#journey22

[rkay-4]

Sometimes my life journey finds me lost in canyons.

The photos are of the Palo Duro Canyons. These spectacular ravines, gullies, and gorges can not be seen from far. They are a phenomenal that you discover in a flat area in Texas. They are beautiful, filled with trails, cactuses, and treasures to be found.

Today, I am wandering around in my own emotional canyons. I wasn’t expecting to find any canyons today. Lost my way a bit, but know I gotta ask and answer those questions for myself. I gotta find my way out.

Wondering why I choose this life? Am I good enough to do the things I want to do? Am I raising children who will be healthy happy citizens? Can I be a healthy mom? Can I be a quality partner? Am I lazy? I am feeling angry, what is the underlying cause? Am I depressed, burnt out, or overwhelmed? Is my ADHD stopping me from accomplishing anything? Do I need help? Do I need meds? Do I need a break? What tools do I need to feel and be successful?

It’s ok to be sad and ask yourself these questions. Some of the answers I didn’t particularly like. So I choose growth, healing, determination, love, and humor.

And a long warm bath, getting some of my to do list done, hugs on Friday, and grace. Grace for myself, and grace for others.

#journey22 #healing #healthier #bevital #be in the moment #coping skills #be passionate #trauma healing #speak up #love yourself #palo duro canyon #growthmindset #emotional intimacy

[nelunderson]

｛ 旅 #22 ｝ 　View 　 　

#Sri Lankā #Heritance Kandalama #pool #Journey #Journey22

[ikandrianaa]

Journey 22 - “I Should have”

Should have i should have watch those eyes instead of running place, i should have turn around i should have looked again. But oh im staring at the mess i made. as I turn, I have left and take my heart away.

and its falling down as you walk away, and its on me now as you go. but oh im staring at the mess i made.

now i start to have a vision. i told him i have a vision, follow my impulse now or never, jump down and fly. oh i want that vision.

#mess made #realization #22 #thoughts #life #youngster #young adult #love #lost #journey22 #ikandriana #sufferings #enlightenmen #work #foodforthoughts #schooloflife #lifejourney #diary #librascorpions #virgo #parachute

[spyrannevil]

No matter howmuch time goes by i'll never forget the first time.. 👭 #galalang #captured #moments #anywhere #herher #makeithappen #journey22 #uno #travelgram #1yearwithyou #videogram #moretravelwithyou #zjamradr #shockmeintolove #moreyearstocome 👭😘

#galalang #herher #videogram #journey22 #moments #shockmeintolove #moreyearstocome #1yearwithyou #makeithappen #anywhere #travelgram #moretravelwithyou #zjamradr #captured #uno

[rkay-4]

When the burdens in your mind add up, sometimes you just feel like your only option left is to run.

While this may literally mean, you run. It could be you eat more food than you needed, drank more drink than you should, try to numb the burdens with drugs, but none of those make the burdens go away.

One of my new kiddos I work with tonight made it over 6 miles as she attempted to walk away from her problems. Just to be more lost, scared, and alone. Brought back to me in a deputy car, covered in ticks, mosquito bites, but still carrying her burdens. The deputy told her, “you really must talk about it.”

So we sat in rocking chairs and talked for a bit. She only swiped the surface of the things really bothering her. Most of them are so little, but she’s afraid to share the little things. Why? Because her own family was abusing her, and she spoke up to her guardians. When she did, they turned their backs on her and choose to continue not protecting her.

So I defended her from some ticks, I offered a shoulder on the couch, and grace. I found a romance comedy to watch til 3am and I tried to bring some normalcy. I may never win her trust, but I am willing to try.

https://iempathize.org/eyp/

#trust is fragile #journey22 #happier #healing #healthier #bevital #be in the moment #see something say something

[rkay-4]

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month, and so much needs to change in the system of mental health, human services, and resources.

Sometimes, it’s ok to be angry. I woke up angry and ready to fight. I assessed why and realized two things, 1.) my dream was about a real life event that I never really dealt with like I should have that involved my son 2.) my son was using the cutest little tootsies to kick me in the head.

Great way to be mindful your of emotions and process them.

#what keeps me up at night #journey22 #happier #healing #healthier #be passionate #mental health awareness

[rkay-4]

I think everyone is aware of the events, lifestyles, and family history that leads to poor mental health. But what can we do to reduce these issues?

I’m personally always saying I want to make a difference. And my partner is always asking me what I think needs to change and I believe it’s the foundation first.

Kids used to get sent outside to play everyday. They were challenged to be self-sufficient and smart. They did adventurous activities, like climbing a tree. During those adventures, you faced fears, built confidence, grew your muscles, and developed a drive. That drive spurred you to climb a little higher next time. These developments happened naturally. That is why Outside Play and recess are so important.

Since I love seeing people especially little ones find their own powers. If we were all taught mindfulness and empowerment in school every year, I am certain that it would reduce drug and alcohol addictions, self-harm, sexual abuse, or help those getting abused to speak up sooner.

Teaching youth to believe in themselves, use their coping skills and resources, and find their voice should be as important as core classes. With technology and less social interactions, these basic self skills seem to be lost.

#happier #healthier #journey22 #healing #coping skills #mental health awareness #build confidence #empoweringyouth #big life journal

[rkay-4]

Yesterday I wrote that a question from my partner brought me to tears. Maybe it wasn’t the question because today my cheeks are wet again.

As I was running through the list of what’s wrong with me?

-it didn’t hurt to get out of bed

-slept alright

-no significant signs of depression

-some anxiety about this weekend

-some sadness and stress around work

-maybe some anniversaries for this time of year

Then my partner calls and I admit I am currently in tears. He was kind and let me process. He asked me why I needed to know why I was crying and why not just let it out and feel the emotions and let them go.

So I explained, I always had evaluated my own behavior and problem-solved why I was acting a certain way to help myself heal and grow. I then told him, I was going to just keep asking myself why, tell I could spill it. Normally writing does the trick.

And as the words tumbled out, it suddenly dawned on me. Some of my issue is… I miss him. Like I legitimately am feeling attached and longing for his presence in my life. I want him there and when I don’t get my daily dose of his affection, my life is not quite the same.

I panicked and my inner child, was like, “oh hell no girl, we don’t do that, we don’t miss people. People leave us, and it hurts, so don’t do that.”

Then my next question, “if I love him, and he loves me, is it okay to miss him? Is it ok to want his strong arms around me more often? Or am I being clingy, needy, or too much? Am I feeling these feelings too soon?”

Haha, that answer is really on him to decide, but I would say I am just being a healthy human who wants to be with her favorite person. And that’s ok, it’s normal, healthy, exciting, intimate, emotional, and part of real love. Not just the lusty feelings because I have overwhelming moments of those as well.

We seem to be meeting each other’s wants and needs, building trust, learning love languages, respecting, encouraging, being open and honest, willing to compromise, and seeking more.

#journey22 #healing #happier #be in the moment #healthier #bevital #love is in the air #coping skills #be passionate #emotional intimacy #healthy attachment

[rkay-4]

Sometimes you are doubting things and feeling tired, then your partner texts you this.

“You are my home. The way you rest your head upon my chest. Your smell, voice and green eyes, they are all home. My heart is with you and they say home twis where the heart is.”

Since I know I struggle with attachment and trust, I have tried to ensure time to hug, and relish in his arms. It’s weird learning to not ignore when I miss someone. It’s definitely hardwired to just write it off as another loss.

Not writing it off, just got to focus, try harder, make effort to stay connected. I love my connection with my handsome guy.

#journey22 #happier #healthier #healing #be in the moment #love is in the air #bevital #genuineconnections

[rkay-4]

Beginning of a poem I wrote a few months ago

#journey22 #happier #healthier #healing #be in the moment #bevital #love is in the air

[rkay-4]

If wearing a tie can bring someone’s super powers out and help them feel confidence. I think this ring does it for me. I get reminded of my man’s love, belief in me, and that a hug will be ready when I need or want one.

#hugs are the best #journey22 #happier #healing #healthier #bevital #love is in the air

[rkay-4]

#journey22 #happier #healing #be in the moment

[rkay-4]

My partner and I celebrated each other yesterday. I am so thankful for him and how he finds way to let me know he was thinking of me.. of us.

After thanking him and telling him he is cheesy, I really started thinking, we need more anniversaries to cherish, more moments of us just being in the moment. I’m honored to be his girlfriend, but my heart melted when he called me his best friend.

#be cheesy #journey22 #healing #healthier #happier #love is in the air #be in the moment #be intentional

[rkay-4]

I was wildly mad (hurt) at my partner’s house this weekend. I didn’t want to see, hear, touch, smell, or feel him but leaving wasn’t very convenient. Felt safer though.

So I shared my feeling with hot steamy tears streaming down my face, and my usually present partner didn’t seem to hear me, validate, acknowledge, care, or apology.

I tried to just quietly wait to leave, but as I did, I felt a nagging feeling to explore why my sensitive, kind, romantic, calm man would act so erratic.

I wanted to just leave but when he was ready to take me home, instead of walking away I turned to him and I attacked him with a very emotional hug.

And that’s what couples who want to grow and stay connected have to do. Turn back to their partners when they are hurting, scared, or questioning things. You can’t be vital and be running away from each other or yourself. If you turn to other people, things, or sources for comfort, the intimacy has disconnection.

#vulnerability #journey22 #happier #healthier #healing #be in the moment #bevital #coping skills #love is in the air #be passionate #emotional intimacy

[rkay-4]

A friend sought me out today and said they were feeling “stuck” so we processed. They just needed reminded it was okay to put themselves first and in a self-ful way. We gotta love ourselves and treat ourselves right if we except others to. And when others see that we aren’t, they should urge us to. Just my thoughts while I get fuel. Ouch!

#self-ful #journey22 #no guilt #set boundaries #love yourself

[rkay-4]

“I am sorry I am not good enough, I should be better.” - Me

On days, I am struggling emotionally or don’t feel like I have enough control in my life, I find myself apologizing. I apologize for not being “good enough” way too often. I apologize for the past, I apologize for the future, I apologize for things in the present, I apologize for other people’s behaviors and issues, and I apologize for so many things out of my control. I need to stop. I need to stop and recognize if I really did something worth apologizing for. Sometimes I almost feel apologetic when I am enjoying myself, relaxing, or doing things I want and the way I want to do them. I know it’s my inner child showing up attempting to keep peace, to know what to expect, and to get through the next moment. My body and mind were programmed to survive domestic violence, angry words, drunken nights, and forgetful mornings.

Now, I am retraining myself to take in the moment. Stay in the here and the now. if it’s not a good moment, hopefully it doesn’t last long, but I know I have healthy coping skills to turn to. I don’t have to apologize, seem less noticeable, or be prepared for the worst. I just have to stay in the here and the now and trust I know what I am doing. Or I will find my way through it.

Good moments are cherished and I am all about letting the sunshine touch my face, running my fingers across soft fabric, allowing myself to be there, feeling joy, peace, and beauty. I am committed to owning more of those magical moments.

I realize I act unreasonable and confusing sometimes, even to myself. I have behaviors or emotions that don’t always seem to fit the situation. I have to sometimes troubleshoot the problem. It’s often unhealed trauma. No apology will fix the things I have heard, seen, or imagined. But the adult me is responsible for telling the little girl all the things she didn’t hear.

I am absolutely good enough,

I am strong enough to follow my dreams,

I am brave enough to heal from the trauma,

I am making a difference,

I am worthy of love,

I am free to be happy,

I am proud of myself,

I am a good mom, friend, and partner.

#coping skills #unhealed trauma #alcoholic parent #affirmations #journey22