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vesora · 1 year

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all you got to do is sit there and look pretty: loa edition

DISCLAIMER: this was written before a series of realisations, the main point still stands but the subconscious mind does not exist. it is simply awareness. let go and let god.

one thing i have noticed, even in myself, is that we have this need to keep doing something. i need to keep affirming, i need to keep forcing myself into a state, i need to keep focusing on my thoughts or else it won’t manifest. all these thoughts have a common link, a fear of not manifesting, or rather, the 3D not conforming.

it’s not our fault. we have been primed to think this way. work this hard and you’ll get (x). this is not the way it’s supposed to be. with the law, we break free.

i need you to know that it’s okay if you’re consciously not thinking from your desire all the time. it’s okay that you don’t feel okay with entering another state if this one is too traumatic for you. relax and know the you on the outside, does not manifest.

who manifests then?

our inner self; our subconscious mind. our subconscious mind is us, but unlike our conscious selves, it is also the Universal Mind, meaning it knows all, it has all knowledge and power stored inside it. our job is to give the subconscious mind a job. as the conscious mind, we hold the key to decide to let what the subcon should manifest and not. we are the guard, we don’t manifest.

all we really have to do is be still and let God, and by God i do not mean some external being, i mean our subconscious mind; our true self. letting go and detaching doesn’t mean you will stop caring about what you’re manifesting, it simply means that you know that the subconscious will handle it for you. because the subconscious IS you, it’s a robot that only listens to YOUR command. it cannot be influenced by any other force.

experience

for the past few days, when i made the unfavourable circumstances post, i was feeling so incredibly awful. i felt i had no reason to live, because i thought me as the conscious sora, was responsible for changing my life. while that is true to an extent, all i have to do is give an order. i told my subconscious mind that night to fix everything for me because i was tired and the next day, all the things that were causing me distress got solved. the next day i had an even better day, because the subconscious really fixed the things causing me stress. life was peaceful again.

it was then i realised that i have been too attached with doing things right, when all i had to do was sit there and look pretty while my subconscious does the work.

another success happened just now! my browser froze and i didnt save this post. i panicked for a second then i was like “sora you just wrote a post about your subcon fixing things”; so i told my subcon “hey man fix this pls” and it did! lol browser is back to normal which is how ur seeing this post rn

what if my subconscious doesn’t listen?

anything that happens regarding these things is a direct reflection of you. inner creates outer, not the other way around. so, any failure is not because the technique failed, it’s because you haven’t changed self yet. and what changes self? persistence. you must keep persisting because the subconcious HAS NO CHOICE but to listen to you. if it ‘doesn’t’, DON’T ACCEPT IT.

persistence

And He said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not; the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth. And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Luke 11:5-9

in this verse that neville also referenced, we can see that the man did not give up. in fact, importunity means: the act of making intrusions, being unrelenting, consistent. unrelenting, he never took no for an answer. he kept going and going and going until the man decided to give him bread. do not take no for an answer. do not settle. even if the door seems shut, you will ALWAYS be the key to open it; there is no other choice. keep telling your subconscious mind that you are rich, you are beautiful, you are everything and your subconscious mind will have no choice but to reflect that onto the 3D because that is its job.

excerpt from power of awareness:

“THERE ARE three principal characters in this quotation, you and the two friends mentioned.

The first friend is a desired state of consciousness .

The second friend is a desire seeking fulfillment.

Three is the symbol of wholeness, completion.

Loaves symbolize substance.

The shut door symbolizes the senses which separate the seen from the unseen.

Children in bed means ideas that are dormant.

Inability to rise means a desired state of consciousness cannot rise to you, you must rise to it.

Importunity means demanding persistency, a kind of brazen impudence.

Ask, seek, and knock mean assuming the consciousness of already having what you desire.

Thus the scriptures tell you that you must persist in rising to (assuming) the consciousness of your wish already being fulfilled. The promise is definite that if you are shameless in your impudence in assuming that you already have that which your senses deny, it shall be given unto you – your desire shall be attained.”

#loa #law of assumption #Law of Attraction #law of abundance #law of belief #neville #neville goddard #consciousness #awareness #self concept #subconscious #subconciousmind #3d #4d #void state #manifestation #manifest #manifesting

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alicerosejensen · 17 days

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I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.

If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️

I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.

I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.

There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.

Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.

the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.

If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.

Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.

Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…

Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.

In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.

Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.

This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.

no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.

You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.

But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"

He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.

For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.

You really didn't give him a chance.

The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.

He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.

You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.

“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.”

Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.

You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.

On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.

Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.

“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.

Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.

You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.

#leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy resident evil #leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon resident evil #resident evil leon

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professional-nutria-enjoyer · 6 months

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WARNING! THERE WILL BE HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE GAME "OUTER WILDS"

can we talk about how "balanced" outer wilds is? Like, the first thing that comes to mind is obviously the black-white hole mechanic: the black hole attracts everything towards itself, a colorless pit where everything will fall into at the end of the loop. The white hole is instead the beginning of the cycle, a singularity that spits you out from the other side of death and depth, a dot with all colours in it.

Then there's the hourglass twins, on one you must be patient and on the other you must hurry. On one side you wait for the sand to reveal the secrets beneath, on the other you may not even have enough time before it covers everything and crushes you between itself and the ember twin crust.

Then there's the Nomai and Owlks thing going on. The Nomai met their end through years and centuries of researches, only for their end to be something completely unrelated. The Owlks found the eye and were disgusted and scared, not fascinated, and met their "end" as a direct consequence of their desperate run for blissful ignorance and estrangement to the outside world. Not to mention how each species communicates with the player: the Nomai utilize writing, something formal, something that is hard to misunderstand, a writing that forms around a spiral (something potentially infinite). The Owlks instead use art as a medium, slides that told the player of their civilization decadence. Slides of drawings framed in a circular shape (that couldn't be more limited)

Then there's obviously the "wow death is a real thing now" that happens after you get the core. Imagine being stuck in a situation where the end is meaningless and not really the end, you will always wake up beside a campfire regardless of how you died (unless you destroy the fabric of space-time). Now imagine for everything you learned about how meaningless death is to be virtually useless, you are left with the existential fear you thought you forgot that came back in full force.

Now, i find the parallel between the Prisoner and Solanum to be fascinating. Two different beings recluded in a giant jail, one by choice, the other sentenced to an eternal bodyless life. Both are more dead than alive, but while Solanum is the nearest anyone has ever got to the eye, the Prisoner is the farthest and furthest. Poor Owlk, inmate of a giant digital jail made by those who hated him and what he fought to free; haunted by the failure of his attempt to free the Eye, but the arrival of the player made him understand that there was still a chance for the universe. Poor Nomai, victim of her own success, surrounded by nothing but the haunting of loneliness, the hatchling's arrival made her understand that the ash twin project finally worked (and what was necessary to make that work *happened*).

Outer wilds wouldn't be as loved as it is without these elements, it needs them to be complete, to have a meaning, to show how cosmic perfection is only achievable by following the universe's rules, it needs the horror element to it's peaceful exploration one, it needs funky music to it's sealed screams, it needs light, it needs darkness, it needs explosions, it needs calmness, it needs water and deserts, it needs geysers and small wooden cottages, it needs blue, green, red, pink, beige, yellow and purple to it's black. It needs so so many things and it has them, it doesn't need anything else to be loved.

Outer wilds isn't just a game about how small we are, how our past will influence the future and the beautiful part of hopelessness. It's also a game about balance, how everything must have a counterpart, how we can't just live on one side of the coin. It's a game about cherishing the sad parts of life, the parts that want to make your legs give up and curl in on yourself. Even in real life nothing would exist if the balance between matter and anti-matter wasn't just right, it's a game about how an existence resting on one side of the plate isn't just impossible, but also empty.

#outer wilds #brain dump #But it's just a theory #I may be reading into this to much #I think Solanum would be sad af if she knew it all #While the prisoner kind of happy #Not to talk about softly playing your banjo while the world around you is falling apart

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doodle-pops · 5 months

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Tears of the Sun

Maedhros x reader

A/N: Since this came in 2nd on the poll, you all can have the treat you've been voting for. You all have no idea how long I've been dying to release this :) 🙈

Warnings: 3rd Kinslaying, death, blood, heavy angst, hurt and not an ounce of comfort (the bucket is dry), major character death

Words: 1.6k

Synopsis: We always regret the things we do when the worst happens, and Maedhros finally seems to have enough.

His body moved with less grace and more aggression, leaving behind a trail of victims struck down by his ruthless blade. The horror and grief in the eyes of each lifeless body meant nothing to him; they were just obstacles on his path to his ambition. Their deaths only fuelled his determination, pushing him further up the hill and past the point of no return. His once–pristine armour was now stained with splatters of crimson, matching the colour of his hair and sword. His usually well–kept hair was matted and frizzed from the chaos of the battle, and his helmet lay discarded in the heat of the mindless fight. None of his opponents were formidable enough to engage him in a true battle of skill; they were merely obstacles to be obliterated.

He found himself growing bored with the resistance he encountered. He had come for his treasured heirloom, and the stubborn defence he faced only made him scoff. He swung his sword recklessly, striking down anyone who dared to challenge him. If kindness couldn’t win him what he desired, he would take it by force. The last shreds of sanity that had held his emotionally compromised heart together had shattered, leaving him with no option but to resort to raiding and plundering. Blood was his familiar companion—it was what he had come to know intimately, the colour of his hair and the blade he wielded. The hand he had been dealt in the losing game of life resembled his sword’s hue: crimson.

Existence was his only reality, a reality driven by the notion that death wasn’t yet ready to claim him. He existed because he couldn’t die, and death toyed with his life as though it were a mere game of chess. One moment he was a pawn, the next a bishop, then a king, and back to a pawn. It was a cruel dance of fate, and he had long accepted his role as its unwilling participant. In this twisted game, he found a perverse pleasure in taking what he believed was his by-right, regardless of the consequences.

But you changed everything. You brought light into his world, giving meaning to the bleak and dreary existence he had grown accustomed to. A smile, a look from you, and his heart would soar, mending itself and allowing him to experience the simple joys he had been denied. With you, the cage he had felt trapped in was shattered, and he no longer felt like an animal awaiting its inevitable demise. You gave him purpose, a reason to believe in something greater than the cycle of violence and death he had become ensnared in.

A scoff escaped him as he remembered your influence on him. He wiped away the blood that had trickled down his brow, the metallic scent of iron filling his nostrils. The smell was familiar, a reminder of countless battles and massacres he had orchestrated. Despite the carnage around him, this was a relatively minor raid, akin to dealing with a few dozen orcs. Most of his men had switched sides to prevent further destruction, but those who had stood against him now lay lifeless, their bodies strewn across the ground. The balance between valuing his soldiers’ lives and discarding their lifeless forms after insubordination was a precarious one, and in his current state of mind, the line was blurred beyond recognition.

He continued his macabre dance, his temper a raging fire that consumed everything in its path. Lifeless bodies, once vibrant with vitality, now littered the streets. The urge to be repulsed by the sight was a fleeting burden; he was too consumed by his frustration at his failure to reclaim the Silmaril.

“Háno!” A pained voice, his brother Maglor’s, reached his ears, and his heart clenched with dread. After coming this far, losing another of his kin—his last kin—would be the final blow, shattering what little remained of his fractured soul.

He rushed forward, his steps heedless of the broken bodies that lay in his path. He cut through the streets of Sirion with a single–minded determination, following the urgency in his brother’s voice. What he found was a scene of sombre desolation. Maglor stood there, his sword hanging limply in his hand, his shoulders slumped, his legs wobbling, and his head bowed in defeat. A pit formed in the depths of his heart as he approached his brother’s broken form, his own anger momentarily forgotten.

And then he saw you, lifeless. Your body leaned against the wall of a nearby home, your form covered in your own blood. Your expression held a haunting mixture of pain and resignation.

He didn’t want to accept what he was seeing. It felt impossible, like a cruel illusion playing tricks on his senses. You were supposed to be safe, wrapped in comfort and far from the clutches of death and destruction. This had to be the work of darkness, a sinister fabrication that twisted reality into something nightmarish. This couldn’t be you lying lifeless before his eyes; it had to be some twisted trick, a distorted reflection of his fears.

Convincing oneself of falsehood, even in the face of an unfathomable and horrifying sight, was a coping mechanism that allowed one to shut their eyes and turn away. He chanted to himself repeatedly that what he saw couldn’t be true—it couldn’t be you lying there lifeless at the cost of his hands. His footsteps, once soundless, turned into thunderous beats as he rushed toward where you were slumped against the wall. The scene before him was surreal, and he desperately needed some kind of proof that what he was seeing wasn’t real. His trembling fingers inched closer to touch your form, seeking that moment of realization that would tell him the world had deceived him.

His eyes were narrowed in disbelief, his brows furrowed, lips pursed, and fingers trembling as he gingerly reached out. His boots made contact with your foot, and he half–expected to hear your familiar ‘Ouch’ in response, a playful reaction you often had to his touch. But there was no response, no movement from you. Your eyes were cast downwards, avoiding his gaze, avoiding him. He knew that after your last bitter exchange, you wouldn’t want to look at him. He understood that. Yet, the sight of blood staining your clothes and your lack of breath sent a spike of panic through him.

He blinked back tears that threatened to spill, his teeth gritted, nostrils flaring. Slowly, cautiously, he extended his hand to touch your head. He crouched over your lifeless form, keeping a respectful distance as if he feared that even in death, he was intruding on your personal space. His hand made contact with your head, and when you remained unresponsive, he slid his hand lower to cup your face, lifting it to meet his gaze. But your head lolled limply in his hold, and the puppet–like motion of your head sent waves of terror through him. A cold heat engulfed his body, sending shivers down his spine.

The motion of your head was unnaturally limp, like that of a puppet with its strings cut. His hand quivered as it cradled your face, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “Y/N?” he called, his voice cracking with anxiety. The silence that followed was deafening, and suffocating, and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

“Háno, they’re dead—” Maglor’s words were met with a feral growl that erupted from the depths of Maedhros’s chest. He snapped his head in Maglor’s direction, his eyes blazing with a mixture of rage and desperation. A mere glare and a low, menacing command silenced his brother’s words.

Sinking to his knees, he carefully gathered your lifeless form into his lap, cradling you close. He adjusted your position, holding you as you liked to be held, your head resting against his chest so you could hear his heartbeat. His mutilated hand cradled you, his fingers gently caressing your skin. He rocked you back and forth, murmuring soothing words in a broken symphony of promises that he knew he might never be able to fulfil.

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” he whispered, his voice a fragile melody of reassurance. He pressed rough kisses to the top of your head, his lips brushing against your hair. “I’ve got you now, I’m here. I’m going to keep you safe when you wake up.”

The juxtaposition between the past and the present hit him like a wave of sorrow. He remembered the times he had pushed you away, the harsh words he had spoken, and the pain he had caused. And now, here he was, holding you tightly, his heart breaking with the weight of his regrets.

“This will be over soon,” he promised, his voice laden with emotion. “You’ll be safe and happy. I promised you that, didn’t I? I’ll keep my word, my love.” He continued to sway with your lifeless body, refusing to acknowledge his brother’s pleas for him to accept the reality.

He whispered to you over and over, his tears mingling with the blood and sweat on his face. The saltiness of his tears against his wounds was a numbing sensation, a reminder that he was still capable of feeling something amidst the darkness. He was hollow, consumed by the curse of his actions, bound to live with the consequences of his choices—he took your life with words. A simple command and you fell innocent to his sword.

The cycle of violence and suffering that he had perpetuated had led him to this point, where he held the lifeless body of the person he loved more than anything. He had pushed away his chance at happiness, his heartless actions sealing his fate.

In his arms, he clung to you, the only source of light in his life, hoping against hope that this was just a nightmare, that you would awaken, and that the blood on your skin was nothing more than an illusion. But deep down, he knew that he was living the nightmare he had created, unable to escape the prison of his own making.

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itlovesinthewoods · 1 year

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These two excellent ILITW metas by @spacetravels really got me thinking about the 'Everyone Plays Together' scene in regards to Noah and MC. Regardless whether everyone else survives or dies, it is between them to take the place of the monster, in Jane's stead. Because, while everyone else was traumatized from what happened when they were kids, they were more-so stuck in their grief for Jane, the person they both loved so much, and their failure to have protected her. And by the end, they're the only ones who aren't to push past their respective traumas and insecurities. In the 'Everyone survives' ending, while everyone else is able to defend themselves and confront Jane when she taunts them about their insecurities, MC instead breaks down apologizing and never actually stands up for themselves.

(sorry for the shitty quality of the last one, I forgot to take my own screenshot and had to use a different one)

And Noah continues to blame himself for everything that had happened, instead of accepting that he was just an innocent kid who had no way of knowing what Redfield was capable and of stopping him from killing Jane. That he was not at fault for what had happened.

Noah and Devon's trauma and insecurities overlap (having been unable to save Jane when they felt they were the ones responsible for her protection) but manifest in different ways. MC feels like they need to save everyone, even at their own expense (like during the scene where they confronted Redfield, knowing that they could've died).

While Noah blames himself and falls into self-hatred and depression, being unable and not allowing himself to move on.

In the end, only one of them is able to be saved. Like everyone else, they're both tested by Jane, to see if they are able to overcome their trauma or if they succumb to it.

Noah is put under Jane's control, which symbolizes how his entire life, Jane's death has had a hold over him. His lack of a support system and his mother constantly blaming him has led him to centre his entire self over what happened back then. If his nerve is high enough, he's able to break her hold over him. If not, he succumbs to her influence over him and kills MC.

If Noah is able to break through, their fates are in MC's hands, which is MC's test. It's established that MC has a saviour complex, stemming from their past inability to have protected Jane. That's why it's MC's choice, not Noah's, of who sacrifices themselves.

Should MC choose to let Noah take Jane's place, it shows they're putting themselves first for once, and breaking their cycle of trying to save everyone. But if they choose to save Jane themselves/give Noah another chance on their own expense, while it was a selfless move, stemming from their love for Jane and want to save Noah, it was one that showed they had yet to overcome their guilt (and now would no longer be able to) and still felt like saving others were their responsibility.

That's what makes this final choice so interesting because neither choices are wrong or right. Would it be better for MC to let Noah make up for his last mistake and die content after a life of loneliness and self-hatred, being stuck in his grief about Jane to never have amounted into anything else? Or if they sacrifice themselves, letting Noah a chance of redemption and recovery while also robbing him the one thing that would've allowed him to finally feel at peace? And what about themselves? Is it better to be selfless and putting others in front of themselves like they've always done? Is it selflessness when Noah didn't even want MC to sacrifice themselves? And would it be fair to themselves?

There's no better or worse choice. It's just whatever choice MC chooses and the both of them have to live with it.

(another thing worth noting is how whoever out of MC and Noah do survive are shown in ILB/ILW to still be stuck on their past, but now in regards to each other and their past choices (MC letting Noah sacrifice himself/not saving him that day or Noah's actions leading to MC being put in a position where they choose to sacrifice themselves) with MC obsessing over trying to save Noah or Noah trying to bring MC back and undo his mistake but that's a post for another day)

#shit this was supposed to be a small post how did it get so long?#ngl i will be so embarrassed if it turns out i was wrong in my analysis about them in anyway #but anyway #i love them so much #noah marshall #ilitw #ilitw!mc #ilw #noah/mc #it lives #it lives in the woods #it lives within #it lives beneath #ilb #playchoices #pixelberry #noah x mc #devon (ilitw)#jane marshall

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thatthoughtatthebackofyourmind · 9 months

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In Defence of Albus Dumbledore:

Look. I know this is an unpopular opinion, so I’m going to write this here because putting it anywhere else (like at the bottom of the fics which have inspired this frustration) would seem mean, and it would probably end up coming off as unintentional flaming, which I would never do to anyone ever. Also, as I’m less frustrated with individual works than I am with an entire situation, it wouldn’t really be fair to direct it at one specific person.

Get ready. This is going to be very ranty and long and I can't promise not to get off topic and onto a tangent a few times.

I understand that we all have grown up a lot since first reading Harry Potter. I get that once we realized how grey a few of Dumbledore’s decisions actually and the ways in which they affected the characters we love we all felt rightfully upset.

But can we please stop being so narrowminded about it?

There are plenty of redemption fics out there. A lot of them are works that redeem characters like Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Draco’s parents, various Dursleys and loads of other people. I’ve seen fics that have Sirius confronting the realities of his juvenal behaviours and having to atone for past wrongs. I’ve even seen (but admittedly never read) fics that redeem Voldemort himself.

But the least popular person for a redemption story in fanfiction by far seems to be Albus Dumbledore.

I get it.

He was supposed to be an infallible genius who did no wrong and he let us down. But please.

Can we all please just admit that we’re using Dumbledore as a stand in?

The hatred we as a fan community levy at Dumbledore is influenced by so much more than his actions in cannon.

It’s the dissolution we feel at growing up. The need as young people to bite back at overbearing authority. It’s the conviction that leaders should never be allowed to fail if failure means the death of innocent people. Even though we can all recognize on a personal level that our failures are typically unintentional and are definitely what make us human.

Of late, it’s very clear that Dumbledore is a stand in for the betrayal we feel at JK Rowling’s anti-trans standing.

We all loved her so much.

She gave us this world.

She promised it to everyone.

And then she said that it was all a lie, and that it was never meant for some of us anyway.

The parallels are clear.

While we were first reading, we loved who Harry loved. Simply because he loved them, and we loved him.

When we grew up, we started acknowledging the ways in which the characters mirrored people in real life, and we chose the people we found the most familiar to love instead. Personally, I understand the reason I read Severitus so often is because I had a largely absent father who I idolized as a child, and that father was a bit of a rockstar like person. Dark, intelligent, and cruel when he wanted to be. Artistic, genius, condescending, and amazing.

As an adult, I still long for his love and approval. Learning that Severus was capable of so much good at the very end of his story, that he was in fact good all along, even when he looked exactly the opposite, gave me hope that my father was too. Even though I now understand that redemption for my father is just a fairy tale it’s still a story I hold close to my heart. A story I long for. It’s a possible happy ending for both a lonely child and a jaded grouchy adult.

Albus Dumbledore was different.

This was a man that we trusted to have everyone’s best intentions at heart. We were told he was safe. We were told he was the smartest man in any room. And then he failed us. And we looked back at all he had done, and rather than seeing the good he had tried to achieve, all we could see were the mistakes he had made.

I firmly believe that the reason that so many people hate him so strongly now is because we all loved him so much first. Like Harry, we all believe that he was incapable of mistakes. His mistakes in cannon aren’t any more morally condemning than anyone else on the light side.

Keep in mind that I said, “in cannon.” I feel like I need to distinguish that. In cannon, though Harry asked if he could stay at Hogwarts during the summer, he never told Dumbledore about living in a cupboard under the stairs. His letter was addressed to there, but we have no way of knowing whether it was physically or magically written on the envelope. And besides, that letter was signed by Professor McGonagall, not Dumbledore. Harry also never mentioned to him the Dursleys withholding food. Or locking up his trunk so that he couldn’t do his homework. He made it clear that they disliked him, that they thought him a burden, but think. Really think. Dumbledore is the head of a school full of children. How many children misunderstand and exaggerate even in their own minds how much their families dislike them.

Let me be clear; when I say kids exaggerate I don’t mean in terms of abuse. I only mean typical things such as, “My mom’s always grouchy when she gets home from work and she never notices that I’ve tried really hard by cleaning the bathroom if she told me to clean the kitchen before she got home and I decided to do the bathroom because I wanted to clean it instead of doing the dishes and now she’s yelling at me that she just needs me to help her sometimes, and I don’t feel like that’s fair because really I do. Look, I cleaned the whole bathroom by myself! And I straitened up the living room too! The only thing I ‘forgot’ was the kitchen and now she’s acting like I do nothing. This means she hates me and appreciates nothing I do. I am clearly a burden to her, and I should go live under a rock so that she doesn’t have to deal with me anymore.” Really, your mom probably isn’t saying you’re a burden. Your mom is more than likely overworked, over-tired, and almost certainly depressed in a society that doesn’t cater to mental health awareness, and on top of all that she was raised by a generation that was allergic to admitting and self-regulating their true feelings so she can’t articulate that and she’s instead taking her frustrations out on you.

This is wrong, and she shouldn’t do it. But consider. Why didn’t you want to clean the kitchen? Was it because you had a long hard day at school and you’re overworked, over-tired, and definitely depressed in a world that doesn’t cater to mental health awareness, and all you really wanted was a break from the hardest job and you just wanted to compromise by doing the ones you felt emotionally and physically able to do? Because I promise, that’s probably exactly how your mom feels about the damn dirty dishes that she’s going to have to deal with before she can make dinner after being cussed out and yelled at by customers and or bosses all day in between doing her actual work and that’s the real reason she’s yelling.

Because, though a lot of teens believe otherwise, parents are still just people and the feelings that overwhelm kids still overwhelm adults just as badly. And they’re even less likely to know how to help themselves because they didn’t grow up with the internet where everyone shares their feeling and gets back validation and advice, so they mostly just believed those feelings were personal failings that indicated something broken specifically only in them and that they should learn to live with it and never tell anyone ever because complaining is for babies and liberals. Okay, maybe that last bit is a little too specific to my own mother, but you get the idea.

It’s a cycle that’s been going on for years. Hopefully, we can eventually all learn how to communicate peacefully and compromise on chores sometimes so we can end it someday. Or everyone can just switch to paper plates, and then we’ll worry about how we’re killing the planet later and no one will have to do the dishes ever again.

The point is, while that isn’t the best parenting style, and it can cause issue’s with your familial relationship as you age, it isn’t technically abuse. And it especially wouldn’t be considered abuse in the 90’s while Harry Potter was taking place or the early 00’s when it was being published.

Harry was not bruised when he arrived at Hogwarts. He didn’t show obvious outward signs of abuse. He never told any adults what his life was like at the Dursleys at all. He really didn’t even say much about it to Ron or Hermione either. Mrs. Weasley sent him treats for his birthday, which was a sweet motherly gesture. Hermione and Hagrid did as well but think about it. Do you believe for a second that if Molly have-another-serving, can-I-get-you-some-more-bread, try-the-potatoes Weasley honestly thought the Dursley’s were starving Harry that she would first wait until the end of July to send Harry anything, and then only send him sweets? She would scale the Dursleys’ house and stuff a full six course meal through the bars multiple times a day before she let that boy live off stale birthday cake. When she asked if the Dursley had fed him enough she meant it in the same way she always meant it, in the if ‘I can feed the world I can love the world’ way.

Hagrid sent him rock cakes, but again, think about it. Hagrid had shown up with a cake for Harry’s birthday the day he first delivered the letter when he couldn’t have yet known of the way Harry was treated. He just wanted to show Harry he was loved and missed.

Of the people who sent him food, only Hermione really knew Harry didn’t get to eat his fill at the Dursley’s and she still only sent cake because all she knew was that he was being forced to diet with Dudley. Which is why she sent him the kind of food one would eat if they weren’t on a diet instead of true sustenance. A fourth of a grapefruit as a meal is not a diet, no matter what Petunia called it. And if he had told Hermione specifics, she likely would have told Harry that, but again, he didn’t tell anyone specifics.

Everyone knew that Harry was unfavoured by the Dursley’s and that they wouldn’t be celebrating his birthday, and he wouldn’t receive cake or presents, but they really didn’t know much else. Ron and Hermione only understood he was being starved in the way most naive well-fed kids from happy families can understand. It sounded cruel, and they did try to tell people, but because they didn’t understand the full gravity of the situation, they couldn’t properly communicate to trusted adults that Harry was actually experiencing abuse. Plus, Harry tended to downplay it even to them.

When Dumbledore speaks about knowing Harry would come from a less than happy home, you can tell he is picturing a world where Harry is liked second best to his cousin. Where he never feels fully at home. Like an overextended visitor in a relative’s house. He thinks they’ll treat him like the weird cousin who came to stay and never left rather than an immediate family member.

He isn’t picturing Petunia Dursley slinging a frying pan at Harry’s head. Or refusing to let him drink his fill of water on a hot summer’s day spent weeding her ridiculous flower garden. Or an overly restrictive diet enforced on an already undernourished body simply to make Harry’s morbidly obese cousin feel better about his doctor changing his eating habits.

I think we’ll all agree that feeling less than welcome by stuck up relatives sucks, but it’s better than whatever Voldemort’s loyal leftover followers will do to him if they manage to track down the person responsible for their dark lord’s downfall.

I understand why a lot of people feel like Dumbledore should have just put Harry under the Fidelius Charm and hid him rather than sending him to the Dursley’s but consider: If Dumbledore trusted Sirius the way he must have done to not betray James and his family, then it makes sense that he felt Fidelius was no longer an option. He fully believed Sirius was the secret keeper. Sirius, the Potters, and Pettigrew were the only ones to know of the change. It’s likely that after learning that the Death Eaters had convinced Sirius to betray the Potters he was jaded enough to take it as a sign that no one could be a trusted Secret Keeper. No matter how much they loved the person under protection.

He also likely would have insisted on a trial for Sirius had Sirius himself not told everyone that he was the one who killed James and Lily while descending into hysterical laughter. We know what Sirius meant, (he felt responsible for them dying because switching to Peter at the last minute had been his idea) because we read the third Harry Potter book, but Dumbledore didn’t have that same advantage. All he had was the word of an apparently mad man. A man who had just tracked down another dear friend and apparently killed him and 12 innocent bystanders in a fit of insanity.

Why, when last he had heard Sirius was the Secret Keeper, would he doubt a verbal confession from a man who did nothing to try and save himself from Azkaban? The Marauders never told anyone of their animagus abilities. No one but Sirius could have understood what Peter had done. Why do we expect Dumbledore to have known better?

So, instead of Fidelius and hiding Harry away for his entire childhood, he gave him the best protection he could think of under the circumstances he had been given. He sought to give Harry a normal life and to keep him safe from the remaining Death Eaters.

Dumbledore understood that fame was power, and that power could corrupt even the best of people with the strongest of minds, so he kept Harry away from the limelight. He also understood how fickle people where about fame. This was the right decision even if the Dursley were a bad choice in guardians. We saw proof of this numerous times while Harry was at school. His fame only ever seemed to bring him more hardships. In book two they said Harry was a dark wizard because he was a Parselmouth and that that’s how he overpowered Voldemort. In book four even some of Harry’s friends refused to believe he wasn’t just a glory hound and that it hadn’t been him who entered his name in the tournament, but rather someone trying to kill him. In book five, almost everyone refused to believe Harry was telling the truth about Voldemort’s return. Every single time Harry’s name entered the limelight, it was in a way that harmed him. Imagine how much earlier it would have started had he grown up in the wizarding world. They would have been debating his kindergarten finger paintings if they could have.

Why does the entire fandom also assume that Dumbledore thought of himself as the wisest most all-knowing man in any room? The only people who canonically acted like they believed that about him were the Golden Trio, and they were enlightened otherwise multiple times throughout the books as they grew up. Just as everyone learns new truths about trusted adults they thought of as perfect as they grow.

The fact is, Albus Dumbledore has always been just a man.

He was a great and powerful but flawed man who wanted more than anything to make sure that evil could not prevail. He obviously still holds plenty of shame and guilt over his dealings with Gellert Grindelwald in his misspent youth. We have surmised that when he looked in the Mirror of Erised he likely saw his sister Ariana, or something as equally heart-breaking which he recognized as his own fault. He fully understood that he was just a man. He encouraged everyone to understand that fact about Voldemort as well.

He was not a god, and he didn’t pretend to be.

Not in cannon anyway.

Fanon Dumbledore, on the other hand, tends to be anything from a meddling idiot to a full on manipulative dark lord complete with moustache twirling and nefarious intent. Which, I believe, further influences and enforces the fandom’s collective bad opinion of him. Most of us haven’t reread the real books in years. It gets hard to remember at some points what was something he did in canon vs. what was something he did in fanfiction.

Every other character seems welcomed to grow in the world of fandom.

Severus was canonically a willing Death Eater in his youth, a bully to children in his care in his adulthood, and a petty grudge-holder who couldn’t let go of the past. We accept that we can’t fully know how much of his behaviour towards the students was an act to fool the Death Eater’s children, but we can assume it definitely wasn’t all of it. Still, he gets plenty of redemption fics. He had literal access to Harry’s traumatic childhood memories but still saw no signs of abuse because he was too busy trying to keep a 15-year-old child from gaining any ammunition about his own past.

Looking back, it seems obvious that as very few of Harry’s childhood memories were shown in the Occlumency scenes, he likely wasn’t as bad at clearing his mind as either he or Snape assumed, but it was also possible that Severus didn’t see those memories because that wasn’t what he was looking for. The memory of Harry getting chased up a tree by Marge’s dog as the rest of his family watched and laughed should have triggered at least a couple of red flags, but Severus was typically determined to only see the bad in Harry, so he overlooked it.

James Potter who is often thought of as the better choice for Lily was also a bully. And he spent years relentlessly pursuing a relationship with someone who had never given him any indication that his advances were welcome and had in fact outright told him the exact opposite of that many times until he finally wore her down and convinced her to give him a shot. That’s gross, unacceptable behaviour but I guess it is technically better than dating a budding racist that sees you as the exception to his views on your people, so James is rebranded as a lovable hero who changed after having a slightly misspent youth rather than a mean spirited bully who likely grew bored with his main target once he no longer saw him as competition (there would have been no reason to bully Snape if Lily wasn’t friends with him anymore after 5th year which was conveniently around the time he began to “grow up”) as well as a pushy loser who wouldn’t take no for an answer even though Lily said it multiple times. (There’s also the point that once Snape knew about Lupin being a werewolf, James likely wouldn’t have bullied him anymore so as not to provoke Snape to reveal the secret and get Lupin thrown out of school and possibly killed.)

Ron told Molly outright that the Dursley’s were starving Harry and had fixed bars on his windows to trap him after weeks of being concerned when he didn’t reply to Ron’s letters, and she still ignored it, assuming instead that Ron was exaggerating and never even tried to check with Harry to learn that he wasn’t.

Remus spent a year teaching Harry individualized lessons to repel Dementors and never once asked him why he was so sad that they affected him in ways that none of the other students experienced. I mean really, he couldn’t have been the only orphan attending that school so Remus couldn’t have thought it was just that. And Neville’s backstory was nearly just as sad (and just as well known to Remus) and even he didn’t faint like Harry. Yet, he didn’t question Harry once.

Sirius (who is also a bully and a petty grudge-holder) never wondered why a child would want to move in with an escaped prisoner who he had never met before that had just mangled his best friend’s leg and tried to commit murder in front of him instead of the relatives he had been with his entire life. Even when until that very night he had believed that prisoner wanted to kill him?

Arthur actually met the Dursley’s and saw Vernon’s rage at magic when he came to collect Harry for the Quidditch World Cup and he still questioned nothing.

Half the Order found Harry locked inside his bedroom with locks affixed to the outside of the door, and all they did was give vague unfulfilled threats to Vernon and send Harry back. You could blame that on Dumbledore, but I think that’s ridiculous. They were not under Imperious. They made their own decisions. Every adult there had a responsibility to that child, and they all failed him individually.

Yet time and time again I see Dumbledore condemned so overwhelmingly in the very fics that redeem and or absolve these other characters of those very actions.

Even McGonagall, who knew from the start that the Dursleys were awful people, never pulled Harry aside as his head of house and asked him anything about his home life. And, as I stated earlier, her name was the one on the letter addressed to the cupboard under the stairs. She also made it very clear that she wasn’t someone for Harry to confide in by constantly dismissing any concerns he presented her. The way she reacted about the Stone was ridiculous. And her non-concern over the amount of detentions Harry received from Umbridge followed by the ‘have a biscuit’ scene rubbed me the wrong way. And yet, of late she seems to be revered in the fandom community as some kind of badass grandmotherly character. All because she protested one time about leaving Harry with the Dursleys and then never brought it up again.

It’s getting a bit ridiculous. I’m exhausted by the way the fan community continues to rewrite cannon to fit their dissatisfaction with our once trusted role-model JK Rowling through Harry Potter’s once trusted mentor Albus Dumbledore.

Just once I would like to read a Harry Potter fic without having to think about the various ways in which JK Rowling let us all down. And with everyone rewriting Dumbledore as the ‘real villain all along’ I can’t help but be taken out of the fic and forced to relate it to reality.

#anti dumbledore bashing #pro albus dumbledore #albus dumbledore

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siilvan · 7 months

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Someone posted on TikTok the bios of the new MW3 operators, including Vladmirs. You have to squint and pause the video a lot to read it, but here it is: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJcKKotP/

my actual hero, ilysm 🫶 i’m gonna go ahead and post makarov’s bio for anyone curious, since it’s hard to read in the vid lol:

“Vladimir Makarov was born before the fall of the Soviet Union in the suburbs of Moscow. As the son of a high-ranking politician within the Russian government, Makarov watched the Soviet Union crumble, taking his father with it. The bright-eyed, intelligent boy woke up one morning to his father’s hanging body. Makarov came to despise his father’s weakness, as well as the failures of the Soviet Union which had brought it about. He vowed not to make the same mistakes and so began his lifelong obsession.

In 1998, Makarov joined the Russian military at the age of 18. A natural soldier with a talent for strategy, his reputation turned sour when he joined forces with an unsanctioned rogue army to maintain control of Urzikstan. When the ULF rose and took back their home, Makarov experienced his first failure.

Recognizing traces of the Soviet Union’s failures once again, Makarov pleaded with his superiors to reclaim Urzikstan, disgusted by the national mockery the ULF had made of Russian power. But the Kremlin, who had not sanctioned the attack on Urzikstan to begin with, refused, stripping Makarov of all military honors. Seeking justice, Makarov joined the Konni group and plotted an attack against Verdansk to get Russia’s attention. Captured by Captain Price and Task Force 141, Makarov was handed to Russian authorities and sentenced to life in a maximum-security gulag.

Now a liberated man, Makarov plans to resume his operations against Urzikstan and its allies. Determined to redeem himself and Russia for its past failures, Makarov will only stop at the full reclamation or annihilation of Urzikstan; and if the Kremlin’s too cowardly to play their hand, he’ll gladly force it upon the rest of the world.”

…dude’s blaming urzikstan for his joint self esteem-daddy issues, damn 😭

i feel so… conflicted lol. obviously he’s an asshole, that doesn’t need to be restated a million times, but i do feel sympathy for him as a child. he never stood a chance at a “normal” life— he was born into those insane beliefs. as an adult, he’s the only one to blame for still holding those beliefs, but it’s pretty clear that his child-mind created a link between the soviet union falling and his father dying; ergo, if he can fix the cause, he can “fix” the death. i get that.

OG makarov and reboot are both referenced as obsessive and compulsive… “developed severe OCD after his father’s death” anyone? no? i’m just projecting? understood. 🫡

i could go into far more detail about my thoughts on his backstory, but this is already a long-ass post, and i’m a little worried about looking like i’m sympathizing with him outside of the childhood trauma. like i said, he is at fault for his actions as an adult. he knows better. it’s a very interesting change from the original, though. this may just be me, but he almost seems… less intimidating? not in a bad way, i think they’ve made him feel more human and less like a caricature of evilness.

this is also 100% influencing how i write him in bloodsport lol. mmm, character analysis…

#shoutout to farah for once again causing a terrorist to rip out his hair #iconic behavior. i fucking love her for it #terrrorists cry themselves to sleep because her 🙏#sylph.replies

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thestayathomedragon · 9 months

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WIP Wednesday

It's that time again...

TW: Suicidal Ideation

Leon thinks about how even after all this time how naïve he is. That he still hasn’t changed much at all. He really believed that he could save Luis when his life has been nothing but failure after failure, heartbreak after heartbreak these long ten years. He really thought that he could save Luis and that having him here would make him better somehow.

How could he ever have thought that?

In fact, his being with Luis had only made things worse. Luis died to save him. A man so fucking unworthy of such a sacrifice.

He thought that he had been heartbroken with the loss before but now after having spent so much time with Luis and getting an even clearer picture of everything he’d lost, he was shattered.

Of course, once again foolish, naïve, Leon Kennedy had only made things worse for himself.

Maybe he should just stop trying. Maybe he should finally give it up. His eyes drift to the pistol he kept on his bedside table.

It’s not like anyone would even miss him.

There isn’t anyone. Hasn’t been for a long time. It feels like everyone has moved on and he’s stuck here. Stuck there. Back in Spain. Back in 2004. Still literally covered in blood, sweat and tears.

And maybe he could… Maybe there would be some peace afterward. Maybe he could finally get what he wanted so badly.

Maybe that was it. Maybe Luis had just been waiting for him to figure it out all this time.

------

“But what if it is?” Luis was more agitated than Leon ever remembered seeing him. “What if it is my fault, Leon?”

They had never had this conversation before.

“You don’t say something like that to someone that’s almost caused an apocalypse twice.”

“What if I said I didn’t care about that?” Leon knew he was being unduly flippant, but he couldn’t help but think about how little time they had for this. There was a timeline to keep in mind here. They could only go so far off schedule before something else he hadn’t planned for came up.

“I would ask what the hell is wrong with you?” Luis was of course not unmoved by his declaration. It was just in the opposite direction than he had intended.

“A lot of things.” Leon laughed bitterly and then sighed. “This world is shit, Luis. You and I both know it. Does anything we do ever change that?”

Luis shrugged, helplessly, “Maybe it’s us. Maybe we’re the problem then, eh? Maybe we’re just shit at doing anything good.”

“Doomed from the start, huh?” Knowing what he did about Luis’s past and his own Leon wouldn’t doubt it. “All the more reason to say, ‘Fuck it’ then, right?”

“You’re a bad influence, mi amigo.” Luis scoffs and shakes his head.

#my fan fic #fic: .scar.crossed.lovers.#au: roll the lowlights verse #ch: In another life you were the sunshine of my lifetime #luis serra #luis serra navarro #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil 4 remake #resident evil 4 #re4 remake #re4r #serennedy #tw suicidal ideation #tw depression #wip wednesday #serennedy time loop au

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spac3ywac3y · 8 months

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[Click here to read the first part to this idea]

When Megatron enters Starscream's cell, he only briefly gets the other's attention before a bitter laugh escapes the jet. "Well if this isn't a familiar scenario..." Megatron doesn't find the humor in it. "You've holed yourself away again, Starscream." Starscream could only weakly scoff in turn, his once pristine frame creaked with rust as he moved. "And I suppose you're here to beat me within an inch of my life again... to tell me what a miserable failure I am as a leader. So cut whatever righteous speech you have planned and let's just get it over with." Megatron was taken aback, so Starscream still expected to be beaten. He didn't think the former Decepticon leader was capable of being good, of being redeemed. Something about this fact made Megatron's tanks churn as he continued to talk, his voice soft and gentle as he spoke to Starscream. "Do you really believe I am still the same person I was before?" There was just something about this scenario that made Megatron crave Starscream acknowledging his change. Megatron couldn't quite pin down why it felt so important to him that Starscream would see he was no longer the tyrant of their past. He wanted Starscream to look upon him and see that change. But Starscream never looked over at him like that, and instead he let out a mocking laugh. It didn't sound like most of Starscream's usual laughs though, this one sounded strained as he shook his head and covered his face as he finally turned to face the man behind all of his abuse and pain. His lips were twisted into a mix between a snarl and a grin, his sharp denta glinted slightly in the low-light of the brig's holding cell. "Oh save it Lord Megatron. I know that deep down, you don't believe you're worthy enough for that badge on your chest. Bots like us don't change... anyone that says so is fooling themself." A sharp digit pointing towards the red Autobot badge on Megatron's chest. He was angry to relent that Starscream was right, despite everything he'd done aboard the Lost Light, Megatron still didn't believe himself worthy of wearing the badge. He felt old rage begin to bubble back up to the surface, Starscream had that influence on people. He always seemed capable of reading a bot and being able to pick at a scab that never seemed to heal right. No matter how much time had passed, Starscream always seemed to know what ate away at Megatron's spark. He never seemed to shut up once he found it either. But he wouldn't let Starscream get under his plating, not this time. Not even when every fibre of Megatron's being wanted to punch the other in the mouth. He was better than that now, he would prove that to Starscream once and for all. And ever observant, Starscream pointed out the larger bot's tension and gestured to Megatron's entire being. "You forget, we fought together for millions of years. Even now I can tell the minute details of your body language, I can see you wish to punch me. To beat me and have me screaming for mercy, well no more. I'm tired, so either get your catharsis in, or let the rust eat away at me. I. Don't. Care." Megatron continued to tell himself, that Starscream couldn't get under his plating anymore. He wasn't the same bot that Starscream knew from before. He was better now.

"Even that lousy Bee knew I was a lost cause... not even he was as delusional." Everything seemed to stop for Megatron there, it was one thing for Starscream to badmouth him; it wasn't anything that the ex-warlord hadn't heard before. But now Starscream was mocking the memory of the kind autobot that Megatron was proud to call his friend, the bot primarily responsible for Megatron seeing the faults in his actions! That was taking it too far. [Tumblr is not happy about the size of this idea, lemme split it up again.] [Part 3]

#transformers #starscream #maccadam #megatron #spac3y rambles #tf starscream #tf megatron #idw starscream #idw mtmte #idw megatron #au rambles

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ahmedmootaz · 1 month

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If X not being present to balance and calm Ayin down as well as help him make peace with his other selves leads to Ayin fighting himself, would Ayin have ended up killing his other selves or his other selves (Adam) killing him?

And if Ayin or one of his other selves did end up killing one another, what would the consequence be?

Would it mean the person dying goes back into the Light, actually dies and leaves a corpse behind for Angela to find, turns into a book since they're in the Library?

Or if they can't really kill each other, does the person "murdered" just becomes comatose, subsumed into the dominant personality that killed them, or just end up really injured and incapacitated for a time?

Dear Anonymous,

I think X's presence was for the betterment of the A3, actually. Do remember that Ayin is famous for attempting to log out of his mortal coil through self-harm, and if he gets a chance to kill himself three times, well...I'm guessing you can see how this goes. Honestly, Ayin's existence is just one big self-harm warning, heheh.

I'm not sure how Ayin would react when he realises that he can only summon his failed selves as companions without X's presence, and although I'm semi-confident he wouldn't resort to violence as the first option...not before Adam opens his mouth, at least. I think one of the things that would make Ayin really wish to murder them would be the fact that the A3 are all representations of parts of his mind; they're living, breathing proofs of his failures and mistakes, and they've come back to haunt him when he's at his lowest, especially with someone like Adam constantly bragging about his selfish, murderous and insane 'qualities'.

Now, I'm not saying this means he would kill one of the A3, but it's a definitely a large chance. While the A3 outnumber Ayin, it's important to know that their biggest weapon against Ayin, their psychological effect, has been overcome by Ayin, so they cannot push him down as they did in the past, but as for what would happen if they were killed...I think they'd go back into Ayin's mind once more, but the main purpose of TMFoA wouldn't be attained; in TMFoA, Ayin has already overpowered the A3, but he never accepted them; he never found peace with them. If he kills them and they return to his mind, they won't stop being his demons and won't stop haunting him. It won't be impossible for him to attempt to ignore or even bypass their presence and influence, but it will make life a heckuva lot more difficult for him than it would if he accepted them.

You know, Anon, I find it funny that this question was sent so long ago (sorry for replying so late, by the way!), and yet it seems in-line with the series of questions about Ayin's death that I've gotten lately, heh.

Until next time, Anon, thank you for the fun ask! Be well, take care, and see ya'!

#lobotomy corporation #library of ruina #my writing #ask #ayin

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lara635kookie · 7 months

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Ship Analysis pt. 4:

Red Crackle, Carmivy and Carulia.

When you're a teenager, all you want is becoming part of a group. And peer pressure is a thing. Teenagers can go to great lengths just be accepted. And for teenagers that never had a family(because we know that sadly, most older children don't get adopted since majority of parents look for babies) and most likely think there's something wrong with them and ask themselves why no one wanted them(because we know how intense are our feelings when we're teenagers, stupid hormones) V.I.L.E. seduces them with the prospection of acceptance and belonging they always wanted and never had, making them believe they got nothing to lose and It's what's best for them to feel they have a home, people waiting for them to come back, somewhere it doesn't feel empty and cold(it's so dark and heavy, it's almost kinda like a n*zifacist thing, they use the desperation, lack of purpose and need for change of these people and ask for their absolute loyalty in exchange)(if you seen Die Welle you understand what I'm talking about)(I don't know if that was intentional, probably not, but now that I think about it Maelstrom kind of reminds me of Hitl*r and Muss*lini in a way, even if he's an animated character)(I know it sounds polemic but rewatch the show with this mindset about V.I.L.E. and you'll notice)(and considering that the neo-n*zifascists groups are coming back nowadays, that is pretty spot on)(if the series had explored more that, it probably wouldn't be for kids anymore but it would pass an amazing social criticism with that analogy)(I think if Carmen Sandiego was a cartoon for older people it would have been better because it would explore its full potential)(and it wouldn't be excused of its failures because "It's a kids show and kids don't notice that"). However, keep in mind that I'm not trying to erase any of Gray's mistakes. There are things he did there are inexcusable but I believe we have to understand the character and the context he's in before judging. I'm not trying to cover Gray's bad side by any means, but this person looks like is trying to completely erase Gray's good side, so I'm trying to highlight that as well. We see that Gray tells Chief he chose a life of crime in his own free will, so while his free will was there too, Maelstrom's influence was also involved. It is shown that Gray was stealing alone before going back to V.I.L.E. but characters change. A character is never the same person at the start and the end of a story. Even the bad written ones, they change. Even if just a little. From the point that video was recorded he was still with his old hair and didn't meet Black Sheep. So you can't use a video from his past before V.I.L.E. to classify his V.I.L.E. self. While yes, it was awful for him to say that, it was a act of desperation. At least seemed like it from his facial expressions and his voice tone. And he didn't do it because of his "fucked up conscience" he did it because he cares about Carmen. He LOVES Carmen. And Carmen loves him back. Platonic or not, they love each other. Carmen also loved Player, Shadowsan, Ivy and Zack, but she didn't love Julia. She likes Julia but they didn't spend enough time together to love each other(at least not romantically). And you don't wanna harm the people you love. The thing is, if I learned something with Red Shoes and the seven dwarves(underrated masterpiece with pretty animation, beautiful message and hot characters), is that you shouldn't change the good in yourself to be loved by someone else, but you gotta make your best to change the bad in you. Merlin needed to embrace Snow White's true beauty and change his bad views of what beauty was like. The same thing applies here:Gray needed to embrace the good in himself and in Carmen to stay with her. The thing is that Gray doesn't accept the good in himself like Carmen does. My personal theory is that he's kinda like DreamWorks piece of art Megamind:Tried to be good but got hurt and them turned to bad as a defense mechanism(heros and villains aren't born, they're made, baby).

To be continued...

#carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019 #graham calloway #gray #crackle #red crackle #ship analysis

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1im-perfect1 · 1 year

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This opinion is gonna get me cancelled so hard and so fast but I've seen people that are worried about Armand's portrayal in Amc's Iwtv now that he's a man of color and that him being a cult leader could be problematic but I don't think we should watch the show as healthy representation Louis is a black pimp that chose his tormentor over the daughter he doomed for eternity, Lestat is a white savior "I don't see color" abusive cheating bisexual, Claudia grows up into a toxic household and goes through so much trauma that she becomes like her maker, Lestat and Claudia don't have catharsis they don't break the cycle of abuse and violence and the interviewer (even that spark of youth and future and possibilities that was in the book gets erased) is a failure in every way with his family, relationships, drug addiction and being well past his prime. These vampires are bad (of course on different levels, Lestat being the worst) the books were always about that, it's gothic it's Horror with a capital H, these are the worst of the worst of the worst. They have taken their experiences in life and unlife and those have shaped them into very troubled and irredemable beings.

The core of the series is "what is it like to keep on going, to never stop, how do piling up the emotions experiences, traumas, lives lived impact a being whose very nature is unforgivable and grotesque, they're horrible there's no denying it but for some reason we still root for them because in some way we think there still something that is worth saving and that maybe they'll change.

Armand IS gonna be a horryfying Monster like every other character in the show and his actions are gonna be influenced by his life like how:

Lestat actions are influenced by his life

Louis actions are influenced by his life

Claudia actions are influenced by her life

People are the products of their environment even if it's not good representation sometimes people are the worst version of what they could be

#iwtv #iwtv amc #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #claudia de lioncourt #the vampire armand #daniel molloy

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dangerously-human · 11 months

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The thing that really raises a lump in my throat when I attempt to look at it head-on is how much of Lockwood & Co's power, for me personally, comes from spending the ages of all the main characters suicidal. It started when I was Lucy's age in The Screaming Staircase, and it took me till I was Kipps's age in The Empty Grave to really learn to want to live. So I get it, I remember it vividly, the grip of death and the shadow it casts over everyday life, no matter how much you try to avoid its influence. But there's still light in all that darkness! There's still joy in love and friendships and the community-family you choose to build! And hope triumphs!! (And the grave is empty; we have a hero who passed through into Death and came back to tell us he had robbed it of power and restored the rightful order.)

And, man, Lockwood and George are 18(ish) in The Empty Grave, and I wince a little when people say something about them all still being teenagers/allude to teen drama at 35 Portland Row, because on the one hand, yeah, that's neither technically inaccurate nor a poor representation of that age (nor, to be fair, what life surely is like living with this trio!); but on the other hand, it matters very much to me that Lockwood is a new adult in this book specifically. It's an age of transition, figuring out how to merge who you've been with who you want to be. It's narratively and cathartically satisfying that Lockwood is, at this stage, making peace with his past and moving into a new life of sorts, turning over a new leaf (big picture and small) and establishing a future with Lucy (never over the necklace and everything that promises, truly). Anyway, I look at all that and it hits hard because I remember being 18, beating back depression with a stick on my best days, facing down a sense of impending doom at the idea that as an adult, every day was going to be the same, a monotonous life with no meaning to the good or bad. And this despite my faith: what I knew did not change what I felt, and failure seemed constant. Like Lockwood, I found myself staring wide-eyed at adulthood with the bewildered apprehension that I never expected to get this far, and wasn't sure what to do with a future I only recently was beginning to accept as my own. So watching as Lockwood works to conquer his nihilism and suicidal tendencies with making meaning in everything, with finding what matters to him and doing it well with people he loves, speaks to my heart specifically.

I could talk about what this series means to me for hours and still never convey the whole of it, not least because I'm still peeling back more layers all the time. This is what I mean when I say I wish I'd found this story when I was younger, though perhaps it resonates more clearly now.

#personal #lockwood & co

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mastreworld · 1 year

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I don't really feel connected to fandom anymore, mainly because of the assholery that revealed itself after Ragnarok and the so-called Loki series. There are other things though, that didn't matter much in the past but adds to the pile.

I've never agreed with some of the popular theories out there, either because they seem wrong or because they downplay important aspects of the story. The natural way for me to handle that disagreement is to ignore it and go my own merry way. Those theories don't bother me, so why would I argue with them?

Right now, however, I feel like putting my own thoughts down and not care much how they are received. Agree to disagree is something I do all the time so I expect you to do the same.

There's been a lot of talk about how Loki was influenced by the scepter when coming to Earth in The Avengers. I feel that it played a minor role compared to the trauma inflicted on him during his missing time. Loki was suicidal, emotionally broken, when landing in "the back streets of the Universe" and had to fight to survive during his time there. His warrior training must have helped him but he was all alone and, according to the actor, went through enough horrors to traumatize him deeply. This is why he's so different when we see him again.

He's no longer the prince who keeps trying to do the right thing despite being mocked and disrespected. He's no longer watching others' backs and trying to be a good son. Instead of retaliating to mockery with mischievous magic, he flies into a rage and throws people out the window. The old Loki is gone; he's now more like a feral animal, full of anger, pain and survival instinct.

He also knows what the price is for failure.

I love this Loki. I understand him. This is what happens to a sensitive person when they're exposed to devastating horrors and have to change to survive. This is what happens when you're forced to reinvent yourself during life-threatening circumstances. You will never again be quite the same you once were.

Thanos gave him the scepter as a weapon but probably also to keep him somewhat in control (and in connection with the The Other); he didn't want to risk Loki faltering once returning to familiar grounds. When it comes to affecting Loki's behaviour though, it was only icing on the cake.

#loki #loki meta #don't like don't read #op

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cyarskj1899 · 1 year

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youtube

I’ll never forgive him who has put meg through two years of trauma that he caused and made her look like a liar when he was the one who shot her. I wish He and his fans a very rih(as in rot in hell) Same thing with Drake , Joe budden , Zach Campbell, Lebron James , Mariah the scientist, Dababy, Dj akademiks, 50 cent, all the media outlets that were slutting themselves out for this piece of trash by spreading misinformation and lies about his trial so much that they didn’t care about being ethical or professional (the fact that two white women and crime journalists were more accurate than “black” bloggers is just whewww I’m pissed) and everyone else who ever doubted her and I meant that with the upmost disrespect. Like seriously they can all burn right now, heck I’ll get the matches and kerosene and fry them arssholes myself.

Meg tried to protect him until he opened his mouth. The DA prosecuted him and she was still treated like a villain instead of a victim/survivor. Absolutely DISGUSTING. That man brought his child to court as a prop for sympathy knowing DAM WELL he was guilty 🤡. I pray that Meg and any woman/man dealing with domestic violence, are able to move on and heal. Stay strong, keep your head up, and make yourself a plan to leave. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

It’s crazy the amount of people who defended this violent troll over a black woman who literally got shot by a grown man. I’ve never seen a domestic dispute where people cancel a victim over a crime that is not only proven, but also completely logical considering his past. And people keep saying it’s the end of her career which sadly might be true cause we live in a backwards society but imagine being thrust into the spotlight right after you lose the only person you had and why you started rapping , your mom, and then being around a bunch of snakes and your sex life outed in front of the world to see for clout whilst in the midst of going to court for being attacked. And I’m sure it wasn’t a good feeling for her to know that she was gonna be locking up a man for a long time but she didn’t have no choice. If Meg didn’t press charges the state would have . She had no control over the outcome or even the investigation. Yeah she lied but I do believe she did out of fear because anything she did or said got back lash. I was even annoyed with her at points even tho I’m always gonna be on her side and the victims side. A recent phone call got leaked pretty much sealing the deal and I still see people refusing to give up their pride and still calling her a liar.

Imagine if your daughter got shot in the foot ? I lost my dad at 20 so I know Megan was extremly lost and just doing everything she was told to do bad influences or not. People don’t know that feeling of not being able to ask your parents for guidance or to just hold your parents for strength , you constantly just gotta think “ what would my mom or dad do” . She was hella young like 22 I believe. Until people have lost a parent they don’t understand how deep it can change you . Meg is a victim legally and figuratively but she’s been treated like a suspect this entire time.

Torey is a felon, torey has attacked people for not shaking his hand, he breaks gun charges , he fights in clubs, he’s very volitile , he is not a good person so why people defend him so heavy is lost upon me . Honestly I believe it’s just out of spite

He should have been deported long ago….you should not be allowed to commit all of these offenses and be able to stay here. You cannot behave like this in any other country and expect to stay there….. and his father can’t even raise his child right like You mean to tell me Tory’s daddy couldn’t rear his own son but wanna blame others for his failure as a father? Mane GTFOH!!!

This is the result of what happens when he had no one in his life to hold him accountable. He also fumbled every opportunity given to him. The shooting was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Now, he’s facing the consequences. And he deserves it.

He has no one to blame but himself if anything Dude's his own worst enemy🤬

#Youtube #I can’t believe he actually thought that he was going to get away with it #The punkassness #The bitchassery #The cowardice #the unfaithfulness #The caucasity #The cuntery #the fuckery #The dustbucketery #The crustiness #the gumption #the nerve #The way he’s going to burn #Blaze

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