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that-bi-bitch-writes · 3 years

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Not The Forgiving Type

[Name] was a kind kid. He was poised to be number one until shit hit the fan. But he wasn't gonna let his dream die no matter who got in the way.

The one where All Might neglects his son a little. The son eventually goes apeshit and hurts the people that wronged him on his journey to becoming the Number One Hero

Warnings: Major Character Death, Vengeance, Murder, Blood Mentions, Religious Themes/Imagery, Christianity is not portrayed in a good light, All Might is compared to God, There is no good guy, sad ending.

The thing that [Name] hates most is his smile.

Christians believe that every human was born with sin. As such, you spend every day of your life abstaining from further sins as you try to erase the red from your ledger. You’re encouraged to do acts of service, not to win the favor of God but from the kindness of your heart. Because you care about people. Yet not doing those acts of service puts you years behind if you aim to present God with a clean ledger.

[Name] was kind. It wasn’t something that came natural to him nor was it particularly easy all of the time but he made the effort. Be kind to others, the family motto. His father was like God to the people he saved. Keeping a smile on his face as if at the shine of his teeth all life’s problems would flash away. And he’d give grand speeches for no other reason than he could.

“Power” his father would say grandstanding “is for the strong to be able to protect the week” [Name]’s father had the kind of power that made the weak feel untouchable. All might would save them. They were sure of it. [Name] was sure of it too.

‘Daddy’s so strong’ [Name] thought ‘I’m gonna be strong too.’ It was a shared thought between the two actually. He was the son of the number one. The son of God. Destined to bear the weight of everyones sins. The reincarnation, who stretches himself thin for the sake of saving others. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Strong should his resolve be, lest that head roll off of his shoulders.

[Name] was four when he got his quirk. Yagi was ecstatic. There was a slim chance that the boy would be born quirkless like Yagi himself and [Name]’s mother wasn’t in the picture. A one night stand who was paid off after she showed up on his doorstep with a baby. There was no way to be completely certain what would happen, but he believed. Hoping for all hope his little boy would be strong. At the proud look on his dad’s face, [Name] smiled. He would continue to make his father proud.

At the age of nine [Name] had all but mastered said quirk. He was a prodigy who’d trained with heroes like Nighteye, and Eraserhead practicing both combat and battles of quirk. Within the next year All Might finally thought [Name] was ready. And sometime after [Name]’s 10th birthday Yagi sat him down to talk about the possibility of him being the next person to wield One For All. [Name] was more than shocked to hear that his dad had been quirkless and possessed a rare, powerful quirk. In his nervousness all he could manage was a smile, a wide confident smile that masked all his hesitation and surprise.

“I’ll be the next number one hero dad” [Name] said “And i’ll make you proud”

Yagi gave his son a matching smile “You already have. And I can’t wait to see what you will do in the future my boy”

At age 13 [Name] took down his first villain. It was illegal of course, but things are easily swept under the rug when you’re the child of God. But why should he have been punished? He was doing good for the sake of good. Saving others with a smile on his face. That was the family motto. It mattered not that the streets were stained with the villain’s blood. No, he was a hero. Heroes saved the day by defeating the villain and giving hope to the people. His actions should please God.

“He’s not ready”

“He’s my son”

“And that’s why you can’t be impartial. Take a break, spend some time with [name] and teach him how to be a hero”

[Name] creeped closer to his bedroom door at the sound of the furious whispers trying to figure out who was talking about him and why. He leaned his head against the door not risking the chance that if he opened it to take a peak he could be seen or heard.

“He’s a great kid, with a powerful quirk. He cares about stopping injustice, and he gives people hope. Like I did. He’s primed to be my successor”

“All might you know I think of you as a great hero. But he’s too much like you”

‘Nighteye’ [Name] realized

“I think he spends too much time trying to be like you that he doesn’t know the true meaning of heroics. You’re right he’s a great kid but I don’t think he’s ready for the kind of responsibility that comes with One For All.”

“Who else if not him?”

Nighteye paused, and answered cautiously “I met a kid. Resembles you in looks, a little more than [Name] does. He has a strong work ethic and made his debut into class 1B at UA. His quirk isn’t exactly strong but he’s made it so. Give him a chance”

Toshinori gave a hesitant “maybe” and the conversation ended there.

Betrayal felt like a sharp stabbing sensation. Nighteye, his precious mentor doesn’t think he’s ready enough. Doesn’t want him to succeed. Wants his father to mentor another kid because he doesn’t believe in [Name]. Ouch.

The next morning, [name] is quieter. More unsure of himself as he asks his dad to stop training with Nighteye. The relationship between All Might and Nighteye is frayed and [Name] knows that. He’s the glue keeping them together so to get back at Nighteye, [Name] will sever the connection between idol and fan. He doesn’t need Nighteye, he just needs to please his dad. He’ll train on his own and become number one. Praise be to God.

Hands gliding through the air, [Name] played with a bright red colored mist that flowed through his fingers and gathered in the palms of his hands. He would flex them, some fingers pointing down, others curled inward as if he were grabbing something with that finger only. Depending on the weight of the object he moved, his arms would flex too.

In a fight his stance became wider, more sturdy almost as if actually shouldering the weight of the object. His knees bent when he planted himself into the ground, resisting the push and pull of gravity as he lifted things with a thought and a flick of his hands. He was powerful. The kind of powerful that makes you smirk at your opponent, not because you underestimate them but just because you know you’ll win. It’s a long hard road to becoming that powerful and [Name] was damned if he wasn’t going to show it. The perfect venue was coming up too. The UA Entrance Exams.

[Name] unconsciously used his quirk to stop something from landing in the koi pond he’d been walking past. “Poor fishies” [Name] thought as he grabbed the floating book. It read ‘Hero Analysis For the Future’ He casually flipped through it, silently asking for forgiveness. He’s not a snooper; he just needed a little guidance if he was going to be the best. It was a little burnt but thorough. He heard the noise of a bunch of boys walking by and he looked up. At the sight of Bakugou [Name]’s eyes flashed red. Bakugou looked away and scowled knowing he couldn’t beat the son of the Number One hero. Not yet.

“Oh [Name]-senpai you found my book”

“Izuku-kun. I came to you for advice. But also just because I wanted to see you.”

“Of course! We’re friends you can ask me anything”

“I’ve been training a lot on my own recently because I wanted to surprise my dad with my progress but pretty soon I think I’m gonna ask him to personally train me. The UA entrance exams are pretty soon. And I want to make him proud”

“I’m sure you’ll do fine! You’re a great hero already with an amazing quirk. I think he’ll be proud of you no matter what you do”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive”

“Thanks. I’ve gotta go train, my exams are way sooner than yours. You’ve still got about 10 months right?”

“You honestly think I can make it senpai?”

“I don’t know. But I like you and you’ve got the right attitude so I want to support you. Who knows maybe you’ll make history as a quirkless hero.”

[Name] smiled and bid Izuku farewell as he headed off in the opposite direction intending to train even harder to become the number one. Everything in his life was primed so he would be the best. He was Icarus chasing after the sun on his man-made wings. But he was determined not to fall, not to drown and he refused to fail even if the sun burned him up upon first contact.

[Name] passed his entrance exams and was ranked number one in the incoming first year class. His first number one. The sports festival being his next goal, and once he finally had One For All, there’d be no one to stop him. He was sure of it. And that’s what he wanted to tell his father the day Yagi came home and excitedly told him he’d met and befriended a young boy from Mustafu called Izuku Midoriya. [Name] smiled brightly happy that the two of them had met and instead promised himself to bring the topic up the next morning.

The opportunity never came considering All Might had gone missing from the house every morning before [Name] woke up and he’d come home deflated and exhausted. [Name] would just smile at the exhausted Yagi and make the two of them dinner or tuck Yagi into the bed when he’d fall asleep on the couch. It was pretty easy for a telekinetic to tuck their dad into bed without waking him. Sometimes [Name]’s eyes and hands would glow and he’d flutter his fingers near Yagi’s temple sending him sweet dreams. After about two months of this [Name] decided to confront Yagi, and he camped out on the couch that faced the front door. When Yagi tried to sneak out [Name] spoke up

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve got some work to do early this morning”

“Everyday for two months?”

Yagi’s eyes widened, not knowing [Name] noticed his habits. And that was a part of the problem. [Name] paid attention to everything, he was a strategist who had a degree in All Might. It was how he and Midoriya became friends in the first place and why they continued to get along so well

“I’ve been training”

“For what” [Name] asked and at the slight downturn of his father’s smile he realized he’d been asking the wrong questions. “Where?” He received silence

“Who are you training dad? And don’t lie to a mind reader”

“I’ve been training Young Midoriya”

“For his entrance exams? Why not invite me? The two of us are friends and I can teach him how to spar”

“It’s just between the two of us, no need to wear yourself thin. Focus on training for the sports festival”

“I’ve been trying to ask you to train me. This is the perfect opportunity”

“Perhaps later my boy”

The disappointment barely got a chance to sit on [Name]’s face before he smiled “Have fun dad. Tell him good luck for me, yeah?” Yagi nodded and headed out the door, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. [Name] was a good kid.

[Name] returned to training alone, and cleaning up after his dad, and going to school, and listening to his dad lie, and smiling. But the feeling that he was missing something took over him and set him on edge. So he went for a walk. And who better to find than Izuku Midoriya and his dad training on a beach. [Name] reached up a hand to wave at them before realizing this is what was setting him on edge. His dad was paying more attention to his quirkless kohai than his own son. He felt another stabbing sensation similar to when Nighteye had betrayed him but this time the pain was in his chest and didn’t go away. It was accompanied by the desire to cry. And so [Name] stood there hysterical with a smile on his face and tears streaming down his cheeks. The taste of snot reaching his tongue through his teeth.

[Name] waited for them to finish training before he followed Izuku pretending to just casually bump into the boy. “Oh wow Izuku you’re shaping up. My dad says you’ve been training lately” [Name] knew the boy was horrible at lying and would probably nervously blurt out the truth between the two, and if he didn’t there was always the option of reading his mind.

“Hehe, yeah” Izuku chuckled nervously

“So what’re you training for exactly? I know you’re aiming for UA but what’s your strategy for passing the exams? Just regular old strength training?”

“Actually All Might’s been training me for something else entirely. I’ve got to go but I’ll talk about it more with you later okay?” Midoriya screamed behind him as he put some distance between the two. He was smart, smart enough not to look in [Name]’s direction anytime he lied, a strategy that kept him safe for months. All good things must come to an end.

[Name] showed up on the beach one afternoon and demanded to know what was happening. His expression was serious and his eyes glowed the moment they tried to placate him.

“I’ve been training Young Midoriya to be a hero” All Might started

“Yes I know that”

“More accurately his successor” Midoriya finished

“Wait what” [Name] frowned

“I knew you approved of Young Midoriya becoming a hero and when I saw him save Young Bakugou from the attack I saw myself in him”

“I’M supposed to be your successor. You don’t see yourself in me? Your son?”

“Bubs-”

“Don’t Bubs me. And You!” [Name] whipped around furious, hurt in his eyes as he faced Midoriya “I told you all I ever wanted was to be like my father and make him proud. I befriended you and protected you when I could. On the day of the attack I told you I wanted to train with him and you stole him. You took him right from under me.”

“I’m sorry” Midoriya stuttered out “But you have a quirk. You don’t know what it’s like being powerless and picked on. He gave me a way out”

[Name] looked at Midoriya sympathetically, simultaneously wanting to reach out and hug the boy but also wanting to make him suffer. At [Name]’s conflicted silence Midoriya continued “Senpai, please. Can’t you just be happy for me? I’m finally getting to live my dream”

[Name] looked at him apathetically “Why would I be happy you sacrificed my dream for yours?”

“Please” they begged and oddly enough, they begged in harmony “Don’t go. Forgive us, we didn’t mean to hurt you” Their eyes were pleading almost as if they knew the second he turned his back on them, it would be the end of their relationship. [Name] got a high off of their suffering. It was the first time in months he’d truly felt happy. They got a taste of what he’d been feeling.

‘This is karma’ [Name] thought ‘God’s in his heaven and all's right with the world’ He looked at the two of them and smiled. A reassuring smile. They let out breaths they didn’t know they were holding in as he laid a hand on the side of each of their heads. “I’m sorry” he said sickeningly sweet “I’m not the forgiving type”

Neither All Might nor Midoriya had time to react before [Name]’s eyes glowed and he sent them into a nightmare where they were abandoned and lonely calling out for help only to be betrayed. [Name] walked home with his head feeling more clear than it had in weeks. He’d always thought of his father as God. And if he were God that would make [Name] Jesus.

God made Judas, and All Might made a hero out of Midoriya.

Things were awkward in [Name]’s house after that. Yagi and Izuku were still training, and so Yagi would come home to a dark house and no son to greet him. If [Name] was around when Yagi got home, he’d pretend not to notice or leave the room immediately and have his things float up to his room. Yagi knocked on his son’s door one day and though he got no response he knew [Name] was listening.

“You can still be a great hero my boy. I know you’ll do great things”

“There’s no room for me to be Number One while One For All exists”

Yagi was disheartened and walked away leaving it at that. The day of the entrance exams was coming up and Izuku would finally receive One For All. He hoped they could take it one day at a time from there, considering they’d all be attending the same school for the next few years. Midoriya went on to pass the entrance exams and earned a spot in class 1A. Yagi was ecstatic and Midoriya got a taste of what it felt like to be a hero.

The UA Sports Festival made for a grand spectacle where Izuku Midoriya had called out to the world and said “I Am Here”. He showcased an amazing power but also his poor control over said power. About a week after the festival, Izuku was attacked by villains who believed the key to his strength was in his DNA. They knew he wouldn’t sit still and let them pluck hairs, so the easiest way was to make him bleed. They ambushed him, subdued him and took him to a second location where he was bled and beaten to death. His body was found a week after his disappearance. Broken arms, legs and lacerations all over his body. The police suspected most of his injuries came from him trying to escape.

The villains couldn’t remember why they took him. The harder they tried to remember the worse their heads hurt and their eyes would glow red. Even Naomasa with his lie detector couldn’t pick up the truth. All the villains knew was that his blood was supposed to give them a boost, like some of the other illegal quirk boosters on the market. The suspects were released on bail and disappeared several hours later.

All might of course felt responsible and was weighed down with guilt. He had killed Young Midoriya through his own negligence. Heavy is the head that wore the crown. Yagi was strong enough to keep his head on his shoulders but he could not move from the position he was in.

He recalled a conversation between himself and [Name] a day or two after Midoriya’s disappearance. The boy who hadn’t smiled once since their fight on the beach gave a twisted smile as he asked “How’s your successor doing? Have they found his body yet?

Yes, All Might had done this to Young Midoriya himself. He played the part of instigator and now he was the secret keeper. He was to bear the sins of his son and himself as he prayed that unlike [Name], Young Midoriya up in heaven was of the forgiving type.

#male reader #x male reader #male reader insert #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #mha x male reader #mha x reader #all might #that-bi-bitch-writes

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devaneiosinfinitos · 3 years

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My thoughts on ACOSF

!!!!MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!

I was really looking forward to this book and Nesta and Cassian’s story and I really wanted to love it, but it fell really short. If I were to define ACOSF, I'd say: Wasted potential.

After finishing it and rereading some parts, my conclusion is: there are some pretty cool scenes, but that's not reflected in the rest of the book. I was disappointed and frustrated with several things. I was angry with others and found that many points in the plot were not really developed.

Here are some things that really bothered me (and this will be long):

ENDING RUSHED

I thought the ending was rushed. There were many things happening at the same time and none of them got a proper conclusion. For example, the Blood Rite and the birth. At one point we’re reading about the Blood Rite and how Nesta was fighting the other Illyrians so Emerie and Gwyn could win. Then, Queen Briallyn and Cass arrive, Nesta destroys her and gets the crown and then Azriel and Mor arrive and take them to Feyre. And that’s it. All that build-up for what? For a few paragraphs of Nesta meeting Gwyn and Emerie after the birth and briefly discussing it. And then of Nesta reminiscing of when she told Cass and Az the details of it and they pointed out what needed to be corrected. SERIOUSLY? The birth scene totally took the focus out of Nesta’s at Ramiel and the end of the Blood Rite and the AMAZING victory of Gwyn and Emerie and how well they did on the rite. There were chapters and chapters building up to the conclusion of the Blood Rite and what could come of it and then it was just over. So anticlimactic. Why spend so much time on it and then not even having one character acknowledging how incredible they were? That not only they survived it but Emerie and Gwyn won it and Nesta got so far and pulled an Enalius at the end? So few Illyrians have ever gotten that far and it has always felt like such a great accomplishment that Cass, Az and Rhys completed it, and then here we have women kicking the ass out of the challenge which has been unheard of and we don’t even get Cassian saying how proud he was? There was a lot missing at the end of that narrative. I wanted Cass, Az, and Rhys making a big deal out of their accomplishment. I wanted the Illyrians reactions about their victory and performance and what that could mean moving forward. I wanted more of how Emerie and Gwyn felt winning it and what it meant for them and Nesta to have accomplished that together. What a waste.

Not to mention, how rushed the entire thing with Briallyn and the crown was. One moment Nesta is destroying her and there lies the crown. And then, there’s Nesta using all three artefacts to stop time and help Feyre. They didn’t even discuss the fact that Briallyn was gone and that now they had the 3 artefacts. I mean, some people in that room didn’t even get to see the crown (Did they even know they managed to get it in the Blood rite?), let alone discuss the significance of it. One of the main plots of the book was the search for the trove, and then when they have all 3 artefacts, that’s just completely brushed over. Again, SERIOUSLY? All these plots and none with a development/conclusion to match the build up.

NESTA’S POWERS

I don’t even know where to start with this one. Every time I remember that Nesta gave up her powers I get pissed all over again.

Nesta’s powers have been hyped up for a long time. A LONG TIME. Now, we finally have her book where we delve into her journey and where her powers are supposed to be fully explored and WE NEVER GET THAT. Thank you for nothing, Sarah. Her powers are not even fully explored and then she gives them up. We never really get to fully understand her powers and get to see her really using them. THERE WAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL. I wanted to see her wreak havoc and fully embrace her powers and become one of the most powerful and deadly characters in Prythian. I wanted to see more of her being in control of her abilities and being her badass self taking a hoard of bad guys out. I wanted to understand the extension of her powers. But nope, just as she’s starting to learn about them, she loses them. SO ANTI-CLIMATIC (it doesn’t matter that apparently there’s a bit left, that’s not the point). When she was engulfed in silver fire in her room and Rhys came running? That’s what I wanted to read about. Nesta never really used her silver flames and we never got to really understand what they meant. Ok, they were cold rather than hot. WHAT ELSE? Why is the book even called A Court of Silver Flames? Isn’t that supposed to indicate that said silver flames will be significant? The most significant thing about them other than the bedroom scene are the silver flames that appear in her eyes, and that was not even fully developed either. Is it only when she’s about to lose control? Or angry? Or emotional? When the silver flames appear in her eyes it’s always highlighted that “nothing Fae looks through them” (this was pointed out more than once) and Cass even says at one point that that’s the being the Bone Carver whispered about and exalted and feared. We had the Bone Carver, a creature of thousands of years, calling Nesta a queen and saying she was as "ancient as the sea" and we have Lucien saying that maybe some things should not be awoken and "mother spare you all" when he sees Nesta training and I feel like all that foreshadowing never really came to fruition. LOOK AT ALL THIS BUILD UP.

Nesta’s been hyped up as this powerful Death Queen or as this being with great powers and the culmination of her journey in this book resulted in her giving it all up to save Feyre, Rhys and the baby. Rhys, that up until that point hadn’t really done anything that made him worthy of her calling him brother. Since Sarah came up with this death in childbirth plot (I could’ve gone without this one, seriously), yay for Nesta saving them because it’s not like I wanted them to die (I hope they learnt the lesson with that stupid bargain though). But this entire plot could’ve been addressed differently. AND BETTER. In the end, it undermined Nesta's powers narrative. Why build this plot up so much and include so many things that could be considered foreshadowing if you’re not going to fully develop it in the character’s main book?

IC’S BULLSHIT

Ever since ACOFAS, I was waiting for someone (preferably Nesta) to call the IC on their bullshit and their self-righteous hypocrisy. But it never happened. We had that God awful intervention scene and Mor saying bad things and Amren being gratuitously cruel and Rhys insulting Nesta and Feyre taking her freedom away and none of that is ever addressed again. Ok, I get they were trying to help her with their intervention, but they could have approached that very differently and much better. I felt really bad reading that, and they all got away easily with their behaviour towards her. Sometimes it felt like they were kicking a dog who was already down. Especially Amren. She called Nesta a waste of life and Nesta bloody knelt to apologise to her, holy shit, I can’t get over that. And Amren never apologised. I feel like there was a lot of apologising coming from Nesta, but not enough coming from others. The IC were disrespectful towards her many times (and not only in this book), and that’s it. All swept under the rug.

Later on in the book, Rhys says that Nesta always has a choice at the Night Court. REALLY, RHYS? Are you not tired of contradicting yourself? Because it sure as hell didn’t feel like she did. They even try to use Elain as a way to manipulate Nesta to do what they want. Not to mention that it feels as they are really pressuring Nesta to get better soon and fast (with the exception of Cass, who says she can take however long she wants), but the IC should look at themselves. Mor and Az are still dealing with their traumas after hundreds of years. Cass himself says that it took him years to get over what happened to his mom and what he did (and he still deals with the fact that he often feels inferior for being a bastard). And they want Nesta to be a happy healthy version of herself so soon? Please. I think a scene where their behaviour is addressed would’ve felt earned. I’m pissed that we didn’t get that. And that Nesta didn’t get that. And that because the IC are never called out on their often toxic behaviour (it happens towards Lucien as well), they don’t learn.

Also, Rhys and the rest of the IC hiding from Feyre what it meant that the baby had wings was a really infuriating move. So so wrong. That type of thing should not be hidden from the person carrying the baby. It’s her life and her body. To be honest, I didn’t like how the pregnancy plot was written at all. I was already expecting that Feyre would get pregnant, but I hoped it would be later in the series for a myriad of reasons. The way it was done here didn’t really work for me, and I think many things didn’t make any sense such as how the birth would (or wouldn’t) work. I mean, Cassian had his guts hanging out of his stomach and lived, but a C-section is not possible? Come on.

RELATIONSHIPS

I think that by the end of the book there were some key things missing in some of the relationships. For example, the relationship between the sisters. It all appears well in the last scene, but I missed a scene where all three of them ACTUALLY talked and discussed things - their relationship and their parents and their past. You know, a decent conversation where they could explain things and ask for forgiveness or also say thank you where it was due.

I also would’ve really liked if Cassian had said “I love you” to Nesta. I don’t doubt his love for her and I know he has loved her for a long time and he has shown that love with attitudes on several occasions, but I think with Nesta, who had never really said “I love you” to anyone (she said it to Feyre for the 1st time in the birth scene), it would’ve meant something to her to hear those words, especially after thinking so little of herself for so long and not feeling worthy of affection and thinking everyone hated her. I think it would’ve felt nice to close that part of her journey with him saying it as well. Also, I kind of missed soft/tender moments between Nessian thoroughout the book. Yeah, they have an angsty relationship and Nesta was in a healing journey and the smut was great, but I think there could’ve been more sweet moments in the middle, you know? Because they only truly recognise the bond at the end, so the fluffiness is mostly focused in the last pages, and I wanted a bit more of that here and there. Not a lot that would change the dynamics of the relationship, but just a bit more that would balance the smut and angst a bit and make me sigh. Sometimes I thought there were too much smut and angst and not enough relationship growth through conversation and softness.

HIGH KING

I really dislike the High King idea and I have a feeling that’s exactly what Sarah might do. Not long ago, the IC was shitting on Vallahan for wanting to conquer other territories and then there’s Amren saying Rhys should become High King and rule over the entirety of Prythian. Where did that even come from? That entire conversation and everything Amren said was just mindboggling. Not to mention that according to what she said, Rhys would become High King using the weapons that Nesta created. Same weapons that Amren said nobody should use (but it’s ok if it’s Rhys, right? *Eye roll*) and that no one should tell Nesta she could create. Not to mention that the entire idea of all the courts submitting to one ruler/court (in this case, to Rhys) sounds very imperialistic. They should all be aiming to coexist peacefully and harmonically and find ways to work towards that, not using this High King idea as a solution.

Plus, Rhys cannot even unite all of his own court (There’s rebellion building with the Illyrians, there’s the Court of Nightmares and all the problems there…), and Amren wants him to rule over Prythian? Also, something about the Court of Nightmares that I often wonder about. Is Mor the only decent person to be born there? Because I have a hard time believing that there is not another single decent soul in that place. Maybe someone that dreams of going to Velaris and escaping the Court of Nightmares but that just finds themselves trapped there because it’s not like Rhys and the IC give anybody a chance to get away. Do they even look for people that might be suffering there without deserving to? I mean, Mor came from there. Don’t they think there might be others? Even with the agreement they have with Keir in ACOWAR, it’s not like they are open to the idea. And it’s completely fine to want to protect Velaris from the evil and cruelty that exists in the Court of Nightmares, but again, that shouldn’t mean they shouldn’t even contemplate the chance that there might be people there worth of being in Velaris. That doesn’t earn Rhys any points towards the High King thing.

Moreover, that stupid bargain Rhys and Feyre made also doesn’t get him any points. Since learning the baby had wings, Rhys knew the chances of Feyre dying were very high. If she died, he’d die as well. You’d think a responsible ruler would make plans in case that really happened. You know, like talking to the IC and making plans about their next moves and discussing how they should proceed and just analysing the options after his and Feyre’s powers go to who knows who (If it went to Keir… Shouldn’t they prepare for that?). I mean, imagine the chaos that would ensue should Rhys and Feyre die, and it’s never even addressed that Rhys is considering these things. He didn’t even tell Amren, his second in command. Honestly, what a mess. I’m glad Rhys was categorically against it and that it doesn’t seem like he wants that, but it sounds just like Sarah to come up with a plot that the High King title would just fall on Rhys’s lap or be the only way out of a situation and that by becoming High King he’d be saving Prythian of something worse. I’m rolling my eyes just thinking about it.

So… These are just some of the things that bothered me. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t nice things in the book. Like I said in the beginning, there are some cool scenes and specific things that I really liked (such as Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie’s friendship, for example. They are just wonderful. And Nesta and the House of Wind. And Nesta and Azriel (I wanted more of this relationship). And Cassian’s support. And the Valkyries inspiration), but the book in itself? More potential than any other thing. It was a let down.

#ACOSF #A Court of Silver Flames #ACOSF Spoilers #Spoilers ACOSF #Nesta #Nesta Archeron #Cassian #Nessian

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bbq-hawks-wings · 4 years

Note

hey! I've seen a bunch of posts on how HPSC is slightly corrupted and all, could you explain if you understand this? They're (die hard villain fans) usually using this as a justification to slam the heroes for raiding the army. I'm quite confused sorry

I’d be more than happy to, friend! I have a strong feeling it’s going to be a key detail in the story moving forward so it’s good to go back in reviewing everything we know now; plus, it gives me the perfect chance to offer up my theory that ropes in Aizawa, Midnight, and Present Mic. Buckle up, though, because this gets a little long.

The HPSC tells heroes what to do.

The Hero Public Safety Commission is a pocket of the Japanese national government in this universe, sort of like how the FDA is in America.

It’s important to note that HPSC is a separate entity from the heroes. They’re the ones giving out licenses, disciplining rouge heroes, overseeing hero training, acting as liaison between heroes and law enforcement, organizing cooperative efforts with multiple heroes across different regions, and managing the general image of heroes with events like the Hero Rankings Billboard.

Heroes have to obey directives given by the HPSC and hero schools have to align with guidelines set by the HPSC, but heroes don’t usually get a say in these decisions and often only get to complain about how things are done and are stuck doing it anyway. If someone is caught heroing without a license or not in hero uniform, you can be fined and/or jailed. If a hero doesn’t keep up with paperwork or runs off and does their own thing they can also be fined and have their license suspended. If a hero goes AWOL or completely flips out they can have their license permanently taken away and be jailed.

It’s actually even more important to note that way heroes are allowed to operate and answer to the government is actually closer in line to a militia than a police force. In fact, while heroes are allowed to make arrests and use their quirks, they are more restricted in what they can and can’t do on their own than the police. If a hero wants to work with other heroes on an investigation, they have to use the private network (administrated by the HPSC) or communicate in person. In the case with the Shie Hassaikai or looking for Kurogiri and the LoV where police cooperation was necessary to carry out the investigation and bring in the gang right away there was no choice but to be transparent with the HPSC.

However, the HPSC doesn’t have to be transparent with the heroes.

They require heroes to give up all their information to keep working as heroes, but they don’t have any accountability for themselves and have notably dodged scrutiny up to this point with public backlash almost always falling on the heroes who have little to no say in how they run things.

Starting back at the beginning of the series with the USJ incident, it understandably garnered massive media attention - it should have. Dozens of unknown, random two-bit villains poured into the most secure, prestigious hero school in all of Japan undetected and resulted in the serious injury of two teachers and could have included the students as well if All Might had not been there to fight and subdue the inhuman monster - the Nomu - who had up to that point had never been seen before.

It’s not unreasonable that UA initially got the blowback from this as it could have been chalked up to complacency causing a lapse in security that the HPSC absolutely wouldn’t have been accountable for. It’s treated like a one-off event and despite investigations going nowhere on it, it’s ultimately downplayed and checked out in the background while continuing with the Sports Festival in high spirits. However, things get worse.

After passing their semester exams the Hero Course first-years head off to do practical training in the mountains with a hero team named the Wild Wild Pussycats. Remember, because this is a hero training initiative between a school and a hero team, the HPSC is likely involved at least on some administrative level in regards to granting permission and securing the patch of mountainside to use even if this detail is not acknowledged in the series. Despite efforts to only include the staff, teachers, and heroes involved word somehow still gets out - resulting in more student, hero, and teacher injuries, and most importantly the kidnapping of one of the students.

This can no longer be swept under the rug. A lot happens in the secret hideout raid revealing lots of stuff with the plot, including All-for-One’s direct involvement, but it doesn’t add anything more to our notes besides the fact UA is once again blamed and heroes are thrown under the bus instead of the organization overseeing them.

Fast forward to the Provisional License Arc. This is the first time we see the HPSC acting explicitly. It’s noted that they passed significantly more students this year than previously. Yokumiru Mera, the tired proctor, is overworked. The HPSC has a reason to urgently pump more students into the “working force” now than it had before, though at the moment it’s written off as a result of All Might’s retirement.

During the Shie Hassaikai arc the only suspect detail we get is the fact that the raid on compound is inexplicably compromised, and somehow the yakuza knew the heroes and police were coming. We’ll come back to this and to the leaks in UA again later.

Skipping the remedial courses and school festival arc, we get to the Pro Hero Arc. Big lights, pomp and circumstance, and a massive powerful Nomu attack that nearly kills the freshly crowned #1 Hero. From this point forward, what we get of the HSPC is mainly through Hawks and his experience with him. After the fight, we get a flashback of the President of the HSPC herself telling him to ignore civilian casualties in his mission to infiltrate the LoV, that he has to do it solo, and that he can’t tell anyone. Briefly in the next chapter he says that despite his objections he can’t actually tell them no.

Hold up!

Did a government agency just tell a hero to secretly get in with the villains no matter what, and when he objects and asks whether he’s just supposed to ignore collateral damage in the process is told, “You can and you will”?! (That’s a verbatim quote from chapter 192.) I thought this agency was supposed to hep people and keep them safe!

We get smatterings of interactions between Hawks and the HPSC, and though we don’t get anything from there side we’re getting that every questionable or deplorable thing Hawks does or needs to get on the LoV’s good side is acknowledged and endorsed by the HPSC. “I’m in contact with the shady guy who loosed that monster in the middle of the city with no warning. He wants me to kill the other top hero who just recovered and to join the definitely-dangerous doomsday cult, and maybe THEN he’ll let me in on what’s going on.” Ok, sure. Nothing morally questionable about any of that...

Jump to chapter 267. Up to this point, this note about Hawks’ past has been hinted at, but is here finally confirmed with a chilling detail. Kids who enter hero work may get special coaching by their families when they’re young, but the threshold for entering formal government-regulated training isn’t until 14/15 years of age in the last few years of their education. Chapter 267 shows a little Keigo Takami no older than about 8, at best, being told by the HPSC that he doesn’t get to call himself by his own name anymore. From now on, he’s going to be a hero, and only a hero, and it’s going to long and hard. Back in 192, two mysterious figures promise the same boy, shown at the same age, that his family will be taken care of.

Whatever circumstances led Keigo’s family to end up in the situation they did, they accepted an offer from a government agency, the HPSC specifically - you can see their headquarters in the flashback - to take away their very young son, take away his identity (and implicitly his family), and groom him to be government tool for the rest of his life - a commitment he had no true say in and that he could not understand at the time.

And it gets worse.

Endeavor works with the HPSC regularly as all heroes have to, but his relationship with them and what they’ll let him get away with gets put into greater question the longer we look at it. He turned to eugenics to create a hero he couldn’t be and surpass All Might for the sole purpose of satisfying his own ego. He bought a girl from her family and forced her to have his kids, then subjected those kids to cruel training - passing over each one until he got to one he felt he could work with -, beat his wife as well, and some kind of action he was involved in lead to the death of his oldest son. While the domestic abuse could be hidden, the death of his child cannot. What’s more, shortly after (very shortly if timelines add up), his youngest son received a permanent burn scar on the heat-resistant side of his face and his wife was locked away in a mental institution for a decade.

And the HPSC never bats an eye. They could take away his license. They could call the police. They could have exposed him to the public or at least ordered an investigation. But they didn’t. On some level they knew, and they did nothing.

But it might be even worse.

I skipped over this detail chronologically, but it’s the linchpin for just how corrupt the HPSC might be if all this lines up. Looking at the Endeavor Agency Arc, we get a seemingly random confrontation with a guy called Starservant (chapter 243) who prattles off a prophecy about the Dark Lord returning and his Dark Stars conspiring against humanity which will bring the world to ruin. He calls out Endeavor specifically as the shining light that beckons the darkness, but this sounds an awful lot like the deranged wailing of some crazy old man, right?

Let’s jump over an entire series now to the spin-off serial Vigilantes. This series takes place in the same universe at an earlier point in the timeline of the main story - and take an extra little note that there’s an underlying subplot about unusual drugs meant to enhance quirks (that often result in mutating the user) and that someone may be using them to clandestinely run experiments on humans from the shadows.

In chapter 59 we get flashbacked to Eraserhead, Midnight, and Present Mic’s childhood experiences at UA, and we’re also introduced to Oboro Shirakumo - their fellow classmate and dear friend. We get a few chapters establishing their relationships and their goals and dream for the future until chapter 63 where things make a drastic turn in tone. On what should be a routine hero training exercise as third-year seniors a giant, monstrous villain shows up and attacks while the UA kids are escorting a class of preschoolers around town.

In the scuffle, though Aizawa is able to single-handedly come out victorious, in the fight and debris Shirakumo is struck in the head by falling concrete as he tries to lead the children to safety and dies on the scene. Go back to main series, chapter 254-255, the villain Kurogiri is detained but the police are having no luck questioning him. They get a sliver of a lead and call in Present Mic and Eraserhead to interrogate him, and it’s confirmed that Kurogiri was a human experiment of Doctor Ujiko - the mad scientist bio-engineer responsible for the Nomu and outspokenly faithful servant of All-for-One - created from the corpse of their dearly departed Oboro.

Here’s the kicker, though, in Japan they don’t often bury their dead. Funerals next to never include an open casket - the loved one is cremated first, their ashes placed on an funeral shrine with their picture, and the loved ones mourn there. That means Ujiko needed to get to the body before it was cremated - which requires some fast work; but that’s not even the worst of it. Jumping one last time to chapter 270, Ujiko recognizes Mic as a friend of Shirakumo and boldly admits the entire time he was after Aizawa for his quirk.

That attack more than 10 years ago was premeditated. This goes back a long ways. How did he find this information - about their quirks and their movements and where to find them? How did Ujiko get the body out of the morgue without anyone catching him? Could it be the same way his fellow servants of All-for-One were able to get into the USJ? And the Training Camp? And the Yakuza raid? All-for-One has a lot of connections for his faithful servants to move about freely in this world of heroes despite every effort being take to stop them.

Somehow, these shining lights can never seem to outrun the dark no matter how hard they try, as if there’s a conspiracy against them. But a conspiracy of that level would have to come all the way from the top! If you wanted to get poetic about it, you could even say the stars themselves are conspiring against us. But that old man was crazy, right? If he wasn’t crazy - if he was right at all - then no matter what way you slice it:

This is bad.

#I'm not the first one to comment on this meta #but that old man looks a little less crazy every chapter #bnha meta #mha meta #mha manga spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #hpsc meta

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thelifeoftuan · 4 years

Text

One Night

I don’t usually post things that are THIS personal and revealing, and I rarely share full posts from my blogspot… but I’d like to start facing the truth about this certain chapter in my life, and hopefully maybe help pull any passersby who might have felt or currently are feeling anything remotely similar a little closer to the light, and know that you’re not alone. So, here goes: There's a (small) part of my life I haven't really disclosed to anyone... and if I'm to be honest, it's something I've been keeping from myself, too... if that makes any sense of at all. It's a brief period in my life that I've kept hidden. And to be honest, I've been in pretty deep denial about it for a while now, sweeping this short episode of my life under the rug, pretending that it never happened, and trying to move on from it. ...but I feel like until I've truly talked about it, maybe even just with myself, I can’t really move on. I think if I face this dark truth of mine, I can finally start learning to let it go. Be forewarned, as the title of the post may be misleading, for the events I'm going to talk about are not as singular as the title would imply.

I've historically mentioned October going into November (and pretty much December) of 2016 being a pretty rough period of my life. Thumb through previous posts and you can probably glean just how horridly and swiftly my life fell apart. I won't linger on this point too much, although it's a pretty important point. But I think I've talked this point to exhaustion now, and the anger, bitterness, and resentment that ensued following this period has since subsided, thankfully, and I've begun making reparations with those I negatively effected during this time. I think the one thing that hasn't really been fully repaired is my emotional wreckage, some of which was swept under the metaphorical rug previously mentioned. I think now it's time to uncover it and clean up the rest of the mess if I ever have any hope of wanting to fully and completely move on from this episode. Shortly after I ended my first real relationship on November 5, 2016, I fell deep into a rut and things just grew worse and worse. At that point in residency, I just finished probably one of the hardest months of my entire training in October and had moved on to a rather lax rotation in November where I went in during the weekdays, had one weekend shift, and my call schedule wasn't that horrible, so I had a lot of free time... which, in retrospect, probably wasn't the greatest thing for me. I spent probably a little over a week in a complete daze about what had happened. And I had a lot of trouble moving on from it and had to find a way to move on. So, on a whim, I decided to download some dating apps. ...not my brightest idea, honestly. Up until that point, I hadn't really given dating apps a shot, just because it didn't seem like a thing that I would be into or that would work very well for me. And as we'll come to find out, I was kinda right, only because my execution of usage of these apps wasn't the greatest. I do not recommend anyone who just got their heart broken to find a way to alleviate that pain through these apps without a cleared conscience. What began as just simple conversations and introductions turned into some pretty poor decision-making. There was a point in my life earlier where I had found out that gay dating apps, particularly one of the ones I had downloaded, was not really catered to dating. I knew that. Yet, I downloaded the app anyway. ...and I think it was because I was hurt. I was hurt and I needed something to distract me and numb the pain. Within literally seconds of downloading the app, I was approached. And thus began my rather extreme risk-taking behavior. I feel like these situations are the ones we see in the movies or TV shows. Somebody gets their heart broken and then they engage in some self-destructive behaviors. I thought I'd never find myself in these situations... but I'm not perfect. In my mind, and definitely in my heart, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew letting these random guys pursue me and fall trap into the wicked rabbit hole of instant gratification was, in the end, not the best decision for me. But at that point, I was so ridden with heartache and pain that I didn't care what I subjected myself to as long as it took away the pain. So about a week after my relationship ended and my life started falling apart, I downloaded Grindr, put up a faceless and shirtless photo (crowning achievements on sticking to the sad and tired, and, quite frankly detrimental, stereotype, I know), wrote in my profile that I was "just going with the flow" and "not looking for anything serious" to see who would catch on to the hint. And sadly, lots of guys caught on, pretty easily and swiftly too. I'd find myself wanting so badly to just talk to them, get to know them, maybe have some sort of pleasant and distracting conversation about normal day-to-day things to distract myself from what was going on with my life. But the minute these guys gave me an indication they were interested in a hook-up, I took the bait. It was a strange feeling. Like I said before, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew it with every fiber of my being, I knew I shouldn't have gone down this path from the very beginning. ...but I don't know. I wonder if anyone who's ever been in a situation similar to mine and has felt a pain similar to the pain I had felt would believe me when I say that all I wanted was just to feel... I don't know... loved? Or at least I didn't want to feel hurt anymore. And my warped and damaged heart just yearned to be felt and touched and warm again, and it deceivingly led me down these dark paths. I consented to hooking up with these guys. And for the next several weeks, I would engage in these precarious rendezvous. And I will be honest with you... in those moments, while I was with someone, being held, being touched, being kissed, being fucked (honestly, for lack of a better term--sorry for the vulgar image), feeling like I was wanted in a way that my mind tricked me into thinking I was loved (which, as we all know, was nowhere close to the truth)... it felt good. I felt everything I had wanted to feel to numb the pain. All the blood rushing throughout my body, the feelings of ecstasy and pleasure that I had once felt before, the warmth and pulsations of being intimate with someone... it was all there. But, spoiler alert, those feelings never lasted long, and they definitely never measured up to the authenticity of something real that I had had the months prior when I was in a true relationship with someone who truly loved me and truly wanted to be with me. The temporary highs I felt with these random, now faceless and nameless, guys faded quickly. And by the time I got back home, I felt tainted, dirty, guilty, and ashamed. I found myself in the shower, trying so helplessly and desperately to scrub an unseen filth off my body, and after, often times, I'd just sit in my room and cry. My emotions were horridly dysregulated, and I knew that putting myself in these situations, hooking up with random guys for instant pleasure, was equivalent to a tragic and destructive addiction, like a drug. I knew it was bad. But with each day, after I'd cry out all of the shame and guilt, I'd have nothing left but the pain of my broken heart, and I'd want more of the drug. And so I continued to seek after it. And this went on for a little over a month. So much so that I don't even remember how many guys I slept with. It just got to the point where I didn't want to keep track anymore. This part of my life was so blurred, probably because I was such an emotional wreck during this time that I gave no regard to time or space or memories. ...all I remember were the things I felt. With the last guy I would hook up with during this time period, however, I remember it pretty vividly. We had finished and I remember sitting there on that cold, late Friday night in December. I shivered a little bit and kinda laughed it off and apologized without even being prompted when I realized he had noticed. He took his blanket and wrapped it around me, and perhaps it was at this part that my mind tricked me into making it last longer and mean more than it did, but his arms stayed wrapped around me for a second too long, he kissed me on my forehead, and offered to turn his heater up. At that point, it was like my heart kept breaking over and over again, because that brief moment reminded me... I was loved once. This was what I felt and had wanted to feel all this time. I knew this time wasn't real. I knew this time wasn't going to last. And for some reason, that broke me. And as his heater turned on, I started crying. I shook off his blanket, stood up and attempted to get dressed, hiding my tears, but he noticed and stopped me, asking me what was wrong and if it was something that he did. I told him it wasn't, wiped away my tears, and continued getting dressed. He pulled me back to the bed and asked if I wanted to talk. And for a really, really, really short second, I lingered and thought about saying yes. ...but how unfair would it have been for me to unload all of my emotional baggage on this perfectly kind stranger. I willed my tears to stop and forced a smile. I reassured him it was nothing he had done, thanked him for having me over, told him I had a good time and that I just had a bad day. I knew he could tell I was lying. But I just wanted to leave. So I put the rest of my clothes back on, let him follow me to his door. And before I stepped out, he stopped me one more time, asked me if I was sure I was okay. I cleared my throat and tried to state as gently yet firmly as I could that I was. And again, for a brief moment, I wanted to stay... maybe it would have been good for me to talk things out with someone, even if it was with a complete stranger who I just had a one night stand with. But I decided against it. I left his place feeling the same things, shame, regret, guilt, all amplified by this intense heartache I couldn't shake. I got home, showered, and lay in bed crying for the rest of the night until I couldn't cry anymore. You would hope sensible people like me, someone who spends so much time building walls to protect himself, someone who plans things out, someone who is cautious and careful, someone who has worked so hard professionally (and personally, for that matter) would be smarter and know not to get tangled in these types of things. But as I've said before, heartbreak is a wretched thing. And it twisted my heart and soul into this desperate, bitter, and reckless person that I did not recognize. I was not someone who did this type of thing, and now I feel like a part of my persona is stained and tainted. One night is honestly all it takes sometimes. One dark drop in a glass with previously crystal clear water. But let's be honest, my glass was cracked and murky from the beginning. I know deep down, I'm not this type of person. I'm not someone who is reckless and has no emotional regard for myself or others. I'm not someone who lusts after one night stands and hook ups and highs and instant gratification. But I'm not immune to heartbreak. And for this brief stint, I fell trap into this world that kept pulling me deeper and deeper until I felt like I had hit rock bottom. And how did I pull myself out of this addictive and reckless and self-destructive behavior, you might wonder? I think after I had met up with my ex-boyfriend the following January so that we could get some closure on our breakup was when I realized what needed to happen. Just that short evening being with him, just talking things through, finally talking to someone who knew me and cared for me about what I had been feeling and what I was subjected to and had subjected myself to, I was finally able to grapple with those dark feelings and start moving forward from them. "T, you are worth more than that. You know that, right?" I remember those words, as they echo fervently in my head from that point forward. Having someone remind me that I deserve better and that I should be better was what I think I needed. From that evening in early January, it would take almost two years for me to repair myself, learn to love myself again, learn to be happy on my own, and learn to forgive those who had hurt me. It's been three full years since that dark chapter of my life began. And I feel like it has been quite the chapter, wrought with lots of tears, bitterness and resentment, anger, and mistakes of which I know I can never undo. ...but I can learn from those mistakes. And that's honestly the best that I can hope for.

#life of tuan #one night #heartbreak

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jmeelee · 5 years

Text

To Chase the Glowing Hours

When Lydia Martin, veritable goddess, tells Stiles to escort her to senior prom, he goes. It doesn’t matter that her on-again off-again relationship with Jackson, captain of the lacrosse team, is currently off-again, and she only wants a date to piss him off. It’s not like Stiles had someone else in mind to ask.

Right?

So here he is, haunting the punch bowl and Lydia’s side, occasionally cutting a rug on the vinyl dance floor. Lydia is angelic in a lilac dress that flirts with her knees, red locks swept up in a braided crown. She’s smiled at him six times so far, and leaned close to whisper a heartfelt, “thank you for coming, Stiles.” He’s the luckiest guy in California. He shouldn’t be able to take his eyes off her.

But he does.

There he is, casually leaning over a chair back as he chats with Erica and Boyd, tux jacket already discarded and shirt-buttons popped on top. God, Derek Hale looks good enough to eat. There’s a hint of stubble playing at the line of Derek’s square jaw, and the stripe of his tuxedo pants looks obscene running down Derek’s thigh. Stiles glances around the vicinity, but sees no obvious date hovering nearby. It’s impossible to hear what the trio are saying over the thrumming beat, but Derek looks content, handsome and relaxed. It makes something behind Stiles’ ribs thump painfully.

Just as Stiles is about to start drooling, Derek looks over, catches Stiles’ eye.

Oh shit. Look away. Act cool, Stilinski.

The problem is, Stiles is decidedly uncool, but that fact has never seemed to bother Derek. Derek’s been a fixture in Stiles’ life the last four years, when two middle schools and a private school poured into the melting pot that is Beacon Hills High. Their eclectic companions gravitated toward each other, assimilating into what is now their heterogeneous pack. Derek and Stiles, thrown together by fate and friends, soon found each other. It wasn’t always positive. But it’s become permanent.

Stiles desperately tunes back into Lydia’s conversation with Allison and Kira, her two popular girlfriends, smiling politely. He forces a stilted, ill-timed laugh to cover his distraction, but all it gets him is peculiar stares through mascara-thick eyelashes. He sips his drink, clear plastic cup his shield and armor against the world.

Since that fateful and somewhat baffling afternoon in the cafeteria three weeks ago when Lydia marched up to his lunch table in her Gucci heels—”You’re taking me to prom, get a tux and pick me up at eight”—Stiles has barely thought about how close he came to throwing caution to the wind and actually asking Derek. But he’d dithered, unsure of Derek’s feelings and unwilling to ruin their friendship. He’s still not thinking about it now when out of the corner of his eye he sees Derek straighten, heading toward his little posse with purpose.

“What’s wrong with you?” Lydia asks, seeing Stiles begin to twitch more than normal.

He lowers his cups, raises it, lowers it again. With each change in longitude Lydia’s eyebrows climb higher on her forehead. “What? Ah… nothing. Everything’s fine.” Stiles pastes on a manic smile.

There’s a lot Stiles admires about Lydia Martin, but he’s always found her eyes most alluring. While the rest of her is deceptively soft, Lydia’s eyes are hard and calculating. They’re windows to her soul, her intelligence shining out bright, clear and warm. She turns those shrewd eyes on Derek now.

“Evening, everyone. Ladies, you look beautiful tonight.” Derek shifts his weight from leg to leg, shoving his hands into his pockets. Lydia hums, lips pursed as she evaluates the fidgets. Her friends smooth silky strands of hair behind their ears and smile becomingly. Chances are, Derek is here to ask one of them to dance. Stiles squeezes his flimsy punch cup so tightly the sides crack, and bright red punch leaks over his stiff fingers.

Derek turns his attention to Lydia. “Do you mind if I steal your date for one dance?” It takes his overactive brain a moment to catch up. Derek wants to dance… with Stiles?

Lydia turns her attention to Stiles, graces him with smile number seven. “I think he’s already yours.”

“Stiles?” Derek’s eyes search his flushed face. He holds out his hand. “Will you dance with me?”

He will.

Hand in hand they make their way through a swarm of swaying hips and shuffling feet. As soon as they’re centered under the disco lights, Derek’s hands are at his hips, pulling Stiles in as Stiles wraps his arms around Derek’s neck.

“I hope this is all right,” Derek says, one hand sliding to the small of Stiles’ back, fingers grasping the damp cotton. “I know you’re here with Lydia and she’s who you’ve always wanted but I—“

“Derek, stop,” Stiles commands. Derek stops talking, but he also stops dancing. They’re motionless on the dancefloor, wrapped around each other. “You’re the person I wanted to go with,” Stiles whispers.

And now that the truth is spoken into the sliver of space between them, it all comes pouring out of Stiles like a river. “I’ve liked you for a long time, Derek. Maybe I always liked you. But I was too chicken to ask. And then when Lydia came up to me, I got so caught up—“

“Stiles.” Derek smiles, all dimples and pearly white teeth. “All of that? Me too.”

Stiles slips long, sticky fingers into the soft hairs at the nape of Derek’s neck. He closes the last few centimeters between their bodies, risking the wrath of every chaperone in the room. “In that case, ah… wanna go to prom with me?”

It’s a little backwards, and a lot ridiculous, but, based on Derek’s goofy grin, Stiles has a feeling he’s going to say yes.

———————

On with the dance! let joy be unconfined

No sleep till morn, when youth and pleasure meet

To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.

-George Gordon

———————

For my friend @novemberhush! I hope this little bit of fluff starts your week off right!

#sterek #eternalsterek #sterek ficlet #stiles x derek #novemberhush #ficlet #my fic

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voltron-origin-blog · 5 years

Text

Voltron Season 8 My Take On It

I didn't like it. I didn't like the way they brushed aside earlier plot points like nothing. I didn't like the Allurance that was incredibly forced. I didn't like how entire characters were brushed aside for characterization. I didnt like how my favorite ship kallura and plance didn't happen. I didn't like how rushed the ending was without any context for what was happening in the future. And most of all I didn't like how they killed Allura.

I will apologize first and foremost for my bias towards Kallura and Plance. It may bitter my view currently towards any other ship but if written well even I could congratulate the ship and be happy in it's success. Allurance was not written well. There was always the issue of their two dreams not intersecting. Allura wanted to revive her father's Altean Kingdom and Lance wanted to go home to earth and his family. To have either give up their dream would be character breaking and OOC. In canon they dealt with this issue by killing Allura which infuriates me to a whole other level but I will get to that later. I also don't understand how Allura chose him first. The creators were explicit in saying that the one who would choose Lance would choose him first. Allura knew about his feelings and still chose Lotor first. I also don't enjoy the nice guy trope. That if a guy contiues to pursue even when the woman says no as long as he sticks around long enough the woman will choose him. This is an outdated view and not a healthy one for our modern society. It took seven seasons before feelings were reciprocated and it was done after a heartbreak which made it feel more like a rebound/safety net for Allura than a genuine relationship. I also didn't like how at every turn Lance was made to feel like he wasn't good enough. The truth is he was always good enough. He was sweet and caring and an all around great family man. Him being "just a Cuban boy" shouldn't be an insult. All of us are proud of him for the things he was. Not the fake personality of a ladies man. And finally at the end of the day they made Allurance endgame to only rip it out in a way that made him suffer. I cannot forgive making a sweet boy suffer like that.

The reasons I liked Kallura and Plance besides the obvious ones of them being incredibly sweet and adorable was that they made sense. They made sense plot wise and character wise.

Starting with Kallura you had Keith and Allura. Both are the outsiders of the group. Both are aliens. Both were on the same page when it came to strategy and tactics. And Both suffered the loss of their parents. They were so alike in so many ways. And that may have been the reason that out of all the paladins the one who broke down his walls first was Allura. She cared for him and he her. They supported one another and when one faced turmoil they did their best to console the other. And out of all the paladins Allura was affected the most by Keith leaving. And for Keith out of all the rest it was her acceptance of him that he yearned for. Keith traveled the farthest away from her and his path led him not only to the Alteans who were what she desired most in the universe but to evidence of Lotors betrayal. That along with the many parallels and scenes of them beside each other led us to believe there had to be something there. When Season 7 came around and they fought it was brutal but eye opening. She was angry he left and he was angry she got so close to Lotor. To many of us that conflict was unresolved and a chance for more talking and bonding that would lead to something more. Now I cannot help but look back and see that maybe the writers only did this to justify her loving another. It didn't help that many of the voltron books reinforced this idea by their own bios. Allura wanted to rebuild what her father had created with the coalition and Keith, out of all the earth born paladins, did not feel at home on his birth planet. To him there was no family left there. He had no attachments and it looked like his future lay in the stars with the BOM. It made sense that the one who broke down his walls and who he had felt closest to besides Shiro would be the one he had feelings for. It seems all these hints were for naught.

Lance was a simple Cuban boy with a massive heart. His goal in life was to go back to his family on earth that he loved dearly. He was always chasing the princess to no avail and made to feel lesser because he is just a simple Cuban boy. We all know he is far much more than that. It would have been wonderful if he had realized that Allura was not the girl for him. That he didn't need to have this "prize" to feel validated. He was already an amazing character. There was another girl beside him. A girl who was his best friend. A girl who accepted all of Lance and not just the fake personas he put up. A girl who took her time to explain science in a way he understood. And he in turn gave his best effort to understand that science. He accepted her the way she was and understood that this nerdy girl was amazing to the point where he believed in her intelligence almost without question. The girl I talk about is Pidge. Time and again they bonded over video games. Time and again they fought to protect each other. And they both had values that family was incredibly important meaning that them going back to earth together made sense. It would have been liberating to see a nerdy girl finally get the love she deserves. A girl who was considered an outcast getting together with this popular kid who didn't see being nerdy as being a fault but an incredible trait. This did not happen. It was frustrating because it seemed like we were teased to no end that this would happen. Whether It be books exclaiming that Lance loved ladies for their brains, or his desire when he got back to earth to play video games with Pidge or even Pidge's own pain and relief at thinking Lance was dead then found out he was still alive. There was even VA comments that seemed to validate this. I'm quite sure I don't even have to mention the moments when they were enraged at their enemies when the other was being hurt. All in all this made sense. They were already best friends and they both wished to return to earth. This relationship worked adorably.

For the final season it seemed they went out of their way to restrict any bonding moments at all for the aforementioned pairings. Even sweet lovable Hunk had major moments that were swept under the rug. We had so many characters and it seemed as if the time we spent with them was short, not noteworthy or dedicated in large part to Allurance. Krolia had little to no bonding moments with her son. Shiro didn't bond with the others a lot. We hardly saw much of Matt and his new sweetheart. And the MFE pilots that were introduced to us last season had little to no fleshing out. That filler episode and the episode of their day with Axca was the best fleshing out of the MFE pilots I had seen.

The final thing is something that has infuriated me the most. They killed Allura. She sacrificed herself for the universe and all universes that have ever existed. This young woman who was kind and caring. Who time and time again sacrificed for others died in her effort to save everyone. She had lost her father, her mother, her people and her planet and still this was not enough. They had taken her crown and her identity of family amongst the paladins. They had taken away her hope of liberating her people and achieving her dream of an Altean kingdom amongst a coalition. They had broken her heart and made her angry and hateful. They have hurt her in so many ways its ridiculous. It feels at this moment that they killed her so they wouldn't have to deal with complications of Lance and Allura's relationship going forward because the only way that relationship was going to move forward was if they did some character breaking action like giving up on their dreams. And now I sympathize with those who are WOCs. They had this great WOC who many could look up to. She was brave and strong. She was loving and a paragon in her own right. To see her torn down and then murdered is wrong.

To be honest I'm a bit heartbroken. I had so much time and emotion invested in this show to just feel empty. There were good parts to be sure but overall I'm disappointed by this. This was supposed to be the be all end all of finales and now I can't help but question why? Why did I spend so much time on a show I loved dearly if they were going to end it this way. Why did I invest in this so much If I was going be confused, angry, sad and empty. The one thing I can be glad about is that I found a wonderful community to be in. If you stayed this long thank you for listening and I hope you feel better about this than I do.

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years

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#1yrago Mother American Night: John Perry Barlow's posthumous memoir

John Perry Barlow lived many lives: small-time Wyoming Republican operative (and regional campaign director for Dick Cheney!), junior lyricist for the Grateful Dead, father-figure to John Kennedy Jr, co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, inspirational culture hero for the likes of Aaron Swartz and Ed Snowden (and, not incidentally, me), semi-successful biofuels entrepreneur... He died this year, shortly after completing his memoir Mother American Night, and many commenters have noted that Barlow comes across as a kind of counterculture cyberculture Zelig, present at so many pivotal moments in our culture, and that's true, but that's not what I got from my read of the book -- instead, I came to know someone I counted as a friend much better, and realized that every flaw and very virtue he exhibited in his interpersonal dealings stemmed from the flaws and virtues of his relationship with himself.

The first thing I noticed in reading Mother American Night was Barlow's voice. Literally. I listened to the audiobook, ably read by Ray Porter. When I started listening, I thought, That guy sounds a little like Barlow, but it's not like he's doing impressions or anything.. Ten minutes later, I was like, "Holy shit, the ghost of John Perry Barlow is in my earbuds." It wasn't Porter's voice so much as Barlow's words -- his incredibly gift with language, combined with his habit of manicuring his anaecdotes to a carefully calculated rough-hewn perfection, shining through with unmistakable glory. Barlow is one of the world's great storytellers, and his ability to spin a yarn was one of the secrets of his success, letting him tunnel through his readers' eyeballs and straight into their brains, grabbing them and winning them over to his team, and then to his team's cause.

The second thing I notice about Mother American Night was that Barlow was sure settling a lot of scores in the early chapters. Sure, we were meeting his parents and various Republican operators and the Dead and their retinue and experiencing them in all their variegated virtues and failings, but Barlow also had some sharp knives for those (mostly) long-dead friends and relatives, and he wasn't afraid to slip them in. Barlow's barbs have the air of long-mulled grievances, honed to perfection, waiting for an opportune moment to be unsheathed.

As beautifully turned as his phrases were in these early chapters, as much as he made you feel these half-century-old disappointments and sorrows, they also felt...unworthy. Petty, even.

And then Barlow drops the other shoe: while in one chapter he might be excoriating his father or Bob Weir or Jerry Garcia, a couple chapters later he's revisiting them with enormous affection -- often spilling details that are every bit as intimate and revealing as the dirt he had revealed a few chapters back. He lands these one-two punches with incredible grace and insight, and it changes the whole nature of the enterprise, from a well-told memoir with some bits in dubious taste to a revelation about Barlow's enormous affection for the people in his life -- not despite their myriad failings, but because of them.

Then the other other shoe drops: because Barlow is meting out the same treatment to himself that he's subjecting everyone else in the Barlowsphere to. He's incredibly hard on himself, and also fully aware of his prodigious virtues and accomplishments. His treatment of himself is just as uneven (and sometimes unfair) as his treatment of everyone else is: some sins that shouldn't be readily forgiven are swept under the rug (in himself and others, Barlow is extremely willing to forgive sexual objectification, provided it is carried off with some kind of panache) while other human frailties are held up as examples of moral failings. Barlow's writing in a very brave and very revelatory way here.

Though Barlow dwells on the highs and lows of many famous personages here, the most incredible (literal) bombshells are not celebrity gossip: they're things about Barlow that he never revealed to a soul -- for example, that he once planned and nearly executed a suicide bomb attack on Harvard Square with the intention of awakening people to a kind of unnameable dread that he believes was the motivation for Charles Manson (even more incredibly, he says that the administration at Wesleyan -- who headed him off before he could blow himself up and commit mass murder -- hushed up the whole incident, stuck him in an institution on thorazine for a couple of weeks, then let him finish the school year with no further incident).

Other reviewers have discussed the details of Barlow's memoir-- the tragic loss of his true love, a woman who died of an unsuspected genetic disorder during a transcontinental flight, his brief dalliance with Anita Hill, and more. I found these stories fascinating; I had been on the periphery of many of them, encountering Barlow in various locales around the world and getting fragmentary versions of the story (we once slowly traversed the width of Black Rock City while he explained his intention to start a second family with a young woman he planned to marry) -- getting the polished, final versions, with the punchlines that hadn't happened yet, made the whole Barlow situation a lot more linear and causal.

But for all that this is an essential, beautifully written book that is full of humor and tragedy and revelation, it's not perfect. As it reaches its final act -- everything from the founding of EFF onward -- it takes on a rushed aspect. Barlow was dying by then, and may have known that he was running out of time, or it may just be that the earlier material had been polished by many repetitions by one of the world's great raconteurs. I would have liked to hear as much about Ed Snowden as I did about despicable roadies for the Grateful Dead, and if Barlow were alive today and I was his editor, I'd tell him to add 25% to this book by fleshing out the last 25% of his life.

But Barlow's dead, and hardly a day goes by that I don't think of him. Listening to this audiobook made me feel like I was walking the playa with him again, spinning out stories, debating, laughing, catching him defaulting to gnomic utterances when he started losing an argument and calling him on it, to his enormous delight... I miss him very much, and I'm so glad that he left us this book; it makes me sad to learn that he was as hard on himself as he was, and also happy to know that in his clearer moments, he knew just how much he meant to all of his friends.

Mother American Night: My Life in Crazy Times Hardcover [John Perry Barlow and Robert Greenfield/Crown]

https://boingboing.net/2018/06/21/grateful-dead.html

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survivoremathia · 7 years

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Ep. 6 - “I Had the Wig Snatched from On Top of me” - Duncan

ROB

Eddie did not fucking deserve that, fuck you Sam you piece of shit I've hated you for so long. The newbies can go to hell. Matt fucking Summers I am so glad Jenna Tibby beat you she is a much better person than you, and you don't even host. Bye.

I'm pissed I wish it was me instead

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158247853246/immunity-6-word-play

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158291809426/immunity-results

RYAN B

I pretty much said nothing this round and did absolutely nothing for the challenge but #noshame cause I'm failing 5 classes so.....

ALI

AHHHHH. I JUST MADE A BIG MOVE! This was my first real tribal (the last one was just an inactive being voted out) and it featured IDOL PLAYS, A SPLIT VOTE and.... ME PLAYING AN ADVANTAGE. little old me!!!! Like I just am in shock. That tribal went amazingly. And I don't feel bad about potentially having betrayed Duncan, as he betrayed me too by lying to me! :) All is fair in love and war, but if they think they can fool little old me, they're mistaken. This sheep has claws :)

ROB

fucking [6:56 PM] Trevor:

<<< FranklyTrevor, Today 6:56 PM no swear words

fucking

JAY

I haven't done one in a bit I'm sorry!!! But I'm in a fantastic position on my tribe. Scott and Ryan are mostly inactive, so I shouldn't have to worry too much about the first two votes. Also I'm still very close to Owen and RTP. And with Owen comes Trevor, which is fantastic for me. I feel like I'm playing Robin's game from India. Getting close to the couple. But it works. And I'll be close with them while I'm on this tribe.

That tribal was terrifying. I was so stressed... I thought that Logan had the same advantage as Ali did. I was holding my breath, waiting to see a 'and there's one final vote' which never happened. I was buzzing on that for like hours at work. But at yen same time, we might have out smarted them this time but why are still in our tribe. We have to get along and we have to win the next challenge.

I'm not going to lie though, the thought of throwing a challenge did cross my mind. Because me and Ali are in a good place here and if we win then that puts our alliance i. A tight spot and we don't know how they are making over there. We just have to do the challenge and hope that they've had time to make their connections like we did and see what happends.

On another side not, if Sam ever right my name down, I'm going to be a bit bitter, not for long because this is a game but i mean me and Ali saved him, his game was in our hands and we decided we needed him. So Sam, if you voted for me at any time... Give me a day lol

Omg i really want to work with Eddie. I really think we could have done really well together. And i feel bad about lying to him because he told me flat out he was voting Sam and he wasn't lying. But i mean shit happens and of we play together again i hope to work with him but i guess we might never see that

I think this last vote out a target on me and Ali. I think we did a good job at downplaying how close we are but I think everyone is starting to see if. Hopefully not all of it, but they know we're working together... We'll see.

I'm a little bitter that the hosts feel asleep during the endurance challenge. It's 4 am for them and I'm still up and they're hadent been a post for 2 hours not. My tribe could have really put themselves a head for when everyone else gets on but now we can't. People need sleep but i don't know, feels a little unfare that my tribe (not just me) sat up late to try and grab the extra points and now we'll be tired tomorrow and the others will get the bonus of sleep. Whatever, that's life.

I can't wait to get back with Trevor and Lydia and see what they think about is being able to vote out Eddie :) thank you Trevor for giving us that little bit of advice baby

RYAN PALMER

Ok so tribe swap, epic. I ended up with most of my allies and this is going to be great. The Fam consisting of me Owen Trevor and Lydia seems like it going to be my strongest alliance rn. I obviously still have David who I want to work with, and Jay seems to think the 4 Othrys are gonna stick together. That leaves a pretty big group of intertwined people to work together and I dont have to expose myself. and as soon as we came over trevor immediately told me about how he wants ryan b out next. idk what happened but he does not like him. we are just gonna ignore scott and hope he just gets med evac'd. we won the music video challenge thanks to muah! jk lydia is the star of the video lmfao i love it. so then eddie leaves? nut. glad i dont have to deal with him in this game. their tribal seemed like a shit show and i want to know everything about it. so then we get this new challenge and trevor is like...oh we can lose its fine....and im like....uh no i dont lose on purpose....and he said not on purpose....but like hes not even trying for this challenge...i know hes trying to throw and i hate that. this is going to bite him in the ass later let me tell you!

DUNCAN

You know the saying "I had the rug swept from under me"? Well I had the wig snatched from Ontop of me

I fee like freaking Gina Marie after nick got evicted in bb15. Yesterday really sucked. Eddie is a dear friend and someone who I've been dying to play with for the longest time. I'm so pissed that they took him out. Like? The only reason I voted with those three is because eddie was a part of the three. I could of dealt with being lied to by the other side, by being in the minority, by losing an alliance member. I'm crushed by losing eddie. Now I look like a fucking idiot bc I followed my d*ck and not my head. Now I'm on bottom and I need to make sure I find footing in this fucking tribe to make sure that I'm not the next one to go if we go to tribal.

Oh! On top of that! I played my fucking idol and had to give it to someone. So who do I give it to?! It's a hard decision bc I don't trust anyone for shit on this tribe, and I'm probably the next to go, but I have to do something, I can't just roll over and die right? Sooo even though I just tried to help vote him out, I gave it to Samuel. Samuel has all the control over the newbies and is in the power position. I don't want to try and get anyone to flip to Logan rob and I because really? Like I've said, I was only in that alliance for eddie. I'm not going to stay on bottom for the other two. #sorrynotsorry I know I can work well with Samuel if he'll have me, so basically I have to spit shine his ass while trying to play it cool with the newbies. Matt summers? Can cheauxke? I told him I liked eddie and I think he was looking to weaken me if I flipped so that's why they went for him. Also you know what, I didn't feel bad about flipping when I casted my vote. Matt summers lied to me about being in an alliance on our old tribe and that's just frustrating. Then he messaged me back after I messaged him at Tribal like "looks like it's going to be hard for me to trust you now" and I'm like BITXH YOU ALL LIED TO ME ANTYWAYS! So I was on the outs anyways?.......I just feel kind of down. All these great people were cast and I knew it was going be a lot harder than the last two times. I'm still going for that crown, but it looks like the path is going to be paved with blood tears and the corpses of friends

ROB

I know that now that we're not playing anymore, Eddie is going to stop talking to me again. Fuck Ali, should've just voted Sam and saved your double vote jackass.

ALI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMRRoCmK5eU

OWEN

SO! We lost immunity. I didn't try very hard. I don't think any of the people who actually try on this tribe DID do very well... Oops. We have dead weight in Scott and Ryan B so honestly... I wasn't that concerned. Part of me wants Jay to go because Duncan/Rob/Logan are probably a thing, and Jay would most likely join them. Plus Jay has WON before. But also, Jay does well in challenges and I'm technically working with him.

So my thought now is to go for Ryan B, and maybe Scott will just get expelled for literally not showing up lmao. I'm not really sure who Isaac is... But yikes.

I'm not playing a very good game I don't think, but it's because of the cast. Half of them I have strong relationships outside of the game and I can't really help that. The other half don't bother to show up or try. So there's nobody new for me to get to know. So! I'll lay low and wait for shit to hit the fan when all the people I know merge. I do feel like I have my hand in different baskets and we'll see what happens :~)

So... I got a ring. I don't know own if i like not being able to help direct the vote. Not being able to have a say in what was happening. I might have to pass it off too maybe, I'm not sure. It's cool as hell, i love the idea but i don't know... Control issues maybe.

RYAN B

Welp. At this point it's gonna either be me or Scott. I've accepted my fate either way. We both have been pretty inactive(although Scott has done even less than me so far). If it's not me this time it'll probably be me next time soooo.........

SCOTT

So my Skype officially HATES ME. I literally haven't been active in the chat for what seems like weeks. Hopefully I don't go tonight.

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/jhuTyOZlEL8

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158332506751/tribal-council-5-olympus

#allianceofone #episodes

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years

Text

#1yrago Mother American Night: John Perry Barlow's posthumous memoir

As beautifully turned as his phrases were in these early chapters, as much as he made you feel these half-century-old disappointments and sorrows, they also felt...unworthy. Petty, even.

Mother American Night: My Life in Crazy Times Hardcover [John Perry Barlow and Robert Greenfield/Crown]

https://boingboing.net/2018/06/21/grateful-dead.html

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