#kind of actually like this one

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[mumblesplash]

(teaching my art class)

me: and what’s the number one rule when designing characters with wings? …well?

a handful of students, sighing reluctantly: no good fa-

me (interrupting them): NO good-faith attempts at realism, EVER. you want all the bird dweebs and physicists jumping ship as EARLY AS POSSIBLE so they’re not around to cinemasins your ass when you get to the cool parts of your story, and…ugh, what now, gerald

gerald (my least favorite student): why not just do some minimal research instead of-

me: listen you little shit i can and will singlehandedly tank your 4.0 gpa

#mumbling #don’t worry i’m not actually an art teacher i would never #no one deserves that #the art class is a metaphor #man when i was in high school i did NOT fully register how messed up it was that teachers could just do that #like the gym teacher at my school would give straight-A 4.0 students bad grades as some kind of power trip #for underperforming on athletic tests she didn't even pretend to prepare us for

[ink-the-artist]

Video game I saw in a dream. It was in this low poly style like an older video game. You play as this character I think was meant to be a lamb, or maybe a weird mix of a lamb a mouse and a rabbit, (while not really looking like any of those things) and you’re running away from a wolf. Your objective is to last as long as possible before the wolf catches and eats you.

The house you’re running in is endless and bizarrely put together like most building interiors in dreams are (like the infinite toilet dream dimension on Reddit lol) the layout of the house is pretty detailed, you can stop and hide in places like closets or bins while the wolf looks for you, you can go up and down stairs and into rooms etc.

You never actually know where the wolf is or how close it is to you until it appears in your line of sight, it makes no noise and the game gives you no way of knowing where it is, and it’s pretty unpredictable it doesnt move at a consistent pace. When the wolf catches you there’s an animation showing it eating your character

#the actual animation of the wolf eating your character wasnt scary he kind of just cartoonishly swallows the character whole lol #the scary part is being pursued by him and never knowing how close he is #i remember being surprised when i first saw the game bc it was presented to me as #a fun addictive sort of game kinda like a mobile app game #and then i see it and its a horror game and the creators are just completely oblivious to it lmao #dream art #<- thats my tag for all my dream-inspired art #art #gif #photomanipulation #digital art #liminal #weirdcore #used a mix of ai photos and regular photos for this one #the ai stuff is sooooo good for recreating what a dream looks and feels like #but i didnt use it too much bc i wasnt able to get the specific photos i wanted :/ #hmmmm this is vore isn’t it

[egophiliac]

just something I wanted to try! (tumblr please don't absolutely destroy this, thank you)

#art #twisted wonderland #gif warning #gifs that remind you that they are still just cats warning #i was going to do the tail stepped but i actually kind of liked it with the interpolation? #i thought it would look weird with cheka being frame by frame but. i dunno. ymmv but i think it's kind of fun! #it is also Late™ and i did this mostly all in one sitting so my brain is kind of fried #that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it

[ministarfruit]

day 15: haunting ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

#HALFWAY THROUGH??! #minifemslashfeb2024 #ace attorney #lanamia #lana skye #mia fey #rotating them in my head #what if ghost mia DIDN'T agree with lana #I should add that my original concept for this was #that ghost mia is just a projection and lana is just imagining her spite post-mortem #as one does when they are not in a good state of mind #but I also think if mia genuinely disapproved of her actions... that would be so interesting #either way I think it should haunt lana #I just think that would be interesting #like what if mia asked about it when she was alive and investigating corruption #and lana deliberately lied to her #those kinds of regrets... #I love ghost stories... #me wanting mia to actually haunt the narrative...

[paxopalotls]

The fanfictions are infecting me with brainrot oh my god have some au doodles before I explode

#the fanon here hits different idk #like?? why is there so much vivisection #danny phantom #danny phantom fanart #danny fenton #danny fenton fanart #dp #dp fanart #this is like a #fully dead au #where no one knows #kind of thing #jazz fenton #bc I'm obsessed with their sibling dynamic #why are they on the roof pax #bc after Danny died jazz started stargazing as a way of feeling closer to him #fuck you #I have thoughts about this au actually #in it Jack and maddy are still trying to get rid of the ghosts but mostly as penance #bc they know the ghost portal is what killed Danny #and they want revenge #Danny's aware of this but convinced his parents wouldn't love him enough to believe him if he revealed himself as their son #jazz helps phantom without knowing he's Danny #pax art #pax doodles #pax rambling #technically #tho all the rambling is in the tags

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[panstarry]

my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟

#pan draws #pan designs #zine #risograph #i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline #i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently #anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in #but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us. #so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they #actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye #tdov #trans day of visibility #<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lap Pillow

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Confessions of a missed opportunity: I almost had LWJ in purple for this comic. #WWX gives him one of his layers to wear and it's never specified what colour it is. #We all love the red inner robe from CQL (And other illustrations) but sit with me for a moment. Think about LWJ in Jiang Purple. #Right now. Close your eyes and give it 5-10 seconds of rotation in your brain. #Welcome back. It's beautiful isn't it. As I write these notes I am upset that I backed out of going through with it. #I think I will simply have to draw it another time. If we get gusu lan white wwx we *need* yunmeng jiang purple lwj! #Anyways; this comic is the pinnacle of teen wangji's bursting-at-the-seams-emotionality that I love him for. #For my sanity I need that teen losing his mind and following bird rules (get fluffy - get blushy - keep beeping) #He is a loser nerd with a begrudging crush on a boy that he doesn't know how to be normal about. #LWJ seems like your typical 'cool guy love interest' until you realize that he's actually kind of soggy and pathetic. #My favourite lan wangji trait is that he's funny as all hell. I feel like wwx a bit because I had a character epiphany when I realized this

[somecunttookmyurl]

the "all customer service people are trained by management to be illiterate apes you can never get any resolutions by design dont be mean about it" crowd would faint to know there is a guy at my bank RIGHT NOW attempting to resolve an issue that would normally take a week

see. i tried to order food (having nothing of note in the house, and too much pain currently to get down 3 flights of stairs about it) and the payment failed on just eat's end.

but it went through fine on my bank's end, so the funds are tied up in "pending"... for a week. my available balance is now 95p so i can't just do it again

the bank cannot typically do anything about this until the normal time frame for collection passes and they funds just release automatically. just eat have zero contactable customer service

but it is for FOOD and there's no more MONEY and i am a DISABLED CUSTOMER so BY FUCKING GOD not on zeeshan's watch

#i said i live by myself - which i do it's kind of the problem right now #so he's actually said 'i fully understand what you're going through so please know i'm here even if you just want to talk to someone #whilst i wait for a response from the product team' #like. ok king #i hope you can always find a pen when you need one and it always works

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

christ sometimes I just wanna. steal a time machine & go back & sit down next to my 9-year-old self and just like. let them pull out their pokemon card binder & gush about their holographic gyarados or whatever. I'd just smile & ask questions about motherfukcing bulbasaur & tell my kid self that I thought they were a neat person, & someday they'd find other people who thought so too.

like i'm a grown adult who honestly finds most kids stuff boring, but. damn if i could go back & hang out with my baby self & listen to them ramble...just so they knew someone was listening. i would in a heartbeat. thinking about u kid

#wouldn't roll my eyes or check my phone or get bored or nothing #I'd just listen to that little dork & smile & encourage them & let them explain how their favorite gameboy games worked #i was the kind of kid my adult self would find annoying & uninteresting but like #most of the actual adults in my childhood felt that way too. including my dang parents. #and ya know sometimes they showed it. a lot of times without realizing it. and that messes a kid up #if you don't make an effort kids WILL recognize your disinterest and lack of attention. #kids deserve to have caregivers who show interest and engagement #even when it's over stuff that adults find boring. especially then maybe #your kid doesn't have to be fun or interesting or easy or well behaved to deserve positive attention #they deserve positive attention because they are YOUR KID #if love is unconditional then DISPLAYS of LOVE and AFFECTION must also be unconditional #not something that must be earned #telling your kid that you love them is not enough. that is step one out of like a thousand #if you just tell your kid you love them but you don't demonstrate affection and interest and patience and warmth and etcetera #your kid isn't gonna feel loved! I Love You will just become a trite phrase that they regard with mistrust! #bitch you gotta FOLLOW THROUGH

[ruporas]

the blank ticket in your hand is just waiting to be filled in.

happy birthday vash! (ID in alt text)

#vash the stampede #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun maximum spoilers #trimax spoilers #vashwood #i actually made it... im crying... was devastated for a bit bc i thought i wouldnt had anything for vash's bday!! #but happy birthday to the twins.. vash and knives... #no matter what i was going to make a vash centric post im sorry knives... i have a comic in progress also but it was taking too long T_T #that one would celebrate both of them slightly more fairly! but anyway. #birthdays to someone like vash must not mean a whole lot. even the first one - him and knives were like oh what... cool.. i don't think the #had the chance to celebrate much after that :pensive: and vash probably spent most of his birthdays like any other day so i kind of just #wanted to celebrate him living and being alive - living for as long as he did and the people that eventually made living worth it #keep counting the years vash!!! even if you dont have birthday parties - it's still very very special #quote is directly from rem’s speech in ch 41 also #ruporas art

[egophiliac]

Please elaborate on your twst Pokémon headcannons I’m very interested

I had planned on drawing everyone for this (I made a LIST!) but it. hasn't been going well. 💀 soooo here's what I have so far!

Riddle - Roserade (I was going with 'no legendaries', otherwise I would've given him a Shaymin) (and I don't think Togedemaru is actually a hedgehog or I would've given him one of those too) (...they kind of do fit though. hmm.)

Trey - Alcremie (clover/mint cream + strawberry/ruby cream)

Cater - DITTO SQUAD! DITTO SQUAD! DITTO SQUAD!

Ace - Impidimp (I feel like there's probably a better one for him, but I can't think of it)

Deuce - Scraggy (meanwhile I KNOW deep in my heart that this is true)

Leona - Pyroar (but like. a nasty Pyroar. just a grizzly old Pyroar with the shittiest attitude imaginable. they pretend to hate each other but secretly they are a bonded pair, do not separate)

#art #twisted wonderland #pokemon #poketwst #i'm trying not to pressure myself too much art-wise right now #but i would like to do more of the characters! #(especially considering this started with my insistence that malleus would have a dragapult) #gotta draw something i don't immediately hate first ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ #ANYWAY enough art angst! #i'm not aiming for full teams or delving too deep into lore or anything #just one or two per character that i think fit! #i was pretty torn on leona for a while because pyroar is at once the obvious choice but also. not really? #(i did consider luxray and ultimately decided it doesn't really fit either) #but i kind of love Nasty Lionboy's Nasty Pyroar #i think there's probably some. like. ~royal tradition~ that they all bond with this one specific breeding line or whatever #and leona deliberately chose just the absolute worst one #took one look at this shitty rude pokemon and immediately went 'that one' #falena was like 'are...are you SURE' and leona cops an attitude like 'i'm choosing my OWN pokemon you're not my DAD' #as pyroar is actively attempting to eat him #actually it probably tried to eat kifaji first and that's when leona decided he liked it #me: this is just for funsies i'm not doing lore (writes a whole fanfic in the tags)

[ryllen]

no, but pinecones is really beautiful isn't it ?

#perfect kind of flowers for fae kind who probably feels that flowers die in 0.1 sec bcs of their long life #imagine making mal a pine cone flower wreath and he is so happy with it; that if yuu ever think of selling it king mal mal would order it #for every house in the valley; so everyone has one in their house as new kind of briar valley culture & tradition fhsdh #twst #twisted wonderland #sebek zigvolt #twst yuu #twst mc #twst grim #fanart #i wonder if sebek can see the pinecones as beautiful too #well sebek is weak at subjective thing like art; he might only be able to see things as it is #but he might take on some things from poet or romantic genre books; so i wonder what he sees #i know a fellow who absolutely can't see what i see; i feel like his brain is like a white digital sci fi cube that is clean #and looking so minimalistic it looks like it can only process logical things like numbers #it's so weird that some people don't actually process things by imagining a lot of other things visually in their mind

[medicalunprofessional]

ohhh hell yes

#psychonauts #g-men #trainofthought #pls ignore the hand i know its kind of ass i dont care 🏃🏃🏃🏃 #i drew this like 2 days ago but i just had to post it on a friday or it would be wrong #sometimes i draw shoes really good and this is one of these times for some reasob #i fucking love drawing these thingd #wait like do the g-men actually get the weekend off or.:.?????? #i dojt care. i think they shpuld be allowed a day off (they will discuss their theories and like. play board games. but really boring ones)