#like I said I'm really normal about music it's NOT weird that a random album has me reflecting on 20 years of past trauma

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

#actually. damn. that's really just kinda hitting me now #technically we Broke UpTM right at the start of 2022 but we lived together for another year because of. reasons 🙄 #march 2023 I moved out and was officially independent for the first time in my life so in about a month that'll be one whole year #I've been feeling really cruddy this week in particular about feeling like I haven't really Healed and Grown '''enough''' #whatever I think that even means lmao #but this is kinda putting into perspective... I've basically had people isolating me and preventing me from forming outside connections #for almost two decades. 2/3 of my life :| the fact that I've held it together at ALL for a whole year on my own has to count for something. #anyway WOW nobody asked lmao #like I said I'm really normal about music it's NOT weird that a random album has me reflecting on 20 years of past trauma

[auniverseforgotten]

A FOURTH SHIP JOINS THE FLEET FOR THE SHIP ASK: Fionn/Diarmud (in whatever way you choose to interpret this)

oh look the one I'm most anxious to do in fear that I'll have bad takes and get a bad grade in shipping asZDfxcgvh

who’s the cuddler: 

The one thing I want for these two is to just fucking TOUCH. I WANT THEM TO HUG. I WANT THEM TO HUG EACH OTHER SO CLOSE BECAUSE SO MUCH BAD SHIT HAS HAPPENED AND THEY ARE EACH OTHER'S ROCKS

Anyway on that note I'm not sure if either of them come off as conventionally cuddly; Fionn I think is all about casual touches and being in Diarmuid's space and Diarmuid is 100% okay with that. But I do think he's a little more reticent in public? But in private he is absolutely cuddling up to Fionn.

Like these two love each other, okay? I don't care what typemoon says, I don't care what the pursuit says, I care about what all the other mythos says and everything Tea has ever said about them ever. So just....little kisses on hands/anywhere on the face/top of head/etc, holding onto each other [tho Fionn may be the one who initiates in public]

Note that the not as into PDA thing that Diarmuid has goes out the window if it's another Fey, any one from that realm comes up and Diarmuid has his arm around Fionn Immediately because Territorial.

But I just....want them to be soft with each other and hug and hold hands and braid each other's hair SO THAT'S WHAT THEY DO OKAY

who makes the bed:

I can't really see Diarmuid caring about it so I'm gonna say Fionn.

who wakes up first:

Uhhh I think like. When anything is going on [mythos, demon pillars, lostbelts] they are both very light sleepers who are up with the dawn and ready and prepared, but if it's a lighter event or just...if they somehow get peace After all of this, I feel like Diarmuid might wake up normally but just refuse to get up and cling to Fionn who's like "alright spending the day in bed"

who has the weird taste in music:

Again I don't see it as weird taste but while Diarmuid has been summoned more, I feel like Fionn would try and explore more types of music either because he genuinely enjoys them or because he told Medb over breakfast that some random genre she was hating on was his most beloved, actually, yes he can name five albums-

who is more protective:

HA HA HA BOTH

My god these two go. Nuclear. Like there are a few base kinda things [also taken from Tea's HCs and fics no one is surprised]:

Diarmuid tends to be more cautious/wary or outright afraid around female casters, so anytime they're dealing with one of those Fionn is absolutely glued to his side. Because I do operate on The Pursuit having happened bcus I'm addicted to angst, just that it happened Differently. He's also uncomfortable around women in general [at least at first and it doesn't go away if they are a caster] so Fionn is Always with him unless he can't be.

Similarly, given Diarmuid's death via boar or other accident [though originally he survives all that and goes into mountain sleep too], Fionn is NOOOOOOT okay if he finds out Diarmuid is fighting those. Has 110% gotten between one and Diarmuid before, has absolutely been the cause of an argument before.

And for Fionn, once again everything Tea has ever said aka Diarmuid is really protective around people who are trying to take advantage over the fact that Fionn is a bleeding heart. Whenever someone comes up with their sob story Diarmuid is There and not buying it.

AND THEN ALSO GENERALLY just...just don't fuck with them. Because as soon as you fuck with one of them you've fucked with both, RIP you.

who sings in the shower:

I'm gonna say Fionn here because Diarmuid in life had to be really careful about things like singing, emotion, etc. because of the effect Fey can have on humans [like making them die of loneliness after hearing their song etc.] and even though he's a servant now that baked in caution isn't going away. Fionn would probably try and get him to sing with him though.

who cries during movies:

Both of them for animal movies, specifically any movie with dogs.

who spends the most while out shopping:

Diarmuid 110% -slaps his head- this boy can fit SO MUCH EXPENSIVE TASTE INSIDE Fionn will look at receipts of thousands and thousands and be like 'oh you didn't spend as much as usual' he just ENJOYS THE FINER THINGS and GOOD FOR HIM.

who kisses more roughly:

I feel like they're the type to make a game out of it, so both.

who is more domineering:

Again I feel like they both can be at times. Sometimes things call for gentleness, sometimes roughness. Just depends.

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 

11/10 I will never forgive you for making me brainrot so hard about them TEA [this is a joke thank you for having such good fionndiar posts and platonic ones too and just for being super cool]

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK WOLFIEEEE ask meme here

#solar screams #solar writes #THANKS WOLFIE #ask game #fgo #fionn mac cumhaill #diarmuid ua duibhne #fionndiar

[thenebuleuse]

Thoughts (since I don't write on Tumblr often

I've been following Jeff's career since like...mid-Kinnporsche airing, I don't remember exactly when but like he had the first 3 songs from his new chapter phase. And honestly, I'm really proud of the guy, like from the cutesy songs he started with to working on a well-defined style and universe, to his now international stardom...Congrats!!

I'm also wondering about the album since he said there was 12 songs, (and we're missing single 9) and Stranger might be released inside the album but there's at least 1-2 new songs. He basically gave himself the opportunity to promote for a long-ass time with all these MVs (and thanks the sponsorships+the money he made for this clip budget) but that also means very little new songs. Like for album 2, is it going to be a mini-album? Or a normal-sized one? Is he going to go the one MV one song way again?

I don't know how thaï music industry works but it's going to be interesting. I hope there's Covid precautions in place at his concerts because I would hate for him to have his career shortened that way. Like fans, please wear masks. I wanna hear the high notes, and he's basically set himself up by having one high note per song (no, you don't need it Jeff) and that makes it hard to not to have public, embarassing false notes (is it how you say it in English? I'm French btw)

The studio posting in advance the Cartier Paris event schedule is funny, I've visited the museum and it's absolutely a visit during opening hours on a normal opening day. They probably privatized it with lots of money, but if they don't it's gonna be funny to see random art students going "who's that guy/why is there so many celebs??"(Paris museums are either closed on Monday or Tuesday, depending if they're state museums or city museums)

He's made quite a lot of connections last year, going from the first partnerships (the cat food one was mandatory) to high-end partnerships with luxury brands. I would love to know what made him choose these ones and reject the others but we will never know what has he been offered.

Also, Chuang! Except for one of the mentors I didn't know, it feels weird to see people I've seen being rookies listening to seniors becoming the judges of today, when the judges used to be people who weren't known celebrities to the idol fan watcher. Now my idols are another idol's idol! Like I'm going to watch a show (on and off because I'm busy) because of the judges and not the contestants! In terms of the competition, I wonder how they're going to be promoted, especially since it's a girl group. Like, when Produce/Chuang was created, it looked unrealistic, and here we are! I think the girls version of the show tends to be the first, and idol girls seem less "guaranted success" than the nth boygroup. Idk about thai music industry again, so idk how idols survive, because the only idol girls I kow in Thaïland are Sizzy from GMM..We'll see, but I hope the show fulfills its role of career launcher without scandals or evil editing.

Back to the actual topic, seeing the Jeff pyjama pic for the show's filming is making me wonder if he's going to be styled in Valention the whole time. If it's the case, we could literaly have a guessing party before the episode teasers, though he's a wild card since he picks women's clothes too. Please show, make him wear a skirt! A pantaskirt?

Also, his haircut, an actual discussion topic (but kpop idols announce comebacks by hair colour, so why not?) is making him look like he's somewhere between 18-22. Like it's only when he styles it back that it doesn't give him too much of a baby face. For his movie, I think they're filming backwards or not in order in terms of time period, because I don't think they're going to do bald cap if he needs to have no hair. We might get short military-like (I hope he doesn't keep it, I love the long hair). But also, is it me or he's started working out the Dorito back way? Like, he's got more arm and shoulder muscles than without workout, but last singing appearance he really looked "guy who works out to have a triangular back" and that may be movie-related as well? Again and again, idk.

I don't really write about stuff a lot, the thoughts often stay in my head, but yeah, here they are!

For his next career moves, I'm mostly curious about how much space he's going to give to acting or being in reality shows, since he's a singer first. I think Wuju is going to be his last work with Barcode as a partner, but I'm curious about where he's going to be casted if he does series again, like he has more options than just the BOC productions (unlike Barcode) and he may become a "pass-around, no fixed ship actor. But we're making plans on a comet now, and I really should go back to working, so bye for now!

#jeff satur #chuang asia #career thoughts

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi!! Just want to share a hard time i've gone through this last month and I think only another the 1975 fan can understand (maybe).

I have to explain that I'm really really into music since as a little child, been through my emo fase and all hahaha. So I'm always that friend that people see as kind of a reference about music, you know? And the thing I like the most is going to shows. It always seemed to me the most wonderful experiece. I have severe FOMO when I can't go to a show of some artist I like.

I had to give this context cause I became a 1975 fan after the whole TS thing on tiktok. It felt very weird that I didnt listen to them before, because they are the kind of artist I tend to like.

The fact that I didn't know them before this made me feel so bad, like I was some kind of fraud? How could I miss this?? And so I found out they had come to my country several times, actuallly they came here this year!! And it gets worse! They played at Lollapalooza in my country several times and on days I was there and I didn't know them, so I didn't watch their show.

It made me so, so sad and anxious, I had to talk tô my psychiayrist about this hahaha I know It sounds soo silly but the FOMO is so real to me. Plus I was on vacation, so I didn't have much to do and my days were basicly listening to them, watching interviews and being here on Tumblr talking to you and another fan accounts.

My husband is the only one I can talk to about this but since he isn't into music he doesn't understand me haha. And I am ashamed to talk to my friends about it and they say something like "you just heard about this band, how can you feel like this?".

Sorry about the long text, I just wanted to get this out of my chest and I wonder If anyone been through something similar, so I don't feel like a crazy 12yo even though I'm 30yo hahaha.

no no no I can TOOOTTTAAALLLYYY understand. and as bad as you feel, its completely normal. But i have 3 things( maybe 4, idk, lets see where i go with this) to tell you:

When I first found the band my first reaction was THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. immediately followed by "im so sad I missed two album drops with this band. all that time i felt weird and out of place and like i had no way of expressing myself, this shit has been under my nose all along and i missed it???" I was so upset. Cuz, like you, I love music. And im not afraid of mixing it up either. Like I listen to Hank Williams, Bob Dylan, Beyonce, The Beatles, Miley Cyrus, Talking Heads, AM, 1975, you name it. and im pretty snobby about it. like its "my thing" that keeps me sane. AND my academic specialties being philosophy and literature, its basically the crossover of my dreams, this band.

When I first got into them, I kept asking around to see if any of my friends had already been fans. Nope. Then I remembered Matty's "we're the biggest band that you've never heard of." which is sooo true. they have such a strong following, but it's mostly fans. no casual listeners who sort of know them and know his but couldn't name the drummer or couldn't name an album. you know what I mean? they're a very specific case.

MATTY TIMOTHY HEALY. THEEEE MATTY HEALY! who's knowledge of music rivals my own didn't know The Mountain Goats existed until Feb. 2023. that SHOCKED ME TO MY VERY CORE. They're very much up his alley too like how come????? these things happen! the 1975 are your mountain goats. and thats okay!

Rob Sheffield (terrific music journalist who writes for rolling stone) once said "the music will find you when the time is right" like sometimes if you force yourself to sit down and really listen to Leonard Cohen, you might just be like "meh. i dont see the appeal. not for me," But one random day, years later, after you've gone through some experiences or expanded your musical palette or whatever, you might encounter him again, totally accidentally, and it'll allllll make sense. It'll find you when you need it. The 1975 found you at the right time. And now you have them in your life. if you'd been forced to listen to them years ago maybe you would've been like "nope. not for me," and then kept that impression of them so that any time you encountered them you'd have brush it off like "ooh yeah. tried them. not that great. no thanks." so its better that you waited.

WELCOME TO THE FANDOM. SOO SOOOO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. AT LEAST SOMETHING GOOD CAME OUT OF THE WHOLE TS THING!

[blacklodgemusictx]

The thing about plans is: they necessitate optimism. You have to assume the world will keep turning for long enough to get to the plans in... The Future.

Three months ago, I went, "We should see the Pool Kids"... in Ohio! Somehow it made sense to fly 1200 miles to see them on a Thursday versus the normal hoops I have to jump through to see any band here in Texas (Austin and Denton are a Tuesday and a Wednesday. Any time I see a show in Texas, due to the fact that I live nowhere anyone would ever want to come on purpose, there is always extra time off to be requested for drive time -- 3ish hours for Denton, 4 hrs one way for Austin).

"Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go on Tour" also represents the Pool Kids' first foray out on the world as... headliners (starry eyes.)

I didn't write about the Pool Kids back in March. I should have. It would be a lot easier now to describe what they mean to me if I had.

The Pool Kids are a delightful anomaly in my own history. I discovered them 100% on my own. No outside influence what so ever. Doug and I simply lamented one night in late 2018/early 2019 that we really needed to find something closer by to do. Maybe something is happening close by and we don't even know it! Something that won't require... taking off time from WORK?! So I got on Spotify and searched for bands touring nearby -- within a 100 mile radius (Dallas is 186 miles). I looked at the results: someone called the Pool Kids. In San Angelo. 91 miles!!

They were the *only* band not wearing cowboy hats in their profile picture.

They're new (at the time) album was called "Music to Practice Safe Sex To." Ok. I put it on for a listen. Girl singer. Ugh. Not my thing. But anything to block out the random bullshit background noise in my office. I play it through. Eh. Doesn't Grab me.

Oh well, it was worth a try.

But time passes... brain says, "lizzz.... lizzz listen to that album again... lizzzz" Yes, brain, I do as you command.

And it grabs me.

It grabs me hard.

And I *love* it. I don't know why. I'm big on understandable lyrics. And I can't say I understand half of what is being said. But the melodies are gorgeous. I get goosebumps. Whatever she's talking about it, it's sad... and contemplative. And angry ("I should rip your throat out for what you've done to me...") Her voice is low for the most part. Something I've only learned about myself recently is I tend toward listening to voices that sound closer to my own and I'm a contralto.

When I look in to the band, I'm told it's "math rock." I have no fucking clue what that means (musicians have explained it to me: Complex time signatures. Key changes. Sounds like a new definition of "prog" to me. Close, the musicians tell me, but not quite.) Whatever. Don't make me label a thing. And for sure if you tell me it's "math rock" and then assume I will like other kinds of "math rock" I will refuse on principle. I pride myself on being harder to define in my tastes than that.

The reality? My finger is placed squarely on it later. "oooOOOOooo I see!" Hayley Williams from Paramore acknowledges and gives them props at some point... *that's* it. They remind me of the Paramore appreciation I gleaned from my time as a too-old-to-admit-it-Twihard. Simple.

We absolutely go to the San Angelo gig. Doug and I are easily the oldest people there -- old enough to be these kids' parents easily. The "De Nada" is a artsy thrift store during the day. At night, they push the clothing racks and other offerings against the wall and become a venue.

There are somewhere in the neighborhood of three to five bands. They all sort of run together. The only one I remember is a band from New Orleans. The lead singer is wearing a ruffly shirt and I'm pretty sure he wants to be the Vampire LeStat when he grows up. He does weird acrobatics. Somersaults? Paints his face with red lipstick.

The Pool Kids wail.

I am floored. They are actually kids (something you must know about me is I've been approximately 200 years old since I was in high school... I would have acknowledged their youth even if they had been OLDER than me at that point.) But the amount of rock they bring is amazing, jaw dropping. Lead singer Christine, SHREADS, does that "up-on-the-neck tapping" guitar thing I only saw as a kid stealing glances at MTV when Mom wasn't around (baby cousin posted look out at the door... promptly and cheerfully narc'd on me for doing something I wasn't supposed to).

I have a couple videos from that night on YouTube. One example being:

We talk to them after. Doug wants to know about their influences. In the accidentally condescending way my brain works, since I’ve been 200 years old this whole time… I am interested to hear what they say. How do you cultivate that amount of raw power and instrument mastery at that age? The only thing I remember being mentioned was Pink Floyd.

Nice.

I come prepared. I cashed out my Christmas money before coming. Pretending to be a baller, I fan out the cash and buy as much of their merch as possible. It was $100, but the way all their eyes lit up, I felt important. And I loved it. I think Christine hugged me. I don’t really remember. I hope that got them lots of van gas and hot meals as they continued on their way… bringing the good news of rock to other points of the compass.

I was now flush with copies of their album. I sent one to Salim and one to Sue Harshe – a friend we made on a pilgrimage to see Scrawl (godmothers of riot grrl — look them up!) in Knoxville in 2015.

Fast forward…

Life changing time with Salim on the road Feb 2020… two last shows: Caroline’s Spine in Tulsa… And the Pool Kids in Houston. March 2020. On an impressive bill with the Wonder Years. Bigger! Poised for up up up bigger and better things.

Then the world ended.

But it got better….

(didn’t it?)

We saw them in Dallas this March at Amplified Live.

And I cried.

Not just a quiet trickle from the corner of my eye.

I cried hard. There they were. Rocking. Bigger and better. Christine working the crowd like a young Bono at Red Rocks. Coming in to herself. Coming into themselves as young rock gods. Master of the stage. Master of all they survey. I was just so in love with what I was seeing and hearing. So proud of them. So happy that we as humans were back. Able to watch a show like this and just be together again. Maybe everything would be ok after all.

I talked to Nicolette (complete bass domination — Doug commented much later that she seems to have the most fun performing on stage of anyone he’s ever seen… and his history as a fine appreciator of rock is ten years longer than mine) at the merch table later. Tried to get myself under control. Still had an embarrassing hitch in my throat. I have seen a LOT of good performances before, but none that have gotten that kind of response before.

She remembers me. I know not a huge amount of time has passed, but in their history and progression as a band and our progression as a now traumatized people… millennia has passed.

I am touched.

So now we are back up to current. They are headlining. Of course they are. They deserve every bit of this. Again I swell with pride though… I’ve backed a winning horse. This is rare. Usually when I love you, you break up (RIP People in Planes).

The deciding factor that made us pick Ohio though was two fold: first date of the tour and where it was: ACE OF CUPS. Ace of Cups was owned by the other half of Scrawl, Marcy Mays (what I didn’t know at the time was that Marcy no longer owns it as of the end of 2022.)

I Facebook squeal. Sue, I tag, can I take ANY sort of credit for this? She agrees that I can, but without elaboration. I don’t know if the credit comes in the fact that I just love them THAT much and have therefore done that “manifesting” thing I keep hearing about. I have WISHED this in to existence. In my happy mind movie though, back in 2019, Sue passes the album on to Marcy. Marcy agrees that they wail. Mentions as ownership of Ace of Cups passes from her, that the Pool Kids are really amazing and if they come by, you should totally get them. Pool Kids acquired.

Perhaps best to just enjoy my happy mind movies and not require further elaboration.

Back to present-present.

Flying always seems like such a doable thing until you (I) are there. I forgot my calm-down pills. The little white bits of magic that make the anxiety grey out for a few hours. There’s also that lull where you watch your airport gate fill up. Maybe *this* time the flight won’t be full.

It’s always full.

Leg one is to Atlanta. Short layover.

Text from Salim, “Can you talk at some point today?”

Literally, right now. This is the most available I will be all day.

So he calls. He’s had a health set back (read his Facebook… I never know what I’m allowed to talk about when it comes to other people.) Our trip that was on the books for the 07/21-07/27 with Rhett {Miller} is off. Off 100% sure? I am just trying to clarify for the purpose of undoing plans. But the voice that lives in my head and constantly tells me I’m an asshole pipes up. Way to make it about you. Jerk. He’s poorly and you are asking if the trip really, truly is off. That’s not what I meant. It’s never what I mean.

I am able to cancel all the hotels and get credit for the plane fare before we even line queue up for next boarding.

I have always had a sense for when something is meant to happen. I didn’t feel like this trip was a good idea. Salim is a big proponent for listening to the universe when it tells you something. I try to be too. We were all meant to stay here for now. I hate that he had to have something health related happen, but in the end… I think we will all realize we were supposed to stay home. Whether I get sick, or Doug, or one of the cats. Something will happen to make me go, “Oh. Here it is. I hear you, universe.” For Salim, I think his prescription is stillness. He is the most go-go-go person I know. He never stops swimming. Something wants him to stop swimming for right now.

This is ok. Seriously. I don’t mind and the only thing I am worried about is my friend.

So we board for hop to. Columbus. Our destination.

The flight is not bad. I feel optimistic. Maybe soon I will master my fear. Fly all the time like it’s not a big deal… maybe make an international jaunt before too long — an idea I’ve never entertained before.

We land at two-ish. Haven’t eaten. There’s a Bob Evans in our hotel’s parking lot. I’ve never been to a Bob Evans. It feels sort of like a Dennified Cracker Barrel. I don’t eat much. I drink even less (there’s that foreshadowing thing again).

We go back to our room and sleep. It’s good sleep. The bed is soft, but not too soft. We wake up at 6:30. Venue is a mile away. Doors at 7.

I primp a bit. No makeup this time. Though it’s easily 25 degrees cooler here than home and there are perceptible dark clouds that might mean a bit of rain if we behave ourselves. I could have worn makeup, but it doesn’t matter.

The venue… there’s that twinge in my chest again. It’s worse this time. But I am delighted. The stage is dark and light chevrons, the backdrop: red curtains. There’s a recognizable symbol on the wall (the thing that looks like an ant’s head with antennae on either side). This is what BLM would have looked like. We HAD the red curtains purchased — they are in our dining room now. The chevron design is a rug … that’s still rolled up in a corner and hasn’t been touched for a year now. Someone else is like me. They know. Again I don’t know if that was Marcy or the new owners and it doesn’t matter if I ask. It still exists. If I managed to walk any further back past the stage… there probably would’ve been owls. Schrodinger’s venue. By not exploring further, it contains all possibilities.

The first band is Chase Petra (the second is Sydney Sprague per the tour poster.) I didn’t look either up ahead of time. I have never given much credence to the idea that I could be influenced to love just by proximity to the band I came to see… but I instantly recognize this idea as false: I got Salim from being an opener. I got Jesse and Landon from Salim… sight unseen.

And I love them both.

Chase Petra is amazing. They are young and saucy. They have attitude. In keeping with the name of the tour, emphasis on “girls.” Chase Petra are 3/4 girl. And all power. The vibe is similar to the Pool Kids. A strong, young, shredding female vocalist, but the show stopper was the other guitarist. She was an eighties hair metal rock god reincarnate. All flying fingers and whipping hair.

It’s so FUCKING LOUD. The hair on my arms vibrates, my heart doesn’t know when to beat, my stomach vibrates.

I love them. The audience loves them too and shouts along with most of their songs.

Band two: Sydney Sprague. They are older. The bass player wears a neckerchief like Fred from Scooby Doo and commands a Moog in between bass slinging duties. The singer is all in black and reminds me of me. Same dark hair style and cut I kept in high school. She’s got a sweet voice, higher than the other girls on the bill. Their performance is a little more low key, but no less powerful. They are a fantastic, cohesive unit in total control of their art.

Someone further to my left up front has brought huge bunches of roses. One for each band. Chase Petra’s bunch lives on stage by their set list, Sydney receives hers like a beauty queen. All blushing and sweet thanks. “Fred” leans over and buries his nose in the bouquet for a moment.

Finally, the moment draws close. I am keenly aware that I am running out of time. I have spent energy enjoying the first two bands. I will pay for this. My spine continues to grind itself to sand, as I assume it will for the rest of my life. I have already remarked that it’s “hot in here.” Liz, it’s not, Doug says. Not good. I’ve had a total of maybe 4 ounces to drink today. All in the name of easier travel.

I’ve taken small moments in between each band to sit on the edge of the stage. I know I will eventually hinder something to do with the bands and their myriad cables and plugs, or the imposing young doorman with the impressive afro will come along and tell me to get up.

Neither.

It’s Nicolette the lovely bass player again. “Excuse me, I have to get in here,” I was sitting on a blank plate that ended up covering electrical sockets. I touch her shoulder. She looks at me. Ah, there’s the recognition. She’s glad to see me.

She puts out the setlist. I’m excited. But filled with dread. I have to last this long. I have to fight my own body for 12 songs and I’m already flagging… but it’s starting and I can’t think about it now.

Their entrance music is… “Sandstorm” and I’m dying. I’m ready to rave. But the music stops abruptly. Starts again. But the moment is gone. Oh well. They tried.

Christine is wearing white platform go go boots, short skirt, fishnets, midi top. Nicolette has an equally short skirt, neckerchief too, but there’s nothing Scooby Doo about hers. I don’t know where to look. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think. They look amazing. Someone on TikTok later declares, “Their fits!!!” Fits… ‘fits… outfits? That has to be it. Woman have been weaponizing their sexuality since woman were admitted to the boys club that is rock music. Courtney Love’s ripped baby doll dresses and bruised innocence, L7 and… throwing… stuff… on stage, performing in bikinis, performing in too little, too much. Anything open for interpretation and therefore derision or scorn. But sexualizing is not cool anymore. I don’t know what kind of commentary I am allowed on this subject, but I am left echoing the same cry, “their fits!!” Their oufits, they are “fit”, they are there and raw and breathtakingly sexual and powerful. You don’t stare at the sun either, but you’ve done it. You’ve dared.

I also have a revelation. Role models. These people are amazing, iconic. I take a moment to bless the proliferation of media I’ve cursed in past. If I had access to these kinds of strong female role models as a teen, my life would have been completely different. I wouldn’t have let my mother’s flat declaration, “You aren’t good at music. PICK SOMETHING ELSE.” Turn me from my fated course.

It makes me happy that social media is exposing young people to bands like the ones on this bill. There’s hope for the future.

They open with “Swallow,” one of the songs on my revised Ketamine playlist. There’s a bit of treated vocal that is the absolutely definition of why music is good. Music should give you that thrill like sticking your head out of the window of a moving car. That drop in your stomach. Momentary breathlessness.

Can’t put my finger on it Don’t know what makes it so appealing I’m not begging for your affection I’m just addicted to the feeling…

Two songs in. Time for the third. How many people here were around for our first album – Music to Practice Safe Sex to? ME!! MEEEEeeeeeEEEE…. I scream. You can hear it on the video. I should be embarrassed. I’m too old to be reacting like this. But I got such a late start…

The music doesn’t know the social constructs of age or sex… it just knows what feels good.

The “Safe Sex” portion of the show is two songs long. This makes me sad. You never forget the album you came in on. It’s a much more forlorn sounding album though. I know from Salim that the forlorn ones don’t get people dancing. But “Patterns,” ah… I would have lost my mind for “Patterns.”

And I spent one too many nights banging my head against the wall to hear another voice telling me that I’m doing something wrong So excommunicate me You’re no better than the fucked up doctrine that sent me running to your doorstep in the first place

Fucked up doctrine. My youth is fucked up doctrine. My memories are tainted by it. I still wonder how they can wield so much word power at such a young age, but then again these struggles are as old as the generations. As long as their have been the elder and the younger, the subjugator and the subjugated, rulers, oppressed, one group will chafe against the other. It hurts the heart, grinds down the soul… but it makes the music amazing.

We make art, music, poetry, to feel hope.

I make it almost to the end… almost… Talk Too Much: Christine does the young Bono thing and goes out in to the crowd. Several times a mini mosh pit has broken out right where she is. At some point, someone flicks beer on us… at least I hope it was beer. Ugh. I am done. The anesthetized feeling starts in my finger tips.

I am going to pass out.

I mouth to Doug, “I have to go. NOW.” I head for the stool previously occupied by the imposing young doorman. I lay my head on the counter for a second. I wait to be booted off. I’ve been doing this for years. I’ve passed out, tried to pass out, and all stages in between for years, in myriad venues in cities all across the US. I like to be in the front. My constitution takes issue with this. But I do it anyway.

I try to gesture to Doug: thumb at my lips, fingers curved around an invisible cup. Drink. Please I need water. But there are too many people.

Next best thing: air. I lurch out the door and land on the pavement beside the door. The Kids are launching in to an encore. I can’t heard what it is. Doug is on his phone summoning the Uber. Imposing Young Doorman Man appears… with a cup of ice water in his hand. THANK YOU, DEAR BLESSING, SIR! You have no idea how many people normally just go, ‘YOU — you can’t sit there!’ (Hi, La Zona Rosa in Austin… the scuzzy incarnation not the gentrified one) even though I’m pretty sure if you kick me out of your establishment while swooning and I faceplant on the cement, I could sue you. Or something.

People aren’t normally friendly about it because they assume I drank too much… when it’s the opposite: I didn’t drink at all.

The Uber appears and we are whiskered away. I still couldn’t hear what the encore was. But I’m not sad. I got most of it and it was AMAZING. Nicolette saw me so I exist. Mission accomplished.

We are back in the hotel. Doug orders Denny’s Doordash. The thing about prolonged exposure to sonic assault is: nausea. Nothing sounds good. Until Doug says… macaroni and cheese. And I know EXACLTY what kind Denny’s has because I’ve noticed it on the menu before. It doesn’t lie. It doesn’t pretend to be something else. It is real: really Kraft boxed mac… and at that moment it sounds like the AMBROSIA of the GODS.

Which is exactly what it tastes like.

I am replenished. The gods of rock are appeased for another night …

#singer #songwriter #guitarist #shred #christine goodwyne #caden clinton #nicolette alvarez #andy anaya #headliner #on tour #good girls go to heaven #bad girls go on tour #sydney sprague #chase petra #math rock #depression #swallow #talk too much #patterns #music to practice safe sex to #columbus #ohio #ace of cups #wail #pool kids band #denny's #bob evans #kraft #mac and cheese #ambrosia

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hi Quil! I would probably rank Stellarlune at a 4, or more specifically, 4.5? Also, I had a few random thoughts/questions: 1) How would you rewrite Stellarlune?/What would make the book more enjoyable for you? 2) I also like the "tl" sound, especially in the word "axolotl". It's a cool name for a cool aniaml! 3) If you listen to musicals, which ones are you favorite? - Amethyst

oh shoot, I thought I responded to this already! Whoops! Anyway, thank you for the data, that's a big help with how I'm doing things--and for anyone wondering about the survey I promise I am working on going through it and will share everything, I just had two big projects one after the other and that took priority. As for those other questions...

1, this is very personal and subjective, but I would've handled sokeefe differently. I wasn't a fan of how it played out, so I think I would make it more drawn out. Felt way too fast for the pace the rest of the series set. Aside from that, I think it's less a manner of rewriting Stellarlune itself and instead setting up the rest of the series for it better. I personally felt that a lot of what happened/was important (elysian, a seventh element, that 2 week cosmic event) was not properly hinted at in previous books to make it flow. I understand the point of the caches is that it's secret, but I feel like there needs to be something to make what happened in Stellarlune feel even remotely connected to everything else.

Then again, someone phrased it really well in the survey that Stellarlune is better as part of the series' arc than as an individual book (paraphrasing them). And I've said that it felt incomplete, like the big finale is taking longer (which is normal) so it got split between 2 books, so I want to wait for the next one to fully judge it.

oh but also I'd 100% change how Keefe was found. That sucked real bad. won't be like "hmm personal preference and waiting to see what happens next" nah that was straight up Bad. Speaking of, I'd also make him stay away longer so it has more of an impact. Huh. Turns out several of my thoughts revolve around how Keefe was written, but also there was a good bit of focus on him so, more to judge. Characterization did seem a bit weird this book, but that's another "I'm waiting to see how this plays out" situation, so.

2, It is a cool name! I always get tripped up on the pronunciation though, because there's the really common axe-uh-lot-ul pronunciation, but axolotl is from the classical nahuatl language which is more like ash-uh-lo-tl (the tl being either a t or the specific tl sound from that language and those similar, not like an english tl) I'm not spelling it out well but like, very different, and they compete in my head! I'm also not a qualified source for this I just find language interesting and have looked briefly into Nahuatl before. so take it with a grain of salt

3, I have listened to musicals before, though I can't say I do so often. I don't think I have enough exposure to pick an adequate favorite, but I've enjoyed many songs from Beetlejuice? Oh my gosh I just found Shrek the Musical in my saved albums. my sister went through a brief phase a few years ago where she watched it on repeat for a few weeks, so I got some of it stuck in my head. Okay this one isn't strictly a music but it's in that vein, but I'm fond of The Producers! Very fun. Definitely recommend watching the movie. I've listened to more than that, but I'm forgetting them. I'd like to listen to more, though! Hadestown has been on my radar for a while, just haven't gotten to it quite yet! Do you have any you'd recommend?

Anyway, I thought I'd responded to this already, but apparently had only done so in my head! happens to me all the time, but thank you for the data and for the fun questions :)

#quil's queries #stellarlune spoilers #amethyst nonsie #i'm sure there's a lot more I could say about stellarlune #and about everything #that. yeah. yeah I could just say a lot about basically everything I like to talk #but anyway! #almost mentioned a few other movies but those ones aren't musicals. even though they have songs #but they're delightful #even though they're all like three hours long #would you like to hear about the 3 hour long movies I will gladly talk about the 3 movies that are each 3 hours long #that have brought me such joy. they're so fun #i will talk about them. if you would like to hear about them #<- being so normal rn

[shadyb00ts]

Review: Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land

If you were a teenager in the 2010s who listened to alt pop music, you most likely have crossed paths with Marina's music, back when she was FKA Marina and the Diamonds. I first discovered Marina through her sophomore album Electra Heart, which I always thought was a masterpiece of a pop album sonically and conceptually. To this day, that is an album that means a lot to me and helped me through some dark times back in those days.

Since then, I've been obsessed with Marina's discography and there isn't a single album of hers I dislike. The Family Jewels was an excellent debut and really highlighted her creativity. FROOT I maintain was very much underrated and it's probably my second favorite album of hers overall. Love + Fear is... Well, I understand why it's polarizing, considering it is her most commercial-sounding, radio-friendly pop album and probably her weakest in the discography, but there was still something about it that kept me hooked. It was one of my most listened to albums of 2019 because something about the songs, despite them being so basic by Marina's standards, was highly addictive for me.

So when this album was announced, I didn't really know what to expect in terms of her next musical direction. The singles she releases, namely Purge the Poison and Venus Fly Trap, gave me an indication that she was bringing back her signature Family Jewels-era style that is so distinctly her, and for the most part this album did give that quintessential, quirky Marina-ness that I really missed from her.

I reviewed Chromatica sometime last year and in that post I talked about how Gaga sacrificed a lot of her weirdness to adopt a more commercial, generic sound with Chromatica, and I feel like Love + Fear was that for Marina. Like Gaga, Marina is weird, and even though the songs on L+F I thought were enjoyable, they were definitely missing Marina's personality and snark for the most part. I'm pleased that we got to see that side of her come back for this album, Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land.

I think Ancient Dreams maintains that energy, because even from the opening title track, you're already taken for a ride. It's such a strong opener and it sets the stage for what the rest of the album is going to be like sonically and thematically. Then she continues with songs like Venus Fly Trap, Man's World and Purge the Poison, and all of these songs consecutively paint quite a clear picture of what she's going for in terms of what the album's about. At least that's what it seems like at first, but then it didn't take me long to notice that this album kind of has a cohesion problem.

(Side note, while I think Purge the Poison is a banger, I always thought the lyrics are kind of like she just Googled "feminism 101" lmao. It's full of a lot of feminist cliches and "daughters of the witches you couldn't burn" energy, but with that said, I can't make the song not bop.)

Marina is normally the queen of cohesion, but it feels like there's two sides of this album, which is kind of hilarious to think about because she wanted to play with the concept of a two-sided album with Love + Fear that ended up sounding very same-y. In this one, it's supposed to be one continuous body of work with only 10 songs, but there's a clear divide between the themes and the sounds. Somehow the concept of L+F worked better for this album despite it not being her intent. It's like this one should've been called Politics + Heartbreak.

Basically in like the first six songs of this album, she's talking about universal topics like politics, feminism, existentialism, independence, etc. But then in the last four songs, she switches gears abruptly and now we're talking about breakups? So it felt kind of jarring to me that the album had a massive tonal shift not only in the overall theme but also in the sound as well, cause most of these last songs are breakup ballads.

Now around the time that this album came out, I was going through a pretty shitty breakup that broke my heart, so some of these songs did tug at my heart strings and made me feel things. Out of all the random breakup songs tacked on, I think my favorite is I Love You But I Love Me More. This one doesn't really count as a ballad since it's a little more uptempo, but it's probably the one that resonated with me the most and the only one I go back to.

Even though I was able to relate somewhat to these breakup songs and had an emotional reaction to a few of them, the critical side of me still felt a little perplexed by this album's direction. Maybe if the tracklist had been distributed differently and the breakup songs were more spread out, I might've overlooked it, but because those four songs were all clumped together at the end, the abrupt change in tone was extremely noticeable.

The highs of this album are the high energy tracks like Purge the Poison and Venus Fly Trap, where Marina's snarky, quirky personality we fell in love with in The Family Jewels and Electra Heart really show through. The first half of this album shines so well and really grabs you, but unfortunately it's another one of those albums that fizzles by the last few tracks. Hell, I'd even say this album would've worked better as an EP with the last four songs removed. They just didn't fit with the rest of it.

Overall, is this album enjoyable? Yes, there's a lot of songs on here (mostly the ones in the first half) that I go back to all the time, cause this woman is still just really damn good at making music. I don't even think I can say that any of the songs on this album are bad, really, my biggest issue is just that it should've been more thematically clear or cohesive. Usually Marina's really good at that.

If you are a Marina fan then you will love a lot of these songs, the ones that are bursting with her personality. If you've never listened to Marina, then you should probably go through the majority of her discography first before you give this one a shot. Like I said, she's not for everyone.

#marina #matd #ancient dreams in a modern land #marina and the diamonds #venus fly trap #album review #pop music #Youtube #Spotify

[stillwooozy]

no don't worry it was cute. made me smile at least. and sorry bout the late response, school work is kicking my ass.

true, guess it's not much of a "fake persona" if you basically know who i am. i don't think it's that "i'm not a real person" but there's less. idk. social risk? to the convo. if one of us really insults the other, worst case scenario the other just doesn't respond, and it doesn't really impact each other outside of this convo. that's probably why i sent my first ask anonymously, if you'd responded negatively, it probably would've just ended there. honestly without backlash. guess your therapist metaphor is fitting.

lmao yeah no, transitions who? just one topic to the other with me. keep moving forward right? and to be fair it's not like i didnt go back to flirting with you. guess i couldn't help it ;). and thanks! i was like "this gives off uwu im such a weirdo. im so quirky. not like other ppl uwu" vibes. which. ha, no. i don't care one way or the other how most view me unless im close to them, im gonna do what im gonna do. but it was sooo smooth. had to send it

hahahsghshd ok now i absolutely want you to try to compliment/describe me based on who you think i am because 1) im not great at taking compliments but i wouldn't exactly turn them down either ;) 2) if you get who I am wrong that'd be hilarious. but doesn't have to be a compliment. roast me if you want. just be honest. or lie n just describe the exact opposite or me, that'd be funny too.

idk maybe there's no real way to perfectly be aware of ourselves. if we're always trying to analyze our behavior, doesn't that impact it? at the end of the day, as long as we're trying to not be assholes, that's what matters right?

THIS ASK IS SO LOADED BUT IN A GOOD WAY I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND - plus my brain has been stuck in an air-fryer and while yes - these anon asks technically carry no risk - now that i'm pretty close to 100% sure of who you are... my flirting ability is out the window

it's the PRESSURE man, cuz I think you're super cool person and attractive is that creepy of me to say idk probably but you're cute bby

but you're right, no social risk, technically, kinda? worst case as you said: no reply obligated.

these "~normal people scare me~"-esque vibes are on point on though. "uwuwu ur so weird I love that hehe" - but to be fair I don't think you're actually WEIRD, whatever weird means.

and don't apologize for late replies cuz I will beat you in that game..... One Week Later - finally - a reply

I love your dyed blue hair though ;) such a cool style. 100% know who you are - on point, right?

but fr this is random but I like your music taste. saw a playlist you posted... somewhere. this is not me making shit up.

and is this a weird compliment but i like the way you type? talk? like sentence structure. if that makes sense. doesn't narrow down ~who you may be~ because I could just be talking about your anon asks but also. referencing overall. off anon too. unless you've never talked to me off anon and then well I'm wrong.

also you have a smart-person aura and not in a pretentious way - sheesh i'm not sapiosexual or anything - but like... you're an intelligent human being. and that's hot /jk?/hj? idk if I even know

that last paragraph sums things up though. I TRY not to be an asshole. you obviously try not to be an asshole cuz you haven't come across as remotely even asshole-adjacent. so yeah. that's life. we're characters (in a literal sense you kinnie) - human characters - with flaws and shit but. just don't cause the rumbling okay? pot calling kettle black. well - partly - you know what I mean.

but remember - i'm gay - but homoflexible for historia ;,,) brings up post from years ago about thirsting for fem-eren Is that flirting? Creep by radiohead starts playing in the bg - incel core remix

so: transition: let's go on an anon date. quiz time. love language = psychoanalyzing people by their music taste. favorite song/album of all time? assignment due by 11:59pm on Moodle.org.

#i really don't know how to reply to anything #my arrogant persona ruined smh here is the real me - enjoy #sheesh this comes off as me being shallow and incoherent. #but i enjoy ur vibes Anon #that is what i mean #that is my compliemnt #leave it or take it #no reply obligated #appreciated? probably. #do i get flustered over anon asks? #yes. #learned that about myself at least #lay it all that there for everyone to see

[x-exo]

Ahh never apologize for replying late! I understand, I'm just happy tumblr didn't eat my ask xD

Ndkandks all of wonho's new songs are just, ugh amazing. For me I think ain't about you is my fav. I find myself humming to it at random times of the day the most, the melody is simple and catchy (also his English has improved so much im proud of him) but them LOOKS for this era ??? He didn't come to play haha. Changkyun being the master of art as always. At first was a bitsad for now performances on music shows but then I remembered he uses uhh "colorful words" so maybe that's why cx nonetheless am proud of him, hands down my favorite mixtape that my favs put out

Welp, the mingyu situation has been fully cleared up (ibelieve you answered this before the final pledis statement?) Pledis cleared things up and mingyu did apologize in the statement (this of course may bring up if he was honest with his apology since it was through the company) and I want to say he was honest? Idk, maybe im naive with believing this but he was wanting to meet with everyone that made posts, he did admit he made jokes and simply went along with them so he is taking accountability. I think now, what is best is just try to like move forward from this. This is up to each fan so I totally respect and understand if you may feel a bit "meh" with getting back into supporting mingyu. It is VALID, any fan that says otherwise is a buttsock. If you need some time, that is ok! If you need a break from the fandom, that is also ok! Afterall, being a fan should be fun and be a happy space! So whatever you pick to do, I support ya! *hugs you* for me, im comfy with like reblogging stuff of him and such. Like im a bit upset still but im a bit more ok If that makes sense? What we are NOT going to do is send hate to OP because their feelings were valid as well

Chanyeol is off fighting indeed, It feels weird but im happy he is able to be away from the idol life (especially after his insta clear out, i got a bit worried there. Sadly the woozi pic didn't survive that clear out gjskdja) what I don't understand is how fans got mad for now group photo and I am like ??? Yeah it sucks to not see them sending off chanyeol but we are in a pandemic and also maybe chanyeol wanted it to be personal? Can kpop fans just chill? Baekhyun released his new album and its iconic, like always lol. May 6 is his date and It will be a shame for sure, but as you said, am happy they can take a break and such. I hope Baekhyun doesn't feel guilty because I'm not mad! (Laughing since exo likes to leave us with gifts before going lol) and minseok!obessesion is just flippen perfection. Like can we greenscreen him into the mv sm? He fits this concept soooo much!

But hoshi making a solo debut, HOLO HAS HAPPEN3D YALL! I cannot stop listening to it, the vocals, beat and dance is just everything to me (a bit sad its not more songs but I'm not complaining) I just was screaming the entire mv xD like it felt like I was being blessed by a God or something lol

Ok my phone is glitching as I'm typing this so maybe its time for me to go xD I pray this sends but until next time we chat!! I hope you are doing well and are safe! Continue being fabulous!

ain’t about you is soooo cute and funky!! but then the dance....😳 dhfsdiuhisuhis yeahhh i think changkyun said it in an interview somewhere that he kind of wanted to promote it on shows but his company told him that it was that or changing the “colorful words” to something more suitable so he declined...I’m glad tbh it makes the album more special imo also he achieved so many #1s and so many views on the mv!! he was so happy!

yeah, I’m glad the mingyu situation is cleared up and he apologised I was missing seventeen so much omg and the members’ messages on his bday the second pledis dropped the last statement...🤧 they love him so much. ALSO GOSE IS BACK!! I’m so happy omggg i missed my weekly dose of serotonin! I’m glad everything is slowly going back to normal. Yeah same i’m okay with it now too.!

have you listened to tomorrow??? omg it’s so so so good i love chanyeol’s voice so much it’s so soothing 😍 hope it was longer tho! yeah tbh fans always find something to complain about like we’re in a pandemic and the south korean rules don’t allow gatherings of lots of people how do you expect them to all get together for a pic and then post it like ????? but anyways I’m glad he got his family with him to say goodbye! also...

EXO IS BACK EXO IS BACK EXO IS BAAAAACKKKKKKKK

I CAN’T BELIEVE MY EYES I REALLY CAN’T omg they’re really coming back with a whole album and a power continuation mv!!!!! also the song sounds like power 2.0 so it’s already soty!!!!! I’M SO EXCITED!!!!

I hope hoshi releases more songs bc i love his style and everything he does for that matter uidhgiufisdfh also MINGHAO SOLO!!!AAAAH so many things happening omgggg

#ask #I'M HAPPYYYYY

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

Uh hey so i had a question?? Maybe you could help idk but I'm having trouble finding a stim that works right now?? I don't have any stim toys but i normally find other things that work for me and i keep flapping my hands but it's not really helping?? Idk it's very frustrating and i feel like im trapped in my skin

Hey! Sorry i didn’t respond sooner but i totally get this. I definitely have times where i super need to stim but nothing feels right or works and it’s so so frustrating. I didn’t have any stim toys either till a couple years ago and even now i just have some fidget spinners, a fidget cube, and a chew necklace. i’m gonna list some stims i do or stim with besides those and hand flapping (which i do a lot too) and hopefully it’s helpful for you. warning: this is wayyyyy too long and has way more information then you asked for but finally got those adhd meds again so i’m like oh can’t stop typing (typing stim right there).

(p.s. if you or anyone ever wants to talk or ask about neurodivergent stuff feel free to i’m always happy to talk about or help and my inbox and dms are always open)

chewing: i chew on stuff a lot to stim (even though it’s like the worst stim for my tmj) and sometimes find myself eating stuff just to move my mouth. but mostly i chew on my shirt collar a lot or just have it in my mouth a lot of the time, i also love gum and hard candies but tic tacs are my favorite but i end up eating a whole container of them when i have them because i just love chewing them. also uncooked pasta is a favorite to chew on. i also sometimes chew on pens

listening: i listen to songs, tv episodes, and podcasts on repeat a lot like a lot a lot. i don’t like quiet most of the time or not really quiet because i can hear everything around me all the time but like i don’t really like that either so. i listen to my brother my brother and me like 24/7 i’ve listened to all the podcast episodes? like way too many times, i also listen to bojack or bob’s burgers a lot because i’ve also seen the episodes so many times i know exactly what’s happening in every scene, the music i listen to on repeat is either a single song or an album, so show yourself, rewrite the stars, words fail, etc or frozen ii, jatp, dear evan hansen albums. i also cover and uncover my ears a lot because i like the noise.

touching: i love feeling stuff mostly soft stuff so petting my cats or rabbit, feeling blankets, holding and rubbing stuffed animals

smell: i’m super sensitive to like 95% of smells but the smells i do like i can smell for hours and are big stim i’ve been doing for a long time specifically laundry detergent so i put my shirt over my nose a lot also my haunted mansion themed body wash is my favorite scent ever and so i just smell that and it really calms me

vocal: i don’t talk a lot i’m a fairly quiet person and could and have gone days without speaking but i can be loud and talkative when hyper or infodumping and have always stimmed a lot vocally. i hum a lot or just make noises or beats, i have a kind of odd vocal stim where i just kind of sing old mcdonald randomly (i don’t know why but i’ve done it for a while) and also echolalia, a lot of them are just weird and everyone around me is like please stop saying, “it’s not just food, it’s fourth meal” but i love echolalia i think it’s a super cool thing autistics do!

body stims/stuff with my hands: i rub my hands together, crack my knuckles, clap, drum with my hands on anything and everything (i was a percussionist in middle school band and have always loved the drums so) i also use pencils/chopsticks/paint brushes or anything and drum on tables or just air drum with imaginary drumsticks. i twirl my hair a lot and now that it’s longer i do little braids braiding is such a nice stim. i also do body stims that aren’t good for my joint hypermobility but like i just need to do them sometimes, such as doing circles with my wrist or ankle or hyperextending my elbow. one of my favorite stims i do and one i do mostly in public because i need room (and since covid and like barely ever leaving my house when i do go out i do it a lot) is i kind of jump up and lift one leg in the air and clap under my leg. that probably sounds weird and like it kind of is but whatever stims can be weird and that’s great! i also rock back and forth on my heals a lot.

visual: i’m not a person that gets into a lot of like stimboards and stuff because a lot of stim gifs aren’t stuff i like but my favorite stim gifs or videos are calligraphy writing ones, cooking/cake decorating, nail painting, and just food recipe videos. sometimes i’ll just end up in a wormhole on pinterest of food recipe vids, like they are never foods i could actually eat or ever need the recipe for but i just love watching them (except meat heavy ones i just don’t like looking at meat). also i love watching fandom video edits on instagram i have like a bajillion saved and watch them all the time. i also love love watching gifs of characters stimming and sometimes just go through my autistic collection to watch these gifs for hours.

random stims: one of biggest stims is playing with toy cars and toy skateboards. i just kind of roll them on my arms/hands/legs or tables. i actually take a mcdonald’s clone wars anakin skateboard toy like everywhere with me, and i love it i found it at my gramma’s house years ago and it’s become like a comfort item at this point and of course because of adhd i lose everything i touch so before i leave the house i’m always like where is my anakin skywalker skateboard. i also have a lightning mcqueen car that was my comfort stim toy before anakin and i still take him a lot of places too. i also love wear rings to stim with, i don’t have any like spinning rings or anything yet but i just like twisting them on my finger a lot, my favorite to do that with is my great grandmother’s spoon ring it’s the perfect thing to twist and i love it. i also like pressure stims sometimes if my body can handle it like putting couch cushions on me or my weighted blanket. i also just play with my pop socket a lot and use it so much i broke the top of it off but i don’t know what i would do without it.

sorry that was way too long and way too much information and i don’t even know if any of that was helpful at all but i really hope something was or it gave you an idea for a different stim. like i said before you can literally ask me about anything especially neurodivergent stuff.

#rey suprisingly gets an ask #rey actually speaks #actually autistic #stimming #actually adhd #food mention #coronavirus cw #long post

[actual-talking-trashcant]

Do all the asks, if you have time. I'm especially curious about number 14 from the story time asks.

ask #2

Tattoos: What is art to you? Does it have an important place in your life? things that people make. yes

Soil: Something that you have grown from, or that has helped you grow. tbh my life as a whole

Dusk: Name something that captivates you. the sky

Ravens: What is something you are inexplicably drawn to? the sky, water, and skateboarding oddly enough

Natural curls: List some things that you like/love about yourself. at this moment in time not much

Zack: Describe someone you love. (Can be s/o, friend, family member, fictional character) i really love my mom. she cares all the time.

Pomegranates: Talk about something that is meaningful or has personal significance to you. music.

The Smiths: Share some artists, songs or albums that you adore. ajr, pwr bttms right now

Jars: Do you collect anything? If so, what do you collect and why? coins, money, boxes, instruments, books, regrets, metal

Mountains: Do you have any sanctuaries, or places you feel at peace in? my room, the youth room, sometimes trees i need to find a good tree

Hugs: Is there anything/anyone that helps keep you going on the really rough days? my mom, music

Caves: Something that terrifies yet also fascinates you? space, water, music, relationships

Mythology: Is there anything you have a vast knowledge of or enjoy studying? a good few things

Ruins: Are there any places in the world that you would love to see or visit? rome hawaii the gay parts of canada

Road Trips: What gives you that sense of freedom and adventure? walking alone at night

Megan: Is there anyone in your life that you admire? my mom

Bubble Baths: Where or in what situations do you think most clearly? in ones where i have a bubble of space and can think and are not about relationships 

Evening Walks: Are there any things you do that put your mind at ease? music

Amy: Is there anyone in your life you would consider to be a kindred spirit? my mom

Crossroads: You are at the crossroads and there are four roads. The road going north will take you somewhere or to someone that is home. The one going east will be a long journey that you will learn from, a message will be given to you. The road leading south will be an epic, unpredictable adventure. The west road leads you down a beautiful path to a body of water, where you may bathe and heal from something that you have endured. Which road do you choose and why? in this moment I'm not really up to adventure so probably just north

Folk Metal: Tell me about something you get really excited about. music

Full Moon: Describe an experience you had that was somehow related to the moon. i was at my grandmas and i was just thinking about how i had wanted someone with me to see how nice it was so i was going to draw it but i never did

Live Music: Have you ever been to a concert? If so, what were some of your favorite ones you’ve been to? If not, who or what would you love to see? yes. I've loved all of them because I've loved the people that I've gone with. still pissed that i missed oh pep and i really want to see them.

Spill your thoughts

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeah02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? my mom03: Do you regret anything? probably

04: Are you insecure? yes05: What is your relationship status? single06: How do you want to die? hm. quickly ig07: What did you last eat? cookies that were not for me08: Would you want to know what happens in the future if you couldn’t change it? i think so because then i wouldnt have to waste my time09: Do you bite your nails? i used to a lot now i dont usually10: When was your last fight? dont remember 11: Do you like someone? i dont think so12: Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Why? i couldn't make it because i never sleep enough anyway13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? donald trump14: Do you miss someone? yes15: What would you see in the Mirror of Erised? (What do you most desire?) people around me16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? not much. not good17: Ever made out in the bathroom? i dont think so. I've been kissed in a bathroom and got a hickey in a bathroom though18: What are you afraid of? the dark. being left behind. 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? probably 20: Where was the last place you made out with someone? my bed21: What are your plans for this weekend? i went to wisconsin then i didn't do anything today except feel shitty22: Do you want to have kids? How many? adoption. as many as i can handle, 2-323: Do you have piercings? How many? no24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i like science and math, though i never study either25: Do you miss anyone from your past? yes26: What are you craving right now? how i felt yesterday27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? maybe28: Have you ever been cheated on? i hope not29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? yes30: What’s irritating you right now? a lot of things31: Does somebody love you? my mom said she did a little while ago so32: What is your favorite color? blue33: Do you have trust issues? yes34: Who/what was your last dream about? dont know35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? people yesterday36: Do you give out second chances too easily? yes37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forgive38: Is this year the best year of your life? no39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14 i think40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? maybe when i was tiny51: What is one book everyone needs to read? I'm sure there is one but i can't think of anything52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? probably 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched too much skateboarding youtube54: Is cheating ever okay? i dont really think so55: Are you mean? i hope not56: How many people have you fist fought? outside of martial arts like maybe 257: Do you believe in true love? i dont think so58: Favorite weather? nice59: What is your perfect day look like? i dont know60: Do you wanna get married? i dont know 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? in any context at this moment no62: What makes you happy? music friends 63: Would you change your name? yeah64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say sorry66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not really 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably rhys69: Do you believe in soulmates? maybe70: Is there anyone you would die for? yes

Clean and Simple

A. What makes life worth it? good question

B. Hidden talents? i dunnoC. Last book you read? frankensteinD. Are you seeing anyone? i dont see anyone right now because I'm alone and also noE. What color do you look best in? let me knowF. Favorite place to nap? my roomG. Last film you saw? boys dont cryH. Best advice you’ve given? dont do itI. How many languages can you say hello in? a few probably J. How often do you nap? not oftenK. Favorite fast food? meatheads friesL. Piano or drums? drums because i find piano really hard. both are hardM. First thing you ate today? i think a piece of brownieN. Best Birthday party you’ve attended? i dont know. ones with friends O. What’s your typical Tuesday? school soccer homeP. Celeb you’d most like to meet? kaitlyn alexanderQ. Weirdest phone call you’ve had? i dont normally call people R. Favorite memory? sleepS. Who gives the best hugs? this girl from my church retreat gave really good hugs and so do my friendsT. Sitting on laps or piggy back rides? as long as I'm not on topU. Best holiday song? white christmas is my first thoughtV. Last shoes you bought? no ideaW. What’s your skin care routine? badX. Coolest thing about your best friend? artY. What’d you have for lunch two nights ago? uhhhhh Z. Something kind you’ve done recently? i was nice to people yesterday

Story time

Put a number in my ask and I'll tell you about a personal story/experience with that theme!1. Happy story? when i got into my school

2. Injury story? I sprained my ankle running down the stairs on easter3. Funny story? me saying “i would eat- CELIA” 4. Scary story? i almost died under an inter tube 5. Random story? my dog and i breathe the same sometimes6. Sad story? my dog died from cancer my day off of school7. Secret story? (A story you have never told anyone before) 8. Infuriating story? when the varsity soccer coach acts nice but she is not9. Awkward story? i threw my phone in the closet after telling my friend i was gay10. Fun story? i caught a turtle because it bit me one time11. Self incriminating story? i stole $20 from my brother one time because he had more money than me12. Embarrassing story? i dyed my hair green and gold 13. Weird story? my friend opened my other friends photos and the first photo that popped up was a dick pic14. Oddly sexual story? I've only made out standing up once and it was not super serious. Also i almost stuck my hand down someones pants because i am competitive15. Face-palming story? “where do you wanna dye?”16. Food story? i like carrots and ketchup 17. School/college/work story? my mom is friends with my principal. its weird.18. Illness story? my brother got a concussion from snow tubing and he only had this really tiny cut19. Event story? (Something that happened at a public event) i got kissed but paid more attention to the music my friend didn't20. Boring story? today i watched 5 episode of bones

100 questions to invade my personal life

1. What's your middle name, and do you like it? jane, not terribly2. are you artistic? nope3. Have you had your first kiss? yes4. What is your life goal? graduate college, do something cool, get a nice house with bookshelves and a music room5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person? I'm friends with this family who are in the tv and play industry and my nickname is nugget6. Do you play any sports? soccer, martial arts7. What's your worst fear? dark, being left8. Who's your biggest inspiration? mom9. Do you have any cool talents? music?10. are you a morning person? not really11. How do you feel about pet names? they're kinda weird but sometimes nice12. Do you like to read? yeah but I'm shit at actually doing it now13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. glee and a few others ig14. Do you care about your follower count? no ( but i have 295)15. What's the best dream you've had? can't remember16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? yes17. Do you have any pets? yea i have a beagle18. Are you religious? yes19. Are you a people person? sometimes20. Are you considered popular? i used to at least21. What is one of your bad habits? worrying about not working but not working but also not resting22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable not enough clothes, no sound23. What would you name your children? gender neutral names24. Who's your celebrity crush? kaitlyn alexander? i mean i wanna meet them25. What's your best subject? english is easy but i like math and science26. Dogs or cats? dogs27. most used social media besides tumblr? snapchat usually28. best friends name rhys29. who does your main family consist of my mom dad brother dog30. Chocolate or sugar both31. have you ever been on a date? yes32. Do you like roleercosters? no33. Can you swim? yes34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse? i would probably try my best to live or just give up and fuck someone (dealing with extremes i guess)35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? yes. i still have to do intake for a therapist but its only at certain times and my mom has missed it a couple times36. Are your parents together? yes37. What's your favourite color? blue38. What country are you from/do you live in? us39. Favourite singer? tyler joseph i guess40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? not really but i wish41. Do you like dresses? no42. Favourite song right now? let the games begin or pitchfork kids43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? yes. but it needs to be talked about44. How old were you when you first got your period? i think 1245. Have you ever shot a gun? yes46. Have you ever done yoga? yes47. Are you a horror girl? god no48. Are you good at giving advice? reasonably49. Tell us a story about your childhood. i would count and organize coins instead of going outside50. How are you doing today? nope51. Were you a cute kid? i guess52. Can you dance? if I'm given something to learn53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing?54. Have you ever dyed your hair? yes55. What colour are your eyes? blue/green56. What's your favourite animal? turtle57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? yeah58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yes59. Do you have good friends? i guess60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? hahaha yes I'm gay61. What's your favourite class? guitar is fun and i like physics even though its hard62. List all the tv shows you are watching. i just started watching bones63. Are you organized? some places yes, others no64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? boys dont cry. i thought it was a little weird but it was an important movie for trans and lgb+ representation67. Which tv character do you relate to most? all i can think of is Lance and head canons i saw today68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? knowledge, time, other people, situations69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? learning and teaching about the environment and lgbtqia+ stuff70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? i would probably procrastinate more and maybe learn how to like everything and probably try to kill myself after a while because everyone i loved would die71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? id probably kiss more people who knows72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? dont get attached73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? i went to madison wisconsin a little while ago75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? my mom, warmth, my dog, blankets and tv76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? not much, absolutely nothing77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? pediatrician 78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? i dont know i dont really have much in the first place79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? when i shouldn't have distanced my problems 80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence I'm gonna go to college and maybe live with some friends and still play music81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? i would have written 3 plays and a book, be in a band, get 5s in both ap tests and get all a’s and know how to ride a skateboard and be organized and my room would look nice and i would have scholarships already applied to. just a lot of things82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? probably learn for a bit then just play video games or something83. How would you spend a billion dollars? probably save it or use it to keep my grandmas house. There are a lot of financial issues with that.84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? maybe future to see if it gets better85. What motivates you to succeed? right now not much. my mom86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? idk87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? city. i like to travel to the woods but not live there88. Do you believe in life after death? i hope so, i think just dying would be boring89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? I've had a lot of great teachers but i think davey inspired me to learn about the world and meacham helps me think about myself and others90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? lemonade stand91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why? alexander hamilton maybe so i could see what he was thinking when he did all that he did, and so maybe he could help us out and also see how gay he was92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? depends on the day, probably something i would think is jesusy93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? hm. i still havent learned how to care for myself but to be respectful of other people and to really think of things from an even standpoint.94. What do you think happens after we die? i like to hope it isn't nothingness95. What would you do if you would be invisible? pantsy a lot of people. maybe steal some stuff96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try? do my work apparently 97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? nah 98. How did your first crush develop? friendship to wow i really miss this person99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? a feeling of hatred towards myself, a feeling of confusion at a dynamic, a feeling of angst over my feelings towards relationships and the fact that i wish i could just figure what i want out100. Do you live or do you just exist? right now I'm staying at exist so i dont go crazy trying to live

alright i think thats it, i kept being pulled away and not being able to do this sorry