#like going ''ugh sorry to the lesbians in the room but i am a bi girl :/ sorry for liking men ig just throw me out''

[perenlop]

also i didnt bring this up but at that at the sapphic craft and paint thing i went to that a couple of girls there were making jabs at lesbians. wtf that was the SAPPHIC craft and paint event. what are you doing. this is about painting things and meeting other sapphics. why were you attempting to cause drama

#like going ''ugh sorry to the lesbians in the room but i am a bi girl :/ sorry for liking men ig just throw me out'' #and also pulled up the lesbian masterdoc mocking it and encouraged other ppl to look at it and ''try not to get indoctrinated'' #and it was all in a joking tone and it didnt ruin the night for me or anything but it was weird #and people were like 'noooo omg you are welcome here its ok'' and they dropped it soon after that so it wasnt a huge stain #but it makes me sad. people REALLY hate us that much that they wanna cause divide at events for the both of us #and ftr no the event wasnt exclusive it was literally just ''hey come of meet other sapphics'' didnt say lesbians once #or imply it wasnt for bi girls #echoed voice

[adhdslugcrimes]

The batfam finally making Dick commit to something.

Jason: it's getting ridiculous you haven't committed to Star or Barb, not even arson!!

Dick: not true, I am very committed to arson. I burned down joker's new hideout with him in it.

Tim: well, you need a relationship.

Dick: so we're not allowed to be acearo no more? Very unprogressive of you Tim, being bi and all I excepted support from at least you of all people.

Tim: are you acearo?

Dick: no, but it was bold of you guys demand me in a relationship not knowing if I wasn't or not.*

Tim: okay well, are you going to choose already, Bruce put more money on his betting pool and I want to win, so please choose Star!

Dick, gasp dramatically: you better on my love life to be a cishet man!? Also already in a relationship, so sorry but none of you are winning.

Damian: you are?

Dick: I am.

Stephanie: who is it then if not Star or Barb?

Dick: ... Since you are a lesbian I feel less offended you thought it was women for some reason, anyways it's your babysitter. Wally. For years now.

Bruce: it not Wally, I would have known it was him.

Jason: kinky.

Dick: yes, I forgot I live with the greatest detectives of all time. So me sitting in his lap any chance I got didn't set it off?

Bruce: friends do that too, Tim in Stephanie's lap all the time.

Tim: because she calls me her child and force me to sit there because I'm only an inch shorter than her!

Stephanie: Hun, inches matter, and it's like five inches shorter now.

Tim: stop growing!!

Dick: okay, how about when he's sleeping over I make him sleep in my bed.

Bruce: you've done it since you met him, that's easily written off.

Dick: what about the time I got caught making out with him in the cave.

Bruce: you were 13, hormones.

Dick: the batmobile?

Bruce: rebellious stage was strong with you.

Batsibs, grabbed the popcorn:

Dick: the medbay, mount justice where I slept in his room my entire stay, oh and every picture of me in pride.

Bruce: ... It's all coincidences! How was I supposed to know you were dating him!? You were sewed at the hip and you called him baby for years, there's not a single moment that would have told me you were —

Dick: you caught us in the action when you decide not to knock coming into my apartment, I know you have friends with benefits but there was candles and stuff.

Jason: oh shit, B you are blind!

Damian: or in denial it seems...

Stephanie: denial is a river in Egypt, your son is gay.

Cass: cool, I won the bet.

Tim: Bruce how could you failed us!?

Duke: couldn't even knock, is that why we have a knocking rule now?

Jarro: *confused and disappointed starfish noises*

Bruce: ugh okay I might be in denial, but only so you see there's a better choice out there like Barbara, she's smart and you get along and she-

Dick: a lesbian in a relationship with Kara.

Bruce: ... Really?

Dick: yep, that's why Kara knew Jim.

Bruce: what about Star? You have a kid with her so you must've broken up with Wally for her just a bit, and you flirt with her a lot—

Dick: dating Raven, and I was a donor since she wanted to have a kid and ask if it was okay if I helped. All done at a doctor's office.

Bruce: well date Roy!

Jason: hell no, I got dibs on him!

Tim: wow, he's homophobic. So you must've hated my mom married to little demon's mom huh?

Bruce: I'm not homophobic! I'm irisphobic... She's a scary woman...

Dick: yeah be a real shame if she knew you used Wally as a shield, huh.

Bruce: dick, please, for your old man date a different redhead.

Dick: no~

* being acearo doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship, a person can choose if they want it or not regardless of sexuality but def in the ace spectrum like acearo. this is a joke.

Also sluggy finally schedule post for once bec he doesn't feel good, not on my 2023 bingo card,,,, only have two more after this,,,, more in tags

#dick grayson #birdflash #batfam #jason todd #bruce wayne #damian wayne #tim drake #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #jarro #talia x janet #karababs #starrae #sluggy schedule post #only had these in my drafts too depressed to fix their schedule time so yay #god I'm so tired #hopefully depression spell gets over so i can come back #and you ya know not want to die #i did say my last words would probably be birdflash related heh #... yeah that wasn't funny ugh next post is tomorrow i don't remember the time bye #i feed y'all my children heh

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ok imma be honest, this chapter moved me to tears and not the sad sobbing but the more inspiring kind. This chapter means the world.

She had told them her dreams were about ducks – since there were the only equally horrible thing she could think of.

Uncle Magnus had given her an odd look then, as if he knew she was bullshitting them. But he hadn’t said anything.

DUCKS AREN'T THAT BAD! HAVE Y'ALL EVER BEEN CHASED BY A GOAT?? I WAS CONVINCED I WAS GONNA DIE

Lexi would be royally pissed if this turned out to be some stupid pointless dream.

YUP

Even though she was only 7 minutes older than Lexi, Selena always acted like she was 7 years older.

That's so cute though

People looked at her pastel-coloured aesthetic immediately assumed she was the soft and sweet Fairchild twin. People saw Selena in her red leather jacket and thigh high boots and assumed she was in the infamous troublesome Herondale twin.

SMH THE DAMN STEREOTYPES

Why Selena hadn’t killed her in her sleep yet, Lexi doesn’t know.

BYE THAT'S EVERY SIBLING RELATIONSHIP EVER

The meals at the Academy were to die for – quite literally. Last week two students from the warlock fraction had almost killed each other over a blueberry muffin.

Oh how times change...they will never know the dreaded soup

NO ANJALI HAS BEEN GONE FOR OVER A YEAR???

IS JAIME OK?? PLEASE BE OK! HE CAN LIVE WITH TREATMENT SO I REALLY HOPE HE'S OK

Selena’s was Idris of course. She was kind of obsessed with it.

Max loved the shadow markets. Lexi thought they were very cool too.

Rafael loved his father’s office – which was weird. There was nothing to do in that room other than ponder about shadow world problems. Besides, the place still weirdly smelled like the tangerine perfume Anjali wore, even though the girl had left New York almost a year ago.

David loved the New York Institute – especially the library.

Gigi of course loved the dining halls.

Dining halls, kitchens, food trucks, vending machines - if a place had food with it, Gigi loved it.

It's so amazing how they all have their favorite places...(same David same)

“You’re supposed to pour the syrup on the pancakes not into your mouth,” Lexi chuckled as she sat down next to her.

“It ends up in my mouth anyway,” Gigi shrugged.

True enough.

AWW ROMAN MAKING GIGI PLAYLISTS!!

Someone make me a playlist.

“His parents fell in love in Rome when they were in Rome,” Gigi pointed out even though Lexi already knew. “I think it’s actually romantic.”

I had forgotten that-

Roman was nice. But not nice enough for Georgia. Lexi didn’t think there was anyone good enough for her parabatai – who was the most perfect person in the world.

Me @ anyone who tries to make a move at my best friend.

AWW GEORGIA LIKES HIM TOO!!

When's the wedding?

(you're telling me you didn't believe you were gonna marry your childhood crush? Liar)

“I like being his friend,” Georgia said. “I like spending time with him and all of that. But I don’t know if I like him…in that way. I feel like I need more time.”

Demiromantic??? YES GIVE US THE REP

Lexi sometimes thought life would be so much simpler if the world was full of women and everyone was a lesbian.

Ikr?? Life would be so much easier.

Lexi says Roman is too-nice-sus

Well well well

The kind of love that cheated death.

The kind of love that sustained memory spells put by princes of hell.

The kind of love that changed the world.

Trust me all of our standards are very high

Lexi successfully survived the class without falling asleep.

Me during English.

Ok who's the blond?

Lexi I thought we weren't gonna fall this soon-

Oh the girl's straight...sigh we've all been there.

which meant they had to hold hands. Kinda.

Lexi was a little scared of that.

Me.

Goddamnit, Alexandra. Get your gay together!

THAT'S SO RELATABLE LIKE?? YES

OH MY GOD IT'S EMMA AND JULIAN'S DAUGHTER GEIDIDHDOHDJSKSJSKGXJDHSODHKDGDDGDJHDJDGDJDGJDHD

Lexi knew Olivia liked boys. She hadn’t dated anyone officially of course. All the boys were kind of terrified of her father.

She could be bi or pan or omni. WE GOTTA HAVE HOPE

vegetable loaf... David I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

Lexi then decided not to do any of her homework over the weekend because she was not coming back to the academy. She was not going to survive the sleepover and whatever else Olivia had in mind.

Bestie...why is this me when I make eye contact with my crush.

“Good stuff?” Max snorted. “Rafe literally ran away from home cause shit got too intense.”

“I didn’t run away!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Stop telling people that!”

“But you have rumours and shadowhunters getting thrown into silent city and cohort drama and all that exciting stuff!” Liv pointed out.

I-

Liv-

True though.

“Wasn’t there a serial killer when your parents were young?” David asked.

“And didn’t your uncle do necromancy?” Max said biting into a chicken wing.

True and true

“Sorry, Chouchou!” Lexi winced. “I, uh, sensed a mosquitoe on your leg.”

“Girl, your angel powers are weird as fuck,” Max laughed.

MAX LANGUAGE

“I don’t know,” the girl shrugged and threw her a wink. “I wouldn’t put anything past Lexi.”

Lexi looked at Gigi. She was one more compliment away from screaming.

But Gigi of course knew her struggle and therefore quickly stuffed a bread roll into Lexi’s mouth.

I need someone to stuff bread into my mouth when things get like this

There were rumours about David – and how Daddy had an affair. Lexi was yet to find those asshats and shove a witch light down their throats.

When you find them lemme know too.

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t need rumours be interesting,” David pointed out.

Max turned around, looking surprised at that. His cheeks turned purple. Lexi didn’t know why he was surprised. David only ever spoke fondly of Max.

JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY OH MY GOD

“Oh. Oh! I did hear something a long time ago!” Gigi said suddenly. “Olly, is it true you were conceived at the beach?”

“Georgia, you can’t just ask people where they were conceived!” David sounded horrified.

That is very much possible.

“I heard you were conceived in hell?”

“Oh my god,” Selena looked horrified. “That’s not true! It must have been about Max!”

“Y’all I am adopted!” Max was shaking with laughter and then stopped. “Although our dads could have definitely had sex in hell. I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Oh yes. Both clace and malec.

Then they had of course continued to discuss that cursed topic until Rafael had threatened to tell the Consul about it.

LMAO

Lexi turned around and saw Liv waiting for her. Nope. She wasn’t going to talk a walk – a fucking stroll! – with Olivia all on her own.

“You are coming back to the institute with me or I will un-parabatai you.”

You know there being an un-parabatai ceremony would solve a lot of shit

What if their hands accidentally grazed or something? That shit was lethal.

RIGHT????

She is just trying to be nice. That’s what friends do. They are nice. And they give each other pretty dresses and say they would like to see them in it.

Honey that's gay.

EVERYONE ASKING HER OUT IM DEAD

Selena: Ugh boys

Selena: When I win back Idris, we are leaving all the men behind.

Lexi: Except Magnus? Lol.

Selena: Obviously.

Is that even a question Lexi? Duh.

ALEC LIGHTWOOD THOUGHT SHE WAS STRAIGHT? THE SHAME!

OH MY GOD IM CACKLING

Not everyone can kiss their partner in the Accords Hall. Some people didn’t have access to the Accords Hall.

And most important, some people didn’t have partners!

We're getting a lexi and Alec talk someone hold me

“I’m going to tell you something,” Uncle Alec said. “It might sound simple. It might sound ridiculous. But it’s the truth. So, you must believe me. Can you do that?”

Lexi gave him a small nod.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think,” Uncle Alec said. “Not when it comes to your future. Not when it comes to your identity. They don’t get to have a say in who you are and why you are the way you are.”

Lexi bit her lip.

“Alexandra, people will always tell what to do. But you shouldn’t let them. Never let anyone tell you what to do with your heart or your body. Neither belongs them. It only belongs to you.”

THIS RIGHT HERE MADE ME START CRYING BECAUSE DAMN YES!

“Yep,” she groaned and then hesitated for a moment. “Uncle Alec…Can I ask you something stupid?”

“Can I say no?”

“No.”

“Then go ahead.”

I love her so much

“I feel…I feel it’s something we have to bear, Alexandra. The fear of rejection. It’s something we have to accept as an inevitable part of our lives. Because no matter how much love we have around us, we will always be afraid of people not loving us – simply because of who we are.”

Yeah...

“Besides, they named you after me,” he pointed out. “I don’t know what else they expected.”

EXACTLY! Did they really expect a straight child after naming them after Alec?

“I do like shouting,” Lexi wondered out loud. “That’s good advice.”

“I didn’t mean it literally!” Uncle Alec looked alarmed.

“No, it makes total sense!” Lexi grinned. “Some of these people can be tone deaf. Gotta shout it out. Loud and clear. Awesome advice! Thanks, Uncle Alec!”

DO IT

“Hey, Lexi. I was wonderin-”

“MOVE, I’M GAY!” she yelled as she shoved him aside and kept on running.

ABSOLUTELY ICONIC

“I prefer she/her,” Lexi answered. "But sometimes I prefer she/they. But you can use she/her because some of y'all already shit at grammar."

That's exactly what I tell people when they ask for my pronouns. Istg people are shit at grammar.

alright girl im here to give you a lecture on how someone's dressing doesn't describe their sexuality

OH MY MY GOD THERE WAS A GENDER AND SEXUALITY CLASS IN THE ACADEMY ARE THEY RECRUITING???

One of the boys who had complimented cleared his throat. “So, uh, you don’t like boys?”

“That’s literally what I said,” Lexi rolled her eyes. “I’m gay. I’m very gay. I’m gayer than the Consul. Okay fine, that’s not true. No one gayer than the Consul. But I’m still pretty gay.”

Does the boy have hearing problems?

ALSO YES NO ONE'S GAYER THAN THE CONSUL

“Sexual orientation and gender expression are two different things,” she explained now, remember what Uncle Magnus had taught them. “Sexual orientation refers to who I am sexually and romantically attracted to. Gender expression is how I want to express my gender identity. Those two are not connected. Just because a woman wears feminine clothes it doesn’t mean she is straight. Just because a man embraces femininity, it doesn’t make him gay either. Does that make sense?”

“Ohhh,” the girl nodded. “Yes, it does. Thank you!”

“What I wear does not reflect who I like. It reflects who I am and what I like to wear,” Lexi explained. “And regardless of my sexuality, I like pretty things.”

Exactly.

“This doesn’t change anything. I hope you know that,” he told her. “I mean I have to change the pronouns in my shovel talk. But that’s not a big deal.”

Awwww

Also – my good friend Raziel told me that homophobia is a sin.”

“You mean homosexuality is a sin?” an older man asked.

“No, homophobia is a sin,” Lexi repeated. “That’s what Raziel said.”

“But that’s not-”

Someone cleared their throat. When he spoke, it was in the Consul Voice.

“Are you saying know better than Raziel?” the Consul asked.

Listen to Raziel you dumb shit

“Sure. Let me just call the Lesbian Alliance,” Lexi rolled her eyes.

Ugh I wish

OH NO NO NO NOT THE FAKE DATING. JUST CONFESS AND DATE FOR REAL

“Alexandra, I have a fucking undercut and I have pink highlights and I cuff my jeans and I literally walk around with a sword and I can quote Lady Gaga to perfection! Why would you ever think I was straight??”

Lexi your gaydar is broken bestie.

Don't do this omg this is gonna be a mess

Gigi: THIS IS A BAD IDEA. ABORT! ABORT!

Lexi: Relaaaax. It’s going to be fine!

Gigi: I’ve read enough fanfiction to know the fake dating trope never ends well!

Lexi: I’ve told you to include the ‘angst with happy ending’ tag!

LMAO

Also Gigi which fanfiction do you read?

Jace omg...

That's so him though.

“How about my peeps? It sounds very hip.”

“It does not,” Lexi replied. “Please don’t refer to us as your peeps under any circumstance."

IM SCREAMING ASHSKHSIDBSHSHDH

Her father chuckled at that. “Sweetheart, you’re a Herondale. Being problematic is what we do.”

EXACTLY

Daddy opened the notebook again. “I need names.”

Grabs flamethrower names

“Besides, the Lightwoods and Blackthorns have been hogging the gay genes for too long. Now it’s our turn. I say you gay it up.”

“Gay it up?” Lexi laughed.

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Go for the highest possible level of gay.”

DO IT

He blinked for a second and then it hit him. “OH MY GOD YES! DOES EMMA KNOW??”

Lexi laughed. Yeah, he can never find out it was a fake dating situation.

Hopefully he won't have to because it won't be fake :D

“To love is a privilege and to be loved is a blessing.”

THE GROWTH OH MY GOD

This chapter literally means so much to me. I don't even know what to say. I hope I too can one day have the courage to shout it in front of everyone and not be scared. See ya on Tuesday!

It means so much to me that this chapter meant a lot to you. I hope you find all the courage, strength and support you need. You are amazing.

And here. I made you a playlist.

You can find it here on YouTube. I hope you like it :)

#lbaf

[britishchick09]

sherlock s2 ep 1 livewatch

welcome to a new (cumber)batch of eps! i’m excited to see all the iconic moments in this one :D

i haven’t even played the dvd yet and it’s glorious :’)

ooh it starts with a ‘previously’!!!

JIM MOIARTY HIIII!!!! :D

moiarty is amazing (and this recap is so dramatic!)

OMG SHERLOCK NECK FRECKLE! :o

also seeing the old channel 8 logo in the corner is so cool! :D

HOLD UP why is bee gees playing

IS MOIARTY A BEE GEES FAN???

‘staying alive’ lol funny since he’s about to get shot :D

moiarty: “SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!!” say that again QUIETER MOIARTY GEEZ

and he just walks away!!!

shoe sherlock cool

sherlock 2 NOW

oh no it’s irene alder...

masterpiece INTRO YAAAASSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

me watching sherlock be like:

the masterpiece trust is just rich people cool

omg the viking river cruises spon is the same as today! :D

woah they’re playing a movie trailer! :o

it’s a british movie obviously and i’ve never heard of it OBVIOUSLY

the scottish host guy is talking and i love it :D

host: “his mind has more apps than an iphone” lol

“a series of his three most famous cases begins! are you ready?” HECK YEAH LET’S GOOOO!!!!!!

YAS the blog scene!

sherlock: “what are you typing?” john: “a blog... about us”

lady: “i think my husband is having an affair.” sherlock: “yes”

sherlock thinks cases are boring except

sherlock ‘cases don’t need titles’ holmes

WOAH SHERLOCK JUST TOLD A LITTLE GIRL THAT DEAD PEOPLE BURN :o

lestrade: “any ideas?” john: “eight so far” wowza :o

sherlock ‘don’t mention the unsolved cases’ holmes

glasseslock!!!!! :D

eyyyyyyyy ;D

people want pics of sherlock and john do johnlockers exist in this universe? :o

lol :D

irene is seductively putting her hand on lockie’s newspaper pic ewww :(

mrs. hudson hates the fridge

THUMBS IN THE FRIDGE FRIDGE THUMBS

mrs. hudson: “BOYS YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER ONE!!!’ *insert meme here*

ooh it spins into a flashback!

OMG JOHNLOCK VID CHAT!!!!

sherlock’s in the sheet! :o

*phone rings* sherlock: SHUT. UP!!!!” lol :D

john’s holding his laptop around lol :D

john: ‘there’s a mute button and i will use it” aka the 2020 president debates

woah some random guys are in lockie’s house and john needs a helicopter what’s up with that????

BUCKINGHAM PALACE YAAAASSS!!!!!!!

john looks under...

giggly!!!!!

♥

mycroft is the queen now

BOI LOCKIE’S LIKE ‘what for?’ TO PUT PANTS ON OMMGGGGGGG

john smol be like :o

guy: “mr holmes the younger”

LOCK BUTT LOCK BUTT NOOOOOOO

john be like o///o ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

o lockie’s’s in clothes again :/

mycroft doesn’t trust the secret service welcome to america

:(

i don’t like irene not because there’s apparently a thing between her and sherlock but because she’s a bit creepy!

THERE LIKE THAT!

sherlock: “photographs of whom?” ooh how fancy

sherlock: “laters!!” lol! :D

irene’s friend is named kate like channel 8 being called ‘kaet’! :D

fashionista! :o

yes this is ‘the right armor’ lockie

john: “you didn’t even change your clothes!” lol :D

sherlock: “go on punch me in the face” lol :D

watson: “i always hear ‘punch me in the face’ when you’re speaking in subtext” ...wut o_O

WORST BATTLE DRESS EVER NNNOPE IMMA HEAD OUT

are sherlock and irene being shipped because they were naked in the same up

irene: “i could cut myself slapping your face” louise belcher wants your number

bi john when he sees irene: o///o “...i’ve missed something haven’t i?”

sherlock isn’t affected by naked irene thus i headcanon him as aro/ace (or even demi/ace in john’s case like my own holmes character) thank you and good night

irene just sits her bare butt on the chair why

JOHN SISTER NANI???? :o

also this font is so basic WHY LOCKIE

irene: “somebody loves you” *glances at john* ok i like her a tad she gets it ;)

john: “put something on, please. like.. a napkin?” lol :D

irene’s like ‘why’ JUS LIKE SHERLOCK BUT I SHALL NOT SHIP THIS SHIP THE SHOW IS TRYING TO SHIP

also john giggles at naked sherlock and is like ‘plz no’ with naked irene (although i would be too that lady is OUT THERE)

ooh antiques roadshow! :D

also she’s dressed like lockie NO

irene: “brainy is the new sexy” plz no :(

she took her clothes off ‘to make an impression’ yep

WAIT  they were just outside now they’re back in wut???

irene was born in the 80s cool :D

WOAH why are there more guy with guns?

and *le gasp* AN AMERICAN????

DON’T SHOOT JOHN AMERICAN!!!

ooh what was the code? :o

EPIC SLOW MO FIGHT YOOOOOO

DANNNNG IRENE JUS GUN SMACKED A GUY

sherlock just flipped a phone LIKE A FLIP PHONE OHHHH

irene is number 1 sherlock fan besides john confirmed

at first i thought it was a fandom phrase but it’s not! :o

WHY DID IRENE JUST PUNCH SHERLOCK

SHE’S WHIPPING HIM????

this reminds me of a certain sw ship... :(

yeah i don’t ship them AT ALLLLLL NOW

the key code is irene’s measurements DOES SHE MEAN...

the camera’s spinning FLASHBACK???

woah are they in the case?? this could be sherlock’s mind palace!

irene: “you got that just from one look? definitely the new sexy” NONONONONOO

outside bed

awww sweet bby ;)

did john tuck him in?

CRAP it was ireneeeeee >:(

the way she says ‘hush now it’s ok...’ is like count olaf in the hostile hospital when he drugs violet :o

LOCKIE’S FIRST WORDS WHEN WAKING UP WHERE JOHN awwww :D

OMG DID JOHN REALLY TUCK HIM IN awwww!!!!!!! ♥

lestrade filmed loopy sherlock lol :D

john: “ahhh back to bed!” awww :)

sherlock: “iiii’m fine i’m absolutely fine!!!’ drugged sherlock is a treasure ♥

sherlock: ”why would i need you?” john: “no reason at all” :)

ew was that an irene phone moan gross

DID SHERLOCK CHANGE HIS TEXT NOTIF TO THAT???

mrs. hudson: “family is all we have in the end, mycroft holmes!” mycroft: “oh shut up, mrs. hudson!” john: “my-“ sherlock: “MYCROFT!!!!” lol :D

mrs. hudson: “it’s a bit rude that noise isn’t it?” indeed!!

sherlock: “you can follow her on twitter” TWITTER IN THE HOLMESVERSE????

sherlock: “there’s more! much more” but wait... THERE’S MORE!

LOCKIE VIOLIN!!!!! :D

THE CHRISTMAS THING WASN’T A FAN MANIP HOLY YAS!!!!!!!! :D

cool sweater john!!! :D

:D

molly: ‘having christmas drinkies then?” wallace wants walkies thank you very much

john: “she’s off the booze!” sherlock: “nnnope” john: “shut up sherlock” lol

john to sherlock: ‘take a day off” lockie doesn’t know the concept mr doc

DID SHERLOCK NAME MOLLY CRY???? :o

HE KISSED HER????

sherlock still has the irene moan after all this time WHY

finding irene on christmas coolio :D

molly: “how did sherlock recognize her by... without her face?” ;)

sherlock smoking bad >:(

WOAH IS IRENE DEAD?????

VIOLIN YAS!!!! :D

smiley smiley :)

awww sherlock plucked a bit :)

OH CRAP IRENE’S BACC

john: “you flirted with sherlock holmes? “someone jellyyyy ;)

OOHH THIS IS THE IRENE JOHNLOCK SCEEENE!!!!!!! :D

irene: “you jealous?” john: “we’re not a couple!” irene: “yes you are.” ;)

john: “i’m not actually gay” irene: “well i am” IRENE LESBIAN GOOD!!!!

irene: “look at us both” (or perhaps bi like john could be...?)

biiiiiig door creak

UGH american... >:(

someone comfort mrs. hudson!! :(

sherlock: “take away your boys. it makes up for too much stupid in the room” he’s surrounded by idiots...

OMG SHERLOCK PEPPER SPRAYYY

awww he’s comforting mrs. hudson :)

john comfort! ♥

the guy’s tied up like the foody moody in bob’s burgers cool :D

awww mrs. hudson’s in shock :(

sherlock: “mrs. hudson leaving baker street? england would fall!” awww! :D

john says ‘alive’ like an irish guy :D

OMG IT’S NEW YEAR!!!!

happy violin new year! :D

sherlock’s xraying a phone lol

john said ‘in your bedroom’ BUT IT’S HIS AND SHERLOCK’S

and irene’s! :o

sherlock: “who wants to kill you?” irene: “killers” lol :D

sherlock said ‘the strand’!!!! :D

irene looks better without lipstick :)

the code is ‘i am SHERlocked’ HOW DO THEY NOT KNOW???

random john middle name reveal lol :D

FOR BABY NAMES NOOOO

john’s is hamish and eugene’s (from tangled) is hoarace... it’s the weird h middle name club! :D

sesame street time :D

...what in the world did sherlock just spout

john said ‘flight double o 7′ JAMES BOND REFERENCE????

MYCROFT IS SAYING ‘BOND ERE IS GO’ yep that’s bond!!!

sherlock didn’t notice john was gone for 2 hours lol :D

ooh sherlock says ‘second world war’ instead of ‘world war two’ :o

NONONONONNONONONONNOOOOOOOOO

sherlock: “that’s not the end of the world, that’s mrs. hudson” lol :D

mycroft: “that’s the deceased, always late” hey yeah :o

WOAH HE JUST CALLED SHERLOCK NAIVE AND IRENE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS :o

oh hey irene

irene: “jim moiarty sends his love” ha ha funny love :D

WAIT MOIARTY CALLS SHERLOCK A VIRGIN??? :o

THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS NOOOOO

bada bing BADA BOOM!!!!!!!!!

wowza it’s been 6 months since they met???

sherlock: “sorry about dinner” *leaves* yesss :)

i’m glad they didn’t kiss and just held hands that was nice to make johnlock dreams fly :)

OMG IRENE LEGIT DIED THIS TIME BY BEHEADING!!!!! :o

john told sherlock she was in amurica good :)

lockie wants her camera phone aww :(

way better than any hand holding irene and sherlock did! ♥

awww irene texted sherlock goodbye :(

ew the irene moan one last time...

sherlock laughed and called her ‘a woman... the woman’ awww :)

that was a bittersweet ending! :)

aaaand it’s over!

next time... ;)

that was a great season premiere!!! irene was kind of cool (i like how she and sherlock were just friends) and the mystery was engaging as always. and of course... it was nice finally hearing lockie’s violin!! here’s to next time! :D

#livewatch #these always take forever but they're fun!

[thearvariblues]

The Bard and The Wolf - Chapter Four

(AKA Geraskier in the Metal Band AU you didn’t know you needed)

The fourth chapter, in which Jaskier deals with his terrible and well-deserved hangover, with a bit of help from someone he definitely didn’t expect.

You can also find the fic on AO3. :)

The masterpost for this fic can be found HERE.

4 – There’s a Monster In My Pants

Geralt must have hung down the phone before Jaskier finished throwing up, because when the poor hungover bard crawled back to the bedroom, Geralt wasn’t on the line anymore.

Jaskier knew he probably should call him back, but he was too exhausted to deal with whatever Geralt wanted to say to him now. Probably that he was out of the band, for good, with no chance of ever returning.

Jaskier took his phone with him, just in case, and very slowly made his way to the living room, where he stretched on the sofa and covered himself with a blanket. He refused to stay in bed, but he also refused to function.

He was feeling like hell. Partially it was the hangover. His stomach still felt queasy, his head was spinning and the dwarf in his skull abandoned his hammer and grabbed a power drill instead. It was a purgatory, and Jaskier was pretty sure he absolutely deserved it.

Oh, dear God. Trust him to blow his chance to have something good in his life. No, not good. Something great.

“Stupid, stupid Jaskier,” he muttered, closed his eyes firmly and decided to spend the day wallowing in self-pity.

He must have fallen asleep soon after making this decision, because all of a sudden, somebody was banging on his door, and quite loudly at that.

“Oh, fuck off,” he muttered and tried to hide under his blanket, but the horrible sound just wouldn’t stop. Jaskier struggled into a sitting position and groaned. “Who the fuck is that?!”

The banging stopped, but what came after was even more horrible.

“Who the fuck do you think, Jaskier?” said a deep, husky voice he recognized after the first syllable.

Jaskier swallowed.

“This is not Jaskier!” he called in a voice much higher than his own. “This is his flatmate… Alfred! Darling. Jaskier went to visit his poor sick grandmother who lives in Siberia!”

“Nice try,” Geralt chuckled. “But you’ve told me you lived alone. Open the fucking door, Jask.”

“No way,” Jaskier replied. “I’m too young and pretty to die!”

“I’m not here to kill you. But I will the next time I see you if you don’t open the door right fucking now.”

“Ugh, fine,” Jaskier groaned and stood up, very slowly and carefully, huddled in his blanket. He made his way to the door and opened it. The first thing he saw were two golden eyes and an amused smirk. “What?”

Geralt raised his right hand, which was holding two paper bags.

“Belgian fries, tartar sauce, chocolate cake,” he announced. “Also, there’s a Monster in my pants. And I mean the energy drink, not what you’re probably thinking right now. All tried and tested hangover remedies.”

“Jesus Christ, I love you,” Jaskier moaned and stepped away from the door.

It was entirely possible that Geralt was lying about not being here to kill him, but he brought fries, meaning he’s bought his way into the flat.

“Not Jesus Christ, last time I checked,” Geralt chuckled. “And your affection is way too easily won, Bard.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m a whore. Please come in, excuse the mess, gimme the fries, the cake and the Monster from your pants.”

“We are still talking about the drink, right?” Geralt asked, shutting the door behind him.

Jaskier let his body fall onto the couch.

“My dearest wolf, I wouldn’t be able to get it up even if I wanted.”

Geralt smiled and handed him the bags and a can of energy drink he took out of his back pocket.

“Good. That’s what you deserve for being so damn stupid.”

“Yeah, I know. I definitely should have stopped drinking after the fucking video,” Jaskier muttered, digging in the bag that was a little bigger than the other. “But I felt like shit, and I wanted to forget, and… Oh, you mean I deserve it for the video. Right.”

Geralt sat down in an armchair and watched Jaskier hungrily stuff a few fries into his mouth.

“Don’t you?” he asked as Jaskier popped open the energy drink.

“Absolutely. Is that why you’re here, Geralt? To act as my voice of conscience? You could have saved yourself the trouble, my conscience’s been nagging at me ever since I woke up.”

“I came here to make sure you were okay, you moron,” Geralt grunted. “I would gladly let you die, but as Ciri pointed out, if you did, we would have to find a new singer, and I don’t think I’m ready for auditions.”

“Oh, how loved and appreciated I feel right now.”

“Hmm...”

Jaskier sighed and closed his eyes.

“Okay, okay,” he muttered. “Look, I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry for the video, it was a stupid idea and Ciri definitely should have stopped me. And I’m sorry… I’m fucking sorry for outing you.”

“You didn’t know I wasn’t out.”

“Precisely. I didn’t know, I should have kept my big, stupid mouth shut. Fuck. I know how it feels, I’ve been outed by a friend before, and now I do it to somebody else?”

“Jaskier...”

“I mean, the friend outed me to my parents and he did it on purpose, but it doesn’t matter if it’s on purpose, does it?”

“Jaskier.”

“The result is the same, somebody who didn’t want to be out is out now, and they have to deal with the consequences–”

“Jask.”

Jaskier blinked.

“What?”

“It’s fine. As Renfri would gladly tell you, I’ve been talking about doing this for months, I just never gathered the courage to say Look, fans, I know you all think I am this big bad manly wolf, every woman’s wet dream, but I’m kind of also into guys, please don’t hate me. It’s almost a relief that someone did it for me.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Jaskier muttered.

“Do what?”

“Try to… convince me that my mistake was actually a good thing.” He took a sip from the drink. “How the hell did you even know the normal one was my favorite, and not one of those disgusting sugar-free fancy ones?”

“I didn’t,” Geralt shrugged. “I just took my favorite.”

“Oh. Thanks. I mean it. You’re a dear heart, Geralt.”

“I know.”

Jaskier uttered a tiny laugh.

“And so humble… What do your fans think about your bisexuality, by the way?”

“No idea. Haven’t checked the comments yet.”

“You haven’t?”

“Have you checked them yet? After all, you outed yourself, too.”

“Yes. As bisexual, but everyone already thought I was gay, so it’s no big deal.”

“Hmm...”

“Oh, stop it with the grunts. By the way, how was I supposed to check anything? I was barely conscious. Well, not even barely, most of the time. I’m only coming back to life thanks to this heavenly goodness you’ve brought me. Those fries were amazing. And now for the cake… Oh, dear lord, I’m starting to think I did die, and I ended up in heaven!”

“Well, it’s obvious you really feel better,” Geralt smirked.

“Physically, yes. Though it would help me tremendously if you checked the comments, so I can stop feeling like shit for… you know.”

“Why don’t you check them yourself?”

“Because, my dear Geralt… Oh, yes, this is fabulous,” he moaned as he put a plastic fork full of cake into his mouth. “My dear, dear wolf, I’d hate to have to throw up the feast you brought me.”

“Jask...”

“Please?”

“Ugh, fine,” Geralt muttered, taking his phone out of his pocket. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

“Someone’ mentioned it before. Several people. Many, many, many people.”

“I’m only doing this for you. Not because I want to know.”

“Of course.”

“I don’t.”

“Of course.”

“I really… Oh, fuck.”

“Good fuck or bad fuck?”

Geralt took a deep breath, scrolling through the comments on his phone’s screen.

“Well, the good news is, not so many people noticed the bit about my sexuality. Most of these comments are about you.”

“Fuck,” Jaskier sighed. “Okay. Gimme. I’m ready for them to tear me apart.”

“I saw that yesterday,” Geralt smirked. “As you wish. So… Oh, yes, that’s a good one. Oh, boy. This bard looks like a pure cinnamon roll, acts like a pure cinnamon roll, but in reality he’s just a feral bitch who’s out for blood. I mean, I’m not sure what it even means, but it sounds good, right?”

“It is good. Please, please, don’t let it be the only one.”

“Dear God, this guy’s chaotic energy is off the charts. I wasn’t sure about the whole thing, but I can’t help it, I love him already.”

“Oh, yes, baby, yes!” Jaskier groaned.

“I’m definitely getting old, I didn’t understand a word of it,” Geralt muttered. “Oh, this one I understand. Am I the only one who’s been humming Toss a Coin To Your Witcher for the past ten minutes? Well, since the comment has more than a hundred likes, he probably isn’t the only one.”

“It’s a catchy song,” Jaskier said.

“Yeah, though that bit about a humble bard definitely wasn’t inspired by you,” Geralt chuckled. “Oh, God… I am a heterosexual guy, but seeing those blue eyes, I understand why Geralt would let him suck his cock. And the reaction to that is… Man, I’m a lesbian, and I would gladly let him suck my cock. And then… Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Jaskier had closed his eyes, but now he opened them and focused on Geralt.

“What?”

“And Geralt’s not even heterosexual. He probably stood no chance.”

“And here we go,” Jaskier said and pushed the cake aside. “But this is good. It’s great, Geralt. they’re taking it as a fact, that’s the best–”

“Guys. Guys, are we really ignoring the fact this adorable bard said that Geralt, our mighty White Wolf, was bi? I mean, we knew it already… How the fuck did they know?!”

“Hate to break it to you, dear heart, but I knew it, too, even before Lambert told me,” Jaskier shrugged. “You just have this… bisexual energy.”

“Bisexual energy,” Geralt repeated.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“The important question – when he’s with a guy, is Geralt a top, or a bottom?”

“Oh, I know the answer to that, too!”

“I doubt that,” Geralt muttered. “Don’t know about Geralt, but this Jaskier guy is definitely a power bottom.”

“Wrong. Absolutely, completely wrong,” Jaskier commented.

Geralt shook his head.

“I can’t believe… Just yesterday, they were calling you a twink and a fairy and...”

“Cocksucker,” Jaskier prompted.

“And now they… speculate about my sexual preferences? And they believe you sucked my cock to get in the band?!”

“Oh, no, they don’t. Fret not, dear heart, they’re just… playing along. It’s a joke.”

“Am I the only one here who just loves how absolutely smitten this guy is with the rest of the band, Lambert included? So fucking adorable!”

“Oh, I’m gonna start blushing.”

“So, are we giving this puppy a chance? All those in favor, say Aye!”

“How many Ayes?” Jaskier asked, biting his lower lip.

“Way, way too many,” Geralt smiled. “It seems you got lucky, you feral bitch. Congrats. You’re a new fan favorite.”

“Oh, thank fuck,” Jaskier grinned. “I’m gonna make you famous yet, Witcher!”

“I doubt that. You haven’t made Dandelions famous, did you?”

“It’s hard to make a band famous when no matter what you suggest, they tell you Nah, Julian, that’s stupid, I’m not doing that.”

“Don’t worry. We’d never call you Julian, Jask.”

“Very reassuring,” Jaskier chuckled. “Why do you call me Jask, anyway?”

“Shorter than Jaskier. But if you want me to stop…”

“No, that’s not… I don’t mind. I like it. Just don’t call me Julian. I hate being called Julian. Only my parents call me Julian, and only when I do something they don’t approve of. Which is like… all the time. I haven’t seen them in years, but I’m sure that when I see them again, they’re gonna be like… Oh. Julian. You look… healthy. Which basically means I got fat, by the way.”

“Fat? Where?” Geralt blinked.

“Oh, darling. We’re talking about my mother, so… everywhere.”

“Bullshit,” Geralt grunted. “You’re not fat.”

“I do tend to get a little chubby if I let myself go too much.”

“Bullshit,” Geralt repeated.

Jaskier smiled and got back to his cake.

“I didn’t say I minded,” he said. “But thanks, anyway.”

“You’re… welcome?”

“Would you like a bite?” Jaskier asked. “I’m not giving you my plastic fork, but there’s a normal one in the kitchen. Maybe even a clean one, if you’re lucky.”

“Well, I’m not gonna say no,” Geralt laughed and got to his feet.

“And in the meantime, you could tell me what you think about Toss a Coin To Your Witcher.”

“Fuck,” Geralt muttered. “I knew this was coming…”

*

They were just in the middle of discussing their favorite metal bands (well, Geralt’s favorite, and Jaskier’s I really liked them ten years ago) when Geralt’s phone rang. He answered it with a little apologetic smile.

“Yes, what is it, Ciri? … No, I’m pretty sure I haven’t been gone for two hours already. … Right. I have. … No, I’m not trying to find a place to bury his body. … No, we’re not in a hospital. … No, Jaskier is fine, we’re just… talking. And I kind of lost track of the time. … Yes, I know I have a client in an hour. … Yes. … Yes, Ciri. … Yeah. See you at home. Love you too.”

He ended the call and sighed.

“Gotta go?” Jaskier asked. He was looking way better than he had upon Geralt’s arrival. His face wasn’t deathly pale, for a start, and his eyes were much brighter and clearer. He still looked tired, though.

“Yes. Because I’m an idiot who takes clients on Saturdays,” Geralt muttered and got to his feet. “Will you be all right here?”

“Absolutely, thanks to you,” Jaskier smiled. “You saved my life, Wolf.”

“You’re welcome, Bard,” Geralt nodded. “Will you make it to the rehearsal tonight, or should I call it off?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there.”

“Good. See you there, then. Take care, Jask.”

“See you, Geralt.”

Jaskier waited until he heard the door click behind Geralt before he let out a long, deep breath. He fought the wide smile that threatened to make its way on his face.

Fuck, he was enjoying Geralt’s company way too much. That wasn’t good. That wasn’t good at all...

Continue with Chapter Five

#geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geraskier fic #witcher fic #witcher fanfiction #the bard and the wolf #my fics

[notwhoiwanttobeyet]

tumblr journal [1]

NOTE: hi pLeasE don’t read this. this is just a way of coping with my mental illnesses. this is completely unedited, highly personal and i stRonGLy advise you look away. i hope you’re having a good day! happy holidays :)

also don’t mind the spotify links along the way; just some songs i almost or did cry to while writing this 

tw: suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks, (breast) cancer

hey tumblr, 

it’s been a while since i’ve really vented. a lot of us use tumblr as a copying mechanism (me included) and i think it’s important i evaluate my current situation and break things down. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WVunZLZM2zLTm5rAvKZkF?si=a94u_JAsRX2VCWOD6z4l-Q

exam season is over; i’m on summer break. and that’s great. no more school. no more exams and assignments and testing and all that FUCKING BULLSHIT THAT THE SYSTEM PUTS US THROUGH. i’m sorry, i’m trying to stay calm but it’s so fuckiNg hard. i’m literally going to cry i- so yeah, as we know, towards the end of the year school fucked me over and i really, reaLLY, REALLY wanted to die. so when school finished i was like “oh i must be all good now, right?” but i wasn’t. i was left feeling so numb, to be completely honest (and cliche).  

then i got sick which was soooo fucked. apparently a lot of people who went to our small friend kris kringle gathering got sick which sucks but because i spent so much of this year in isolation, i forgot what it felt like to be sick and oh bOY it fucking sucked. i over exaggerated because i’m sensitive and wanted to die. i was sick for like a week and my parents quarantined me because my mum is recovering from a breast cancer surgery and couldn’t afford to get sick so i was like locked in my room- on my own- which yeah, i do anyway but this felt sooo different. this felt like, completely fuckEd because my parents were wearing masks around the house and would leave food in my doorway, etc. i felt like a complete MONSTER to the people i love. i also obviously couldn’t hug them or anything, leaving me touch starved and ugh- it just wasn’t a great experience. 

also my mum is recovering fine and stuff but it’s an emotional fucking time for everyone and i’m so stupid i haven’t told anyone about my mum being sick and all. like people don’t ask why i’m acting up because i’m ALWAYS acting up. i’m always sensitive and angry and having mood swings. that’s just me, being mentally ill. so no one asks why i’m worried. my mum has/had BREAST CANCER- brooo. she’s had one surgery which went well and will most likely have to have chemo and/or radiation in the coming year. we get the results back after christmas. so that’s a thing. 

i have a secure group of friends which i’ve always wanted, but it doesn’t feel right. it never feels right. like today the three of us went shopping and THEY WENT CRAZY- i was so stressed and had literally like 6 different mental breakdowns in the 2 hours we were out. they were bumping into people, running around, trying on every item of clothing ironically in every store. that shit stresses me out. and there’s nothing wrong with that- they’re good people and they’re not doing anything wrong really - it’s just normal teenage stuff. but i’m note normal, i’m super anxious and everyone was looking at us and it made me sooo uncomfortable. like- i could elaborate more but thinking about it hurts. i felt like i was their mum or something, shepherding them around and making sure they didn’t break anything else. they- UGH// they broke a perfume bottle and rudely ran away from a teacher i have a good reputation with. like i said, they’re just normal teenagers but it fucks me up. it’s not them, it’s me. on the bright side i saw this same lesbian couple i saw the other day again :) i never see wlw or mlm couples in public really so it makes me soo happy when i see them :) i also saw this girl in an unnus annus hoodie and i was gonna say something but i’m too *anxious* so i just stared at her until she looked at me weirdly and i ran out of the store. oH and there was a girl in an mcr shirt ahh-- she was really pretty but i was too busy running it was a whole thing like my mum was coming to pick me up and i had 10 minutes so i ran up from one end of the mall to the other and then upstairs to this store to but this fucking wonderwomen shirt and then i had to run all the way back and i’m not the most athletic to say the least and i wanted to CRY but yeah. what did i learn today? people aren’t for me. friends aren’t for me. and again i know i’m built to be alone. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/7wTqEW5nrMhvyEhEyTnOMd?si=ata2BwOPQji3twov9wTZWg

i’m really thirsty. ew not like tha- i fucking hate society

cinnamon rolls not gender rolls. wait my friend got that on a poster let me see if i can find it,,,

yeah here it is ^^^^

also: my hair. i’m so happy having it the length it is but mAn i just- i just- i hate myself lol. like i don’t know what else to say. i think i’m ugly and every time i look in the mirror i want to cry, and it’s going to be like that forever so i need to just except that. i am ugly, i hate myself. like- bro come on. it’s been like this forever and it’s going to continue to be like this forever so i need to stop fucking crying over it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/05JtBVWRtSzqLoj7jj30kn?si=30W4pt7dT8G3cbzaUMqldw

oh my god this song i’m about to cry. this is what i want. why can’t i just be- not me!!! 

these past few days i’ve literally been playing minecraft bed wars all day. like all day. and it was okay but now my eyes hurt and my head hurts and my hands hurt and i hate myself and everything hurts. 

also- music doesn’t feel right. it’s been like this for a while now, it’s getting better though. before i couldn’t listen to any music at all - now i’ve been listening to kid krow on repeat : ) 

god bless you, conan. my number one song currently is *cough* E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY LIFE (which they are btw) which is- fucking terrifying and funny at the same time. i genuinely like CORPSE though- i’ve watched every among us stream and i love his songs- in the past i would have considered myself a simp (?) maybe (?) but i had a nightmare about it and i can’t awifjisenf simp no more. i still appreciate him, i just- had an awakening. 

sexuality crises also suck a whole bunch. there was a 1-2 day phase a few weeks ago where i was low key PRAYING to be a lesbian lmfao. like it sounds stupid but i was crying over that shit. background info: no i’m not one of those straight girls, i’m a bisexual female who’s almost a full on raging homosexual except i am attracted to men. and i wish i wasn’t, believe me when i say that. but i have realised i am bi so it’s okay. i thought i was a lesbian and awilfjnawr labels but no, i am slightly attracted to men sometimes. but to answer your question if i am lucky enough my future wife and i will be married and living in a cottage. 

ugh. life. bru h i’m actually a train wreck- i had an anxiety attack crying trying to find my childhood tinkerbelle and friends dolls the other night. and then to make matters worse, i found them in a box with a whole bunch of other dolls in the same box including StRawBerrY ShoRtCaKe doLLs and i smelt my stawberry shortcake doll hesitantly while crying and she still smelled like her strawberry scent and i was DEAD. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/1F6IbA7di42uPc3cff8PXV?si=COKcG_UbQh-GhKYJ5vtIgg

ugh. so this has been my update so far. oh wait-

christmas. holy shit how is it christmas. i want dEatH like. reasons why i’m sad for christmas: it doesn’t feel like christmas so i feel like i’m not going to enjoy it, i’ve had no motivation to clean my room so the contents of my wardrobe is all over my floor because i was mid resorting the drawers when i got sick, i’ve wanted to ask for doc martens and my chemicals romance + other artists’ merch all year but i have SEVERE ANXIETY so of course i didn’t and now my parents have gone and bought me a new phone or something which of course i’m grateful for but my iphone 6s works just fine. it’s a waste of money which we need at the moment but because i’m too anxious i didn’t ask for anything this year so my parents have just chosen to spoil me and- aW SHIT! i can’t=

anyway so that’s my bullcrap life. i mean my bullshit rant. am i glad i did this? yes. do i feel any better? kinDa? i don’t know okay. what am i going to do now? i don’t know. probably lie on the floor and drown in self pity in hopes of melting into the abyss. i might read my book which i’ve yet to finish. maybe reading can be my knew things, seeing as i have zero hobbies. i read like once in a blue moon.

this is it for now, good luck, future me. 

sincerely, 

jordan ♡

https://open.spotify.com/track/7B3z0ySL9Rr0XvZEAjWZzM?si=HyWPKutjRTuPumafim7_Vw

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [WATTPAD] [QUOTEV]

WARNING: This chapter is mildly NSFW.

NOTE: Apologies for the delay! I had to go to bed extra early last night because I had a busy, dizzy day today. Hopefully you enjoy this update regardless!

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"HemmmMRPHLG!"

That was the best description of what came out of Anna's mouth. Worse yet, Elsa could feel every vibration in one of the most sensitive areas on her body. She squeaked and scrambled down into the water as quickly as was humanly possible, but it was too late. Far too late.

"I… I'm sorry, Anna, I'm so clumsy, what- I normally can handle myself! I'm a runway model, for God's sake! UGH! What is wrong with me?!"

But Anna was still dazed. Just sitting there with her glittering emerald eyes blinking at the tiles opposite herself, not even looking at Elsa. And the star understood; she had a lot to process now.

"Anna? Are… you angry with me?" She swallowed down the spike of pure adrenaline. "You are. I'm… I am so sorry. Maybe I should go."

"Go? It's… your room." Then she finally let out a weak little laugh. "Wow, so… that was… super unexpected; I'm stunned over here. Like, you glow up like whoa. So gorgeous!"

The actor wrapped her arms tightly around her body, as she normally did in these situations. Not that one quite like this had ever happened before. Blood rushed in her ears as she shrank in on herself, chest tight, literally shaking. Craving a way to dive down deep into the bubbling waters. "I… I should have told you, I… you…"

"Oh, no, no, it's cool! Woke, remember? I'm not gonna judge, no way." There was that word again. When there was no response, she tried, "Elsa?"

But she couldn't speak. This was a nightmare. She had never accidentally come out to someone before; it was always a choice, and she had a speech lined up, and steps she could take. Plans to ease her anxiety. And now it was all coming apart, her world was-

Trim arms wrapped tightly around her, squeezing tight. Elsa thrashed for just a second before she registered a cheek rubbing her shoulder and remembered it wasn't someone trying to hurt her. It was Anna. A friend.

"You're okay. I got you."

Still trembling, she slowly began to nod. "I… was going to tell you. Right now. I just… didn't mean to-"

"No big. Like I said, I'm no Boomer; you're whoever you are in your heart. But damn, girl, you look so good. I'm losing my shit over here!"

"Thank you," she sighed with a weak smile. Here came this part; it was unavoidable. "I just… want to be taken seriously based on my talent alone. Honey and the casting director, and my agent, and um, the guy who plays my romantic interest are the only ones who know on set. Funny, Brixton took the news a lot easier, but he still… freaked out a little, and then overcompensated by flattering me a lot. That's why I'm not out, why… I don't do swimsuit calendars, or nude scenes, or… it's just going to draw attention, and then I'll be Laverne. She's so gracious about being a poster child, but I just have never had any desire for that to define me, or… all that attention focused on my private life instead of my career."

"No, yeah, I kinda get it. Like… I'm never gonna know what you're going through with either thing, the acting or, um, that." She pointed down toward the surface of the water, and Elsa sank lower in embarrassment. "But I mean, I told you I'm bi. So that part doesn't matter to me. If you're a woman, you're a woman, y'know? And if you're a woman who's packing some heat, well hey, I know how to handle one of those so it's definitely not a dealbreaker for me!"

Elsa chuckled and flashed her a morose smile. "I suppose that makes sense."

"And this is still gonna be my first real lesbian thing, if we go past sitting in a tub together," she laughed. "Besides one girl I made out with at a frat party. And she had braces, so I can totally strike her from the record."

"Ew!" she laughed. "I hope they were clean!"

"They were, she's a good brusher. Just like, the metal… it felt weird, couldn't get past it. Maybe that makes me a dick, I dunno."

"A dink?" They shared a knowing grin. "Thanks for being so good about this - all of it. And I know, I'm not supposed to be grateful, since my gender is valid and so on. But I still can only think about how bad this would go if you weren't so progressive."

"Progressive? Like I'm a name-your-price tool? Dude, I'm just normal. It's the douchebags who wouldn't accept you who are, like… what's the opposite of progressive? Regressive? They're that."

Finally, Elsa felt the knot of anxiety ease… and elation took over. Everything was fine. She had come out to Anna and she wasn't rejected, she wasn't being viewed as a monster. Christmas had arrived a little late for her but it was just as welcome as if it had been on time.

"Soooo. Just to get this big ol' elephant outta here, you did sit on my face. Since we're gay does that mean we did it?"

"BLRPHG!" she burst out — being that she had tried to shout something while also ducking her head low enough the water covered her mouth. Then she started coughing said water up, and Anna had to pound her on the back. "Ah! Oooh, that… that did not feel good."

"Didn't sound good! Sorry… I'm just trying to lighten the mood or something."

"Right! Of course. But… for that to be true, I would have to have gone through with bottom surgery. And I haven't yet."

"So? Like, I still got a mouthful of your ballllllgina!" she hastily amended, wincing and grimacing hard after she finished the fused word. "That. Um, I… yeah, that was super fucking dumb, I don't know what I'm say...ing?"

She trailed off because Elsa was laughing. Really truly laughing again, rocking back as her ruddy cheeks bunched, arms still clamped tight around her waist. Anna merely sat there with a raised eyebrow until she burst out, "Ballgina!"

"Okay, okay," she giggled weakly, ears reddening. "S-sometimes I sound like a doof, I know this."

"You're utterly adorable." Then she leaned in, intending to hug her.

Instead, her lips found another set and they shared a very unexpected first kiss.

                                                   To Be Continued…

#Very Important Person #elsanna fanfiction #forkanna writes #elsanna #jess the writer #nsfw--text

[anarcoqueer1994]

Bowling Confessions

A short follow up follow up fic to "Don't Let Me Go." Also note you are valid regardless whether you pass or not. Also, if you need anyone to talk to, I am here and my inbox is open.

TJ couldn't believe what had happened today. It was 2am and he knew he should be asleep but just couldn't. If you had asked him 24 hours ago if today's simple day of sledding would of ended with him getting his first boyfriend, he would have laughed in your face. He never imagined that Cyrus would like him back. But not only had Cyrus told him he liked him as much as he liked Cyrus, but Cyrus now knew he was trans and that didn't change anything in his eyes. He still loved him. To say TJ was relieved, was an understatement. All he has ever wanted was to be treated like any other guy. He knew it shouldn't matter if your cis or not, but also knew not everyone thought that way. Even people who are supposedly "allies" often misgendered trans folks without meaning too. That's why it meant so much to TJ that Cyrus saw him as a boy even after finding out his secret. 

But that's also the reason he still did not want to tell their other friends quite yet. He was still nervous about how they may react. Sure they almost immediately went downstairs and told everyone they were dating but that was easy. (Well except for Buffy pulling him aside to personally kick his ass if he ever hurts Cyrus.) It was easy because he was pretty sure everyone in that room was a little queer. He knew his sister, Amber, was a lesbian, having only dated Jonah out of some misguided internalized homophobia. Andi was pan and so into his sister. Jonah and Buffy were bi kids all the way. So yeah, telling them that hey he was gay and dating Cyrus was a piece of cake. But telling them he was trans was way scarier, and luckily Cyrus would never push him to tell when he was not ready.

There is one issue though, someone in that room earlier, other than Cyrus and Amber, knew TJ was trans; Marty. Marty was the person in the group that he knew the least about. Up until a month ago, he didn't even know who Marty was.(Apparently they were in some classes together but he doesn't remember him.) He is pretty sure Marty is a straight, cis boy but pretty harmless. But that straight, cis boy was also the person who walked in on him in the bathroom while he was changing. This is the boy who now knew he was trans. 

Sure, Marty was respectful enough not to out him but TJ had taken note of how much more quiet Marty was the rest of the day. He also noticed Marty staring at him from time to time. He may be over thinking it but he can't help but be worried. What if Marty doesn't feel comfortable around him and it makes hanging out Cyrus' friends weird? 

TJ sighs in annoyance at himself. Why is he wasting his night obsessing over this? He has better things to think about, like the fact that before leaving Cyrus' house, the shorter boy asked to take hm on a date tomorrow...err...later today at this point.

Ugh , he thinks to himself, as he looks to the clock. 3am. He needs to sleep. So he throws a pillow over his head in a desperate attempt to subdue his own racing thoughts. Eventually exhaustion wins out, and he drifts asleep.

**************

It's about 4pm later that day, and TJ is waiting anxiously for Cyrus. They are supposed to meet at The Spoon for their first official date. Sure they have been to this same restaurant hundreds of times before but this time felt new, and exciting, and scary, all at once. He wanted today to go perfect. He spent two hours changing his outfit to find "the perfect date look." Amber also convinced him that Cyrus would like his hair with no gel. She may have also slipped in there the fact that Andi mentioned to her that Cyrus really likes TJ in his glasses, the glasses he only wears around the house typically. 

So here he was, in the middle of the diner, with his hair falling way more freely than he prefers and his dorky glasses on his face. He doesn't feel the most confident in how he looks right now. But he needs today to go well. So he is trying out his look. Part of him was nervous because what if yesterday was a fluke? What if Cyrus got there and realized this was all a mistake?

Every single one of those worries melt away when he sees Cyrus walk through the door. The moment Cyrus sets eyes on him, the brunette's face lights up. The way Cyrus stares at him makes TJ's face heat up in a deep red blush. Why or how Cyrus can make him feel so soft is a mystery to him but it can't be stopped. Cyrus walks to the table and stands for a moment in what looks to be awe. 

"You look so…" The brown eyed boy's voice breaks the silence. He kneads his lower lip trying to find the best word to describe how he thought TJ looked. Cute? No that was too soft. Beautiful? Not quite the right word either. He finally decides on the word. "Handsome." It was the right mix of affectionate and distinguished.

 Without thinking Cyrur runs his fingers through TJ's hair as he keeps standing by the edge of the table. "I really like your hair. It's so soft. Not that I don't  like it other times though…" Cyrus backtracks, turning slightly red himself for putting his foot in his mouth. "It's just that I like that I can touch it without feeling the gel. And I like your glasses, you look so...I'm sorry if I am saying the wrong things. I'm just nervous you know and I really like you and I think you look so good..and…you smell good, like citrus and...

TJ smiles to himself listening to his boyfriend rambling. He finally grabs Cyrus' hand and pulls him onto the booth bench next to him, before placing a small kiss on the boy's cheek that suddenly leaves him speechless. TJ takes the moment of quiet to say "I think you look pretty good, too, muffin.

"Thanks Teej…" Cyrus replies before settling against TJ as TJ casually wraps his arm around Cyrus' shoulders. As they sat and talked and ate it felt like neither boy can remember being nervous. Sitting like this feels like they should of been doing this all along. It felt natural to sit so close, enjoying each other's company.

*************

When they finished  another renowned rendition of baby tater theater, followed closely by actually eating said baby taters, TJ asked "So what else do you have planned, underdog?"

"Nothing crazy. Buffy invited us to go bowling with her and Marty. Andi has family stuff going on so it would just be the 4 of us. It could be fun." Cyrus notices TJ's face change. It clouds over with what looks like worry. "Or we don't have to, sweetie…we can go to the park or something. "

"No Cy, I want to go. It is fine. I promise."

"Tell your face that then…" Cyrus says half jokingly. "What's up, my not-so-scary basketball guy?"

"It is nothing…" TJ says but knows he does not sound so convincing.

"Let's not start off this relationship with you lying to me. What is it?"

"I'm scared, okay?" TJ replies quietly.

"Of what?" Cyrus lowers his voice to match TJ's.

TJ takes in a deep breath like the air is suddenly heavier. It always feels heavier whenever he talks about his trans identity. It feels like if he says the wrong thing, he could mess something up. Sometimes it felt like he had to work harder than everyone else just to exist. Every once in awhile he wishes someone else he knew was going through this. 

As he thinks about this, Cyrus can see the distress on his face. Cyrus says, "You don't have to tell me, TJ… its okay. " Cyrus  smiles.

TJ returns the gesture with a weak smile. "No I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything all the time, actually. Its...its  Marty. He is the one who walked in on me yesterday, remember? And he was staring at me yesterday the entire time after that. I don't know if he is comfortable with me."

Cyrus reaches for TJ's free hand. "Like I said, we don't  have to go.'

"No we are going to go. I'm just nervous." TJ says in a soft voice, he barely recognizes as his own.

"To be honest, I don't know too much about Marty so I can't speak for him but I know Buffy. She really likes Marty and I can't see her being with someone who would treat you differently for something like being trans." Cyrus keeps his voice down so he doesn't bring unwanted attention to the green eyed boy.

TJ gives his boyfriend a small, unsure smile.  "I guess you are right…"

"Plus I will be with you the entire time." Cyrus says with a wide grin that TJ can't help but mirror. Maybe this will be okay TJ thinks to himself.

***********

Boy was he wrong. From the moment TJ and Cyrus arrived at the bowling alley, it seemed like all Marty could do was stare at TJ. TJ would catch Marty eyeing him up and down, like he was trying to figure something out. It got to the point where even Cyrus noticed it, prompting him to wrap his arm around TJ's shoulder, almost like he was trying to protect him. 

Amazingly Buffy did not seem to notice. Cyrus really wanted to tell Buffy so she could talk some sense into this guy she likes so much. But telling her would be outing TJ so that was out of the question. So those two just keep up their banter, albeit Marty being a bit distracted.

TJ meanwhile tried to focus on Cyrus. He was trying to keep distracted from the blatant stares that bore into him. It is hard though. Even with the bumbers up, (at Cyrus' request) he was not doing well. All he could think about was how uncomfortable Marty is making him feel. He didn't do anything to deserve to feel like a freak on display. Finally when Buffy gets up to grab some food, TJ pulls away from Cyrus and walks up to Marty.

"Can we talk, over there?" TJ's voice comes out more abrasive than he intended as he points to an empty corner of the alley.

"Uh, yeah, sure man." Marty says in a voice that seems riddled with anxiety.

TJ leads the way to the corner of the room. As he passes Cyrus he hears him say "I'm here if you need anything." TJ blushes at those simple words as he continues to walk away. 

When they finally get to a secluded spot, TJ clears his throat and Marty looks at him. This is probably the first one on one conversation they have ever had. "So what is your deal?"

"What do you mean?" Marty asks as he looks to the floor.

"You know what I mean. You haven't stopped starring since you walked in on me yesterday. Is it because you know I'm...I'm trans?"

Marty looks up. He looks so insure. He says "Of course not, actually yea." TJ's eyes look hurt and angry at the same time. Before he can say anything else Marty continues. "But not in the way you think.'

"Oh so you aren't staring at me because you think I'm weird and a freak?" TJ says sarcastically. He is used to assuming the worst so that doesn't seem like a stretch.

"No! Of course not!"

"Then why have you been staring at me?!" He says in a hushed yell. Then he pauses. He notices the look of sadness and fear in the other boy's face. He recognizes that look from his own mirror. His voice softens "Hey man, are you okay?"

Marty shakes his head as his breathe catch as he tries to speak. After a long couple seconds, he chokes out, "I was staring because I couldn't actually believe their was another guy at school like me. I've been trying to figure out if it was all my imagination. I'm...I'm sorry if I made you feel weird."

"Wait…" TJ says in disbelief. "Did you say 'Guy at school like you?' as in...as in you're trans?" 

"Yea, I am." Marty gives a half smile.

"How did I not know this before?" 

"The same reason that no one knows about you. Sometimes if you manage to pass, it is way easier not to go around announcing your trans."

TJ huffs at his own dumb question. "I guess you are right."

Suddenly the world around TJ felt lighter. There was now another person he could confide in that probably understood this aspect of his life better than anyone else. He is suddenly glad his boyfriend brought him here.

"Can I ask you a question?" Marty says interrupting his thoughts.

"Yea, anything."

"How do you get your voice to sound so good? I catch mine cracking all the time and I am so worried is going to give me away."

TJ cracks a small smile. "My mom is a piano teacher and she understands all this pitch and tone stuff. It sounds dumb, but she helps me."

Marty frowns and TJ is worried he said something wrong. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you didn't. Not at all. Um, did you say your mom helps you? She knows?"

"Well yea, it would be hard to hide something like this." TJ says matter-of-factly. Marty knows too well it is hard to hide something like this.

"She supports you?" Marty continues to question.

"Yea, since I was little. So does my dad."

Marty looks away. "That must be nice."

TJ puts his hand on the other boy's shoulder as they stand across from each other. "I take it your parents aren't the most supportive?"

"Not really. My dad barely talks to me and my mom refuses to address me by anything but my dead name. Sometimes the teachers at school are more supportive than my own parents. At least they call me Marty." Marty looks devastated as he continues. TJ just let's the other boy get it out. "And it's hard you know? Like the one binder I saved up and bought, my mom found and threw out. So most of the time, I'm stuck with bandages and sports bras. And like I can't have friends over because my parents would out me. What if that's how Buffy finds out? I really like her and I can't even bring her to my house, without being forced out to her. I just...wish they would stop treating me like a bad daughter and start being proud of son they have. Like, come on, I am the fastest guy in school ...why don't they care, you know? Why don't they care about me."

TJ's heart broke for Marty. He suddenly felt 100x more thankful for his parents. He sat in quiet with the other boy for a while. After a bit TJ breaks the silence. "I'm sorry about your parents. You don't deserve that. But I can say for 100% sure if Buffy were to ever find out, she would not care. Anyone can see how much she cares about you.

"Yea, and I'm going to tell her but not today."

"Okay." TJ says simply. This is Marty's truth to tell on his time.

After a few more minutes, they walk back over to their awaiting friends. As TJ settles back into Cyrus' side, the shorter boy says "Everything okay?"

"Yea, everything is fine." He smiles and Cyrus doesn't push for more. The rest of the evening is a lot of fun. TJ's life could not be better. He has a cute boyfriend that he loves and so many great friends, now. Sometime soon he thinks he will tell the rest of them his truth.

That night after he and Cyrus spend too much time on the porch saying goodnight, he slips into his house. His mom sits on the couch watching an old movie. He simply sits down beside her, hugs her and whispers "Thanks mom."

Thanks for reading and thank you to @kippens-a-goodman for the idea to add Marty in!

#andi mack #tyrus #cyrus goodman #tj kippen #cyrus #tj #Trans!TJ #Trans!Marty #Muffy #Platonic Tarty #Buffy #trans!tj #trans #tj trans #marty trans

[everafterhigh12-blog1]

Ramona and rosabella

I woke up to see my  roomate justine dancer dancing all across the room with her head held high and her eyes down low. Ever single morning i complained, why cant you just complain in the mornings like the rest of us justine?! i asked her. “well Ramona!” shove it, i said angerly. i got into the shower feeling the cold water drip down my spine. TING. i looked down at my phone and it said my blood test and destiny test arrived 1 hour ago. i put on my clothes did my makeup btw i messed up on my wing like 7 times... i asked the headmaster if i got any mail and he checked my inbox. “ah yes. i do recall seeing a package arrive about an hour maybe 2 hours ago...” he looked into the inbox bin and found my package. i snatched it from his hands and said “about time”. i raced up to cerise’s dorm and said “DUDE DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?” she yelled i dont know and i dont care. well fuck you, i said. i went back to my dorm and opend the box... the results were i was 50% indian 30% hispanic 5% black and the rest white. Wow. im inidan? cool. TING. i looked down at my mirrorphone and by my suprise it was super late i was goanna be late for first period. but honestly i didnt care. i opend the “unravel your destiny box” that came with the blood test. i was just about to throw the box away when i thought. hmm why not. so i cut through the tape with my claw and it said 100% match for. ROSABELLA BEAUTY? i dropped the box and ran to rose’s dorm. she opened her dorm door and said “ramona what the hell are you doing here? were goana be late for first period. i told her about how me and justine loved eachother and how we have been dating for 2 months. “uh... ramona why are you telling me this?” BECAUSE rosie... im destined to love you... forever. She laughed and said, alr cool thats funny. but im dating daring right now- Daring... i said. you mean he’s cheating on cerise? i ran to his dorm and  broke open the door. i looked around the dorm and he wasnt there so i looked in the bathroom and there he was. that son of a cheating bitch. i grabbed him by his hair and tied him up to the bed with his own leather jacket. RAMONA what in the royal world has gotten into you!?” im a wolf remember? wait so-so your goana eat me? no you dickhead i said. whyd you cheat on cerise? look man.he said i really didnt mean too. i was drunk and tired. i wont do it agian. i slit his hand with my claw. let that be a reminder to you. i chuckled. i went to rosies dorm, and saw her with her hands curled around her knees and her breasts sticking way out. woah there buddy i said. so ramona. since your my girlfriend now... i turned around grabbed her hips and kissed her so much i kissed her down her neck and onto her breasts. i could never do that with justine she would always stop me. RAMONA!? i looked behind me. CRAP it was justine. BABY i said. but it was to late. hah. said rosabella. whos the dirty cheater now? ugh. me. just break up with her. ITS NOT THAT SIMPLE. i love justine more than anything. more than the fucking world its fucking godamn shitty self! she began to cry. Ramona i’ve loved you for so long! dreamed of you thought of you. even drew pictures of us together, but no. you wanna go and chose a bitchy dancer. rosie i cooed. GET OUT she yelled. I tried to hug her.. but she kept kicking and screaming at me. i felt so bad. not only had i cheated. and justines my roomate. rosabellas my predetermined princess. AND justines my fuckin girlfriend! i went back to my dorm sad and even more sad. how could i do this? i saw justine sitting on her bed crying. Oh im so sorry... save it! said justine. you know what fine, but dont expect me to come running back next time. i went to rosies dorm to see her reading a wolf book. Heh . so your reading a wolf book... all just for me? She shut the book hard. ramona... im not lesbian. Neither am i. i said, im bi. i prefer boys but girls are an open option for me. so do you wanna walk down with me? sure i smiled. we talked about thronecoming and the upcoming dances, then in the middle of the hallway when everyone was watching. she kissed me. The whole school was shocked. Ramona? said cerise. are you cheating on justine? justine walked up behind cerise. yes, she is cheating on me. shes been cheating for who knows how long... I DIDNT CHEAT OKAY! i said. THEN WHAT DID YOU DO?! said justine. You know what justine this was never going to work out anyway. i am rosies beast okay! thats me! your destined to marry some pre-determined dick! oh yeah, and your not? said justine. Fine! i shouted, you wanna play games. lets play some games. my eyes turned yellow my claws grew, and i turned into a wolf

i lunged at her and cerise had to stop me. so she jumped ontop of me and grabbed my ears i turned back to a human, and said. this time you got let off easy. 

6 months later.

hey rosie. i said, ramona... i need to ask you something... okay... what is it i said. she got down on one knee. and pulled out a rose box and said, “ramona badwolf, will you make me the happiest girl in the world and marry me- YES! i screamed. wait, we are still in highschool. i said, yeah well we can wait. she said. she got up and kissed me. suddenly my dad came out from his classroom. RAMONA! he said, your lesbian!? yeah i said, i am. and he gave me a hug and noticed the ring on my finger and said. wait rosie... are you - and ramona-? yes she said, we are! she said. wow and you didnt even ask for my blessing!? I-im so sorry sir i really didnt mean t-to offend you- i-i-i im so deeply sorry please do-dont call it off... she said, well why the fuck would i call it off. he said, i couldnt help myself and turned around and kissed her, but ramona- dad said. you’ve gotta follow your destiny into the next badwolf. i explained everything with the kit and stuff. 

5 years later

ramona said rosie, yeah baby i said. im pregnant! wait so the spell worked. it took our blood and merged it together to create OUR BABY! yeah love, it did. im glad we both still got our pussys, i said. and we laughed. 

9 months later

BABY! said roseabella from the other room. i came rushing in. what-what is it!? its c-coming the baby!

after dilivery

what should we name her? i said. well there were two names we thought were cute.

ramonabella

or

rosamona

You guys can chose the babys name below! i will count up the votes and see who wins! Good luck!

#everafterhigh rosabellabeauty ramonabadwolf cerisehood justinedancer

[redsky123love]

Why do you have a Stripper Pole in your Room? Chapter 10- Why the pole was sticky: Part 1

"So, on a scale of one to ten, where do you think your number is on the friend zone for us?" Marinette asked the blonde girl standing in front of her bakery. It was earlier in the morning when Marinette left her home to walk to school, only to be stopped when she saw Chloe parked in front of her house.

"I'd give it a three." Chloe said with a smirk.

"Shockingly, you're not wrong." Marinette chuckled. "I'm still not getting into the car with you."

"Why not, we should be friends!"

"Because you made my life a living hell since middle school." Marinette growled.

"And I am sorry, which is why I am willing to drive you to school every day. Maybe even more." Chloe said. Marinette looked up at the sky and begins to think.

"Being my partner, I should make amends with her. I know she can be a bitch, but she isn't 100% a bitch. She's like 98% a bitch. No, come on Marinette! Be the bigger person, besides if I turn her good, maybe the rest of my school life won't be shit." Marinette thought before looking down to Chloe to say:

"Fine, you can take me. But just this once, I normally like to walk." Marinette said as she climbs into Chloe's limo, once inside, Chloe turns her head to the left and sticks her tongue out to the blonde male from afar that was holding flowers in his hands. She then climbs in and takes a seat next to Marinette. Once the car starts up and turns the corner, Adrien grips the flowers in his hands, then throws them to the ground.

                     "That bitch is so dead..." Adrien growled.

                                                      (School)

Everyone...AND I MEAN EVERYONE! Was shocked to not only see Marinette come out of Chloe's car, but also to see the two sitting next to each other. This pissed off Adrien, Alya, and even Sabrina! Nino was just in the corner, trying to avoid this hate circle, but knowing his luck he knew he would be dragged in eventually. When the teacher came in and started the lesson, Chloe begins to text Adrien.

C: Enjoying the view from down there?

A: I will murder you in your sleep

C: Jealous I see

A: Chloe...I don't get jealous, I get pissed!

C: Oooh! Kitty is going to try to claw a bee?

A: When I am done with you, your going to be crying like the spoiled bitch you are.

C: Bring it on!

                                                         (Lunch)

"Oh my god Marinette! I ordered sushi just for us!" Chloe said as she, Sabrina and Marinette sat down at a table that already had food on it. Marinette was blushing a bit at the sight of many people already staring at her. Including Sabrina, who was giving her death glares. The servers Chloe had ordered in set a plate of high-class sushi in front of her.

"Wow, Chloe this looks nice." Marinette said with a smile.

"Anything for my new bestie!" Chloe said. Around the corner of the courtroom was Adrien, and by god, preteen girls all over the world were about to lose their minds today. Walking over to the table Marinette gasp at the sight before her. Adrien was standing in front of her, wearing a black tank top and white jeans. Exposing those muscles he always hid...somehow. His body was covered in sweat, which was actually good because it made him shine in the sunlight. His hair was a bit messier, resembling Chat's hairstyle a little. He wore a little bit of eyeliner to made his green eyes pop more. The mere sight made all of her blood rush to her face.

"Hello Adrien..." Chloe growled before breaking the chopsticks in her hand.

"Hey Chloe, I see you and Marinette are having lunch. Mind if I join?" Adrien asked in a deep seductive voice.

"Sorry Adrie-kins, its a girls lunch out." Chloe said in her bitch voice. Sadly, that didn't stop Adrien from taking a seat next to the red face girl. Looking straight at the girl of his dreams, he smiles at her and said:

How are you Bugsy?" He asked.

"F-F-F-FINE!" Marinette said, which was a little funny. A couple of days ago, this stuttering thing had disappeared when she learned who Adrien was. Now, its back and she didn't even know why. Behind the two was Nino and Alya, both recording the event in case shit went down.

"Adrien, we were having lunch..." Chloe growled as her left eye twitches.

"I'm sure Marinette wouldn't mind if I feed it to her. Would you Marinette?" Adrien asked before sticking his long tongue out to her, revealing a black tongue piercing with a tiny neon green cat head print on it. It was then, out of the blue, Marinette's life flashed before her eyes. All of the happy and bad memories of her family, friends and being a superhero. Then her world went black, she didn't know if it was because Adrien made her want to lose all sense and become the mother of his children at that very second, or it was because she was falling for him ALL over again. She didn't know, all she knew was a river of blood gushed out of her nose quicker than she could react, making her faint after losing blood. And oh yes, there was a lot.

"OH! OH! HOMEGIRL DOWN! CALL 911!" Nino shouted in shock at the sight of Marinette blooding a puddle around her face. She squirted so much blood that it fell on Adrien's paints and was staining her pink jacket. Ayla drops her phone before shouting:

"OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED MARINETTE!" Ayla shouted horror as she runs to her friend's aid. Nino, who for some weird reason, was pinching her nose to stop the blood flow.

"Girl I got you!" Nino said as he tries to ignore the bullshit going on behind him. And that bullshit was Chloe and Adrien fighting.

"Congrats, you just killed my future wife!" Chloe shouted in anger.

"Future wife!?" Adrien chuckled. "Marinette is straight you jack-ass! And if she was lesbian or even bi, you would be the last person she'd fool around with!"

"Newsflash Adrien! 87% of girl is at least bi-sexual curios in high school or college! Which means my chance's of hooking up with her are as high as yours! Maybe even high since she can actually talk to me!" Chloe said as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"So Marinette is dying..." Nino said to the two blondes. Only for his words to fall on deaf ears.

"Marinette is mine! I will be DAMMED if you hook up with your crusty pale ass!" Adrien shouted. This made Nino sighed before shouting out:

"MARINETTE IS ABOUT TO DIE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! HELP HER!" Nino shouted at the two, making them look at the girl to see her turning pale. Adrien is the first to drop to his knee's and get Marinette over his shoulder. Seconds later, the four teens rush to take Marinette to the medic room, ignoring all stares at they did this.

                                                   (Nat's house)

"Why do you have blood on your pants?" Gabriel asked his son. Since the two decided to go together to get Nat back, Gabriel decided to pick his son up from school. To his surprise, he already regrets doing it.

"Don't ask." Adrien muttered as Gorilla drives up to a tiny house decorated with wind chimes and glass gnomes. It was a cute house in a nice neighborhood, although Adrien was a bit surprising, he always pictured Nat living in an apartment. Gabriel and Adrien walk over to the door and knocked on it. It didn't take long for Nat to answer the door. She looked completely different from her work wear. No makeup, which showed off her two pimples and colorless lips, her hair was down to her shoulders and she was wearing jeans and a blue T-shirt.

"Hi Nat!" Adrien said with a smile, making her gasp before closing the door in their faces.

"Well, that was rude." Gabriel muttered. Seconds later, Nat reopens the door, this time with make-up on and business bodycon dress yellow dress. Adrien's eyes widen at the sight of him.

"Holy shit, that was like two seconds." Adrien said in shock.

"I have skills." Nat said as she steps to the side to let the two in. To Adrien surprise again, her tiny home was quite nice. Small living room, wooden theme living room with a plasma TV and a glass coffee table. Her house looked like one giant room, with the kitchen to the left and her room behind the corner. The only thing that was a separate room was the bathroom.

"Nice place!" Adrien said as Nat presses her head against the back of the door frame. As Gabriel and Adrien take a seat on her couch, she goes over to the kitchen and prepare's coffee for her and Gabriel. Once done, she gives him a cup before asking:

"Why are you two here?" She asked.

"Two reasons..." Gabriel started. "One: I need you back. And two: If I fire another one...I might be put on suspension from highing new assistance."

"What? You only fired one." Adrien said.

"As far as you know." Gabriel muttered. Nat closes her eyes and sigh.

"I can't take your offer."

"Why not?" Adrien said.

"Adrien, you're a smart boy and you know your father can be hard too...you know." Nat said, making Adrien nod his head.

"Yes but if I have to train another prissy 20 somewhat year old, I will kill them." Gabriel growled, making Nat sigh.

"Gabriel, the stress you caused me is something...I don't need right now." Nat said.

"You seem fine." Gabriel said, making Nat shake her head.

"No, I am not...at all." Nat said in shame.

"What's wrong?" Adrien asked.

"Adrien..." Nat started. "I am...well...obviously a woman. And as a woman, we tend too...want things. But some of these things we want, we need to get at a certain age before it's gone for good."

"What?" Adrien asked. Nat sighs before saying:

"Okay, never mind, I am no longer on your payroll so I can say it...I am pregnant." Nat said. The cup in Gabriel's hand falls to the floor as Adrien gasp in shock. "Yes, I am having a baby."

"WHAT!?" Adrien shouted.

"Ugh..." Nat groaned.

"Who's the father?" Gabriel asked.

"No one, well someone but no one important. I went to a sperm bank." Nat said.

"Why!?" Adrien asked.

"Because I just turned 37 years old, my oven is breaking down and I just wanted a kid!" Nat growled at the two.

"Why would you quit when you needed the job!?" Adrien shouted.

"Because your father was stressing me out and that caused pain to the body!" Nat growled at the boy.

"How far are you?" Gabriel asked.

"About a month and couple of days. I would have been sooner, but I had an accident." Nat said in shame before looking over to Adrien.

"What?" Adrien asked.

"Remeber the question as to why the pole was sticky?" Nat asked.

"Yea! Fun night!" Adrien chuckled, making his father give him an intense stare. It then hits Adrien what she was talking about. His smile disappeared and his eyes widen. "Oh yea..."

"Yea..." Nat muttered.

"What happened?" Gabriel asked with a small hint of worry.

"Nothing..." They both said, both now avoiding eye contact.

"You two are hiding something." Gabriel growled.

"We are hiding nothing! Pfft! What makes you think we're hiding anything?" Adrien said with a weak and nervous chuckle. He then looks over to Nat. Opening his mouth, he asks:

"So...is it..." Adrien asked as he points to Nat's stomach.

"Possibly." Nat said in shame. It didn't take Gabriel long to piece the hidden puzzle pieces they were hiding together.

"Nat...are you pregnant with an Agreste?" Gabriel asked. Nat stands up from her seat and literally walks out of her own home. Adrien was about to do the same, but was stopped when his father grabbed him by the end of his shirt.

"Explain?" Gabriel growled.

"An extremely long story short, I gave Nat your sperm after getting drunk one night and taking her donated sperm after thinking it was lotion. I then proceeded to dance on the pole naked and ram myself into a wall thinking I was Chat Noir after jumping down my stairs twice. When Nat found out, I gave her the sperm you keep behind the painting of mom." Adrien said in a quick manner. Gabriel, still trying to process everything that was just said, stands up from his seat and says:

"Were getting rid of the pole, your grounded and forbidden to attend school for a week."

"That sounds fair..." Adrien said in shame.

#adrien #adrien agreste #marinette #marinette dupen-chang #Chloe #alya #alya cesaire #funny #fanfiction #nat #nino lahiffe #nino #mircaulous ladybug #Miraculous Ladybug and Cat Noir #Miraculous Ladybug #Mirculouse Ladybug and Chat Noir #funny story