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kimthwariru · 8 months

Text

Like the wind

pairing: Taehyung x reader

(+Jungkook)

genre: smut, enemies to lovers, angst, collage au, rich kid!Taehyung

Masterpost

Chapter 3: flashbacks

You were used to having cold showers by now. You’d first tried it when you’d read on some health site that it was supposed to help with skin and stress. You didn’t know about the skin part, but you truly felt way more relaxed when you showered with cold water. You’d get so distracted with how cold it was, that there was no time to overthink—a task you often did while showering. Something you truly did not need right now.

Because there was a list of questions in your head waiting to be checked out. Questions you had no answers to, and would probably never get.

Why was Kim Taehyung such an asshole?

Why did he act the way he did?

Why did he fuck you over like that?

How can someone place a bet over who they’re fucking?

That dude was disgusting, but what was worse was the fact that, for mere moments, you’d fallen for his lies. You thought that maybe, there was something there. That maybe that boy you’d met years ago was starting to resurface.

But no. Kim Taehyung was a fucking monster who didn’t care about anyone’s feelings but his own.

Frustration clawed at your chest as you closed your eyes under the ice cold water.

Your mind travels to Marloom 4 years ago, a port near Outfield where fishermen and boat crew mostly lived. It was probably the poorest region outside the wall, which was why you were so surprised when you saw Taehyung there, sitting at the edge of the deck, his bare feet brushing along the waves. He was like a picture.

“y/n!” He’d called out “check this out” he’d showed you a book you’d been trying to get your hands on forever which unfortunately, was limited edition and way out of your budget.

“No way!!” You smiled “How did you even manage to get that?”

He shrugged his shoulders “The publishing company works for my dad” he handed it to you “it’s yours”

“You’re kidding!?”

“No, take it. Read it and tell me if it’s worth the trouble.”

“Of course I will. Thanks, Tae”

He smiled at that, but his expression quickly faded into a sad grimace “Hey, are you alright? What are you doing in Marloom anyway?”

“I don’t feel lonely here. Local folks don’t even recognize my face, to them I am just a teenager, not Kim Taehyung, so they will scold me for chasing ducks, yell when I steal the ropes to climb some tree… there’s even an old lady that gives me these vanilla cookies every Sunday, somehow they make me feel less lonely”

You’d basically forgotten that Kim Taehyung was this well known prince of Hashfield that would take his father’s place one day. His face would feature in many magazines. ‘Prince Charming’ was one of the many nicknames given to him by the media, but, to you, he’d always been Tae.

“Did I tell you about the novella I’ve been reading?” You tried to change the subject the minute you saw his eyes turning sad. Today would’ve been a month since his mother had left without even saying goodbye, or where she was going.

“About the knight who doesn’t know whether to speak or die.? I think you told me already.”

Obviously you had mentioned it and forgotten. “Yes.”

“Well, does he or doesn’t he?”

A handsome young knight is madly in love with a princess. And she too is in love with him. Though she seems not to be entirely aware of it.

Despite the friendship the blossoms between them or perhaps because of that very friendship, the young knight finds himself so humbled and speechless

He knows they are from two different worlds. The princess was to marry soon, and he’d be serving the new king until the day he died.

So, despite his feelings, he's totally unable to bring up the subject of his love.

Till one day he asks the princess point blank

Is it better to speak or to die?

“Better to speak, she said. But she’s on her guard. She senses a trap somewhere.” You replied

“So, does he speak?”

“No, he fudges.”

“Figures. People never say what they truly feel”

“If you speak, you risk rejection, or worse. The knight could be exiled from the kingdom. . .But if you don't speak, then you keep the words inside you, you essentially kill them, let them die with you, and you risk nothing. Which one would you choose?”

His honey eyes reached yours and for a second you’d forgotten your name. “I’m not sure which would be more suitable…”

He made a pause.

“To expose your depth and your darkness, to expose the most personal parts of yourself? To present yourself to the world with your skin flipped inside out? Or to keep a fire bubbling within, never unburdening yourself by letting go of the passionate energy pounding in your lungs? To suffocate, never releasing the words from your throat. To die with a legacy or to have your beliefs, mind, thoughts remain unknown, to let your mind leave with your body. A well known library book or a diary that has never been invaded. Realistically, I’d choose to die, but I knew I would regret it later on”

You loved the way his mind worked. The way he’d analyze situations the same way you did. But you couldn’t help but see he was in sorrow, his eyes would wonder around, because maybe if they met yours for too long they’d uncover how hurt he was. “Look I know you don’t wanna talk about it. . .but what you said earlier, about feeling lonely. I feel like that all the time. I’m only saying this because I want you to know you’re really not alone in that feeling. In case you think you are.”

He averted his stare from the sea to your eyes “You know what’s really funny? When I seem to get really lonely you’re the person that happens to be there…and…I guess, I’m lucky for that because you seem to have a soothing effect on me. You know, the things I would normally worry about, they don’t really feel that warring when I talk to you”

Fuck.

You close your eyes and let the water drops his your face. Cold showers were the only thing that prevented you from overthinking, but it looks like this time, your thoughts had taken over.

Taehyung P.O.V

It was cold.

Not that he expected to find warmth and comfort, but he couldn’t help but notice it seemed to be colder than usual. While he walked down the silent corridors, Taehyung wondered when was the last time this house had felt like a home, and not just a shelter with a roof under which he barely existed.

He guesses it was a long time ago. Before his mother had left. The process took him back to a long lost summer, too many years ago, when the walls were still vibrating with life and happiness. That there was even a time in which he had walked barefoot, with just his trunks on in the middle of the winter, without feeling cold, was such a preposterous thought he sometimes wondered whether it had really happened at all, or it was just a fantasy his mind had made up.

It was not a fantasy, and he knew it.

Taehyung knew there was a time he had loved his life, and that he was believed to be destined for greatness. To inherit this big empire his dad had carefully laid out for him.

All bullshit.

He quickly pushed these pointless thoughts to the corner of his mind where they belonged, to focus on the more pressing matter of why his house had suddenly become as cold as the Antarctic. The answer to that question came when he noticed that every single fireplace was empty.

“Fucking hell” he muttered

It was Maya’s fault - as always - but he couldn’t bring himself to summon their head maid to tell her she had yet again forgotten to light the fire, mostly because it would have just made her cry for thirty minutes, promising him that she’d be more attentive next time. But no matter how many times Maya promised, she always forgot and, to be honest, he didn’t care any more.

Taehyung was conscious this house had long lost its past glory, with the cold that now covered every piece of furniture and treasure his family had been so proud of. He vaguely remembered his father showing off a miniature greek statue of Achilles, whose head was covered in gold, to a distinguished member of the British Royal family, and wondered what his old man would have thought if he knew his son had used the priceless treasure as a target, and had concluded its existence by flinging the remains into the fire.

After having lit all the fireplaces, he sank heavily into an old velvet armchair and grabbed the bottle on the small table on his left. Not even bothering to acknowledge what it was - honestly it didn’t make any difference - he uncorked it and began to drink straight from the neck.

Irish.

It was definitely Irish whiskey. Although not The Macallan, or perhaps it was just the shittiest bottle ever produced by that brand.

Taehyung took another long swig, Macallan or not it perfectly served its aim. Unfortunately, his busy drinking was interrupted by the sudden appearance of their head maid, Maya.

“I’m sorry to disturb you, sir,” she squeaked in her high-pitched voice, “but mister Logan has come to see you.”

He closed his eyes and set his jaw, mentally cursing his bad luck. “Where is he now?”

“I’m here.”

Logan Everett’s slow deep voice forced Taehyung to lift his eyelids. Time hadn’t been kind to the former Minister of justice, the black of his hair had long ago disappeared to make room for a pure white, his forehead wrinkled and it seemed he needed aid from an emerald embedded cane in order to stand up straight. But time hadn’t been kind to Taehyung either, so he wisely opted to not share his thoughts.

“Hello, uncle Logan” were the words he greeted him with instead, after dismissing Maya with a nod, and before lifting his left arm to offer him the liquor. “Want some? I’m afraid it’s not Macallan but it gets the job done”

Logan twisted his lips into a disapproving grimace as he proceeded to sit on the armchair opposite to him. “It’s 5 o’clock in the afternoon, Taehyung.”

“Do I have to take that as a no, thank you ?”

“Obviously.”

Was it ten years ago? He recalls that’s the last time he’d seen Logan Everett this close. He’d phone Taehyung from time to time, make sure he wasn’t drunk driving himself into a ditch, but other than that, Taehyung’s godfather was nothing but a ghost in his life.

His father’s best friend.

Funny, considering Logan was somewhat of a decent human being, or just, a human being—unlike his father. When his mother was still here, Logan along with his late wife vacationed with them every summer. Taehyung remembers himself running around in Verona, Italy. Logan chasing after him.

It was warm then, unlike now; Taehyung was freezing.

“Is he here? Your father?”

Taehyung took his time to drink again and then shook his head. “No.” Thankfully

“Does he plan to come back soon?”

“As far as I know, he is having the time of his life finalizing some deal in Germany so… no.” He cocked his eyebrows while staring at his Godfather. “What do you need from him?”

To state that the relationship between Logan and his father had deteriorated was an utter underestimation, since the two of them had barely spoken in those long years. When Taehyung had asked why —when he still cared—the cryptic answer Logan gave him was “he destroyed something I cared about”

Nothing surprising there. Ruining others’ lives was his father’s expertise, as Taehyung knew from first hand experience.

“I heard he’s getting you engaged with the Arden family.”

“I’m not getting engaged with anyone” Taehyung replied immediately, taking another sip of Irish while his eyes stayed on the older man.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s your choice to make, kid”

“Uh I’m pretty sure I can’t get engaged if I don’t consent. My dad may be rich but he is not God. Besides, what’s the worst he could do? Exile me from Hashfield? He’d be doing me a favor”

“You’re speaking nonsense” Logan’s hands wrapped around the cane in frustration “Believe it or not, The wall is here to protect you son. To get to the level of wealth your father is right now, he had to make a lot of enemies, powerful people, who would love nothing but his only heir outside the wall, unprotected.”

Every word Logan spoke made less sense than the other “What do you even mean?”

“The less you know the better” There was no hesitation in Logan’s speech. He slowly got up and paced towards Taehyung. Resting a palm in his shoulder “You’re getting older Taehyung, you’re not a little boy anymore.” There was a pause “Get engaged with the Arden Lady. . .people like us, living in our world, we don’t marry for love… but power. We build walls higher than the rest, because we have way more to loose”

The smell of expensive paint, deodorant, high-end perfume, and cigarettes entered your nostrils as you opened the door.

“You need anything madam?” Celine’s maid greeted you, making you feel more out of place than ever. Maids, palaces for homes and stadium like gardens made you question your existence in Hashfield everyday.

“No, thank you” you honeyed your voice. These people were working class—like you. You’ve seen the way insiders treated their staff and it made you sick to your stomach every time, you figure that’s how they’d treat you had you not been accepted into Hashfield College.

“This way, madam”

You look around.

Imagine the interior of the Palace of Versailles—or perhaps those gorgeous buildings in Florence were more like it— gold, marble, mirrors. Large and heavy-looking curtains draped down the sides of the extensive windows and the floor was this sturdy polished oak wood. The contrast between the light colours and the dark ones was just perfectly balanced. It was extraordinarily aesthetically pleasing. You felt so out of your league you thought you’d stain the place.

Underneath all the chemicals you perceived, you could distinguish the smell of wood, which was probably because of the floor. Your eyes glazed over the gorgeous cream-coloured walls, which were decorated with the most awe-inspiring golden ornaments. The place was definitely for the elite. And if the walls weren’t a perfect indication then the silk, ruby red, one of a kind dress Celine was wearing certainly was.

“Y/n!, hey! what’s up?” Jin called you out the minute he laid eyes on you. He’d been extra protective this week, texting you every day to see if you wanted him to bring god damn ice cream like it would make this whole ‘bet’ scandal go away.

It was sweet of him, it really was, but the embarrassment that washed over you when everyone learned about the bet Taehyung had made over who was going to fuck you first, was not going to get better with fucking ice cream.

“Hey guys” you acknowledged everyone in the room. You hadn’t made eye contact with Zed since that night—and you weren’t planning on making any today—your stomach dropped to your knees every time you thought about what had happened.

Kim Taehyung fucked up the relationship between the only insiders you hanged out with.

“Y/n, you know we’ve all been talking about how much of a dick Taehyung is…” Jiyeon started. An apologetic look on her face.

Fucking great.

You specifically had texted Jin about wanting to avoid this situation. He’d promised this would just be a simple hang out with friends, maybe drink a little wine to pass the time and then go back home.

You did not want to talk about the bet that had been placed without your consent. Especially in front of Zed who was swirling his whiskey like it was freaking talking to him.

“What he did was… terrible, he’s always been such an A-hole to girls. But betting over such a thing?” She shook her head “That’s low. Even for him”

“True” added Celine

“Guys. Really. It’s fine” you tried to mask your emotions with a smile “Can we talk about something else?. . . Anything”

• • •

Billie Holiday played softly from the pool radio. Condensation dripped down crystal glasses, and silverware glinted in the bright sunlight. It was a chilly October afternoon, the steady breeze being the perfect interlude.

The chairs were soft, the food was good, and the wine was worth twice your house, but it could only be so comfortable having dinner with a bunch of insiders.

“Anyway, I heard the Arden family is settling matters with The Kim cooparation—”

“Jiyeon.” The word was a low warning from Zed’s spot at the table.

She rolled her eyes and took a deep drink of wine, but she spoke no more.

You couldn’t care less about this conversation. What Taehyung’s father did was none of your business, they could all go drown and you wouldn’t think about it twice—or once— for that matter.

You always pondered Jiyeon’s and Zed’s relationship though. They did appear to find each other annoying, Zed would talk shit about Jiyeon sometimes and so would she. But then you figure, most of these insiders weren’t really friends with each other, they just existed in the same place at the same time. Much like now. Including yourself.

Jin—your only actual friend among these people— was sitting next to you though hadn’t said a word, except for some oddly-timed chuckling. His mind was clearly traveling somewhere else.

Trevor was apparently already devouring his third stake. Making another rude remark towards the house server while downing what seemed to be a liter of Syrah wine all by himself.

And then there was Celine. Whom you knew was the person that tolerated you less from here and didn’t care about not making it obvious.

Celine was your polar opposite. Where you were quiet, she spoke with abandon and laughed loudly. Where you were demure, well . . . she’d stuck her gum to her cloth napkin before eating her pasta, twirling it around the fork at least a hundred times to make sure nothing was getting spilled on her precious dress.

Low chatter and the scraping of silverware filled the yard, but beneath that lay a tense air that wouldn’t dissipate, an uncomfortable vibe the breeze wouldn’t take with it. Everyone seemed to be easily chatting amongst themselves, so maybe it was just you. You tried to brush it off.

Jiyeon —despite Zed’s orders— didn’t stay quiet for long, though she no longer spoke about insider business gossip. She changed the subject to horse racing. That was an acceptable conversation many joined in on.

However you couldn’t help but think about the question Taehyung had made.

“Why are you here?”

Why were you here? Hashfield is a cold shallow place that’s filled with people you don’t like. Their view of the world was so superficial, human relationships were glib, basically meaningless. No one cared what values their friend had, as long as they had more than five cars on their parking lot.

You couldn’t be more different. Your favourite literary period was the Romantic for crying out loud. . .and it was the same for music and art. There was something about the music from the Romantic period which enamoured you. Genuine emotions came through the music. Every time you listened to Chopin, something rooted inside you pushed you to dance. Perhaps the expressiveness, emotions, and escapism were the factors that drew you towards the Romantic period. You wanted to waltz through a room, carefree. Your body moving along to one of Chopin’s masterpieces instead of sitting across from a bunch of insiders.

Maybe you were a coward, but you were glad you didn’t have to sit near Zed. You were carrying out this carefree facade all evening and had a polite response for anything—as inappropriate as the comments could sometimes be when insiders were drinking—but with him, words were at a loss for you. You felt tongue-tied around him, tilted off your point of gravity, and truthfully just embarrassed, as though a blush permanently warmed your skin. It might be unpleasant speaking to him, but it was too easy to look in his direction.

You cringed as you recall what had happened.

-One week ago, Clair’s party-

Your mother used to smoke at the kitchen table in her nightgown after she and your father would scream the house down. So, naturally, you’d picked up her habit of smoking during stressful times.

With your cheeks burning in anger and the cigarette in your hand, it wasn’t lost on you that the apple really doesn’t fall that fucking far from the tree. Kim Taehyung was a fucking asshole just like his father was rumored to be. But for whatever reason, you realize that you’re more mad at yourself for thinking the opposite for even a second.

You closed your eyes and mentally cursed at yourself when you saw Zed approach you.

“Kim Taehyung” Zed’s voice was a low growl “What a fucking idiot”

“Yeah Zed, I know. That bet was stupid and embarrassing and I’m sorry you got dragged down into it-“

“I mean—is he out of his mind? If I was really trying to fuck you I’d be working much harder, trust me. . . Who does he think he is? He thinks he’s better than me or something?”

Wow.

That was definitely not the reaction you were expecting. Zed was a fucking idiot. He’s obviously intoxicated— but you like to call alcohol the truth serum, so yeah, fuck him.

“Oh really? That’s what you’re so mad about? That you think you could fuck me first?” you let anger sip into your tone

Zed’s eyes widened in embarrassment when he realized his tongue had run faster than his brain “No, y/n look—“ he stammered “all I’m saying is he shouldn’t have placed that bet alright? I mean, I wouldn’t want to fuck you anyway”

You gave him a deadly stare

“That came out wrong! I’m sorry—all I’m trying to say is-“

“Honestly, I bet that whatever you’re trying to say isn’t even important, so how about you get out of my sight?”

Why was it such a surprise to you that Zed was as much of an asshole as the others?

You kept feeling naive lately.

Lunch continued with meaningless chatter, good food and drink, but the tension never dissipated. It sat there, uninterrupted. Like an echo before the words were even spoken.

You remember the first time you met Mina and Namjoon. They were both decently shy kids that gravitated towards each other because their mums were best friends. Seokjin came on later in the picture, Mina was skeptical about him at first because he was an insider, but his true colors surfaced and everyone realized he was a decent human being unlike the rest of them. Eventually, you four became close and the rest was history.

“Feels good to party outside the wall after so long huh?” Seokjin’s smile had basically reached his ears as he handed you a drink

“You can’t imagine” you quickly agreed “I’d forgotten people actually danced at parties”

“How did Mina manage to make such cool friends in Uni? I swear she self diagnosed herself with social anxiety last year.” Namjoon added

“I heard that, asshole” Mina suddenly made an appearance from Namjoon’s back. “And I promised my self I’d change unlike you” she downed what was left of her drink “You’ve made like… two new friends? And one of them is your cousin” she burst a laugh.

But her laughter soon faded away once she made eye contact with you “How are you doing?” She made a pause “Kim Taehyung. That asshole, I hope his house burns down or something.”

“He has like three whole mansions” you rolled your eyes and smiled at her

“Whatever” she took a sip

Four drinks in was when you decided that a bathroom break was more needed than you’d thought.

Stumbling a bit along the narrow hallway, you managed to find your way into the bathroom. To be fair, it was much easier to navigate a normal house as opposed to the three story mansions you were used to these past months.

“Ahh somebody would think you’re stalking me, angel“

Your heartbeats collided with a crash at the familiarity of the voice.

A burning rush of recognition ran down your spine as you met Jungkook’s heavy gaze. Brown doe eyes hugged by thick long eyelashes and a killer smile.

Jungkook was so much more dangerous than he looked. But that was what made him lethal. Because just by looking at those sweet eyes and that picture perfect smile, you wouldn’t be able to imagine how easy it would be for him to break your heart.

What was he even doing here? This was a one hour drive from Hashfield, and a party filled with people that didn’t really match his ‘status’.

You weren’t curious enough to ask.

“Move” was what you spat at him instead.

“Damn y/n. . . You’re breaking my heart”

Why had your name rolled of his tongue like he was more than familiar with it? Well you guess, because it was. . . Considering the fling you two had back in the day.

Another experience ruined by Kim Taehyung.

“Oh I’m sure you’ll get over it. Now, move”

He smiled.

An outrageous smile.

“Since when did you become such an ice queen?”

An even more outrageous question. “Uhh I don’t know, maybe since you and your little friends constantly fucked me over?” It’s ridiculous that you’re even talking to him right now, but somehow you couldn’t hold yourself back.

This hallway was narrow, narrower than you’d like. So when you tried to make your way past him, it was easy for him to pull you back with a simple hand movement.

He suddenly seemed to get ahold of his drunk self “Y/n about that… I just wanted to say I’m sorry, it was a shitty thing to do”

“Yeah, you think?” You don’t hold back the anger and bitterness sip into your tone, Jungkook deserved nothing less. “Let go”

An evil grimace formed, and the way he slightly came closer made your stomach drop. “I don’t really want to”

“I can smell the alcohol in your breath, Jungkook. Let go”

“I can assure you I’m very sober right now” he followed your order and took a step back, letting your hand slide down his fingers

You hadn’t talked to Jungkook since the whole fiasco between you him and Taehyung, yet this moment was enough to remind you the pull he had on you.

An annoying pull you had no control over.

“Y/n, I really am sorry. . . About everything”

You took a long sight, forgiving Jungkook for all the bullshit he’d done in the past was not on today’s to-do list. “Apologizing doesn’t take what you did back. It just puts me in a shitty position of having to decide wether you’re worth forgiving or not.”

“I know. I know. It’s selfish of me to say it now but uhm, I don’t think I’d get another chance so…”

“I get it, but I don’t think I’m ready to forgive you Jungkook.” You breathed in a shallow breath as you walked passed him and got into the bathroom.

It was the right thing to do. Jungkook was not the person you needed to talk to right now.

You closed your eyes and the mumbled music brought you back to the last time you had actually talked to him.

Outfield central club, two years ago

“I’m telling you pink brings out your eyes you should wear it more often” you jokingly pushed his shoulder. Jungkook didn’t need any color to bring out his eyes, they did a fine job being the center of attention on their own.

He smiled and pulled you closer by grabbing your waist. A signature move of his, you’d wondered how many girls had fallen for that trick. “There you go, romanticizing me again” he stood still but his eyes burned with intensity. “It’s too late for me, angel. I destroy everything beautiful that comes into my life”

That was not entirely wrong.

Sure, you and Jungkook had become extremely close this past year, the closest you’d been with an insider besides SeokJin and well, Kim Taehyung. But you felt comfortable around him, playboy reputation aside, there were times when he seemed genuine, sincere and kind.

Despite his rumors, Jungkook was not a bad person, which is surprising considering he hanged out with the devil himself, Kim Taehyung.

You and Jungkook clicked. You liked the same bands, enjoyed the same movies felt the same way when Jenna Jones and Brandy broke up. (She was too good for him)

“I don’t believe that. I think you’ve just convinced yourself that your not worth something serious because when you start to really care about someone it scares you”

His eyes got bigger “I care about you, and I’m not all that scared”

Gosh with the way he was smiling right now he had to have known how much you’d been crushing over him this past year.

You sighted. You wanted to put a chink in the ice he wore like armor. Stepping closer you ran a finger across his jawline, your voice soft “You have such a handsome face. Does it always get you everything you want?”

“Almost”

There was something so significant about that single word it put a hitch in your breath. “I bet one look from you can make women swoon at your feet”

He grow, probably annoyed that you brought up his popularity again. “Yet here you stand, perfectly not swooned”

You laughed lightly “Oh I wouldn’t say that”

He stared down at you.

You stared up at him.

As a corner of his lips lifted, You realized you were amusing him. “What?” You broke the silence

“Nothing” he shook his head “I shouldn’t really be here, Taehyung would kill me”

“What does Taehyung have to do with this?” You said firmly. Pretending the mere mention of his name didn’t bring your blood to boil.

“He’s just weird about me talking with you. He thinks we shouldn’t mix” he let out a breath

“We? As in. . . outsiders and insiders?”

He was a fucking asshole

“Cmon angel. . . You know how he is”

“Well, fuck him” You said, trying to take a step back, but his hand went to your lower back and drifted to the top of your ass. Your stomach tightened with unease.

Jungkook had always been subtly inappropriate—his fingers just grazing things they shouldn’t. Close enough to make you pleasantly uncomfortable, but not too close to where it would be considered something. If he went further, would you be able to handle it?

Jungkook pulled back to look you in the eye, but his hand didn’t leave you. Something crawled under your skin. You realized at this moment why you couldn’t escape the spell he seemed to have everyone under.

He buried his head on your neck before pulling back again “I could smell you all day, you know that?”

You stared at his big bright innocent eyes. Jungkook was the picture perfect son, or that’s what every magazine wrote, at least. He was kind and flirty to everyone, and could make every person in the room feel happy just by flashing a smile. That’s why he was so popular in the media. But what you found the most intriguing about his appearance, however, was the dark ink that showed through his white dress shirt. It was vague, but you thought it went all the way from his shoulder to the gold watch on his wrist. Jeon Jungkook had a full sleeve. You knew that «good kid» look was all smoke and mirrors.

He was looking at you as if he’d felt you observing him “I feel like you get lost in that head of yours sometimes” his smile was a soft one, the one he’d flash the paparazzi sometimes when he wanted to take an innocent looking picture.

“What can I say, thinking is my favorite hobby” you joked

“So. . . what do you think about me?” That smile never left his face

That you’re dangerous “I can be honest?”

“Please be”

“I was skeptical about you at first, I mean, your crowd, you know, they don’t have the best reputation, especially amongst outsiders. But as I got to know you, I’ve found that you’re the best exception to the rule ever”

“I am?” His eyes looked as if he’d succeeded at something

“Yeah, you are” your pulse leapt into your throat at the thought of your next words “I think I really like you, Jungkook—”

His name wasn’t even properly out of your mouth yet his lips locked on top of yours. He sucked slightly on your bottom lip, and he tasted as sweet as his reputation had been.

It was two days later that Taehyung had told everyone Jungkook hitting on you was a total prank.

You felt destroyed, defeated, because you had honestly fallen for Jungkook, but the disgust took every single feeling away. It took over your body for months, and you cried it out until you felt numb to it.

How shitty does a person have to be to do that? Yet how easily could you forget everything Taehyung had done to you? Your mind took you back to the «sober corner» and reminded you of everything you and Taehyung did together. But mostly what was more fucked up was how intense your feelings were for him. A person that never did right by you.

You closed your eyes shut and with a deep breath you let all the anger wash out of you. You decided that the pitty party was over as you had a very real party waiting for you on the other side of that door.

• • •

It had maybe hit four when Namjoon had finished throwing up for the third time tonight.

“What do you think y/n? Three or four months of teasing for this?” Mina bumped you in the shoulder

“I don’t know Mins” you let a laugh out “Let him live a little, he’s had a rough week”

So had you.

“You turned soft y/n, is it the change of the wall?” She teased

“Oh yes! Cause being around insiders all day turns me into such a softie!”

She chuckled at that but after a moment her eyes turned serious “You sure you don’t want to talk bout it?”

“Mina, don’t” you warned “Talking about it won’t change anything”

“It might change how you feel”

“I doubt it” You faked a smile, knowing Mina wouldn’t buy it anyway “So tell me all about that guy from the Kim’s firm!! What was his name? C something? It definitely had an E there was well—”

“Cedric, his name is Cedric” she rolled her eyes “Yeah well, I think he likes me. . . I mean he was aallll over me earlier” she smiled to herself.

“Well duh!!” You made a noise of acknowledgment, not surprised it had taken her this long to come to that assumption. The obvious was like a well hidden secret in Mina’s eccentric mind. Surprising, as she’d always aced her schoolwork, read people like a morning paper and had more friends than you could ever hope for.

“And I kept thinking, maybe there’s a reason he manspreads so much? He is big. Then I began to worry, so I started looking up pictures—well, videos—of men his size, naked, and that only made me worry more.”

“You were watching porn.” You said, deadpan, leaning by the side of Seokjin’s car while he fed Namjoon what seemed to be a hotdog? Where did he even get that?

She tilted her head “Yeah, I guess that’s what it’s called.” She turned around and followed your gaze “Okay where the hell did he get that hotdog from? I’m starving”

“Mina!! Hello? You were watching. . .” You lowered your voice “porn, for a guy? To like what? Prepare yourself? See if he’d fit?” A laugh escaped you but when Seokjin shot you a glare you turned it into a cough.

“Anywayyyys” she said as she opened the car door “Speaking of Cedric, I’ve got news!”

“Oh” was what you said when you got in the car, guessing the next sentence that’d come out of her mouth wasn’t going to be your favorite thing in the world.

“The Kim and Arden family are trying to make the engagement official”

“Trying…?”

“Jesus y/n, you’re living under a rock. Too many books not enough TV”

“You’re going to be a great mum” you chuckled

“Taehyung is literally all over the media, apparently some paparazzi interviewed him on the street last night, he said, and I quote! What my father wants is non of my business, I would rather eat a bag of dirt” she stopped “A bag. Of. Dirt.” she jerked her head backwards laughing “Listen, I don’t like the dude, but he’s got balls”

Relief shouldn’t be what you’re feeling right now. “I see” you tried to sound indifferent, because that was the acceptable reaction, but something pounded inside of you.

“I mean, acting up like that? In front of cameras? ANNND against his dad’s word? Makes you wonder why he’s so against it, doesn’t it?”

You rolled your eyes “What are you implying, Mina?”

She had a puppy look on her face “Nothing! Nothing! I’m just sayinggg”

“He’s young, and a massive playboy” you sounded more angry than you should “He obviously doesn’t want to be caged like a pup. Besides, he can’t tolerate Brianna for more than a second”

“And you know that because…?” Mina was obviously teasing.

Fuck. “Well, you know he told me, Mina.”

Of course Mina knew, but Seokjin, who was driving, and Namjoon, who was sitting on the edge of the passenger sit looking out the window probably contemplating life and why he had so much to drink today, didn’t exactly know the details between you and Taehyung. And you’d like to keep it that way.

There was a silence “I know I was stupid to trust him okay? I just—“

“It’s not your fault, y/n” Seokjin’s voice made an appearance “It’s not your fault he’s an asshole.”

“I know, I get it”

“So all that anger, don’t place it on yourself” Namjoon’s voice was barely audible

“Sorry are we still talking about y/n or are you talking about your alcohol problem? Because I’m a little confused” Mina snorted, she was always the one to tease Namjoon yet she took care of him the most out of all of us.

You rolled down the window, allowing the autumn air to flow through the car. It was a beautiful night, the starriest it had been for a while now. Cold air brushed your skin as you drove back to Outfield, gazing the wall from afar and that’s all you used to do, but now you know the other side of it very well. In fact, you were more familiar with it than you’d like. Bitterness crawled up your throat.

Toward the end of November, the bet was long forgotten and everyone and their mother was focused on Taehyung’s so called engagement, or rather, the lack of it.

You didn’t care. Focusing on schoolwork was far more important. . .Or that’s at least the lies you’d been feeding yourself.

It was hard to avoid it, considering it was all everyone talked about. The Arden and Kim family were arguably Hashfield’s founding families, the possibility of those two historic houses merging had everyone on edge.

Well, except Taehyung, apparently.

Ever since the scandal interview he gave about a month ago, Kim Taehyung seemed to do the opposite of what his father wanted. According to Claire, there had been a succession of crushes, flings, one night stands, who knows. To you all of it boiled down to one thing only: his cock had been everywhere. It had been in god knows how many vaginas, how many mouths.

Without your concern, your gaze found him. The amphitheater was big enough, so he shouldn’t notice.

The image disgusted you. It bothered you to think of him between a girl’s legs as she lay facing him, his broad, tanned, glistening shoulders moving up and down. Just looking at his shoulders when he happened to be going over his notes made you wonder where they’d been last night. How effortless and free the movement of his shoulder blades each time he shifted, how thoughtlessly they caught the sun. Did they taste of the sea to the woman who had lain under him last night and bitten into him? Or of his suntan lotion?

You remembered the last time you’d seen his shoulders all exposed under the sun. It was three years a go, near the end of your friendship.

You were in your mother’s garden, he’d stop by to bring you a Nintendo for your birthday. You tried to tell him that you were going to be a junior this year and that he should cut it with the kid stuff, but you’d secretly wished for that Nintendo so badly.

“Listen, I need to pick up something in town.” he said.

Something was always weed.

“And here I was, thinking you came down to Outfield for my birthday”

He sat silently a moment. “I did.” cleared his throat “Want to come with me? It’s been a while since we rode our bikes together”

“Now?” What you might have meant was, Really?

“Why, have you got anything better to do?”

“No.”

“So let’s go.”

Kim Taehyung, billionaire, Kim Taehyung, riding on a bike instead of his panamera just because you’d convinced him it was fun two years ago was the funniest sight, ever.

When you arrived at the garage, Amir, was arguing with Kadir, as usual.

This time he was accusing him of dousing the tomatoes with too much water, and that it was all wrong, because they were growing too fast.

“They’ll be mealy,” Amir complained.

“Listen. I do the tomatoes, you do the driving, and we’re all happy.”

“You don’t understand. In my day you moved the tomatoes at some point, from one place to another, from one place to the other”—he insisted—“and you planted basil nearby. But of course you people who’ve been in the army know everything.”

Their heavy accents made everything a little lighter.

“That’s right.” Kadir was ignoring him.

“Of course I’m right. No wonder they didn’t keep you in the army.”

“That’s right. They didn’t keep me in the army.”

Both of them greeted the two of you. The gardener handed Taehyung his weed. “You have a familiar face kid. Ever since the first day you came out here, I’ve seen you before, I’m sure of it. Did you work in a farm nearby perhaps?”

A laugh escaped your lips at the thought of Kim Taehyung being a farmer, maybe in another life. Of course Kadir had seen Tae’s face hanging in magazines or blasted through the daily talking show, but he couldn’t exactly pin point it.

Taehyung caught your smiled and after eyeing you smiled back.

Amir couldn’t have been more peeved. “No farmer dresses like that, are you stupid? From now on, I talk to customers you grow the tomatoes”

Kadir gave a wry smile.

Once you two had reached the cypress lane that led onto the main road to town, you asked Tae, “Doesn’t he give you the creeps?”

“Who?”

“Amir.”

“No, why? I fell the other day on my way back and scraped myself pretty badly. Amir insisted on applying some sort of witch’s brew. He also fixed the bike for me.” With one hand on the handlebar he lifted his shirt and exposed a huge scrape and bruise on his left hip.

“Still gives me the creeps,” You said, repeating your aunt’s verdict.

“Just a lost soul, really.”

Lost soul.

On your way, you noticed that Tae was taking his time. He wasn’t in his usual rush, no speeding, no scaling the hill with his usual athletic zeal. Nor did he seem in a rush to go back to his precious wall, or join his new friends on the beach.

He’d been spending a lot of time with a new crowd, you didn’t really know them, nor were you interested. Rich snobby kids from far inside the wall, probably best to avoid them. It kind of bugged you that Tae had started hanging out with them so much, but you wouldn’t bring yourself to say anything.

Today he’d spend almost the entire day with you, perhaps he had nothing better to do.

When you arrived at the small café that overlooked the sea, Tae stopped to buy cigarettes. He had started smoking Gauloises. You had never tried Gauloises and asked if you could. He took out a cerino from the box, gently placed the cigarette in between your lips and by cupping his hands very near your face, lit your cigarette.

“Not bad, right?” he said after you took a puff

“Not bad at all.”

He didn’t like the fact that you’d picked up smoking, but he wasn’t any better so he decided not to scold you about it anymore.

“Just take a look at this,” he said as the two of you ambled with your bikes in the afternoon sun toward the edge of the café overlooking the rolling hills below.

Farther out and way below was a magnificent view of the sea with scarcely a few stripes of foam streaking the bay like giant dolphins breaking the surf. “Do you know about the wailing woman?” he asked suddenly.

“She threw her husband in the sea, thinking he was dead, but he had just been asleep for days due to some medication. He ended up drowning from the waves”

“You heard how she died?”

“The next night she took a bunch of sleeping pills and threw herself in the sea to drown as well” You replied and studied his pondering face.

“Do you know why she did that?”

“Because she thought that, if she died the same way her husband did, she’d meet him in the afterlife.”

Why was he quizzing you?

“Is there anything you don’t know?” he asked, his eyes a light caramel from the sun.

“I know nothing, Tae. Nothing, just nothing.”

“You know more than anyone around here.Anyone I’ve ever met”

Why was he returning your near-tragic tone with bland ego-boosting?

“If you only knew how little I know about the things that really matter.” you replied

“What kind of things?” It was as if he was starring down into your soul

How much you wanted to touch his hair which was slightly ruffled by the passing wind. How much you wanted him to come even closer, maybe enough to hear how fast your heart beat every time he was near you.

Tell him. It’s now or never.

Is it better to speak, or to die? “Nothing.”

You were treading water, trying neither to drown nor to swim to safety, just staying in place, because here was the truth—even if you couldn’t speak the truth, or even hint at it, yet you could swear it lay around the two of you, the way they say that if a necklace gets lost while swimming: You know it’s down there somewhere.

You focus back to the class. On the Present day, when Taehyung was just a mere asshole to you, nothing else. You hopefully averted your eyes fast enough so that he didn’t notice you staring at him for what was probably fifteen minutes now.

This class was boring, you blame the weariness that washed over you for the flashbacks you were having about him.

That version of Taehyung was long dead to you.

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