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hirokiyuu · 2 years

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ok i said i wasnt gonna talk abt conspiracy boarded oc on here but i think abt him constantly so lin (oc, short for insulin, Yeah) talk under the cut, spoilers for vace’s friendship 100 and peace ending stuff

vace is v fun bc even post therapy he’s still kind of The Way He Is you know. (in the pringles jar) and i think on the surface someone who’s easy-going is the easy solution but i don’t think someone who isn’t driven would appeal to him at all? so rather than easy-going it’s like... someone who doesn’t hold what he does against him

i do think it’s extremely funny if at first he dates people who are very much like rex and sol (assuming golden run where he and rex make up wwww) and then later on the person he ends up w/long term is Not Like That. these two things were essentially my thesis statement in making lin WWWWWWWW

lin is essentially like. i don’t care if you fuck up. i do however care if you just leave the mess behind and in fact i care about that Very Fucking Much, Do Not Do It. a non-therapized vace appeals to him 0 percent past looks. a post therapy vace who is constantly fucking up but trying about it? very much his type. (get help bro)

augment is “clear-headed” -- doesn’t get swept away by his emotions, able to keep a level head in every single situations. essentially, there’s a wall between “him” and “his feelings”. in theory this means he’s got a cool head and is great at problem solving... which is true in practice as well! what WASNT part of the theory was, uh, the fact that bc he’s like that he’s not v good at dealing w/ppl who DO get swept away. kind of isolated from most people as a result but he’s dealing w/it.*

*”but ravh,” you might be saying, “vace gets swept away a lot!” yeah! he also (eventually, thru therapy) has the self-awareness to recognize this. much more appealing/interesting to lin than someone who has emotions and doesn’t bother. good at helping vace realize when he’s getting swept away as well. guy who likes problem solving his boyfriend’s anger issues.

robotics guy. mechanic for vace’s hand. originally helio affiliated, was shuffled into their engineering from a young age which is why he never had any contact w/vace before (abt ten? years younger i think) tho he’s heard Of vace. prefers to see what’s up with himself before drawing conclusions, tho.

hes the one who asks vace out lol. theres definitely a moment where vace is like “i wont ask you out i dont want to make it weird when you’re only here to do a job” and lin is like. ok cool. i will make it weird instead. go out with me. and vace is like.

good together for a number of reasons. lin helps vace when he’s upset bc he tends to focus immediately on “how do we fix this” (robotics guy) which helps vace channel his shit productively. open + good communicator mostly bc he thinks being cagey is annoying. v good at framing rship conflict as “him and vace against smth else”.

on the flipside, vace being so emotive is like... kind of fascinating for him (guy who has Never Once been swept away). helps him get better at empathizing with other ppl + be more patient (lol). also on a practical level lin is not. great at taking care of himself (does basically the bare minimum to keep himself going) and mr i wanna protect the ppl i love! olivaceous is like. you are going to eat three meals a day actually.

THIS GOT SO FUCKING LONG ALSKHDGLKASHGLKHSADG IF U READ THIS YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT, IF YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS YOU HAVE TO BE NICE ABOUT THEM ALSKHGLAKHSGDLKH

#me holding my little guy in my palms. be NICE to him or ill CRY #personal #i was a teenage exocolonist spoilers ?#4 #5 #i was a teenage exocolonist #lin is the kind of guy who has a buzz cut solely bc its hte most economic kind of hairstyle to have #easy to maintain doenst get ni his eyes he can do it himself in like five minutes. easy #lin stuff

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m1ckeyb3rry · 1 year

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🌫 I HAVENT FINISHED CATCHING UP W SITH YET BC I HAVE A CHAPTER LEFT AND WILL DEF SEND A WHOLE ESSAY LWNFTH ASK ABOUT IT AT SOME POINT BUT M. IN CHASE OF A MOURNING DOVE OMG?? another one of your fics where i’m in love with the world building and character interactions.. the slow burn is frustrating already but i already know that it’s gonna be so good so i’m trying to be patient.. looking forward to the next chapter 😭😭😭

SO READY FOR THE ESSAY 🫡 idk where you left off in SitH but I feel like a lot has happened recently so it’ll be interesting to hear your thoughts!!

AHHH I’VE BEEN WAITING TO TALK ABT IN CHASE OF A MOURNING DOVE AHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT SOOO MUCH. We haven’t even gotten into like HALF of the world building and there’s so much going on in the background that Y/N doesn’t even know about yet. I’m glad you think the slow burn is working…I was worried that the last chapter rushed things too much so I’m glad to hear you’re frustrated if that makes sense 😈. ICOAMD is def the fic I’ve been writing in the most recently so you hopefully won’t have to wait too long for the next chapter lol. There’s just so much that happens…it’s kind of like SitH in a way because the romance isn’t the only thing in the story, there’s like political stuff and an actual plot going on too that’s super important. I also am feeling a little giggly because I know all of the twists and turns the story is going to take and I’m excited to see how people take them!! All I’ll say for now is that it may SEEM like things are obvious atm but don’t take everything at surface level because there’s sm coming as we go along 🤭

#ship in the harbor #in chase of a mourning dove #answered asks

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piratemadi · 3 years

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please make your critical post of supernatural those are literally the only posts about supernatural i care about, especially since i side eye the heck out of the many people who give supernatural a pass because they ship two boring white dudes (dean and castiel) PLEASE

omg ok nobody make fun of me for posting an earnest criticism of this show i enjoy critical analysis and being a hater

i think most of why this show sucks has already been covered pretty thoroughly but these r the main things abt it that piss ME off.

the racism runs so SO deep. supernatural is supposed to be an exploration of americana thru horror (and i’ll give them that. like the idea of deconstructing america and all its fallacies thru horror is genius and in competent hands it would be absolutely incredible. but anyway) but it only really scrapes the surface of what is inherently horrific about americana! something like that is supposed to be an INTERROGATION of monstrosity and how america (and western society more broadly) creates monsters out of human beings and how white christian morals are established as the ONLY acceptable morals and how anyone who falls outside of those norms (non christian, non white, lgbt, people with substance use disorders, prisoners, the poor, indigenous people/cultures etc) are monsterized, so to speak, because of an oppressive and unloving colonial society. like u cannot have a horror narrative abt monsters attacking family values and white suburban life without invoking some very old and racist conventions! but instead of subverting that supernatural just reinforces it! it consistently fails to make any kind of real statement because the most demonized parts of society are the people who are also treated the WORST in canon! native american beliefs are stolen and turned into stupid bogeymen without the show ever featuring a native character or seriously grappling with the inherent violence of america as a colonial state, black men are consistently portrayed as angry and evil while black women are treated like shit (dean’s happy ending at the end of s5 is with a white woman he fucked one time instead of with the black woman who he was in love with??), impoverished people are mostly ignored and when they’re not theyre monsters (theres one episode centered around a poor rural family that commits murder and cannibalism. no supernatural stuff or monsters. just poor people. thats the scare).

theres this consistent fixation on preserving american suburbia, on saving “normal” (read: white middle class) people and it sets up this dynamic of like. the “real world” is the white middle class and then there’s hunters including our mains who defend that “real world” against monsters and demons, which is just Everything Else. and the writers PRETEND to struggle w the question of monsters and what makes one but they just toss it around without ever actually committing to answering that question with compassion or narrative coherency. they have multiple episodes about characters who were raised human, who want to be human, but have to be killed because of an inherent evil nature. there’s a plot in the early seasons about how one of the main characters has demonic powers, and instead of saying that doesnt make him inherently bad and he’s allowed to fully access all parts of himself without being fundamentally evil, they consistently frame intrinsically neutral traits as inherently evil specifically because they go against a christian ideal of morality! and eventually he learns to suppress these powers and that’s that!

and then it establishes christianity as the guiding principle of america, not in a way of like “american culture and history is deeply steeped in white supremacist protestantism that has led to incredibly fucked up views on god and love and morality and thats what we have to deal with as people who live here”, but in a way of like “the christian god is real and he’s a white guy who fucking hates you.” which like. Ok. they bastardize and trivialize any religions that arent christian while building the entire series on christianity. Ok. like i guess its possible to write stories about white christianity without implying that every other religion is full of shit but supernatural did not do that on any level

its also just. really poorly written. i genuinely loved the first season i thought it was really well paced and that the characters were introduced really well like the first season is a GOOD horror story in terms of family as horror and the inherent terror of americana. but the pacing and the character development started tripping up in s2. by s3 they started raising the stakes Exponentially which honestly is such a kiss of death for good fiction like every season mounting a bigger badder antagonist than the last one is the surest way to kill a story bc it means the earlier entries in that story become basically meaningless in the face of the new bad guy. u dont need to raise the stakes to write a good story! a well written story abt the horror and drama of a close knit and unhealthy family caught up in something they don’t really understand isn’t Less emotionally resonant than, like, having to stop the world from ending, because at the end of the day its Fiction and none of it matters beyond what u can make the audience really Feel. im not gonna feel sorrow if 7 billion fake little people die. i didnt cry when the death star blew up whatever planet it blew up. what DOES make me feel sorrow is a few truly well written characters whose relationships are complicated and tragic and whose motivations i can understand and whose inner lives i can imagine. raising the stakes destroys a good story and thats exactly what happened to supernatural (not that the racism and misogyny and american protestant moralizing wasn’t killing it already)

also, the misogyny makes the female characters basically impossible to watch. like not a single person on that show is a good actor (except sterling k brown love u king u were the best actor that show ever saw) but they didnt even give any of the women anything to work with. its literally so cringey to watch any woman onscreen except maybe like. bela talbot and she was treated like utter shit.

god. you know that expression dont fall in love with potential? i dont do that w people i do it w fiction. i came off black sails and the untamed and frankenstein and i watched the first couple seasons of supernatural with my friend and it was like...there was so much room for it to SAY something about monsters and how society creates them thru violence and how deeply horrific american protestantism is. like theres so many questions and concepts that it brought up that it never actually SAID something about. shithole of wasted potential. and yeah dean and castiel is stupid there i said it

#again i KNOWW everybody knows it sucks and doesnt care #im a hater!#asks

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pinkchanelbag · 3 years

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no pls and lemme add to that , sort of , if you're alr w it.

anyways tw/ mentions of sex

its like theyre basing whatever fanon personality a character off of SOME of their main traits,

like if youre short and really loud- you dk what sex is.

and if you dont talk to people, since you have social anxiety, you're a shy uwu guy??

if you look a specific way , and sound a specific way, youre a sex god???

if you look a specific way, you're a player???

PLS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THEYRE HIGHSCHOOLERS- they have phones, they know what it is. they're people who have specific traits, and just bc of those traits, doesn't mean theyre all these fanon shit, and even post timeskip, they know what this stuff is :/

also like , how the fandom is just toxic??? like they make suga , a mother? instead of a dad bc of like toxic masculinity?

people need to get it together istg.

YES YESYEYEYS THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKING ABT YESTERDAY WITH OIKAWA. the fandom latches on to the first stereotype they can point out in the characters and turns that INTO them and it hurts me so much as both a fan of the story, a kin of the characters, and a WRITER. if i wrote a story that got that big and then saw people fuckin up the characters i broke my own heart a thousand times over to develop it would be on sight.

a little unrelated, but this is part of the reason i stay the FUCK off wattpad and fandom tiktok. that’s where these surface level fandom fucks are BRED and it’s so GROSS. i like tumblr because it has the biggest population of people who understand the like....art??? behind their own fandom. tumblr is the only place you find think pieces and character discussions because people ACTUALLY care. tumblr is where writers come to channel their passion into a specific fictional world (as opposed to “i throw up my long dirty blonde hair into a messy bun” ass writers) and they ACTUALLY CARE about doing the characters justice because they understand what the hell goes into fleshing those characters out in the first place. and that’s not to say that people who are just starting to write or do art or anything of that sort are “not doing justice” to the characters, it’s just about the intention to do so! seeing people actually care. that’s the difference.

#<3.zumi

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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....

#nothingunrealistic1 #you know that's my On Brand query lol.....the three dozen ways of annoyed i probably am / have been on any given day

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boleyn-falcon · 4 years

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LiW week day 3- Maggie!

hehehe have a slightly angsty fic... as a treat

and yes the title of the fic is refrencing Bessie buuuut you’ll see why, i promise its abt Maggie heheh >:}

Wordcount - 1947

Triggers - slight blood and injury

@ladiesinwaitingweek

Tour universe!

Pop goes the Bassist...

The Theatre in Glasgow was almost dead silent, with the exception of the plucking of bass strings and soft notes of a keyboard. The Ladies in Waiting arrived early to try and set up before the queens so they could start warmups a bit earlier than usual. Without the Queens’ normally loud laughter and voices filling the air, it was peaceful for Bessie and Joan to practice and set up in peace. The two light-haired musicians were enjoying the low energy of the theatre, Maria was out on a walk so there were no loud drums and Maggie was… nowhere to be seen? They had seen her get out of Joan’s car when they arrived, hell they even saw her enter the theatre and put her stuff down, but after that she just dispersed without a word. At least that what they thought until a loud bang erupted from the door by the stage, to reveal the guitarist with her hands behind her back.

“You guys won’t believe what I found in a store down the street!”, The brunette moved her hands out in front of her to reveal a black hockey stick and a puck. She walked forward just enough to make it onto the stage but was stopped by a justifiably concerned pianist. “Maggie it’s cool and all but why? And why would you bring them up here, that’s just a bad idea waiting to happen..”, the shorter woman scoffed and gave an offended look and moved past her to the center of the stage, “C’mon Snowy-Joey it’ll be fine, I won’t do anything stupid I promise! When have I ever done something dumb on the job?”. Joan just gave a defeated look and stepped to the side, “Well other than the basketball incident with Cleves, the volleyball net fiasco with Cathy, and-”, the pianist was cut off with a groan, “Well.. okay fine you can have the stick and puck up here for now, but don’t do anything that could cause trouble, please?”, Maggie just gave a small nod and a sly grin in response. “O-oh Mags! Maybe after the shows you could prac-”, the silver-haired Bassist was cut off by a laugh, “Oh dear, dear Bee-Bear… Why would i need to practice? It looks easy enough on TV, all you gotta do is hit the puck as hard as possible, observe!”

Maggie placed the puck on the stage floor about 2 feet in front of her. She stood with her back facing where an audience would be watching and aimed her body to the left wall of the stage. She separates her feet and bends her knees, looking oddly concentrated. The stick is firmly grasped with both hands and its toe on the ground parallel from the black disk. Like an amateur golf player, the guitarist lifted the stick’s heal behind her head, and swung at the puck with all her might. “Wait Maggie I said-”, before Joan could finish, the rubber puck flew across the stage at what seemed to be the speed of light. It hit the top of the left wall with a loud cracking noise and ricocheted off the surface with near the same speed. Before anyone could move or say anything, the runaway rubber puck found its way to the side of the silver-haired unit of a bassist with a loud smack, followed by the sound of Bessie’s body hitting the ground with a thud.

Maggie quickly dropped the stick and ran towards the unconscious woman before Joan could even start to mutter a ‘wait-’. She dropped to her knees beside her taller friend and turned her over, followed by Joan, obviously just as worried. “Shit shit SHIT!”, Maggie began to shake Bessie’s limp body vigorously before Joan grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands off of her limp bandmate, “Shaking her like that won’t fix anything Maggie! I told you to be careful and not do anything stupid!”. Joan didn’t necessarily sound angry, just panicked, disappointed, and even a confused, all the brunette woman could muster was a mixture of ‘I’s and ‘Um’s before she just gave up. “Well okay as long as Mari-” “What in the Lord’s name is going on?!” “Uh oh..”, Maggie and Joan turned to see a very angry looking Maria with a disapproving look plastered across her face. The drummer gave Maggie a side glare that basically just said, ‘you have five seconds to explain what you did before I rip you a new one’. Maggie stood up and walked over to Maria, meeting her eye to eye, “Okay so bought some hockey stuff and I wanted to prove I didn’t need practice to use it well and I kinda hit the puck so hard it flew off the wall and hit Bessie square in the side of the head…”, Maria’s nose started to flare and she was about to say something but Maggie continued, “I-I didn’t mean to hit her I swear! It was an accident! She’ll probably just wake up in a few minutes, as long as we don’t tell the Queens we’ll be fi-” “Oh no young lady, not ‘we’ YOU, and since all you seem to care about is saving your own tail and less about our friend, you’re going to stay here and make sure she’s okay while me and Joan,” Maria strides over to Joan and grabs her by her frail arm, “are going to go have some coffee down the street. This is your chance to learn some responsibility for your actions”. Maria stomped off the stage with Joan still in her grasp, the pale girl could only turn her head and mouth a quick ‘good luck’ before they were out the door, leaving Maggie with a blacked-out Bessie, still laying on the floor by her bass.

Maggie had no idea what she had gotten herself into. The first thing she could think to do was get Bessie off the stage and into a dressing room. Walking back over to the bassist, she stopped and grabbed Bessie’s limp forearm and started to drag. After about ten seconds of dragging, she dropped the arm, accidentally on Bessie’s face, and needed a better way of moving her. “Okay Bess we got this”, she leaned down and grabbed Bessie’s hips, and throwing her upper half over Maggie’s should like a sack of potatoes. The guitarist may be short, but she had some muscle, she’s able to lift things double her size and weight but this ability to having to lift all the band’s heavy equipment, apparently know even unconscious bass players. She jumped off the side of the stage and made her way towards the dressing rooms, deciding just to go to the first one she found. Opening door after door, she finally found a dressing room, and thankfully it even had a tiny grey sofa in the corner. Maggie dropped her friend on the sofa and stood back to get a better look. It had already been maybe ten minutes since she got knocked out cold and she didn’t show any signs of waking up soon, Maggie was starting to worry. “Okay okay Google prolly knows if this is normal or not, I bet this is all okay, yep Kathrine totally won’t murder me for this!”, she pulls her phone out of her pocket and began to type like there was no tomorrow, ‘how long do people normally stay knocked out for?’. She felt her heart sink slightly when she got her answer, it was only at most supposed to last five too ten minutes at most. She tried to calm down slightly and decided maybe getting Bessie’s hairband off might help? The smaller woman’s hand reached over and took the black band off but stopped once it was off, Bessie’s silver hair that was once hidden by the hairband...was stained red.

Maggie dropped the hairband and started to shake. It may not have been the most blood, it was easily covered by the band, but it was enough to send the guitarist into a new level of panic. Seeing the crimson spot in her friend’s hair threw all of Maggie’s rationality and sense of reality out the door. She rushed to her unmoving bandmate’s side in an instant, grabbing her shoulders and trying to hold her upper half up slightly. Her shaking hand touched the spot of red in Bessie’s silver hair, she moved the hair to the side to see a small cut in her scalp. ‘Oh god oh god what have I done?!’ the thoughts screamed in her brain, it was almost as loud as the beating of her heart in her ears. All mind just kept racing and racing, screaming things over and over, ‘you killed her’ ‘this is your fault’ ‘Maria was right, your selfishness just killed Bessie’ ‘you could have prevented this, you know what this is? Its Anne… all over again, but this time the blood really is on your hands’. The last statement was the breaking point, she broke down. Her gross sobs began to rock her body, grabbing Bessie body she buried her head into her bandmate’s chest, her sobs started to even sound like muffled screaming. “God Bessie I’m so sorry!”, she stopped to take a shaky breath and to let out another sob, “Bessie I’m sorry! I should have listened...God your dead and its MY FAULT!”, those last two words became a scream that echoed throughout the backstage area. Maggie didn’t have the strength to continue forming sentences and just repeated pained ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘Please come back’s. The ocean eyed woman was so out of it, she didn’t even notice the arms that wrapped themselves around her body.

“Calm down Little Pine Marten, calm down”, the now conscious woman began to shush the sobbing woman clinging to her. Maggie stiffened and pulled back, still crying. “You...You- your not-”, Bessie chuckled slightly and sat up fully, “Of course I’m not dead you idiot! Why in the world would you think that?”. The guitarist shushed slightly and cast her eyes at the ground, not daring to look at her very much alive friend in the eyes, “Do you remember what happened..?”, Bessie gave a small nod and waited for Maggie to continue, “Because I… I-I hit you with th-the puck and you hit the ground...It’s been over ten minutes and you-you weren’t waking up and… I took your hairband off and you were b-b-ble-”, Maggie’s own sobs cut her off. Bessie just gave her a warm smile and pulled maggie back into a hug. “And you c-could have d-died and it would have been because of ME!”, the small shriek that accompanied that last word made the silver-haired woman’s heartbreak. She pulled the smaller woman off of her and tilted her head up to meet her eyes, “Margret Lee listen to me”, Bessie’s smile made it obvious that she wasn’t mad but Maggie was anxious anyway, “Did you make a stupid decision? Yes, but everyone does. Yea it got me hurt but look I’m fine see? Trust me I’m nowhere near dead, and I’m not mad, I could never be mad at you Mags. Just next time, think before you act okay? So nothing like this happens again, It’s just a lesson to be learned”, the bassist finished her lecture with one last hug. Maggie could only cry more, but this time it was a mix of leftover guilt and gratitude, gratitude that her friend was okay and that she had learned something. She learned she really should think about others, but she also learned that her friends love her… no matter what.

here have a cursed edit i made while in the middle of writing this!

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oceanmonsters · 4 years

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p.s. I still love you: Thoughts

definitely not as good as the first one :( susan johnson I miss you

I feel like one of the main problems was peter & lj’s relationship - the only thing making me care about them was my attachment from the first movie but this movie didn’t really add much, they just put in a bunch of bits of them being cute as a couple (that admittedly were cute and enjoyable) but didn’t show my anything abt Peter’s personality or what she liked abt him. All we know is that they love each other. We don’t know what makes her choose him other than the fact that she loves him, but they don’t show why she loves him, or any real personality at all. What are his interests, outside of sports? What do they have in common? We never see them like talking about anything other than their relationship, and a lot of the time they could just be any random generic couple.

whereas with john ambrose we see them actually getting along and being friends and actually liking each other as people, and not just bf and gf. Like they talk, laugh, joke - if I didn’t watch the first movie and this was a stand alone film there would literally be no competition, ja would win instantly - which I guess is the point of the movie, her established love for peter vs the “what if?” of ja? but they still could’ve given us more of a reason for her to pick peter other than just telling us that she loves him. Like, e.g. ja is more similar to her and they have more in common but she loves peter despite their differences. This was sort of an underlying theme, but they didn’t show enough abt Peter to really make this work.

They really should have picked a central flaw in lj & peter’s relationship that ties into the ja plotline more. the whole “lj feeling insecure and inadequate as a gf” isn’t really resolved at all within their relationship and has nothing to do with the ja storyline so I think if their conflict had e.g. been more about they and their lives being too different whereas ja had more in common with her and seemed more compatible but she chooses peter anyway bc she loves what makes him different to her that would have made the conclusion a lot stronger. as it stands, while she and peter get back together and lj resolves a lot of issues personally, they don’t really resolve any issues within their relationship - do we see peter being like “I know gen relies on my a lot for emotional support and I didn’t want to hurt her but I know I can’t be that for her anymore and I need to prioritise you” or lj addressing the fact that she was borderline emotionally cheating w/ ja or anything like that? what tells me that they’re not gonna just keep having more and more problems once the movie ends?

SO MUCH NARRATION like I am pretty sure the first movie did NOT have as much narration as this, literally the whole movie was narrated and a lot of key developmental moments were narrated by lj when it would have been so much better to show her actually saying them to peter and having a discussion with him (e.g. the bit about her and peter’s connections with gen)

overall I just felt like the movie just had so much less heart than the first one - they barely showed lj interacting with her sisters, peter and kitty getting along, any of the little things that really made the first movie so good. instead we get the unecessary dad x neighbor plotline which literally adds nothing to the plot except unecessary scenes like Korean new year and fakesgiving which aren’t bad but literally are completely irrelevant to the overall plot and just took time away that could have been spent actually showing us peter and lj’s relationship. show them having a movie night with kitty like in the first movie! show them doing stuff together relevant to their interests!

some REALLY weird shots like the one of her lip syncing down the hallways or even worse THEM RISING AT THE END DURING THE KISS LIKE WHAT WAS THAT????? LITERALLY HATED EVERY SECOND OF THAT

anyway overall I don’t think it was terrible, I enjoyed watching it, but I think that was mainly because they threw in a lot of surface level cute scenes and moments that I enjoyed but then didn’t actually really understand or showcase the characters in the way the first movie did. it didn’t ruin the first movie for me like I was worried it would, but I most probably wouldn’t rewatch it

#tatbilb 2 #tatbilb #to all the boys i've loved before #ps i still love you

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nostallgias · 4 years

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☆ . * ( kristine froseth, cis female, she / her ) hey, look !! indigo ‘indie’ dahl aka @nostalgias is online and ready to write another anonymous post on the broken hearts club. rumor has it they’re here because she ran away from her hometown to escape her family and ex lover. out in the real world she is a musician / bartender. the 22 year old is known for being flighty & impetuous but make up for it by being vivacious & determined. if they were to describe themselves they’d say they’re chipped nail polish, lipstick stains on cigarettes, driving with the window down and their favorite song is gold dust woman by fleetwood mac.

hello everyone, i’m so happy 2 b in this rp !!! my name is diana, i’m twenty yrs old, a libra, and reside in the est timezone. some quick facts abt me ... i am a girl group stan and lana del rey enthusiast. i also luv cats. anyway, enough abt me, u can learn abt my muse indigo under the cut !!! my discord is missing blackpink hours#5522 so pls hit me up there or in the im’s for plots !! i cannot wait to get started <3 tw: briefly mentions alcoholism & drugs

☆ . * 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔 !

full name : indigo dahl

nickname(s) : indie

zodiac : sagittarius sun, gemini moon ( click )

sexuality : bisexual

alignment : chaotic good

pinterest : click

☆ . * 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 !

indie grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone. she was restless and curious, but there wasn’t much to do in a town that small

her parents were really big on music, so there was always something playing in the household. it’s safe to say music took over her life. she started to learn guitar, then later bass

but sadly her dad left them when she was still young. she wanted him to take her with him, so she could finally get out of that stupid town, but he left her with her mother and never looked back :/

indie and her mom didn’t get along too well. she basically planned indie’s entire life out, down to who she should marry. after her father left them, her mom wasn’t rly able to cope with it too well and she kinda turned to drinking, and the music that was always playing stopped :(

indie spent her middle and high school years taking care of her mom, who was too drunk to function at all times. she couldn’t keep a job, which, was fine at first because indie’s grandparents ( her mother’s parents ) were fairly well off, and they could live off of them

that was until her grandparent’s cut them off after finally noticing their daughter was an alcoholic. so, they were pretty much left with no source of income

indie started working as soon as she was old enough. she worked two jobs in high school, which didn’t leave her much time to focus on school. she never cared for school anyway, her focus was always music, but she didn’t even have much time for that anymore

her mother seemed to have a new boyfriend every week, men who always acted like they were here to say. all of them tried to control indie, but she resented every single one of them. she could see through the lies

she spent most of her time away from home, she didn’t even like sleeping there. it didn’t feel like home anymore, and it hadn’t for a long time

one day, one of her mother’s boyfriends actually stuck around. indie just kept waiting and waiting for the day he’d leave, but he never did. her mother remarried

after remarrying, her mother kinda got her life back on track again. she immediately went back to trying to control indie again. indie absolutely hated it, but she was happy to see her mother in a good place again, so she tried to fit the mold

indie barely graduated high school and never went to college. she continued working for the next few years, saving up money and working on music

she started dating the guy her mother chose for her. it was okay at first, but the spark was always missing. the longer she was with him though, she began to realize that he wanted to stay in that stupid little town forever, and the idea of spending the rest of her life there terrified her so much she decided to runaway

so, she packed all her things and ran away in the middle of the night. she drove through the night to find her father, but when she found him, she learned he had remarried and started a new family

deep down, she always knew he didn’t want her, otherwise he would’ve made an effort over the years. but she really had to see it to believe it

and that’s how she found her way to chicago. she never told her mother where she went, but she knew she was looking for her and so was her ex

her grandparent’s send her money every once in a while, and although they aren’t close, they understand why she ran away and want her to have the chance to start fresh

she stumbled across the forum one day and decided to join it, because she was starting to feel a little lost and it has helped her a lot

☆ . * 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 !

indie is extremely extroverted. she is a social butterfly and will befriend literally anyone. the tricky part is getting close to her, though. she tends to keep her emotions to herself. she presents a version of herself to the world, one who is always happy and alive because she thinks that’s the only version of her that people will like

she has such a curious soul !! all she wants to do is explore and experience new things, so she’s always down for an adventure. she loves a good party because she loves to be around people. she’s a social drinker and drug user ( except for weed, which she smokes a lot )

indie doesn’t have any idea about what love is, but she knows she wants it. she wants a great, interesting, devoted love, but is having trouble finding it. so she tends to have a lot of lovers, but they mostly end up being casual. she gets bored easily, so if it isn’t exciting at all times, she kinda dips akjsdhsdjhk it’s her fear of abandonment

she is obsessed with the 70′s, from the music to the aesthetics. stevie nicks is her inspiration. she loves music of all eras, though. she loves thrifting, and her style is heavily influenced by 70′s fashion

she can be pretty spontaneous, but also reckless. she wants everything in life to be an adventure, so it has gotten her into trouble in the past

hates authority figures, literally she has so much trouble with respecting authority now because she feels like she wasted her entire life doing that for people who didn’t respect her

has a hard time taking things seriously, except for music because that is her entire life

☆ . * 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 !

party buddies - they always go to parties together. maybe they don’t see each other outside of parties, maybe they met at a party and became close friends afterwards

drinking / smoking buddies - someone she can drink or smoke with. maybe they have a more casual friendship, but anytime they hang out, they share some interesting conversations

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

frenemies - they’re friends, but maybe they’re always trying to one up each other. they might gossip behind each other’s backs. sometimes they get along perfectly well, but maybe sometimes they get into stupid fights

protective friends - friends who feel extremely protective over one another. indie will literally fight anyone who hurts them

sibling-like friendship - indie is an only child, so i would love for her to have someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other, look out for one another and always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo / best friend - ride or dies. platonic soulmates !! this person is probably the closest friend she has and actually knows her well ! a power duo

partner in crime - someone who always goes along with her antics. someone who she bounces off of and they do dumb / fun shit together !!! her adventure buddy

online friends - her favorite person on the forum. she is always interacting with them and is literally always the first to comment on their posts or something. maybe they confide in each other

bandmates - if your muse sings, plays guitar, bass, drums or keyboard, they can be in a band !!! indie plays guitar, bass, and also sings so she can do whichever of these is needed !! she also likes to compose music, but with bandmates they will collaborate and make stuff together of course

groupie love - i didn’t know what to call this plot so pls ignore the name, i went for a lana del rey song title aksdhsdjkh but basically maybe ur muse was there at one of the little gigs she played and they became acquainted after that !!! this can be romantic or platonic, we can plot it however. but maybe they keep going to her shows and she’s always happy to see them

flirtationship - they flirt constantly, but nothing serious has come out of their flirting. maybe they have good chemistry, but haven’t really tried to explore it further

ex-fling - maybe they ended things more recently, or maybe they ended things a few months or a year ago. they could have ended on good or bad terms. maybe someone or both of them still have feelings, or maybe they’re just friends or don’t talk now

current fling / friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t

requited / unrequited crush - maybe she has a crush on ur muse, whether it’s a deep crush or a more surface level crush. OR ur muse could have a crush on her and maybe she’s oblivious to it !!! maybe our muses have crushes on each other !!! maybe it isn’t super serious, or maybe it is

will they, won’t they - there’s feelings between them, but they haven’t made the plunge to pursue whatever they have. longing, yearning, lingering glances

take care - someone who looks after her when she parties a little too hard !!! someone she trusts who keeps her out of trouble when she’s under the influence and feeling too reckless for her own good

enemies w/ benefits - there was always underlying tension between them, even though they couldn’t really stand each other. maybe they hooked up at a party and now, despite their personal feelings towards each other, they still continue to hook up

cyber sex - once again, i didnt kno what to title this so i went for a doja cat song AJKSDSJKH but basically someone on the forum she has a crush on. i think it’s funny because she has noooo idea who they are irl but maybe they connect super well online

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best / close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they strongly dislike each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

dealer - someone she buys drugs from, they could be friends or it’s strictly business

bad influence - someone indie is a bad influence on. she maybe influences them to party, drink or do drugs, or do stupid reckless things with her

good influence - someone that is a good influence on her and gets her to keep her act together. she has trouble caring about anything that isn’t music related, so this person can keep her on track

roommates - one to two people that she lives with !!! they can get along, or maybe they don’t vibe super well. but if they do get along they can do cute stuff like bake and watch movies together

coworkers - indie is a bartender, so she can work at the bar or restaurant that your muse works at

meet me at the bar - someone who frequents her job a lot. maybe they’re her favorite customer and she loves whenever they come. we can plot this out however !!!

congratulations !!! you have finally reached the end of my unnecessarily long intro aksdjhsdjhk i would like to thank u for reading and apologize for all the rambling i did <3 anyway i would luv to plot, so i’ll send message u asap if u like this post !!! we can definitely plot over im’s, but i am partial to discord if u wanna add me there: missing blackpink hours#5522

#hearts:intro #☆ . * 𝒈𝒐 𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 ╱ ooc.#this kinda got long.....i'm so sorry i rly do not deserve rights #pls plot with me anyway <3

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chvrrybaby · 5 years

Text

*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! ( i see that i’m icy ) what’s up, i’m diana, i’m nineteen, and i’m ur resident girl group stan. i reside in the est timezone & go by the pronouns she/her. now, finally introducing ... loona !! jk, her name is blair & u can learn abt her under the cut ! my discord is lana del rey is coming <3#5522 ( stream her new album august 30th ), so feel free to message me there or through tumblr im’s if u prefer that ! otherwise, i’ll come to u <3

— kim doyeon. she/her. cis female. | was that blair ryu i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the nineteen year old spends most of their time working as a sugar baby/studying classic literature and women’s studies, but i’ve always just seen them writing in her dream journal. they live in 5A and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of loosely curled hair, cherry lip gloss, the lingering scent of vanilla in the air.

( 𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫. )

born on october 5th, 1999 ( this is literally a day before my bday ooc but anyway ajkdhsjdh ) in rochester, new york, blair’s first impression of the world was a crisp autumn day

she was her parents first and only child. her mother was an elementary school teacher, while her father worked at a nearby power plant in ontario

the family never made too much money, but they were able to get by, at least at first

she had a fairly happy childhood, though it was a lonely one. her father was always working odd hours, and with her mother gone during the day, she spent most of her time with a babysitter and the family golden retriever

eventually, she herself started going to school. she immediately excelled in the english department and fell in love with reading. blair realized early on how much she enjoyed escaping reality with a novel, immersing herself in a story so exciting compared to her dull life

almost everything was fine until her high school years. aside from the fact that she never had a present father figure, she was closer to her mom and still loved by both of her parents. however, when her high school years came around, her father lost his job

her father was the families main provider, and her mothers salary alone would not be enough to take care of the entire family. while he searched for another job, they had to give away the family golden retriever to one of blair’s aunts because they couldn’t afford the extra cost :(

on top of losing her beloved pet, the loss of her father’s job prompting the family to pick up and move their entire life

already in the midst of high school, blair had to leave her life as she knew it behind. the family moved to statesboro, georgia, and her father found a job at the nearby power plant

the transition to life in georgia was not easy for blair. though she didn’t exactly have trouble making friends, she didn’t feel like she could truly connect with anyone

once again, blair turned to losing herself in a book to pass the time

shortly after the move to georgia, her parents experienced some difficulties within their marriage. they ended up separating, and blair spent the remainder of her high school years living with each of them for half of the time

she did not mind her parents separating, as she knew it was for the best. however, her father found a girlfriend fairly quickly, and blair would eventually find out her father had been having an affair

her father spent most of his free time with his new girlfriend and her family. blair was upset at how he prioritized his the new people in his life over her when he was barely ever around for her growing up

meanwhile, her mother was having trouble adjusting to being alone, so she moved back to new york to live with her sister

blair stayed behind in georgia to finish high school, but knew she wanted to go elsewhere for college. she wanted to get as far away from her father and his new life as possible

once blair turned eighteen, she began to sell pictures for money. she wanted to earn as much as possible so she could afford to go away for university. she created an alias and began to sell pictures and videos of her feet. eventually, she expanded her horizons once she realized how much money she could earn

she never went as far as sleeping with her clients, but she would go on dates with them and spend the days with them to earn more money ( kind of like ludovica/chiara in the italian show baby on netflix minus sleeping w them )

she dated a few people throughout her high school years, and began to more “seriously” date a guy during her senior year in high school, though she knew the relationship wouldn’t last. despite appearing as a more serious relationship, to her, it wasn’t really anything of the sort, and she mostly wanted a relationship for senior prom and other trivialities

after senior year ended and she had accepted admission into uni in seattle, she basically cut ties with everyone in georgia aksdjskdjh she said good bye forever ! rip poor unnamed boyfriend he didn’t see it coming ...

her father also did not see it coming because she didn’t even tell him where she applied. but at the same time, did he ask ? no :/

once she left for uni, her relationship with her father became very very estranged. she still speaks to her mom on a pretty regular basis, but even then, she has a whole secret life and doesn’t feel particular close to either of them sjkdfhskdjh

and that’s that for background !

( 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀. )

blair is a libra sun leo moon ( rising sign & other placements tbd )

she is definitely a friendly/sociable person. she can be pretty outgoing and loves to be around people. idk her mbti yet but she is def an extrovert ! ( she does tend to keep her feelings to herself tho )

despite her friendly demeanor, she does have a fiery spirit. if u wrong her she will hold a grudge against u until it gets settled/sorted. she can be more on the mean side when she’s upset, but even then she does not have a bad heart at all

when it comes to relationships, blair is all over the place. she can be very flirty/charismatic and is constantly hopping from one relationship to the next. she hasn’t quite been able to settle down, but it is possible. she kind of thinks being in a real relationship means losing her freedom, because that’s kind of what she saw happen with her parents, so she doesn’t really want to be tied down to someone in fear of losing herself in a way. does this make sense ? maybe ? ok !

blair has a fairly strong sense of self, but she’s still very young so she’s still growing and changing. she is the type of person to know what she wants and go after it ( yes, even with ppl ! ). she will stop at nothinggg to get what she wants ( oop ). u could say she loves the chase, but kind of gets bored afterwards unless u have more to offer !

omg she literally loves 2 be the center of attention. i mean, who doesn’t love attention ? but blair takes it 2 another level. she gets all :( if she’s being ignored or isn’t receiving enough attention

kind of bouncing off the whole attention thing, blair loves a good party ! she’s young and here for a good time. she def loves to drink at parties and stuff even tho she isn’t legal here in the us, why should that stop her am i right ? when it comes to drugs, she’s a veryyy casual user and doesn’t do anything crazy. a social weed smoker n will do pills here and there

being a libra sun with a leo moon, i think it’s safe to say she can be a bit dramatic at times ( i mean, as a libra sun with a leo venus i am not one 2 judge xx ). she reads 2 much and watches 2 many movies like ajkdhsjkhd life rly isn’t that serious but she can b a lil overdramatic sometimes whew ! we told u this was melodrama ... lorde stans make some noise !

blair’s fav books are anything by jane austen and les liaisons dangereuses by pierre choderlos de laclos, aka the book cruel intentions was based on ( which happens 2 be one of her fav movies )

shows she loves: gossip girl ( she shares a name w blair so she probably used 2 call herself queen b in high school or something ), desperate housewives ( no wonder this binch is so dramatic ), big little lies, pretty little liars ( the early seasons only ), the netflix show baby, and buffy the vampire slayer

movies she loves: clueless, almost famous, thoroughbreds, moulin rouge, palo alto, marie antoinette, coyote ugly, american beauty, cruel intentions, and valley of the dolls ( to name a few )

her fav colors are pink, red, and white !

u can find her pinterest board here.

she is bisexual babey !!

( 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. )

party buddies - this is pretty basic and self explanatory, but someone blair can go out and have fun with. their friendship might be more surface level, or started that way at least, but it’s possible they’re closer friends ( maybe she opened up under the influence and it brought them closer aksdhsdjh drunk blair def would )

ex-fling/gf/bf - blair relationship hops, so she could have quite a few of these. we can plot it however, there can b feelings there, they can hate each other, of they can be just friends now, u name it !

unrequited crush - ur character could have feelings for blair, but maybe she doesn’t feel them back or is unaware that they like her. this could develop into her eventually having feelings for ur muse or not, whatever we want ! OR blair could def have a crush on someone who does not like her back. maybe that person is super non-committal, or they simply do not like her back. we could plot this out however <3

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension!!! they started out hating each other, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways !

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs. being an only child and not really close to her parents, blair would love a friend that she could basically call family !

dynamic duo - basically like her current best friend. this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - someone who kind of looks after her ?? maybe when she parties a lil too hard and drinks a lil too much, someone who kind of takes care of her n makes sure shes ok ! they would be someone she trusts a lottttt

rivals - they hate each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. i love a good enemies plot. they can just b nasty to each other !!! maybe they bring out a really bad side to blair that most ppl dont see. someone who makes her act like blair waldorf ( i’m def kidding abt the blair waldorf part )

bad influence - blair isn’t a goody-two-shoes by any means, but doesn’t really do anything crazy, so i’d luvv for someone to kind of influence her to do shit she normally wouldn’t on her own

these are all the plot ideas i can think of for now, but i’ll prob make a plots page later on and add more stuff !

so this is everything !! this has taken me longer than it should have but i’m finally done whew,,, cheers 2 me <3 anyway i would absolutely luv to plot, so feel free to hit me up on discord or tumblr im’s, or i can also come to u ! i’m so excited to get started <333 i’m gonna b logging off now most likely, since it’s 3 am my time, but i’ll be back in the morning

#hide.intro #✧.° ░ 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒂 ╱ ooc.#i finally did it !!!!#pls someone tell me ur proud of me... <3

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astrovagrant · 5 years

Text

it's 2:30pm and i woke up less than an hour ago so here's the introspection that kept me up for nearly 4 hours last night while i was trying to sleep!

was experiencing anxiety about my potential and capacity as a genuine creative last night which got immediately more messy with other worries (am i passionate? do i actually know anything about my interests or is it surface-level pretending? why don't i talk about the things i care about more? am i interesting in any way, am i adequate, do i love people enough and am i non-boring enough to be loved in turn?)

but the important bit was coming back to realize a kind of sad thing, which is that i So Rarely make any attempt to relate to a lot of things (including music) on a genuine level with my Own Life, because i immediately reach for my ocs as a buffer zone.

i feel like the underlying reason for this is also related to why playing nitw was so Fucking uncomfortable to me, and why i don't like seeing media with people similar to me (usually fat women, though there are other issues there like 'writing for fat women is usually horrible') featured in it at all - i just hate seeing myself or thinking about myself as an actual entity or person, and would prefer to have proxies that i can actually control. additionally, i have the ability to make characters experienced (which i am not), lovable through their idiosyncrasies (which... mmm), and Also have the ability to make their pain have meaning and engineer a coherent arc where they either get closure or learn that it isn't worth it (which is a closure of its own, really) - which i certainly can't do with my own life. i can't make the things i've suffered have meaning! i can't make my mistakes be something plot-relevant. they're just fuck-ups.

and i hate having to put myself directly next to something that causes emotional reactions in others without immediately using an engineered fictional Person to insert between me and the thing. i hate being vulnerable and though i've Really Been Trying lately, it's just so much easier (and unconscious! i do this nearly automatically) to just immediately shove something off on a character who can probably do/learn something more meaningful with the piece of media or sentiment in question

and maybe that's because it's the only way i can take my own emotions seriously? when i'm upset i immediately try to minimize, rationalize, compartmentalize so i don't have to Deal with it. i don't let myself have crushes because, lmao, there's no way that it can ever be returned, right? it's easier to dismiss than to deal with it, easier to avoid the emotion at its source than deal with allowing myself to Feel It and then handle the emotional fallout later when it turns out that all my fears abt myself are true and i am fundamentally unloveable. i don't let myself get emotional about the shitty stuff that's happened to me because it's Over, who cares, lots of other people have gone through worse.

and i do all this even while recognizing that it probably isn't good for me but i just. don't know how else to be. i need the buffer zone bc i just don't know how else to interface w my own emotions, i don't know how to exist with them As Myself and let them have room to breathe / give myself space to feel them

anyway. i've been #relating to a bunch of mitski songs lately (yeah me and like 500,000+ other people, i know) and i've actually been hating it because it makes me feel melodramatic and it makes me feel like i'm setting myself up for failure! no romanticism allowed!

#personal #long post #deeply deeply hope the cut works on mobile because this is just a hot lot of garbage

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macbookpro-hard-drive · 6 years

Note

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan:

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right?

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head).

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids.

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this!

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy.

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read.

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck”

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such.

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

#Anonymous #asks

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cosmostellar · 6 years

Text

Connie in Stevens role au

Connie was mostly raised by the crystal gems, struggles with social interactions, feels isolated from the Beach City ppl

a first few episodes are mostly just Connie interacting with the gems, you get to know who the gems are on the surface level + Connie’s father is introduced

Connie’s dad is still a security guard and Connie is very insistent that it’s not only her moms who fight for the gems, her dad does too!!

Doug is initially disregarded as a “just human” by the gems, but later becomes a more active part of the team and is never left helpless

however, he does travel throughout the entire state most of the time

he always finds some time for his daughter when Connie wants to talk via phone and loves her deeply, but sometimes Connie feels like he isn’t there enough which only adds to her general anxiety

Connie is a pretty cautious person, her big issue at first is how much she overthinks things and hesitates - she wants to help the gems but she isn’t sure how

she brings the fresh blood of new ideas and new outlook into the gems’ life

she reads A LOT, both fiction and non-fiction, and often talks to the crystal gems about the past events, even the brutal ones such as wars; easily makes connections between whatever she reads about and whatever is happening in the gems’ lives or happened in the gem history, is more inquisitive abt the gem history than Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl wish she was at this age

Pearl constantly gets fictional stories and non-fiction mixed up sfddsfd Connie is like “George Washington” and Pearls like “oh isnt he that mage from that book youve read last summer???”

Pearl is EXTREMELY frustrated abt things such as Arthurian myths because it EITHER IS HISTORY OR IT ISNT HISTORY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CONNIE

and Connie is like “well you were there right???”

Pearl, remembering how she was thirsting after Rose in the middle ages: .......i do not think i was in that particular place during that time period, no

oh RQ =/= PD in this au, Rose Quartz was just a soldier with a lot of secrets who helped an enslaved Pearl escape, she did indeed shatter Pink Diamond + Pearl was indeed a renegade

the Bismuth arc plays out COMPLETELY DIFFERENT because Connie always needs to see and understand all sides of the conflict and even then she sometimes can’t decide or feels uncomfortable with deciding, in a way she is fascinated by Bismuth’s new perspective but v unsure bcs this is not how she was taught, they sit down and talk together for a very long time

Connie is generally not as uncomfortable with the idea of killing for the greater good since she knows history, she still feels weird with the idea of doing it herself and would rather spare people if she had to

she sometimes struggles with expressing or even understanding her feelings very much which makes the gems initially think she’s much more mature and responsible than she really is

Amethyst is from the beginning introduced with attempts to deal with her issues; she tries to put her self-worth into the hands of others, that is, she is the one who goes to Beach City, she is the one known by everyone there, she seems outgoing, she has friends there

or rather “friends” bcs no one really knows how insecure Amethyst is under all this Attitude, they only know one side of her and Amethyst feels even worse because in some way she is just fooling people into liking her since she can’t make Garnet and Pearl like her

she doesn’t realize that the part of her Beach City people like is also her

Connie is just the awkward girl always hanging in the background and has a much worse relationship w/ Beach City people than Amethyst does, she has a hard time connecting to people

first real attempts she makes are actually bcs Amethyst encourages her to do so which probably leads to Connie discovering more abt Amethyst’s self-worth issues

(before that Amethyst is kinda The Coolest for Connie since Connie really wishes she was better with people and Amethyst has that trait, people look at her and talk to her and she is amazing and Connie is just there, too awkward to stutter a full sentence)

at some point after shes more socially developed Connie decides to actually go to school because there are so many things the gems simply can’t teach her (this is also connected to her arc of idealizing the gems less and less, she has so many questions they are unable to answer)

during the Homeworld arc Connie tries to get her way out of there, helps Blue Zircon with the case, they actually manage to run away together

Blue Zircon is super anxious after that and Connie is too so its GREAT

there would be no murder mystery so there’d have to be a different kind of trial put there BUT: Connie takes Blue Zircon to Earth and they become very very good friends because they are both extremely inquisitive and interested in puzzles and logical solutions

Connie shows Blue Zircon mystery novels and Blue Zircon is DELIGHTED

Connie-Peridot mutual awkwardness

Peridot and Lapis are an actual addition to the cast, appear regularly, have their own motives

EACH BEACH CITY EPISODE IS MADE TO FURTHER AN ARC OF ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS, EITHER CONNIE OR ONE OF THE GEMS

at first they are mostly abt Connie’s social anxiety and her attempts at understanding the human part of her heritage better, she reads about it a lot but she wants to have a better insight in practice

and also the whole Amethyst thing

an episode that is just Pearl taking Connie to some party the kids from school throw

Pearl thinks it’ll be HardcoreTM but its really just kids sitting around talking, Pearl is awkward

gOOD GOD LET PEARL HAVE ACTUAL INTERACTIONS WITH HUMANS, LET PEARL STOP SEEING THE PLANET EARTH AS ROSES-AND-ONLY-ROSES THING, LET PEARL FALL IN LOVE WITH THE THING SHE’S FIGHTING FOR FINALLY BECAUSE OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE HALF-HUMAN WHO WONT LET HER FORGET THAT PEOPLE CAN BE COOL

at some point after heavy stuff happens Connie starts seeing a therapist

Lapis is also encouraged to do so, the idea Lapis is at first repulsed by and it takes her some time to actually see it in the realm of possibilities

Connie starts seeing a therapist because of Doug’s influence and help

Doug, as a guard, went through pretty heavy stuff himself and therapist’s help is just a very natural part of his life and he knows it helps and he doesnt want to leave his daughter completely alone with her psyche after so many fucked up events including the whole intergalactic war thing

Lapis and Peridot do live together but only after they get to know each other better and are able to be healthier and more functional with each other

Lapis doesnt know where to stay and for some time shes just a free bird, she disappears and reappears randomly; she is afraid of commitment, she is afraid of finding someone she’ll like, she is terrified of facing her own feelings, its bizzare how shes finally free and all she really wants is to lie somewhere and die

in some ep she meets Doug who kinda takes care of her in this non-invasive way Lapis needs which makes Lapis come back more and more; she doesn’t officialy travel with him but she kinda does, for some time

bcs goddamit Lapis’s problems are fucking heavy and she needs adults who will help her figure it out, Connie is like what, thirteen??

aka: Lapis is Doug’s grumpy adopted teenage daughter and you can f ight me

also Pearl dates some human women, then Bismuth is unbubbled and after some time she and Pearl slowly start having a thing

it’s an incredible chance for Pearl to actually revise her past: to bring the events of the war to the surface and see them from a new perspective, to have a new understanding of herself and her past actions, to finally deal with all those heavy fucked up feelings that have never been properly worked through because Rose never really gave her the chance or support to do so

it’s sometimes very ugly, and it’s a lot of crying, and sometimes Pearl is just weeping silently for a very, very long time, but Bismuth is there for her

since Bismuth isnt rebubbled in this au bcs Connie actually listens to her point, Bismuth is keeping up the facade of just being magically found in the lion for some time more

one day when Pearl is just hanging with her in her workshop Bismuth finally tells her abt why Rose bubbled her which brings a whole new light to the picture of Rose Quartz Pearl has; Pearl has never thought that Rose could bubble someone like this, especially someone like Bismuth

Pearl is the support Bismuth needs, Bismuth is the support Pearl needs

Lion actually has a name here bcs Connie names him - more specifically, like 343234 different names because Connie is so damn indecisive

Connie asks questions. so many questions

#steven universe #su #connie maheswaran #garnet #amethyst #pearl #peridot #lapis #koh talks #haha im bitter #su critical

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theriseofimagines · 6 years

Text

Animus {Kylo Ren}

Anon asked: Okokok so I j read the imagine abt being best friends w young ben solo and being in love and it was s o cute so can you do one that’s fast forwarded to telegram future when he’s already been turned but he sees the reader again and everything (all those memories and feelings) come floooding back ?

juliatakescz asked: oneshot were you and ben were together when you two were younger. on a resistance mission you're captured, but you look really different, and kylo goes to interrogate you but doesn't realize it's you until he looks in your mind? lots of angst please?

A/N: and old prompt and a new one. this is just gonna be a short one (hopefully), but i love it and i couldn’t refuse. Pre-TFA, unedited, you’re gonna have a sad time.

He’s Kylo Ren, prodigy of the First Order, of Snoke, the Jedi Killer, and-

He’s Kylo Ren, and that’s all that matters now.

For the first few years after joining the First Order, after being gifted a TIE-Fighter of his very own, he made a point of shooting Resistance ships out of the sky, as if trying to destroy the very memory of the name Ben Solo.

He hasn’t thought about you in a very long time, nor his mother or father, but they are a choice. Snoke thinks you’re special. And perhaps you are, but Ben Kylo can’t know that.

So how was he to know when your ship was beamed aboard the Finalizer? You had just been trying to get some information from a contact on a First Order controlled planet; there was always a chance, a danger, but you never thought they’d capture you. Your life for the Resistance was fine, but to give up information? Unthinkable.

Your holding cell is barren, smelling of only your own sweat, blood, and the durasteel that held the room together. You could hear the heavy thudding of boots from the other end of the hallway, and the guards who had been quietly murmuring to each other went absolutely silent, looking the picture of innocence, apart from where your blood had been smeared on the white of their gauntlets. They hadn’t gotten anything out of you, but the sound of the footsteps filled you with a new, unfamiliar fear. The footsteps pass, and the Stormtroopers go back to talking amongst themselves, but not before knocking you out.

“It seems Kylo Ren isn’t ready for you yet.” Is the last thing you hear, and the snear in the speaker’s voice is palpable. Kylo Ren you had heard of, and it’s with fear crawling up your spine that you’re forced into a restless state of unconsciousness.

He doesn’t recognise you. He looks at your face for a full minute and doesn’t recognise you. He calls you by your name and doesn’t recognise you.

Sure, you had changed considerably, a few more scars from battles hard won, hair styled differently as you were want to do in order to keep a low profile, your clothes rough, as if scraped together from the Republic’s surplus uniform material. The busted lip and black eye were certainly new, courtesy of the Stormtroopers. There was none of the elegance that your diplomatic young life had afforded you with. Now you were Leia’s right hand, Lieutenant of the Resistance, and according to the Stormtroopers, Public Enemy Number Two, with only the General herself above you.

“[Y/N], what a surprise.” His voice is deadpan. You are still unconscious. With a single raised hand, he uses the Force to slam your head back, awaking you with a start and a loud swear. Your situation comes flooding back to you and your follow-up swears die in your throat.

“You’re taller than I expected.” As you say the words, something in your mind aches, a memory of Ben, strangely tall as a fifteen-year-old, who even then was a good foot higher than his mother. Kylo Ren is silent.

“How is it,” he advances towards you as he speaks, voice filtered through his mask, the cadence of it, however, familiar, “that the others cannot even get out of you the name of a planet?”

“We’re made of stronger stuff, I suppose.” Your words are surprisingly brave and are completely at odds with the fear in your voice. He takes another step forwards. The terror you exude is practically tangible. “I will not give you the Resistance. I will not give you Leia.”

Never has he come across a Resistance member who mentions the General - his mother - by name, who’s so adamant about protecting her above the whole Resistance. It appears the rumours were true, you really were the General’s right hand.

“Then I will take her from you, by whatever means necessary.” He hissed, his hand raising with an air of menace.

Kylo Ren was skilled at making his way through people’s minds, whether it be with ease, silently, making no disturbance, just pulling out the information and moving on, or he could make it hurt, make them feel each memory he touched as if he had pressed a branding iron to their flesh; though he was no Bor Gullet, he could certainly make his victims feel his malevolent intent. And with you? Someone potentially crucial to the Resistance, to Leia? He wanted to destroy you.

For the first few moments he did, tearing through the surface level thoughts, your fear and guilt at having being captured, your fluttering heart urging your screaming mind to just accept death. It’s as though he’s taken his lightsaber to the memories of your Resistance battles, lashing out at your victories over dead Stormtroopers. With tender strokes he made short work of looking through your recent memories with Leia, trying to find the root of your attachment to her, making each memory as excruciating as the last.

But then his own face was looking back at him through your mind’s eye.

The world around him stops; but the world in your mind starts up.

“You’re taller than I expected.” The Ben in your mind smirks at that, jumping off of the podium where he was addressing a bunch of twelve-year-olds armed with sticks and rubber band guns, none of them old enough to be trusted with anything even close to a real gun, so they work with what they’ve cobbled together. You can see the blaster sitting in a holster by his hip, but it looks old. You’ll learn much later that it’s his mother’s, from the Rebellion, it’s-

- later now, much later, perhaps even a year; you’re sitting on the counter of his kitchen, he’s cooking something but you can’t see what from this angle. He puts a half-cooked vegetable in his mouth and his eyes close with contentment before he offers some to you, it’s good, it’s-

- earlier now, you’re watching him, his eyes bright as he looks up at the ceiling, he’s got one hand behind his head, the other pointed towards the sky projected on his roof. You don’t look at the stars; he’s blinding in comparison, when he smiles at you, asking if you’re listening, you nod emphatically, how could you not be listening? He’s so passionate, it’s mesmerising, it’s-

- midnight, or close to it, you’re exhausted, but he’s asleep, head on your lap, holotape playing out a movie a few metres away. He looks so peaceful, you brush a strand of hair behind his ears just as you hear a sound. Looking behind you, you see Leia shuffling around in her pyjamas, soft and unguarded as her son, filling a glass with water.

“He really cares about you, you know?” And you do know. You know because-

- he’s smiling at you, one hand rubbing his forehead, looking up at you like you hang the stars in the sky. The things from his teenage room, things that Kylo Ren remembers as he watches this memory through your eyes, scatter about the floor, his history text book, his calligraphy set, his one treasured photograph. Kylo Ren remembers that photograph now, remembers this whole scene as it plays out, only from his perspective. He remembers your smile, the way you laughed at his antics, how he would go to the end of the universe if it meant hearing you laugh like that again. He loves you, you both know this. It’s there in his eyes, in this memory.

It’s there in his words.

“I love you too.”

“Get out of this ship.” He snarled, and you look absolutely terrified. He feels sick to his stomach after the influx of memories; he’s never wanted to hurt you, even now he doesn’t. Confused and scared you can only topple to the floor as he breaks the lock for your wrist bindings with his bare hands. “Do you know who I am?” You’re crawling to the door when he speaks, but he hasn’t made a move to come after you.

“You’re Kylo Ren.” There’s a shake in your voice that he loathes. You’re scared of him, of the boy you loved, and he feels guilt well up inside him. Snoke’s words echo through his mind, destroy the past, kill it if you have to, but he doesn’t have to. You don’t know who he is, you’re afraid of Kylo Ren, and the memory of Ben Solo is merely that. On top of that, he’s forced you to give up the location of the Resistance, which he had promptly forgotten as he received the influx of new memories, of old feelings, though you don’t know this. He’s destroyed you, and though he realise it, as soon as you take one stumbling step out the door, the Stormtroopers will finish the job.

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