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tvsmovies · 2 years

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Watch Free Full 17 Again

Release Date : 04/17/2009 (US)Category : ComedyProduction : Country : USRate : Cast : Zac Efron,Leslie Mann,Matthew Perry,Michelle Trachtenberg,Allison Miller,Thomas Lennon,Sterling Knight,Kat Graham,Tyler Steelman,On the brink of a midlife crisis, 30-something Mike O'Donnell wishes he could have a "do-over." And that's exactly what he gets when he wakes up one morning to find he's 17 years old again. With his adult mind stuck inside the body of a teenager, Mike actually has the chance to reverse some decisions he wishes he'd never made. But maybe they weren't so bad after all.On the brink of a midlife crisis, 30-something Mike O'Donnell wishes he could have a "do-over." And that's exactly what he gets when he wakes up one morning to find he's 17 years old again. With his adult mind stuck inside the body of a teenager, Mike actually has the chance to reverse some decisions he wishes he'd never made. But maybe they weren't so bad after all.Michael Balderston published 16 September 22Looking to watch Confess, Fletch? Here's what you need to know about the Jon Hamm-led reboot of the 1980s comedy franchise.Lucy Buglass published 16 September 22The Grand Tour Presents: A Scandi Flick is now on Prime Video, and everyone is talking about James May.Caitlyn Fitzpatrick published 16 September 22In Southern Charm, Naomie Olindo is taken aback during a group dinner that includes ex-boyfriend, Craig Conover.Michael Balderston published 15 September 22Find out how and where to watch The Woman King, the Violas Davis-led historical epic, right now. Is it streaming or is it only in movie theaters?Michael Balderston published 15 September 22Following announcements at the D23 Expo, Disney makes the Mufasa: The Lion King release date official, as well as a number of others.Michael Balderston published 15 September 22Find out how to watch The Handmaid’s Tale from the very beginning to the most recent episodes online from anywhere in the world.BySean Marland published 17 September 22In The Rings of Power episode 4 Adar's orcs have taken control of the Southlands, but could he really be the Dark Lord?ByNicholas Cannon published 17 September 22DAHMER – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story on Netflix stars Evan Peters as it tells the shocking true story of the evil serial killer and cannibal.ByTerrell Smith published 16 September 2290 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? season 7 is back with fan-favorite couples from across the 90 Day universe. Here’s everything we know.ByMichael Balderston published 16 September 22The duo of Rick & Morty are back, with Rick and Morty season 6 promising more adventures across the multiverse. Here is everything we know.ByMichael Balderston publis

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Watch Free Full 17 Again

hed 16 September 22City on a Hill season 3 brings back Kevin Bacon and Aldis Hodge for another go. Here is everything you need to know about the latest season of the crime drama.ByNicholas Cannon published 17 September 22In Golda we'll see Dame Helen Mirren transformed into the ‘Iron Lady of Israel’.ByNicholas Cannon published 17 September 22DAHMER – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story on Netflix stars Evan Peters as it tells the shocking true story of the evil serial killer and cannibal.BySarabeth Pollock published 16 September 22Shudder's 61 Days of Halloween has a whole new lineup of movies and series to serve up thrills and chills this spooky season.ByMichael Balderston published 16 September 22Devotion tells the story of two legendary Navy pilots during the Korean War. Here is everything you need to know about the movie.ByTerrell Smith published 16 September 2290 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? season 7 is back with fan-favorite couples from across the 90 Day universe. Here’s everything we know.ByMichael Balderston published 16 September 22The duo of Rick & Morty are back, with Rick and Morty season 6 promising more adventures across the multiverse. Here is everything we know.ByMichael B

#movies #streaming #tv-Shows #Watch Free Full 17 Again

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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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In Touch, March 8

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Kanye West's tell-all will destroy Kim Kardashian

Page 1: Contents

Page 2: Beauty News -- update your makeup bag -- these new beauty buys are destined for heavy rotation -- Lucy Hale

Page 4: Scott Disick debuted a bold new platinum hairdo and even the Lamborghini he was driving couldn't distract fans from noting how completely uncool he looks and while the dad of three is not quite middle-aged it looks likes he's having a midlife crisis and it seems that dating so many young women like his current girlfriend 19-year-old Amelia Gray Hamlin has made 37-year-old Scott start to feel his age and he's overcompensating but he's clearly gone too far

* They Went Blond, Too But Looked Cool -- Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber, Ryan Gosling, Adam Levine, Riz Ahmed, Zac Efron, Jared Leto, Kanye West, Zayn Malik

Page 5: Salma Hayek fights against prejudice of all kinds even when the victims are insanely wealthy -- there is discrimination against rich men, she said of the struggles her husband French businessman Francois-Henri Pinault has faced while maintaining his $43 billion fortune and she said you think because somebody's rich, he might not be a good person, doesn't have values or doesn't deserve it and even Salma gets judged like everybody said she married him for money, but after after 15 years together, she's not even offended

* Number of the Week -- 76,000 is the dollar cost of a pair of Kylie Jenner's new Birkenstock sandals made from Hermes Birkin bags, Man Candy of the Week -- Max Ehrich cooling off in Miami, Clapback of the Week -- Mindy Kaling said she wrote the episode the gif was from when an internet troll used a gif from The Office to express their dislike of her, EXBFF of the Week -- Larsa Pippen on her rift with former friend Kim Kardashian

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- The Weeknd's Hidden Hills hangout, Winners of the Week -- Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds donate $1 million to Feeding America and Food Banks Canada three months after giving $500,000 to both charities, Loser of the Week -- because of production delays Tom Cruise is forced to scrap plans to film Mission: Impossible 7 and M:I 8 back-to-back

Page 8: Up Close -- Nicole Kidman on Instagram thanked actor and theater artist Kevin Zak for his altered photo of her The Undoing character Grace with lots more hair

Page 9: Zooey Deschanel embraces her DIY side for Valentine's Day decorating balloons with sweet affirmation using her Cricut, Shawn Mendes kissing Camila Cabello's foot because he loves her, Paris Hilton celebrates turning 40 by accepting an enormous emerald-cut diamond engagement ring from beau Carter Reum

Page 10: 23-time Grand Slam champion Serena Williams gets eliminated from the Australian Open semifinals, Tayshia Adams and Zac Clark take a loved-up selfie at the Empire State Building, Emma Roberts celebrates turning 30 at a backyard pool bash

Page 12: Fur Babies -- Kathryn Newton's dog Lady Bird yawning, Miranda Lambert snuggles with one of her dogs, Maude Apatow's cat Dolly conks out in her lap, James Van Der Beek and his dog

Page 14: Jimmy Fallon celebrates his seven years on The Tonight Show at home with his daughters Winnie and Franny

Page 16: Rebel Wilson does her best Cruella De Vil impression for her new TV show Pooch Perfect, Beyonce shows off more than just her new Adidas x IVY PARK collection, Thomas Rhett celebrates daughter Lennon's first birthday along with wife Lauren and daughters Willa and Ada

Page 18: Naked Chelsea Handler covering herself with books while standing in snow, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston, Chrissy Teigen has a swollen lip due to an allergic reaction

Page 20: Princess Eugenie and husband Jack Brooksbank share a photo of their newborn son August Philip Hawke Brooksbank, Rihanna striking a seductive pose with her new release The Rihanna Book: Queen Size which retails for $1215.70, Katy Perry flaunts her curves in a purple bathing suit and fiance Orlando Bloom flaunts his muscles during a getaway in Hawaii

Page 22: Kate Gosselin sold her house in Wernersville in Pennsylvania that she bought in 2008 with then-husband Jon Gosselin because she desperately needs cash these days -- the girls Cara and Mady are off to college, she doesn't have a show on the air anymore and her legal bills in her custody war with Jon are through the roof -- to stay afloat she's had to cut back on many perks including her trusted bodyguard Steve Neild -- she's just holding out hope for a new reality show about her and her kids now

Page 23: Brad Pitt has been spotted hanging out in Jennifer Aniston's trailer on the set of her series The Morning Show and things are getting serious again -- he's been at her house on the weekends and they're hooking up -- Jen has set ground rules for her ex including that they can date other people because Jen is also seeing a man she met through her Morning Show co-stars Reese Witherspoon and Mark Duplass so Jen's keeping her options open

* Cheryl Burke teamed up with Kroger to host the Healthy Heart, Happy Mind wellness experience to bring awareness to women's heart health during Heart Health Month

Page 24: Cover Story -- Kanye West's revenge on Kim Kardashian -- Kim and Kanye's marriage is over but the war is just beginning -- the world will be shocked by what Kanye has to say about Kim

Page 26: As Kim's love life falls apart again, her sisters are happier than ever -- Kourtney Kardashian is talking marriage with Travis Barker, Khloe Kardashian is back on track with Tristan Thompson, Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker go public with their love

Page 28: True Crime -- Dubai Princess Latifa Al Maktoum: My family is holding me captive -- three years after she vanished, a billionaire's sheikh's daughter pleads for someone to save her

Page 30: The Bachelor: It's Worse Than Anyone Knows -- Chris Harrison's controversial exit sparks a racial reckoning in Bachelor Nation

Page 32: Meghan Markle to Queen Elizabeth: I'm Never Coming Back -- Meghan closes the door on returning to the U.K. and doesn't regret it one bit -- because of Meghan's decision, the queen may never see Archie again

Page 36: The Big Interview -- Olivia Newton-John and Chloe Lattanzi -- we inspire each other -- the Grease star and her daughter share an unbreakable bond and a lifetime love of music

Page 42: Animal Overload -- My dog looks like Charles Bronson

Page 45: Double Take -- Brie Larson rocks tie-dye at the supermarket in L.A.

Page 46: Horoscope -- Pisces Lupita Nyong'o turned 38 on March 1

Page 48: Last Laughs

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jothowrote · 4 years

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Faulty mechanism (warm-up)

(I wrote this unfinished TMA/Mechanisms crossover as a warm-up for Nano two and a half years ago and just found it again on an old hard drive - it’s set around season 2 TMA. I thought I’d let it see the light of day, since we live in interesting times and it hopefully might distract people for a time, like it did me.)

Faulty mechanism (warm-up)

The Jon that walked into work on Monday was not the same Jon that had been left working late in the archives on Friday night. Martin was pretty sure that anyone with eyes could see it – and perhaps eyes were not even necessary, what with the pungent aroma of tobacco and alcohol that hung around this ‘other’ Jon like a haze. Not to mention he was smiling.

Martin immediately suspected foul play. If you had read the kind of statements he had, then it wasn’t completely unusual for people to vanish and be replaced, although usually the changeling made a bit more effort to blend in.

The Monday morning had begun strangely anyway, as Martin had been surprised to find himself the first at work. Jon had become more or less of a permanent fixture at the archives, working so late and arriving so early that one could almost assume that he simply didn’t go home. The small cot bed remained untouched, however – Martin had checked. And so, on coming in to work and finding Jon’s office empty, Martin had decided to take advantage of that fact and hang around outside it, hoping to catch Jon before he mired himself in work and stage a sort-of intervention. He’d even tried to recruit Tim and Sasha to his cause as they both arrived at the institute for the morning. Sasha had said something about being too busy and slipped off – Tim had snorted and said some very rude things about Jon before vanishing into the tiny kitchenette for his morning coffee.

Not one to be deterred by something so insignificant as no back-up, Martin had squared his shoulders and continued to lurk outside Jon’s empty office. As the morning ticked by, and there was still no sign of Jon, he had grown steadily more anxious.

`He’s probably just having a breakdown at home,’ Tim said, on his way past with his third coffee of the morning. `Makes a nice change from him having it here. Just leave it – I’m not doing your work too.’

Martin decided to give it until lunch.

At one minute to twelve, the door by the stairs swung open wildly – startling Martin, who had been staring unfocused in the opposite direction at the lift doors in steadily decreasing expectation – and Jon sauntered through.

It was only `Jon’ in the loosest sense of the word. As Martin watched, the Jon-impersonator swaggered up the corridor with no limp to speak of, a bottle of something smelling strong as petrol sloshing in one hand. The other hand, Martin couldn’t help but notice, was hovering over a gun in a hip holster.

Martin was frozen in confusion and perhaps a little fear as the stranger-Jon walked right up to him and paused in front of the office door. When he made as if to open the door, Martin let out a small squeak of indignation. He was promptly engulfed in thick tobacco smoke.

Coughing, his eyes watering, Martin did nothing but watch as the stranger winked at him and went straight into the Head Archivist’s office, slamming the door behind him.

`You’re telling me that Jon’s been replaced by some kind of steampunk cowboy that looks exactly like him?’

Tim, on his fourth coffee, looked unimpressed.

`We’ve been attacked by flesh-eating worms, but this is where you draw the line?’

`Are you sure it isn’t actually Jon just having a midlife crisis?’

`It may have looked like Jon superficially, but apart from that he’s a completely different person.’

Tim squinted at Martin, and reached forward as though to feel his forehead.

`Are you feeling ok?’

Martin slapped his hand away irritably.

`I’m not hallucinating Jon dressed as a steampunk cowboy, that would be really weird.’

`And yet would explain so much. Are you sure it’s not just –‘

The door to the kitchenette slammed open and fake-Jon strolled in.

`Is that coffee I smell?’

He pushed past Tim and Tim’s gaping mouth and poured the rest of the pot into a mug. To Martin’s annoyance, it was his mug.

Fake-Jon swigged at the coffee – Tim’s thick black tar that Martin avoided – and sighed.

`Anything stronger? Only I’m out of whiskey.’

`Who the fuck are you?’ Tim said, finally getting over his shock as he watched the rest of his precious coffee quickly vanish down the stranger’s gullet. `You’re not Jon.’

`Well, I am Jon – Jonny d’Ville, to be exact.’

`You’re not our Jon,’ Martin said, his voice going embarrassingly squeaky again. Jonny d’Ville grinned, and it was a violent grin.

`Ah, sweet. Your Jon isn’t here at the moment – I’m afraid I’m what’s here instead.’

Elias, apparently disturbed by Tim’s indignant shouting, chose that moment to poke his head around the door to the tiny kitchen with a supremely disapproving expression.

`Don’t you all have work to do?’

Martin opened his mouth, but all he managed was another squeak. Tim, who had gone back to gawping, said nothing.

`Oh, and by the way, Jon – you really need to start being a little more considerate with the people who come in to give their statements. I’ve been getting more complaints.’

Then Elias paused, and looked Jonny up and down.

`And is that get-up really suitable for work?’ he sniffed.

Martin saw Jonny’s hand twitch towards the gun in his hip holster, and had a sudden moment of complete dread, but Elias had already let the door swing shut behind him.

`That’s the big boss man, then?’ Jonny asked, his grin starting up. `Isn’t he a ray of sunshine.’

He turned to Tim and Martin, his grin wide and dark. It was unsettling to see such a look on Jon’s usually sour bur harmless face.

`So,’ he said, twirling the gun in his hand, `what is it you do for fun around here?’

Martin had been summarily dispatched to the nearest off-license in order to provide his new boss with more whiskey, and Sasha caught him in the corridor on his way back to the archives, clutching the plastic bags and wincing every time they made incriminating clinking noises.

`What’s with the Jon look-a-like?’ she asked in a whisper.

`He wouldn’t say until he had more whiskey,’ Martin said dejectedly.

`Makes a bit of a change from the old Jon, though,’ Sasha said, grinning. `Even though they look exactly the same, this one somehow manages to look kind of hot.’

`Eww, Sasha.’

`What?’ she shrugged. `Everyone likes a bad boy, Martin.’

`He looks deranged,’ Martin hissed.

`Yeah, that too. Maybe it’s the crazy eyes, maybe it’s the leather, maybe it’s the eyeliner. Maybe it’s that he’s not stalking us all and watching our houses at night.’

`Jon’s having a hard time right now-‘

‘Oh, please don’t start with all that shit, Martin. I don’t know why you’re so desperate to make allowances for him – I mean, I know you bonded or whatever,’ Sasha made sarcastic air quotes around the word, `when Prentiss attacked us, but honestly, even you must be able to see that he’s going completely off his rocker.’

`I just… he means well…’

`He treats us all like shit, Martin. You can’t keep defending him if you value yourself at all.’

Martin gave a deep sigh. The bags clinked.

`To be honest, it’ll be nice having a break from Jon. And this Jonny guy sounds like he has loads of great stories.’

`Oh, I do,’ said a strange parody of Jon’s voice from behind them, making Martin jump. `And you can hear them, just as soon as I get a drink or four. Is that my whiskey?’

Martin nodded, and Jonny’s smile grew wider.

`Well then, let’s get this party started.’

It ended up being Martin, Tim, and the new weird Jon in the Head Archivist’s office, as Sasha – who had been very distant lately – had pushed off to see her new boyfriend. Elias remained completely oblivious to the change in Jon, and probably assumed they were hard at work.

Jonny poured them each a whiskey and downed almost a full bottle by himself. Then he settled back in Jon’s chair, put his feet up on the desk, and sighed.

`So, where would you like me to start?’

Tim opened his mouth, eyes wide, but Martin got there first.

`Where’s our Jon? Is he ok? Is he going to come back?’

Jonny grinned.

`Your Jon is most likely on my ship right now. No doubt my crew are… looking after him, in their own way. He’ll be back. Eventually.’

`Does he have to come back?’ Tim muttered. Martin elbowed him. `Ouch,’ he grumped. `Your elbows are really sharp.’

`Why is he on your ship? Where is your ship? Why do you look exactly the same?’

Jonny laughed, and drank some more.

`Aren’t you full of questions? I should perhaps clarify that my ship, Aurora, is a starship – and it’s not so much a question of `where’ as `when’.’

`A starship,’ Tim said, blankly.

`As for the resemblance – well, I’m only making a guess here, as I’m stuck with you and not on the Aurora – but it’s a very well-educated guess. I can only assume that when space-time tends towards infinity in universes like ours that these strange resemblances do occur simply due to statistics. And for some reason, your Jon and I have swapped places.’

`It might be something Jon touched in artefact storage,’ Martin said, biting his lip anxiously. `God knows there’s enough weirdness in there to cause something like this.’

`Why should we believe you?’ Tim asked. Jonny laughed.

`Why would I lie?’

Tim shot Martin a look. Martin shrugged.

`Good point,’ he said, taking a swig of his whiskey and resigning himself to the complete mess his life had become. `Carry on.’

Jon had for once made it back to his flat rather than just collapsing into the airbed in the archives, but it was late and he barely had time to register the dust and neglect before collapsing onto his bed and passing out.

He woke up with his face pressed to cold metal, which was ever so gently vibrating. He flung out an arm to feel around for the light switch, and the resultant crash woke him fully.

It transpired that he’d inadvertently upset a precarious pile of bottles, all empty and smelling strongly of old alcohol. They’d rolled across the floor, clanking and crashing as they did so, and Jon looked properly at his surroundings.

The small room, which had metal walls and apparently the entire contents of a bottle bank, was neither his bedroom nor the archives.

Jon looked around, blinked a few times, and really wished the bottles weren’t all empty.

It took him a while to get to the door without his walking stick, but using the wall to prop himself and sheer determination, he made it and began to hobble down the corridor beyond.

The background humming – along with the gentle vibration of the walls he clung to and the floor beneath his socked feet – made him feel faintly queasy. This was not helped by the panic rising up in his throat.

Something small, many-legged, furry, and glowing green dropped from somewhere above him. Jon screamed.

The small green thing squealed back and shot off in the opposite direction.

`For fuck’s sake, Jonny,’ someone said behind him, in a thick Russian accent. `Do you have to keep shooting them?’

Jon turned rapidly and lost his balance, only just catching himself on a nearby bit of pipe. The newcomer squinted at him from underneath a furrowed brow and a pissed expression.

`Just how drunk are you?’ she asked, incredulously.

Jon pulled his body, his dignity and his bravery up.

`Who are you, and why do you know my name?’ he demanded, his voice suitably strong, albeit a little squeaker than he might have liked. `And where the hell am I?’

The woman just stared at him.

`Jonny – just what have you been drinking?’ she asked. `Or – wait – did you eat that reconstituted spinach I left around the mess? I told you it killed an octokitten!’

Jon felt overwhelmed but pushed on. The woman was strange – hell, the whole situation was absolutely mental – but there were no flesh-eating bugs in sight, and that meant he wasn’t having a nightmare, at least.

Although if this was a fever dream, maybe he should go to the doctors when he woke up.

`I’m sorry,’ he said, snippily, `but do I know you?’

The woman just stared at him.

Another gently glowing creature dropped down from the ceiling, screamed at the sight of him, and skittered away down the corridor.

The woman sighed, deeply.

`You’re not Jonny, are you,’ she said, finally.

`My name is Jonathan Sims,’ Jon said.

`Hmm. Well, this is a strange day. I’ll get the others together – come with me, not-Jonny.’

The `others’ consisted of a motley selection of people in various strange outfits, some of whom were more metal than flesh.

Jon was feeling more and more out of his depth, and sure that his imagination was not so good as to dream this up.

`So, this isn’t Jonny?’ asked one.

`Isn’t it obvious?’ said another. `He’s clearly a completely different person.’

`Looks exactly the same to me,’ the woman Jon had met first, whose name turned out to be Nastya, said. `Even scared the octokittens away.’

`Are you kidding?’ said the one who’d introduced themselves as Ashes O’Reilly, quartermaster. None of the others had given their names. `He hasn’t shot any of us since we came in here.’

There was a chorus of agreement.

`Good point,’ said man who was more brass than skin. `Can we keep this Jonny? He seems a lot nicer than ours.’

`We should probably try and work out what happened,’ Ashes said, although they made no move to do so and looked distinctly bored by the proceedings.

Jon’s leg finally gave way on him, and he sagged, defeated, onto a nearby bench.

`Look,’ he said, head in his hands, `I don’t know who any of you are. I don’t know who this `Jonny’ is who you all know, but he’s not me. I just… I need to get back home. To the archives.’

They all looked at each other.

`This is definitely not our Jonny,’ said Nastya. `So what do we do now?’

Jonny toyed with his gun, bored out of his mind. For an archive full of creepy stories, he was disappointed in the lack of things to shoot. He supposed, if he could be bothered, he could poke about in the dreaded `Artefact storage’ the two research assistants had spoken about in such grim tones, but he didn’t think their uppity boss would appreciate him shooting up a priceless antique. Although maybe then he could shoot the boss… he hadn’t liked the look of him.

Martin – the one who seemed most upset by his supplanting the `real’ Jonathan, had talked a bit about the time they’d been overrun by flesh-eating worms, which sounded like a lot of fun – sadly, it had apparently been sorted out long before Jonny arrived.

He clicked his safety on and off, sighing. There weren’t even octokittens to terrorize. He didn’t think he’d ever actually miss the blasted creatures.

And yet here he was, pining for his ship, surrounded by dust and paper and fear. There was a story here, somewhere, but they already had a way to tell it – they didn’t need the help of the Mechanisms.

He pulled his harmonica out of his waistcoat, played a little tune. His go-to currently was the anthem of General Snow’s resistance. He felt attached to the defiant tune – he had been there just before Jack had gone down in battle, seen the kid sink his last drink.

Jack the giant killer hadn’t wanted to be made into a hero in a story he didn’t deserve, but he got made into one anyway. It made Jonny feel a little nostalgic for that bloody war, in all honestly. There hadn’t been a good war like that in a while.

The best wars were always when the two sides became mirror images to one another, in the end.

A hesitant knock snapped him out of his reminiscing. Martin poked his head around the door, his face falling almost comically.

`Oh,’ he said. `It’s you.’

`Sorry,’ Jonny grinned. `Still the wrong Jon, I’m afraid.’

Martin looked at the harmonica.

`You play that?’

`No – I keep it around for decoration. Yes, I fucking play it,’ Jonny said. `It’s something to do with my hands that isn’t shooting people.’

`Oh, good,’ said Martin, squeakily. `That’s… that’s good.’

`Anything interesting happening?’

`Not much – although Elias will probably be along soon, so you might want to… I don’t know... pretend to be more like Jon?’

`What does your Jon do all day?’

`Well, record statements, mostly.’

`On this?’ Jonny dangled the tape recorder between two of his fingers, looking at it distastefully.

`Careful!’ Martin lunged for it, knocking over a pile of statements and tripping over some dusty boxes. Empty CO2 canisters clanked around his feet. Jonny laughed.

At that moment, the ajar door opened farther, and Elias Bouchard walked into the room. He was greeted by the sight of Jonny cackling, feet still up on the desk, tape recorder still dangling from his hands, Martin on the floor and surrounded by old yellowing statements and empty fire extinguishers.

`I thought I heard you… laughing,’ Elias said, slowly. Jonny met his gaze with a violent grin.

`I tripped,’ Martin said, breathless, scrambling to his feet. `You know me, so clumsy.’ He tried for a laugh, but it sounded a little panicked.

`Hmm,’ said Elias, still locked in eye-contact with Jonny. `Well… as long as there’s not a problem.’

`Nope,’ Jonny said, still grinning.

Elias shut the door behind him.

`He knows,’ Jonny said, smile abruptly dropping as he turned to Martin.

`He knows?’

`That I’m not your Jon.’

`We all know that, though,’ Martin said, shrugging. `It’s not exactly hard to tell.’

`No – he knows. I don’t think he knows what I am, exactly, but he knows more than he’s letting on.’

`But it’s just Elias,’ Martin said, as he attempted to gather together the spilt statements. `Oh god, Jon is going to kill me – I’ve probably ruined his system…’

`To be honest,’ said Jonny, `I think he’ll be so relieved to be back that he won’t care.’

`That doesn’t sound like Jon,’ Martin said, still manically trying to make some order out of the chaos his flailing limbs had created. `He’s been struggling lately – I don’t know what this will do to him but it’s not going to be good…’

‘Well, you get on with that, then,’ Jonny said as he swung his legs to the floor, spurs clacking.

‘Where are you going?’ Martin called after him, as he swaggered to the door.

‘I’m going to look for something to shoot,’ Jonny said, winking, as he disappeared out of the office.

‘You can’t just… leave!’ Martin said, but Jonny had already gone.

#the magnus archives #The Mechanisms #tma #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonny d'ville #tim stoker #fanfiction #crossover

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ionizedyeast · 5 years

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(Oops, more de-Jonah’d Elias stuff. Calling this AU “Being Jonah’s Whale.”

He doesn’t like the look of himself whenever he stares in the mirror anymore. It’s hard to make sense that this is what his body looks like now. Decades of time were gone and stripped away. Jonah Magnus had gotten to live his entire life for him, and if anyone was justified in having a midlife crisis, it was him. As far as the ordinary administrative staff of the Magnus Institute believed, Elias Bouchard was having a breakdown. But it couldn’t be described as something quite as mundane as that. He had heard something about how people who spent extended periods of time in a coma have to learn how to adapt again. Even if it’s only a few months. Elias Bouchard was not in a coma. In fact the body was up and active and running the institute for the past twenty-two years. He was hardly qualified to do what Jonah had done to this place. All he wanted to do was return to Artefact Storage, but he had to masquerade as having himself together enough to pretend he was in charge of the Magnus Institute. At least until he could find someone who was better suited to run the place. But nothing could be easy here, now could it?

He calls himself Eli now. At least among the archive staff. They’re the only ones who know any better about him. It’s for the best. Less questions are asked and less people begin to question the integrity of the institute’s activities. How would that even look to personnel? The head of the institute has been taking new bodies to keep himself alive for the past couple hundred years? And now the head has gone and left his current body and it’s hard to tell just where he is? Well, Eli had a bit of an idea. Although he’d be damned if anyone were to find out. He stood at the edge of his bathroom sink, studying the various toiletries that Jonah had procured for his personal consumption. None of them truly suited Eli, but he was still trying to keep up the act of masquerading as Jonah, masquerading as Elias. So on went the aftershave and between his hands he slicked together some pomade that he began to comb through his hair. He’d gotten old. The last time he truly got to look in the mirror at himself, he’d been a young man. In his prime. Well, not his prime. He’d been a bit on the heavy side when he was in his twenties and he still had some residual acne scars from his teen years, but that wasn’t the point. He had once been young. Healthy. Perhaps he’d even say he was good looking. He couldn’t recall much of his face from his youth, but he could see that it had long since been replaced with the lines of age. Jonah smiled a lot; Eli had some wrinkles forming around his cheeks to indicate his constant grinning. He doesn’t like it. He’s taken to wearing glasses. Since regaining control over his body again, he’s found that he cannot see well. Through some aid from the Institute, they were able to procure some glasses for him, but no matter how much better they made his vision, everything still came off as fuzzy. Eli blinked as he slid the lenses back on to his face, adjusting to a bit more clarity. It would have to do long enough until he got to the Institute. It was strange -- although not unexpected -- but as soon as he was within the confines of those walls again, his vision came back. As if he had never lost it. Eli didn’t like looking in the mirror. It didn’t look like him. In fact, it wasn’t him. In his mind, he was still in his twenties. He was still eager and itching to go out and have a good time. To live his life. “Christ, Jonah -- you couldn’t have just kept my body and found me a new one instead so I could move on with my life?” he found himself speaking aloud to the mirror. He half expected a response. So needless to say he wasn’t surprised when he found his mouth moving and his voice box quivering as he spoke a response. “I’m afraid it doesn’t quite work that way,” Eli watched as his mouth spoke words against his will with the differing ton that he had picked up during his moments of clarity while Jonah puppeted him. It did not shock him. He was not scared. In fact, in a strange way, Jonah’s voice was almost welcome to him. “Then make it work that way.” Eli responded, lifting his hand to point at the mirror in an accusation. “At the very least, get these visions out of my mind. I have my own life to live.”

“That’s a bit of the struggle with these gifts, Elias -- I can call you Elias, can’t I? Feels a little strange to be addressing someone else by my former alias. These gifts, they don’t just go away. If they did, do you really think Jon would be as tightwound as he is? No, I must confess you’re in this for the long haul. As my former vessel, you’re going to be experiencing the residual effects of my gifts for quite a while.” There’s a pause. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. As far as my guess is worth, these powers will outlive your body by a long shot.” There’s a smile that pulls on Eli’s face as he finds himself somehow feeling as if he were within the detached state again -- Jonah was still within him. Maybe not in full. But he could feel him manipulating his brain again and his limbs. Ah. . .That couldn’t be good.

“This body is mine, Jonah.” Eli tries to refute as he finds that Jonah has taken control of his hands, combing through some of the pomade again. “You really should decide which direction you want to take this. You’re clearly frustrated, but you can’t make up your mind over what you want. You can’t simply want me to find you a younger body and grant me control again, and then insist that this body is yours to use. If you can’t stick to your convictions, I’m afraid the rest of the institute is going to find out that you’re a fraud much sooner than you intended. Now,” Jonah’s fingers hook around a lock of the greyed blonde hair and pulls it free from the rest of his styling and leaves it a little looser than the rest. “If you’re trying to at least look like me, you might want to get the hair style right, or they’re going to assume that Elias Bouchard has really let himself go.”

Eli is able to take control of his body again and goes to step away from the mirror. He must be hallucinating. He’s made a point to stop smoking as much since returning to his senses. That’s a once a week, or when the visions become exceptionally bad. But he would positively love to go to his living room to collect his pipe and silence the voice of Jonah Magnus. Jonah Magnus was still in his head. And he couldn’t get him out. Eli sits on the edge of his bed and looks at his bedroom of these possessions and belongings that were not his. This entire place belonged to Jonah Magnus. His clothes. His furniture. His bedding. His watch. His magazines. All the way down to the fiber bars in the cupboard. This place stank of Jonah Magnus and Eli saw nothing of himself in it. “How long do you think you’ll last?” he hears Jonah speak through his mouth again. “I would estimate a guess, but I’m afraid I’m rather lacking in how far I can see now, given that you still have my eyes.” Eli stands again and tries to ignore the knots within his gut. He catches his reflection in the full length mirror kept by the door for final examinations before stepping outside into the public. He feels Jonah grasp control over his body again and adjust his collar and bend down to pull the tongue of his shoes so the leather does not slide down and crease unpleasantly. “I’ll last as long as I’m able to,” Eli says as Jonah speaks through him once more. “What do you see when you stop to study yourself, Elias?”

“I see an old man whose face doesn’t suit the person inside.” he responds with a twinge of animosity. “And you know what’s funny about that? It’s because you are not the person you see anymore. You aren’t looking at yourself. You are looking at the Elias Bouchard that I created. And between you and me -- I think I’m a much better Elias Bouchard than you.” Eli does not stand around to let himself be berated by the voice in his head any further. And he opens the door, stepping into the world that knows him as another man, silencing Jonah. At least for now.

#IDK HOW TO TAG THIS AND IF I SHOULD EVEN USE THE TMA TAG #Being Jonah's Whale #elias bouchard #jonah magnus #tma spoilers

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miggydiaz · 4 years

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Tagged by @poloniumicecream!

3 Ships: Supernatural taught me that shipping is the gateway to fandom hell, so I’m not really a shipper. Um... oh, SWARKLES in HIMYM, and I completely reject the lame ass ending of that show as a result. Kastle from Daredevil/The Punisher because Deborah Ann Woll’s chemistry with Jon Bernthal was off the CHARTS. And uh... my only sort of explored in comic canon but OTP of my dreams in the Archie!Verse, Jabrina Spelljones. Bonus points if Juggie is a werewolf.

Last Song: https://youtu.be/oomCIXGzsR0  Otherwise it’s split between Every Trick in the Book by Ice Nine Kills and Folklore by Taylor Swift. In case this needs an explanation, all I can tell you is that my ascendant sign is Gemini. Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.

Last Movie: Look, I’ve been on a Cobra Kai kick for two weeks now and so no one can really blame me for putting The Karate Kid here can they? I don’t think so.

Currently Reading: The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty. Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins. And Superwomen: Gender, Power, and Representation by Carolyn Cocoa.

Currently Watching: Cobra Kai. For the third time. IN MY DEFENSE... just kidding, I have none. But I don’t really need one. See, it’s just really good, okay? Teen drama, warring factions, middle aged dudes riding that midlife crisis I’m-going-to-start-a-ska-band aka open up a karate dojo wave... it’s just great. 10/10, would recommend.

Currently consuming: A glass of water and soon a bowl of chili. It’s 54 and rainy here. Perfect chili weather.

Tagging: Obligatory YOU DON’T HAVE TO! But if you want to! @thugheadjones @captainunicornshenanigans @stillhidden

#tag game #i love doing these

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jiminphiliacx · 4 years

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It's gonna take me a minute, but I could get used to this. (DAENSA)

The Great hall was packed with people, men indulging in drunken boasting bashes and meaningless brawls, women deeply discussing the gossips of the week and the young maids huddled in a corner, pointing at young, green lads and giggling a little too often and too loudly for Sansa's tastes. She could feel them though, she had been one of them, the lifeline of the group, ogling at young dashing boys and sharing fantasies with girls of her age, it seemed like a million lifetimes ago but she could remember that time fondly, things had been easier then. Much easier.

Her blue eyes scanned the crowd with disinterest, sipping the wine slowly from the old jug, fighting the urge to gag and spit it out. It tasted similar to the one she had had at the wall , which also seemed like a thousand lifetimes ago, sitting by the hearth and sharing childhood stories with her brother. She was standing near a towering pillar which was secluded from the crowd and at the same time provided a perfect vantage point to see everything that was happening there. This is the kind of place Arya would have sought after for such huge occasions with noisy people Sansa thought fondly, her lips curving into a wry grin.

She scanned the table at the end of the hall near the fireplace, where her parents used to sit, which later Robb took over, followed by Bran and then herself and Jon. The other important lords from noble houses were seated there now, drinking and eating to their heart's content. At the other end of the table, seated in the chair closest to the fireplace was a woman, with her back facing the hall, her face hidden from her view. Her platinum blonde hair piled down, past her shoulders, her soft locks loosely braided unlike in their usual majestic fashion. Her shoulders were slouched and she was leaning towards the fireplace, like it was whispering something to her and she was listening keenly. Her body was still like a statue and the cup in her hand was filled to the brim with the piss they were all drinking.

Sansa took a huge sip and placed the jug on a random table before making her way towards the woman by the fire. She must feel lonely Sansa thought. Jon had gone south to make preparations for Dany's coronation and she knew it would take a few long weeks for everything to be in place for the occasion. Jon was the only person who had been hyped up about what lay ahead. Everyone's attention was on the white walkers, after which their attention turned south, to the hot seat of the mother of madness. After defeating her, thanks to the mother of dragons, that was all. Every threat that had come their way, they had thwarted.

This was their happily ever after. The white walkers were killed, thanks to Arya. Cersei was defeated and was executed publically after a final confrontation Sansa had had with Cersei. But it didn't feel like a celebration. There was nothing to celebrate. Noone to celebrate with.

Sansa stopped infront of Dany and hesitated for an instant before speaking. "Your Grace..?" No reaction. It was as thought she was invisible. She didn't even flinch, her eyes still fixated on the fire. Sansa waited for a few long seconds. "Dany..?" she called out, this time a bit louder, leaning closer to her. Dany pulled back with a slight jolt and turned towards Sansa. Her lilac eyes were hazy, her forehead gleaming with sweat. Her face was unusually pale and her attire was a bit loose fitting for her. She seems to have lost a few pounds Sansa thought as she smiled at Dany. "May I?" She asked, pulling up an empty chair beside Dany.

Dany took a second before smiling and nodding. It was as though she had been in a trance and her voice had snapped her out of it. Dany placed her glass on the table and straightened herself, smoothing out her attire. Sansa sat down and stared at her. The reflection of the flames from the fireplace seemed to dance on her face, her eyes gleaming like jewels amidst them. She noted that her cheeks were flushed red and so was the tip of her nose. Wait is she drunk? But her glass.. Sansa's eyes glanced at the untouched cup and then she noticed a few jugs by the fireplace near Dany's chair. Then it dawned on her, she had had one too many drinks. 4 full jugs.

"Dany..are you drunk?" Sansa asked anyways, seeking to strike a conversation with her. Dany's eyes fluttered rapidly and she gave a lop sided smile before nodding, like a mischievous child proudly admitting the mistake it had done, with a sense of accomplishment. Sansa sighed and clucked her tongue before pushing the filled glass away from Dany's reach. "Having too much fun I guess? I'm glad you're enjoying yourself" Sansa said chuckling. Dany didn't reply, her haunting violet eyes holding her gaze, her lips still curved into an amused smile.

Moments passed, and Dany didn't seem to be moving or averting her gaze. Sansa cleared her throat and adjusted herself, pushing her think auburn hair behind her ears, staring at the old, stained floor. "You're beautiful, Lady Stark..I bet I'm not the first to notice that". Sansa's breath hitched in her throat as her head sprung up to meet the other woman's gaze, her eyes wide. She opened her mouth but didn't know what to say. She was glad they were sitting by the fire, noone could tell she was blushing madly. What am I supposed to say? Thank you? She's just being nice..roll with it Sansa

"Thank you, Dany...that's a nice thing to say.." she finally said, regaining her composure. Sansa had observed Dany since the day she set foot in Winterfell. One look and even a beggar would know she was a queen. The way she carried herself, her posture, the authority in her voice, everything screamed royalty. And grace. But the woman sitting before Sansa was not the future queen of the seven kingdoms. She wasn't the mother of dragons. She seemed to be a young naive girl, one too many drinks inside her, her posture askew, her hair in disarray, her speech slurred. Everyone cannot be perfect all th time. Even the perfect Daenerys Targaryen.

"If only you loosened up a bit and were not so uptight all the time, like you had a stick up your bottom, you'd be more lovable" Dany uttered, her eyes all over Sansa. She didn't seem to care about the consequences of the words that came out of her mouth and what it meant. She seemed to be spilling the first thing that came to her mind. Thoughtless. Sansa didn't know how to reply to that, again flustered and helpless. And a tad bit taken aback. Me? Uptight? What was she saying? Sansa's mind went absolutely blank. Maybe SHE had had too many drinks too. Maybe she had been imagining things. There was no way her brother's girlfriend, her Queen would be talking to her like that.

Ironically, she grabbed the glass of drink she had put away earlier and gulped it down, all in one go. Maybe she was uptight, but could anyone blame her? She had to carry the burden of responsibilities and her family's future from a very young age and had gone through so much, and she had to be uptight and closed off to deal with the people, with monsters she had come across, not letting them see a petrified young Sansa behind the mask she wore, of Lady Stark.

Dany cooed as Sansa emptied the glass, smiling widely. "Now THAT'S more like it, Sansa. That's a step in the right direction." She said loudly. Sansa looked around cautiously, but everyone was took drunk to notice their intoxicated future Queen who was going to lead them into a better future. Dany pushed herself forward slowly and sat at the edge of the chair, placing her hand on Sansa's lap. Sansa flinched at her touch but never moved, maintaining eye contact with her.

"You know Sansa, your brother was uptight and rude when I first met him. Blabbered on about duty, honour and loyalty. Tsk tsk, so serious and boring" Dany said, rolling her eyes and trying to mimic her brother's monotonous voice and failing, miserably, which bought a smile to Sansa's lips. "And now, look at him. Off to plan a coronation for the future Queen. None of that brooding mysterious personality anymore..always looked like he was having a midlife crisis didnt he?" Dany said, frowning in disgust, pouting.Sansa couldn't help but agree, though, was she bad mouthing her own boyfriend? What was she getting at?

"If I could get someone like him to be a bit more relaxed and calm, I bet I could loosen you up too" she said, grinning from ear to ear, her eyes gleaming and the distance between them dangerously closing as ever second passed. Sansa could feel her heart thumping so hard against her chest, like a bird fluttering in a cage, fighting to break free. Was she suggesting...

It was beyond flirting at that point. It was a bare, direct invitation. It was Sansa's turn to stare and stay still, not able to recover from the shock. Say no. Walk away. Maybe she's joking. Laugh and take her hand off your lap. Her hand on my lap..so soft and warm..and so dangerously close..

But she didn't move. As every second passed, Dany's triumphant grin grew wider. She bent and took a huge jug, which was half filled, and emptied it's contents into her mouth, the drink dripping down her chiseled jaw, making it's way down her neck. Sansa's soft eyes followed the wet trail and she gulped. As Dany finished her drink, she stood up, stumbling for a second before she laughed and held the table for support. She pulled Sansa by the hand and started walking out of the Great hall.

The crowd in the vast hall did not seem to thin, the people jesting and drinking and puking, forgetting the time that passed, forgetting their duties and their responsibilities. Everyone was so preoccupied that noone noticed the Dragon Queen stumbling towards her chambers, with the lady of winterfell following her like an enchanted puppy, forgetting all honour and modesty. Winter might have passed, but someone else was definitely coming that night.

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raeofalbion · 5 years

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Honestly, though, Year One Scarecrow and Arkham Knight Scarecrow are my favourite designs for Jon.

Year One’s looks like a disgraced professor going through his goth midlife crisis—he raided Joann’s Halloween fabric sale with a 75% off coupon, got midway through fervouredly handstitching his revenge costume and was like “I guess this is my life now”.

Arkham Knight’s looks like while he was recovering from being mauled by Croc, he went on a Gothic Lit bender and, just after Phantom of The Opera and Frankenstein, he woke up in the dead of night and was like “I have ideas”.

He says he’s the “Master of Fear”, but really he’s just a disaster goth.

#Scarecrow #Jonathan Crane #AK's was also good because the voice and the needlessly sexy fear speech #someone please send me the fear speech

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mrsmarymorstan · 5 years

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So tomorrow (1st May 2019) we will learn just what it is Tim and Stephanie have been getting up to and why he is calling himself “Robin” again! Here are my Top 10 Totally Serious Theories:

1) Tim Drake of Yesterday

It turns out, that Tim Drake of Today is the Tim Drake of Tomorrow, for Tim Drake of Yesterday. So poor Baby Tim has arrived from the past to see that the future is actually all just a post crisis mess! His pregnant girlfriend isn’t pregnant at all and never was. Dick Grayson is now calling himself Ric, not even RicK but Ric. Jason Todd is ALIVE and running the Iceberg Lounge; and the latest Robin is a former assassin with a pet cow?! So he takes off to Metropolis in a new outfit to try and figure out how to get back home because this place is WEIRD.

2) Midlife Crisis

Let’s be honest here, the life span of a Superhero is always weird. Nobody seems allowed to age past 40, and if they DO then it has to be in a carefully controlled Alternative Universe. This means your “Midlife Crisis” is probably going to happen around the age of 17. And NOTHING says Midlife Crisis like wearing the outfits you did when you were 14, riding a motorbike, and trying to re-connect with your school friends you haven’t seen in nearly a decade.

3) Tim Clone

Ahhh Metropolis! Home of Superman and Lex Luther! And you know who likes clones? That’s right, Lex Luther. But he has a habit of letting them escape! So he creates a Tim Drake Clone to try and infiltrate the BatFam; but the problem is he made him too much like Tim and the little shit escaped! He was trying to escape the city, but then spotted Cassie! His downloaded memories TOLD him she they were friends and so tried for an awkward meet up. Then the city got invaded and he decided to get involved. He’s hoping Superboy will be able to help him work out all this stuff, since he is ALSO a clone. Tim Drake Prime doesn’t know what is going on, he is busy having Steph put tiny braids in his hair whilst they watch Queer Eye on Netflix.

4) Magical Disapearing Female Character

Tim and Stephanie decide to pause their road trip to go and see a Magic Show with Zatanna! Because you know, she saved their butts that one time and is pretty cool. But when she gets Stephanie on stage as a volunteer, she makes her disappear for REAL!! It happens a lot, but Zatanna assures them she’ll show up eventually. Tim’s now just trying to kill time biking around Metropolis until a writer decides they wanna include her again.

5) Finding The Perfect Gift

Tim and Steph have been studying the multiverse and as such have been reading all of Neil Gaiman’s graphic novels. Because you know, if Sandman is part of their universe then the rest of his novels are ALSO gonna be in the DCU, right??? Tim’s been reading Stardust and thinks that going to a parallel dimension to get a gift for your beloved is an EXCELLENT idea. So he tracks down a rift to Gem World with the idea of brining Stephanie back a nice shiny gem. That’s why he crashed straight into Princess Amethyst! He plans on kidnapping her using Cassie’s lasso and brining her back to earth as an engagement gift. Steph likes purple, after all, and Amethysts ARE purple. (Sort of). Tim’s read the book and so he’s PRETTY SURE that Amethyst will just turn into a giant rock when she gets there. So it’s ALL going to be FINE.

6) Zatanna Zatara on Her Way to Steal Your Girl

Whilst exploring the Multi-verse, Stephanie meets the Series One Young Justice Cartoon version of Zatanna. She realises she is SUPER GAY and dumps Tim in favour of her. To add insult to injury, in this universe it’s DICK who helps form Young Justice and NOT him! So he nicks Dick’s latest costume and returns to Earth Zero in order to brood. He can’t say the words “Young Justice” because it just ends up reminding him of how he got dumped in favour of a hot teenage magician.

7) For Shits and Giggles

Tim got bored one evening whilst studying with Steph, and decided to design a new Robin suit for Damian. He was driving to Metropolis hoping to surprise him when he was hanging out with Jon, when he saw the shit that was going down. So he decided to put on the costume himself (he’s designed it so Damian can ‘Grow Into It’ because somebody round here has to mother the kid now Dick’s gone) and do a spot of Crime Fighting.

8) Just Popping To the Shops

Tim and Steph are living together as they study all the weird cosmic shit that goes down in Metropolis. Tim decides to quickly pop to the shops to buy milk, putting on his old motorcycle jacket because Safety First! He’s completely forgotten that it contains the Robin (NOT Red Robin!) costume he designed for himself when he was 16, and thought Dick was going to take him on as a REAL Robin once he was Batman. He never got to use it though because Damian came along and took the job. He had to do some world saving though, and it was the only costume he had! Stephanie is still wondering when he’s going to get back because whilst she’s happy to eat Lucky charms out of the box, she would quite like some milk in her coffee.

9) Let’s Go Lesbians! Let’s Go!

Despite his relationship with Kate Kane, Tim Drake has real kinship with Lesbians. He’s often found himself leading a whole pack of them! The “Let’s Go Lesbians!” Skit, which became a meme, was actually written about HIM. The lure of forming a team made up of a Cowgirl Lesbian, a Baby Lesbian, a Pink Haired Lesbian and a Lesbian Demi-Goddess was too much for him. He HAD to follow the call and ended up in Metropolis. Stephanie, being bisexual, is fine with him running away to lead his squad of Lesbians. She is looking into that Queer Team she seems to have started forming in the Pre-Crisis world Brother Eye showed them. Tim is wearing the Robin suit because he’s heard that Damian is up to some immoral shit and wants to maybe give the name a bit more credibility? So when Bruce looks up the latest news stories on Robin, they’ll all be about him and his team of Lesbians saving the city, and not the secret prison full of dangerous criminals hidden under Teen Titans Tower. He’s a good brother, really.

10) It’s a Kink Thing.

Look. We all know that the Bats are into weird shit. Bruce and Selina are both furries. Dick Grayson makes out with people whilst hanging upside down from skyscrapers. Pretty much any form of Sex with Jason Todd counts as border line Necrophilia. So REALLY Tim dressing up in a replica of the Robin Costume he found on Brother Eye’s database and riding around Metropolis where he will eventually be caught by Stephanie Brown in a replica of the Batgirl costume Brother Eye showed them is PERFECTLY NORMAL AND FINE.

Zatanna helped them with the sewing, since she makes all her own costumes and supports their right to have safe and sane sex. They’re both over the age of consent, after all!

#young justice #young justice comic #tim drake #stephanie brown #dc rebirth #dc comics #B Don't Look

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women-are-visual · 6 years

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In a Concrete Tower

“I feel like everyone in this place wants to fuck me,” my boyfriend of twenty years says, leaning back in his chair. We’re on vacation in Mendocino and we’re having dinner at a fancy French restaurant. It’s in a Victorian house and the tables are tastefully decorated with white tablecloths, cut glass vases full of wildflowers, and glowing candles. My boyfriend is tall, six foot six, and his voice is bassy and loud. At 46, deep lines surround his mouth like parentheses and some grey is woven into his black hair, but he’s still very handsome. I will always think of him as the nerdy new waver who I met when I was 16 though, and, although he’s become a successful IT consultant, he’s hardly a lady’s man. There’s something wrong.

I look around the room. Our server is a conservative looking woman with her hair in a neat bun and she’s been nice to us, but of course that’s her job. At the table next to us, two white haired, sixty-something couples exclaim over their beef bourguignons. No one’s looking at us or showing any interest in us, sexual or otherwise, and I feel confused. Is my boyfriend losing his mind? I know he’s been depressed and has been having some sort of midlife crisis lately. I don’t know what to think, but I try to boost his ego. “You are pretty handsome,” I say.

We return from vacation and he writes a short story about cheating on his first girlfriend, an overweight punk rock, glam girl. He wants me to edit it and post it on his blog.

“Are you posting this story to let women know that you’re available?” I ask him.

“Of course not,” he says, “I would never cheat on you.”

But I discover texts on his phone.

“Amy D. is so hot. She would be a definite upgrade as a side chick,” he texts his friend. I feel stunned and devastated. Scott has always preached monogamy and stoicism and I know he’s never cheated on me in twenty years. I can’t believe he’s even using terms like “side chick,” we’re smart and we like to read.

I find her profile on Facebook and she’s a blond girl in her mid-twenties who works for a futurist organization he’s involved with. She looks very gendered and conservative, like the type of girl we laughed at in high school. We're too cool for this kind of person, I thought. Also, she’s twenty years younger than him, she would be our daughter’s age now if we had one, and that’s just creepy. My boyfriend isn’t a creep. When he gets home, I confront him about his texts.

“I wasn’t being serious, I was joking,” he says, “how could you think that was serious?”

“Who’s your current side chick?” I ask him.

“No one, that was a joke, I don’t really talk that way,” he says.

I ask my friend and her husband about the texts.

“Could they possibly be a joke?” I say.

“I don’t know, but don’t worry, he could never get a girl like that,” my friend’s husband says. But that’s not what I’m worried about, I’m worried that he wants a girl like that. And I’m 46, a middle-aged woman. I don’t think I look bad for my age, but I’m chubby and I was far from a model even in my youth.

I’m beside myself. Scott and I normally get along so well, but now we fight constantly and he’s never around. At night, alone in our apartment, I smoke cigarettes and drink until I vomit. When he comes home I tell him that I’m lonely, but he doesn’t care. While before he used to listen to and compliment me, now he ignores and insults me. He screams that I’m a burden and he doesn’t have the energy to care for me anymore. Eventually I can’t take the abuse and I scream back that he’s a robot dick.

I think about when we first met.

When I was 16, shortly after my family moved from the country to the suburbs of Buffalo, New York, a girl in my new high school handed me a note. It was written by two boys from another high school who had heard about me and it said, “Someday all boys will wear skirts.” It had a drawing of googly eyes and their phone numbers on it. I wasn’t going to call them, but eventually the loneliness of being in a new town sunk in and I did. They showed up at my door the following Saturday.

It was the 80s and new wave was popular. They were dressed like old men with their shirts buttoned all the way up to the top, but that’s where their similarities ended. One was short and sweaty and totally silent. The other one was tall, thin, and arrogant. He was the spokesperson for the two.

“We’re here to see the bald girl with sewer boots,” he told my mom.

I came downstairs. I was wearing a pink house dress, my head was shaved bald, and I was totally crazy looking. Scott was super tall and thin, wearing a green plaid trench coat. He had long bangs, a huge pimple in the center of his nose, and he smelled like fish from working at a fish fry restaurant. I was madly in love.

I thought we would easily be partners forever, but now things have changed. I check his emails and discover that he’s been having an affair. It was with some autistic girl from his futurist group who treated him badly and it’s over, but he’s not over it emotionally. He’s trying to heal from it by starting affairs with other women. I tell him that I forgive him and I’ve had one night stands too; I don’t care; I just want to stay together. But he goes off to visit his old friend Nancy in Phoenix. I agree that he can have sex with her ahead of time, I know I have no choice, and I think it might help him get over his bad affair, but when he comes home he acts more aloof and arrogant than ever.

In November, right after our 20th anniversary and right before my 46th birthday, my boyfriend, a person who I’ve known for two-thirds of my life, dumps me. He moves into an awful, expensive apartment in a concrete tower on the side of the highway in Emeryville. It’s right above a sewage treatment plant and it’s as cold as he’s become towards me.

It’s been a few months now and I still wonder about what happened. I know I was a shitty girlfriend in many ways, I didn’t work on my web design business enough or make a lot of money, but I also think I was a good companion to him. Then again, I always compared myself to my mom, who got drunk for a week at a time and shit the couch, so I had pretty low standards.

I’ve looked up articles on midlife crises and he seems to match the profile. On one site, the Midlife Club, it reads, “If your partner always cheated and he’s not middle-aged, then he’s just a cheater. If your partner has never cheated and he’s middle-aged, then he might be having a midlife crisis.” So in part I think that’s what this is. A lot of men go through them. They get older and lose their testosterone and it makes them miserable and scared about aging and death and worried about not having accomplished enough.

My new boyfriend, Jon, says his dad also had a midlife crisis, and he dumped their family and started a new one. It was with a worse woman than his mom, but his dad didn’t care. For whatever reason, many men abandon their families in midlife.

I tell Jon about the incident at the restaurant in Mendocino and he laughs. “No, he didn’t really say that!” He raises his eyebrows and scoffs. “So, let me get this straight,” he says, “he wrote a short story about cheating on you to let all these women know he was available and he heard crickets. So he went all the way to Phoenix to have sex with some burnt out mom?”

Then my anger disappears and I feel sad for my old boyfriend again. I hope he figures himself out and gets through this crazy time.

February 18, 2018

#midlife crisis #midlife affairs #cheating

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ossyuche · 5 years

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Brene Brown (and Evan Marc Katz) on Having a Midlife Crisis

Next confession: I’ve never read a Brene Brown book. I might have seen her original TED Talk, but it was a few years ago, so I’m not sure. I know she’s a big deal and that’s why I’m sharing this poignant article called “The Midlife Unraveling.”

It’s really insightful and speaks directly to my work as a dating and relationship coach.

All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.

I just turned 47. My wife will be 50 in a few months. Like everyone our age, it’s hard to see yourself on the other side of midlife – especially when it seems like yesterday that I was 33 and single. But, well, here I am, married over a decade, a third-grader and first-grader in my house, supporting my entire family financially, and fifteen pounds heavier than I was when I was 33.

There’s no hiding from middle-age. Only hiding from the emotional problems it presents.

Brown: “It’s a painful irony that the very things that may have kept us safe growing up ultimately get in the way of our becoming the parents, partners, and/or people that we want to be.

Maybe, like me, you are the perfect pleaser and performer, and now all of that perfection and rule following is suffocating. Or maybe you work hard to keep people at a safe distance and now the distance has turned into intolerable loneliness. There are also the folks who grew up taking care of everyone else because they had no choice. Their death is having to let go of the caretaking, and their rebirth is learning how to take care of themselves (and work through the pushback that always comes with setting new boundaries).

Whatever the issue, it seems as if we spend the first half of our lives shutting down feelings to stop the hurt, and the second half trying to open everything back up to heal the hurt.”

Brown often refers to The Universe in her writing – let’s put aside whether The Universe has a Plan for you and agree that life is going to throw a lot your way – much of it unexpected, much of it unpleasant, much of it undeserved. The only question is how you’re going to react to it: is it by continuing to hide and deny and ignore?

“After the ear-plugging and humming, the only way to maintain your denial of the midlife unraveling is to become even more perfect, more certain, and more judgmental. For these folks, allowing just one ounce of uncertainty or doubt or questioning to bubble up could cause rapid, involuntary unraveling. They can’t be wrong – their lives could spin out of control. They march through life, teeth and butt cheeks clenched, without flinching and, often, without feeling.”

We see a lot of this in the comments section – people so committed to the worldview that has led them to being single and unhappy – that when this blog challenges them, the only thing they can do is lash out at a guy who gives free dating advice on the internet.

It’s much easier than admitting that your choices and beliefs aren’t working for you.

Continues Brown: “Unfortunately, what makes midlife different from the other stages that we’ve managed to survive, is that the symptoms don’t improve over time. Choosing to numb the midlife unraveling is choosing to numb for the rest of your life.”

Women who choose to face the midlife unraveling head-on are my favorite clients – my success stories – the women who I write about in the PS of every email I send out.

If you are not content with the life you’re living and want more love in it, click here.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

The post Brene Brown (and Evan Marc Katz) on Having a Midlife Crisis appeared first on Dating Coach – Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

I May Not Be With My Long-Distance Partner for 8 More Years!

Dateonomics by Jon Birger — Book Review by Evan Marc Katz

My Long-Distance Boyfriend Has Met Someone Else but I Still Love Him. Help!

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topbeautifulwomens · 5 years

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#Faith #No #More #Biography #Photos #Wallpapers #celebritystyle #dancer #dancers #glamourmodel #hiphop #modelswanted #musicallyindia #song #soundcloud #trendy

In 1981, Bay Area California musicians Mike “Puffy” Bordin, Billy Gould, Mike Morris, and Wade Worthington formed a band called Faith No Man. A year later when Worthington was replaced by keyboardist Roddy Bottum, and Mike “The Man” Morris was ousted, the group began calling themselves Faith No More. After going through a series of singers which included Courtney Love, the band was joined by Chuck Mosely in 1983.

The same year, Jim Martin was recruited to replace guitarist Mark Bowen. A four-song demo tape checklisted in 1984 led to the band’s first real album, “We Care A Lot,” released on Mordam Records in 1985.

Within a year the band signed up with Slash Records, and in 1987 their second album, “Introduce Yourself,” was released. The subsequent tour brought Faith No More a whole lot of press in Europe, but when the tour was over the rest of the band chose to fire Mosely due to his constant drinking, limited vocal capabilities, and squabbles with bandmates.

Mike Patton, frontman of Eureka, California band Mr. Bungle, was a replacement suggested by Jim Martin, who had heard a demo tape that exhibited the long-gone death metal side of Mr. Bungle. Patton was hired in January of 1989. In two weeks he had written lyrics for the songs Faith No More was working on for their next album, and “The Real Thing” was released six months later.

The album was a critical success, and the band toured with Metallica shortly, playing in front of enormous audiences. Even so, it wasn’t until the song “Epic” was released as a single in January of 1990 that Faith No More’s popularity took off in the U.S., thanks in large part to heavy rotation of the video (which even received some negative attention for a brief scene of a fish flopping around out of water) on MTV.

Another successful video for “Falling To Pieces” followed. Members of mega-rockers Metallica and Guns N Roses named Faith No More among their favorite rock groups. The band received a Grammy nomination for Best Heavy Metal/Hard Rock performance. By the end of the year, “The Real Thing” had gone platinum in the U.S.

In 1991, following the impressive success of “The Real Thing,” Faith No More released in Britain a recording of a live show they played there, along with two previously unreleased tracks, entitled “Live At Brixton.” A video of the same performance called “You Fat B**tards” was released elsewhere. The San Francisco band was now playing large venues worldwide as the main act, their unique sound & Patton’s manic stage antics a draw for fans of all kinds of music.

With Faith No More’s fourth studio album, “Angel Dust,” Patton had far more time to compose as a complete-fledged member of the band, and Gould, Bottum, & Bordin, thanks to the success of “The Real Thing,” had more confidence in their ability to create the album they wanted to. At the same time, Martin began to become dissatisfied with the direction that their music was going, and often did not show up at scheduled rehearsals.

Gould was sometimes forced to fill-in guitar parts, and ultimately Martin did not have much input on “Angel Dust,” with the exception of the guitar-heavy “Jizzlobber.” In the summer of 1992, after the release of the album, its first single, “Midlife Crisis,” played regularly on MTV and radio. It was followed by videos for the b-side “Easy,” which was very popular in Europe, and “A Small Victory.”

The latter, though an excellent video, was almost entirely overlooked by MTV, perhaps because neither song supported the hard rock image of the band prevalent since “The Real Thing,” and MTV U.S.A. favors music that is easily categorized. Meanwhile, Faith No More was part of the biggest tour of the year, opening for rock giants Metallica and Guns N Roses. After that tour, on which they received lukewarm responses from fans of the main acts, they embarked on tours of the U.S. and Europe as headliners to smaller crowds.

In the end, there was no single on “Angel Dust that measured up to the success of “Epic,” and the album did not sell as well as “The Real Thing” had in the U.S., but it did sell enough copies to go gold. It was even more popular in Europe and Australia, outselling “The Real Thing” in Britain.

By the time the touring for “Angel Dust” was complete, the rest of the band agreed that Jim Martin was holding them back with his lack of enthusiasm for the direction their music was taking. In November of 1993 he was fired.

For 1995’s “King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime,” Mr. Bungle guitarist Trey Spruance was recruited. However, once the album was recorded, however, he left the band before touring began. The reasons given for his departure varied depending upon whom you asked; Faith No More maintained that Spruance was unwilling to commit to a long, worldwide tour.

Trey claimed that he was ready to tour, but the others decided he wasn’t right for the band, and never really made him a permanent member in the first place. Dean Menta, a former Faith No More roadie & guitarist for the band Duh, was Spruance’s replacement.

Though “King For A Day, Fool For A Lifetime” reached number one on the charts in Australia, and spawned such overseas hits as “Evidence,” the album was hardly noticed in the U.S. Videos were made for “Digging The Grave,” “Evidence,” and “Ricochet,” all songs with commercial potential, but which were virtually ignored by American MTV.

A considerably less than enthusiastic response to shows in the UK prompted the band to cancel the second portion of the European “King For A Day” tour, although band members insisted that this would provide an excellent opportunity for them to get back in the studio & start working on their next album while they were happy with their existing line-up.

Over the next two years, rumors of a breakup were rampant as several members of Faith No More spent time with various other projects. Drummer Mike Bordin toured with Ozzy Osbourne, Mike Patton toured with Mr. Bungle in support of their clean album & released two solo works, and Roddy Bottum located success with his Imperial Teen.

Once again they had to find a new guitarist. “Dean had been our guitar player and worked wonderful for the tour, but when it came to writing, we found that we worked differently,” said Bill Gould. They settled upon Jon Hudson, a friend of Gould’s and former member of Systems Collapse. The band’s sixth studio album, “Album of the Year” was released (June 1997), along with singles and videos for “Ashes To Ashes,” “Last Cup of Sorrow,” and the electronica-tinged “Stripsearch.” Successful tours of America, Europe, and Australia ensued.

In the early months of 1998, break-up rumors spread even more intensely than usual. There was speculation that the band members’ many side-projects were taking their toll, and interest in Faith No More was waning. On April 19, 1998 Bill Gould began spreading the following by e-mail and fax:

“After 15 long and fruitful years, Faith No More have decided to put an end to speculation regarding their imminent break up… by breaking up. The decision among the members is mutual, and there will be no pointing of fingers, no naming of names, other than stating, for the record, that “Puffy started it”. Furthermore, the split will now enable each member to pursue his individual project(s) unhindered. Lastly, and most importantly, the band would like to thank all of those fans and associates that have stuck with and supported the band throughout it’s history. ”

Name Faith No More Height Naionality United States Date of Birth Place of Birth San Francisco, California, United States Famous for

The post Faith No More Biography Photos Wallpapers appeared first on Beautiful Women.

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