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maybedefinitely404 · 4 years

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Day 11: Intruloceit (pt 2)

@tsshipmonth2020

The sequel y’all were waiting for! (@hoppe-ideas)

Day 11: ‘Choose your own adventure’ day! I chose to continue from Day 9, since I couldn’t very well leave it there.

Content warning: allusions to abuse, Remus being Remus (need I elaborate?), implied past panic attack, mention of bipolar disorder, and of course, Janus’ crippling insecurities. Angst with a happy ending.

Word count: 4k

*READ DAY 9 FIRST*

Blue: What time are you available?

Green: What is this, a doctor’s office? I’m free after lunch

Blue: I was merely tr

Green: I know, I know. I’m just teasing you. It’s endearing, my little mocking-nerd. Bring your textbook, I’ll meet you in the cafeteria. It’s octopus learning time!

Blue: I will never understand you.

Green: Good

He drew a crude rendering of the devil emoji, then a heart, and the conversation ended as quickly as it began.

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Green: What would happen if you injected coca cola into your bloodstream

Blue: No.

Green: It’s just a question!

Blue: I’m assuming you would die.

Green: Damn. Can we try anyways?

Blue: No!

Green: C’mon, for science?

Blue: NO! Why did this question even arise?!

Janus hid a small chuckle, before immediately slapping a hand over his mouth. Even if the writing was as much on his arm as it was theirs, it still felt wrong to read it. Felt wrong to admit that he was starting to enjoy their shenanigans.

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Green: Hey

Blue: Hello, my dear. What is so important that you couldn’t text me?

Green: my mom broke my phone and I’m having an attack

Janus sat straight up, his calligraphy pen clattering to the floor, effectively ruining the large swooping letters he was working on with a splattered gold streak. This was the first message the two had shared that wasn’t either Blue’s notes about homework or Green’s odd creative ideas, or cheesy conversations between the two that Janus tended not to read. It felt like intruding on someone’s life. He hadn’t learned their names yet, and while they always stuck to the same color scheme, he knew at this point he’d be able to distinguish their handwriting with no hesitation. It was his version of hearing their voices, and he’d started growing attached to them. He turned his full attention to the conversation on the back of his arm, feeling a surge of worry.

Blue: I’m on my way, be at the curb in ten minutes?

Green: thanks

Blue: Remember those breathing exercises. Try to stay calm.

Green: please hurry

Blue: I’m driving as fast as I can, love.

The messages ended there, and Janus didn’t sleep that night.

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Blue: Happy birthday, Remus. I hope you have an amazing day.

Remus: Are we still good to go for tonight?

Blue: Of course. I had Roman and Patton help plan most of the date, so I hope you enjoy it.

Remus: Logan, if it’s with you, I will~

Logan: You’re a sap.

Remus: And you love it

Logan: Guilty.

Never had Janus felt so alone. It was one thing to have anonymous messages scribbled on your arm, little doodles and good luck wishes, but to know their names? That brought on a whole new round of tears that he hated himself for. Remus and Logan. The names of his so-called soulmates, the labels he could finally put to the personalities. As much as he hated to admit it, waking up had become a whole lot easier since they’d started appearing on his skin. It was something little to look forward to.

It also hurt, just a little bit more. Before he was eighteen, he’d been able to imagine his situation like his parent’s, with a soulmate who would end up hating and hurting him, and it was easy to decide to never communicate when the time arrived. And even if they seemed like genuinely good people, every time he lifted a pen to respond, to announce his presence, he stopped himself, as his father’s words rang through his head.

Why would anyone want you, Janus?

You’re a mistake, and they’ll see that instantly.

Honestly, what good do you even have to offer a soulmate?

He didn’t want them to be true, but it wasn’t like anyone had ever told him differently. His mother avoided his eyes and was silent, his peers treated him like a disease, so those words were the ones he started to believe. So he capped the pen, pulled his sleeve down, and ignored the small feather light tickles as they spread across his arms.

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Of course, it wasn’t avoidable forever.

It was writing on skin, did he think that was something he would never do accidentally? Was he really that stupid? They were going to be so pissed when they found out how long he’d been snooping on their conversations. They’d hate him. They’d never be open to the idea that he was somehow meant to be in their lives. He was done. He was such an idiot.

These were the thoughts raging through his mind as he looked down over himself in shock, spilled amber ink shimmering on his skin. It was an accident; an opening of an ink pod combined with over enthusiastic dancing to the Chicago soundtrack, leading to a faltering concentration and skin covered in staining gold. He’d been sitting cross legged on his chair when the cartridge exploded, and he’d bounded to his bathroom to try and wash it off, but it had only been partially successful. There was no doubt in his mind that they would see it. It had covered a good majority of today’s messages on his arms, smeared across his shins from hurriedly trying to wipe it away, and speckled across his face like the world’s most unfortunate freckles.

He dropped back into his chair, his music now turned off, and laid his head on the cool wood of his desk. The ticking on his clock was the only sound in the room and he counted each one, mentally marking the minutes as they passed by. Waiting. Five minutes of silent fear had passed before a new anxiety began to rise in him. What if they were his soulmates, but he wasn’t theirs? He’d heard of it happening, ever so rarely, that soulmarks weren’t reciprocated. If that was true for him, and he was starting to become sure it was, they wouldn’t see the ink. They never would. He would be forced to live the rest of his life on the outside, reading their life on his skin but never able to take part. Somehow that seemed a lot worse now that it wasn’t his choice.

Just as he was starting to spiral, a familiar tickle on his arm snapped him back to the present. His head jerked up, hair falling into his heterochromatic eyes as he followed the dark blue script, starting just under the largest golden spill.

Hello?

And how should he respond to that? He couldn’t think of a fun one liner, a sassy quip, to introduce himself. For the first time in his life, lying wasn’t an option, and he hated that. He grabbed the first pen he could grab, a black ballpoint, with shaking fingers.

Hi. Well, that was lame.

You’re our soulmate. It was less of a question, more of a statement. Janus took a deep breath, bringing the pen down again.

Yes.

I’m sorry. What he was apologizing for, he couldn’t quite put a finger on. But it felt right. Apologizing was simply second nature to him.

Whatever for?

He didn’t know how to answer that time, so he did what he always did best, and watched. Waited again, hoping that Blue (Logan, he remembered vaguely), would just drop the subject. This was the most conversation he’d had with someone in a while.

My name’s Remus. The other dork is Logan.

The green ink appeared under the blue, and Janus’ heart dropped painfully in his chest. As if he didn’t already know their names. It’s not as if he could say that, though.

You seem kinda shy. It’s cute

Let them speak, Remus.

Both of them went silent, offering time to allow Janus to write. But he didn’t know what to say, how to explain…

So he didn’t. He yanked down the sleeves of his pajama top, pulling the edges over his hands to hide the now dried golden ink, and collapsed onto his bed, dooming himself to another night of restless sleep.

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If Janus had the choice, he wouldn’t have gone to school the next day. He would have laid curled up under his blanket, struggling to tune out the sound of his parents arguing, letting the world pass him by like an old camera reel. Janus didn’t have the choice though, not when he remembered it was nearing the end of the year and exam season was drawing closer, and then the bickering downstairs became motivation. Good grades would equal an out-of-state college, which would mean getting away from thrown dishes and slamming doors.

Even so, that didn’t mean that Janus didn’t regret the entire day of school. It seemed like a breath of fresh air when the lunch bell rang and the students shuffled out of the class in a lump, leaving just him and Mr. Sanders behind, as per usual. Just as he reached down to pull his lunch out of his bag (just a handful of cold scrambled eggs he had set aside from his already meager breakfast), the teacher spoke.

“I actually have a meeting today, Jay. You’re gonna have to find a different place to have lunch.”

“What?” Janus recoiled as he spoke, his own voice sounding foreign to him. He hadn’t meant to talk back, half expecting a lecture, and was surprised when the teacher’s expression morphed into one of sympathy.

“Sorry, bud. It’s a staff meeting, and I couldn’t find a TA to watch the room over the break. It’s only for today. Cafeteria is open though, I’m sure you can find an empty table there. Or better yet,” He smiled softly, lifting his laptop bag onto his shoulder, “Sit with someone. I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

Janus picked up his bag as well, rushing from the room without a second glance. He didn’t feel like explaining that the reason he sat alone wasn’t his choice, and he couldn’t help it. He was just tired of being pushed away, so why not make the first move himself.

The path to the cafeteria was hardly trodden by him, and he tried to take in the pictures of past grad classes on the wall for as long as possible before his time was up. The security guard marching the halls gave him a pointed look, reminding him that he couldn’t stay in the hallways during lunch, so he hunched his shoulders and walked into the lunch room. He cursed the weather under his breath for being so damn hot today; he would melt in his hoodie and gloves to cover the ink. Luckily the splatters on his face blended in enough with the skin tone to be unnoticeable.

The first thing he noticed is that it was loud. People shouted, trays clattered, and Janus wanted nothing more than to curl up in his hoodie. Social interaction. Gross. The second was that Mr. Sanders had been right, there was a line of empty tables at the back that people seemed to avoid in favor of grouping together in the center. The third and final thing was the overwhelming sense of loneliness that flooded Janus as soon as he walked in. Sitting alone in an empty room was one thing, choosing to sit alone in a crowded room was another.

For a split second, the teacher’s words ran through his mind, and he wondered briefly if he should join a group, only for his anxiety to immediately shut the idea down with a shriek of are you crazy?!

He chose the closest table to the door that was untouched and sat hesitantly, appetite lost. All he had to do was get through an hour of this, he thought painfully. If he paid close enough attention, he could tune into other people’s conversations, and if he closed his eyes and drifted far enough, he might actually imagine that he was a part of them.

“Hi!”

Janus’ eyes shot open and he shrunk back as if he’d been slapped. Standing in front of him was a guy he recognized from his math class, bouncing on his heels enough to make his blonde curls fall into his eyes. He was grinning from ear to ear, gleaming teeth matching the white collar that stood out from under his blue sweater.

“Do you want to sit with us?”

His critical glare didn’t deter the overly joyful guy as he gestured over Janus’ shoulder, encouraging him to look. He did, albeit reluctantly. Four people were sitting at the table behind him, three caught up in a spirited conversation. The last one was staring back at him owlishly through thick square glasses, and surprisingly, Janus wasn’t unsettled by the look.

“Come sit with us!” The happy guy said again, looking like he was refraining himself from just grabbing Janus and pulling him over. His round glasses had started edging down his nose as he hopped from foot to foot.

“Are you sure?”

“Yep! Please?” He drew out the word for several seconds. Janus couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips, nodding mutely and gathering his backpack. His anxiety started again, pelting him with ‘they’re going to hate you’s and ‘this changes nothing’s, but he pushed them down resolutely. It was just the one meal. Tomorrow would be back to normal, eating lunch by himself in Mr. Sanders’ room. And he really couldn’t say no to that hopeful face.

“Yay! Okay,” He led Janus to the table, dropping into one of the two empty seats and pointing to the one next to him. He took a deep breath before gushing on, “Sit! Okay, okay, okay, so I’m Patton, purple-hair is Virgil but they hate the name so you can just call them V. We all call them V. That’s Logan, and the twins are Roman and Remus. Remus has the white streak, but it’s actually really easy to tell them apart once you get to know them.”

Janus’ blood froze in the middle of Patton’s gleeful rant. Those names… those were all the names that kept popping up over the five months of secret soulmate snooping. That wasn’t a coincidence, right? Most of those names weren’t exactly common.

His eyes shifted to the two Patton had introduced as Remus and Logan, sitting shoulder to shoulder across from him. Remus had halted whatever he was talking so animatedly about in favor of greeting the newcomer, but Janus couldn’t get himself to wave back. Instead he dropped his gaze to their loosely intertwined hands on the table, feeling somewhat lightheaded at the identical golden stains covering both of them.

So... he ran. He wasn’t proud of it, and he was somewhat certain that he’d made a scene, but he couldn’t do it. His own self doubt was crippling, all his fears rushing him full forced and reminding him just how little he mattered, how messed up his life had made him, how he would only ruin any possible relationship. This was all too real now. They fit so well to the picture he had unintentionally made of them in his mind; navy blue button up tops and slicked back hair, green bomber jackets and mussed up shoulder length curls. Eyes that glinted with barely concealed mirth, a dimpled grin revealing almost razor sharp canines. Two polar opposites, so perfectly built for each other, soulmates. He would just come along and ruin it.

Screw the sun, he thought, as he sat on the scalding hot bleachers by the football field. To his extreme annoyance, tears had started drifting down his cheeks, and he hurriedly wiped them away from sheer habit. His dad didn’t like tears almost as much as he didn’t like Janus. It wasn’t like they would know it was him, right? All they knew was a stranger had been invited to their table and had booked it before they even got his name. So he could stay a mystery, a fly on the wall, for the rest of his days.

The all too familiar feeling on his arm was more of a curse now than it ever had been. Resigned to his fate, he rolled the sleeve up to read whatever the two were no doubt talking about.

Hi.

He looked around frantically despite his better judgment, his eyes landing on a figure standing at the end of the bench, uncapped pen in one hand and one blue sleeve rolled up. Logan regarded him with a careful look, locked in a staring contest that neither wanted to look away from. The other broke first, turning his focus to his steps across the rickety surface as he approached Janus. He took a seat, mumbling something about how hot it was, before scribbling something else onto his arm and capping the pen. Janus tried to fight the urge to look down at his own still-bare arm, but he couldn’t resist a quick peak.

I found him. Bleachers in the north field.

“Why don’t you take off the gloves, at least. It’s almost ninety degrees out.”

Welp. Apparently this was happening. “How did you know?” He whispered, not touching his gloves.

“Remus and I both felt naturally drawn to you as soon as you walked into the cafeteria. We could not and still can not explain it. When Patton followed our gaze, he was more than eager to invite you over. Not that he needed the prompting, I am certain he would have invited you over regardless of Remus’ and my feelings the moment you sat alone,” Logan stopped briefly, taking note of the new green smiley face under his last message, “Your reaction to our names and hands in rapid succession was enough to solidify our previous suspicions. That-” He pointed to the shared messages on their skin, “-was the final proof I needed.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, Janus at a complete loss for words, until a loud clang to their right grabbed both of their attentions. Remus was clinging to the railing like a vine, having climbed all the way from the bottom, he realized with a start. The older man crawled over the top and landed solidly, rattling the seats, before bouncing over to them.

“Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!” He plopped onto the bench in front of Janus, sitting backwards to face them. Consequently, he was slightly lower than the other two, and could see Janus’ usually ducked face for the first time. “Oooh, I like your birthmark! Is it a birthmark? Or a burn? Either way, I don’t care. I like it.”

“Gee, thanks,” Janus snarked before he could stop himself, his self protective tendency rising to the surface. Remus only giggled in response, manspreading a tad more and leaning forward on his elbows.

“I like him, Logan. He’s feisty.”

“I’m so glad I have your approval.” He was on guard now, he couldn’t help it.

“Remus, stop pestering him. He just met us.”

Remus grumbled under his breath but held his tongue. Logan could silence him, he’d have to remember that for the future. If they had a future. He couldn’t help the sliver of hope since they had actually come to find him… but maybe it was to let him down easy. No clue.

“When did you turn eighteen?” The question shouldn’t have shocked him the way it did; it was a valid thought.

“Five months ago.”

And he waited, expecting the worst at the sharp intakes of breath from both of them. Expected them to stand up and leave. Expected them to call him a creep. Expected them to… anything, really.

Well, anything except take his hands. Which they both did.

It was like they could speak telepathically, the way they seemed to be so in sync. Maybe that was a soulmate thing. Remus reached forward and weaved their fingers together at the same time that Logan placed his hand over Janus’ left one, squeezing it gently. They were both calming gestures in their own ways, and admittedly the most contact Janus had felt in maybe years. If that wasn’t enough to bring back his tears, Logan’s next words certainly were.

“Why didn’t you write right away?”

“That’s so much missed time we could have spent together,” Remus chipped in, eyes surprisingly soft.

“I…” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Better let them see how messed up he is now so they can walk away before he gets attached. More attached. “My parents are soulmates and they ended up hating each other. He’s a jerk, he hurts her and me and I didn’t want that to happen to me and my soulmate. Soulmates, I guess. Then the first thing I saw was you guys talking, and I realized, there’s two of you,” He laughed humorlessly, shrugging nonchalantly, “You wouldn’t be missing out if I never made myself known, and what kind of asshole would I be if I intruded on your relationship anyways? It’s not like I can add anything worthwhile. I’m not… that great of a person. I never have been. I have too much baggage and I’m pretty boring and I only scare people away so if I were you I’d get out while I had the chance.” His cracking voice gave away how he actually felt, and he despised himself for it. In all honesty, there was nothing he wanted more than to be held and loved and wanted. He’d never had that before in his life, was it a crime to not want to be pushed aside forever?

To his utter confusion, neither of them pulled away. He’d just vented to two strangers, and they were still as attentive as before.

“Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that,” Remus hummed in a decent impression of John Mulaney, letting his thumb glide over Janus’.

“So if I’m correct,” Logan stated in a tone that implied he usually was correct, “You didn’t contact us because you didn’t want to burden us, or get yourself hurt.”

“I mean… yeah.”

“I’m going to kill your dad,” Remus chirped all too brightly, “For hurting you. And for ever making you think that we would hurt you.”

“Remus!”

“It’s true!”

Logan sighed heavily, “Remus is a little extreme, sometimes, but he is harmless. Look, I can assure you that your presumptions are entirely false. We would never harm you, and anything you’ve gone through in your past, what you call baggage, is not a deterrent to us in the slightest.”

“I have bipolar disorder, and a whole wacky past that we’ll get into another time,” Remus added, waving away Logan’s ‘shut up’ face, “And in the fifteen years I’ve known this nerd, he’s always stood by me.”

Janus knew it was supposed to feel better, but learning that the two have known each other since long before they knew they were soulmates suddenly made Janus feel that much more like he was intruding. Remus must have noticed his expression, because he quickly kept going.

“All I mean is that we have our fair share of baggage, my multicolored friend-”

“Remus!”

“Both of us do. So you won’t be hurting us in any way, shape, or form. And we won’t hurt you either.”

Janus’ own doubts were still raging inside him, but each word they said was adding splashes of water, slowly dousing the flames, much to his dismay. Even Remus’ attempts at humor were delighting him in ways he wasn’t used to.

“For some reason, the universe wants us together somehow. We’re meant to be in each other’s lives. Aw gross, that sounds like something Roman would-”

“Trusting us will be a slow process, and we understand that,” Logan interrupted smoothly, “You don’t need to believe our words, because we’ll prove it to you. Alright?”

It took a second until Janus nodded, but he did. He could hardly understand it himself.

“Can you start by telling us your name?”

“Janus.” It was a near whisper, a confession of the name he’d disliked since he was old enough to get bullied by his peers.

“The two faced Roman god of decisions, doorways, and new beginnings,” Logan spouted as if on instinct.

“Janus,” Remus repeated slowly, before a huge grin stretched across his face, “I love it.”

#lywrites #tsshipmonth2020 #intruloceit #janus sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts soulmate au

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nekoabiwrites · 4 years

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How Not to Help Your Nerd Boyfriend Find a Swimsuit

Long title... but it’s all I got lmao.

It’s @maeofclubsandart‘s birthday and she deserves good stuff - I hope this falls under that :P This is like a few hours early for her, but I couldn’t wait to post!!

AU: Human Pairing: Intruloceit Words: 3002 Warnings: Nothing. Let me know if there is anything you want me to add!

Summary: Logan realises he doesn’t have a swimsuit. His boyfriends want to help. They are no help.

Logan was quiet as he sat on the couch, face pensive. One of his boyfriends had suggested a ‘date day beach trip’, and the other had tentatively agreed as long as a list of stipulations were agreed to. Now the two of them were playfully bantering back and forth, a pad of paper being scrawled on to get each stipulation in writing. Logan was not listening to anything they were saying, however. He was too busy thinking about how to bring up the topic that he didn’t own attire appropriate for the beach.

It wasn’t for lack of trying that Logan didn’t own a swimsuit. It was more to do with the fact that he had not required one since he was a child and thus had had no reason to go searching for one in his adulthood. He’d barely even given the summer displays in stores a second thought when he had passed by them in recent years. A hand gently resting on his thigh had Logan suddenly jolting back to reality.

“Logan? Are you alright?”

“You haven’t added anything to our list yet. I thought you’d already have a contract to hand me, checked by a lawyer and everything!”

Logan cleared his throat awkwardly, “Apologies. I was simply… lost in thought for a moment.”

“What about? What about?” The more excitable of the two leaped over the coffee table and cuddled up against Logan’s side, looking up at him with a grin.

“Remus. We’ve mentioned time and time again. No pressuring anyone into talking about things they don’t want to talk about.”

Remus pouted, “But Jannyyyyy, I wasn’t tryyyyingggggg toooooo.”

“Stop. Both of those things. Immediately.” Janus sighed, grimacing exaggeratedly at the nickname.

Logan felt himself relax a little as the tension of the situation dissipated. He cut through the continuing argument, “It is alright. I just realised that I do not own a bathing suit.��

A beat of silence passed before a wide grin spread across Remus’ face and his eyes twinkled with mischief. He grabbed a tight hold of Logan’s wrist and began to drag the bespectacled man across the room towards the front door. “Let’s go remedy this immediately!” As his hand touched the door handle, a shout stopped him in his tracks.

“REMUS!” Janus stood back at the couch, hands on his hips and a disappointed downturn on his lips, “Are you really going now?”

“Of course! What better time than the present, right, Lo-Lo?” Remus wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist, fluttering his eyelashes in a way that was supposed to be innocent before placing an uncomfortably wet kiss to Logan’s cheek.

“Oh, yes, right. And you’ll be getting so far without these…” He held the car keys up between two fingers. Remus gasped and practically threw himself over to his partner in order to snatch them out of the other’s hand, but Janus moved the keys out of Remus’ reach only moments before he could get them in his grasp. “You might also want to consider changing out of your…” Janus gave Remus a once over, “current outfit… and put on some shoes… and take your wallet… y’know, just a suggestion.” He dramatically checked his nailbeds, pointedly ignoring Remus’ continued attempts to grab the car keys.

Remus soon gave up and huffed as he walked away to change his outfit into something deemed appropriate for the outside world. Once the bedroom door had shut behind him, Janus sighed and turned to Logan with a gentle smile, as the taller man wandered back towards the couch. The car keys were handed over, their touch lingering for longer than necessary, “I managed to buy you some time to prepare. You can thank me later. Do try not to die out there, the increase in rent would be far too taxing on me.”

An amused snort fell from Logan’s lips as he slipped his shoes on and retrieved both his and Remus’ wallets from the table in the entryway. He was just slipping his into his back pocket when the bedroom door swung open once again.

“Is this better?” Remus asked, twirling and posing excessively for his partners. Neither could deny that the outfit was indeed far better, though it still had that… Remus flair that would likely cause passing parents to gape and tug their children away faster.

“It will have to do if we want to get this done today.” Logan said in an already defeated tone. He turned and headed to the door, making sure to obviously jostle the keys in his hand to get Remus to follow him, instead of annoying Janus for them.

Only once they got into the store did Logan realise what he’d gotten himself into.

Remus had him stand before the display of bathing suits. The eccentric man circled Logan, poking and prodding him in ways that seemed completely unnecessary. It was only once Remus poked Logan’s ass with a high-pitched “Boop!” did Logan snap and finally move from the spot he’d been placed in.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, I was just trying to figure out your size is all! And what would look good on you.” Remus practically purred as he approached Logan once more, his arms coming to rest around the other’s waist.

“What did all of the… touching have to do with that? Enlighten me.” Logan deadpanned, practically able to hear the response Remus was about to give him.

With yet another fluttering of his eyelashes, Remus grinned cheekily and responded, “I just wanted to touch my boyfriend. Is that a crime?”

“It depends, obviously.”

“Ooh? I do love a bit of crime…”

“Remus.” Logan’s voice held a note of warning, letting his boyfriend know that he was getting close to pushing his luck.

“Fine, fine. Back to swimsuits. We can figure out crime later!” Remus let go and turned back to the wall beside them. As his partner was taking a moment to breathe and compose himself, Remus was busy grabbing a variety of pieces off of the wall. He grabbed the last one and then grabbed a hold of Logan’s arm once more to pull him over to the changing rooms. “Here! Try these!” He dumped the pile onto the bench in the small space behind the curtain.

“Alright… but you are staying out there.” Logan said hesitantly, lightly pressing against Remus’ shoulder to get him out of the changing room. He moved without much of a fight, though the disappointment was clear on his face.

Logan couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips as he pulled the curtain across in front of his boyfriend’s face. Though he could be impulsive, reckless, overly sexual and a number of other descriptors, Logan could not say that any of it changed his feelings about Remus. Somehow, all the strange things he did brought Logan deeper into his affection. The playful nature of it all just helped Logan relax, even when things did start to border on illegal activity.

Speaking of illegal, it was the only work Logan could conjure up in his mind to describe the swimsuits Remus had left him with. Every single one was too revealing, either due to a complete lack of fabric or the fabric used happened to be extremely translucent. He took his time looking through them all before even considering disrobing to try some on.

“Um, Remus?” Logan asked, staring in disbelief at the choices laid out before him.

“Yeah, Logan?” Remus parroted back in the same tone, teasing him.

“Are you quite sure about these, uh, choices of yours?”

“Of course I am! They’d all look just so good on you. Trust me, I have an eye for this stuff.” Remus had approached the curtain so he could lower his voice, in an attempt to both be seductive and save Logan from the embarrassment of public flirting.

“…Okay…” Logan muttered under his breath as he slowly began to strip down in order to try at least one of the swimsuits – specifically the one that offered the most coverage. After far too long, Logan stood in front of the mirror looking at himself. He had to give Remus one thing; it did suit him quite well, though he couldn’t say it would work for outside of this changing room… or other, more private, areas. “Uh, Remus…? Would you… would you mind, joining me? I don’t think I can come out…”

Remus clapped loudly before his footsteps approached the curtain, “I thought you’d never ask!” The curtain swung open as the moustachioed man entered the changing room. As the curtain fell from Remus’ hand, his eyes swept Logan’s body and an almost lecherous smile spread across his face. He reached out and gently held his boyfriend’s hips, coaxing him to turn so Remus could see everything. “It’s even better than I thought.”

“Remus. This is not suitable as a swimsuit.” Logan hissed, a dark blush coating his cheeks as he was observed from every conceivable angle.

“I dunno. It seems good to me.”

“Remus.”

Finally, Remus looked up at Logan’s face and his grin faltered. The clear unease and worry behind the thick framed glasses that rested on Logan’s blushing cheeks, the hunch of his back and the twitching of his arms as he fought to not wrap them around himself, the tension in his entire body. It cut Remus to his core. “Okay. None of these.”

The voice that responded was no more than a whisper, “Thank you.”

“Gimme that one and I’ll go put these all back while you get dressed, yeah?” Logan nodded as Remus filled his arms back up with the rest of the swimsuits. Logan dropped the one he’d tried on atop the pile and Remus slipped out of the changing room. Internally, he mourned the fact that he was unsuccessful in getting Logan to agree to one of his ideas. He did look so good, and he was sure that Janus would have agreed with him too. But Logan’s comfort came first and so all of them were put on the return rack.

The couple left the store once Logan had emerged – fully dressed - from behind the curtain. Remus was gentler for the rest of their trip out, not dragging Logan from place to place – instead just guiding him. They stopped off at a small café nearby for a quick snack before heading home.

To say that Janus was unsurprised when they returned empty handed was an understatement. “Are you truly surprised that your suggestions were received so poorly?” Janus asked, shutting the cover of his book and resting it in his lap.

Remus rolled his eyes and cocked his hip, “Duh, of course. Logan looked so good and he would have looked even better in some of the others I picked out!”

“I’m sure he did…” Janus’ eyes flicked to Logan, raking his body for a moment before returning to Remus’ gaze, “Even so, we all know your taste in fashion is… different, to ours.” He gestured between himself and Logan for emphasis.

“Just because you two are adorable little squares when it comes to your outfits, doesn’t mean you can’t step out of that every once and a while!” Remus flopped into the space on the couch nearest Janus’ armchair, reaching to grab a hold of his hands, “I mean, it’s not like you two have any issues when its just us…” He grinned, pulling the hand closer to his lips.

Janus slipped his hand from Remus’ grip before he could even place the ghost of a kiss onto his fingertips – though it was highly unlikely to just be something that insufferably sweet – and turned his attention to Logan, “We’ll go and sort out this little issue ourselves tomorrow. Just us two.” He directed his statement at Remus, who slumped over the arm of the couch, defeated.

---

He knew he’d be bored without his boyfriends around, but Remus couldn’t have imagined just how restless he’d be knowing that they were out looking at swimsuits without him. He did eventually manage to lay on the couch and distract himself with some cheesy horror movies, but the moment the front door lock clicked, Remus was up on his feet. “How did it-” Remus cut himself off as Logan’s voice preceded him even entering the home.

“I truly did not think that the two of you would be at such extreme ends of this spectrum!” Logan said, as he stormed through the door. Janus shut it behind him, leaning against it. He said nothing, only gesturing to himself. Logan quickly back-peddled, “I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. I just…”

“No, no. It’s alright.” Janus held up a hand to quiet his now nervously stuttering nerd, “I have specific needs when it comes to such things.” He approached Logan and placed a chaste kiss to Logan’s cheek, a display of love that assured Logan he was fine. Logan couldn’t help placing his own kiss to Janus’ lips to replace the gentle smiles they were sharing, a kiss that slowly turned into something… more as it continued for longer than expected.

As he was left out of the affection, Remus couldn’t help himself and made a noise of frustration. The two separated and Janus rolled his eyes playfully then headed over to give their sulking boyfriend his own kiss. Immediately, Remus perked up, “It didn’t go well then?”

“No, it went fabulously. We just didn’t bring anything back because it went so well.” Janus drawled, sarcasm dripping through his voice.

“No need to be so salty about it, Janny.”

“What did I say about that?”

The two began bickering, but Logan tuned it out. He was deep in thought about his current experiences. While Remus was more than comfortable showing his entire body to the world, Janus was a completely different story. Due to his heavy scarring, it made sense that Janus would be more concerned about covering up as he needed to take extra precautions for his safety. Though, it couldn’t be said that he didn’t like to show off.

Janus had revealed that he preferred wetsuit-like outfits. What Logan hadn’t realised was how tightly some would cling to the body. He was extremely uncomfortable with the amount that was showing when he tried one on, even after his boyfriend complimented him so thoroughly.

Eventually, Logan stood, “I’m going to spend some time in the study.” His eyes were not focusing on either of his partners, as he was still deep in thought. Without waiting for a response, Logan wandered off.

Remus and Janus sat in silence, watching as the study door shut behind their boyfriend. They shared a worried glance before delving into a conversation on how to fix what they had both messed up on.

Days passed and the topic slipped from Logan’s mind. His work started getting extremely busy which provided an excellent distraction. It wasn’t until he came home one day weeks later and was greeted with the sight of his boyfriends wearing their own swimsuits that he thought about it again. He dropped his bag in its usual spot by the door with a heavy sigh, “If you are about to try and convince me to go out and look at swimsuits again, please do not.”

“We’re not.”

Logan paused in the middle of pulling off his jacket, “You’re… not?”

“Nope!”

“So… what are you… doing?”

“We don’t need to take you to look at swimsuits-” Janus started.

“-Because we have one for you right here!” Remus chimed in, holding a box out in front of him.

Logan cautiously eyed the gift as he walked towards them. As he took the box into his hands, Logan found that he was being guided to sit on the couch between his boyfriends – both of whom were eagerly watching him. The lid was lifted slowly, as if Logan assumed something venomous was going to jump out and bite him. Logan’s expression shifted to one of surprise when he saw the swimsuit inside.

The dark blue swim trunks were long and loose, something that Logan was almost ashamed to say he internally sighed in relief at. They also had a few silver coloured stripes wrapping around in an asymmetric design and – upon closer inspection – had the Ravenclaw house crest in the upper left-hand corner at the front.

“Sooooooo?” Remus asked, the silence clearly getting to him as he impatiently bounced up and down.

“I… I don’t know what to say… I uh… they’re perfect.” Logan said, a genuine smile pulling at his lips. After coaxing Logan into putting his new swimsuit on, the three of them relaxed in a makeshift ‘beach’ that had been set up in the back garden. It was made up of a small, blow-up kiddie pool and a tarp covered in sand – which had clearly been hastily placed on the ground. Remus lamented over the fact that Janus had stopped him from going and getting actual sea water and seaweed to bring the “smell of the beach to us”, instead having to settle for scented candles. Despite the odd set up and the unnecessary nature of it all, Logan couldn’t stop the deep fondness he was feeling for their beach. Though there was one question he needed answering.

“Why did you do all of this?” Logan asked suddenly. Remus stopped forming his phallic shaped sand sculpture to turn his attention to Logan, while Janus simply lifted his sunglasses. “I had never said anything about the beach setting being a difficult place to be, so I was just wondering why you set this all up…”

Janus’ wry smile crossed his lips and placed his sunglasses back down onto his nose as Remus responded casually, “It was just so you could get used to how good we look like this. Couldn’t have you getting all worked up over us in public now…” Remus playfully winked and stuck his tongue out, causing Logan to blush heavily at the implication.

---

My other stuff: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/myworks Mobile Accessible Masterlist: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/post/181954641376/fic-masterlist

General Tag List: @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @didsomeonesayprince @llamaly @justanotherpurplebutterfly @iaminmultiplefandoms @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @lowkeyvirgilobsessed @louisthewarlock @fangsandrainbows @xxladystarlightxx @sleepyssnail @ao-koshka @notalwaysthevillian @pumpkinminette @doces-e--tuga @coloursintheblur @safesandersides @hogwarts-my-love

#sanders sides #fanfiction #logan sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #logic sanders #deceit sanders #dark creativity sanders #intruloceit #swimsuits #human au

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bonesthebeloved · 4 years

Text

You did to me what tsunamis do to homes- Sanders Sides

@lance-alt

Summary: Patton and Remus fuse for an experiment. Then they fuse again. Then they stay fused because Patton wants too. When the others finally find out how bad it is hurting Remus, the damage is already done and they have to deal with the aftermath. Wordcount: 3849 words Relationships: Platonic creativitwins, Romantic Intruloceit. TRIGGER/ SQUICK WARNING: !UNSYMPATHETIC PATTON!, mental abuse, neglection, manipulation, dismissal, swearing, disassociation, shouting, panic attack mention (brief), some plushy and clothes get ripped apart I guess, vomiting, (idk how to tag this but Patton flirts with Roman while he and Remus are fused so that), Crying, food mention. (If I forgot anything please let me know. this is a heavy one and I don’t wanna accidentally hurt people with it.)

Patton being unsympathetic/ abusive isn’t really explained but I don’t have the brain cells for that atm so let’s just say he thinks he can protect Thomas this way and is willing to do anything to ‘keep him safe’ however incorrect he may be.

After this post by @lance-alt (Hope you like it bud.)

They had found out that they could fuse because of creativity. Remus and Roman had finally reconnected enough for them to be friendly with each other again. Baking and making a mess of the kitchen while loudly singing Disney songs at 10 am, sitting on the couch together to watch crappy horror movies and laughing at how terrible the special effects were. Dancing in the living room to Panic! at the disco, with energy so high it could match Patton’s when he had too much sugar.

When Remus had grabbed his brother to spin in circles, the soul reason just being him simply wanting to do so now that he could, when something had happened.

Bright light and they both weren’t quite themselves anymore.

A stumble as they looked down. The floor much further away and their body not quite theirs.

It had been exciting, to be the King again. Remus had made them hug themselves and Roman had spun them around before both of them made them run towards Patton’s room.

When they unfused again there had been confusion. When they fused again Logan had conducted an experiment.

And now Remus was in the logical traits room. Fidgeting his thumbs while Patton picked some music. It wasn’t the duke’s preference. He liked something more upbeat. Something edgier. But Patton had picked the music and this was only for an experiment so he didn’t argue.

Besides. He did not want to get on Patton’s bad side.

The dancing was awkward and so was the fusion. It didn’t feel quite right. Unlike being Romulus where he and his brother just shared the mind and looked through the same eyes, they were in a room. Two chairs in front of a big screen and a control panel. It had been a little odd. But not bad perse so he’d let it slide. Maybe Patton just liked it like this. He didn’t mind. Simply wasn’t used to it yet.

Not that he had to get used to it. This was a one-time thing after all.

When they unfused Logan had been ecstatic. Already asking Patton so many questions about how it had felt and set up a meeting for them to fuse as well so he could witness it first hand.

Remus was dismissed with the wave of a hand. Leaving the room confused and not feeling quite right.

They had fused again after a few days. Patton coming to him with a smile and an offer to try it again because ‘it felt so funny! didn’t it? I think you’re my favourite person to fuse with Remus!’

And Remus couldn’t have known that Patton had only tried it with Logan. Remus couldn’t have known what ‘letting Patton steer the ship’ for a while could have let too.

They were fused the whole day. And inside the room, Remus had sat back. Patton needed time to learn how to properly control their body. And, as he already had experience with fusing with Roman, he let him figure it out, repressing the odd feeling that came with not being himself.

And when they unfused in the evening, Remus too tired to do anything else than simply plop on his bed and fall asleep, Patton said goodbye and that they should do that again sometimes.

A few weeks later and they were barely unfused.

They only separated when it was time to go to bed. Too tired to do anything else and slowly forgetting how to do anything else but sleep and wake up to Patton knocking at his door.

One of the two chairs in the room had disappeared. Remus never sitting on it.

Instead, he said in the corner of the room, trying to ignore the feeling of his limbs moving and touching things even if he sat still himself. Trying to ignore the feeling of their body eating and talking and communicating while he was silent.

At first, he had been trying to pitch into their decisions. But after Patton had made them rip apart the octopus plushy that Roman had gifted his brother on their birthday, threatening to destroy more of his precious belongings if he didn’t work with him, he had settled down.

Remus now barely moved when they were fused. Arms wrapped around his legs, staring blankly at the opposite wall, trying to tune out the sensations and sounds. Trying to not look at himself being so…not himself.

A few months had passed and Patton made their body lay down onto Remus’ bed every time they unfused because Remus couldn’t remember how to move his limbs without somebody else doing it for him

When Logan walked up to them after three months of nonstop fusion, Remus had lifted his head to look up at the screen for the first time in weeks.

“Hey, Pathos.” He disliked that name. But Patton had picked it for them and arguing had only led to Virgil’s old jacket, which he had used as a comforter for when everything got too much, being burned right in front of their eyes. Remus not even having a chair or the power to do anything but watch, tears streaming down his cheeks. Mouth sealed shut because he wasn’t the one that did the talking.

“I know it’s none of my business but I can’t help but ask, don’t you think it might be unhealthy to stay fused all the time? I know you’ve told me that you get things done easier like this, yin and yang and so on. But I also know that it is easy to lose your sense of self in things like this.”

“Oh Logan, thank you so much for worrying about us,” Patton spoke. Remus had lost the ability to flinch at that point. Simply keeping his head low, his body stiff, staring at the wall opposite of him. It had begun to change colour in the last few days.

“And it hasn’t been easy. Believe me, it hasn’t been. Remus and Patton are very different people after all.” Remus’ only response was the twitching of his pinky. On the inside, he was screaming, yelling, hoping that Patton had finally seen the error in his ways.

“Remus really wears on Patton sometimes. With all of his crazy ideas and violent tendencies.” Oh.

“But They’ve found their peace like this. Like me! I think they’re better off like this. And isn’t everything more peaceful now that Remus is under control? Don’t you think it’s better this way?”

Logan looked taken aback by the negative talk towards one of the components of the fusion. Though he didn’t comment on it. Simply nodding, shrugging it off and going about his day while Remus was left in the room with Patton. Trying not to listen to the moral sides thoughts in his head. Trying to get them away from his own. Trying to not think.

Patton just walked them to a mirror. Staring right at it before he spoke.

“You really thought he was going to help you? They know you’re wrong Remus. And if this is the only way for me to keep you away from them then I will carry that burden with pride.”

No. He hadn’t wanted to be free. He hadn’t. Because that would be bad and he wasn’t bad. He wasn’t- “You can’t lie to me, Remus. Or did you forget that I can hear your thoughts as well?”

Remus turned his head again. Retaking his staring contest with the wall opposite of him.

The wall was getting patchy. spots of green and blue interrupting the evenly coloured cyan wall like the wallpaper was coming off.

The fusion got more unstable. With Roman coming up to them to confess that he missed his brother and Virgil crying during a panic attack because he wanted Patton to comfort him but the idea of Remus being there too made his skin crawl.

Logan had begun to figure out what he thought was going on. Pathos seemed too put together. Too nice and cheerful and pg to have them both equal parts controlling him. He didn’t swear. Didn’t make a mess, didn’t do anything like Remus but rather was just a slightly more excentric and charismatic version of Patton.

And that night Remus hung above the toilet. Retching as wave after wave of sick clattered into the toilet bowl. The memory of Patton controlling their body to flirt with his brother making him physically ill. A new wave of bile rising up at the memory of how he had them smile of the thought of Pathos with his brother. Of how Patton’s thoughts about his brother had mixed with his own. Of how uncomfortable Roman had looked until nothing but stomach acid was left and his throat stung and the taste of sick had to be washed away with mouthwash.

The wallpaper was peeling more each day. The corner opposite him now almost fully green and blue.

Virgil had avoided touching them. Stopping his hushed conversations with Logan each time Pathos walked into the room. Eyeing them with suspicious than slowly grew into anger. And Remus felt one of the last strings that attached him to the others snap when they cut up his usual outfit that night. Patton’s anger and sadness at making his best friend this upset coursing through him. Feeling the self hate and hate for him rip at his chest as the sash was cut to pieces. The eye attached to the outfit ripped off and stomped on.

He wasn’t sure which were his own feelings anymore.

The wallpaper was halfway off now. Green and blue replacing Cyan walls. Remus focused on the green parts and silently wished for freedom. When Patton threatened to drown his pet rat he numbed the thoughts until only Patton’s own remained.

Deceit hadn’t spoken to them for an entire month. Though he and Logan were together a lot. Always talking or holding up papers. Always quieting down when they entered the room. When Pathos had confronted Deceit and had wanted to judge him for not communicating with them and say that he could at least be civil, Deceit had actually hissed at them.

“I’m not speaking to you until you give me my friend back Patton.”

Remus had cried that night. Patton having left him on the bed as always. Unmoving. Unresponsive to the almost freezing temperature in his room and the fact that he couldn’t use his blanket to get warm because it had been ripped to pieces. He laid there the entire night. Tears simply streaming down his face as he stared at the wall he was facing. The grey colour of it a nice change to the usual green and blue that had completely taken over the room.

Unmoving when Patton broke his mirror the next morning when they fused again and he had felt tired and cold.

Roman had begun to look at them strangely. His expression was so sad that Remus could feel the hurt from where he was sitting. His brother had stopped talking to them all together after the conversation they’d had. Remus had gotten enough of his willpower back from hearing his brother begging them to un-fuse, to please have his brother back, to finally take action.

They were having dinner when it happened.

Pathos had called all the sides to the dinner table. Wanting to spend some time with all of them because ‘we never talk any more kiddos!’

They were holding the pot of spaghetti, about to put it on the table when they froze.

Virgil cursed loudly when the hot spaghetti dropped onto his lap and arms. Though cursed even louder when he looked to the side and saw the pot lying on the ground and next to it, gripping their head and slowly being consumed by light, was Pathos.

“Stay together! I’m not letting you leave!” A voice, sounding more like Patton’s then the one they had gotten used to coming from the ball of light. All of the sides having jumped up, Logan and Deceit ushering the other two back. Holding their arms out protectively.

“It’s better like this! We’re better like th-” “No!”

And with Remus’ voice, hoarse and terrified sounding, echoing through the room, one silhouette split into two.

And there were Patton and Remus. Patton quickly jumping up from his place on the ground and staring down at Remus with fury in his eyes. His usual outfit on like always. Fists bawled, teeth gritted. Furious.

Patton was about to open his mouth to say something to Remus when he was stopped by a hand gripping his arm. He whipped around to see Logan shake his head. Holding back Deceit, Virgil and Roman with his other arm. The three of them looked ready to kill.

“Go,” Logan said simply. It wasn’t comforting. Wasn’t even a warning. No, with the cold tone and cold eyes and arm holding back the other three it sounded more like a threat than anything else.

Because Remus didn’t look well.

Remus lay curled up on the ground. Not having moved a muscle since they un-fused. Arms around his legs and head bowed down slightly. Eyes staring at something they couldn’t see. Wearing an old t-shirt and joggers instead of his usual outfit. Muscle mass almost completely was gone.

Roman’s vision what white with anger, breath uneven and harsh as he tried to calm himself. Deceit was visibly shaking and Virgil had run out of the room as soon as they knew for sure that Patton had locked himself in his own one. Logan was frozen in place for a good few seconds, snapping out of it as soon as Roman rushed passed him, dropping down to his knees next to his brother.

“Remus? Remus, it’s me! Can you hear me?”

The only response he got was a tear slipping from his brother’s eye. No movement. Rising and falling of his chest the only thing moving his body.

“What the fuck did he do to you…?” Came Deceit’s whisper, coming to sit next to Roman on the floor and lifting Remus’ head up slightly to lay it on his lap.

When Deceit began to carefully card his fingers through grimy hair Remus’ pinky twitched.

“He’s getting back his responses. Keep going.” That was Logan, kneeling down at Remus’ feet and putting a hand on the side’s ankle to show that he was here.

Another twitch.

When Roman carefully wrapped his arms around his brother and leaned his head onto his arm Remus did a full-body shiver and his gaze dropped.

Remus moved his hands. And after repeating the same gestures a few times Logan realised that he was using sign language. “He’s signing your name Roman.” And Roman burst into tears.

“Yes! Yes, Remus, I’m here! We’re all here okay? Logan, Dee, all three of us are here for you okay?”

‘Deceit?’ he signed

The ghost of moralities thoughts swirled in his head. Mixed together with his own so much so that he didn’t know which were his own anymore.

A part of him said Deceit was bad. Evil, wrong, bad, snake, liar.

Another part wanted to simply be held by his long term friend and short term crush. Wanted to be comforted like he would have been had none of this happened. Wouldn’t Deceit have seemed scared to touch him like he would break if he did something wrong.

‘Tired,’ is what he signed instead of the thousands of words he’d been wanting to say. And the three of them seemed to understand.

So Logan picked him up. And Remus tried to ignore the panic that shot through him at being touched so suddenly. Tried to ignore the feeling of wanting to be closer and of knowing that he also felt something for Logan because that would be too complicated.

And when they entered his room he tried to ignore his twisting stomach when all three of them gasped. Deceit insisting he tells them what had happened. Why it looked so empty.

‘He made us destroy it. Had to behave.’ He signed. Happier than anything that he had taken the time to learned to sign a few years ago.

“He…what?” “What is it? What did he say?” Roman pressed Logan, the logical side carefully laying Remus down in his bed, summoning a blanket that was clearly his own and putting it over the creative trait before answering the question. Looking at Deceit and Roman, a frown carved into his face.

“He said that Patton made them destroy his belongings so he would behave.” “He WHAT?!” Deceit roared. And the lump on the bed jumped at the loud noise.

“I’m going to tear that fucker apart!” “Deceit wait! That wouldn’t do him any good right now,” Logan tried to argue. Trying to calm down the fuming Deceit.

It seemed to help a bit. Dee sitting down on the bed next to Roman and holding his head in his hands while Logan summoned a comb and slowly began to work through the knots.

For now, they just had to make sure Remus was alright, Deceit decided. He’d get Patton back for this eventually.

The aftermath of the abuse (because Logan had said, that’s the only way to describe this,) was heavy.

Remus had to learn how to move on his own again. Seemingly having completely forgotten that he had to move his own limbs after such a long time of not being in control.

Logan had, after a long conversation with Remus where not a word was spoken, reported back to the other two to tell them that his muscle mass had declined so much because he had barely moved, if at all, in the last few months.

He had to learn how to walk again. They got him crutches once he could properly lean on his arms again and watched him hobble around the new common room.

Patton had moved his room to another part of the imagination. If he was too ashamed or too stubborn they didn’t know. They still made videos together. But Remus never showed up. Leaving Deceit to fill in his place. He and Patton were never in the same video and the conversations Patton had with the others were short and harsh.

Virgil was indecisive. He and Remus had never gotten along. But as soon as Logan had told him what had happened he felt sick every time he saw Patton.

So Virgil moved to the grey. The neutral part of the imagination where nobody ever went to and that nobody could find unless you weren’t looking for it. He came by on occasion. Talking with Logan or Roman, bickering with Deceit. But it wasn’t quite the same as it had once been.

Roman and Deceit both went and taught themselves sign language. Roman wanting to be able to communicate with his brother once they had realised that he seemed to have completely forgotten how to speak and Deceit wanting to be there in any way possible.

Remus was able to walk again after a month of practice. Wandering around the living room and swinging along gently when music played.

He worked out together with his brother. His strength returning slowly until he was able to enter the imagination again to go on a quest together with Roman.

He grew closer to Deceit as he had ever been. When they finally decided to put a label on things it had felt natural and nothing had changed.

Half a year later and Remus admitted to having fallen for Logan as well. Tears streaming down his face and fingers shaking as he signed the message.

And Deceit had hugged him and kissed his tears away. Telling him that it was alright and that they could figure this out. And after a month or two Deceit announced that he wouldn’t mind Logan joining their relationship. Roman just happy for his brother and his friends and baking them a cake for the occasion.

And not everything was alright.

Remus wore soft sweaters and leggings. Refusing to put on the outfit Roman had remade for him.

And they never baked and made a mess of the kitchen while loudly singing Disney songs at 10 am again because the ghost of the thoughts was still present and he refused to make any noise before he was certain everybody was awake. Never sat on the couch together to watch crappy horror movies and laughing at how terrible the special effects were because the voice of Patton was scowling at him that these people had put effort into this movie and ‘why would you mock something like this when everything you create is so much crueller?’ Never danced in the living room to Panic! at the disco, with energy so high it could match Patton’s when he had too much sugar because his mind told him that acting like that was foolish and a waste of his brothers time.

He didn’t speak his mind like he had done before. Only said what was necessary. No vulgar or odd thoughts. No weird or exciting ideas. Nothing because he had been convinced that it was wrong. That he, his whole nature, his whole being, was wrong.

Remus understood then that Patton didn’t fuse with him because he liked it or wanted to help him. Morality wanted nothing more than to break him.

But life went on and healing was a slow and painful process.

When, after nearly a year of silence, Remus spoke his first words, his boyfriends and his brother had hugged him close while crying happy tears.

And when, after nearly a year, his brother invited him for movie night again he had agreed.

And when, after nearly two years, he didn’t flinch anymore when somebody made a sudden gesture towards him nobody said anything but he knew they noticed.

And when, after nearly two years, the voice in his head that wasn’t his and the thoughts that weren’t his own began to quiet down, he didn’t say anything. Though his boyfriends noticed that he slept better. And his brother noticed that he spoke his mind from time to time.

And when, after nearly two years, he was dancing to Panic! at the disco in the living room with energy so high it could match Logan’s when talking about the stars, he felt that, though nothing would be the same again, though nothing would ever be quite whole again, he might be able to be okay again.

So Uhm… Here ya go? This was extremely heavy even for me so I’m sorry I guess? A very quick thing for all the Patton stans that are gonna come for my chins after this: I love him a lot. I love all of them a lot. I just, at the moment, think unsympathetic Patton is interesting to write.

Anyways. Hope this is kinda what you imagined Lance? Yeh. Okay. Bye.

Idk if I should put my taglist (I’m gonna but I hope y’all are mindful of the warnings and tell me if you wanna be excluded from heavier stuff/ removed.)

Taglist: @purp-man @crazycookie13o @deceitifullies101 @sapphire-knight @ragingdumpsterfiremess @chronophobica @lance-alt

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did-he-just-hiss-at-me · 4 years

Text

A Lonely Birthday?

warnings: very long. apologies if it takes a long time to scroll past; loneliness, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, touch starvation, war mention(a food war), food mention

summary: Logan almost feels lonelier than ever, on the day of his creation, aka his "birthday".

ships: platonic dlampr, romantic intruloceit

au: Making Amends(my au, post-agreement)

notes: it's no longer nov 3rd here but screw it. also whoops??? i'm kinda projecting onto logan???? if it makes him out of character, sorry ~-~"

--- (cant cut on mobile)

Logan awoke to hear some commotion downstairs. Sounded like a ton of metal hitting the kitchen's tiled floor. Sitting up, he put on his glasses and checked his alarm clock. It was roughly 5AM. Nobody's usually up at this time, except for Virgil on rare occasion. But then again, Virgil is way too cautious to make so much noise.

Sunlight was shining bright through his mindscape window; burning his eyes, and forcing him to look away. Logan glanced over at the ocean creature themed calendar on his door, a big red circle catching his attention. His birthday.

Logan felt an unfamiliar feeling in his stomach, presumably the "sinking feeling" that the others talk about. He wasn't used to having so much attention focused on him as it is, today had to be worse.

Things had been a bit difficult in the mindscape despite them simultaneously getting better; the divide between The Dark Sides and The Light Sides is diminishing fast(at this point, they can even enter each other's common areas without getting sick) and everyone was working through their issues for once.

It felt stupid to be so worked up over an inconsequential day like this. But ever since he started opening up he'd been feeling all sorts of illogical things. Emotions, and stuff. Revealing things that he never would have prior to the merge starting. Logan had been mildly touch starved for ages and gotten used to being ignored for so long... he didn't know what he was feeling or what to feel and it was happening so fast. Logan previously was purposefully hiding whenever he could because everything felt so wrong. It left a chilling, hollow feeling in his chest and the palms of his hands.

But... he shouldn't be doing this. Logan knows this. It's illogical to express these behaviors, and he was trying hard to get through this confusing time. So, Logan was going to make today the best of his birthdays(since he had a track record of lonely birthdays.)

Logan changed out of his pajamas, into a nice outfit, slightly different than usual due to his special day. Instead of his usual shirt, he had a black long-sleeve collared shirt on, and his tie now was dark indigo & purple with constellations. A gift from last year's christmas, from Virgil.

Logan almost got caught up in thoughts about how close he used to be to Virgil(their friendship had been dwindling,) but that was interrupted by more noise; this time hearing more things hitting the floor along with panicked shouting.

Logan walked down the hall, over to the kitchen, or he would have if not for a certain liar stopping and grabbing his shoulder. "Horrible morning, Lo. What brings you out here this early? It's almost 5:30AM, I know better than anyone that isn't part of your schedule." questioned Deceit. He seemed to be nervous.

"Although I should be asking you the same since I know you're a late sleeper, I'll let it slide for the moment." Logan replied while looking at Deceit's semi dark circles, clearly revealing his lack of sleep. "But if you must know, I've heard commotion coming from the kitchen twice now and I'm getting concerned."

Deceit's eyes widened mid-yawn "No-no-no Logan;" he stopped Logan as he started to leave again. "I checked on them already, they're absolutely fine, no worries!"

Logan looked at snakey side with suspicion. Deceit was still trying his hardest to control his lying more often, which results in him accidentally making truths sound like lies.

"I will, uh, take your word for it. I guess i can go back to sleep or something. Let me know when breakfast is ready, babe." Logan informed Dee, who was blushy from being called 'babe'.

"Oh I, uh-absolutely not then, see you!" Deceit hissed nervously & quietly dashed away to the kitchen. It didn't hit him that he forgot to wish his nerdy boyfriend a happy birthday, he was too concerned about making sure the others didn't get into trouble.

...

Deceit entered the kitchen, late enough to see a disaster all over. There was flour, batter, jam, & frosting all over the room, including on the ceiling. He glanced over at Patton & Roman(whom were making breakfast) and saw sheepish expressions on their faces. He then turned his head over to Virgil & Remus, who were starting out the cake. Virgil & Remus had the most ingredients all over them, as if they were in a battlezone, with Patton & Roman looking as if they got stained in the crossfire.

"What the heck happened here?! You guys didn't wake Logan up, he was nowhere close to coming in here and- ugh!" he questioned, clearly disconcerted. Deceit was freaking out over the disaster before him.

"We can explain!" Roman whisper-shouted.

"We have 3 explanations!" blurted out Virgil.

"Pick your favorite!~" Remus exclaimed with a sing-songy voice, grinning. He was hanging from the ceiling, directly above the anxious Side. He then promptly fell onto the emo. "aCK-!" "ooF, sorry Virge!"

Roman was snickering at the two on the floor, but Patton elbowed him. "ow- Sorry!" quietly came from the prince's mouth.

"Logan almost came out here and spoiled the surprise because of our actions! We need to be more careful; Today needs to be perfect for Logan, he deserves it!" exclaimed Patton.

"Wrong. Now Patton, how close are you two being done with the Loganberry pancakes?" Deceit asked patiently. Logan was back asleep, but it was nearing the time he was supposed to wake up, 7AM. They, but especially Deceit, did not want Logan to have to work at all today. He already has a work-free schedule today, but they didn't want to take chances.

"They're almost done!" Patton replied. "Dee, Roman, you guys get out all the toppings please! Virgil, I would love it if you would set up the table for us; And Remus-" Patton's instructions were interrupted by the mustachioed Side.

"Oh oh, can I go get Logan out of bed? I wanna do this personally!" Remus energetically asked with his hand up, like a kid in school.

"Well, I was gonna ask you to bring the pancakes"-Patton pointed to the large plate stacked with Loganberry Pancakes-"to the table, but I'll let you do that instead as long as you don't bring anything Logan may find gross to the table at least this one time."

"I was already planning on doing that, you don't think that I would want to make Logan's day special too?" a sarcastically accusatory tone came from the green creative Side.

"Not at all!" Patton chuckled nervously. "Permission granted."

"Goody!" Remus exclaimed with childlike glee. Roman rolled his eyes with a smile at his brother. His rat-like brother sure did love that nerd.

...

As the the other sides were finishing setting up breakfast at the table, Logan's alarm went off. Gentle classical music waking him from his sleep-or rather, nap. Stepping out of bed, the smell of crofters filled his nose. He could smell his favorite Loganberry Pancakes all the way from here.

During Logan's tidying up of his appearance, Remus knocked on the door(and then proceeded to open it despite no response. Classic Remus.) "Oh Lo-Lo! Wakey wakey! Patton & Roman made breakfast! Guess what it is~!" the green & black fanciful Side shouted, with a bit of flair in his rhetorical question.

"Well Remus, I'm sure you knew that I could smell them from my room, I could smell Crofters from anywhere." the nerd chuckled.

Remus laughed. "Of course I knew that, my dear blackhole!" Logan smiled at the nickname.

The Duke came over to his favorite nerd across the room and gave him a big hug, and his usual good morning kiss. "See you at breakfast!"

Remus sunk out, feeling as if something had slipped his mind. But if his time with Deceit has taught him anything, 'If you forgot it, it couldn't have been important.' Remus didn't know that his snake friend was lying.

Logan stood there for a moment. Twice now; his boy friends showed no indication that they knew it was his birthday. Logan didn't even know why he cared; they had no reason to be celebrating such events, they were just metaphysical human beings inside of Thomas's head. Celebrating birthdays and stuff had no impact.

But still, it left Logan with an empty feeling, Remus's warmth being replaced with the usual chill he felt.

...

Hearing Logan's familiar footsteps approach the dining room, Virgil glanced and over and noticed the living room-which was openly connected to the dining room-had noticeable decorations, causing his eyes to widen in fear. Sitting across from Roman, he whisper-shouted to the royal; "Roman! The decorations! Lo's coming!!"

"What? Oh, right!" quietly came the response. Roman stood up and did a magic spell using his hands, causing the living room to be disguised with a glamour. He had been saving this particular spell for a while, he cannot use spells too often outside of the imagination. The red-sashed prince was glad to have it handy.

"Wow, Roman!" Patton admired, just as he closed the curtains of the window between the kitchen and dining room. They didn't want Logan to see the mess after all, so the door between the two rooms was shut too. "If only I could do that!"

"Maybe if you struck a deal with the Dragon Witch, haha!" the prince responded.

Logan entered the room and stopped when we saw all the food across the table. His eyes were filled with wonder. "Wow..."

"Morning, Lo-Lo! It was your turn to have your choice of breakfast, but we knew what you would want anyway!" greeted Patton.

"Sup, L." "Good morning, nerd!" came from the other two whom had yet to greet him.

Logan sat down at the only empty seat, right beside his loving boyfriends, Deceit & Remus. His pancakes were just the way he loved them: Perfectly thin, just the right amount of fluffiness; and they were topped with syrup, whipped cream, and an assortment of berries.

"Hey, just the way I like them. Thanks." said Logan to nobody in particular. He glanced at each of them with a smile.

"No problem Logan, that was not my doing." answered Deceit.

"I wanted to help too though!" cried Remus.

"You tried to drench his pancakes in chocolate syrup..." Everybody else laughed.

"It's alright Remus, I don't need you to do this for me to know how much you love me." Logan comforted Remus with his smile.

"Get a room!" groaned Roman & Virgil, sarcastically. They both giggled after that, seeing the couple blush before them.

...

"So, any plans for today? Anything special that I may have forgotten to add to my calendar?" queried Logan.

"Oh Logan, there's no way you would be forgetting something, you always have everything on the calendar the moment you hear about it!" dismissed Patton.

"Oh, alright then, good to know." Disappointment. None of them had said Happy Birthday. He didn't want to just mention it, that feels wrong. So he carried on with breakfast.

By the time he was finished, the Creativi-twins were already gone; Virgil was on his phone, showing a bunch of animal photos and wholesome memes to Patton(who was right next to him), and Deceit was in the kitchen. Logan got up to go wash his plate; Patton noticed and nudged Virgil to go stop him, pointing at both Virge and Logan's plates. Virgil nodded.

"Oh, Lo, let me get that for you!" the hoodie-wearing Side got up and yelled, stopping Logan from walking into the kitchen. He gently took Logan's plate away from him and hastily went into the kitchen, making sure to not let Logan see as much behind the door as possible.

Logan, being oblivious said "Oh... uhm, ok. Thank you Virgil." and sank back into his room.

Patton quickly sank out to get Remus & Roman so they could continue with decorating.

"Alright you two, you can get back to decorating the living room!"

"Thank goodness, I wasn't sure how much longer I could take." said Roman with a relieved sigh. You see, Roman can't hold a spell outside the imagination up for long without feeling discomfort and having to put all his focus into it. The Creatwins had lied saying they had something to do together, and went to Roman's room so they don't raise suspicion around Logan.

"But I wanna keep helping Emo-nesance with the cake!" cried Remus.

"Don't worry Remus; I'm sure your creativity would be more helpful to Roman since you have a better idea of what Logan likes!" Patton reassured.

"Plus, you were sorta the cause of that huge mess to begin with, we need to clean that up. NOT have a bigger disaster." added Roman.

Remus agreed and they went to work decorating.

...

Virgil shut the door, relieved. He heard Logan's "thank you" outside the door, but was too anxious to respond. This anxiety-based side was leaning up against the door, taking deep breaths.

"Wow, Virgil. You don't look like you're going to flip out. What happened?" questioned Deceit, whom was washing the dishes.

"Logan almost came in here and saw the mess." was the reply, between a few deep breaths.

"Well, bad thing you stopped him then."

"I wouldn't have noticed if not for Patton, haha." Virgil said as he walked away from the door. "Speaking of which, I'm waiting on him to get the twins so Pat & I can finish up the cake;" glancing over at the bowls of cake batter & frosting strewn across the counters along with other baking things.

Patton suddenly opened the door, the door hitting the wall and making a loud, sudden noise. "Alright! Cake & bake time!" he giggled. Virgil jumped about a foot, clearly caught off guard.

"I- L- Uhm- Oh-...Phew... it's just you Patton. Speak of the angel." he said with relief, adding a chuckle at the end. "I thought you were Logan for a moment there."

"Sorry to scare you kiddo!" came as an apology from the Dad. "Setting that aside, let's finish this cake! Do you wanna help, D- ...Oh."

Deceit had slipped out of the room before either side could notice.

"No worries Pat, he's probably wrapping up his gift now, he mentioned it to me earlier." winked Virgil, acknowledging his pun.

That pun, of course, was met with a hug that almost toppled the two over.

...

It continued to repeat.

Alone in his room. Feeling the need to leave his room. Being subtly stopped, going back to his room. Finally come out for meal(for the final two meals, two different Sides got to choose the meal, but they chose something they knew Logan would like that wouldn't be too suspicious), nothing happens, return to his room again, repeat.

8PM. Logan felt what he predicted to be 'heartache' in his chest. It really does seem like everybody forgot, even though he did try his hardest to make subtle hints here or there, but perhaps they were just too difficult for the others. (Hint, they actually weren't subtle...)

Curled up on top of his bed, tears forming in his eyes, and that hollow chill returned. This was illogical to for him to feel. He shouldn't be dealing with these issues, that's Patton's job. Logan's expectations of the others were too high, they had forgotten his birthday. He really should have said something earlier. But it was way too late now.

Logan felt cognitive distortions flow through his thoughts. He couldn't control them. He began to think that finally intentionally opening himself up to the others was a mistake. Perhaps he would be the same as before if he just never fell in love. Or joined the FamILY. Things could have been easier. He wouldn't have to feel pain like this.

It was way too early to go to bed, but as the tears trailed down his cheeks, he found himself setting his glasses on his nightstand and pulling his weighted blanket over his shivering body.

...

"Alright everyone, is everything ready?" semi-loudly announced Patton.

"Decorations: Done!" Roman confirmed, high-fiving his twin. The two did a great job, they really got what Logan would like just perfectly. Not too extravagant, just a perfect balance.

"I didn't check with everybody already, none of Logan's gifts are ready." responded the snake-Side with an excited and reassuring expression.

"The cake is done, you know that already, Pop-corn." Virgil said with a metaphoric nudge. It was a two-layer, whipped-vanilla-frosted, galaxy-theme-decorated sheet cake. And both layers have crofters frosting inbetween the top and bottom half. Not too much to overwhelm the cake's taste, just perfect.

"I know Virge, I just wanted to hear everybody say that they're done! It makes it feel more complete." admitted Patton. "So that means we're all ready! Get to your places everybody, I'm going to sink out and get Lo-Lo!"

The other four sides scrambled to their places as the sky-blue Side tried to sink into the hall, right into Logan's room. He even made sure his entry was clear. But despite his efforts, he was met with a thump. He couldn't get through.

He tried a few more times. "That's odd, i'm almost always welcome in his room. It's very hard to particularly block somebody out." concern came from Patton's mouth.

"Let me try-" Virgil tried to say but was interrupted by Deceit.

"Yes. Despite my suspicions, this isn't one bit more serious. It might be worse that his boyfriends try to get him." the scaley Side reasoned.

Virgil nodded. "I guess you're right. But what do you mean, your 'suspicions'?"

"Well, you see... It takes alot of brain power to consciously block someone from entering your room. You could stop me from entering yours after all." Deceit paused to look the purple emo in the eyes.

"But it can't easily be done subconsciously, if it's what you want. Logan's unlikely sleeping... which is half the reason I am concerned."

"What do you mean, Fibber On The Roof?" asked Roman, with an unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"One, Logan absolutely sleeps at this time. He prefers to get 8 hours of sleep, period. Sleeping now would lead to too much sleep. Second... well, why wouldn't he want to keep any of us out?" Deceit directed his answers to Roman.

"Why would our dork be asleep at this time?" questioned Remus with a bit of concern.

"I know, but we definitely shouldn't go see what's going on..." responded the snake, lowering his head a bit. "Let's try walking there."

As the sides walked down the hallway to Logan's door Virgil put a hand on the Dad's shoulder, catching his attention. "Do you feel... something weird around us? Like, emotionally?"

"Oh... now that you mention it, I knew I felt something off... it's a sad aura for sure." was the reply. "How did you know?"

"I could feel something too. I think it has something to do with Logan..." Virgil said with a hint of concern.

The two chatting sides, who were a bit behind the others, finally got to the door. "I think you might just be right." reaffirmed the cardigan-wearing Side.

Deceit knocked on the door, in a specific pattern. Two knocks, two knocks, three knocks. Logan & Dee created a door-knocking code to know the basics of why they were trying to come in. Deceit used the "Worried about you" knock.

There was no response. The lying Side tried to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. Everyone glanced at each other with increasing worry. "Logan, please wake up and unlock the door. This isn't like you." Patton tried.

Roman whispered to Remus. The green twin nodded and summoned his morning star. Everyone was already stepped to the side, so Roman walked to the opposite side of the wall to L's room and prepared to charge.

Virgil had been discussing with Deceit when he noticed what was about to happen. "Roman, what are you-" the red royal Side finally charged. "ROMAN DON'T-" Virgil yelled, catching the others attention, causing them to watch.

Roman ran up to the door and tried to break it open with his brother's morning star. Upon impact, instead of breaking like wood, it acted like solid metal. There wasn't even a scratch on the logical nerd's dark blue door.

Due to the unexpected outcome, Roman fell over, hitting his elbows and shoulder blades on the ground as he tried to save himself. "ROMAN!" cried the cat-loving dad.

Patton & Remus went and helped Princey up, while the other two just stood there and shook their heads. "I'm good, don't worry guys. I've been through worse."

"If Logan does want us to come in, what made you think breaking the door would work?" queried Deceit about Roman's decisions.

"...Well, when you put it that way, I guess that makes sense. But it was worth a shot, right Lyin' Manuel Miranda?" Roman sheepishly tried to reason.

Deceit sighed and shook his head again. "Well, luckily for us, I think I thought of a solution that could work." the snake shape-shifted into, well, a snake.

"Oh, oh! I'll come too!" exclaimed Remus, shape-shifting into a tiny rat, the same height as Deceit.

As the two successfully snuck under the door, the other three watched them with surprised looks. Virgil broke the silence, saying "Roman, I'm not gonna lie, but I thought your idea was more plausible than theirs." (heh, Dee pun)

...

Once through, Logan's boyfriends shifted back to their regular forms. They saw their nerd lying on his bed sideways, turned away from them and grasping his star-themed weighted blanket tightly. (heh, another Dee pun)

Deceit whispered in Remus's ear. "Go unlock the door and let everyone in. Make sure they stay quiet and to the side for now. We don't want to overwhelm him." Remus nodded and went to get the others.

The snake-faced Side walked over to the logical Side's bed and sat in front of him. He started to rub his back and gently wake his boyfriend up.

"Logan, hey, wake up, please."

Logan groaned and opened his eyes. They were red, like he'd been crying. Well, now that he noticed it, Deceit could see tear track stains on the nerd's cheeks. Logan's expression changed from a tired one to a worried one as soon as he realized who woke him up.

"Dee, why are you in here...?" he queried with a mildly distressed tone.

"Well, first of all, you're not following your schedule which was concerning us, second off you were forbidding us from entering while you slept, and third, we-" Deceit's ramblings were cut off by Logan pulling him into a hug.

"Dangit, that wasn't very smart of me..." Logan choked out with a half-hearted chuckle. Voice shaking, he continued with "I... I sh-should've said something-"

"-What do you mean?" Right on cue, the others entered and were listening. Logan still hasn't noticed them.

"I've felt so lonely all day... I haven't felt this feeling since before we all made amends, it all feels so wrong and illogical and it doesn't help th-that-" he started sobbing into Dee's chest.

At this point everyone came up and started to comfort Logan. His boyfriends were hugging him tight, Patton was rubbing circles and other shapes into Logan's back, and the other two were just making sure their presence was known by occasionally saying comforting words with the others.

Finally after what felt like hours(but was actually a quarter of an hour, Logan spat out the rest of his sentence from before. "I-I thought... that you guys had forgotten about my birthday..." he said in between sniffles.

Realization hit all of them at once. They all had been practically ignoring them while they were making sure his party was perfect, not to mention none of them even wished him a happy birthday.

"Oh L... we're all so sorry." apologized Virgil on behalf of the others.

"We were all just so busy behind the scenes, we forgot to make sure you felt notice today!" explained Roman.

"It's quite alright, Roman," said Logan, smiling though there were tears still in the nerd's eyes. "Although... what do you mean 'behind the scenes'?"

The others glanced at each other. Remus stepped in, saying "Oh, you'll see! Go ahead and tidy yourself up first-"the green Side pointed at Logan's messy hair, tear-stained cheeks, reddened eyes and wrinkled clothing. "-And then, you might want to come to the living room, haha!" he laughed. Patton nodded.

"Let Virgil know when you're ready, we'll be in the living room." The others sunk out; while Virgil left the room. Before he was out of sight, he winked at Logan with a gentle smile.

...

In the living room, the others waited in the dark, quietly. They heard footsteps approach, or rather, just Logan's. Virgil has light footsteps, after all. "-I really don't see the point in having my eyes covered Virgil, I can't see where I'm going-"

Patton whisper-yelled. "They're coming, stay in your positions!"

"-Don't worry Logan, we're almost there, just a little more... There!" Virgil finished guiding Logan to the center of the living room and removed the scarf he had tied over his eyes.

Virgil flicked the lightswitch beside him, and everyone jumped out, yelling "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOGAN!"

A happy birthday, indeed.

...

(Epilogue: His gifts uwu)

"Alrighty Lo-Lo, are you ready to open our gifts?" Patton asked, bouncing with excitement.

"Why, of course."

"Alright then, open mine first!" Patton handed Logan a large(about as big as his torso), shiny, blue gift bag.

Upon opening it, he found a light brown stuffed bear and a little white notecard. Logan took a moment to admire the bear, he was awestruck by it. It was super soft and cuddly, its face was comforting to look at; The belly, paws, and inner ears were white and covered with tiny, shiny blue stars. The eyes changed depending on the angle you looked at it; Green at some angles, then brown, blue, purple, and so on. It even had a nice indigo galaxy print bow tied around the neck with the bow in the back.

"Patton... this is... impractical, but I love it regardless." he said with a smile.

Patton came up and gave him a hug. "Don't forget to read the card!" he cheerily reminded.

The small card had a cute little bear face and a bunch of stars all over it. Logan read it aloud; 'To our favorite left-brain nerd, Lo-Gi bear.' He groaned and gently pushed Patton away, while everyone else laughed.

"Here, you cannot open mine next." offered the snake. Deceit handed Logan a black, square box about the width of a shoe, tied with a silver ribbon.

Logan opened it to find a petaminx rubiks cube inside. All twelve sides(heh) matched each of his friends and himself, everyone having two themed sides each. The designs were intricate, making it so he would have to perfectly solve it; and Logan loved it.

Logan gave Deceit a big hug. "Thank you so much, Dee, this is wonderful." Deceit responded with "Of course, specs. I saw that the plain rubix cube you have was getting too easy for you, so I spent a while making this one for you."

Once their hug ended, Virgil cleared his throat and spoke up. "Here's mine, it's nothing really special..." the emo handed Logan a clothing giftbox and stuffed his hands back in his hoodie pockets.

Logan opened the box to find a nice blue cardigan sweater(like this one but with silver buttons and subtle constellations all over) inside. "'Nothing special'? Virgil, I cannot describe how much I appreciate this. Thank you." Logan reassured Virgil with a smile. Virge smiled back.

"Try it on, Lo!" cheered Patton, silently clapping.

Logan snaps his fingers, and immediately he's wearing the cardigan. It fits him well, definitely making him look more handsome. His boyfriends were swooning, and his friends were admiring the fact that for once, Logan looks so much happier.

"Well then; Roman, would you like to show me your gift next?" Logan snapped everyone back to reality, slightly blushing still.

"Oh! Of course, Galaxy Geek! Although, I must confess-" Roman started before Remus excitedly interrupted him.

"We had a big influence on each other's gifts! It's still our own gifts to you but we never would have finished these on our own!" Lo's ratty boyfriend proudly chuckled.

"Aww, I'm proud of you two!" cheered Patton once more. He hugged the Creatwins tight, happy with the progress they've been making.

"Thanks, Pat." Roman gave his gratitude. "Anyways," the prince pulled away from the hug. "You might wanna prepare yourself Lo, this is going to be big!" he boasted.

He presented a Book-sized moving-esque box, but much nicer. When Logan unwrapped the box, he was met with several thick, leather-bound books. Each had a title on them, written in silver ink.

"I've been working for ages, writing all these stories that I knew you would love!" Roman began to explain. "I even accidentally missed last year's christmas working on them..." he regrettably admited. "Oh, and last time, when I gave you that Sherlock Holmes fanfiction I knew that you weren't exactly a fan of the cover, so I spent a lot of time making these nice leather covers!"

Logan was surprised. "Wow, Roman... these are definitely intriguing. Thank you... wait, Remus said he helped you with these, what did he do?" he questioned.

"Oh, Remus gave me inspiration! Since prior to us all becoming friends once more, we had been unintentionally ignoring you, I wasn't quite sure what you would be interested in reading. So I went to Remus for most of the ideas, and had Deceit confirm some of the more concerning recommendations. Right Dee-More-Chill?" Roman answered, turning to the snake for confirmation.

Deceit nodded. "But speaking of our friendly stinkman, where did he go?" he looked around.

"Up here!" Remus called. He was hanging from the ceiling, again. He dropped off and fell into the deceitful Side's arms, only to be met with a bitter reaction from Virgil.

"Aw come on, I had him fall on top of me, and you caught him?!"

"Now now kiddo, relax; We're trying to fix things, remember? Let's not start a fight over something small." Patton gently reminded.

Virgil nodded. Remus ran over to the closet to get his present, calling his twin over to help carry it out. It was a large painting of a galaxy, subtly divided in thirds. One side was Roman's part of the imagination, the other side was Remus's part of the imagination, and the middle was the night sky in the real world.

Logan was-'pun not intended'-starstruck. It was beautiful. The fanciful brothers set the painting down and Logan walked up and gave them a big hug, followed by everyone else joining in.

"I told you, he would love it bro." Roman poked Remus's cheek.

"Yep! That big empty spot on the wall beside your bed had been bothering me for a while, so I thought this painting would be amazing! Roman helped with his sky and the real sky since I'm not too familiar with them." the Duke explained.

Logan chuckled. "To me, all of your existences are good." he told them, which was met with a tighter hug.

That night, they fell asleep in that same room, marathoning a ton of Logan's favorite movies and whatever else he wanted to watch.

Perhaps, Logan will finally admit to himself celebrating birthdays isn't so bad.

#logan #logan sanders #sanders sides #logic sanders #logan's bday 2019 #happy birthday logan #sanders sides fic #intruloceit #dlampr #tw war #war mention #war tw #food mention #making amends au #long post

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