#it's just too straight i mean it

[dark-blue-frankie]

If you ever feel stupid with your ideas, remember that someone actually made a movie about the trojan war in which Achilles is straight.

#the song of achilles #the iliad #achilles x patroclus #tsoa achilles #tsoa patroclus #troy is way too straight to be a good movie #it's just too straight i mean it

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[astrolavas]

thinking about the... potential clawthorne woodcarving mentorship.

+ bonus cuz also thinking abt how if hunter ever met dell's palisman and got reminded of flapjack, he'd probably feel bad abt making that association cuz he knows what it's like to be seen only as someone's different version (even though the bird wouldn't mind much so lol)

#eda having that palistrom seed.. hunter saying he wants to learn how to carve palisman... his relation to clawthornes. it HAS to mean STH js #the owl house #toh #hunter toh #toh hunter #hahaa always thinking abt hunter growing a soft spot for palismen and loving creating and bringing them to life #but never being able to replace flapjack no matter how many palismen for other ppl he carves. I'M GONNA- #:((((( :/// #like he's not going to want to replace flapjack just like that rn. cuz he LOVES that bird. it's gonna be so hard for him to just.. Move On #and flapjack's a PART of him.. so very curious where they'll go with this because..... HM. HM like he serves as his disability aid almost #and he can't just REMAKE him. but he cannot also just.... ignore what happened straight away. but it's also important to heal #but whatever he decides to do i feel like he'd love to just............ create. whether it be for himself or others #BUT GAH. ANYWAY XKJSJSK wrote an essay abt this already don't need to write one in the tags TOO. so uh .. yea #little guy.. pls find happiness #my art #fanart #hunter #hunter noceda #hunter wittebane #eda #eda clawthorne #dell #dell clawthorne #dell's palisman #toh art #edalyn clawthorne #also like...... if flapjack and dell's palisman were caleb's and evelyn's palismen...... and knew each other........ #and while flapjack was waiting for his new person at the bat queen's cave dell's palisman was being passed down clawthorne generations #OUUHGHHHHGHHHH they were probably friends..... they Knew each other #what's up with you you mysterious yellow bird with eyebrows...... what's your story

[uncanny-tranny]

It's always, like, mildly annoying when people see a het trans couple and go "all that work just to be straight?" like... one, you don't know if they're straight and two, trans people don't owe you a queer sexuality to "make up" for the fact we're trans. Transhet people aren't a subtype of trans people, they're members of the trans community, and the queer one if they so desire!

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #and i don't really vibe with the word microaggression but it's very that #like it just comes across like people think trans folks owe them queerness and cabaret preformances y'know? #and we cannot *be* if it means the way we are being isn't this carefully curated version people have of transness + queerness #and it can kind of warp your desires and understanding of yourself because you *want* community and to be seen and to be allowed to just be #this isn't universal and the 'you' is impersonal. i am aware this is a broad range of experiences and not everybody can/does relate #my overall point is that it's probably not the best move to act like this toward trans people #maybe i read too much into this but it's just something i have seen over and over and over and over . . . again #shoutout to the real ones (heterosexual and/or straight trans people or people in straight-presenting relationships 👍) #back to playing the lelda of zelda (is it bad that i don't even call her zelda anymore i just go 'THERES LELDA!!!') #it sounds wrong to call her zelda now 😭 #the LEG OF ZEG. SWORD SKORD???? BREATH OF THE WEATH!! -my brain 24/7/365

[offkilterkeys]

The world isn’t ready for my alpha kid readings.

#jane crocker #jake english #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #homestuck #alpha kids #Jane is the struggler don’t you EVER contest that #many might argue it’s Jake but he doesn’t struggle inherently #usually he just vibes until he’s forced into situations wherein he struggles #Jane struggles from the beginning #her entire arc is a struggle #also had to change it from “the fujoshi” mostly cause I don’t like that and also cause it’s not as versatile as the other labels #I don’t actually think Dirk is boring btw i just think that when put up against his friends he has a lot less complexity going on #like his arc is fairly simple as opposed to Jane and Jake’s #and even Roxy’s #His problems seem inherently a lot more straight forward to me simply because he’s articulate enough to realize he has problems #Jane and Jake are almost there #problems are like on the tip of their tongues #and Roxy is kinda like the John of the team where she isn’t even gonna acknowledge the possibility of problems #girl is like “problems? haha not me #I’m the put together one in this group :)” #and just ignores all her internalized misogyny and heteronormativity #she is a mirror to Vriska in that they both put a lot of emphasis on preforming romanticism as a means of affirming their gender #anyway my alpha kid readings are way too boring so I feel like nobody would really be interested in them Sighhhh

[sunburstsandmoonshadows]

it remains extremely funny to me that freddie wong accidentally (?) made Dan Fucks, embodiment of pleasure, so distinctly ace-coded. like, Dan talks a big game about sex and seems to view it as interesting and desirable, but when presented with such an obvious in for it he completely ignored Avaricci's come-ons to just talk about non-sexual pleasures like goddamn cold pillows. he's not paying attention to sex at all when it's not personally convenient or expected of him to do so.

100% Elias is ace and just doesn't realize people genuinely crave sex and it's not a metaphor or exaggeration like it is for him yet. bless him.

#mentopolis #and thats that from a local ace #i say ''accidentally'' since ofc i dont know freddie's thought process #most likely he was just trying to avoid getting too outright crude on the show #or thought going on about pillows and haircuts would be the funnier option than playing the horniness straight #but in-universe it paints him as only vaguely invested in actually achieving the goal of having sex #which means elias doesnt really care that much about sex #outside of cultural pressure to have it and its status as an easy in-road to physical contact #which he does desperately crave #plus its known that ace people are the most willing to make a joke out of sex lmao

[lyoneve]

Buttons looking through telescope: No angst in sight! Only fluff ahead!

#do not hold me to that #i might go straight back to angst #i go where my rotten mind takes me #our flag means death #ofmd fanart #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #blackbeard #stede bonnet #edward teach #ed teach #will i ever draw stede in other clothes?? #the jury’s still out on that one! #i realised too late that i had to draw ed’s LEFT arm… man the lack of good reference photos for those tattoos scared me #but i pulled through #just don’t start counting the tentacles on his octopus/kraken tattoo #my art

[stuckinapril]

It’s never overstated to me when people are like “work out bc it makes you feel better” bc it literally does. I think what I used to get hung up on is making the perfect schedule / wanting to know what I was doing right away. But it’s also okay to flounder at first and experiment w things and figure out what works for you and your body. The important thing is you’re starting out bc your body really will thank you for it later down the line. You cannot keep pushing it off it will add up

#“Work out not bc you hate your body but bc u love it” is the truest statement ever #I also don’t think a gym membership is needed bc I know straight up athletes who only ever do bodyweight workouts #It helps me so that’s why I have one but it’s by no means necessary #I still do at home workouts at times bc I think they’re rly fun and a nice switch up #And just playing around and finding out what works for me but what also challenges me #I don’t think I perfected it yet but I’m doing lots of research & experimenting w things & I also just love the endorphins it gives me #My friend and I are ab to start regularly biking through nature trails & I think that will be so therapeutic for me bc I usually just #Work out at the gym/at home. It’ll be a nice little addition #And buying cute workout two pieces actually motivates me to work out too they make me feel like a Pinterest girl fr

[smultronviol]

Ppl going "waaahh unpopular opinion but Alice is kind of annoying and obnoxious and I don't think I'd like be her friend irl" is so funny to me bc like.

God forbid a cast of characters be multifaceted and have actual flaws and unpleasant aspects other than "grr angsty hero" and "whoops i'm so clumsy". Sometimes character dynamics and arcs need to be prioritized above "who would i personally be niceys with irl"

2. bro just WAIT until you hear about season 1 jon lol

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #season 1 jon was obnoxious and sometimes a straight up ASSHOLE and you were supposed to find him kinda grating!!! #yes alice IS a bit annoying and too much sometimes (esp in the first episodes) and i love that <3 #like. its p obvious that she uses the over the top-thing as a shield (to push ppl away/as a defense mechanism/to avoid being vulnerable) #we see her drop the act sometimes w ppl like teddy and sam who she actually feels comfortable around (and who know and understand her) #but like. she's stuck in a job she hates and is kind of afraid of (she KNOWS smth abt the horrors and is keeping her head down to survive) #(shes obviously afraid of sam going to far bc she KNOWS its dangerous) #so yes her act gets too much sometimes and yes sometimes she crosses the line into straight up mean (esp against gwen) #(but their dynamic is a whole other can of worms) #but like. i'm pretty sure its supposed to be seen that way. the audience isnt supposed to just find her kooky funny #the facade is supposed to be dismantled by the viewer etc etc #kind of like SEASON 1 JON the obnoxious bastard!!!!!!! #like. if you ever think alice is too mean towards gwen pls listen to s1 jon again and how he speaks abt martin?? #from a position as his boss no less? ngl i wanted to throttle him sometimes #you kinda forget abt it in the later seasons and if you only engage w fandom content. but like. go back and listen to the shit #he actually says. jesus christ man. i remember kinda hating him in the beginning #and to be clear i love jon! i think hes a great character! #and like. its almost as if his early season personality and facade was an important setup for his character development #and relationships with the other characters??? #but anyway 'alice is kind of annoying' is not an unpopular opinion its literally the FUCKING POINT #and both her and jon are my sweet baby angels <3 #alice dyer #jon sims #(and obviouslyyy you're still allowed to dislike a character ppl can have their own opinions etc etc etc. i just personally find it funny)

[ministarfruit]

bad ending

#vtuber #holostars #holotempus #regis altare #and the rest of the guild but I shan't tag them #I consumed too much horror content lately #it tickles my brain #alas that filters straight back into tempus #because I am but a little lamb to my hyperfixation #I DO THINK ELYSIUM BEING A DIGITAL WORLD #MEANS THAT THEY CAN RESET THOUGH #why am I enabling time loop regis altare. as if he doesn't have enough to deal with #I mean it's TECHNICALLY time loop but it's also not #because the time itself isn't resetting #it's just the memories that everyone has #so the corruption gets worse and worse and altare keeps trying to put his guild back together again #it feeds back into the fact that all of VG are corrupted #I DO THINK THERE IS A HAPPY END #it's just not this one #I actually think 'time loop but not really' works for them because #flayon. for one. will always remember due to being an anomaly #and magni. for two. will always remember due to being a clone that has memories stored separately #and BETTEL. for three. due to whatever the hell he has going on with phantom. might also remember #SO THE LORE YOU SEE- (I am dragged off stage) #I'm literally writing all these layers of nonsense in my brain like people know what I'm talking about #those three are particularly interesting because neither mag or betsy actually want to be heroes #and flayon is already baseline upset that altare is trying to save a world that didn't want to save itself until he stepped up

[elasgottoomuchfreetime]

To all the girlies who watched at least one of these shows when they were kids/teens,

how hard did your queer awakening hit you?

#just asking #i mean girlies in the most genderneutral way #please Note that you could have watched both of these shows and still be straight #eah #queer awakening #ever after high #monster high #for me personally the realisation that asexuality is a thing hit pretty hard #queer #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia+ #mh #might be on aro spec somewhere too #also #✨women✨

[charrfie]

#im so sad it was such a good ask blog too but my mood has been so severely impacted by it i literally could not handle it anymore #big surprise your favorite character being put through constant and severe turmoil is emotionally damaging. who wouldve guessed #it makes me sad people are so fucking mean too :^( #<- in relation to some of the asks folks send in to guide stories along #like sure cute aggression yeah whatever but some of yall are straight up cruel for no reason. ill never understand it #i really wish i had the heart to keep following this blog bc its such a huge and beautiful passion project... but im sensitive:^( #even if its fictional #sorry to the mutual i had to break </3 wahhhh #late night personal posting. goodnight #laika originals #oh should i tag this as uhhh #vent #? kind of not really im just talking here

[dragzo]

oh Red Son no-

#i like to headcanon that for years after dbk’s imprisonment #red son didn’t do anything but work on his engineering skills #or just wallowed within his home #pif didnt give a rats butt about what he was doing because she was already miserable dealing with other people #so red son didnt go out much to socialise or learn from the world #meaning there was a lot of things he didnt know about life and himself until after his father was freed #red son has never had any experiece with having feelings #romantic or platonic or anything. he only recognises familial love thats pretty much it #not because he doesnt feel them (duh) but because hes had no one to feel that way about #so becoming friends with goldendragon was pretty hard for him. but he still pulled through #but recognising his feelings for mk being more than that? that was the hardest yet (for everybody) #of course mei figured it out first. and eventually mk did too. but even red son had no clue until they both had to intervene #so red son realising he is no longer as straight as he once thought because of mk is a very real possibility LMAO #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk fanart #mk lmk #lmk qi xiaotian #qi xiaotian #lmk red son #lmk spicynoodles #spicynoodleshipping #monkie kid spicynoodles

[celluloidbroomcloset]

Just noticed that Ed's hand movement around Stede's neck and shoulders in the Season 1 beach kiss is repeated in Calypso's Birthday, but with important differences.

The first is very much in keeping with the tentative nature of the kiss and their relationship. Ed surprises Stede, they've never kissed before, and he likely doesn't know how it's going to be received. He puts his arms around Stede, but very gently and carefully. There's not much movement to his hand, and then he lets it drop onto Stede's back, rather than cradling his head. It's not leading to sex; it's an expression of attraction and establishing their feelings for each other, and Ed is very gentle and tenuous about it.

He also doesn't push anything too far. He's touching Stede, but he's not holding him, and Stede could pull away if he wanted to.

The second is very much a precursor to sex. Ed moves his hand, finger by finger, up Stede's neck, until his thumb strokes his ear. This is a reciprocal kiss; they want each other, and they're not uncertain about the other's feelings or desires. Nothing about it is tentative; it's escalating the moment, with total consent from both partners.

It's also a deeply protective gesture - Ed has seen Stede tortured and is reassuring himself that Stede is there, alive, in his arms, and he can touch him and keep him safe in a way he couldn't when his arms were tied.

They're not perfect kisses - the first is a little awkward and uncertain, and Ed doesn't move either of his hands much, like he's afraid if he moves, Stede will shatter. It's the beginnings of intimacy. The second is much more intense and physical, more clinging, and the repetition of Ed's hand movement is to bring Stede closer and give them both reassurance. But it's still inherently sweet and loving; this isn't so much "fuck" as "make love."

I love that this show does actually expand on the characters' intimacy with each other and lets their relationship, and how they express their feelings, deepen over time. Little things like the placement of their hands actually change the tone of the scene and show their care for each other in different ways.

Also, they're just really hot.

#also also i just like seeing these two old men kiss #good for them #good job on the part of the intimacy coordinator too #that man’s collar will never be straight again. #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #ofmd meta #calypso's birthday #gif #stede bonnet #ed teach #rhys darby #taika waititi #ofmd season 1 #you wrote me a lovely letter

[teatitty]

There's no way Dandelion rides his horses like a normal person. This motherfucker is a lounger for sure; laying on his back with his legs crossed, tapping his foot in the air to the beat of his own music, hat low over his eyes as he strums half-formed tunes on his lute, all the while his horse is just meandering down the road at its own pace without a single care for whatever its rider is currently doing. You know I'm right he's just

#the witcher books #dandelion #enjoy my shitty artist rendition of My Vision #I cropped out the rest of the horse bc it was too embarrassing to share #anyway this is the vibe he gives me you know what I mean #just straight chillin

[greenglowinspooks]

Alrighty fellas time for another one

(DPxDC) Batman Rogues ranked based on how good at parenting Danny (and co.) they would be

—

Would probably actually be able to step up and be (relatively) good parents: The Penguin, Mr. Freeze.

They would have EXTREMELY different dynamics with Danny, but I think they could figure it out.

The Penguin would definitely only take in Danny to improve his reputation, and probably so that he could monopolize the use of a new meta’s abilities. (And perhaps to study him)

However, I think that attitude would last for at the absolute most a month, probably closer to two weeks, before he genuinely bonded with him. He’s like the dad who says he doesn’t want a pet, and then in a week they’re inseparable.

He’s not a good person, but I think he could probably end up being an awesome fucking dad. Also, there’s no way in hell anyone would mess with Danny. Not even close. If he found out Danny was getting bullied he’d ruin the bully’s fucking life.

He wouldn’t directly throw hands with a child, sure, but that’s only because it would look bad. He would, however, completely destroy their family’s careers and force them to leave Gotham out of shame.

Mr. Freeze is only a rogue because of his wife. Like, that’s it. He only wants (or wanted, depending on the version) for his wife to be cured and to live happily with her again. All of this is for her, either to help her or to avenge her.

That’s to say that yeah, if Danny managed to weasel his way into his heart, he would have a place with him forever.

He’d probably only interact with him at first because of the ice powers, but if Danny did manage to get closer to him (that’s a pretty big if) I think he’d do fucking anything for him, just like his wife.

He would raze the GiW to the ground for his boy.

They’d do alright probably. Nothing special, but it’d work out ok: Scarecrow, Ivy & Harley, Two-Face, Killer Croc.

Scarecrow is, funnily enough, not that bad. Like, is he genuinely deranged? Yes. Is he murderous and cruel? Yes. Does he have a moral compass that would absolutely support taking care of a child? Yes.

He’s been shown multiple times to genuinely care for people, even if it’s in his own way. Like, yeah, maybe fear-gas-themed murder and torture is a bit far sometimes, but it’s what he knows how to do.

Like, would he know how to take care of a kid? Hell no. But he does have a pretty good list of what not to do, courtesy of his own childhood, so he’d have a pretty alright start.

Ivy and Harley aren’t rated higher because I just don’t think they’d really be responsible enough for a child. I don’t doubt that they’d be able to love Danny, nor that they love each other, but they’re not very stable, and they don’t have a very good grasp on normalcy.

Like, they’d be incredibly cool aunts, or family friends, or something. I just don’t think that they’d do well being the sole guardians of a child or teenager.

I can’t stress this enough, I think they would genuinely love having Danny with all their hearts. I just don’t think that love alone is enough.

Avoiding that genuinely depressing thought, I think Two-Face would similarly be an awesome uncle to have, but wouldn’t do well at the actual “parenting” thing.

Like, he could keep a kid alive no problem, and he’d probably be awesome to have as a legal guardian and stuff, but there’s no way in hell he’d be able to keep Danny in line, for the sole reason of not really seeing a reason to.

However, if he got put in Arkham, he’d 100% not be above guilt-tripping Bruce into taking Danny in, so he does have backup options.

Killer Croc would be an awesome friend to Danny, but that man is in no way capable of being a parent.

He’s got a pretty short temper, and Danny is a little shit. There’d definitely be fighting. A lot of fighting. Croc still gets some points though because he’s a decent guy and I don’t doubt that he’d be willing to get help from the other rogues or even Batman should he need it.

Shouldn’t be trusted to keep a gerbil alive, yet are somehow still better at this than Maddie and Jack: The Riddler, Solomon Grundy

The Riddler is a childish, egotistical asshole with a bit of a god complex and a truckload of emotional baggage.

That being said, he’d still do better than Danny’s actual parents.

Partly because the bar is so low.

Like yeah, there’d be a lot of arguing, but I don’t think that he’d actually ever fight fight with Danny, mostly because he’d feel like he was turning into his father.

For the most part he’d be at the same level as Scarecrow or Killer Croc, I just put him lower because I think he’d forget to feed Danny sometimes. Still not as bad as the food coming alive to attack him though.

Solomon Grundy is pretty similar to Killer Croc in terms of how I think he and Danny would get along, I just think he’d be much worse at getting the things Danny needs to live and be happy.

He’d be cool as a weird uncle, or a friend, but he’d be pretty awful at being an actual parent.

The house is on fire, god is dead: Mad Hatter, Ra’s Al Ghul

Mad Hatter would have UNIMAGINABLE levels of beef with Danny. He would unironically throw hands with a child.

That being said, I think he’d genuinely like Danny.

Wouldn’t make up for anything, but I do think he’d at least not hate him.

Ra’s would be funny as hell no matter what.

He’d ALSO have unimaginable beef with Danny, but for entirely different reasons. He would spend all his time trying to convince Danny to become a member of the LOA and also to turn him fully immortal. Danny would buy him a “world’s okayest dad” mug and “I’m not the dad who stepped up” shirt. They would try to beat each other to death over Damian.

Danny would still probably choose him over Vlad in a heartbeat.

Getting dissected would have unironically been a better option: Joker

Your homework today is to watch Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker.

Because I know you won’t, I’m just gonna tell you that Joker has done some MK Ultra shit to a child before in order to mold it into a mini version of himself, and he’d absolutely do it again.

One of them would absolutely end up dead, and considering their track records, I’m not so sure it would be Joker.

#dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #catwoman isn’t on here because she would just give him to bruce immediately #on the bright side if Joker ever obtained another child through dubious means I don’t doubt that Harley and Ivy would beat him to death #honestly out of everyone here I think being adopted by two-face would be the most fun by far #like mr. freeze would be a lot better at being an actual parent but two-face would be fun as hell #also scarecrow would just straight up murder someone for bullying Danny this man is not above killing kids if they’re being dicks #he’s literally done the slasher routine for some girl after she found out her friends all hated her and he’d do it again #the penguin would kill for Danny too I just don’t think he’d kill kids #older teens are up for debate however