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soracities · 3 days

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hii! do you ever get into a huge reading slump? i would say ive been in one for about 3 years now and im desperate to escape it and read again but i cant find anything that's 'popular' enjoyable and have no idea where to start in finding content and books i actually enjoy by myself without tiktok or booktube 😭

Oh I've been in a particularly bad slump for at least 2 years so yes, absolutely! I think the key thing here is to try and remove the pressure off yourself as much as you can: don't look at every book you approach with the mindset of "THIS is will be the antidote to my reading slump" or "THIS novel will save me" because it will most likely stop you from actually enjoying the book: when you go in with such high expectations, you're also bringing a very distracting form of hyper-vigilance with you, waiting for the magic moment to hit, counting the pages until it does, being too conscious or worried when it doesn't in the way you envisioned it. It will turn reading into a chore, an endurance test which you either succeed or fail at, and this will only cement the slump further.

Everyone is different and I don't know what kind of books you like most, but the best thing I can advise is to go back before your slump and see what some of your favourite reads were. One way to ease back into reading is to revisit books you loved and read them again--this eliminates some of the pressure and I think it can also help rebuild that excitement because you know you're returning to familiar ground you've enjoyed before. That, or find other works by those same authors whose writing / style you liked and slowly expand from there. I don't log my reading through apps or websites anymore (and I stay away from booktok like the plague but that's a whole other conversation)--I have an ask on how I find my books here and I hope that helps too--but I've heard really good things about The Storygraph so if tiktok and booktube haven't done it for you, this might be a much better way to move towards books you actually enjoy because it's based on your preferences, not an influencer's or what an algorithm is pushing.

Whatever book you decide to try next, I would also advise you to start slow and / or small if that's what you need (more here)--don't force yourself to plow through several hundred pages in one sitting or 2 days. Sometimes breaking a slump is far more sustainable when you do it chip by chip, slowly, but consistently in a way that makes it less daunting than thinking you have to finish 2 novels every week. Something as simple as setting aside 15 minutes to read in bed before you go to sleep each night can do it. You can also look at audiobook versions, or short story collections in whatever genre it is you enjoy most!

Best of luck, anon, and I hope some of these answers will help 🤍

#ask #Anonymous #book talks

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xzhdjsj · 17 hours

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Brew Me a Cup

Zaros x Reader

Period comfort with Zaros

I know you guys wanted Dontis (AND I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK!) but I really really REALLYYYYY miss Zaros☹️

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Being a member of an imperial family certainly had its privileges, but when you flip the coin, there are numerous drawbacks that could tarnish one's reputation in an instant. For example, a simply show of emotion, be it anger, the raise of an eyebrow or even a passing glance, is enough for talk to spread of an Earis who is "judgmental" or "snotty".

Even as you struggle in pain and discomfort, you still needed to keep the appearance of a put-together young heir. You sighed, battling the urge to dig your fingers into your stomach in agony. Despite feeling the way you do, your footsteps remain steady as you gracefully made your way through the palace hallways with a smile on your face. Breaking this facade even for a minute to cower over in pain would lead to many questioning your ability to govern Serulla in the future and ruin your chances of being the victor of the trials.

Luckily, you're well adjusted to it by now, having had to survive through years of masking the pain that comes with your period.

Originally, you wished to spend your afternoon in the library with your nose stuck in a book, but the pulsing pain in your abdomen wouldn't allow for such enjoyments. Defeated, you instead made your way back to your room, but not without interruption.

"My Earis, I didn’t expect to find you here." His smooth voice called out behind you.

You steps halt and your turn on your heels to face him. "Sarl Zaros. I don't see anything strange about my presence here. It is the way to my room, after all." You stated calmly, unamused and frankly too tired to indulge him at the moment.

"That's not what I meant. You're usually in the library at this time, are you-" he paused for a moment, dropping his worried expression to let his lips curl into a smirk. "Forget it. The less you study, the more likely I am to surpass you in the trials."

Your right hand digs into the fabric covering your thigh, scowling at the grin plastered to his face as he approached you.

"Listen Zaros," you whisper-shout, "My hormones are everywhere and my insides are fighting against their own body at the moment so, as much as I would love to continue this conversation- I would not- I'll be taking my leave now."

Promptly, you rushed a bow before walking away from a very surprised Zaros. Words failed to make it past his throat and his eyes wandered the floor for assistance- an unsual occurrence for the Sarl. Not that he needed words anyways, you were already far gone.

Back in your room, you threw your body onto the plush blankets and soft pillows groaning in displeasure as you held your stomach. Maybe a short nap would help ease your mind, and when you woke up the pain would be gone. It's seemed possible, right?

Wrong. You lay in bed for 15 minutes, then half an hour, then an entire hour and another hour, but sleep never came. The pain in your body was stubborn and didn't dissipate either. Slowly, you roll over, clutching a pillow to your body, only to be disturbed by a knock on your door. With a heaving sigh, you sat up at the edge of your bed.

"Come in"

The door gently opened, and a young woman with a tray pushed her head inside.

"My Earis, I have brought you some tea." She smiled kindly.

"Pardon? Tea? I didn't call for tea."

"Oh," she shook her head, "Actually, Sarl Zaros had the kitchen staff prepare this for you with some sort of herb he gathered."

"..."

There was no proper way to respond to that. Zaros sent you tea, some sort of special tea. How else should you respond than with silence?

"He actually wanted to prepare it himself, but the staff insisted they'd be able to make it on par with his standards." She beamed.

"Ah well uhm thank you." You say awkwardly as she placed the tray before you. "And give my thanks to the Sarl."

"Of course my Earis." The young lady bowed before leaving the room.

Inching towards the tray, you lifted the teacup to your nose and inhaled. It smells leafy, with a subtle hint of something sweet. It didn’t look the most appetizing either but something deep in your gut told you it was a good idea to drink it. Maybe it was the pain, but Zaros wouldn't openly poison you, right?

Your face contorted at the unfamiliar scent, but you took a sip anyways. It tasted just like it smelled and looked, leafy and like the colour brown. You could taste the honey used to sweeten the tea, that definitely helped you finish the cup without gagging.

You placed the tray onto a nearby table, before collapsing back onto your bed again. The pain still lingered, yet somehow theres was a soothing feeling in your chest and a warmth that spread into the rest of your body. It was calming at the very least.

Once again, you wrapped yourself into a blanket and closed your eyes. You were ready for the disappointing reality of not being able to fall asleep, but your eyes grew heavy and before you knew it, your subconscious had wandered off to the land of sleep.

Hours later your eyes opened, lazily blinking at the darkness that had taken over the outside world. Just how long did you fall asleep for? You roll out of bed, and immediately notice how much easier it was for you to move. The pain you felt early was almost completely gone, save for a dull ache that barely bothered you. Standing up and pulling a robe over your shoulder, you knew exactly what you had to do.

You made your way down the hall, in a much better mood now than you were earlier. You stopped at Zaros' door, hesitating to knock but the nagging thought of 'It's the right thing to do' made you do it anyways. You took a deep breath and knocked three times, then stood patiently awaiting an answer. It didn't take long for you to be face to face with Zaros for the second time that day.

"Zaros I uhm-" You stuttered.

"My Earis, how are you feeling?" He smiled, it was probably a struggle to not smile with the intent of teasing but he managed to look like he cared.

"Better." You responded, "I wanted to say thank you. That tea, it helped me calm down and fall asleep."

"I'm glad you were able to experience it's benefits."

"Right, yes. Well that's it I guess." You shuffled awkwardly, turning to leave.

"Would you like to come in?"

"Pardon?" You blinked at him, unsure if you heard correctly.

"Well you probably just woke up, and it'll be hard to fall asleep again easily. I don't mind keeping you company while you're still awake." His eyes shined with a sort of genuineness that you weren't used to.

"Oh that..." You looked at him in disbelief for a moment. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

#I MISS HIM SM:(#zsakuva #sakuverse #asmr #zaros #zaros atha’lin #zsakuva zaros #zaros x reader

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puffballlofdoom · 3 days

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what's wrong with helaemond?

As far as I know , helaemond isn't the first out of canon ship fans have ever come up with and it surely won't be the last. You may say helaemond stans are hella annoying cos they want to "their" ship confirmed as show canon, but I think fans of any other, more or less ooc ship , vaguely possible to become canon of any other show based on book series or not, would wish it confirmed. Also, it isn't out of usual for readers of not yet finished book series to ship their favorite character and enthuse about the slightest possibility of them , getting romantically involved, even if the only thing the said characters have in common is that they exist in the same universe and never shared a single line of dialogue (but fans of the ship claim they would make a fine couple because of *reasons*).

As far as helaemond is concerned, I think numerous watchers of hotd simply like the character of Helaena Targaryen and either wish to see more of her (love affair w/Aemond would automatically mean more screen time for Helaena), or, given her marriage to Aegon is portrayed as an abusive, unhappy one, want Helaena to be given some (semblance of)reproductive and sexual freedom. It just so happenes that Aemond appears to have some respect for his sister, and, since Targaryen incest is now integral part of HOTD lore, so some fans came up with the idea of shipping Helaena with Aemond. They're surely not the very first people who find the forbidden love trope enjoyable, I guess 🤡

I personally like this ship, although it seems to me it's not going to be confirmed in the show. In my view, sometimes helaemonds are a bit overly optimistic about the queen's affair with her brother becoming canon. But if that people and their ship piss you off that much, why won't you block all helaemond tags instead of bullying people whose only fault is enjoying a stupid fictional ship they'll probably forget about sooner or later?

#helaemond

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mousmoula · 4 months

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the atlas complex summary:

#the atlas six #the atlas complex #ta6 #i did finish it after all #sort of #it's less i finished the book and more the book finished me #whatever #i'll go cry now

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mangofanarts · 4 months

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Ayhalo won the poll! So, I thought a tiny comic would be nice

#i've had the sketch for a while in my tablet but life was keeping me too busy to finish it xd #qsmp #ayhalo #pierrehalo #badboyhalo #qsmp aypierre #mmangoarts #I have other sketches of them too but they aren't finished ;-;#when I did the sketch originally - I was thinking of that time that Aypierre wrote Bad a book that was like of 6 pages(?)#(could have been more or less pages than that - I don't remember too clearly but it was more then 2) about why sleeping was so bentifical #qsmp fanarts

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benkyoutobentou · 5 months

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Ranking the books I read in Japanese this year

It’s the end of the year and I don’t think I’ll be finishing any more Japanese books this month, so I thought it would be fun to rank what I read! I read twelve novels in Japanese this year, hitting my goal (but not quite reading one a month). There won’t be twelve rankings here, though, because I read multiple books from the same series and will be combining those.

9. コーヒーが冷めないうちに - 川口俊和: This book just didn’t do it for me. I listened to it on audiobook in February for a target language listening challenge and got stuck in a vicious cycle of not paying attention because the story was boring me and being bored of it because I wasn’t paying enough attention. Most other people I’ve seen who have read it in Japanese also thought it was boring, though, so I’m not mourning any loss.

8. 宝石商リチャードの謎鑑定 - 辻村七子: I really wanted to like this series but the negatives outweighed the positives so much that I only read the first volume. The most damning part of this for me was that I couldn’t stand the writing style. It was extremely confusing, and having a language barrier on top of that just made it miserable. I’m really glad I read this with others because I was not the only one who found the writing style to be ridiculously confusing for a book that doesn’t even handle confusing or difficult topics. Seriously, the writing was so bad that I considered continuing the series in English. But the characters were good.

7. あん - ドリアン助川: Now we get into the books that I enjoyed, just not as much. I liked this book well enough, but it was just a bit middling. I wasn’t overly invested in the characters or story and I found myself wondering how on earth this story could go on for another hundred pages. It was sweet, but ultimately I don’t think the story will stick with me at all.

6. ちょっと今から仕事やめてくる - 北川恵海: This was another audiobook read and although I know I enjoyed it, I really don’t remember much about it. I’m also not sure if the twist, which I did think was really good, actually happened or was something I misunderstood (I’m pretty sure I understood it though). Overall, this one goes on the to-reread pile, just as soon as I can find a physical copy of it.

5. 旅猫リポート - 有川浩: This was an adorable story perfect for cat lovers, but the end had me a little bored. Honestly though, it was quite the experience to go from being a bit bored to crying my eyes out in the span of ten pages. The writing style and the main cat’s perspective was super charming as well.

4. 人間失格 - 太宰治: This was my first classic in Japanese and wasn’t as difficult as I expected. Dazai’s writing style is a pain in the ass, but I will admit that it started to grow on me as the book went on and now I find it endearing. It also wasn’t as depressing as I had heard it was, and I really enjoyed getting a perspective of that time period.

3. 美しい彼 - 凪良ゆう: I only read one volume of this, probably exclusively because I suddenly couldn’t stand romance when I had fifty pages left of this. What can I say, I love a good toxic gay romance. The writing style is chronically readable and the story is super engaging.

2. No. 6 - あさのあつこ: I’m a fan of the anime for this and the novels have not let me down. I’ve only read two so far, but the story and characters are super gripping. I really love the emphasis on dialogue in this series, I really feel like it makes the characters pop more. The only problem I have is this odd quirk in Asano’s writing style, where the majority of the series is told from third person point of view, but will suddenly switch to first person point of view for a single sentence. It’s not enough to deter me, but it is a little odd to see.

1. キノの旅 - 時雨沢恵一: My number one favorite read in Japanese this year and no one should be surprised. I’m a massive Kino fan and read three volumes this year. I love books that I can analyze the hell out of and this is exactly that. Additionally, I think the writing style and the way both Kino and Hermes are characterized adds so much to both the stories and the underlying meanings that Shigusawa is trying to get across.

#some of these reviews are so vague because I read them so long ago #but some are vague because I’m like. it was good. I enjoyed it. next #but also there are some where I’m holding myself back so hard #god I wanted to rip 宝石商リチャード APART that book made me so mad in so many ways #sometimes I feel like the more I like a book the less I have to say about it #langblr #studyblr #studyinspo #polyglot #japanese langblr #日本語 #language learning #booklr #bookblr #benkyou posting #studying #this post is a lie because i havent quite finished my twelfth book #(as of writing this because im not sure when itll be posted. queue vibes)#but i completely intend to finish it before the end of the month and i dont think it will be difficult to do so

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starbuck · 5 months

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well, today i read 100 pages of my book, made a (currently) complete calendar schedule for the entire year that encompasses work, school, and free time activities, and got myself completely set up to start the next semester on Monday, so i may not have gotten everything done that i wanted to, but i’m still proud of myself!

#also planned out my future restaurant trips in detail #because i want to go to new places but it also Scares Me #so if i plan exactly When i’m going and What to order - it becomes less scary #because i have a Plan then nothing is left up to chance #ideally in the future i’ll be more confident and won’t need this #but it’s helpful for now #and honestly pretty wise considering my food allergies #it’s really not a bad thing to plan ahead when possible #which is why i’ve also planned so many city trips and books and films #if i tell myself exactly what to do ahead of time - i can do it #but ONLY then #i need the structure and organization or it falls apart #and this is working and i’m so happy #i’d love to finish the book this week but i’m only about a sixth of the way done so there’s no way that’s happening #not with the Moby-Dick reading monopolizing my weekend #but getting it done in two weeks is the official goal #which i think is entirely manageable #so !!!!!!!!#wish me luck!!!!!

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andthebeanstalk · 3 days

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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

#social skills #i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag #original #maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title #in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am #challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment #for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the #most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than #most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny #(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by #being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating #i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate #I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to #really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would #go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people #it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them #stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in #order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially #autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules #and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules #but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too

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dayurno · 1 month

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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers #literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live #so you may be subjected to some nonsense #that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings #the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass #the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that #the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check #im joking of course dont quote me on it #jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml #jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated #a character with many moving parts im sure #there were a few things i did not care for #namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion #i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense #i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on #all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family #so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me #which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean #i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest #uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him #andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck #two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other #the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier #but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited #uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably #pedestrian #not necessarily in a bad way #it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters

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yesokayiknow · 2 months

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cannot believe that in 2007 the eighth doctor adventures writers just decided to put toxic yuri in their show. they did that for me

#not me going insane over 2 minor recurring villains #but literally what the fuck is going on with the headhunter and karen #what if an amoral assassin and a normal office worker decided to become partners on a whim & now they time travel and commit crimes together #like what?????#the headhunter could not give less of a shit about other people and doesn't think karen is useful at all and yet just keeps her around #and karen's like yeah she hates my guts and also she makes me kill people. it's a laugh though can't complain #and i'm just meant to be normal about that?????? huh???????#also the way they both just flirt with lucie every time they see her is so funny #karen's like hey babe!!!! how are you!!!! do you want to join us!!!! while holding a knife to lucie's neck shdjshs #while the headhunter's like ah lucie miller the thorn in my side [saves her life] this means nothing [saves her life] you disgust me [saves-#doctor who #big finish #i've finished s3!!!! whoop!!!!#my thoughts are why does lucie miller keep getting turned evil and can it keep happening bc it's hot. who said that #my only issue with this format is that it's very adventure based. which yeah it's called the 8th doctor adventures #but i wish there was more breathing room for lucie. the doctor keeps being all sad (fair his life is awful) but lucie's going Through It #and never gets a chance to really process anything #also the retroactive continuity errors make me laugh #'i'm 900 years old' no the fuck you're not! you still have the time war yet buddy!#i like to think they're just signs of 8's swiss cheese memory #i hope there's books set in this era. i'm sure nobody will be able to tell me bc they gave up 20 tags ago agdkhsjshsjs

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dancedance-resolution · 10 months

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i started a supercorp portrait of a lady on fire au like three years ago. i'm never going to finish it, but the writing style is pretty cool, so i want to share it. so um enjoy the prologue and a bit of chapter one?

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Prologue. Bonnelles, France. 1786.

“First, my contours,” Kara said, her voice soft and level. She looked out upon the dozen or so young women, their eyes darting back and forth from their papers to Kara herself. “The outline,” she continued. The increasingly swift sound of scratching charcoal prompted Kara to further instruct, “Not too fast. Take time to look at me.” She paused. “See how my arms are placed.”

At that moment, Kara saw the painting.

She swallowed and took in a breath; she schooled her expression before letting out the air with a pathetically soft “My hands.” Her students’ gaze followed her verbal direction, now observing as Kara’s fingers curled with remembrance. Their own hands now began to sketch the slope of hers—the slope that had once coaxed breathy moans from a lover, the slope that had once created that very painting in all of its hollow longing.

Kara felt her heart rate accelerating, and her attempts at calming deep breaths only made her shoulders shake unsteadily. “Who brought that painting out?” Her eyes darted around, landing on each possible offender, as she tensed her core and adopted a stern countenance.

Every student dutifully turned to look at the work.

It was an especially young girl who finally lifted her hand. “I brought it. From the stock room. Should I have not?”

Kara’s “no” felt like a brick, its weight threatening to pry tears from her reddening eyes. So Kara took another swallow, a handful of blinks, a few more steadying breaths.

“Did you paint it?” the girl asked innocently. Nia, her name was? She stared at Kara, oblivious to the flood of sound overwhelming Kara’s mind and echoing in the cavern of her heart.

“Yes,” Kara uttered softly, the word barely audible as they fell from her lips. “A long time ago.”

Nia’s head snapped back to examine the painting once more. It stood on an old but sturdy easel, tattooed and scarred but still standing. The artwork itself was brooding, with a white sun bleeding into a dark vignette. Heavy clumps of clouds occupied the sky and caged some of the sun’s rays, so the fire burning behind the woman was bright enough in comparison to create a dragging shadow of her figure. The flames crawled up the back of her windswept dress, bringing sharp tension to an otherwise lulling, melancholy landscape.

“What’s the title?”

The sound of the sea began to swell in Kara’s head. Her lips trembled. Her body unwittingly swayed slightly. “Portrait of a Lady on Fire.”

---

Chapter I. The island of Brittany, France, and the surrounding sea. 1779.

Kara squinted into the distance, her face scrunching up a bit as she desperately tried to shield her eyes from the harsh glare of the sun on the water. For all its gorgeous teals and sparkling peaks, it certainly did make her wish for one of those brimmed hats the rowers were all wearing. With every one of their paced paddles, the cork-like little canoe bobbed haphazardly. Kara rather felt as if she were in the wine glass of a thoroughly drunken Marie Antoinette.

At least she wasn’t prone to seasickness.

She still felt quite unsteady, though, being thrown about and forced to pathetically grab onto the boat’s low walls. She leaned forward, trying to regain her balance and ground herself despite the absence of ground.

The wooden pallet holding her canvas was, apparently, as unstable as she was, and the next thing Kara knew, it had been lurched off of the boat like vomit from a drunkard. Kara watched helplessly as it thrashed among the choppy waves, the sea carrying it a few feet from the boat.

The chief rower met her desperate look with exhausted resignation; he ceased his paddling as Kara shed her overcoat and placed a precarious foot on the edge of the canoe.

With a strained creak from the boat’s wood, she jumped into the water, dress billowing behind her. Her first gasp for air upon emerging from the water was audible; she could feel the effort in her throat. Her arms moved in laborious little arcs as she slowly made her way towards the floating pallet and finally made a desperate reach for it. Kara’s fingers grasped onto a wooden board, and she pulled herself up onto it with a grunt.

---

The incessant wind upon the sea was certainly not helping Kara. Dripping wet, she wrapped herself up in her overcoat in a pitiful plea for warmth. She held the edges of the garment up to her lips, the sensation of the dry fabric bringing her some comfort as she closed her eyes and left herself to the mercy of the mighty sea.

But the interminable rocking of the feeble boat wouldn’t allow her any rest.

Kara wasn’t very religious, not anymore. Yet, the sight of the cliffs and coast of Brittany moved her to relieved prayer.

---

The sun had already begun to set as Kara trekked up the sandy coast. Her legs ached with every stumbling, unsure step—maybe she was a bit seasick after all—and her hands were tired of having to grip her full skirt to keep it out of her way.

She paused on the rocks, taking a moment to manually wring some of the water out of her skirt. She filled her lungs with an arduous breath before slinging the rope holding the pallet over her shoulder. Next came the fabric sling, which housed her trunk of personal items—she positioned it on her back with careful poise.

The journey up the cliffs and towards the trees was exhausting. Kara’s skirt required repositioning every few seconds, the rope was digging into her shoulder, and the pallet and trunk slammed into her back with each wobbling step. By the time she reached the straight path up to the residence, her breaths were heavy and pained, and the sun was nearly fully hidden beneath the horizon.

A soft light emanated from the windows above the mansion’s door, helping Kara feel a bit more secure as she knocked. A short blonde woman answered her summon and introduced herself with a flat “I’m Eve.” She opened the door a bit wider and gestured with her body for Kara to come in.

Eve held a small candle as she guided Kara up the stairs, the sounds of their shoes echoing through the grand yet starkly undecorated hallway. The walls of the stairwell were cement bricks, and the wrought iron bannister was rather plain and geometric.

They came to a stop in front of a similarly void room, bare save a few heavy curtains and a daybed. The raised panels along these walls matched the white-painted wood of the window frames, and they gave the chamber some elegant character.

While Eve entered the comparatively less intimidating room, Kara stayed back a moment, taking in the shafts of muted blue light from the windows and the contrasting warm glow of leaping flames from the central fireplace.

Eve crouched down to poke at the fire as Kara set down her belongings. “It was a reception room,” Eve explained. “Though I’ve never seen it used.”

The fire crackled pleasantly. “Have you been here long?” Kara inquired.

“Three years,” Eve answered, directing her attention back to the fire.

Kara peeled off her overcoat and draped it along the wainscoting. “Do you like it here?”

“Yes,” Eve said simply as she stood up. She turned to Kara, meeting her eyes now as her hands smoothed over her skirt. “I’ll let you get dry.” And with a nod, she was on her way.

Kara watched her every step.

Once the door closed, she hastily began removing her overskirt. It fell to the dark herringbone floor with an unglamorous thud.

---

There was no method or grace to the way Kara wrapped her hand around the rusting crowbar, but with a few jerks, she’d managed to successfully pry the top off of the pallet.

After setting down the wood cover, Kara extended her hand, letting it fall clumsily onto the slick canvas in front of her. It was still wet, and her hand’s small circular movement caused moisture to pool at her fingertips, as if her touch had beckoned the water. So her hand withdrew, and Kara slid the canvas out from its container. Her eyes danced over the surface as she considered how to dry it, holding it in front of herself like the Communion host of an evening Mass.

---

Kara decided to accompany her drying canvas, which was now positioned next to the fireplace. Stripped naked, she sat in front of the fire and pulled her legs towards herself—she was vulnerable, sitting there bare and in a new environment, and the action made her feel a bit more small, compact, and safe.

Kara set down her candle so she could light her tobacco pipe with the flames. Her large, smoky exhales grounded her, in a way, with the familiar sight and smell acting as a sort of sedative. And she stared forward, expression blank but unmistakably worn.

---

Kara walked barefoot along the cement floor, making her way through the hall and to the pantry room wrapped in nothing but her robe-like smock.

#again i have no intention of finishing so be forewarned etc #supergirl #supercorp poalof au #i have been feeling a bit weird going through my old work bc. i don't think i've really improved in the three years since starting this???#and i quite literally haven't written anything in 2023 other than like the 1000ish words to finish up this final chapter of tree of my song #&those thousand words genuinely feel worse than my old writing #because i'm out of practice i think #it's weird bc writing is something i think of as super important to me - like in less than a month i'll literally be at community college a #ain despite how bad my experience was last time with it bc i theoretically want to take classes that will make me a better writer #so like blah blah blah do i want to dedicate more of myself and my energy towards writing long term or do i just like the idea of being a #writer.#blah blah blah if i had to do a rose colored glasses on this all it would be. since january i have read 60something books and before this y #ar i hadnt been an avid reader in ages. and most of those books have been in the genre/niche i want to end up writing in #so i was learning writing by reading in that sense #hmm etc etc #i should probably stop taking myself and all of this so seriously lol idk #i'm theoretically back into writing and trying to prioritize it more again so (thumbs up emoji)

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