#let me believe that so I don’t cry

[wasteland-of-a-manicpixie]

Being fat shamed is just helpful fast motivation.

#let me believe that so I don’t cry #4n4 diet #4na #not pr0 4n4 #not pr0 anything #4n0r3x1c #4norexia #tw ana thoughts #an0r3xic #ana trigger #pr0 ana diary #tw ed in the tags #binged #4n4 tips #coke zero #diet coke #anrexya #4n0r3x14 #an0rex1a #anorexsick #tw ed relapse

[pearlsdiamondsandvodka]

the sandra lynn / fig conversation is driving me Insane. fig saying that sometimes she doesn’t wanna exist as herself at all…not wanting to ask her friends how they see her (because she’s afraid to hear their response) saying that to someone she is a monster and she Cannot stop thinking about it. sandra lynn starting the conversation saying she needs to step up but is also simultaneously taken aback about what fig expresses and doesn’t know how to responds to it and suggests getting ice cream. sandra lynn saying “convincing people they deserve good things is really tough” talking about herself but how it also reflects fig. insane!!

#if that conversation had kept going I would have started bawling!! #fully believe brennan was like ‘well oh shit this is getting dark and heavy quick let’s uh get some snow cones’ #I will say I think Emily does a beautiful job here of showing teenage life #not a universal experience perhaps but definitely a common one #feeling so lost and insecure in who you are and under so much pressure to be a certain way #and her saying she doesn’t wanna exist #vs me resonating with ‘I don’t wanna die sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all’ lyrics #it was hard to watch ngl but it’s also bc Emily does Such a good job w emotional scenes!! #that woman is so emotionally invested you get emotional invested as well #if Emily axford cries I cry with her #and loved to see more of Sandra Lynn again <3 #damn good scene #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #sandra lynn faeth #emily axford #brennan lee mulligan

[exhaustedwerewolf]

when the dnd session was so insane you’re like “damn I want to rewatch that bit” but you can’t because it was not an incredible fantasy film but just you playing make believe with your friends

#INSANE SCENES THIS EVENING #dialogue echoing in my head includes: ‘resurrection isn’t my strong suit’ // ‘then make it your strong suit’ #‘oh darling! don’t scare me like that. come here. let’s go home.’ // ‘what the fuck have you done?’ #‘(laughs) oh yes. I’m sure if all those people had just had a sword and a shield that things would have turned out differently. I’m being #lenient but my patience is running out. so spare me the insult of your sword. cunt.’ #‘ten million is a big number. it should feel different to one body in a cage or one hanging from the rafters but somehow it… it feels the #same.’ #genuinely stopped typing to do a despair event horizon stare into nothingness #our dm can cry on command lads and he was weaponising that today :’) #so many unbelievably fucked up things happened I cannot believe it and I am having a conspiracy theory board moment trying to make sense of #it #DnD #so many other moments I have written down but can’t remember verbatim but also WHY DIDN’T THEY ASK ME… IF I WANTED TO LEAVE #@CASUALAGRESOR IF YOU ARE READING THIS HOW DARE YOU I AM SO SAD

[prisonpodcast]

.

#like idgaf if people online hate me or whatever but when it’s irl it fucking sucks #I never even defended Dream from the moaning audio thing on my IG #when I posted the crying cat hugging Dream thing I was referring to the gumball thing #I didn’t even know about the new allegation yet #so even if you believe that he send that to a minor and he’s a groomer or whatever the fuck how is that my problem #also how woulda 3rd party even get access to an audio like that? esp if the girl Jamie isn’t even involved with the accusations #I don’t get it I’m just waiting for dreams video like every one else damn #at least let the guy defend himself before making your judgements

[zainmalik]

.

#i had a good cry #let all those feelings out #things got too me too quickly and i felt overwhelmed #i’m much more calm now #my friend and i had a conversation that put a lot of things into perspective #she’s a g/aylor so she’s gone through her fair share of bullshit too #it’s bad that this is getting to me to the point i have a breakdown #and it’s because i have a parasocial relationship with him #at the end of the day we don’t know him personally. we don’t know what goes behind the scenes #and maybe distancing myself a bit from the whole personal aspect of him would be better #also something else. we all have a parasocial relationship with him #la/rries. antis. solos. the people that spend their time hating on him #we all care so much about what he does to the point it gets to us #i still love him and his music and call me crazy but i’m still going to his shows and buying 28op #and i’m gonna play the hell out of lt3 when it comes out #because i enjoy his music and his work. and to me that’s all that matters #whatever his personal life is. whether h and l are still together or broke up or it was just a fling. that shouldn’t matter #don’t get me wrong i still believe in la/rry. nothing can stop me from believing it. but it shouldn’t take so much space in my life #i’m still gonna stream his music. i’m still gonna blog about him. i’m still gonna be his fan #i’m still gonna gif him #but i’m gonna work so hard to make it healthy #somehow i’ve managed to do that with h already #so yeah just lots of words #treating this site like my personal diary aksjsjksjsjs #also @ parasocial relationship anon. somehow i feel offended by it but that’s a me thing not a you thing. and it’s true #logan.txt

[akkivee]

still just like!!!!!!! bummed they didn’t get to play in a band together lol!!!!!!!

#this is vee speaking #humanity can’t keep taking Ls like this lmao!!!!! let bat be a band together but Forreal!!!!!!!!!!! #i’ve been trying to decide if kuukou can actually play the guitar tho lol #like did he pick that up somewhere along the way or was he about to wing it and hope for the best lol #kuukou is very smart despite not particularly doing anything with his brains lol so if you told me he learned to play the guitar 🔵🦔fast #i’d believe you lol but i also think it’s fitting he’d also put in the time to learn music like the rest of his team #def not as extensively as jyushi and hitoya but maybe the reason bat don’t miss is because their creative jams are insane #since they all have music training of some sort lol #i’m about to start crying at a baby kuukou learning guitar 😭😭😭 #i wonder if he picked it up from shakku or unnamed important woman figure in his life lol #since shakku’s a rock n roll fan in arb i wouldn’t be surprised if shakku showed off once and decided he wanted to beat his dad at it lol

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞 #real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS??? #ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

[secondimpact]

this is more a reminder for myself, but take it if it behooves you to do so; It’s always in your interest to move towards joy, even when you tell yourself otherwise, and especially when it feels harder than usual.

#I’m far enough out of a BPD relapse to say this in a sincere way #I know you won’t believe it when it’s bad but you absolutely wrote this and should remember it #you don’t hurt anyone else but yourself when you hurt yourself #also gonna try and lean into letting beautiful things make me cry #i am a crier when it comes to everything #but i’ve been wound so tight most my life for many reasons and i do want to let them go

[yaminerua]

my mum: stopped me at every opportunity I asked to come see my dying grandpa bc ‘you don’t want to see him like this’ even tho I already had seen him and he had been happy to see me after years estranged from that side of the family and I very much wanted to fit as much time with him in as possible before it was too late and in the end she blocked me from all of it

also my mum: you never came to see your grandpa, you don’t give a shit

and now my mum yet again: won’t let me come see my gran who has been losing weight and falling and breaking bones a lot and been in and out of hospital since being on her own. Didn’t let me go talk to gran when we were both at my great aunt’s funeral last year and so I never saw her and she only found out I was there through other people who saw me. Refuses every time I ask to see my gran, including now when I’ve got presents for her

also my fucking mum right now in the same breath as refusing to allow me to come over: you never come to see your gran, you don’t give a shit

make it make fucking sense jfc

#Never mind the fact that the way my mum and aunt and cousins act about my gran it feels like I’m the only one who DOES give a shit #I’m the one crying and feeling bad for her and wishing I could do more #while my mum and aunt bitch about each other and refuse to coordinate to find an arrangement that works bc they don’t talk #And no-one believes me bc of the years we spent estranged from the family #which was largely bc of my mum being Fucking Terrifying and my aunt a manipulative bitch #I’m so pissed off. I wanted to mend things with papa bc when everyone else had acted like fools he had been fine #and he didn’t deserve to lose contact with us for all this years and I wanted him to know we love him before he was gone #and my aunt and cousin walked us out of the cancer centre the second time I tried to see him so I only got one actual session with him #and now I can’t reach my gran who has been lonely and declining bc of the grief and loneliness #and I’m fucking pissed bc yeah my gran did some batshit stuff in the past #and it was all a big mess but I still don’t want her to feel like I don’t cherish all the good times I spent with her as a kid #before everything went sour. You couldn’t keep me away from them as a kid. I loved spending my holidays there #some of my fondest childhood memories were with them and I hate that things got ruined but I just #want to make up for lost time and let bygones be bygones and yet everything remains complicated

[bambeebirdie]

WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME THEY REMADE TRIGUN OR WAS I JUST SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THAT OUT ON MY OWN?!?!?

#and like it’s 3D too #WTF?? #i have so many thoughts about the new designs but I will keep my mouth shut until I watch the show #if you need to know current I’m utterly upset about how they look #some are kinda cute but like what the hell did they do to my mans Vash hair and coat!?! #again I’ll only complain properly until I’ve actually watched it #(I’m also upset it’s 3D but maybe it looks okay in show. idk yet) #now if you excuse me I have rewatch the original and reread the manga because it’s been years #i refuse to let anything incorrect go #they can’t just remake one of my favorite shows like that!! #can’t believe no one told me #grrr grr #i can’t wait to cry over this show again #i will be raniting if it goes wrong but I’m busy so it’ll take awhile for me to finish all this content #why’d they de-spike Vash’s hair 😩 #Trigun #vash the stampede #please no spoilers #well ig you can’t spoil if I’ve already watched it in a way lmao #i hope they don’t cut all the more filler stuff #as a manga reader I feel like it paces the begging a bit better but I wouldn’t be too upset if they cut a little out #they shows beginning could be a little shorter but the manga really jumps in #ideally it will strike a good balance

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

So I don’t know if I’m logging on for the first time in months or logging off for a while all i know is that I feel the most hollow I’ve ever felt and I just don’t want to be anywhere at all so if you see me hi

#in other words my girlfriend broke up with me #i barely got any sleep #and I work almost 12 hours today yippee #i don’t get the point of why I work myself like this but with the way things r going that’s the one way ticket to the thought spiral of #actually I’m not sure that anything has a point and I just want to disappear #and yeah I have friends and my friends are really good at distracting me #but i just want to feel okay. i want to stop crying every few minutes #just everything about yesterday hurt so badly #the more I talk the more I make it worse #everything hurt. everything still hurts. i really don’t want to go to work today #i can’t believe I woke up crying #soup talks #if y’all have any ideas or thoughts on getting better please let me know

[nope-body]

.

#I fucking hate how my dad has essentially told me that it’s my fault I’m in so much pain #not that he’d ever acknowledge how much pain I’m actually in #but I just keep getting told that my general physical condition is my fault and I’m a burden for needing more support than others #and that I don’t know what I need or how to take care of myself and just generally that I’m bad for being disabled #not that anyone would ever say that I’m disabled #and I just hate it! I’m so tired of it #I’m tired of my dad treating exercise like a cure and my mom supporting me only when my dad isn’t around and never in any meaningful way #and I’m tired of feeling like an unlovable burden when I’m in so much pain that I can’t stand #because it’s really getting to my head! I almost texted my friend asking them if they were sure they wanted to be roommates with me because #I might be in pain sometimes and that might impact them #like. what the fuck!? they already know I’m disabled and they’re disabled too! and we support each other and we are more than aware of what #being roommates consists of. my parents are just getting into my head to the extent that I feel like I shouldn’t be around people because #I’m a burden and unlovable due to my pain and I would tell anybody else that that’s wrong #so why am I letting myself believe it? #also I keep saying that my parents are getting better but I don’t think they’ve changed. They can communicate a bit better but #their feelings are the same and that’s the problem. they don’t understand and they don’t care until they’ve had time to think about it #about it and normally I’d be fine with that but when you’re stuck on the floor crying in pain you just want someone to care #you don’t want to wait until your health comes up weeks later in a conversation #you just want compassion and someone to be there with you and tell you it’ll be okay #they have never done that

[peapod20001]

LMAO QUICK. WIPE YOUR TEARS BEFORE SOMEONE SEEEESSS YOUUU

#vent #:) !! dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I am in my feelings and I am feeling so many feelings like my heart being torn from my chest and pounded into the floor #and a rage so sickening that I can only get rid of by mutilating someone’s flesh with my teeth and nails #fuck fuck fuck man fucking shit everytime I start to open myself up to someone and share what’s at the core of my being #I let my guard down and shit happens!! why can’t I be normal!! why do I get so attached!!! so fucking needy!!!!!! why do I CARE so deeply #when I’m so easy to be ignored? honestly what am I doing here!! I’m forgettable!!! honestly!! #why talk to me??? what am I contributing AT ALL to the conversation?? I’m not interesting. I have no ideas. YOU have a hard time under me? #how do you think *I* feel?? do you think I know who I am?? what I believe?? what I desire?? #why even BOTHER wanting for anything!! I dream of the absolute bare minimum life for myself!! I want to not die and live with my friend!! #maybe even MULTIPLE friends if I’m so lucky!!! do you know how much I’ve thought about it? how stupid of a fucking dream really truly #what are the chances of that coming true? who would want to spend more than a few hours. with me? #and so what?? if I can’t even achieve the bare fucking minimum dream ever then??? what’s the point??? what am I then??? if you think I have #ANY skills. you are mistaken!! I don’t know how to do anything!!! except cry over no response to my messages for TWO FUCKING WEEKS #I’m fine and cool. absolutely fucking DANDY #I’m totally not insecure about my place in the world and my place in peoples lives!!! noooooooo #I don’t need the bare minimum level of attention. I made it 13 fucking years having never truly connected to another human being. #I can handle. whatever the fuck this is. haha how pathetic. shitty shitty bang bang #nooo I’m a grizzled fucking soldier I don’t reread positive words directed at me like I have an addiction #I’m not replaying the top happiest moments from my life over and over again trying to ride a high from something that expired LOOONGG ago #I’m not fucking!! crying!! what do I have to cry for?? aww little piss baby DIDNT get a reply :( aww shh shh #your feelings are sooo valid don’t you worry!! it’s not like you’ve gone most of your life with the ability to get things you want!! GASP.NO #you didn’t have to struggle with food or money or housing!! nobody’s even HIT you before!! but even so your cries are valid!!!! #SIKE. NO. IM AT THE ABSOLUTE BOTTOM. MY PROBLEMS DONT MATTER #so WHAT if you’re longing?? doesn’t matter how hard you THINK or DREAM or WISH. NO ONE. NOT ONE SINGLE. FUCKING. PERSON #will EVER. see you as more than the fucking checker piece on the chess board!! #you want to be someone’s muse huh? don’t even CARE about their interpretations. or how they see you. all that matters is that in this moment #they’re stuck with you. they’re watching you. for at least a moment you can pretend they are yours. #god.... if only I could get myself to write my actual essays with this much passion haha #haha...a hh h..

[daydreamerdrew]

Iron Man (1968) #61

#in all honesty it’s difficult to be much concerned with the dramatics of Pepper and Happy’s relationship collapsing #because how fast it happened makes it clear that they were already on the path to that before they became recurring characters again #so I just feel like this would have happened even if the events of this issue and the past few issues hadn’t happened #what’s much more significant to me here is that Pepper was crying and said that Iron Man was dead #and Tony said that can’t be why she’s upset because ‘I know you don’t hold any tears for my bodyguard’ #like oh my gosh that’s a lot #like Tony believes and it apparently is true that Pepper wouldn’t be that affected by Iron Man being killed #even though they have interacted a lot over the years #like that’s a person that Pepper knows #and used to see regularly because of her work and has been seeing regularly again #and she’s not just indifferent but dislikes him enough that she definitely wouldn’t cry if he got murdered while trying to save people #and Tony knows that and is not trying to fix that #he’s just letting or is possibly actively encouraging her to dislike Iron Man that much #marvel #tony stark #pepper potts #my posts #comic panels

[kavehater]

Genuinely gonna cry cause I saw the most disgusting thing ( literally what’s new I get new traumas at least once a day LMAO )

#I’d rather watch gore #than see this #SOB SOB SOBBBB #ik I was saying stuff like girl kaveh we are married bla bla bla etc redacted + etc for good measure but today I realise I don’t mean that #because I feel like crying #I think I proved to myself none of this is very comfy no matter the gender LMAO anyways me and girl kaveh are still married I’ll just cry #as much if kaveh was a boy too as well as if he’s a girl 🤷‍♀️ #astaghfirAllah I’m so annoying this makes no sense to you guys but I am in shambles 😭 #dora daily #the “you guys” are the guests in my head the voices 😔🖤🥀⛓️💔 #I was like in the past I might’ve been a tad fruity but turns out I was just traumatised and also I hate everyone equally #THIS REMINDS ME today my grandpa (😾) answered my dads call and I rolled my eyes so far back I saw my optic nerve #so cue covering my face as my dad was shoving the phone on my face while I was being verbally harassed into saying hi (I don’t wanna say hi) #so then my dad explains that I’m not an affectionate person and I dislike love because I don’t kiss him (firstly even if he was a normal man #I wouldn’t do it) and he went on to say I don’t even let my mum kiss me etc etc because I hate it #not only that it’s just I’m so sick of them all man 😭 I’m okay with hugs it’s just nothing I feel particularly inclined to #like I’ll do it if it’s expected but I’m like I dunno I wouldn’t feel an undying urge to ??? #and then my grandpa was like the shocked pikachu face #yeah like I am never kissing anyone on the cheek all I want is to be left alone 😭 #my dads shock when he realises I do in fact hate love when I’m 50 and unmarried #I can’t believe he as a man knowing what men are like expects me to want a guy #barf #and don’t get me started on how men talk about women like they’re in a cult and women are trading cards #like do they not get jealous 😭 whyre they like good on you bro you scored etc etc #I’m not explaining this right but I hope y’all get what I’m trying to say #damn fellas this one was a touch long #my apologies

[bestial4ngel]

My sister wanted to watch dance moms last night like… as if it’s a comedy… and my god is it not at all funny or enjoyable to watch. Crazy to me that it was even aired as entertainment at all considering how fuckin abusive the adults are to the children involved

#like hahaha these parents are so fuckin neglectful of their child’s emotions and is making their self esteem come entirely from winning #being skinny and attractive #the amount of ‘man up’ ‘tough love’ ‘stop crying’ ‘you have to put dance first’ etc. was insane #and hearing the moms say they were dancers from a young age or their kid ‘wants nothing but to win’ or ‘she’s a perfectionist’ or some shit #when you can tell it’s 100% the moms not the kids that are like that… just the sheer disconnect and lack of care for who they are #and ngl the teacher brought back horrible feelings from getting talked to like that by teachers in school #that shit’s awful and I can’t believe the parents would still force their child into that situation knowing the effect it has on them #eugh. just eugh #couldn’t make it through 1 episode and then cried after lmao #and the moms lowkey hating the dance teacher and having mental breakdowns over her rudeness/treatment of the kids AND YET STILL PAYING TO #HAVE THEIR KIDS IN HER CLASSES #like what the fuckkkkk your kid was sobbing after her ‘tough love’ and is stuck with immense pressure and stress about getting it right… #and she’s pitting them against each other and making the kids that aren’t as good feel lesser #maybe fucking stop ??? #I guess the problem is the parents are just as bad just in their own way cuz they don’t give a shit if it hurts the kids either #as long as they win/stay in dance/stay being the best #the teacher not letting a kid stop because she was nauseous and the mom intervening because she looked like she was going to throw up… only #to say ‘stop crying its not a big deal’ and saying ‘you never miss dance though’ when the kid is sobbing saying she wants to go home #really got to me ngl… made me fucking sick to watch #me talking #dance moms