#ive been anxious all morning

[pinkkkko]

mouse lifting a raspberry by Stuart Dunkel

#so cute #ive been anxious all morning #been trying to catch my breath since 8 #its been fun #im calm now tho #cottagecore #fairycore #naturecore #art

[protosstar]

.

#tw suicide #tw overdose #tw suicide attempt #a close friend of mine overdosed for the 4th time in as many weeks last night and i just dont know what to feel anymore #she was sent home from the emergencies the 1st time and was staying with me for the 2nd which i still feel guilty about #how i was an idiot for not hiding any meds while i was in the shower #spent the full day at the hospital with her to make sure she was taken into inpatient care and not just dismissed #then yesterday morning shes released from the hospital and winds up in the same place that dismissed her the 1st time in the evening #and now isnt replying to any of my messages #and im just oscillating between feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety and nothing at all #and then feeling guilty when i feel nothing #or guilty that im angry at her because she purposefully did and said thing to hurt me #but shes hurting and i need and want to give her some slack but i just felt that attachment i had to her fade after the last thing she did #and i cant even bring it up with her bc last time i did she spiralled and didnt talk to me for a week #which is fucking worrying when shes so unstable #but ive not been eating or sleeping and just feel awful and anxious #at least now i have xanax for the panic attacks and dont have to rely on alcohol anymore but god #i just want things to get better #vent #delete later

[vampyretaemin]

wow im so anxious today! *drinks more coffee*

#i literally havent finished my morning coffee ive been so anxious all day what is happening to me #personal

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload? #me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃 #listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook #i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort #to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop #being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol #i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like #let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and #make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works #ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil #ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations #bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess #its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively #health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by #medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary. #like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think #of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf #my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its #bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror #when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the #most me coded character to ever exist #unrelated

[sodrippy]

forgot how hellish it is to be supremely anxious AND depressed at the same time ummmm

#im so brave for. well thats not really polite to say i suppose sorry #literally four days ago i was marvelling at how ive been able to grow my nails like haha maybe things are looking up i am doing pretty ok! #cut to this morning vacuuming up absolute shards of ripped nailpolish and nails. my most annoying anxious habit #actually no thats sleeplessness but this is a close second all my fingers hurt now #anyway whatever its not like i can do anything except keep living so

[itachikun]

getting this business case done since tuesday and im being so brave about it

#i spent the entire week anxious and thinking i wouldnt be able to do it #but i asked for help to my bf and to my friend and things came together 🥹 #theres still a lot i need to do on my own to prepare the dashes for the slides and the storytelling #but i think i can finish it all tomorrow night and send it on monday morning the latest i hope #just to double check on everything #even if i dont get accepted NOW thats also fine cause i already feel im doing my best #its for a position ive never been in so if i make it awesome but if i dont then someone whos got more experience at it did #and itll be well deserved #mr

[espytalks]

i wish youtbe had a blacklist function, like this site does, or even an extension, where i can add certain key words and automatically hide videos featuring certain topics, either because i'm not interested, or they're genuinely upsetting, or it's specifically a person the site keeps recommending me. Like, i just looked through firefx's extentions, and i couldn't find anything quite like what i'm looking for? you'd think that'd be an accessibility feature a lot more people would be willing to use.

#espy talks #i'm seeing thanksgving recepie videos and it's making me sad #and also a lot of people are collabing with a guy i unsubbed from years ago cause he's an annoying asshole and i'm sick of seeing his face #i'm tired and sad and frustrated and right now it's hard to handle #it's been getting really hard to get to sleep nowadays even with sleepaid #cause ive been getting really anxious and sad late at night #but i still get woken up the same time every morning by the dogs cause they start barkign and won't stop #so i wake up extra tired and mad at the dogs #and then i look at the dishes i couldn't make myself wash the night before and i'm exhausted #i got most of em done tonight and i did a lot of stuff today #so i'll probably be fine tomorrow #but it's hard to imagine i'll be ok tomorrow when i'm not ok right now #all because a 1 year old binging with bobbish turkey video showed up in my feed

[todayisafridaynight]

I just want to say you’re amazing and your blog literally makes my day.

I’ve had some of the most stressful few months of my life and little things like getting updates from this blog makes everything so much better. My current favorite thing to do to de stress is just go through your blog and laugh and see our favorite boys and have fun. Your art is incredible, your comments give me life and this feels like such a happy and welcoming environment. Thank you so much, I don’t know what I would do without this ☺️ I hope all is well for you and you have a great night/day!

and if you look to your left you'll see the dude running this blog crying and sobbing while chugging a two liter bottle of canada dry AWWWWW BROO 😭😭 i'm so glad my blog can be a lil haven- a lil place to just chill even :'))

#fave #snap chats #thats how this blog is for me too tho- it really is the only thing keeping me going LMAO #ngl things havent been super easy for me either the past couple months #ive been super anxious every day just waiting for something terrible to happen even if i have no reason to #so i'm always happy to distract myself a bit and update this blog and chat with y'all #an again im glad my blog can do that for y'all too !! i say it a lot but all i wanna do is make people happy #whether its makin em laugh or smile or just readin shit and goin 'oh wow. lmao' even that's just enough #WAHHH im so glad my blog can be invitin i cant explain it ive always been bad at describing things esp how i feel #but just know i do cherish all the messages i get like these- they mean a lot to me #on that note tho i am doodlin a thing fore i go to bed- dunno if ill finish it or ill just sketch it out to finish in the morn #either way thank yall for keepin me company this past almost year and thank yall for enablin my tomfoolery lmao #im glad it makes yall happy and we can have fun :)

[resaresa]

loves, i need a blunt in my mouth really bad rn

#i need tobscco and weed in my lungs right fucking now i need some fucking relaxation #ive been anxious all fucking morning over things i cant control and its killing me

[swankpalanquin]

once this weekend is over things will be chiller

#i have things both days one being easter with dad which is probably why ive been anxious mess all week #and it will probably be fine but i still dont want to do it #and yes i realize ive been posting like an angst post before bed like every night this week lol #but its like as soon as i lie down every bad thought and feeling in the world descends upon me #and i feel very alone but then i wake up the next morning like im fine so its whatever

[toastsnaffler]

THEY CANCELLED MY APPOINTMENTTT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#its fine its not the doctors fault apparently smth with family came up and shes rescheduled for saturday so only 2 days away #but i spent all this morning psyching myself up ive been shitting myself abt it and now im too anxious to do anything else today 😭 #AURGHHHHHH. #40 mins before the appt as well come on girl.. lucky i checked my email lol #.diaries #WHATEVERRRRR im gonna download bg3

[kittie1996]

im calling for the ban of hydroxyzine

#i took one last night and one this morning because i was anxious about this thing i had #and ive been asleep ALL DAY????? #also i think it gave me wicked sleep paralysis #im not complaining about any of this actually it was p cool

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#focus who? i dont kno her #its so bad. i csnt focus at all. and ive got way too much to do. take me back to last week where i spent hours reading papers #annoying. also possibly lack of sleep cstching up with me #do u ever get very little sleep and not miss it at all? yea bitch all the time. then i get depressed and its sleepy time #and by sleepy time i mean i get like 8hrs of sleep lol #maybe ill just do nothing and completely fuck over my sunday lol #maybe i should go run up thr mountain rn before im stuck in a car for 2 hrs #bc im getting spikes of being insane. unfortunately i have no emotional object permanence so when i feel crazy its like #ive always felt like this ans its terrible forever. and then immediately afterward im like lol wot? nah im fine. ive always been fine #shout out to mood swings ✌️ like bro im trying to get materials together so i can teach a class. can u shut the fuck up? and focus? #well see how i do today with a ton of socializing. itll b fine. im normal i can b normal #or i can b endearing quirky. or whatever i usually i am. i dont think i have conversations like a normal person but i cant tell bc im not #there for conversations im not in. whatever everyone else has conversations in a way thats boring. i just wanna grill ppl til i understand #how they work. and then feel like im gonna die if im in a group conversation 🙃 let me study thr ppl around me #bc im very normal. god. i promise irl im not that weird. ppl think im nice and cool and successful #ok maybe not cool. but i think i can get away with being interesting. i got at least a lil charisma. im only a bit horribly awkward ;-] #but i try to own it. wtf was i saying. jesus. i cant with my brain rn. i shoulf have gone for a run this morning #being social just makes me anxious so im babbling i guess. but itll b fun. and itll b pretty im sure #maybe ill try to draw my ocs while im not paying attention. ive neglected them for so long 😭 #unrelated

[thesixthstar]

rip, that fucked up dream has me back on my bullshit of Anxiety over the concept of Going to Sleep

#tag #ive been Normal all day tho so like #hopefully this will be a sitch where i go to sleep eventually tonight #and forget all about it by morning #im very good at forgetting things overnight lmao #but i have like. streaks of morbid/fucked up dreams sometimes #which means when i have One (1) part of my brain worries that its gonna be a streak #and gets anxious about it

[loverboybitch]

gang i have to go to the office tomorrow for the first time since covid started for a big meeting thing with my whole department and im nervous.//.

#imjustsittinghere #surely itll be fine just all the things that use to make me anxious about the office r coming back to me #been thinking far too much about what im gonna wear cause like biz caz but tbh i am jus going to wear a flannel and jeans #i dont think it actually matters just like idk i always feel so weird and im bad at wearing anything that isnt 'streetwear' #streetwear not in the hype beast sense but in the literal sense of shit i wear on the street not office stuff #but also literally half our team has changed since covid and ive never met literally 50% of the people who will be there #scary #or like a bunch ive messaged over microsoft teams but idk what their faces look like i hope they dont hold it against me #im so bad at remembering peoples names too like #simply going to show up like Right before it starts and jus sit next to someone i already know #or hopefully at least. hope people i know actually come in person if its all new people ill scream #anyway im gonna shave so i look like a put together not degenerate and pray it goes well #its also early in the morning i literally hate. i gotta go to bed soon so i can get up cause i been sleeping in late as fuck lately #wish me luck my loves <3 #laying out my clothes like its the first day of school

[holographicbutch]

Wow ok so I'm just not gonna be able to sleep tonight huh

#ive been in a perpetual state of anxiety all day and im sore and drained but like #now more bad shit happened and i just know im gonna be too anxious to fall asleep at a good time #i was trying so hard to fight it off too like nothing really happened earlier today. ive just been alone all weekend #but now im gonna be laying awake wondering if my tooth is gonna fall out by the morning #like. what the fuck is happening am i literally disintegrating from the inside out what is going on #anyways. two hours ago my tooth was completely fine and how theres a huge chunk of it missing and idk when it even happened #i didnt even eat anything since i brushed my teeth! ive just been drinking hot chocolate! fuck! #vent #and im home alone and my mom is hours away so its not like im gonna tell her rn. ill just tell her abt it tomorrow #god