#its not even bad rn it's been nice

[rapidhighway]

every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just. #expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

[heynhay]

heynhay klance animatic when?? 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 with all that free time of yours

#I NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO YOU FUCKERS #NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SHIT. #the answer to your question is. never. because for some reason i have no problem cranking out 50 separate concept drawings #but having to do 50 sequential drawings within the same concept seriously drains me #like even those mini comics when i finish (and they only have 3-6 drawings) im like WHEW that has a kick to it #im gasping panting on the verge of throwing up from exhuastion #which is all a shame becuase when driving to work i visualize some absolutely bangin ones #too bad you will never see it #ok ok maybe someday id do like. a short one. a sampler. like 30s. #but its also a matter of i dont know how to use/access any of the programs used for boarding on timelines #so it would just be a mess of folders on one psd or a mess of 50 dif psds #its exhausting me to even think upon rn #ask

[starlooove]

I rlly liked red hood the hill bc besides the gift it completely ignored everything else with the batfam which to meeee I’m taking it as the hill has been overlooked by the bats forever (see Orpheus rising) so yeah nobody there gives a fuck about those people and jason knows better than to bring that shit over there

#genuinely tho #I dislike the trend rn of simplifying Jason and Bruce’s issues and making it seem like Bruce was nice and accepting all along and Jason just #needs to get with the program #like the fanficication of that and the Damian Bruce issues or Damian tim issues or even Dick and bruce issues #where everything comes down to the kids being insecure and Bruce being bad at communicating #which has always been PART of the main issues but using that as the crux and lens through which a solution will be acheived is a stretch #a stretch only made in fix it fics that is picked up by ppl who dont read shit and then writers who dont read dont care and get a check #THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH WHERE IT SEEMS BATFAM IS GOING THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE I HAVE WITH RE #NOT ABOUT RED HOOD THE HILL #back to red hood the hill #i DO like them #playing off how jason has always been able to relax there #with a community that has eachothers back #and the flip from #his early red hood days to seeing dana go that path is soooo #what i find interesting tho as that he positions himself as support and backup more than a deterrant #like yes he does try to talk her down a lot but most of the time hes living his life with a worried eye on her #and i think it shows to how he reacted to ppl (bruce) being heavy handed with him #and u know i love the batfam repeating awful cycles shit i think its very interesting that this is one jason didnt repeat #maybe bc hes so close to the feeling or that dana isnt to him what he was to bruce or even that hes just relaxing and thinking clearly and #above all trusts her #most toxic fun future would be for her to break that trust and him to go crazy but thats a diff rant #anyways my entire summary for jasons character is that THAT is what good coochie does to a nigga #carmen thank you for your service another crazy off the street 🙏🏾 #red hood and the hill #oh. still no Orpheus mention #no it doesn’t hurt less anytime 💔 #Jason Todd

[enevera]

i dont wanna count the weeks i just feel sad

#i hate crying and the only thing worse than crying is crying in public so no crying #we are not fucking crying get a fucking hold of yourself bitch #anywya its been like just over a month #what an awful fucking existence #had to talk to my therapist last week abt the fact that everything is just kinda horrible rn #nothing is good eerything even things i like and make me happy are just a little bit awful #bc i feel awful #i dont wanna eat i dont wanna go places i force myself to exist when id rather just curl into a ball and fade into nothing #quit fucking crying bitvch this is pathetic get a fcuking hold of yourself your moms dead get over yourself theres no time to be sad rn #got shit to do and a fuck ton to worry abt put the emotions in a little fucking box go get a pastry or smth jfc #maybe ill do some work #if my hands would stop shaking thatd be nice i probably need to eat but i rlly just dont want to hm #id go home but i prolly shouldnt drive when im in this sorta mood :/ #the mood swings are sooooo fucking bad btw lmao #vent #idk how to tw tag this ugh #this isnt even abt anything im just talking rn

[aria0fgold]

Okay, I think I got some thoughts in my brain to say stuff I wanna say about Aria's Story which includes some spoilers. It is nice :D I think my absolute favourite thing bout it is the fact that the stages are separated by "books." First chapter was in a comedy book (where I somehow died the most at). Second chapter was in a fairy tales book (my favourite section, go lesbians go!). Third chapter was in a romance book (second favourite solely because the soundtrack in it was so soothing to listen to). Fourth chapter was in a horror book (which is somehow not really that scary).

It's kinda funny how in a way, the comedy section was more like the "horror" section cuz while playing the game, the scares went from so much to only a lil bit. And ngl the horror chapter gives me vibes of a haunted house attraction in an amusement park which is actually pretty good on its own way.

I absolutely adore the story, it has such a unique charm to it despite how "average" it is at first glance. It has the common formula of 4 friends, 1 that's cold, 1 that's annoying, 1 that's calm, and 1 that's cheerful. Its story is also common in a way where (spoilers) one of em is dead and the other one in the group is trying to revive them. But despite that, it's like, even with such a simple formula, it was written in a way that makes it unique on its own and I really love it for that!

For the endings, I really prefer and like the True Ending more than the Good Ending. In the True Ending, "Aria" accepted her own death (putting it in quotes cuz the real Aria is dead, and the one in the game is just a "copy" of her. Copy as in a fictional character created for the sake of "reviving" aka replacing, the dead Aria).

So then "Aria" took the quill (magical quill that can create and erase anything written with it but can't really revive a dead person), and bid everyone farewell as she used it to erase her own existence. As painful as Aria's death was and despite Clyde using the quill to try and get her back, the friends chose to move on in the end anyway. (I really love the art accompanied by it showing the friends together and a ghost Aria floating behind em).

Now the Good Ending... It's such a close second simply because I love OMORI and I'm always a sucker for characters that was meant to be a copy of someone but became their own person (Sunny and Omori sibling/bestie aus will always be my favourite).

In the Good Ending, "Aria" wanted to keep living but as her own person and not as a replacement for Aria. So Lewin gave her a different name (Wendy) and they all agreed to try to get her to their own world (which is reality basically and not within a fictional world created by the quill) as her own person with an appearance of her own. In which they succeeded 3 years later! Wendy got sent to reality as an adult with a different look to Aria (but still similar in a way that they look like siblings... it so cute...) and no memories, cuz Wendy's last request to them before they left, was to get rid of Aria's memories so Wendy can make her own, even if it means she'll have amnesia. And I adore that ending on its own way too! The friends get to still move on but now they have a new friend! (Wanna draw Wendy and Aria together so badly... drawing em with Sunny and Omori... the besties ever with their clones turned siblings).

#aria rants #deep down am wishing that the game is a lil longer but its current length rn is also enough for it as well #i just think some length will be nice to expand more on the story and characters #also this game has such nice soundtracks i rlly love it #gotta say tho that in the romance section. theres a part where the sound is the beating of a heart and when playing the game #was ironically bad for my heart cuz i cant calm down. like theres smth bout hearing a heart beating in the background #that makes my own heartbeat confused in a weird way. like its tryna copy it but also not which just makes it beat faster than normal #like am listenin to it now again and it aint even that quick. it just sounds like a normal heartbeat. but also it went a biiit faster #by the end of the soundtrack and if its in game. the sound loops as long as youre in the area so maybe my heart just got confused #by how it would speed up a bit as the sound ended and yet it loops to being normal heartrate again #but also gotta say. the sound itself is actually soothing on its own way had it not been for my heart trying to mimic it

[silverislander]

#usually i ward off the mental illness by having smth solid and positive to look forward to at all times #can be anything! can be as small as planning a really nice breakfast for tomorrow #but it has to have a specific date and pla. otherwise its not real in my head #its not enough to go 'oh ill go to the bookstore soon' i have to know when and how im getting there and if anyones coming with me #and i have. nothing rn #theres some small stuff i think will be fun. but nothing solid #and i can feel The Darkness coming over me once more #levi.txt #its only been kind of bad for 2 days. but honestly im a little scared! #i have nothing to cling to rn to keep me going and its already pretty bad for days in #and like. the most major factor is that i have no control over my own life atm #i cant go anywhere. im not doing anything. my mom is literally trying to tell me when im Allowed to take a shower #and not like 'dont do that at 3am' like 'if you dont shower before 10am you cant shower today' #long story short. i might be 'losing it again' as the kids say #vent tw #delete later #i dont even fuckin know why im posting this #not like i can talk to my family abt it and my friends are going through enough as it is

[istherewifiinhell]

trying to use the sen.shi tulpa technique to defeat emotion based nausea. not sure how its going.

#some shit #im not eating rn i just feel bad #BUTI HAVE BEEN LIKE. hed be sad if u give on this meal even tho ennui makes u lose ur appepite in a big way #I DONT think it actually changes the feeling but its nice enough to think

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place. #could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

[asummersday]

when will my writing motivation return from the war 😭

#please i just wanna post the next chapter #or at the very least start a oneshot or do literally anything #ive been more tired than usual and i dont like that #im ALWAYS so so tired #sometimes YEAH its because im up til 3 or even 4 #but ive also slept 9 hours. 12 hours. and yet ill STILL feel so tired #im too tired to do the things i want to do #and then i feel like ive just wasted my whole day :((( #how many times these past few weeks have i said im gonna get this chapter done huh? and it is NOT done #i love creating and writing but it takes so much energy sometimes :((( and i just dont have it :((( #i feel bad/down -> writing would help me feel better -> too tired/unmotivated to write -> doesnt write -> keeps feeling bad #rinse and repeat lmao #sometimes being nice to urself and waiting for the motivation doesnt work #sometimes u gotta sit at ur desk with a massive mug of coffee and say ''i will WRITE if its the last thing i fucking do'' #screw quality its time to write WORDS #anyway. im making myself coffee rn. i will get through this dammit #summer post

[starlooove]

I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.

#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’ #the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad #and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can #and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN #that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed #that’s like the crux of him I think #lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works #and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work #he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood #which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to #make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case #his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but #nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD #as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for #themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin. #THATS whats fun about tim #the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that #tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this #permanent before (<-LYING!) #but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.

[weskinz]

maybe if i go back on antidepressants ill ask for wellbutrin

#p #like yes i am pretty depressed rn but i dont feel like killing myself like i did when i was on viibryd #no genetic altercations my ass i was on that shit for years and just now looking back at my messages and notes no wonder i was scaring ppl #i was so anxious one time i had to sit in my brothers room so i knew he wasnt going to die suddenly #and i was so so so scared but it was like there was a mental block where it couldnt become a panic attack jst paranoia #but i was one degree from it. just imagining what i did to him happening to me scared me to death and i had to reassure myself #my mom asked me abt it the other day like 'hmmm. wouldve been nice to let me know you werent on it anymore. seems like a thing your mother- #'-should know.' and like yes since im still completely dependent on her in all aspects but man #i didnt want to explain i had no interest in seeing lisa anymore and i was just done. i was so tired of my lows being so fucking low #and not even noticing they were so bad yknow #do i even know how to be honest anymore. no i dont think of killing myself but i dont see a future for myself either #i have no goals no motivation no nothing #its selfish to want to die but its like that mytoecold dude video where hes like 'if i spilled milk and then killed myself technically- #'-the problem would be gone' like yeah. that is true. how do i get that out of my belief system #he was a raging addict btw i just saw that video. crazy and sad but i guess when you are dealt a bad hand you see eye to eye

[sanchoyo]

i start that new job tomorrow 😶 ...

#... im not sure if itll be a full day or just 'more paperwork/general tour/training' tho kinda hopin for maybe like a half day TwT;; #im very nervous and considering taking one of the old anxiety meds i still have #from when i was in therapy. except idk if theyre still in date + they made me feel like a zombie which is why i stopped taking them lol #like i was SO out of it on them. but would that be preferable 2 the feeling of Soon Entering Cardiac Arrest levels of anxiety im having rn? #maybe... #+ going to take a sleeping pill around 10 to make sure i dont stay up all night freaking myself out #jkdkjfhjjk can my brain be normal about this. i havent even started the job yet calm down!!! calm down!!! its ok!!!! #i just feel so bad bc everyone has been rly nice. like 'omg yay u found a chill job w insurance RIGHT before u get kicked off urs thats #great ik youll do well!!' and its like well what if i DONT do well what if i freak out again. and self sabotage. then what. like i KNOW #its bad and i KNOW what i SHOULD be doing but its like herding geese over here in my brain zone. painful and bad and i dont understand why #things happen at all its confusing and frustrating to deal with #logically i know i need a job. i need to pay my debts and start saving and I WANT to move out! but its like that fine dining and breathing #scene from spongebob. brain on fire. lol #sanchoyorambles

[guinevereslancelot]

is there anything worse than feeling like ur the only one putting any effort into all of your relationships. el oh el

#feels like this with all my friendships tbh #im like the only one ateting conversations individually or in the group chat #im the only one trying to make plans #(except when they make plans without me 😭) #ughhhh im trying not to be insecure and needy but its so hard bc it really does feel like nobody wants me around until they need something #and i cant even talk abt it bc first of all i dont want to upset anyone esp the one living w me rn #but also it feels like im already the one doing all the talking and i did share some personal stuff recently #i want to communicate and keep conversations going and open up bc we're usually all very supportive of eachother and share things #but i feel like im the only one doing that #anyway. #misery #this is a good problem to have compared to most of my life i've never really had close friends before this #its just depressing and upsetting #i was already in a pretty bad insecure place before all the drama lately amd hadn't shared bc i knew it was irrational #but now ita way worse and with everything going on i cant even talk abt itttt #i hate this i hate it #not to be bitter but i've been thinking abt that saying if you want a good friend be one and 🤨 #all my friends do is use me honestlyyyyy ✌️🤪 #they want a place to stay for free but can't be bothered to talk to me ever or invite me when they make plans with our friends lol #they're always begging me to put together these bonfire parties they like bc i have a nice yard but its a lot of work #and nobody helps me set it up and they begggg me to do it when the weather is bad and i dont want to but i do it anyway #then they exclude me from things #literally lisa simpson they're using you for your pool.gif #i dont even have a pool tho #anywayyy i hate feeling like an afterthought when im in the group and literally no one ever seeks me out unless they want something #and im trying so hard to be a good friend bc im just so glad to have friends but nobody seems to want me around or want to talk to me #and i dont want to be annoying 😭 #also im the oldest in the group but not by choice there's just no girls my age in our orbit #my only adult friends are middle aged and the only one im close ish to just moved out of state #anyway im not that much older they're mostly young twentties and im mid twenties

[girlwithfish]

i want a lumbar support pillow for sleeping saur bad

#also one for my car. my brother had one himself and its actually so comfy lol #my drive to n back is 40min total a day itd be kinda nice #But sleeping espp #my job isnt too physically demanding but i sit on tbe floor a lot or tiny toddler chairs that are wooden and uncomfy and no back support #so when i am sitting im sitting like bad cuz idk the chairs are too tiny or i dont sit straight/good posture on the floor #and then im squatting bending etc a lot to clean and change diapers and stuff so its some movementt #the constant bending does hutt my back tho lol #ive been sore lately #my upper legs r sore too for some reasonn #i want a professional massage soo bad too lol #even tho it seems awkward and also a nightmare. i dont eben like getting my hair cut by someone i domt think i like the act of having a #service done for u personally like that LOL #does that make sense #Anyway #my back hurts rn #i ask my bf to rub my bck every time i come home from work lolll #trying to stretch;( #lower back pain hurtss

[capricores]

getting asks makes me so happy, thank you guys for trusting my input and for taking the time to send asks!! 🥺💖

i have a feeling i'm going to be online quite often this week, so if anyone has any questions about astrology, spiritual stuff, healing, anything, i'm always here!! happy to answer asks about certain placements (ie: gemini moon traits, mutable dominance traits, etc), compatibility (taurus x scorpio sun compatibility), astrology topics (what do the planets mean, what are the houses, etc), take requests for posts (ie: what does saturn in the signs mean), etc!!! <3

#luna.txt #i'm going through some stressful weird life stuff rn #and it's nice to come back to tumblr again and talk about astro and take my mind off the bad 💕 #i feel like i'm in a whole new healing girl era but like still kinda in my endings painful girl era #im having feelings and thoughts and as a scorpio u can understand how stressful that is for me #JLKFDJFKLDFJ #anyway<3 love u guys #hope ur all doing well #pls send as many asks as u want #(i just cant read ur entire chart im sorry!!!) #anyway i was supposed to sleep early tonight bc i have so many work meetings tmrw #but now my brain is just like on Go mode and stress mode so #perhaps ill stay awake going thru old asks and answering any new ones i might get!!!! #and also.. staying awake for le sserafim comeback omg.. my fav gg (along w purplekiss) im so excited #ANYWAY!! im happy to talk anytime even if its not abt astro #feel free to come yell at me abt ur problems or ur wins or anything<3 #im always happy to give older sister advice too.. or younger sister advice if ur older than me.. #also always happy to talk about girl groups or genshin or myg or exo<3 #ok ill stop rambling now.. its been a while since i treated tumblr like a diary oops