#life after holby

[akaanonymouth]

“You were crying in your sleep.” 

Serena paced the landing outside their bedrooms, worrying at her necklace. She’d awoken barely ten minutes ago, confused at her sudden thrust into consciousness, and was about to plump a pillow and settle back down, when she heard a sound that caught her breath, then launched her out of bed before her legs even realised they were awake and expected to function. She was about to barge into Bernie’s room when she caught herself, hand poised over the handle, her breathing audibly rapid and shaky. 

They hadn’t expressly had a conversation about their sleeping arrangements; Bernie still had yet to utter more than a couple of croaky words since she’d been found, but Serena had become adept at reading her body language and her eyes, and it became clear that it was more comfortable for Bernie to have her own space generally; that sharing a bed, or even a room, mightn’t be for the best at the moment. Serena slept in the room across the hall, and once she’d helped Bernie undress whilst her broken bones and bruises healed, she’d go to her own room, and leave the door slightly ajar, just in case.

Giving in to the worry, but tempering her natural instinct, Serena knocked gently on the door. “Bernie?” she called. When she received no response, she cracked the door as quietly as she could, and peered around. The lamp was on, as it had been every night since they’d arrived, and Bernie’s face was half buried in the pillow. Even from a distance, Serena could see the pain etched on it. Eyebrows knitted together, one hand scrunched around a handful of hair, Bernie was sobbing, every now and again a heart wrenching keening noise coming from her. 

“Bernie?” Serena called more insistently, starting to panic a bit when Bernie remained asleep, tears soaking the pillow. 

Given how Bernie reacted to unexpected touch at the best of times now, Serena didn’t want to jolt her awake, but was unwilling to leave her festering in what was probably less of a nightmare and more of a recollection. She got down on her knees next to the bed, called out a bit louder as she nudged the mattress. Bernie’s eyes fluttered open on the back of sobs.

“Oh, my darling,” Serena muttered, letting her fingertips linger close to Bernie’s hand. Bernie blinked rapidly, scowling as she uncurled her hand from her hair, unable to stop the intermittent hiccups or the tears. Her eyes widened as she took in Serena, kneeling in front of her, eyes raking over her face.

“S’rena,” she whispered, hoarsely, and when Serena smiled, it sparked a fresh wave of tears. Serena could see her mind struggling; she knew from her own experience what waking up fresh off the back of a living nightmare felt like, unable to shake off the grief of it, before the reality of it sunk in and brought a fresh hell When she felt Bernie’s fingertips at her wrist, she turned her hand slowly, waiting until Bernie moved before she started stroking her hand, slowly, grip open and loose. 

“You were crying in your sleep,” Serena murmured, her eyes concentrating on their hands to give Bernie time to adjust without scrutiny. “Just came to check you were all right,” she waited a beat, then looked at Bernie. “I can leave, now, if you are?” Bernie swallowed, her lips moving soundlessly until she managed to clear her throat. “Stay.” Serena knew she would remember the sound of that word for the rest of her life.

She squeezed her hand reassuringly before getting slowly to her feet. Around the other side of the bed, she pulled back the sheet and propped herself up on her side, head resting on her palm facing Bernie who, with some effort and wincing, turned towards her. Serena made sure Bernie could see her arm as she lifted it to stroke strands of hair away from her face. When Bernie only blinked, Serena let out a breath. She could see Bernie’s breathing was still uneven, a tremor to her lips even as the tears dried. 

“I used to have nightmares a lot,” Serena started, slowly. “I know you were there for some of it, but,” she shrugged, smiling wanly. “It’d take ages for the sadness of the dream to wear off,  only for it to morph into sadness about reality. Or sometimes it was so beautiful that I’d already be crying for the loss of it before I woke up properly, knowing the grief that was waiting. In the end, it was all a blur, really.” Bernie’s eyes crinkled at the corners, and Serena stroked her ear as she tucked another strand behind it. “I started listening to audiobooks,” she continued, her voice dropping an octave. “Funny stuff, you know, to try to cancel out the horridness. There was this particular Terry Pratchett one about wee free men, and let me tell you, the dreams I had after that were nothing short of psychedelic. The story went something like…”

Serena kept talking, recounting bits of the story and making up random things, until Bernie’s drooping eyes closed completely and her breath evened out. Bernie’s grip slackened around the wrist she’d reached for when Serena started talking, and after making sure the curtains were wide open so that in a couple of hours, daylight would stream in and Bernie wouldn’t be frightened by her presence or the shadows, she linked their little fingers loosely, and closed her eyes.

#fic prompts #my fic #i didn't realise it but i have v strong hc and feelings about Bernie and PTSD and how they deal so #life after holby #after the second bomb #that's that then innit #Serena knows Bernie can't deal w touch or sudden moves and it's been a hard adjustment for her but the wrist touch is their thing for now #bernie isn't voluntarily mute she just... can't speak. aside from a couple of words to her rescuers diagnosing her rib trauma #the only word she's managed with any consistency is Serena #and serena's learned to read the way she says her name as well as her body language #so even though she's the only one using most of the words she doesn't feel like it's a one sided conversation most of the time #berena #bernie wolfe #serena campbell #feel free to come rail at me about post Mogadishu stuff now that I hae like an entire document about how they're navigating it haha #answers #backjustforberena

[backjustforberena]

Bernie Wolfe talking about her granddaughter, Juliet McKendrick.

#because lonelier-version-of-you got me back on this rodeo #ask me questions about Bernie as a grandmother #because i also watched the scene where nicky mentions a christening for the first time #and now my headcanon has changed and I DON'T think Bernie will be there #also I will forever believe that Bernie went up on the roof because of Juliet #not Holby not Cam not Jason #Juliet #and there was a reason she phoned Nicky when Serena WASN'T there #and Serena and Bernie have a chat about it after the proposal #Juliet and this new life and new chance is their new priority #after agreeing to fight for a relationship with her #after the proposal #so yes #rant over #look at bernie's little face #my gifs #bernie wolfe #holby city

[scotianostra]

Happy Birthday Scottish actress Laurie Brett.

Laurie was born in Hamilton on 28th March 1969. After her initial education in Scotland she studied at London Studio Centre a dance and theatre school providing courses in, ballet, modern dance and music, among other things.

While she was studying she earned her living as a bouncer in a nightclub, as an usherette and as a stage technician.

She toured with a travelling circus in Mexico and Central America with Circo Magico and studied at the London Studio Centre. She starred in fringe productions and made her television debut in London’s Burning (as an office girl) in 1992. Her singing and dancing skills made her a regular in the musical theatre and she appeared in several television advertisements. Laurie admits to having been a bit of a wild child, carrying on the Scottish tradition of drinking heavily for 20 years.

When Laurie moved to London she adopted the accent to help win parts, but in her everyday life she still speaks in a Scottish accent, she said she has always had a “knack” with accents, Waterloo Road fans will remember that home accent when she was in the series for 3 years. Brett has never been shy of talking about her home town, but she is still surprised by how many people don't realise she is a Scot and said in an interview in 2013 that she loves to watch people's reactions when she speaks in a Scottish accent. She added "When I am in London I tend to have a London accent, when I speak to my mum, Anne, I talk pure Hamilton and when I speak to my Aussie mates I end up talking like them.

Other shows Laurie has appeared in are The Bill, My Hero, London Kills, Traces, and Deadwater Fell alongside the popular Scottish actor David Tennant, she last popped up in the Hospital drama Holby city last year. Brett and her onscreen hubbie from Eastenders recently teamed up together on stage in a thriller called Looking Good Dead. On a possible return to the soap she said. If I was free and they wanted me back, who knows? If you’ve not been killed off then there’s always the possibility of a return. “

Laurie appeared in season 8 of the popular Scottish crime drama Shetland, she is joining the touring cast of Calendar Girls the musical, playing Annie Clarke.

Laurie has been inundated with support after opening up on recent surgery. She wrote: social media sharing photo from her hospital bed saying, "We have to ring fence & protect our NHS.....from any politics.. An all party agreement. Thanks especially to Nicole for post op care. Thanks to everyone. Additionally, her husband said that he was sharing all the kind messages Laurie had received with her while she rested..

#scotland #scottish #history #happy birthday #actress

[squishmittenficfan]

Simplicity.

It was what Bernie needed after far too many complicated years.

#berena #fanfic #my fic #weekly berena fix #berena fix simplicity

[coldblizzardqueen]

Stay

Song Inspiration ‘Stay Another Day – East 17’ Nominated by @akaanonymouth

 Bernie wandered slowly towards the Holby carpark. Her hands deep inside the pockets of her woollen coat and her head tucked into the warmth of her scarf. As she walked, she could almost feel the invisible thread, she’d always felt connected her and Serena, fraying and the bits blowing away in the thin, cold breeze.

 When Serena had made her little speech, implying that she’d be holding Bernie back if she allowed her to stay in Holby shackled to her, instead of being off having adventures in Nairobi or wherever the wind blew her next. Bernie had agreed she couldn’t stay. “Why did you say that. You idiot!” she muttered to herself as she reached her car. Staying in Holby had been her idea. Finally making a home with the woman she loved. Putting down roots. Being part of a loving family. This was what she wanted. She was just incredibly sorry that it had taken a lonely Serena cheating on her. On them. To make her realise that she needed to act.

 So maybe she didn’t own a pair of slippers in which to take the bins out…Maybe she’d not pushed her own two on the swings when they were small but that didn’t mean that she’d resent ‘having’ to do it with Guinevere and any other little ones who came along.

 She’d never wanted domesticity before. Not with Marcus. Not with Alex. She’d tried to fit into Marcus’ ideas of the way a wife should behave, how she should act, each time she was on leave. She tried to be the version of a mother that her children seemed to want. But it had never worked, because although she’d been a wife, a mother, a soldier, a lover, she’d never once in all that time truly been herself.

 During her relationship with Serena. Even through the horrific time of and after Eleanor’s senseless death. She had slowly and surely blossomed into her own self. She was really, honestly, Bernie Wolfe for the very first time in her over half a century of life. And it wasn’t that she couldn’t be herself elsewhere now. She could. She was sure. She wasn’t dependent on Serena Campbell. It was that she didn’t want to be Bernie Wolfe, the woman who’d let Serena Campbell slip through her fingers. Who’d blindly agreed with non-sensical arguments about bins and swings and not being the right sort of animal.

 As Bernie pulled across her seatbelt and turned the key in the ignition, the radio started up. It was a Christmas song that had been played a lot during a deployment to Cyprus in 1994. As the tune came to the chorus, she hummed along quietly. The music video came to mind. She remembered seeing Take That wrapped in enormous white puffer jackets with furry hoods as ‘snow’ fell around them, as she stood watching the TV in 20c sunshine and feeling slightly disjointed. It was the first time that she’d not been able to make it home since her kids had been born and Marcus had piled on the guilt each time she’d rang home.

She stayed in her memories for a little while, as the words seemed particularly pertinent.

“Don’t you think we’ve come too far now

Just to go and try to throw it all away

Thought I heard you say you love me

That your love was gonna be here to stay

I’ve only just begun to know you

All I can say is won’t you stay just one more day.

 Take That seemed to be saying in song, that which she wished she’d said to Serena instead of having a final dance and then making a quiet exit as the bouquet was being thrown. The irony of Serena catching it was not lost on her. Especially as she felt the small box in her coat pocket.

 She stopped herself as she went to put the car into reverse. Being hit immediately with the vision of herself driving away from the hospital while berating herself for being a complete and utter coward. Running away from Serena because she’d intimated that she loved her after a particularly stressful case.

 She turned off the ignition and took a few deep breaths. As her breath plumed in the coolness of the car, she Googled ‘Stay Another Day’ by Take That and discovered that it didn’t exist. However, the same title by East 17 did. She smiled to herself as she remembered Serena’s joy each time she failed to guess an artist correctly when they were listening to music.

 She attached a link to the song into a text message to Serena and wrote “Please LISTEN to this X”

 Bernie started to walk back towards Albies as she listened quietly to the lyrics of the song. When she reached the corner of the pub, she saw Serena sitting on a bench in the deserted smoking shelter.

 “It says some of the things I should have had the guts to say instead of walking away.” Bernie said.

 “Bloody hell!” Serena gasped. “You made me jump!”

 “Budge up” Bernie made a gentle shooing motion with one hand.

 Serena moved over and Bernie sat down. She placed her hand, palm facing upward in the gap between them. Serena placed her trembling hand into Bernie’s and laced their fingers together. As Bernie folded her own fingers between Serena’s she took a deep breath. She watched the humid air curl from her lips and head into the ether.

 Looking into the distance, Bernie cleared her throat and began to speak. “When I first heard that song, I was stationed in Cyprus. It was my first Christmas away from the kids. I’d have given anything to feel the motherly, familial guilt I was supposed to…Marcus guilt tripped me every time we spoke but truthfully I was relieved…relieved because it meant I didn’t have to go and play pretend happy families.”

 “Bernie…” Serena started. Feeling Bernie squeeze her hand, she stopped. She inclined her head slightly and smiled softly, signifying Bernie should continue.

 Bernie looked away again “For over half my life, the only place I really felt that I fitted in was the army…I enjoyed the adrenaline rushes, the adventures, the camaraderie…I felt as much myself as I ever thought I’d feel…I never thought I’d have a life where I could be openly gay and in love…Create a family of my own on my own terms.”

 She turned to look at Serena. “You are the love of my life…I don’t want us to break up…I want to stay here. With you...We’ve never really had the chance to lay down some proper roots and I want to do that…Our family is in Holby. Our friends are in Holby…And most importantly” Bernie smiled widely. “You are in Holby…And I want to be wherever you are for the rest of my life.”

 Serena smiled hesitantly. “But what about adventure and adrenaline…You’re a force of nature Bernie…You’ll shrivel up and die here…Domesticity isn’t you.”

 “Bloody hell love, you make me sound like some sort of camo clad Indiana Jones!” Bernie laughed as she grasped Serena’s upper arms and turned her gently to fully face her. Sliding her hands down her arms to interlace their fingers once more. “Don’t you realise?... Us being together. Loving each other. Loving our family…That will be the biggest adventure of my life. And it’s one I can’t wait to start.” She squeezed Serena’s hands and shook them gently between the two of them to emphasise her point.

 A tear ran slowly down Serena’s cheek. “I ruined everything Bernie…I cheated…Not just on you but on everything we’d been building…I…” She stopped as Bernie placed a finger tenderly over her lips.

 “You made a mistake…Yes, it hurt like hell. But it’s done…We’ll learn from it…And we’ll draw a veil over it.” Bernie’s eyes implored Serena to believe her.

Serena unlaced her fingers from Bernie’s and reached up to cup her face. “I love you so, so much.”

 Bernie breathed deeply. “Can I stay?”

 Serena pulled Bernie into a crushing hug. She whispered into Bernie’s ear. “I never wanted you to go.”

 They stayed in that hug for a long time. Feeling the solidity of each other was grounding after such a rollercoaster few hours. “Marry me?” Bernie murmured. She held her breath wondering whether Serena had even heard her.

 A loud sob escaped from Serena. “Yes!...Yes!”

 They held on to each other more tightly. “I’ve got a ring.” Said Bernie. Her voice muffled as she buried her head in Serena’s hair.

 Serena looked up. Bernie felt swaddled in the deep love she saw in the eyes looking back at her. Serena ran her hand around to the back of Bernie’s head. “Later.” She purred as she pulled Bernie into a passionate kiss.

 

EAST 17 “Don’t you say it’s the final kiss (Stay now)”…

And she did.

With Serena becoming her wife 3 months later…

#a (not so) silent night #serena campbell #bernie wolfe #@berena_winter_event #berena #fanfiction #holby city #Song request by @akaanonymouth

[batnbreakfast]

AO3 Writer's Ask Game

Thank you for tagging me @slightlyintimidating ! 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

102378

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell although I branched out into the RedgraveRussellCinematicMultiverse.

And there's this one Deadloch fic, I really would like to finish. *side-eyes her brain*

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Notting Hill

My Berena Notting Hill rewrite with Serena Campbell as the bookshop owner and Bernie Wolfe as the famous actress.

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

Yet another film rewrite (I just love them) - this time it's Before Sunset with Bernie & Serena reconnecting years after having spent an unforgeable night together.

fragments of a holiday season

My Berena advent fics collection

clouds in my coffee (but the sun's coming through)

My Berena coffee shop au for @fortytworedvines day

chi va piano 

My Berena smut fic, which has forever changed how I look at pianos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Ah. It's complicated. During the last year I only had comments like "Please finish this!" and no, most of the times I don't respond to them. While I LOVE comments and use them to motivate myself to get back to writing, I find comments that don't even say why someone would like me to continue a store utterly unhelpful. Also there's my beloved ADHD brain, which makes me forget to answer sometimes. I will though, even if it's like stupidly late.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

*chuckles* Well, I wrote this fic with Bernie's thoughts while she's dying under the rubble after they killed her in an explosion off screen. Lucky for most of you preferring a happy ending to your angst, I did not publish it. Instead I rewrote it to become a chapter for my collaboration with the lovely @ktlsyrtis

everything is different, everything has changed

Five times Bernie Wolfe’s life explodes - and one time it doesn't.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like all my fics have a happy ending. I love a bit of angst, but seriously life is bad enough without giving your favs a happy ending after putting them through the mangler.

My favourite might be

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

because Bernie stays.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Huh. If so, it apparently was too irrelevant to remember.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, I do. And I honestly love to connect them via smut with feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do love a good film au. I have dozens of ideas what films to cast them for and I've only written two so far, with another three sitting in my WIP folder.

My crossover ideas aren't that crazy actually, but maybe

the slow appraisal of silent things

might fall into the category, because why not mash up Lynley and my love for Berena, replace the old Helen with Catherine's Helen, and have her leave Lynley (as one should do), to fall in love with Jemma's Grace Finegann (who did not shoot anyone).

Others might say that it was absolutely crazy to write my first Berena fic, which is also a crossover, without ever having watched a single episode of Holby.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I wrote

everything is different, everything has changed

with @ktlsyrtis and I loved, loved, loved doing this.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Seems a bit like anyone reading this far could answer this, but

💖 Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell 💖

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Nope. Not going there. All my WIPs have a chance to being finished. It took me almost three years to finish Notting Hill. I might get inspired on something that's been sitting in my drafts for longer. Who knows - certainly not me. I won't give up though!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say dialogue with feelings and with smut also showing without spelling things out in detail.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Commas and formatting. *chuckles* Apologies to all the lovely people who ever beta'd for me. I appreciate you so, sooo much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I could have them speak German and Italian and would, if I found it necessary. I prefer to have a translation in the notes at least while reading fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ah. Something wlw that I'm not looking back to.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Urghhhhhhh... I love all my children, I don't have a fav-

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

Because it marks the beginning of a new fandom journey that is still bringing me so much joy and made me make wonderful friends.

Okay, I'll stop now before getting even soppier.

I'm tagging @ktlsyrtis @lapalfruity @fortytworedvines @ariverandasong and everyone of you who wants to take part in this. Seriously, just run with it if you want to!

Questions to respond to:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

#ao3 asks game #writers ask game #thanks for tagging me friend 😊 #slightlyintimidating

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I keep thinking about Jacob's trauma storyline, and how it seems to have just been put to the wayside.

It's just so frustrating to me. It was being done so well and it was such a carefully handled portrayal, and then the show seemingly forgot about it.

I mean, I want Jacob to be happy - of course I do - but I don't want that to be because his storyline has been forgotten about, I want that to be because his storyline has reached a point where he's feeling better. He was thinking of talking to a therapist - did he ultimately get in touch with them after all? Is he still going to the support group? Did Billie ever respond to his apology?

Jacob has a lot of trauma. I talk a lot about his relationship with Tina and how it's affected him, but his history of trauma goes all the way back to his childhood, and he's been through so many traumatic events since he started working at Holby. Charles Venn himself has said - in a WhatToWatch interview he did during the Tina storyline, IIRC, though it was a while ago now so don't quote me there - that Jacob has PTSD.

But what interest does the show have in any of this? None, it seems. It could be such a worthwhile story to show Jacob dealing with his trauma in a meaningful way. And if he got an onscreen diagnosis of PTSD/CPTSD, that could be such an interesting angle to go with that could lead to some very interesting commentary and characterisation: considering his mum's illness, how might he react to being diagnosed as mentally ill himself? What would that mean to him, how would it affect his life?

There are great angles the show could go for with this. Character-wise, story-wise, and societal commentary-wise. And we're just not getting any of it.

I can't imagine having such an interesting and complex character as Jacob, and choosing to make a character as awful as Faith the centre of the show all the time instead. I just can't.

#BBC Casualty #Jacob Masters

[alisonscotlock]

TAG GAME: EIGHT SHOWS TO GET TO KNOW ME

tagged by @sarahlancashire 💖

scott & bailey - this is the show that got me into fandom and fanfiction (reading and writing) and basically without it i would never have met any of my internet friends. aside from that, i am not immune to fictional middle-aged female detectives with wine-red nail varnish - gill murray and julie dodson i’m looking at you both. special mention to any and all episodes written by amelia bullmore bc gdi the woman is a comedic genius

home fires - i don’t really go for war stuff usually, but this cast drew me in and thank the gods it did bc this was gorgeous. this is the show that gave me my username bc alison scotlock is the loml. it has it all - great stories, beautiful cinematography, excellent acting, a great soundtrack, plentiful pretty ladies for the milf lovers amongst us...

yonderland - only wanted to choose one show by the six idiots and honestly it could have been any of them, but yonderland won because it’s just so CLEVER while being utterly silly, which is absolutely my kind of thing. negatus is supposed to be the baddie but is just... silly and incompetent, which makes him adorable. lots of wise elder vex’s lines became lil echolalia things for me for months after i watched it

call the midwife - this is the show that has been with me for the longest time. it started when i was 15 and it’s seen me through so much and it’s my annual ‘let’s have a big cry every sunday in january and february’ comfort show with a side order of intense emotions. i have loved and/or appreciated 99% of the storylines, midwives and nuns. phyllis crane and sister julienne are my LOVES

dinnerladies - victoria wood. need i say more? this show is like an old friend to me. i can’t remember the first time i watched it but i must have seen it over 15 times. victoria’s writing is incredible and all of the cast are VERY good at bringing her characters to life. this is a get to know me and also my family kind of show - it’s the one we will all sit and watch and laugh along to and we quote it every day

last tango in halifax - look, i’m not saying some of these shows to get to know me aren’t mildly to extremely traumatising, they’re just the shows that have had the most impact on my life. sally i will never forgive you for THAT and also series 5 was so weird, but this was the first show with wlw in it that i watched after i came out and also caroline elliot is another loml (ok i have a lot...)

mum - sitcoms with added pulling hard on the heartstrings are where it’s AT. this is SO well-written and i’m a sucker for that realism. if you think it’s slow and boring then you’re watching it wrong. cathy walker, i love you. she’s so gentle. you know this show is good bc there’s a het relationship that i cry about. it’s the yearninggggg

holby city (series 14 - series 21) - again, this is not The Best by a LONG shot, but berena was my whole life when i was not great mentally and had very little else. they are my ultimate ship and bernie wolfe has my whole entire heart and basically the ik they’re fictional but if the two of them can go through the most traumatising shit and still be “happier than i ever thought possible” finding the love of their life at over 50 years of age, that gives me boundless hope <3

not tagging anyone, but if you see this and would like to be tagged, consider yourself tagged!

#special mentions to grace and frankie and miranda #this is one of those posts i'll disagree with immediately after posting #like how was i suppsed to choose between horrible histories; yonderland; and ghosts #scott and bailey #home fires #yonderland #call the midwife #dinnerladies #last tango in halifax #mum #mum bbc #holby city #mine #tv #a propos de moi #i've compiled this over THREE days so i'm hoping i've not missed anything stupidly obvious that i adore!!

[shippingsincebeforeyouwereborn]

Watching Holby out of order the first time resulted in my getting some parts of the Bernie timeline jumbled.

For instance I always thought Dark Night of the Soul came after Serena left for her sabbatical, part of the Bernie at Holby without her portion.

So, I interpreted it as Bernie being reminded of her battlefield expertise, and bonding with the guys in the field. A stop towards her loving but eventually leaving Holby.

Instead, its more about integrating her battlefield experience into Holby life and finding comradery with the guys -- and Essie. It's lodging Bernie deeper into Holby before the Berena relationship really begins to blossom.

#berena #bernie wolfe #yes its Friday #I'm WFH and Holby's on the second screen

[medicallymercury]

okay my thoughts on this week’s spoilers, I’ve processed them now

I think, pretty definitely but who knows, after the explosion in the pub, it will become clear that Max is Jodie’s dad and she won’t have to leave. They’ve only just started to get into the Ryan and Cam stuff and I feel like they’ll definitely have more places to go with it after this week.

Faith Stuff™️, for all that I don’t enjoy Faith I’m really wondering if they’re going to get rid of her after next week or if they’re going to somehow find a way to keep her going.

The whole thing about Sah and Paige kissing is what I’ve been processing. Why???? Obviously for the drama of it all but in the Holby universe what will be the reason that they do that, “adrenaline” is not enough of a cause and the ‘tension’ they’ve had is not the kind that feels like it can or even should translate into romantic feelings. I have a lot of thoughts on this, too many to fit in this post. In some ways, I saw this coming (Sah, Teddy and Paige relationship drama) but I didn’t see it going this way at all. I don’t really care all that much about Paige to be honest, not that I don’t like her I’m just not super interested so my big concern here is Sah and Teddy. I love Sah so I feel obligated to stand by them in everything they do but I’m also feeling really bad for Teddy in all of this (I mean he literally took a bullet for them, I feel like the least he could ask for in return is for them to not kiss his girlfriend) and think it would be a shitty move if Sah is the one to initiate the kiss, I’ll still defend them with my life but I can defend them and be disappointed in them at the same time. I really just hope that Teddy finds out as soon as possible, I don’t want to have multiple episodes of them hiding it from him because then I feel like it would ruin their friendship even more and I need them and they need each other!!

#this is why i can’t watch continuing dramas i need the continuing drama to leave my favourites alone #bbc casualty #casualty #shoelace fandom #casualty spoilers #cas ep: burning bridges #jodie whyte #max cristie #ryan firth #cam mickelthwaite #faith cadogan #sah brockner #teddy gowan #paige allcott #the polyfailure <\3

[riverstardis]

holby sin city:

the last of the non canon eps! i haven’t seen this since it aired and all i remember is thinking how weird an episode it was

lmaoo robyn’s voiceover while hanssen is talking

henrik’s like a blorbo in law at this point thanks to @lonelier-version-of-you

he’s looming

“who’s the scared looking doctor? registrar, dark glasses, barely out of short trousers?” pretty succinct description there sjskdkfk

dixie’s eating a kebab and iain thinks it gross… he’ll change his tune

dixie: “what are you thinking about?” iain: “boobs” dixie: “same here” SJSKFKFK

iain’s voiceover saying he’s calmest when it’s life or death… you don’t say

lmaoo someone slashes all the tyres on the ambulance and iain finds a hearse to use😭😭😭

ethan’s voiceover saying his mum used to watch old black and white films

what is the dialogue in this😭😭😭

bonnie asking ethan why he and cal have different surnames. unfortunately he does not answer

noo ethan don’t drink the coffee the murderer woman gives you😭

yup she drugged him

“let’s pretend we’re in a democracy. i say treat him, you say… potato. what says young nurse miller?”

ethan seems to wake up pretty quickly for someone who’d been unconscious on a bench after being drugged

ethan goes to report the murder and robyn and iain meet him with evidence of their own

aww he’s still feeling off

i read a fic once where he needed to be rushed back to hospital due to complications from the drug

well my memory was correct, this is a proper weird episode😭

#classic casualty #holby sin city

[akaanonymouth]

“You don’t feel safe, here.” 

(Adjusted this a bit, and don’t really know how to prelude it, so here’s the bits that my brain kicked off with. Guinevere’s been dropped off at the hospital, Bernie’s gone to check on Kylie, and there’s a bang, a load of shouting voices entering the ward, Bernie jumps, scans the room (or something like this), Kylie picks up on it and is subtle as a brick)

“You don’t feel safe?” Kylie asks gently. 

Donna turns to look incredulously at her, whilst Bernie huffs a laugh as she catches her mouthing an exaggerated “What?!” Donna’s way. 

“I’ve been blown up in three different countries, Nurse Madden, on three different continents, once here by… by.. My own…” she trails off, taking a deep breath, eyes darting around the ceiling before meeting Kylie’s with a weak smile, arms wrapped around herself. “Nowhere really feels safe.”

Her eyes follow Serena as she walks the corridor towards them, bent awkwardly to be hand in hand with Guinevere, holding her steady.

“Except with her,” she says, softly, almost wistfully, and Donna can’t help but let out a little gasped “oh!”

“Sorry,” she mumbles. “Sorry. You should… we should-” Before she can finish a thought, Kylie pulls herself more upright in the bed, Donna rushing to adjust the pillows behind her.

“I don’t think you should travel alone again, Ms Wolfe, y’know,” she says gravely, and carries on quickly before Donna, with what seems to be her perpetually amazed face around Kylie, can interrupt. “But here. I want you to have this anyway, just a little thank you, for helping me, when shi-stuff, stuff happened to me here, too.”

She reaches to her bedside table, motions for Bernie's hand and presses a chain into it. “It’s Saint Christopher, the patron saint of travellers," Kylie explains, as Bernie holds it far enough away to not have to squint at it. "My gran gave it to me when I left home. It might be too late for a lot of sh-stuff, but you never know what it might help with, in future.” 

Bernie stares at the necklace, strokes it and palms it. “Thank you, but I can't-” 

Kylie cuts her off. “You can. Please. It helps me feel safe, sometimes, even if it’s a bit silly,” she shrugs. “My gran was a bit awesome, so with her and St Christopher and Ms Campbell on your side, you’re gonna be alright, I reckon!” 

Bernie’s eyes crinkle with a smile. “I…” she nods, reaching to give Kylie’s arm the briefest of squeezes. “Thank you.”

Kylie shrugs, cheeks reddening. “Well, I couldn’t find another cuddly bunny for you at this short notice, so, maybe you can pass it on to the baby at some point… sorry about that!”

Bernie barks a laugh, the freedom of it surprising herself. “That I can do. Thank you, Kylie. That's... It's... Thank you.”

She smiles at Kylie again, just before a slew of babbled noises comes barreling into her legs, Serena close behind, who casts a long suffering, indulgent eye roll towards the nurses with a “Glad to see you on the mend, Nurse Madden!” before turning her attention to Bernie.

“Come on, you,” she says, sounding amused. “Save me from this waddling ball of chaos before the wind changes and I’m stuck walking like a penguin for the rest of my life!"

Bernie snorts, quickly clipping the St Christopher around her neck, tucking it into her jumper out of the way of the grabbing hands of Guinevere, who she heaves into her arms from where she’d been trying to climb the bed. Guinevere immediately protests until Bernie has no choice but to put her back down, where she wobbles precariously from side to side as she veers towards the corridor once more.

“See?” Serena says, in mock exasperation. “She’ll not have it, not until she face-plants the floor, I’ll wager, and even then…! Penguins mate for life, you know, so if I’m stuck walking like one, better believe you’re going to be, too!”

Their gentle teasing grows fainter down the corridor as they hold a chubby hand each, and Donna watches them the whole way, grinning broadly, hands held over her heart.

#except with her #all I can do is think of her. and how wonderful life could be... #my fic #fic prompts #life after holby #(just about leaving it anyway) #anonymous asks #replies #when Bernie says I imagined it in the voice she uses when she's talking to Dom about Alex #about how #that voice #berena #holby city #serena campbell #bernie wolfe #i think i'd quite like kylie if i'd have been watching at all during her tenure. #i think she's got the 'fletch' of the early berena years vibe. anyway. #here it is such as it is i hope you like it #we are all Donna #omg i keep messing these tags up it's supposed to say 'when bernie says except with her' #i imagined it in the voice she uses when she's talking to dom about alex. all i can do is think of her. and how wonderful life could be #sorry

[backjustforberena]

I’m very emotional about the juxtaposition between the last time Serena saw Bernie in Holby, and the first time she sees her after death/captivity. And just the difference in how Bernie will look. 

BEFORE: Saluting in the Albie’s doorway. As made up as she would ever be. Hair brilliant. Suit fitted. Smiling. Melancholic. Happy. The day having been spent in her element doing surgery, but also dancing and laughing and doing a speech.

AFTER: Exhausted. Sunburnt. Thinner than she ever was. Hospital gown that swamps her. No make up, no smile. A year-old gun shot wound. Bruises. Abrasions and lacerations. Her hair with her roots showing, maybe even a little grey. And longer and flatter than Serena’s ever seen it. 

Considering how Serena spoke with Alex, just to make sure, to know, that Bernie’s last few days were happy. Considering the way Serena wanted to remember her: force of nature, unstoppable, being where she belonged. And considering that Serena’s ultimate feeling of guilt was that she should have never let her go back.

To be faced not just with the knowledge, but the reality of what that past year and a bit has done to the woman she loves, would wash away any elation Serena might feel at Bernie being alive. 

But I love the idea of it being ugly. Of this Bernie not matching up with the hero that Serena made of her in her mind, of the happy surgeon loving and living life, so much so that it takes her a second to wrap her head around it. That that is Bernie on the bed, breathing. 

I want Serena to have spent the previous, however many, nights since Bernie was declared MIA, dreaming of all the ways she’s surprise her. Come back. Be alive. Appear like some marvel or miracle. And I want none of them to come close to being true.

#i was speaking about this to a friend last night #i don't want Bernie coming back to life looking like she descended down from heaven to be with Serena again #I want Bernie to look like she's been dragged up from hell and made it by the skin of her teeth #i want there to be NOTHING romantic in it at all #and for serena to see that and have her hope for that kind of reunion snuffed #because bernie's not even awake #she's not even HEALED #she's got a bullet still stuck in her and she's dehydrated #and she wasn't even expecting serena because she asked for her but the doctor's didn't say she was on her way #I want Bernie to flinch at touch #and Serena retreat into the medical side of things #all of it: jagged edges. #berena

[scotianostra]

Happy Birthday Scottish actress Dawn Steele.

Born as Dawn Anne Nolan in Glasgow on December 11th 1975 in Glasgow, the family moved to Milton of Campsie at the foot of the Campsie Fells, north of the city in 1982, she attended nearby Kilsyth High School before going on to the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama.

Dawn picked up bit parts in Highlander: The Raven TV series and the film The Debt Collector before getting her big break in the excellent BBC Scotland dram series Tinsel Town, after this she got arguably the part she is best known for as Alexandra “Lexie” MacDonald in Monarch of the Glen. Dawn went on to appear in the paranormal series Sea of Souls before joining the cast of Wild at Heart in series 4 right through to series 7 when it ended.

We next saw Dawn pop up in the brilliant Case Histories, set in Edinburgh before heading back west to join the popular Scottish Soap River City as doctor Annie Jandhu in 2015. Dawn left the show in 2018, citing the travelling was causing her to miss seeing her daughter grow up, she turned 11 this year.

On leaving the show in an interview she said she was open to doing another soap and mentioned Casualty and EastEnders as being attractive possibilities, well Casualty’s “sister” show Holby City came calling and it wasn’t long until she joined the cast of the hospital “soap” as Angel “Ange” Godard, a consultant general surgeon, she has now racked up 128 appearances in the show, which was cancelled and ended in March this year.

Dawn lives with her hubby Paul Blair, in the seaside town of Whitstable on the Kent coast and enjoys swimming regularly in the sea there. She was recently back in Scotland filming the new BBC detective series Granite Harbour, set in Aberdeen, Dawn plays DCI Cora MacMillan. While it was nice to see some shots of Aberdeen I think the show was a bit of a dud, I really can’t see there being a second series, if you are looking for a show like Shetland, this falls way short of that. Unfortunately for Dawn the interior scenes for the show were shot in a Glasgow studio, which left her disappointed that she didn’t get the chance to film in Aberdeen.

“I was quite jealous when everyone else went up, because I love Aberdeen. I rehearsed for a tour of Tutti Frutti at His Majesty’s Theatre and then we opened the show there, so I spent eight weeks in the city. I also filmed a film, Marionette, there, so I got to know it well. It can be so beautiful and it’s nice to see it on the screen again.”

Steele knew from a young age that acting was where her future lay. “I started off with dancing and I was in drama clubs from when I was young. I was part of Kirkintilloch Players from when I was 10 or 11.

However Dawn did say she enjoyed filming in her hometown of Glasgow, taking the opportunity to catch up with friends and family, as well as reconnect with familiar faces within the industry.

“I will always work in Scotland,” she says. “I love it because it is home and I know everyone. It is nice because you walk onto a set and there are so many crew who have been part of your life over the years – our lighting guy Stuart was on Monarch of the Glen with me.”

Of late Dawn was on the TV series Granite Harbour, cop show set in Aberdeen and the latest Shetland series with Ashley Jensen.

#scotland #scottish #history #actress #happy birthday #television #theatre

[samanthamarkle92]

Day 12 of my Valentines countdown! Love is saying you’re sorry. Here’s a super emotional scene from my Holby City fan fiction To Stay Strong.

Haley was curled up on the rocks where they had taken the family picture. The moonlight filtered through the treetops and she turned her face towards the night sky.Kian walked out of the dark, his face a mixture of relief and exhaustion.

"You okay?" He asked, trying to sound normal.

"How'd you find me?" She asked.

"The find my friend app, like the last time you took off." Kian said. Haley stood, keeping her distance.

"When I came home, you left. I was really worried. I thought....Why did you leave like that?" Kian asked.

"You lied to me! You said you could stay clean! I thought us being a family was enough to keep you strong!" Haley screamed at him.

"I flushed them! I swear!"  He said, stepping closer. Haley grabbed some pebbles and threw them at him.

"Stay away from me!" She screamed.

He held up his hands.

"Okay, okay! Okay! Let's talk about this!" He pleaded.

"No! Leave me alone! Don't come near me! I hate you! Go! Just stay away! Go!" Haley shrieked.

"I can't...I'm sorry. I can't keep from hurting you like this. I didn't mean to hurt you. I can't lose you. I love you and I'm sorry I let you down." Kian said, taking a step closer.

"Don't come near me!" Haley screamed, drawing her hands back in front of her.

"How can I trust you?" She said, backing away. Kian stood motionless. Haley started to turn away again. He took a deep breath, taking Haley's wrists in his hands.

"Listen to me, Haley. We will keep on fighting as long as we have each other. I'm sorry. I didn't want it to happen like this. After we lost the baby, I was hurting as much as you. I regret not telling you sooner. I'm so sorry! I was so scared you couldn't deal with it. I love you! I wouldn't be able to live through losing you....again! I need you. You need to be with me." He said. "We were so broken when we first met. I saved you. I went back to the Black Mountains and to Holby because of you. I don'tt want to lose you; you're supposed to be my everything!"

Haley didn't answer him; she looked at the ground. Kian cupped her face in his hands.

"We can't fall apart....we have to stay strong for each other. We have Farrah to think about." He said.

"Do you want her to grow up in this world without her parents? To have to feel what we feel now? That pain? I don't want that on her. You need me in your life......" Kian paused and took a deep breath. "And I need you in mine. There's no way we can get through this without each other."

"It's my fault we lost the baby.... I was supposed to pick Farrah up. If I had, you never would have crashed the car. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Haley said, crying.

Kian wrapped his arms around her tightly, letting her sob against him.

"Haley, you can't blame yourself like that. It's going to eat you up inside. I can't tell you why, but you need to be strong for yourself, too. We can deal with this. We can win this. You and I together." Kian told her, pulling out a new se of pills; they were the ones to help with withdrawal.

"If I can stay clean, you can get the help you need. " He said. Haley started to cry harder.

"I love you, Kian." She said. "Thank you for not giving up on me."

"I love you too, Haley." Kian said. He held her for a few moments, kissing her forehead before looking into her eyes.

"Come on, let's go home." He said softly.

#wattpad #original character #fanfic #ramin karimloo #bbc holby #holby city #emotional #romantic couple #husband and wife #kian madani

[ylizam]

tagged by: @chainofclovers

last song: The Loneliest by Måneskin

last show/series: that I finished watching? hmm, High Fidelity. I think. ooh, or Only Murders in the Building (obviously only through the most recent season, but yes).

currently watching: oh gosh what am I not watching? (plenty, obviously, as there is SO MUCH tv these days.) Abbott Elementary is a delight and a must-watch for me every week; I watch it the morning after it airs, and it’s the best way to wake up. the Laws and Order are my bad-for-me copaganda programs, and I spent a bunch of them yelling at everyone not to trust the police but also, look, Olivia Benson and I go way back. I’m enjoying Queer for Fear and Interview with the Vampire so far. Stars Trek: Lower Decks and Prodigy (when the latter comes back). General Hospital. And sometimes Days of Our Lives (it’s not my soap, but I like some of the characters and I’m trying to support the show in this strange, streaming world it’s in). 

favorite color: orange

sweet, spicy, or savory: yes, and. 

currently reading: Honey in the Marrow by Emily Waters (okay, technically I just finished this, but I was reading it when I was tagged so). This is Real and You are Completely Unprepared by Rabbi Alan Lew. Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (re-read). Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel (re-read). The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri. fanfictions when they cross my path (mostly SVU lately tbh). 

what i'm working on: hahahahaha. ha. (which is to say that I have been so stuck, so very blocked, on just about everything, even though I have so many things I want to write and I really need.) (but now I have one exchange fic with a hard deadline and then Yuletide so hopefully those will help.) anyway in addition to like seventeen million ideas and things I’ve abandoned and may return to one day but also who knows, these are the official five things for now:

my femslash exchange fic. (it’s a secret.)

the TNG fic I’m co-writing with @summervillen (the goal is to finish before the Picard season 3 premiere date).

the original soap opera romance thing(ies: I have an idea for one story set in the 1980s, at the heyday of the genre, and one set current day when shows have been canceled and gone to streaming etc.; so it’s a duology, I guess?). the first one is fake dating for PR and whatnot. the second is a second chance romance for a background pairing in the first. 

the SVU Olivia Benson Becomes a Vigilante fic of the Cabot/Benson/Stabler variety. which stalled dreadfully during summer hiatus times, but I am feeling more excited about now that it’s network television season again. 

the Holby City remix fic that I’ve started and re-started and started again many times over the years, and which I really want to finish because I feel like I’ve never gotten any Berena closure for myself and also like I’ve slipped away without meaning to and would like to return.

currently obsessed with: the opening of Wolf Hall (“So now get up.” ugh, I want to roll around in it. it’s so good. I just, how did she do that? how is it so visceral, so there?). soap operas, as form, but also the history and cultural impact and fandom of; the watching of; the way you can grow up watching one, grow up and watch the characters age alongside you, racing ahead through life (sometimes you even get a character around your age that they don’t SORAS, and you grow up with them) (sometimes you get to watch a character age and still have adventures, romances, lives, and sometimes a character will devolve into someone who only shows up to talk to their—her, usually, because even in a genre where you get older woman living full lives, there’s still that pesky societal misogyny at play—grown child or grandchild); the shift from the heights of the daytime soap in the u.s. to now; the cancellations of shows and how that hurts (the way so many of these shows weren’t preserved over the decades, the film destroyed or taped over or whatever). the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation. (found family!) Kira Nerys and where she is now (or in the future, post-DS9, post Lower Decks; where she is now, whereas now is however many years post-DS9). Into the Woods. Russian Doll. apples. 

tagging: anyone who wants to answer these.

#meme #about me