#it's crack mate

[6lostgirl6]

Promiscuous E.T.

Pairing: Male!Yautja x G/n!Reader

Summary: Since you both were completely different species, you wanted to show your yautja boyfriend one of Earth's finest creations. Just Dance.

TW: cute moments, yautja rage quit, hint of sex towards the end.

Based on this post!!

"Come on," you muttered, fiddling with your old Wii console that was once sitting in your closet collecting dust. Now, it was getting set up to your living room television. "Stupid thing."

For a while, since the beginning of your relationship with your alien lover, you have tasked yourself with showing him things from your world. It started off with the basics, including food, fashion trends, music, and much more. Now, you wanted to show him a small piece of your childhood.

Your yautja watched silently as you fiddled with the old Wii station. He didn't understand your urge to show him these strange things from your planet. However, he thought you were very cute when your Ooman eyes would light up and your smile would brighten when you showed him things. Therefore, he indulged your little antics.

"And what is this contraption, little blade?" He asked in his language with various clicks, which made you pause.

The crackle of the translator embedded under the skin behind your ear took a second to translate, his clicks turning into words in a mere second.

You smiled and turned towards him, "I wanted to show you a game that's very popular on my planet!" You continued to fiddle with it for a few more seconds before the screen finally lit up. "Sweet!"

Before he could continue asking more questions, you quickly headed towards him, holding something similar to a remote in your hand.

"This is a Wii remote," you handed the pink device into his awaiting claws, his hand practically dwarfing the remote as he stared down at it. "You use it so the console can monitor your movements!"

He let out a few curious clicks as he played with the remote in his hand, similarly how you would wield a knife which almost made you giggle. The device was shaped like a thick stick that was decorated pink. He also noticed that it was covered in some rubber sheath with a dangling string.

"How do I wield this?" He asked, patiently allowing you a moment for the translator to help you understand. He stared down at you, silently admiring how small you were compared to him, especially in the nest.

Oblivious, you started explaining the device. "Okay, well, you'll hold this and follow the movements on the screen, basically copy them. The remote will monitor and track on how well you're doing!" You took the remote and pulled out the string as he listened.

"This goes around your wrist and can be adjusted! This makes sure you don't accidentally throw it or drop it." You finished, carefully strapping the fabric around his wrist.

As you were doing that, your yautja continued to admire you. Using his other hand, he played with your hair, careful not to accidentally hurt you with his claws. He loved how smart you were, teaching him something new practically every day. He let out some affectionate purrs the more he thought about it.

He was proud to have such a worthy mate.

Your cheeks flushed a little, smiling up at him which he returned in his own way. His upper mandibles moving to resemble something similar to a smile. "All done, big boy." You teased, pulling away to grab your own remote.

Going through the menu, you selected the game that you inserted a bit ago. After a few more clicks, the song list appeared and you were already searching through some of the songs available.

"Anything that you wanna try?" You asked, looking up at him.

Your yautja shuffled through the songs before one captured his attention. Surprisingly, the beat was very catchy and the characters on the screen was interesting.

"Let's do this one." He said, returning your gaze for your approval.

"Okay! I'm excited for this one, so I'm glad you picked it!" You exclaimed, clicking on the song and getting into position. After a second, you had to pull miserably on your yautja to do the same.

Curse him for being so big, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

Halfway through the song, you noticed that your yautja was getting a little frustrated. For the past few minutes, he's been getting a low score.

And your yautja is very competitive.

"Pauk!" He cursed, continuing to get 'ok' on his score and he was starting to get more frustrated.

"You're going great!" You tried encouraging, allowing yourself to get a few low scores purposely without him seeing. "I'm getting a few low scores too!"

However, he didn't hear you, continuing to get more frustrated and moving his arms rougher.

After a moment, something snapped and he swung his arm. In that second, he forgot how powerful he was and his superior strength. The remote flew from his hand, the wrist strap snapping as the device slammed into the screen of the television.

Leaving a large crack.

"Cjit..." He muttered, staring at the television with wide eyes and mandibles spread.

You stood there, facial expression matching his own, your own remote still in your own grasp.

"Pauk, I'm so sorry, little blade." He said, turning towards you with guilt for ruining something that could have been very expensive.

However, you could only laugh as you hunched over, hands on your knees which surprised your mate.

"I-I'm not mad, my love." You reassured, wiping a lonely tear from your face as you straightened yourself. "It was honestly funny."

"But, I broke your television, I shouldn't have lost control like that." He revoked, standing there with his arms crossed and head bowed.

You simply smiled, standing on your toes and patting his head, which made him look towards you.

"I could care less about it. I care more about you and your enjoyment." You stated, leaning in and kissing his lower mandible. He sighed and returned the affection, allowing a few of his mandibles to tickle your cheeks.

"What would I do without you, little mate?" He purred, looking down at you in adoration. He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

"Cease to exist." You teased, biting your lip. You smirked and slowly brushed your fingers through his dreadlocks, tugging on a few. You were rewarded with a low growl.

"Why don't we do something else to let off some steam?"

Spam Liking = Blocked

Taglist: Comment to be added!!

@prettywhenibleed

#yautja #yautja boyfriend #yautja mate #yautja x human #yautja fanfic #yautja x reader #predator x reader #predator 1987 #predator series #predator franchise #alien vs predator #avp #predator fanfic #predator fanfiction #yautja imagines #yautja headcanons #is it a crack fic? #exophilia #alien romance #alien x reader #g/n!reader

[asexual-angsty-writer]

Beta!Shang Qinghua both fearing for his life but wanting to be extra petty by making AO!Bingqiu work for their Beta!Liu Qingge privileges.

Though, he hopes SQQ never picks up on the fact that his wrists smell faintly of turned soil and scented oil — as otherwise he's pretty sure Cucumber bro will murder him on the spot.

(Though maybe he should be more worried about LQG smelling like peppermint, because Bingqiu would easily pick up on that — Airplane is half convinced it'll be his husband scent that sets those two on a war path.)

#omegaverse #liu qingge #abo svsss #beta liu qingge #luo binghe #shang qinghua #alpha luo binghe #beta shang qinghua #bingliushen #crack au #shen qingqiu/yuan #Omega Shen Qingqiu/Yuan #mobei jun #Alpha Mobei Jun #Moshang #Airplane wants to be petty because Bingqiu has yet to realize their feelings #but he also just wants to hord pack-mate LQG #He'll atleast get a bite in when Cucumber-bro inevitably finds out about him being the reason he gets less shidi time #still totally worth it #Moshang basically cock-blocking Bingqiu

[average-dragon-enjoyer64]

why aren’t there more fics of teenage soukoku just. fucking around and everyone else having to suffer the consequences because of it.

like i wanna read a fic about how neither of them were ever allowed vacations again in the mafia bc mori gave them one and now they’re banned in several countries

i wanna read about how chuuya got drunk as fuck and accidentally released arahabaki on some guy who pissed him off and now there’s a random crater in the city somewhere and dazai will never let him live it down.

please give me skk fic recommendations where they’re just being silly criminal teens. preferably that give mori either death or a cancerous headache.

#if i don’t find any im gonna have to write them myself #when i find the motivation it’s over for you bitches #teen skk #skk #soukoku #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #skk shenanigans #they are the definition of the crack treated seriously tag #need those skk’s unconventional mating rituals masterpieces where they’re just idiot teenagers in love making everyone suffer bc of it #and they don’t even know it #bsd #for mental health purposes i will not be reading any watt pad fics thank you

[hannibal-is-my-comfort-show]

I see your 'Will wears his hair swept back after the bone saw incident to show off his scar'

And raise you an AU where he refuses to wear anything but crop tops after mizumono.

#check and mate #what a better world we'd live in if that happened #Rip #💔💔💔 #someone needs to write a fix on this pls #i beg #hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal nbc #hannibal au #netflix #hannibal netflix #will graham #hannibal lecter #hannigram #murder husbands #hannibal crack #renew hannibal #revive hannibal

[lledra-fanstuffs]

THE FORBIDDEN CROSSOVER! lol, but in all seriousness, I had this idea then had to draw it.

Palpatine is *entirely* why Maul would have a ship. Savage is also here as Security. Lol and Sabine is NEVER shy about speaking her mind.

#crack art #sabine wren #darth maul #ensign wren #captain maul #This whole idea still makes me smile and laugh #the only reason he's even anywhere close to being a “good” captain is because he LOATHES Kenobi so much that he wants to do better than him #at least some of the time #Anakin also has his own ship with Ahsoka as his first mate

[ovcii-doodles]

[REDACTED]: You're writing down an awful lot there. Counselor: Just my observations. Does this evaluation make you...anxious?

washed hands interview my beloved

#rvb #red vs blue #agent washington #aiden price #the counselor #this is kinda boring ngl but ehhhhhhhh i put way too much effort into this to NOT post it shsgdjs #idk if its readable anymore bc i had to halve the size of this but i filled out his dogtags lol #those thick bands on his arm are tattoos btw. #and yes my wash has heterochromia bc he deserves it #i did actually color this but i HATED it so. wash had a black eye and sutures across his cheek bc i imagined this interview happening like #right after he beat the crap out of his co. for comparison wash walks away w sutures and a black eye vs his co's broken jaw cracked ribs an #dislocated shoulder. a 'you should see the other guy' moment shsgdhsj #I like to imagine that post court martial instead of throwing him in jail they essentially grounded him and he was barred from going on #missions and he was stuck doing grunt work #they were going to throw his butt in jail but all of his squad mates went to bat for him and the higher ups were like #'omg this guy is way too liked by pretty much everyone if we put him in jail we might have a bigger problem on our hands.' #ANYWAY click or open in a new tab for full quality lol

[lydiaalin]

This whole time I didn't realize goth mating season was a ship name. I thought you were just super into bagging a goth 😭

you and everyone else prev tagging me thinking it's a joke lmao

this is them by the way

#have to crack up everytime like they don't know they don't know #I would not be opposed to bagging a goth tho I'll say that #ths whole name came from some tumblr post that i then used to caption some spicy sketch page of them but I can't post that here so #lydiaalin #goth mating season #aynur shamoun #yweyn iovine

[smokey-cat]

ive just had the thought of a non human who calls their partners their mates

who is trying to court someone from Australia where they call a close buddy a mate and the non human is confused like ???

kinda like:

aussie: "yea ive got a few mates who live on the other side of town. even got a few online"

monster: "you.. . . a fEW??"

aussie: "yeah what you think im a loner?"

monster: "but i thought we were mates 😔"

aussie: "your a good pal yea-" and then they realise...

...

wait so when u asked me last week if i wanted to be ur mate...

#monster x human #oblivious #non human #non human x human #aussie #crack #shitpost #monster fucker #mate #this is dumb #im sorry

[katiek101]

my most specific favorite trope is when the daughter of a Clan leader, a seemingly perfect warrior, goes and makes a mistake that defines her character.

Silverstream starting a forbidden relationship with Graystripe, eventually dying while giving birth to his kits.

Dawnpelt standing up in the middle of a Gathering and accusing a medicine cat of murdering her brother.

Leafpool running away with a WindClan warrior and returning pregnant, lying about it, and giving the kits to her sister.

Squirrelflight agreeing to help Leafpool with her lie and raising the kits as if they're her own.

Heathertail falling in love with a traitor and standing by him as he reintegrates into the Clan, when she could have had anyone she wanted.

#Hollyleaf is sooo close to making this list but in my head it applies to her as well #ironically enough none of this applies the Tawnypelt ; the daughter of Tigerstar lol #Heathertail's is more scandalous than anything but #the fact that she could have taken ANYONE as a mate and she chose Breezepelt??? cracks me UP #I love these girls and I'll die for any of them rn #Dawnpelt #Silverstream #Leafpool #Squirrelflight #Heathertail

[tosxah]

@nagareboshiko replied: She sighs very loudly "You kept moving and now it's stuck." it's becoming a sticky situation and it won't be getting any nicer if he doesn't collaborate.

"I only kept moving because you weren't doing anything about it!"

#crack #nagareboshiko #mate why r u like this

[yousought]

gwyn.riel feels very right person, wrong time, very i could travel the galaxies and still end up where you are coded!!!

also this.

#am i finally getting the whole mating bond thing #DID I CRACK THE CODE DLDJGFVS

[6lostgirl6]

Thanks to encouragement from my bestie @prettywhenibleed I am gonna start off my yautja writing career by writing your yautja boyfriend playing just dance. 

You think he wouldn’t pull it off??

#yautja #yautja boyfriend #yautja mate #predator 1987 #predator series #alien vs predator #yautja x human #yautja fanfic #crackfic #is it a crack fic? #Idk

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

HOW ARE YOU @i-drop-level-one-loot hope you're doing well and prioritizing yourself!! Drink water and eat some snacks okay! And good luck with the horror fiction book you are planning I'LL PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THAT DDJDDHDE 🥺💞💞💞

Monster boys/men women anything I'm getting lowkey feral but Into it now HAHAHAA. LIKE LOOK ALL THE POSSIBILITIES! I just imagine an arachnid spider monster (ironically I am scared of them hahahha).

Like despite being scared of actual spiders darling couldn't kill them and just cups them with a glass and gentkyand far away placed them outside. Cue spider coming back but around the gardens or yard chilling andd killing pests, like little guy does this thing out of gratitude for not killing him. AND THEN some phenomenon happened the spider turned human/a bit human like and cue him now trying to woe them and such and trying to maate them Hahaa

KEEP UP WITH THE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL SPECTACULAR WORK

Thank you so much! I've been debating on whether I should post my book on AO3 and open a Patreon, or try to get it actually published ❤️ I still have plenty of time to figure that out, but I'm just excited lol I'm still near the beginning of my novel, but it's just so exciting

And spiders are so cute! Like, that's such a cute idea, that sounds like a fairytale ❤️

Also, unless it's like a DnD Arachne, half man half spider, and is more like a human, he'd probably be a short king, as male spiders can be 3-10x smaller than their mates ❤️

#spiders are friends #i love them #this is such a cute idea #but also ripe with crack possibilities #a sweet moment #cuddling #when he turns and says with a straight face #I'll willingly let you eat me #and it's supposed to be romantic #because spiders #but the poor darling #who was willingly cuddling them #like #yandere monster #yandere concept #did you know some spiders use their webs #to cement in their sperm #to prevent any other males from trying to mate with their female #swap out web with plug #and that's definitely a category

[themosthatedbeingg]

“Alastor ~~”

@voodoodaaddy

#the vacuum scared him enough for him to switch to his other origin form #but now he’s trying to flirt with his mate #{ dash crack} #{ dash commentary }

[boxofthings]

GhostRoach is def the relationship dynamic where one person willl ramble constantly about the most obscure topics while the other person understands nothing but listens to them talk adoringly.

#you can probably guess who is who #roach might be mute but ik that bitch is the most talkative 141 member and could spend 3 hours talking to you abt how crabs mate idk #roach: and if Nemo was actually realistically accurate his father wouldve just switched genders and continued on with having babies #ghost who has not said a word in 2 hours: i love you #ghostroach #ghost x roach #simon ghost riley #gary roach sanderson #cod #call of duty #mw2 #modern warefare #crack #box of words #box of posts

[hella1975]

my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be

me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha

#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience #basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night #where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything #it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young #and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again #but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good #and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get #it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough #and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced #i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up #and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it #and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN #TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY #and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it #im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday #what is even going on anymore #also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do #actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk #and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd #i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3 #hella goes home