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#kalvin is an angel
colorsofmyseason · 1 year
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i once lived by your side
Pairing: Ben White/Aaron Ramsdale, past Ben White/Kalvin Phillips
Set sometime during international break on 2021/2022 season, when Ben just transferred to Arsenal and Kalvin was still at Leeds. I had no idea whether they got called together but hey, artistic licence
Part of my supernatural au of course!
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Dating your (now former) teammate is one thing. Breaking up with him is another. Remaining friends after your (mutual, very civil, no-ill-feelings attached) breakup is another another thing.
But whatever has happened between you both, the fact remains that he was once your boyfriend. Someone who, at some point in your life, has known you better than anyone. So Ben really shouldn't be surprised that, as they're playing FIFA together in Kalvin's room in St. George's Park, the latter asks pretty casually whether he's seeing someone.
Ben's first reaction is to gape, followed by an instant urge to deny. But Kalvin's eyes study him closely, and Ben knows there's no chance he'd get away with lying. So, with a deep sigh, he finally gives in.
"There's someone," he says at last. "We're not dating, not yet. But I…I do have feelings for him."
Kalvin hums, gaze reverting back to the screen. "Does he share the same feelings?"
Ben shakes his head. "I don't know. We're really close, I can tell you that. But I have yet to figure out whether he likes me more than a friend, or something."
Silence ensues as Kalvin expertly maneuvers his virtual self around Ben's defender on the screen. As he watches his players celebrating a goal, Kalvin asks, "Do I know this person?"
"...Maybe."
"And how do you feel about him exactly?"
"Like he's the sun in my sky," Ben answers promptly, and feels his cheeks burn instantly at his own response.
It's true, what he feels about Aaron, but all the same, he's been too embarrassed to actually voice it out to others. It sounds so cheesy, and more than anything, Ben hates being laughed at for his cheesiness. But there's really something about Kalvin that compels him to reveal his deepest secret.
To his credit, the Leeds midfielder merely chuckles, but Ben senses no malicious tone whatsoever in it, and he will take the small mercy. "Goodness," Kalvin says, a twinkle in his eyes. "You must've been completely head over heels for him, huh? I don't recall you ever being this lovey-dovey when we're still together."
A pang shoots through Ben's heart.
Kalvin looks at him, his eyes softened. Pausing his game, he reaches out and takes Ben's hand into his. "Ben, I know our relationship was everything but flawless, but I never wish to leave a black spot in your memory."
Swallowing, Ben looks away. He shouldn't have agreed to come to play earlier.
"You're a good person, Ben," Kalvin continues, "and someone I treasure a lot, yes, even to this day. And I want nothing else but your happiness, with someone who's perfect for you."
"You do?" Ben hears himself saying.
Kalvin smiles, one of his wide, dimpled ones, and the two of them are immediately transported to a time where they're wearing the same white kit and the sight of those dimples alone was enough to send Ben's heart soaring high. But to the defender's immense relief, the memory no longer brings pain, nothing but a species of mild yet genuine comfort.
"Just go for him," Kalvin advises, "tell him how you feel, and see how it goes from there. I'd say that Aaron must be lucky to have someone like you, though I still find it funny that you fell for him of all people."
"...Why is that?"
"You're an incubus, and he's a light elemental."
"And what does that say about you that you, a fucking angel, used to date me back then??"
They laugh together, and Ben reaches out to hug Kalvin. One simple gesture that might lead into something else back in the days, just a pure platonic gesture between two close friends nowadays though.
"Thanks, Kalv," Ben whispers to the older man's ears. "You're the best, and you deserve someone who treats you equally as good. I'm sorry that it couldn't be me, but you will find them, I'm sure."
Kalvin's deep brown orbs are warm as he pats Ben on the shoulder. "I hope so, Ben. Now shall we get back to our game?"
Ben grins and picks up his controller again. "You're on."
They keep on playing until late at night, so immersed in the game that Ben fails to realize until he returns to his own room later that he never told Kalvin that Aaron is indeed the one he loves.
And when Kalvin shrewdly pushes Aaron closer to Ben during training the next day to get them to do some paired drills together, Ben, red-faced and fervently praying no one would notice, sends him a thankful smile.
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lazylittledragon · 2 years
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do you have voiceclaims for the datemate characters? or like just an idea of what they'd sound like?
i picture robin sounding a bit like copshatemoe! i don't have a reference for angel that i can think of but they definitely have some lingering Posh Mannerisms from growing up very middle class
(i also imagine angel's singing voice as similar to andrew rannells)
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dear transmedicalists,
you do as much harm as cishet transphobes, if not more. why you are trying to pander to them? they dont like you and they absolutely will not "pick" you. pandering to them harm both the community you seem to hate for cis validation, as well as you. you are harming yourself. stop trying to be the next "cuck" angel, blaire white, kalvin garrah, etc. you are not them. and trying to be like them and adopt their views will not make the cishets like you. they dont like you better than us. they hate us all. accept it and help and stand with your siblings as we are trying to be legislated out of existence. even you.
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redditreceipts · 3 months
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Hi, i'm new to radfeminism so i browse in this app a lot, and i think i still have a lot thing to learn from you guys, it's honestly amazing <3!! But there's one thing in particular i want to ask, what do you think about truscums? I think i differ from most rad-leaning feminist in trans issues maybe because i come from very transphobic country and in my queer community lots of trans people helped me, but i also aggre some of the statements y'all make, and feel like truscums are like a middle-ground so i feel more emphaty to them.
hey :) so generally there is not one opinion that I hold regarding trans medicalists, because they under themselves seem to tolerate a much broader range of opinions than tucutes do. I mean, I haven't heard about trans medicalists attacking people on the street for claiming that you can be trans without dysphoria or something, while other trans activists regularly threaten violence if you don't agree with them on every single point they're making.
there are some trans medicalists like Blaire White, Kalvin Garrah or Marcus Dib who predominantly make cringe content without explaining their views too much (and I don't think that I have to explain why I disagree with Blaire White on a political level), but people like Debra Soh or Buck Angel seem like really nice people who are interested in discussion and research.
I think that me and them are interested in different questions, I personally care more about women's and lgb rights, while many trans medicalists seem to be more interested in how to best deal with gender dysphoria.
One of the few problems I'd say I have with trans medicalists is the notion of "true trans" - that was a big talking point a couple of years ago, but they seem to have abandoned it largely (except for Marcus Dib, who brings it up a lot). It seem like it's impossible to define what a "true trans" person would be, given that things like autogynephilia can also cause gender dysphoria, which is the criterium used by many trans medicalists to define what a "true trans" person is. The same is true for the "brain sex" theory - was a big talking point a while ago, but not really convincing.
But yeah, in the end, I feel like if your friends help you along the way and you want to keep them in your life, you shouldn't break off contact with them. If people tell you to break off contact with people because they disagree with you on a metaphysical belief, your in a cult lol
anyways, cool that you're here :)
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judeswhore · 8 months
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I met kalvin once and I can confirm he’s so babygirl he was so lovely
It was when he played for leeds. Me and my whole family are massive Leeds fans so me and my dad had a bit of a moment before we actually talked to him
But yeah he was just so smiley and nice and genuinely seemed like he enjoyed talking to us it was ace
he honestly does just seem like the absolute sweetest angel ever
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arsenalgbt · 3 days
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Wilo complimented the photo of the baby and Ben genuinely had a moment where he thought about lying and saying it was his godson. He felt guilty about that all day and beat himself up about it. When Ben rejects Wilo’s sexual advances, Wilo is an angel about it and backs off completely. It drives Ben insane because is Wilo playing hard to get like pre-baby Ben would have done or is he actually a nice and respectful guy? Ben knows who he thinks Wilo is, knows who he needs and wants Wilo to be but he’s not entirely certain that the reality matches up. He drives Ben crazy.
Ben getting pregnant was an accident. He’d seen Leo do it and thought no chance but that’s because he never saw himself settling down or anything. Leo and KT had their first kid young (I am desperate to drop that lore on you ngl) and it had left Ben kind of scarred. He was in his young and reckless phase, dragging Dec out as often as could and ignoring anyone who recommended he slowed down. Kalvin had always been around – when Dec didn’t come out, Kalvin was Ben’s second call meaning he went out with Kalvin a lot. They’d hooked up a lot and Kalvin had always toyed with Ben a little bit, saying that when they were ready to settle down that they would. That they should get a house and have a kid and be the couple in their friend group that people were jealous of. Kalvin only talked about it when they were tipsy, he had sold Ben a dream long before their casual sex turned into a full fling and Ben got knocked up. Ben went to the doctor with what he thought was a nasty vomiting bug only to learn he was pregnant – Kalvin hadn’t taken care of him when he was sick, just sent him a text saying to let him know when he was better. Ben didn’t freak out when he found out because he thought he had Kalvin, he thought it would be okay and had even considered doing a cute pregnancy announcement. Instead he just blurted it out as soon as possible the next time he saw Kalvin who reacted positively and seemed fine. Ben woke up the next morning to a note from Kalvin saying he was sorry but he couldn’t do it and was fine with whatever choices Ben made. Ben tried to call him but Kalvin ignored him and had seemingly deactivated all his social media accounts. A few weeks later, he’d hear through the grape vine that Kalvin was in Manchester and pretended to have known. Even though Kalvin was gone, Ben still thought he would come back and kept the baby because he knew that someday Kalvin would come back to him. It was when he was laying in the hospital bed, with Kieran holding his son in the chair by his bed, that Ben realised it wasn’t going to happen. He realised he was alone in that moment and once again Kieran was kind enough to keep his mouth shut about the breakdown he witnessed Ben having.
Dec, Leo and KT all know the baby is Kalvin’s baby even if Ben claims it was just some random hook up. Around the time of Ben getting pregnant, he’d been texting more and seemed lighter and even declined Dec’s invitation to go out which all of them thought was suspicious. They assumed that when he sent a text saying he needed to talk to all of them that he would tell them he was in a relationship but it was actually him announcing his pregnancy  and lying to them about who the father was. Kalvin mysteriously leaving London had seemed odd at the time but based on how bitter Ben was when his name came up, the lads were able to put two and two together. They pretend for Ben’s sake not to know anything.
SCREAMING PLS SEND ME KTROSSARD LORE ON A SEPARATE ASK PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS with how much u overshadowing ben's "jealousy" towards what ktrossard have LMAO are ktrossard actually married or just partners??????
back to ben's lore
do you think he actually LIKES being pregnant? I think he did like it even when he was all alone. he craves it, misses it, even though he has his 13 months old son growing perfectly every single day. but he likes carrying a life within him I bet 😍😍😍😍😍 ((( like rl ben is so mother hen-like on the pitch towards b and Martin lol ))) >>> obviously kai would confide to him. they're in a somehow less ideal predicament compared to Leo, who's happy and is in a team working towards the same goal with KT.
but pls, spill what makes ben will finally FINALLY give in and start trusting/allowing willo to date him? just the little step... what is it...
also smh kalvin spouting promises he never intended to keep........... he just liked being pampered by ben I knew it............ mommy issue from Kalvin's side............ of course!!!!!!
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444namesplus · 7 months
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umbramus · 2 years
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Transmedicalists and truscum dni. On this blog, we don't tolerate that hateful "you have to do xyz to be a true trans" bullshit! If you feel at home being xenogender and using neopronouns, that's fine by me, welcome! But if you exclude other trans people on the basis that they're "making cis people view us unfavorably" like Blaire White, Kalvin Garrah and Buck Angel, then absolutely fuck right off because YOU are the ones hurting the trans community. Gatekeepers of the community will not be accepted here.
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cruelsister-moved2 · 1 year
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also worth saying that anecdotally lesbians have done a better job of removing transphobic lesbians from our community as a whole, especially in comparison to gay men. and look at how long it took trans men to grapple with kalvin garrah and his legacy as a community... if you don't judge trans men by buck angel then don't judge lesbians by the equivalent figures from our community that we all condemn.
there is a huge amount of insidious transphobia that is still completely normalised in the majority of gay male spaces, meanwhile if you look at the change in lesbian spaces from ten years ago compared to now, it's immediately obvious how how many lesbians have intentionally mobilised to do better and genuinely care about whether our community is a safe place to be trans
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transmascore · 1 year
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can internalised transphobia make someone become a terf?
Unfortunately, yes. Radicalization is something we've seen happen to people like Buck Angel, Blaire White, and Caitlyn Jenner. And those around for the height of the truscum movement will recognize the name Kalvin Garrah - a trans man that used his platform to publicly shame and intimidate other trans people.
In general, something all of us want is a feeling of safety. We want to be able to know that people have our backs in the event something goes wrong. Sometimes, rather than examining internal bias and external bigotry, a trans person may, instead, seek that feeling of comfort by attempting to join the ranks of bigots. This is because they feel that if they do so, they will be protected from harm. Sometimes, they think that doing so will even /help/ the case of trans people in general - by showing that "some of us are normal! we're not all like [stereotype]!"
The reality is that these trans people are tokenized and used as pawns in order to harm the entire trans community. And, sure enough, these token trans people are not immune from the bigotry of their supposed "allies."
Former members of the truscum movement, as well as trans people who defected from terf circles, have admitted that their decision to be openly hostile stemmed from their internalized transphobia and feelings of shame, and that being in these movements never made them feel empowered, safe, or important - only ashamed, isolated, self-conscious, and afraid.
That being said, I do want to point this out: Every trans person experiences some degree of internalized transphobia. And having that internalized transphobia doesn't mean that you're evil or bad or wrong. Part of being in a marginalized group in society (as well as the added layer for many of us of experiencing dysphoria) means that we have a lot of bias to work through in order to come out on the other side and feel comfortable with ourselves. Because we're taught every step of the way - whether by politicians or churches or terfss or our own dysphoria - that we are lesser, that we are broken, that we are an imperfect facsimile of cis personhood. And we're none of those things. We are beautiful, powerful, individual, unique.
It's something that all of us have to contend with. But once you start to put in the work, it does get easier over time and you do become much more confident and comfortable in yourself. And as a result, regardless of the stage of your transition, you will feel more assured in yourself as a person once you stop comparing yourself to cis people and recognize your personhood as being just as valuable. It won't take the dysphoria away entirely, but it does noticeably lessen it. It's something I've not only seen in myself, but in lovers and in friends, as well.
So tl;dr -
It can; some people do weaponize their internalized transphobia to do harm instead of deconstructing it and practicing healing. But we all experience internalized transphobia to a degree, and that healing is both achievable and rewarding.
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Blessures Coupe du monde 2022 : Les dernières mises à jour !
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À deux semaines de la Coupe du monde 2022, les nouvelles blessures, même mineure, suscite l'inquiétude. Les sélections vont bientôt annoncer leurs listes définitives. Certains joueurs sont d'ores et déjà forfait pour le tournoi. Tandis que d'autres sont confrontés à une course contre-la-montre pour retrouver la forme avant le tournoi. On fait le point sur certains des noms qui risquent de manquer à l'appel. La liste des blessures de l'Allemagne pour la Coupe du monde 2022 Incertains : Armel Bella-Kotchap (épaule), Leroy Sane (cuisse), Florian Neuhaus (genou), Mahmoud Dahoud (épaule). Armel Bella-Kotchap (Southampton) a fait ses débuts en Allemagne en septembre et a du mal à retrouver la forme après s'être luxé l'épaule. Hansi Flick, quant à lui, se réjouira du retour de blessure de Marco Reus et Manuel Neuer, blessé à l'épaule, ne devrait pas être absent longtemps. Thomas Müller et Leroy Sane devraient faire leur retour dans l'équipe du Bayern dans un avenir proche. Lire aussi : Équipe de France Coupe du monde : Les U23 qui ont leur chance ? Une défense décimée pour Angletterre Incertains : Reece James (genou), Kyle Walker (aine), Kalvin Phillips (épaule), Ben Chilwell (ischio-jambier). Forfait : Emile Smith Rowe (aine) Reece James devra relever le défi d'être prêt pour la Coupe du monde après s'être blessé au genou. Il sera sur la liste des blessés pour les quatre prochaines semaines. Son co-défenseur Kyle Walker est également sur la touche. Ben Chilwell, quant à lui, semble souffrir d'une blessure aux ischio-jambiers. Il l'a contracté avec Chelsea contre le Dinamo Zagreb en Ligue des champions. Kalvin Phillips est pareillement incertain pour l'équipe de Gareth Southgate après avoir subi une opération à l'épaule. Mais son coéquipier de Manchester City, John Stones, devrait faire son retour en club la semaine prochaine. Lire aussi : Coupe du Monde : Les passeports de 1300 Hooligans confisqués ! Argentine croise les doigts pour Dybala Incertains : Angel Di Maria (ischio-jambier), Paulo Dybala (quadriceps) Angel Di Maria est dans une course à la remise en forme. Il a souffert d'une blessure aux ischio-jambiers pendant trois semaines le mois dernier. Paulo Dybala souffre pareillement d'un problème aux ischio-jambiers qu'il a contracté en jouant pour la Roma contre Lecce. Vers un forfait de Lukaku avec la Belgique ? Incertain : Romelu Lukaku (ischio-jambier) Forfait : Alexis Saelemaekers Romelu Lukaku était tout juste revenu de deux mois d'arrêt pour blessure. Le géant belge souffre d'un nouveau problème aux ischio-jambiers. L'Inter Milan a déclaré que la blessure de l'attaquant serait réévaluée dans quelques jours. De son côté, Charles De Ketelaere, de l'AC Milan, a aussi repris l'entraînement après un passage à vide. Son coéquipier en club, Alexis Saelemaekers, ne pourra pas être du voyage au Qatar. Lire aussi : Qui va gagner la Coupe du monde 2022 au Qatar ? Notre prono ! Blessures Coupe du monde 2022 : Les dernières nouvelles du Brésil Incertains : Richarlison (mollet), Bremer (ischio-jambier) Forfait : Arthur Melo On craignait que Richarlison de manque la Coupe du monde après sa blessure lors de la victoire de Tottenham face à Everton. Mais Antonio Conte a depuis déclaré que l'attaquant devrait revenir avant le tournoi. Bremer est aussi en convalescence, mais sa participation au tournoi reste menacée. Arthur Melo quant à lui est officiellement forfait. Canada Forfait : Scott Kennedy (épaule) est exclu du tournoi après s'être blessé à l'épaule alors qu'il jouait pour Regensburg en deuxième division allemande. Lire aussi : Qatar : Plus de 60 travailleurs arrêtés par les autorités ! La Corée du Sud retient son souffle pou Son Incertain : Son Heung-min (visage) L'attaquant de Tottenham Hotspur, Son Heung-min, devra être opéré en raison d'une blessure au visage. Il l'a contractée mercredi lors de la victoire en Ligue des champions contre Marseille. Sa participation à la Coupe du monde 2022 avec la Corée du Sud est donc compromise. Son, 30 ans, s'est cassé l'œil gauche lors de la victoire 2-1 en France. La défense du Danemark en chantier Incertains : Simon Kjaer (ischio-jambier), Andreas Christensen (cheville) Le Milanais Simon Kjaer a manqué une grande partie de la saison. Il est actuellement absent pour une blessure aux ischio-jambiers. Andreas Christensen, quant à lui, n'a pas joué depuis qu'il s'est blessé à la cheville au début du mois. Lire aussi : Stade Qatar 2022 : Le prix pour les places à la coupe du monde De potentielles absences de poids pour l'Espagne Incertains : Gerard Moreno (tendon du genou), Sergio Reguilon (aine), Mikel Oyarzabal (genou). Le capitaine de la Real Sociedad, Mikel Oyarzabal, est incertain après sa rupture des ligaments croisés subie en mars. Mais il a pu reprendre l'entraînement au début du mois. Dani Olmo, quant à lui, devrait bientôt porter les couleurs du RB Leipzig. Le club allemand a donné à Olmo une date de retour de six semaines lorsqu'il s'est blessé à la cheville début septembre. Les blessures pour Coupe du monde 2022 se multiplient pour la France Incrtains : Wesley Fofana (genou), Lucas Hernandez (adducteur), Mike Maignan (mollet), Raphael Varane (cuisse), Jules Kounde (cuisse), Boubacar Kamara (genou). Forfaits : N'Golo Kante (ischio-jambier), Paul Pogba (genou) La liste des blessés de la France pour les matchs de la Ligue des Nations en septembre était inquiétante. N'Golo Kante est officiellement forfait et Wesley Fofana représente un doute majeur. Didier Deschamps a subi un nouveau coup dur après l'annonce du forfait Paul Pogba. Le Milanais Mike Maignan a repris l'entraînement après sa blessure. Lire aussi : Hymnes de la Coupe du monde : Quelles sont les 3 chansons ? Pays-Bas sans Depay ? En danger : Memphis Depay (cuisse) Sorti : Georginio Wijnaldum (jambe) Georginio Wijnaldum, de la Roma, a pris un coup cruel après s'être fracturé le tibia à l'entraînement en août et ne participera pas à la Coupe du monde. Memphis Depay n'a pas joué avec Barcelone depuis qu'il s'est blessé à la cuisse fin septembre. Matthijs de Ligt du Bayern Munich, quant à lui, souffre d'un problème mineur au genou mais devrait se rétablir rapidement. Des ailiers forfaits pour le Portugal Incertains : Nuno Mendes (Achille), Pepe (genou) Forfaits : Pedro Neto (cheville), Diogo Jota (ischio-jambier) Diogo Jota, de Liverpool, manquera la Coupe du monde après s'être blessé au mollet. Son coéquipier en Premier League, Pedro Neto, avait déjà été écarté après s'être froissé les ligaments de la cheville au début du mois. Lire aussi : Le Shakhtar Donetsk demande l'exclusion de l'Iran du Mondial ! Beaucoup d'incertitude pour les USA Incertains : Daryl Dike (cuisse), Chris Richards (jambe), Weston McKennie (tendon du genou). Forfait : Miles Robinson (tendon d'Achille) Miles Robinson d'Atlanta United devrait manquer la Coupe du monde après s'être déchiré le tendon d'Achille en mai. En revanche, Antonee Robinson est de retour dans l'équipe de Fulham, après avoir été absent en septembre pour cause de blessure, et Tim Weah est revenu dans l'équipe de Lille après avoir été tenu à l'écart par une blessure au pied en début de saison. Read the full article
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fentybucky · 3 years
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I’m going to leave this video right here 🥺💛🧸
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traumaedge · 3 years
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i should not have watched a video on kalvin garrah. now im dysphoric AND i want to kms
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stayatsam · 5 years
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cinnamoroll-nblm · 4 years
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I feel very masculine today :)
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queeroids · 2 years
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Tangentially related to the recent ask, it's interesting how kalvin garrah is sort of the problematic trans person mascot when there are people like blaire white who are active political grifters or even buck angel. I guess it can be chalked up to him making content for younger people so he's more likely to be known by these young Queers. Either way, it is funny how any sort of ftm with differing opinion = kalvin or truscum/transmed. Tbh i don't even like him (he always seemed insecure and annoying, plus he's one to talk about "tranny voice" lmao) but i think his problematicness(?) is kind of over exaggerated
I think it’s funny how people say things like “Kalvin garrah ruined an entire generation of transmascs” and act like he singlehandedly founded transmedicalist ideology. As if he wasn’t just some asshole teenager with a decently sized following. Like you didn’t have to watch his videos idk. Sure his fans harassed people to a pretty severe degree and his videos were generally not good and caused some people to internalize harmful things, but he was literally just one guy. He hasn’t been relevant or made any videos in over a year so I don’t know why people are still talking about him tbh
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