#just my mess of thoughts and emotions

[fromchaostocosmos]

Because this my blog I'm allowed to talk about what I like. Which is what I am going to do because I need to deal with the tangle of feelings I am feelings.

Firstly do to child abuse and neglect I spent most of my life not allowing myself to feel my emotions which is not really possible, but I did the best that I could. I also spent a lot of my childhood, teens years, and some of my early 20's in state of hypo-arousal, numb and robotic, and lots and lots of disassociation and depersonalization.

I spent the past while working hard in therapy to allow myself to feel emotions as well as working on many other things. Now the main issue I often face with emotions is that I often feel something, but I don't know why and what I am emotion I am experiencing.

Secondly this post is not defense in any way shape form of the current actions of current Israeli administration, of Benjamin Netanyahu, of the Likud party and the choices they have made. Nor is this post against Palestinian civilians.

With those two disclaimers/background information out of the way my goal with this post is try as best I can to explain my feelings and thoughts while not always having the words or vocabulary that I need to do it.

I am glad that there are many people and organisations who are protesting on behalf of the Palestinian people and at the same time I find myself often confused by many of the choices and even frustrated.

I do not understand how shutting down highways and airports helps to further any goals. Instead I feel it makes the overall populace angry and unwilling to listen. I also do not understand the whole "don't vote for biden" thing. Like who else is there? Trump? Are you out of your mind? Vote no one? I think not, be able to vote yes is right, but is also a privilege that so many currently in the world do not have access to or have access to real voting as opposed to a sham of an election.

I also find myself frustrated in the boycotting of certain companies. Because I do not see how they help and I do know of cases where it has done more harm such as with the soda stream boycott leading to loss of jobs in the West Bank. I also must ask when employees are mistreated and lack pay and a boycott could make a real difference why so silent then.

I also find myself not just frustrated, but angry even in Syria chemical warfare was used against the civilian populace where was the marches in the streets, the demands from governments, the protests? Where are they now?

Yemen? Azerbaijan? Russia? Why silent there. Are Yemeni children not worthy too? Are Armenian children not worthy too? Are LGBTQIA+ not worthy too? Are the Ukrainian children not worthy too? Of care and concern.

As the Houthi attack in Yemen and as Yemen deals with an on going massive food crisis where is the same worry and concern?

As ethinic Armenians flee en mass by the thousands from Azerbaijan government and are often left cut off from food and medical aid where is the same worry and concern?

There Russia's relentless attacks against Ukraine and extremely concerning and worrying ongoing denial of rights and legal protection to LGBTQIA+ people.

As well as the ongoing Genocide by Myanmar towards the Rohingya and the Rohingya difficulty finding safety as refugees as they are attacked still after fleeing to Indonesia.

There is also the ongoing Uyghur genocide being committed by the Chinese government. That involve a host of atrocities such indoctrination, reeducation camps, and forced sterilization and abortions among other horrific acts.

All of these things have seen overall silence.

Despite what gets taught the World knew what was happening during the Holocaust. The information about the camps and killings was widely available and not just to government officials, but to your average person. The world knew and they watched it happen without saying a word in protest because it did not bother them that Jews and Romani people were being mass murdered. As far as they were concerned some one was taking out the trash. The UK got involved because Hitler turned his eyes towards the UK and the USA got involved because of Pearl Harbor if not for that they would not gotten involved.

So yes I am happy that no is being silent in the case of Palestinians. I also am wary of it because I look at the other times that needed voices, but only had silence. I look at the fact that there are multiple countries who mistreat Palestinians and yet there is silence there.

I look at the silence that has greeted and continues for the Jewish and Israeli rape and sexual abuse survivor and the silence for Jewish and Israeli hostages.

I look at the support for Hamas. I look at the those who say they care about care about Palestinians and yet do not listen to them.

I look out I see all this hypocrisy and I am filled with rage and despair in turns. I feel frustrated. I feel voiceless. I feel as my lone call is being drowned out. and I wonder if Israel was not a predominantly Jewish country would the same care exist?

I wonder why are there no calls for Qatar's role in all of this? Or the Hamas leadership who live the most opulent extravagant lavish lifestyles far far away from Gaza and why none who protest call for them to held accountable?

I rage and I despair. I despair and rage. I feel bound and I feel lost. And I wonder if it was me, if it was mine once again being killed would we again be greeted with a silent world?

And then I remember, everything that happened after. No it would not quite. It would loud, it would deafening, and it would be raucous cheering as the world watches with glee.

#i don't how to tag this #general trigger warning #i/p #sort of #i guess #antisemitism #jumblr #just my mess of thoughts and emotions #can reblog #jewish or not

[bruhstation]

can't it even be more obvious thomas. why are you surprised that a sudrian historical site filled to the brim with armor and weaponry that dates back to the middle ages has old people afflicted with the gold dust working around the castle

#thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte glynn #ttte millie #ttte stephen #casa tidmouth #senjart #MORE OF LADY'S EXPERIMENTS GONE WRONG #WHO UP ULFSTEADING THEIR CASTLE #stuff for the kotr arc of casa tidmouth. now this is where gold dust has historical significance #going crazy right now. my friends are influencing me #I had 12 tabs opened just to draw young glynn's armor. they dont have plated armory in the 10th century!!!! only mails!!!!!! #(looking at you KOTR intro) #I remember reading some inputs on my 1k milestone poll and saw someone put ''the misery of growing old'' and honestly. Checks out #glynn's eyes are goldish brown because well. that's the perks of being the first bearer of the gold dust horrors #lady during 989 AD do not know anything about human thoughts and ethics and emotions. she was literally freestyling that!!!!! #Oh a wounded soldier on the verge of death. what if I *dumps 200 kg of gold dust on him* yeah that'll do the trick. #then she saw how glynn aged so so slowly and went Oh well I messed up. Good thing there are lots of other sudrians here #funny coincidence that young cstm glynn's helmet resembles canon glynn's funnel #I wanted to make millie's design resemble a tour guide more with her scarf and more stylish than usual tie #shes so pretty. I'm so proud of her design #(AND I REALIZED TOO LATE THAT HER TIE HAS THE COLORS OF THE FRENCH FLAG) #<--- said the guy who has beef with the french #stephen's crown is translated to a hat decor! was about to draw a top hat but whatever just imagine he has a collection of various hats #that he can put his crown on #also I want to give him that cool hip-with-the-kids I-am-still-young-at-heart energy #sir robert norramby is balling in the background. #hope you enjoy..... won't be able to draw as much from now on but I'm excited #also whos ready for old man yaoi........... 2!!!!!!

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

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[hazel2468]

Just a completely random thought but like...

I am truly starting to believe, at least for people my age (so late 20s- early 30s range), our parents didn't actually want children. Not in the way that matters.

They didn't want unique, individual, whole other people to raise into adults. They didn't want to do the amazingly hard work of being a parent- in that being a parent entails making sure your children can go out into the world and be their own people and make their own way, and it is your job as the person raising them to prepare them for that as best you can.

They wanted "children". As in dolls. As in "look at this thing I made let's talk about how great I am for making it". As in "let me brag about all of my child's accomplishments, those are all on me, but if they fail that is on them". As in "my child matters in what they can give me, not in who they are as a person of inherent value". As in "this was expected of me and I did it and now I am going to raise this human being the same way my parents raised me".

As in "why doesn't my fully grown adult child talk to me anymore? They're so entitled! They're so whiny! They DARE tell me I didn't do a good job parenting them! They DARE tell me I hurt them! They DARE express that they have feelings and thoughts and wants and a life outside of what I imagined for them in my head, outside of what will look good on me! How dare they not be a little thing I can hang on my fridge with a magnet and point to and say look my baby loves me. Look I am a good parent- that means I am a good person. Look I became a parent and that means I am GOOD. How DARE they undermine my entire identity as a Good Parent by telling me that I messed up?"

#this got really specific I know #im just having Thoughts this morning #prrobably spurred on by the fact that I am like #making a lot of changes related to my disabilities and conditions #and thinking about how even the fact that like #we all but KNEW I had something going on #didn't stop my parents from acting like I was messing up #and yet they were prefectly happy to brag about all the shit I COULD do right #but whenever I did something wrong it had NOTHING to do with them #and EVERYTHING to do with me #and I'm just having an emotion about that #and about how shitty parents can really be in generral #i know exactly ONE person #who has a solid relationship with his parent

[jaguarys]

For the record I don't think the Sannin had some sort of dramatic falling out. I think they grew apart in a way that they almost didn't notice. I think they found different interests, different people, and no matter how much they told themselves they were still as close as they'd always been they weren't. And I think it was a process of continually realizing these people aren't who you idealized in your mind; that they are maybe, kind of, sort of bad people; that they have done things you can't ignore, and that, maybe, they are your enemies. But there's no closure there. There's no sense of relief to be gained. Because you love them. You love them more than anyone in the world–– more than your students, more than your spouse, more than your family, more than your village. They know more about you than anyone ever will or ever could. They hold pieces of you, not only in your knowledge, not only in your youth, but in your soul, because they are one-third of it. You know them more, and less, than anyone could, and definitely more than you should

#i love them so much man i have SO many thoughts about them #also as far as my hcs for the deterioration of their relationship #i think jiraiya was kind of the first to leave in that he stayed behind in ame while oro and tsunade went back to the village #and oro really hated him for that because they viewed it as a sort of betrayal (because of their mindset they just didn't Get why he would #stay for these kids that they viewed as 'doomed'- and like. they were right but they didn't know that) #and tsunade and oro's relationship kind of fizzled after nawaki died because there was just a MESS of emotions going on #i feel like all three of them were like 'oh we'll just move past this' and then they Didn't #and then jiraiya and tsunade kind of realized after oro defected like 'OH SHIT there was a lot we were ignoring here' #and then you get like 25 years of them continually going 'oh. oh shit' as they realize more. and it just grows #but they could never let go of who oro was to them #ANYWAYS. #personal #naruto #naruto shippuden #naruto meta #naruto analysis #sannin naruto #tsunade naruto #jiraiya naruto #orochimaru naruto #orochimaru #tsunade #jiraiya #jiraorotsu #orojiratsu #tsujiraoro #tsunade senju #fandom: naruto #type: meta

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[pandora15]

Throughout this show, we see so many beautiful moments of kindness.

We see the small things, like one of the workers at Obi-Wan's meat plant job thing sharing a water pitcher with someone else while on the transport back. Or even after Vader does his terrifying murder spree on Mapuzo in that village, the people of the village come to check on each other after he walks away.

Then we see the bigger things, like Tala putting herself at risk to save Obi-Wan multiple times. We see Leia telling Tala to do so, Leia helping the other people find hope with LOLA, Leia helping Obi-Wan find himself again throughout the show.

And then there's Obi-Wan himself — who sees all of this and learns that even with the Empire, even with Vader and the Jedi being broken down like this — taking off on his own so that Vader will pursue him while everyone else can get to safety. Willingly facing Vader again so that 1. he can come to let go of Anakin once and for all, and 2. so that the future of the Jedi can live on (as he literally says in the episode).

He sees the kindness that the Path has demonstrated for him specifically (remember, they helped him when he was injured after episode 3) and for Jedi and Force-sensitives throughout the galaxy, and he wants to reciprocate it.

And so he does.

And in doing so, Obi-Wan Kenobi becomes himself again, and begins to look to the future for hope.

And that is how he overcame.

Ever since I became an Obi-Wan fan, that was what I wanted to know about Obi-Wan. I wanted to know exactly how he overcame everything that happened in ROTS (because. it's a LOT) to become who he is in ANH. And this show answers that question in the most beautiful, meaningful way.

It's through kindness and hope.

#i only meant to list out some moments of kindness that i remembered but this turned into a clusterfuck of all my emotions i guess #i'm a mess and it shows #anyways no thoughts head empty just this show that i've wanted for 6 years doing literally everything i ever wanted #i will forever be grateful for this show #obi wan kenobi #obi wan show #obi wan kenobi spoilers #kenobi spoilers

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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[marius-lepual]

i'm so obsessed right now with what the dynamic must have been between caleb and essek for the six months between cognouza and now

their interactions had all been with the m9 or with the m9 nearby, and i think being truly alone for the first time would change things a bit. there's nobody to interrupt them in the middle of a moment, but also, there's nobody to interrupt them if things got too overwhelming. no group to fall back to to cool off.

i think there was a lot of tension, at first just awkwardness as they tried to adapt their dynamic to the new circumstances. and nervous tension as they talk and learn more about each other, both afraid of accidentally crossing any unknown boundaries or bringing up a painful topic.

they would exchange spellbooks, nerves firing as they each try to acclimate to this level of intimacy

and it slowly gets easier and more comfortable and the tension transitions into wanting and yearning. the awareness that they both wanted more, and that they were both fucking terrified of that. hearts pounding as their casual touches stop feeling quite so casual. hands lingering longer. there's no reason for them not to go for it, but there's also all the reason in the world. so it goes unspoken, the elephant in the room.

to me this is why he didn't contact essek. things had changed between them in a way that the others would absolutely pick up on. and the m9 aren't exactly subtle. questions would be asked that caleb and essek weren't ready to answer. it was best to keep things between themselves for now.

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #i think that we'll see essek at the end of the next episode and we'll see them start making plans to go to aeor #i have so many more thoughts but they're mostly just an incoherent mess of emotions #shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #cr campaign 2 #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #[placeholder original content tag]

[aho-dapa]

This fandom is honestly...

Like, there is something to be said about fandoms in general and how they've changed as a whole generally but

There's also something about how the acotar fandom is especially toxic like

The idea that a post is surprised a murder hasn't happened yet and I found myself agreeing??? Is honestly telling

Like, also. A massive part of this is shipping and maybe it's because I have my corner of this fandom, but even then shipping the "wrong" thing in general has become something I honestly have to take in consideration when thinking of my mental health and if I can personally be prepared for any backlash??

This fandom at large doesn't feel safe and that's majorly concerning tbh

Maybe instead of saying shippers as a group are doing harm, we should just disavow harmful actions in general and not be complicit in it idk???

#anyway #just having thoughts #anti sjm #like I'm also pro Tamlin? and that doesn't help #i had to stop making intensive tamlin posts because my mental health honestly couldn't handle the constant discourse #which is sad when people genuinely come with the intent to discuss but since its all horrible in general I end up not having a lot of #emotional space to have a good conversation most of the time sighhhh #i also just end up blocking people in general when my timeline messes up my interests but #i have yet to block main ship tags because I still want to interact with my side of fandom on it but I'm sooooooo close to blocking #main tags because some people are vile on here #don't even get me started on gwyn because people end up saying shit they shouldn't be just because of shipping #and I don't have any personal feelings about gwyn but the way people say she's not important as a character gives me the ick tbh #like I get it from a sjm is a terrible writer standpoint #but gwyn did have narrative importance in acosf despite however I feel about how it coulf have been better written #and also as a character that is very explicitly a SA survivor some people here need to THINK about how they talk about her

[grumpy-nyks]

The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Davor edition

I-I think Ms. Verner doesn't like him...😳

Davor "Dove" Kovač 🐝 RO: Becca Warrick

Personality: cautious // aloof // pessimistic // flirtatious (only towards Becca ...and Reese??) Traits: head // independent // resistance // believer Past affinity: math Primary ability: extrasensory awareness Past susceptibility: forward. 'it’s better to push forward. don’t look back on the past when you have new places to be and things to achieve.' <<< his motto

🕊️ Fernweh: Davor lived a happy life there and didn't think about leaving in the future. Maybe for some trips, but he knew it would always be his place, his safe place... 'It was a mistake to come back here.' - that was his first thought when he tried to fall asleep on the first night in Fernweh. The nightmares came back as he thought they would. He wants to leave as soon as possible because he feels that it is not safe for Becca to be here.

🕊️ Gramps Dan: That was his gramps who taught Davor how to play the guitar. As a young child, Davor always admired him and believed he was the most intelligent person in the world. After the death of his parents and how his grandfather treated him, he was devastated and angry. He wanted answers soo badly but didn't get any. He lived loathing his grandfather ever since. The news of his passing stirred up a lot of negative emotions that Davor had previously managed to suppress. At the beginning of the story he couldn't care less about his grandfather, but because of his journal he started to believe him. Things that his granfather lived through made Davor even more angry at this messy town …but he's willing to forgive his gramps…

🐝 Becca Warrick: It was a ...funny story that brought both of them together and they look after each other ever since. He considers Becca as his precious (not in a negative-possessive way) treasure, he literally can't let anything bad happen to her. That was also she who came up with the nickname 'Dove'... (and she's literally the only person who calls him that, others wouldn't dare...). He had feelings for her for quite some time but didn't act on it... until now. Although he didn't express it, he felt very nervous about Becca being in the town where he grew up. He was curious (but also scared) about what she could think of this town. He felt like he was revealing more of himself to her…. and he forgot about any worries pretty fast, because the town started being weird as fu--.

🕊️ Reese Verner: Back then Davor was quite cheerful and enjoyed competing with Reese regularly. They teased each other a lot. Davor always thought that Reese had a crush on him, was it true tho? donut know, but he certainly had. ...why does he appear in his nightmares? Maybe the crush stage never disappeared...? Seeing him again was a nice experience, sure... but ignoring the circumstances, he is still unsure if it was worth it and is struggling with his thoughts… Would it be worth it to return to Fernweh just to see him... again? welp, good thing he doesn't have to think about it much, am I right?

🕊️ Sofia Dorran: The two of them maybe did not have a strong relationship, but he knew Sofia is the ideal person for engaging in intelligent conversations. He enjoyed spending time with her, solving the puzzles that gramps created for them both. Davor wasn't a fan of fantasy books, but she managed to change his mind about them. Davor knows that Sofia did take good care of his grandfather, but he still doesn't quite know if he's grateful for that or wished she spent her time more... valuably... He was tempted to ask Sofia to borrow that book she found in his grandfather's bedroom, but he thought better of it. It's better to leave Fernweh… Even so, his curiosity wasn't properly fed.

🕊️ James Corvin: Maybe not brothers by blood, but definitely brothers by choice. Davor treated him as if he was the brother he always wanted to have. Back then Davor always placed a high value on his family… until now. At the time, Davor tended to be more impulsive and James was usually the one who kept him from getting into trouble (which often involved Reese). It was really hard, for both of them, to see each other after so long. Their first interaction was pretty awkward... I would even say that most of their interactions were . James noticed how Davor changed the question is: for the better or worse? I don't even know. Everyone can sense, that things around them are different now, and they aren't as close as before. Will it change?

🕊️ Alek Corvin: …To say that Alek wasn't a fan of Davor would be an understatement. Was it because James spent most of his time focusing only on Davor trying to get him out of trouble? Did Alek observe any possessiveness from Davor towards James? Or maybe simply because of the bond between those two, which was truly something that others would envy and desire? Davor never considered it, especially when he left Fernweh permanently. :)) As you can imagine, Alek doesn't seem very happy about Davor's return… But he took an interest in his new friend, Becca, which did not go unnoticed by Davor and he isn't really happy about it.

🕊️ The Waitress: Oh boy, it seems that Davor has taken up a new hobby, which is glaring harshly at the waitress. He finds her mistrustful and he smells trouble. Had they met when he was younger, there may have been a slim chance of them getting along.

🕊️ Waffles!: So um… Davor has a little issue with dogs and because of that his relationship with Waffles isn't as wonderful as I wish it would be... However, I believe that with time and help from Becca, they will eventually become friends.

#actually about his scar i have this whole headcanon... featuring some...umm.. doggos and Becca... 👀 especially how they met #(Davor was always team cats but after that incident even more xD) #also ouch that naming scene it hurt me so much! but i get it ;; aaaa! Davor why are you being so problematic Waffles is wonderful!!! #it was really interesting for me to messing with Davor in nightmares and showing him Reese!! the feelings the emotions aaaa #also yeeaah Davor thought several times if it would be a good idea to come back to Re-- *cough* Fernweh... and then Becca happened... #generally speaking Davor has a keen interest in Slavic mythologies and culture particularly those from western and southern regions of- #-Europe. I imagine that his father has roots in these regions and he took great pride in his heritage. Often taking about it to Davor #...and since Sofia's a smart girl she lent Davor a fantasy book written by Slavic author who took a great inspiration from Slavic myths👼😊 #yes it was enough to change Davor's mind about fantasy books XD he never really read one before he just assumed it's BORING! #and now I'm sure he will throw questions at Sofia about this book she found even more since he's staying at Fernweh... I can imagine how- #-they both are staying up late studying it and comparing their notes... it would remind Davor about the time they were kids- #-it seems that his Gramps gave them both the last puzzle to solve... will they succeed? #and ooohh that will be a hard time for James and Davor... that rejection at the end of book one wont help them im sure XD #about Davor's 'possesivenes' over James... Davor was needy that's true but he would never think about 'stealing' James from Alek or- #-'claiming' James belongs to him. I hope im not crossing a line here but in my headcanon Alek was TOTALLY jealous over their friendship #and Alek THOUGHT that Davor was receiving more attention from James 👀 #//which obv isn't true because James would never allow it. Alek is always a number one in James' heart// #in mine too I love A!!!! 💖 they're a BABY #but i must say that Davor didn't really think about Alek's feelings back then. he wasn't aware how Alek could feel- that's not an excuse #super curious about book two and how his relationships with every single one of them will develop!!! #fernweh saga #oc: davor kovac #no i totally did NOT change his surname..

[blissfulalchemist]

"And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won't just be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we'll be joined so tight..." -Philip Pullman, from ‘The Amber Spyglass’

And so one became two just in time for the end.....

An absolute huge thank you to @leviiackrman for taking on this little commission of my boys. You made them looks so so good and I am just! !!!! The eye colors are on point! The little smirk just has me dead. Like they are giving the vibes of who they become. Jess I can't thank you enough they just are so so! !!!! If you ever get a chance to commission Jess please do!

#Listen I am just so emotional about them and like! !!!!! #my boys.....my lads..... #I also just have had so many thoughts about them and their names and the implications and jess out here just nailing a vibe of the names #I'm a mess I'm sorry im done rambling and can't wait to commission you again jess for them! #deimos oc #ffxiv #commissions and gifts

[anotherpapercut]

working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do

#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me #like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that #and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already #bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back #and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess #but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because. #idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise #and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help #and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out #and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao #and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw #like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way #and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt #and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years #to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad #she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it #long ass tag story sorry

[byanyan]

ㅤbeen thinking today about how byan's anger can be really scary to witness... it's very... raw. anger is the emotion they feel the most intensely, and the one they filter the least. it's raw, it's heated, and it's very instinct-driven — they have very little control over it, and they're certainly not thinking before they do or say anything. impulses are followed, whether it's to lash out and cause harm to whatever has hurt them, or to throw or break whatever is within arm's reach just to release even a little bit of the energy that's overwhelming them. they don't know what else to do with it. literally no thoughts, all that their mind can focus on is the emotion; they just want to get it out and stop feeling this way (and/or ensure the person who's pissed them off gets what they deserve) and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that. i think that lack of control really shows too, like it's palpable in the air and adds an extra layer of discomfort and uncertainty if you're in the same room as them. concern for one's own safety is valid in such a scenario too tbh, because they have hurt people in the past who they never would have caused harm to normally (both directly and indirectly; sometimes by their own hand, other times as an unintended consequence of them throwing/breaking something). it's not something they're proud of, but they also just... don't know what to do about it. ...they're honestly afraid of their own anger, at times. afraid of what they're capable of and what they might one day do.

#there's also a lot of yelling and cursing...... screaming too but that's only in THE MOST extreme cases #and they've been known to hurt themself if there's nothing else around to take the anger out on. #or like. unintentionally hurting themself by punching walls & getting into fights and shit #this is an absolute mess it's just me spewing my thoughts to get them out of my head #one day i'll write a proper & cleaner headcanon about it... explain it better... #but i'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into actual coherent & detailed words tonight so just like. take this for now lmao #byan is such an emotional creature & they don't know how to regulate what they feel #they just feel it and must do something about it... #am i making sense?? is what i'm trying to convey coming through?? #i'm so annoyed bc i can't find half the words i'm searching for to properly explain this the way i want to lmao #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.

[south-sea]

as someone who grew up with Sonic X where he’s largely depicted as this sassy unbothered local hero-cryptid, it’s been wild seeing sonic get absolutely wrecked in IDW/frontiers/prime lately. like i’m just not used to seeing him so exhausted or beat up, and honestly, give me More

#sonic the hedgehog #sea talks #frontiers was like the appetizer and chaos/rhea island were so..... #it was so much #i didn't get into the comics until a while after that #the metal virus arc lives rent free in my head 24/7 because it was just so jarring to see him Like That #and by episode three-ish of prime i was genuinely distressed seeing him get so beat up/all dizzy like that for SO LONG #i'm not used to seeing this boy at all vulnerable! and i love it #i definitely have some thoughts about idw 56 but it's too soon to talk spoilers even in the tags #not to mention his ankle getting all messed up in scrapnik islands #like damn i always figured his worst nightmare would be to lose/injure a leg so badly he can't run anymore #and lo and behold.... #i was rewatching the adrenaline dubs version of the metal virus arc recently so this has all been fresh in my mind for days #and i'm just [vibrating with emotion]

[vampiremansionpoolboy-moved]

going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim

#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his #head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when #hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly #hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju #and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and #especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger. #and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and #he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if #thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die #for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the #viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be #doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky #tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift. #hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect #him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding #and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers. #he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he #still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW #EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM #anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind #herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug #when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their #bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually #toad.txt #i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways #pacific rim #pacific rim spoilers #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann

[vintageghoststories]

i have so many THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS and OPINIONS and ANALYSIS and THEORIES but i have NO ONE to scream them at …EXPLODES

#i’m on my period n so my hormones r messing with. me.i think #just …Grghrgrgrgrraaaaa so many thoughts and emotions and etc etc but I Feel I Cant Go On A Mass Reblog Spree In Fear Of Being Seen As #Cringe which is strange bc that has never happened before ! #I don’t know what is it about [REDACTED] that makes me so nervous to go insane abt it over here……. #a ghosts rambles #like ! it’s actually insane !! i feel more comfortable reblogging silly minecraft men yiao more then this which is arguably seen as a more #“normal” or “respectable” thing .Grgrraaa

[actual-changeling]

good god my sleep schedule is fucked, 6:30 am and my meds should be kicking in but they're not and i really need to fix this

#alex yells at the void #i know exactly why but if i pretend i dont maybe it will go away #who would have thought that an extremely retraumatizing experience would fuck with my head certainly not me /s #ill just stay strong tomorrow and not get drunk and then pop some of my good sleeping pills at like eleven #hopefully that'll fix this fucking mess #unfortunately i am experiencing emotions constantly and i cannot make it stop #my chest feels like a black hole sucking me in while simultaneously spitting me back out #anyway i should shut up and try to sleep i guess #if i can get my brain to be quiet long enough to fall asleep