#keep them on him for a bit longer!!!

[actualbird]

Aw, too bad I missed the whole Halloween saga, but it was such a joy to read! And Luke plush’s outfit looks great I hope both of you had a good Halloween. You put so much work into it! XD mayhap I’ll join next year - Book

hi book!! hahjkhdfkjshf while the halloween saga was shortlived and fleeting, at least it'll always be here for reading :D

and huhu thank u so much!! making luke plush's costume wasnt all that difficult tbh omg. my main problem was that i didnt have pants for him and i had to find a way to cover his plushie nethers so he can maintain his dignity HKVSKJHFVKJAS

thankfully, shoving him in the pumpkin basket quickly fixed that problem!

hell yeah, join next year!! this was so fun that i deffo wanna do it again (like, it's silly and quick and it did not activate my brain's neverending writing anxiety and dread), and maybe not just for halloween but for other special events mayhaps so both you and i dont have to wait a full year >:3c

who knows tho! certainly not i, for i never know whats going ever jvjVJSVFK

hope you had a good halloween too, book :D

#Book!anon #asks #luke plush is in bed now all tucked in to stay cozy but he still has his werewolf ears HAHJSDFVKJ he looks too cute i wanted to #keep them on him for a bit longer!!!

[doodlingbot]

Was working on roughing out a comic, but I wanted a quick little break and ended up doodling this fucking idiot.

#It's been awhile since i've drawn my skip button stanley #I have plans to revisit it though #and by plans I mean I have a script written up but no guarantee on if that's ever going to actually become a full comic #you see I seem to be running into the problem of: my scripts keep getting longer. No idea if thats a good sign or a bad sign #but it certainly makes going to draw them out a bit overwhelming. #vomit cw #he's not intended to be vomiting but I realize people can easily perceive him as doing such. #tsp #the stanley parable #tspud #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #doodles #my art #tsp doods #tspud doods #tsp spoilers #tspud spoilers #tsp skip button #stanley doods

[cabincryptid51]

The Ceaseless Watcher's Special Little Boy deserves to be comfortable<3

(Simply just how I imagine Jon dresses in the safehouse!)

#tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #jonathan sims #scottish safehouse period #I like to think that Martin made him the cat mug in a pottery class #some little things that I imagine with this drawing that you can't really tell: #His glasses do not have frames because I don't think that he would need them by this point #but he still wanted to wear some to feel more normal #plus without the lenses they won't smudge! #Martin both cut his hair a bit and painted his nails (also he has ear piercings) #jon wanted to keep his hair longer but it was getting a bit put of hand and wasn't well kept during season four #so he had Martin trim it so it would be nicer #the nail polish and ear rings are simply because they vibed #I definitely was not projecting onto him #noooo not at all #my art

[yume-fanfare]

current state of mitsukou is really interesting to me because kou is currently. really deeply in love, cares about mitsuba more than anything else and is traumatized enough that he's not going to get over this ever, while mitsuba is going through the normal stages of a crush. at the same time, kou is unaware of the nature and magnitude of his feelings because he's too stressed, while mitsuba does know that kou loves him

#“you're in love with me” “what? no i'm not” “yes you are. you jumped off a building for me the second time i met you” “no #i- i did. huh.“ #hes not going to realize until mitsuba is actually safe and he can relax #i don't think Anyone is aware of how much kou loves mitsuba except tsukasa #mitsuba's moment of realization ''oh he loves me for real'' was at the end of ch98 where he suddenly understood the entire manga's plot #but even so he hasn't seen. the red house #he doesn't know how far it goes but he knows enough #and he's currently at the pulling on kou's metaphorical pigtails phase #silly crush that he doesn't really want to take too far because it's more trouble than anything #nene probably has a hunch too but she's more worried than anything #(understandable. kou has said some stuff) #someone should probably keep an eye on them or it might crash and burn but. im all for the fire i hope they go unchecked for a bit longer #number 1 ignorant guy is teru !!! love to see it #hope it hits him when its too late #jbksh #mar's midnight rambles

[starpros-sunshine]

I don't know if I ever talked about this on here before but it's been on my mind from time to time and that is the idea that Wataru one time catches a really bad cold so he just avoids Eichi for the time being (Because Hey. Maybe. If you're sick with a bacterial disease that spreads really easily. Maybe try not to pass it on to the guy with the autoimmune disorder. Just a thought.) But he doesn't tell anyone about it because he's The Hibiki Wataru he doesn't get sick.

So the only ones who know about this are his roommates because it's kind of hard to hide this from people you share a room with especially if you stay cooped up in your room a lot to try not to infect others with your cold and also a runny red nose and a sore throat aren't really a good look on someone that's not the biggest fan of open vulnerability. (If you ask yourself why he would stay in his dorm I have no idea either my guess is the guy just doesn't have anywhere else to go on short notice it's not like he has a flat outside of ES or something so as long as I don't have that figured out he'll have to stay in the dorms)

And yeah no back to point do the gist of the thing is Eichi notices that Wataru tries to stay away from him and he does not know why and it makes him sad and kind of angry and because he's Eichi of course he wonders if it was something he did or if it was just Wataru finally realising that Eichi just isn't what he deserves or whatever else self depreciating things could cross your mind in a situation like this.

So basically then he goes to the first person he would think of to know if he did anything wrong in regards to Wataru: Rei. Rei is mildly confused but reassures him Wataru didn't say anything in that regard.

And this entire scenario just boils down to Eichi wondering why Wataru is avoiding him and thinking it's his fault so he goes around asking everyone he could expect a proper answer from without thinking to ask Wataru himself because a) he's avoiding him. Why would he risk making things worse? And b) it's stupider and funnier this way and this entire scenario is just me laughing at their communication or lack thereof completely ignoring the underlying issues that would've caused it. And I know this is dumb and stupid because everyone else in ensquare would need to be an idiot for this to work so I'm ignoring that bit as well and just regarding it as something that would be funny in theory but would never happen. Or actually youcan set this entire scenario at Yumenosaki and then it could make perfect sense this seems exactly like the kind of stuff to happen to dramatic highschoolers

#the whole thing would get resolved with Yuzuru and Tori just convincing him to vall Wataru and ask #and then Wataru tries to talk himself out of it but eventually has to concede because it's hard not to sound sick with a clogged nose #or a sore throat. or both. #and then Eichi is just very relieved he gets to keep his Wataru for a bit longer and doesn't have to worry about endong up a lonely widdow #or something like that yeah as said its silly and dumb but I've been thinking about it and giggling #and Keito would get to call both of them idiots too to make the whole thing even better #as a treat because he deserves it <3 #and this could be set early after graduation at the start of the whole ensquare thing #coild also work in a yumenosaki setting actually it could work even better in a yumenosaki setting #huh. might employ that lense there #nothing would change it would just makw more sense #also character wise I mean #should've put this in the post hut I'm too lazy.... #yeah okay that must do the trick #fair enough at least I hope #wataei

[mordremrose]

I’m just gonna write a little thing! A little thought for Bloom, nothing too intense, just so I don’t forget it!

1000 words later? Whoops

Writing below the cut, major spoilers for the end of Heart of Thorns and implied End of Dragons spoilers but nothing explicit from EoD :]

Bloom

“Kill me, Commander.” Trahearne could hear his own voice tremble, as horror overtook his dear friend’s face. Around them all, their friends— Rytlock, Caithe, Canach, Marjory, Braham— were exhausted. Worn thin by the fight against the jungle dragon, both physical and within the Dream.

“What? No! Mordremoth is dead. We destroyed its mind from the inside.” The commander protested, their fingers curled around the hilt of Caladbolg.

“But I still hear its voice.” Trahearne looked down at his hands, twisted and blighted as they were. His body was not his— he was corrupted. It was only cruel fate that he had kept his mind this long. Or perhaps something more sinister.

“Mordremoth is alive. One last hateful vestige… a terrible seed, planted deep in my mind.”

Trahearne’s hands curled into fist, as he took a deep steadying breath.

“You must kill me, Commander, before that seed grows. Before… before Mordremoth reclaims what it has lost.”

He reached out now, hands on his friend’s shoulders. The tears streaming down their face broke his heart. He did not want this. He didn’t want to hurt them, to see them suffer so.

Trahearne wished there was another way.

“What is left of me can’t survive on its own, my friend.” He croaked, and felt the Commander tremble beneath his hands. Were they always so small?

“Strike now or—“

Against his will, a rage rose up. A sick bile that boiled in his stomach and burned through his chest as his mind lurched.

Through his mouth, Mordremoth spoke.

“I am the future! I am this world! You cannot destroy me!” The dragon roared, hands tightening around the commander.

“Run while you can!” It took everything he had left to force his fingers to uncurl, to release the commander even as the dragon wanted to tear them to shreds to be remade anew.

Caladbolg flashed in the corner of his eye.

“No!” The commander yelled. Strike true my friend! Trahearne wanted to yell. But he couldn’t, and his mind went dark.

There was no great explosion. There was no dying scream.

If you asked those present what happened, none of them gave any concrete answer.

Canach hesitated to answer, but would confirm that Mordremoth was no longer hounding his mind, or any of the sylvari.

All Rytlock would say was that the confrontation wasn’t pretty.

Caithe mourned Trahearne, in her quiet and melancholic manner, and asked not to push the matter further.

Braham would scowl, shake his head, and shove his way past, unwilling or perhaps unable to describe that final blow.

Marjory Delaqua, normally so elegant and clever with her words, who could see the twists of a plot before anyone else— when she was asked, she could only shake her head and reply ‘I don’t know’.

The Commander didn’t answer at all, because no one was able to find them to ask.

Eventually, researchers at the newly established lab of Rata Novus confirmed what the entire world held its breath to hear.

Mordremoth was dead. He had to be, to explain the slow steady trickle of magic escaping the jungle, supposedly as the dragon… decayed wasn’t the right word, but it conveyed the idea well enough. It was a slow death, they said, not quite the explosive reaction from Zhaitan, who had gorged itself on magic before its death, but a gradual decay. It changed things, about magic, about how the people of Tyria and the soon to be established Dragon’s Watch understood the flow of magic around and through the Elder Dragons. But it was dead.

It had to be.

He woke up. His body ached, as it always did, as he woke. A consequence of being too bigsmall. He stirred slowly, limbs stretching out and tail dragging behind. He had buried himself beneath massive vines this time, the weight of them both familiar and restricting. These conflicting sensations, the constant disagreement with himself… it was the only thing he could rely on. Even his name escaped his memory, although he could hear whispers of it on the edges of his mind.

Traherdremaneth.

It didn’t matter, really.

He moved slowly, not truly wanting to rise, but knowing he must.

He was something in between, and there was no stillness for him. No place of his own.

His one companion, if you could call it that, would be upon him soon. A dogged purserer, both a thorn in his side and a trusted ally, trailed behind him. For a time he thought they left him— and the feelings that had wrought left him stationary in a deep cave for nearly a week before they had reappeared.

He didn’t want them close, he knew that much, but they were one of the few things he had, a consistency. He couldn’t see them well, not with the distance between them, but he could always make out the broken blade at their hip. The one that made the scar across his chest ache.

He wondered what would happen if he let them get closer. Would they strike? Would they know him?

They were his enemyfriend. What would they make of him? Caution kept him at a distance from them.

The longer he was awake, the more memories he could half-remember.

The Orrian landscape stretches out before him and it reeks of his sibling, twisting beneath the dirt. The undead don’t notice him, not yet, and he can take a moment to look closer at the coral. It was neither alive nor dead. Not unlike himself and yet so different to him or anything he had ever encountered before.

He missed his siblings, their quiet talks among the then empty roots, among safe coils with their constant presence around him. They were too distant to feel or simply gone now and it unnerved him. This was wrong. Perhaps they could help him make it right.

There was one other thing, other than his sort-of companion and his unsteady roiling mind, that remained constant. And this was the true constant. A steady beacon, that he could not see or hear, but simply felt in a way that he could not describe. A magnetic sort of pull that had him orbiting closer and closer.

It drew him in, out of the depths and dark underbelly of the jungle and the cave systems, towards the strange golden stones, the elegant walls meant to keep out creatures that wished to destroy the beacon. He was not welcome there, not yet, even though he meant no harm. He just needed to be closer.

He didn’t know how he knew that. He just knew it.

#gw2 #guild wars 2 #batsy writing #bloom my beloved #i should sort out a proper tag for him #the bloom dragon feels too generic but I hesitate to tag it trahearne #even tho technically it is #in a sense #gw2 spoilers #should include that one #im on mobile and i wrote this on google docs in uhhh #two hours? two and half? give or take #tumblr doesnt like my formatting at ALL lmao #i will tag this but with #trahearne #gw2 trahearne #tho bc he does technically appear as himself. briefly #during the painful bit #that dialogue i did go to the wiki for to make sure i remembered it right #so thats. anet dialogue w some batsy flavor for the actions #i tried to keep the commander vague bc i still have no idea who bloom has as a commander #and if ppl wanna imagine their commander w bloom in the meantime then go for it #i used dyraoi for that one drawing but she doesnt fit bloom as well as i hoped #so he continues to just have vague commander shape #which #is a fun challenge #to write without giving too much detail about them #this could be so much longer but i both reached the end of my train of thought and havent decided how i want to handle some stuff #me? rambling in my own tags? more likely than you think #if youve made it this far in the tags hi

[hydrachea]

Stellaron Hunters micro-crumbs in Acheron's trailer thank you Mihoyo.

#people WILL use this to make the most annoying memes conceivable but i'm just happy to see them #even if it's just another installment of 'sparkle does a little trolling' #i support her always and here especially #though it was just the usual 3 #no sam #rational explanation is we really haven't seen sam enough yet so we keep him out of it to preserve his mystery a bit longer #funnier explanation is sparkle made the illusion so of course she didn't include sam she's specist #i love my awful funky girl #micro crumbs of the tiniest kind but any day i can hear liu yijia indulge in maniacal laughter is a good day #Thank You Mihoyo #god i miss my wife #hsr #ray's records

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 3: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should throw a coin into the mysterious well ….

"After nearly ten minutes rummaging through the disorganization at the bottom of his backpack, he finally approaches the well once again, meager coin pouch in hand. He meticulously balances a little golden coin on the tip of his thumb, positioning it just so for an elegant coin flip… With a flick of his hand, the coin wobbles off, anticlimactically dropping into the darkness.. He pouts, leaning in to listen for a plonk as the coin hits the water but… nothing…. silence.. A few minutes pass and he shrugs, moving to pick up his bag and just continue his journey elsewhere, when suddenly a faint noise echoes from the well.. an almost cartoonish plopping sound, like wet feet slapping against stone..? The pitter patter grows closer and closer…then stops abruptly. The adventurer cautiously slinks over to the well, only to find.. a creature of some sort, clinging to the walls, staring up at him blankly. - What should he do next?"

#paventure posting #polls #choose your own adventure #(I saw a few people tag these as that and I guess it makes sense. hmm) #DAY 3!!! vote to choose this little man's fate #Sad that people did not want to go into the well.. :( Maybe we can still go in depending on how things go with #The Creachure. I mean I know I could just make whatever happen anyway since I'm the one doing it but. It has to feel natural lol #it would be obviously just me doing what I want if I was like 'oh uh we went to throw the coin in the well but he tripped and #fell and then somehow didnt die and whoops he's in the well anyway!!'' lol #I care more about things being realistic and natural than following whatever ideas seem interesting. If it was voted for him to explode #into a million pieces sadly I would simply have to explode him. audience says #let me know if the formatting of this is weird?? also? I wasn't sure where to put the slightly longer bit of text #so I kept it under a reas more just to the post looks neater. I thought it'd seem weird with a bunch of text blocks sandwiching the poll #and too much going on. But I also feel like it's organizationally weird if all the details are at the end? eh.. #bt then at least it's optional. not everyone will want to read more. And it's not like.. amazing text lol #I'm slapping them out off of the top of my head with minimal editing because I have to get it done and I know if I make it too complicated #or become concerned with like things being Perfectly Revised then I will absolutely not be able to do it once a day #Same with the obvious sketchy ms paint art lol. But so like. I dont feel as bad about kind of having the text be options #*optional since it's not like 'omg this is so good u have to read this' it's like.. eh.. passable amount of detail ghbj #ANYWAY. and 'paventure' (poll + adventure) is just temporary so I have a way to tag this on the blog/keep up with the posts #in a organized way. I think 'padventure' is more obvious but that's already the name of other things and I didnt want the tags to be #confusing or like.. post in some random tag that people already use for something else #but the only thing I found when googling 'paventure' is like. .some venture capital business from PA. and who cares about that lol #explanation probably not needed but I think it sounds a bit silly so I'm justifying myself to myself lol #ANYWAY. lov his silly hat. I want to draw him more. I want to name him. I COULD DO A POLL TO CHOOSE A NAME #but that wouldn't fit in with any of the days lol. maybe if I make it a week actually doing it or something at the end of the week #I could do a bonus poll or something. ??? idk.. ANYWAY.. new day!

[tamaharu]

to meee :3 akechi and sumire arent exactly friends throughout january, (they only get really close several years later) but as a side effect of neither having anything better to do and the two constantly haunting kichijoji i think they inevitably fall together more often than not. ren takes sumire out for darts and shes weirdly better than she was last time (sidebar but the fact that sumire and akechi both mimic your throws but sumire sucks shit at darts too much for it to do any good is so cute) and shes like oh yeah akechi-san has been teaching me. oh wow i got a forty! unaware of the way she just blew rens mind.

#the clock chimes at midnight #its not all about you ren!!!!! #sidebar to the sidebar. of course sumire imitates your dart throws. of course. #again theyre too busy fighting for their respective lives in the time loop to actually become friends in january #but i do think in the years before meeting again they think of the time with fond bittersweetness of what couldve been. #theyre not really going out together but more mutually keeping each other company lol. its generally a pretty quiet affair. #sumire doesnt really ask him for advice as she puts herself back together (he tends to get acerbic if she tries) #but he can be a pretty decent sounding board for either really simple (red or blue glasses) #or really philosophical (do you think my time as kasumi irrevocably changed who i am and if so am i still sumire) questions. #he does not tell her anything concrete about why the other thieves are so tense with him and she doesnt ask outright #but she able to glean a bit more about him through these discussions. and sadly for both of them they both actually sort of like each other #they get food. play darts. practice mementos on their own a few times (THEY GET A SHOWTIME STOP LYING TO ME!!). #and i sort of think akechi smokes either hes always done it or very recently picked it up now that he no longer needs to be personable #and sumires like well. im going to remain myself but i still want to do smth self-destructive. smoke me up man. #(also all her clothes smell like kasumi and its freaking her out. she doesnt mind smelling bad if itll distinguish her.) #idk. akesumi smiles gently.

[meownotgood]

Yandere aki is the best

yandere aki gives me so much brainrot

yandere aki who would do absolutely anything to keep you safe. he can't sit back and watch another person die, especially you, the one person who's more special to him than anything he's ever known. you don't understand, this world is so unsafe. you could be attacked by a devil at any time. that's why it's for your own benefit you stick right by his side. there's no telling what could happen if he lets you out of his sight for a single moment.

yandere aki who will give you absolutely everything he has if it means you'll stay with him. his salary is generous, he can buy you anything you could possibly want. all of his possessions are yours too. you can have his whole apartment to yourself if you want, as long as you promise not to leave it. whatever you want from him, you can have. and as long as he's alive, you won't ever be alone again.

yandere aki who gets impossibly jealous at the thought of you being with anyone else. he tries to deny this ugly feeling, but it really hurts him to think of you loving someone more than him, because he loves you more than anything. you wouldn't need anyone else. he can take care of everything. he would be so good to you. please, why won't you look at only him? he deserves it, doesn't he?

#he gets so obsessed with you and your safety that he quickly can only think of you and nothing else #he can't do his job properly #he can't even sleep because he's too busy thinking about what you're doing #and he's so starved for any kind of touch that he would do anything in the world just to be able to hold you #yandere aki who keeps every single one of your belongings #sometimes you leave things at his house and he tells you he lost them #but it's actually just because he wanted to keep it for a little bit longer #especially your clothes #he keeps them for a long time because they always smell like you #uuuugggggh obsessive aki I want him #ask mags

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

god help me i'm going insane about dickson xenoblade again

#this is what i get for thinking about lord of the rings too hard this week (specifically denethor / gríma / saruman and the like) #thinking about the way anthony may delivered “when will you learn you HAVE no future?” #he thinks shulk is fully DEAD at that point. he thinks HE killed him. which he very much meant to. but now that the kid is no longer there #now that the terrible future he's been preparing for and actively working to bring about has in fact come about #i don't know that dickson really cared anymore. he played his part he did the deed expected and he did it unquestioningly. So What Now? #well. now nothing. now the world that he spent so long biding his time in; so long getting enmeshed in (even for nefarious purposes) #is about to end; is about to be gone forever. #sure zanza will probably just create another world and maybe he (dickson) will have Even More Power in the new one #(though that's not a given! he doesn't know for SURE his lord and god will keep his promise!) #but like. what the hell does he care at this point #dickson SAYS he wants power but i suspect that long long ago what the giant dickson really wanted was SURVIVAL. #we never get to know just how he became a disciple or what the giant civilization looked like in its heyday or how it ended #but in MY headcanon dickson saw that some kind of destruction coming and he wanted Out #and maybe he hated his peers and figured any power and prestige that came from this bargain was just a bonus #i think he thought of himself as a saruman type: powerful; remote; far above the petty troubles of mortals (even the long-lived high entia) #but i have always headcanoned that by his later days (i.e. when he started engaging w/colony 9; machina village; etc. in earnest) #he committed too hard to the bit and started “going native” as it were; started to give a shit in ways that he would never dare admit #maybe not as much of a shit as; you know; a regular guy would. but more than an immortal disciple and horseman of the apocalypse should. #and all the time knowing that all the world he'd seen would soon be gone #maybe everyone else can get fucked. but shulk had to die too. and that's what their god MADE them to do. #he can't allow himself to care or to hope for another option bc in his mind it's already over; decided; that's it #what else can you do in the face of ultimate power but bow to it and take whatever scraps may fall to an obedient servant? #“you have no future” nor does he except that shulk came back. except that the peoples of bionis/mechonis just wouldn't accept Fate. #and in some final rebellious corner of his mind he starts putting eggs in shulk's basket. “if they can't even defeat telethia they won't #stand a chance against me (or zanza)” so let's see if they CAN. oh they did? how about a dragon? oh fuck they defeated the dragon too? #well fuck. maybe there WAS another option all along. but will/can they stand against me; the final disciple? oh they can?? #guess i'll die then bc i'm not looking THAT in the face. i am NOT unpacking my cowardice/failure/lack of vision after all these years. #good luck with that tho <3 you're welcome for the training btw. where i'm going i don't have to see your trauma assuming you live that long. #dickson #xenoblade

[doodlboy]

Idr if I ever posted this but ✨️low effort mc!el hand✨️

#obey me mc #mc elliot #obey me #not rlly #digital art #little doodles #elliot doodles #asmo paints his nails in an attempt 2 get him 2 stop biting them bc el actually likes having his nails longer. its just a nervous habit #it works sometimes bc nail polish tastes bad but as soon as it starts chipping he'll gnaw on em again #i used my own hand as ref but i made his fingers a bit more bony #man has massive thumbs. theyre the length of his pinky if not a smidge longer #he has very hm.. petite hands? #they're smaller but he has long thin fingers #i should do a ref sheet of his hand size in comparison 2 the others to make sure i keep em consistent #also it would be cute and good hand practice #n e way #yea its a hand ^^

[girlcrushau]

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/ #but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to. #until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you) #and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text. #i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in. #just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me. #im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest. #and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

[hussyknee]

Grief is the most asshole emotion ever invented. Desperate, terrible, helpless yearning for something that you know is gone forever? What kind of sadism is that? Fuck you.

#this is about my kitty #i grieve my pets more than I would any of my human family #well Dad's death was fucking brutal but I've been thankful that he died more often than not #my dogs and cats though? i would keep them with me forever #it's a sick joke that we have to love them knowing we will outlive them #I only had Gar for the 2 months he was sick #tried so desperately to save him every waking moment #tried to get him to live just a little bit longer until the very end #i'm afraid it might have let him suffer more #i left him in hospital for the last week of his life #barely lasted a day longer #Gar. Gar I love you my baby #come back to me #fuck this hurts #tw animal death #tw death #grief #mourning #knee of huss

[ambersky0319]

My grandma keeps getting exasperated that I refuse to ask my grandpa to drive me anywhere but like...

This is the man who told an 11 year old with depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues "I don't want you" in the middle of a lobby at a therapy place and saw nothing wrong. This is the man who has told me to "go to hell" because I couldn't help with his internet issues. This is the man who point blank admitted his behavior is problematic, but used the excuse that he was too old, as a reason for why he wouldn't change his behavior.

I don't want a relationship with him anymore. I made that clear. And while I'm still in this house, I will be civil with him. I will not remark on his comments. I will give simple answers to questions asked. I will help if the situation is dire. However, that does not mean I will engage with him for longer than I have to. And it means that I refuse to be stuck in an enclosed space like a car with him.

I don't think either of my grandparents have realized that, when I said the outcome of that conversation a few weeks ago would determine if we would have a relationship going forward, I meant it.

I've ignored my grandpa while living in the same house as him for 6 months - only interacting with him if it was absolutely necessary since i relied on him. And at the time, I still felt like I would have some relationship with him. But now? Now I feel nothing for him. That relationship is dead. I have no plans on making it better. I will simply be treating him how I treat anyone else I dislike but must tolerate.

I just wonder how long it will be for them to realize this.

#i dont know if sib fully gets how i feel about him either #they understand a bit better to my knowledge but idk #but just... #i dont know #ive never had a problem with cutting people out of my life. and with my history my grandparents should know that INCLUDES family #especially if i compared them to my parents (which i did). that should have made it clear as day #but i guess it didnt #my plan was to try to move out this summer but i highly doubt thats gonna happen #so im gonna aim for at the latest next summer but strive for earlier - maybe over winter or during the fall/spring semester #the shitty thing is that means leaving my sib alone here and like. i feel awful for that #but. i also know it is REALLY bad for my own mental health to stay in this house for much longer #i can tolerate it. i can be civil and keep to myself. but it wont really be healthy #and eventually that tensions just gonna bubble up again and it would suck for it to hurt my academics again #anyway #impromptu rant away time lol #amber's shit you can ignore

[demadogs]

i think im the only person who doesnt want a full on makeout session for bylers first kiss

#ive seen so many people say they want it to parallel joppers first kiss and i forgot how that one went so i just watched it and #NOOOO????? NO!! THAT IS NOT BYLER #IT HAS TO BE LIKE JOPPERS SECOND KISS!!!!!!! #and i think yall need to lower your expectations bc i would be SHOCKED if it was like joppers first kiss #i think this will be the most emotional kiss of the whole show both of them believe their feelings could never be reciprocated #unlike jopper who already knew the feelings were mutual when they finally kissed #but for byler its not just a kiss itll probably also be their coming out to each other through the discussion about the painting #WHICH I DONT THINK WILL BE A FIGHT BY THE WAY!!!!!!! #i think theyll both be softly talking in a quiet place all alone with their foreheads touching and mike comes out and hes crying and will #comes out too and comforts him and they hug for a long time and then when mike pulls away he keeps his forehead on wills for a bit longer #and then he kisses him #and they keep kissing #and this is all in the upside down by the way #how is this an unpopular take this is so much better in my opinion #i could talk about this forever #byler #byler predictions