idk if you're still writing the post-cemetry scene fic with pining eddie (idk if i'm describing it right) but i would love to hear more about it/see a snippet or too if you feel so inclined 👀
someone asking about angsty pining fic in the month of our lord april 2024? this was such a lovely surprise 😭 i'm gonna be honest with u anon i'm likely not going to publish 911 fic again BUT because you asked so nicely i'll give you a few older snippets from my draft:
Eddie sighs, breaking the stare. “You have a key, you know,” he says finally. “Feel free to come join me whenever you want.” He turns on his heel and walks back inside to finish his goddamn brownies, leaving Buck standing in the doorway.
It’s silent for a few minutes. He’s in the middle of measuring a tablespoon of espresso powder when Buck steps into the kitchen and shuts the door behind him. Eddie feels the weight of Buck’s gaze on him as he folds the powder into his brownie mixture, but he doesn’t turn to meet his eye until Buck speaks.
“Is that…” Buck falters. He clears his throat. “Is that my recipe?”
“Yeah,” Eddie says gruffly. “Chris asked me to make it. Said he wanted to share it with his friends when they come over tomorrow for their playdate.”
Buck snorts. “Man, you can’t call it that. Chris nearly bit my head off last time I tried. Kept reminding me that ‘playdates are for kids, Buck,’ and that he’s not a kid anymore.”
Buck emphasizes that last bit with air quotes, and Eddie can’t help but grin at that. But his smile fades instantly, remembering the somber look on Buck’s face when he’d opened the door. He highly doubts that Buck came over just to commiserate about the trials and tribulations of watching Christopher grow up.
Eddie bites the bullet. “Why are you here, Buck?”
Buck shifts nervously. He shrugs and looks away from Eddie. “I — I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to answer that. You’ve never asked me that before.”
Eddie scrubs at his face. “I've never had to ask you that, Buck. Things are different now. You’ve been busy.”
+
“Wow,” Buck says acidly, all traces of heartbreak gone. “I’ve never heard that one before.”
Eddie frowns. “What?”
“Really, Eddie?” Buck’s voice cracks on the last syllable. He shakes his head. “Unbelievable. Just — unbelievable.”
“Buck — what are you talking about?”
“We were just trying to protect you, Evan," Buck mocks. "You were never supposed to find out. We kept it from you because we love you. Any of that sound familiar to you?”
Eddie’s breath hitches on the word love, because he doesn’t know, he can’t know, but then —
Oh.
Fuck.
+
Buck: We’ll get through this just like everything else. I promise. It’ll be okay.
Buck: Eddie, did you eat enough today? Should I come by and bring you some food?
Buck: You know you’re still my best friend, right? That’s never going to change, Eddie. Never.
He reacts with a thumbs up or a tap-back heart on most of the messages, too exhausted to do anything else. He replies with a thumbs down to the message about food, certain that he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing Buck so soon. He knows he’ll have to face him in person eventually, but his tired, broken heart just wants to postpone it as much as he can.
The last one, though, is a balm that both soothes and agitates Eddie’s burning, aching heart, and he taps out a brief, Thank you, you too. Always, in response. It feels like too much and not enough all at once, and Eddie wishes once again that he was a little better at resisting Buck, that he didn’t feel that need to reply to his every message lest Buck worry even more about him.
The only one he actually acknowledges is a message that comes in at 2:43 AM on Sunday. As he opens the message, Eddie absentmindedly wonders if Buck’s having a hard time falling asleep for the same reason as him. Probably.
It’s a link to a new exhibit at the Griffith Observatory, accompanied by a text that reads: Can I take Christopher here next weekend?
Eddie squeezes back tears as he replies with a brief, Of course, and puts his phone down, letting the darkness swallow him again.
+
Hen beats him to it. “What happened, Buck? I thought you really liked her. Weren’t you planning to introduce her to Maddie and Chimney next week?”
“Not anymore,” Buck mutters. “I broke up with her.”
“What?” Eddie snaps head snaps up. “Why?”
Buck doesn’t meet his gaze, his lip quivering. The rest of their team is watching them, eyes darting back and forth, and Buck blinks hesitantly before swallowing down a sip of coffee. He wipes the cream off of his upper lip and looks Eddie in the eye.
“You know why,” Buck whispers.
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i present to you, straight from the tortured poets department...poetic prompts written by the chairman herself.
⎯ send in any one of these poetic prompts, no more than two at a time please, and i will give you a gut wrenching, heart breaking, life giving, fresh air breathing blurb...just as the chairman intended.
sincerely,
writer for the tortured poets department
anthology specialist
fornight - "i love you, it's ruining my life"
the tortured poets department - "sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me"
my boy only breaks his favorite toys - "he was my best friend"
down bad - "fuck it, i was in love"
so long, london - "you'll find someone"
but daddy i love him - "me and my wild boy, and all this wild joy"
fresh out the slammer - "i will never lose my baby again"
florida!!! - "love left me like this and i don't want to exist"
guilty as sin? - "without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin?"
who's afraid of little old me? - "so tell me everything is not about me"
i can fix him (no really i can) - "trust me, i can handle a dangerous man"
loml - "you said i'm the love of your life, about a million times"
i can do it with a broken heart - "you gotta fake it til you make it"
the smallest man who ever lived - "i don't miss what we had"
the alchemy - "he just comes running over to me"
clara bow - "you're the real thing"
the black dog - "i don't understand how you don't miss me"
imgonnagetyouback - "i can tell when someone wants me"
the albatross - "i'd visit in your dreams"
chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - "if you want to break my cold heart, say you loved me"
how did it end? - "but i still don't know, how did it end?"
so high school - "you knew what you wanted, and boy you got her"
i hate it here - "i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine"
thanK you aIMee - "i can't forgive the way you made me feel"
i look in people's windows - "does it feel alright not to know me?"
the prophecy - "i'm so afraid i sealed my fate"
cassandra - "that's where i was when i lost it all"
peter - "i thought it was just goodbye for now"
the bolter - "oh, we must stop meeting like this"
robin - "you'll learn to bounce back"
the manuscript - "i'm not a donor, but i'd give you my heart if you needed it"
p.s.
you can find in my directory, the list roster of different men i'll write poems for. please refer to that only, if you would. here is the link <3 oh, and send your requests here. you may also request from my au list, which is found here. that's all for now. see you when it's time to write about heartbreaking princes and screaming from tall towers.
⎯ j
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Okay so time for me to dump my thoughts on the Underworld Saga because I am going insane and tbh I'm not sure how coherent this will be because my brain is mostly keyboard smashing.
The Shades: "When does a man become a monster? 558 men who died under your command. CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN! Why would you let the cyclops live when ruthlessness is mercy?"
Okay so the harmonies of the Shades are amazing! But also this whole bit is just so... haunting. The call back to Just a Man and Ruthlessness does something to me. Could you imagine being screamed at by the ghosts of everyone you've failed? Also Jay confirmed that the shades in this song are just repeating their final thoughts in life. They drowned begging for their Captain to help them and died wondering why he failed them. This probably fucked Odysseus UP.
Odysseus: "I keep thinking of the infant from that night. I keep thinking of the infant from that night."
I swear I can hear the PTSD in his voice holy shit. Also Astyanax's music box motif being played in church bells in the back. I never would have noticed it if not for Jay's behind the scenes videos but knowing it's there makes this bit so much better.
Odysseus: "Polities..."
I was not nearly as wrecked at this bit until I saw this post mentioning that Odysseus quiet little "Polities..." is a mirror of Polities strangled "Captain..." when he died and now I will never be the same.
Odysseus' Mom
I am not exaggerating when I say I cried during the watch party. Everything about this is heartbreaking. His mom was thinking about him in her final moments. "Odyssues when you come home I'll be waiting" except she wont be. The shocked defeat in Odysseus' voice with "I took too long...". He's right there in front of her, but her shade just doesn't register him. They are so close physically yet still separated by death. Also the fact that Jay's mom voices her that is so sweet omg.
The change from "Here in the Underworld the past seems close behind" to "But in the Underworld your past is always close behind."
STTAGKDUKFUTAATUFOUCOUXGJXG
THE STRINGS!!!!! AND THE PIANO!!!!
Tiresias' voice is so haunting omg
Mason absolutely NAILED prophet who is constantly being shown everything all the time at one I love it sm.
The lyrics in this song are just.... so good. And the foreshadowing is top notch
Jay's voice acting for Odysseus' is also great in this.
The distress and frustration in "We've suffered and sailed through the toughest of hells. Now you tell us ur efforts are for NOTHING?!" and the absolute anger in "WHO!?!?!" (Its you, Ody. See your about to go through a complete change in morals about 5 minutes from now and become a completely different person).
THE DESCENDING ORGAN FOR THE SECOND CHORUS MY JAW DROPPED
Jorge don't think I didn't notice the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hellfire, vibes at the end I see you.
This is my favorite song released in Epic so far and I am not normal about it at all.
The GUITAR! THE ELECTRIC GUITAR!
For those unfamiliar and being dragged along this nonsense post, Odysseues character is associated with the guitar. The acoustic guitar is when he is softer, kinder, and more "human" while the electric guitar represents him at his most brutal, ruthless, and "monsterous". This song is his turning point to which he is done being merciful. He will do ANYHTING to get home.
"Oh Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves..."
Really taking Poseidon's lesson to heart there.
Odysseus: "AND IF I GOTTA DROP ANOTHER INFANT FROM A WALL IN AN INSTANT SO WE ALL DON'T DIE? THEN I'LL BECOME THE MONSTER! I WILL DEAL THE BLOW!... SO WHAT IF I'M THE MONSTER?"
Ayrsgstusigxjgsutaut holy shit holy shit holy shit-
Play this back to back with Just A Man for some psychic damage. What an end for Act 1!
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You would never have had Tom Petty without The Heartbreakers. The proper accreditation and distinction between Tom Petty's solo work and Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers' work is vitally important.
To credit Tom Petty alone for songs that were not only arranged but also often co-written by members of The Heartbreakers (sometimes even singularly; there were plenty of instances where Tom was not really involved with the arrangement of the songs at all, and all he wrote were the lyrics) is to refuse to acknowledge the band as a working, necessary unit.
Linda Ronstadt said it better than I could, though:
I loved Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers the best, because they really were a band. Their songs and their arrangements are so good. They sounded exactly like they did on record because their arrangements put it so that everybody was flying in the same airspace. They weren’t competing with each other. They sound like a garage band on stage, but a good garage band.
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kai just makes my heart hurt so much TT_TT not just for the whole tragedy that is 'growing up under asunaro's ruling' but more so the ways in which he reclaimed life for himself. he always regarded life highly enough such that he found killing or otherwise manipulating it to be cruelty, but he never found himself a personal connection to it until the chidouins - where even then, he was so accustomed to asunaro's appearances (with ulterior motives) and his own self-loathing (though he'd done it to survive) that he couldn't imagine the affection they put forth as genuine. but as he began to recognize that and question why they thought of him this way, he found parts of himself that cared and still starved for connection and purpose. for those first few months/year, being cast out of asunaro was worse punishment than being executed because he was not only witness to normal lives while he felt aimless and isolated from the constants he once had, but these people trusted him and he knew he would be ordered to betray them when the time came. but as years passed, he began to feel more comfortable with them. it was easier to slip into that front built from what good they had identified in him, and it. began to feel less as if he was forcing it... he genuinely began to care about them and it was evident in how he went out of his way to help them or comfort them - even if he didn't have all the words, he could listen. he found small passions and hobbies and creative endeavors which he no longer had to justify with practical reasons to indulge. he began to realize who he is and although he grieved the fact he was never given the chance to truly have a life of normalcy, this is the closest he will ever get and he can cherish it on most days. he knows he'll trade it all if it meant protecting the chidouins, shielding them from the darkness that asunaro carries, but as it is... he began to recover.
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