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gryfon-spanish-werewolf · 3 years

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Update to Soft Cover: Of A Feather, a story about an ice church at the bottom of the world and some angels, one fallen, one demoted. Request by @snowmanmelting that I am very VERY late on, but hopefully that will all be forgiven after reading xD

Can also be read below

Anna breathes deeply in the freezing, near arctic air of the church around her. The chill settles in her lungs, pooling in swirls before the heat of her body changes her exhale into a foggy cloud. She repeats the action again, focusing on the divine energy in her veins, the radiance of her feathers, and the glow of the halo above her head.

Anything to distract her from how ungodly cold her butt is on this literal ice floor.

Distracted, a chill leaps up Anna’s spine. Goosebumps shiver down her arms and she sighs, opening her eyes. The deep blue of the ice encompasses her, a place of worship carved from the glacier itself. Marvelous and stunning, a true feat of engineering, sculpting, and faith. Remarkable, beautiful.

Cold.

As more shivers rack her celestial body, Anna’s teeth begin to chatter. Repositioning herself a little, Anna attempts to resume her solitary meditation and prayer, but with a glum pout, she recalls instead the warmth of summer air and rustle of leaves in trees full of life and vigor. So different from her current surroundings - where once she enjoyed a place of open space and sunlight against skin, now Anna trembles in the cold and dark, where the sun holds no warmth and blinds instead of caresses.

And it’s all her fault.

But it’s fine. A century or so of consistent devotion and guidance for humanity will put Anna right back where she was, enjoying the breeze under her wings and the sparkles of the stars over the water. Patience is a virtue, she reminds herself as she closes her eyes once more, one that she has in spades. Or she will if she simply asks - being an angel and all, it would be granted immediately. Anna reaches for the tether to her divinity, a golden Light in her mind’s eye, feeling herself settle back to recharging the church with holy presence and serenity.

Until the resounding clack of steel-toed boots echoes throughout the chamber, shattering her focus and winking out the Light like a candle.

Anna scrambles to her feet, heart in her throat. Quickly she checks her glamor (a hand at her head, wrist, and knee) and adjusts the hang of her clothes. Simple white cloth, pinned at her shoulder, cinched at her waist. Her feet are bare as they press against the ice floor. The echoes continue and a shadow moves down the hall where the main room becomes a long hallway leading to the outside. The church is hardly ever closed and people come and go as they please in the days between services, but it is unusual that Anna would not sense them. Unusual also to not hear the heavy wooden doors groan open to admit the visitor.

Regardless, Anna concentrates on making herself presentable. Be they godly, then Anna is prepared; be they human they will find an empty hall for them to do what they need, unaware of the angel in the room, ready to assist.

The shadow proceeds across the wall, closer with every step. Anna tilts her head at a curious sound. Thick boots for crunching through ice and snow are typical this far beneath Earth’s equator, but these shoes don’t sound… right. They are loud for certain, but light, with a rhythmic one-two as opposed to the heavy clump of the whole boot. Perhaps a wanderer, Anna thinks, or a tourist.

But tourists typically gasp and “ooooh” and “aaaah” at the decor, walls, and sacred objects on display.

Not hopscotch back and forth on their toes while muttering curses.

Suddenly, Anna knows who this is. It’s really a shame she didn’t get around to asking for that Patience, because right now, she’s going to need every ounce that God has ever produced.

“Helloooooo!” Comes a cheery, high pitched voice. “Anyone home?”

A woman arrives around the corner. About average in height, slim in build, with pale skin, gleeful blue eyes, and long, unbound white hair. The strange footfall Anna had heard made perfect sense now as the woman steps further into the room, head turning this way and that, as her heels click and rebound in the icy chamber. She is certainly NOT dressed for the weather. No thick coat or furred gloves, no goggles or padded leggings - nothing at all remarkable - in fact she wears a similar outfit to Anna’s except in black. Simple cloth, pinned at her shoulder, cinched at her waist, baring her arms and calves.

No. Not a visitor at all.

A trespasser.

Anna folds her arms and scowls. With a mighty and decisive huff of air, she drags the Light from within her and fills the chamber with holy energy.

The woman notices immediately, yelping in surprise as though she’s been pinched.

“Unnecessary,” the woman grouses, her eyes tightening slightly in pain, “but I knew you’d be here. Hiding as usual.” She scans the room again, eyes roaming past Anna once, then twice, before a grin breaks out on the woman’s face. “Where are you, little angel?”

Anna will not play this game. This woman’s actions and appearance bely her nature, and her presence in this place is not only unwelcome but forbidden. Ire rises in Anna and she pushes it out, raising the temperature in the room and causing the interloper peering between the pews to wince.

Even a demoted angel does not allow a demon to wander into her home so casually.

The woman continues her search, even as the seconds tick by and the energy in the room gives the icy walls an ethereal inner glow. The floor becomes too hot for her tastes and she hops up on a pew, balancing herself, arms out to her sides as she continues wandering around the room, making smaller and smaller concentric circles. She gets closer, despite the angel’s best efforts. With one last shove, Anna manifests her wings, all seven feet of bright white glory nearly burning to the touch, fills the room with crackling energy - and this time the woman does stop. She loses her footing mid-step, dropping to one knee. Sweat beads on her brow and as Anna watches the trespasser struggles briefly to raise her eyes in Anna’s general direction.

“Ah, there you are,” she gasps, grunting as she rises and makes her way forward. Anna’s focus drops for a moment, surprised, and this is all the confirmation the woman needs. In hardly a moment, she is right before Anna, nearly eye to eye, though she looks right through the angel because of her glamor. Invisible. Unbreachable. Unflappable.

“Hello, angel,” the woman says, raising her hand and pressing her pointer finger smartly on the tip of Anna’s nose.

Not un-boopable, apparently.

In an instant Anna’s glamor falls away, the heat and energy she’d gathered flooding into the floors and walls.

“What’s with that face?” The woman smiles with good humored teasing.

Anna shakes her touch off and backs up a step. “How did you know where I was?”

The woman shrugs carelessly, “You were the angriest spot in the room. Pretty easy, all things considered.”

Anna bites her tongue, a boiling explicative at it’s tip. Swearing isn’t particularly Godly, and it would probably just make the woman laugh.

“I thought I would come and check up on you,” the demon continues, “because I haven’t seen you in some time. Not since the penguins had their chicks.” Anna looks down, pretending to find some interesting crack in the ice floor.

So she’d noticed Anna’s presence back then. Watching over a bouldered hill as the demon meandered around the flock like they were her own family and neighbors. Huh…

“Well it’s been nice seeing you,” Anna replies abruptly, “but you’d better leave.”

“So soon?” The woman blinks innocently. “But I just got here.”

“You’re not even allowed in here. Besides, I’m busy,” Anna scowls. She hopes her expression is enough to convince the demon to leave her, and this place, alone. Still waiting on that Patience virtue, and Anna’s personal reserves are already running on empty.

The woman tilts her head, and Anna has to remind herself that any compassion she might see in those eyes is a lie. “Still trying to summon enough power to charge this place? You’ve been trying for, let’s see, a few months now? With how low attendance has been lately, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Church is more than just a place, but one of it’s core requirements is members. People who come and go and frequent, creating a routine, a rhythm, a recognized space. A guardian angel assigned to a church takes over for generating that energy when the members are gone. The ice church had very few visitors to begin with, and tourists didn’t tend to devote time to energizing a place. So Anna often spent her days locked in meditation, channeling her divinity into the ice around her.

A grueling, thankless task.

“Well you should be done by now,” the woman muses aloud, taking stock of the room.

“I would be,” Anna growls, her hands balling into fists, “if someone didn’t keep interrupting me!”

“If you just looked--”

Anna sighs and draws her hand down her face. “Elsa…” Then she flinches. Between her fingers, Anna peeks at the woman in front of her.

Oh, if that was ever a Chesire grin.

“In honor of you using my name, I’ll stop beating around the snow mound,” Elsa beams, her ice blue eyes sparkling with merriment and cheer. She points to the ceiling, other hand cocked confidently on her hip. “See anything new up there, angel?”

Surely this demon has to be pulling her wing, but Anna complies and looks up, expecting the blank, dark surface of the thick oceanic ice.

Not so.

The ceiling is alive with Light, shimmering like the Aurora Australis. The ice seems lit from within by winking stars, the deep blue shot through with purples and greens and golds. The greatest Light of them all gathers in the center of the ceiling above their heads, bright and full. The sign of a fully charged house.

“When did…?” Anna murmurs.

“You always have trouble focusing,” Elsa says, turning Anna’s attention back to her. “Except for when you’re trying to kick me out.” The demon holds up her hands, “Rules are rules, I get it, but I thought, ‘Why not give her a little nudge and see if that helps.’” She looks up at the ceiling again, a soft expression on her face. “Seems like a resounding success.”

Anna doesn’t have an argument, so she stays quiet. Giving Elsa the satisfaction of thinking she played a part in divine dealings may be a mistake, one she doesn’t want to make.

“Now that you’re done,” Elsa turned and beckoned over her shoulder. “How about a break?”

“Angels don’t take breaks,” Anna says haughtily, crossing her arms. “Demons might: Disconnected and all that, aimless. But we have more important things to do.”

Elsa pouts, her lower lip full and pitiful. “Trying to hurt my feelings, angel? Think I’ll try something if you step one foot out of here? You give me too much credit.”

“What would I even do ‘taking a break’? Walk around the ice until the frozen wind takes my wings?” Anna shakes her head. “No thank you. It might not always be warm in here, but it’s way better than out there.”

Elsa regards Anna over her shoulder before turning back. “You don’t like it here, that much is clear. And I know you’re trying to leave.” Anna darts her eyes away. “You hate it down here. Cold and dark, the sun only shining a few months out of the year. You’re lonely--”

“And it’s none of your business!” Anna snaps. This demon was edging dangerously close to a wound that was still fresh, even after all these years, all this time. A memory of warm sunlight dances in Anna’s mind and she wills herself to believe it’s just the wings on her back.

“Don’t lie,” Elsa says gently, “we can both feel it.”

Anna takes a deep breath in through her nose and exhales out her mouth. Steadily, she says, “Get out, demon.”

“Come with me, Anna.”

Her name echoes between them. Anger bubbles in Anna’s chest but dies just as quickly. She’s tired. Wary, but tired of always trying, always watching her best not being enough. But she has to push through, endure.

“I haven’t seen any other angel but you in one hundred years, Anna.” The demon turns her back and begins walking down the hall towards the entrance. “You don’t have to take up my offer, but know that I have no other motive than seeing you achieve your goal. I just want you to be able to enjoy it when that reward finally comes, and not be a burnt out pile of nerves and worry. I’ll be outside.”

Anna watches her go, heels clicking against the ice until they don’t. Silence descends again, absolute.

She should let her go, Anna thinks.

And she continues to think, even as her feet move and fingers trace the walls to check that the energy in the room won’t dissipate when she leaves. Not too much anyway. While the demon’s methods may annoy Anna to no end, she can’t ignore their effectiveness.

The wind howls outside, ripping at the fabric of Anna’s clothing in swift gusts. She slams the heavy door shut and shields her eyes with a hand, looking around for the demon who enticed her out here. Anna’s regret is immediate and grand. She’s stationed in the arctic, or practically anyway. Sunlight a few hours a day when they get it, or all day, never once setting, without the heat to match. Shadows rush in between bursts of snow, obscuring everything more than a few feet away.

“Demon!” Anna shouts, one eye shut as a snowflake flies in, stinging and cold. “Where are you?”

“Right here, angel.” A voice next to her says, appearing at her side almost instantly. “I must say, I knew you’d follow, but not this fast.”

“Tease me any more and you’ll enjoy this beautiful weather alone,” Anna gripes, unconsciously stepping into Elsa’s shadow. If Elsa had any opposition to Anna using her as a living snow shield, she didn’t say so. Even still, what little warmth Anna’s body had stored indoors was quickly being lost, and with the chill biting into her very bones, there was little hope of calling upon her divine power for relief.

In a last ditch effort, Anna’s wings puff up like a bird’s, thick and fluffed, blocking the majority of the wind and snow from hitting her torso. Anna didn’t bother looking at Elsa’s face. She could feel the humor in the very air itself.

“You got me out here de--.... Elsa. What now?”

“I thought perhaps a change of scenery would do you good,” Elsa shouts above the wind, close to Anna’s ear.

Guarded, Anna asks, “Where to?”

Elsa nudges Anna’s shoulder with her own, then walks a few steps out into the weather before facing the church entrance. “I was thinking up there,” Elsa points. Anna frowns, walking out to join her, realizing that Elsa had indicated a spot far above the gables and eaves of the church roof.

“You’re joking.”

“I am not,” Elsa responds flatly. “Have you ever been up there? Perhaps the view won’t be all that much right now, but I promise, it has it’s value, just out of sight.” Anna eyes her skeptically, but she supposed if Elsa did anything odd, she could alway just ask God to smite her. A few extra feet up may actually just make the shot easier.

Satisfied, Anna steps away from Elsa, fanning out her wings in preparation to jump. No more than a story or two, a leap as easy as breathing for someone used to soaring higher than clouds.

A quiet cough stops her short. “I’m happy that you’re eager, angel,” Elsa squints against the snow. It blows around her in circles, almost a bubble, unable to pass too close. A control Anna doesn’t have, or perhaps a tactic she would only resort to without her Light. “But if you want company, you’ll have to stoop low and assist the enemy.”

Behind her back something appears, like watercolor paint bleeding and blooming into shape, spreading out from her clothed shoulders to the ground. Feathers the color of oil, of moonless nights and obsidian shards. They weigh heavy against the demon, dragging beyond her feet, stuck marred and running with clumps of snow.

The chains of course, don’t make them any lighter.

Binding and unbreakable, the unearthly metal presses tightly against every shift the wings make, the occasional clink heard even over the gale. The limbs are lashed close to Elsa’s spine, tight and uncomfortable with no padlock to be seen, no reference to freedom or release, and Anna knows that there never will be.

Once fallen, always Bound.

“Dead weight,” Elsa says with a nonchalance that doesn’t quite meet her eyes. She flexes the muscles in her flightless wings, which rise an inch or two before dropping laboriously. “But their weight is only mine to bear. Carry me up, and I’ll show you what I meant earlier about there being more to this place than meets the eye. Heavenly or otherwise.”

Anna looks between their destination and her companion, then back again. “Alright,” she says at length, “but only this once. And it better be worth it.”

“Excellent!” Elsa drapes an arm suddenly around Anna’s shoulders and grips her tightly before kicking both feet off the ground. On reflex, Anna widens her stance and gets an arm under Elsa’s legs so she doesn’t get pulled down by Elsa’s gravity. She stumbles a bit under the weight of a body in her arms, relief washing through her that she’d managed to catch Elsa before they both fell… until she realizes exactly how Elsa desires to be carried, and dumps the demon unceremoniously to the ice cold ground.

“Ow!” Elsa gripes, rubbing her lower back. “What was that for?”

“No way,” Anna cuts her hands decisively through the air. “Absolutely no way am I carrying you like that.”

“Have a problem with bridal style, angel?” Elsa asks with a raised eyebrow, wiping snow from her black tunic. “Honestly, I thought it was just efficient.”

“Oh,” Anna’s mouth curls mischievously. “If it’s efficiency you’re looking for then how about this?” Without waiting for an answer, Anna hitches Elsa bodily over her shoulder, the demon’s legs kicking wildly in her face. As she grinds her feet into the ice, Anna thinks she hears a shout of protest but it is lost to the whistle of wind during take off.

Perhaps she should have taken heed, because Anna only gets about one floor up before Elsa’s heel smacks against the underside of her chin with force, snapping her head up and making her vision go even whiter than the blizzard outside. They crash into a snowdrift that had accumulated on the side of the church, dense, freezing, and muffled. Well, except for the grunting and digging to get back to the surface.

“What’s your problem!?” Anna bursts out, wiping snow out of her hair.

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” Elsa spits back, breathing heavily as she hauls herself out onto flat ground. Her shoulders slump with effort, and for the first time, Anna can see how much Elsa’s bound wings affect her. Like she can’t get enough air, or stand to her full height. How their presence smothers her, a weighted blanket with hundred pound plates, constricting her spine and dragging her down, down, down. Chained to the earth, shackled from the sky.

“I think break time is over,” Elsa says, adjusting her clothing back to rights, or as right as they could get for now. “I’ll let you get back to your study and meditation, since that seems to be what you’d prefer.”

“No I--, I’m sorry,” Anna stammers. Elsa seems surprised by her confession, and if Anna’s honest, so is she. “I want to see this view you speak so highly of. It must be… special.”

Elsa accepts her words with a nod. A beat passes before she asks, “So, how are we getting up there?”

“You’ll have to climb.” Anna smiles softly at Elsa’s weary expression. “Don’t worry, I’ll be with you.”

The slope of the snow bank makes the first part fairly simple, and before too long, Elsa is scaling the side of the building as quickly, though carefully, as she can. Every handhold is slick with ice, but Anna melts and evaporates them in quick succession so Elsa doesn’t slip. Certainly slower than flying, but it’s a decent compromise.

And… it gives Anna some time to think.

Why does Elsa care that Anna succeeds? In her tasks, her goals. In leaving this place behind for good. Elsa is a demon, she should be trying to pull Anna further, demotion after demotion until there was nothing less but the permanent boot down to hell. A great achievement that would be, felling an angel. Perhaps Elsa is playing the long game, biding her time, but Anna was stuck in this lonely, frozen landscape anyway, shouldn’t that make Elsa’s job easier? To prey on the mortals that came here, less guarded if their protector angel was distracted?

Anna unfreezes and dries another foothold for Elsa, hovering just behind her in case she falls. Elsa flashes her a grateful smile before concentrating once more. Anna remembers that demons lie, are expert deceivers, and will tell you anything you want to get you to slip, to tempt and to taunt.

But… everything? Even the small things, the inconsequential? The silent ‘thank yous’ for doing a favor?

These thoughts swirl around Anna’s head until Elsa clears her throat, breaking through the fog. She sits atop the roof, safely ascended. “We’re here.”

There is a valley, a cubby really, made between three steeply slanted roofs. Were this the type of geographic location to have a rainy season, this would most certainly be the most uncomfortable place to be - slick with water and grime that washed off the tiles. But with densely packed snow and ice creating a buffer, it’s actually rather quaint. Elsa walks forward, the snow lifting up in glittering heaps of flakes. A space is carved before Anna’s eyes, just big enough for the two of them. “I used to come up here all the time,” Elsa says as the hovering snowflakes settle among the rest of the rooftop piles. “When it was first settled and built. I liked to hear people's voices from below, even if it was faint. The energy of their Light wasn’t small by any means, but it was human, and easier to bear. Of course, with the arrival of a certain someone, I wasn’t quite so cozy anymore, unless I wanted to feel like my clothing was burning off.” Elsa tosses a forgiving look behind her. “Don’t worry, I’d say the price of meeting you was well worth losing a little hang out spot.”

She motions for Anna to sit down. As she does, Anna feels the chill of the air seep into her bones again. Exhaustion has crept up on her; using her power to charge the church, then fly, then help Elsa climb, had been more taxing than she’d realized. She settles in the crux of the roofs, surprisingly snug and comfortable. And on any other day, it might have been.

But the below freezing temperatures send shivers down Anna’s spine and raise gooseflesh on her skin. She grits her teeth and closes her eyes, looking for that tether of Light, that candle of warmth within her. But it’s gone, or so low it hides. Even her wings barely glow anymore, their protection offered only in the fluff of celestial feathers. Cold wraps around her, its erratic touch scattering every attempt at concentrating.

Punishment. For taking pity on the enemy. For failing her duties. For falling from grace. That sunlight in Anna’s memory would stay there, forever.

Suddenly Elsa is beside her, blocking the wind with her body and more. Her wings, damaged and curtailed, stretch over their heads to the extent that they could, chains restricting more than the bare minimum of mobility. They take up the spaces that Anna’s wings cannot fill, a black and white barrier against the storm. Free from the brunt of the gale, warmth seeps back into Anna’s limbs and her breath begins to fog in the air.

“Better, angel?” Elsa asks without looking at her. Her expression is inscrutable, and it's all Anna can do to nod and try looking for her Light once more. The candle catches faintly in her chest, further heating the air around them. She lowers it gently as she hears Elsa’s breath hitch next to her, unwilling to harm the demon anymore.

The world outside shrinks away, the space inside quiet and content. Not perfect, but comfortable enough. “I can see why you’d like it up here,” Anna comments. “Like this it’s almost serene.”

“I thought you’d like it, too,” and Elsa’s tone of voice is knowing, back to light teasing. “Did you really think I’d drag you all the way up here for some scheme? As you could see, it would have hardly been worth the effort on my part.”

“Perhaps,” Anna replies, “but you never know with demons.”

"You never know with demons, but that’s a conversation for another day.” Elsa settles again, their sides touching. “Now I really do think break time is over. You should try meditating up here, perhaps it will be easier.”

Anna laughs. “Trying to find a partner for eternity, are we, Elsa?”

Elsa doesn’t respond to the jest, merely reiterating that Anna should try meditating again.

Anna tries...but she doesn’t succeed. Instead those thoughts from before return to her, about Elsa, about what the demon means to her. About what Elsa wants. What she, Anna,… wants.

To leave, right? Go back to favored, back to freedom and the Earth stretching beneath her wings. To the warmth and the sun.

Actually… now that she thinks about it, she’s pretty warm. The clouds part overhead and the sun’s light filters through their feathers, shining on her skin instead of being blocked by ten layers of ocean ice. She’s warm, and as Anna relishes that feeling she sinks further into her meditative posture until there’s nothing but soft, comfortable darkness.

Elsa feels Anna drift off under her wing. The angel’s breath ruffles the dead feathers, mimicking a flight long forgotten. Anna’s soft exhales flee into the surrounding winds but Elsa hears them in the cocoon on their own making. As Anna succumbs to sleep her head rests on Elsa’s shoulder.

“Even angels need to rest,” she says quietly, tucking Anna more securely against her. Sleep laps at her too, the climb taking more out of her than she’d bargained for. She’d hoped for… well, she wasn’t entirely sure. A conversation. A common moment. A shared space. Elsa supposes she has that last one, just not how she’d expected.

But she learned long ago that the world didn’t always work on expectations.

Before too much longer, Elsa is asleep as well, her head on top of Anna’s, feathers fluttering in the wind. Two detach and dance in a shared current. One black, one white. They disappear amongst the ice.

#ice church au #elsanna #fallen angel!Elsa #angel!Anna #snowmanmelting #my writing #Soft Cover #I'll probably come back and write real tags but I'm at work rn so SHHHHH don't tell my boss #it's fluffy with just a little conflict to keep it interesting #but I'd be lying if I said it was anything other than setting these two up for a nap together #I'm a sucker what can I say

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urbanseeress · 3 years

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𝙷𝙴𝙻: 𝙽𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝙶𝚘𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑.

WHO IS HEL?

Hel (or Hela) is the daughter of Loki, the trickster god and the Jötunn Angrboda and sister to the monstrous wolf Fenrir and the Midgard serpent, Jormunganr. Appearance-wise, she is “half living”; where half her body is described as being heart-achingly beautiful, and “half dead”, where the other half of her body is described as the pale flesh of death and the rotting flesh that comes after.

Odin, the All-Father and ruler of Asgard, sent Hel to the realm of Helheim where she was to rule over the souls of those who had died a “dishonourable death” - this refers to the death of those who did not die in battle but have died of natural causes, sickness, old age etc. This gives her titles such as Goddess of Death, Goddess of the Underworld etc. (NOTE: Those who die in battle do not directly go to Óðinn. Freyja gets the first pick of warriors and those she chooses go to Fólkvangr, only then does Óðinn get to choose his warriors for the Valho̧ll from those who remain).

ASSOCIATIONS:

SOLAR SYSTEM: Pluto

ZODIAC: Scorpio

MOON PHASE: Dark Moon, New Moon

CELEBRATIONS: Samhain, Yule

COLOUR: Black

NUMBER: 9

RUNE: Hagalaz

HERB: Mugwort, Wormwood, Cedar, Rue, Mullein and Plantain

INCENSE: Myrrh, Storax, Jasmine, Sage

TREES: Ash, Beech, Elder, Elm, Holly, Juniper, Willow and Yew

CRYSTALS: Black Tourmaline, Black Obsidian, Black Onyx, Apache Tear, Black Moonstone

ANIMAL: Wolf

ISSUES, INTENTIONS AND POWERS: The Afterlife, Battle/War, Darkness, Death, The Otherworld/Underworld, Shadow Work, Necromancy

HONOURING HEL:

The various ways I honour Hel:

I built Hel an altar that consisted of a statue of Hel, black candles, black crystals (See above in “Associations”) and a black altar cloth.

Make offerings to Hel – she tends to like coffee and dark chocolate, but I also burn incense on the altar for her. I also light a plain black candle dedicated to Hel.

Hel’s Incense – See above in “Associations”.

I meditate on the Hagalaz rune.

I say prayers in her name to my loved ones that have passed away.

I leave offerings for my loved ones who have passed away, this is mostly a candle, incense, a small dish of their favourite food.

Clearing up the graves of the dead whenever I walk pass and see rubbish left around it or fix any flowers or wreathes that might have fallen over.

Doing anything creative for her is something that she loves. I made a gemstone bracelet to represent her so that I can wear it everywhere I go and connect with her even more. The bracelet is made of Black Onyx beads, Skull beads and the Halagaz rune bead; all these things are associated with Hel.

CONNECTING TO HEL:

How I connect to Hel is by taking a walk through a cemetery where I can really contemplate on Death and connect with the energies of the dead around me. I also do meditations in the cemetery to tap into the death current. Whatever I hear, feel, smell and think of during my walk (or during my cemetery meditations) I always write down in my journal.

Sometimes I call upon her with a simple invocation before asking her directly for guidance. I use Tarot Cards to communicate with her following an invocation or sometimes I just meditate on the spot and wait for any images or sounds to appear in my mind’s eye that could potentially be a message from her.

I play dark, tragic and brooding instrumental music out loud, which helps me relax and contemplate on a lot of things. I also listen to a lot of Viking-inspired music to help me connect to her. I also read a lot of gothic literature, which inspires feelings of grief and longing as a healthy way to let all those feelings out, Edgar Allen Poe’s poetry is one of my personal favourites to read out loud for Hel and I to enjoy together.

MY MEDITATION – ENCOUNTERING HEL:

The first time Hel appeared to me was when I was simply daydreaming, I heard faint whispers of “Hela… Hela… Hela…” in my mind. Before this happened, my mind was completely blank and this was at nighttime as I laid in bed. I thought that this was very random, but nevertheless, I understood these words and felt inclined to close my eyes and meditate in case there was a message for me.

Hel was very unfamiliar to me and to be fair, I am still getting to know her to this day. Deities are very complex with their many different layers, personas, and energies. In general, if I ever feel like a deity is reaching out to me, I focus on the energies I feel from them and meditate on it. Doing so helps me get a “feel” of them, their energies, their intentions, their story. I tend not to look them up because I always want to feel their raw, unfamiliar energies personally and not let their mythology affect the way I sense or view them. I then take note of it in a journal and then proceed to read about them afterwards to see if my interpretation of the deity matches that written in the literature. I always believed in trusting my intuition.

In this meditation, I found myself being transported into what looked like the inside of a cave, however, part of me felt like this was no ordinary cave because it was not completely dark and obscure like caves would usually be without a torch to light the way. This cave in my vision had a pale light blue light seeping through from somewhere. I also noted there were white/pale blue crystals around me among the rocks that made up the cave’s walls.

In the cave, a child approached me. She had long silvery-white hair and pale white skin and icy blue eyes. I also noticed she was wearing a grey torn-up viking dress that was up to her ankles and that was also covered in dirt (perhaps she had been in this cave for a while trying to find her way out of it). She did not seem like she was afraid or lost, in fact, she was quite the opposite. She saw me, playfully touched my hand, smiled and giggled and happily ran away.

Not long after, a woman appeared in the direction the little girl ran off to. She had long raven black hair and was wearing a long, black dress. Her appearance reminded me of a crow.

She just stood there and stared at me, studying me. We stared at each other without saying a word to one another for a while. Later, the little girl I saw later reappeared and joined the woman. Were they mother and child? I had no idea, but they most certainly knew one another and seemed very close. They held hands and suddenly, a flash of light appeared above them and then they disappeared…

Standing in the spot they were standing was another woman with her back turned towards me and partly covered in the shadow of the cave although part of her was also under the pale blue light of it. She slowly turned around to face me. As she turned, I saw from the light that she was indeed very beautiful. Youthful, glowing and with an air of mystery around her but I could not help but feel a sense of brooding and grief in the air too. I could not tell if she was smiling or not for she also looked as if she was pained and in sincere regret. When she finally turned to face me completely, that was when I realised half of her face was disfigured.

It was not just her face, the other half of her body that now revealed itself from the shadows as she stepped forward, half of her body was either rotten or in the process of rotting away. I admit that this image frightened me, and I felt my heart beating and I also felt myself going into fight or flight mode. However, I could not move and stayed rooted on the spot, just staring at her. I could not scream but I know my jaw hit the floor at this point, to be in shock is a complete understatement.

This was Her, this was Hel and I was in Helheim. I probably should not have come here.

I stood there as she limped over to me, she was limping because she was trying to drag her “dead half” with her. The dead half of her was completely limp. I noticed the half of her that is “alive” is also had toned arms and legs and has somewhat of a four-pack, possibly from dragging that “dead weight” for so long. She took my hands in hers; one of her hands was pale but felt very warm, I even felt a pulse from it, a sign of life. The other hand, rotten, decayed, skeletal but still covered in strips of tissue felt cold and dry, and majority was bone, it made me flinch. I also noted the smell of rotting flesh and perfume (I assume is what her live half was wearing at the time) as she stood in front of me.

I finally had the courage to look up at her, into her eyes. One eye was a beautiful sapphire blue, while the other eye was blind, white and lifeless and barely hanging on in its socket as there was no eye lid to support it. I tried to ignore all that and she smiled at me. Her lip curled into a small smile, whereas the skeletal half of her face already looked like she was smiling since all I could see were her exposed teeth. The image of Hel then faded, and I slowly came to, back to the mundane world.

I am still in the process of interpreting this message but I believe the main thing that Hel tried to convey to me was DUALITY. Half beautiful, half rotten and decay. Half alive, half dead. Woman and child. Black and White. Shadow and Light.

HEL IN MY LIFE:

Whenever I think of, work with and connect to Hel, I have always felt a sense of brooding and grief, darkness and mystery, there are also times when I feel fear. She is most certainly a compassionate deity when she wants to be, but most of the time, she is detached, cold, stoic and does not really take sides. She also does not mind what you do in your craft or in your life. She basically gives off the impression of, “You do YOU as long as you do not impede on others.”

She prefers to not interfere with anything and would rather watch you. I always feel like she has her eyes on me, watching every move and decision I make, wondering what will happen next. She sometimes expresses curiosity and fascination with me; I interpret this as even though she is a Death goddess, she still likes to be involved in the lives of her children where she can watch them live in the way they want until they pass away from this world and she welcomes them into her realm with open arms.

I never really got over the fear I feel sometimes when I connect with her, but then again, I believe that was her intention. The whole point is to feel uncomfortable and never get used to this feeling. I remember sincerely apologising to Hel later for reacting so negatively towards her, but she told me that she took no offense and that it is a good thing that I reacted in the way that I did towards her.

She wants to constantly remind me of how I feel whenever I encounter a shadow of mine. This fear is a projection onto her. It is almost as if she is a mirror image of all the “bad” and “evil” things of myself that scare me, make me uncomfortable and make me want to run away from. Since she constantly pulls out the shadows from within me to make me feel extremely uncomfortable and makes me face them, I ended up doing Shadow Work with her as my guide. She always asks me, “Are you truly afraid of me or of the things I remind you of when you look at me?”

She is aware that half of her body is Death itself, but it never bothers her. Even though she literally must drag the other half of her body along with her wherever she goes (literally the dead weight of herself), she acts like she had gotten used to it over time and does not let it stop her from doing what needs to be done. The fact that physically, she gained muscle from dragging her dead half around for so long indicates that she gained strength from her ordeal.

I see Hel and see that this dead side of herself is like her very own personal shadow, except that, she is at peace with it and living in harmony with this side of her. She is an example of someone who had integrated their shadow into their life and has reached the point where she no longer needs “Shadow Work”. Only a deity is capable of this because to me, Shadow Work lasts a lifetime. As you grow older, the more Shadows form.

I admire her so much and this is why she is my role model. I strive to become like Hel and so I have dedicated my entire life to Shadow Work with her. I believe that I too can live in harmony and be at peace with the parts of me that I tried to cast away. I want to unapologetically bare my real self and feel nothing but pride. I want to uncensor my own ugliness.

Hel also eased my fear of death and completely changed my perspective on it. I view death as an end to something and the beginning of something new. I view death as a transition. Death also leads to rebirth. It is very hard and painful to let go of things sometimes, but it is necessary in order for you to move forward with your life. You come out of that situation stronger.

I used to be so afraid of the idea of dying and leaving behind all my loved ones. I also struggled with the death of loved ones, losing my Father was the one that hurt me the most. When he left, I felt a part of me die with him. I remember it took a very long time to heal and move on with my life. I was trapped in never-ending grief and was consumed with so many negative emotions like guilt, pain, rage.

What I felt is indescribable, but I remember telling my therapist that “Losing Dad felt like there was a hole in me that can never be filled by anything or anyone and I had to learn how to live with a part of me gone, but at the same time I somehow still felt severely depressed. It is not normal, it did not feel normal, nor did it feel right. I felt so numb and so empty yet despite that a part of me had died along with him, I was still able to feel negative emotions that reminded me that I was still alive.” Thinking back to that moment, it feels like Hel was with me all along, but I never realised until much later, she was there especially during those times where I felt, “half dead and half alive”.

Nowadays, I have accepted and even embraced death. Hel made sure that I was ready for when that time comes. To live your best life, you must also embrace death. As for the death of my Father, I had finally come to terms with it and vowed to live the best life that I can. I also realised that he is not truly gone because as long as I remember the memories of him, he will live on inside of me.

#norsemythology #norsepaganism #heathenry #shadowwork #witchcraft #death

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songxiaolin · 4 years

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Who do they look up to? I would probably say Xiao Xingchen. Though there’s certain things about his approach that she finds questionable, she admires how much he sticks to it. Beyond that, probably Wen Qing.

Who do they look to for guidance?

What would it take for them to betray the person they love? Gut reaction is that she wouldn’t but the truth is she would betray them but the situation would have to be very specific. If they were going to do something that could get them killed, she would go against their wishes to protect them. She’s already done something that they wouldn’t approve of to protect Xiao Xingchen.

Who is someone they’ve hurt?

What is a secret that they have? Uhhhhhhh a lot. There’s a lot of things that she’s done to survive but she’s not going to talk about them.

Would they trust anyone with their secret?

Any family scandals? Does your character know about them? I mean, not really? There was a lot of fighting between her parents, but there wasn’t a scandal.

Is there anyone that they currently aren’t speaking to? Why?

What is something that would break them emotionally? So many things. She’s already had things break her, the only difference is she had people around to help put her back together. But if anything happened to either of her men, it’d destroy her. Or just seeing them in pain would be enough.

Sacrifice the one to save many, or save the one no matter the cost? Hmmm. She’s more pragmatic. She would certainly always try to save everyone she could but in the end, Lin Ming isn’t a hero. She’s going to save as many as she can.

Do they have any illnesses? Not specifically. She does have a weaker constitution in general just from having a rough upbringing without good nutrition.

What is the fastest way to upset them? I mean, she’s easy to upset. The easiest way is to be rude to Song Lan or Xiao Xingchen or A-Qing. Anything re: being rude or trying to cheat others.

What is something that makes them uncomfortable? Being touched when she doesn’t want to be or doesn’t trust the person. Any formal situation because she doesn’t the social niceties but doesn’t have the demeanor to pull off being polite.

What is something that never fails to make them excited? She always gets excited just having a home with a bath she can use whenever and a bed. Sometimes it’s excited as in ‘I can’t believe this is my life’ but she’s very much someone who is excited by the small things.

Have they ever had their hair washed by another person? If you don’t think those two have washed her hair at some point, I don’t know what to tell you.

What is the most romantic thing someone has done for them? I would think the proposal is pretty high up there but so much of what they’ve done for her is more than she ever expected. Neither of them knew it at the time but Xiao Xingchen buying her the bell and Song Lan coming after her are probably also very high up there.

Who is their favorite person(s) to spend time with? Well, other than the obvious, Wei Wuxian, Shen Fenju or A-Qing. They’re all part of her family.

Neck kisses or shoulder kisses? Shoulder. She’s okay with them touching her neck or even kissing it but she’d much prefer shoulder.

How do they feel about public displays of affection? lmao, as if she has a CHOICE. No, but really she’s totally fine with it for the most part. Sometimes if someone is being judgmental, she’ll get embarrassed.

Would they be the one to propose, the one hoping for a proposal, or no interest in marriage/the equivalent thereof? She did not expect a proposal at all, it never even crossed her mind but she’s on board with the whole thing.

Do they prefer giving or receiving gifts? It embarrasses her to get gifts but since she had so little growing up, it’s nice.

How indecisive are they? She can be very indecisive, honestly. She kind of second guesses herself a lot. I mean, the situation with Xue Yang is a good example. She’s good at making quick choices to stay alive, terrible at anything else.

What do they want most in life? She already has it: a home and people to love and love her. Now all she wants to do is keep that for as long as she can.

What do they think they’re good at, but aren’t? Dear Lin Ming, just adding a shit ton of hot pepper to food does not mean you can cook.

What is something they think they’re bad at, but are actually pretty competent at? Anything artistic. She’s a pretty good at drawing etc. but doesn’t think so.

What is something they’re legitimately bad it? Anything to do with the chickens. She may hate the goats, but she at least understands them. The chickens are incomprehensible creatures and she’s never been able to feed them without Jiang Guo chasing her.

Do they have any cool scar stories? UHHH!!!!! She has a lot of scars but not really ‘cool stories’. I think the coolest story is the scar on her stomach. Lin Ming definitely is like ‘yeah I once got stabbed in the stomach and left for dead but then hit my attacker with a pot’. That’s pretty bitching.

When left to their own devices, how would they spend a free day? Taking an even longer bath than normal, taking care of her garden, and then just lounging in the bed, maybe reading.

What do they do to relax? Depends. During the day, it’s messing in her garden or the fields. At night it’s taking a bath or cleaning up or sitting on the porch.

What is their ideal sleeping situation? Anything that doesn’t involve Song Lan crushing her. No, I’m joking. (Not really.) Ideal is sleeping in the middle and using one of them for a pillow but she’s more than pleased with their rotating position.

Do they have a comfort food? Steamed buns, cong you bing, cucumber salad with hot peppers.

What is their favorite thing to drink? Just tea, really. Especially with honey.

Do they have a signature accessory? Yup! She wears a silver bell with a green tassel and glass bead at her belt. She always has it, no matter what.

How do they generally wear their hair? It kind of depends. If she’s the one doing her hair, she puts the front pieces up into a very messy bun or a ponytail. But Xiao Xingchen has a habit of doing their hair and when he does hers, he tends to put twists into the front pieces and makes more of a knot than a straight bun.

What color would they paint their nails? Green or orange!

Are there any holidays or celebrations they dislike? Eh, not really. Maybe Double Ninth she’s not as big on? That’s it.

Are there any holidays or celebrations that they go all in for? Yes! She loves Qingming Festival! It’s pretty much her favorite and she loves celebrating it. I think she’d also like the Night of Sevens now.

How would you describe their decorating sense? ‘Poor street girl grows up to be a woman living on a farm run by Taoists’. Basically, pretty minimal. It’s just anything sentimental and probably fresh flowers. Anything bright in color.

Would they rather have a picnic in the woods or a picnic on the beach? The woods for sure.

Blanket fort or tree house? Hmmmmm. I think she would like both. She can be kinda childish so they’d appeal to her.

#i can't focus to write so have a ton of lin ming facts #that's all i have #lin ming

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d20-eggroll · 5 years

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thranduil-aran-edhil said: this is the only post i’ve seen that talks about ondonti! do you have more things about them? and how your character interacts with that aspect of themselves? i’d love to hear it

Oof! @thranduil-aran-edhil I’m so sorry I missed this way back when I posted this. I want to say there should be more ondonti stuff out there but so little information was ever weaved in to official lore to begin with it is understandable that they’re basically unknown.

It is sweet of you to ask about her and I am happy to answer because I love Gabe very much! That and I’ve been thinking of taking what's been done with her and writing it up as an actual subrace for 5e so getting thoughts down is good. Def. no expectation for you to read tho. I know I’m a bit verbose, whoops.

Since there really is so little on ondonti out there a lot of what has become canonical for Gabe is in many ways only inspired by the official stuff. The courting beads are one of the more fleshed out things me and the DM have written about them and have absolutely no basis in Forgotten Realms lore. We (referring to myself and the DM) do use what we can but don’t strictly adhere since even despite having so little written about them there still manages to be conflicting information!

Forgotten Realms lore as far as we understand it:

Eldath is the Goddess of the ondonti. She isn’t their creator but has a special interest in them. Or she IS their creator? Depends on what you read. Their culture as a whole is built heavily around her teachings. We’re talking pacifists who won’t even fight back to defend themselves. That or they’re not! Most stuff talks about how big a part Eldath plays and others say they care less for deities and more for ancestral guidance.

They are immune to being charmed.

Originally there were 15 tribes, but now only one remains.

The Zhents nearly drove their culture to extinction through abductions to make them slaves. Originally because they were very strong but passive labor. Ondonti, when taught, could also be particularly deadly fighters and they were trying to raise their own force of indoctrinated ondonti mercenaries.

They’re fey that look like orcs but are only related to them. Or they’re just grey orcs descended from orphans raised by a cult? Which is insisted upon to be correct in some places, but then there’s all this fey stuff...

When they come of age ondonti journey to the feywilds and meet a spirit guardian who becomes a lifelong companion.

Ondonti with particularly close kinship to the feywilds tend to become shamans.

Their spiritual nature is heavily tied to the elements. Fire, Water, Earth, Air, Light, and Dark. These teachings come from belief in balance and a sword fighting style invented by an ondonti warrior.

They’re elementally inclined in general, though how isn’t really covered. Water is likely because of Eldath.

The one remaining tribe is protected by Eldath and clerics, or possibly through them. She has some sort of powerful water elemental looking out for them, and has hidden their last village. Or some sort of extraplanar servant. Or maybe both!

Their magic users trend toward druids and clerics. They have longer life spans than typical orcs, around 60 years or so.

They have a little bit of innate magic and it is all defensive spells, like being able to cast barkskin on themself once a day.

Ondonti keep to themselves. They’re out there farming and living village life.

Eventually some zhent ondonti escaped and returned to the way their parents lived with the last tribe, following Eldath’s teachings to an extent- they were no longer pacifists and would sooner fight and kill than let themselves be taken again.

What we were using as our sources, with plenty of repeating and conflicting information: x - x - x - x - x - x

Homebrew that plays off that stuff that we’ve done:

Went with them being fey. It’s more interesting and makes more sense with the other lore available.

Taking the fey nature of elves and how elves never would have been created by Corellon if it wasn’t for Gruumsh spilling their blood, ondonti have some elvish traits: longer ears, slighter builds, and a lifestyle more comparable to wood elves.

Fey in general are very pretty. Ondonti have more saturated green skin tones, blue or teal flesh, and brightly colored eyes.

Fey are typically unsettling as fuck and can be very dangerous. Ondonti have sharp teeth, finer but longer tusks, claws, superior dark vision, and are on the tall side even for orcs. All easily missed until one smiles, grips you just a bit too tight, straightens up, or seems to have their eyes on you when they shouldn’t be able to.

Ondonti heal exceptionally well. They still have that strong constitution.

They reach adulthood at 18 because we’re not doing that weird underage bullshit you’re always on WotC STOP THAT

Guardians are a blessing from Eldath, and not every ondonti meets one. Typically they are had by people likely to be shamans.

It is easy for them to learn magic and they tend to be especially talented druids and clerics. Those likely to become shamans have innate spell casting without class lvl consideration.

Ondonti populations set up where they are able to basically live in plus size ewok style villages. It could be possible to walk right under a village and not know it since they’re hidden in the canopy.

Pacifism is the the strong ideal but not the only way. They have warriors who train and work hard to protect the village.

Tribes have some particular marker that they all have- for Gabe’s it was the crescent earrings.

Gabe specific stuff:

It was slavers that took her away from where she was born. Her captured people were trafficked through Sigil. The slaver caravan had some destination on the prime where she grew up but never made it there- it was attacked. Still don’t know why.

When she first found out she was ondonti the only thing she knew about their relationship with Eldath was the pacifism. She’s a barbarian who was a professional fighter to put food on the table for a long time. She struggled with that shame pretty hard.

She uses the unsettling-ness to full potential. Her style of making threats starts almost invariably with a smile.

She does have a Guardian, Toad the owl, who functions like a familiar.

She has innate magic. At this point she can cast like a lvl 1 wizard and is unlikely to progress past that.

Her bundling had a pair of those earrings. She tried using them to ask around about her origins for the longest time after beginning to travel.

Eldath somehow managed to hear her prayer and this snowballed in to her meeting her brother who’s been searching for a decade to find her.

Recently we actually resurrected Gabe’s birth mother, and she’s still recovering, but there’s probably going to be plenty to learn about what in the hell happened soon.

Physically Gabe is as bright as they come. Horrible orange-eyed chartreuse nightmare. She’s very tall at over 7ft and has always been a bit toothy. She’s got pretty strong features and looks very close to her mom, but if that’s an ondonti thing in general we haven’t seen enough to know.

That’s only gotten worse since she was infected with lycanthropy, which was only a result of her ondonti-ness re: being a giant fuck off green target. Most noticeable are the mobile ears, with the extra length from her race making them hard to hide. She no longer really tries to. When turned she maintains a teal flesh color and her eye color. She also retains her tusks, giving her one more pair than most wereboar have.

PHEW OK that was a lot of stuff. Still not completely over but I did a lot of trimming on those bullet points if you can believe it.

Then there’s Gabe, Finn, Istishia and Eldath.

One of Eldath’s allies is Istishia, the god-like water primordial. Istishia was forcefully ripped from his home planar system (which is the same one Gabe is from) to this one ages ago. He badly wants to return home since this sea just isn’t the same. She’s known the minotaur Finn, the one she’s courting, since long before she became an adventurer. Now he has Istishia as a very present patron after obtaining a weapon that grants him a crazy chunk of primordial power. He plans to go with Gabe and her family if possible. Extraplanar water protect-y boy getting plucked up by an Eldath-y type? Hmmmm.

Finn had given us motivation to go after that weapon, a trident, because his family has been systematically shamed and abused by the minotaur nation for hundreds of years when his ancestor Icarus was killed by a yellow dragon who took it. Except Icarus was never killed. He was the yellow dragon, now called Avyecriarthis, and remained the holder of the weapon for nearly a thousand years before the last Theseus shows up and proves himself worthy of being the next wielder. That wasn’t purposeful and he was surprised as the rest of us.

So across literal time and space, relying on generations directly before and long ago living lives literal worlds apart, in the end somehow these two dipsticks end up together and are related to Istishia, Eldath, the Planar System and Everything.

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Avy gifted Gabe a particular greataxe despite not knowing how it worked, and the damn thing grants her “elemental rages” for water, fire, earth and air. There’s been a lot of elemental stuff sprinkled in and it has never been the focus but it has always been there. The whole Eldath/Istishia/The Elements/Planar System Travel/This Coming Apocalypse red string board is basically my Pepe Silvia for this campaign. I know all these elements are connected I just don’t know solidly HOW or WHY and it is KILLING ME SLOWLY. Or it could just be 42.

#ondonti #orc #orcs #gabe #wednesday game

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lindyhunt · 6 years

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Why Are Women Turning to Witchcraft in 2018?

There was little place for the word “witch” in my Roman Catholic upbringing. Yet, despite nuns patrolling the school halls and weekly confession at church, I felt a magnetic pull toward all things witchy. I became obsessed with the film The Craft, begged my parents for a Ouija board and even held lunchtime “seances” with my schoolmates, one of which I’m still convinced created a towering swirl of dust that sent everyone running for the hills.

My flirtation with the occult lasted into middle school and was mostly a superficial study in teen angst. I frequented Hot Topic at the mall, experimented with gothic garb on the weekends, surreptitiously got a few untoward piercings and blasted Garbage, Veruca Salt and Hole from my bedroom. As I entered my senior year, my inner anarchist was tamed by my desire to succeed academically and socially. My alternative choices weren’t winning me any popularity contests, so I befriended our high school’s queen bee, started dating a football player and traded in my studded choker for pink lipgloss.

It’s not hard to see why I was so quick to abandon my witchy inclinations. Throughout history, the word “witch” has been demonized, used to describe ugly old hags lurking in the woods and plotting devilish schemes or conspiring to eat little children. In reality, witchcraft has less to do with the sordid rituals depicted in movies than it does a woman’s innate connection to nature, inner wisdom and intuition, explains writer Lisa Lister in her book Witch: Unleashed. Untamed. Unapologetic. “A witch is a woman in her power,” says Lister, whose book offers ways women can use magic to self-heal, manifest dreams and create change. This is a truth the pagan community has known since time immemorial, but today, elements of witchcraft, like tarot readings, smoke cleansing and healing crystals, have become part of our vernacular. Women today are feeling the same draw toward their own magic that I felt as a child. Yet “witch” has been used as a pejorative for centuries.

Today, elements of witchcraft, like tarot readings, smoke cleansing and healing crystals, have become part of our vernacular. Women today are feeling the same draw toward their own magic that I felt as a child.

Witchcraft, a term used to describe a wide range of practices and pagan belief systems, has its roots in the Goddess religions of ancient Europe and the Middle East. This ancient earth-based spirituality celebrates the divine feminine and holds a deep reverence for nature, the cycles of the seasons and female sexuality at its core. Slowly, Goddess religions were superseded by war-based, patriarchal belief systems, the most well-known example being Christianity. From the 15th to 17th centuries, the Church unleashed the force of the Inquisition to convert non-believers and suppress dissent, during which women were used as scapegoats for political and social unrest.

Under the guidance of the tome Malleus Maleficarum (“The Hammer of the Witches”), millions of women were declared heretics and tortured, hung or burned alive during the infamous witch hunts. This female genocide targeted any woman with property or power, women who practised herbal or natural forms of healing (midwives in particular) and women who displayed sexual independence.

“If you read the witch trial accounts, it’s all about sexuality being this horrible, dangerous force,” says Starhawk, a Witch, activist and one of the founding mothers of neo-Goddess religion. Starhawk says the legacy of this fear mongering is still evident today. “The persecutions have left us with fear around standing up, taking our power and speaking out,” she explains. “They have left us with a sense that power, especially spiritual power, that isn’t affected by or accepted by the authorities is somehow dangerous and suspect.”

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A post shared by The Hoodwitch® (@thehoodwitch) on Aug 21, 2018 at 9:21am PDT

In case you missed it, the witch—Wiccan and beyond—is having a moment in pop culture. Millennials are turning to traditional forms of divination like tarot, #witchfashion and #modernwitch yield thousands of results on Instagram and celebrities are publicly identifying as witches. Post-Trump election, Lana Del Rey admitted to casting a hex on the president as part of a worldwide movement to bind Trump through magic ritual led by Michael M. Hughes, author of the recently released Magic for the Resistance: Rituals and Spells for Change. Lorde is quoted as calling her group of friends her “coven” and has become an icon for gothic fashion. Vanity Fair dubbed her “The Queen of Darkness.” Influencers like Bri Luna of The Hoodwitch are part of the vanguard that is defining the modern witch, with an Instagram aesthetic that garners over 300,000 followers and touts “everyday magic for the modern mystic.”

The witch aesthetic is de rigueur. Fashion labels such as Comme des Garçons, Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen have all turned to the dark, subversive style of the witch in their designs. Experimental designers Edward Meadham and Clio Peppiatt looked to the witch for inspiration in their Spring 2018 collections. Peppiatt was inspired by the 2016 film The Love Witch, a lush technicolour dream that satirizes how female sexuality is portrayed in the horror genre. Tarot-card motifs, skeletons and cosmic references abound.

Clio Peppiatt Spring 2018 Collection. Photography by Asia Werbel.

In her book Witches, Sluts, Feminists, modern witch and writer Kristen J. Sollée notes that during the witch-hunting era, “glamour” meant a magic spell of illusion cast by a witch. “The traditional witch aesthetic is about dressing for yourself, not for the male gaze,” explains Sollée, who teaches a class on the legacy of the witch at New York’s New School. “Black is also stereotypically not considered a feminine colour, so, in a way, there’s a rejection of traditional femininity when you’re dressing like the witch,” she adds. The witch was the original Man Repeller. However, dressing in dark, gothic style is by no means a requirement to practise witchcraft. “You can totally be a pink, patent-leather, leopard-print witch,” notes Sollée.

Modern metaphysical shops and tarot boutiques are also a far cry from their dark, beaded-curtain, incense-shrouded predecessors. Passersby could easily mistake Vancouver’s The Good Spirit for a chic home-decor boutique torn from the pages of Dwell Magazine: White walls and sparse greenery are the backdrop for bowls of colourful crystals and artfully displayed bundles of sage and juniper; Scandinavian-style chairs and tables adorned with white hydrangeas and candles set the stage for tarot readings. “I didn’t feel like there was a place that spoke to a new generation of people tapping into their spirituality that would seem relatable,” says owner Savannah Olsen. “Our aesthetic means that we get a lot of first-time readings.”

Well spread ✨🔮✨ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Photo c/o our friend @bexadel

A post shared by The Good Spirit (@thegoodspirit) on Jul 17, 2018 at 6:51pm PDT

For those for whom witchcraft has been a deep, lifelong spiritual practice, this shift of witchcraft and its accoutrements from the fringes to the mainstream is both galvanizing and problematic. As when any marginalized movement becomes popular, there is the fear that its mass consumption will cheapen or water down its ethos, or that its symbols will be appropriated by those who lack the esoteric knowledge that grants a deeper understanding. As Sollée outlines in the chapter “Hex Sells: Feminism, Capitalism, and the Witch,” the major issue with the commodification of witchcraft is that in some cases it feeds into a mindless consumer culture. When you pick up a smudging stick or tarot deck from a big chain like Urban Outfitters, you may be unknowingly supporting overseas sweatshops that pollute the environment or exploit women, explains Sollée. The upside is that the exploration of some of witchcraft’s more superficial aspects can act as a gateway to meaningful belief and practice. “I think it’s great,” says Starhawk. “Out of that initial interest people may say ‘I’m going to do more than just dress the part; I’m going to study, read and find some groups I can learn from.’”

In our Trump-era political landscape, when women’s sexual and reproductive rights are under siege, it seems appropriate that women are turning to the symbol of the witch for empowerment.

One arena in which the mainstream co-opting of witchcraft seems to have gone deeper than surface level is the political sphere. In our Trump-era political landscape, when women’s sexual and reproductive rights are under siege, it seems appropriate that women are turning to the symbol of the witch for empowerment. “Historically, the word ‘witch’ has been used to punish women and police female sexuality,” says Sollée. “The word ‘slut’ is the same in that both have been used to ostracize women and mark them as less than.” Although the feminist reclaiming of the word “witch” can be traced back to the suffragists, and later the W.I.T.C.H. movement of the ’60s, its recent thrust into the spotlight can be partly attributed to the 2016 election.

The word was weaponized against Hillary Clinton during the presidential campaign. In addition to Trump’s infamous “nasty woman” remark, Hillary was called “the wicked witch of the left” and “the devil,” and radio host Rush Limbaugh declared her a “witch with a capital B.” In reaction, Hillary supporters subverted this rhetoric, declaring themselves “witches for Hillary.” “Women flipped the script and the narrative,” says Sollée. “If everyone’s going to call Hillary a witch, well, yeah, witches are fucking cool. Witches are empowered women.”

The widespread appeal of the witch circa 2018 goes beyond feminism. Witchcraft’s reverence for nature and its negation of so many cornerstones of capitalist culture strike at the core of some of the greatest issues of our time. With heartbreaking reminders of the planet’s decimation spreading like wildfire (quite literally), turning to ancient practices that exalt nature and, in many cases, work toward conservation resonates with people. Much of the ritual work Starhawk leads is focused on environmental restoration. “The core of Goddess religion is the work of regeneration, and to me that’s very sacred work,” she says. At a time in history when our lives are predominantly digital, voice-activated and automatic, the tactile, earthy qualities of witchcraft, such as smoke cleansing, tarot card readings and other ritual work, may also touch on a longing in all of us for something real that we can connect with.

While I can thank my childhood years in the confessional for jump-starting my career as a writer and storyteller, being in touch with my own power, intellect and sexuality is something I no longer feel the need to atone for. I may not join a coven, but if we’re speaking of empowered, creative, politically-conscious women, “witch” is a word I’m happy to define myself with. At a time when the rights of marginalized people are under fire and the planet is suffering, identifying with the witch, a symbol of solidarity and liberation, is a radical act of rebellion. It’s the witching hour.

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thinking2050bytricia-blog · 7 years

Text

Interview with Surgeon Notes

These are my raw notes with Beatriz Leong, a resident surgeon.

Beatriz Leong (33)

General Surgery Resident at USC Alina 18 months Dailin 12 years

What do you think about the concept of an Artificial Womb?

“ I don’t think it’s going to take off” Pregnancy is a very unique process It’s made that you build this bond with the child. -> There’s going to be bonding issues with that.” I don’t recommend it.

It’s not going to be accessible, it’s too expensive. Not going to be a future. Perhaps for a high-risk pregnancy.

I can imagine that people would still use it. Like in concierge medicine. Family doctors are expensive. They’ll do everything for the patient. The ethics are more blurred. Not accessible to everyone.

What do you think about universal healthcare?

The way things are going, I doubt it. Heathcare-> a lot of countries believe its a human right make it univerally available but in this country, capitalism makes it difficult. Implementing universal healthcare private insurance companies individidualism-> people want unique & special -> one of the things that will continue people are living longer and developing new diseases Like what?

“Everything will be patient centered” The pharmacies will be closer. Everything should communicate together, hard changing in many levels training, uncomfortable-> Electronic health records, having to work, electronic is harder?

Electronic documentation takes more time. Electronic healthcare some systems fo well. Most don’t implement changes Noew computers can access indefinitely, so there’s more litigation. Patients feel convenience at fingertips, physicians in the future will have more of this.

50 years more accountable for everything * patient its a simpler process, family physian, patients want more specialists. That makes the cycle worse

New Diseases -> Advanced types of cancers -> Incidental things, clinically involved -> Go to the ER, want CT Scan ->PAtients request imaging -> Find abnormalities small tumors for example

**People are now more worried about small things in their bodies that would not **Problem: too much scanning and exposure to radiation (how would we fix that?)

Do you think that robots will be able to diagnose and doctors will not have to do it? Web MD. For quick diagnosis “I don’t think there is a percentage of error. I don’t think a machine or robot will be able to diagnose with absolute certainty and take that judgement.”

** Doctors will still be needed to help discuss the options with the patient, as it is an emotional encounter.

What is the emotional connection? Is it much better if a doctor gives the message? The doctor can read them and empathize with them. What would you do if this was your mother?

I do think medicine will become more accessible, diagnosis, treatment options Patients will live longer “Certain element of comfort to have someone go through it with you”

What happens in a really good connection? Most of meds truly want to help people its really difficult to have the discussion with people

**The goal of a doctor is to help people (Intrinsic purpose) innate drive People would see someone that they are comfortable with, and will drive far to go to them. Seeing a doctor has value over typing symptoms.

What kinds of diseases will exist in an aging population? Atherosclerotic disease (From fats) Lifestyle diseases Dementia Parkinsons Toxins Air quality

Defibrillators connect to your phone and surgeon etc, we can talk and communicate easily.

What changes in healthcare for the elderly? Education does not equal training physicians for the future large deficit of physicians in the beginning more sub speciality services not enough experiences Ends up affecting the poor and uneducated Personal health care heart failure services pacemaker

Longevity healthcare Age is a pretty strong factor, hearts are older ** its important for patients to be dedicated to their health and be self-driven needs to start early *habits are difficult to break

Nanotechnology what do you know about it?

I worked on nanodelivery mechanisms. We are a long way from it We have magnetic beads with specific surface peptides. Certainly will happen

Pregnancy

Big Pharma “Med start ups are bough out by a bigger company.” Startups will be bought by doctores small companies dont have resources to run randomized clinical trials Clinical trials Realistically only the NIH Gov running slower development, not develop as quickly because only patients stand to gain for it. People dont have trials Big pharma is capitalism things being overprices, we developed technology to be advanced ** its what motivates people to create more solutions, like with investors. If it is government run it is too slow.

What do you think of my vision of a UBI? Its quite a big socialist idea This country attacks communist socialist I don’t foresee it State level may work, people will pay more taxes, will provide them with basic People will pay more taxes, I already have to pay 30% of my income because of my tax bracket Provide them with basic salary do strongly believe we don’t take care of our elders and sustain our jobs.

What do you think about the universal income People inherently compete, get more money, vicious cycles Certain percentage of population top 1% will get it Its not sustainable

What do you think about the universal income? A person at UPS and me will make the same amount of money in 40 years

Whats a better solution? What is more feasible? Making jobs and education that are invaluable to society more afforable know plenty of jobs that never go away. There are so many people that can become amazing Doctors, teachers, surgeons, debt is impossible Cuts out so many people. We still have a huge teaching deficit Make jobs like this (teaching jobs) more attractive more money less debt Recruit more at high schools.

How to get there Theres no guidance, nobody cares you have to do it yourself. degree and cannot use it. Education is not efficient. **People feel the pressure to 4 years of university There should be more vocational schools You should not have to rack up so much debt and then go to vocational school.

What do you think about designer babies? No professional exposure to designer babies Genetically modified child, selecting beauty characteristics, the number of times things go wrong is inevitable, long term health pregnancy is rare enough Health and convenience and safety. Highly unethical

amniocentesis **People will be able to tell what disease their baby will have many children are aborted in the first trimester. There are so many problems that can go wrong in the pregnancy. Healthy pregnancy is so rare that starting to modify a fetus is highly unethical.

Epigenetics *Nearby coding material DNA helix contracted, when its all together You don’t know how this will affect everything What if it does not work? Possible with everyone Physicians will say no Concierge medicine-> Money eventually will allow it

New sports * Be smart -> Genetically modified children will face bullying and be profiled with discrimination, It will put a target on the child *Its like being adopted People will discriminate against them **GMC will struggle with identity problems Women will have fetuses with birth defects. Incompatible with life. Women will be able to choose to abort a child.

What do you think about Artificial Wombs and Abortion?

I don’t know if it’s medically possible to separate the placenta fetus from a womb. The blood floor stops, Who is going to raise those kids? Taxpayers money. Homes I don’t know that not aborting the child will allow a child to have a better life because we cannot assume a child will be wanted and cared for. and I don’t know which one is better.

It’s worse hearing about an abused child.

It is the utilitarian approach? I don’t think that would work.

Aging populations should be comfortable and beauty. It’s not the way it is. More fragiles, feasible to be other. *****People want to feel young and free Everyone will complain things will start to not feel right

Mother Foetal Attachment: As an outsider, and as a Mother Medically largely emotional event to give birth. There is hormonal imbalance Need hormonal injections to simulate it. Massive rush of endorphines Mutilate the body. You’re okay with pain to bring life. emotions trigger memories unlike anything you experience man and women. Love makes you silling, and goofy Going through the pregnanncy Emotions trigger memories, unlike anything you experience. Man and women sense of doom.

Concept artificial womb situation 1. some upsides: **A. Women in a male dominated field will be able to work while pregnant B. Certain Value to not having to miss work

2. Medically cannot conceptualise how this would work **3. Problem: Cannot leave child alone at home 4. Could have a pod center. fetus is a parasite, womens hormones will be irregular **5. its like how a penguin brings their eggs around****

How will society react to it? 1. people will be nice, curious and interested 2. People will want babies, everyone loves them 3. Its like having a surrogate 4. everyone has a right to have a baby

Aging 1. should be beautiful 2. everyone aging is fragile, wrinkles, shrinks, feasible to be mobile longer.

In Urban homes * people have less kids, 2 doctors no kids. * population is aging because less epople have kids, elderly will work longer, people are developed and not have kids

More older people will have to work or less people? **Keep skilled people in the workforce. Hope this means more jobs for younger people. 15 year difference, level of expecation for work. great depression -> Glad to have any job not the case anymore **raising people entitled to convenience will find that they are not as hardworking and just WANT to be rich and free.

9 months -> Breast feeding, drink milk and toddler different taste

Babies drink regular milk? Every 3-4 hours she would have a bottle. She would eat a little bit then have a bottle.

What was it like to take care of her as a newborn?

Not too bad, it was like a whirlwind. It’s a huge difference in responsibility. Everything you do revolves around the newborn. They don’t sleep well, they don’t eat well, they poo all the time.

Figure out how to get them to eat

How do you get them to eat? I breast fed both of them. They had to learn how to latch on. It’s hard to get them to lat on and release, and they can give you sores. They need to breast feed and get milk (design product to help babies latch onto their mother’s breast)

She was getting jaundice and belerubin. She was getting dehydrated and yellow. She had to get a hospital thing, she had to feed her and pump to get enough milk.

Once she latches on, it’s not a problem. You just have to limit how long they feed. It’s soothing and it makes them fall asleep. People would supplement them with a pacifier and they would fall asleep like that. Once you get them on a good eating schedule you need to get them on a good sleeping schedule. Hopefully they take an hour nap and then you gotta clean them. With her, we would put her down not in our room and give her three hours to sleep and relax. She was never fussy and would fall asleep. When she was a couple months, she started to sleep 6 hours at 2 months, then 8 hours then all throughout the night. She could start sleeping at 3 months.

The dad’s cant do a lot, they can’t nurse, they can’t nurse them at night. Her husband would be awake during the day a lot and then at night she would be up. Eventually she started sleeping through the night.

The key is to sleep when they sleep. I can sleep anywhere. A lot of people can’t sleep anywhere. A lot of new moms struggle with being able to sleep right. You need to feed them so that they don’t get dehydrated.

It takes them 45 minutes to drink 2 oz,

15 mins changing them

30 mins get them to sleep

30 mins and do it all over again.

You got to figure out your routine. I would give her a bath, change her, wrap her, swaddle, put her in the crib and she fell asleep. She was so happy it worked. It was totally by accident but she was able to get the baby to go to sleep in the crib. ** you can teach baby sleeping habits.

Dailin was different. She would only sleep if you rocked her to bed, and she would sleep on her husband’s chest.

You seem to deal with that unending cycle pretty well huh? The baby is so good.

What about when you were pregnant with her? What was the first trimester like?

We had a hard time to get pregnant.

The first one was easy but it was hard to have more babies.

She started medical school, and she could not have a baby at that time, so she went on birth control.

The next moment, she was able to have a child.

She wanted to have it with good timing, so that with work it would all go well together.

1st trimester “I was always nauseated. I was always throwing up.” In the OR she would go out, throw up then come back. “I was always tired” She only wants to sleep all the time. She just wants to go back to sleep. For like the longest time, I stopped six months before getting pregnant. I wanted to be healthy, I wasn’t drinking coffee or medications. Being a surgery resident and not drinking coffee its’s difficult.

* *its hard you cannot take medication when pregnant.

By the time that you’re nine months you are so big and 30 pounds overweight, most people gain a lot more

2nd trimester is a nice medium period You can’t lay on your back. IV & back pressure sore and heavy. Bodies hormones get used to hormone levels. Not so big that your physically limited

3rd trimester is anxiety provoking. Winding down? There’s all these anticipatory emotions. When you are over that midway point there’s all this counting down. Holy shit am I ready. It’s been 12 years since we did this what are we going to do. It is definitely exciting.

I was not dialating. When the babies get 41 weeks, they grow a pound a week

The placenta starts to peel away on its own, there’s a lot of risk to the baby,

Baby has blankets she carrys around. Baby has her own language, basic more all done say thank you. Eat and drink, eating a lot, picky dimsum, eat everything.

Car seats: They hate it. Some kids like it, some kids hate car seats and not being free 1. removeable car seats are easier 2. Toddler seat has to stay in the car. Struggles, difficult ot get out. Likes going in the cave and playing *3. Fancy carseats don’t work, they need to be baby proof because babies will pop in it, throw up, throw chocolate, everything. 4. one arm is in and the other is out 5. she likes going in the car to play with buttons but she doesnt like sitting in the carseat

Stroller: She will not get into a stroller. a good stroller would be a jogging stroller.

What was it like to not be able to conceive? I try to stay fairly positive & See the good. Not let it affect my work Supportive

What’s it like to have kids as a surgeon and working? Residents usually don’t have kids because they are too busy. before that nobody had kids, most of the nurses didnt have kids. ** The hardest thing was not being able to be home when having a bad day, **Not being able to relax, hard to be away from them * miss out and gone a lot. a lot of guilt is associated with that. WOuldnt be happy without being a surgeon and having kids Nobody teaches you to be a parent. -> Definitely a lot of pressure and judgement **Children need a mom figure in their lives. both parents work and still work

Premies twins premature, babies not ideal babies survive as early What do they need 1. Breathing tubes that are tiny (half size of pen) 2. IV Access. cannullas in the heart and the big vein. Draw the blood out of the vein and into the heart.

3. In the umbillical artery (Hebrin to prevent it 4. Put a catherer in their blood to take care of them 5. Their skin is not mature enough as a barrier 6. Warmer -> Incubators 7. Babies don’t go home until they are a stational age. 8.dialysis the blood. 9. Babies are fed formula or try to get the mothers to pump their milk 10. PFO - open corrin Require many surgeries esophagus to fix that feeding tube (Suckle on a niple for 3 weeks.

There are so many problems that can go wrong with birth defects. I don’t know how this machine would work. I have no idea how I would have had a normal pregnancy

“you don’t think of all the negative aspects.”

What is that? Freezing eggs Ovulate, 2 or a handful of eggs menopause chanves of reg is less ->U have all the eggs in your system ->Chances of having eggs are less Invitro doesnt always work

New industry**** * Service to have frozen eggs, service to harvest eggs, service for storing eggs, service for getting the eggs back. Very expensive *People desire to have children. ** Strong desire.

I dont get desensitized. patients affect her quite a bit

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