#jfc i wish i lived in a place where i could defend my shit with a gun. none of these bitches trustworthy. fucking thieves

[craycraybluejay]

Btw if u steal from the poor, ur going to superhell no matter what 😇 hope that helps

#super hell #next time someone tries to steal from me i am going to fucking smack them with the nearest hard and heavy object #idc if u want it or u think ur just being prankster either. leave MY STUFF ALONE #literally go get a concussion so at least ur too sick to put ur dirty hands on other ppls stuff. #i fucking hate people sometimes #what gives you the right #the audacity #to take what isnt yours and not only that to take it when u likely dont need it from someone who does #ill bash yer fuckin head in if i catch you trying to steal from me DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND????? #jfc i wish i lived in a place where i could defend my shit with a gun. none of these bitches trustworthy. fucking thieves #im so angry im so fucking mad im fucking livid #someone let me hit them pretty pls before i decide to break my wall or my hand whichever goes first #and this wall isnt even my fucking wall cuz i cant afford that either #but oh noooo u dont feel like doing ur job #die die die die die

[jerepars]

My QOTS 5x09 live reactions:

Oscar is in the “previously on”. Oscar x Jeresa team up?

SO MUCH Kote in the “previously on”. Whyyyyyy? We already had to sit through their episodes once, isn’t that enough?

James taking off that ski mask was somehow really hot

Is it bad if I want to skip through this suburbia Kote stuff and just get to the Jeresa team up lol

“Like the devil himself he lives in the shadows” uhhhhh that was a little…YA fiction-esque. Lol who wrote that line and are they serious.

If there were two very attractive people sitting across from me, dressed like yin and yang, promising me protection like that…I think I’d be very confused LOL

Konstantin Federov? Is Kostya like, a Russian hockey player? Did he play in Detroit with the Russian Five? I am howling.

an INSTRUMENT TO DEFEND OUR DEMOCRACY lol lol lol

again Devon leaves the room without being a blatantly obvious Jeresa shipper. Boooooooo.

suburbia suburbia why can’t we do away with ya?

what happened to don’t come out until I tell you to?! Do you understand the consequences of death or not?

oh good job just show the neighbors you guys have a fucking arsenal in your kitchen that’s not gonna be suspicious at all

“I am a soldado, I will never put my guard down” really REALLY we all know that’s not true this is how you guys got banished to Little Rock in the first place

“it was a big raccoon” Raccoons are adorable they look like little bandits leave them alone

Jeresa are sitting ~very close~!!!!

“in the DR” As in, in the Dominican Republic? Do people really say that? Sounds like I’m watching Big Brother and they’re talking about the Diary Room LOL

Wait what Teresa is doing coke right as James leaves the room? What if he forgot something and comes back??? Does he know? Has this just been accepted by him? This is never going to be addressed, is it?

Ooh, theory time. Is the coke...not coke? Is it something else and Teresa has been building up a tolerance to it so she can appear dead?

“I know you want things to go back to normal” BACK to normal? When were things normal? Why does half the episode have to be spent on these two?

“I don’t want to live like this anymore” You…you...WHAT? Why did you join a drug cartel? You BEGGED back in with them. Proved yourself. Worked too hard, isn’t that what you said? What did you think it was going to be like?

Do we, the audience, have to suffer through the garage sale, too?

HOW LONG IS THIS SCENE WHY ARE WE STILL IN SUBURBIA

Yeah snoop through your neighbor’s mail when the whole neighborhood is around THAT’S NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL

oh it’s his little girl’s team now we have to suffer through Pote’s redemption for his misogynist sexist comments from earlier in the season

Yo, why are we only meeting Domingo now? I like this guy. He’s fun. Plus he’s got cool piercings.

aaaaand he’s dead.

Oh, okay, not dead. But injured.

YO I LIKE DOMINGO

CHICHO HOW COULD YOU CALL POTE THIS IS NOT HOW I RAISED YOU

omg is KA going to tell Pote to go back to Teresa where he’s happy because she doesn’t want his spirit to die? If so, I think I might want to die.

I don’t need another tender Kote moment JFC MAKE IT STOP

BRICKS!!!! KISS TIME!!!!

“You wouldn’t let me do it, so why should I let you?” Dead. Dead. DEAAAADDDDD. 😭😭😭

I love you. SAME. (I still wish T had said it first)

So no conversation. Just straight to the sex? Okay. I guess we’ll roll with it.

The way he pauses to tuck her hair away from her face and looks at her all starry-eyed when she’s on top of him. Dead. Dead. Dead dead dead.

And then they SMILE. Can you be more dead than dead? I think that’s where I’m at. 👻

Sidenote: I don’t think we’ve ever seen this much of J’s tattoos up close. This is glorious. Lol yeah because there’s sex happening and I’m looking at the details of the tattoos hahaha

The hand on the thigh to end it before the camera pans and then fade to black. That’s great. I will accept it.

She’s touching his arm in the morning after scene. There is SUNLIGHT. This is the best lit Jeresa scene of this show’s existence, lol. Holy shit.

When does she tell him she loves him? This is obviously setting us up for a goodbye.

LOLOLOLOL James is talking about weapons and making sure she’s well equipped and she’s giving him heart eyes instead sooo is she about to say it?

SHE SAID IT!!!!!!!!!

Jeresa making out. Jeresa getting it on. Jeresa kissing after a love confession. In one episode. ❤️ 🥰 🎊 💞 💓 😘 🎇 🔥 Bask in the glory. Savor it. Let’s all enjoy this and rewatch and reblog gifs etc etc etc because it’s all we’re ever going to get. 🎁

“She’s not going in without us.” “I’ll go.” OoOoOoOo this is all part of the plan isn’t it?

But when did you have time to plan this when you spent all night making out and having sex. You must have been spent. Did you multitask in bed? 😂

Scared Puppy James :( :( :(

Wait. WAIT. This is very plot holey. Kostya didn’t know anything about Teresa’s business? He’s apparently the biggest bad-ass there is and he didn’t even vet her? He just let Oksana handle it? WHATTTTTTT

The tequila isn’t poisoned. She put something on the shot glass, probably? That’s why they had Chicho talk about how Oksana was killed at the beginning. Right?

So Kostya has been elusive all season. Fucked everything up. And he dies as soon as he meets her? WHAT. Just like that. This is so deflating.

Uhhhh, listen, I get it, Teresa is obviously gonna make it out of here. But why have Kostya’s guys not shot her in the head yet? This is very unrealistic. They wouldn’t hesitate. She would be on the ground in a second.

WHAT. NO. WHY IS POTE HERE. GO AWAY. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STEP UP, CHICHO.

I wish Pote had died. A final sacrifice for his family. That would have been his redemption. And I’m not apologizing for anything I just said. Full offense. Not sorry.

“You had enough on your plate.” Are you KIDDING ME? Yo WHO THE FUCK DOES CHICHO THINK HE IS? Making decisions for the boss? That’s not…that wouldn’t happen, helpful or not. Teresa would kill HIM. Know your place. Wow how nice of the writers to screw Chicho up.

“I’m only legit until Devon decides I’m not” So…okay. Jeresa have definitely talked about Devon and made the sniper plan now, right? If she’s saying this?

“Can you shut down operations in New Orleans and meet us when you’re done?” “Of course.” That’s the goodbye, isn’t it? We’re still on track for the sniper plan?

“When everything’s settled I’ll send for you.” Uh. Maybe KA is safer in Little Rock. But you’re gonna leave her out in the wind for an indefinite amount of time? OKAY.

“He may not be as nice” LOL

Omg this is like the most continuous dialogue James has had all season and it’s wasted on DEVON

Personally not a fan of this very predictable James-was-still-under-Devon’s-wing-the-whole-time because I think it’s lazy writing. Very lazy. BUT I bet in James’ mind, he’s for sure been pretending and this whole time whenever he’s been sitting boo-boo faced in the corner moping, he’s been planning out how to tell Teresa and going over the plan of how she’s going to “die” and they’re going to disappear. So he could tell her and they could execute it perfectly when the right time presented itself. Right? And that’s all going to be shoved into like the last few minutes of the finale, isn’t it?

Ah okay so sniper James is going to shoot Teresa through the window to make Devon think he followed orders. They WERE multitasking in bed. 😂😂

I knew it. I fucking knew it. It’s exactly the ending to this episode we all expected.

Finale preview: soooooooo Teresa is barely in it because she’s “dead” and we have to watch Pote carry out her “wishes” for most of it until it’s safe for her to come alive again? COME ON.

#qots spoilers #qots 5x09 #qots #queen of the south #teresa mendoza #james valdez #jeresa #pote galvez #kelly anne van awken #kote #boaz jimenez #devon finch #chicho nolastname #i have opinions they are unpopular

[inshadesofgrey]

okay i haven’t been on tumblr in a long time but i came on today to read a few thoughts about whats been going on with taylor lately..and just wanted to share my thoughts on some things. i can’t believe i’m about to defend these two people so much but here we go.

i kinda feel like tumblr is so cliquey? in how everyone thinks. like everyone thinks the same, if you think something different to the rest of the fandom its almost....the wrong opinion. theres like a groupthink situation going on where ONE account doesn’t like somebody and suddenly we all start to not like that person and just go after them. like with the shawn drama. i’m gonna defend the boy here, he’s an idiot sometimes (a lot) but he doesn’t deserve the backlash and hate he’s getting.  jfc you guys im not the biggest shawn fan, but you realise a BUNCH of taylor’s friends haven’t spoken out either??? where’s jack antonoff?? wheres niall?? brendon?? but everyone for some reason wants to solely slam shawn for staying silent. its been like this for ages. when he talks about her in q&a’s etc, when he didnt speak back in june it was just vitriol from the fandom but i feel like if taylor had a problem with that, she wouldn’t stay friends with him, if she believed he only uses her for clout, she wouldn’t have released a remix with him. i don’t think we need to get mad at him on her behalf when she’s not even mad at him herself. yes, i wish shawn would say something but maybe there’s something we don’t know, maybe he can’t because of his manager’s relationship with scooter and maybe taylor understands that. 

today with the live, i’ve seen people  say“how could he not defend taylor and then just sit there with her worst ex” shawn’s been friends with john for years, the same amount of time he’s been friends with taylor - he’s worked with him on his 3rd album, sung with him at shows, has hung out with him a fair bit, so i’m sure if she had an issue with one of her friends being friends with john, we’d know by now but she obviously doesn’t give a shit so we don’t need to give a shit either. also about the podcast, him and john were not making fun of lover....at all. john was just making a joke, the same joke we all made, because well, he’s right. john praised the song, said he loved it. when i saw this i saw it as a nice thing that he was talking about her music, instead of being an ass and not mentioning her at all and avoiding talking about her. now i totally get and understand where people are coming from with WE can make jokes about that line, but because of taylor and john’s history it’s not his place. while i found the joke totally harmless, i can see why people found it in bad taste. but if thats your view even then, shawn actually kind of diverted john away from going on about that line and interjected and was like “yeah but you like the song right”. anyway. i can’t believe i’m defending john mayer so much but...here we are. 

i also saw A LOT of people saying that its disgusting of shawn to not talk about taylor’s situation but then go and promote the lover remix so much for ‘clout’. i mean yeah, shawn profits of the lover remix. but taylor does.....a lot. why did old town road stay on top of the charts so long? because of the remixes. yeah the song itself was insanely popular, but the remixes really helped it as well. taylor is smart she knew putting one of the most popular artists today on a lover remix would go down incredibly well with the general public and help lover rise the charts again, and she was right. so when shawn is promoting lover for ‘clout’ he’s also doing taylor huge favours too. they both profit off it, taylor probably more than shawn in reality so i don’t think thats something to get really mad about.

i’m sorry this was sooooo long i don’t care if no one read this it was just a way to kind of get my feelings out because these posts have just been bothering me. i think as a fandom sometimes we get way too caught up in the bubble and over-dramatise situations, make things seem worse than they are, and attack people when they maybe don’t deserve it. 

#not saying johns a good person bc we KNOW he isnt #but what he said today was fineeee #same as shawn #i think theres some behind the scenes stuff we dont know with him #taylor WOULD know which is why she's still friends with him even though he never said anything either back in july #just my thoughts and rants #im sorry it was so long HAHA #t #m

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Hi I'm thoroughly confused n I loved it but maybe not all of it but I did and I didn't and how dare they cut my mf baby's tounge out like wtf. I'm a bi mess so I obviously had two gamplays one with Lou one with Vi,,,, I'm just so ahhh. Like not that I wanted any of them to get mutilated but Vi got off so much easier and my Vi playthrough was so damn stressful like oof. I love Vi and Lou n I was upset at both outcomes tbh and just fucking Minerva oof sorry I just needed to let it out lol

so i’ve had some time to think [and like 2 hours of sleep maybe] and I think I can word my thoughts a little better? because I totally agree with you

so, when I did my playthrough of the game, i did the romance Louis choice, okay. And I haven’t watched any Violet routes [except for that one horrifying scene YOU KNOW THE ONE [wish I hadn’t really wish I hadn’t jfc]] so I don’t know all the changes to her character and what she does in all that, so I’m just going off my playthrough, okay?

I was frustrated with Violet and Minerva and that whole betrayal situation because, while I figured Vi would be pissed I didn’t save her, I didn’t think she’d go that far. It’s like she’s turned into a Kenny, kind of? You go against her once and suddenly the world is over and so is your friendship. And I felt like that was a betrayal on multiple levels. 

Like, she heard Minerva admit to killing Sophie, and yet she still would still rather defend her rather than Clem, Louis, Tenn, and everyone else? Something about it just doesn’t feel right. Like it’s breaking her character to be that bitter and vindictive enough to actually try preventing our escape. 

like i’ve said a few times, I don’t know if I’m more upset because this part of her character was something I never expected, or if it’s because I feel her character was a little butchered in the Louis route.

And hah speaking of my boy, I did my playthrough and I was terrified because “oh fuck they’re gonna cut off his fucking hand they can’t do that that’s the worst thing they could do” and so, I let AJ attack and Louis is physically okay all fingers accounted for and in shock that he shot that lady who tried to cut his finger off in the first place. 

so after I finished the game furious that I actually let James talk me into letting Lilly live like a dumbass, i got ready to restart to fix that final choice, right. But, not before looking up what happens in alternate routes.

Um.

to quote myself from an earlier post:

“not all the middle fingers in the world could make up the amount of “FUCK YOU” I feel for what happens to Louis in the Violet route.” 

Let’s break this down:

You save Louis: Violet’s pissed, won’t talk to you, betrays you by trying to prevent your escape but overall is physically fine

You save Violet: LOUIS GET’S HIS FUCKING TONGUE CUT OUT IN THE MOST TRAUMATIC WAY POSSIBLE THAT WHEN HE SEES CLEM HE’S SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE HER THAT HE HUGS HER, FUCKING BREAKS DOWN SOBBING IN HER ARMS AND ACTUALLY SMILES AT HER HE FUCKING SMILES AT HER ARE YOU KIDDING??????? AND WHEN LILY SHOWS UP??? HE FUCKING COWERS IN THE CORNER TRYING TO SPEAK BUT HE CAN’T BECAUSE HE HAS. NO. TONGUE.

now maybe it’s just me but doesn’t something just seem off? a little uneven???

And the part that pisses me off the most is that it kind of feels like that game is giving us these two outcomes like a “this one is right and this one is wrong” sort of deal. 

If you save Louis, depending on your choices, literally no in your group dies, no one is disfigured or mutilated. Vi’s pissed but she’s fine. Sure, they’re MIA but as far as we know, they’re fine. 

But, if you save Violet, no matter what you do, no matter your choices, Louis always gets mutilated. There’s nothing you can do to prevent that except to restart chapter two and save him during the raider attack. 

How fucked up is that?

Why would they do that? 

I’ve never done or really seen the Violet route, and now I never will because not only has my opinion and respect for her been tarnished, but I’m not going to let that happen to Louis. Nope. Never. 

And now, my view of the game is kind of twisted. Before I always picked Louis but I knew the Violet route was just as good. I don’t think that anymore. 

And that isn’t fair. It’s not fair to the those who love Violet and who love her and Clem together but also love Louis, because there’s nothing you can do to save him when you pick Violet. 

And that has got to be one of the most frustrating things about this episode.

Now, we don’t know what ep4 has in store. Perhaps something will happen to Violet physically, like what everyone predicting with her eye, to “balance things out” 

But

nothing is going to balance that shit out. I’m sorry, but what happens to Louis is one of the worst things that a human could do to another. 

you can’t save him in the Violet route

and nothing you do to Violet will “balance” that out.

So, to wrap up this rant that you totally didn’t ask for anon:

episode 3 has killed me and I’m not letting anyone lay a single finger on Louis 

I hope maybe Violet gets redemption, but I don’t know. And, I wanna clarify, I don’t hate Violet, I guess I’m just disappointed with where her character went in my playthrough. 

Also my little rant might make it sound like I hated the episode, which is totally not true. There were a lot of things I loved, it’s just this one thing that’s not even going to affect my playthrough but… even so, just knowing that it can happen, that it will happen in other playthroughs really fucks me up. 

anyway

rant over

#asks #twdg #twdg spoilers #twdg louis #twdg violet

[urfavmurtad]

Here it is… my masterpiece of procrastination… the long-awaited sequel to The Quraysh Were Good Actually: 2 Ghazwa 2 Furious, per anon’s request. I actually couldn’t get it all in one post anon, sorry, bc it’s goddamn 10,000 words long jfc but I got it into two, which is much better than the five I had @quranreadalong!!!

This is all about military expeditions in Mohammed’s time. It sounds dry but I promise it’s fire. Jews getting massacred! Temples getting burned down!! Swarms of bees sent to punish the disbelievers!!! Extreme feudalism!!!! All this and more during the spread of The True Religion. I took mercy upon all y’all app users by not putting the whole thing as one post and making u scroll 5 minutes to get to the end of it.

This is an almost-complete rundown of military expeditions in Mohammed’s era, starting in Medina (622 AD) and leading up to the expedition to Tabouk (630 AD). It all started with our dudes the Quraysh in Mecca and their allies.

Mohammed’s followers had been raiding trade caravans headed to and from Mecca for a while. The first attempted attack on a caravan was only a few months after Mohammed moved to Medina with his followers, and more raids were carried out once every couple months after that. The motive was simply to get whatever the caravan was carrying. The early historian Ibn Ishaq quotes Mohammed as sending his men out with the command:

Go forth against this caravan; it may be that Allah will grant you plunder

Ambushes like this were pretty par for the course; there were always brigands laying in wait to attack caravans and steal their shit. So while this was annoying, it was not really unprecedented for a center of trade like Mecca, and the men traveling with each caravan were used to dealing with the situation and escaping from attempted raids. Mohammed’s people were simply one of many nuisances at this point, and their raids did not actually accomplish much until late 623 AD. This was the Nakhla raid.

Here’s the deal. In both the Islamic calendar and the polytheistic Arabian calendar that preceded it, there are four “sacred” months during which you’re not supposed to shed blood. One of those months is Rajab, the seventh month. Both Muslims and polytheists agreed that no one should be killed in this month, but Mohammed sent out a raiding party towards the end of the month anyway, headed by one of his idiot extended family members, Abdallah ibn Jahsh. Unbeknownst to anyone at the time, Abdallah had a penchant for Yeezys, and the Meccan caravan happened to be carrying some.

This expedition proceeded until they reached Nakhlah where they found ‘Amr ibn al-Hadrami leading a trade caravan for the Quraysh. That day was the last day of the sacred month. The Muslims were divided in their opinion. Some of them said: 'We know for certain that today belongs to the sacred month, we are of the view that you should not violate it because of greed’. The opinion of those who desired the stuff of this world gained the upper hand; they attacked Ibn al-Hadrami, killed him and seized his camels. Ibn al-Hadrami was the first person to be killed in a fight between the Muslims and the disbelievers. The disbelievers of the Quraysh heard about the incident and sent a delegation to the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace. They said to him: 'Do you allow fighting in the sacred month?’ As a response, Allah, exalted is He, revealed this verse (They question thee (O Muhammad) with regard to warfare in the sacred month…)

So even though it was a truce month and the raiders themselves knew it, they attacked the caravan, killed a trader, and stole the Yeezys anyway. The Quraysh were very upset and demanded answers from Mohammed, at which point “Allah” revealed that the raid was okay because the Quraysh were big meanies and disbelievers.

Now convinced that Mohammed’s followers were murderous lunatics, the Quraysh decided to prepare an army to send out to defend their next caravan if necessary. When Mohammed moved to attack a caravan returning from Syria to Mecca, the army set out to defend the caravan. The two armies met at a water source between Mecca and Medina called Badr, and that battle went well for the Muslims, with a few dozen Meccans dying and more being taken captive. (The caravan got past them, though.)

After Badr, many non-Muslims in Medina were furious at their new neighbors for instigating such a conflict. The Muslims were viewed by their non-Muslim neighbors not only as the aggressors, but also as a real threat to Medina’s relations with Mecca and their allied merchants in the area. One such person was a woman named Asma, a poet. In one of her poems she expressed rage at Mohammed and his people attacking the Meccans (many had friends or family in Mecca and the two cities were generally friendly with one another prior to Mohammed’s arrival) and wished for Mohammed’s death:

Do you expect good from him after the killing of your chiefs / Like a hungry man waiting for a cook’s broth? / Is there no man of pride who would attack him by surprise / And cut off the hopes of those who expect aught from him?

Mohammed was not happy upon hearing this. Ibn Ishaq’s biography continues:

When the apostle heard what she had said he said, “Who will rid me of Marwan’s daughter [Asma]?” Umayr b. Adiy al-Khatmi who was with him heard him, and that very night he went to her house and killed her. In the morning he came to the apostle and told him what he had done and he [Muhammad] said, “You have helped God and His apostle, O Umayr!” When he asked if he would have to bear any evil consequences the apostle said, “Two goats won’t butt their heads about her”, so Umayr went back to his people.

As far as I recall, Asma is the first recorded unarmed murder victim among the polytheists of Medina. She would not be the last Medinan poet to be killed that year; Mohammed also ordered the death of an old Jewish man for similar reasons that same year (and later ordered the death of another Jew who committed the same offense). The murder of those who dared speak against him was part a campaign of stamping out dissent and solidifying control of the area.

Mohammed believed that one community in particular stood in his way.

The first of three conflicts between Mohammed and the Jewish tribes of Medina began not long after Badr. As I’ve said before, Mohammed didn’t really interact with Jews en masse until his Medina days, and he seems to have been genuinely appalled that they not only didn’t believe he was a prophet, but believed that he was a bullshitter who distorted the Torah’s stories and their belief system. Relations between Muslims and Jews in Medina were not ideal for this reason, especially because the Jews were a prosperous and influential minority group that held power in the city, but from 622-624, there wasn’t really outright conflict. But the Jews’ persistent refusal to “embrace Islam” was noted and deeply resented.

That changed after Badr. Mohammed was feeling like a widow who just buried her third husband and was sick of having to deal with the Jews’ shit when he was basically running the place. Ibn Ishaq:

When God smote Quraysh at Badr, the apostle assembled the Jews in the market of the B. Qaynuqa’ (one of the three Jewish tribes, mostly smiths and jewelers) when he came to Medina and called on them to accept Islam before God should treat them as he had treated Quraysh.

And so he announced:

O assembly of Jews! Surrender to Allah (embrace Islam) and you will be safe!

Those who did not convert were told in no uncertain terms what Mohammed was preparing:

You should know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Apostle, and I want to expel you from this land.

From here on out, relations between Muslims and Jews were quite understandably tense. He saw the Jews as an obstacle to full control of the city and he wanted them gone from Medina. And before long, he would accomplish that goal.

The first of the three tribes to displease him was the Banu Qaynuqa. Neither Ibn Ishaq nor al-Tabari (nor any sahih source) gives the specific trigger for this incident, though more... colorful historians did invent an excuse it that is genuinely laughable. According to these accounts, the incident that prompted their eventual doom involved a jeweler belonging to the clan interacting with a Muslim woman and taking off her veil by pinning it down to a counter without her noticing (other histories say he “stripped her naked”–quite a strong pin!). A Muslim man observed this and beat the jeweler to death, prompting nearby Jews to try to pull him off the guy and subsequently kill him, and so on.

Whatever happened, Mohammed made good on his earlier threat to the Jews.

He sent his men to besiege the Banu Qaynuqa in their quarters for two weeks. It was evidently a bloodless siege as the Banu Qaynuqa do not seem to have fought back, and were perhaps unable to do so. They offered an unconditional surrender. The question then was what to do with them. One of the leaders of Medina forcefully pleaded for their lives. Al-Tabari:

Abd Allah b. Ubbay b. Salul rose up when God had put them in his power, and said, “Muhammad, treat my mawali [friends of tribe] well”; for they were the confederates of al-Khazraj [Abdallah’s tribe]. The Prophet delayed his answer, so ‘Abd Allah repeated, “Muhammad, treat my mawali well.” The Prophet turned away from him, and he put his hand into (The Messenger’s) collar. The Messenger of God said, “Let me go!” – he was so angry that they could see shadows in his face (that is, his face coloured). Then he said, “Damn you, let me go!” [Abdallah] replied, “No, by God, I will not let you go until you treat my mawali well. Four hundred man without armour and three hundred with coats of mail, who defended me from the Arab and non-Arab alike, and you would mow them in a single morning? By God, I do not feel safe and am afraid of what the future may have in store.” So the Messenger of God said, “They are yours.“

(This is the same guy labeled one of the munafiqun/fake Muslims in the Quran; there is no doubt that his kindness to the Jews of Medina was part of the reason for the suspicion towards him.)

The Jews of the Banu Qaynuqa were all kicked out, male and female alike, except for those few who wanted to stay and “converted” to Islam. The rest made their miserable way north. Mohammed confiscated their property and divided it among his followers and family members according to “Allah’s rules”. By pure coincidence, the Banu Qaynuqa had been prosperous smiths and jewelers who operated Medina’s market. Which was now up for grabs. Hrm...

That took care of the first Jewish tribe. They were the lucky ones.

The first recorded Medinan Muslim deaths outside of combat occurred about a month after this. Two farmers, at least one of whom was Muslim, were killed when a group of Meccan soldiers, seeking to avenge their comrades at Badr, torched a field a few miles away from Medina, where the two people were killed. This was, of course, the fault of The Jewz. Ibn Saad’s sira states:

They knocked at the door of Huyayy ibn Akhtab to gather information about the Apostle of Allah and his companions. He refused to open the door. They knocked at the door of Sallam Ibn Mishkam who opened the door, feasted them, offered them drink and supplied information about the Apostle of Allah.

Huyayy was the leader of the Banu Nadir tribe of Medinan Jews. Sallam here was a rabbi who deeply disliked Mohammed and thought he was a charlatan and, after his Badr and caravan expeditions, a dangerous cult leader. He exposed Mohammed’s lack of Biblical knowledge on multiple occasions, and Mohammed loathed him in return. We have absolutely no idea if Sallam’s involvement here is true or not due to the weak chain of transmission. It seems rather unlikely; the Meccans seem to have just been intent on quickly causing trouble and then leaving rather than staying to plan any larger attack or gathering information. When Mohammed decided to turn his wrath on the Banu Nadir, this supposed incident would not be the trigger, or even mentioned as an excuse.

Meanwhile, Mohammed can’t stop, won’t stop the raiding business. But his raids this time didn’t accomplish much–the Muslims captured some pack animals and goods at best, and walked away empty-handed at worst. Ibn Ishaq blandly lists the raids that occurred in 624 AD following Badr (no motivations are given for any of them). One involved Mohammed’s fighters trying to find some men of the Banu Sulaym tribe to raid, but they couldn’t locate them. There was another raid on the Quraysh, though this one doesn’t seem to have worked.  Finally, we’re told that “he raided Najd, making for Ghatafan” shortly after the burnt-field incident mentioned above. Najd is the region to the east of the Hijaz, and the Ghatafan tribe was a large confederation of mostly-Bedouin clans that lived there. We will be seeing them again later, and we will discover that they didn’t enjoy Mohammed’s antics much.

Ibn Saad’s sira adds some color to this last raid, and gives some details to flesh out the story: two Ghatafan clans, we are told, were amassing themselves… in the middle of the Najd… to attack Medina. Of course. (Ibn Saad’s sira does this over and over again, it’s kind of funny. He probably got this tendency from his inventive teacher, al-Waqidi.) Mysteriously, when Mohammed’s army approached this spot, the evildoers… fled in terror and didn’t even try to engage them! The Muslims were able to capture a guy, who told them:

They will never confront you. If they learn of your march they will flee to the peaks of the mountains.

Some sources say that this poor dude was then put to death, or, as one book nicely puts it, “met his fate ordained from pre-eternity”.

So much for that whole threatening-Medina thing.

Finally, there was another caravan raid in this time period, also in the Najd region. Ibn Ishaq states:

The Quraysh were afraid to follow their usual route to Syria after what had happened at Badr, so they went by the Iraq route. Some of their merchants went out, among whom was Abu Sufyan, carrying a great deal of silver which formed the larger part of their merchandise. … The Apostle duly sent Zayd, and he met them by that watering place and captured the caravan and its contents, but the men got away. He brought the spoil to the Apostle.

The evil Meccans specifically took a different route to avoid the Muslims, but the Muslims wanted that sweet, sweet cash and attacked the caravan anyway. They took a shitload of silver straight to Mohammed.

It is at this point that the Meccans said “you know what? fuck this shit”, prompting the Battle of Uhud, which is a mountain near Medina. Uhud did not go very well for the Muslim army; Mohammed’s troops were poorly disciplined and left themselves open to cavalry attacks from the Quraysh. About as many Muslims died at Uhud as Meccans had died at Badr. So the Quraysh went back to Mecca, feeling confident that they’d taught Mohammed a lesson, rather than pursue his people into Medina.

Mohammed’s pride was badly wounded by the whole incident, and he needed to raise his army’s morale. So the day immediately following the battle, he ordered his some of his men to chase down the Meccans as they were headed home. The two armies seem to have tried to play psychological games with one another without actually engaging each other, but nothing came of it--the Quraysh made their way back to Mecca and Mohammed’s men went back to Medina. A couple of weaker sources say that Mohammed’s guys were able to capture a small number of Meccan soldiers and kill them, though Ibn Ishaq doesn’t say this. Regardless, the whole incident appears to have just been Mohammed letting his men release some frustration after losing a battle, similar to the Meccans attacking the field after Badr back in the last section.

With the Quraysh victorious and out of reach for the moment, Mohammed turned his wrath on smaller enemies, namely regional Bedouin (desert nomadic people) clans who refused to embrace Islam. This period contains a lot of “Mohammed ‘learns’ that some small clan somewhere is planning on attacking Medina and has to go attack them first, clan flees in terror, Mohammed steals their shit” incidents in Ibn Saad’s sira, though the motives usually go unstated in Ibn Ishaq’s. The victims of Mohammed’s fuckery this time were the Banu Asad bin Khuzayma in Najd (east of Hijaz, central modern-day Saudi Arabia). Upon arriving at the site, all the Muslims found were three shepherds with their flocks. The poor unlucky souls were taken captive and their animals were taken as “war booty”.

This happened yet again with another clan from the Najd area, the Banu Lahyan. This time, though, Ibn Hishsm says that Mohammed sent an assassin instead of an army and had him shank the chief of the clan. Abdullah ibn Unais was the assassin in question; the chief lost his head, which was brought back to Mohammed as a trophy.

Unfortunately the Banu Lahyan did not react very well to the murder of their chief and the desecration of his corpse. They bribed two guys, who went to Mohammed and pretended to be Muslims, asking him to send some of his own men to their clan to teach them all about Islam. Mohammed didn’t believe them and sent ten spies with them disguised as missionaries. Naturally, they were ambushed along the way by the Banu Lahyan, who wanted to take them captive in order to get money for the life of their chief. The Muslims refused to be taken alive.

Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) sent a Sariya [detachment] of ten men as spies under the leadership of `Asim bin Thabit … About two-hundred men, who were all archers, hurried to follow their tracks … When `Asim and his companions saw their pursuers, they went up a high place and the infidels circled them. The infidels said to them, “Come down and surrender, and we promise and guarantee you that we will not kill any one of you” `Asim bin Thabit; the leader of the Sariya said, “By Allah! I will not come down to be under the protection of infidels.

Of the ten, eight died in the fighting there. The remaining two were traded for money in Mecca… unfortunately to people whose family members they had killed at Badr, and they also died. (The whole hadith above is worth reading… it involves shaving pubes, magic grapes, and Allah sending bees. Everything in the hadith that occurs in Mecca is obviously made up, as all of these people died and no one but the dead would know these details, but it seems like the incident itself did happen.)

After this was a more serious incident that was very similar to the one above. The second one is called “the incident at Bir Maona” and follows the same pattern: a guy says he wants Mohammed to send missionaries to his clan to teach them about Islam, Mohammed sends some people (the numbers are uncertain; some say 40, another source says “70” but that number just means, basically, “dozens”), they get ambushed along the way, the ambushers promise not to harm them, a fight ensues, and all but two get killed, again. The perpetrators had various reasons for loathing Mohammed; some clans had been attacked by his followers, others were allied with people who had been attacked. They did not go easy on them.

But while he was reporting the message of the Prophet, they beckoned to one of their men who stabbed him to death. My maternal uncle said, "Allah is Greater! By the Lord of the Kaaba, I am successful.” After that they attacked the rest of the party and killed them all except a lame man who went up to the top of the mountain. (Hammam, a sub-narrator said, “I think another man was saved along with him).”

Mohammed was very unhappy.

For thirty days Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) invoked Allah to curse those who had killed the companions of Bir-Mauna; he invoked evil upon the tribes of Ral, Dhakwan, and Usaiya who disobeyed Allah and His Apostle. There was revealed about those who were killed at Bir-Mauna a Qur'anic Verse we used to recite, but it was cancelled later on. The verse was: “Inform our people that we have met our Lord. He is pleased with us and He has made us pleased.”

This verse is no longer in the Quran. It was “cancelled”. Don’t ask me why. I think it was because the phrasing made it sound like the dead people were talking instead of Allah, so Mohammed changed it, possibly to 3:169.

Anyway, the two incidents above are so similar that I have to wonder if the details of them sort of blended together (or were heavily embellished). But the Bedouins’ overall resistance to the True Religion was noted and Mohammed filed that knowledge away to deal with it later.

Remember the Banu Nadir Jews, involved in the field incident? Well, besides killing that one poet after Badr, Mohammed held off on dealing with them for a while. But after the above, he was pissed off and needed someone to take his anger out on. This brings us to our second of three incidents with The Jewz. Like the Banu Qaynuqa, the triggering incident (the whole thing with Sallam helping the Meccans is not mentioned here, which also leads me to think it was bullshit) described by the histories is extremely petty.

Here’s the rundown from Ibn Ishaq. One of Mohammed’s followers, Amr bin Umayya, promises two dudes from the Banu Kilab clan that he won’t hurt them and then kills them while they’re sleeping, ostensibly because he thinks they were involved in Bir Maona (the guys were in fact unrelated to the incident and were given orders of protection from Mohammed himself).

To keep the clan from hating him, Mohammed promises the victims’ families that he’ll pay them for the murders. Despite the fact that the dude has plenty of money at this point (see the raids from the last section), he goes to the Banu Nadir and asks them to pay the money, because they’re close to the Banu Kilab. The Banu Nadir agree to this, presumably because they saw what happened to their Jewish brethren when they even mildly upset Mohammed.

None of this really has anything to do with the reason why the Banu Nadir got kicked out of Medina. Rather, what happened is that while Mohammed was at the Banu Nadir’s place outside the city discussing this matter, “Allah” told him that one of the Jews was going to assassinate him by dropping a rock on his head. So Mohammed left and returned to Medina’s city limits. …Yes, really. This is seriously what happened, according to Ibn Ishaq.

When Mohammed’s baffled followers found him again, he informed them of what “Allah” told him, then instructed them to get an army together.

he told them of the treachery which the Jews mediated against him. The apostle ordered them to prepare for war and to march against them. Then he went off with the men until he came upon them.

The Banu Nadir at this point are completely fucked because they have no way of defending themselves against Mohammed’s baseless allegations, as “it was a revelation from Allah” functions as a trump card for Mohammed’s followers. Like the Banu Qaynuqa, the Banu Nadir had absolutely zero hope of winning any fight. A siege lasting between one and two weeks followed, with the Muslim besiegers destroying the date palm trees that shielded the Banu Nadir’s quarters, and the Banu Nadir surrendered unconditionally with no loss of life recorded on either side. Also like the Banu Qaynuqa, the Banu Nadir Jews were allowed to either convert or leave. Their property and any possessions left behind were taken by Mohammed for himself and his family.

The properties abandoned by Banu Nadir were the ones which Allah bestowed upon His Apostle for which no expedition was undertaken either with cavalry or camelry. These properties were particularly meant for the Prophet (ﷺ). He would meet the annual expenditure of his family from the income thereof, and would spend what remained for purchasing horses and weapons as preparation for Jihad.

This story is told all sorts of ways in early Islamic history books, with the same endpoint but differing descriptions of what, exactly, the dastardly Jews were planning on doing. The most likely explanation for these differing accounts is just that there was no obvious reason for their expulsion so people had to make up stories about it. Regardless, the Banu Nadir, rather than fleeing far to the north like most of their Banu Qaynuqa brethren, stayed relatively close by in a Jewish settlement called Khaybar. It would prove to be a mistake.

We haven’t talked about the Quraysh in Mecca for a while–most of Mohammed’s conflict in the last section involved Bedouin in the Najd and the Jews in Medina. But he did not forget the blow to his ego that was Uhud. Oh no. He remembered, and in 626 AD, he set out to prove his prophet credentials to his followers. He returned to the scene of his first and greatest glory, Badr.

After the previous battle, the leader of the Meccan army (Abu Sufyan) told his people that they would likely face the Muslims again the same time next year. But when this period actually came, he decided against it. Ibn Saad:

When the period came to a close, Abu Sufyan was reluctant to march. (In the meantime) Nu’aym Ibn Mas’ud al-Ashja’I arrived in Makkah, Abu Sufyan said to him: I made a promise to confront Muhammad and his companions at Badr. That time has come, but this is a year of drought while a year of plenitude and prosperity suits us.

Abu Sufyan told Nuam (a deeply sketchy character we’ll come across again later) to try to convince Mohammed not to fight by exaggerating the size of the Meccan forces, but Mohammed didn’t fall for it. He was rearing to fight and wasn’t gonna let the Meccans chicken out on him. So he marched his men out to Badr and waited. But the Meccans really did not want to fight and went straight back to Mecca without engaging with the Muslims. This reasonable action (there really was a drought) is naturally presented as a sign of the Meccans’ cowardice in Islamic texts. In reality, they probably should have gone through with the battle, because by not engaging in war, they allowed the Muslim army to look like they’d scared them off and established dominance. This shifted perceptions of Mohammed’s army in the region and made tribes consider aligning with him.

This was followed by a few more raids that followed an identical pattern, the most notable of which occurred very far to the north, in Dumat al-Jandal (the north of modern-day Saudi Arabia). Mohammed heard rumors that there were brigands of some kind making trouble there and laughably told his followers that they were going to attack Medina (they are hundreds miles of desert away from each other). The troops were gathered yet again and marched off to meet this clear and present danger and yet again never found their phantom enemy. It is very likely that this was Mohammed’s way of showing his strength to the Christians of northern Arabia in preparation of a wider Islamic conquest, which would begin a few years later. Mohammed was clearly feeling as though he had supplanted the Meccans as the dominant force in the region and wanted people to know it.

(Many years later, during the Tabouk expedition, Dumat al-Jandal would be one of the cities forced to pay jizya to the Muslims. And three years after that, during the conflict called the “Ridda Wars” that occurred immediately after Mohammed’s death–when unhappily converted people and those made to pay jizya turned against Abu Bakr and Islam in general–the city rebelled against their overlords and was crushed by the caliphate’s army.)

Mohammed’s raids got bolder around this time. The pattern (accuse people of conspiring against him, attack them, steal their shit) held, but sneak attacks began to be used to prevent the whole “flee in terror” middle step. Also in the year 626 AD was an attack upon a clan called Banu Mustaliq, living halfway between Medina and Mecca. The attack was sudden.

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) made a raid upon Banu Mustaliq while they were unaware and their cattle were having a drink at the water. He killed those who fought and imprisoned others.

Mohammed “married” the daughter of the chief of that clan after she was enslaved, and his men raped the other women (except for the ones related to Mohammed’s new wife, as raping the siblings and cousins of your beloved prophet’s wife is not a good look). This raid is mentioned in a hadith in which Mohammed discussed with his men whether using the pull-out method vs splooging in their sex slaves’ vaginas was preferable. Enjoy reading that if you want.

We are now entering the year 627 AD and shit gets increasingly real. 626 marked the beginning of Islam becoming a genuinely dominant force in the region, and in 627 those who had opposed Mohammed were either defeated or drastically reduced in power.

In January of this year, several of the people Mohammed had pissed off over the years attempted to finally deal with the situation in Medina. The Quraysh had the opportunity to do this all the way back at Uhud, recall, but no one had actually tried it until now. So the Meccans teamed up with the Banu Nadir, the remainders of the Banu Qaynuqa in the area, and some clans of the Ghatafan and asked them to help besiege Medina.

Mohammed knew they were coming and the Muslims dug a trench along the side of the city facing the direction that the Meccans were coming from in order to stop any advance on horseback (the other side of Medina faced mountainous terrain). This was possibly done on the advice of a Persian man living with them, who knew the tactic well from his homeland. The siege was, like the offensive sieges we’ve already seen, tedious and involved very few casualties. For a little over three weeks the besiegers tried to find an opening but couldn’t; occasionally someone would fire an arrow at the other side, but only five people were killed in total. Irritated, the Quraysh finally just asked Mohammed to send one of his fighters out to settle the battle in a traditional Arab one-on-one duel. He sent Ali, who won, and the besiegers began to suspect that this whole exercise was pointless. The two sides spent most of the rest of the siege yelling insults at one another like a Monty Python movie.

At this point the intrigue shifts to inside Mohammed’s camp. If you recall, there were three large Jewish tribes living near Medina when Mohammed got there. He expelled two of them, but the third was still around. This was the Banu Qurayza. The Banu Qurayza were fairly uninvolved in all of the above–they had assisted the Muslims in digging the trench, but they weren’t fighting on either side. But during the siege, Huyayy ibn Akhtab (the leader of the Banu Nadir) came to his co-religionists to talk to them. He was initially turned away, but later let in. Ibn Kathir:

[Qurayza leader] Ka`b said to him, “No, by Allah, this is the opportunity for humiliation. Woe to you, O Huyay, you are a bad omen. Leave us alone.”

News of the meeting between Huyayy and the leader of the Banu Qurayza began to spread inside Medina, fueling rumors that terrified the population, convincing them that a surprise attack was coming while they were still besieged. Had this been true, it would have been a disaster, because the Qurayza lived on the other side of Medina–the undefended side, right against the mountain. They had weapons (they sold weapons as part of their trade) and men to use them. If they had attacked Medina on one side with the tribes distracting the Muslims on the other, it is entirely possible that Medina would have fallen.

But the Qurayza never made a move to attack Medina in any way; if they even sincerely thought of joining the siege, the thought clearly did not last long. Muslims sowed distrust between the Qurayza and the alliance of tribes besieging Medina, and the besiegers were already thinking of heading back home anyway. If the Qurayza didn’t make a move soon, the alliance said they’d just leave. Several sources recount a rather convenient story in which they swear the Qurayza did agree to attack Medina, but the planned attack fell on the sabbath day, so they didn’t actually do anything. Hmm.

When the siege ended and the Meccans and Ghatafan clans left, Huyayy remained with the Qurayza. Some history books say he had the opportunity to flee, but chose the honorable option of remaining with the Qurayza, knowing that their impending punishment was partially his fault.

The failure of the siege was a serious blow to the reputation of the Quraysh and another sign that Mohammed’s armies were becoming the supreme armed force in the area.

All that the Qurayza had done, as far as anyone could prove, was remain uninvolved in the siege and talk to Huyayy, who had been labeled a traitor by Mohammed’s enemies by the end of the siege. They had not marched on Medina. They had not killed a single Muslim. In fact the siege as a whole was virtually bloodless, and it was kept that way by the Qurayza refusing to fight alongside the Meccans. (This is explained in some Islamic history books by stating that the Qurayza were going to fight, but the chosen day of their sneak attack fell on the Sabbath, so they told the Quraysh they couldn’t do it. Convenient!)

But the lack of blood didn’t matter. What mattered was that the Qurayza had possibly entertained the thought, even for one moment, of going against Mohammed. The Qaynuqa and Nadir had been on the receiving end of the first Muslim expulsions of Jews. The Qurayza would be on the receiving end of the first Muslim massacre of Jews.

Immediately after the besiegers left, Mohammed informed his troops that Jibreel, the angel who talked to him on occasion (who no one else could see), had given him a command. Allah wanted the Qurayza dead.

Then Gabriel whose head was covered with dust, came to him saying, “You have put down your arms! By Allah, I have not put down my arms yet.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Where (to go now)?” Gabriel said, “This way,” pointing towards the tribe of Bani Quraiza. So Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) went out towards them.

And so another siege began, this time with the Muslims being the besiegers. It lasted about as long as the previous siege had, and like the other two sieges of Jewish quarters, ended with the unconditional surrender of the Jews. It is very likely that the Qurayza expected the same fate to befall them as befell their coreligionists, namely exile. But Allah was no longer in the mood to simply send Jews packing. Instead, by both “Allah’s will” and the suggestion of one of the leaders of the Medinan Muslim tribes, all the Qurayza men were to be put to death and their property, women, and children “distributed” to the Muslims. The only ones who would escape either death or slavery were those who converted to Islam on the spot. Boys were differentiated from men by having them drop their pants; those who had pubic hair were deemed “men” and executed.

Those whose pubic hair had grown were killed, and those whose pubic hair had not yet grown were let go.

The men of the Qurayza were brought into Medina’s center. Mohammed had ordered some shallow trenches dug into the ground there. Hundreds of men and boys, between 600 and 800 of them, were marched to the trenches. One by one they were beheaded. Huyayy was killed along with them.

Huyayy was brought out wearing a flowered robe in which he had made holes about the size of the finger-tips in every part so that it should not be taken from him as spoil, with his hands bound to his neck by a rope. When he saw the apostle he said, ‘By God, I do not blame myself for opposing you, but he who forsakes God will be forsaken.’ Then he went to the men and said, 'God’s command is right. A book and a decree, and massacre have been written against the Sons of Israel.’ Then he sat down and his head was struck off.

Huyayy’s people, the Banu Nadir, had fled to Khaybar, which was around 100 miles directly north of Medina. But the Banu Qurayza would meet their end in Medina. One woman died after going insane watching her relatives die, according to a hadith judged hasan (of good reputability).

No woman of Banu Qurayzah was killed except one. She was with me, talking and laughing on her back and belly (extremely), while the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was killing her people with the swords. … The man took her and beheaded her. She [Aisha] said: I will not forget that she was laughing extremely although she knew that she would be killed.

It was the complete and utter destruction of the Banu Qurayza. The tribe never existed again. Hundreds more people died on this one day than had died in all the conflicts between Muslims and their many enemies, combined, before this.

In case anyone missed the message that Mohammed was sending, a few years later he told all remaining Jews from other clans (who lived in Medina in small numbers) to get out of the city and never come back unless they wanted to convert.

He exiled all the Jews from Medina. They were the Jews of Bani Qainuqa’, the tribe of `Abdullah bin Salam and the Jews of Bani Haritha and all the other Jews of Medina.

Like the “pin” incident with the Qaynuqa and the rock incident with the Nadir, the Banu Qurayza’s main fault was being Jewish. Whatever they really discussed with the besiegers, the Qurayza never actually did anything to betray Mohammed; Medina was in fact saved by their lack of betrayal. It didn’t matter. The three large Jewish clans of Medina had been a thorn in Mohammed’s side for years and 627 AD was when he finally got rid of them for good. The only Jews remaining in the city were those who lived among the polytheistic clans and some small, politically insignificant clans that posed no threat to Mohammed’s power.

Those who lived outside Medina were safe, but only for the moment. They would be dealt with later in the year. Learn what happens in the thrilling conclusion!!!

#islam #history #rant

[save-me-liar]

BTS Creature AU

Namjoon is a werewolf and the future Alpha of the Ilsan Kim pack. Despite the norms he’s part of the small circle of his species who doesn’t actually hate vampires.

Always felt like a lone wolf among his pack

Has an alarming high IQ, which sets him apart from other wolves even more on top of being singled out as the child to an Alpha

Literally could not give two shits about becoming one though and lowkey hates the title

Neville Longbottom-ed the hardest out of his group of peers when puberty hit him like a brick, like jfc ya boi got legs for d a y s

Meets Yoongi when the vampire transfers to his high school

Uses a kind-of secret symbol thing that only other vampire’s can see that gives a sign that they’re chill with one another. This brings about Yoongi’s interest, especially considering Namjoon’s future-Alpha status

Backstory, he got that secret symbol thing at Ilsan’s sole co-species club after he kind of went down on a vampire who did him a solid afterwards by giving him it

They had their last class together and start to bond

Yoongi’s older than high schoolers should be but he had to leave his education because he was bit by a vampire, okay? Fledglings don’t have a good hold over their bloodlust so it wasn’t until he got control of himself that he went back. Unfortunately he chose a heavily werewolf-controlled high school and he’s working on transferring. Or, he was. Then he met Namjoon.

He’ll admit Namjoon is kinda hot, alright? But he’s a werewolf and that’s a no-go but--oh shit that’s a we’re chill symbol okay Namjoon’s definitely hot

Only his family is fucking awful holy shit

They meet in tenth grade and somehow keep their relationship a secret for two years which is impressive considering the way Yoongi’s scent tends to cover Namjoon sometimes

They plan out their senior years together because Namjoon is Done With This Shit™ and he doesn’t want to be an Alpha for a bunch of xenophobes thanks

They do a final Fuck You™ to the Ilsan Kim pack after graduation before grabbing all of Namjoon’s shit and leaving. Yoongi might have shone up at his doorstep (making him the first vampire to step on their ‘sacred lands’ in centuries) only to whisk away their now former future Alpha

They might have exchanged mating marks just before that final Fuck You™ so everyone in Namjoon’s family can smell Yoongi on him too

They move to Seoul afterwards and start trying to make their own way on the money Namjoon’s saved and the large sum Yoongi’s now deceased sire left him

I think it’s time for a read more.

Hoseok they meet at the same club where Namjoon was able to get the no bite symbol on his necklace. He’s a Gwangju witch up in Ilsan looking for some specialty ingredients for his potions and he finds interest in Yoongi (because cute) but then Namjoon is like “mine” and Hoseok finds interest in Namjoon (because hot)

He sorta backs off when discovering they’re together (like, mates together). Offers his services anytime if they ever go to Gwangju. They chill and get drunk together, leaving with each other’s phone numbers

Namjoon gets a cold a month or so later that needs one of those specialty potions. They’re hella expensive and only sold to alphas because it’s full of rare shit and Yoongi, whilst panicking, remembers Hoseok

Hoseok does him a solid. A threesome is his only required payment after Namjoon’s healthy. Yoongi’s kind of ??? But thankful. Namjoon is too, now that he can breathe through his nose

Somehow they become friends and Hoseok is now permanently in their lives

Hoseok wanted his own fairytale coffeeshop AU to happen. He makes potions on the side still because even though it’s the Family Business™ (and Talent) he doesn’t much like staining his hands red with questionable liquids or smelling like frog intestines all the time.

The cafe is protected by some rune barriers. Not Hoseok’s best work, but it’s efficient for keeping out humans.

Yoongi and Namjoon are taking music-oriented classes at the local university. Hoseok finished high school but he doesn’t really feel? the need? to go to school. His classes consist of going to a dance studio and actually being a teacher himself.

All three of them live above the cafe (it has two apartments, both with two bedrooms and single bathrooms) Hoseok sometimes sleeps over at their place when he’s feeling lonely. Or when he’s attempting to join in on their sex life. The duo indulges sometimes.

Jungkook the siren moves up to Seoul where he stumbles upon the cafe where Hoseok is flitting around the coffee machines. There’s floating cups making their own cappuccinos and an amused but awed line of customers as they watch Hoseok work his magic with his dancing fingers (and occasionally a cinnamon stick-turned-wand used unintentionally) and it’s?? Amazing? What Jungkook left Busan to find?

Jungkook takes a seat at the bar and just watches because he’s never seen magic so openly displayed. Especially by such a pretty face.

Hoseok doesn’t notice him because Kookie knows how to fade into the background and plus it had been a hectic day so Kookie gets to see what Hoseok’s like when that heart smile drops and he starts rubbing at his temple like he has a headache with that serious face and wow Jungkook can feel his cheeks flaming

Then Hoseok notices him and smiles back. With a hint of panic. And also interest because that shy smile in return has bunny teeth and Hoseok may not have Namjoon’s nose but he can smell the ocean and sea salt and he’s used to the earth and mountains but holy shit does this kid smell like home.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t see you. What can I get you?”

“Your number maybe?”

Hoseok is red. Jungkook is a mortified tomato. Did that really just come out of his mouth? Holy shit. Abort abort abort.

“How about my address, my bed’s right up stairs?”

Now Jungkook is a mortified but relieved tomato. Hoseok is a firetruck and wants to shrivel into dust. Did that really just come out of his mouth? Holy shit. Run run run.

“Oi, Hobi, don’t go perving on the kids. Also get me some coffee.” Yoongi’s interrupts.

“I’m 20” Jungkook tries to defend. Hoseok’s wish to eradicate himself escalates. He’s 23 and this kid is barely legal. Fuck.

“Yeah, keep it in your pants, man”

“You’re one to talk”

“Who was trying to initiate a threesome with me and my mate last night?”

“I was lonely and needed to get my dick wet hyung, let me live”

Well then. At least Jungkook knows Mr. Sunshine Smile is into guys now

Taehyung meets them because he knew Yoongi before Yoongi went to Ilsan and Namjoon is just??? Who is this tall lanky faerie who’s hella pretty with a boxy smile that is rubbing all up on his mate, get off you little shit

He is very very very interested in how Namjoon got Yoongi to date him

“You don’t understand, I tried to kiss him once and he wouldn’t talk to me for weeks”

“You were drunk as hell and had just vomited”

“Weeks, hyung, weeks”

Taehyung is good at runes and barriers and things Hoseok sucks at so of course the witch welcomes him into the apartments eagerly

Half of this eagerness is caused from Tae looking like a model but we’re not talking about that. Then he discovers that Tae’s kind of an odd duck but hey, he knows his magick

They nerd out together a lot over spellbooks

Jimin finds him a month later. He’s a mermaid from Busan and kind of in love with Tae so he followed him after the faerie stupidly left him without a word to find Yoongi.

“Jiminie!” smack

“Holy shit that looked like it hurt” -Hoseok

“Jimin, holy shit ow, I thought you loved me!” -Taehyung

Smack “don’t” smack “leave” smack “me” smack “again”

Sudden attention brought to the youngest when he comes in hoping for some quality time with Hoseok at the counter

“JUNGKOOKIE?” -Jimin

“Jung-who-ie?” -Taehyung

“Jung-runny” -Kookie as he flees. Hoseok is confused, jealous, and turned on as he watches Jimin body tackle his jailbait.

Jimin and Jungkook kind of knew each other since childhood (and formed a love/hate friendship) because of Busan mermaid-siren community being a relatively tight-knit kind of place.

Jungkook had no say in this friendship

Taehyung is just jealous “OI OFF, OFF, JIMINIE’S MINE FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN” he won’t admit he’s kinda turned on too, he won’t

Most likely a foursome some nights in the future

Jimin may or may not avoid the cafe like the plague even as he crashes on Taehyung and Hoseok’s couch.

“If I get even a lick of water on me I grow a tail why do you think I don’t go downstairs”

“But Jungkook-”

“Mermaids and sirens are not the same, holy Poseidon Tae pick up a book”

Jin is introduced to them through Yoongi who needed a singer for his most recent work in his college music class

Namjoon is kinda star struck

Yoongi is jealous and not amused. Is this how Namjoon felt about Tae because Yoongi understands now and he would like it to stop please

“He’s a dragon, Yoongi”

“He’s a pink dragon”

“But a dragon, hyung”

Hoseok and Taehyung team up with Jin allowing them to use his scales for their new rune barrier base for the cafe because it’s one of the strongest magical conduits/protections but extremely hard to get the scales because they have to be willingly given.

Jin is a mother hen and everyone suffers (and enjoys) it

Everyone also learns not to frighten Jin too much because flames sometimes snort out of his nose if he’s scared enough and he once caught Yoongi’s favorite recliner on fucking fire

The first time everyone sees Jin in his dragon form is kind of...well, terrifying? Awe-inspiring? Namjoon and Yoongi both might have been inspired to write songs on the spot? Because there’s nothing like a fifty foot fire-lizard staring down at you to put your role in life into perspective

Yoongi takes back his pink jokes, Jin’s teeth are as long as his fucking arm, he agrees with Namjoon’s starstruck wonder

Jin and Jungkook become closer friends than even Jimin and Jungkook. The mermaid is Not Amused™ but also it’s nice? To see Jungkook having so much fun?

Hoseok tries to lure Jin into bed with him, of course

Jungkook refuses to get into that mess. This is his hyung, he doesn’t want to see his dick (they’re all his hyungs, technically, but he doesn’t want to see any of their dicks. Well, maybe Hoseok’s)

Jin politely refuses. He’s not getting into that mess.

Jin’s currently getting a master’s in culinary arts so that he can boast it alongside his teaching, law, and medical degrees. He likes being certified in things. Everyone else just appreciates food that isn’t the leftover pastries from the cafe

Everyone’s also wondering how old he is but Jin isn’t telling

#bts #bts scenarios #bts headcanons #bts au #creature au #wow look at that the first post #sugamon #junghope #vmin #yoonseokjoon #i think thats the name #ot3 #look at what happens when I can't let the idea of dragon!jin go