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meteorit3737 · 4 years

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A week later, Cameron said she was ready to buy a new car. She chose the most similar to the old one ("This design saved our lives and health!"), even the same color. But the new car stayed outside the house for another two weeks before Cam could get behind the wheel.

Haley had just returned from school to find Cam sitting behind the wheel of a new car with her eyes closed. She went to the driver's door and leaned against it, waiting for Cam to see her. Cam opened her eyes and looked at her.

- Hey, Cam! How are you? - Haley asked, almost in a whisper.

- I'm fine. I'm just thinking of going to the Airstream to see if everything's all right, - Cam said uncertainly.

- Can I come with you?

- With me? - Cam raised her eyebrows. - Do you really want to come with me? When I'm driving?

- Yes, - Haley walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat. - I like the new cars. And you're a good driver with the right reaction. And besides, - Haley snapped her seat belt, - I'm already strapped in.

Cam shook her head, smiled, and started the car. They drove off, talking about different websites and movies, and Haley didn't comment that the driving speed was a little slower than usual. As they drove up to the trailer, they both remembered that they were hungry. Cam went back to the farm they had just passed, and they bought eggs, milk, and homemade bread from two old men. In the Airstream, Cam and Haley made toast and coffee, which they enjoyed sitting on folding chairs.

Then they cleaned everything up, took the rest of the food with them, and went home. They were met by Donna, who had already returned from the Symphonic. She pretended that Cam was driving is a common thing, for which Cam silently nodded her appreciation. The three of them sat in the kitchen for tea, Haley talking about the trip, Cam putting eggs and milk in the refrigerator.

- Mom, the farmers we bought food from have soulmarks on their hands. This is so unusual, I've never seen two matching marks side by side before.

- Yes, I've seen their marks, too, - Donna said.

- There's a boy at my school who has a mark on his forearm and almost always wears long-sleeve shirts. And one girl has a mark under her knee, so she always wears pants. But if the mark is on the wrist, it can't be hidden and everyone can read the written name. I wonder how these people found each other. And how do those who have the mark hidden by their clothes find their soulmates?

- I think they just communicate like people who don't have a mark, and if a person has become close, then you can say about your mark, - Donna said.

Cam sat in a chair, listening intently.

- What if we make a site to search for soulmates? - Haley suggested. - Create a database based on the name and location of the mark. Do you think this will help people find each other?

- I don't know, - Cam said thoughtfully. - Imagine that you see a person for the first time and know that he is your soulmate. That would be something... difficult.

- Yes, I agree with Cam, - Donna said, and sat down at the table across from Cam, her hands wrapped around a mug of tea. - It would be the opposite of dating. It's as if someone from the future told you that this would be your closest person, but this is the first time you've seen them. I mean, I don 't know how it happens when soulmates meet, but it's hardly like in cartoons - thunder, lightning, loss of speech or anything like that.

- But if this is your soulmate, doesn't that mean that you are destined to understand each other best, love each other, and never quarrel? - Haley asked.

- Honey, - Donna said, smiling, - it's impossible to never quarrel. The main thing to remember is what is more important - the reason for the quarrel or the relationship with the person. And love can't protect you from mistakes.

- It turns out that soulmates have no advantages over free choice? - Cam asked thoughtfully.

- I don't know, - Donna said . - Perhaps when two people are in love with each other, and then find out that they are soulmates, it is as a confirmation of the right choice. Maybe it helps them fight so that they don't break up?

- And if a person fell in love with someone, and then met his soul mate, where do you think his love will go? - Cam asked.

- I can't imagine that love will disappear like the snap of a finger. It's beyond reason, - Donna reasoned. - But I can't imagine suddenly falling in love with a stranger, either. But what if I'm wrong about thunder and lightning? And this meeting with soulmate can greatly complicate someone's life. Therefore, the idea with the site does not seem very good to me. Although, if you do not have a heartfelt attachment, then you can look for your soulmate.

- Well, maybe it would save people from a doomed relationship? - Cam smiled ruefully. - You write your data, find a couple, you meet, fall in love and are happy forever.

- We could do a name search by individual letters on the site for cases like yours, - Haley said, turning to her mother.

Cam looked at Donna with interest:

- Cases like yours? Do you have a mark?

- Yes, there is, - Donna nodded.

- Isn't that Gordon? - Cam wondered .

- Mom, didn't you tell Cam this story? - Haley asked, confused, trying to figure out if her mother didn't mind her bringing it up.

Donna answered calmly:

- We just never talked about it. Yes, I have a mark, but I don't know if it's about Gordon. I ruined it before I read it.

- How could this happen? - Cam forgot her tea and stared at Donna.

- I didn't have any marks when I was born. I was already 15 when I was once in the garage with my dad, I always liked working with tools and that day we were soldering. I was very involved in the process and suddenly felt such a burning-prickling sensation and I wanted to scratch this place unbearably. I automatically reached out with my right hand, forgetting that I was holding a soldering iron.

Cam shivered and frowned sympathetically. She was about to say something when the phone rang. Haley ran over, picked up the phone, heard who was speaking, and smiled:

- Mom, it's Jessica! I'm going to my room to talk to her!

And Haley ran upstairs. Donna watched her go and went on with her story:

- No, it didn't hurt that much, but when I started treating on the burn, I saw the letters. Of course, I immediately realized that it was a soulmark, but even when the burn was healed, you could only read the last two letters - "on", and the first was not clearly visible, but judging by the arc, it was the letter O, C or G. The middle of the word was lost forever. Can you imagine my disappointment? I suddenly have a soulmark, but I can't read it.

- And when you met Gordon... - Cam began to speak.

- I thought it was him. We started dating and fell in love. But then it turned out that he didn't have a mark. Then we found out that we were waiting for Joanie. And we decided to ignore my mark, since there is no chance of reading it anyway. However, Gordon was a little nervous about all the names that could fit these letters.

- Did you met them often? People with those names? - Cam asked.

- No, it's really rare. But somehow it was immediately clear that they are the wrong people. At the clinic where my pregnancy was observed, there was a doctor Grayson, he was about 60 years old, then one of the employees at work was named Clayton, he had seven children. Do you remember Peters?

- Since Halloween? - Cam asked.

- Yeah. Well, his name is Carlton. - Donna giggled.

- Oh, no! - Cam's face twisted as if she'd eaten something sour.

- And there was you. When Gordon first mentioned your name, he didn't say you were a girl. I thought the new programmer was a young guy named Cameron, and I was interested in just looking at him, because he must be talented to be entrusted with writing the BIOS. And then Joanie and I went to Cardiff electric and met you in the bathroom.

Donna smiled at the memory, and Cam shook her head:

- I was very harsh with you!

- Yes, but I hardly noticed it, because my brain was working at high speed, trying to figure out if Gordon had told me about you. Then why didn't he correct me when I was talking about you as a guy? Was testing my reaction? Or was he talking about someone else? How likely is it that there will be two people named Cameron in the same firm? I've never met anyone with that name, and here are two!

- Well, you know that was my father's name, - Cam said softly.

- I remember, - Donna said. - Gordon told me afterwards that Cameron was a girl, and that he didn't know why he didn't say it right away. And I can't imagine you with another name, to be honest. – Donna shrugged.

- Me, too, - Cam said. - I've lived with that name a lot longer than I have with Catherine.

- And you... Do you have a mark? - Donna asked uncertainly. She didn't know why she was so afraid to ask that question. Perhaps she was afraid of the answer?

- Yes, - Cam sighed. Donna flinched, her heart skipping a beat.

- It... Is It Joe?

- What? No! - Cam exclaimed. - It's not a name at all! I'm such a ridiculous person that I even got a ridiculous mark. I was born with it, butI've never seen anything like it to that stupid combination of letters. Sfhhr, - slowly, stretching out each sound, she made a strange combination of sounds. - Most of all, it sounds like a modem connection. Apparently my soulmate is a modem, not a single person will not be happy with me. Can you imagine that being someone's name? Sfhhr - it's even difficult to read it the first time!

- Because you don't have a decoder ring, - Donna said under her breath. It was a wonder that she could say anything at all; her heart seemed to stop in her chest, and her head was spinning.

- What? - Cam asked . - Jesus, Donna, you 're all white, how do you feel?

- I... I'm fine. - Donna took a deep breath and the dizziness began to pass. - The decoder ring - Gordon ordered it for me, we had our own code...

- Yes, I know, he told me about it back in the days of Cardiff electric, - Cam nodded in understanding.

- Sfhhr - I teased him about it. That the code is not particularly good if the sound of my name turns out to be so ugly.

- Your... Your name? - Cam's voice dropped to a whisper. She gripped the edge of the table with her fingers and leaned forward tensely. Donna nodded slowly, keeping her eyes on Cam's wide-open eyes.

- Yeah. So many years have passed since we last wrote these encrypted notes, I remember my name well, I signed each note like this.

- What year was that? When did you get the mark? - Cam asked, her voice ringing with excitement. How can she speak so high when just now barely whispered? - somewhere in the back of her mind Donna wondered . She quickly made simple calculations.

- In 1969.

Cam covered her face with her hands and exhaled noisily. She took her hands away and looked at Donna, her eyes burning with determination.

- In 1969, I was 9 years old. My father died and I decided that I would now bear his name so that he would remain in this world. I stopped responding to name Catherine and only responded to Cameron. Everyone at school started calling me Cameron after a week. My mother lasted two months. I remember the day when she said that if I was so cruel and I was so stubborn that I made her say my father's name that hurt her, then so be it, she would call me Cameron. Since then, name Catherine has remained only in the documents, and my mother's new husband also called me that.

- Do you know what that means? - Donna felt her mark warm and itch slightly. It wasn't an allergy! She understood. It was a reaction to the proximity of another mark!

- That we should have gone to the pool instead of the shooting range together?

Cam stood up and put her left hand in her jeans pocket, and now that Donna knew where to look and how to look, she saw Cam scratch her own itchy mark. In the same place as Donna's, at the top of her thigh, just where the bottom of her jeans pockets usually end up. Donna had seen that gesture so often and didn't know what it meant. She was too busy trying to resist the urge to do the same.

- There's a quick way to check, right? - Cam walked around the table and held out her right hand to Donna. Donna grabbed her arm, not quite sure what Cam was up to. Cam pulled her up, pulled her to her feet, and said: - They say you can't go wrong when the matching marks are near.

Donna pressed the fingers of her left hand to her mark and felt a momentary relief. Her right hand was gripping Cam's. Slowly, as if rehearsing a dance, they turned to face each other, approaching with their left sides. Donna saw Cam take her hand out of her pocket, look up, and meet her gaze. Cam's earnest, expressive face was agitated. Donna took her hand away from her mark, her knees weak and her legs wobbling, and she gripped Cam's shoulder to steady herself and pressed her leg against Cam's.

Warm, tender, and tingling like orange soda bubbles, the sensation spread through her entire body. It was like when Mutiny first launched, like when the first user walked into the Community room, like when Cam said she wanted to be part of the Community and started pouring ideas, like when they raced through the night with two new XT's in Cam's car, like when Cam said "Working with you was the most fun of my life", like when Cam suggested working together again, like waking up with her in Airstream. It was a dream, a flight, a delight, and a homecoming at the same time. Donna saw the Cam's pupils dilate and the expression on her face become indescribable, and she realized that it was the same for her.

As if an electromagnet had been activated, they were drawn closer and closer to each other. Slightly weathered from biting her lip and neglecting lipstick, Cam's lips brushed hers, and Donna ran her tongue over them gently. She felt Cam's smile and deepened the kiss.

No one knew how much time had passed when they broke away from each other, without breaking their embrace, and smiled, overcome by a feeling of overwhelming happiness and tenderness.

- I don't know what I missed, - Haley said, standing in the kitchen doorway with a sly smile and a phone in her hand, - but if talking about the soulmarks brought you here, I'm sorry I didn't bring it up sooner.

#theresebelivett #halt and catch fire #they don't obey me #I thought it was the end of the story but they didn't think so #just for fun

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anatomiedunfantome · 7 years

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Balance

What is balance? is it being able to juggle a job, 2 children with 2 different schedules, bills, car maintenance, a love life and self care all at once? because if so i may be on the heavier side of the scale. I looked at my mothers facebook today. I saw blurry selfies, an old picture of what used to be my family, meaning my children and their stepbrother, some more blurry photos of my sisters and lots and lots of Jesus propaganda. From this fb profile you would never guess what this woman was capable of. From this face book profile you see a god fearing woman who is grateful for her children, for her grand children and for life itself.

From this facebook profile i see a facade. i see a sick woman who has found the most appropriate platform to rebuild herself and present herself as she wishes to be seen. Pretty, warm, great color contrast and the right details will make any living room the family tv sitcom we see on a television. My home, my clothes, my hair had just that. Very well taken care of on the outside, but on the inside, cold, scared, lifeless. At 8 years old i found myself waiting. Always waiting. Would she come out of her room today? would she feed me today? if i knocked would i receive a response? if i broke in through the sliding door would i find her again naked with one of my abusers? or would a glass cup come hurdling towards my skull. id rather wait then to find out. My days would be spent flipping back and forth through television stations, disney channel, cartoon network, nickelodeon, mtv if i was feeling edgy. If i was hungry id rummage through the fridge and see what i could find but mostly survived off snack packs, untoasted bread with butter, and hardly boiled eggs. I loved playing with my barbie dolls, creating dramatic worlds like id seen on tv. id always have one doll be the victim, and thered always be a boy to understand, to save her if you will, from her own thoughts, from her abuse. Sometimes id get really bored and start looking through drawers, cabinets, closets, bags anything really. id read everything i could, books, labels, cd covers. My mom hadnt caught me at this point and id discovered some old vhs tapes with the title scratched off. It was maurice sendaks’ most loved stories in cartoon form sung by carole king. this vhs, and his stories to this day are extremely soothing to me. Among one of my explorations i found a Linkin Park CD and a cd player. Definitley was going through my brothers things. I ran to my room and i remember being afraid to play it. i was afraid that it would be the scariest thing i ever heard, demons or people screaming and dying. i cant tell you why i felt that way but thats what i felt. when i finally mustered up the courage to listen i couldnt believe it. i couldnt believe that someone else in this entire world had felt what i felt. alone, scared, sad, angry. He had so much to say and every word correlated with how i felt about my mother. i would listen to “hybrid theory” over and over on repeat, mouthing the words in my room, imagining i was screaming them at her face. I would find myself crying out for my father, for my brother, for God. Wondering what i had done to deserve what i had been dealt. I wondered why, if i had been so well behaved, she still hated me. i wondered why and how my brother could leave me alone with her. Or where my father was. and if he had loved me so much why hadnt he taken me with him. why did everyone leave me alone with this person who so obviously couldnt stand me. Every now and then shed come out of her room and id smell food and id hear Brenton Wood singing, and i would crawl into the hall to peak out and see if it was real. If she was there. Her response was never the same. Sometimes warm, sometimes shed pretend she was on a cooking show like Ina Garten or Paula deen, and begin to tell me how to make what she was making. Other times, shed spot me and id receive threats.” That room better be clean or im gonna kick your ass!” “Hija de su chingada madre, you came in here and ate all the fucking bread and the butter” “how have you been walking around this house and not cleaned anything up you son of a bitch”. SOmetimes shed be on cleaning binges and i was forced to help, and recieve beatings with the remote (her favorite) a sandal or whatever was near for something as small as scuffed shoes or trash under my bed. No matter the reaction i received i always remained quiet Shed still have her parties and id still have uninvited guests in my room. Or her guests would sit and bounce me on their lap even tho i was much too old for it, nobody ever stopped them. nobody ever said it was inappropriate. My mother had a boyfriend, George. George had come and gone from life quite a bit and he was my favorite of all her boyfriends. I loved him. he spoke mainly spanish and he would listen to me ramble and watch me play. hed buy me taco bell and take me for walks. At one point i expressed to my mother that i loved him and i wanted him to be my father. Her expression was startled. As a grown woman i could tell you that George wasnt smart. he was very air headed and a drunk.He was raised in cartel country mexico. the last time i spoke to him i was 16 and he revealed to me that my mother had accused him of being in my bed with me. My life was shattered that night. i had never turned around. i would never look to see who it was. it became so normal to me that sometimes id sleep through and think they were dreams. George had abused me too. My mom had married this man and she became pregnant with my sister. At some point during this time my brother was released and i remember them speaking in hushed tones about him staying at our house due to confrontations between him and his father. When my brother came back i was so desperate to be loved and accepted by him. id shown him the cd i found, id shown him the clothes i was wearing that were his, and i could feel the distance. I honestly had wanted things to go back to “normal”, abuse included. Soon enough the abuse did come back tho not as strong, more lap bouncing, once even in front of my mother for a substantial period of time. My mother was pregnant and emotional and maybe she just wanted her family together as a whole, no matter how torn up we were inside. We had many adventures with my brother. He was a funny guy, probably still is. very silly and has a beautiful smile.Hed say the most clever things and have us holding our sides from laughing so hard. Somewhere along this pregnancy my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. i remember the adults discussing it and my brother attempting to explain it to me tho i cant recall what he said other than shes sick. Soon after there was an argument and my brother was screaming and my mother was screaming and things were being thrown and george was just watching. I remember my brother screaming “ I FUCKING HATE YOU” and walking out of the house. My mom would take me on endless searches for my brother, calling his friends, his ex girlfriends, driving to each friends home and making me get off the car and beg my abuser to come back and see that she was a good person. she would prompt me on exactly what to say before exiting the car just like she had done in mexico each time i visited my father. but thats another story for another post. When we would find my brother he would come out, with tears in his eyes and his teeth clenched. he would tell me he loved me and ask my mother what she wanted as calmly as possible. she would cry and babble not really knowing what to say i assume. and he would leave he would never come back with us. I would go home to more hatred more of her screaming at me and at george. her drinking became violent, shed push and instigate physical confrontations “hit me puto” she would say “fucking hit me”. i was always used as a tool for her “this is what you want fucker, for my baby to see this! he raped me!” she would scream “he raped me!” and george would always try to calm her down. ive only seen him give in to her violence once or twice, hiting her and then crying. She probably had his simple mind so emotionally fucked just like she had mine and my brothers. These fights happened often and continued to happen often through out my childhood. I hated seeing her like that and i never knew who to defend. What is balance? i know lows, i know the lowest of lows. and i know highs. Highs are much more brief, but in between, what is that?

#balance #abuse #motherdaughter #alone #depression #relatable #young adult #perspective

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