#john: “i love you care-ee-do”

[ruinedmoonspring]

i LOVE when jovier writers have javier call john "lobito" HOWEVER. i raise you john trying to call javier cute spanish terms of endearment and fucking the pronunciation up so badly

#john: “i love you care-ee-do” #god he's so fucking stupid #javier loves losers and kisses him stupid regardless #jovier #john marston #javier escuella #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2

[brettanomycroft]

My brother in christ how was I not following you. Anyways I'm going to pretend you reblogged the character bingo because PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT MARTIN!?

I only just came back and realized I wasn't following YOU until like yesterday but now all is right and good in the universe.

Okay hoo-ee whooo boy let's talk about Martin. Fucking. Blackwood!!!

A lot of characters in The Magnus Archives are truly tragic (see: Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Sopping Wet Meow Meow Institute) - they are victims of their own Fears and pride, or are manipulated to literal Hell and back, lose or destroy the things most precious to them, succumb fully to the machinations of horrible Eldritch abominations, or just straight-up get dead.

But in my mind, Martin is one of the few characters who in not really a tragic character. Does bad stuff happen to him? Oh yeah. Does he make bad or morally questionable decisions? As the Antichrist's plus one, absolutely. Is he kind of wheedling and pathetic at times? Definitely. A manipulative little shit? 100%.

But there's very little that happens to Martin that he doesn't in some sense own. He puts himself in horrible situation after horrible situation (from willingly letting his boss force him to relive a twisted version of his own deepest trauma to agreeing to jump into a tear in the space-time continuum) with a very clear-eyed view of what he's getting into and why he's doing it. Martin sometimes gets accused by characters in the show of being foolish or bumbling or just following orders, but he makes it clear time and time again that He Understands What He's Doing. More so, it seems he really understands what he's doing without the sort of illusion of trying to maintain objectivity or trying to "do good."

That's not to say that Martin doesn't care - he cares fiercely about the people he loves and is willing to make the hard choice when it's the right one - but his gray morality (especially when it comes to himself) is part of what makes him such an appealing character to me. He knows that the choices he's making will hurt him, or are morally questionable, or may cause a bigger problem down the line. He also knows that at the end of the day, he's still going to make those choices. I think ultimately that's what lets him support and push John in the final season: Martin has few doubts about the path he's taken to get to this point, and so he's able to shoulder some of the shock and trauma John is rocked with when it hits him that he's at the catalyst for a literal apocalypse and spirals into unknowable "What ifs."

OF COURSE A LOT OF THE REASON MARTIN IS ABLE TO DO THIS IS BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME HE HAS LITTLE SENSE OF SELF-WORTH OR VALUE WHICH IS WHY INTO THE SALAD SPINNER HE GOES!!

Anyway, as someone who is a recovering people pleaser and is same hat when it comes to "Mommy issues" and "writing mediocre poetry," I really resonate with Martin's character in a lot of ways and think he's a lot of fun to write. Martin has a lot of nuance in his ability to seem unthreatening, using it to fly under the radar and still get what he wants (and in the end! He gets what he wants!!). I've read about people pleasing as a form of manipulation and, yeah, that's Marto to a T. But he's still also a soft and loving boy even as he advocates for his monster boyfriend to kill their enemies.

Personality aside, Martin is a canon Big Guy and there is something about trekking through the apocalypse with a guy who is big and tall enough to wrap me up in him that just makes me 😳😳😳😳 Like same, John, same. Some of my favorite Martin fics/Fanart feature situations where he's like a strapping farmer or breaks a zip tie with his bicep or just hauls people around and I am looking *so* respectfully.

#Sturionic #tma podcast #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #Ask #Character bingo

[tweedledumandtweedlebum]

Could be reaching but…

Didn’t one of the articles quote from an inside source that Max was leaving indefinitely? Indefinitely meaning for an unspecified amount of time. Could be slightly Linda Henryesque where he will be coming back but they just don’t know when yet. I’d they did axe him because of his mh, behaviour, whatever (I really don’t like to speculate) they could be giving him time to ‘sort himself out’ before returning?

I haven't got the foggiest idea, darling. I don't like to speculate either, but I just can't help it after all that's happened. I, too, would like to believe that this is a twisted way to give Max an extended leave, but I very much doubt it for two main reasons:

1 - the way EE handled the news was disgusting, what with them blaming it all on Max and his behaviour OFF SET (when other actors are still employed after much worse offences). If the break were consensual and the plan was for him to return at some point, I'm quite sure the PR team would have come up with a less hurtful explanation (I know, it was The Sun, but I'm convinced they were fed by somebody inside EE with CC's permission). So... no, I reckon this isn't them being nice to Max giving him time to sort himself out. He isn't coming back (*cries like a baby*).

2 - Ben and Callum have had an incredibile growth both individually and as a couple. They are in a good place right now, meaning soap producers and writers simply don't know what to do with them plot-wise. The depiction of the rest of their life together I have described in a previous post can't happen in a soap IMHO, because - let's be honest - we're not talking about Dickens here, those writers don't have the skills or the time to write them in a way that is wholesome, true to character AND interesting for the general audience. It's always about the drama - violence, dirty secrets, cheating, crime, fighting, teenage pregnancies, conspiracies... the unhealthier the better. The only unhealthy thing in Ballum's life at the moment is Jay with PR. Callum and Ben are learning how to deal with their issues instead of reacting impulsively and their connection is the strongest it's ever been. See? Nothing juicy to narrate here...

You know, after the rape, it was clear they were planning a "reset" for Ben, and I was thrilled to see where it was going. I was silly enough to think it would be something entertaining and educational to watch at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved bad boy Ben Mitchell, he is a splendid specimen of Byronic hero. I was just curious to find out how they would shape a reformed, healing troubled soul. Max would have rocked that as usual. How naive of me!

So, in my head, the meeting went like this. The bosses discussed the future of Ben with Max, informing him that Ballum would take seveal steps back, with either him or possibly Callum cheating, or Ben going back to being an unreliable dad to Lexi, or resorting to crime again, or some other nonsense utterly inconsistent with their recent development. Max protested just like John Krasinski did when "The Office" producers wanted Jim to cheat on Pam (which he would never do) because Max cares about Ballum. And the rest is history.

I am ROMANTICISING this, obviously. We'll never know what actually happened. But you'll see a devastating, hastily written exit story soon enough.

I won't be there.

#ballum #ben mitchell #callum highway #eastenders #ben x callum #max bowden #tony clay #lexi pearce

[lifeluvrr]

OUTER BANKS SEASON THREE SPOILERS!!!!!!

You Have Been Warned.

also pls leave your opinions cus im curious.

i am quite literally just not a fan of this season 😭😭 it felt almost completely different from the first two seasons. i didn’t like how the group didn’t seem to get many scenes together, it was always like jj and kiara scene, cleo and pope scene, and then john b and sarah scene. the groups were so separated to me and i despised it!!! the group dynamic?? just felt all weird idk maybe that’s just me! it just felt like strangers things s4 and the way they had the california group, hawkins group, and russia group.

i am Happy I Guess for jiara shippers but i couldn’t stand whatever angst thing they had going on throughout the season. Again, that could just be me cus i ain’t a jiara stan to begin with.

i didn’t quite care for the carlos singh. for lack of a better word, i thought he was unnecessary. he was kinda just there for me idk

I think rafe’s “love interest” was out of nowhere. i didn’t really care for her and i guess she was there specifically to knock some sense into rafe for that One Thing but other than that, she seemed random.

i hated sarah cheating on john b. it wasn’t out of character i guess?? no offense sarah i love u with my whole body. i just didn’t like it.

jj way just not jayjaying this season for me. Still love him to death. OH AND IDK WHY THEY WROTE EVERYONE RANDOMLY STARTING TO CALL HIM JAYJ?? Like im sure they didn’t it a couple of times it the other seasons but man this season like everytime they were speaking to him, they were saying jayj

topper burning down the chateau. Boooooooo thumbs down.

I genuinely feel like they didn’t know what else to do with limbrey cus her ending was like a bit eh yk

i think the last few episodes did feel like the other seasons, like when john b and jj were together. i wish there was more jj and pope cus there was like absolutely none this season. i wish there was more kie and john b. i wish there was more kie and pope. BASICALLY like what i said in the first paragraph.

ANYWAY THINGS I DID LIKE!!!

I LOVE CLEO AND POPE they mean the world to me. I love how heyward and mama heyward are with cleo and how they were willing to give her a place to stay. i love cleo talking pope out of shooting rafe. i love their no love club. AND THEIR KISS!!! UGH!!! i would dee eye ee for them.

john b and sarah felt the same Minus the cheating. i know they r soooo cheesy but i am a sucker for it idc!

i loovvveeeddd kie this season like she wasn’t that different but something Was different i can’t put my finger on it.

SARAH GETTING HER OWN EPISODES <33333 they were a bit cheesy with the “my heart chooses which side im on” “idk who i am, pogue or kook” but to be fair, she has been through a lot so i can understand the identify crisis or whatever!

ward and his flashbacks of sarah got me. i Know he cares for sarah like a lot. OH AND THEN THE LIKE PARALLEL!! ward being like “you won’t shoot me” (i can’t remember exactly what he said obviously) and rafe hesitating but with sarah she didn’t even hesitate. i was like jaw dropped cus i already knew sarah ain’t like her father too much anymore after s2 but idk that really solidified it with me. And how much rafe genuinely cares for his father.

#repost cus tumblr being weird #outerbanks #outer banks #john b routledge #pope heyward #jj maybank #kiara carrera #sarah cameron #cleo outer banks #rafe cameron #topper thorton #outer banks season 3 spoilers

[blnk338]

Glitter Anon here. Can we learn more about the 831? Like: What kind of shenanigans would they get into? Who was baby? Their yearbook labels? Just fun things.

[I am using Nadya's name in place of Reaper's!] (Said is pronounced as Sai-ee-d)

Task Force 831, better known as Team 831 or the 831, was a group of American Special Forces soldiers led by Captain Phillip Graves. Active for roughly five years before the unfortunate death, injury, and disappearance of them, the squad handled sensitive and dangerous operations outside of the United States, mainly in the countries of Adal and Urzikstan, with minor missions within other west Asian, Eurasian, South American, and European countries.

Captain Graves enlisted several decorated forces to serve under him in the force. Lieutenant Rose Achebe, Lieutenant Marisha Gallagher, Sergeant Tahoma Johns, Sergeant Isabella Okazaki, and newly promoted sergeants Angeline Navarro, Rodrigo Cassidy, and Nadezhda Said.

Other teams and staff largely regarded them as never being anywhere without another-- the task force were at each other's hips all the time; eating together, training together, etc. Often on breaks, they'd spend plenty of time at Graves' house in Austin for get together, weekend trips, BBQs, you name it!

Rigo was largely labeled as everyone's little brother or the baby of the team. He never seemed to mind it and actually, maybe even enjoyed the pampering and babying from his friends. Rigo's callsign used to be "Teddy" considering how soft the 831 was on the guy (he's largely just called by "Rigo" now). He was obviously deemed "Class Clown" in his senior year's yearbook!

Nadya, Nads, Nadder-- the firecracker of the 831. Previously deemed [callsign recall failed, reboot system and try again later], a title well-earned for her strength in the field, she was the life of the motherfuckin' party. She was always on booze for the 831 parties and always knew the best places to get food. Smiling from ear to ear constantly, those outside of the 831 hardly saw her without the blinding grin. Known in high school as "The Emo Kid."

Angeline, Angel, Angelina-- the gentle giant of the team. Towering over plenty of the other sergeants, her 6'2 stature often scared the living shit out of those on the battlefield. Callsign "Maverick," she'd sweep through buildings in minutes, wiping out anyone who stood between her and her team. ...But she was also the 831's beauty specialist. Gentle, steady hands could do the finest eyeliner and best contouring you could ever see. Though she was quiet, the affection she had for her team was obvious-- this loving, caring woman spent her breaks from the military fostering kittens. Voted most likely to go into professional sports because of her height in high school.

Izzie was the team's gym junkie. Christ on a cracker, this girl never drank alcohol, never (sometimes) went to be late, never touched anything that could've even been deemed unhealthy (think of her as the ultimate health nerd)-- and she did what she could to keep the others on the same path. Izzie "Legs" Okazaki could power through a hot battlefield and make it out the other side like she was Secretariat, corralling the rest of the team into safe positions while she laid down cover fire. Was Prom Queen her senior year!

Homa, Johnny-- he was definitely the heart of the team. A bit of a worry wart, the firearm specialist had a heart of gold amongst the blood and guts of the field. "Birdie" had an eye out for his team at all times, firing a shot into the head of anyone who stepped too close to his armored companions. It was impossible not to like him, but damn... did he love a little gossip. This boy was pretty and popular, winning Prom King in his junior AND senior years of high school.

Mari was a bit skittish in her years as a lieutenant. Sure, she was strong, commanding, but she held a secret insecurity that was chipped away at by the support of her captain. Graves knew she had some doubts, so he did everything he could to encourage the woman, turning Marisha into the headstrong Lt. "Textbook" Gallagher for her strict regiment toward the rules and precise knowledge of military action and code. Luckily, she's largely been called "Gallagher," or "Galla," since her time as a Captain. She was captain of the Mathletes in her middle and high school years.

Rose, Rosie-- aptly given the callsign "Thorn," was probably the most lax lieutenant you could have. Pretty much owned the phrase "if I didn't see it, I don't care." With that being said, she was well respected because of her hands-off style of leadership. She was held as a responsible guide, letting the lower ranks fuck around and find out, then teaching them how to not do it again. Loved by many, the woman made sure to keep the anxious members of the 831 as chill as possible. Oddly enough, she was voted for "Teacher's Pet" in her yearbook!

Finally, Phillip Graves, the kind-hearted Captain of the 831. He collected them with the hopes to turn them into a strong, powerful team, and boy, was he not disappointed. He cared for each of them like his own children (since his actual kids ended up being taken in the divorce), making sure they always came back in one piece. It's a wonder as to why he didn't cry when he found out their helo had crashed in an untrackable location.

#rwys asks #asks #rwys 831 #tf 831 #team 831 #rwys achebe #rwys rigo #rwys nadya #rwys reaper #rwys okazaki #rwys tahoma #ryw gallagher #rwys graves #rwys navarro #ryws cassidy

[hatedmemory]

The Synchronity of the womb and your infinity slanderous lie worfhy glory and honor!

Fourth rough draft :

Only so knew theory defines dumb past and future structure defining arrangement in question Black Tony him asking me to give oral sex and me afterward leaving with Erica where I had to go back to Ercia having lost my wallet and Erica taking me to Arzonia lving near Tom condo that set up before hand having left to Utah only to be with my perfeences kind of yet they disappear or set up wrong to me my reason for having alcohol and smoking cigarettes then Gothic robes with Owen and Tony Owen room mate brought me to salt lake city and left with my perfeence to which we return to Arzonia near Tom condo that gradma took me away from upon my request as I couldn't get away soon enough only to have my wife beg me to marry her over and over to her impossible rage to which I end up at Tom's place snd grandparents kind of know of my return unsurprisingly to me and then I return no longer able to tolerate what I care not for when my wife has two abortions one for me and another version of me when I was lost at two and half and for what causing it to happen in the womb and me also forced to suffer that at five so that is once in the womb plus one or two possible Slanderous wonders why? Because in the womb when I lost mother at two and half and when I did what I would not wish getting dick bitten when I was 5 year old.

So "0 years", "2.5 years", "5 years", so it is just male fetus I took advantage of or also my 2.5 year old who lost his mother because of me, and I as two half year old average my lost mother biting my own dick when I was 5 years old, so blaming the fetus at different times can each be given different names Chris AkA Tefer but that is not a toilet named john when "7.5 years" old peeing in water sports as it felt like I got bitten while peeing in it as father run in and witness slanderous my wrong of having done so!

Some slander me as 5 year old Tony in rio lina when i lost mother at two amd half and so bite a dick of Tony who twice my age in rio linda because 8 year old verison of me can not Confebulate what I know contrary and just like adult wrong myself again because biting my dick in love to do that shit baby say liars every where because I am vengence who umis time traveler vigilant to punish my own dick for slaying my mother in the womb bioglocumifal guity to have stolen her resources it is not a social crime ee buy up resources so the poor die unable to afford a home because it is Biologically sharing problem snd not a social crime like you using too many resourses murdering the poor because you are not a fetus when you stole then resources to commfit murder of the poor who could not affiord them because i habmve seen the nazi concentration camps, will you leave them to die execute truly because I could not witness the bloodshed so I took the look trail of tears the wicked natives die on because tou made them limp so you could slander them weak and helpless and worthy death how could you treat the poor like they were wicked Jew unworthy life why be jealous of those who desired not to be owned by physical property and enslaved to your lie of storage shed farms where they harvest losses and greater economic woe because the poor can not escape the Concentration camps unable to even afford a shed to live in shame on you who hate the poor equal to your hatred of the Jew ✡️ because Your equality of the hatred wrong of us for all you could hate how could you!

because it take two and half years for that to happen, biological having taken her resources unfairly for my own greedy way of my body first then a mommy die for it later see here see it that right!

Gay trap Smith program of my nineteenth year of me the king of engagement 💍 beggery like a donut peddlers we had to get rid of two clients titled donut peddlers and so a cops investigation 🔎 story I can do because I don't need permission from a judge to trustpass not when you thought so because one speaks but they accusing me of disloyalty I felt bad and did wish to be caught with them but if anyone said leave I would go because it wrongest to fight over what ain't mine, because every fight over that I am like whatever it is not worth fighting in a mushpit to be made bloody victory with fewer teeth as look I don't need to be beautiful to fight over property like bitches do, because I am man enough without property but I need a fig leaf for my tiny dick because oak wronged it and my cell phone for a wallet and a walker and cane so I can travel a whole mile a day that even Oregon trailer survivers would sp impossible he make it but whatever i am better than your Oxes!

So anyway she was begger to marry me for more than one reason she kept wanting me to agree slightly better than am Asian Saya maybe so that she could rage at me with black Tony the Dog and white Tom the Cat is my guess becuase slander honors me to keep my word outside my perfeence volunteering for undesirable shame and I couldn't go back on my word because I didn't know why I was doing it, because refusing to go back on my word proved why I liked being injured asshole from a lady becuase she is a lady that is my perfeence because a mutual gross hetro sexual blow job is more shameful than an injury to my asshole could know justice. Because having chosen to ask the only lady I could ask always beat the idea I would ask homo gross If she not there because you see I was never given any lady option so impossible I wish to leave my wife who abuse my asshole without complaint because why should I suffer homo blow job of mutual wrong to us some other dude victim of evil too? Hence people asked me why I suffered to stay because they did not give me reason to leave by telling me why I suffer lesser evil at home as ideal because greater evil is worse but seeing I did not choose either when I went to hospital and told them I smoked cigarettes I was cured of lesser evil or greater evil truth or dare consequences but back then I was at peace and did not know if it would randomly happen again and so I stayed until my baby sister and Bill dumm picked me up in his truck because I wished to see father before he dies and my wife said I could not come back so be it, I had to see my father as I loved him more than anyone but it has to be unrequited Unconditional Indivisible brave love and not weak love like a turd flushed wrong down aa toilet might think me Jesus who save it to be flushed wrong into heaven, because I did not know if a turd had constitutional rights or not? You know?

I blamed my fetus in my mother womb and then later on two strangers meet I was five years old and other about half that but I had no wish to do anything so it was a debt for what I later spoke of the womb because I was two half when mother died so that represent the debt biological in the womb a total stranger with me unwilling saying no before it happen still you include my own fetus as a debt owned and then one my age when my mother died but these two are. The same having no will social to do so with a five and two and half tighter nevef knowing each other before nor after to which you try to pretend that happen before david friendships before vat murders iwith possible ceoss bows bows but I guess you found it thst was a lie and so don't kill another kid with your lie because why be such a lair don't lie about Tony because black Tony is my wife friend I met gay Tony and Erica at Salt Lake city Utah but before that both was white gay Tom at Phoenix Arzonia because Gradma picked me up and took me to mother grave then drop me off in utah where Ercia and I went back to Arzonia after meeting in sakt Lake because i was with gay black tony who gave me a blow job wrong to me but whatever you fuck me worse without my promission so why care? Anyway I was with Tom too but I couldn't tolerate that outside my perfeence just to teach you what is lawfu gay action is because my employera are unlawfully giving me gay orders trying to prostitute me as young men around unlawful so go fuck yourselves for punishing young men around attempting to injury me over.and over and prostitute me with my tempt agency that young man you kept bothering me as if I am burden who showed out side my perfeence how to not do anything illegal when practicing gay conduct outside your preference but at least it is not the sick crimes you kept demanding of me while I was working having just turned nineteen. You goddamn evil freaks burn in hell where you belong why abuse ms and treat me with more abuse now drop dead and die already fascists fucks, i am done with you! So why was ai fearful of your Slanderous lies guity fascists! Because everyone knew about it and talked about that very nothing many times with my wife and many others, so what? Why fuck with me?

I blamed my fetus and then later on two strangers meet I was five and half that but I had no wish to do anything my so it was a debt for what I later spoke of the womb because I was two half when mother died so that represent the debt biological in the womb a total stranger with me unwilling saying no before it happen still you include my own fetus as a debt owned and then one my age when my mother died but these two are. The same having no will social to do so with a five and two and half tighter nevef knowing each other before nor after to which you try to pretend year later did the same thing as father run in bathroom becuaee my theory spirit of dead baby is not funny to anyone becuaee i had that same pain in my dick while peeing and father watch me peeing slandering water sports of an older brother tragic so rushed to Proctologists , for they fuck up my dick further for something that has worked fine for years stupid fucks but I guess you found it was a lie and so don't kill another kid with your lie because why be such a lair don't lie about Tony because black Tony my wife friend or white Tom i don't have a problem with them so go fuck yourselves for pushing a young man attempting to injury him over.and over and prostitute him with his tempt agency that young man you kept bothering him as if a Borden who was me who showed out side mh perfeence how to not do anything illegal when practicing gay conduct outside tour perfeence but at least it is not the sick crimes you kept demanding of me while I was working having just turned nineteen. You goddamn evil freaks burn in hell where you belong why abuse ms and treat me with more abuse now drop dead and die already fascists fucks, i am done with you! So why was ai fearful of your Slanderous lies guity fascists! Because everyone knew about it and talked about that very nothing many times with my wife and many others, so what? Why fuck with me Because my wife told me. Never talk about Tom because you know it was not perfeence I did perfer to work but the fascist kept ordering me to injury myself so that I could.get paid for the Prostitution and I quit and I left because I didn't want to be a burden and I get with a gay Tom because my goodness, at least its lawful he put me to shame and degraded me because you just wouldn't let me be a man being such a young man indeed but look I forget nothing because why should I care what a fascist do to in future worse because you do far worse evil so what you had Tom in on it stupid so what I felt sorry for him. Before leaving my wife I stopped asking for it because nope I hate a fascist who programed me to do so with the Smith program fascist freaks because gross during and gross after it better I am asking to get injured by my wife so u get stuck there near the end of lving with my wife i stop asking for it so it never happens again so I never suffer thr evil of a dude outside my perfeence fuck you, and only slightly with couple ladies because I say no not that I can and during first inheritance I was suffered horrible so slept with Holly and one blow job with another lady i didn't really care for it on first inheritance of my mother and one blow job on second inheritance with Holly and never again because I can't afford relationship. Anyway, I don't like rejecting ladies, so don't ask me because I will do so anyway.

[annieintheaair]

There's a million chances for mistakes, that we both can't promise not to make. There's a million doubts that you might have, but is a spark enough to not hold back?

We can spend so much time making all of the plans but the truth is, the only plan is God's plan.

I was going to go to church at 5pm tonight, as we had planned, but then switched to the 3:30pm service and then eventually settled on the 2pm service. My new therapist, Jose, had told me to invite Todd to church tonight, despite everything, and see if he would show up. Not only was I 99.9% sure that he wouldn't show up for the 5pm service but I also didn't care if he showed up or not. Of course, it's not that I don't want people going to church but I didn't care about him being there for me anymore. I went to the 2pm service because I wanted to be there.

I honestly debated all morning if I was going to go at all and eventually realized that I needed to go because the experience on TV just isn't the same. I hated the drive because it's so long but when I finally got close to church, I felt a lot of relief and was happy when I finally got out of my car and walked into church.

Listening to Pastor John talk today, I knew for sure that God encouraged me to go for a reason. He knew I needed to be there. Pastor John talked about the questions we have, like why do bad things happen to good people and why does God allow suffering? He talked about sin and forgiveness and all of it just made me cry but I had to contain myself because I didn't have any tissues with me. It was the perfect message for me to hear. I wish Todd could have been there to hear it, too.

After church, I ran into a few of my friends that I serve with at Students and it was so good to see them and it felt nice to be hugged. I was relieved that no one asked me where Todd was because I wouldn't have wanted to talk about it anyway.

When I left church, I went to check out a house for rent. I didn't know when I inquired about it but it was around the corner from the house that was for sale that Todd and I looked at a few months ago and said was our dream house. The floorplan of the house looked almost identical to the one we had seen and when I left the neighborhood, I passed the house we loved.

My long drive home felt like a trip down memory lane, not of the bad memories but some of the best ones. Seeing the house and driving around that area made me think about the future that we had envisioned for ourselves and the goals that we had together. I drove out towards Denton and recognized some roads we had driven on early in our relationship.

I made a detour to stop for brisket tacos at Marty B's. I debated eating there alone or ordering and grabbing a drink at the bar while I waited but instead, I ordered my food, waited for it, and then left. I haven't been in the mood to drink alcohol all week (my last drink was at the nail salon before our fight). I stopped at the coffee shop, too, and picked up an energy drink for the rest of my ride home.

About 30 minutes from my house, I approached the outlet mall where we had gone just two weeks ago. I passed Buc-ee's where we stopped for candy, and the restaurant where we had lunch. I thought about how we had gone to the movies and we wanted to spend more time together so he stayed another night even though it was a Sunday night and he had to work the next morning.

Years ago, I remember hearing something about parallel universes (multiverses). The Many-Worlds Theory basically says that for every possible outcome, another universe is formed. For all of the decisions that we make, we could have made a different choice. In some other universe, Todd and I had a happy ending, just like in another universe, Dan never died.

As I drove (I drove at least 200 miles today so I had a lot of time to think), I thought more about the church service and I was listening to some songs that pulled at my heartstrings. Just like the questions that Pastor John mentioned in church, I wondered why we hurt each other. I heard once, "Hurt people, hurt people." Aren't we all hurting in some way or another? Why do we hurt each other? Isn't there enough hurt and pain in this world that's beyond our control? Why do we have to add additional hurt?

I thought about this week and this weekend in particular, how I had it all planned out and it turned out to look nothing like what had been planned. It felt like it was going to be a great weekend and there were so many things in the coming weeks and months that we (or maybe just I) were looking forward to. I know I need to trust God's plan but it's hard when I'm really hurting. I just wonder sometimes why I have to hurt so much and when and if the hurt will ever end.

In some ways, I wish I could rewind time to last week before everything fell apart so that I could make other choices and keep all of the future plans that we had. Even if I could rewind time though, if this was God's plan, then this all would have happened anyway and there is nothing I could have done or said to change any of that.

I do wish that we could have talked before it went so far to end with so much hurt. I truly believe that it would have all turned out a lot differently if instead of going silent in the car on the way back to his apartment he had chosen to talk to me. I fell for him in the first place because of his long messages and it seemed like he was great at communicating in the beginning, only to later realize that he would shut me out whenever he was mad about something. In the end, all I wanted was to meet up and talk in person and end on better terms if that was the inevitable.

Thinking about Jesus, who loves us no matter what, forgives us no matter what we've done, and never leaves us, I just wish that people could do the same. I feel like I was able to forgive Todd for the things he did to me to hurt me, including three weeks ago when I slept at my old neighbor's house because he wouldn't let me inside his apartment and his mom told me to sleep in my car or drive an hour home drunk. I even tried to forgive his mom and thought I'd manage to have brunch tomorrow even though I was still hurt and upset about it since she wasn't even sorry for suggesting those things to me.

The Bible teaches us to forgive others in order to be forgiven by God for our own wrongdoings. I know I try my best to follow Jesus but sometimes fall short. I think that's part of being human. We are not perfect people. I wish Todd could have forgiven me for the things that I did that unintentionally hurt him. I don't know if his intent was to hurt me or if he was hurting me because he was hurt. I know that my actions last weekend came from a place of hurt and it all spiraled into so much more hurt. What hurts the most is knowing that the person I loved felt the need to hurt me back, to shatter my heart into a million pieces. At what point do we learn to stop hurting each other?

I know I'll never be able to change the past and God's plan is always so much better than my own but I just can't stop feeling so awful about my own mistakes and Todd's lack of forgiveness and willingness to try to fix things. I really do want to be with someone who means it when they say they love me and who will do anything and everything to make it work. Now, I just wonder, when will I start to feel better about all of this even without his forgiveness?

xoxo

Annie

[teddy06writes]

Can I request a Sapnap x Karl x Quakity x Y/N ? I just like polyam ships and your Sapnap x Karl x Y/n just made me want more

Ee hee, thanks for the request

Sapnap x karl x reader x quackity (THE PEOPLE ARE ENABLING MEEEE)

trigger warnings: swearing, panic attack

premise: you and your boyfriends are out shopping/ trying to get kicked out of a target when you run into your asshole ex, when he starts to bother you your boys take care of it

(y/n/n)- your nick name

(also we’re pretending covid isn’t a thing)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“(y/n)! We are gods!”  

You turned at Alex’s call, snorting upon seeing he and Karl T posing while standing in the target cart, Nick balanced on the front, also t posing.

You laughed at your boyfriends, quickly taking a picture before Karl started to wobble and fall, “You guys are ridiculous.”

“Yup!” Karl grinned as Alex helped him out of the cart to avoid falling.

You shook your head, quietly putting the picture onto your twitter with the caption, ‘look at these nerds <3′

“You guys are gonna die from idiocy some day.”

“Not when your there to save us.” Nick countered, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“If anything they’ll get dragged down with us.” Alex scoffed.

“Tragically,” You muttered, “Did we actually come here to do anything but solicit?”

Karl giggled, “Well I thought we were just terrorizing the people of Target.”

“The only thing we actually needed was more notecards.” Nick reminded helpfully.

You smiled, “At least one of you is useful.”

“Hey!” Alex protested, “We’re useful too!”

“Sometimes.”  Karl giggled again.

“Betrayal!” He gasped dramatically as Karl threw his arms around his shoulders.

You rolled your eyes, “Well, if your useful too then, help me find notecards.”

Alex sighed dramatically, grabbing one your your hands and intertwining your fingers, “If we must.”

Karl grinned, hopping back to sit in the cart, “Lets go then!”

Nick rolled his eyes, muttering something about being ridiculous, before moving to the push the cart, you and Alex moving along beside them.

~~

A half hour later found many random unnecessary but still necessary items piled into the cart around Karl, and note cards had still not been found.

You were hallway through the seasonal section when you sighed, “Alright this is taking too long, I’m going to actually get the note cards, I think they’re just down there, try not to break anything.”

Karl chuckled, “No promises.”

You smiled and headed out of the isle, towards office supplies.

“Well, well, well, (y/n), fancy seeing you here.”

You froze in the middle of grabbing the biggest package of notecards, trying to keep your hand still as you turned, “John,,, uh hi?”

Now, John wasn’t the worst person, no your relationship wasn’t necessarily bad, but towards the end it definitely took a turn for the worse. When you’d first brought up breaking things off he was, less than thrilled, leaving the last few weeks of your relationship a battle field of screaming matches that consisted of little more than his yells.

“It’s been a while.” He smiled.

“Uhh, yeah, it has been.” You began to fidget with your fingers, eyes darting back up the isle towards where you’d left Nick, Alex and Karl.

“Let me guess, still single?” He laughed, “Yeah it would make sense, I’ve only pulled like one person since you.”

You glanced down, “Uhh, no actually.”

John frowned, letting acid drip into his voice, “Oh, I guess the were right when they said you always moved on fast.”

“It- it- it- it’s been a year and a half?” Your attempts to keep your voce steady began to fail, “And, I’ve only been dating one of them for a few months.”

-It was true, Alex had been the last one to join your relationship a few months ago-

His eyes narrowed, “You’re not telling me you’re still on the stupid polyamory thing are you?”

You cleared your throat uncertainly, “um, y- yeah, I have three boyfriends.”

He rolled his eyes, “There's no chance you’d ever fucking pull three people. Hell you barley even managed me.”

Your gaze stayed trained on the tile floor, unspeaking.

“It’s clear you haven’t moved past fucking your way into a relationship.”

You bit your lip, tears welling in your eyes as your breathing quickened, deep down you knew it wasn’t true, as a group you all respected Karl’s asexuality, even once, over some late night conversation of cuddles and lazily traded kisses, going so far as to promise that the relationship would remain entirely romantic if it made him more comfortable, and it had.

Still, there was a nagging in the back of your head, telling you that John was right. There obviously was only one reason they kept  you around.

“That really is a shame,” You felt his hand rest on your shoulder, “I know I would stay with you for more than that.”

“Get your fucking hand off of them or I will rip your arm off and beat you to death with it!”

You were simultaneously relieved and flooded with more anxiety upon hearing Nick’s voice.

“Who are you?” John asked skeptically.

“Their boyfriends, who the fuck are you?” Alex spit.

He laughed, dry and harsh, “So you’re the fucking idols who thought you could get away with dating (y/n), not that I care their very-”

“No, you shut the fuck up!” Nick cut him off before he could say anything else advancing up the isle towards him, “Why the fuck are you bothering them?!”

They continued a back and forth exchange, as you slowly slid down to the floor, nails pressing tightly into your palms, breathing far too fast.

“Hey, hey, (y/n/n), (y/n/n) look at me.”

You opened eyes that you didn’t realize had been screwed shut to see Karl kneeling sitting In front of you, looking worried.

“Can I touch you or no darlin?” He asked softly, almost making you forget the yelling happening only a few feet away.

You bit your lip, quickly shaking your head, the tiny seed of doubt John had planted in your mind starting to grow.

“Okay, that’s fine. Can you breath with me? In for seven, hold for 4 out for 8, yeah?”

After a moment of trying to breath in sync with him, you held out a hand, and understanding Karl took it, moving to pull you into his arms, “In for 7, out for 8, just like me alright?”

You all but melted into his touch, doing your best to breath normally again.

“Get the fuck outta here man!” Alex yelled.

“You’re gonna regret this.” John sneered.

“No,” Nick said firmly, “Your gonna regret messing with our partner if you don’t fucking leave.”

After you heard footsteps hurrying away you felt Alex settle on your other side, “You alright baby?”

“Their starting to breath normally again.” Karl reported, running a hand through your hair.

Nick sat down on Karl’s other side, and you all stayed sat on the floor of the offices supply isle, Alex sending death glares to anyone who tried to ask you to move.

Eventually you sat up, sniffing.

“Who was that?” Nick asked softly.

“My ex.” You murmured.

“Why was he bothering you? What did he say?”

“Stupid stuff,” You muttered, rubbing at your eyes, “C’n we go home now?”

“Of course Darlin.” Karl assured, standing up and turning to help you up.

~~

Later, back at the apartment, after everything had been put away, you all ended up in a cuddle plie on the couch, and that seed of doubt was beginning to shrivel with every pass Nick’s hands made through your hair, every small circle Alex absently traced into your palm and every tiny joke Karl made about the movie playing.

“Guys?” You asked softly.

“Yeah?” Alex asked.

“I love you.”

Karl grinned, “We love you too.”

Alex pressed a kiss to your knuckles in understanding and Nick  hummed in response.

The tiny seed of doubt was gone.

#mcyt x reader #mcyt imagines #karl jacobs x reader #quackity x reader #quackity imagines #sapnap x reader #sapnap x karl x quackity x reader #sapnap x karl x reader x quackity #karlnapity #karlnapity x reader #poly #teddy06 writes #sapnap x Quackity x Karl x reader

[hell0mega]

2222 deuces wild

20 hoo hoo, let's learn about owls

20 hooty-hoo, let's learn about Outcast

20 boppity-boo, be the magic

Carl Daniels

Carl Daniels' kickass year

____: a good year for Carls

____: it was a great year for Carls

20 cummies 2

20 whoopty-do, who cares/gives a shit

20 yummy stew, something's cooking!

20 yummy stew, what's cooking (good looking)?

20 yummy stew, toss an onion in

20 yummy stew, mix it up

20 yummy stew, put it in the pot

20 yummy stew, let it simmer

20 20 20 20 20

20 20 20

20 20 20!!

20 funny shoes, an odd pairing

20 venti brew, OH that java!

20 skies of blue, anything is possible

20 coming through, clear the way

20 coming through, emerge into your power

20 coming through, e m e r g e

20 runny goo

20 sun tea view, porch life! (???)

banjo 20 kazoo, (banjo kazooie noise)

20 scooby doo

20 lookie-loo, on the horizon

20 mummy crew, back from the dead

20 mummy crew, rise again

20 mummy crew, straight out the tomb

20 mummy crew, rise my love

20 mummy crew, sarcopha-get it

20 mummy crew, lying in wait

20 mummy stew, put it in the pot

20 mummy crew, together we rise

20 mummy crew, pyramid dreams

20 mummy crew, under wraps

20 mummy crew, wrap it up

20 view-askew, let's meet Kevin Smith

20 mummy crew, disrupt the tomb

20 mummy crew, buried with cats

20 running shoe

20 cunning shrew

20 mummy crew, shame the grave

20 mummy crew, death is only the beginning

20 do the dew, brought to you by Mountain Dew™ Baja Blast™

20 Long John Silver's, enjoy a crispy fish

20 barbeque

20 black and blue

20 cordon bleu, cookin fancy

20 something blue, tie the knot

20 deja vu

20 broader view

20 point of view

2020 dieu, second chances

2020-2, a year of sequels

20 peak-a-boo, here we are!

20 pikachu, electric mouse

20 electric boogaloo

20 pikachu, don't evolve

20 rendezvous, good evening

20 rendezvous, hello there~

20 rendezvous, in/to the veranda

20 rendezvous, i see you there

20 rendezvous, a nighttime affair

20 rendezvous, a night to remember

20 rendezvous, a walk to remember

20 rendezvous, meeting in person

20 Jenny Sue, you get on out to that corn pasture feed them piggies

20 peggy sue, oo-ee-oo i look just like buddy holly

20 oo oo oo, YUM-OH!

20 oo oo oo, a spicy one

20 oo oo oo, do-wop's back

20 switcheroo

20 tried and true

20 dr. drew, he sucks now

20 you should sue, get your justice

20 more bamboo, it's sustainable

20 kangaroo, put it in the pouch

20 kangaroo, jump on it

20 revenue, maximize your earning potential

20 racing crew, it's about family

20 more fondue, make it cheesey

20 sudoku, line 'em up

20 pay-per-view, all our episodes cost 1 dollar

20 misconstrue, say that again?

more for me and you

20 just for you

20 not for you

20 new tattoo

20 money's through, time to become a crypto lord

20 sun tea view

20 rise of gru

20 baby shoe, for sale, never worn

20 IOU, we will give the next year a much better name

20 IOU one good year name

20 IOU one hour of your life back

20 mummy stew, people used to eat mummies

yummy mummy brew

20 new shampoo, gotta try something/something's gotta change

20 new shampoo, something's gotta give

20 tummy goo, what's on- what's on- what's that on your- whadyou got on your tummy?

the upset tummy crew

20 old U2, you just listen to Joshua Tree

20 no taboo

20 in review

squirty-cummy-goo?!

2023, off the rails

2023, take a pass

2023, looking forward

the deuce

the double deuce

20 tutu, ballet time

mmxxii, mix it up

20 big league chew

20 breaking through, emerge

20 talking to, sit down. you fucked up.

20 rendezvous, trading secrets

20 rendezvous, there's been a murder!

20 mummy crew, wrap it up (but different)

20 rendezvous, get organized. organize. do it. seize the means of production

20 rendezvous, stronger together

20 rendezvous, strength in numbers

20 mummy crew, strength in numbers

20 mummy crew, THE TIES THAT BIND

20 mummy crew, wear your heart

20 busting through, oh yeah!

20 we've been sued

20 what's this do? mysterious buttons

20 rendezvous, show yourself

20 big debut

20 rendezvous, have a ball

20 rendezvous, time to conspire

20 rendezvous, meet me in the dark place

20 rendezvous, clandestine moment

20 rendezvous, a secret...... kiss

20 rendezvous, stolen moments

20 rendezvous, a kiss for us

20 rendezvous, every kiss is a gift

20 rendezvous, hidden passions

20 rendezvous, making memories

20 rendezvous, fight the break of dawn

20 rendezvous, till the sun comes up

20 rendezvous, slappin' bodies together

20 rendezvous, the night is young

20 rendezvous, we'll always have Vienna

20 rendezvous, remember Fiji?

20 rendezvous: fancy night/a night of fancy

20 rendezvous, i haven't seen Marcus in years

20 rendezvous, there's only tonight

20 rendezvous, a fancy fantasy

20 rendezvous, fancy takes flight

#mcelroys #mbmbam #my brother my brother and me #mcelroy brothers #naming the year #2022 #this was a journey #i personally love 20 mummy crew EMERGE #not a fan of rendezvous but they never go with the one i like lol #long post #this is so long i really tried to get every one #some especially towards the end while they were spiraling may have been lost i apologize

[oasis-for3v3r]

Cloud 9 <3

Prompt-reader is a famous singer and performs her first live performance with David Bowie, doing a duet of Under Pressure on Live Aid

David Bowie x Reader Platonic Pairing @laneofpennies​ @a-none-bee​ @angelofhell323​

Warnings: none unless you count descriptions of nervousness. And a lengthy fic

Okay, let’s do it.

Was the first thing you said to yourself. At eight am. On a Saturday. In the middle of July. You usually be sleeping until 2pm on weekends since you were usually so busy on the weekdays. Being Englands new up- and- coming musician is all. 

“Ow!” you said as your foot slipped on something and stubbed your toe on the edge of the dresser. You bit back a mirad of curses as you picked up the foul weapon.

Oh.

Sky Heavens- Head in the Clouds. Your first album. Of course. You were lucky enough to get one from the store. Nearly all of the record shops were sold out. You should be happy, I mean sales were doing great, and as for the royalties-

Oh my gosh how has it ben 25 minutes already?!. 

It was a very important day for you.. you were preforming for your first crowd ever. So of course you were excited. but more nervous because, it was your first time. And you had terrible stage fright. And you were doing a duet with David Bowie. Oh you almost forgot.

Your first performance was gonna be Live Aid.

As you tucked in your fancy bell-sleeved bloused you asked yourself a string of questions. For example:

How in the hell did you get into live aid?

What song were you gonna sing with David, er Mr.Bowie?

Were there gonna be high notes? Could you even hit them?

Am i dressing too casual?

Oh my gosh, were going after Queen.

Your final though was punctuated with a hailing of a cab. You felt dizzy after you entered the car so you focused on the horizon, which made your eyes get heavier and heavier until...

“Ma’am this is a cab not a daycare” the driver grunted.

Your head snapped up, wiping the drool off off your chin. You have got to stop making this a habit. You scolded to yourself.

Every time your legs hit the ground of Wembely Stadium, you could feel the muscles in your leg turn into jelly. Your heartbeat is playing the percussion. And your pretty sure that your haven’t taken a breath since coming out of the cab.

You finally taken a breather when you hear commotion coming from the nearest hallway. You saw so many stars you could’ve swore you were in space. You saw Elton John, Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, Brian May, (you couldn’t find John Deacon) Adam Ant was sitting on a couch reading a magazine. Next to him was Elvis Costello sticking straws down his hair, you were about to laugh when-

“Boo!”

“Jesus!”

 “No this is David.” joked a lanky man with blond hair, and a pastel blue suit, matching your all white outfit (with a pale blue headband) making you too look like the color of the sky.

“Mr.Bow- David, hi!” you exclaimed, trying to sound as cheery as possible. 

He hesitated for a moment looking in your eyes as if searching for something only for a moment. “Come into my trailer, i need to talk to you.” he says softly.

You followed him into what looked like a portal to the personification of serenity. There were books piled on top of a small table. A kettle burning on low. With not surprisingly, a pile of teacups littered on top of the counter.  You also noticed (on nosier inspection) small annotations scribbled in the corners.

“Y/N!!”

“YES” you exclaimed, jumping slightly. You have got to start paying more attention to your surroundings.

“Tell me whats on your mind, and be honest” his voice was filled with concern, but somehow still comforting.

You took a breath- seventh one today. And started:

“ I feel like everyone will be disappointed, when they see me. All I ever wanted to do was make music that someone will relate to and find comfort in. And now that I have that, which I am very grateful for, I have to handle the price of fame as well. People put celebrities on pedestals and if they make one mistake in the public eye the pedestal crumbles. And don’t even get me started on the media. And today one of the biggest days in history, and if I do bad, then i will not only disappoint myself but the families in Africa who are relying on me to succeed. And-”

“Y/N” David said sternly “Calm down, you will be fine.” He took a breather and said.” You remind me of myself when I was younger, a shy little Capricorn boy, I just wanted to make music, and the fame tagged along. Its what happens eventually. I just used theatrics to cover up the stage fright.” “Now I just focus on the crowd as if they were one person and give them ll the light I have.”

“As for you when singing Under Pressure with me- while singing Freddie’s part- I want you to take all of the audience’s energy, make it into light and give it towards the sky.” “Give everybody hope.”

Just then you heard.a knock at the trailer. it was time for you to get ready. 

You watched as Queen rocked the show. This was gonna be hard for you to follow up. You felt like this performance was gonna be talked about for decades. You felt pity for the future generations that wont get to see this. 

You watched with butterflies in your stomach, as you saw David perform TVC 15 which bleed into Rebel Rebel. You smiled with fondness, as the corners of your mouth twitched,(which happened often when you’re nervous). When you were turned around.

Moustace, Freddie Mercury.

“Hello, Darling. You’re going up next with Under Pressure, right?”

“Y-Yes ” you were shaking

“ Well don’t fuck it up darling. And make everyone proud.” He said with a smile (that was also in his eyes)

You nodded, and he turned you back around. Just in time for you to be handed a microphone and introduced by David.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage-for the first time ever- Sky Heavens!!!”

You heard more applause than you expected. But then again it was your very first time ;)

You heard the beginning of the song, and you knew you had no time to be nervous as you started:

Mmm num ba de Dum bum ba be Doo buh dum ba beh beh

Then together-

Pressure pushing down on me Pressing down on you, no man ask for Under pressure that burns a building down Splits a family in two Puts people on streets

Um ba ba be Um ba ba be De day da Ee day da- that's okay

So far you have just been looking at the horizon, seeing the sun begin its descent, little by little. 

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about Watching some good friends screaming, "Let me out!" Pray tomorrow gets me higher Pressure on people, people on streets

This is for peace and hope in Africa.

Chipping around, kick my brains around the floor These are the days it never rains but it pours Ee do ba be Ee da ba ba ba Um bo bo People on streets Ee da de da de People on streets

This is for anyone who has felt stress for being themselves

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about Watching some good friends screaming, 'Let me out' Pray tomorrow gets me higher, high Pressure on people, people on streets

The sun was setting now, making the crowd look like angels and your outfit dipped in the sun. David was looking at you with the biggest grin on his face as if seeing his child gain confidence. The high note was coming, and you were ready.

Take all the Audiences Energy

Turned away from it all like a blind man

Make it into light

Sat on a fence but it don't work

Give it towards the sky

Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn 

Give everybody hope

Why, why, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

That was the highest note you had ever hit. The energy that the crowd was giving you was electric. You felt unstoppable.

Insanity laughs under pressure we're breaking

David was practically yelling into the mic, as he felt unstoppable with you too.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance? Why can't we give love that one more chance? Why can't we give love, give love, give love, give love Give love, give love, give love, give love, give love?

Because love's such an old-fashioned word And love dares you to care for The people on the (People on streets) edge of the night And love (People on streets) dares you to change our way of Caring about ourselves This is our last dance This is our last dance This is ourselves under pressure Under pressure Under pressure Pressure

On the final word you hugged David, he shouted in your ear so you hear him over the roaring crowd. “YOU DID IT LOVE!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU111″

You look over his shoulder to see Freddie Mercury.

Clapping.

For You.

You felt as if there was the sun poured inside of you. As if you were weightless. You found your new home; on Cloud 9.

#david bowie #freddie mercury #liveaid #live aid #80s music #icon #first look #fanfic #writerscommunity #proof #oc #david bowie x reader #freddie mercury x reader #queen #love #under pressure #vanilla ice

[cowboylikedean]

folklermore spn finale: my tears ricochet

I stopped on this because this song was too painful, but driving home the other day listening to folklore, I had a moment where I just... stopped. I pulled over and I cried.

It was the line “Even on my worst day, did I deserve babe/all the hell you gave me” that broke me and made me want to revisit this series. 

So I went line by line here and it’s long... but I still didn’t say everything I needed to say I just... don’t know if I ever could get the feeling from my heart to words, I don’t know it’s possible. Anyway... 

“We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room” 

We have so much to grieve. 

“And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too”

When the show ended, I wanted to burn the whole thing down. TO the ground. No one can enjoy this show anymore without it feeling like a personal attack. I have hurt way too much. If I’m hurting, you’ll ALL be hurting. If Dean doesn’t exist, neither does the show, the fandom, the actors who are not named Jensen Ackles... None of it. They’re all fucking dead to me. And god..... That feeling like........... hurts. Because this once meant everything to me, and now.... I can’t stand to think of its existence.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me?”

I mean here’s the thing.... DID any of us deserve the hell they gave us? Like no matter what part of this you’re talking about... The show, the end, and all the times in between. Every time they gave Dean a connection just to tear him down. Every time they gave Sam and Cas this hero complex and used them to punch down at Dean. Every time they glorified John. Every time the fandom said anything on the matter. Even on our worst day, did we deserve all the hell they gave us??? NO! No we did not. I certainly didn’t. This show gave me HELL and even on my worst day, I deserved 0% of it. 

“Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day”

And that’s the thing, isn’t it? when I watched this show that first time in January 2012, I fell in love with it. I didn’t have to question... I fell in love. The show, Dean, had my heart from day fucking 1. And I never deserved to hate it.

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace”

I mean it’s pretty self explanatory, but I DIDN’T have it in myself to go with grace! The show ended and I didn’t have it in myself to be a normal person about it at ALL. This show RIPPED ME TO SHREDS and I didn’t have the ability to pretend otherwise. I got on tumblr dot com and FOUGHT with destiel fans about Supernatural like what the FUCK i mean really what the fuck.... I know better. At the beginning of this at the beginning of November last year I was literally like “I am not going to fight with someone on the internet about Supernatural in the year of our lord 2020″ BUT THEN I DID because i just didn’t have it in me to go with grace.

“And you're the hero flying around, saving face”

Every person who has talked about this show’s ending who is not one of ThEE Dean Stans. Every character in this show’s ending was better than Dean’s and everyone who cares about genuinely anything but SOLELY Dean is just... flying around saving face for the ending... And like.... no... No. Just... No. Once again, I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace... Not from that.

“And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?”

My god. I mean listen. If Dean is dead, why is anyone saying anything. What are we all fucking doing here. Why are there people flying around saving face if Dean is dead?? IF I’M DEAD TO YOU WHY AR EE YOU AT THE FUCKING WAKE but also I point this inward... The show was dead to me, I was gone. I got out! So why am I even here. What is any of this and what was it for?

“Cursing my name, wishing I stayed”

And thIS is where turning the wake line inward really like... I left. And now here I am wishing I stayed. And it’s more than I wish I stayed it’s more like I wish I could. I wish the show was different and I wish the writers were different and I wish the fandom was different and I wish I could have stayed, I also wish the show stayed MINE. I wish it stayed the show I loved. I wish I had SOMETHING to hold onto. Neither of us stayed, not me, not the show. And I don’t have ANYTHING.

“Look at how my tears ricochet”

Look, there are no winners here. Even the shippers who think they won... wincest losers are still clamoring trying to “””prove””” Sam and Dean’s very familial relationship was somehow not platonic and hellers are still clamoring trying to “””prove””” that destiel was reciprocal. NO ONE WON. One day everyone will realize that and then they’ll see.

“We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring”

You know it’s this feeling of potential that I talked about in cardigan... You know something is special, but sometimes you just can’t tell if it’s gonna end good or bad. You go through your life emotionally investing yourself in people, places, things, stories... and you don’t know where that will take you. Because this show could have been like Buffy or Crazy Ex Girlfriend... the shows I know inside and out and they are truly the great loves of my life. I will never part with BTVS and CXG and I know that. BTVS has had my heart for 11 years and I’m on s2 in a rewatch now and it still makes my heart flutter just the same. CXG will make my heart flutter from mention alone. I overwatched BTVS years back and for about 5 years, I couldn’t touch it because I was impatient knowing exactly how the story unfolded and being surprised by exactly 0 dialogue... Through that entire 5 year period, I never once thought “It’s a bad show.” The show was not the problem, I overwatched it. I’ve put myself on a CXG break where I don’t listen to the music and watch the show because I’m on the verge of overwatching it too... And it’s almost impossible because I KNOW how good it is. These stones were gathered to make a Dimond ring....

And I would have told you SPN was too... I could have SWORN they were... but literally those stones were gathered to throw at me, and for me to throw back. All of that beautiful attachment I formed to it in 2012/2013, were stones that were aimed at hurting me the maximum amount. And I had no idea. I fell in love, but the show never fell in love back. 

“You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene”

I WANTED TO BE DONE!!! 

Look, on some level (as illustrated above), I did want to hang around forever with this show and I wanted it to hang around forever with me... But I wanted that relationship to feel two sided. Again, I fell in love with the show and it never fell in love back. It punished me for my love the whole way through. AND I NEVER WANTED THIS! I never wanted to be stuck here haunting the show, haunting the fandom, haunting myself. I didn’t want the show to linger over me. And this ending, KILLED ME. I really... Was a shell of myself, still am in some ways... I never wanted this. I wanted specifically to NOT be like this. but here we are....

“You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me”

And then it uses the love I’ve had as a tool to add insult to injury. You know, it’s like... This didn’t have to be like this and you can see that because I loved this show SO. MUCH. and that love just... makes it hurt worse. it sends me off, buries me after killing me by making me fall back into the fandom??? THAT’S NOT OKAY

”'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave”

GOD this line... First of all, I feel like little Dean being told he was brave compared to grown up Dean being foolish is there somewhere but also... you know talking about this show, engaging, it just to feel like fighting for SOMETHING it used to feel good. It doesn’t anymore and it ISN’T anymore or maybe it never was I don’t know... But it did used to feel... like it meant something. And so I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace. And also LITERALLY this finale was the show eating itself from the inside out. I have been fighting FOR THE GLORY OF THE SHOW this whole time... and so... I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace.

“And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home”

You know this show was home once. This show meant everything to me. God... not the show, DESTIEL was a coping mechanism when I needed to feel like I could be loved like I was brand new when I knew I was tarnished, trauma ridden, shreds of myself... and now... I can’t go there. I can’t even post the fics I have mostly written that I want to still share with the world... and I feel dead and empty inside. 

“And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones”

So it’s like... Again, this show ate itself from the inside out... so the show LITERALLY aimed for the show’s heart, went for blood... but the show still needs the show in its bones. But also the fandom... Again here guys NO ONE was a winner with this finale, EVERYONE still felt empty. The show can aim for OUR HEARTS and go for blood, but it still NEEDS us. I mean the show is over, but its legacy will do what? will be what? It has destroyed the heart of the show and it destroyed the fandom so what does it have to show for itself?

“And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky)”

But in those times of desperation when I feel lonely and I just need something, I still turn to it. I still try. I still cling to Dean and all my love there and I’m still... I’m just grasping. I don’t do it when I feel healthy or solid or good... I do it when I’m losing it a bit. When I’m screaming at the sky.

”And when you can't sleep at night (You hear my stolen lullabies)”

It’s almost... sick? twisted? mean? vindictive? how much I feel comforted by knowing that no one 

“I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves”

Again... NO ONE WINS HERE so I fought, we all fought and we all will end up sinking and because the show destroyed its on legacy nothing will be left.

“You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same”

The show killed us, the fandom, but since the fandom was the only thing the show had... it killed the show just the same.

“Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears”

My worst fears when it came to Supernatural would be a) exactly what happened but also b) that it gave me no choice but to stay here forever. Like not to get ahead of myself here, but like this is it. I’m stuck right where it left me and I just... “wishing I’d stayed” you know back to it but I just... Wish it stayed. I wish I stayed. because THIS is my worst fear.

“And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years”

But it did give me something I HAD SOMETHING there was a reason I loved this show there were good years I had. there was healing and strength and love... I built myself from Dean Winchester and I did it with love. I became an adult on the back of this show and I am sitting here tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years AND FOR FUCKING WHAT for what????

“And you're cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet”

To bring it back home, no one wins. 

This song destoys me because it just so eloquently describes the pointlessness with which all of this happened. This was maximum hurt and for what? I’ll never understand.

#folklermore spn finale #my tears riochet #my tears ricochet spn finale

[popculturebuffet]

Final Space: And Into The Fire Review or Now with 110% More Homoerotic Telepathy

Welcome  new and old to my first Final Space review! If you’ve never seen the blog before, and given this is the first “new” series i’ve covered as it come out in some time that’s probably quite a few of you, welcome. I’m Jake, I do recaps and reviews of various animated shows and comics, mostly just stuff I want to do, often on comission (5 dollars an episode if theres any episode of the first two seasons of this show or any episode of any other show you’d like tos ee me cover), or for my patreon patreon.com/popculturebuffet. And it is my utmost honor to add this show to my rotating roster of shows I cover as they come out. 

I friggin love Final Space. I was intrigued by it back when TBS released the animatics alongside Close Enough (Wth the two shows ironically finally together on HBO max as of earlier this month), for their doomed block. I heard a lot of good things about season 1.. and let it get away from me, not watching it till Season 2. But both seasons had more than enough to pull me in with intriguging characters, even greater jokes and a truly unique idea for a premise involving giant monsters, an edltrich god and lots of cookies. 

So while it took an extra year given Covid, I’m super friggin pumped to get into season 3 at long last after the hell of a cliffhanger, especially since ironically last night I saw Steven Yeun’s oscar nominated performance in “Minari”. Now i get to watch him play a cat teenager again too.. and in a few days Mark friggin Grayson. It’s a good week to be a fan of his is what i’m saying and a good week in general. 

Previously on Final Space Yo!: Since it’s been a year and while the series provides  a recap , I’m going to be doing these anyway so:

Our heroes finally got all 5 dimensional keys and freed Bolo, and in the process also freed Avacato from Invictus, the horrifying entity controlling final space. Meanwhile Tribore got Sheryl to stop being a selfish prick and she joined the team trying to be a better mother from now on. But freeing Bolo came at a high cost as Nightfall sacrified herself as the sixth key (KVN was natrually both Gary and Bolo’s first choice, but was inllegible. ) So we ended the season with our heroes entering Final Space and Gary reuniting with Quinn.... while Invictus loomed. So over a year later we finally get some answers so join me under the cut for spoilers, recaps, and homoerotic text ahoy. 

Something i’m doing since both the roster keeps changing.. and as I correctly guessed from the trailer, and the general tone of the promos for this season, that everyone won’t be all together all season.. or even in one piece.. i’ll be doing a silver age style roll call to let us know who all we have on the Team Squad for the episode Roll Call: Gary, Quinn, Avacato, Little Cato, Ash, Fox, KVN, HUE, AVA, Sheryl, Bolo, and Tribore

So we pick up right where we left off, Gary tearfully reuniting with Quinn, with Quinn wishing he hadn’t come for her, and Gary being Gary naturally having ignored that, and actually been more determined since that made it forbidden which made it extra tempting and him want to extra do it. God I missed this glorious idiot let me tell you. 

So things are quickly interrupted by invictus, who turns out to be a giant flaming head.. thing... and chases them and the crimson light, which has to start speeding with our heroes tethered to the outside, Quinn holding onto Gary. 

So we get one hell of a thrilling chase as the Crimson Light outspeeds the demon head and runs into two titans, but Bolo shows up to take out one, with Mooncake trying his dimension shattering blast thingy on Invictus.. and naturlaly g ven this is the big bad we need to show off how horrying they are, and it does NOTHING. But Gary catches his little buddy so we’re alright. 

Sheryl also shows off her badass bonafieds by LIGHTFOLDING THROUGH A TITAN... granted she still has some parenting skills to learn as “lightfolding while your son is hanging out the back through an edltrich god” really isn’t a motherly thing to do.. but neither is trying to murder your child several times or blaming him for how shitty your life turned out so ANYTHING is a step up for her. 

But.. it’s not enough. While she does manage to kill ONE the Crimson Light is too badly damaged to go on and we get two tragic deaths in one go... The Team Squad is forced to abandon the Crimson Light.. and AVA is too damaged to Upload into HUE. “I’m Sad” “For who?” “For you.. and for us. “ God damn Tom Kenny is amazing. You don’t need me telling you that, but sometimes you need a reminder. 

So our heroes end up on a desolate mystery world, stranded in final space with no ship, no suplies and no hope. The only thing to do now is survivie and hope they can continue the mission at some point. 

ONE MONTH LATER

Things have not gotten any better, as naturally , our heroes have only found weird cartoon eyed worms that regrow their heads when you bite them off. So while this means unlimited food, it’s also disgusting and Garry hates it. “This may be a head but it tastes like a butt”. Quinn and Tribore are with him and Quinn hasn’t been ready to talk about her experiences trapped in this hellscape and still isn’t but being a good dude, Gary dosen’t push her on it. Though the weird red veiny thing on her arm tells me maybe one of you should speed that up before she explodes or gets cronnenburgy. Just saying. I’ll also say i’m not huge on the one month time skip, as while I feel they probably have a reason for being that specific i’ts a bit TOO long and I question why have that long a period of a jump, not the longest but still long enough for things to happen with nothing changingin that time? Still it’s a minor nitpick in an otherwise fantastic episode so I can let it go, I just don’t get it. 

What we do get is some Gary Corpses dropping and Invictius puppeting them... i’m with gary that is bowel openingly scary. I also do like how despite the FAR more dire circumstances, they still get in the requisite shenanigans this series requires. I’ts not to the network mandated subplot levels where it distracts, but it’s enough to help ease the terror of the situation and isn’t around for situations like the opening where it really SHOULDN’T be. As the series always has when something big happens, the bollocks goes away. Once we’re in between we can get back to literal pissing contests, KVN leading a crowd to their deaths and HUE in a pimp hat like god intended. 

So yeah our heroes have to outrun the horrible horde of Gary’s, though Little Cato catches on something’s wrong as Tribore makes gary cary him as foreshadowing for later and Sends mooncake down to asssit. Our heroes escape.. but a cave in happens.

After the break, Gary wakes up confused with the party now split in two: Gary, Quinn, KVN, Tribore and HUE on one side and Avacato, Ash, Fox, Little Cato and Sheryl on the other. So Gary does the logical thing... and take his shirt off telling Avacato to feel him. 

I mean I didn’t even ship them before this scene but... Gary claims because of their bond he can telepahtically connect with Avacato. That’s normal Gary shenanigans.. except not only does he shrug off his girlfriend asking why they can’t do that.. but it WORKS. We have a scene of the two telepahtically talking in a wheatfield that is so homerotic I guarantee there only wasn’t the Careless Whisper sax because they couldn’t afford it.. or their saving it for later this season. Look sometimes you don’t ship a ship because you just.. dont’ care that strongly one way or another and sometimes you just need an incredibly gay scene to see the light. Same thing happened with Weblena same thing here. 

Fox also says “that was glorious to watch” same man. That was freaking art. So our heroes split up into three plots. As usual for me

Team Gary: So yeah... Triobore’s pregnant. No way to really softball into that. He’s been pregnant this whole time. So we get a stupid and mildly horrifying gross out sequence with Gary having to look Triobore in teh eyes and Quinn having to “uncork him”. Which is code for ... you know what i’m not going to say it. If you’ve seen the episode you know and if not your better off not visualizing it trust me. Point is this whole sequence is dumb and the worst part of the episode by far. And the series CAN do good gross out. While Olan Rodgers regrets it, the pissing contest was one of the funniest scenes of season 2, and managed to make a gross idea on paper actually pretty damn funny. This.. this is just “Haha males giving birth and tribore’s an asshole”. There’s no joke here just a .. plug. .. gah.. the vomit is rising let me tell you. 

We do get something good out of this nightmare, Tribore’s son who hatches as the army of gary’s dig their way in, Quanstranstro, who rapidly ages into a stylsih spanish speaking adult badass. He is fucking awesome and a great addition to the team and the sheer.. oddity of his birth is wonderful even if the actual birthing was not. Then the climax happens so before that. 

Team Avacato:

Avacato and Co come across a sleeping giant robot cyborg .. thingy. Naturally Fox wakes him up. Little Cato remains not suprised. It occelates between panicking over it’s legs being gone and amenisa and is pretty damn funny. It’s voiced by John Dimagio. But it gets serious as we find out nothing has ever made it out of final space, and things.. change the longer there there. And Quinn’s been there several months if not a year. Whuh oh. This part is much better both due to better jokes and plot advancment.. though again Quanstrano is still fucking amazing. 

Team Bolo: Bolo meanwhile returns and fights a titan, and has mooncake help him rather htan join the others, but looses, hitting the planet with his body.. I mean he might not get back up.. but the impact shatters the caverns and causes an explosion. Everyone but Gary, Quinn, KVN and HUE are MIA, as our remaining party find earth floating overhead. 

TO BE CONTINUED> 

Final Thoughts: A decent start to the season. Like I said the whole birthing sequence can die in a fire and reminds me of the terrible comedy subplots adult swim wanted grafted onto two episodes.. but otherwise it’s a tense stark opener that sets up the bleak tone while still keeping the series rediciulous shenanigans in tact. It’s the perfect welcome back after so long. I mean the gay telepathy alone would make it a winner. 

Next Time on This Blog: We dive into a little history with HIsteria. See you at the next rainbow. 

#final space #gary goodspeed #avacato #little cato #quinn airgon #ash grayven #fox #KVN #HUE #AVA #invictus #bollo #sheryl goodspeed #tribore menendez

[thorinthehottotty]

May 22nd - Lyn's Writing Event - Thorin

Prompt - Body Swap

A/N: I'm really glad I read everyone else's first. I started writing Thorin experiencing menstruation for the first time but Jay already has that covered with her John Porter story which was great! I want to rewrite this later, I'm just mentally kaput.

Summary: It's been three days that you and Thorin have been in each other's bodies from some enchanted elven wine. With no idea how to reverse it's effects, you two are stuck hiding it from as many people as possible.

Warnings: implied smut, smut, language, shitty writing (I'm half asleep)

Three days had come since you'd woken in the body of the dwarf king. Three days of growing frustrations, temper tantrums and bitching. You and Thorin were no closer to discovering a cure for your ailment as you were before all of this.

Thandruil still hadn't replied to Thorin's raven on how the hell his wine switched you both.

So that left you both hiding away with only Dwalin and Balin knowing the truth. They'd told everyone you'd both come down with a strange illness and were out of commission, leaving Fíli in charge of Erebor!

At least today was fairly tame. It had been incredibly awkward to start. Bathroom breaks, while much easier for you, Thorin struggled. You were the reluctant one at first, complaining of invading his privacy. But after the first piss (where you totally didn't take a good look at just what he was packing) you're confidence was soaring. He was not prepared for your to sprint out of the chamberpot to babble excitedly about how easy it was.

His experience was less than ideal. Remember to wipe front to back, no you can't drip dry, and let me know if there's blood were all repeated to him everytime he heads for the washroom attached to his chambers. Now that you were both hiding out in them together, it made for loads of fun, not.

Thorin heaves a sigh and stands, meandering over to his book shelf and trying to reach for another book. He pushed up onto his toes to do it. Oh, hot damn. The position really made your ass and thighs pop.

A newly familiar stirring begins between your legs. You popped boners less often than you expected but it was still frequent.

When he turns back around his face crumbles into a ornery glower. "What's that stupid smirk for?"

"It's your stupid smirk." He glares at you harshly.

"Why?" Your dirty smirk turns into a goofy grin.

"I've got a nice ass." He groans deeply and moves to sit back down. "What? Am I not allowed to check myself out?" His eyes narrow as you shift the tightened trousers.

"Are you getting an erection while admiring yourself?" Your grin falters and you shrug.

"I can't help it! It's your body. You can't tell me you haven't been horny yet."

"I have not."

"Oh really?" You demand, lean forward to cross your arms.

"I hardly even woke with morning iron before this. You've woken with it every day for three days," he argues.

"I can't control my dreams, Thorin. Let alone your dick! And that's bullshit! My body is constantly horny!" Thorin gave you a skeptical look.

"I have not felt the effects of it."

"Well erections feel different from it, you probably just don't recognize the feeling." Thorin ignored your comment, opting to read instead. "In my world, orgasms are different between genders. I wonder if that's true for this too." That captured his attention.

"You wouldn't dare!" He snarls, slamming his fists on the table.

"For science sake."

"I forbid it!"

"Well... I'm the king," you smirk, eyeing him. "Besides, I wouldn't do you dirty like that, even if I do have serious blue balls. I'm just saying you wouldn't recognize being horny. It's subtle for women." Thorin crosses his arms and glowers down at the breasts that get in his way.

"What would these symptoms be?"

"Tightness in the lower abdomen, tingling down south, hard nipples, lots of discharge."

"Discharge?" He repeats, confused.

"Stand up and pull down your pants." Thorin gapes in horror.

"I will do no such thing!"

"It's my body! Just do it. I'm showing you!" You stand waving him up as well. He sighs again, like he couldn't possibly be more inconvenienced, and rises. He awkwardly unties his pants and shuffles them down with his underwear. "Ah! There. See that white stuff?" He glances down. "Discharge."

"What is it, though." You flash him a naughty grin.

"It's the body's natural lubricant produced when you are aroused," you explain, then a naughty grin passes your face. "That's essentially you getting wet." Thorin's cheeks go cherry red and he quickly yanks his pants back up as you chuckle haughtily at him.

"Nonsense!"

An idea fills your mind. You know every spot that feels good on your body. You could torture him with this. You step closer, brushing a big hand up and over the back of his thigh and buttock. He goes stiff and shoves at you. "What do you think you're doing!"

"Admit, it feels good!" He glares hard.

"Don't you dare!" You snatch the back of his neck as he turns away, making him gasp as you easily drag him back, spine pressed to sternum.

His butt bumps into the bulge in the front of your pants. You brush knuckles down the side of his neck and he gives a gasp, making you grin effectively.

"Unhand me-ee!" You grin around the shell of an ear, nibbling gently. The squeak he let out completely involuntary. Letting him go, you circle back around to your spot at the table. He stares at you, red faced and shook. "You... You... Goblin!" You grin at him, mischeviously. "You are enjoying this far too much!"

"I know all the ways to rile my body up, Thorin. Try me."

He paused, eyes narrowing. As he seems to realize the game you're playing, he steps closer, looking like a dangerous animal, but in your body.

"We should be looking for a cure, not playing these games!" And with that he drops back down into a seat and roughly opens a book.

"Fine," you tell him, hands raised. You turn back to your own book and easily settle back into it. He doesn't, however. He's twitching and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. On occasion, he casts you a glare that you either ignore or smirk at. "Crossing your legs and squeezing them only gives so much relief."

He gives a frustrated groan and slams his book shut. "I detest you." It makes you grin at him.

"Come on, for science. Only one of us has to do it." Thorin glares at you harshly. "One person gets off, we know if there really is a difference." Thorin is standing and moving to you faster than you expect. He grabs your face in both hands and leans toward you.

"I do not wish for our first time making love to be tainted by us being the other person." The intimate admission shocks you.

"Do you want to make love with me?"

"Yes, for a very long time. I was going to ask you to court me. But we became too drunk on wine." Oh. That's why he invited you to dinner. You smile up at him.

"Yes. I'll court you." His face flutters in shock for only a moment, then he smiles.

"I still don't want to subject you without being in your own body."

"We don't know how long we'll be like this, so how about I give you a bit of relief? Or me?" Thorin sighs. "It's not exactly romantic. But it will help with that ache." Thorin shakes his head, chuckling softly.

"Is that really what you wish?"

"Yes!" He gives a sigh for you, nodding softly. You grin and lean forward, he pressing a hand to your shoulder, leaning back.

"I will kiss you when we return to our bodies." You pout but nod as he unties his trousers again. You waste no time slipping a hand in. He gasps in shock. "No warning?!"

You laugh at him. "Don't make me kiss you." He doesn't have time to answer as you firmly press your sausage fingers up and into his clit. He moans loudly and stumbles back into the table. "Hold on tight, Thorin. Our little friend here has more nerve endings than a cock."

He grips the edges of the table as you set to work, careful to be a little gentler in your new body, aware of the unbridled strength. And then your fingers dip back further and easily slip into Thorin's new cavern. He groans loudly, tilting his head back.

He curses in Khuzdul,legs spreading apart easily. "Is it weird I'm totally into this?" You ask.

"Stop talking," he moans.

Taglist: @dabisburntnut @fizzyxcustard @queenofmankind @tomisbaeholland

#thorin #thorin fanfiction #thorin thursday #thorin durin #thorin x you #lyn's writing event

[obsessedbutonline]

obsessedbutonline Masterlist

Started: 24/12/2020

Last updated: 24/12/2020

Total works: 9

Teen Wolf

Title: Amateurs

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 1/?

Word count: 4369

Tags: Spark Stiles Stilinski, Magic, Stiles Stilinski Returns, Emissary Stiles Stilinski,Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Bromance, Alpha Derek Hale, Good Derek Hale, Good Peter Hale,Good Friend Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Teacher Stiles Stilinski, Roadtrip, Training

Summary:  When Stiles is offered a position at a far-away pack to train a young spark, he didn't expect to bring along a certain Peter Hale. Becoming a powerful, nation-wide known emissary comes with certain perks, and also responsibilities- how does Stiles cope?- Written for the Steter Secret Santa

Other comments: This one is a favourite of mine and one I’m super inspired for! It was for the steter secret santa 2020, and I was late for that sadly, but my giftee, archercrow, was AMAZING about it and I got it to them on the 29th (: 

~

Title: Temporary Love

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 3/?

Word count: 3087

Tags: College Student Stiles Stilinski, College, Human, Alternate Universe - Human, Family, Family Fluff, Derek Hale is a Softie, Deputy Derek Hale, Misunderstandings, Stiles Stilinski's Jeep's Name is Roscoe, Stiles Stilinski Returns

Summary:  From the prompt: Stiles’ Babcia (grandmother) is fiercely independent and lives in an apartment in Beacon Hills and Stiles used to go over on the weekends and run errands for her. But then Stiles goes to college and can’t make it home as much as he likes, and when he does go home he goes straight to Babcia’s apartment ready to do her bidding and she’s like, “Oh, no, Słoneczko, that nice boy Derek down the hall already got my groceries and fixed my sink…” And Stiles gets really jealous of this Derek guy, but Derek works weekends (Deputy!Derek FTW) so they never actually meet. Stiles nurses this simmering rage that some interloper is bogarting his grandmother. In the meantime Derek is just soaking up the family feels and becoming more and more enamoured of the elusive Mieczysław that babcia keeps showing him pictures of and telling him stories about, “the most handsome, brilliant, caring young boy you could ever meet…” -dr.girlfriend on tumblr

Other comments: Named after the amazing song of the same name by Ben Platt, this fic is inspired by a prompt! It has yet to be finished, but I’m working on it, promise! It’s just slow going.

~

Title: A Change Of Pace

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 1070

Tags: Empath Stiles Stilinski, stetersecretsanta2019, Fluff

Summary: Stiles has always struggled to contain the effects of being an empath- Peter, like he always seems to do, worms his way through the cracks. My entry for the Steter Secret Santa 2k19, enjoy!

Other comments: Once again, another secret santa entry! For this one, I dabbled into making Stiles an empath, I’m pretty sure that was one of the requests of my secret santa-ee, so that’s what I did! If inspiration strikes, I feel like I could definitely expand on this story, but it works as a short story just as well.

~

Title: On Christmas Eve

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 5285

Tags: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Post-Nogitsune, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Pain, Dreams and Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Depression, Isolation, Slow Build Derek Hale/Stiles, Stilinski Christmas, Christmas Eve, Illnesses, Mental Health Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending, Possession, Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Bromance, Emotionally Constipated Derek Hale, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Pack Feels

Summary:  Looking up at the ceiling in exasperation, Stiles shook his head in disbelief. "Great, so now we're taking in strays. Awesome, just how I wanted to spend my Christmas Eve." ... "Yeah," Stiles agreed, breathlessly, "-friends." ... How Stiles' copes with the possession of the Nogitsune over the next five Christmas Eve's. This is my entry for the 2019 Sterek Secret Santa (:

Other comments: This is one of my absolute FAVOURITE fics I’ve written, and it kind of follows the 5+1 trope, but I don’t think there are six different parts. Anyway, this was obviously written for the 2k19 Sterek Secret Santa, and I just want to once again mention how worth it is to join a writing secret santa!! The Sterek one in particular is VERY well set up, so it’s an amazing one to start with!

~

Title: Missing Parts (In My Brain)

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 1410

Tags: Fluff, Pining, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, 12 Days of Sterek, Christmas, Christmas Party, Christmas Fluff

Summary:  Pining has always been something Stiles has been spectacularly good at. But really? This is going too far. Christmas parties aren't Christmas parties unless at least one couple lays the PDA on heavy, and it all gets Stiles thinking. Written for 12 Days Of Sterek 2019 (:

Other comments: As I wrote in the summary, this was written for the 12 days of Sterek! I don’t think there was a prompt or anything, but this fic has a heavy theme of asexuality, which I wrote for the purpose of putting more diversity into my fics.

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Title: The Peculiarities of Demetrius Blotting and Papers

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 1414

Tags: Magical Stiles Stilinski, Magic, Faery Court, Fae & Fairies, Nymphs & Dryads, Mythology - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Library, Library, Witches, Nature, Magic, Bookshop

Summary: Working in the most magically profound bookshop is a walk in the park. Until it isn't. When a stranger comes looking for a registry of one of the most well-known wolf packs in America, Stiles finds himself intrigued. And unfairly invested in making the guy smile. And if it takes a bit of sneaking to do that, then that's nobodies business but his own, right?

Other comments: I actually do not remember where this fic was going! But it never got further than the first chapter unfortunately (I hope I can update this, someday). It’s about the fae!

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Title: Visiting the Hales

Rating: General audiences

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 1513

Tags: Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Death, Grief/Mourning, Stiles Stilinski Helps Derek Hale, Love, Birthday, The Hale Family, Tattooed Stiles Stilinski, One Shot

Summary: It's taken years for them to reach this stage.Stiles hurts when Derek hurts, but he will gladly shoulder the pain if it lessens Derek's even in the slightest.It's time to visit the Hales.

Other comments: This is literally just a super short angst-fest, I think I was listening to a sad song when I got struck with inspiration, and this is the result! Enjoy if you want some sad! Sterek.

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Title: Us Struggling Youth

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Chapters: 23/?

Word count: 27555

Tags: Mental Health Issues, Fluff, Angst, Fluff and Angst, sterek, Self-Harm, Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Therapy, Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Human, Slow Burn, Slow Build Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Slow Build, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Awesome Sheriff Stilinski, Sad, Light Angst, Triggers, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional, teenwolf, Isaac Lahey & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Hurt Stiles, Bromance, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Mental Breakdown, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Teen Derek Hale, Teen Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Teenage Rebellion, Camping, Nostalgia, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Bipolar Disorder, Worry, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings

Summary: Stiles never wanted to go to a school for crazy people, but with his history with self-harm and worsening anxiety, his dad thought it was the place he needed to be. But when the management is at threat, the pupils decide that they deserve some time away, and the camp of the ages was born. What happens when a group of not so well teens decide they want to rebel for one final hurrah?Because when sparks fly in a pit of flames, it can be hard to see past the manic of The Rosedale Academy For Struggling Youth.

Other comments: This is my second longest fic after Only He Saw, and is currently unfinished. Will I finish it? Unknown, but likely not. I got really into the AU Boarding School trope, and this was the result, but then I ran out of inspiration, which is sad because I had a whole storyline planned out. If it ever comes back, I’ll be sure to continue writing it!

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Title: The Cookie Incident

Rating: General Audiences

Chapters: 1/1

Word count: 2225

Tags: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Children, Alternate Universe, Steter Secret Santa

Summary:  Stiles goes on a baking spree, with the help of a certain six-year-old, much to the dismay of Peter.

Other comments: This was written for the 2018 Steter Secret Santa, and was written based on the likes of my secret santa-ee. I’d 10000% recommend doing a writing Secret Santa if you want to get into writing fics! You’re surrounded by other people doing the same thing as you, you have a deadline, and you get a present in return! I love doing them, and I’ve been doing both the Sterek and Steter secret santas for three years now. It’s a fluff-fest, that’s all!

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Title: Only He Saw

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Chapters: 31/31

Word count: 45,781

Tags: Angst, Eventual fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Heartbreak, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self Harm, Razor - Freeform, Razors, Anxiety, Darkness, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Panic Attacks, Erica, Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski Has Scars, Scars, Sad, Crying, Stiles is Pushed Out of the Pack, Hurt Stiles, Cars, Rich Peter, Caring Peter, Peter hale - Freeform, Feels, mansion, Rebuilt Hale House, mean derek hale, steter feels, elastic band technique, self harm alternatives, Self Confidence Issues, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Peter, Blood, trigger warning, Heavy Angst, Neglected Stiles Stilinski, Busy Sherriff, Nurturing Peter Hale, Good Peter Hale, Sheriff Stilinski is a Bad Parent, Torture, Tortured Stiles Stilinski, Peter forgives Stiles, Depressed Stiles, Angst with a Happy Ending, Small pack, Car rides, Revenge, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Non-Evil Peter Hale, halepackareevil, evilhalepack, badderek, goodpeter, Emotions, POV Stiles, Asexual Character, Asexual Stiles Stilinski, Werau.

Summary:  When the pack stopped telling him about meetings, Stiles laughed. It wasn't surprising that they forgot to update his number when their phones kept getting destroyed by the monster of the week...right? They just forgot. That happened. All the time! Too often. When the pack stopped giving excuses for forgetting, a deserving prickle of fear and trepidation etched its way into his heart, making his usually cocky and brave smile falter and leave. Only when they weren't watching. When they went out of their way to stop him going to meetings, he stopped smiling altogether. Only where they couldn't see. But it's fine, right? He was part of a family that loved him and just wanted to keep him safe...right? But when Derek used the door instead of the window to get into Stile's house, as small and insignificant a fact that may be, he accepted that something was wrong.

Other comments: This was the first fic I ever wrote, and you can tell! I wrote this story over a long time, but for the majority of it, I’d upload 1000 word chapters every day, which really helped my writing develop. I was in a super dark place when I wrote this, and I think you can tell, but I keep it up because it shows how far my writing’s come. I’m proud of how far I’ve come since OHS!

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Title: ____

Rating: ___

Chapters: ___

Word count: ____

Tags: ____

Summary:  ____

Other comments: ___

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[johns-prince]

Music Mix: John Lennon

Songs that remind me of John Lennon.

LIKE A ROCKSTAR || Chase Atlantic 

Chewed up, I've been kicking rocks, kicking shit I've been rolling off that 8-1, don't try this Narcotics in my bloodstream, I don't feel a damn thing Moral of the story: don't die kids

No Rain || Blind Melon 

I just want some one to say to me, "I'll always be there when you wake." You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today So stay with me and I'll have it made

Oh Yeah || Green Day 

Everybody is a star Got my money and I'm feeling kinda low Everybody got a scar Ain't it funny how we're running out of hope

Jet Boy Jet Girl || The Damned

We made it on a Ballroom Blitz I took his arms and kissed his lips He looked at me with such a smile my face turned red We booked a room into the Ritz Oh~; He gives me head

Creep || Radiohead 

But I’m a creep I’m a weirdo What the hell am I doing here? I don’t belong here 

I don’t care if it hurts I wanna have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul

Loser || Beck

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

Say it Ain’t So || Weezer

I can't confront you I never could do that which might hurt you So try and be cool

Buddy Holly | Weezer

Woo-ee-oo, I look just like Buddy Holly Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore I don't care what they say about us anyway I don't care 'bout that

Beverly Hills || Weezer

The truth is I don't stand a chance It's something that you're born into And I just don't belong 

No I don't I'm just a no class, beat down fool And I will always be that way I might as well enjoy my life And watch the stars play 

I’m Not Okay (I Promise) || My Chemical Romance

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? (I'm not okay) I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means (I'm not okay) To be a joke and look Another line without a hook I held you close as we both shook for the last time Take a good hard look! I'm not okay!  I'm not okay! I'm not okay! You wear me out!!  

Why Do I Love You So || Johnny Tillotson 

My darlin' I have often thought of things we used to do, And now I sit and wonder why you're gone and left me blue, You said you'd never leave me, you said you'd never go,

Oh my darlin', why do I love you so? Oh my darlin', why do I love you so? 

Blame it on The Girls || MIKA

Like a baby you're a stubborn child, what's the matter? Always looking for an axe to grind, what's the matter? While you're wondering what the hell to do We were wishing we were lucky like you

Blame it on the girls who know what to do Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you

Grace Kelly || MIKA

I could be wholesome I could be loathsome I guess I'm a little bit shy Why don't you like me? Why don't you like me without making me try?

Rock This Town || The Stray Cats

We're gonna rock this town We're gonna rip this place apart We're gonna rock this town Rock it inside out

Blue Moon || Sha Na Na

Blue moon you saw me standing alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own

Old Time Rock & Roll || Bob Seger 

Still like that old time rock'n' roll That kind of music just soothes the soul I reminisce about the days of old With that old time rock 'n' roll

I Don’t Exist || Olivia O’Brien

When I feel good it never lasts That's why you can find me living in the past if you need me Everybody says this shit will pass I say it won't, they don't believe me Just tell me to deep breathe

Falling apart Don't know what to do, what to do Looking for someone to save me, I don't know who I don't know who

Hallelujah || Justin Robinett & Michael Henry 

She tied you To a kitchen chair She broke your throne, She cut your hair And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah...

...I've seen your flag on the marble arch Love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Young Blood || 5SOS

Youngblood Say you want me, say you want me Out of your life And I’m just a dead man walking tonight But you need it, yeah you need it All of the time Yeah ooh, ooh, ooh Youngblood Say you want me, say you want me Back in your life So I’m just a dead man crawling tonight Cause I need it, yeah I need it All of the time Yeah ooh, ooh, ooh

Girl In My Dreams || The Cliques

A love like mine is hard to find It's a fire, it's a raging flame Although you won't hear my plea That love's raging just the same

Gee Officer Krupke! || Westside Story

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;  We never had the love that ev'ry child oughta get.  We ain't no delinquents,  We're misunderstood.  Deep down inside us there is good! 

#john lennon #john lennon music mix

[dcschain]

He'd begun drinking. Softly and then all at once, each night, like after she'd died and things had been too blind for comfort. Never too much, but just enough. A slow, inevitable climb to the top, before the headache and the nausea the morning after, and the emptiness. Oh, the emptiness. Emptiness he didn't think he had in him, but he knows better. Steven Deschain knows it, tenderly, the way a man is tender to the hangman's noose. He knows the ache is something more than simple ka-shume, that it is char-shume also.

And it is ka. And it is ka, without the comfort of a modifier, and then the thought dies there because it is too Robert, too many traces of it, too much like him. In every bit of the words. Him, spilling and spilling and spilling.

kit he's dead. kit. kit. leave him, kit. he's dead.

It hadn't worked. Kit had broken the ribs anyway, in such a terrible, terrible way, trying to massage a heart that had stopped two minutes earlier, unable to stop himself from falling down that cliff called hope. The snapping had struck him across the face, and it had left him wide-eyed, dumb beyond words, stripped of everything behind his teeth except the fire. The fire. The fire, leaking past his eyes in tears that left tracks of destruction. His anger had been nothing but pain unable to find itself. A signifier skewed and broken, the same anger he had been devoured by when Tjaša had died and the boys had died, too, and now, here, here an-tet between them. Steven ripped him from Handsome's body like a creature unable to want. Unable to. Unwilling to need. In his dinh's arms, clinging to them, Kit Johns had screamed, kicked his legs, and then he'd sunk to the ground.

And he'd wept, his hands balled into fists in his hair, on his knees. Those shoulders, heaving, and Steven's arms around them, and Steven's eyes closed, and Steven's lips to his temple, and nothing, nothing between them.

Then Burning Chris had been silent for a moment, and Steven's grip on him had swallowed itself off of him, water off the tin roof, and all he was left with were his hands to clench the air. Smoke signals from his breathing, in and out, the rasp of the choking, the tears pressing at the base of his skull. His dinh standing so still so silent so cold, incomprehensible in the reading. Already the language between them was faulty, broken, untranslatable. In all the meanings the word tet can have, theirs has been stripped of all of them except one, the final one. Char.

Kit had looked at a father with no words and then at a father who could no longer speak them. And all his love now broken rushing to fill his lungs and throat with fluid, with phlegm, with an anger so painful it almost, almost became hate.

Almost.

Some things you cannot hate. Some hearts you cannot hate or else your own will shatter.

oh steve. steve, steve. oh, steve.

The last one in the voice of an animal pleading to be spared the butcher's block. Unable to understand the cleaver beyond its most immediate meaning – death, blood, pain. Forced to confront the cleaver and bow to it. Not wanting it. Not wanting it. Knowing that it signified one thing and one thing only: an end.

Time too long to count.

get up.

He'd said it and wiped at his cheeks with the back of his hands.

get up, kit. we gotta bring him home.

In the end. He'd had to drag him up, hands under his armpits. For the beginning of that gesture, Kit had fought him. Then he'd just let it happen, moved like a doll, his legs barely transporting his body upright, letting Steven do the thankless work of pulling him up from the world of beasts.

Steven sits very still. There is a part of him that thinks if he never moves again ka will pass over him like an angel of death over doors marked with lamb's blood and another part of him simply cannot bring itself to claw its way out of the chasm. So he sits still, and empty, and unraveled.

The small corner of peeling wallpaper. The white sheets to cover the furniture. The bottle half-empty, the light of the moon from the window, the dust delicate shaping everything into a memory, the blood stains they never really could get out of the wooden floor after they had seeped into the rug, his hat left on the commode by the door out of habit even after nearly a decade, the wood of the bedframe pressing against his back from under the sheet and his legs, those long gunslinger's legs, splayed out in front of him. He stares at his boots without really knowing who they belong to, whose feet they're on, what body's this, whose heart he's supposed to be carrying.

Any other room, and Robert's laughter would have drowned him.

He stands once the bottle's empty. To move, he claws at whatever's left in the depth of him, grabs great desperate chunks of it and clings to them like a lifeline. Pulling, and pulling, and pulling, at a bare earth that can only yield devil grass, fingers cut on the blades. But he stands. Each morning, he stands. Each time the Tower needs him, he stands.

This time, though, he stands and can see how crooked his bones are, how the yoke weighs him down, how his shins are spattered with mud. He sees it. He feels it, and it gives him no more pause than it should.

The dead man touches the noose like a lover's hand.

Tenderness.

robert, did thee know? like i know?

Does it matter? Steven doesn't have the poetics of life and death inside him to be able to answer that question. His imagination limits itself to the bullet, and the hawk, and the gun, and what those three hold he knows well enough to understand the yoke and the noose are sides of the same coin. And that ka makes its course regardless of the suffering.

He knows Robert would have had something to say about that. Something about the loneliness of the dinh, and the fact that ka can mean both fate and I, first person, singular, and that no matter the truth of an, the loneliness of self is the loneliness of the Tower, supported by bonds and by beams. Eternally, eternally by itself, despite the world around it.

But Robert Allgood is dead, and so he has no words at all to share in the matter.

He's never really known the difference between grief and fear. Out of habit all his life he has called his fear anger, he has called his anger grief, and it has made him break ribs and beg lungs and try and rip hearts out with his fingers.

When he thought Alain dead his anger shattered more bones than he bothered counting. And when Tjaša died and died for real, his anger rested against his left lung and pumped blood through his body for the rest of his life.

Now this sadness has left him with no roots inside him. There's a nothing, and then there's Nothing, and it's the second that's made itself home in him. It's like drowning only there's no water.

Pain has stripped him of what little language he knew.

He hears the door behind him open. Hears it, but can't name it, in his grief, made tongueless and formless. He tries to wrangle himself to look over his shoulder, to look Louise in the eye after the pitiful performance he had in her parlour, but it isn't Louise.

It's Josiah, looking very cold, and very tired, and very sad.

“What th'fuck are ya doing here?”

It comes as whathfuckryadoinere. Whiskey makes his breath stink and his words melt. He doesn't turn to look at Joe fully, doesn't feel the need to. On the steps, his bottom aches and his knees are bent.

“The Lady Louise's asked me to see thee home, sai.”

He does not look glad at the prospect. Kit scoffs and takes another swig from the bottle. He swallows. He spits.

“I don't need the pity.”

ahdonneedthpity.

“It ain't pity. Sai.”

He reaches down to help Kit up. But alcohol or no, grief or no, Kit's still a gunslinger of the Great Line, and like a gunslinger, he moves. Too fast for it to be real. A foot and then another and then he's on his feet, turned around, and with his gun too close to Josiah's face for comfort.

“Don't touch me, don't fucking touch me.”

donfuckintouchme.

“I don't need the fucking Lady's pity.”

This one loud, loud enough to be heard even behind the door. Because he knows. Not like Robert knew her, marrow-deep, bone-tied, but he knows her enough to know what she tastes like, and that knowledge-flecks are in his blood like bone fragments after a fracture. And he knows she's listening. Or perhaps she hasn't moved out of the parlor because she can't move, and that suits him fine all the same. Let their grief fucking drown them, for all he cares.

The scabs on his palm have begun to itch.

“Or yours. Touch me again, Paine, and your brains are gonna end up all over this door yonder.”

“I don't think that would be advisable, sai.”

“No? We ain't got a need for 'ee anymore, Joe. He's dead, ain't ya heard? AIN'T YA FUCKING HEARD?”

The throbbing of pigeons' wings, startled into flight.

“He don't fucking need you no more. You're a dog with no fuckin' master, Paine. Don't you ever fucking touch me again.”

He spits. Josiah doesn't move his boots out of the way. When he blinks his vision's muddled, blurred, and the movement of his jaw clamps down on the grief, bit-in-mouth, bucking horse. Kit sees it all and scoffs. Kit doesn't see any of it and takes another swig.

“Pity ain't gonna bring him back to us.”

“No, sai. It will not.”

Christopher holsters his gun. He turns from Joe, and as he walks away Josiah sees him a little blurred, a little uncertain on his feet. Growing smaller the farther he goes.

When he goes back inside, the Lady Louise is no longer in the parlour.

christopher. help me.

They'd used Primrose's reins and the rope Steven had in his gunna. The branches had been easy enough to find. The knife had been Steven's. Kit had started building the travois and Steven had been able to stand aside for so long before needing to do, needing to keep his hands occupied so he didn't have to look at him in the shade where they'd moved him out of the wa-- where they'd moved him to keep him off the road because moving out of the way was something you did to objects and animals and not Robert Allgood, not Robert, not even if he was dead and the flesh was just flesh and the clothes just cloth and the hands just parts of a body.

Meat was meat: it did not care what sunlight you carried inside you.

It had taken too long to build it. They knew better. They knew how to make it better, faster, more efficiently, they knew how to make it so it wouldn't break and they had because they had been taught well, but it took them so much longer than it should have.

Working with the dead man right beside you. Meat was meat. Kit thought about it once too many times and vomited beside the wood he was fastening. Steven had let him, looking away past the dirt road with the bodies of the men who had killed Robert Allgood starting to attract crows with too many eyes and those skeletal vultures that ate and ate and ate and never seemed satiated.

Kit had vomited.

Steven's knees had given out. He'd staggered, first to one knee and then sitting, under the dead blackwood tree, with his hat off and his head in his hands and all around him the low, low, desperate moan of the earth. Every day inside him. Begging in tongues he'd never stopped and learned. His fingers in his hair and Kit staring blankly at his own rancid puddle of puke.

what a waste. what a damnable waste.

don't you fucking say that. don't you dare.

If there were any less grief inside him, Kit Johns would have been scared of those eyes, blank and blue, unyielding, as they looked up from the dirt and into him.

he died for thee, steven. i won't let you put that weight down by callin' it a waste.

Steven stood, then, and walked over to the travois. The affair of moving the body was wordless. If Steven had seen the kiss Kit'd pressed to that dead mouth, he'd said nothing of it, but in the silence after he'd reached for Kit Johns to hold him one last time, their foreheads pressed together, his hand to the back of Christopher's head. Dinh for one last time.

After that, the grief had done the rest.

The tet had broken.

#drabbles. #and on the king my father's death before him. (steven) #it does me no good; violence has changed me. (christopher) #so that one becomes like the sky; open. (robert) #verse. let this darkness be a bell tower. (the dark tower) #arc. take these scars upon my back. (youth) #IA –– DINH TETE.