#it's been four years what did it mean???

[welleducatedinfant]

calling it now it’s gonna be a conan gray summer

#I can quite literally smell it #predicting that this will be the four years later spiritual successor/full circle/whatever of 2020 summer #for me at least #unfortunately macky aka the only person who really knows what that’s means isn’t on this website but yeah #trust me on this one guys #best friend v2 out soon #infant speaks #speaks nonsense btw #anyway #conan gray #anton if you’re reading this turn back now please #but I think part of it is that my gf is for lack of a less corny phrase sort of the friend I wanted so bad in high school but never got #we would’ve been running that theater if we went to hs together LMAO #OR been mortal enemies but whatever that’s not the case 🥰 #anyhow found heaven is hitting me very much how kid krow did #ok goodnight

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level #for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda #changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is #don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men #his transness wouldnt change that #only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically. #Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band #is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name; #over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had #he becomes more caring more supportive #it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind #and learns how to be a kinder man. #all of which have no contradictions with him being trans! #In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences #i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways #to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring. #Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL. #at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it #so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine #i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt #but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues #and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does #again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol #AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans #do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model #I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA

[crimsonfacets]

"Why did Lilith and Lucifer separate?"

What was that? 'How much do you love their marriage'? Immensely!

#(( I DON'T KNOW MAN I DON'T WANNA FIGURE OUT A REASON. I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH THEIR ROMANCE FOR FOUR YEARS. )) #(( DON'T MAKE ME COME UP WITH ONE. It's not included in Lilith's upcoming tidbits post for a reason :')))) )) #(( I mean I will def write it if people want to play with it but don't look at me atm for a reason bc i just do not know. #this blindsided me as much as it did a lot of the other old fans )) #(( I've been writing Lilith for a year predating this little PLOT TWIST and the only reason she'd split is if things went BAD. )) #(( that's her soulmate idk what to tell you )) #『 blog / ooc. 』 ❝ out of creation. ❞ #tbd.

[izzy-b-hands]

today should be a t break day

bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts

but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain

so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either

#text post #no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning #but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry #and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even' #she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year #and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down #and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings #which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit #doesn't fix it but at least i know. #the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me #but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's. #i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything???? #why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time #there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is #I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise #it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like #whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Kinda funny how still in 2023, people call Mabel the worst character of Gravity Falls simply because she acts like a 12 year old child, but they silent as hell when it comes to Dipper.

#the vibes off 'girls must be perfect while boys will be boys' are strong here #like people get mad at mabel for being a 12 year old basically #while dippers allowed to be that in comparison by them #like mabels done shit that gets people mad at her but when dipper does similar shit its okay to them #(looking at how the two treat romance but how the two get treated by the fandom here #plus looking at how people treat dipper and mabel when it comes to doing shit with bill) #like i dont drag dipper cause again hes 12 #its like mabel: they acting their age in show #but mabel haters really do have standards for how girls can act and how boys can act #and honestly the fact that mabel gets hate for shit bill did...oh i have too many thoughts #and dont get me started on that video that blamed mabel for gideosn actions #like this got made cause someone posted four worst characters on twitter #and honestly its definitely bait vibes cause they included agent p from paf #like yeah bait vibes strong #but like damn if their replies didnt make it clear they did mean what they said about mabel and the two other girls #aka katara and sakura from naruto #i dont know much about sakura but like blame the writing for her issues #anime has issues with writing women #thats been known for a long time #and katara...girl the audacity is all im saying #just...too many thoughts there

[hubbaslubba]

don't care that the cgi was bad in wild blue yonder because my prevailing thought was like if they are willing to do weirdo freak shit with it im happy. also they cooked up a gayboy doctor so im blissed out

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #actual review is: thought the premise and character moments were what id been yearning for so much it was excellent BUT #they really lost me near the climax because all this atmospheric tension was resolved by telling telling telling explaining which didn't #feel satisfying or revelatory at all. and although i did say i don't care about the bad cgi i do mean the body horror elements i loved them #i laughed about them with my sister all part of a good dw experience we were crying at dt running on all fours like a dog #but i wasn't a fan at all of the main ship not because the design was bad i loved the changing environment but #it was soooo distracting to me that donna and the doctor just did not look like they were physically there #to the point that the really ridiculous body horror was more believable to me than the environment they were in #overall though this is what i wanted there were times i was so delighted and surprised by the show in a way i havent been for 15 years <3 #feeling sososo positive and excited for ncuti #sorry i turn into a dw blog on saturday nights now

[maddy-ferguson]

fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself

#and like i say: brf slt #i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this #the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me #i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger #when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation #of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying) #we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on #the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the #prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would #ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon #girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still #wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also #didn't like it as much and we did it all the time? #and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to #do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very #important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a #thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember #my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean #he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us #but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i #genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad #and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭 #like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc #and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends #with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate #me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him #anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back

[rhymaes]

The Untamed (2019) // “You’re Not a Girl in a Movie,” Hala Allan

#IT'S JUST--that he was dead at the beginning!! he was dead at the end!!! he's always been in a state of loss born from a second chance that #wasnt so kind--to be taken in by a family but with the unspoken agreement between your guardians #that you will not always be second to your siblings but that you are expected to give them anything you are---and he would have done #it anyway. is the thing. he didnt need madam yu's anger or sect leader's guilt. he would have done what he did #for jiang chang even if they had all lived. because what does life mean to you when you've always existed in an in-between state of having #ost it / owing it to someone else? it's that he should have died the first time as a child #and in his mind everything was---borrowed time. what the wens said to him as a thank you #being the process he's always existed within even without realizing #to do as much good as possible--to be a hero even one that no one but tens of people no one will listen to #believe you to be. because its never been about fame or acclaim but about what doing what no one #had done for him: protect / sheild/ help someone who cant help themselves because that's what you trained for; thats why youre alive #his siblings / their lives & careers & reputuations / lan zhan's reputation / his #old sect's reputation / the wen's existence / innocent lives that didnt bring anyone back #they just made the walls even more red #its that he died and died again & there's always going to be somewhere darker for you to go #when you never even expected to make it there #JUST. FUCK. rewatching this four years later & making me realize how much it was all the first time its. its. #his life was never his!! it was never his until an abused kid gave him life to not only bring wei wuxian back #but to give him. his own existence--absent of anything he didnt choose to incorporate. no more #loved ones means no more expectations which means more time to find. what you want. what you need. #and that he never expected lan zhan to be waiting for him---trying to 'spare' him from wei wuxian's presence even then #oh god. oh god. #im not making any sense but WHATEVER ITS MY POST I& im having . a time. #the untamed #mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan zhan #wen qing #wen ning

[vigilantejustice]

:(

#literally dumb as rocks beans for brains of me to even ever think going back to do my diploma in early #childhood education as a means to get back into the industry after like four years out was even a little bit a good idea #the job broke me the first time + i’m in a much much much worse place now #have been looking through the first chunk of assessments + so much of it is management type stuff #which is fine on paper #but doing these sorts of assessments in practice is. not something i can do #i have a settling in period of like three years minimum it takes me so long to build any confidence #+ almost every assessment involves walking into service as a student + then having to demonstrate a level of authority #which is no bueno for me #like the first assessment involves leading a team meeting #how am i supposed to walk into a centre brand new + ask to lead a meeting #and then every piece of placement assessment is the same sort of thing #lots of having to approach parents to sign permission forms + lots of taking control of rooms or learning experiences #it’s funny because technically it’s all stuff i can do because i did do it #like i ran the nursery as a lead educator + did all the management stuff but that was after having been there for a year as a student #then as an assistant so i was like. comfortable + established in the centre if that makes sense? #i couldn’t just walk into any centre off the street into a management position i need to work my way into it #if that’s what i even wanted to do #so to do it as a student is a no go #on top of that just the idea of going back to any work let alone back to childcare has given me nightsweats #since the diploma started. like my anxiety about it is out of control + realistically logically i know that this is not something that’s #going to work out but i’m ready to throw up about it because what do i do? #i’m struggling big time with feelings of inadequacy for not being educated + can’t shake the feeling that my life is kind of over #because i haven’t got a degree + it doesn’t seem like i’m going to be in a position to be well enough to get through one #+ i don’t know what work i’m cut out for i don’t feel like i’m good for anything #which sounds dramatic but i mean it in a very genuine way i’m just too nervous + scared + uncomfortable #i’m just not functioning in any sensible way + i don’t know what to do with myself #like dropping this course just makes sense but what then? what job is there for me? #it all just starts spiralling out into thinking about that i’ll probably never be able to afford to live independently out of home #+ that spirals into thinking about how i’ll never find anyone + how my life is so messy + meaningless

[fionnaskyborn]

there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.

in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.

#i mean this extends to things like world politics also i'm still learning and i'm eager to learn beyond what i am offered but that doesn't #make the process any less fucking terrifying. like sure fuck yeah i'll be a big shot and do it alone and i'll be proud of myself but the #thing is i really really really don't know how to be alone without feeling empty #and it's funny because the thing i yearn for the most is to be free and to create myself and do things on my own and i can do that i've #learned how to be an adult very early on and people say ah you've yet to face the worst but every time they tell me that i tell them i can't #wait #but at the same time sometimes i sit and i wonder why i haven't watched that many movies. was there nobody to watch them with? could i have #asked? could things have been different? is it my fault for never having really wanted things or somebody else's? and i'll never really have #a clear answer to any of those questions or at least not anytime soon because my cranium is messed up and unreliable but i won't get the #answers anywhere else. shrugs. i've yet to start living a life. i don't know when i died but i do know but maybe that's just an idea and #maybe i've been dead all along until some point in the past two years but then what are all those memories i have where did they come from #why are they so far apart why do they feel mine and foreign at the same time. can you guess who my favorite mg character is. #well okay i have like what four or five of those but read the text again and think really really hard about it. i'm just kidding i'm goofing #around at this point. i mean no not really but i am smiling about it. :] #logs

[titsthedamnseason]

i’m finally scheduling my road test

#my parents have been RAGING at me for four years. i hope this settles things #the funny thing is that they don’t ever take me to practice driving and i mean EVER #mine #if you were here when i posted about crying every week about driver’s ed you’re a real one 🫡 #BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT DID THEY WANT ME TO DO? IM JUST A 19 YEAR OLD BABY!

[ofmermaidstories]

how long do you think mitsuki got with her baby before she realised that she might, one day, out live him?

#those four years before his quirk came in? #did she and masaru look at each other over the head of their triumphant little boy and know what such a power would grow into? #he spent his short life before that looking up to All Might—and here he was #this excitable little boy #being given the means to chase after that man #did mitsuki spend those years afterwards watching her son be praised and congratulated for that quirk and know what it’d lead to? #dread what it’d lead to? #did she allow herself to worry? #or was everything fine—just fine—until that day when that villain targeted her boy because he had the perfect quirk? #did the worry come back when he went off for his entrance exam? #the sports festival when he was chained up for being so violent? #when he was kidnapped for that very display? #when she got word that he’d been sent off to a war and was now lying in hospital unconcious? #when did mitsuki have to face the idea that her child had picked a path that might not bring him home again? #mha spoilers #mha manga spoilers

[mrgladstonegander]

i am watching ducktales with a friend who’s seeing it for the first time and the next episode is hotlg im so

#YAHOOOOOOO SHARING UR INTERESTSSS #sometimes i remember how insane it is to say gladstone or fethry is ur favorite like u gotta back it up with the Comic Knowledge i efel like #yknow..? #cannot wait to show them all my memes and shit #they did NOT know me during 2020 which means they were not there forthe Peak of my gladstone phase and oh my god i just realized #this man has been living rent free in my mind for almost FOUR FUCKING YEARS NOW!!!!! WHAT?? #plant talk

[vulcanhello]

#SCREAMING AND CHEERING AND SOBBING AND TEARING GRASS OUT OF THE GROUND AND POUNDING THE SAND AND FLOATING AWAY FACE DOWN IN THE RIVER #I FINISHED THE ABODE OF LIFE. THANK FUCKING JESUS #OH MY GOD ITS BEEN DAYS. THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE TAKEN ME DAYS #anyways. it was boring rip #the aliens were BORING the new planet was INTERESTING IN THEORY but BORING IN EXECUTION #it was just a lot of lame politics! and i LIKE politics ex machina is my fav trek book ok #but it was simply boring not much of value #i actually looked it up there were ELEVEN CAPTAINS LOGS. just pages and pages of kirk telling me. the idiot audience. what was happening #i think the only scene i liked was when kirk kidnapped like four of the planets leaders which resulted in a fr gunfight and spock got shot #thru the hand which is insane. OWCH #obsessed with kirk in this book tho he’s basically in the situation thats the premise of voyager where the ship is broke and they wont get #home for a hundred years unless they repair warp so when they find this planet that could help hes just weird about it #‘ohhh i cant break the prime directive’ YOU ALREADY DID #HALF YOUR CAPTAINS LOGS ARE U COMPLAINING ABT BREAKING THE PRIME DIRECTIVE GET OVER IT !! #anyways. do not recommend #and then when hes decided hes already broken it enough hes like whatever. spock we gotta start kidnapping people and spocks like #youre so logical captain 😐(meaning 😍) #actually tbf kirk had a few gay moments. good for him #whatever. anyways. new book time. i might try an aos book bc im sick of trek books including uhura in the beginning or in the blurb and then #shes just NOT in the book. power of imagination ill just pretend its tos. if thats even possible its been a while simce i interacted woith #with anything thats aos #ough im not a fan of aos spock. or kirk rlly. or chekov. or #gay sulu ftw tho #im trying to remember other aos things. jayla i loove. uhura i love but also i prefer tos uhura 😞 #hm. thas it #oh well #captain’s log #trek books

[coquelicoq]

(for the ask game) i think you spend a lot of time thinking very precisely about what meaning words and phrasings have and what mouthfeel and how to play with that (for example for crosswords). also i uhhhhh. assume you don't particularly pay attention to mainstream fashion

correct on both counts! mostly right now i am thinking a lot about the mouthfeel of french words and did you know that sbire is a word in french? roll that around in the vocal tract for a while. a french word starting with a voiceless fricative voiced plosive consonant cluster? never thought i'd see the day. like what is this, italian???

#and the answer is yes it did come from the italian #and to your point about mainstream fashion i only learned what a peplum was when i saw the word 'peplum' and was like #wow what a word. i wonder what it means #i think this is especially fitting because peplums were mainstream fashion what‚ ten years ago? #i mean i learned the word peplum several years ago but it was still after they had been popular for a while #i just thought of them as 'those weird shirt flounce things' #asks #anon #french #also you have reminded me i have four crosswords due in three days and i haven't written the clues yet. whoops! #guess i'm doing that today

[noxtivagus]

Anxiety

#🌙.rambles #WHEJVJDKJA I WAS RIGHT #my energy did return w school #even on four hours of sleep i woke up n #greeted my friends good morning #...and texted during class but it's just HR orientation ykyk #i've been lackinn energy to talk w ppl these days so this is ✨ #i would consider these two childhood friends tho so like yh #everyone else... still big anxiety 🫠🫠 #we need to know each other for a /long/ time before i can really feel comfortable opening up #there are surprising times where i'm comfortable enough to actually open up but for the majority of ppl i'm super fucking quiet #speaking of that two messenger gcs for this school year are in my message requests n i wna die #everyone's changing their nickname yk :') in big grps of ppl it really makes me anxious to stand out from the crowd #the first step is just really difficult. i can't do what i need to do bcs i just freeze in. fear or anxiety idfk #that's really stressing me out rn #n then when i say i'm ambitious i really mean that. i want to improve every aspect of my life #i want to enrich my social life and have more friends/have deeper friendships but #social anxiety for fuck's sake #in discord i'm more comfortable w talking #when i'm w others i'm comfy with that enables me to be less shy #in general i really struggle with anxiety at first :') #once you get that initial barrier down and give me a comfortable atmosphere then i feel a bit more free but #then it's either i talk a lot (i thrive in my passions or when i'm with people i love) #or i still don't. i stay more as an observer #THE PROBLEM IS. I REALLY WANT TO ENGAGE MORE IN MY LIFE #when it comes to texting it's either easier or harder for me. #n then w voice if i feel comfy talking then that's nice fr me! a lot of times i'm also anxious to unmute tho #n then in convos i typically like to tie up ends in topics so. if i get nervous then it's harder for me to #yeah talk n all. either way i find it difficult to lead in convos unless i'm not really stressing out (...which is uncommon) #in texting sometimes i deal woth a sort of writer's block so it's hard for me to get words out. voice (and esp irl) is nicer in a sense that