’t want to waste time moving your things to the new place, given that you have a shift in the hospital this afternoon. You’re exhausted already, and it’s not even nine in the morning. Maybe you’ve underestimated the weight of a loveseat. During your struggle, you don't notice you're blocking the way in the hallway until you hear someone clear their throat. The sound makes you jump and you quickly look up to find a very handsome man staring at you. Heat creeps on your neck and cheeks immediately.

“Do you need help with that?” He asks, gesturing to the loveseat.

You usually don't accept help from strangers, – no matter how handsome they are – but right now, you don't even think about refusing, the sweat down your back reminding you that this is only the start of a very busy day with moving.

"Please," you answer and watch him place his travel mug on the floor and move to help you push the loveseat into your new apartment.

"Where do you want it to be?" He asks, his raspy voice sending shivers on your skin. You give him the directions, pointing to a corner in the living room and tell him you plan to leave it there.

"Thank you." You sigh, already worn out by the physical labor.

He laughs softly and lets out a breath. "No problem. I’m Marcus."

You give him your name with a nod. The smile he gives you is breathtaking and you have to look away or he’d catch you staring.

"You need help with anything else?" He puts his hands on his hips, letting out a small sigh.

"Oh, no, that's okay!" you quickly answer, shaking your head. "I see you're off to work. I won't hold you any longer."

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” He smiles at you. Your cheeks warm under his gaze and you smile shyly at him. “If you need anything, I’ll be in the 44.”

“Thank you.”

You watch him leave with a smile on your face and your heart hammering inside your ribcage.

…

Your hands still shake as you wash them, watching the diluted blood go down the drain of the sink. His eyes are still plastered in your mind, those chocolate colored orbits full of fear that almost made you hesitate.

“Marcus stay with me, okay? Don’t close your eyes.” Your own voice echoes inside your head over and over and the image of him covered in his own blood won’t leave you alone as you wash his blood from your hands.

“Hey.” A soft voice startles you and you jump, looking at your coworker, Anne, through the mirror. “You’re gonna hurt yourself if you wash your hands harder.”

You look at your now clean hands and blink, turning the faucet off. You could swear they were still covered in blood. Letting out a shaky breath, you move to dry your hands with paper towels.

“You know him, don’t you?” She asks when you don’t say anything. “The guy who got shot?”

“Yeah.” You breathe out. “He’s my neighbor.”

It’s not every day that chaos happens in the emergency room, despite what people think, so you’re not really used to it yet. When the time comes, you do your best as a nurse to help people and do your job.

But when you saw Marcus being wheeled in, something inside almost made you stop. You almost didn’t know what to do, almost stopped in your tracks, and panicked as soon as you realized it was him, with a gunshot wound and bleeding badly. Then, your instincts kicked in and you acted fast, trying to stop the bleeding before a doctor came. He kept looking at you with those eyes, panic and fear in them, and kept talking to him, trying to make him stay awake. You managed to stop the bleeding and he tried to speak, reaching for you, as they rushed him to the OR.

You barely registered the brush of his hand to yours as they wheeled him away, his eyes fixated on you until he was out of sight.

“Oh,” Anne pulls you out of your own thoughts and gives you a malicious look. “You and him…?”

“What?” You frown at her as you leave the bathroom. “I just met him, what kind of person do you think I am?”

“A sexually frustrated one, who needs to get laid.” She starts walking by your side.

You stop walking and look at her, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Wow.” You shake your head and head to the ER again. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”

Anne is the first friend you’ve made when you were hired to work at the hospital and you made the mistake to tell her the last time you’ve been with someone was over three years ago. Now she won’t stop bugging you about it.

“No, wait, sorry!” She tried to fix it, running after you. “I just thought– I’m sorry, I–” She sighs. “It’s just the way you looked at him…”

You frown. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “It was just a look. He looked at you the same way and I thought… You also knew his name and he said yours…”

“He said my name?” You widen your eyes.

“Yeah, didn’t you hear?”

Shaking your head, the line between your brows deepens. There’s something about Marcus, something you can’t put a name on it, that keeps tugging on you. You decide to ignore it and go on with your day, but he never leaves your mind.

Anne is the one who informs you that Marcus is stable, hours after he came in. Alive. You visibly relax at the words, earning a knowing look from her. You don’t talk to her for the rest of the day, not because you’re upset, but because you were busy during your shift. When she’s about to leave, she touches your shoulder and whispers:

“Room 117.”

You don’t need to ask what she’s talking about. But maybe she knows you better than you thought.

It’s not until your shift is over that you decide to follow her unspoken advice. Gathering your things, you shoulder your purse and walk to the room in question before you can change your mind. The nurses in the ward are quite nice and they let you in the room, saying Marcus has been in and out of sleep all day. Some friends had come to visit and left him things, but now he was alone. So they let you sneak in for a few minutes.

When you enter the room, he’s asleep. He looks peaceful, rested. Different from when you saw him earlier. You’re tempted to touch his face or hold his hand, but you refrain from doing that and check the IV instead.

“I knew I wasn’t hallucinating.” His voice is rough, tired, and laced with sleep. You look at him to see his tired eyes, his gaze soft on you. “Knew it was you…”

Sighing, you offer him a smile. “Just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I didn’t know you were a nurse.” He smiles at you. It must be the drugs, but the smile is honest, wide. It makes your stomach churn in pleasure.

“You sound disappointed,” You answer, sitting on the chair beside the bed.

“I’m not.” Marcus huffs a laugh and then grimaces, hugging his torso with one arm. You grimace too, touching his arm and pulling it gently from the wound.

“Try not to… touch it.” Your voice is gentle as you place his arm by his side, your fingers brush against his warm skin.

He looks at you and there’s something different in his eyes. A light in them. A flash of the memory of him covered in blood appears in your mind and you have to look away, letting out a deep sigh.

“They told me…” He starts when the silence stretches out. “They told me if a nurse hadn’t stopped the bleeding, I wouldn’t…”

When Marcus trails off, you look back at him and your eyes meet his, holding his gaze surprised.

“Was it you?” He whispers, his fingers twitching, wanting to touch your hand. You nod in silence but don't speak, deciding to leave the details out. “Thank you.”

“Just doing my job,” You say quietly.

“You saved my life.” He insists.

You pause for a moment, holding his gaze before tearing it away from him as you speak.

“You save a life, you’re a hero. You save a hundred, you’re a nurse.”

“Who told you that?” He laughs again.

“It’s just common sense.” You shrug at him, smiling too.

“Well, common sense can go fuck itself.” He watches as you snort a laugh. “You saved my fucking life, and I am grateful.”

The smile you give him is genuine and honest, and it makes you feel like a teenager looking at her school crush. You stare at each other for a moment before you clear your throat and stand up.

“I should go.”

“Will you come by tomorrow?” He asks before you could say anything else. You pause to look at him, feeling your heart skip a beat. You wonder, once again, if it’s because of the drugs and if he’ll change his mind once they’re not in his system anymore. But you nod anyway and tell him you’ll try.

…

Marcus ended up staying at the hospital one more night. You went to visit him after your shift again and told him about your day and he revealed he was an FBI Agent and got shot during a task force. He was as happy to see you as he was the night before. After that, when you arrived at the ward to visit him again, the nurses said he was sent home that morning. You couldn’t stop thinking about him the entire day and the feeling of butterflies in your stomach wouldn’t leave you alone. That night, you knocked on his door to see if he needed anything.

“If I knew, I could have brought you home,” You told him, fidgeting with your keys nervously.

“Don’t worry.” He smiled. “I had my partner pick me up.”

“Oh.” The smile falls from your face and embarrassment takes over you. “I-I didn’t know you had a partner.”

Marcus huffed a laugh and shook his head. “My work partner, I mean.”

“Oh,” You laughed at yourself, feeling your cheeks heating up. “Sorry, I forgot you were a federal agent.”

He laughed with you, but never at you. Eyeing the blush on your cheeks, he thought you were adorable, getting all flustered because of him.

“I wanted to tell you I was home, but I didn’t have your number,” He said, nonchalantly, after a small pause.

“Don’t worry about it, I never use my phone at work anyway.” You shook your head and he raised his brows, nodding at you. Marcus waited for the penny to drop. “D-do you want it? My number…” Before he could answer, you tripped over your words, stuttering to explain. “For-for emergencies, o-of course.”

“I’d love it.” He gave you one of those wide smiles you liked so much.

It’s funny to think about how a gunshot wound made you two get closer. You’ve been checking on him every night for the past three weeks, helping him change the bandage and cleaning the wound. He recovered quickly and was past the point where he needed help, but you didn’t mention it and neither did he. You kept showing up even after he was healed and fine.

You can't deny the tension and the feelings that come to light when you're with him. It's like you're eager to see him everyday, and every minute you're not with him is like torture. You get all happy and excited when your shift ends because you know you'll get to see him. You don't know if he feels the same, that's why you don't dare to breathe a word of it to him.

“I’d like to take you out some time,” He says, pulling you out of your thoughts. You look up from where you’re washing your hands at his kitchen sink and feel your cheeks warm. He smiles at you as he leans on the door frame of his kitchen. “You know,” He says quickly. “To thank you for the help. I happen to know a nice restaurant around the corner…”

Biting a smile down, you reach to turn the faucet off, drying your hands on a dishtowel. “Is it fancy?”

“A little.” He frowns his lips and then shrugs. “Not too much. Don’t wanna go overboard on the first date.”

“Ah, so it’s a date?” You smile at him, watching as he blushes.

“If-if you want to…”

You approach him until you're close enough to feel the warmth of his body. “I’d love to.”

Marcus smiles at you and then clears his throat, looking away from you. He lets out a deep sigh and smiles down at you.

“Are you free tomorrow?” He asks. For a moment his eyes stare at your lips and you suppress a smile.

“Tomorrow?!” You exclaim, raising your eyebrows.

“Or is that too soon?” His eyes shift from soft to worried. “We can go on the weekend–”

“Tomorrow is perfect.” You interrupt him, nodding.

Marcus sighs again and you both stare at each in silence for a moment. Your heart skips a beat when you realize he’s looking at your lips again.

“Is it weird that I want to skip dinner and kiss you right now?” He says, voice low and quiet like you’re not the only person in the room. You feel like your heart is going to burst, hammering inside your chest, your cheeks burning intensely... Marcus realizes he maybe was out of line and starts apologizing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean– I mean, I did mean, but– fuck, I–”

“It’s not weird.” You laugh. “But… Pay me dinner first, and then maybe you can kiss me.”

Marcus laughs and then nods.

“Deal.”

…

“Hey,” Marcus breathes when you open the door. He takes your form and you feel shy under his gaze. You’re wearing a black glittery bodycon dress that compliments your curves and black heels. “Wow.”

“Too much for a first date?” You playfully grimace at his reaction.

“No, no, no,” He’s quick to respond. “You look… Amazing.”

Biting your lower lips, you nod. “You too.”

Marcus frowns and looks down at his own clothes, a simple black suit. “Really?”

“Yeah,” You say softly, closing the door and locking it.

“But you see me in a suit almost everyday.”

“I know.” Turning your body to face him again, you see the redness on his cheeks and smile widely.

Both of you walk side by side in the streets, since the restaurant is around the corner, just like Marcus said. Your hand brushes occasionally against his and you feel the urge to touch him all of a sudden. Your stomach bubbles with anxiety, the good kind of anxiety that makes you eager for something. There’s a bit of nervousness in your chest as you sit down in front of him, and try to concentrate on the menu.

“So, do you bring all your neighbors here?” You ask, sipping your wine.

“Just the ones that save my life.” He shrugs, a teasing smile on his face. A soft laugh leaves your lips. “Did you always want to be a nurse?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “Since I was a kid. I broke my arm once and ended up in the hospital.” A smile spreads on your face. “There was this nurse in the ER and… She was really kind to me. Ever since I just knew I– wanted to be like her.”

“So, you like helping people?”

“I do.” You pause and smile at him as he looks at you with adoring eyes. Your heart skips a beat. “And you? Did you always want to be a federal agent?”

Marcus lets out a laugh and shakes his head. “It was never in my plans. I actually went to art school.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I was going to be a teacher, but…” He sighs. “Other things got in the way.”

“Other things?” You look at him, curious.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t explain and you don’t press him. “But I’m glad I chose this career.”

“Oh, so you like catching art thieves, huh?”

“Nah, it can get boring pretty quick.” Marcus shrugs, tilting his head. “But it led me to you, so…”

Rolling your eyes, you scoff at him and shake your head.

“Sorry.” He laughs. “Was that too corny?”

“Yes, it was!” You laugh, smiling at him. He laughs with you, taking his glass of wine and bringing it to his lips.

“I haven’t done the date thing in a while, please go easy on me.”

The confession makes you pause and look at him for a moment. “You’re kidding me.”

Marcus lets out a laugh and nods. “Two years.”

“I don’t believe you,” you say, smiling.

“Why not?” His voice is laced with laughter and happiness and it makes you smile even more.

“I mean, you’re so nice and… handsome and,” you try to ignore the heat creeping on your neck. “I’m just surprised you’re not married yet.”

And just like that, Marcus’s smile falls from his face and your heart drops. His demeanor changes and, suddenly, he’s not very receptive anymore. He tries to hide the change of mood but you pick it up fast and sigh quietly.

“Oh, shit.” You mumble, grimacing at him.

“Don’t worry about it.” Marcus laughs softly, giving you a tight smile. “It’s okay.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, don’t worry.” He assures with a soft voice and then hesitates. “Yeah, I, uh– I was married once.” A pause hangs in the air as you nod at him, encouraging him to continue. “A-and then, there was someone, but… She chose someone else.”

You can see the insecurity in his eyes when he looks away, feeling your heart clench at the thought. Marcus is an amazing man, caring and kind, why would someone ever think of leaving him?

“I’m sorry about that,” you tell him, reaching for his hand over the table. His skin is warm and rough under your fingers and you try to ignore the pleasant butterflies in your stomach. “For what’s worth, I think they were fools. No one in their sane mind would–”

Marcus raises his eyebrows when you interrupt yourself, your face on fire. You clear your throat as you start to pull away from him, but he squeezes your hand, stopping you. The rough pads of his fingertips press against your skin and you swear you feel a wave of electricity running through your veins.

“What were you going to say?” He asks softly.

Laughing softly, you hesitate. “I, uh– I just don’t see why s-someone in their sane mind would–” You exhale shakily. “Leave you. You-you just seem like a nice guy, that’s all…”

He gives you a half-smile, mesmerized by you.

“You’re adorable.” He lets it escape and squeezes his eyes shut, mentally cursing himself. You laugh softly, looking away from him and feeling your cheeks warm.

“I’m so–”

“Don’t apologize.” You interrupt, smiling at him. “I kinda like it.”

A smile splits his features and you sigh. When the food arrives, you both eat and talk like you’re old friends. With Marcus, it’s easy to talk and get to know each other. He makes you strangely comfortable, which is something you’ve never felt on a first date. You feel peaceful, despite the initial jitters you felt earlier.

“Not bad for a first date, huh?” He says, once you both are back at your doorstep.

“The best first date, actually,” you tell him, smiling. “I had a great time, Marcus. Thank you.”

"You're welcome," he says softly. He's close to you, his body almost touching yours. His eyes are looking deeply into yours like he knows all of your secrets and you fight the urge to look away. You don't feel shy anymore, growing used to his loving gaze on you.

"Are you gonna kiss me, or what?" You whisper quietly, and Marcus laughs, the sound of it echoing in the hallway.

"Is that okay?" He asks as he leans in, brushing his nose to yours.

"Yeah."

Marcus closes the gap between you two, pressing his lips gently on yours. Butterflies flip in your stomach and your breath gets caught in your throat. Your heart speeds up as you cup his cheek, his beard tickling the palm of your hand. It's soft and sweet and gentle, and it's nothing like you've felt before.

When he pulls away, his lips mere centimeters from yours, he lets out a shaky breath, smiling.

"I want to take you out again," he whispers softly, eyes still closed. "I'd really like to get to know you better."

A soft breath leaves your lips as you let your hand fall to your side. He waits patiently, ready to tell you it's okay to say no, but your answer surprises him.

"I know a nice drive-in theater we could go." You smile when you see the look on his face. "Let me take you."

He nods, brushing his knuckles on your cheeks. "Next Friday?"

You nod. "It's a date, then."

Marcus laughs and shakes his head as you turn around to unlock your door. The butterflies in your stomach give you a pleasant sensation as you enter your apartment, smiling like an idiot.

Maybe Lady Luck is by your side after all.

__

@goldafterglow​ @forever-rogue​ @bestintheparsec​ @murdermewithbooks​ @hiscyarika​ @haildoodles-writing​ @aerynwrites​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @adikaofmandalore​ @theocatkov​

#marcus pike x reader #marcus pike #pedro pascal x you #the mentalist #myfic #scheduled

[hyunjilicious]

The safest white - harry styles

Summary: When things with your abusive boyfriend reach a new level, Harry comes to the rescue. 5.7k Warnings: mentions of abuse. I hope you enjoy this! Please tell me what you thought! Your words make my day ❤

Never in your life had you thought you’d end up in a situation like this. Growing up, you got used to the idea of an ideal relationship, and for whatever reason, fell for the glamourized Hollywood look of the downs people went through as they fought for their partner. Real life hit you like a ton of bricks, put a cloth over your mouth and cut your legs from the knees down. Knowing you have to fight for what you want and know is right, even if faced with facts that contradicted your beliefs, you found yourself alone, screaming at nothing in the middle of a sea of darkness. Your own house. And you were screaming internally, because once again, you feared the man you used to call ‘love’. Droplets of sweat tickled your skin as they rushed down your sides, and your hands and feet, although cold, were damp too. You stood in the middle of the bedroom, facing the door. In some twisted way, you knew there was no chance for you to hide, so you stood there, ready take no more hits without hitting back. And harder. After pampering yourself with a pep talk, you ended up feeling quite confident. Confident that you’d get the fuck out of there with your head held fucking high, but it was a confidence that dissipated once the sound of your own phone ringing reached your ears. “Fuck” you mumbled to yourself, after you jumped out of fright. “No, no, no! Y/n. Get. Yourself. Together” You muttered these words through gritted teeth, repeating them over and over again, until the layer of unshed tears in your eyes became too thick and rushed down your cheeks, forcing you to fall to the ground. The impact made your knees sting, but the pain in your heart had already numbed every nerve ending in your entire body. You were at the edge of collapse, and you phone was still ringing. Wiping your face with the sleeve of your shirt, you crawled over to the bed and picked up your cell, only to see Harry’s smiling face on his ID photo along with the pouting emoji you added to his name. It didn’t even take a moment’s worth of consideration before you pressed the red button and declined the call. Not that you had any power left in your body to communicate with another human right now, but you also knew that if it was something important, he’d also send a text, letting you know the matter was indeed urgent. And it came. The text came about 15 seconds later in real time, but for you, it was all a haze. Again, you didn’t think about it. If you declined his call and he still insisted, something must’ve been up. 'Love, I’m stuck at the studio for at least another hour and my mum is coming over’ 'She’ll be at my house in about 20 minutes’ 'If I leave rn I’ll have to come back tomorrow and I want to spend the day with her’ 'Can you go over there’ 'Let her in and hang out or something’ 'Or if you’re busy can she come to you and wait for me there?’

No, way. There was no way you could face his mother right now. She always saw right through your bullshit. Starting with when you and Harry were 18 and started denied your feelings for one another and up until this year, when she sensed something was off with you. When you saw her 2 months ago, it took you about 3 hours to convince her nothing is wrong with you for the sole purpose of keeping Harry out of your relationship. All it took for her to notice you weren’t comfortable with your boyfriend was the way you answered a question about his whereabouts. After that, you had to make up a whole story to prove to her she didn’t need to worry. And they say actors are good liars. You felt you were going to choke with every lie to told her, and frankly, you were surprised she believed you in the end. Maybe it was just how much she trusted you. Nevertheless, you weren’t the person for the job.

You stared at the messages on your phone, and breathed out from the deepest depths of your lungs. You hated that you couldn’t help him right now, but knowing at least 3 other friends of Harry's should be available, you locked your phone and fell back down, leaning against the side of the bed. The mere thought of Harry and Anne calmed you down a bit, but when you went back to reality, another wave of misery hit you. You still had to get out of there, but opening the door to your bedroom was probably the most frightening thing on your mind. There was not much time for you to gather your thoughts and plan your next move before your phone buzzed again. 'You hung up on me. I know u can see these. Everything ok??’ Instantly, you palm connected to your forehead as you rolled your eyes in disbelief. “How did he-” you muttered, unlocking your phone, to assure him you were ok. As it turned out, your text wasn’t enough to convince him you were good, so he called. But for this, you didn’t have the power. This time you didn’t bother to hang up, you turned off your phone completely and fell down onto the carpet. The minutes that followed were excruciating. That is if there was even a matter of minutes, your sense of time wasn’t even hazy anymore, it was gone altogether. The cries you tried to muffle out of fear Jack would hear you from the other room, created an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach. If up until now it was all psychological, the spasming of your abdominal muscles were sure to force out everything you hadn’t eaten in the past two days. Just gastric acid was threatening to come up, but this feeling alone wasn’t enough to get you to stand up. By now, leaving the house wasn’t the problem anymore. It was the part of you that allowed yourself to be treated like trash that you didn’t know how to get rid of. At this point, the only thing you felt like doing was cracking your own chest open to rip out your heart and pick apart the broken parts. And not even that was good enough, you were afraid you’d be left with nothing. Since there was nothing you could do right now, you slowly stood up, and decided to head to the bathroom and clean yourself up in order to sneak out of the house. Messy hair and running mascara would draw attention to yourself on the street, and that was not something you could risk. As you walked across the bedroom, when you moved past the window, your eyes landed on Jack’s frame. He was sitting at the table in the back garden, drinking straight out of a bottle of Jack Daniels that was more empty than full. As messed up as that was, this sight gave you a rush of confidence. In this state, it was highly unlikely he’d hear you leave the house, and even if he did, you were positive you’d be able to outrun him. Once in the bathroom, the woman you saw in the mirror was not you. You refused to accept that you were in this state. It was a momentary lapse of character, from which you’d bounce back. You had to. In the shower, although feeling like you could break down all over again, you forced yourself to remain on track, and about 20 minutes later, you were back in your bedroom, putting on whatever clothes you found first. You checked the window. Jack was still there, scrolling on his phone. If you played your cards right, you could leave without your eyes landing on him again. You gathered your essentials - phone, charger, wallet, keys and whatever else you found completely necessary and walked over to the door, where you stopped. “I’ll take you less than three minutes to get to your car, Y/n” you whispered to yourself. “You can do this” You mumbled these words to yourself a few times, and when you raised your hand to open the door, the knob turned by itself and your heart fell two stories down. Already in overdrive, your adrenaline kicked in, sweating out of every pore as you instinctively looked for an object to use to defend yourself. All these defence mechanisms crumbled to the ground when you heard his voice. “Y/n?” because it was Harry, “Are yeh in here? Please, answer me!” You breathed out in relief, something you didn’t know you could feel again. You rushed to unlock the door, and he hurried inside at ungodly speed. “It’s Jack, ain’t it!?” he questioned with anger filled words, “I just got off with the phone with my mum, why didn’t yeh two say anything?” “I told her it was nothing” you mumbled, trying to avoid his eyes, but the way he held onto your cheeks made it impossible for you to look at anything else. “You did, yeah.” Harry nodded with despair, “And she believed yeh and now she’s blaming herself. Tell me. What happened? Where is he?” “God” you cried out and tried to lean your head back, but Harry stopped you and prompted you to look at him again. It worsened gradually, but by now, you barely managed to breathe properly as tears cascaded down your cheeks. “Hey, hey, hey” he breathed out, “Look at me, love. I’m here, ok? It’s over. I’m here. I got yeh” You tried to nod, but all you did was choke a sob and collapse into yourself, Harry barely managing to catch you. Holding you tight to his chest, he rocked you in his arms and rubbed the back of your head, “Its me, love. Its Harry”. He tried to chuckle, but pain was audible in his voice too. “Nothing will happen to yeh, ok? I swear on anything that I am, yeh're safe, yeah?” You wanted to nod, but when he moved his fingers up a bit across your scalp, you winced in pain, and he caught sight of it in an instant. “Did he hit you, Y/n?” he asked, pulling away to look into your eyes. You nodded no. For whatever reason, that was what you considered was the right answer. “Don’t lie to me, angel. Yeh don’ ever have to lie to me, ok?” “Ok” you muttered. “So did he?” “Yes..” And that was then the light in his eyes died. They started shining a particular type of darkness that terrified you to your bones. You froze. Your mind was too numb to act on your emotion, but when he brought you to his chest again, you finally realised your fear was unrooted. “Where is he?” Harry groaned in a deep tone. “Please, don’t” “I just want to talk to him” he fibbed. “Harry, I’m serious-” you cried, “Don’t do anything, I don’t want this anymore. I want it to be over. What if he tries to-” “Listen t' me, angel” he said sternly, looking straight into your eyes, “You’re crying. Shaking. I’ve never seen yeh like this. Ever. Not even close. Yer whole body shivered when I touched you. That man, hurt you. I don’t even want to think about what he actually did to you right now. Yeh’re the happiest, strongest woman I met in my entire life and he managed to bring you in this state. I won’t have that, ok? I won’t sleep again if doesn’t pay for this.” “Please, Harry” you whimpered, wiping some of your tears away. You placed your hands of top of his, and grabbed them tightly, “What if he does something to you, what if-” “Think about the girl that will come after you, hm? What about her? He’ll go on with his life thinking he doesn’t need to pay for his fucking demented behaviour, and she’ll walk straight into the lions den” “What if he hurts you?” “It won’t get to that, love. I’ll just talk to him. But I have to do this. I can’t not do it, you understand that, right?” After you reluctantly agreed, mostly because he wasn’t showing signs of giving up and you didn’t have it in you to fight him at that moment, you headed downstairs and he walked you to his car. Harry opened the door for you to climb in, but before that, you pressed yourself against him again, craving his touch and the feeling of safety it provided. “Oh, love” he sighed, rubbing your back. “I got yeh” You didn’t want to let him go, but you knew you had to. Eventually, you got into his car, but turned to him before closing the door. “You’re just gonna talk to him, alright?” you sniffled, “And then you’ll be right back, yeah?” “Yes, darlin’” Harry nodded and leaned in to kiss your forehead. “I’ll be right back” And with that, he left. You watched him walk into the house, your eyes remaining trained on his back until he was out of sight. Not knowing what was going on was driving you insane. Your phone was surely not going to provide any kind of distraction, you felt out of place, like you were sitting on a pile of nails as a train was approaching you at full speed. But there was nothing for you to do about it. Going in and joining the conversation was sure to make things worse, for all of you. It hurt that the right thing to do was sit and wait, you hated it, but you had to be patient. In need of something you keep your mind busy, you opened the glove compartment, and started rummaging through the junk that had pilled up there over the past few months. Mostly napkins, candy wrappers, McDonald’s straws, and seemingly, irrelevant stuff. Eventually, you came across some other things, like your old phone case, which you ended up discarding after you bought a new one while you were shopping with Harry for a birthday gift. There was also there a bottle of perfume, the kind you’ve been wearing for years, and in this one, there was barely anything left. Jumping jacks were taking place inside your heart. You knew Harry was the kind of guy every girl deserved in her life, but you wanted him for yourself only. It was mostly junk, and useless little things anyone would have forgotten existed, but he kept them. It didn’t take long before you got lost in thought again, but in the end, you decided to ignore any rush feelings you might be having, taking into consideration the emotional break down you have just been through. “Hey, love” Harry’s voice filled the air inside his car, as he flung the door open and climbed in in one swift motion. “Did you talk to him?” “Yeah” he said distraught and nodded, before turning around in his seat to check if it was safe to pull out. “With my fists” Your eyes snapped to his knuckles. Skin cracked and little droplets of blood peaking to the surface. However, he gripped the steering wheel as if it was nothing, and kept his smile on. What was most surprising, but actually not quite, was that he looked genuinely relieved. You sighed, “H, what happened?” “Nothing, love. I got there fuming ready to beat the guy to the pulp. But he was drunk outta his mind. I stopped then, I promise. I told him what I had to say but I doubt he understood a word I said” he confessed, grabbing your forearm and giving it a squeeze. “You said you were only gonna talk to him…” “That’s what I was planning on, I don’t- I don’t know what- anyway-” he mumbled, in between ragged breaths, “We’ll deal with it, ok? You won’t ever have to see him again. And he’s fine. He deserved so much worse, but I’m- I’m uh, I’m not-” “Thank you” you whispered, looking down at your hands, knowing any moment now the tears would come back. “Yeh don’t need to thank me, angel. I should have known sooner, this should never have happened” “I know… I’m sorry” “What’re yeh sorry about?” Harry asked, eyes trained on the road ahead, “None of this is your fault” “Then whose is it?” you exclaimed, “Hm?” “Fucking his!!” You tried to change the subject, but all you managed to do was drop this one. Nothing else held. Nothing was of interest, and even if it was, the timing was wrong. There was no way you could have started talking about what movie you just saw, and Harry clearly didn’t feel like boasting to you about what a great time he’s been having with his friends and family. Needless to say, for about 10 minutes, it was you, Harry and the sacred uncomfortable silence. “Can you drop me off at a hotel please” you asked, cringing a bit at your own words. “No, why?” He was clearly surprised, if not offended. “I- uh” you mumbled, too ashamed to use a normal tone of voice. “It’s your mum, H. I can’t see her right now. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, nor do I want someone else to worry about me. I promise I’ll be better tomorrow, and I’ll come hang out. Get a coffee or something” “Is that the only reason you want to go to a hotel?” “Yeah…” “Perfect” Harry nodded, “She’s not at my place. Didn’t expect you to be in the mood for company. But you shouldn’t be by yourself. I can drop you off wherever ya want, but not if you’re gonna be alone”. He took your silence for an answer. “My place it is, then” And you got to his house, and even if you had been there millions of times before, you felt out of place. You were afraid he bought you here out of mercy or sympathy, despite what he had just said. The atmosphere was different, and for whatever reason, you didn’t feel like home. For years, his house and anywhere near him, you felt your safest, yet today, you were afraid anything you’d say or do would be out of place. “Yeh know how this works” Harry said, walking into the kitchen, “It’s your home too, don’t shy away” “I know” you chuckled, and it did sound fake and it was obvious he noticed, but none of you pointed it out. “Are you hungry? Want something to drink? Tea? We can order something-” “I’m fine, thanks though” you sighed, slowly advancing towards him. You leaned your hip against one of the counters, silently awaiting his next move. But he didn’t quite do anything, except change his expression into one of maybe confusion. This must have been hard for him too, you didn’t know what you needed to hear, how could he have possibly known what to say? “Do you wanna watch something?” you asked, wanting to relieve some of the pressure. To be fair, you were not in the mood to watch any movie, but you figured laying down next to him would be calming and an easy way to avoid unwanted conversation. “Yeah, 'course” Harry nodded. “Actually... Got any wine?” He seemed completely taken aback, but soon enough, he came back to reality, offering to get the alcohol while you picked something you wanted to watch. It wasn’t a difficult choice. Seinfeld was a sure option, since you both liked it and it required almost no concentration at all. Just as you laid down on his couch, Harry came back into the living room, two tall glasses in his hands, and a bottle of while under his arm. “Figured white wine was safer, dunno how much we’re gonna drink, and nothing is worse than a red wine hangover” “Just how drunk do you think I wanna get?” you laughed, taking the glasses from him. “As drunk as yeh want, love” Harry smiled, pulling out a corkscrew, “The choice is yours” “Just don’t let me start ranting or anything” “Yeah…” he cringed, sucking in a deep breath as he squinted his eyes, “Can’t promise yeh that. Ya know I’m a sucker fo’ yer drunken ramblings” “Oh shut up” you scoffed. “And why did you bring these?” you questioned, pointing to the glasses, “Don’t you know me at all? Or are you suddenly grossed out by my germs?” “When you put it like that, it sounds gross, yes” Harry laughed out loud, before clutching the corkscrew tight into his hand and opening up the bottle, “But still, I’d be happy to exchange germs with you” “Oh wow” “Wha'?” Harry belted, playfully offended, “Yeh started it!” “Well, it sounds so much worse when some else says it” None of you could ever win this. He came over to the couch and motioned for you to scoot over. During the first episode, you kept your distance, but as the minutes passed and as the level of wine slowly lowered, so did the space between your bodies. By the third episode, Harry was laying down on his back with his knees bent, as you leaned back against his calves. That was when you opened up the second bottle. Still white wine, still safe. Harry's words. Every now and then one of you would chuckle, and in case too much time would pass without one of you making a sound, the other would gently ask an “You asleep?” even though both your minds were way too busy to be able to relax enough to drift off. When you almost finished this bottle too, Elaine was throwing a fuss, in the middle of Jerry’s living groom over some guy she went to gym with. “He wiped his hand on the top of the bottle when I offered him water” she said offended through the TV screen, making you stand up and turn to Harry. “This is the universe, love” he laughed but instantly you shushed him, knowing what line was next. “Are you kidding?” Elaine said again, “He should be craving my germs!” And at that, you both burst into laughter. “I had no idea this was the episode” you barely managed to say in between your crazy giggles. “Is it a coincidence?” Harry smirked, “Think not!” “You’re drunk” “So are yeh!” he defended himself, as if it would change anything. “You know what else I am?” “What?” You picked up the bottle and finished whatever was left in it, and then turned to him with a proud smile on your face, “Ready for the third one” “Stand up” Harry commanded and pointed to the space right in front of the couch. “Why?” “Do three pirouettes and if yeh don’t stumble I’ll open another one” “Buzz kill” you pouted and slapped his legs, “No” “I’ll do it with you” he laughed, and when he stood up, you reluctantly did too. When he motioned for you to do the pirouettes, another smile crept up your lips, “At least put some music on if you want to see my moves” “Oh, is that how it’s gonna be?” he laughed, walking over to his phone on the table, “Are we gonna dance in the living room like the crazy people in those sappy chick movies we used to watch?” “Why do you have to be an asshole?” you joked, leaning your head to the side. “Because-” was all he managed to say before the music turned on, making him stop talking as he silently laughed. “Why-” you exclaimed, “On Earth, were you listening to My Heart Will Go On? Is Harold in love?” “I have a good explanation!” Harry jumped to defend himself, pointing a finger at you, “I tried to learn it” “On guitar I hope” you teased. “Ha, very funny” “Oh my god, Harry!” you burst into laughter, “I’m assuming you nailed it on the first try” “Yess!” he threw his head back, cheeks all red, “Celine stand back, I’m coming for yer money” “What would it take to convince you to sing it to me?” “Sing it with me” Harry responded in an instant, and it might have been the alcohol, but it didn’t even take a second before you agreed. You both grabbed one of the empty bottles as microphones, and sang your hearts out. Even though Harry had the vocal capability to reach some of those notes and sing full verses correctly, nothing that came out of his mouth sounded right. And if you were to carefully listen to the atrocities that came out of yours, you’d feel the need to hide for a week to finally get rid of the embarrassment. But you didn’t care. And neither did he. Harry only got like this if he was in a truly good mood. He wasn't always bubbly and childish, especially not today after everything that happened, and you knew a bottle of wine wasn’t enough to awaken this side of him, but still, he danced his hips into exhaustion, providing you with all the good energy you didn’t think you could possibly get. Your performance ended when some Creedence song started, and you walked over and pressed yourself against Harry’s chest. Since you got to his house, you gradually started to feel better, but it all came so naturally, you literally had to stop and check in order to actually realize it. “Thank you” you mumbled into his shirt. “Don’t need to thank me, love” Harry said softly, rubbing your back, “Seeing you loosen up and smile makes me feel better too” His words warmed up your heart from the inside, and it was probably the amount of emotions that you felt in the last 12 hours that caused you to have so little self control, but your eyes watered. At that point, thinking someone’s happiness relied on yours, was too much for your mind to process. Especially considering that for the last few weeks, it had been quite the opposite. A lot of things came to mind. There were a lot of things you felt like saying to him. Somehow, you couldn’t escape the need to thank him again and again, you wanted to tell him how amazing he was, how much of a blessing he was. Right then and there you got emotional you wanted to rant your heart out, but in the end, you lacked the courage. For some reason, even though you had nothing but good things to say, you were afraid to do so, embarrassed even. “Still-” you said softly as you pulled away from his chest. Your eyes rose up to meet his, and he welcomed you with the same warmth he had been showing all day, “I don’t know how to exactly say this, but I know that there’s no one in my life who would have dropped everything and came to check up on me, but you did. And I know you don’t want to hear me thanking you again, but I’m so so grateful you’re in my life” you confessed, breaking into a light sob. The change of atmosphere was too sudden. He didn’t see this coming, and you didn’t know you wouldn’t be able to finish your statement without a cascade of tears streaming down your cheeks again. “Love” Harry cooed, grabbing your cheeks and wiping your tears away with his thumbs. The heat from his palms gave you a newfound sense of reality, forcing your thoughts to spiral again. “Y/n, I love yeh. So much. Yeh need to realize that someone taking care of you isn’t out of the ordinary” “It is for me, Harry” “I’ll fix yeh” he chuckled, and it was so weak, and his eyes cried because he had to do so. “And we can talk about it, or you can talk and I can listen, tonight, tomorrow, three weeks from now at 3am. Whenever yeh’re ready, I’m here for you, ok? I fucking love yeh so much, Y/n. Don’t push me away, because I’m here for you no matter what, ok? I want to be” His words, his tone of voice, calm but also disturbed and with traces of pain audible in it, the way his hooded eyes bore into yours, the way his chest rose and fell with every breath he took, was all too much. “I don’t wanna talk about it right now because I’m afraid I might say things I shouldn’t” “If you mean it, you have the right to say it. It’s that simple, love” he smiled reassuringly. You contemplated telling him how much you loved him and how it has been him all the time, but you were afraid he would put it on account of everything that had happened during the day, and that he would brush it off. The last thing you wanted was for Harry to believe your feelings for him weren’t solid. And on top of it all, up until a few hours ago you were in a relationship, and it felt wrong to admit that all this time you have been thinking of another man. “Maybe some other time” you finally said, pushing aside the topic and putting some distance between the two of you. “Whenever that may be” he nodded, “I’m here, yeah?” A whole pile of tangled emotions filled up your chest, and you needed an escape. A chance to put your thoughts in order before you said something you’d later regret. The wine was threatening to force out some confessions, and you decided a shower would be the perfect opportunity to delay them. You stayed in the bathroom for a questionable long time, but when you walked out, wrapped in a towel, Harry was still awake, watching the TV. He had laid on the bed some clothes of his for you to wear, and you couldn’t help but giggle to yourself when you finally understood why there were two shirts. The first one was neatly folded, but you didn’t really pay attention to it. The second one, a bit to the side, was obviously recently worn, so you didn’t think twice when you chose this one, the scent of his cologne tickling your senses. After putting the pair of sweatpants on too, you headed back to the living room, where Harry was comfortably laying down on the couch. He signaled for you with his arms open to join him, and you did so in an instant, cuddling into his chest. “There’s only a bit left of the game. 10 minutes tops. Mind if we watch this? I can put Seinfeld back on if you want to” “Oh, no. It’s ok.” you shook your head, “Just tell me who we’re rooting for” “The blue ones, love” Harry laughed kissing the top of your head. After you both shuffled a bit and settled back down in a more comfortable position, with his arms wrapped around you and your head buried into his neck, you only managed to comment on a few moments of the game before falling asleep. Next thing you knew, Harry was rubbing your arm up and down and whispering softly to get your attention. “Let’s go to sleep, Y/n” “No” you mumbled, turning your head so he couldn’t see your face. “Its much more comfortable, angel, I promise” he laughed. “I said no” you giggled back. “I’ll let yeh sleep here then” When he tried to pull away, you tightened your hold around his middle, “No” “Do you know any words other than no?” Harry laughed out loud. “No” His chest shook as he chuckled at your antics, “We’ll sleep here then” “Yess” you smiled and turned to face him again. He seemed amused, but even so, he looked down at you with awe in his eyes. After taking his shirt and his watch off, you both resumed your position on the couch, but this time, you had your back pressed against his chest. “I knew you were gonna chose this shirt” Harry spoke up a second after you closed your eyes, “But it’s weird because you smell like me now” “Harry?” you questioned, playing with his fingers, “Are there things you want to say, but you’re too afraid to?” It took a while before he answered, but you waited patiently. “Yeh mean in general?” “No” you said and squeezed your eyes shut, cringing in anticipation. “I mean now” This time he didn’t answer. Maybe he would have, but when you figured enough time passed, you turned around in his hold. If the answer was no, there would have been no reason for him to hesitate, so you took his silence for a yes. It was a risk you were willing to take. “Good night, Ni” you said and pressed your lips against his; it was hurried, it barely lasted for two short seconds but you put your soul into this kiss and it sent your heart into overdrive. After you pulled away, you turned around immediately and settled back into your spot. He was silent, not one of his muscles flinched. Maybe it was the wine. You shouldn’t have done that. You wanted to move. Not touch him anymore, never see him again. It felt like you ruined the best thing that ever happened to you, all because you couldn’t control yourself. And you were so close. You should have just laughed at his remark about the smell of his shirt and then go to sleep. Why wasn’t he saying anything? This was wrong, and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. “Would yeh have done that if things with Jack happened differently? If they ended on good terms? Or if we weren’t drunk?” “Yes” you whispered, your voice cracking, “I wanted to do that for a long long time. But I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, forget it” “Will never” he said, and then brought you closer to kiss your neck, “And don’t be sorry” “I love you, Harry” “I love yeh”. He kissed your scalp and spoke into your hair, “The most”

-

Hey, guys! In case you read this far and thought this sounds similar (or maybe exactly the same) to another fic posted on here, it’s because I had previously uploaded it to another blog. It was a Niall imagine at first but then i was like hm... Harry! Anywayyyy i hope you liked this! Please don’t hesitate to tell me what you thought!

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #1dff

[banditthewriter]

Trust Is Earned - Charles Vane - 5

And here we have part five which means we’re half way through! As always, thank you to the readers!

Warning: Violence against the reader. Also fake dating trope but like, is that a warning a promise?

*gif not mine*

Enjoy!

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Vane’s tent hadn’t moved but it felt like it was such a long walk. It also felt like everyone was staring at you, although you were sure that was just in your imagination. You smiled and nodded in greeting to a few people as you passed them, but most people paid you no mind. It was getting dark, although still a while before the sun was down completely, so people were preparing for whatever they had planned for the night.

It didn’t occur to you that Vane might not be alone until you got to the opening of his tent. It was pulled open so you could see inside and thankfully not see anyone in there besides the captain. 

You weren’t sure your plan would work if he had someone in his bed.

He turned when you cleared your throat, obviously startled to see you there.

“Are you–”

“Just, uh, one moment,” you said before you entered into the tent so that you could release the cord that held the covering. It closed over the doorway to alert people not to intrude or disturb unless it was life or death.

You turned back to him and took a few steps further inside. And then a few more until you were closer to where he was sitting with some papers in front of him. 

“There’s something we need to talk about I think.”

His hand twitched on the table as if he wanted nothing more than to reach over for the bottle of rum next to him, but instead he turned to face you. He waved one hand for you to go on.

Now if only you had thought about how to word this on your way here.

“I had a talk with Eleanor Guthrie a little while ago. It seems she saw the two of us sneak off the beach in the same direction and she’s… come up with her own ideas as to why.”

He sat up, his hands pressed onto his knees as he stared at you.

“Does she suspect we’re working together?”

You hoped that you didn’t wince as you said this next part.

“She thinks we’re seeing each other. Or at least sleeping together.” You let him reel from that one for a second before you continued, “She said that your hauls have gotten less impressive and, well, she intimated about a worry about your ability to lead and that she wouldn’t be surprised if a vote was called to replace you.”

There, you’d gotten it all out in one go. Now you just needed to broach the reason you came here now instead of telling him this in a letter or through a third party like Rackham.

“The crew doesn’t care that we’re splitting the haul as long as they get paid. And since we started this partnership, they are making more than they ever did with Eleanor. They aren’t looking to vote me out. My question is what she can do about my ability to lead.”

This was not the direction you had planned for, but it made sense that this was his worry. You put your own thoughts to the back so that you could help him plan for this.

“She’s not supposed to have any pull over the crews, but I guess if she loses faith in your abilities as captain she can try to depose you.”

He shook his head, but you didn’t think he was turning down what you had said. It seemed he was thinking ahead as well.

“The crew wouldn’t go for that. Like I said, I’m the reason they are making as much as they are right now.”

Part of the reason, but you weren’t about to point that out. He had a point though.

“What about an embargo? She could withhold sale of your goods, encouraging merchants to do the same unless the crew turns against you.”

He stood up and started to pace away from you.

“She could. The bitch would,” he admitted venomously as he turned back towards you. “And then she’d want to know why the crew still wouldn’t turn against me. If it comes to that, it’ll come out that I’m selling to you as well.”

Which would put a nice little target on your front door. You’d been working with your contacts to come up with a protection plan for yourself, but it wasn’t easy. They needed to get men to you but they needed ones that they could trust. Loyalty wasn’t exactly for sale.

“If it comes to that, I’ll deal with the consequences on my end,” you said with a wave of your hand. Might as well throw out the reason you came here. “The reason I’m here is regarding the first part of what she told me.”

He tilted his head as he looked at you.

“She thinks we’re fucking. And this upsets you.”

After your reaction the night of the storm, you understood why he thought that way. You weren’t about to get into the intricacies of it. Instead you put your hands on the table to offer your newest proposition.

“I suggest we let her think that, actually. Instead of secret meetings and codes, we become a little more… obvious. Make her think that we’re sleeping together so that she won’t suspect the truth. That should gain us a little more time before she figures out what’s really going on.”

You weren’t sure that Vane could look more shocked if you had told him that he was going to have to make The Ranger fly instead of sail. It didn’t take long for him to have that cocky look on his face once more.

“If she believes that, others will too. The whole of Nassau will think we’re fucking.”

Yes, you were aware of that. Which of course meant some uncomfortable conversations with Billy were in your future, but you didn’t want to think about that right then.

“We’ll have to play into the part a bit. We can have these kinds of discussions at the shop and I’ll lock up for the time. People can think what they want then.”

He moved over to the comfortable looking pallet that was obviously where he slept. He looked from you to it and then back to you again.

“If I were taking you to bed, what do you think we’d be doing if you came to my tent like this?”

The shop gave you privacy where no one could hear anything. You knew for a fact that people in these tents could be heard from people outside. You drew the line at faking sex and the other option… wasn’t an option.

“Don’t you know Vane? Ladies prefer to make love in their own beds.” You gave him a smile and turned back towards the opening of the tent. “I’ll send for you when I have your next lead. If this plan displeases you, send Rackham and Bonny like usual. I will continue to work on my own safety contingencies.”

You slipped through the opening and out of the tent. There were a few people that saw your departure, but none of them said anything to you.

Whether your presence there would reach Eleanor Guthrie or not, at least you had done what you had come to the beach to do. The plan wasn’t foolproof of course, there were plenty of things that could cause a problem, but you were juggling a lot at the moment.

You were doing the best you could with what you had.

------

The tavern was more packed than you had seen it in a long time. The sun was still up so you had stopped by for a quick meal with some of your friends and other merchants. While the alcohol flowed freely, you stuck to water. Most of the patrons remembered the last time you had freely drank at the tavern and how quickly you had gotten drunk.

You were a little ashamed to say that you had slept with someone but you weren’t sure who it was. You’d woken up at the inn feeling well and truly fucked, happily so, but no sign of your partner. No one could remember who you had gone to the inn with but since Mr. Noonan only employed female whores and you could vaguely remember a male body from that night, you could rest assured that you hadn’t paid for it.

Since that night you hadn’t had another drink. While you didn’t mind anonymous sex, especially anonymous sex that made you feel as good as that had, you didn’t like the feeling of not knowing what had happened. 

The conversations flowed as freely as anything else. You had been involved in a lively debate about the price of sugarcane for half the meal. It gave you a good distraction from your new reality. 

As more men started to flow into the tavern, you started to feel like you were being watched. 

It wasn’t an uncommon feeling in Nassau, but you had learned to trust your instincts. Everything in you right then was telling you to leave.

You finished your meal and paid, making excuses to the friends you had joined for the meal. Their night was just beginning but you were ready to head home for the night. It wasn’t very adventurous but you had enough adventure in your days working with Vane under everyone’s noses. 

As you turned to leave, you nearly ran straight into Jack Rackham with Anne Bonny at his side. He smiled at you the moment he saw who it was, his face almost breaking at the force.

“If it isn’t the lovely Y/N herself. I was just telling Anne that I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. Our captain has been monopolizing your time, hasn’t he?”

That’s what the exaggerated smile and loud voice was for. He was giving you Vane’s response in public, ensuring that tongues would be wagging before you even made it to the street. It’d only been a day since you had given him the proposition but he didn’t seem to want to wait for you to reach out to him.

Vane really did nothing by halves, did he?

“Always a pleasure Jack. Miss Bonny,” you said to Anne, showing her a bit more respect since you were more frightened of her than of the quartermaster. 

But your friendly nature and the informal way you addressed Rackham, uncommon for you to interact with any pirate that way except Billy, would definitely throw gunpowder on the fire.

Rackham’s smile softened to something a little more honest. Even Anne gave you a bit of a smile as you passed them. If your informal greeting to Jack didn’t set tongues wagging, Anne’s variable bear hug of a smile would do so.

It would seem that for all intents and purposes, you were Charles Vane’s new mistress.

------

Footsteps. As you walked to your shop up the long, winding road, you heard footsteps behind you. You hadn’t turned to look, not wanting to let the person know that you heard them, but you made sure that your steps were a little longer and faster.

With your shop in view, you almost broke into a run, but it was too late. A hand went around your throat at the same time that someone rushed in front of you to cut off your escape. It meant at least two attackers, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t more.

You didn’t have your pistol on you. Not even a knife. The only thing you had were your fists and your wits. You swung back with all of your strength and landed your elbow against the jaw of the man who held you. He swore vehemently and then wrapped his arms around you, your arms pinned to your sides as he lifted you up like that. It gave you leverage to kick out at the other man that approached, catching him in the face with your left heel.

The sound of a broken nose echoed in your ears but you didn’t care. All you cared about was not letting this progress any further.

“Stop fucking fighting or I’ll slit your throat.”

You felt a blade against your throat and immediately stopped squirming in case the blade cut into you. The man whose face you had kicked looked like he wanted to kill you, blood running down his face and shirt. Instead he pointed his own knife at you.

“You should gut the bitch,” he growled to the man that held you.

“It’s not off the table,” the one that held you spat as he squeezed you with the arm not holding the knife. “She wouldn’t be able to give Vane our message like that though.”

“It’d send a message sure enough.”

You were about to scream. Not even ten minutes after Jack Rackham had proved to the whole of the tavern that you were Vane’s woman, you were attacked in the woods on your way to your home. If this is what Eleanor had been warning you about, you might just take your pistol with you to the tavern next time. 

“You tell Charles Vane that he’s to step down as captain of The Ranger. He hasn’t brought shit to Nassau in months and it’s not to be tolerated. If he doesn’t, we’re going to come to your little shop and set it on fire while you sleep.”

“We know you live there too,” the man in front of you spat, blood spraying onto your face.

If they were giving you a message for Vane, that meant they weren’t going to kill you. You just needed to keep from pissing them off any further and they’d let you go.

The one holding you ran a hand up your side until he got to the top of your bodice, pulling as if he wanted to rip it off of you. Your fight or flight instincts kicked in and you started to squirm, the knife cutting into your throat a bit as you did.

A fist crashed into your face. Then again. Next was a boot to your stomach when you fell to the ground. A boot to your back followed as you curled in to protect your stomach. You couldn’t breathe, the pain too much, but nothing else came. When you peeked out from where your face was almost squashed into the dirt, you saw the backs of the two men as they went back through the woods.

You quickly stood up, your legs shaking and barely holding your weight. All you needed was to get to your shop and then you’d be safe. Relatively. It felt like a journey across a continent rather than just a few yards, but finally you were there. Hands shaking and covered in dirt, you fished out your keys and let yourself into the shop.

Tonight you’d see to your injuries. Tomorrow you’d have a word with Vane. This… was not going to happen again.

------

“What the fuck happened to you?”

You looked up from where you were trying to load your pistol. One eye was swollen but not completely closed at least. You had a busted lip as well. To round that out, it hurt to breathe, your back felt like hell, and you had to tie a cloth around your neck because the cut there was deeper than you had thought.

If you looked like you felt, you didn’t blame Rackham for his shock.

“I’m to be a messenger for your captain,” you said with a wince as you sat up in the chair a bit more. Normally you didn’t sit when you were in the shop, but right then you weren’t sure you could stand. “Do you mind loading this pistol for me? I can’t seem to stop shaking long enough and I’d hate for it to accidentally go off on me.”

He said something to Anne Bonny who you hadn’t even noticed. She turned and made her way out of the shop, leaving just you and Jack.

If you were going to be pretending to fuck his captain, you might as well actually refer to him by his first name.

Jack took the pistol from you and went through the motions of loading it for you. You leaned back into the chair and let out a whimper as it stretched out the muscles of your back.

“Again, the fuck happened to you? What do you mean you’re to be a messenger for Charles?”

You reached up and gingerly touched the skin under your eye. You hadn’t looked in the mirror this morning, not wanting to see just how bad the damage was.

“Last night on my way back here, I was set upon by two… men. I didn’t recognize either of them, but they knew me. And they wanted me to pass a message to Vane.”

“What message is that?”

You swallowed thickly as you accepted the pistol back from Jack.

“He’s to step down as captain of The Ranger.”

Jack swore a colorful amount. Then he looked back at you.

“And if he doesn’t?”

You laughed, wincing and pressing a hand to your side as you did so.

“They’ll come and set fire to my shop while I’m sleeping.”

Had you thought that Jack’s first swears were colorful? This put a whole new meaning to the term. There might have even been a few new swear words created this go around.

You watched him as he paced through your shop. You wanted to ask why he was still there, but you had a feeling you knew. Just like you had a feeling that you knew where Anne had disappeared to.

Sure enough not long after she had disappeared did she return, one fuming captain with her. The shop seemed to grow smaller as Vane stalked forward.

“What the fuck happened here?”

You wanted to laugh but you were worried if you did, it might turn into tears. Instead you gestured at Jack.

“As I was just telling your quartermaster, I’m to be a messenger for you. You’re to step down as captain of The Ranger due to you not bringing in as much to Nassau anymore. If you don’t, they’ll come back and set my shop on fire.”

“While she’s in it,” Jack added when it seemed like you weren’t going to. 

Vane swore simply, but it was efficient.

“What I don’t get is that we’re bringing in probably more to Nassau. Why would someone want him to step down for that?”

You looked over at Anne and shook your head.

“It wasn’t one of your crew, not that I recognized at least. I think it might have been someone working for Eleanor Guthrie.”

That… was not a name you should have mentioned around the three of them. Suddenly your store became a cacophony of noise as the three of them all yelled back and forth. You didn’t even try to follow but you did put a stop to it by slamming your hand against the counter you were sat at.

“Enough. Fuck, my head is killing me already, I don’t need this shit. Listen,” you added a little softer because your head was pounding, “Eleanor said something when she talked to me that day. It was after she said that she wouldn’t be surprised if they called a vote on you. She said that she didn’t want something to happen to me because I was tangled up with you.”

Vane took a few steps towards you.

“You think she had someone go after you to get to me?”

You shook your head. Although you wouldn’t normally put that past Eleanor, right then it didn’t feel right.

“I think she genuinely doesn’t want anything to happen to me because while she doesn’t exactly like me, I’m a necessary evil in her eyes. I think she hired some men to pass a message on to you and they decided to deviate and go after me. Maybe they thought I was an easier target than Captain Vane himself.”

“That… makes sense, I’m sorry to say,” Jack said with a frown as he looked over at his captain. “Some of the crew had mentioned that some people on the beach had been asking why you’re still captain if we aren’t bringing in bigger hauls. Since the men are getting paid, they are keeping their mouths shut. Maybe if they weren’t able to incite a vote, they decided to demand one instead.”

Vane spun around and slammed his fist into the wall of the shop.

“Oi, there’s been enough damage to my shop by The Ranger crew without you adding to it,” you said as you stood up and went around the counter. “What’s done is done, now we need to figure out what we’re going to do about it. If anyone has any plans, please speak up. As long as it doesn’t end up with me burning alive in my sleep.”

Vane spun back to face you. He marched to clear the short distance between the two of you, Anne and Jack both stepping back to give him the space. In spite of the fury on his face, his hand was gentle as he raised your chin to look at the damage.

“What did they look like?”

His voice was so soft, another difference to the rage in his eyes. You reached up and tugged self consciously at the cloth on your neck. It drew his eyes there and he moved your hand so that he could tug it down a bit to see what it was hiding.

If you’d thought he’d been furious before. Seeing the slit across your neck and the knowledge of how close you had come to dying had apparently reignited that fire.

“What. Did they. Look like.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a demand.

You quietly gave the description as best you could. The problem was that most of the men on the island were fairly similar looking.

“I kicked one in the face, broke his nose. There was blood everywhere. If you can find someone with a recently broken nose, you’ll probably find his partner with him. Stray dogs tend to roam in packs,” you said lowly as you pulled away from Vane and went back to the counter.

He said something to Jack and Anne that you didn’t hear, but they both nodded their head before they turned to leave the shop. Alone with Vane, you found yourself curiously nervous.

Why was it that you always felt this way when he was around? 

“Did anything else happen?”

Anything else? You wondered what he thought you were leaving out but then you saw the look on his face. Uncomfortable but earnest.

It clicked into place.

“No, nothing else. There’d be more damage than a broken nose if they had done that.”

Vane nodded his approval of that. He looked at the pistol that you had placed on the counter and then back to you. He bent down and pulled something from the top of his boot before he held it out to you.

Hilt first, he held a long dagger in hand. You looked up at him and then back to the dagger.

“Take it. You need to be able to protect yourself. A dagger doesn’t need to be reloaded.”

No, just thrust into its target.

You accepted the dagger from him. The weight of it was strange in your hand, but not unknown. You’d held daggers before, used to carry them when you did your deliveries. You had become complacent in Nassau, had gotten too comfortable and felt too safe. You wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“What happens now?”

Vane approached until he was right in front of you.

“We’ll find them and I’ll kill them.”

You’d know that from the moment you saw his face. No one could go off and make a move against any captain like they had done, much less against Captain Vane.

“And if they are working for Eleanor?”

His face changed at that. So many emotions crossed his face that you barely had the chance to catch them before they were gone.

“I’ll handle it.”

He started to leave but you reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Charles,” you started, not even realizing that you’d used his first name for the first time, “you can’t go against her like that. She’ll–”

He turned back to you, his hand going up to grab your chin to stop you from speaking. The touch and the closeness was so intimate that for a brief moment you thought he might lean in to kiss you. Instead he let his hand go up to brush your hair back from your face.

“I’ll handle it.”

It wasn’t a clarification, but you realized what he was really saying.

Trust. You had to trust him to handle it. So you closed your eyes and gave a quick nod. When you opened your eyes, it was to see him disappear out of the shop.

Now you just had to wait to see what happened next.

X

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[shemakesmusic-uk]

Wallice has shared her subversive new single 'Hey Michael'. 'Hey Michael' amplifies her blood-thirsty nature, a revenge anthem that finds Wallice turning into a worse villain than her erstwhile love interest. A song about toxic tendencies and how they manifest in our lives, 'Hey Michael' twists and turns around American Psycho imagery. Wallice labels "a revenge anthem for anyone who has encountered a gaslighting, manipulative person. It’s what I wish I would have said to all the ‘Michael’s’ I have met in my life. It can be substituted by many names, we all know or have met a ‘Michael’ though. Somehow the world revolves around them and they just can’t catch a break, because they never do anything wrong and it’s usually your fault. You should have listened to your gut instinct and swiped left on this Michael. This isn’t a man-hating song, it’s just something many people can relate to. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to admit just how bad a friend, date, or romantic partner was and a lot of the time, I would just smile and laugh off stupid remarks but when I think back, I wish I had told them off. But at the same time, my persona in the song is not the best person either. I literally say: I think I want to start a fight, which one is your girlfriend? The whole song is funny because I am so focused on how shitty Michael is that I don’t even think about how shitty I might be as well." Directed by Phil Stillwell, the video takes place at a house party, with Wallice interacting with various 'Michaels' before her behaviour spirals into something much, much worse. [via Clash]

In the same vein as Massive Attack’s suburban groove and social commentary in the mid 90’s, KITA have captured the rhythm and heartbeat of suburban Pōneke; a city abuzz with a vibrant music and dramatic performance scene in their brand new track and official video, ‘Private Lives’. Weaving together elements of vintage rock, pop and soul, and warm hints of synth, KITA have created a skin-prickling piece of magic with ‘Private Lives’, a deeply beautiful track penned in 2020’s lockdown, that delves into the unknown of what happens when the blinds are shut – the parts of life that are unseen by others. "Standing from my kitchen window during lockdown in Aotearoa, sinister thoughts entered my mind about what could be happening behind closed doors for people”, says front-woman Nikita 雅涵 Tu- Bryant. The video tells the story of a father and daughter’s relationship amongst snapshots of everyday life and its monotonous anonymity, while things aren’t always what they appear on the surface. Late at night the father can finally reveal his true self, adorning makeup and sequins, only to be spied by his daughter. The two then share a special moment of dressing up and dancing together, a true celebration of individuality, self-love and the beauty of self-expression.

'Just Chemistry' is the third single from Dance Lessons, a London-based, female-fronted and produced trio, creating what they define as Serrated Pop. 'Just Chemistry' is a delicate hymn to the unspoken. Dance Lessons return with their signature sound – minimal production, sleek vocals and intricate arrangements. Ann says: “'Just Chemistry' is about the over-complication of our relationships. It’s about the things that are left unsaid in-between the awkward text messages and conversations, and how the absence of knowing can be misinterpreted as doubt. Last year was a difficult one. For a long time, I felt at the mercy of my emotions. I doubted where things were going. I lived in the future and found it hard to commit to the present. But these moments of not knowing can be equally thrilling and beautiful. And that’s what the song is about: finding beauty in the unspoken. In most cases, it’s chemistry that makes us fall in love. Things end, all is temporary. Let’s not go to war with one another over it.” Nat says on the video: “A friend told us about this weird and wonderful house in North London that feels a little like stepping into an acid trip. We obviously wanted to check it out. It’s completely surreal, all over the place (in a great way) and generally eclectic, which felt inherently us. We instantly wanted to do something there and asked the owner for permission to shoot a music video. We filmed during lockdown and were let loose embracing all the oddness of it. Ann also designed and created the outfit she wears in the video, something she does with most of her wardrobe. It was shot, directed and edited by our hugely talented friends Ben Hanson and Simon Frost from Borderland Studios.”

Returning with her first offering of the year, North London’s rising star Laurel Smith is ready to reveal her anticipated new single, ‘Out the Cage’ accompanied by an action packed and thrilling cinematic style music video directed by Jeremie Brivet and Jai Garcha. Sticking to her winning recipe of moody, dark, electro-pop production paired with effortlessly edgy tales of narrative lyricism, ‘Out the Cage’ is the next huge single from the young, innovative artist that is sure to follow the same trajectory of success as its predecessor, ‘Game Over’ released late last year. A songwriter and recording artist, Laurel Smith has been writing songs since the age of sixteen. With each single she’s released, Laurel has continued to adapt her sound and aesthetic, consistently honing her craft and evolving her brand. She has carefully carved out her place in an ever crowded industry and proceeds to turn heads at every corner. “‘Out The Cage’ is a song about breaking out from your constraints, both physical and mental. Although it can be interpreted in any way, when I wrote it I created a story around a bored housewife, falling out of love with her husband, she fantasises about tying him up and leaving him to be a badass assassin in a video game type world, roaming the city at night and living a life of unpredictability and excitement”.

Hailing from the Philippines, singer-songwriter Laica is coming off a breakout 2020. Now the 21-year-old is gearing up for the release of her debut album I’m so fine at being lonely. The first single off the project, 'love u lately' is here, accompanied by a music video directed by Cooper Leith. 'Love u lately' is a relatable and infectious track. The song revolves around dating, understanding mixed signals, and the confusion that surrounds that world. Lyrically, Laica walks us through her experiences here, voicing her thoughts and frustrations about someone who she just can't seem to read right. Production-wise, the track is carried by a pulsing synth and a groovy bass. Together, the track feels upbeat. The vibe created by the production stands in contrast with the more emotional lyrics, making the track complex and interesting. The music video takes the concept of 'love u lately' to the extreme, in a fun and playful way. Laica is seen capturing her dream boy and attempting to use witchcraft to finally win him over. The video has a very DIY feel, which could serve to add to the reliability of the track. It’s a great extension of the track and taps into everyone’s most fantasy-driven realities. [via Earmilk]

At first, Emily C Browning wasn't sure what to think. Spurned, rejected, and cast aside, she was angry, furious, and - at times - utterly bereft. Usually she'd utilise songwriting as a vessel for her emotions, but when she was so conflicted, and feeling so negative, that it just didn't enter her mind. The Christchurch, New Zealand artist needed to take a step back, and when she located some perspective, she was ready to act. New single 'I Wasn't Into You Anyway' is a soaring slice of revenge, one that finds Emily C Browning taking full control of her music. Her first solo production credit, its reminiscent of those surging, empowering Maggie Rogers bops, while also containing similar DNA to Sharon Van Etten's work. Lyrically, it's absolutely her own creation, with Emily leaning on those often-hidden feelings. She comments... "Everyday for a month I wrote in my journal: I want to write a song about feeling rejected. But I couldn’t figure out how to keep it light and funny, it can be quite a painful topic and I didn’t want to sound too heavy. But I kept working on it everyday and came up with this song. I then spent another month recording it, trying to capture a sound that stayed upbeat and playful. I put so much time and energy into the song that I ended up completely forgetting about the person who rejected me in the first place (honest, I swear)." [via Clash]

Alt-pop force Holly Humberstone returns with new single 'Haunted House'. The songwriter's potent debut EP Falling Asleep At The Wheel was a sensation, racking up more than 100 million global streams. A bona fide phenomenon, Holly returns with a single that displays a more nuanced, reflective side to her work. 'Haunted House' digs into childhood, and looks at the way memory can frame the way we construct our identities. She comments: "I wrote this song about the old and characterful house I grew up in. The house is such a huge part of who I am and our family. With my sisters and I moving out and living separate lives, coming home feels very comforting and one of the only things keeping us all connected." Playing with concrete imagery and no small degree of invention, 'Haunted House' connects art to life in an enchanting fashion. She adds: "The house is almost falling down around us now though, and we’ve realised that pretty soon we’ll be forced to leave. There’s a cellar full of meat hooks and a climate so damp mushrooms grow out of the walls. Loads of people have probably died here in the past but I’ve always felt really safe. It’s like a seventh family member. It’s part of me." [via Clash]

In 2019, the Boston-born and Brooklyn-based indie rock album Crumb released their debut album Jinx. Crumb haven’t yet announced plans to follow that album up, but they’re definitely working towards something. Last month, the band came out with a one-off single called 'Trophy.' Now, they’ve followed that one with two new tracks, and they’re both winners. The new songs 'BNR' and 'Balloon' both fit nicely into Crumb’s comfort zone. The band’s sound is a rich, sophisticated take on psychedelia, with blissed-out lead vocals from Lila Ramani and with some great funky drum action. The band co-produced both songs with Foxygen’s Jonathan Rado, who’s done great recent work with people like Father John Misty and Weyes Blood and the Killers and who knows how to make oblique ’70s-style pop sound good. But Crumb themselves deserve a ton of credit for coming up with a sound this layered and weird. They’re the rare circa-2021 band who might remind you of Broadcast. In a press release, Ramani says, “‘BNR’ is an ode to my favorite colors. I had a weird obsession with those colors in winter 2018-2019 and felt like they would follow me around everywhere I went." 'BNR' also has a cool music video. Director Joe Mischo starts the clip off as a hallucinatory reverie, but he turns it sharply towards horror at the end. [via Stereogum]

Last year, Limerick poet/musician Sinead O’Brien released her debut EP, Drowning In Blessings. It was a unique work, a handful of songs featuring O’Brien’s sing-speak over spindly, post-punk guitars. It garnered O’Brien a bit of buzz overseas, and it left you wondering where she might take her music from there. Now, O’Brien’s back with a new song called 'Kid Stuff.' “‘Kid Stuff’ shows up all different tones on different days,” O’Brien said in a statement. “There’s something alive in it which cannot be caught or told. It is direct but complex; it contains chapters. This feels like our purest and most succinct expression yet.” Like Drowning In Blessings, 'Kid Stuff' found O’Brien working with Speedy Wunderground mastermind Dan Carey. Musically, it hints at a level up moment for O’Brien. There was something alluring and jagged about Drowning In Blessings, but 'Kid Stuff' places her usual approach over a song that is surprisingly groovy — maybe even a little danceable. It comes with a video directed by Saskia Dixie. [via Stereogum]

Das Beat are made up of German actress and vocalist Eddie Rabenberger and Agor of Blue Hawaii. The pair have just shared their first single 'Bubble' online now and are set to release their debut EP Identität on June 4 via Arbutus Records. Born in Berlin during 2020’s legendary lockdown, Das Beat seeks to blast both boredom and boundary. Dabbling in German New Wave, Italo Disco, Indie & Dance, their sound is unified by vocals from Eddie Rabenberger, sung in German and English. Amidst playful lyrics one finds a strong underlying pulse (das “beat”), pinning down the duo’s meandering atmospherics, dreamy synths, guitars and percussion. The duo is half-Canadian and half-German. Agor (of Blue Hawaii), moved to Berlin from Montreal in 2018. Eddie is a theatre actress originally hailing from a small town in Bavaria. Together they find a strange but alluring symbiosis - like Giorgio Moroder meets Nico, or Gina X Performance meets The Prodigy.

St. Vincent has fully embraced the ’70s aesthetic for her retro-sounding new record, Daddy’s Home. Now, she’s diving headlong into the animation styles of the era with the video for 'The Melting of the Sun'. Presented as a “betamax deluxe release” rip from “Candy’s Music Video Archives,” the clip blends live action shots of St. Vincent herself with the wavy, intermittent animation frames any Schoolhouse Rock student is familiar with. The psychedelic lines fit a song called 'The Melting of the Sun' perfectly, as do the drawings of the legends mentioned in the song’s lyrics like Nina Simone, Joni Mitchell, and Tori Amos. St. Vincent co-directed the clip with Bill Benz, while Chris McD provided the animation. [via Consequence]

Bay Area slowcore trio Sour Widows have released a new single, 'Bathroom Stall,' from their forthcoming EP Crossing Over, which they announced last month with its title track. The song’s build-up is subtle and poignant like Sufjan Stevens, but Maia Sinaiko’s evocative, sweeping vocals are one-of-a-kind, and the lyrics are graphic and tragic: “Do you remember it like I do?/ Your lips turned blue I had my fingers in your mouth/ And I couldn’t get them out.” Sinaiko said of the song: "This song is about a relationship I had with someone who struggled with addiction, who very tragically passed away three years ago while we were together. It’s about some moments we shared, and how it feels to walk around carrying that person and those experiences with me while the world stays normal. I wrote the song because I wanted to preserve and document what happened to me. to write out the scary stuff and just let it sit there forever. I think its funny that its called 'Bathroom Stall' and that it has that image in it: the song goes from heavy and dark to ordinary and totally pedestrian in a sentence, which feels absurd. And that’s kind of what it’s like to grieve. That’s kind of what’s hard to explain about grief, how absurd it is. Part of you goes to a different planet and part of you stays walking around like an alien on Earth, going to the bathroom and looking at the moon and shit." [via Stereogum]

As JUNO-nominated singer Kandle Osborne prepares to launch her new project, Set The Fire this spring, she shares the album’s third single, 'Misty Morning.' From being penned on a napkin while abroad to a Vancouver studio, 'Misty Morning' is a sonic journey that echoes soulful vulnerability and an honest reflection of realizing true love. For the video, Kandle reconnects with 'Honey Trap' director, Brandon William Fletcher, to create classic 40s noir-inspired cine-magic, filmed along the Vancouver coastline and within the lush landscape of Stanley Park. Kandle says: “‘Misty Morning’ is my first real love song, captured on a napkin while in Ischia, Italy when I was truly happy. My songwriting usually comes from a place of turmoil and catharsis, but this was simply a snapshot of a perfect, vulnerable moment. In recording it, I wanted to hide behind lush orchestration, but my producer/ best friend Michael Rendall had other ideas. He wanted to strip it down to just piano & a single vocal to take me out of my comfort zone and re-capture the open-hearted feelings I had while writing it. The song and the recording both hold for me a time when I dropped my guard for pure authentic love in spite of all my flaws and failures. In that moment, I felt my true value as a whole person for the first time.”

On 'Vertigo,' Alice Merton’s first single of 2021, the 27-year-old describes the long road from uncertainty back to self-confidence. It emphasizes the unrest that seizes her again and again, the thought: “Why can’t I just let it go?” These contradicting thoughts and emotions that are so familiar to all of us sum up to an overwhelmingly positive effect - 'Vertigo' leaves you empowered rather than anxious: A powerful indie pop arrangement with distorted guitars, plus Alice Merton’s crystal-clear voice. The result is reminiscent of the British Invasion, with no air of self-doubt. With its energetic live qualities, 'Vertigo' feeds an appetite for summer festivals and concerts that will definitely return at some point. Largely responsible for this is the Canadian producer Koz, a multiple Grammy nominee, who has worked with Dua Lipa ('Physical') among others. Here, too, he adds on to what has already made Alice Merton stand out from the crowd in the past - her classic pop appeal - with an uncompromising and indie attitude. This enables Alice to take another big step: She equally encourages a shaken generation and herself that there will be easy summers again. That you can dance again and lie in each other's arms. That it is absolutely fine to have many facets, to not always be clear, and that strength and weakness are not mutually exclusive.

Canadian artist Olivia Lunny's new release 'Sad To See You Happy' is a shamelessly poppy track centering an acutely relatable break-up narrative. The Canadian artist follows up her breakthrough success with a bouncy cut to soundtrack 2021’s long-awaited spring. There's a relatable tale of break-up at the heart of the gloriously poppy new single, belied by percussive instrumentation that creates a warm, nostalgic feel. [via Line Of Best Fit]

After sharing the single last month, Charlotte Adigéry is now revealing the brand new video for ‘Bear With Me (and I’ll stand bare before you)’. The first new music since her 2019 debut EP Zandoli, Charlotte says of the video, “The video is about being confined thus confronted to the way we live. The cruel irony of having the privilege of standing still, questioning and observing my life in all safety while others are fighting for theirs. On the other hand, the video is about trying to stay sane while feeling that the walls are closing in on you. Embracing boredom and finding joy in the little things in life.” Director Alice Kunisue adds, “When I listened to Charlotte’s song and what it meant for her and Bolis, I wanted the video to visually encapsulate that feeling of being stuck inside and confronted to our deeper selves while paradoxically sensing the chaos going on in the outside world without being able to do anything about it. Choosing to film an apartment room from one single angle was a way to reflect that narrowness of thought that we all experienced, but also a constraint that allowed us to explore and develop visual ideas within a narrow system, in a way having to think only inside the box, which artistically was a fun challenge.” [via DIY]

Millie Turner has shared a video for ‘Concrete Tragedy’. It’s a cut from her upcoming mini-album Eye Of The Storm, set for release on May 16, which also features a rework of breakout song ‘(Breathe) Underwater’. “This video is a visual representation of dancing on your own,” she says of the clip. “Combining the many parts of who we are when we’re by ourselves, I wanted it to feel like you’re entering a world of imagination that comes alive when we express ourselves.” [via Dork]

Doja Cat and SZA have come together for a new single called 'Kiss Me More.' When the song was announced Wednesday night, the internet flipped out, which is to be expected with these two — especially Doja Cat, who is regularly going viral these days for all kinds of reasons. When it comes to collaborations, she always finds the best people. That includes Saweetie, who appeared on Doja’s recent 'Best Friend' but then claimed that it was released against her wishes. Given SZA’s long history of public frustration over TDE Records holding back her new album, she is probably happy to have any new music out. Despite recent single 'Good Days' hitting the top 10, her restless fanbase is still awaiting a follow-up to 2017’s iconic Ctrl. 'Kiss Me More' is the first single from Doja’s new album Planet Her, scheduled for release this summer. It returns to the disco vibes of Doja’s #1 hit 'Say So,' this time with no apparent resemblance to any Skylar Spence song. [via Stereogum]

#videos of the week #wallice #kita #dance lessons #laurel smith #laica #emily c. browning #holly humberstone #crumb #st. vincent #sour widows #kandle #alice merton #olivia lunny #charlotte adigery #millie turner #doja cat #sza

[wistfulcynic]

What was your favorite part of Moonlight and what were you thinking when you wrote this, my favorite part?

Henry Jones wasn’t quite the same person as Henry Mills or even Henry Swan. Henry Mills was a wide-eyed boy, clinging to hope and belief as his only weapons against the dark curse that surrounded him, Henry Swan was a normal New Yorker. Henry Jones, though, he was a pirate’s son, raised to the cusp of adulthood by a clever and dangerous man, taught by him the knack of survival and perseverance when all the power and all the odds were arrayed against him. Henry Jones was a risk taker with no patience for bullshit who would do whatever was necessary to save the people he loved, just like his dad. Henry Jones could infiltrate this school and this town and gather the intel they needed to break the curse. He grinned to himself. Henry Jones looked forward to the challenge.

Oh, this is a fantastic question and also very difficult because I love so much about Their Way By Moonlight. It was a labour of love from beginning to end. 

One of my favourite elements of it is Killian in the Land Without Magic. I just love the idea of him learning to adapt to it and finding some things he completely loves and others he finds ridiculous. I definitely am one of those who believes that he would catch on pretty quickly to most things--he’s smart and adaptable and he would read the instruction manuals. But I also think there are some things he would have no use for or see the point of. 

I also loved writing canon CS in a functional, committed relationship that didn’t include any of the elements of S5 or S6. In Moonlight they love each other deeply and support each other completely but they also argue and butt heads because they have different outlooks and strategies. I loved writing Emma insisting on going charging into Storybrooke when they discover the new curse, and Killian telling her she’s being rash and hasty but knowing he can’t stop her. So instead he just insists that she be as prepared as possible before she goes, and gives her the key that ends up breaking the memory curse on her. Then after that she actually starts listening to him and following his strategies, because she’s learned that he is usually right about some things and her gut instincts aren’t always the best guides for action. While he continues with his absolute faith in her and her abilities that gives her the confidence she needs. They are genuine partners who learn from each other and work together and trust the other absolutely and I just love that so much. 

The final thing I love is the backstory with Killian and Oisín and Neverland. I love their complicated relationship and how it balances respect and genuine affection with an almost complete lack of trust and a 100% necessary betrayal that hurts them both but that they can ultimately move past. I love how Oisín is honourable in his own way but also kind of a dick, and I love the idea of Neverland being a more complex and interesting place than what we saw in the show, because I honestly cannot get behind the idea that Killian spent 300 years sailing in circles around the same small island, occasionally coming ashore to stomp angstily through jungle and lose crewmen in the Echo Caves. So I gave him other things to do, and other potential allies besides Pan. 

As for the bit you quoted, it comes from something I’ve believed since I read it first in Anne of Green Gables--that names are incredibly important. Anne insisted on having her name spelled with an -e because she couldn’t make herself feel like an “Ann”. As someone with a common name, I related to that *hard*-- so much that I changed the spelling of my name when I was 16. It used to be Sarah, but Saira was who I discovered that I preferred to be, and she’s a very different person to who Sarah was. So when I was writing Henry and thinking about his various surnames it just seemed right that he would have a different image of himself with each one. And also I wanted to show the influence Killian had on him, how he had really become a true father figure to Henry--because the Captain Cobra was of course a huge element of this fic, and to properly do it justice it couldn’t be just from Killian’s side. Killian and Henry were left alone with only each other when they barely had a relationship but they forged one together, and grew to love each other because they chose to. The main reason for that was because Killian saw Henry as a person and not just as a kid, and treated him with respect while also setting the boundaries that kids need--not because he had any clue what kids need but because that’s how he ran his ship and handled his crew. He treated Henry as a crewmate without presuming anything about what their stepfather/stepson relationship should be, and as a result Henry came to respect him to the point where he wanted to emulate him and really took to heart the things Killian had to teach him. And that’s what we see demonstrated in his ideas about himself and his identity with Killian’s surname. 

SORRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT. If you don't want WALLS OF TEXT don't ask me about Moonlight!! 

(though if for some reason you enjoy WALLS OF TEXT then by all means, bring on the Moonlight questions!!) 

-

fanfic writer Friday, chaps! Come and ask me anything! 

#fanfic friday #asked and answered #kmomof4 #profdanglaisstuff

[i-loves-my-lemurs]

Fanfic writer's director's commentary! Thanks to @candycoloredwolf for the ask! I chose to talk about my first panchulien oneshot 'Wanna Dance?'. I wrote it in a single night on impulse so there's a few grammar mistakes and other stuff I noticed upon revisiting it.

I probably went way overboard on my commentary (oops) but it was so much fun going through it all. I hope this is entertaining.

.............

*the crocodile ambassador gave him an unusually soft smile.*

After everything that's happened in the show, I feel like the croc ambassador would have warmed up to Julien quite a bit and come to respect him as a leader. Also he's trying to butter Julien up before complaining about one of his subjects.

*provided they were on their best behaviour. It had said on the invitation that it was a 'sophisticated' event, so Maurice had managed to wrangle all of the lemurs into formal wear, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, dancing in pairs to the soft music*

Man, I just love it when characters dress up in fancy outfits and go dancing together (like in the prom episode). One of my favourite tropes in fact, so I just had to throw it in there!

*but still all this fancy partnered dancing wasn't entirely to the ringtail's taste.*

As much as I like the formal dancing stuff, it wouldn't be something Julien would enjoy, so he's already looking for an excuse to bounce and throw his own afterparty. He's only stayed so far to try and be polite and improve relations between their kingdoms or something else that Maurice told him to do.

*Clover, Sage and the rest of the mountain lemur kingdom was there, and the king and queen were happily sharing a waltz. Maurice was dancing with his sister while Prince Brodney was teaching their children the steps*

This takes place after the show's finale, but without the inclusion of the zoosters, so sort of like a parallel universe? Where Julien and Clover are monarchs together, which I think is neat. Also People tend to forget that Maurice has a sister, myself included really, and I kinda wish they'd had more cute bonding moments, so I gave then a brother/sister dance.

*even Pancho was leaning against a tree*

Aside from the main squad (excluding Mort of course) Pancho is the only minor lemur that Julien really mentions here. Almost like he was looking for him specifically. Hmmm....

*He caught Julien's eye and winked. Julien chuckled fondly.*

Casual flirt.

*"I do have a minor issue with the behaviour of one of your, ahem, subjects*

That little cough just feels like something the croc ambassador would do when he's embarrassed, or to sound authoritative, so he did.

*Julien tore his eyes away from Pancho*

"Tore his eyes away" almost like he didnt want to look away. Hmmm...

*The anxious lemur was currently giggling as he twirled his new boyfriend around*

Ah, I just want Willie to be happy and have a good time with his bf. He deserves to laugh more. New boyfriend infers that they're in the early stages of their relationship, so they're just messing around being silly and cute and having fun together.

*but Horst and Mary Ann weren't doing much better.*

Horst and Mary Ann deserve a nice romantic dance. It would be pretty awkward because she's twice his size and can only really walk on all fours, but they don't even care. They just cut their own path through the dance floor and ignore everyone else, no matter how annoyed the other dancers are because they keep getting in the way.

*"Well, they're both males!" He said. "It's completely unnatural, wouldn't you agree?"*

Oof, the croc ambassador wants that snooty monarch solidarity with Julien since he's the most popular king in Madagascar, but that ain't happening any time soon. Not with that attitude!

*Julien was lost for words. He had known ever since he was young that he liked boys. Every male in the kingdom liked boys! In fact, it was considered a little unusual if you WEREN'T interested in the same gender.*

I like the idea that homosexuality is just the norm in the party kingdom, kinda like She-Ra. People are just gay and nobody thinks anything of it and coming out is celebrated. Julien doesn't care if you're gay or straight though, he just cares for his peeps and wants them to love who they love.

*whatever their genders were*

A subtle difference between Julien and the croc ambassador, Julien says 'genders' while croc ambassador says 'sexes' because Julien is more open to the idea of gender not being confined to biology.

*Julien took a few deep breaths and tried desperately to not get angry.

"What's the problem man, they're just dancing." He remarked in what he hoped was a neutral tone.*

Julien tries to keep his cool here, a bit of his character development showing. He now knows that everything doesnt have to be a scene, so keeps his temper. It's also kind of to protect Willie and his partner though. He knows they're having a good time and he doesn't want to bring to their attention that their host doesn't like what they're doing, because he knows they'll be upset.

 *"rather not have it ruined by such atrocities being committed!"*

And this was the point where I started to hate the croc ambassador too while writing.

*"Oh, hey Julio." Pancho smiled at him. "I was just gonna-"*

Pancho was just gonna say that he was bored with the party and wanted to leave. He would have asked if Julien wanted to come with (he could tell Julio was getting bored and he couldn't have THAT), which would have been a different fanfiction entirely.

*"Wanna dance?" Julien said.*

I honestly can't remember if I thought of the title or this line first.

*He considered sticking his tongue out at the reptile's back, but ultimately decided that such a juvenile display wasn't the best way to get his point across.*

Again, character development. Julien has matured (a little) and realised that there are better, more fulfilling ways of getting revenge.

*"OK." Pancho said with a shrug, and slid his paw over to Julien's waist,*

Once Pancho can mentally catch up with what's going on, he rolls with it. In fact, he sorta likes the idea of dancing with Julien, and had been trying to gather the courage to ask him for most of the night. I wonder why...

*As they danced though, he began to feel his attention drawn to a different place: how smooth Pancho was on the dance floor,*

We all know Julien's attention span is not great, so there's no way he's going to be able to stay angry when he's too busy being distracted by Pancho's smoothness.

*He raised an eyebrow. "You just couldn't resist?"*

Not entirely subtle flirt.

*"But you know, you're not a bad pick." He patted Pancho on the arm.*

Not entirely subtle either flirt.

*"Abner over there's been missing steps and stumbling all night!" He glanced over at Abner and his wife with a small frown.*

Poor Abner, he's the one getting picked on tonight. Bit of a running gag here.

*Pancho's eyes widened and he instinctively pulled Julien closer, whether it was to shield him or to further prove the point, Julien couldn't tell, but the ringtail wasn't complaining.*

Pancho does pull Julien closer on instinct to protect him, he knows how badly homophobia would hurt Julien's feelings. Julien is just loving it though. He was more angry for Willie's sake than hurt anyways.

*"But us lemurs dance with guys all the time!" Pancho exclaimed. "I've seen you kiss four different guys at a party once! What's his problem?"

"That's what I'm saying, wait I did what?"*

Even if they weren't a couple, dancing together is just something the males would do. They're that casual. And of course Julien would go around kissing everybody at his parties when he gets drunk enough. Poor Julien doesnt remember half of what he does at parties though.

*"Oh no, I don't mind." Pancho remarked, then cleared his throat awkwardly, looking away.*

Awkward silence much? Internally Pancho is just screaming *why did you say that?!" because he doesn't know how to handle his feelings right now, especially not with Julien so close.

(For any other ballroom dance enthusiasts, what they're dancing would be a mix between a waltz and a slow dance. Like a casual, less fancy waltz that's quite easy for them to get the hang of, but still quite romantic and personal).

*"You know Julio, I don't think he's gonna notice." Pancho remarked.*

But eventually Pancho plucks up the courage. They're already dancing, he tells himself. And Julien just wants to make the crocodile ambassador mad. Julien kisses people platonically all the time so he won't question it. If he doesnt like it, say you were doing it to piss off the crocodiles. And if he does like it... well...

*"Well, I had an idea." Pancho was avoiding his gaze again."*

He's still nervous of course, but he's made up his mind. It's all or nothing, baby!

*"Lay it on me." Julien said.*

And he does! Literally!

*And holy Sky Gods.*

I was tempted to have this line be 'holy crap' or 'holy sh*t' because that's what I would say idk but holy sky gods just works better for the show's lore, and allows the story to keep a G rating.

*All thoughts of spiting the crocodile ambassador had been fully driven from his mind*

Julien just gets so caught up in the moment, he's all "what crocodile ambassador?" he just wants to keep kissing.

*Julien stroked his paw through Pancho's soft fur and deepened their kiss.*

I imagine Pancho's fur would be very soft, he's always playing around with explosives so he's bound to get his fur burnt off every now and then, and it grows back softer.

This was the first time I wrote the lemurs kissing, so it's not the most explicit thing in the world. I probably couldn't write an explicit kiss scene to save my life though.

*"Hoo-ah." Pancho sighed softly.*

Hoo-ah" is exactly what Pancho would say after having his mind blown by a kiss like that. Just no thoughts, head Julien.

*"Yeah, crocodile ambassador certainly thinks so." Pancho said, a wild grin overcoming his face*

Heh heh, Pancho's happy because he just got to kiss his crush (and he liked it!) But also because he can see the croc ambassador is pissed and he loves the opportunity to mess.

*some looking angry, some looking intrigued*

Some of the crocs are intrigued because they've never been able to be open about who they are or experiment because of compulsory heterosexuality in their kingdom. Seeing two guys just being so open about their attraction to each other would definitely help them rethink things. They've never seen gay love expressed like this and it's new and exciting.

*Julien's face broke out into an ecstatic grin.

"Yeah that's right!" He called wildly. "I kissed a guy! At your party! Boom, I like kissing guys! Ha, suck on that loser! Woohoo!"*

Oh the sweet triumph of proving a point. This rant was a joy to write, it just feels very Julien.

*He grabbed Pancho's hand and held it up.*

Grab your boyfriend's hand, hold it aloft like a prize.

*"I'm like ninety percent sure Ted likes kissing guys!"*

Haha, poor Teddy needs to be extracted from the closet, pronto. Julien just has an excellent gaydar.

* and tucked a protective arm around his daughter's shoulders, turning her away from Julien.*

I imagine princess Amy would have some questions after this, questions which her father would definitley struggle to answer. If she really wants to find out what Pancho and Julien were doing, I imagine she'd visit the party kingdom alone, and the lemurs would be happy to answer her questions. Pancho and Julien may have ushered in a new era for the crocodile kingdom and their relationship with LGBT+.

*There came a cheer from the crowd of lemurs and they all began to head off the dance floor*

Of course the other lemurs go with Julien immediately, he's their king after all and the moment he suggests that someone might not be cool with their sexualities, they're ready to bounce.

*Clover and Sage at the front hand in hand,*

Clover and Sage would definitley be behind Julien 100%. The moment he declares that they're out of there, they just drop everything to leave with him.

*some mountain lemur ladies holding hands too.*

Mountain lemur lesbians? Anyone? I just think it's neat.

*"You read my mind, Julio."

Julien pulled Pancho towards him and tried to ignore how it felt like there was a little party going on in his stomach when Pancho called him that.*

Julien really likes that name! I see it as an affectionate nickname Pancho gave him that eventually just evolves into a pet name that makes Julien a little warm and fuzzy inside every time he hears it.

*Julien's heart leapt with joy to see Willie clutching his boyfriend's hands as they danced.*

Daaaww, Julien might pick on Willie but at the end of the day he likes to see him happy. He's glad they don't have to stay at a party where their dancing is scrutinised.

*Pancho rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as they stood face to face. "I'm sorry about kissing you, I just-"*

Now that there's some distance between them, Pancho has had time to think and wonder "oh sheesh, what if I messed it up, what if he only felt like it was platonic" and he's now all embarrassed, poor leem. He's just a guy in love.

*He nodded, then cleared his throat in an attempt to get a grip on his emotions. "You know, um, while we were dancing*

And now we see Julien trying to hold it together, these two are just so precious and I can totally see them stumbling over their feelings like that.

*kissed Pancho on the forehead, giggling slightly at the other lemur's squeak of surprise.*

Pancho is the perfect height for affectionate forehead kisses, let's not forget it!

*Pancho and Julien headed onto the dancefloor together and moved their bodies to the beat.*

They would have spent the night together just dancing and vibing (and making out probably).

*Nobody there who gave them the stink-eye or who told them that they were wrong. They danced and had fun and kissed without a care in the world. Julien felt so happy that his kingdom was a place where he could kiss Pancho all he liked.*

Ah I really went to town on the "love is love" concept here, didn't I? Well, a theme is a theme.

Julien's just really happy at the place he's created. He's glad they can dance and kiss and all that jazz, and he did that, he created a kingdom free of prejudice. It's exactly how I can see the kingdom's relationship with LGBT+ going down, a place where they're all just happy to vibe and be themselves.

.........

And that's the end. I hope you enjoyed this premium insight into my writings, and if you want commentary on another of my stories, or just have random questions, then my inbox is always open :)

#ask post #fanfic commentary #ahkj fanfiction #homophobia mention

[winterune]

Dance with Me

A Persona 5 Fanfiction

Something I wrote for @shuannweek Day 5 prompts: Dance/Partners

Word count: 4212

A/N: A historical fantasy AU where Ann is the daughter of famous tailors and Ren is the son of a prominent government figure. 

Also available on AO3.

~*~*~*~*~

What was she doing here?

Ann stifled a yawn and plastered a smile on her face at the person she was talking to—the son of some important government figure. He had the same smile on his face all throughout their lengthy, pointless conversation. All he had talked about were his father’s position, his family’s prominence, his achievements. Not that Ann cared about any of those. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and handsome. The kind of guy that would be the talk of the town and the sole subject of affection of many of the noble young ladies in the kingdom.

Business. That was what her father had said. These social events were the same as business. Meet the right people, make the right connections. “And mind your manners, Ann,” he had said before he sent her off.

Music played in the background and couples were dancing to it at the center of the huge room. Ann had been invited to a ball held by one of her peers for her birthday, Erika. They weren’t close. Not at all. In fact, Ann was probably among the people she had blacklisted. But their families were business acquaintances, and even smug Erika had to get down her high horse because this was as much of a business to her as this was to Ann.

“What’s wrong, Ann?”

The question brought her mind back to the present and like an automatic switch, Ann looked at her partner with a smile and said, “Oh, nothing. What was it you were saying?”

Partner. Ann almost winced at herself for referring to him as her partner. He wasn’t. He was only someone she met at the party, who had gotten up to her the moment she stepped foot in that golden ballroom and asked her to dance. She had indulged him in it—her father’s words kept repeating in her head: mind your manners—and had thought that that would be it, but it had  been over half an hour and still he wouldn’t let her go out of his sight.

Ann hoped her smile wasn’t strained. And this boy—she had even forgotten what his name was—didn’t even seem interested in her as a person.

Business, she had to remind herself. People were doing business here. Either they were trying to sell themselves and their families, or they were trying to grovel. Fake flatteries.

Light spilled from the crystalline chandelier hanging from high above and the countless lamps on the walls all around. It reflected off the marble floors and brass handles on the doors and ceiling-to-floor windows, painting the room in a golden hue. On one end was the door leading to the hallway outside, and on the other was a set of stairs spreading wide at the bottom like a lady’s skirt. A mansion fit for the kings and queens, indeed.

Ann found her eyes straying to the side of the room, where a buffet table stood with all sorts of dishes ranging from chicken dipped in honey, steak with various flavored sauce, creamy pasta, grilled seafood, and a variety kind of salad, juice, and desert.

Mind your manners.

Not that she could eat a lot, what’s with her dress being too tight and she couldn’t even breathe properly.

“Your mind seems to stray quite frequently tonight,” the boy before her said again

“Hm?” Internally shaking herself, she looked up at him with that automatic smile. The music ended, and the couples bowed or curtsied to one another before dispersing in a rustle of clothes.

“Do I bore you?”

Her height was one of the things she prided herself on, and with her high heels, she was easily one of the taller girls present. But still, the top of her head only reached the boy’s cheek. Brown hair framed his face, his eyes a deep shade of ebony. Ann could see how the girls would fall head over heels in love with him.

But now there was a hint of a frown in his eternally charming face and a red warning flashed in her mind.

“Of course not—”

Before she could finish her sentence, however, an elderly man appeared on his side. He looked to be a personal attendant and he murmured the boy’s name quietly. Haruhiko. Right, that was the name she had forgotten. She couldn’t make out what he was saying, but, after a moment or so, Haruhiko frowned, and he turned to her with dejection in his eyes.

“Forgive me, my Lady, I have something I must attend to,” he said.

Ann sighed internally. She had braced herself for something worse, only to stiffen again when he suddenly took her hand and brought her fingers to his lips. A gentle brush that probably should have sent butterflies fluttering in her stomach, but no. No! Ann tried not to jerk her hand back as she gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I hope we will meet again before the night ends.”

Ann nodded stiffly. “I hope we will.”

That winning smile again. She could almost hear the girls around her sigh.

Haruhiko let go of her hand, then with a bow, he turned on his heels and followed his attendant through the throng of finely dressed people in bowtie and suits or dresses and evening gowns.

Ann let out a relieved sigh. Finally, she was free.

She looked around and wondered where she should go when her stomach rumbled, asking for food. She hadn’t had dinner. Her eyes found the buffet table again and those honey-dipped chicken made her mouth water.

As she was heading toward it, however, she could feel the glaring daggers thrown her way. Girls—their animosity as clear as daylight at how much of Haruhiko’s time Ann had monopolized. As though it had been her conscious choice to waste half an hour listening to a narcissist talking about himself.

God, she wanted to get out of here! 

Music had begun to play again and couples had taken the center space to a different waltz.

Maybe she should leave. No one would notice. No one would mind. Right?

She had reached the buffet and instead of filling her plate with chicken and pasta, she moved over to the dessert section and was stacking cake after cake before she caught herself and realized she’d taken too much.

“I saw that,” a voice, quiet and soft, murmured in her ear. Ann jumped in surprise and turned around in instinct, an excuse or another ready in her lips, only to find a snicker on a familiar face—Ren, dressed in a black jacket over a white shirt and bow tie, his deep grey eyes were laughing behind his black-rimmed glasses, his hair still looked unruly even in a social event such as this.

“Ren!” she hissed.

The smirk only grew wider. “I hope we’ll meet again before the night ends,” he copied Haruhiko’s words and brought Ann’s free hand to his lips, only to stop short and grin. “How’s that for an imitation?”

She should have expected to find him here. He came from another important family in the kingdom, one that would never have escaped Erika’s family’s radar. But Ren was not a party-person, and he hadn’t said anything about attending the ball, even though Ann had complained to him countless times how her parents were practically forcing her to go. Her surprise in seeing him, topped with this unexpected gesture of almost kissing her hand, was enough to make her mind go blank, but instead of a repulsion, Ann felt her stomach knotting and her heartbeat growing unnaturally faster, thudding hard against her ribcage. 

It took her a while to realize that Ren was teasing her. She pulled her hand back and looked away, trying to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks.

“You don’t sound like him at all,” she said, and cursed herself for sounding so shaky. She needed...she needed to take a deep breath and calm her heart.

But Ren peered into her eyes and the sudden proximity to his face made her take a step back. “Are you blushing?”

“Of course not.”

A pause, a flicker of emotion passing through his eyes, so quick to disappear before Ann had the chance to register it. He leaned back on his heels. “Were you still too enraptured by Haruhiko’s beauty to form a coherence thought, then?”

“Wha—?” Ann balked. She looked up at him and couldn’t even begin to understand if she wanted to laugh or to scowl. The idea was too stupid, too incredulous that she didn’t know what to say. “Enraptured? Me?” She couldn’t help the scoff.

Ren plucked a strawberry from the cakes on her plate and plopped it into his mouth. Ann frowned at him. “Well, that’s all right then,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

Ren shrugged.

“You’re not making any sense, Ren.” Ren went to pick a cherry from her plate, and she slapped his hand away. “Go grab your own cake!” He grinned at her. Ann looked away and sliced her chocolate cake with a fork and brought it to her mouth. “Anyway, eavesdropping is not very gentlemanly.”

Ren laughed. “I wouldn’t call that eavesdropping when half the floor had their eyes on you,” he said.

She glanced at him at that, wondering if there was any meaning hidden behind it, but she shook her head, because that was preposterous. There was no way Ren would see her like that. 

“I guess,” she began, “every mother with a daughter wants him for a son-in-law.” Social standing and reputation—she never understood why these two mattered so much. “I don’t like him, though,” she muttered, scooping more cake into her mouth.

Another pause, before Ren asked, “Why?”

“All he talked about was himself, as if that’s all that mattered in the world.”

“Well, he is the Prime Minister’s son,” Ren offered. Ann scoffed. “And the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom.”

She looked sideways at him. “What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t know,” he said, “maybe, how that kind of person was captivated by you the entire night?”

Ann frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

But Ren only shrugged and didn’t give any more comments. She watched his eyes stray over to the dancing couples on the floor and Ann didn’t understand why but a strange heaviness lodged itself in her chest. A sort of heaviness that made it hard to breathe. Ann gritted her teeth and set her jaws as she finished her dessert in angry bites and filled her plate with more pudding and cake.

Ren noticed it and snickered. “You’ll get sick eating that much sugar,” he said. She wolfed them down without listening to him. “Slow down or you’ll get indigestion.” Let her get indigestion. Maybe then this heaviness would go away.

An attendant passed by them with a tray full of glasses filled with translucent yellow cocktail and Ren swiped a couple of them. “Here,” he said, offering one to her.

She looked at it, then at his face, and even though she was still upset, the smile he had was so soft, so warm, that her heart couldn’t help but make a little skip. 

Smooth. This boy was too smooth. A mundane, normal gesture he had done countless times. He was her friend. They had known each other for years and she had always felt safe around him. Yet lately, every time she saw that easy smile and the crinkle in his eyes, her stomach would do a little flip-flop and she didn’t know what to do with herself. 

Ann gulped down the cake and cream in her mouth and accepted the drink from him. “Thanks,” she murmured.

As she brought the glass to her lips, she noticed him cocking his head from the corner of her eyes. “You’ve got something there,” he said, before his fingers moved and she felt its warmth against her skin, gently swiping at a stray cream from the corner of her mouth.

Ann’s hands stilled, her heart beating a mile a minute. Heat spread up her neck, her face, and ears. However, Ren only wiped his fingers on a napkin he found on the buffet table, as though he had done nothing out of the ordinary. He noticed her stare and Ann immediately looked away.

“I—I—” Ann cursed herself internally at the stutter. She cleared her throat. “I’m going to get some air.”

It wasn’t an invitation. Not in the least. In fact, she wanted to get away from him for a while. But Ren followed close behind her, easily catching up to take his place by her side.

“What are you doing?”

“It doesn’t bode well for a lady to be seen by herself.”

Ann scoffed. “Since when have you seen me as a lady?”

Again, that small sweet smile that made it impossible for her to look at him.

Ren didn’t seem like it, but he was still popular. Walking through the throng of people, she could still feel the furtive glances thrown at her—not as hostile as before, but still making her feel uncomfortable. She could just imagine how many girls would line up to get him to dance with them. 

And yet here he was, walking beside her. After monopolizing Haruhiko’s time, now she was monopolizing Ren’s time—the two most eligible bachelors in the kingdom. And Ann had to ask why she couldn’t make any friends. 

When they reached the open glass doors, the cool night air hit her face and brushed against the back of her neck beneath her updo hair. Finally, Ann felt like she could breathe. The door led to a wide veranda, with curving flights of stairs on both sides that led down to a flower garden below. It was lit by a myriad of little lights on the ground, like small stars amidst the bright yellows, reds, and whites. Far at the heart of the garden was a fountain; the sound of water trickling soothed her senses.

Ann leaned against the marble railings and looked up to the sky. Stars littered the vast inky blackness. A crescent moon hung in its lonesome, shining down upon them. Ann took a deep breath of the fresh night air. Her mind was finally at ease. She was free. 

Ren rested his elbows on the railing beside her. Taking a sip of his cocktail, he murmured, “Did you pick your own dress for tonight?”

Ann nodded, with a sip of her own drink. It was an off-the-shoulder ivory gown, with beautiful, intricate embroideries on the bodies and small little white jewels inlaid on the skirt. Courtesy of her mother.

“Good taste,” Ren said.

She glanced at him. Was he being sarcastic? Or was he being genuine? Usually, her mother would dictate how she should dress to events such as this, and Ren knew that. But knowing her mother, she would have forced Ann to wear something that would have made a statement—here was the daughter of the most sought-out tailors in the kingdom. Had she gone through with her mother’s wishes, Ann had no doubt she would have inspired Erika’s wrath. There was nothing that girl hated more than seeing someone outshine her. Ann wasn’t exaggerating when she thought it could have negatively impacted the relationship between their families.

“Thanks,” she said. “Though, Mom still had a say in it.” 

Ren chuckled. “Of course.” He raised his glass at her. “Considerate enough of you to think of birthday girl’s feelings.”

Ann frowned at the sarcasm in his tone. “You don’t sound happy with that.”

“Hey, you’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met but sometimes, I’d like to see a frown on Erika’s face when her perfect little world crumbles all around her just because you stole her show.”

She was tempted to laugh, because yes, Ann would love to see that too, given how mean Erika could be, but her mind had caught on the nonchalant way he called her beautiful and it made her stomach knot again. Her face threatened to break into a smile.

“Oh, but then again, you did monopolize Haruhiko for half an hour,” Ren went on. “That surely would have ruffled her feathers.”

The smile Ann had tried so hard to hide immediately turned to a frown. Haruhiko again, she thought. She had never met him before this night and yet for some reason, Ren wouldn’t let go of the fact that yes, she did spend some time with him because there was no way she could have refused when someone with a social standing such as him had asked her to dance.

“Why didn’t you come earlier then?” she asked, but her voice was too quiet for him to hear. She glared at him, only to find him drinking from his glass, looking straight at the fountain in the garden, not noticing her at all. Did she matter so little to him? Did thirty minutes of interaction really meant more than the years they had spent together?

“What about you though?” she asked, her voice clipped. That caught his attention.

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you also be forming connections with some important people?”

“What are you talking about?”

Ann’s frown deepened and she looked away, taking a huge gulp of her cocktail. “I mean, that’s probably why you’re here, right?” she said. “Your father probably sent you here to make connections with some important people. You wouldn’t have gone to such a party otherwise.” Because that was true. The only reason Ren was here was probably because his father had forced him to come. Not only once had she seen him being reprimanded by his father for not being more “social”. But, maybe that’s why she felt comfortable around him. Two people who felt out of place in a society that demanded a good standing and good connections.

“What’s gotten you so angry all of a sudden?”

“I’m not angry!” she snapped.

Ren tilted his head to the side, his eyes boring into the side of her head.

Stop it, Ann, her mind seemed to say. Stop it before you say anything you regret.

But she couldn’t stop. Her mouth had gotten a mind of its own.

“I mean, who am I? I’m a nobody. The only good thing I have are parents who make clothes for a living. But you? You’re the son of a minister with a good standing. Shouldn’t you be seeking out some important connections instead of spending time with me? Shouldn’t you be talking with Erika instead?”

The silence that followed her outburst was deafening, filled with tension so thick that it was almost suffocating. It was a moment or two later, when her chest was heaving and she was glaring into the far-off distance, that pain from her nails digging into her palms brought her back to her senses and she realized she hadn’t entirely meant everything that she had said. She almost turned to him, but an inherent fear of what she would find on his face rooted her to the spot.

Light spilled out from inside the ballroom where music still played and couples still danced. The chatters and laughter and giggles sounded so distant when all she could hear was the beating of her heart against her eardrums. She eyed the shadow to her right, Ren’s shadow, and waited for it to leave—for his footsteps to fall and his warmth to fade. But it never did, and instead, came his voice, quiet in the night, carried by the wind.

“You’re important to me, though.”

That made her pause. Did she hear right? Were her ears playing tricks on her again? She didn’t dare look to meet his eyes.

“Look at me, Ann.” She wouldn’t. She didn’t want to. But Ren was touching the crook of her elbow and, softly, he said it again. “Look at me.”

She turned on her heels but kept her eyes trained on the ground. She could feel his stare and she wondered what kind of expression he had on his face.

“Ann—” She jerked at his voice. A pause before he said again, quietly, “Do you wanna go somewhere?”

“What?” The question had taken her off guard that she instinctively looked up at his face, and what she saw wasn’t indignation or hurt. He wore a mischievous grin, the ones she would see every time he came to see her at the park.

He nodded toward the stairs behind him. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s leave this place.”

Ann looked at those stairs. It would lead them down to the garden, and also around the mansion to the gate at the front. They would be able to leave without anyone noticing and asking questions.

Ren was holding out his hand, waiting for her to take it. An invitation. She could refuse him. She could go back. Her parents wouldn’t want her to leave so early anyway. But then she saw the smile in his eyes, and she couldn’t look away.

Ann left her glass at the veranda as she took Ren’s hand and followed him out.

***

They took her carriage and went to the park by the river. It was quiet and deserted at this time of night. The air was so still, occasionally broken by the sounds of crickets in the thickets. Neither of them had spoken since they left Erika’s mansion, lost in their own thoughts, but Ren had kept his hand on hers, holding it tight with no intention of letting go.

She followed him silently, their footsteps matching in rhythm as they walked down the pavement between the trees and the grass, their path lit by the streetlights on either side. In the silence, she spoke:

“Sorry I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“No,” Ren began, his voice too quiet, too hoarse. He cleared his throat. “No, I’m sorry. I guess I went too far with my teasing.”

“Yes, you did.”

His only reply was a quiet derisive laugh. Ren tightened his hold on her hand. “Sorry, I was being petty.”

“Petty?”

She looked up at him at the same moment he glanced down at her. The unexpected meeting of their eyes, added with the proximity of their bodies, the warmth from their linked hands, and the memory of what had led to this sudden moonlit stroll made the heat go into her head and Ann instinctively looked away.

Ren chuckled under his breath. “It honestly perplexes me how you fail to see how I have always felt about you.”

Her ears pricked at that.

“Have you never wondered the reason why I stay by your side?” he went on. “Or why I’d hold your hand in mine?” He opened his palm, only to interlace his fingers with hers. She looked at it—at this new, intimate gesture that was enough to send her pulse racing.

“I’ve always wondered,” she said. “Have always wanted to know. I’ve written countless what-if scenarios in my head, but I never dared to dream.” She looked at him, and found him already staring back, and it made her want to smile. “Maybe I didn’t want to believe what I saw.”

They finally stopped and Ann recognized the place Ren had brought her to. The corridor of trees opened up to a massive clearing with a lit-up fountain at the center. Silver and gold, with the statue of a woman pouring water from a jar. There had been a festival all those years ago, with food stalls and music and dances. It was here where a boy with black unruly hair and smoky grey eyes came up to her and asked her to dance.

“It upset me when I saw someone you don’t even know kissed your hand like it was no big deal, when it took me seven years to even gather the courage to ask you for a stroll.” He brought their linked hands to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand.

It felt different—different from the time Haruhiko had kissed her hand. Whereas she had felt repulsed when Haruhiko’s lips had caressed her skin, Ann couldn’t even begin to describe what she was feeling now. The soft bangs that fell over his eyes, the face that had always looked so precious, and when he looked up, that sweet, sweet smile that always made her heart clench tight and soar at the same time. And the way he looked at her. It was that glimmer of emotion she had seen earlier, the ones she had seen countless times before that he always hid before she could make any sense of them.

It made her feel like she was the most precious thing in the world to him.

“Will you dance with me?” he asked.

She could hear it, then, the distant melody, the ghost of music from her far-off memory. It played in her mind and before she knew it, they were humming the same tune.

They smiled at each other and laughed under their breaths. He drew her close, his arm around her waist, as he pulled at her hand and led her into a dance. 

~ END ~

#ShuannWeek2k20 #shuann #ren amamiya #ann takamaki #persona 5 #persona #fanfiction #my fanfiction #my story #persona fanfic #p5 fanfic

[aspoonofsugar]

Kunikida was inflicted by Q’s ability?! That wasn’t in the anime! Is that woman he’s hallucinating about supposed to be Sasaki from the Azure King arc? You said that Q’s ability causes people to confront “the thing they refuse to accept about themselves.” In Kunikida’s case, would that be his inability to save everyone?—BSD Chat Anon

Hello BSD Chat anon! Incidentally I like many of your thoughts!

Yes, Kunikida is one of the victims of the Guild’s plan to destroy Yokohama and the woman he sees is indeed Sasaki!

Nothing happens to him because Dazai and the others restrain him, so that he won’t become dangerous, but it is clearly significant that he has hallucinations of her among all people.

Unluckily I have yet to read the novel (even if I saw the anime episodes which adapted it), so my thoughts on this can’t be very elaborated.

You have probably already seen this post because you follow @hamliet’s blog, but I have tagged it just in case and for people who might be interested in an analysis of her character.

When it comes to Kunikida, I think Sasaki’s death is something which hit him for several reasons and especially because it is a challenge to his own ideals.

As a matter of fact both Sasaki’s crimes and her death are a result of strong ideals. She committed crimes in order to live up to and to avenge his dead partner AKA the Azure King.

According to Sasaki, he was a man moved by strong and positive ideals, but society prevented him from realizing them in all their beauty and so Sasaki helped him break the law in order to turn them into reality.

However, their scheme resulted in both him and innocent policemen losing their lives. What is more, Sasaki herself ends up killed by one of the victims’ son.

It is important to highlight that by the time the novel is set Kunikida is close to become like the AK. As a matter of fact he too has lost some faith in institutions and this is why he has chosen to join an organization which operates in a gray area like the ADA. If Kunikida keeps pursuing his ideals without ever questioning them he might end up both hurting others and himself.

At the same time, the novel makes clear that his ideals are what prevents him from developing strong bonds with others especially when it comes to romantic relationships:

He has spent so much energy to create the image of a perfect partner, that he can’t accept anything different and this of course ends up working against him.

Interestingly, this is the opposite problem Dazai has:

As a matter of fact Dazai is implied to be a lady killer, but it is clear that he has superficial relationships with all his partners and he is probably just using them to feel less lonely.

In short, both Kunikida and Dazai end up lonely because they can’t approach others earnestly. Kunikida expects his potential relationships to be ideal, while Dazai expects them to be casual ones.

Going back to Sasaki, the story makes clear that Kunikida feels strongly attracted by her and that the attraction is mutual. However, Sasaki has started a path of self-destruction she can’t stop and Kunikida is not able to help her nor to understand her until it is too late. Maybe if he had tried to grow closer to her before he might have been able to figure out which kind of person she was and this could have led to a different outcome.

In other words, Sasaki embodies the darkest aspect of Kunikida’s ideals. Let us underline that Kunikida is painfully aware of this side of his idealism. For example, he knows he might have to compromise on it and to embrace ruthless methods:

This is something he probably realized after the police’s failure to capture the AK alive. In that operation some agents lost their lives and Kunikida ended up searching a new path by joining the ADA. After he joins he tries to follow in Fukuzawa’s footsteps and this means that it might be necessary to take extreme measures sometimes (for example, Fukuzawa tells him to kill Dazai if Dazai were to turn out to be a threath).

However, Sasaki’s death adds a new layer to his self-awareness because it shows him that not only idealism is complicated to put into practice, but also that it can be damaging.

It is not sure, but his experience with Sasaki might very well be why Kunikida, despite his strong beliefs in what is wrong and what is right, ends up hesitating when it counts the most:

Interestingly, in both the scenes above Atsushi is the one who does what Kunikida would really want to do and Kunikida ends up following Atsushi’s lead.

This might very well be because Kunikida finds himself stuck between two generations and two developmental stages.

On one hand there is Fukuzawa who has found a good equilibrium between ideals and pragmatism. Fukuzawa will act both for the greater good and to protect his loved ones and he has no hesitation in understanding when it is the case to do one thing or the other. For example, he immediately acts to save Atsushi, while Kunikida himself would like to do so, but hesitates because of the ADA’s general situation. Similarly he won’t let Mori take advantage on a traumatized girl, but is ready to work with him to save Yokohama.

On the other hand there is Atsushi who is willing to put his life at risk to save others. By following this strong instinct he has managed to save people and to pursue Kunikida’s ideals in an earnest way. However, he has still to realize how self-destructive his pursue may be and how this behaviour is rooted in trauma.

Kunikida gives me the impression of being in the middle. He is still far from sharing Fukuzawa’s self-trust and he can’t ignore how self destructive idealism and selflessness can be. Interestingly, differently from the other two characters, he doesn’t really seem to have a particular violent side/past to reconcile. Maybe it is exactly because of this that his struggle lies elsewhere and that he has much more doubts than the other two characters. This may also be why Kunikida might appear more rigid than the other members of the ADA.

That said, the series makes clear that Kunikida’s path doesn’t lie in leaving his idealism behind, but rather in him finding a better way to apply it. This is because idealism like everything else is a weapon and it can be used positively or negatively.

Talking about weapons which can be used both well and badly we go back to Q’s ability and what it represents:

On Moby Dick Atsushi hallucinates and sees the headmaster. he wonders if it is an after-effect of Q’s ability, but imo it is left ambiguous because in the end this is not the only time Atsushi has this kind of experience. The headmaster talks about how Atsushi has left himself be tricked by illusions and ended up giving others fake kindness. This is a reference both to his previous experience with Q, but also to a deeper trait of Atsushi’s personality.

However, once he confronts Lucy in her room Atsushi says this:

He repeats the headmaster’s words, but shows how “imagination” and the ability to be flessible has not only negative effects, but also positive ones because it lets a person do things they would not have considered possible up until that point.

In this meta, I mentioned how this is something true for Lucy and her power as well:

In the end, the true value of her power did not lie in Anne’s strength or in using it to kidnap people, but rather in letting people escape boundaries (the ability is used to overcome the effects of time, to let Atsushi escape a room and to let both him and Kyouka move around despite being wanted). This is something which fits the idea of Lucy’s ability representing “an escape into one’s imagination”. After all, what does imagination do if not letting people escape boundaries? Lucy used it to isolate herself, but once she starts sharing her power with others, she becomes more powerful to the point that she is considered Dazai’s queen in the current arc.

However, this is not something which is true only for Lucy and Atsushi, but for every character and this makes sense in a series which explores fiction and literature and their effects on one’s life. These activities which are rooted in imagination can both help a person bond and grow, but can also lead them to isolate themselves in a non-existent world.

I want to suggest now that the same is true for ideals and so it can be applied to Kunikida as well. Ideals are rooted in one’s imagination as well and they can make a person single-minded and rigid, but they can also make one’s perspective wider.

Thank you for the ask!

#bsd #bsd meta #kunikida doppo #bungou stray dogs #asksfullofsugar #bsd chat anon #anonymous