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does-this-look-logicality-to-you · 3 years

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Valentine’s Day

words: 2868 universe: human au characters: virgil, roman, patton; mentions of remus, logan, janus pairings: romantic prinxiety, platonic moxiety, platonic DLAMPR, implied background romantic logicality warnings: none i can think of, just fluff on fluff on fluff a/n: happy late valentines day, everyone! i wanted to have this done on actual valentine’s day but executive dysfunction said no thank you. this fic is dedicated to my amazing girlfriend @katlikethesword. i still can’t believe how lucky i am to be your datemate, and i love you with all my heart. this is my first time writing a prinxiety fic this long, so i hope you like it <3

Virgil had never liked Valentine’s Day. As he often said, it was just another commercial holiday created for big corporations to take advantage of people’s relationships in order to make even more money. It was the same with holidays like Christmas and Halloween, but Valentine’s Day had always stood out to him as the worst of them all. He sometimes wondered if, deep down, he disliked this day in particular because he’d never had someone to spend it with.

That is, he didn’t, until he met Roman.

Virgil never would have guessed he’d fall for someone like Roman. The two had met through the internet, after joining a small Discord server for those who shared an interest in Steven Universe. The two held a sort of rivalry between them at first, arguing almost constantly to the point where the others would grow nervous when they noticed both of them online at once. They didn’t dislike one another, per se, but the fact that their opinions clashed a majority of the time led to conflict more often than not.

After some time— and convincing by the others— the two of them begrudgingly started to get along. Their arguments went from heated debates to playful bouts of banter. Virgil found himself growing fond of his eccentric friend, and began to see him as less annoying and self-absorbed. He instead grew to appreciate his sense of humor, and his eagerness to stand up for his beliefs, and his unrelenting loyalty to those he cared about.

Over time, Virgil’s feelings blossomed into something more than just platonic and he felt himself falling. It had terrified him at first— after all, he’d never had feelings like this toward anyone before. He finally came to terms with it after one fateful night, when a voice call lasted so long that the two of them had ended up falling asleep. After that, there was no turning back. After what felt like forever— in reality, a week— he finally opened up about his feelings, and somehow, by some miracle, Roman reciprocated them.

As a result, the two of them were now in a romantic relationship together. Virgil felt himself fall more and more in love every day. It was the simple things that made him special. Roman often sent him messages containing words of adoration and devotion, and he tagged his boyfriend in Tumblr posts that reminded him of their relationship, or of Virgil in general. Virgil had been hesitant to admit that he was in love with Roman, but he did so eventually. He couldn’t imagine loving anyone else.

Not everything was this easy, though. Roman lived thousands of miles away, too far to come and visit unless he was travelling with his family, which was unlikely considering how unappealing his home state was as a vacation spot and how unlikely it was for his parents to plan a trip there. All they could do was pine hopelessly as they waited until they could finally see one another. It wasn’t uncommon for Virgil to lose himself in daydreams of the day they could finally see each other, when they could finally hold each other, when they could finally be together. Roman sometimes joked that he’d expect the pining to die down when they got together, only for it to double once they actually did, and Virgil couldn’t help but agree. It was hard being so far from the person he cared about. All he wanted was to see his love, to be by his side, to be in his arms, even if only for a little while. Was that really too much to ask?

When he woke up on February 14, the first thing Virgil did was grab his phone and open Discord to message Roman. When he did, he’d been expecting his boyfriend to have sent him something, anything, but there was nothing. Maybe he’s not awake yet. He hoped that was it. gerard-gay: hey. happy valentine’s day. i miss you. After he sent it, Virgil lay back down, pulling the covers over himself and closing his eyes again. He stayed like that for a few minutes before stumbling out of bed and changing out of his pajamas. He wasted little time in changing into a purple t-shirt, his favorite hoodie, and a pair of dark gray sweatpants. With that done, he headed into the bathroom. He splashed water on his face, then dried it before taking out his makeup kit. He decided to go for a simple look today, complete with the black eyeshadow on his lower lid that he often wore. Satisfied, he left the bathroom and headed into the kitchen.

The first thing he noticed was that his parents weren’t sitting on the couch like they usually were. Panic surged through him as his eyes flitted around the room, looking for some kind of clue. His gaze fell on a bright pink sticky note on the counter. He came over to it and read it. We had to go pick something up. We’ll be home around 1pm. Love you! ~Mom and Dad Virgil sighed in relief. They hadn’t abandoned him after all. They could have told me beforehand, though. He glanced at the clock on the microwave. 8:49. Damnit, I got up too early. At least he had the house to himself for a while.

He made himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal, got out his daily pills, and headed into the living room and set everything on the coffee table. He sat on the couch and turned on the TV, switching it to Netflix and putting on The Office. It wasn’t his favorite show, but it was better than eating in silence. As he ate his cereal, Virgil checked his notifications again. Nothing. He can’t still be asleep, can he? Even on the weekends, Roman was usually awake at around this time. He wasn’t ignoring him, was he?

Virgil soon finished his breakfast and grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch, swaddling it around himself. He stayed there for a while, occasionally having to venture out of his cozy cocoon to ensure Netflix that he was, in fact, still watching. As he watched, he kept an eye on his phone for any indication that Roman was alive and hadn’t grown bored of him.

Soon, he felt his phone buzz, and he nearly dropped it as he opened Discord to check the notification. To his disappointment, it wasn’t from Roman. It was instead from Patton, one of their mutual friends. happypappypatton: Happy palentine’s day!

Virgil couldn’t help but chuckle. gerard-gay: happy palentine’s day pat

happypappypatton: How’s your day so far?

gerard-gay: could be better

happypappypatton: Oh no! Why? Did something happen?

gerard-gay: nothing happened gerard-gay: just kinda worried about roman

happypappypatton: Is he okay?

gerard-gay: idk gerard-gay: i messaged him earlier but he didn’t respond

happypappypatton: Oh no, I’m so sorry!

gerard-gay: it’s okay gerard-gay: at least my parents aren’t home gerard-gay: so i get the house to myself😎

happypappypatton: Can I call you and keep you company?

gerard-gay: nah that’s okay gerard-gay: i don’t wanna take time out of your day

happypappypatton: You’re not happypappypatton: Nobody should be alone on Valentine’s day happypappypatton: Pleeeeease??? I want to talk to you!

gerard-gay: okay

happypappypatton: Yay!!

Virgil laughed to himself as he clicked the phone icon. It didn’t even finish ringing once before Patton picked up.

“Hi Vee!”

“Hey, Pat.”

“How’ve you been?”

“In the ten seconds since you last talked to me?” He laughed. “Exactly the same.”

Patton giggled. “Good point.”

“What about you?”

“I’m doing great! You know I love Valentine’s day.”

“I know you do. You and your roommate are having that Palentine’s party this year, right?”

“Yup!”

“I wish I could come,” Virgil half-joked.

“I know, I wish you could too. Just hang in there, we’ve only got a year and a half ‘till you graduate.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m counting the days.”

“Me too,” Patton agreed with a soft laugh. “Has Roman gotten back to you yet?”

“Nope.”

“That’s really weird. I would have thought he’d have sent you a page-long message about how much he loves you and misses you.”

“I know, I thought so too.” He sighed. “Do you think he’s sick of me?”

“No, absolutely not. You know how much Roman cares about you. Besides, even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t just ignore your messages.”

“Yeah, I guess. It would be pretty out of character for him to just ghost me.”

“Ghost you? But it’s not Halloween, it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Virgil groaned. “You couldn’t not make a dad joke, huh?”

“Sorry,” he giggled. “But you gotta admit, that was kinda funny.”

“Meh. It wasn’t your worst work.”

Patton laughed.

“Anyway.”

“Yeah, anyway…”

The two of them were quiet for a moment. “What about the others?” asked Virgil. “Have you talked to ‘em today?”

“Mhm! I DMed everyone earlier. I’m actually talking to ‘em right now.”

“Oh, cool. Are you…” he hesitated before finishing, “talking to Roman?”

“No, he’s the only one who hasn’t said anything. So on the off-chance he’s actually ignoring you, he’s ignoring me too.”

“Has anyone else said anything?”

“Nope. It’s weird, I asked them if they’d talked to him today after you told me he hadn’t been responding, and they all said no.”

“Even Remus?”

“Uh-huh. Apparently he hasn’t even seen him today.”

Virgil started bouncing his leg anxiously. “Okay, now I’m getting kinda scared. Do you think something happened to him?”

“I dunno. Maybe? But Remus would’ve said something about it, right?”

“Yeah, I’d think so.”

“Let’s change the subject,” Patton suggested. “I don’t wanna make you more anxious about this than you already are.”

“Thanks, Pat. How are the others? What are they up to?”

��They’re doing pretty good! Remus is working on a writing project, Janus is playing Stardew Valley, and Logan’s procrastinating on his schoolwork by scrolling Tumblr. Don’t worry, I already scolded him for it.”

Virgil laughed, the mention of Logan reminding him of something. “Ooh, speaking of Logan, are you gonna tell him today?”

“No, not today.”

Virgil was genuinely shocked. “Really? Why not?”

“C’mon, you know him. He sees Valentine’s Day as an excuse for big companies to make a boatload of money.”

“So? I think that too. What does that have to do with you not telling him?”

“It wouldn’t mean anything to tell him today. I don’t even know if I’m ready to tell him yet or not. Besides, he’s got a lot on his plate today, Valentine’s day or not.”

“I get that. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so pushy. You tell him when you know you’re ready.”

“Thanks, Vee. You didn’t sound pushy, though. I definitely know how frustrating it can be when your friend’s been pining after someone for months on end but they still refuse to do anything about it.“

Virgil laughed. “Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll stop complaining.”

“I’m not saying you have to. I did my fair share of complaining when y—” Patton stopped abruptly, and Virgil heard a faint voice coming from the other end. “Okay, just gimme a second,” Patton called out, clearly talking to someone else. “I’m so sorry, Vee, I gotta go. Emile promised a couple friends we’d meet them for lunch today and it completely slipped my mind.”

“That’s okay,” Virgil reassured him. “You go have fun, Pat. I’ll be fine by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. If I get really lonely I can always talk to the others.”

“Okay. Tell me if Roman gets back to you, ‘kay?”

“I will. I’ll talk to ya later.”

“Bye! Love you!”

“Love you too.” Virgil hung up the phone and got up, grabbing his dirty dishes and taking them into the kitchen to wash them. Once he finished, he glanced over at the clock, which read 10:37. Only about two and a half hours until Mom and Dad get home, he thought as he put the dishes away. He left the kitchen, checking his phone again as he headed toward his bedroom. Once again, Roman still hadn’t said anything. He’s definitely awake by now. Had he been right? Had something happened to him? He forced the thought away. He couldn’t let that bother him. Why was it so important, anyway? Today was just another day.

He reached his room and sat down at his desk, turning on his laptop and putting on his headphones. He then opened Spotify and put on the playlist he’d made for Roman the day after they’d gotten together, before switching over to Tumblr and scrolling through his dashboard. He could probably do the exact same thing in the living room, but he preferred the cozier, more familiar atmosphere of his bedroom. Peanut, his cat, climbed up onto his lap and curled up into a ball. Virgil smiled to himself and reached one hand down to scratch him behind the ear. Peanut purred, and Virgil’s smile widened.

He stayed there for a few hours, seeing what everyone on Tumblr was up to today. Every so often, he switched to Discord to see if Roman had replied to him yet, but no such luck. He did his best to ignore his growing worry, focusing instead on the computer in front of him and the cat on his lap. He could be busy today, he reminded himself. His world doesn’t revolve around you.

Soon enough, he heard the familiar rumble of the garage door, followed by the ca-CHUNK of the front door and the clip-clop-clip-clop of his parents’ footsteps. Virgil gently moved Peanut off his lap, which the pale ginger tabby didn’t seem to mind much. “I’m gonna go say hi to Mom and Dad,” he told the cat. “You can come if ya want.” Peanut meowed in response, which made Virgil laugh. He knew his cat couldn’t understand him, but he still found it wildly amusing when he acted as if he did. He crouched down to pat his head a few times before leaving his bedroom and going into the living room. He smiled at his parents when he saw them. “Hey,” he greeted, giving a sort of half-wave.

“Hey, honey,” his mom greeted with a smile.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” added his dad.

“Yeah, you too.” He came over and hugged his parents.

“Have you eaten yet?” his dad wanted to know.

“I did,” he reassured him. “I had a bowl of cereal.”

This satisfied him. “Good.”

“What’ve you been up to?” asked his mom.

“Not much. I had breakfast, called Patton and then went to hang out with Peanut and scroll Tumblr for a bit. What about you guys? What exactly were you picking up?” He glanced around in search of a box or some kind of indication of a possible answer but found none.

“Actually,” answered his mom. “It was something for you.”

Virgil hadn’t expected that. “Oh! I-uh, cool. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank us yet,” his dad told him with a laugh. “Go and see, it’s in the garage.”

“Okay.” He went into the laundry room, where the door to the garage was, with no idea what he was going to find in there. His parents rarely got him big presents, and when they did it was either for his birthday or for Christmas. He had no idea what to expect. He reached the door, turned the handle, and flicked on the lights.

Standing there was a teenage boy with a broad smile. He wore a red hoodie and a pair of ripped blue jeans, and his white sneakers were dirty and worn. Around his neck was a necklace with a gold-colored charm shaped like a crown. He spoke, his voice sounding to Virgil like the most beautiful of songs. “Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart.”

“ROMAN!” Virgil barreled into him, nearly knocking him over as he threw his arms around him. “Oh my God, you’re actually here. Like, right here. In my garage. How did you even manage to do this?”

“I have my ways.”

Virgil pulled back a little to smirk at him. “You’re just as insufferable in real life as you are online, huh?”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me and my insufferableness.”

“Unfortunately.” Virgil gave him a lopsided grin as an indication that he was joking, and an adoring smile crossed his boyfriend’s face. “Is this why you haven’t answered my message?”

“I can’t believe you’re actually here. You actually are here, right? This isn’t some practical joke?”

“It’s not a joke. I wouldn’t do that to you. Well, maybe I would, but not on a day like today. Not on Valentine’s Day.”

The two were quiet for a few moments, just taking in one another’s presence. Virgil was pretty confident that he would willingly stay here forever if he could.

“Well, now that you’re here, what do you want to do first?” Virgil asked, finally breaking the silence.

Roman gave Virgil the playful smirk he’d only ever imagined before. “I think I have an idea.” He rested a hand on his cheek and leaned in, and Virgil felt his heart soar as he and Roman shared their long-awaited first kiss.

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scandeniall · 3 years

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story of us

pairing: suna x reader

the story of ur relationship <3; alternatively (more) dating sunarin headcanons but this time is somewhat of an order and talks good and bad 2K+ worth lol

a/n: i had more planned but half of these have been sitting in my notes for months and its kinda fucking long already bc he lives rent free!!!

warnings: uh the usual aged up (in ur 20s time skip type beat), language, yeah

Meeting

Now when y’all met suna was not looking to love at all. That man was just living his life and so where you. The two of you pretty much meet through komori. You’re a friend and it’s his birthday so him and a few of his friends go out for drinks bc why not. Young hot pretty financially stable v-ball players. Nah no ones there for any type of hookups literally just there celebrating a great guy.

They rent out a section at a relatively nice bar tbh. Not the cheapest and you can actually hear conversation. But also not a super expensive one where the patrons are middle aged with jazz music and the occasional track to relive “youth.” Komori’s a sweetie and will come outside to get you when you text that you’re there. You’ve met washio and ofc sakusa Before so you greet them casually then you turn and there’s Suna and a few others you haven’t met.

That greeting isn’t anything special I promise. Just “hey I’m so and so” and vice versa. It’s one of those meetings where you just think “he’s cute” but it’s such a fleeting thought. Y’all don’t even really talk that first night tbh. At the next practice Suna mentions offhandedly that he didn’t know komori was dating someone and komori is like: huh? Yeah sorry. I love (Y/N) and all but were just friends. Suna just shrugs not really caring to be honest until Komori just asks what did he think of you.

“Don’t really remember much man. Seemed cool though” he didn’t think he’d really see you again. Yeah you were close enough to have been at Komori’s birthday but if that was his first time ever meeting you, he figured you weren’t from around there are present very much. Yeah he was wrong.

Suddenly you were on Komori’s snap story more often, or maybe he’d just been noticing more. Too bad he couldn’t even remember your name 💀. Then it turned into you occasionally popping up where he was. He’d been told your name at least 5 times already but wouldn’t remember it the next day. Whenever he’d see you again he’d get a strained look like: “what is this mf name again” just laugh and tell him again bby.

That changed at some random house party by another mutual friend you two apparently had? You two were the only people just around the fire pit trying to catch some warmth in the chilly night. He’s probably just on his phone head bobbing his head to the muffled music from inside. And you’re just like “remember my name yet?” All jokingly. This sparks the tiniest bit of interest in him and he lets out a low chuckle and just admits “not at all.” I also feel like this is the first time he really looks at you and he’s like 🤨, wait you’re actually kinda cute.

That night y’all just kinda talk and vibe. The conversation comes easy as you two jump back and forth from talking about the music playing to sneakers which he brings up to stuff that you like. He’s actually really easy to talk to. So easy that u can forget about him not remembering your name despite meeting several times. You mention that you’d hung around komori before while they were gaming and that he seemed pretty cool. That leads him to asking “how do you know him anyways?”

“I used to date Sakusa”

Mentally he’s just like— ‘yeah I’m not getting involved in this. Time to go.’ Until you just start laughing.

“I’m kidding. He’s not really my type. We met after being paired together for a project in school.”

The two of you spend quite a bit of time just talking that night until you are joined again by some friends and it’s deadass like y’all weren’t just talking for almost an hour straight.

Getting Together

The process of getting together is like a cat and mouse game. You two start getting closer than friends and then something happens and you’re not talking for weeks. Whether it be life just getting busy, and then someone ending up on some random tinder date or so be it. Definitely one of those things were somehow someway y’all end up just hanging on one of your couches watching a movie. At some point there’s definitely a hint of sexual tension but neither of y’all act on it (later on you find on his finsta that he used to post several “i wont you 😔” memes Folks can’t tell if hes joking or not (hes not))

You probably gotta tell that man you like him so if that ain’t you I’m sorry. Y’all not dating 😹. It’s something casual, y’all going to pick up some snacks for a movie night and why this mf keep looking at you out the side of his eyes instead of the road. You def texting the groupchat asking if you should confess. They tell you to boss up and just do it baby.

You literally end up confessing in that parking lot. Like right when he shuts the car off and starts swinging his keys on his finger and you kinda just blurt “I like you. Like like you.” He just kinda nods before his eyes widen. “Wait are you fr?” Like no you’re joking tf. It gets a lil awkward so you just go to get out the car and he’s like “I like like you too.”

I definitely don’t think either of you ever officially asked the other out it’s just at some point the understanding that you two are a couple. Like when you’re hanging out just you two hes more touchy, and then y’all start kissing and holding hands at some point. Then when you’re with friends he almost exclusively sits next to you and your friends notice the whispers in one another’s ears at the loud bar that seem just a hint too intimate for ppl who are just friends. Then y’all start arriving and leaving places together and people just at some point get the message (it’s later confirmed by you tweeting some shit like: I hate Rin why is that mf my boyfriend)

As far as anniversaries y’all draw straws to pick a day in the ballpark of the time y’all both think you became official. That’s the day you stick with even if it’s not true.

Relationship Flaws

A fault in the relationship is sunas kinda poor communication when it comes to things that matter. How he feels. Arguments. Love sure as hell don’t come east with anyone but when your partner won’t let you in? Yeah that’s like hell. That’s something you struggle with. And then on your end, it’s the impatience with him not letting you in. You try to wrongfully rush it.

There’s definitely been arguments that stem from him just being upset about something unrelated to the relationship then coming to you for comfort without actually telling you what’s wrong. He kinda just wants to lay with his head on his chest but at some point that’s not enough. Y’all are in a relationship and should be able to talk about your bad days too.

You’re not innocent in this issue either because sometimes it comes off too pushy. Yes it’s from a place of care but sometimes that silent comfort is necessary. The walls will break in due time and y’all both know that deep in the back of your minds But then there’s a part that’s like— yeah we can’t let this become the norm

“Rin, can you please talk to me”

He will have literally told you “whatever” and that he “can’t deal with this rn” several times as he just shrugs and is like yeah “I’m gonna just go home. I’ll text you later” with an awkward ass pat on your shoulder if it really ruined his mood. If he’s leaving before he gets super upset and uncomfortable just some half assed kiss in your cheek

Another thing is I feel like he could be passive aggressive and let’s be real other folks doing it causes you to do it to. Y’all probably drag eachother on your finstas where you can both see it lol

But when it comes to making up he cracks first and apologizes when he started it. Or as y’all get more comfy with communication. If it’s not anything major he’ll just hit you with a text like “I’m bored come hang”

More Relationship Things

I feel like he love/hates driving. Likes the ride not always driving though. So if you ever proposed a late night drive he’d be down (if you offer to drive). He does let y’all take his car though. He reclines the seat pretty far back. Alternates between just closing his eyes vibing w/ the music or kinda just looking at you (he the type of bf that makes u nervous no matter how long y’all been together)The way he looks at you makes you nervous cause that man is fine as hell and you can just feel his eyes on you.

He films you on Snapchat and sends the video to you like “you look hot”

If he’s not ‘resting his eyes’ he’s mumbling along to the music because he has the aux. if y’all music tastes are different he occasionally throws in something you really like bc he likes how you perk up at one of your fav songs

Moving on. Y’all dap eachother up after s3x because it’s “modern romance” (boy stfu). You two came up with a sex playlist together and it’s on both of your phones. Sometimes one of you will add a troll song that the other doesn’t know and put it in the lineup. (Stole my heart by 1D has definitely played before and you were practically in tears laughing at his reaction. That was one of those songs he was like ‘yeah alright i think we’re done).

At some point you two develop your own handshake and it’s cute. Whenever either of you have to travel without the other that’s always the last thing you do before you leave eachother. There’s vids of your friends daring y’all to do your elaborate ass handshake drunk and doesn’t matter what’s in your system, you both know it like the back of your hand.

I think he values quality time a lot so there’s so many nights where you’re both just chilling in his room just doing your own things. He could just be at his desk watching some game highlights and you’re just doing hw on his bed with your own earbuds in work all spread out and he’s content. He’s also attentive so if he calculates that you’ve been working too long he’ll just take ur earbud like “hey let’s go get something to eat.”

People definitely think he’s the lazy one in the relationship but it’s 100% not true. Like stated above, he’s very attentive and can pretty much gauge how you’re feeling in the blink of an eye. He knows when you need alone time but won’t go without reassuring you that he’s here whenever you’re ready. When you do just need him he’s there without a second thought. If you’re more touchy he’ll have your head in his lap his arm running up and down your as you tell him what’s wrong. He knows when to joke about a minor inconvenience and over the course of your relationship knows when to cut the jokes and be serious with you.

He’d never admit it but he knows your coffee order by heart (he keeps up his image my asking wtf do you get everytime. Just let him LOL). He the type to peek at what you plan on wearing and ‘accidentally’ color coordinate then pull some shit like “why are you copying me”

Y’all def shit talk together. See someone doing something completely out of pocket in public— straight to ur phones you go (pack it up shade room). To the public it just looks like you aren’t paying any attention to one another on your dates but y’all are. Just over the phone so u don’t piss off ur target 😌

Y’all are very comfy in your relationship that you just say stuff. Y’all don’t even think.

“Rin, what if i crashed us in this car rn 😹”

“Do it. Might be fun”

When you two finally move in together it’s almost like how your relationship starts. Slowly more and more spares of stuff for you end up at his. He does sorta make the move near the end of your lease and is just like “you’re here more than me anyways.” (hes nervous but swears he’s not. Bby you’re literally shaking). Him moving you in is like hell. This mf takes sooooo long to help with boxes. Picks up 1 then sits for like 15 minutes. You ask for help the first few times and he’s just like “I got you” while continuing to scroll his phone.

Sleepy Shoulder kisses in the mornings. Only form a greeting you get but it’s ok

this is like my 100th dating suna hc and im still going this is SICK. it was so hard to not drop old refs bc i still believe in them 100% yes i do!!!!

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #haikyuu imagine #suna imagines #hq imagines #haikyuu headcanons

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dontasktheradiodemon · 3 years

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Musical Tryouts (1/31/2021)

Please pretend I posted this chat log a month and a half ago when it actually happened, sob.

Valera @autokrates is leaving an audition for Hell’s first production of Hamilton, and runs into Alastor, waiting for his turn to audition. They hang out and chat until it’s his turn—which marks the first time in forever they’ve had a full conversation that wasn’t Incredibly Awkward the whole way through. Hooray for progress.

Chronologically, this chat log happened between this (note: art of extremely hilarious outfit) and this (note: art of another hilarious outfit)

Alastor

Alastor hasn’t auditioned for a show since the seventies, and hasn’t auditioned and *cared* about it in almost a century. He’d like to think he doesn’t look nervous, but he knows he’s reread his typewritten lyrics about a hundred times and every couple of minutes he catches his leg bouncing again. That’s fine, he’s in disguise, he isn’t supposed to look like himself anyway. He can look a little nervous.

When he realizes he’s more staring a hole through his pages than actually reading them, he forces himself to lift his head, slouches back in his cheap metal chair, and looks around the makeshift backstage waiting room. Maybe he can figure out if anyone else is trying for his parts, drag them into the back alley, and mangle them. It would defeat the purpose of showing up in disguise, but it would burn some nervous energy, and anyway he’s already seen one would-be Angelica pin another down and slit her throat. His gaze scans over the other hopeful actors.

Valera

From the stage comes the muffled sound of someone singing, as expected. But the singing gets louder as the voice approaches the door, and it certainly sounds like Not A Musical Number. It sounds a lot more like someone who needed to be accompanied by someone torturing a piano with a series of small hammers. Was that a Will Wood number? Why yes, yes it was!

Through the curtains and round the corner comes the fish supreme, bedecked in enough frills and frippery to lose an orphan in with their 18th century french fashion, belting out lines from I/Me/Myself as they saunter towards the exit with barely a glance for the other hopefuls waiting for their call. Barely a glance at all, until their eyes land on Alastor. Then their jaunty tune is cut off with an uncanny impression of a record scratch crossed with a chicken being strangled, head whipping around for a double take as they freeze mid stride. Holy fuck what was he WEARING???

Alastor

Alastor’s ears threatened to perk up beneath his temporarily shapeshifted hair at the sound of a very familiar and very beloved song from another performer—he’d almost considered performing that one himself, God was he lucky he’d decided to go with “Modern Major General”—and he turned to see who it was with the spectacular taste in music—

“Valera?!” What the hell was Valera doing at a musical audition in Hell?

Valera

It WAS Alastor! They KNEW it! They gasp, pointing at him as their eyes boggle. "Al--" And just as quickly, a hand is clapped over their own mouth, teeth clicking as they clamp their mouth shut. Okay, try that again, *without* ruining his disguise.

They stride over to where he's sitting, leaning in slightly before hissing. "What are you WEARING?"

Alastor

Alastor plays the sound of something crashing over when Valera starts to say his name—the other waiting performers look around to see which props just toppled over—and hops out of his seat to meet Valera in the middle when they approach him. “Do *not* expose me,” he hisses, flinging an arm around Valera’s shoulders. “Nobody here knows I’m the Radio Demon and if this is going to work, nobody *can* know.”

Then he looks down at his own outfit. “A disguise.” Obviously. “I asked my listeners, ‘What’s the last thing you’d ever expect me to wear?’”

Valera

Oh, great, he's touching them AND he's already mad at them for something they'd already avoided. This seemed like par for the course, might as well get through this as painlessly as possible. Valera's face tightens into a stiff little smile, stomach already twisting into knots. "I've got no plans of exposing you, it would be a shame to ruin the work you put into your... outfit."

A slow exhale from the nose, and they force their shoulders to relax. Can't have the other actors see the two of them at odds, they're clearly just a couple of friends running into each other! A funny coincidence! Their voice raises back to a normal speaking tone, all sunshine and cheer as they give Alastor a pat on the back that falls short of actually touching him. "I take it you're here to audition for a part, then?"

Alastor

Alastor wheezes a near-silent laugh. “Isn’t it hideous?” he whispers. “You should see what the full leggings look like, they’re horrible.”

He lets go and steps back. “I am! I was seized by a wild burst of inspiration, and auditions happened before that inspiration ran out. I take it you... *already* auditioned.” Which raises a whole slew of questions, but Alastor starts with the most important one: “Which part?”

Valera

Valera sends up a silent prayer of thanks to any God listening, hands folding behind their back as they admire Alastor's grotesque attire. "Unfortunately, I kind of love it. It's vile, but with a few tweaks it could be a genuinely good outfit."

They clear their throat at his latter question, rolling back on the heels of their new shoes. "Washington. I didn't come to Hell today expecting to audition for anything, I was just here buying shoes. But I heard music, saw the theater, decided to pop in and see what was going on. And hey, why not try out? Didn't expect to run into you of all people."

Alastor

A little tension drains out of his shoulders at the answer. He glances down to idly check out Valera’s new shoes. “Oh, good! I don’t have to duel you for a part.” He almost instinctively starts playing a snip from “Ten Duel Commandments” to underline the comment, but catches himself. He is, after all, trying not to blow his cover—he’s even consciously suppressing the radio distortion to his voice, he nearly sounds like a normal person. “The feeling’s *entirely* mutual. You’re about the last person I’d expect to try out for a show around here, so far from home!”

And he’s not sure how he feels about it yet. He’s been trying to avoid talking to Valera—can’t get in trouble after interacting with them if they *don’t* interact, can he?—and now here he is doing the opposite of that... but they haven’t started another stupid argument. Yet. “What are you doing if you actually get the part? You’re committing to being in Pentagram City on a near daily basis for—goodness, months at least!”

Valera

They don't know how they feel about seeing him here either. It went from being a fun little spur of the moment tryout before icecream into an UNEXPECTED INTERACTION with A PERSON THEY DON'T KNOW WELL. But no, they have to tamp down on the urge to make their excuses and leave, things would never improve between them if Valera did nothing but avoid him after all.

"IF I get the part! I haven't been in a production in years, I'm rusty compared to plenty of the actors here today, I'm sure." A hand waves, lazy and dismissive. "But if I do pull it off, I've been planning on spending more time in Hell anyway. This is just a convenient excuse."

Alastor

“Hah, I haven’t tried out for a show since—well, since before you were born.” And then, he’d just been doing it as a lark, too—something to attempt to keep his mind occupied. He hadn’t actually *wanted* to be in a production this badly since he lived in New York, before he gave up on making it on Broadway and went into radio. “But how many of *them* can launch into a full musical number at the drop of a hat!”

Valera

Right, it was easy to forget that Alastor was old enough to be their dad. Or Grandpa. Probably? They'd done the math at some point..

"Hatched." They correct on reflex, reaching up to fuss with the feather on their hat. "Who are you trying for? Lafayette? I could see you as a Lafayette." They're saying it because of the French, but they will NOT say that out loud.

Alastor

Great-grandpa, easily. Maybe even great-great grandpa if a few generations got early starts.

His face brightens. “Let’s hope the casting director thinks so, too! Yes, Lafayette and Jefferson—the same actor played them both in the mortal realm, why shouldn’t one person play both down here, too?”

Valera

Great-grandpa Alastor, the spryest old man in the nursing home. Eating the interns when he gets bored... That sounds like a typical older Veci actually.

They hum, looking Alastor up and down in his getup. "You'll get the part, or I'll eat this silly chapeu. I've seen the competition you're up against. They're good, don't get me wrong, but..." A vague gesture at him. "Nobody could compete!"

Alastor

"You flatter me!" All the same, he's beaming widely. "But I was hoping that would be the case, what with when they scheduled auditions. January's a bad time for, well, *most* people's schedules. I'm afraid I missed all but the tail end of your performance—spectacular choice of song, though!"

Valera

"Why thank you! Will Wood doesn't fit the show's theme in the slightest, but it certainly shows my singing chops! Though if I'd planned for this audition I might have gone with an outfit a bit less.. *French*." They grin, shimmying their enormous sleeves. Unrepentant in the slightest. "Might. I could see Washington's doughy self in this getup."

Alastor

Alastor examines Valera’s getup. Was that French? It just looked old-fashioned to him. “Well, hopefully they’re not going to judge based on fashion!” He glances pointedly down at his own outfit.

Valera

Another glance at his outfit, and they give a thumbs up. "You've got a bowtie on, you'll be fine."

Oh. Would it be a supportive friend thing to do to sit and wait for his call with him? Or would that be somehow rude? They couldn't just ask, if it *was* rude he'd probably be offended by the notion, but if it wasn't... Something bad. Probably? Maybe they're being unfair. A quick clearing of the throat, and they gesture towards the door. "Do you want to sit down? I've got time to kill before. Uh... *Mon Cerf Rouge* arrives with my ice cream."

Alastor

*Oh right*, he’s wearing *Valera’s husband’s* bow tie. His hand flies up to cover it as if that will prevent it from being identified, and he quickly forces his hand back down. “Well! I wasn’t going to show up to an audition underdressed, was I?” He laughs thinly. Don’t act suspicious it’s fine.

Is Valera hanging out with another Alastor? He wonders which one. How is it that every version of himself manages to get along with them but him? It wouldn’t be so galling if *none* of them could get along with Valera, but if it’s something he uniquely is doing wrong—no, don’t worry about that right now.

His first inclination is to turn down the offer, they’ve had a cordial conversation so far and he can’t mess it up if it ends right here; but there’s a chance they’re about to both end up in the same show, isn’t there? Polite avoidance might not be an option for long. Better get to work on getting along. “Sure! It’s a bit yet until my turn.”

Valera

What a reaction! They will politely pretend they didn't see him have a miniature panic over being seen wearing Pentious' bowtie. Far too busy inspecting their gloves, for some reason. How convenient.

Well, now they've done it, they're stuck here. Though it's surprising he accepted the offer, maybe it'll be okay? If he really wanted to avoid them he could have turned the offer down. They're probably overthinking it. A quick nod, and then they perch on the edge of a seat so their fuckoff huge tail can actually fit amidst the mounds of ruffles. On the plus side, nobody but Alastor was going to be taking the seats next to them anytime soon, unless they wanted to fight the tide of frills.

Time to.. Get along? Polite chit chat? "Is this the first production of Hamilton in Hell? It's a fairly new musical, and I know there's a bit of a delay getting things down here."

Alastor

“The very first! In fact, this production company is the one that got the first recording smuggled down from the living realm! Online there’s a few amateur recordings of recent arrivals singing the songs they remember, but so far that’s the only presence Hamilton has had in Hell. Anyone who gets in this show has an opportunity to *define* their roles in the eyes of the public.” Oh, he’s getting a little starry-eyed just thinking of it. “I suppose you’ve probably seen the original production in the mortal realm?”

Valera

"I did, though that was long before I met you or I'd have invited you along!" They're going to take the hat off, it's very silly and the feather keeps floating around in the corner of their vision. Plus, now they have something to hold in their hands so they can't start doing anything weird with them. Win win!

Alastor seems genuinely excited about this production, he'd gone through all the effort to get an outfit, come for tryouts.. And they just sauntered in on a whim. Thank the gods they weren't trying out for the same part, Valera would have had to bow out immediately. "I wonder if any of the actual founding fathers have survived long enough down here to see the show. Wouldn't *that* be something?"

Alastor

“Wouldn’t it just! I can’t think of *anything* I’d enjoy more than prancing around on stage making Jefferson look like an absolute damn fool while the real deal seethes in a front row seat!” He laughs. It’s not a terribly friendly laugh. “But I don’t know if any are down here. I don’t pay close attention to that sort of thing—and anyway, most *important* people who end up damned either find themselves on the receiving end of a deluge of assassination attempts or else change their identities fairly fast. A founding father could show up and audition to play as himself and we might not know.” A thoughtful pause. “Although I doubt any of them would get the part.”

Valera

"I'd assume they wound up here, considering the whole owning slaves and starting wars thing. Good PR post mortem doesn't absolve you of shitty behaviors in life, unfortunately." Yes. Very unfortunate. That's why they're grinning so toothily. "Imagine if we got the actual King George on the roster? Though I'd rather see Pentious try for the part, personally." There's no way George was still around, he'd gone batty enough in life that he'd probably wandered onto the nearest angelic spear first thing. But they could dream!

Alastor

“One would hope! But no one’s ever sent me the rule book on what does and doesn’t get you access upstairs, who knows for sure? I can tell you what I think *should* get you down here, but I can’t tell you with complete certainty whether or not it does.”

Oh, his eyes light up at that. “Just imagine him in the full raiment of a king! But no. Getting up on stage to have hundreds of people laugh at him for dressing and acting like royalty? He’d hate it.”

Valera

"He'd look glorious in a crown! But you're right, he'd never want a comic relief role, even if he WOULD get to sing about sending battalions after people." Alas and alack, King George ala Pentious would have to live in their dreams. But they smirk, leaning a fraction closer to Alastor to whisper. "But we might be able to get him to sing it privately, at least, and wouldn't that be lovely?"

Quickly pulling back, they cross one leg over the other and put on that cheerful grin again. "What do you think *should* qualify to send people to Hell, my fine fellow? It's a broad question, so we can skip it if you'd rather not open that can of worms."

Alastor

Wouldn’t it be lovely, indeed. He smiles uncomfortably and glances away.

“Oh, skip it.” He waves a hand vaguely. “I find the topic as sanctimonious as it is futile. It may not be for *you*, perhaps—for you, it’s little more than an interesting thought experiment on alien morality—but for us? What’s the good of debating why people should be damned when we’re *already* damned? It’s not going to help us get out of Hell. God isn’t going to take our suggestions into consideration. All the topic does is make one bitter that the powers that be don’t appear to be judging people to one’s personal moral standards—or else it inspires one to assume that God *is* operating in line with one’s personal understanding of justice, and try to pigeonhole everyone one meets into the crimes one believes are worthy of damnation. I’ve run into countless people down here who *don’t know why* they’re damned—and yet they *are* damned, which means they’ve done something that *is* damnable even if they themselves don’t believe it. If people can’t understand their own sins, how can they be trusted to judge anyone else’s?”

Valera

They lean back as Alastor skips one can of worms for another, watching him as he broke down his reasoning. It was interesting, insightful, even if they didn't have much to say to him in response. He was right, after all. For them it was an alien concept, a novelty to roll around and discard when they were bored, just like so many other human notions. But not everyone was so lucky. A nod of agreement, and they flick their tail.

"You're right. My apologies, Alastor, it's easy to forget how... fortunate I am, to be in the position I'm in." A side eye at the other actors, who PROBABLY couldn't hear the conversation, but even so. "Something lighter, then. Have you had a chance to work on restoring your deathday gift yet? You did a fine job with Alexander, he's as glossy as the day you *finished* him."

Alastor

“Oh, that’s just to be expected. How many people have a chance to measure their lives up against the dead and damned, anyway? We’re not given opportunities to interact with anyone but our fellow prisoners and our jailers, and that’s by design.” He’s occasionally side-eyeing the other actors himself, but none seem to be paying attention.

“Oh—yes! Cleaned out the guts and got off the worst of the grime of age. I need to get a few cleaning supplies to finish the job, but soon the both of them will be spick and span!” Look at him beaming, the proud father. “How *is* Alexander? I wanted to talk to him while visiting your place, but his time seemed to be monopolized by someone else the whole trip!” He really did feel bad about that. He feels like he’s got something a duty to Alexander, but so far he hasn’t been able to meet it.

Valera

This was a MUCH better topic. Radios and mutual friends, much safer. They let their shoulders relax under the jacket, chirping as their fins waggle. "I'm sure they'll be as good as new by the time you're done with them, mon collègue. You'll have to show me how they come out. A beautiful antique is always twice as radiant when restored with care, and those radios were gorgeous."

Ah.. Alexander. Their face twists, a frown tugging at the corners of their mouth. "Alexander is.. alright, I suppose. Nothing terrible has happened, and I've been trying to work with him on his manifestations with generally mixed to positive results." They shrug, sighing through their nose. "I think he misses other humans. Or former humans, I suppose. We get along well, but he'll see something and start talking about.. Ponzi? Or his mother writing to him from the" Airquotes here as they squint "Dust Bowl?" What the fuck is a dust bowl? They don't know, it sounds like something a chinchilla would roll in. "And he loses me completely."

Alastor

“I’ll have Vaggie take pictures some time.”

Alastor’s eyebrows shoot up. “That poor man got tangled up with Ponzi *and* the dust bowl? Goodness, what an unfortunate life he lived! But you’re right, he really needs more humans to talk to, doesn’t he? I’ll—“ A pause, and then he says thoughtfully, “I’ll see whether I can contact him myself. If not, I’ll let you know and we’ll arrange a play date. If it works, though—you’ll probably hear about it from him.”

Valera

Contact Alexander himself? Valera opens their mouth to ask how, then it clicks. Right, radio to radio transmissions. Could Alastor reach radios outside of Hell? Maybe it would be easier if the radio was haunted, a bit closer to the fuzzy boundaries between Heaven, Hell, and Earth. Or, Okkylk in this case. Hm.

"I'll take your word for it, I haven't got the foggiest about what either of those are. What the *devil* is a Ponzi?" They've heard "Ponzi Scheme" said in movies, but maybe it wasn't even the same Ponzi! Maybe Ponzi was a normal human thing. Like a brand, they do love their brands... "But thank you. I think he'd benefit from having more than one very alien being to talk to."

Alastor

“Charles Ponzi! A con artist! He convinced a whole slew of people to give him a mountain of money to invest in what he claimed was some post office money-making scheme and that he’d double their money in a month or two. Instead, he pocketed the money, convinced *another* slew of people to give him money for the same scheme, used that money to pay off the first wave of suckers—and rinse and repeated until he’d scammed thousands and stolen millions! Spent a few years in prison, got out and tried another scheme, got arrested in dear old New Orleans trying to flee the country! You knew you weren’t going to be bored any time he showed up in the papers!” Alastor loves a good con artist story. “The Dust Bowl, I missed myself—just a little bit after my time—but from my understanding it was a big drought in the middle of the States that dried out a bunch of farmland. Lot of farming families starved those years.” Alastor loves a good con artist, but starving people are just sad.

Valera

This Ponzi guy should have gone into politics, hot damn. Valera makes a low whistle, nodding their approval. "That DOES explain why he thought about Ponzi, we were talking about the weird political scams my predecessor left me on the hook for when I snuffed him out. Though I think that Charles there pulled it off with more flair than that bird brain ever could have. What a character! I've got to respect that kind of daring."

Probably best not to comment too much on the dust bowl, that sounds like a downer. But, they did bring it up, and if they're talking about Alexander.. "That does explain it. I believe his family was based in that middle area." A nod, and they immediately jump to something less negative. "Let him prattle on at you about his electronics store, he'd love it. The man talked my fins off for twenty minutes about something called a Perikon Detector a regular asked him to order and I STILL don't understand why he was so exasperated about it."

Alastor

“Oh, did he ever have flair! There’s a story I heard about when news of his scams started hitting the papers—all his investors swarmed his offices to demand their money back, he went around to them one by one offering coffee and donuts and smiles, and charmed them so well they *left* their money with him!” Alastor laughs.

Perikon Detector? Alastor stares off into space a moment, trying to dig the term out of nearly-century-old memories. “... Probably because Perikon Detectors were replaced by vacuum tubes before ninety percent of the nation ever even *heard* of radios. What the hell did someone want a Perikon Detector?”

Valera

They laugh, clapping their hands together. Charles Ponzi, was it? They'd have to look the fellow up later just to see the details of his escapades, maybe forward the information to a certain lawyer they knew. But for now, their potential costar has been oddly silent..

Alastor in a state of blank befuddlement was a rare treat, and one that Valera enjoyed while they could before he seemed to snap back into focus with his scrabbled knowledge in hand. "You'll have to ask him for specifics, but judging by the choice of insults, this person had a habit of asking for obscure, outdated parts rather frequently. Maybe a collector? Upcycler?" They shrug. "I still have no idea what a Perikon Detector IS. It sounds like a little bauble they'd use in a bad sci-fi show."

Alastor

“Well, it detects perikons, obviously!” He pauses. Dead silence. “Right, forgot I gave the laugh track the afternoon off. You at least know what vacuum tubes are, right? They, uh...” Has Alastor ever actually learned what it is, *exactly,* that vacuum tubes do. He knows how to use them. He knows how to tell which one he needs. He’s put them in radios. He’s *made* radios. But his eyes glaze over whenever he tries to learn what exactly it is the electricity *does* in there.

“Well,” he says confidently, “they control electrons, you see. You’re not getting very far in electronics if you can’t control electrons.” There’s a smattering of laughter. “Shut up, you’re all on break. Anyway, you’ve got vacuum tube radios and crystal radios—there’s a crystal in a Perikon Detector, see—and vacuum tube radios actually need some electricity to power them—which means you’ve got enough electricity to also power a speaker. Crystal radios are powered only by the very radio waves they pick up, but you’ve got to squeeze headphones against your face to hear it—so not very useful if you want to use a radio while doing anything but sitting in one spot very quietly with your hands over your ears. A Perikon Detector is just one brand name of crystal detectors that pick up radio waves.”

Valera

Alastor's initial joke is delivered, and Valera rather wished it hadn't been. In fact, they'd like to file a formal complaint with the verbal post office, they seem to have delivered an auditory assault instead of pleasantries. Silence reigns between them, oppressive and all consuming like an unjust monarch, three eyes staring silent judgement at the Radio Demon for his awful, terrible, no good dad joke levels of comedy. Jingle the bells on your little jester hat, old man-- Oh wait, he's talking again.

Valera stops squinting, rolling their eyes with a groan. He's still telling bad jokes. Those are only funny when YOU'RE the one telling them, the bastard. But they're going to completely gloss over his evil sense of humor and focus on the technical talk, and if there's a little upward twitch of their lips it's his imagination. Shut up. Dad jokes aren't funny. "Interesting! I'd never even heard of a crystal radio before, humans upgrade their technology so quickly that it makes the mind reel. One of their.. Your? Finer features."

Alastor

Alastor is goddamn hilarious and a gift to the microphone and the world is better for him and his humor having been in it, if we’re not counting those murders he did. “It *is* one of our more impressive parlor tricks! Although, truth be told, only one we picked up in the last century or so!” A pause. “Last *two* centuries. I keep forgetting the 1820s aren’t a hundred years ago. Anyway, we’ve really picked up the pace lately, relatively speaking! I once heard someone say—I don’t know how he knows, but I’m sure someone looked it up—that for several thousand years, the human *pelvis* evolved faster than the plowshare! And then all of the sudden, boom! Factories! Steel! Trains! Airships! Radio! How did people before the nineteenth century not bore themselves to death, I’ll never know.”

Valera

Valera cocks their head to the side, mind casting back. "From what I recall about sixteen hundreds France from my earliest visits, there was a lot of interpersonal drama and dying from preventable diseases to keep people busy. Much less interesting than the industrial revolution. Though the water was also a lot *cleaner* back then." A dissatisfied scoff. "Late eighteen hundreds London was a foul, foul place. Only went once and I had a cough for a week."

Alastor

"Oh, *that's* right! *Human drama!* Entertainment at its purest! I would have been an insufferable gossip, I'm sure." His smile broadens with satisfaction at figuring out what he would have done before radio.

Valera

"Oh don't sell yourself short, Alastor. I'm sure given the chance, you could be an insufferable gossip now, too!" They flutter their lashes dramatically, fanning themselves with their hat as they titter like a fine court damsel. Okay, enough of that. "They should be calling you soon, no?"

Alastor

“You flatter me! If more people shared gossip with me, I *would* be!”

Oh, right. He’s here for the first audition he’s cared about since dying. He sits up a little straighter, ears almost lifting out of his absurd disguise hair as he strains to listen to the current audition on stage. Sounds like it’s wrapping up. “Probably.” He looks down at his printed lyrics again and, predictably, forgets how to read.

Valera

Valera glances at Alastor's paper, humming as their hands rest on their hat. Was he *nervous*?

"Are you nervous?" Wait they said that out loud didn't they. Well, shit. Better commit. "What did you say you were doing again? The Major General's Song?"

Alastor

He's gonna ignore the hell out of that first question. "Yes, Modern Major General—and I learned a couple of songs from the show, more or less. I don't know what they're going to ask for. I figured at a minimum Modern Major General would show I can sing fast enough for the parts, if they don't want anyone to sing from the show."

Valera

If he'd actually answered the question, Valera would have probably accused him of being an imposter. Alastor wasn't known for admitting to his emotions unless you happened to be a Victorian steampunk snake, and even then. A sigh, and they lean back in their seat as much as their tail allows. "They let me sing Will Wood, so I think your selection should be perfectly sufficient. You even went with another musical theater song!"

Valera

Even then, he only just sort of failed to deny straightforward accusations. Kind of like what he just did. "I'm glad I didn't go with Will Wood," he mutters.

Yep, there's no more singing or talking from the stage, they're definitely wrapping up. Any second now.

Valera

It sounds like Alastor's turn is coming up, and good timing on that. They had no idea how to respond to his mutterings beyond pointing out that no casting director in Hell was likely to have heard of a semi obscure avant-garde jazz musician. Which might not even be accurate, maybe he was popular down here.

Out comes the phone, the ultimate distraction to ignore a potentially awkward silence. Better to end the talk on a positive-ish note, considering they're going to be seeing this garishly dressed man on the daily for possibly months. Sit next to one Alastor, text another, barely suppress snorts when the second gets confused about "phish food" being an ice cream flavor. As a fish does.

Alastor

The most recent actor comes backstage again, and another demon calls, “Next, uh... Lass?”

Alastor hops to his feet. “That’s me! That’s my name.” He turns to Valera. “Stage name. Drag name, usually, but as long as I’ve got the hair and the dress today—Anyway!” He claps a hand on Valera’s shoulder. “Tell me to break a leg!”

Valera

They glance up from their phone at the name call, sliding their eyes back down as Alastor hops up. Off he goes then? Maybe not, he's talking now, they should respond--

They make a very undignified BWAGH at the unexpected touch, hat flying off their lap as their whole body jumps. Then immediately pretends it didn't happen, clearing their throat noisily. What? No, they didn't just jump out of their scales. "Break a leg, Alastor."

Alastor

*Wheeze.* He doesn’t apologize but he *does* quickly take his hand back, which is probably as close as they’re gonna get from him. “Thanks!” He startled the hell out of someone and got a quick laugh out of it, that does something to steady his nerves. He folds up his lyrics, tucks them away god-only-knows-where, and strides out. Showtime!

Valera

Valera watches him go, shaking their head as they stand. Well, that's one radio demon out of their hair. Time to go willingly throw themselves at another one! The hat is plucked off the floor, and off they go. Not too shabby a day, not too shabby at all.

#chat log #autokrates

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humanmoodring-retired · 4 years

Text

Two’s a Possession, Three’s a Crowd || Julie and Nadia

Or Nadia and Julie meet up to throw hands. And that’s exactly what happens.

Takes place around Mid-March

with @purelikeviolence

Nadia parked near Finney Docks and just sat in the car, contemplating what the hell she was doing with her life. She loved learning new things about herself. Like, apparently, she was the kind of person that instigated internet fights and then decided to follow through with actual fights. Well, after this, she was done. No more engaging strangers on the internet if she could fucking help it. She was gonna go out there, and she was going to try very hard not to have anything broken, and then she was going to go back home and ice what would probably be a ton of physical and metaphorical bruises. Rolling her shoulders, she got out of the truck, stuffed her hands deep into her jacket pockets, and headed to where she’d told Julie they’d meet.

By the time Julie had gotten there, most of her anger had left her. But, she wanted to see if the girl would actually show and see where it went from there. She couldn’t help but think about what happened last time she met up with someone with the intention to fight them. Hey, it turned out well for both parties, maybe this would just be a repeat of that, but Julie knew that was just wishful thinking. As she walked over, she spotted someone standing - a girl. “Hey!” She called out to them once the distance between them was within range. “Are you Nadia?” Even if she wasn’t Julie was already looking her over, deciding.

As another girl walked toward her, calling out her name, Nadia heaved out a sigh. “That’d be me, yeah. Also known as that dumbass on the internet. I take it you’re Julie?” Julie… wasn’t what she expected. At all. She was a bit shorter, for one, and she didn’t look like an angry ball of rage that picked fights with strangers on the internet. Nadia actually couldn’t feel much anger at all coming from the other woman, though she did have the same muted emotions that Nadia was learning to associate with many of the people in White Crest. Still, if she was about to get her ass kicked… “I don’t suppose we can reevaluate the choices that led us here? Because, like, I’m really not in a mood to get my ass kicked.”

“Doubt anyone ever is in a mood for that.” Still, people had their kinks so Julie was probably wrong there. “But…” she trailed off with a sigh and shrug of her shoulders. “I guess we can reevaluate.” Julie thought about what had happened, her eyes looking up in thought. She barely remembered what it was about. “Uh, you were a smart ass and then I wanted to kick your ass.” That was pretty much it. Julie crossed her arms across her chest as her glare turned to Nadia. She was really pretty. Julie already knew her anger was gone, it was superficial to begin with. “Why did you pity me over some shit about my parents? They were assholes and I couldn’t have been better because of it.”

“For the record, I wasn’t trying to be a smartass, I was trying to be funny,” Nadia said with a sigh. “Good to know it didn’t work, though.” She did shrink in on herself a bit as Julie glared at her, but it seemed to lack any real heat to it. Nadia shrugged a bit. “It wasn’t pity, which is what I was trying to say,” she said, only a little bit defensively. “Or empathy. I just-- I get it, you know? Shitty parents. My relationship with my dad was never what you’d call great, and now both my parents don’t like me, and--” She cut herself off, ran a hand through her hair. Talking about parents got her into this shit. She needed to just shut up, back down, and, hopefully, get out of this without fighting. Though, there was a part of her, very small but muscle deep, that wanted a fight, that knew she could handle herself in one. She tried not to think about that, though.

“It wasn’t funny, no.” Julie wouldn’t be one to admit she acted a bit too defensively and that was partly why things escalated. She didn’t even realize she had a part to play in the whole argument. “So your parents are shit too?” Although Julie was curious as to what would make parents shun their own child away. She had questions, unaware she was seeking to relate to her in some way. Was Nadia just born rotten like Julie was? “I never cared for either or my parents. Never got to know my mother and my dad was a deadbeat. I’m better off without them and I know people think it’s some sob story when I tell them about it. I am not looking for someone to feel bad about me because my life was always great. I never gave a shit about them and the feeling was mutual.”

The way that Julie talked made the hairs on the back of Nadia’s neck stand up. She shoved her hands in her pockets. “I mean, it might’ve been if sarcasm transferred on the internet.” She sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose. She didn’t want to get her ass kicked. She needed to not instigate this any further. God, she felt a chill. “They weren’t… They tried. My parents. And yours? If you’re better off without them, then you’re better off without them. I’m not one of those people who thinks you’ve gotta have a relationship with your parents to be a functioning person. Obviously, that’d be pretty fucking hypocritical.” She rubbed at the back of her neck and shook her head. “But, yeah, no, I wasn’t feeling bad for you I was just--” Fuck, she felt weird. She felt like-- Nadia Diaz was gone.

“So what, they tried and failed, that’s their fault not yours.” Julie wasn’t going to let Nadia feel bad for having shitty parents. Who cared about having a relationship with them? They just gave birth to you. In the animal world, the offspring were often left by their parents or vice versa eventually. It wasn’t a big deal to keep up a connection that wasn’t important to begin with. “You were just what?” Julie wasn’t understanding what was going on. Why did she stop mid sentence. She looked a little weird and Julie tilted her head. “Hello? Nadia? What were you trying to say?”

Her name wasn’t Nadia, but she spent six years going by it, and she hoped to spend many, many more. Possessing Nadia while she was in the middle of a conversation had always been fun back when the girl was in college. She figured it’d be fun now, too. She smiled. “You know, I actually don’t remember. Probably fucking unimportant.” Who even was this chick, anyway? A date? Did Nadia do dates? What the fuck was going on? “You know, had a brain fart. What, exactly, are we doing out here? I mean,�� she looked around, “docks aren’t really my thing, but whatever.” She grinned. “And remind me your name?”

Julie blinked as she tried to process what was going on. “It’s Julie.” She emphasized, not understanding how she forgot that. “What the fuck is going on with you? I came here to kick your ass, you came here to get your ass kicked but then we decided to talk about it instead.” Which sounded really lame now that she thought about it, but that initial anger had been gone. Now, there was something else. Annoyance. Julie hated repeating herself and more importantly hated to be treated as if she was someone to be forgotten about.

Kick her ass? Nadia cocked her head to the side. Well, that wouldn’t do. She could tell the other woman was annoyed, though not as readily, perhaps, if she’d been human. Fascinating. She wondered if Nadia knew. She let a slow smile work it’s way on her face. “Well, damn,” she drawled. “That’s kinda bullshit, huh?” She knew this round of possession wouldn’t last long; she could feel Nadia’s subconscious fighting against it. But she wanted to have a bit of fun, especially with this fun little supernatural in front of her. “You always pick fights with people you don’t know? Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s fun, but, really, with this one?” She motions to her head. “Fucking pacifist. Probably why this was gonna be a bit one-sided.”

“What?” Julie was confused and wondering what had gotten into Nadia and why was she referring to herself in third person. “Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?” She took a step back needing to create some distance because Julie wasn’t about to throw down with someone who didn’t seem all there in the head. “What’s with you? Is this some sort of mental breakdown or some shit?” Cause if it was Julie was going to be heading the fuck out of there.

Nadia laughed. “Nothing’s going on with me. I’m doing so, so fucking great right now.” If she had her switchblade on her, this was the part where she’d give it a little spin. She was happy, thrilled even, to be back in her body, even if it was for a short time. She was going to have a bit of fun while she was here. “Me? Oh, I’m batshit, totally. A real fucking nutjob. But, hey, my friends say I’m fun.” She gave a wink. “What about you, babe? What are you, anyway? Because you’re about as human as I am a balam.”

“You acting fucking weird.” Julie scratched at her head, not sure she wanted to stay and see whatever Nadia came up with. “I’m 100% human, I have no idea what you’re talking about or what’s going on. I’m going to get the fuck out of here because I don’t fight with crazy chicks.” It was too unpredictable and Julie wasn’t about to get into a fight and end up caught off guard somehow. “See ya, weirdo.”

“Sorry, it’s been a couple of months since I’ve had a body,” Nadia said. She shrugged. “Not really used to socializing.” Well, this was no fun. The last thing she wanted to do was have this Julie leave when she was still so bored. And who knew how much longer she still had Nadia’s body before the bitch woke up? She needed to enjoy it while she could. She walked a bit closer. “No, you’re not. See, I’m 100% human, with a little kick, you know? And you could be just a heavily guarded person, but you’re not because your annoyance and your frustration has been just written all over your face since we started this.” A bit closer. Her tone was disarming, calm, gentle even. It didn’t match what she was saying. “Not that it matters to me what the fuck you are, Julie. I don’t care.” She smiled sweetly, in complete contrast to her words. “And I don’t care what little argument caused this, or how much you think you know ‘me’ or don’t. Because I’ve got, like, maybe an hour left, and I want to have some fun.” God, she’d missed having a body. She threw a punch straight at Julie’s face.

A body? What the fuck was she? Some multiple personality kind of shit? No… no it couldn’t be. The way she came close was threatening and Julie was ready for it before she brought up her arm. It was a strike of full strength and because of that, it was slow. Julie was able to move away just in time leaving Nadia’s arm vulnerable. Julie could have struck at her quick and moved back but something was telling her to get the girl under control first. She grabbed Nadia’s arm and in a quick motion yanked her by it and twisted it, trying to get her to calm down. This wasn’t a hit, she didn’t need to hurt this person if they weren’t a threat and Julie wasn’t about to hurt a woman that had just been telling her she didn’t want to fight no more than five minutes ago. Julie had a full lock on Nadia’s arm. “Calm down or I break it.” Then again, the way she referred to having a “body” was throwing her off and she felt the threat wasn’t going to calm her down. Julie focused, knowing what she had to do.

Now this? This was fun. Nadia laughed a bit. “So, not only do you pick fights, but you’re apparently a good fighter? Babe, that’s not fair at all.” She shifted her arm, enjoying the way it hurt. “You think I give a fuck? Go ahead.” She smiled lazily. “But I’m the epitome of calm, Jules. So fucking calm. But, please, break my arm. See how far it gets you.” Professional fighters were never her forte. She dealt with amateurs, street fighters, people who grew up rough and gritty just like her. And, sure, that meant she didn’t really have a technique, but she backed herself up with outsmarting her opponents or playing dirty. She really wished she had a knife or a gun. Those were always nice to have in situations like this. Instead, she tried to hook one of her legs around Julie and pull in an attempt to trip the other woman up. Whether it worked or not, well…

“Shut the fuck up.” God this person was getting on her nerves. She still wasn’t sure if it was Nadia or not, the whole thing was just feeling too strange. Nadia definitely didn’t give off these vibes and Julie had met many a sick and twisted people. She would know. And right now, this person talking out of Nadia’s mouth, was one of those. She felt the leg try to trip her up and actually stumbled in an attempt to balance herself but she still had a firm grip on Nadia’s arm so when she felt herself losing balance she fell onto Nadia, pushing her onto the ground. It was at that moment Julie got a familiar sensation. Two consciousnesses. “Oh you piece of shit.” Julie growled. She grabbed Nadia’s hand, able to get a better sense of the possession with skin to skin contact. The ghost was strong but Julie was living. She tried to focus again this time, it would be difficult and she can only hope she doesn’t hurt Nadia in the process.

Well, this wasn’t what Nadia expected. She huffed as the breath was knocked out of her lungs when they hit the ground, Julie on top of her. She would have made a joke, would have enjoyed the moment, if something new and strange hadn’t happened. For all the possessing she’d done, she’d never been possessed before. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. Between her and Nadia already sharing a body, she felt her eyes change and her body become less of her own, and she finally understood that three was a fucking crowd. “What the fuck?” she snarled, momentarily gaining control before she felt control slip from her again. Her head pounded. This wasn’t fun at all.

Julie’s physical form disappeared as she attempted to possess Nadia completely, trying to rid out whatever the fuck was inside her. Lo and behold, a fucking ghost. “Get the fuck out you dead piece of shit.” Julie hated ghosts. Not only were they annoying as fuck but they did shit like this trying to gain some control of their shitty existance. They’ve died once, what made them think they wouldn’t die again? Only this time they’d be ridden of their existence. Unfortunately, Julie couldn’t do that. She could only control and hopefully pull Nadia out once she left her body. Kitsune possession was no walk in the park, it took time to master and Julie knew hers wasn’t perfect but it definitely had to have a ghost beat. She just had to assert her dominance. She was living, and had a body. This thing didn’t. It had no living force. It was as good as gone.

This was what death felt like. Nadia remembered, and that made her afraid. She had so little to fear, most of the time. She had a body that was really just on loan; she’d use it until it broke down completely, and then she’d go find a new one. Maybe she’d turn one immortal, and never have to lose it again. She could deal with drinking a bit of blood or eating a couple of brains for all eternity if it meant she got to keep living. But this what-the-hell Julie was, trying to possess her? Nope. Not happening. Not today. Not fucking happening. If she wanted Nadia’s body for the time being? Fine. She hadn’t planned on sticking around long, anyway. “Fucking have at it, bitch,” she snarled before she ejected herself from Nadia’s body and left the docks.

Julie let out a breath as the ghost left. “That’s right, bitch.” She chuckled, then realized she wasn’t in her own body. “Oh whoops. My bad, Nadia.” She brushed herself off, made sure everything was fine. She felt a little sore but for the most part, okay. She laid down on the ground and then yeeted herself out of Nadia, giving a small shake as her physical form returned. “Hey, you awake?” She lightly kicked at Nadia’s hand, trying to see if she would wake up from what happened or if she had passed out. Julie really had nothing to do if she did pass out except stay there and wait for her to wake up. She had no place to take her to.

The first thing Nadia did when she woke up was turn over and retch onto the ground. She was only vaguely aware of what happened, but she distinctly remembered the feeling of two other people playing tug-a-war with her head. The contents of her stomach gone, she turned back over and groaned. She knew what had happened. Everything was fractured, like they weren’t real memories at all, but she remembered her mouth moving with words that she didn’t say and her body doing things she didn’t want to do, and she knew she’d been possessed again. And then Julie had done something, forced her way inside Nadia, and now she wasn’t possessed anymore. Nadia rolled her head to look up at Julie and said, as lightly as she could, “I take it you kicked my ass, huh?”

Ew. Was all Julie could think and her upper lip curled in disgust. Yet she stood watching. “Saved your ass more like it.” She walked forward and extended a hand out to help Nadia up. Poor girl had gone through a ghost possession. A huxian one wasn’t half as bad. They didn’t possess because they wanted a body, they did it to have some fun with people. Julie had been doing it since she was old enough to. Her father enjoyed possessing humans, Julie found it boring after a while. Not until she found it a useful way to pin her murders on other people. “Ghosts suck ass. How did one possess you so easily?” It was strange in Julie’s eyes for a ghost to be so powerful that they could possess someone that instantly.

Nadia allowed Julie to help her to her feet, only swaying momentarily as she regained her footing. “Just a normal weeknight,” she said, though she was actually a little worried this might start becoming a thing. But, no. No. She’d be more prepared. This wasn’t going to happen again. She rolled her shoulders and allowed herself to get used to her own body again. Running a hand through her hair, she quietly said, “Thank you.” Leave it to her to go out with the intentions of getting beaten up only to be saved by her would-be assailant. Nadia sighed. “They do. They really fucking do. I apparently have the disposition for being possessed easily. And that one and I are old acquaintances.” She glanced at Julie and cocked her head, just a bit. “Whatever you did scared the shit out of her. That’s the main thing I remember. Being scared and pissed as hell.”

Julie smiled, a little pleased with herself for scaring a ghost. Not that it was difficult, most of them were weak shits. They were dead. What reason did you have to be scared of them in any way. People shouldn’t even acknowledge them but she wasn’t about to try and control what people did when they see ghosts. If it was up to her though she’d ignore every single one until they just got the hint and crossed over. “You can’t get rid of it?” It was probably easier said than done, Julie really had no clue how exorcisms worked. “I guess if she’s gonna keep bothering you, you should keep me around, huh?” Julie teased, bumping her elbow into Nadia’s as she looked around. “So, just to make sure she doesn’t come back around when I’m not looking… do you want me to take you to your place?”

“I wasn’t exorcised properly the first time, apparently; they didn’t get rid of it so much as send it away, and now it’s back.” Nadia rubbed her eyes. This was, decidedly, not the way she had expected the night to go. Honestly, she couldn’t decide if that was better or worse. No, it was worse. But, at least, Julie was much nicer in person. “You’re not that bad,” Nadia joked. “I suppose you wouldn’t be awful to keep around. I’m hoping this shit doesn’t happen again, though.” But hope wasn’t anything to put stock into, this Nadia knew. “I’m not quite as light-headed anymore, and my truck’s over there. But I… wouldn’t mind company on the ride back?” she asked hopefully. “I can drop you off at your place.”

Damn, Julie almost felt bad for Nadia, not having had the ghost exorcised completely. What kind of shitty exorcist… still, she was glad it wasn’t her problem. “I can find my way back from your place, don’t worry about it.” Julie didn’t think she had any hesitation to show her where she lived but in any case, Julie would be willing to just join the drive until a block away, if need be. Which she’d tell her once they were in the car. She guessed Nadia wasn’t so bad anyway. For a smart ass.

#chatzy: julie clarke #//this was fun :--)#two's a possession three's a crowd

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dragonshost · 7 years

Text

Happy Birthday, @papalogia! I wrote you some ShiSaku to celebrate, with a hefty side of ItaSaku.

I hope you’re having an amazing birthday.

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Sakura x Shisui

Takes place in the same AU as Study Date.

Sakura and Shisui have gone on a lot of dates for people who aren't actually dating.

Sakura's hands curled against her legs, sweating in her leather, fingerless gloves. The heat in the room was stifling, but she dared not show any weakness in front of the man before her. He was peering at her curiously, processing the request she'd come to him with. The box fan in the corner, gentle hum lost beneath the cicadas cries, was doing little to alleviate Sakura's discomfort, and she wondered how it was that Itachi could look so unperturbed in his solid black outfit.

The fact that she hadn't been denied outright was promising, she felt.

Finally, Itachi addressed her. "You wish for me to... fake date you?"

She swallowed thickly, and nodded. "Yeah. It's kind of an emergency. Mom's been on my case ever since I hit twenty about settling down, and I finally caved and told her I had someone in my life just to get her off my back."

A wry smile touched his lips. "I can relate."

No doubt he could. The pressure was probably even worse on him as clan heir. "Mutually beneficial for both of us, then," Sakura stated. "We both get our mothers off our cases, and neither of us will expect anything of the other."

She could see him waffling. Sakura hadn't survived early childhood with Sasuke for nothing - she could read an Uchiha like no one else. Itachi's weak spot was always his mother and his brother. And he was easy to trust, somehow.

"Mebuki and Mikoto are both formidable women." He considered it further. "I must ask why you came to me, however. Wouldn't Sasuke or Naruto make more sense?"

"My mother would never buy it," Sakura replied, flat. "She wouldn't buy Sai, either, before you ask. My options aren't great - most everyone else already has a significant other. I got so desperate, I even asked Ino to be my fake date."

That seemed to deeply amuse him. "And how did that go?"

"She laughed me out of the flower shop."

A true smile tugged at the corners of Itachi's lips. "Then I will assist you. A few hours of socializing with your family is something I've managed before. When did you need me?"

"This Friday night?" she asked hopefully.

Suddenly, he sighed. "My apologies - I'm afraid I have a prior engagement that evening." The way his face twisted up with distaste, Sakura could venture a guess that it was something clan heir related. His dark eyes swept over her with something resembling pity.

It was her turn to sigh. "No, thank you for even agreeing at all. I'll just have to suck it up and eat crow." She was not looking forward to this in the least. Her mother would hold this over her forever. Maybe even use it as an excuse to set up a marriage meeting. No. That outcome needed to be avoided at all costs. Maybe she could convince Kankuro to make the journey from Suna. Dealing with one crow was preferable to the other variety, and she could swing, 'hey my boyfriend can't stay long or visit ever again because he lives in another country.' She would need a suitable bribe. If he couldn't do it, she was absolutely sunk, though.

Her obvious despair must have incited further compassion from the stoic man, as Itachi then offered, "I might know of someone else willing to entertain your request. He's another member of my clan, and so long as you state it clearly for him, he won't try to read into the situation."

Leaning forward, Sakura nodded vigorously. "Go on. Who is my savior angel?"

A smirk crawled across Itachi's face. "A certain Uchiha going stir crazy right now thanks to a certain medic's house rest recommendations."

She had been wrong. That was not compassion she had stirred in Itachi. It was cruelty.

Sakura groaned. "Not... not Shisui."

"Shisui," he confirmed.

"You're enjoying my suffering, aren't you," Sakura accused with a glare. "But I really am out of options... and his ribs should be healed enough by Friday to go out with supervision..." She sighed heavily. "Fine. I should at least ask him."

Itachi rose to his feet, patting her shoulder as he walked by. "I'll let him know to expect you. A visitor might..." He winced, and that was honestly all Sakura needed to know what she was in for.

"It's only been two days," she muttered. "He can't possibly be that..." She trailed off as well, and Itachi nodded solemnly in understanding.

This was going to be almost as unpleasant as showing up dateless would be.

The malicious glee on Shisui's face when she arrived at his home was almost enough for Sakura to turn on her heel and forget the whole ordeal. She was seriously reconsidering - not for the first time - her something-feeling for the man, and if she shouldn't just cut her losses and go with Plan Kankuro.

"So..." Shisui began, lying on his back in his futon, like she had prescribed (which was somewhat surprising, actually). "My wonderful cousin tells me that you're in need of a favor. Well, you're in luck because I'm in need of one as well."

"I'm not clearing you to leave your house," Sakura informed him bluntly. Medic duties came before personal feelings, and she took her job very seriously.

He grimaced. "Not interested, then. Do you have any idea how out of my mind bored I am thanks to you?"

"It's only been two days, and I'm not the one who broke your ribs," she reminded him. "Blame your wonderful cousin for that. And you can't bully me like you do the other medics so you're just sour."

Shisui rolled his eyes. "Since we can't reach an agreement, please leave my house. Just having another body next to me is stifling in this heat."

Why were all shinobi like this when it came to recuperating? Not all of them were as bad as Kakashi, but damn if they weren't all obstinate about what should be common sense. At least Shisui was obeying her orders, though. She would have had to physically tie down Kakashi or Naruto. (And good luck getting Shikamaru out of bed.)

But this was an emergency, and she really, really needed Shisui's cooperation.

"Wait!" The cry escaped her lips before she could stop herself, and tinged with far more desperation that she would like. "I can't clear you right now, but on Friday you can go out... with supervision."

He hummed in thought. "That's great, but you would have cleared me anyway as a medic. What else have you got?"

Sakura grit her teeth. Obstinate. All Uchihas were obstinate to a fault. "You would get a large homemade meal out of the deal."

His eyebrows shot up.

"With considerable leftovers."

"I'm in!" he agreed. "You had me at homemade meal. Haven't had one of those in forever. So what do you need from me that's so important that you're willing to stoop to bribing an invalid?"

"I need a fake date for dinner with my parents on Friday night."

"And I'm out," Shisui said. "I don't do parents. Parents are terrifying. Especially yours - I've met them. Mebuki, in particular, is extremely terrifying."

"And so is Itachi," Sakura reminded him. "Don't forget - he specifically recommended you to me. He'll dismember you if you winge on something you've technically already agreed to."

A strangled noise emanated from Shisui's throat as the truth of that statement sunk in. "You make a compelling argument."

Sakura could play Uchihas like a fiddle. Very annoying, whiny, high maintenance fiddles half the time, but still a valid comparison.

"So do we have a deal?" she asked.

He sighed, looking very put out, and Sakura resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Fine. I'm in! What do I wear."

"Casual is fine but, you know, nice."

Shisui blankly stared at her for a long moment. "How about you just go to my closet and pick something out for me. Trust me, that'll be better for both our sakes."

After a second of consideration, Sakura agreed.

"And," Shisui added, "since you're getting up - mind bringing me some water? Then we can hash out the details about our sordid, nonexistent love life. Because, again, I've met your parents. They are going to grill me and serve me with soy sauce." He paused, as realization dawned. "Wait, I'm not the homecooked meal, am I?"

This time, Sakura did roll her eyes, and he gave her a grin.

Dinner, thankfully, went off without too many hiccups. Thankfully Kizashi and Mebuki were too busy squabbling over their daughter actually having a boyfriend to do much damage to the man's psyche.

That being said... the pair were exhausted by the end of the evening from the work of keeping the charade up.

"You know, it's lucky we're good friends and your mother's cooking is delicious," Shisui said with a smile as he waved goodbye to Sakura's parents. "I would not wish that awkwardness on anyone." He paused, and then added, "Except maybe Ebisu."

He didn't even know the half of it. Having your parents meet your boyfriend was nerve-wracking enough without it also being fake, and with the man you were not-quite-crushing on. Whoever invented feelings was a sadist. "At least you won't be asked every other day about how the nonexistent relationship is going," Sakura replied, tightening her grip on his arm in mild retaliation for her pain. "Tell me, how long do you think until I can tell them that we've broken up?"

"I'd give it two weeks, at least."

Sakura's face relaxed into a real smile (and so did her grip on his arm) as they rounded the corner and escaped her parents' line of sight. "Thanks for helping me out, Shisui."

He shrugged, unconcerned. "What are friends for, if not to fake date each other in times of need?"

"Yeah, you say that, but I distinctly recall you refusing at first."

The Uchiha shrugged again. "I don't remember that. Must have been the heat stroke talking."

"Uh huh," she said, unconvinced. "Well, if you ever need anything, I owe you one."

He looked a little too excited by that prospect. "Anything? Then, the next time I get injured..."

"You'll obey my orders as a medic-nin and enjoy it," she interjected.

His mouth closed with a snap. "Drat. Okay then... how about next time, you keep me company. Job permitting, anyway. It is seriously boring to just lay in bed all day for a week by myself."

Sakura nodded, warmth spreading across her cheeks. "Sure thing. I can do that."

They walked, arm-in-arm, across Konoha to Shisui's residence. They'd agreed ahead of time that Sakura could stay in the guest room that night. It would help with the illusion, and it was late, besides. There was also the fact that Sakura had meant it when she said Shisui wasn't to be out and about unattended, so dropping her off at her apartment was out. This was better all around for both of them.

As they neared the building, Sakura suddenly broke the comfortable silence.

"What do you think about ganging up on your cousin tomorrow for forcing us to endure this?"

"I am in."

#shisaku #sakura haruno #shisui uchiha #itachi uchiha #naruto #fanfiction

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