#it's SO gratifying to hold a text block in your hands for the first time 🥰 like 'oh!! my favorite words!! i can now hold them!!'

[bluejayblueskies]

ehehehee Booke!!!

Im starting out hello my old heart by firebirdsuite, a smaller fic at only 15k - i think i might try iwbta as either my second or project, not sure if jumping from 15k to 50k would be too abrupt of a difficulty spike! (Also thank u for the pdf u used!! :0 what size signatures did u print it at?)

ive done two draft prints to get used to it! my first print i tried in groups of 8 sheets, which left me with two thick signatures and one with only like 2 sheets - tried again with signatures of 4 sheets / 16 pages and thought itd be the final draft until i realized i needed to leave a page at the front n back, bc otherwise id glue the cover to the title page!! Im waiting to print the final draft until i have commissioned art to fill out some space and bring the fully formatted text to a nice even 80 pages :)

binding my drafts into text blocks was really gratifying!! It truly does feel like im making a book prototype >:3 i used modpodge for the glue since joann’s didnt have any pva glue, amd it seems to work well enough, but just to be safe i think im gonna buy some actual pva glue online once i use all the modpodge

i think tonight im gonna try making a cover for one of my practice text blocks! This is all going a lot better than i thought it would, I’ve already learned so much and im still so excited to keep going!! :) thank u for the tips!!!

(ahh sorry for not responding to this sooner!)

it looks great!!! i'm glad that the tips helped (and i have definitely also printed the same fic like. 2-3 times because i realized i made a mistake and had to reprint aklgdajg so i feel that). i usually do 6-sheet signatures for letter-sized books, which is what the iwbta document is formatted for! if you want to adjust that, you'll want to go into the word doc version and change that since i believe that PDF is already imposed for signature printing.

and there shouldn't be too much of a difficulty jump from 15k to 50k words! once you've put together a book, the only real difference between wordcounts is more sewing lol (unless you get into mini books 👀). if you get really big, you'll want to start thinking about rounding and/or backing, but that won't be necessary for a 50k story.

(also, i saw your pics in the renegade discord, and it looks so good completed! i'm excited to see what the final draft looks like 💜)

#ask #as-the-jay-flies #it's SO gratifying to hold a text block in your hands for the first time 🥰 like 'oh!! my favorite words!! i can now hold them!!' #bookbinding is such a good hobby <3

[turtletotem]

KissCam

@kernezelda Here is the Cherik fic you won in the second Star Bright release party challenge! I hope you enjoy!!

Inspired by this video clip :)  Also on AO3.

En Sabah Nur portrayed for us here by Oscar Isaac sans smurf makeup.

.

Charles wasn't much of a sports fan, but he wasn't opposed to attending the Yankees game. He'd been following the story of Yankees player Carl DeMarco, who was fighting to keep his contract after coming out as a mutant. When the very handsome Egyptian immigrant who had become Charles's coffee shop pal suggested they make the Yankees game their first date, therefore, Charles was all for it. He bought a "NY <3 DeMarco" flag, wore his big red M lapel pin, and let En Sabah Nur pick him up in a startlingly expensive Mercedes-Benz.

En Sabah Nur had always been friendly, witty, and attentive at the coffee shop, but today he was distracted, constantly on his phone, and far too smug about his car and his expensive clothes, expecting Charles to be impressed. Charles, who could have bought the clothes, the car, and the coffee shop and still had room for a yacht in his monthly allowance, was not impressed. Just because he preferred broken-in tweed jackets and lowering his carbon footprint with public transit didn't mean he was going to get stars in his eyes at the sight of a Rolex watch.

Perhaps Raven was right, Charles thought with a sigh as he paid for his own hot dog and tried to block out Sabah's irate phone conversation. Raven had seen them together often enough—she worked at the coffee shop, which was why Charles went there—and she was convinced he only wanted Charles for his body.

There were worse things to be wanted for, honestly. It was all very well to be loved for your mind, but Charles had encountered enough telepathy fetishists to find a certain relief in straightforward physical lust.

The two seats on Charles's right had been empty; now, with the game about to start, a man about Charles's age helped a frail but bright-eyed older woman into one of them, and sat down next to Charles himself.

"Hey!" Charles barely rescued his soda from the man's careless elbow.

"Watch it!" the man snapped, as if Charles had been the one at fault, only to pause and grimace when he realized his mistake. "Um… sorry."

"No worries," Charles said lightly. "Of course you're focused on your—mother?"

"Yes," the man said, and turned back to the woman in question, fussing over her comfort until she batted him away with a fond expression. He settled in next to her, looking disgruntled.

"Sorry again, about that," he said after a moment, shooting Charles a sideways glance. "It's too cold out here for her, but she's a big baseball fan—us immigrants have to love the Great American Pastime, right? And she insisted on coming to support DeMarco. You're a fan of his, too?" He nodded at the flag.

"Mutant solidarity!" Charles said, flashing his M pin. "Oh—what's that you've got on yours?"

"Mutant solidarity." The man's grin was all teeth, but in a surprisingly attractive way. In terms of appearance he was right up there with Sabah, in fact, lean and chiseled with fascinating gray-green eyes. It took Charles a moment to force his gaze onto the pin the stranger wore in the same place Charles had his mutant M. This pin was larger and made of multicolored metal, a rainbow flag with an M in the middle, and words along the top and bottom. QUEER FREAK.

"Oh, I love that!" Charles cried. "Where did you get it? I'd love to have one!"

The man's cheeks reddened and he looked suddenly bashful. "I made it. I'm a magnetokinetic—I work with metal." He opened his hand, and the pin lifted from his jacket to settle into Charles's hand.

"That's brilliant!" Charles knew he was getting overexcited in the way Raven always teased him about, but he couldn't help it—the infinite variety of mutation was always so fascinating. "Oh, but I couldn't take yours, you need it to show your support—could I commission one from you? Do you have a card?"

"Sure." The man let his pin return to his jacket, and fiddled in his wallet for a minute before handing Charles a card with a phone number, email address and the words Erik Lehnsherr, Custom Metalwork.

"What's your mutation?" the man—Erik, the trim-yet-spiky German name fit him perfectly—was asking.

"I'm a telepath," Charles said, and this was always the tricky moment, seeing how a new acquaintance—even another mutant, sometimes especially another mutant—would react.

"Impressive," Erik said, his eyebrows lifting, and his mental sense (even muted by the thick shields Charles had to erect in a crowd like this) was all interest and admiration, no trepidation at all.

"You're a telepath?"

Charles turned toward Sabah's voice, sudden and sharp on his other side. "Yes? Hadn't I mentioned that? I usually do, I'd rather know sooner than later if it's going to be a problem." That last sentence came out stiffer than Charles intended, but this date already hadn't been going well…

But Sabah didn't look panicked or judgmental. He was smiling, with (finally) a spark of focus in his eyes. It should have gratified Charles, but somehow it unsettled him instead. He tried to remember what Sabah had said his mutation was.

"Quiet now, boys, the game is starting!" Erik's frail mother said excitedly, and they all turned their attention to the ballfield.

It wasn't long, though, before Sabah leaned in close to Charles and caught his eye. Can you hear this, Charles? Can you hear me thinking?

With an inward sigh, Charles replied, Yes, I can hear you.

Sabah's smile widened. That's amazing. What else can you do? Can you…

The stream of obscene scenarios and intricate fantasies that followed could not have all occurred to En Sabah Nur in the last three minutes.

"I'm trying to watch the game, Sabah," Charles said loudly. "We can discuss all that later."

"Oh, okay," Sabah said in a tone that made Charles wish he'd phrased that differently. Something more like We won't be discussing that at all. It wasn't even that Charles was opposed to using his powers in bed; there was indeed some incredible fun to be had that way. But…

Erik, frowning, leaned in close to his other side. "Is this guy bothering you, um… Mister..?"

"Xavier," Charles said automatically. "Charles Xavier. And no, of course not, he's my date, we're just—I'm just—"

"You're just realizing he's a jackass?"

Charles couldn't repress a snort of startled laughter, but was saved from further conversation with either man by DeMarco taking the field. All four of them cheered wildly, waving their flags and, in the case of Erik's mother, unfolding a small banner that she made Erik help her hold up.

The announcers were talking about DeMarco's mutant coming-out, of course, and how various parties were trying to get him disqualified from the league.

"Unbelievable nonsense," Charles said, just as incensed now as the first time he'd heard it. "His mutation doesn't even have anything to do with his performance. The man talks to plants, for heaven's sake."

"It shouldn't matter if his mutation was 'always wins at baseball,'" Erik said next to him. "Everyone's born with natural advantages and disadvantages, they shouldn't penalize DeMarco any more than any other player with the lucky genes for strong arms and long legs."

That sparked a lively argument, which Charles found more intriguing than irritating; Erik had several good points, some of which Charles struggled to refute, and while he criticized Charles's logic without mercy, Erik didn't seem to be remotely angry at him personally.

"What do you think about it, Sabah?" Charles said eventually, chagrined that he had half-forgotten his date.

"Oh, I'm sure you're right, Charles," Sabah said absently, one eye on the game and the other on a text message.

"You're terribly distracted today," Charles said, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. "Something wrong at work?"

"Oh, you know, there's always something." Taking the hint, Sabah put his phone in his jacket pocket. "If it were easy to take over the world, everyone would do it, right?"

"Er, right," Charles said, trying to remember what it was Sabah did for a living. He was starting to realize he didn't actually know very much about this man, for all of their cozy coffee shop conversations. The 'take over the world' remark had to be a joke, his expression indicated it was a joke, and yet… jokes had a pretty distinctive mental feel, almost like a lie but without the ill intent. That hadn't felt like a joke or a lie to Charles's telepathy.

"What are you and this guy arguing about, anyway?" Sabah asked.

"Mutant rights, what else?"

"Well, I'm in favor of them," Sabah said dryly. "The natural order is for the strong to rule the weak, and mutants are the next step of evolution. Eventually, mere humanity's going to be left in the dust. The sooner the better, in my opinion."

Charles blinked at this calm, confident declaration of a borderline genocidal sentiment. "Well, that's—I mean, mutation is evolution in action, but mutants are human, the next step of humanity, not—I mean we're considerably more alike than not, and there's no reason we can't coexist peacefully—"

"If one or the other has to be on top," Erik said on his other side, "and history suggests one does, it should be mutants. But," he sighed, "in my experience it's a lot easier to say 'screw the baselines' than it is to look at the actual baselines around you and say 'screw you.' My daughter Anya's baseline. My mother's baseline." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder at her, then did a double-take. "And she's taken off her coat! Mama, what are you doing?"

"That one itches, schatz. Look, Frankson is going to take third base—yes, he's doing it! Look at him go!"

"Here, she can wear mine," Charles said, shrugging out of his coat; he had a heavy sweater underneath and was a bit overwarm with both.

"Thanks," Erik said, and bullied his mother into the coat.

"If you think he's wrong about things," Sabah murmured to Charles, "you can just… change his mind, can't you?" His voice was disturbingly sultry.

"I certainly cannot," Charles replied coldly, but Sabah only chuckled and turned his attention back to the game.

When Erik settled back into his seat, Charles, feeling squirmy and embarrassed that Sabah had even brought that up, changed the subject. "You have a daughter, you said?"

"Yeah, married my high school sweetheart before I realized I was gay—big mistake for both of us," oh good, he was single, "but it brought us Anya." He started showing Charles pictures on his phone of an elfin dark-haired nine-year-old.

"Oh, look, she has your chin!"

"Yeah, poor thing…"

Mama Lehnsherr gasped and started slapping at Erik's arm.

"What? Mama, what?" Erik cried in alarm, but she was laughing, pointing at the Jumbotron.

"Look, Erik, we're on the KissCam! Or, no, your new friend and his sweetheart are in the center—"

So they were, Charles saw. Saxophone music swelled through the speakers, and all through the stadium people were laughing and cheering in anticipation. Charles had to admit to being charmed by the idea of being on the KissCam; it was delightfully silly and romantic. He turned to Sabah—

Who was on his phone again, turned entirely away from Charles with his finger in his other ear.

Fine. Actually? More than fine.

"Shall we?" Charles said, turning to Erik on his other side.

Erik's eyes widened. Then he smiled, that wild-looking show of teeth that Charles had instantly found endearing, and leaned in. Their mouths met in a warm, firm press that felt shocking and new and yet strangely familiar, as if some deep unconscious part of him had been expecting this, waiting for this. For Erik.

Charles was dimly aware of applause and catcalls, of a surge of laughter throughout the stadium as Sabah turned around and began sputtering in outrage, but he didn't care. As far as he was concerned, the date was over—and something else, something much better, was about to begin.

#cherik #my fic #kernezelda #once again the '1k fic' is twice that #enjoy!

[carmenlire]

Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 48

amazing moodboard courtesy of @kindaresilient!

read chapter one

read on ao3

Alec looks over as the door to his dressing room opens, smiling as his boyfriend pokes his head in.

“Hey, you,” Magnus says as he kicks the door closed.

“Hey, yourself. How are things out there?”

Setting his drink down on the vanity, Alec hears the tinkling of ice against the glass as Magnus wraps his arms around his neck from behind. Leaning down until their cheeks brush, he turns his head a little so that he can lay a kiss over Alec’s jaw.

“Last I saw, the crowd had started spontaneously singing one of your songs. Chocolate Raspberry, I think?”

Alec smiles a little, just a tilt of his mouth that betrays his endless relief and gratitude. “I always love when they do that.”

“It gave me chills,” Magnus agrees. “Thousands of people singing something you wrote acapella is a little eerie.”

“You never get used to it,” Alec says softly and there’s something there, behind the words, lingering in the undertones so that he’s not surprised when he sees Magnus’s eyes sharpen in the mirror.

“And how are things in here, Alexander?”

Alec doesn’t say anything for a moment, instead taking the time to look at the image the two of them present in the vanity’s mirror. So close they’re touching, Magnus’s hair tickling his ear, his boyfriend wrapped around him with a warmth that makes him shiver.

His mouth upturns slowly until he’s grinning, until his eyes crinkle at the corners in a hint of the laugh lines that will start forming in just a few years.

“We’re pretty damn good, babe.”

He’s gratified to hear Magnus snort out a laugh as his arms tighten around Alec’s neck.

“Well, I’m happy to hear that, darling. I was a little worried.”

Shrugging a little, Alec swivels his chair around until he’s facing Magnus, bringing him in until he’s between spread thighs. With fingers hooked into his belt loops, Alec tugs him closer.

“I’m always a little sentimental before my first show of the tour. It never gets old, you know? Sorry if I worried you.”

Magnus waves that away with a quiet smile. He reaches out a hand, sweeps a thumb over Alec’s cheek before cupping his face. “No need to apologize, I assure you. I’m just happy to see that you don’t appear to suffer from stage fright.”

Alec laughs. “No, I’ve never really been one to get nervous in front of crowds-- and good thing too. I had my meet and greet and soundcheck a couple of hours ago and everyone was friendly and excited. It helped temper any nerves that may have cropped up anyway. No, I was just thinking about the past year-- the past decade since my career took off.”

“Good things I hope?”

“The very best,” Alec assures him. His gaze drops down to the mostly undone buttons of Magnus’s shirt, to the bare skin visible between silk. He raises a brow as he laughs to himself.

“Did you know that I’ve ripped my pants on stage before? And I fell once-- well, twice,” Alec corrects with a grimace. “It was raining and the stage was slick as hell. My ass was bruised for a week.”

“Poor Alec,” Magnus drawls, reaching out with his other hand to rest against his chest. “However did you recover?”

Alec just sends him a droll look. “I laughed it off and hobbled over to the mic stand. I stayed in the same spot pretty much the entire concert. Walking hurt too much.”

“At least it’s sunny today, not a cloud in the sky.”

“Yeah,” Alec agrees. “But that just means it’s a hundred degrees and when the stage lights go up, it’s going to feel like I’m boiling.”

“It is summer in New York, darling.”

Huffing out a laugh, Alec just replies, “Hazards of the job, I suppose.”

Silence falls over them and while Alec can hear the shout of his techs out in the hallway, in his dressing room it’s a goddamn oasis of tranquility. While Alec was always more than willing to help out-- he was a very small piece of the performance, after all, even if he was the most visible-- he was usually left alone before the concert to get ready, relax, have a drink with some friends.

It leaves a lot of room to think.

They’ve been skirting the topic for ages, it seems. It’s been almost two months since his album dropped back in June and Alec had watched as the start date for his tour grew closer and closer with anticipation and dread.

Tonight was a home show in New York to kick off his tour. The first date of over a hundred. The first night in a long line that wouldn’t wrap up for over six months.

As Alec looks up and meets Magnus’s eyes, he sees that knowledge there, the grim reality.

“So,” Alec starts, tongue darting out to run over his bottom lip. “Tonight’s the night, huh?”

Magnus smiles though it doesn’t quite manage to reach his eyes. “It is and I’m so incredibly proud of you.”

Alec relaxes in his seat a little before he reaches up and grabs Magnus’s hands, intertwining their fingers. He squeezes a little before tugging Magnus closer until he gets the hint and straddles him.

Raising their hands up to his lips, he kisses the back of Magnus’s hands. “How are you feeling,” Alec asks and he tenses a little as he waits for an honest answer.

Magnus hums a little and this time when he smiles, it’s real even if it’s a little wan. “While I’m looking forward to seeing you perform, I’ll admit it’s a little bittersweet.”

“Yeah,” Alec breathes, tightening his hands on Magnus’s hips. “It’ll be an adjustment.”

Magnus’s hands go into his hair, careful not to muss too much, as he says, “There’s always texting and face time and who knows,” he teases, “Maybe I’ll even be able to visit you for a few dates during the fall semester.”

“I’m in Amsterdam and Germany during Columbia’s fall break,” Alec replies immediately and his grin turns smug as his boyfriend just stares at him. “What,” he asks coyly. “So I did a little research when I got the finalized itinerary.”

Magnus shakes his head a little, bemused, before tilting his face up with a finger under his chin. He leans down and kisses Alec and he breathes easier at the gesture.

“Well, then,” he says softly. “I’ve always wanted to visit Berlin and the Netherlands.”

He leans down a little more and Alec’s eyes sweep shut as their foreheads touch. They breathe each other in and distantly, Alec knows that he has to start getting ready in earnest for his show but he’s loathe to do anything that will take him away from Magnus. This is the first of three nights in New York City and he wants to steal every second he can with his boyfriend.

It feels like grains of sand, golden and all too fleeting, are falling through his fingers and he knows it's only a few months but that doesn't make the prospect of going weeks and months without being with Magnus any easier. He's trying to hold onto as many grains-- as many seconds and minutes and memories-- as he can before his tour bus rolls out of the city in a few days.

Never enough, he thinks. He could have an eternity with Magnus and it would never be enough.

His nose wrinkles when he feels Magnus brush it with his own, pulling him away from his thoughts. Easing away the tiniest bit, Alec opens his eyes to stare up at his boyfriend.

He sees bright eyes and artfully done makeup. He sees intelligence and wit and so much warmth that it reaches out, wraps around Alec’s bones until he figures he’ll never be cold again.

He sees his life, so much different than it was a few years ago. The tour is bigger, the stakes always higher. The man in front of him is his solace, though, his eye of the storm.

Magnus is everything to Alec and his chest cracks open at the knowledge.

His breath fractures and Alec’s mouth kicks up. “I’ve never done this before, you know.”

Making some noise of confusion, Magnus strokes along the back of Alec’s neck with a raised brow.

“I’m notorious for tour being no strings attached.”

“Yes, I’d heard,” Magnus replies dryly.

Glaring without heat, Alec runs his hands down Magnus’s thighs. “I just want to be sure that you know this is a first for me, too. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.” Looking up, his smile is small and barely there when he asks, “Just don’t forget about me, okay?”

Magnus is quiet for a moment and Alec sees something shift in his expression, too quick for him to pin down, before it settles into humor. “I’ll make you a deal,” his boyfriend says lowly. “I won’t forget about you as long as you don’t forget about me.”

“Not a chance in hell, Magnus. I couldn’t forget about you if I tried.” His voice drops to a whisper as he adds, “You’re it for me, babe.”

Tension ratchets up, a heady promise. Before their lips can connect-- before they can say another word-- the door to the dressing room is flying open and Lydia’s walking in, phone to her ear as she scowls at the two of them.

Magnus climbs off Alec and he shakes his head, laughing to himself as Alec lets him go but not without sweeping a hand over his ass. Magnus sends him a wry look he pretends not to catch.

Lydia hangs up and shoves her phone in to her pocket before giving both of them a once over. “How are you feeling Alec? It’s forty five minutes to show time.”

Alec’s reply is easy as he answers, “Never been better,” with a surreptitious wink in Magnus’s direction.

It’s Lydia who rolls her eyes but she only maintains her stern look for a few seconds before she eases into a grin. She walks over to him, spins him around until he’s facing the vanity mirror once again. The lights are bright as she slaps her hands on top of his shoulders and meets his eyes through the glass.

“Ready for another go around the block?”

Alec grins. “You know it.”

Lydia laughs, patting his shoulder a few times before stepping back. “Get ready then,” she scolds goodnaturedly. “Simon’s killing it out there and the crowd is definitely ready for you.”

She leaves just a few moments later, waving at Magnus on her way out.

Alec looks up, meets Magnus’s eyes. “What were your plans until the concert started?”

“Why,” Magnus asks, standing from where he’d been relaxing on the couch.

Arching a brow, Alec reaches for the eyeliner. When he waves it, there’s a challenge heating his eyes. “Thought you might want to make yourself useful.”

Magnus laughs as he takes the few strides over to the vanity. He plucks the eyeliner out of Alec’s hand before flicking him on the shoulder. “Oh,” he asks idly. “I thought you had people for that?”

Shrugging a little, Alec nudges Magnus’s shoe with his own as his chair is spun around yet again. “If I feel like makeup, I usually do it. I already have a wardrobe designer on tour. No need for a makeup artist too whenever the most I ever do is, like, eyeliner.”

“Well, then,” Magnus says archly. “Say no more, darling.”

The next few minutes pass silently. Alec’s breath catches in his chest as Magnus leans close, as he follows murmured directions to close his eyes. His breath shudders out and Alec smells the whiskey on Magnus’s breath and he laughs a little, stills almost immediately after hushed orders not to mess up his boyfriend’s work.

Magnus pulls back but Alec still doesn’t open his eyes. Instead, he sighs as he feels Magnus’s hand sweep over a brow and down his cheek.

“Beautiful,” Magnus whispers and when Alec opens his eyes it’s to see his boyfriend leveling him with a stare, intent.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Alec demurs and then he’s laughing out loud as Magnus harrumphs, as he shoves playfully at his shoulder.

Someone knocks on the door and it’s the costume designer with his outfit for the night. Magnus acknowledges her and then his train of thought’s lost as Magnus pulls him in for a smacking kiss before grabbing the glass he’d left on the vanity and starting toward the door.

Looking over his shoulder, Magnus says, “I’ll let you get changed in peace. See you later.”

Alec nods back and then the costume designer’s closing the door and motioning for Alec to undress while she unzips the garment bag.

Alec rakes a critical gaze over the finished suit and he’s pleased with the result. It was linen and the button down that accompanied it was almost see-through, easily breathable for whenever the stage inevitably grew too warm.

The turquoise tone is warm against his skin and, deciding to take a page out of his boyfriend’s book, Alec leaves a few buttons undone.

After making sure all’s well, the designer leaves and Alec’s left alone. He only has fifteen minutes or so before it’s time to take his place and mic up and Alec breathes deep in the quiet of his dressing room.

Leaning down until he rests flat palms against the counter, Alec leans close to the mirror, stares into his own kohl-rimmed eyes, runs his gaze over a perfect complexion thanks to stage makeup and last night’s face mask.

He’s twenty seven and at the top of his game. His tour is sold out-- every date, every venue. There’s fifteen thousand people waiting just outside these doors to see him, to hear his music, to have a night that they’ll always remember.

It’s heady and overwhelming in the best goddamn way.

He smiles a little, tracks the shift of expression in the mirror. He’s done this a thousand times and if he has anything to say about it, he will a thousand more. Magnus is his constant and even if he’s in a different city every night, he hopes he can be the same for his boyfriend.

“Let’s do this,” he says under his breath.

Turning, Alec’s left his dressing room and is just about to make the final turn to where the stage is when someone wraps a hand around his arm. Alec looks over his shoulder, expecting a tech with panic in their eyes from an impending disaster that’s always in the periphery of tour. Instead, he sees a man that fills his mouth with a sour taste.

“What the hell are you doing here,” Alec hisses before wrenching his arm free.

Jordan raises his hands in an appeasing move. “There was a time I was on the standing invitation list.”

“Yeah, well, those days are over,” Alec snaps back. “How the fuck did you get through security?”

“I have my ways,” Jordan replies slyly but when Alec doesn’t say anything, just stares at him without flinching, the man begrudgingly adds, “I may have bribed Raj.”

“Fucking Raj.” Alec curses viciously under his breath before glaring at Jordan. “You need to leave.”

Jordan ignores the threat in Alec’s eyes. He moves closer until he’s just in front of Alec and Alec’s gut twists at the lascivious once over he’s treated to.

“We had some great times last tour, Alec. I didn’t think it was out of the question to think we might have a few more this time around.”

“You thought wrong,” Alec grits out.

He doesn’t have a chance to say anything else before Jordan reaches out, trailing a finger over his open shirt. The bastard has a spare second to dip below the linen before Alec snatches his hand, tightening his fist around it.

“In case you’ve been living under a rock, I’m taken.” Alec’s voice is low, feels forced from his throat.

To his frustration, Jordan doesn’t back off, just smiles and it’s smarmy. Alec’s left feeling distinctly unclean at the fact that he let the man anywhere near him once upon a time. Exasperated, he reflects that he’d had no idea Jordan would take his ignoring his calls so ill-mannerly.

“You were always up for a good time, Lightwood. Don’t tell me that’s changed now.”

Alec smiles but it’s cold. “Oh no, I’m still always up for a good time. It’s just that now I have my fun with my boyfriend. Magnus.”

Jordan’s stare is incredulous when it lands on him, when it lifts from his chest. “You can’t really expect me to believe that, can you? Alec Lightwood’s, what? You’re monogamous now? A one man kind of guy? I call bullshit. There’s no way-- especially when you have tour about to start.”

“I don’t give a good goddamn what you think, Jordan. All you need to know is the last time we fucked, it was the last. I don’t cheat and I don’t lie. Now I suggest you leave before I really get angry.”

Alec twists his hand, and he’s gratified to hear Jordan’s little grunt of pain before he’s moving smoothly back, just in time for security to come barreling up to him. With a curt nod, Alec lets them have Jordan, who’s cursing him as he’s taken to the exit.

“Hawkblue,” Alec calls out, not looking back to his Head of Security.

“Yes, boss?”

“Raj won’t be here when I get to the venue tomorrow. Got it?”

There’s a beat of silence before Jessica’s answers smoothly. “Whatever you say, boss.”

Alec’s mouth twists in a wry grin and as he looks down at his watch, he curses as he sees there’s only five minutes until the concert starts. Right on time, the lights outside in the audience go out and the shrieks are almost enough to make his ears bleed.

God, he loves it.

Turning on his heel, Alec’s just set to hurry to get his mic and earpieces. He stumbles to a stop when he sees the person casually leaning against the wall, arm crossed, watching him silently.

“Magnus,” Alec greets. He wracks his brain for any hint of when his boyfriend might have joined the scene. “What’s up?”

He watches as Magnus’s mouth kicks up before he’s straightening. When Alec reaches him, Magnus still hasn’t said anything and then he’s grabbing Alec by the lapels and pulling him close for a searing kiss that launches Alec’s brain offline.

When Magnus ends the kiss, they’re both breathing hard and Magnus is grinning when he says, “I like this suit, darling.”

“Yeah,” Alec breathes in the space between their mouths.

“Oh yeah,” Magnus echoes and then he’s pulling Alec in for a lingering kiss that’s twice as intent as the first. “Break a leg.”

And then Magnus is shoving him away, towards the stage. On the clock visible behind the stage, Alec sees he has two minutes to mic up and he’s cursing and laughing as he turns to the sound tech that’s waiting impatiently at the edge of the stage.

“Alexander.”

Alec takes the mic pack as he looks over his shoulder to see Magnus studying him intently.

“Yeah, babe,” Alec asks when the silence stretches between them.

Magnus’s grin is wicked, a little sharp, as he merely offers, “I like you taken.”

It takes Alec a second to place the words and when he does, his eyes widen before he’s grimacing. He takes a sharper look at Magnus but his boyfriend looks perfectly unperturbed. Deciding to trust his gut, Alec shoots back, “Then it's a good thing that I like being taken.”

Magnus’s expression lightens and then they’re both laughing and Alec swears that if he wasn’t about to walk out on stage in front of thousands of people that he’d haul Magnus close and never let go.

He sees the rueful acknowledgement in Magnus’s eyes and then the crowd just yards away is absolutely losing their minds as the timer on stage starts blinking a row of zeroes.

Showtime.

Alec shoves his earpieces in and strides out to his mark. Everything falls away except the chants of the crowd, their screams, their love and support and fury that never stops making his chest ache under the onslaught.

The opening notes to his latest single starts and Alec picks up the mic and hits his cue dead on.

The lights come up, bathing him in warm golds and blues. He can only see the first few rows from his vantage point and as he nears the edge of the stage he looks down into the grinning faces of his family as they sing along to his music in the front row.

The crowd is an echoing cry and he sees countless phone lights in a veritable sea of fans. He pulls the mic away from his face at the last chorus and it’s only a little bit to catch his breath.

He’s stunned but unsurprised when the crowd fills the stadium, singing his words back to him, following his melody until it feels like the venue will collapse under the weight of it all.

Alec feels on top of the world and when he turns his face away from the crowd and looks to the side of the stage, he sees Magnus singing along, too, and his heart feels fit enough to burst inside his chest.

He wonders how a body’s meant to contain it all. He feels happy and full and like every damn dream he’s ever had has come true.

He smiles at Magnus, nods in a gesture that he knows is arrogant and cocksure but he just can’t help himself.

Magnus laughs and dances a little in his place and Alec swallows hard as he turns to look back at the blinding crowd.

He’s on top of the world and there’s not a fucking thing he’d change about it all.

Every failure, every nerve-wracking bit of doubt has brought him here and it coalesces in Alec’s chest, makes him shudder on the pedestal that he’s by turns resented and yearned for since the start. He’s luckier than most, Alec reflects, and he still has his whole life ahead of him.

With Magnus at his side, Alec knows anything’s possible.

As he brings his mic back up, as the song transitions into what will be his next single in the fall-- and hadn’t that music video with Magnus been a blast to film-- Alec lets it wrap around him, gives himself up to the feelings crashing through him.

He wouldn’t have it any other way.

#this is the last chapter of the story proper!! #the next two chapters are a double epilogue:') #we really are almost finished with this fic huh #httbt #my writing #malec fic #malec wip

[generalkenobi22]

Fic: Bad Girls Do It Well (Uncharted) - 10,000 words

SUMMARY: Chloe has never considered herself a particularly sentimental person (perish the thought!), but certain memories, certain snapshots in time have an inconvenient way of sticking with a person. After all, only two things have remained constant in her life, amidst the chaos, the adventure, and the danger: music and photography. And...perhaps adopted family along the way? Nope, no, absolutely not. Her sentimentality must have *some* limits, surely

So after actual MONTHS, I’m thrilled to have finally finished this! Awhile ago, Sony put out playlists on Spotify for the characters of Uncharted: the Lost Legacy (they were awesome!). Chloe's was particularly inspiring, and after finishing the game, I found myself really attached to the idea that using a camera to document her adventures was something she's done since the beginning. Please enjoy Bad Girls Do It Well (title from M.I.A.’s “Bad Girls”)!

Can also be found on AO3 - Fanfiction

Oklahoma, 2002 - Nate

I said to the man, “Are you trying to tempt me Because I come from the land of plenty?” And he said, “Do you come from a land down under?”

—Men at Work “Down Under”

“Would you put that away, and give me a hand?” Nate grits out, clearly not amused by this as much as she is.

“And miss out on this view?” Chloe bites her lower lip as she watches his boxerbrief-clad backside through the lens of her camera. He audibly groans at the sound of the lens shutter, and she’s powerless against her smirk turning into a full on grin. “Unlikely.”

She imagines he would throw her an exasperated look right about now, but as it is, he’s crouched on top of a radiator, toes gripping around the edges, while his unclothed torso—along with the rest of his upper body—is dangling outside the window of their fourth story hotel room.

She watches as he contorts himself unnaturally in an attempt to retrieve one of his Para 9’s that was accidently thrown onto the fire escape during what Chloe is referring to as a particularly enthusiastic bit of foreplay. Not wanting to further encourage the suspicions of the front desk manager with patron complaints of an unregistered firearm, Nate lunged after the gun almost immediately, nary a second thought to his own livelihood.

Initially, she had protested, but after watching him writhe about, his muscles extending and contracting every time he moved, she had to admit it was far more entertaining than whatever she could pull up on the telly.

She lets him struggle a moment more before snapping a particularly gratifying shot and adds, “If you consider me your moral support—and you very well should—then I am absolutely lending a hand.”

He ignores her, focusing all of his attention on retrieving the blasted weapon, fingers splayed in the hopes of extending just a few more centimeters. “Almost…got it.”

He flashes her a huge grin once he’s back inside, twirling the Para 9 in his right hand like he’s Steve McQueen, rather than the bloke who was just hanging out of the window in his underpants. It would be absolutely embarrassing if it weren’t so endearing.

“Are you impressed, or what?” he wants to know.

Chloe considers commemorating the moment on film, but suddenly, she really likes the idea of keeping it to herself. Something she can chide herself for being overly sentimental about later. She sets the camera on the table next to her armchair, careful not to knock over the radio, which is providing ambience in the form of 104.5’s eighties at eleven.

(“Is this your guys’ national anthem?” Nate had asked last night once they had collapsed onto the bed. “Down Under” was playing then, too.

“Mmm, yes,” Chloe hums with laughter, her hand tracing aimlessly on his stomach, her head resting comfortably on his chest. “We praise the Queen and country and the musical genius of Colin Hay.”)

In response to Nate, she makes a show of fanning herself dramatically. “Whew! You certainly had me—and the residents of Tulsa who bared witness to your little show—hot and bothered.”

Much to her delight, he rolls his eyes before turning his attention to the desk next to the radiator, the same one he had just vacated. His shoulder holsters (as well as his shirt) are draped haphazardly over the accompanying chair, and he carefully places the firearm back into its holder, snapping it closed.

“You’re a piece of work, y’know that?” he says with his back to her. She can hear the amusement in his voice, but she’s more interested in the patchwork of scars stretched across the broad expanse of his back.

“I distinctly recall there being less complaints where my behavior’s concerned prior to your acrobatic performance,” she replies offhandedly. As if sensing her staring, he turns around and leans against the desk, arms crossed over his chest. “Back when we were…”

Nate grins. “…Preoccupied?”

“Is that what we’re calling it?”

“Among other things.”

“Really?” asks Chloe with a raised eyebrow. “Because I was going to refer to it as ‘being-interrupted-by-a-roving-firearm-before-I-could-even-get-my-top-off.’”

His eyes darken in distraction as he takes in her appearance, and for the first time in…well, ever, she feels herself flush. It’s nothing scandalous—more coverage than a bikini, certainly, in her tank top and knickers. But it’s the harsh light of day and her hair is down, and for the life of her, she can’t recall ever sticking around long enough the morning after for firearm antics and flirtatious banter.

It’s bordering dangerously close to domestic, which should raise all sorts of red flags, but...well, she isn’t exactly running away, is she?

All red flags are blissfully swept away, however, when he closes the distance from the desk to where she’s seated and grips the arms on either side of the chair, effectively caging her in place.

“There’s at least one good thing to come out of all this,” Nate insists, not even trying to be subtle as he rakes his gaze over her from head to toe.

“Which is?” It takes every ounce of restraint she possesses to not break into an absurdly delighted smile. Instead, she brushes her fingers, feather light, over one of his lower arms, lingering far longer than necessary.

“That at least you know it wasn’t a gun in my pocket,” he clarifies, barely holding it together. “I really was happy to see you.”

Now it’s her turn to roll her eyes, which she absolutely does, with only a hint, mind you, of amusement. Nate’s arms shake along with his laughter, but his antics are effectively cut short when she sits up and pulls him into a kiss.

Nate’s jokes only get worse from there, but it doesn’t change the fact that they don’t leave the room for at least two more days.

London, 2009 - Harry

We’re hell raising And we don’t need saving ‘Cause there’s no salvation for a bad girl We’re rock bottom But there ain’t no stopping ‘Cause it’s you and me against the world

—Natalia Kills “Problem"

She comes back from Nepal with insomnia and a spare key for a flat in London that belongs to a dead man. There’s nothing particularly fanciful or noteworthy about the place, except that she spent a lot of time (a lot of nights) there researching and planning their steps from Istanbul to Borneo for Marco Polo’s fleet back when Harry…

…back when Harry was alive.

She can’t bring herself to sleep in his bed, so she sets herself up on the couch, but after two hours of listening to rain pelt against the front window and staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, she can’t take it anymore. She throws on a pair of runners and an ancient gray hoodie before heading out into the night.

It doesn’t take her long to find what she’s looking for. She spots the tattoo shop just up the road and turns into the adjoining alley, bypassing a couple of bins before walking down a small set of worn concrete stairs to the building’s side entrance. She walks inside.

Dim, flickering overhead lights expose a seedy gym underneath. There’s a roped off boxing ring in the middle, a few punching bags near the back, and wooden benches with free weights and barbells off to the side. No treadmills or ellipticals to speak of, but there is faint music coming in through tinny speakers around the room.

She heads toward the back, ignoring the unsettling leers coming from some of the male patrons as she walks by. It’s a little more difficult to block out the bald guy in the ring, his swear-laden diatribe directed at the bloke being pummeled, but Chloe manages.

There’s no one else by the bags, which suits her plenty. She wraps her hands, but before she can start, she feels her burner phone vibrate. It’s two messages—one from Nate and one from Sully. R u ok? Nate wants to know. Damn it Frazer pick up, is Sully’s less subtle text of choice. Chloe doesn’t have the closure or emotional maturity to deal with either of them at the moment. Not until she hits something, anyway.

She thinks about Nate’s stupid face, how he traded in death and bloodshed for picket fences and HOAs, while she was left to deal with the fallout of a dead partner, a-a turncoat. She cracks her neck, left to right, before slamming her fist into the bag. A jolt reverberates back through her arm, and it’s enough to light an unseen spark, to set her off.

Sure, Chloe thinks as she unleashes a series of jabs and hooks, Harry could be an absolute tosser, but she’s not entirely sure he deserved the way he went out. Hell, she’s not entirely sure anyone deserves to go out like that. Except maybe Lazaravec. He brought his demise on himself.

But, a small, resolute voice suggests, so did Harry.

She sinks a roundhouse kick, grunting when it lands. The arsehole didn’t even think—just pursued his own ambition, not caring what or, in her case, who became collateral damage.

She blinks as a drop of sweat lands in her eye, swiping at it before landing another uppercut. It wasn’t like she was in love with him (perish the thought!), but he could be charming and sarcastic when it was just the two of them. Admittedly, being with him didn’t require much acting on her part.

She punctuates her next flurry of hits with a muttered swear, and tries to gulp down air. It’s only then that she notices how her chest feels like it’s going to burst open. With an anguished cry, she lands an axe kick that somehow manages to break the punching bag from its chains and send it flying back a few feet. It takes her a moment to calm down, for her shoulders to stop heaving and her heart to stop racing, before she realizes just what has transpired.

“Oi, watch it!” The bald guy from the boxing ring vaults over the ropes and approaches, taking in the broken heavy bag and her disheveled appearance, soaked through hoodie and all. Up close, she notices the cleft in his chin and the scars across his nose and eyebrow.

She brushes the sweat-plastered hair out of her eyes. “Sorry, I—”

“Got swept up in the moment? Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that one before.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I dunno if you’ve taken the time to assess what type of establishment this is, but it certainly doesn’t have enough funds to cover property damage every time some lady’s off her nut.”

Chloe bristles at that and reaches into her pocket, too exhausted to call him out on his overt sexism. “Here.” She hands him 50 quid. “Apologies to the establishment from the knackered lady.”

He pockets the money, mouth lifting into a slight smirk, but he doesn’t apologize. “Y’know,” he says instead, “we run an amateur boxing match every week. If your affinity for property destruction can be equally applied to people, you should consider signing up.”

He hands her his card (his name is Charlie, apparently) before he hops back into the ring, presumably to continue his coaching efforts. The tension in her shoulders dissipates, and she shoves his card into her front pocket. Breathing steady once again, she wipes a hand over her brow and snaps a picture of the downed punching bag. She sends it to Nate and Sully.

I’m processing, she writes back.

Sydney, 2010 - Sully

The time has come To say fair’s fair To pay the rent, now To pay our share

—Midnight Oil “Beds are Burning”

“This easily could have been discussed over the telephone, Victor.”

Sully swivels in his bar stool and looks at her over his glass of scotch. His smile is visible beneath his mustache. “Would you believe me if I said I missed the hell out of ya?”

“No,” she responds emphatically, but her laughter betrays the hardened exterior she has worked so hard to uphold over the years. She absentmindedly stirs her own drink. “I don’t buy it. What I would believe more is if you said you were here on behalf of one Nathan Drake.”

She knows she’s spot on when his cheeks go slightly pink.

“Can’t it be both?” he asks sheepishly, which says a lot about their relationship and his sincerity because Victor’s not sheepish about anything.

She laughs. “I knew it! So what is it this time, hmm? The latest treasure hunt’s gone belly up, and Nate needs a couple hundred quid to bounce back? Or perhaps his latest adventure brings him down under, and he and Fisher need a place to crash? Is that it?”

Sully remains silent and pointedly avoids her gaze. It’s so uncharacteristic, Chloe becomes concerned that Nate and Elena may be in serious danger. “Victor,” she presses, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Just tell me what’s going on. Are they—?”

“Nate and Elena are getting married.”

Chloe nearly chokes on her spritzer. “Married?”

“Don’t act all surprised, Frazer. This was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Or perhaps,” she offers, “not at all?”

Sully clicks his tongue at that in an annoyingly condescending way. He pauses, shifting in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. “Don’t tell me you’re still sweet on him after all this time?”

‘Him’ meaning Nate. She doesn’t even have to convince herself anymore. She scoffs. “Hardly.”

“Good. Because for a second there…” He lets out a nervous breath, and slams back the rest of his scotch.

“Wait just a minute, I’m not supposed to be comforting you in all this,” Chloe insists. She motions for the bartender to come over. Before she proceeds any further, she’s going to need a much stiffer drink. “You’re supposed to be offering me false platitudes like, ‘she can’t possibly compare to you, Chloe.’”

“Oh.” Sully takes that information in. He scratches the back of his neck, and then lifts his gaze to hers. “…Do you need me to?”

“Of course not!” Chloe blurts. Mercifully, the bartender returns with her whiskey sour. She pouts, then: “But the gesture would have been appreciated.”

Sully smirks at that. “Forgive an old man his impertinence then, will you?”

They sit in companionable silence for a moment as Chloe nurses her drink. Sully’s turned around, his elbows resting on the bar top as he takes in the view of the beach behind them. When the bartender returns to settle their tab, Sully brushes her off and says he’ll take care of it. Unable to muster any energy to protest, she closes her eyes and relishes the feel of the sun on the bare skin of her back.

“Well, mazel tov to the happy couple, but why would this warrant an in-person rendezvous?” she finally asks when her curiosity becomes nearly insufferable. “Not that I’m complaining about the exceptional company by any means,” she amends.

Sully doesn’t answer right away, but when he finally does, it sounds like he’s tiptoeing across a minefield. “They need another witness, and when I suggested you as a potential candidate...well, Nate and Elena thought it was a great idea.”

Chloe lets that marinate a moment before she asks, “Who, if I may ask, is the other witness?”

Sully beams. “You’re lookin’ at him, sweetheart.”

“Should have guessed.” She sighs dramatically, letting her head loll back. I’m going to regret this, she thinks before she squeezes her eyes shut and blurts, “Fine. But I’m bringing a plus one. This bloke, Charlie, we’re working a job together."

Sully raises an eyebrow at that, but mercifully doesn’t say anything. He claps a hand on her shoulder and pulls his phone out. “I’ll let them know.”

“Wait.” She grabs the phone out of his hands, flips it open, and holds the phone out. “Here, move in closer.”

Sully puts his arm around her shoulder while she gives a thumbs-up with one hand and snaps their picture with the other. They’re both in frame when she looks at the phone screen (of course they are—what is she, an amateur?), so she hands it back to Sully.

“There. Send that over to Nate with the message that I’m in, but he owes me one.”

“From you?” Sully hits send and flashes her a smile of solidarity. “I would expect nothing less.”

London, 2011 - Charlie

So slide over here And give me a moment I’ve got to let you know You’re one of my kind

—INXS “Need You Tonight”

“Do you need any help?” Chloe hollers again, hoping her voice is loud enough to carry to the loft on the second floor. Selfishly, she hopes the answer is ‘no,’ as she has finally settled into the end of his worn, leather couch with a hot mug of tea.

“You’re incorrigible,” Charlie calls back, his voice muffled. She thinks he may have rolled his eyes, which, rude. “I’m fine. I broke my leg, not my executive function.”

She shrugs, causing her oversized jumper to slip off her shoulder. “Have it your way, then. Just don’t come crying to me when you fall and break your neck.”

The warmth from her mug radiates past her fingertips all the way down to her sock-covered feet. She closes her eyes, sinks further into the couch, and pulls her jumper back over her shoulder.

It’s good to be back on solid ground again, she thinks.

They were lucky to be alive after what happened in Syria. Once they were certain none of Marlowe’s agents had successfully tailed them, all three of them (excluding Charlie, of course, who kept groaning and swearing under his breath each time they hit a particularly rough patch of road) took turns driving until they were able to reach a small airstrip some distance from the main road and far away from the ruins they vacated.

(“An old work acquaintance. He owes me one,” was all Sully would say once they parked the tour bus, and he began leading them toward a dilapidated hangar.

“Which leads me to believe,” Charlie chimes in, hobbling and leaning on both Nate and Chloe to remain upright, “that no one we’re about to meet is licensed to operate a bloody tin opener, let alone an aircraft.”)

It was there that they parted ways. Nate and Sully boarded a relatively stable looking plane headed for Yemen, while both she and Charlie were stowed in the back of a run down cargo plane headed for southwest England, surrounded by caged chickens and other small livestock.

As it turns out, Charlie is exceedingly allergic to feathers.

It’s suspiciously silent before Chloe hears the labored sounds of someone trying to hobble down a spiral staircase. When she finally does open her eyes, she’s greeted by Charlie—red faced and wearing a cowboy hat and a pair of white boxer shorts with hearts on them. She has to stifle a disbelieving snort when he proceeds to sling his Danelectro guitar over his shoulders, allowing it to hang low on his hips.

“What are you—?”

Charlie turns his back to her and flips on his stereo, effectively drowning out the rest of her question. When he turns around—nearly losing his balance with his broken leg in the process—he pulls his hat down low and moves his hips in time to the music.

It’s a lot to taken in, but Chloe doesn’t fully dissolve into actual giggles until he lifts his gaze back to her, his brow raised and a wink at the ready. So slide over here, he mouths, hopping across the space in front of the couch with his only good foot, and give me a moment. Things enter into truly mental territory when he mimes playing his guitar.

“Are you insane?” Chloe demands. “The doctor said not to put any direct weight on it for at least a few more days.”

She tries to sound stern, but the smile that keeps breaking out on her face betrays her true feelings. She grabs one of the throw pillows to cover her face when some of his dance moves become slightly more…inappropriate. However, it does nothing to hide her laughter or the flush she feels up around her ears.

He pries the pillow from her grasp and tosses it to the side. “What can I say?” He gives her a come hither gesture. “There’s just something about you, girl, that makes me sweat.”

“Absolutely not,” Chloe says, shaking her head emphatically. She sets her mug on the nearest end table, right next to her mobile phone. Seeing it gives her an idea, so she grabs it, easily switching it to camera mode.

“Sorry, love.” She grins wickedly, not sounding even the least bit apologetic.

Before Charlie knows what’s happening, she snaps the picture. It’s a perfect still of him mid-hop, mid-lip sync, and mid-guitar solo. It takes Chloe breaking into fresh peals of laughter before Charlie realizes what has happened.

“Oi,” he cries, pulling his guitar up and over his head. He props it against the stereo. “This was meant to be a private showing.”

“And it will be,” Chloe assures him. A beat, then, “Right after I send this to Nate, Elena, and Victor.”

Charlie does his best impression of crossing the small distance between them in an intimidating manner. “Chloe,” he says warningly.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh, alright, fine.” She sets the phone aside and crosses her arms, pouting. “You’re no fun.”

“Oh, I’m plenty fun, darling,” he retorts, slowly lowering himself down onto the couch. He nearly loses his balance again, but Chloe crawls over to help, holding his arm to guide him. Once Charlie’s settled (“Bloody hell,” he grumbles under his breath.), Chloe reminds herself that she’s still holding on to his arm.

She makes an effort to pull her hands back, but Charlie snatches her right one, his grip sure. He turns to her, and one glance at his face tells her he has sobered, all mirth quickly gone. She swallows and tries to steady her heart, which begins beating absurdly fast.

Run, her mind tells her, but before she can obey or even protest, Charlie brushes a stray piece of hair behind her ear. His hand lingers, thumb brushing over her cheek.

“Sully would have killed me, back in Syria, if you hadn’t been there to stop me,” he finally says, voice barely above a choked whisper. She can hear the rawness, the slight waver in his voice, and it, frankly, terrifies her.

“Charlie, that’s not—”

He cuts her off. “No, it is. I was a downright mad man, and if it weren’t for you, Nate—“

“—is alive,” she finishes. With her free hand, she scratches her thumb against his stubble. He closes his eyes, pain evident on his face. “There’s no use in dwelling on what could have been. I was there, you weren’t yourself, and that’s that.” She pauses before adding, “In any event, I would have easily bested Victor. He’s incredibly old.”

Charlie lets out an abrupt bark of laughter before he forces himself to look at her again. It’s a new sensation for Chloe, being looked at with such adoration, that is. She’s not sure how she feels about it, only to say that the desperate commands to flee have simmered.

“Thank you,” he says. He searches her eyes for permission, and she nods imperceptibly before he captures her lips with his.

Run, her mind tells her once again, but she throws her arm around his neck, disobeying the command entirely.

One week later, during his follow up appointment, Charlie’s doctor gives both he and Chloe a long lecture about the need to avoid any direct weight on his broken leg. Chloe doesn’t even wait until the doctor is out of earshot.

“I told you so,” she tells Charlie proudly. His eye roll is nearly audible.

Glasgow, 2013 - Sam

I don’t want to go to school I just want to break the rules

—Charli XCX “Break the Rules”

There’s no reason Chloe should even be contemplating this. No reason she should even be here in the first place. It’s like salt and vinegar crisps: absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever, and yet...

…there’s no use in denying the insufferable do-gooder she has become.

A sea of writhing people, colorful, epileptic seizure-inducing lights, and pulsating bass: immediately, Chloe’s senses are assaulted as soon as she enters the club.

This has to be some kind of fire code violation, she thinks to herself sourly as she pushes her way toward the bar, serpentining through throngs of gyrating bodies and one particularly grotesque snogging couple. (“Excuse me!” she practically bellows at them, but they either can’t hear her or simply outright refuse to move out of the way.)

Finally, she reaches the bar. The bartender gestures to the glass in his hands, then back at her, but she waves him off. She wants to have clear reflexes and a sound mind for this particular meet up. Although she had insisted on a public meeting space, there’s still every chance for danger, never mind that she has no idea what her mark looks like. She imagines something like his brother, but that’s certainly not much to go on, is it?

“Now there’s a lovely lass,” she hears over her shoulder. “Curious that she’s all alone though, innit?”

Chloe turns just in time to see the stranger at the bar drag his gaze over the entirety of her person. He’s stocky with a bristly black beard and a terribly unfortunate complexion. She crosses her arms over her chest, doing her best not to shudder, and challenges him with a surly glare of her own.

“Perhaps,” she grits out, her restraint nearly in tatters, “it’s because she prefers solitude over the company that a man, such as yourself, is able to offer.”

In a magnificent feat, the stranger’s face grows even redder. When he makes an attempt to lunge after her, she can feel her heart pound in tune with whatever eurotrash music—noise, really—the DJ keeps churning out. Before the man can embarrass himself or do any lasting damage, another man enters the fray—his back to her—and keeps the other man from moving any closer by placing an outstretched hand square in the middle of his chest.

“Beat it,” the new guy says. He nods in her direction. “She’s with me.”

Chloe doesn’t even have time to enjoy the first guy’s harried retreat (she thinks he may have mumbled an apology, but it’s difficult to be certain with the heavy bass of the music bludgeoning her eardrums) before she rounds in on the new guy.

“I beg your pardon,” she blanches, her hand on her hip. “I am with no…one…”

Her speech falters once the new guy turns around, and she’s suddenly staring into a pair of hazel eyes (though, admittedly, it’s difficult to tell precisely with the uneven lighting). Everything, from the small bump on the bridge of his nose to the slight slope of his shoulders, overwhelms her with a sense of familiarity. She narrows her gaze at him suspiciously.

“Are you trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty?” Her tone is airy, but she chooses her words carefully, testing the waters.

“Do you come from a land down under?” he shoots back hopefully, eyebrow raised. In response to her visible relief, the tension in his own shoulders gives way, and he smirks, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Men at Work, huh? Do you do this for all your meet ups, or…?”

Apparently, all the good looks skipped right on down to Nate, she thinks idly. Not that Sam is horribly disfigured, by any means, of course. It’s just with his slightly receding hairline and his two-decades-too-old-to-be-fashionable jeans jacket, he’s not traditionally handsome like his brother.

“No,” she answers, hating herself slightly for her train of thought. “Only for known affiliates of Nate’s. Hazard insurance and all that, you know?”

He continues smirking. “Oh, I know.” A scantily clad woman stumbles past them both, brushing his shoulder as she steadies herself by grabbing onto the bar top. For what it’s worth, Sam’s eyes stay trained on her. He shoots his hand out. “Sam,” he says.

“Chloe.”

As they shake hands, she notices a couple of brutes dressed in oversized parkas just behind Sam. This isn’t her scene by any means, but even she knows that’s too much clothing for this kind of environment. They’re ideal for expertly concealing firearms, though. “Not that it isn’t a pleasure putting a face to a name after all these years, but why am I here, precisely?”

He starts to answer, but she’s barely listening, eyes still trained on the two overdressed men behind him. She watches as they push past the sea of people separating she and Sam from the two of them. It’s likely that they’re tailing them, but Chloe doesn’t want to stick around long enough to be certain.

She promptly grabs hold of Sam’s hand. “Let’s walk and talk, shall we?”

It’s less of a suggestion when she begins pulling him forward. “I—yeah, okay,” he relents.

It grows brighter and louder the closer they get to the center of the dance floor. She can feel a bead of sweat roll down her neck as they continue fighting through people, who are essentially packed in like sardines. Thankfully, the two thugs seem to be unable to bypass a particularly rowdy group of dancers when she glances behind her. It will give them enough time to regroup, at least.

“We’re being tailed!” she yells to Sam once they come to a halt. She has to avoid being hit by the elbow of a nearby dancer jumping up and down.

“What?”

“Followed,” she tries again, this time accompanying it by walking her fingers over the palm of her other hand meaningfully.

He follows her line of sight, and she can see the understanding hit him almost immediately when he turns back around. “That’s what I was saying earlier,” he yells back. “I’m in a lot of trouble.”

“Well, yes, I was able to deduce that on my own, but whatever for?”

A nearby group of girls nearly knocks Sam over, but he steadies himself by holding on to her hips. Almost immediately, he recognizes his error (it doesn’t actually require a reproachful look from her, but she tosses one in anyway) and lets go, holding his hands up for good measure. Sorry, he mouths, looking fully repentant.

“It’s a long story,” he hollers, narrowly dodging a wayward arm, “but I got roped into working for Rafe Adler—”

“Who?”

“Rafe,” he repeats, holding his head in a haughty manner and running his thumb over his index and middle fingers.

Money, she immediately thinks before making the connection between obscene wealth and heightened levels of tossery.

Ah.

“Adler,” she spits out distastefully.

Sam nods. “Exactly, and he’s got us searching for Avery’s—” He covers one of his eyes with his hands, curves the other hand into a hook shape, and mouths arghhh. “—treasure, which is why we’re in Scotland. The trail led us here.”

“Here, as in this horrible den of iniquity in Glasgow?” Chloe yells. They both have been forced into moving along to the music to avoid being hit by any number of the people dancing near them.

“No,” he yells back, barely holding back an eye roll. “St. Dismas Cathedral. We’re not supposed to leave the site, but I had to let someone know in case—” He swallows, the thin sheen of sweat on his Adam’s apple glistening. “—in case something happens. Which is why we’re here, here.” He gestures to the ground meaningfully. “Far away from Rafe’s goons.”

“Have you at least told Nate?” she hollers.

His whole expression falls. “I can’t,” he insists. “He—He already thinks I’m dead—”

Chloe lets out a frustrated groan, her head lolling back. “Of course he does.”

“—which is why I came to you,” he finishes.

“Well, you’ve done some abysmal covert work,” she yells back, her eyes focused just over Sam’s shoulders. He goes to check for himself, but she holds his face in place with both hands. “Our friends are heading toward us. We need to blend, pretend like we’re not dead as soon as they reach us. Follow my lead?”

Sam nods, rather than answering verbally. He follows her as she pushes forward, a little closer to the DJ’s table. When they come to a stop, she drapes her arm over his shoulders, and pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket.

“Hey! Everybody!” she shouts, switching her phone to camera mode. A few of the nearby patrons stop to stare at them. “This lad—” She gestures wildly at Sam. He sheepishly waves. “—just found out he’s going to be a father!”

Sam makes a choking sound just before everyone around them erupts into cheers and excitement. She has to pound on his back a few times for him to stop. When he can breathe again, she holds out her phone until the two of them are in frame, as well as a number of strangers wanting to wish the new dad well.

“’Baby’ on three, everyone!” she instructs. “One…two…three—baby!”

A chorus of ‘baby’ can be heard when she takes the picture. The cheers transform into an overwhelming roar as the patrons around them begin dancing wildly, slapping Sam on the back, and splashing drinks everywhere. It’s the precise level of pandemonium needed to make the brutes lose them. At least, for now, anyway.

Sam flinches as a particularly muscular guy claps him on the back in congratulations. When he moves away, Sam fixes her with an aggravated look. “Thanks for that,” he yells, his dour expression particularly hilarious in light of the glitter and champagne raining down on the two of them.

Chloe sighs dramatically, an infectious grin breaking out on her face.

“I live to serve. C’mon, mate,” she adds, brushing some of the glitter off of his face.

Just as she finishes, another bottle of…something douses both of them, and at its conclusion, Sam—hair soaked through over his eyes, mouth in a hardened line—spits out a mouthful like a tiny fountain. Chloe absolutely loses it as she grabs his hand and starts navigating both of them through the crowd.

“Let’s get out of here before your tail notices,” she barely gets out in between laughter.

Brussels, 2015 - Elena

We bury it, bury it, bury it And rise above

—CHVRCHES “Bury It”

It’s incredibly late—or really early, more accurately—when she gets the call.

The initial ring doesn’t even rouse her. Rather, she groans and turns over, pulling the covers over her head to block out the sound of snoring. But when it grows louder and more persistent, she grudgingly cracks an eye open, only to be blinded by the blue light filtering out from under her mobile as the vibrations cause it to skitter across the end table.

She takes a moment to reorient herself with her surroundings before carefully extracting herself from Charlie’s arm, which is draped across her waist, and wrapping a nearby blanket around her. Sufficiently cocooned, she grabs her phone and pads across the carpet over to the balcony off their hotel room, careful to close the sliding glass door behind her quietly.

She doesn’t recognize the number on the screen, but this is a new phone (the last one not only ran out of minutes, but also plummeted to the bottom of the Thames), and there’s every chance this could be a known affiliate.

She swipes up. “Hello?”

There’s silence on the other end, then, “…Chloe? It’s me, Elena.”

Well…shit, Chloe thinks rather unceremoniously, sinking on to the cheap plastic chaise lounge, pulling her blanket more tightly around her.

“Elena.” She hopes her voice doesn’t betray the sudden onset of fear sparked by this unexpected phone call. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

It’s not that the two of them don’t communicate—quite the contrary, actually. There’s the occasional e-mail and a handful of texts containing memes about their circle of acquaintances (the last one Elena sent was Chrissy Teigan’s cry face with the text: when he scales the building to enter through the 8th floor window but you could have picked the lock on the front door). They even follow each other on Instagram (in fact, she had just given a like to Elena’s last uploaded photo, the one of her new camera). However, they rarely speak over the phone. The last time had been—

…Well, the last time had been the night she and Nate separated.

There’s some shuffling on the other end before Elena responds. “Nate mentioned you were traveling, so I tried to time it correctly. Did I wake you up?”

“No,” Chloe insists, clearly stifling a yawn, “nothing less than bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on this end.” She hesitates before quickly adding, “Charlie, on the other hand, is still asleep.”

Chloe can practically hear Elena’s knowing smile on the other end. “How isCharlie anyway?”

They’re not even in the same time zone, yet she can still feel her ears grow hot. “He’s fine, if you must know,” Chloe relents, unable to stop the small smile that stretches across her face. “But now you’re clearly trying to distract me. Is…?” She hesitates, uncertain whether she will be able to stomach whatever Elena throws at her. “…Is everything all right?”

She hears Elena sigh. “Eventually, you’re going to have to give me some more details, you know that, right?”

Chloe rolls her eyes. “Obviously. But out with it, Sunshine: is everything okay? Are you and Nate—?”

“We’re fine,” Elena cuts her off, more hurriedly than defensively, which seems to bode well, in Chloe’s opinion, “or at least, we will be. We’ve decided to…leave the life.”

“Leave the life?” Chloe repeats, her voice hollow. She’s heard this one before.

“More like continue the life, but do it in a strictly legal sense,” Elena clarifies, “including permits, dig crews, no firearms, et cetera.”

Chloe snorts. “So…all things I’ve no patience for?”

Elena laughs at that. “More or less.”

“But this is something you want?”

Elena nods, or at least, Chloe assumes she does. “I suggested it, including funds for a really expensive camera and a small crew, so I can reboot Uncharted, my old show."

“And Nate’s on board with all this…gentrification of sorts?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Fascinating. I wonder what’s got him so generous all of a sudden.” Realizing how that comes across, she hastens to add, “Other than him being irrevocably in love with you, I mean.”

It sounds as though Elena has a retort for that, but instead she simply blurts, “Nate has a brother.”

The silence that falls between them is deafening. “Oh,” is all Chloe can manage—guilt slowly coiling in the pit of her stomach—before Elena launches into the story of what has occurred over the last couple months.

On the street below, there’s some kind of festival still carrying on from earlier in the evening. Colorful string lights dot the perimeter, while the sound of excited chatter and electronic music, as well as the smell of deep-fried smoutebollen, waft up to where she is on the fourth floor. Her stomach growls in response, but she ignores it, focusing only on Elena’s retelling of the events at King’s Bay, how she met Sam, and later, how they barely escaped from New Devon with their lives in tact.

“That’s actually why I’m calling,” Elena says, after she recalls the circumstances that led to she and Nate buying Jameson’s business for their new Stepford—rather than crime—inspired lives. “The last time we talked, you mentioned going back to India to…follow your father’s trail and track down the Tusk. Have you—is that still your plan?”

Chloe makes a choking sound, the question catching her completely off guard. “I—“ she sputters, shocked that Elena remembers any of that conversation at all. “Yes.”

“Since I’m basically retired, and since there’s no chance you would ask Charlie to come along…?”

Chloe glances through the window behind her, the outline of Charlie’s sleeping form visible. “Absolutely not,” she says emphatically.

Elena snorts. “I thought as much,” she admits, “but I think I have another option. The way Nate tells it, Rafe’s right hand man—Nadine Ross—abandoned them right as Avery’s ship caught fire. Questionable alliance aside, Nadine seems like a competent partner to have in the field.”

Chloe pulls her blanket closer around her, eyes narrowing, as a sharp breeze passes by. “And you know this because…?”

Elena lets out an unexpected bark of laughter. “Chloe, she kicked Nate’s ass. Not once, but twice over the course of our trip.” She pauses and then quietly admits, “There’s something especially cathartic about it happening on two completely different continents.”

Chloe wipes the tears from her eyes—a combination of laughter and the relentless wind. “Say no more,” she insists breathlessly. As soon as her teeth begin chattering, she decides it’s time to head back inside. “Do you have a way to get in touch?” she asks quietly, gently closing the sliding door behind her. She makes a beeline to the bed, sighing when the covers come up and over her frozen feet.

There’s a slight hesitation on Elena’s end before she suggests, “Call Sam. He probably knows how.”

It takes a moment for the unspoken meaning in her words to settle in, but once it does, Chloe’s face falls and her stomach plummets to the ground.

She knows.

“Elena,” Chloe breathes, her knuckles white and hands frozen in place as they clutch onto the covers. “I’m so—”

“I know,” Elena interrupts. Her tone isn’t angry, but it’s not exactly warm either.

“I wanted to tell you about him, truly,” she confesses, flinching at how desperate her voice sounds, “but I didn’t feel it was my place. I thought it should come from Nate, and—”

“I know,” Elena says again. “Listen—” she continues, trying to stifle a yawn in the process, “—I don’t want to interrupt your beauty sleep any longer than I already have, so…just keep me posted on your plans for India, okay? Oh, and tell Charlie I said hi.”

That makes Chloe chuckle. “Of course. And, Elena?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you,” she tells her, hoping her emphasis is enough to cover all multitude of her own sins.

“Of course,” Elena echoes.

The line goes dead, and Chloe is nowhere near satisfied with the residual guilt and accompanying broken record playing over in her mind, especially because she can’t seem to fall back to sleep. So she snaps a quick photo of Charlie (he’s sprawled out on his stomach, boxers riding low on his hips, and a small stream of drool seeping from his lax, open mouth onto his pillow), and texts it to Elena with the caption six minutes into Jet Lag & Chill.

She wakens the next morning to a three-crying laughing emoji response from Elena.

It’s a start.

Maharashtra, 2017 - Nadine

And I don’t really care if nobody else believes ‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

—Rachel Platten “Fight Song”

It figures that her hero’s journey doesn’t play by the rules in the least bit. Sure, she stopped the villain, survived all sorts of danger, and even walked away with the treasure. But rather than riding off into the sunset while the credits roll, as is tradition, she finds herself...pushing her ride off into sunset.

Because it bloody well figures that the battery would go dead here, three-quarters of the way up a hill, at the end of their journey.

“Do I have to do all the work over here?” Chloe huffs out. She sets her feet into the dry dirt and throws her whole body into her next push, powered by a second wind. “Or do you plan on stepping up in front of the wicket?”

Sam tears his gaze away Nadine (…which, Chloe doesn’t even begin to have enough emotional, physical, mental—etc.— wherewithal to address any part of whatever that whole situation may be), and shoots her a bewildered look. “Wicket?”

Americans, she thinks irritably before making it her top priority to reach the top of this God forsaken hill, if only to sink a fist into Sam’s incredibly punchable face. Up front, she can hear Nadine—who, in addition to pushing, is also gripping the steering wheel to guide the jeep forward—snicker.

“You mean, like, baseball?” Sam wants to know. “As in ‘step up to the plate?’ Because that—” He grunts, pushing into the vehicle, trying not to loose his footing. “—I understand. That I can—shit—that I can work with.”

His stumbling and flailing cause Nadine to burst into outright laughter. She tosses a rare grin behind her in Chloe’s direction. “I follow you, Frazer.”

“Thank you!” she cries. “At least someone is sensible in this group.”

“Yeah, okay, have your fun,” he mumbles petulantly, “but who do you know that collects cricket cards, huh? I’m feelin’ pretty confident that number’s a big ol’ zero.”

Chloe doesn’t trust herself to say anything further, so she sinks all of her physical and mental efforts into pushing the jeep to the top. Her back and legs are killing her, but the thought of a bath and dry clothes in Mumbai once they get this monstrosity up and running is enough to motivate her to keep going, keep pushing.

“Easy, easy!” Nadine calls back. “Just a little more, and we’re over the precipice.”

By some small miracle, they’re on flat land again, and instead of dirt and rubble in her line of sight, Chloe can see the cerulean sky above and a sea of lush green and brown vegetation below. With few clouds for cover, the sun beats down on them relentlessly, doing absolutely nothing whatsoever for the pool of sweat collecting at the small of her back and her chest. At this point, the dark sweat stains on her shirt resemble some kind of beginner’s abstract expressionist painting.

The vehicle settles into place absent the momentum, creaking to a halt. Exhausted, Chloe and Nadine lean against the jeep, trying to catch their breath. For his part, Sam circles around to the front and pops the bonnet. He coughs and wheezes as a plume of smoke unfurls from the engine compartment. Thankfully, it’s white, not black, which—according to Chloe’s very limited motor vehicle knowledge—is the better of the two kinds of smoke.

“I’ll take a look at this battery, see if I can’t get this thing up and running again,” Sam says. He disappears behind the bonnet, and it’s all very gallant until he adds, “You girls just stay there and look pretty.”

Nadine and Chloe exchange looks before they both break into disbelieving smiles. Pretty is certainly the last word Chloe would use to describe her current appearance. Perhaps artfully disheveled instead? Nadine gestures for her to follow her into the front of the jeep, which she does, and the two of them collapse into the driver and passenger seats.

“Are we certain we can entrust this vehicle and our livelihoods to this uncultured American?” Chloe directs to Nadine, but says loud enough for Sam to hear.

“You’ve already said ‘American,’” Nadine adds as an aside, “the ‘uncultured’ bit is understood.”

Sure enough, Sam chimes in with a protest. “Hey! I’ll have you know that I used to have a completely cherried out, 1962 Indian motorcycle back when I was in Boston, so I know a little something about cars. Just…let me have this one area of expertise, huh?”

“Okay, okay,” Chloe sighs as if it’s taking a lot out of her to grant him this request, “let’s allow this strapping man’s man to fix our ride home.”

She can’t tell for certain, but she thinks Sam might be frowning. “Thank you,” he deadpans from behind the canopy of the engine compartment, which only serves to make both Nadine and Chloe snicker quietly.

Silence falls over them (with the exception of the clink clank of whatever Sam’s doing to the jeep) as Chloe leans back against the headrest and closes her eyes to the overhead sun. It’s short lived, however, when Nadine speaks up.

“Sam—” He pops his head out to look at her. “—what on earth possessed you to get this ridiculous thing?” she asks, gesturing to the side of her neck that mirrors his, the one with the bird tattoos.

Chloe pops an eye open to witness his response. He ignores Nadine’s insult and instead clears his throat. “If you’re good, maybe I’ll show you my other tattoo.”

Chloe shouldn’t find his concluding wink so…visceral. And yet… “More than one?” she interjects, while Nadine mimes heaving up the contents of her stomach, accompanied by some over the top retching sounds.

He shrugs. “My cellmate was doing a buy one, get one sort of thing.”

Against her better judgment, Chloe laughs at that. His returning smile does absolutely nothing to her. “I can appreciate a man who recognizes a good bargain when he sees it.”

Sam returns to his work, but Nadine clearly has more thoughts on the matter. She turns to Chloe and jabs a thumb in his direction. “If that’s the case,” she says, referring to Chloe’s earlier comment, “I wonder what kind of bargain resulted in that floral shirt.”

The sound of the engine sputtering to life cuts off any protests Sam may have (and Chloe is quite confident he has more than a few). It doesn’t stop the sound of raucous laughter from she and Nadine, but it certainly drowns out a lot of it.

“See?” he says smugly, slamming the bonnet shut and approaching the passenger seat. “Told you I could do it.”

He goes to grab the door handle, but Nadine holds it resolutely shut. “Back,” is all she says, jabbing her thumb behind her.

Dejected, Sam hoists himself up and over the backside of the jeep and settles onto one of the wheel hubs with one arm draped over his knee. “What a show of appreciation,” he mumbles, somewhat bitterly.

“Now, now,” Chloe begins, shifting into first gear, but her knuckles hit a button on the dash, and she’s interrupted by the sound of the radio. And not just any radio, either: pop radio.

In English.

Sam’s the first to recover. “What the hell is this?” he demands, a look of pure disgust hilariously present on his face.

Chloe turns the dial tuner to other stations, but only finds static in response. “I have no idea,” she admits, perplexed. “Surely, out this far, you would expect something in Marathi, not this. It’s—”

“—it’s noise,” Nadine interjects sourly.

She goes to turn it off completely, but Chloe bats her hand away as soon as she recognizes the song. “No, listen,” she admonishes, the smile spreading on her face almost painful. “This is actually the perfect song to close out our adventure.”

“How? Is this—is this an American torture device?” Nadine tries again.

“No, this is a ballad of empowerment,” Chloe explains between laughter. Sam leans forward and reaches across to turn the radio off, but Nadine elbows him for his efforts. He falls back, coughing and wheezing. “I’m listening,” she says skeptically, a questioning brow lifted.

“Ow,” Sam hisses, rubbing the spot on his chest Nadine hit.

Chloe ignores him as she transfers the weight from the clutch to the gas pedal to begin their ride home. The resulting breeze, though warm, is wonderful. “Our journey has been one of growth and realizing untapped potential,” she explains. “Between Rafe for you, and Nate for me—”

“—eww, what?” Sam blanches, suddenly no longer interested in his chest pain.

“—we haven’t let anything come between us and our success,” Chloe continues as if he didn’t speak. “So this isn’t just our fight song, it’s our ‘prove we’re alright song.’”

“Our…‘take back our lives’ song?” Nadine asks tentatively.

Chloe beams. “Exactly! Elbows,” she says as she goes in for the high five, and their hands collide with a resounding smack. They both smile as Chloe digs her phone out from her back pocket. Using voice command, she switches it camera mode.

“Alright, everyone. Say ‘Tusk of Ganesh!’” she implores.

Sam sinks back onto his seat, arms crossed over his chest. “I hate both of you,” he’s sure to add.

The picture takes, and they don’t stop singing American pop songs until they cross over into Mumbai.

Florida, 2033 - Cassie

You ask yourself When will my time come? Has it all been said and done?

—Missing Persons “Destination Unknown”

“Is it here yet?”

Elena looks up from the stack of mail she’s leafing through on the kitchen table to see Cassie bounding into the living room, bouncing on the balls of her feet when she comes to a stop. She gives a small smile as she looks at one of the return addresses through her reading glasses. “I don’t know yet,” she tells her daughter. She offers the stack to her. “Do you want to look through?”

Cassie takes the proffered stack with a quick thanks and begins her own search.

“Is what here yet?” Nate asks, heading for the refrigerator with the intention of grabbing a beer. When he doesn’t see any, he grunts and grabs a vitamin water instead.

Cassie rolls her eyes at her dad (a behavior that has become increasingly common, Elena notes with a mild level of concern) before she explains, without tearing her gaze from the mail, “Aunt Chloe. She promised she would send something for my birthday.”

Elena frowns, placing her reading glasses on the table. “Cass, that’s not for another week.”

“Yeah, I know,” she agrees, “but Aunt Chloe always plans ahead—”

Elena and Nate share a knowing glance (his raised eyebrow makes her chuckle).

“—plus you have to account for international shipping rates and time differences, and—here it is!” she exclaims, holding up an abnormally shaped package wrapped in brown packing paper. Rather than tape, it’s held together with strategically tied twine.

“Hey!” Nate calls as she practically runs toward the stairs that lead up to her room. “I thought we were supposed to go fishing out on the boat today?”

“We are, Dad. Let me just look at this a second,” she calls back, her voice muffled by the floor of house between them.

Once she’s in the privacy of her own room, Cassie closes the door and flops down onto her bed. She examines the package a minute (her name and mailing address are written in Chloe’s scrawl, the purple ink a nice little addition) before pulling apart the twine ties. The contents of the package spill out once she finishes unfolding the packing paper. She reaches for the folded letter first before the enclosed CD case catches her eye. The cover is bright—there’s a blonde woman on the cover with wild hair, bright pink lips, and a swipe of blue over her eyes—and she flips it over to the track list.

“Cool,” she exhales quietly before placing it aside and picking up the letter again.

When she unfolds it, something falls on her comforter, but she ignores it temporarily as she reads the contents of the letter:

Cassie—

I hope this finds you in time for your birthday. I’ve been in Argentina with Sully and your Uncle Sam for the last few weeks. We’re supposed to meet up with Nadine and Charlie your Uncle Charlie Charlie in Morocco for a job, so apologies in advance if I time this incorrectly.

I pride myself in being the ‘cool’ aunt; however, I’d be remiss if I didn’t express some disbelief over the fact that you will be 16 this year. How time flies! I could launch into stories of you still in nappies, but I do not wish to embarrass you further (we’ll leave that to your father, surely?).

I don’t dawdle in sentimentality. In fact, I loathe it for the most part. However, a sixteenth birthday certainly calls for some level of sentimentality, even if we simply dip our feet in for a short while.

Cassie, you have grown into a remarkable young woman, and I very much look forward to whatever accomplishments you pursue in your future. You are incredibly fortunate to have the parents you do, even though I am sure their own accomplishments may lord over you, somewhat intimidatingly.

Here’s the shared wisdom bit: I’ve been the bad guy, I’ve been the hero, and I’m here to inform you that regardless which direction your path turns, there is always a chance for second chances. Always a chance for growth into something different, something better. If you don’t follow your parents already tread path exactly, there is still hope for you yet. You command your own way forward, and in the event that you make a wrong decision here or there, you are fortunate to have parents who truly love you and will help you get back on track. And for the truly bad decisions, you can always come to your Aunt Chloe. She knows a guy.

Or gal, in the case of Nadine.

Annnd…sentimentality over. Whew. Have the happiest of birthdays, love. Your Uncle Charlie and I plan to be back stateside close to the Christmas holiday next month. Until that time, when you must update me on that cute boy in science lab situation (the one with the neck tattoo, I believe? Which, please don’t take cues from your Uncle Sam), don’t do anything I wouldn’t do ;)

With love, Chloe

P.S.: I’ve enclosed a CD, which is an ancient form of technology that was used to play music in the late 20th, early 21st centuries. Do young people listen to CDs anymore? (Bloody hell, do young people even have to ask, “Do young people, etc.?” Please don’t actually answer that.) Regardless, this is a fantastic album by the Missing Persons (track 4 is a personal favorite), and I thought you might enjoy it as well.

Cassie sets the letter down and directs her attention to whatever fell out of the letter earlier. It’s a photograph of both she and Chloe from nearly a decade ago, Cassie thinks. Chloe’s crouched beside Cassie with her arm around Cassie’s shoulders. They’re both decked out in fedoras and bull whips—Cassie’s even wearing a tiny leather jacket. Cassie remembers the night pretty clearly, including when Sully secretly dumped some extra candy into her trick or treat bag. And then Charlie tried to kiss Chloe on the cheek, but she thought he was a stranger and ended up having to drive him to the ER later for a broken nose.

The memory is enough to make her smile. She flips the photo over and reads the caption:

Keeping up with the Joneses —2023

Her dad interrupts her thoughts as he calls out her name (pretty impatiently, actually). She quickly tacks the newly acquired photo next to some other family pictures—there’s one of her on Sully’s shoulder after a soccer victory in elementary school; one of she and Sam in sunglasses, trying to look effortlessly cool; one of she and Vicky in life preserver vests on the boat; one of Charlie teaching her how to play the Martin guitar he bought her in middle school; one of Nadine showing her how to properly land a punch; and one of she and her parents at Disney World (her dad looks so dorky in mouse ears and a Hawaiian print shirt).

“Coming!” she calls back, grabbing her fishing rod, and racing down the stairs to meet him.

#uncharted #uncharted fic #fanfic #chloe frazer #the lost legacy spoilers #my fic #My writing #nathan drake #charlie cutter 2kalways #sam drake #victor sullivan #elena fisher #nadine ross #cassie drake #(because that is the person I've become: the one who reflects A LOT on vidya games) #vidya games

[getoffthesoapbox]

[VKM Spec] Vivisecting VKM 13

Whelp, this chapter is a quintessential case of the old adage “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Nothing like being handed everything I ever wanted plot progression-wise on a silver platter for the small upfront price of the last shred of integrity of the only character I still enjoyed. A faustian bargain if ever I saw one. Bad form, Hino, bad form.

For a great many reasons, it’s taken me this long to be able to address this chapter. I’m not sure how this post is going to go; I’m constantly vacillating between frustration, contempt, disdain, disgust, dismay, disappointment, detachment, self-mockery, and rage when I think about this chapter. I’ve lost all respect for Zero, and despite what happened this chapter Yuuki continues to fail to return to my good graces and my sympathy for her is all played out. All I’m left with is a deep sense of awe that a single creator is capable of destroying such a promising work with such brutal efficiency no matter what opportunities to salvage it come her way. It’s truly a wonder. 

The two prelude posts I wrote to help contextualize my review can be found here and here. If you haven’t read the chapter yet, a variety of scanlations are floating around the corners of the internet. Pick any one of them--they’re all roughly equivalent, give or take a line or two. Otherwise, let’s begin this debacle.

Note to the perpetually offended: This post is pure “zeki criticism” and I have tagged it as such for your convenience. Please blacklist accordingly or block my account to preserve your sanity and my patience. I’ve also tagged it “anti ky” for the sensitives from the other camp.

The Curious Case of Kiryuu Zero

Before I attempt to tackle this behemoth of a chapter, I want to address something first. My disappointment in this chapter isn’t due to the narrative or the reasons behind why the events unfold as they do--everything is completely within the realm of possibility as far as narrative trajectory goes. My disappointment stems from a more meta source: Zero as a character should be better than the behavior he displays this chapter. 

I understand why Hino has placed Zero in the position he’s in this chapter. There are various compelling reasons for allowing events to unfold the way they have, and I’ll get into them at the end of this post. 

However, as a reader who has been rooting for Zero’s happiness for nearly as long as the series has been running, I’m deeply, deeply disappointed in both Hino and in Zero, more so than in any chapter previously. Kaname behaving like a sex-starved potential abuser is one thing, but Zero behaving in the same manner is inexcusable and intolerable. 

Let me put this in context. When Zero was 14 he held off becoming a vampire despite the damage it did to his body. When Zero was 17, he bit Yuuki once in the midst of his first bloodlust and became suicidal over it. Even when Zero was falling to Level E, his bites were always restrained and controlled. This is Zero as a young vampire and a young man, a time period where one might expect him to have little self-control, especially given the circumstances. Even at this age and with everything against him and at arguably the worst point in his vampiric development (before he’d been stabilized by his brother and the myriad Purebloods he drinks throughout the series), he still behaved better than he does in VKM 13′s final scene.

Never once in the original series does he waste Yuuki’s blood. Never once does he gratuitously bite her all over her body, splattering blood everywhere like it’s worthless to him and like he’s entitled to do with it as he pleases. Zero has never been this kind of character. Yes, he’s a flawed person who bottles things up and gets angry over things. Yes, his pride gets him into trouble. Yes, he makes snap decisions that are at times detrimental to the people he loves. But he has never, ever, be the type of man to callously brush aside the woman he loves, not even when he declared them enemies. 

Yet here we have him now, not only callously pushing aside her worries and fears, but wasting her blood and biting her gratuitously just because he can and she lets him. The whole business is beneath him, and it flies in the face of all his development over the course of both series. It is a regression of a sort that is incomprehensible given even at his “worst,” he was always better than this. I’m completely flabbergasted by Hino feeling the need to drag him down to Kaname’s level like this when there are plenty of more in-character methods to show his jealousy of Yuuki’s attachment to Kaname and his own insecurities without resorting to turning him into the very person who destroyed his life. 

My fear with what Hino has done with Zero this chapter is that she’s seeking to tarnish him in order to escape having to hold Yuuki (and by proxy Kaname) accountable for their actions throughout the story. Moreover, Zero’s actions this chapter actually render him unpalatable to me as a reader. I’m no longer rooting for him. I’m rooting for him to get his shit together, to apologize for once in his life, and to move on with his life, but I’m not rooting for him to get a happily ever after. As far as I’m concerned, he no longer deserves it.

This isn’t about what Yuuki deserves per se, because she deserves whatever grave she’s dug for herself based on her own actions. My anger and disappointment are about how Zero should be better than this, and for the entirety of the story has been better than this. Before sinking to this level, he should have left Yuuki and broken off the relationship, and the fact that Hino won’t let him leave Yuuki shows she no longer has a good grasp on what this character’s main motivations even are. 

I sure hope Hino knows what she’s doing with this, because if she keeps writing Zero and Yuuki’s story the way she has been, she’s going to lose everything this last chance to right the wrongs of the original series has given to her. And she’s going to get cut. Again. Readers don’t trust her anymore, and VKM 13 is exactly why. 

What Lies Unspoken

So much for a sex scene. =P As expected, the continuation of VKM 12′s blood forcefeed is for Zero to deflect and get Yuuki’s mind off whatever was going on in VKM 12.

This first scene of VKM 13 in isolation is a wonderful scene, full of interesting subtext. Were it not for the final three pages of the chapter, I would have been completely satisfied with how this chapter unfolds--it’s right on track for the narrative trajectory I’m expecting. Unfortunately, the last three pages do happen, and those pages reflexively tarnish this scene in retrospect. We’ll get to all that at the end, though. For now, I’ll just take this scene as it is.

I do have to gloat for a minute, but goodness--what an extensive bed scene for a non-sexualized moment. =P Hino devoted far more panels to this scene than she ever devoted to Kaname and Yuuki’s sex scene or their post-coital scene. It’s quite amusing, and a bit gratifying after having to wait for so long for anything remotely similar. But that’s neither here nor there.

There is a lot of subtext going on in this scene, and the surface text has absolutely nothing to do with what’s actually going on with these characters. I’ll start with the surface read, and then we’ll delve into what’s actually going on.

Surface Layer: The surface layer read is fairly straight forward. Zero asks Yuuki what’s wrong, Yuuki talks about her worries concerning the Vampire King and the acceptance of Purebloods in general, Zero soothes her and teases her into a more positive mood and they both mutually sleep, Yuuki clearly still having some concerns but feeling better on the whole. On the surface, this is merely a cute fluff scene to show some Zeki skinship. 

If you’re only reading on the surface level, well, you’re missing out, in my opinion. There is so much going on beneath the surface. 

Subtext Layer - Zero

Zero first, since his reactions truly underpin the scene. Before we can explore Zero, we have to return to the earlier chapters of VKM and remind ourselves where Zero’s headspace currently is (as far as we’re aware--subject to revision of course).

As far as we know currently, Zero spent 50 years “waiting” for Yuuki to declare her intentions to move forward with him. When she does in VKM 9, he takes the opportunity to clarify with her in VKM 10 what she means by restarting. She dodges the subject, and they end at a stalemate where Zero may or may not bite her (we still don’t know). We then leave his headspace entirely from VKM 11-12, where we only see him from an objective viewpoint. In VKM 11, he appears to be playing the proper boyfriend card in public, but as soon as he and Yuuki are behind closed doors, he no longer touches her. In VKM 12, this trend continues further--he is stiff and tense around her and doesn’t respond well to her advances; on top of this, she has her butterflies spying on him and is clearly concerned about something regarding him. 

We know Zero desires to drink his fill of Yuuki from VKM 10, but we also know Yuuki seems to be so worried about him that she feels the need to forcefeed him, which implies he stops drinking from her after VKM 10 at some point (or didn’t actually drink from her during that chapter). So we know subtextually that something is going on between them regarding whether or not he’s taking in her blood. We just don’t know what that something is yet. 

This brings us to VKM 13′s opening scene, where Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeeding is a simple deflection. He catches her hand and holds it to his face (perhaps a reflex from Night 88?), and rather than kissing her or pushing any intimacy, he merely asks her what’s going on. 

Now, this next section is interesting and says quite a bit about Zero’s headspace. They stare at each other for a moment, and then Yuuki collapses and rests her forehead against his.

In the very next panel, we see Zero attempt to embrace her. This is really important. His first instinct is to initiate romantic contact with her. However, something bizarre happens after this. Hino doesn’t show us the panels, but his arms must fall back to his sides before the next panel, as when we see the two of them from a distance in the third panel, Zero’s arms are still by his side while Yuuki’s embracing his head. (See below:)

So we have a clear trajectory of: Attempt to embrace --> Stop for some reason --> No touch at all. Despite Yuuki’s behavior during the majority of VKM, in this scene she clearly doesn’t seem opposed to Zero touching her or having any intimacy with her. Which begs the question: why did he change his mind?

We probably won’t get an answer on that for a while, but it’s important to bear in mind that Zero is clearly restraining himself from initiating any kind of romantic contact with Yuuki (this is a key item of comparison we’ll return to when we visit the last scene).

At this point, Yuuki’s finally willing to talk, and Zero listens to her concerns with sleepy, hooded eyes. She asks him if he still feels that vampires have no option but to be the enemies of humans. He takes his time to respond--clearly her concern is something that he wants to deal with in a very particular manner. He gives her a simple, factual explanation of why vampires are a problem when unleashed willy nilly in human society. 

Hino chooses not to show Zero’s expression in this section--instead she focuses on Yuuki’s response. Zero sees his words didn’t make Yuuki feel any better, so his instinct is to pat her head and then ruffle her hair to distract her. It’s a tender, sweet moment--the most intimate one they’ve had probably since the original series, and the one most like their original dynamic that we’ve seen so far in VKM.

She stops him, of course, and receives a pained smile for her trouble. What strikes me in particular about his smile in this scene is that for all that it is the most genuine and natural we’ve seen yet in VKM, Hino still made sure to put a great deal of pain in the lines of his brows and the framing of his eyes. He’s pulling an Arc 1 Yuuki here--smiling for Yuuki’s sake. This moment of intimacy doesn’t make him float off to heaven; it’s purely to help her ease her mind. 

We can tell the moment doesn’t exactly touch him because in the following panels, his expression becomes grave again. This is partially due to the content of their conversation, but note that this gravity doesn’t extend to Yuuki’s expressions--the moment of intimacy lifted her spirits, but not his. This is also significant, and points to Zero putting on an act to try to help her in any way he can, despite it not being what he actually wants. 

Zero cradles her head on his shoulder, but doesn’t initiate anything else. Instead, he brings up the point that the suspect could be a former hunter or a disgruntled Pureblood, and that she should be careful.

He falls asleep, leaving her to watch him. 

What I see very clearly in this scene is that Zero’s still holding himself back in their relationship, but he’s still concerned about her well being and seeks to soothe her and help her be at ease. This is basically Zero holding steady to what was already established in VKM 11-12, and is similar to his behavior during the 70 or so years prior. Because Hino doesn’t put us in his headspace, and because his expressions are neutral and hooded for the most part, we likely won’t get to find out what’s stuck up his craw for a long time (if ever, lol). 

The big takeaway from this scene, in my opinion, is that Zero is holding himself back from romantic intimacy and trying to stick with the familial/platonic intimacy Yuuki’s comfortable with from their youth. This is a clear sign that Zero’s still “giving” more in the relationship than he’s receiving, and a careful reader should be hearing some warning bells from his behavior here. 

Subtext Layer - Yuuki

This is the first chapter where we receive a few hints about what’s been going on in Yuuki’s headspace this entire time, and they are in line with what I thought during VKM 12.

The tagline for the chapter is clearly from Yuuki’s perspective--she’s hoping that touching Zero will communicate the things she can’t speak. This is in line with both of them not talking about how they truly feel and living behind masks their whole lives--even after all this time, they’re both still doing this. It’s hugely detrimental to their relationship and as we will see toward the end of the chapter has some devastating consequences.

We know from VKM 12 that Yuuki has some unspoken concerns regarding Zero. We know this because she’s been spying on him, and because she didn’t want to talk about their relationship to her friends. We know she’s trying to convince herself that they’re fine, and that nothing can change what’s between them, thanks to her forced smile in VKM 12 when she’s trying to reassure her friends and herself that all is well. We know that her concerns about Zero go deeper than the arrival of the Vampire King--his arrival is merely an excuse to explore those fears for her. She uses the Vampire King to get Zero into bed with her, an invitation she’s clearly never extended to him before. But rather than initiating anything with him or telling him her fears, she lies still and stiff and holds his hand until he falls asleep. When he does, she tries to ask him a question, stops herself when she realizes he’s asleep, touches his face with a worried and questioning smile, and then randomly bites herself and forcefeeds him blood. All of this implies some deep set insecurities about Zero that she’s never articulated.

Zero’s response to Yuuki’s forcefeed clearly doesn’t surprise her, nor does it please her. She stares at him intensely, but his lack of response breaks her and she gives up, leaning her head on his forehead. Whatever she was hoping to get from the forcefeed, Zero doesn’t give it to her.

So she changes tactics. Her tactics here are quite interesting--it’s clear she has a “concern,” but she doesn’t want to address it with him directly, so she’s testing various things disguised behind general concerns about the vampires to probe what his issues with her might actually be. 

We know Yuuki still has concerns about whether or not Zero loves her as a Pureblood, because in her confession in VKM 9 she asks him to date her if her being a Pureblood is okay with him. Clearly the fact that he’s stood by her side and waited patiently for her to return his affections all this time hasn’t been enough to ease her worries in this regard. So we know this is certainly a sublayer factor in her concerns about him, but I suspect this isn’t the real reason because she’s capable of talking about this--the real reason is far more likely to be related to the time she blew up at Ai in VKM 7 when Ai asked if Zero was angry about Kaname. 

But we’ll address all that at the end, because it’s relevant for later. For now, it’s only important to recall that Yuuki has some fears about how Zero feels about her as a Pureblood. This leads directly into her first test--she talks about how the Vampire King is scary, and uses this as an excuse to probe whether Zero’s feelings truly have changed about vampires--does he still see them as the natural enemies of humans, somewhere deep in his heart, despite everything he’s lived?

Zero’s response doesn’t immediately ease her worries, and we can tell by her half-lidded eyes as she’s listening to him. He confirms that bringing vampires out into the open can only cause trouble, but he doesn’t say it with any heat or anger--only grim practicality. He also makes an allowance for people who will act to make things better, but points out that in the end their efforts might not do any good. This is neither an affirmation of Yuuki’s fear, nor a negation, and she becomes despondent over it, a moody expression returning to her face. 

Now, what she’s despondent over here is left for interpretation. The surface level read is just that Zero’s words are sobering and make her concerned about him being in the line of fire in light of all the trouble bringing vampires out in the open will cause. But the subtext level read potentially says something different.

If Yuuki is using her questions about Zero’s feelings regarding vampires as a way to probe what’s potentially wrong in their relationship, then Zero’s words here will not be a comfort to her. If his issue was just that he’s still struggling with her being a Pureblood, that might be easier for her to deal with. But clearly his factual and deadpan answer shows he’s not having any issues with her as a Pureblood anymore--he’s capable of practically analyzing things. So basically what this does is cross out this issue as a potential reason for Zero’s behavior, leaving Yuuki with fewer options for why he might be pulling away from her. She’ll lose another option in the last scene--that of him perhaps not desiring her or loving her. That will leave her with the inevitable conclusion Ai brought up all those years ago in VKM 7--that this is somehow related to her feelings for Kaname and to her own inability to be a real partner for Zero in light of that. And perhaps this is the one option Yuuki doesn’t want to face, because she herself has spent 70 years running from reality. 

Regardless of what’s truly bugging Yuuki, Zero notices her troubled expression and immediately acts to soothe her. The distraction works, and she offers him the most genuine smile she’s had on her face in all of VKM--an affectionate, loving smile as she accepts his support and encouragement. 

The skinship between them works wonders on her mood--she suddenly seems to feel freer to interact with him and she goes so far as to flop on top of him. Her good cheer returns to her, and she offers him a genuine smile with questioning eyes as she says that she needs to do her best rather than just getting all down in the dumps. What’s interesting about this scene is that her expression is questioning--she’s looking to see if he’ll respond positively to what she’s saying. 

Rather than responding positively with a return smile, Zero instead cradles her head and reminds her to be careful since they don’t know who the culprit’s identity is yet. Her expression falls; he’s still not responding the way she wants him to (whatever that way is), and she tries to engage him again by asking him to be careful as well. 

But Zero ends the conversation by closing his eyes, leaving her alone with her thoughts. The telling bit, of course, is at the very end of the scene--her expression goes from a little sad to devastated. Why does it do this when she was genuinely cheerful moments before? Because whatever it is she’s afraid of hasn’t truly been addressed.

Now, the surface read here is pretty easy: she’s just worrying about him dying, which will be brought up again at the end of the chapter. But I don’t think that properly explains her expression becoming completely crestfallen at the end--it looks more like a woman who is afraid her lover is about to leave her, rather than worrying that her lover might die one day in the future.

Yuuki commonly hides her true worries “beneath” a different excuse. If her true worry was that Zero was going to die, she would have simply scolded Zero about how he’s not taking care of himself and work out tactics to keep him safe. It’s a fairly simple fear to address. Give him a Pureblood guard contingent, keep a butterfly on him, have him step back and lead from behind and rely on his hunters more, etc. Nor, if this truly was her deepest fear, would it necessitate her probing to find out if he still felt vampires couldn’t live with humans. We’ve got something much deeper going on here than what’s on the surface.

My thought is that Zero’s bizarre and erratic behavior since they’ve gone official is leading Yuuki to believe that he’s intending to leave her and she is trying to figure out why so she can address it before he does. Her response to Aidou, her insistence on their relationship remaining stable to her friends, her offering her bed randomly to Zero, her forcefeeding Zero, her wrapping probing questions within unrelated contexts all seem to be pointed toward the same outcome: she is afraid Zero is done with their relationship and is trying to figure out where she went wrong and how to fix it without actually asking him--and potentially triggering him to leave her before he’d planned. Likely she’s also afraid it has something to do with Kaname and her feelings about Kaname, just as Ai asked her all those years ago. But for reasons that are being kept “secret” for only heaven knows why, she can’t communicate her true fears to Zero, leaving us only able to piece them together thanks to her reactions. 

The big takeaway from Yuuki’s side of the first scene, in my humble opinion, is that she is deeply afraid that “something” regarding Zero’s feelings toward her has changed and that she will potentially lose him as a result. Perhaps what’s also going on is that she’s attempting to “fix” her behavior to please him enough to make him stay without having to actually address the underlying causes--the very things she needs to address to actually make her life better. 

The Knight Targeted

The second scene of VKM 13 offers a brief but welcome respite from the failing KM arc-redux of Zero and Yuuki’s current relationship. 

My favorite part of the chapter is the single page where Yuuki’s butterfly is clinging to Zero’s head while his coworkers have a good laugh at his expense. It’s a sweet, intimate scene which emphasizes the love and respect the people who surround him have for him. 

What’s interesting about Yuuki’s butterfly is how cheerful Hino makes sure to establish it being. In Japanese, you’d describe the screentones she uses as “fuwafuwa,” so fluffy and airy are they. They give off an aura of pleasure and delight rather than fear or worry--it very much reads as a Yuuki who was “pleased” by her boyfriend’s “performance” the previous evening, despite the fact that all he did was give her a little skinship like in the old days. 

More seriously, Zero is unmoved by the butterfly’s presence, and he himself is clearly not flying high or in any altered state of delight. This difference is key in clueing us in on his state of mind continuing from the previous scene--whatever Yuuki got out of their interaction, Zero didn’t receive a similar benefit. He remains his traditional stoic self. It’s important to note that we don’t get to see his expression, either. Hino is very careful to hide Zero’s expressions during the last few scenes of this chapter.

The focus of the scene, of course, is his coworkers’ antics. They attribute the butterfly’s presence to Yuuki keeping an eye on his office misadventures, and perhaps there is more truth to that than Yuuki would ever let on. On the surface level, of course, she is merely being hyper-protective of him for admittedly legitimate reasons. 

Regardless, it’s a nice little scene that demonstrates Yuuki does at least care in some sense for the man she’s been deliberately mistreating for 70+ years. It’s a short-lived moment, as Zero is called away to meet with an unregistered vampire who’s been brought in for questioning.

Zero’s first question establishes an interesting fact about this newcomer--he “let” himself be brought in without a fight. This implies he’s a plant of some kind, meant to perform a specific function. This’ll become more evident as the conversation rolls on. 

The vampire is quite an interesting chap. He begins by insinuating that Zero’s a fallen member of vampiric society--a vampire who won’t accept that he’s a vampire, a tamed dog of humans. He states he’s not working for anyone, nor is he the culprit of the original bombing the Hunters are investigating from VKM 12. 

Zero says the guy has a bomb and goes to check. Yuuki’s butterfly tries to interfere with Zero’s operations, but Zero pushes past it. As soon as Zero reveals that the vampire has a bomb grafted into his stomach, he instinctively moves to get the two detectives to safety as the vampire unleashes the bomb.

Before I move on to speculating who the mastermind of all of this might be, I’d like to do a little round of speculation as to what’s going on here:

Zero brought up an interesting fact in the first scene of VKM 13--that the culprit of the original bombing (and mastermind) might be either a Pureblood or a former member of the Hunter Association, perhaps a disgruntled one. (Zero doesn’t imply this, but it’s also possible it could be a team of these two, much like the original collaboration between Rido and the Hunter President during arc 1.)

Here are the basic facts we know:

We know that the first bombing “conveniently” happened near Ruka and Kain. By itself, this doesn’t necessarily indicate Ruka and Kain were targets, but given VKM 13 it’s highly likely they were chosen on purpose. 

We know that the perpetrator is spreading the rumor that he is the “Vampire King.”

We know the unregistered vampire in VKM 13 allowed himself to be caught and specifically waited (and perhaps even requested, though this isn’t stated) for Zero’s presence in the room before setting off the bomb. He didn’t have a message for Zero or any of the detectives--he only made sure to insult Zero and establish that he was an independent actor before setting the bomb off. This, coupled with the Ruka/Kain incident from VKM 12, tips the scales in favor of these attacks being targeted toward someone related to Zero or Yuuki in particular.

With these facts in mind, here are our potential mastermind perpetrators:

1.) An Unknown Disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s Murder Spree Days

The easiest and most obvious choice for a culprit would be something along the lines of a disgruntled Pureblood from Kaname’s murder spree days back in the original series who is now targeting Yuuki specifically because of her efforts to bring about equality.

This is potentially a good fit because:

Purebloods can manipulate lesser vampires easily, which would enable them to create a variety of servants to unleash on people Yuuki loves.

Kaname’s former activity created quite a bit of animosity that was never truly resolved.

The use of Kaname’s title “Vampire King” would mean nothing to most humans/vampires at this point--only Yuuki and Kaname’s former associates would be bothered by it.

The unregistered vampire in VKM 13 specifically waited for Zero, Yuuki’s current love interest.

The main problem I see with this possible perpetrator is that it’s nearly 100 years since Kaname became the forge, and the attacks are geared toward making humans upset with vampires (something that would not be advantageous to a Pureblood). 

The other problems I see are more related to the narrative itself. Hino doesn’t spend much time on politics unless they further the love triangle itself. The only reasons I can think of to have a Pureblood at the center of the conflict, especially a Pureblood who is a nobody as far as the original series is concerned (unless Hino is bringing back Touma or that mysterious woman from Night 91-92 who was leading the rebellion against Kaname) are the following:

It may force Yuuki to come to terms with the damage Kaname caused and her own role within it, that she’s been avoiding thanks to Zero’s efforts. 

It may give a platform for Hino to fully explore the Master/Servant bond between Kaname and Yuuki by using a Pureblood manipulating another Pureblood after becoming their master--which is something Hino put back on the table with the revisions to VKM 9. 

Other than the above two reasons, I think the likelihood that the perpetrator is merely some random disgruntled Pureblood is fairly weak. The activities of these terrorists seem detrimental to vampiric society as a whole, unless the Pureblood in question just wants to have a world where humans fear vampires and vampires have to continue living in shadows. 

2.) An Unknown Disgruntled Hunter who Dislikes Zero and Yuuki

Option two for our mastermind perpetrator is some unknown hunter who for reasons so far unstated dislikes Zero’s activities or Yuuki’s or both. The reasons in favor of such a character are as follows:

Zero specifically mentions the possibility of a former hunter being the culprit, which is the only “new” information we get out of VKM 13′s first scene.

The attacks lead to outcomes favorable to the anti-vampire society that’s sprung up in the wake of vampires coming into the light thanks to Yuuki’s efforts. Anxiety among humans is rising. 

The targets of the attacks so far have been vampires--Zero, Ruka and Kain are vampiric. As far as we know, no one has yet died from these attacks, nor have any humans been specifically targeted.

The perpetrator spreads the name “Vampire King” in order to draw the public’s anxiety toward vampires.

Even with all of these ideas, however, this possibility remains a weak one to me simply because an unregistered vampire is involved, and humans (even former hunters) would have no ability to compel free vampires to help with this activity--and certainly not to sacrifice their lives for it. On top of this, most of the humans Zero’s worked with would have normal human lifespans and would be old or nearing death (certainly the ones who knew Kaname would be). We also haven’t seen any hints that Zero has trouble with anyone at work--only VKM 11 hinted that Kaien did. As such, I don’t think a random disgruntled former hunter will end up being the true culprit.

3.) A Former Hunter/Pureblood Combination of Unknown Characters

This seems the most likely to me at the moment, both as a credible threat to Zero and Yuuki (another Hunter/Pureblood team) and from a narrative perspective. If the two sides are working together in order to perpetuate the war for their own nefarious purposes--the Hunter wanting to preserve tradition and the Pureblood wanting to prevent the humanizing of vampires, perhaps--this would work well with the narrative and would also be a nice counterpoint to Zero and Yuuki’s story because it would offer the necessary counter argument to Zero and Yuuki’s coexistence efforts. 

All the facts of the case fall into place as well:

People close to Yuuki such as Ruka, Kain, and Zero being specifically targeted fits with a Pureblood who disapproves of her efforts being involved.

The use of the “Vampire King” moniker and the curious absence of human casualties implies a former hunter who would care about human life is somehow involved.

The use of a “free agent” unregistered vampire who despises tamed vampires like Zero would fit better with a Pureblood perpetrator than a Hunter, as a vampire who despises humans likely wouldn’t be willing to work with a Hunter. 

Zero’s comment in VKM 13 highlighting both disgruntled hunters and purebloods would have significant relevance. 

Yori’s comments to Aidou in VKM 12 about how humans have as much darkness within them as vampires would align with this. 

Unfortunately, the downsides of this option for the culprit are the same as #1-2, mainly that we’ve never met any disgruntled Purebloods or Hunters, so we have virtually no investment in these new villains. Their threat seems hardly credible as we don’t have any idea who they might be. At the moment they seem more a menace or a nuisance than anything, which makes Yuuki’s fears seem overblown. Hino is usually better about establishing what her villains are up to, even during the admittedly failed Sara arc. So far we’ve never met anyone acting evil for the sake of evil within the current timeline of VKM. This lowers the reader’s investment in this plotline and doesn’t help for raising the stakes. 

Which leaves us with the potential fourth option for the culprit(s), which while on the surface is unlikely, may be the ticket to a successful story.

4.) Kaien (a former disgruntled hunter) and/or Isaya (a Pureblood)

I can’t take credit for this theory, as it’s @soulisthirsty‘s, but I think it has a lot of merit even though at first it sounds implausible. Before writing off the theory, please consider the following points:

On Kaien:

We know that during the original series Kaien placed Kaname’s life and safety at a premium above Zero’s and even Yuuki’s toward the end of the series, once Yuuki had taken Zero’s memories. 

We know that for some reason Yuuki “fell out” with Kaien because in VKM 11 he tries several manipulative tactics using his illness to get her to spend time with him. 

We know Kaien failed in almost all of his goals, including the ones that Juri had specifically requested of him. 

We know that Kaien calls Yuuki and Kaname by their first names, but calls Zero by his last name still. 

We know that Kaien “told” Yuuki in VKM 12 that he was going to do “something” for his love.

We know Kaien at least believes he is dying. 

We know the “attacks” began occurring right after Kaien mysteriously disappears. 

With all these facts in mind, however, what would Kaien’s motive be? Ultimately he’d need a reason, and in VKM 11 he seems to still care very much for Yuuki and seems relatively accepting of Zero and Yuuki together, right?

Well there’s where I think we may be assessing him incorrectly. Yes, Kaien loves Yuuki, but he also loves Kaname. This is purely speculation, but I feel the reason Hino chose to show VKM 11 was specifically to highlight the differences between Kaien and Zero, and to show that Kaien may have some animus toward Zero because of those differences. 

Consider the following:

Kaien met Juri after she and Haruka were together. He was forced to accept that they were “meant to be” and that his love would be unrequited. The “true love” Kuran pairing remained intact with no interference from Kaien.

Zero met Yuuki before she and Kaname were together. He was not forced to accept that he and Yuuki weren’t “meant to be” and in fact was the very reason for Kaname’s downfall and the “destruction” of the “true love” Kuran pairing.

Kaien’s sympathies with the Kurans and the Purebloods in general turned him into a pariah who was rejected by the Hunters.

Zero’s sympathies with Yuuki and the vampires had no effect on the respect his Hunter associates had for him, in fact he’s clearly beloved because he’s clear about his boundaries. (Zero’s even dating a Pureblood and openly associates with Nobles such as Aidou.)

Kaien tried to achieve coexistence with Kaname and failed.

Zero tried to achieve coexistence with Yuuki and so far is succeeding.

Given the above, and given Kaien’s propensity to push Yuuki and Kaname together, it is quite possible Kaien bears a great deal of animus toward Zero for “breaking up” his ship. I believe Kaien was projecting himself onto Zero and Haruka and Juri onto Kaname and Yuuki. Thus, Zero “didn’t know his place” and destroyed the very thing Kaien thought was sacred because he himself never tried to get between Haruka and Juri. The difference between him and Zero is that Zero tried (at least in Kaien’s perception). Not only this, but Zero also took Kaien’s “place” within the Hunters’ organization and achieved better results than Kaien. 

On top of all of this, Kaien’s beloved Kaname is “dead” for all intents and purposes and he along with Takuma are both invested in restoring the Kurans to glory, especially with Ai involved. Notice that Kaien did not invite Zero on the “dates” with Yuuki and Ai he envisioned in VKM 11--despite Zero being in the room and very clearly being at Yuuki’s side. 

If Kaien wants to restore Kaname and if he wants to put the Kurans back together, he needs to remove the obstacle--Zero. (This is quite an interesting theory in light of Ai specifically asking Kaien to be her ally.) The best way to do this is to create a scenario where Zero would be put in danger and killed without anything being traceable to Kaien. How is Kaien to do this? Well fortunately he has a friend who has always been a little dubious in the line of morality--Isaya. 

How Isaya fits in and why:

Isaya has shown himself to be more than capable of helping people with questionable motives if he gets something out of it. He was more than willing to go along with Kaname’s plan despite actually meeting Yuuki and talking to her prior to meeting with Kaname. He never once questions Kaname’s plan in light of what he knows of Yuuki. If Kaien brings to him a similar plan, Isaya has no reason to fight against it. 

Isaya, as a Pureblood, would easily be able to create servants or order regular vampires to set off bombs (remember, in the first attack in VKM 12 we have no idea who set the bomb or whether or not there was even anyone sacrificed--only the VKM 13 did a vampire kill himself over it). 

We also know that Isaya “disappears” thanks to the original epilogue of VK 93. This is pretty grey territory for his fate. It places him potentially in a good position to be an accomplice to Kaien.

Problems with the Kaien/Isaya theory:

There are obvious problems with this theory, of course. The first and most obvious is that both Kaien and Isaya are for the most part pacifistic--Kaien fights when necessary, but rarely does he instigate conflict, and we saw him working with Yori to help establish that vampires are no more dangerous than humans in VKM. Isaya also has been seen actively working with Yuuki in VKM itself. Causing strife among the vampires and humans would directly work against everything Kaien had previously been attempting to accomplish. 

However, Kaien does admit his life hasn’t been a success and he’s nearing the end of his life in VKM 12. This might change his perspective on his pacifism, especially with Kaname’s comatose state in the balance and the potential of Zero successfully “scoring” Yuuki rising now that they’ve announced they’re going official. If Kaien’s real issue with Zero and Yuuki is that he can’t accept a child between them because Yuuki is Kaname’s in his mind, then their relationship being official would be an extra push he’d need.  

Despite how far-fetched this theory is, I’d love it if it was true, as it settles once and for all Kaien’s place in the story and also gives us a genuinely credible villain for the VKM saga rather than some new faceless/nameless Purebloods/Hunters to contend with. This would seriously up the stakes for Yuuki and Zero as well, as it’s much harder to fight people you love than people you don’t even know. 

All this being said, we probably won’t know for a while, which means all options are still on the table (and perhaps there are more that even I haven’t thought of--actual humans maybe or nobles or regular vampires in revolt). But for now all we know is that the bombings are beginning to stir up some civil unrest and likely will have detrimental consequences. 

Inverse Reflections

Normally I would skip the side pairing sections, as I tend to find them tedious, but this time I think it’s important to take a look at what Hino’s setting up with these side pairings, and what they mean for the lead pairings that they mirror.

First, let’s talk a bit about mirrors. There are two kinds of mirrors--one that foreshadows the future of a pairing (a parallel) and a true reflection of that pairing (an inverse mirror). A reflection, as everyone knows, is a reversed image--left becomes right and right becomes left. 

As far as I can tell, most of the side pairings in VKM are being used as parallels to Zero and Yuuki as a couple--Aidou/Yori, Haruka/Juri, and Shiki/Rima have all been used to highlight aspects of the Zero/Yuuki pairing that either confirm the pairing is the intended choice of the author or foreshadow struggles and conflicts Zero and Yuuki will have to overcome in the future. 

Ruka/Kain are not meant to be Zero/Yuuki parallels--they are rather an inverse mirror. They are what Zero and Yuuki would have been had this story truly been a “Yuuki loved Kaname first and settled for Zero” narrative. All the beats they go through as a couple are beats Zero and Yuuki should be hitting if Yuuki is just settling for Zero. Yet every time Ruka and Kain hit an emotional or narrative beat, Yuuki and Zero fail to meet them, and often do the opposite. 

Here are some quick examples of what I mean, taken from previous chapters:

In VKM 3, Ruka admits to Ai that she loved Kaname and that he broke her heart. Kain steals her away from Ai and firmly tells her to cut out her moping and pay attention only to him already. If Zero and Yuuki were meant to be paralleled with this couple, this is what Zero would have done with Yuuki--however Zero does not. Instead, we see in VKM 9 and VKM 1 that Zero doesn’t ask Yuuki to stop pining and look at him; instead he tells her he’s fine with her love for Kaname.

In VKM 6, Ruka gushes over dressing Ai, and Kain tells her to hurry up and sleep with him already if she likes kids so much, for which he gets punched. Zero does the opposite--he says nothing at all about children and family to Yuuki. In VKM 3, Yuuki is the one apologizing to Zero for not being able to have a child with him. If Zero were truly in Kain’s position, he should be pestering Yuuki and putting a little pressure on her; she’s already settling for him, so he might as well get something decent out of it. The fact that he doesn’t puts another notch in the differences between him and Yuuki and Ruka and Kain.

In VKM 12, Ruka makes the mistake of thinking her situation with Kain is the same as Yuuki’s with Zero. She offers some solidarity, saying that it’s hard to move forward with someone you’ve been close to for a long time. Ordinarily, this would symbolize that she and Yuuki are meant to parallel each other. However, we see this isn’t the case with the remainder of the chapter. Kain gets hurt, and Ruka immediately demands they tie the knot. Zero being in danger doesn’t have this effect on Yuuki--instead, it just makes her spy on him more frequently. So if Yuuki’s meant to parallel Ruka, Zero being in danger should have been the “moment” that made her realize she needed to go ahead and tie the knot--they’re already dating, after all. 

Ruka and Kain don’t appear much in VKM, so I don’t have too many other examples, but I think we have enough to establish that they’re meant to be an inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki, a sign of what Zero and Yuuki might have been had the story gone the route of Yuuki truly loving Kaname and “settling” for Zero. 

I’m sure people will argue against my interpretation of Ruka and Kain, but as far as I can tell Ruka never had a moment where she legitimately “fell” for Kain. We know it is a fact that Ruka was romantically interested in Kaname, not Kain, for all of the original series, despite him breaking her heart. It’s clear she’s settling for Kain, and Kain himself accepts this and doesn’t seem inclined to fight it. She and Kain are close, of course, because they’re cousins, but that closeness makes it difficult for her to see him as a romantic partner. However, and this is what’s important about the fact that Ruka’s an inverse mirror to Yuuki, Ruka still moves on and lets herself be happy with Kain even though he is not the one she truly loves. Yuuki does not do the same. 

So, with that all established and out of my system, let’s take a gander at the Ruka/Kain section of VKM 13. =P 

The first scene is another inverse mirror of Zero and Yuuki. Ruka is a super tsuntsun, but an obvious one. She proudly shows Kain where she wants their wedding to be held, but apparently never took the time to tell him she even wanted a legitimate ceremony. When Kain laughs and asks her if that’s what she wants, she gets flustered. At first she denies that she wants a ceremony with him, but then she quickly admits it and orders him to go along with it. Kain’s of course happy to comply, but he receives a tsundere response to his genuine affection. It’s clear, though, that Ruka is happy, even if this wasn’t her first choice. It’s a sweet, cute scene typical of happy couples. 

This is a clear contrast to Zero and Yuuki’s relationship, where neither of them can smile genuinely or goofe around for longer than a single panel, where Yuuki isn’t demanding of Zero, where Zero isn’t demanding of Yuuki, where neither of them are comfortable with each other enough to make these cute demands and boss each other around. Zero and Yuuki used to be like this, in their early days during arc 1, and that’s something Ruka and Kain do parallel a bit here, but Zero and Yuuki have lost that ability to just enjoy each other’s company without any care. Yuuki doesn’t honestly say what she wants, so she’s not a true parallel to Ruka, and Zero isn’t in a place where he can be even remotely as honest as Kain is--and Kain still holds back too, so that’s really saying something.

That being established, we then move into the wedding, where we receive an inverse parallel that’s foreshadowing a different future for Zero and Yuuki.

Ruka and Kain have their wedding, and it’s quite lovely (especially Ruka’s hair). However, there are a few things that are important to note:

This is the first wedding we as readers have been invited to. Although Aidou and Yori were married many, many years ago, we weren’t invited. This is likely on purpose--Aidou and Yori are a genuine parallel to Zero and Yuuki, and the very couple Zero aspires to be like in his future with Yuuki. We likely won’t get to see this couple’s wedding until Zero and Yuuki finally get to a better place. Thus, it’s fitting that the first wedding we see is the inverse mirror couple’s wedding.

Their wedding vows are horrendous. Seriously. They’re fitting for a pair not born of genuine love, and very fitting for a “settling” pairing. If Zero and Yuuki are meant to be a settling pairing, their vows should definitely be more in line with Kain’s and Ruka’s than regular vows (you know, with the whole “love, cherish through sickness and in health” variety).

Kain’s wedding vow is merely that he’ll protect Ruka. Not even that he’ll love her or cherish her. All he can “give” her that she’s willing to receive is protection. That’s kinda sad, and I hope Zero gets better.

Ruka’s wedding vow is even worse than Kain’s, if that’s even possible. She basically spells out in her vows that she’s settling for him and she hopes he can settle for her in return. All she says is that he’s been someone she can lean on who’s brought some warmth into her life, and she hopes she can return the favor. Surely the most romantic wedding vow in history (not). Not a word about loving or cherishing or anything remotely romantic. 

Seriously the “until we become dust” silliness sounds like a cult initiation more than anything. I know Hino’s trying to replace “til death do us part” but goodness. Also, I’m so grateful for that hilarious image Hino drew of Aidou bawling over the wedding--he looks like he’s facepalming more than crying. =P Perfect for my header!

I don’t want to knock the wedding too much--it’s quite lovely for what it is, and it’s meant to be a highlight of the chapter and bring a little fluff and romance into the what’s otherwise a heavy chapter. But my point in bringing all this up is to demonstrate that Ruka and Kain’s relationship serves to highlight where Zero and Yuuki should be in their relationship if Yuuki’s “issues” are truly just that she’s having trouble moving on from Kaname. So this should be a warning to anyone reading the story that way, that Zero and Yuuki aren’t following the same path--they’re on a different trajectory. 

Interlude: Yuuki’s Reactions

At this point, I will no longer being using images for my section headers because I have a distinct distaste for the remainder of the chapter (and Hino plasters speech bubbles all over the panels, making them unusable anyway).

But I want to take a little time to discuss Yuuki’s reactions in general and why her reaction this chapter is significant. 

Back when VKM 9 came out, I was furious because Yuuki spent 50 years dragging her heels and treating Zero like a blood bag babysitter and a general doormat. VKM 13 confirmed that I was right to be concerned about all of this. 

In VKM 9, Yuuki has several scenes where she gets mopey-faced, and Zero notices them. They’re from Zero’s perspective of course, in VKM 9. But all the mopey-faced scenes are deliberately drawn to be ambiguous references to Kaname. The first one is on the bench after Ai’s “teething,” and this is the “clearest” because Yuuki makes the face and starts crying right after talking about Ai being Kaname’s. The second, of course, is when Aidou grieving before Yori’s coffin in the same chapter, and Yuuki clutches her heart and then peeks at Zero. Because we’re in Zero’s perspective in VKM 9, he does not read her mopey face there as pro-Zeki--he reads it as pro-Kaname. The reason she looked down and clutched her heart is because that’s what she does when she thinks of Kaname (see VKM 3, VKM 8′s flashback, etc.), and the reason she peeked at Zero was (from Zero’s perspective) because she was checking to see if he’d noticed. The pro-Zeki read of this scene obviously is that Aidou’s words made Yuuki think of Zero, and that she looked up at him because she was thinking of him, but that’s not how Zero reads the scene (and nor how we should be reading the scene right now). We also know from VKM 7 that she makes a similar expression when thinking about Kaname while brushing Ai’s hair before the ball.

VKM 13 continues what VKM 9 began. During the wedding vows, particularly during the “until we become dust” sections, Yuuki’s expression shifts to her traditional Kaname-mope face and she looks down with a bittersweet expression. Now, there are two ways to take this, and one is the way Zero takes it and the other is the way pro-Zeki readers take it:

The way pro-Zeki readers would understand this scene is to take Yuuki at her word from later on in the chapter--she was sad that Zero might die and the words about becoming dust merely triggered that concern. Perhaps she was also sad about the fact that Zero could say such a vow, but she can’t because she can’t promise him to become dust together, as she’s immortal and he is not. 

The way Zero, Zeki critics, and pro-Kaname readers would take this scene is the way it’s likely intended given how consistent Hino’s been with this particular expression of Yuuki’s (every time I personally see it in VKM it makes my skin crawl, which is a tell tale sign it’s Kaname-related), is to see this as Yuuki thinking about Kaname. Whether she was moping because she was sad that she and Kaname never had the chance to make vows like Ruka and Kain, or because she and Kaname could never even get to the point Ruka and Kain did, or for any other Kaname-related reason, it’s anyone’s guess. 

As for why the pro-Zeki read likely doesn’t work in my opinion (despite what Yuuki says later, which I will address in the next section), Yuuki doesn’t look at Zero. She looks down and inward. She’s not seeing the man beside her, who’s alive and quite well. Instead she’s seeing something within her, which is more typical of her moping about Kaname than moping about Zero hypothetically kicking the bucket. Again, it is of course possible that Zero has her pegged wrong and she’s genuinely just been moping about Zero for 70 years for...reasons...even though he was right there beside her the whole time, but given her need to bring Kaname up even during her “confession” in VKM 9, methinks it be unlikely. However, for now we’ll leave it at the two possible interpretations--as far as the story currently goes, both interpretations are valid until further notice. 

Before I leave the wedding scene, I just want to say it’s pretty suspicious that Hino doesn’t show any Zero reaction shots and that the only panel we get of his feelings about weddings is a small panel where half his face is cut off. Hino’s pretty careful about keeping him out of sight, out of mind. We’re not allowed to see how much things bother him, or how he feels about his own prospects. (Seriously Zero just marry Aidou already; you both look so cute standing next to each other.)

And now, we’re ready for the grand finale. Hold on to your seat belts, friends; it’s going to be a wild ride, I’m sure. 

All Saints Must Fall

There is a lot to cover here, so I’ll be breaking it into subsections. Needless to say, if this scene had been removed from the chapter it’d have been a great chapter. But sadly this scene is here, and it is what it is, so what could have been a nice fluff chapter became...well, this little whirling dervish of controversy. Regardless, here we are, so let’s start by tackling the various ways the scene can be interpreted before getting into why I interpret it the way I do. 

The Surface Read

The surface read of this scene is sketch at best. It’s hard to take it seriously, but I’ll address it for the sake of completion. It reads as follows: 

Yuuki muses about the Ruka and Kain’s wedding being lovely. Zero comes out of the shower and initially asks Yuuki to have it out with him now. Yuuki is confused. Zero clarifies, informing her he noticed her moping at the ceremony. He then pounces on her, startling her, and demands she tell him. Yuuki admits that she was thinking about wishing for him to live on, that she always thinks this during funerals or key events, and that she believes it’s a curse to wish this upon him. She admits her wish is selfish but admits she’s afraid of him passing away.

Zero is surprised, but says that her feelings are something she’s cursing herself with. He tells her to give him her blood, and then bites her in several places, reiterating that he wants to grant her her wish. He asks her to be by his side at the end of his life and tell him she was happy. Yuuki reiterates that he should take her beastly blood in. Zero then curses himself and asks why her blood’s irresistible. 

The surface interpretation goes like this: Zero got bothered by Yuuki’s expression at the wedding and asks her what’s up. When she tells him, he is surprised. Her fears activate his own fears, and he tries to “reassure” her by biting her all over the place. Yuuki “consents” to this after he’s already done it, and he confesses that he wants her blood because his love is overwhelming him. 

Okay, this was quite possibly the most cringe-worthy drivel I’ve suffered myself to write in ages. But let me pick it apart at a base level before I move on to get to what’s really going on in this scene:

If this scene is truly just about Zero catching Yuuki’s fears and heightening his own fears in response to hers, his actions don’t make any sense. Why would he bite her all over the place irresponsibly to the point where she’s clutching her shirt to keep it from exposing her boobs if he just wants to drink her blood to alleviate either her fears of him dying or her own? After all, he’s been drinking her blood for years--drinking her blood isn’t going to save him from an explosion. 

Moreover, Zero has never been shown to be afraid for his life. Even after the conversation with Aidou in VKM 12, or after the explosion in VKM 13, Zero doesn’t appear afraid, unless he’s just hiding his fear under a poker face. Him merely “catching” Yuuki’s fear in this scene and overreacting doesn’t work as an interpretation simply because that’s not how fear works. That’s panic, and Zero doesn’t appear to be panicking. Fear is something that should be rooted deeply within him, and Zero’s never been particularly concerned about the lifespan issues--even back when Yuuki was genuinely worrying about them in Night 88, Zero brushed it off like it was nothing. 

If we’re meant to interpret this as Zero reassuring Yuuki that all will be well and her fears are unfounded, well, he’s not doing a very good job. Yuuki does not look reassured at the end of the scene--she looks depressed. Zero himself doesn’t look reassured at the end of the scene. He also offers not a single word of reassurance--he blames Yuuki for her own fears (her curse is of her own making, not something he validates), and he mocks her own phrasing when he demands her blood. This is not how we’ve seen Zero reassure her in previous chapters--VKM 5′s gentle reassurance, VKM 8′s confidence, VKM 13′s first scene’s intimacy. Zero knows how to reassure properly, and VKM 13′s final scene is not an example of that. 

On top of this, we have the idea that Yuuki “consented” to Zero’s treatment of her this chapter. She never once consented. Silence is not consent. I’m not one of those folks who thinks consent has to be verbal, mind you, but Yuuki lies passively in all the panels other than when she’s wincing in pain. Zero doesn’t ask her, he demands and takes. Yuuki never once smiles, never once reciprocates, never once touches him during the biting and even goes so far as to clutch her shirt to keep it from slipping--hardly an act welcoming of intimacy. In one panel it looks like she may even be trying to push Zero’s hand away from where it is on her exposed stomach. This is not an act of mutual passion or mutual fear or a mutual coming together to alleviate anxieties. This is a purely aggressive act on Zero’s part that Yuuki, for whatever reason, is not fighting--and note, Yuuki may have a great many reasons not to fight that have nothing to do with enjoying what Zero’s doing to her. (More on this later.) Yuuki’s expression when she “consents” after the fact is pained and unhappy, akin to her expressions during the Kuran Manor arc with Kaname. Hino even uses dark screen tones in that panel, and Yuuki insults her own blood. 

So basically, the “pro-Zeki” surface read of this scene is, in my opinion, grossly reductionist and fails to account for the basic facts. To hold this position, one would either have to be blind and unable to see the panels or read the words, or reading with rose-tinted glasses. This is why I can’t get behind anyone who thinks this is merely a “dark passion” scene, which I’d like to speak on presently before I move to deeper interpretive layers.

Romance vs. Dark Vampire Passion/Eroticism

I firmly believe that some of my fellow compatriots are misunderstanding the difference between genuine passion/romance and this “dark vampire passion”/eroticism. This I place firmly in the Kaname apologists’ court for creating this problem in the first place--they were the first to try to use “dark vampire passion” as an excuse for the abuse in their scenes during the Kuran Manor arc of the original series. 

“Dark passion” is nothing more than eroticism, which merely means “this scene is sexualized and meant to titillate the reader.” Almost every scene between Kaname and Yuuki is erotically charged, but very few of those scenes are correspondingly romantic. This is quite common in fiction about abuse and nonconsensual situations--you see it frequently in stories like Berserk, where dark situations have erotic panels. I honestly find this sick on the part of many mangaka, but I understand why it’s there--manga is a medium meant to be enjoyed, and rape/abuse aren’t enjoyable to a reader, so a little eroticism is added in order to make the scenes more palatable. 

The final scene in VKM is eroticized, which actually helps a reader to downplay the real harm this scene is causing to the heroine. Rather than looking at her expressions and paying attention to the pain she’s going through, the panels are drawn deliberately to evoke sexuality. This makes it easier to excuse for the reader, because the reader is not focused on the character’s pain--the reader is merely enjoying the erotic content in a voyeuristic fashion. In a sense, the reader is more sympathetic to the abuser when scenes are framed this way, and this I place firmly in Hino’s camp as far as blame goes.

Romantic scenes are framed and displayed differently than VKM 13′s final scene. Genuinely romantic scenes of course often have sexualized content and even erotic content in the case of smut stories from magazines like Cheese!, but the erotic content is very clearly mutual, consensual, and loving between the characters on top of being titillating for the reader. The only panel in VKM 13′s final scene that is even remotely romantic is the single panel of Yuuki stroking Zeros face when she confesses that her wish for him to live on is selfish. This is even before all the controversial content takes place. The following panels are merely eroticized. 

This is why I can’t buy the “dark passionate vampires” excuse for the scene, because we’ve seen this song and dance before, and it was used to do the exact same thing--allow the readers to ‘excuse’ the male perpetrator using “romance” as a shield, when really it’s just the reader being titillated by erotic posing choices by the mangaka. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the scene on a sexual level--everyone has some risque non-con content that they’ve enjoyed. But that doesn’t make the scene consensual, romantic, or loving just because the reader is titillated by it. 

And last, before I close on this, Zero and Yuuki are supposed to be a radiant, joyful ship. If they’re descending into eroticized “dark passion,” we have a problem. 

The Close-up Subtext Read

I won’t cover this read too deeply, as @soulisthirsty has covered this far more thoroughly on her @vampireknightmeta blog than I have the time or the inclination to address. For those interested in her perspective, you will find her posts on the matter here and here. 

This is the read I expect most Zeki-apologists will eventually agree with once they accept that their surface read of the scene doesn’t account for all the facts and is woefully inadequate. My own reading of the scene is from a higher meta perspective, but that also means I must make assumptions that the chapter-specialized read does not (giving the close-up subtext read more flexibility in case Hino goes off the rails). 

A quick recap of what the close-up subtext read breaks down to:

Zero has been stewing on Yuuki’s moping at the ceremony ever since he noticed it, all through his shower, and comes out of the shower ready to tackle the matter and already frustrated (we can tell by the creases in his brow, Zero’s tell-tale frustration expression). Whatever he’s been stewing on is unknown at the moment. 

Yuuki initially is confused, and Zero snaps at her, calling out the specific moment so that she doesn’t try to dodge the subject. When Yuuki is slow to respond, he pounces on her, demanding she tell him. Yuuki is initially startled, and Zero softens his approach but still insists.

Yuuki admits to him her wish that he’d live on, and that she thinks about it whenever a friend dies or a big event happens. She has a strange reaction to what she’s saying, and then she touches his face and tells him that her wish is nothing but a curse for him. Zero’s expression shows shock; whatever he was anticipating was her problem was not this. 

Yuuki goes on to admit that she knows she’s selfish for getting all worked up over Zero’s imminent death on her own. Zero then tells her that the only one who’s suffering under her curse is her, and that if that’s really what’s bothering her, she should go ahead and give him her cursed blood. 

He then goes on to bite her without consent in multiple places, pushing her shirt up. While he’s biting her and splattering blood, he reiterates that he wants to push “that day” far into the future if he’s the one who can do that for her. “That day” is left deliberately ambiguous so it could be interpreted in multiple ways--either Zero’s own death, or Yuuki’s death by turning Kaname. 

Zero holds Yuuki and asks her to be by his side at the end of his days and tell him she was happy. Yuuki says that if that’s what he wants, he needs to drink as much as he can of her blood. Zero’s response is that he’s unable to stop and that her blood is so delicious it’s irresistible. 

This interpretation boils down to a case of misunderstanding. Zero’s been stewing over “something” that’s clearly been eating at him for longer than the ceremony, but the ceremony is the first chance he’s had to address it. Yuuki on the other hand is getting herself all worked up over him dying because she’s afraid to be alone (as we know from VKM 9′s confession). 

In this framework, the reason Zero doesn’t reassure Yuuki is because her fixation on his death and her view of her own blood imply that she doesn’t believe he’s truly accepted her. His frustration and his mocking her in this context would be related to the fact that he’s done everything possible to show her he accepts her as she is and loves her as she is, and that he’s at a loss for how to ease her fears. Thus, the reason he goes overboard with the biting is more about him being frustrated that she’s not really even seeing him--she’s only seeing her image of him that has nothing to do with reality (this would be backed up by VKM 13′s earlier scene, where Yuuki brings up Zero’s real feelings about vampires in addition to VKM 9′s confession where Yuuki asks him if he’ll date her despite her being a Pureblood). 

This framework allows for this to be a simple misunderstanding--Zero perhaps thinks his feelings aren’t reaching Yuuki and Yuuki is so hyper aware of Zero’s fate that she can’t relax and enjoy her present with him. Potentially Yuuki’s obsession with brooding and dwelling on the bad is starting to get on Zero’s nerves with this interpretation, and he’s lashing out because nothing he does seems to help Yuuki view the world and their relationship with a more positive lens. 

As far as interpretations go, I think this is a fine one, and quite in line with this chapter in isolation. It’s also a safe bet right now, because we don’t have any future information to clarify it yet. As far as we’re aware, the only “issue” between Zero and Yuuki at this point merely is Yuuki’s fears about Zero’s death (confirmed by VKM 12 and VKM 13). So I believe this is a safe interpretation to have in light of where we currently are, though it doesn’t quite go far enough for me. However, it certainly lines up with the facts and there is no direct evidence to dispute its validity yet. As with the interpretations for the potential identity of the Vampire King, this interpretation has no holes as of yet. The issues between Zero and Yuuki may, at this current time, simply be about their lack of communication and their general character flaws. 

I wish I myself could get behind this variant, but alas, I must go deeper. For those who can’t follow me further due to the leaps I’ll have to make based on lack of information, I’d say stopping at this layer is a good place to rest, no matter what “camp” you’re in. @soulisthirsty makes a compelling case for this interpretation, and it’s easy to back up. 

But now it is time to delve deeper. I’d recommend leaving now if you’re the type to get triggered easily. But if you’ve made it this far, I’m going to assume you’re here until the end. 

Artistic Intent

The reason I can’t get behind the close-up subtext read is there’s far too much going on beneath the surface, and in light of other chapters, than what that read allows for in my humble opinion. But before I get into that, I’d like to discuss artistic intent before plunging headfirst into trouble.

Hino is a deliberate, filmic artist, more so than any other manga I’ve ever seen. Her artistic fundamentals are terrible (see her proportions), but she has a sharp sense of how to use the panels as if they were film shots, and to use them to great effect. She knows how to emphasize space and time, how to speed time up and slow it down, how to emphasize emotion or emphasize distance. To analyze a chapter without addressing this is a grave mistake, especially in such a carefully staged scene. 

In two previous posts, I discussed Yuuki’s flushes and Hino’s framing. These are two techniques Hino uses to convey tone. But there are other techniques Hino uses as well, and the one I didn’t mention in the posts above is the artful direction of dialogue bubble placement and coloring. 

If you look at VKM 13′s first scene, you’ll notice some interesting things about the bubble placement for the dialogue. Most of the panels’ artwork remains unobscured by dialogue bubbles, other than one small scene at the end where Zero is talking about who the perpetrator of the crimes might be. Otherwise, the reader is free to enjoy both the artwork and the dialogue, to fully see the characters interact and express themselves in each panel. This makes the scene easy to follow and understand for the reader.

Contrast this with VKM 13′s final scene and you’ll see the stark difference. Huge dialogue bubbles with oversized text are plastered all over the characters’ faces and expressions during an intense scene, adding to the confusion and havoc presented by the odd framing choices themselves. Key moments are obscured by dialogue bubbles, key expressions are cut off by them. This makes the scene hard to follow and understand for the reader.

Parsing a scene is an important feature in reading. If a scene isn’t clear and easy to follow, the reader has to work harder, and the writer risks losing the reader. For a writer to choose deliberately to make a scene difficult for a reader to follow means there’s something in that scene the writer wants the reader to pay attention to. The first VKM 13 Zeki scene is meant to be breezed through--the content is easy to assess and move through. The final scene is the opposite. It is meant to be pondered over and considered and reviewed, and it’s deliberately drawn to elicit feelings of confusion and chaos. 

Hino has her faults as a writer and an artist, but in this she’s flawless. She knows what she’s doing with scenes like this. But more on the contrast between VKM 13′s two bookend scenes later. For now, I shall present my own interpretation of the controversial last scene. 

The Bird’s Eye Meta Subtext Read

We’ve arrived at last. The moment everyone has likely been dreading. What, in GOTSB’s opinion, is going on in this scene?

By this point I’ve reiterated what happened on the surface more than enough. I won’t waste your time with repeating it. Instead, I’ll take you through the two reads: first Zero, then Yuuki. Just like what we did during the first scene in VKM 13.

Zero’s Jealousy and Outrage

Hino’s a sneak with Zero in the final two scenes of VKM 13. She doesn’t show us he noticed Yuuki’s downcast expression during the ceremony at all, nor how it affected him. Thus, we must make some assumptions based on how he behaves:

Yuuki starts talking to him the moment he exists the shower at the start of the scene, but she doesn’t face him. Rather than responding to her, he attacks first--”Let’s talk properly.”

The first words themselves are arguably just him broaching the subect, but the following words set the stage for why we can decipher what was going on in his head: “Didn’t we decide to start over from the beginning?” Why does this line matter? Because he’s bringing up something that has no relevance to what Yuuki was talking about (the wedding). He’s bringing up their restarted relationship and reminding her that “something” has changed because of that restart.

Yuuki goes “hmm?” Now, ordinarily one would interpret this as her just being confused that Zero’s demanding they talk when all she wanted to talk about was how nice the wedding was. But Zero does not interpret her words like this. His response to her is harsh and unusual for him--he basically tells her not to play dumb. We also get a close up of his face, and we can now see the tell-tale creases in his brow, demonstrating frustration.

He then says a few things that are quite interesting. He says there’s something she’s “always” wanted to say to him, and that he’s been waiting “forever” because he thought it was hard for her to talk about, but then she had to go and start brooding during the wedding. So in these two sentences, he implies a few things: 1.) whatever it is that he thinks has been bothering her didn’t just start at the wedding, 2.) her brooding faces bother him (and we can now confirm that her brooding in VKM 9 bothered him rather than making him feel honored as he tried to imply), 3.) he’s afraid of what she’s been meaning to say because he’s procrastinated asking her all this time, 4.) he’s finally caught her in a moment she can’t squirm her way out from and he can finally call her out on her behavior because they’re “official” now, so she can’t run away anymore based on her own decision.

He then jumps on her and slams her against the bed and yells in her face. When she gasps and freezes, he initially softens up, but then when she looks like she’s going to clam up he yells again. 

Before I move on, I want to parse this. I think it’s clear from the following scene that whatever Zero was stewing on ever since the ceremony, it has nothing to do with being afraid of his own death (Yuuki’s stated reason for why she herself was moping). This means what Zero was stewing on has to be something else. Process of elimination and analysis of previous chapters make this deduction simple: Zero has always been afraid the time might come when Yuuki will at last tell him that things aren’t working because she can’t move on from Kaname. Perhaps it is not this specifically, but his fear is clearly related to Kaname and to Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they mean for him. 

How do I know this? Because if he didn’t care about Yuuki’s feelings about Kaname and what they meant for him in particular, he would behave more like Kain--he’d be trying to seduce her, reminding her that she was here in front of him, and teasing her into the present because he knows his place in her heart is forever Number Two and he’s accepted it. But Zero doesn’t react this way--he reacts like a man who expects to be Number One and doesn’t think he is. You don’t get mad if you’ve “accepted” being Number Two or Number Equal. And you certainly don’t get angry with your girlfriend for “moping” if you’re just confused about why she was moping. 

Of course, Zero is a coward and won’t bring up Kaname on his own, as we know from previous chapters. Thus he waits for Yuuki to drop the bomb on him. But the bomb doesn’t come. 

From Zero’s perspective, what Yuuki does in this scene is pretty terrible--she dodges his question and tries to use another excuse to cover up the truth. So, to break it down:

Yuuki gets all weepy and tells Zero she wants him to live on, and that she thinks this every time someone dies or something happens. She admits that she shouldn’t say this kind of thing, and that’s because in her opinion it’s nothing but a curse for him. 

Zero is shocked at first, which implies one of four things: either a.) he’s genuinely surprised and touched that she was thinking about him this time and not Kaname, b.) he’s shocked about whatever it is going on with her face itself in that panel where we just see her eye and all the screen tones, c.) he’s astounded that something this petty and ridiculous is the reason she’s been making both their lives continuously miserable, or d.) he’s astounded that even now his feelings still haven’t reached her.

Before I move on, I have to say, none of those above interpretations are positive for Yuuki. If A is true, then that means Yuuki hasn’t even remotely been showing Zero any kind of affection. If B is true, then something really bad is going on with Yuuki. If C is true, then Zero’s fed up with the relationship. If D is true, Zero has now confirmed that everything he has ever tried to do in VKM to help Yuuki has been pointless--she’s already decided how he thinks of her and nothing he says or does will change that.

But before we can find out what Zero’s expression really means, Yuuki goes and ruins it with her next line about getting selfishly scared that the day he’ll die is approaching. 

Now, before I go further, I want to say this: if Zero was genuinely touched by Yuuki’s concern about him, that should have stopped his anger even if he was still flustered about the fact that her concern is over the top. For surely nothing Yuuki says is all that terrible, other than the fact that she thinks Zero might be opposed to her wish. But even that just warrants perhaps a sigh on Zero’s part and maybe him sitting down with her and talking about it or perhaps just getting into a shouting match about how she’s not seeing “him” and is still stuck in the past. (Much like what Kain says to Ruka in VKM 3, something like that would be more appropriate if he’s just upset that nothing he’s been doing has been getting through to her, or if he thinks her fears are silly). 

However, there’s something in the way Yuuki phrases her line in the panel where she talks about being frightened that gets under his skin. She says she’s selfishly afraid, which implies that this is just an excuse she’s using to keep up her moping, and it also implies that she doesn’t care about the Zero in front of her per se so much as ensuring she has “someone” with her “forever.” (Leading us right back to the very reason Zero was starting this argument in the first place.

So Zero’s reaction to Yuuki’s selfish fear is not to soothe her or reassure her. Instead he mocks her. And it is here that Hino stops letting us see his full expressions and begins to cut him off using framing. We don’t see his eyes at all when he tells her that the only one suffering under her “curse” is her. But rather than stopping there, he then goes on further to demand her blood using the very same terminology she used herself. Note that his brow is furrowed when he says this, implying that this is not said out of love or appreciation. Most children know that the best way to annoy someone is to repeat what they said, and he’s mocking her here with her own words, much as Kaname used to do. 

Now there’s a couple of interpretations for this section. The first is the easy one: Zero’s upset that everything he’s done since the end of VK has been for naught and so he might as well just give in to Yuuki’s fears and give her what she “wants”, which is for him to drink from her. (As we know from her forcefeeding him in VKM 12). So in this sense, he’s just angrily acquiescing to her fears. And I would buy this interpretation, if not for the next few panels where he squanders her blood. So if this is just about him being generally frustrated that he’s not getting through to her, he should still be treasuring her blood, not squandering it. 

The second interpretation requires some assumptions, but I think it fits better with Zero’s actions. Zero is pissed at her for using him as an excuse to not talk about her issues and the ghost that’s between them, and this excuse is perfect because she can just use it every time she’s upset to deflect Zero from prying into her feelings about Kaname. Think about it: if she doesn’t want Zero to pry into Kaname, all she has to do is say “why, my love, I was moping about your fate!” and he has to comfort her and pity her and feel sorry for her and drop the subject. It is an invincible shield behind which she can hide forever, unlike their bench excuses, rendering him unable to ever corner her into confessing  about Kaname without actually bringing him up (which we know she runs away from direct conversations about Kaname as well, see VKM 3, 5, and 9). Zero knows that this excuse she will have forever because she is immortal and he is not. So Zero’s anger in this scene may have some of the “nothing I do will get through to her” interpretation in it, but I think the majority of why he’s so angry and brutal with her is because she’s made it impossible for him to ever address the real problem he has in their relationship. She can “play dumb” forever and ever, and he will have to just take it and suffer.

This interpretation I think explains the manner in which he treats her better than the first. If he was just frustrated with her for not seeing him “now,” I don’t think his bite style would change so severely. However, if he’s pissed at her for finding the ultimate deflection from them ever being able to address the issues he has with her, then yeah, he’s gonna unleash all that pent-up sexual energy he’s been holding back for 70+ years. So he attacks her, bites her over eight times all over her body, but doesn’t even stop to savor the blood. He clearly causes her pain and scares her--she feebly attempts to push his hand off her stomach and clutches her shirt to cover her boobs. Like seriously I can’t reiterate this enough--she’s not being sexually receptive to him at all in this scene. This outburst of sexually charged energy on top of the egregious biting all imply anger, not merely frustration. 

Basically, from my perspective, what it appears he realizes here is that despite how cleverly he trapped her this time (locating a precise moment and holding her to their restart promise), she found the one way out of an honest conversation. And this naturally is infuriating. He basically has it confirmed that she will never tell him what’s really going on. And that is why he becomes so bitter when he mocks her, and that is why he splatters her blood and invades her intimate space, and that is why he tells her to push “that day” in to the far distance. 

“That day” in the second interpretation can only mean the day she turns Kaname, the day Zero fears (because Zero has his own fears, which he’s never allowed to speak about thanks to Yuuki). If Zero’s life keeps her from making that sacrifice, then by all the hells he’s going to do everything it takes to grant that to her, because that’s all that’s left for him. I think that’s also why at the end of the scene he finally confesses what he hopes to receive from her--that at the end of all this insanity, she’ll at the very least tell him she was happy. He doesn’t even ask for her love because as far as he’s concerned, he’ll never receive it. He just wants her to be with him in the end and tell him he made her happy. 

Now if the scene ended here, I would say Zero’s made a pretty big damn mistake and he needs to fix it, but otherwise I would expect Hino to keep dragging out this shitshow until the end of the series. Zero’ll just have to accept that he’s never going to get to clarify whatever it is that bothers him about Kaname, and “be the bigger man” than Kaname was or whatever.

But Hino gave me a little tiny gift at the end, one that has me hoping for better things. At the end, Zero admits that he’s no longer able to stop himself. He curses, and then asks himself why her blood’s so tasty that he can’t stop himself. This is a direct parallel to Night 50, when Kaname asked Yuuki the same thing. 

Zero is confirmed to be unsatisfied with Yuuki’s blood. It’s still tasty because he still loves her, but he’s now beginning to shift into Rido/Kaname territory. This means, despite his anger about Yuuki deflecting this chapter, that the likelihood of him leaving the relationship has gone up exponentially. A confession like this usually comes before the end. And if this scene is what it takes for Hino to give me my Zeki breakup so that they can sort themselves out and find a better way, I’ll pay my dues and suck it up. All saints have to fall at some point, and Zero was due for a fall. 

To quickly sum up what I feel was expressed on the Zero side in this scene: Zero has been afraid for at least 50+ years that Yuuki’s issues about Kaname will never be “over.” Every time he’s tried to talk to Yuuki in the past about Kaname, she’s deflected in some way or clammed up. When he thinks he’s finally trapped her into having to talk about it, she brings out the biggest whopper of a deflection in history, and one he can’t beat, triggering one hell of a temper tantrum and leaving him indirectly confessing that she no longer satisfies him (and we know he was once satisfied by her, because he said as much in VKM 2). 

This puts Zero in a position to do one of two things: either a.) he has to accept that their relationship is what it is and this is the best he’s gonna get, or b.) he has to start deciding the best route for causing a chilling effect on the relationship, either by rebenching it or breaking it up entirely. More on this in the finale section. 

For now, I want to say that I fully expect Zero to apologize to Yuuki for his behavior here. I think he was wrong, no matter his circumstances, to treat her this way. I do think he was driven to this point by her behavior and by his own cowardice, which I’ll discuss briefly here shortly, but that still doesn’t excuse him. His behavior in this scene was abusive, although one instance of abuse does not necessarily an abuser make. At the moment, this is an anomalous behavior for Zero, but readers should be careful not to defend it too much because it could develop into a pattern of abuse in the future, and is, therefore, a red flag. If he continues down this path and develops a pattern of abuse, he’ll be no better than Kaname.  So I fully expect him an apology from him, a la Rhett Butler after The Scene in Gone With The Wind, and I expect some serious reflection on his actions and some serious narrative consequences. 

Now, before I move on to Yuuki’s side of this chapter, I want to talk about a few things that we can now extrapolate about Zero based on this chapter:

While he may not have been lying per se when he said he was “okay” with Kaname’s place in Yuuki’s heart during VKM 9 and VKM 1, it’s clear that he’s incredibly insecure about his own place in Yuuki’s heart despite what he says to her. I’ve always been firmly in the camp that he’s been lying this whole time, perhaps even to himself, about being “okay” with that. As Yuuki said once long ago to Kaname, he shouldn’t lie to himself and pretend it’s okay when it clearly isn’t (for fuck’s sake, Kaname destroyed his life). But Yuuki seems content to allow herself to be lied to now, so that shows you how much has changed since Night 49.

Zero’s been in denial about his prospects with Yuuki. Clearly he spent the 50+ years of pining in VKM 9 hoping that once they became official, things would get better. VKM 13 confirms that this cycle of Yuuki moping about “things” (re: Kaname) will continue in perpetuity. 

He is no longer satisfied with Yuuki’s blood as his only source of romantic connection with her, given how he treats her blood this chapter. It’s still tasty, but it’s not filling. 

His hope for a better future has died. This is evident by the fact that he says what he wishes from her when he dies here. He’s given up on them as a couple. What that means, of course, remains to be seen. 

Yuuki’s Deliberate Deflections and Insecurities

Now, we know less about Yuuki in VKM than we do about Zero. So unlike with Zero, it’s hard to gauge how much of what she says is “true” and how much is a lie or half-truth. As such, that makes it harder to interpret her and easier to give her a pass.

On the surface, Hino tries to paint her as this oblivious person who has no clue what’s going on. I would buy this interpretation if not for VKM 9 and if not for Night 66. Yuuki is a master at pretending to be obtuse when she knows people want something from her she’s unwilling to give, but she’s fully conscious of what she’s doing when she withholds and hides behind being “dense” and people forgiving her for it. 

Now there are two ways to view Yuuki this chapter, and I think both are valid until further notice. 

One is that she genuinely has been moping about Zero potentially dying all this time (even back when Zero thought she was moping about Kaname during VKM 9). In this scenario, she would have no clue that she’s just made it impossible for Zero to ever talk about Kaname, because she’s being honest with Zero about what she was thinking about during the ceremony. Thus her confession about how she thinks her wish is selfish and unfair to him would be in this case honest. And I think this interpretation is certainly valid, because the way Hino frames Yuuki in this scene is pretty open. The only “dishonest” aspect perhaps surrounds the panel where her eye gets weird, but that can be attributed to either her hyper-anxiety about losing Zero surfacing or something related to the master/servant bond with Kaname surfacing. This interpretation is also in line with VKM 9, where we see that after funerals she drinks excessively from Zero to the point that he basically calls it “funeral duty.” It would also be in line with her forcefeeding Zero in VKM 12 and her openly spying on him and her fears getting triggered after Aidou’s comment to him in VKM 12. 

In this interpretation, the fact that she does still genuinely believe wishing eternal life upon him is a curse for him shows that she isn’t seeing him properly and clearly still has some fears and misconceptions about him due to the original series. This is, as @soulisthirsty points out in her posts I linked above in the close-up subtext section, likely due to the fact that Yuuki has never talked to Zero about those final days of Kaname’s life and the terrible things she did--stealing Zero’s memories against his will, sleeping with Kaname, betraying Zero (we know Yuuki saw that as a betrayal of Zero because she says she and Kaname have no “right” to face Zero in Night 90). So this would set up a natural misunderstanding between her and Zero--she has spent the past 70+ years thinking she’s unworthy of Zero and wanting him anyway, while Zero has spent the past 70+ years thinking she doesn’t love him as much as her blood says she does. 

However, my problem with this interpretation of Yuuki is that it doesn’t account for her confession in VKM 9 when she clearly states she won’t let Zero go and won’t let their relationship move forward, implying she’s been fully cognizant all along of what’s bothering Zero. It also doesn’t account for her playing coy in VKM 10 when Zero tries to pin her down on what she means by “restart,” nor does it account for her suddenly “offering her bed” to him in VKM 12. 

So that leads us to the second potential interpretation of Yuuki in VKM 13, and that is that Zero is right--she is hiding behind her genuine fears about his life in order to not address her deeper issues. This interpretation includes the one above, but it also adds to it a new dimension--that of Yuuki being duplicitous in her attempts to keep Zero at her side but not face herself and Kaname. So her confession of her fears in VKM 13 by this interpretation would be true--she does think these things--but Zero is also right--at the moment he noticed at the wedding, she was thinking of Kaname or of something related to Kaname. 

This could be for a variety of reasons unrelated to “love” or “pining” of course--it could just be that wedding vows trigger her master/servant bond for all we know. The larger point is that clearly something “more” was going on there than just Yuuki innocently fearing for Zero’s life. Weddings shouldn’t make her fear for Zero’s life anyway--she should be thinking about her own marriage, which is what weddings do to single people. This would naturally make her think of the failed engagement to Kaname and perhaps bring up some “what ifs,” and it would also make her think about why her own relationship with Zero isn’t moving to this phase. 

But whatever it was she was actually thinking about, it wasn’t something she feels she can talk to Zero about. Zero knows it and she knows it. She never once contradicts him when he says her curse is her own. She well knows it. And she continues thinking so even after he bites her. Nothing changes in her perception by the end of VKM 13. Whatever she was moping about at the beginning is still there to be moped about. 

In brief, this is what I think is going on with Yuuki:

She hates herself for not being able to love Kaname.

She potentially resents Zero for being the reason she couldn’t love Kaname. 

She’s confused about whatever it is that’s going on with the master/servant bond. 

She’s still genuinely afraid of being alone and selfishly wants “someone” by her side.

She still does have some unknown feelings for Zero and genuinely is afraid that he’ll die before she can be able to have a life with him. (This is probably the true reason why she fears his death, rather than just general fear. That he’ll die before she can be free to love him.)

Based on how she was acting in VKM 12, I suspect she’s afraid Zero’s going to leave her full stop. Confessing she’s afraid of him dying may be a way to keep him with her a little longer and may stall his decision to leave. 

Now I mentioned up in section on the first scene that I think Yuuki might be testing Zero a bit to see if his issues are what she fears. She’s already checked off “hates Purebloods still” from the list. In VKM 13′s final scene, she checks off two other things: “doesn’t want to live forever as a thing he hates” and “thinks my blood is evil.” Zero basically tells her what she told Kaname in Night 49--go ahead and tarnish him, he’ll fall together with her. 

With this in mind, my interpretation of Yuuki’s final lines in the chapter are more about her accepting that Zero’s issues have nothing to do with the things that are easy for her to address or deal with. So she tells him go ahead and take all the things she can give him, because she still can’t give him anything else that he wants, so at the very least she can keep extending his life with the blood that has been nothing but a curse to him. And the curse she means, in my opinion, is that he loves her and she’s so deeply unworthy of him on every level. 

So basically, in the end of this scene Yuuki must face that Zero’s issues are about the things she refuses to deal with him honestly about--the events of the original series, her feelings, and Kaname. And this is why she’s in so much pain, because these are the very things she was hoping to avoid forever. 

Here are a few of the things I feel we can now say about Yuuki in VKM:

She’ll keep dodging to the end of time and picking up new excuses to avoid addressing the enormous elephant in the room.

She’s not interested in finding happiness or moving forward. Instead, she’s interested in punishing herself (and by extension Zero) for what happened to Kaname. Why this is the case is up for speculation at this point. 

All Yuuki has to offer Zero at this point is her blood. And with this chapter, he’s confirmed for her that soon her blood won’t be enough. As with Kaname in Night 66/67, Yuuki’s “restart” has begun to fail due to her own inability to open up the romantic part of her life to her partner. Zero subsisted on nothing but her blood for an entire human lifespan, and that’s clearly not enough for him anymore. She can no longer use it as a bargaining chip to distract him from the lack of intimacy.

Yuuki does not want intimacy with Zero. She tries to push his hand away from her waist and tries to keep her shirt from slipping. If she truly loves this man and wants to restart with him, why’s she being all shy? It’s not like she hasn’t had sex before. This is a red flag for their relationship.

Who’s More Reprehensible?

This is probably a weird thing to end this section with, but I wanted to briefly touch on who I feel, out of Zero and Yuuki, is the most reprehensible character and why.

I want it to be clear that Zero’s behavior in this chapter is absolutely reprehensible, and right up there with Kaname’s behavior in Nights 61 and 90. (I think Night 90 still wins, since it was in public, but that can be debated of course.)

However, Zero’s pretty much been driven to this by Yuuki. Now, interestingly, Kaname blamed Yuuki for driving most of his behavior in the original series, but actually Yuuki was mostly blameless--Kaname expected too much too quickly from her. That’s not the case with Zero.

Zero waits for her. Patiently. Without complaint. For nearly 70 years (4 years pregnancy, 16 years Ai’s youth up to VKM 3, 50 years post-VKM 3 until Yori’s death) Zero abided by Yuuki’s rules for their relationship and slowly clung to the hope that one day, somehow, they would be able to become like Aidou and Yori.

And then that day came, and nothing changed. Yuuki’s still becoming withdrawn and moody, she’s still withholding as a partner, she only offers her bed when it’s convenient to her and no actual intimacy. She rejects intimacy and doesn’t instigate it or invite it. Their relationship is cold; they might as well be roommates rather than lovers.

On top of this, Yuuki has never once said she loves Zero. She has never spoken her feelings to him, not during any of his confessions. She’s never corrected his assumptions about Kaname, at least not the ones he’s spoken to her. Even her restart confession basically outlined that Kaname’s first in her thoughts and Zero and Ai merely are bandaids “saving” her from thinking about Kaname forever. She doesn’t appreciate Zero openly (as we see from how shocked Zero is by Aidou caring about him in VKM 12). She deflects all his attempts to open their relationship up to be something more mutual.

She fully admits to stringing him along in VKM 9 and then offers him a candy bar with the restart only to give him more of the same. Zero has the patience of a saint, but he’s not a saint, and a 70-year-old virgin is eventually going to get pretty fed up that his lover isn’t interested in having a relationship with him. Especially not when she was more than willing to hop into bed with his enemy much sooner. 

We don’t know yet why Yuuki’s chosen to treat Zero like this. But most certainly Zero doesn’t know either, because Yuuki’s stopped communicating entirely and every time he tries to talk she shuts him down or clams up. Thus, despite Zero’s behavior being physically abusive this chapter (despite it being an anomaly in the 50+ years of his life during VKM so far), in my opinion Yuuki triggered its inevitability and brought it on herself by stringing him along for so long and continuing to do so even after the restart. She’s been unnecessarily cruel to him--even Ruka has been better to Kain than Yuuki’s been to Zero, and Ruka’s settling for Kain. Zero’s supposed to be the person who stopped Yuuki from truly loving Kaname, and the very reason Kaname got butthurt enough to rip out his heart in the first place. For a guy she’s supposed to love, she sure isn’t acting like she does. 

And before anyone accuses me of being a secret Kaname-apologist plant, let me assure you that I’m only pointing this out because this is a problem I see in Yuuki as a character, not because I’ve suddenly gained a liking for abusive relationships in my old age. I expect Hino to address the discrepancies here--why is she treating a man she’s supposed to truly love “worse” than a man she didn’t love? There needs to be something more to explain this than merely “master/servant’ bond and “Yuuki’s dumb.” And I expect that to be explored before I’ll be able to enjoy Zeki again. 

Parallels: VKM 13′s first and last scene bookends and Nights 49 & 61

I’m putting this in its own section simply because I want to highlight it and it doesn’t exactly fit above. There are quite a few scene parallels going on here because we’re still rushing through the Kuran Manor arc redux. First I’ll address the parallels between VKM 13′s first two scenes, then between VKM 13′s final scene and Nights 49 and 61.

The VKM 13 Bookends

Hino’s pretty good about bookend scenes. We’re clearly meant to compare/contrast VKM 13′s opening scene with it’s finale scene. Here’s what I found:

The first shot we see is Yuuki and Zero looking at each other on the title page. The last shot we see is them embracing but not mutually, nor are they looking at each other. 

Yuuki attacks Zero in the first scene, only to be rebuffed gently. Zero attacks Yuuki in the final scene, with no resistance from Yuuki. 

The first scene takes its time and slowly unfolds for the reader to give a sense of romance. The final scene rushes through what actually occurs over a long span of time to give a sense of chaos and urgency.

Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the first scene and he delicately and honestly handles them in the correct way, reassuring her of how his feelings have evolved by playfully tousling her hair. Yuuki confesses her fears to Zero about his feelings in the final scene and he agrees with her and assaults her with no playfulness.

Yuuki comes away from the first scene more at peace with the situation than when she started it, though she’s clearly still concerned about something. She comes away from the final scene with no indication that she feels any more peaceful, and in fact she seems to feel worse. 

Zero responds to Yuuki’s fears correctly in the first scene and incorrectly in the second. 

A deliberate contrast like this in the same chapter is necessary to help people both recall that Zero’s generally a good man (and thus his actions at the end of VKM 13 are out of character and something to take note of) and to demonstrate that Zero and Yuuki can communicate in a more healthy way ordinarily. The parallels otherwise remain superficial, but the key takeaway is that things are “right” in the first scene and “wrong” in the last. 

VKM 13 vs. Nights 49 & 61

Several Kuran Manor arc parallels in this scene. I’m just going to list them:

Hino has multiple shots of just Zero’s eye in VKM 13, which is exactly like what she does with Kaname in Night 49. 

Hino eroticizes Yuuki’s expressions during the biting section of VKM 13, which mirror her expressions in Night 49 (also a scene where she “gave in” to a partner’s desires despite being upset/guilty herself rather than loving).

The blood splatters on Yuuki in VKM 13 mirror the multiple bites from Kaname in Night 61. 

Yuuki caressing Zero’s face and confessing her fears mirrors her reactions to Kaname in Night 61.

Yuuki’s weakened from the extreme blood loss in VKM 13 exactly as she was in Night 61.

Zero’s surface reason for egregiously biting Yuuki in VKM 13 mirrors Kaname’s surface reason for egregiously biting her in Night 61.

The parallels to the Kuran Manor arc are important because it shows that Zero’s behavior is wrong no matter the context. Kaname had “reasons” for treating Yuuki badly too, but those reasons aren’t excuses and shouldn’t be used as excuses. Just because Yuuki gives in to the abuse doesn’t make the abuse right. But that’s all I want to say on this subject for now, because this post is literally a novella now and I’m tired of writing it. 

The End Of The Line

So to sum up, this was in my opinion a horrible chapter and a blight on Zeki as a pairing and I expect Hino to clear it up immediately and stop dragging her damn feet. 

Otherwise, we’re going along quite well as far as narrative trajectory goes. I see one of two things happening: either a.) Hino keeps dragging this shit out and doesn’t let Zero leave or b.) she lets Zero leave finally. We may or may not get an apology, but if we don’t get an apology I will officially be done with the ship, though for personal reasons I’m not leaving the fandom until the end. Zero’d better apologize for this shit. It’s inexcusable; I don’t care how badly Yuuki’s treated him or how much she deserves it, I expect better from him. If I were his grandmother, that’s what I’d say to him.

@soulisthirsty mentioned to me that she thinks next chapter would be perfect for a Zeki breakup, as it’s conveniently the end of Volume 3. That would be the best Christmas present I could receive. This “restart” has been nothing but a joke and the sooner Zeki breaks up, the sooner we can have a genuine move toward a real relationship.

At this point, I feel that Yuuki doesn’t love anyone. I don’t think her actions imply she loves Zero anymore. I don’t think she loves Kaname. I think she’s a confused, unhappy woman who needs to sort herself out. A break up would do this for her--I think in order to actualize herself she needs to face her fears of being alone and overcome them. She’s been sitting on these fears since arc 1 of the original series, and in order to be a true heroine she’s got to overcome them to earn her happy ending.

Ideally, I’d like them to break up for 50-100 years. I’d like to see Zero actually try dating other girls, maybe even sleeping with them, maybe even having a family/kids of his own who are human. I’d like to see Yuuki try to live her life alone and lie in the bed she’s made for herself. I’d like to see her start appreciating the life Zero gave her. I could easily see Hino covering this span of time within 2-3 chapters if she wanted to (so in volume 4), then allowing the drama over the Vampire King to bring Zero and Yuuki naturally back into each other’s orbits, where they can fall in love naturally for the first time, both of them healed and whole.

But likely what we’ll get is a rebenching where Zero just uses the Vampire King as an excuse to put the relationship on cool down and have them go back to meeting at the bench. He’ll probably start looking for ways to revive Kaname, leading to the cure debacle. This will likely force Yuuki to have to at least deal with something regarding her feelings, whatever it is that finally makes her capable of sleeping with Zero to conceive Ren. *sigh* 

Zero, just realize that your true love is Aidou! Please! I beg you! *sigh*

Anyway, I can’t believe I made it through this monstrous chapter. I feel absolutely exhausted. Whoever makes it through this thing has my sincerest gratitude and admiration. But for now, I’m calling it quits. 

Until next time!

#vampire knight #vampire knight memories #zeki criticism #vkm spec #vkm speculation #anti ky #vkm chapter review

[hornedwyvern]

Chapter 3 ✵ A Dance Among Birds

This in a fiction which stars you as the reader (F!Reader) in a love triangle with Ardyn Izunia and Gladiolus Amicitia. Please enjoy! This one is particularly long. 

Warning: This story will have eventually smut, non con, gore, slime, implied character death. Lots of angst, possessiveness and jealousy. This one for bullying or mostly Gladio just being a teenage douche-bag.

Word Count: 3,184

To tempt the devil was to tempt fate but what if it was the other way around? You're in the thralls of love and hate, lips like honey each direction you turn. To the left; the Imperial Chancellor, he can both offer the desires you crave and the gift you seek. To the right your found love of so many years; The Shield of the King. A man who offer you a life you could never imagine and a love never unending. You seek the strength to choose as voices berate you from all around like fire and you the tinder. Praise the gods as a solemn will guides you towards with your hand out reached; whom will you choose? What will happen?

Chapter 1 ✵ 

Chapter 2 ✵ 

“Wistful girl!” A familiar voice shot at you. You had been staring out your window.

You turned to reply; it was your mother holding a burlap bag with a most judging look. She stood in the door way of your bedroom, keen on your figure who lazily sought the blue skies over that clear Insomnia day. A few planes in sight, maybe some birds -- and the always resonating, pulsating borealis glow of the crystal’s power which protected your city. It’s textile pattern fading in and out as more energy was pumped into the sky. Maybe someone who had never lived there could have found the shield alarming; you found it as a security. 

Some times you would stare at it for hours. It blocked the noises inside your head. 

‘Sinner!’ ‘Daemon!’ You shook to clean of the voices away. Narely remembering how they came to be inside of you.

“Y/N!” You were reminded once more. A bleak look in your tired eyes. 

“Yes?” Quietly responding.

You’d grown up 3 years. A ripe age of fifteenth. 

Your hair was longer, reaching the edges of your shoulders; it carried a bounce when you blow dried it. As well your body had developed slow; you were a woman but still looked like a flat board when you dressed in your high school uniform. You wish it fit better but that was the only size that contoured you the best. It would have to make due! Plus you planned to be covered in scrubs and a doctor’s coat for the rest of your life. So what if you weren’t the most fashionable person out there.

You had on a long sweater and printed leggings as well wrapped in one of your favorite blankets. You’d spent a good chunk of the night studying a medical book your mother had given you. Even in the summer you dedicated your self to  becoming a doctor. It was your pride in not only your self but in your family. Your love for your mother and her practice were important so it would be to you. The worst thing you could think would to have your family disappointed in you. You shuttered at the thought.

“I've been calling your name for the last five minutes.” Your mother stated, inviting her self into your room.”What have you been doing?”

Had she really?

“I was just thinking about how I’m excited for school to start. What teachers I will have this year.” You lied. You couldn’t remember what you were thinking about. When you tried to recall all you could think was the color blue. Maybe you had been staring at the sky for too long. The brisk April air was getting to you.

Your room wasn’t the most interesting but to you it was a safe haven. Your bed was low to the ground with a tapestry behind it. Several book cases full of comics, novels or medical books of both human, daemon and animal anatomy. To the furthest side was a white desk littered with papers, a laptop and cans of empty soda or energy drinks (Even the occasional empty cup of tea with it’s tea bag still inside.) As your mother walked through she sighed in disgust. How could she have raised such a cluttered child?

You didn’t mind. You were more interested in what she brought you. 

“Like you asked. I brought some books on Daemon studies and uses. As well some books I thought you would enjoy.” She sat on a bean bag chair not too far from your perch by the window. Promptly dumping the books out without a single disregard. You understood when you saw the condition they were in. Likely old books in a library donated to the Citadel or to your mother. You shifted to face her better; grasping one of the books that fell near you.

It was a lore and humane studies of Daemons, the pages looked aged and yellow. The course texture of the pages against your thumbs felt gratifying. As you flipped through it’s fine pages you sought the information inside; skimming the notes of Daemon behavior and the reasoning behind their existence. A particular page entangled your fixation as it relayed that some daemon can exhibit almost human nature and how they interact while in groups. Some caring for one another of their own and even that of other daemons in nature. It really baffled you that these creatures were so human-like yet aggressive in nature. 

Your attention drew to the mannerisms in Arachne and their hierarchy. Beside the lengths of printed text you saw a crude drawing of a feminine arachnid woman sporting a vivid tail coat and grotesque legs. What caught you the most was how human-like she looked - you drew your index finger around the lines of her chin and cheeks. Amidst this you were completely ignoring your mother again and what ever she was saying. 

‘You seek the devil inside you -- Oh how you crave it. You lowly worm.’ A forgotten voice hissed at you. 

‘Yes, nothing more than dirt’ A second chimed. Their laughter like needles on nape of your neck. You toted the pain silently aside the panicked look stated in your watering orbitals. 

“Y/N, I swear you’re out of it.” your mother waved her hand by you. This startled you actually but at least made you focus on something else.

“I-I’m sorry I’m just tired.” Continuing to lie, you felt bad for doing it.

“Are you sure?” Her head leaned into a tilt, some of her hair -- the same color as yours -- falling off her shoulder. “You can always come talk to me, you know? I’m never to busy.”

That was a lie from her, you internally chuckled. She was always busy or berating you to help or finish a task. Your childhood innocent and duties were long gone, she no longer let you slack or have a moment’s rest. This didn’t diminish any love you had for you it was just you had a different relationship now. It was a just a change and no one really likes change -- well that’s how you thought some times. 

“I appreciate that.” You said with a benign smile, closing up your book. Your mother had collected most of them stacking them infront of her.  

“I don’t understand where you find interest in these books. It’s not what you’re planning to major in any way. Seems like a waste of shelf space but I guess we all have our interest, When I was your age I enjoyed reading mystery novels. That could be considered as the same.” 

You didn’t really pay attention to her common, you had shuffled down to your knees as you gazed based the other titles. 

“I got your schedule by the way for tomorrow. I left it on the main table in the dining room.” This piqued your interest. Once she had left you organized your new books on a small shelf space you had in a large deep purple book case near your computer before exiting to seek your newest schedule for the beginning school year. 

It seemed like the same; home room, P.E., Lucian Studies, Global Studies, Home Economics and even a list of different after school activities along with with what days you had to stay and clean your home room. From how your morning started this gave you a bit of a perk -- or could have been the cinnamon spice tea you had. Either way you experience a warm excitement inside your chest. It riveted your heart beat, you placed your hand over the spot on your body to calm it’s commotion.

The first day is always the most exciting. You geared your tote of your supplies and -- much to your exhaustion; dawned your uniform and clipped your bangs to the side with a statement hair clip. It wasn’t out of dress code but it was just a small blue flower that complimented the color of your hair. Your mother thought it was just right to make a good impression as well to make you approachable. You checked yourself in the mirror for any flaws or any improvements. 

There was some perse, almost bruised shaded bags under your eyes. This made you sigh but was easily fixed by a few dabs of cover up and powder. Your mind was ablaze last night which made hard for sleeping, you’d one day find a way to fix what ever you were experiencing but for now it was your first day of high school and you were not going to let this ruin it. You demanded so in the first step you took outside and marched your way to school with a extreme false confidence. 

“Aiela.” “Here” “Aeiliame” “Present.” “Aetos”

You heard your surname. It drew your attention to the male teacher dressed in slacks and a button up looking for you behind thick, wide frame glasses. 

“Right here.” Meekly lifting your hand.

He acknowledged you until he started to list the rest of the names. It didn’t phase you until a certain name brought forth a surge of memories and fixation. 

“Amicitia.” The name caused a stir for the whole class room. Most of the heads looking for where they sat.

“Right here.” Gladiolus replied with a lacking tone. His cheek resting on his hand and elbow. 

He sat kiddie corner from you behind you. Your turned your head to examine the situation. The stretched position making a piece of your hair fall from your clip and into your face. Unknowingly you shot him a disgruntled and judging stare which he found funny or something as he replied it with a toothy smirk. His jacket was unkempt, the first few buttons undone as well hair shadowing on his chin and cheek bones. What a mess for his first day. This didn’t please you at all, it was very unbecoming. You had your child hood stirs when you still stayed at the Citadel with your mother but now you had to share a home room with him? All because you were born a month too early and validated you to bump up into the further grade class. You would try your best to ignore him.

You remedied your hair. It was time to pay attention anyway. 

Your first day wasn’t that bad. It was simple stuff you’d retained and relayed over from the previous year. Most were also introductions and what the year would pertain along what was expected of you. At lunch you got to meet a few of your class mates who were all very nice, they shared your common interests. You all bickered over your school bought snacks and treats. You nibbled on a few cookies your mom had packed inside your tote. You hoped that maybe this year you would have a real best friend and do what ever friends really go do. You felt a overwhelming sense of Love and hope throb inside your gut. 

All good students helped clean after class, it was only on accident the first day was one of the days you were scheduled to help. You happily obliged, your goal was to present yourself as a exemplary student. That is until you were taking out the trash to the dumpster. Gladiolus had been helping as well too -- not too much. He was speeding through things to do something. Perhaps late for a game, maybe a date? A voice in your head mocked you. 

In your daze, the plastic tin in your arms was launched out of your arms and spilled on the ground. Your luck it was just only wadded papers and useless office supplies; you stared at the mess before apprehending the source of your new found problem.

“Oops.” A callous voice established beside you. “Stop dropping things, Y/N. It will just keep you here longer.”

It was Gladiolus. He’d jolted the trash can from out of your arm with his free hand as the other was clasped around a broom. You stared at him from beside you with a leer.

You had your tufts and squabbles back at the Citadel. Teasing each other when the moment was right or you just happen to see each other; frankly part of it is why you stopped going with your mom. You’d gotten a bit too rough when Gladiolus insulted your socks and you decided to rip a patch off his uniform. A more than playful altercation insured. From then you only remembered going back a few more times. 

Since then he’d shot up like a bamboo stalk. He was taller than you, face had filled out and started even sporting facial hair. Gladiolus was no longer the grumpy child you remembered years ago; now he was a man. Though this improved Gladiolus was something to be adored you desired to be a far away from him as you could. You ignored his remark and started to collect the pieces of paper from the ground.

Gladiolus kicked one further from you.

“Stop slacking.” Gladiolus said in a churlish tone. 

“Maybe if you were helpful once in your life we might be done.” Your witty tone lashing back him serenely. 

“I’ve got practice with my teacher, you know? Too busy to help you. Once I bring back this I’m taking off but don’t have too much fun without me.” He left with a laugh, jogging back to the school yard entrance. 

You breathed a sigh as you wrapped up cleaning the trash amidst hissing insults under your breath; promptly throwing it away in the nearby dumpster. You’d get him back.

At home economics the next day your class started on a light tone. The teacher said you would be making Swiss Rolls to take home and eat with your family. That seemed pretty easy, your father loved the taste of strawberries. You were sure he’d enjoy to come home from work and have a slice with you. As you read over the ingredients and recipes you observed you were missing a single and key item. You question your partner who stated he had gotten it from the group behind them. Guess you were all sharing the jar.

“Ah--!” Turning to the table behind you. “May I borrow some of the sugar?” 

It was Gladiolus and one of your female class mates. He stared at you with a bleak expression for a moment or so. You expected him to insult you though that wasn’t the case. He alternatively took the measuring cup you had and filled it from the jar of pure white granulated crystals. Just enough for your recipe.

“Here you go.” Gladiolus quietly replied, handing back it to you.

“T-Thank you.” That was oddly nice of him, maybe he was just being civil because others were around? 

You mixed your ingredients pleasantly. Your sheet of sponge cake came out nicely; a fluffy, cherry color - You used a light pink dye and strawberry extract to give it that sweet fruity taste; beating a cream cheese strawberry filling to go with it. You added bits of chopped fruit to compliment the cream. Spreading it thick over the it with a frosting tool; you attempted your best to roll it up into a neat shape. Thus creating the signature dish you’d been told to make. Finishing it off with presenting it on a nice floral plate you’d found in the cupboard.

“Here we go.” Setting it down infront of your teacher. You’d been one of the final students to show off their work. You wanted to make sure it came out just right. 

“Looks good.” He said, taking a sliced piece for him self. Because it hadn’t had a chance to chill the cream slipped out when grasped.

He took a moderate bite, giving it a few chews until stopping completely. He irked before swallowing. Not a good swallow either, it made you worrisome.

“Is it not good?--” You were cut off. 

“No-- I mean yes!! Your cream is good -- the only thing that was sweet. You sure you used Sugar? I think you used salt for your cake.” Your teacher chuckled, setting down the rest of what he had left. 

You reached for a untouched slice and bit a chunk off your self. You immediately you regret that decision as you held all you could to hold back the spongy, salty yet fruit cake in your mouth. None of the flavors mixed delicately like you expected. It hurt your tongue to keep it remaining inside your mouth any longer. You choked back the cake and swallowed it so not to make a scene or embarrass your self by spitting out your own creation. 

That jerk! He’d given you salt instead of sugar! You should have known to taste the batter before mixing it. 

“You did good on the cream.. Might need to watch what you’re mixing in. No worries, Ill give you a passing grade since I can see you put in effort.” Your teacher said to alleviate the situation. At least you had that to make you feel a bit better. You walked back to your table with a cloud of shame over your head. 

Gladiolus was cleaning up his station. He’d made a simple chocolate and cream roll. There was nothing creative about it, just enough to get a passing grade. The little shit had known what he’d done as he smirked from you while wiping off some loose powder sugar that he’d spilled. You could do nothing more than glower at him from you station. Making sure he watched as you dumped the remaining cake into a trash pale. 

“Did you mess up that bad?” Gladiolus mocked you. It was a shame, you were excited to bring that home. 

“I guess I used the wrong ingredients. I wonder what happened.” There was a pinch of sass in your voice.

“Hmmm..” He hummed. “Pay better attention.” 

“Oh I will, I’ll pay lots of attention next time.” Acknowledging him, you packed away the pink food dye into your tote after cleaning your station. 

#final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #final fantasy xv fic #final fantasy xv fanfiction #gladiolus amicitia #gladiolus #gladio #gladiolus x reader #ardyn lucis caelum #ardyn ffxv #ardyn izunia #ardyn #ardyn x reader #fanfc

[choco-chip-cookie]

BabyDaddy!Cal Pt.7

 A/N: Helloooo! I think I’m officially over my writer's block because this chapter was a breeze to write. I have nothing to say this time, but thank you all for the kind feedback, I really appreciate it. As you know by now 100 notes for the next chapter and feedback is always welcome. I hope you enjoy, cupcakes

**WARNINGS**: Nothing but excessive cussing

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen,fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty{END}

You were walking down the street, casually eating an ice cream cone and enjoying the bliss of being on your own. You haven't been out by yourself since you arrived on this tour and since you were in the beautiful state that was Florida, you felt relieved that this was the one time they were all asleep. You were already prepared for the hell the four boys would raise when they woke up, turning your phone up at the maximum volume in case they called or texted. You had entered a small boutique, knowing for a fact that you couldn't fit anything in the store at this point, but you were thinking more of Connor and Felix. They both had been telling you to bring them something back from every city you went to, so you had bought them both shirts from every city. Every now and then you'd find something a little more masculine for Felix, but it usually came down to a shirt. As you were flicking through the tie dye material for Connor, you were approached by a few fans with huge grins on their faces.

"Oh my God, you're Calum Hood's girlfriend right?"

"I am." You nodded and the four of them squealed. Two of them were typing frantically on their phones while the other two followed you around the store to hold a conversation with you.

"What's he like as a boyfriend? I bet it's everything I'd dream to be."

"I guess it is. He's only human, though, so we still have our problems like all relationships." You answered and she nodded.

The shorter blonde and her taller red headed friend had asked you dozens of questions within the last ten minutes and you couldn't even understand how they kept shooting them out. Soon they asked for a picture with you and left you on your own again, finally feeling as if you could breath.

After you had paid for the two shirts and were about to head back to the hotel, you noticed a large crowd behind you. You figured it was simply the tourist or just multiple people all going to the same place but was sadly mistaken. The minute they all began to squeal and crowd around you, you knew it was finally happening. You were getting mobbed.

"Hi, okay, hello." You smiled politely at the fans who were now hugging you or speaking too quickly for you to even understand them.

You were trying to mask the panic that was slowly overtaking you as your hand slid to your baby bump, silently praying to God that you both would make it out unharmed. As you slowly tried to move away you quickly realized that you were trapped in the middle of a sea of teenage girls. They weren't letting up either, no matter how many times you said excuse me. Some girls could tell that you were becoming frustrated and would part for you, but then you would be stuck once again by the never ending wall of girls. It had to be around ten minutes of being stuck when your attitude finally climbed its way out.

"Excuse me, I've been asking nicely for the past ten minutes, but you all seriously need to back the fuck up."

No one paid you any mind as they steady talked about the band and you felt tears spring to your eyes. You refused to go into panic, you haven't had an attack since you were in middle school and you hated them. You remained calm for both your and the baby's sake.

"Y'all seriously need to get the hell out of my way!" You shouted and suddenly you were being knocked over, a shooting pain shooting through your wrist.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Think, Y/N, think. You're hurt, you're on the ground. Shit, you're on the ground! Get up! Nugget might be hurt! Get the hell up!

Despite your conscious shouting at you, you froze up. The fact that Nugget might be hurt was the only thing going through your head. Tears flooded your eyes as you searched in your purse for your phone calling the first person you could think of.

After having a long night out, the last thing Calum wanted to do was answer his phone. The third time around he finally answered with a groggy,"Hello?"

"Calum! I-I need you, I don't know what to do!" You were crying hysterically on the other end. Calum shot up, his eyes widened as he searched around the hotel room for you.

"When the hell did you leave?! Where are you?"

"I don't- I- Oh my God, I don't know." You cried harder."I was shopping and the fans..it's so many I don't know what to do."

"Y/N, just calm down! Tell me what's around you." Calum was struggling to put on his sweats with one hand, his heart racing at the thought of you and nugget getting hurt.

"There's nothing but girls, Calum! They pushed me and I fell and-"

"You fell?!" He yelled, waking Michael who gave him a glare."Y/N oh my God...Why were you- you need to tell me where you are!"

"I was at a boutique." You sniffed as you looked at the bags in your hands."Courtney's Place."

"I'm coming, okay, just stay on the phone and don't panic. "

"I'm already panicking for fucks sake!" You shouted back through the phone.

Without Calum noticing, Michael had gotten himself dressed the second he heard that you fell. The two of them ran out of the hotel room and took the SUV, frantically trying to find you before anything else could happen to you.

The minute you felt a shooting pain in your stomach you thought it was over. This was it, Nugget was gone. At the simple thought your were beyond inconsolable at the point, your breathing was sporadic and your chest began to tighten.

"Are you okay?" A few fans question as she tried to help you up, but you swatted their hands away. The last thing you wanted any of them to do was to touch you.

The few girls gave each other knowing looks and formed a small circle around you. The last thing they wanted was for you to be trampled while on the ground. It seemed as if you were on the ground with your head tucked between your legs the best you could forever. You were trying to focus on your breathing more than anything, you refused to put Nugget in any more danger than she had to be. When you heard Calum's voice yelling at the crowd, it was probably the most gratifying moment you've had in a while.

"Move the hell out of the way!" He shouted at his fans, pushing and shoving his way through. He loved his fans to death, but they were the least of his concerns. "Y/N?! Baby?!"

"She's over here!" The girls who had formed a circle around you shouted and soon Calum was right in front of you, lifting you into his arms and trying to walk away as fast as he could.

"Calum can you take a pic-"

"I swear to God if you all don't move!" He threatened." What the hell is wrong with you?! You clearly see she's having a damn panic attack and you're asking for fucking pictures?" He was shouting and the group had quieted down, not used to seeing their idol in such an angered state.

"Calum." Michael had collected your belongings and placed a comforting hand onto his shoulder."Lets just get her out of here."

"Fucking unbelievable." Calum rolled his eyes.

And for the first time since you were mobbed, the fans finally parted a way for you to get out.

It took you a while, but on your way back to the hotel Calum had finally got you to regulate your breathing. He had tears collected in his eyes from seeing his girl, his Y/N, so distressed. He had never seen you like this, had never seen you crying this hard over anything. So when you were screaming in the car about how you couldn't breathe and how Nugget was hurt, he couldn't help but to cry with you. No one had spoken a word when you entered the hotel. The entire team were sitting in Calum's and Michael's shared suite, already been caught up on the matter from twitter. There were many videos of you being attacked from start to finish and multiple of Calum coming in to save the day and blowing up at the inconsiderate fans. None of that mattered to Calum, though. All he cared about was your and Nugget's safety, which is why he was so livid.

"How could you have been so fucking careless, Y/N?! We told you multiple times not to go out alone! We tell you this all the time! Why didn't you listen?!"

"I-I go out all the time at home and-"

"But his isn't home! This isn't where everyone knows you and will help you in situations like this! This isn't where fans will simply wave at you and let you carry on home!" The Māori was flushed red and his voice strained as he yelled. He doesn't think he's been this furious in a while."Hell, if it wasn't for the fans all over twitter, I may haven't even found you!"

"I know,” You whispered,” I ain't think it through."

"No, you didn’t think it through! You put yourself and Nugget in danger over some damn shirts you could've waited to get while we were awake! You could've taken a crew member for fucks sake!"

"I'm sorry." You sniffed, wiping your eyes with the backs of your hand.

"Don't ever pull this shit again,Y/N, or I swear I'll-"

The second he saw you wince and your hand landed on your stomach all of the anger left his body. His face softened and he rushed to you, squatting to look you in the eye.

"What's wrong? Is she hurt?"

"It fucking hurts." You whined, tears flooding your eyes." I wanna go home, take me home". You cried out.

"Y/N-" Amy began, but you cut her off.

"No! I don't want to do this anymore, take me home!"

With a sigh, she pushed her dark hair away from her eyes and said,"We'll get you the next flight out. Taj, can you find a doctor that we can take her to right quick before her flight?"

With a nod from Taj the whole team moved out of the room, just leaving the five of you alone. Calum sighed and stood to pace around the room, punching the wall as he let out a series of curses.

"Calm down, Cal." Luke tried.

"Calm down? How the hell are you so calm right now?! That might be your kid you know?!"

"I know and trust me, I'm screaming on the inside, but me panicking isn't going to help either of you." He sighed."Just take a breather, mate."

Calum decided to listen to his friend, going to take a seat beside you and allow you to lean into his side. As the three boys watched Calum press a kiss to your forehead while you cried in his chest, they decided to leave the two of you alone.

"Can you tell me what happened?" The doctor asked as she ushered the two of you into the room, starting up the ultrasound machine.

"She was out and got mobbed my fans and I think she fell?" Calum questioned as he turned to you.

"Yeah I uh...I fell and I think I sprained my wrist too, but I keep getting these sharp pains in my stomach."you teared up.

"Don't worry, sugar, you're gonna be fine." The lady who reminded you of your aunt smiled."Just lay back, this is going to be cold."

With a nod you leaned back on the chair and lifted your shirt over your bump, shivering when she spread the jelly around your belly. You gripped Calum's hand tightly as your anxiety levels spiked, smiling when he lifted your fingers to his lips. You all stared at the screen intently as the doctor checked to see if there was any abnormalities.

"Is that her?" Calum felt tears gather in his eyes as he looked at Nugget for the first time.

"Well... I don't know if it's a her, but there she is." The doctor smiled."You're about four months now, so give the baby two to three more weeks and we'll be able to tell."

"Oh my God." Calum laughed joyously, wiping the tears."She really does look like a chicken nugget."

"She does." You laughed with him.

"She's got your head." He teased and you pinched him.

"Shut up, my head isn't big." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"Alright, everything seems to be okay. The pains probably just came from elevated levels of stress, so I recommend you to be on bed rest for the next week."

"Would a flight be too risky? I'm gonna go back home soon and-"

"Perfectly fine." She nodded her head."Just when you get home don't be too active, okay? I'll get someone in to look at your wrist if you just wait here."She paused before giving the two of you a genuine smile."You two are going to make amazing parents."

Calum smiled at the nurse as he said,"Thank you."

Later as you were getting your wrist checked out, the doctor handed Calum the pictures from your ultrasound and gave him a few kind words of encouragement. And as he stared down at the picture of the life growing inside of you with a large grin spread across his cheeks, he prayed for nothing more than for the baby to be his.

#calum hood #calum hood imagines #calum hood blurbs #calum hood one shots #calum hood fanfic #sugardaddy!cal #babydaddy!cal #5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #5sos blurbs #5sos one shots #sugardaddy!5sos #five seconds of summer #five seconds of summer imagines #five seconds of summer blurbs #five seconds of summer one shots #five seconds of summer fanfic #luke hemmings #luke hemmings imagines #michael clifford #michael clifford imagines #ashton irwin #ashton irwin imagines

[dragonbagel]

i’ll be there for you - rhysha

A scav gang infiltrates Atlas in search of a siren-- a siren that happens to be Rhys. Turning himself in has "bad idea" written all over it, but when the lives of his friends are put at risk, he finds he has no other choice.

-*takes place after "show me why you're strong"*-

Rhys and Sasha were in the middle of pulling off each other’s clothes during a heated make-out session in Rhys’ room at Atlas headquarters when the emergency alarm went off.

Sasha groaned, letting her hands fall back into her lap from where they’d been in the middle of undoing Rhys’ belt buckle. “Seriously?”

Rhys looked similarly annoyed, especially because he’d almost gotten Sasha’s bra off. “I swear to god, these assholes can’t handle themselves for five freaking minutes.”

He frowned, and Sasha looked on with a prideful smirk at the way his lips were slightly swollen from their frantic kissing. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and their reunion (which had been one of the happiest surprises Rhys had ever received) had quickly divulged into desperate passion; spending far too many lonely nights sending less than professional photos and texts just wasn’t the same as the real thing, leaving both of them more than a bit pent up.

“You should probably go check it out, mister CEO,” Sasha said regrettably.

“Can’t we just have five more minutes?” Rhys pouted, gaze still trained on Sasha’s chest.

She chuckled as she kissed him again before reaching to readjust her bra and slip her shirt back on. “Don’t worry; when we get back here, I’ll more than make up for lost time.”

The sexy glint in her eyes had Rhys scrambling to fix his clothing into something somewhat presentable, desperate to return to what would no doubt involve a blowjob and mind-blowing sex as soon as possible. His pants felt way too tight, and he flushed as Sasha laughed.

“What?” he said, focusing way too intently on the shoes he was putting on. “You already know you’re like, super hot, and it kind of, um, does its own thing.”

He gestured to his crotch, for the first time a bit annoyed at just how well the surgery had worked. But with the way the alarms were still annoyingly blaring, he didn’t really have any choice other than investigating with a hopefully not super obvious boner.

Sasha just rolled her eyes, sliding on her boots with far more grace than Rhys. “Come on, let’s turn these stupid alarms off before I get a headache.”

Rhys nodded, opening the door and holding it open for Sasha before locking it with his ECHOeye. They made their way up from the underground level to the main facility, Sasha cringing as Rhys paused with a sharp intake of breath at the sight before them. The laboratory looked like a goliath had raged through it, tables overturned and prototypes strewn across the floor. Rhys sunk to his knees at the broken pieces of the gun he’d been dedicating nearly every waking hour to (when he wasn’t stuck dealing with business aspects that Vaughn and Yvette weren’t qualified for).

“Shit,” he said, his crestfallen expression compelling Sasha to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “They- they destroyed it.”

He hadn’t realized his tattoos had started to glow from the rush of emotions he was feeling until Sasha quietly pointed it out, and he tried to focus his energy on cooling them down rather than thinking about the ruins his company was in.

“Rhys, there you are!”

He glanced up at Yvette’s voice, his friend and colleague glaring at him. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! We need you to turn the damn alarm off and--”

She paused when she noticed the corroded remains of the work that had practically consumed him for the past few months. “Shit, Rhys, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s fine,” Rhys said gruffly, turning away from what felt like his murdered child and pushing himself up to stand. His ECHOeye glowed yellow for a few moments, and the alarm soon subsided.

“Finally,” Yvette said with a sigh, folding her arms across her orange business jacket. “Vaughn’s waiting for you in your office.”

Rhys nodded, following her as Sasha trailed behind him. “So what set off the alarm?”

Yvette shrugged. “We’re not totally sure yet. It seems like some sort of sabotage attempt.”

Rhys’ shoulders went rigid at her words, and he forced himself to keep his tattoos in check; there was no way he was about to have that whole “I’m a siren” conversation now, least of all with his emotionally-challenged friend.

Vaughn was waiting for them when they entered the office, fiddling with his glasses as he leaned against the edge of Rhys’ desk. “Thank god you’re okay, bro.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Rhys tried to smile, but he was pretty sure it came off as more of a grimace.

“I think someone broke into the HQ,” Vaughn said, readjusting his glasses as he placed them back onto his face. “Looks like they hacked our systems.”

“Who?” Rhys asked, rounding the corner of the desk and turning on his computer.

“I don’t know,” Vaughn admitted. “I tried to track them, but they blocked all the signals.”

Rhys grit his teeth; his company was under attack, and it seemed like there was nothing he could do about it. After all the time he’d spent trying to rebuild it-- could it really end like this?

His earlier question of the enemy’s identity was soon answered as a gunshot rang out and the door to his office was flung open by a hard kick. Everyone in the room took a step backwards at the sudden noise, their eyes immediately drawn to the heavily armed assailant in front of them. The woman grinned, revealing a few golden teeth from beneath the scarred gash running diagonally across the purple skin of her face. It reminded Rhys of Jack’s scar, and he shuddered involuntarily.

“Which one of you fuckers is in charge?”

Her voice was rough, like she’d been chain-smoking since birth. She didn’t look much older than Rhys, but her blood-stained military-grade outfit was far more intimidating than Rhys’ knockoff designer suit. Nobody responded, the air heavy with tension.

“One of y’all best answer me, or my people will open fire on all your fancy lil’ worker bees downstairs.”

The practiced way with which she handled her pistol and the hardened look on her face made it clear she’d follow through with her threat, and Rhys started forward before before Sasha stopped him with a well-aimed kick to his shin. He hissed in pain, turning and fixing her with a “what the hell” look. The way she shook her head was nearly imperceptible, but her message rang loud and clear: she wanted him to stay hidden.

The problem was, the message of the invading woman, whoever the hell she was, was much louder and clearer.

“It’s me,” he said, stepping out from behind the desk. “I’m in charge.”

The woman pursed her lips, as if she didn’t quite believe him. “What’s a scrawny thing like you doin’ with a company like this? Tryin’ to act like a big boy?”

Rhys huffed. “I’m perfectly qualified for this position. Now, tell me what you want with me before I call security on you.”

The woman’s expression was the epitome of patronizing. “Don’t try actin’ tough, honey. It’s not a good look on you.”

“Don’t call me that,” Rhys growled, clenching his flesh hand into a fist. “And you’d better answer me; what. Do. You. Want?”

“Didn’t your mama ever teach you manners?” She sneered at him. “You’re supposed to say ‘please,’ sweetheart.”

When Rhys just continued to glare at her, she finally threw up her hands in defeat to gratify him with an answer. “Fine,” she said, scowling. “I’ll be honest: I don’t really care about your shitty company. I just want your secret weapon.”

Rhys raised his brow, not following. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t play dumb,” she replied. “We know you’ve got a siren locked up here somewhere.”

Rhys froze before realizing he should probably maintain his composure. “What? We don’t have a siren!”

The woman’s body language made it clear she didn’t believe him in the slightest. “Don’t bullshit me.”

“I’m not bullshitting you!” Rhys spluttered.

The woman took a step closer to him, the proximity of her pistol causing him to flinch. “Don’t play games with me, boy. We Darksiders may be a lot of things, but we ain’t stupid.”

“Darksiders?” Rhys asked nervously. He’d heard horror stories about that scav gang, and he knew they were definitely bad news.

“You heard me,” she said, placing the hand not holding the gun on her hip. “I’m Colonel Lara Anthony, second-in-command. And if you don't start talkin’, I’m gonna shoot your friends dead.”

Rhys glanced over his shoulder to see Vaughn’s face frozen in fear, Yvette looking just as terrified but trying to mask it in a glower. Sasha had a strange look on her face, although he soon was forced to turn back to face Lara as she gripped his cheeks with her hand.

“Last chance to answer me.”

Rhys shook his head, trying to get her hand off of him; it was difficult, what with her iron grip and the way she was nearly as tall as him. “I told you, there’s no siren here!”

“Fine,” she said, narrowing her eyes. “Guess we’ll have to find ‘em ourselves.” She clicked on the communication device strapped to her shoulder.  “Boys, start lookin’ through the girls downstairs. Kill anyone that gets in your way.”

“No, wait, please don’t--”

Rhys didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence before a bullet whizzed past him, aimed directly towards Lara’s head. He hadn’t even noticed Sasha pulling out a gun, and his heart filled with pride at just how smart she was.

Then he realized that the bullet hadn’t hit, instead bouncing off of the shield clipped to Lara’s hip.

“Get down!” he shouted as he ducked for cover, narrowly avoiding the shot fired from the pistol just inches from his face.

When he came to the conclusion that he should be dead at such a close range, that the bullet wasn’t meant for him, it was too late; the bullet had already lodged itself in Sasha’s shoulder.

“Fuck!” she shouted, her other hand clutching at the red stain starting to blossom underneath her shirt.

“Sasha!” Rhys yelled, unsure of whether he was more scared or furious.

“I gave you your chance,” Lara hissed, clicking another bullet into the chamber and reaching to slide an SMG out of her other thigh holster.

Rhys felt stuck in place, unable to move even as Lara’s next words, ordered over her shoulder to the soldiers standing behind her, washed over him: “Take out these fuckers. We don’t need 'em no more.”

“No, stop, stop, I’ll pay you, I’ll give you anything, I’ll--” Rhys’ mouth went dry, unable to choke any more words out as he heard the unmistakable sound of gunshots.

Then everything went white. Rhys scrunched his eyes shut at the flux of energy coursing through his veins and burning through him. When he opened them again, he froze at the realization of what he’d done.

He’d phaselocked.

The bullets previously barreling towards him and his friends were suspended in the cloud of energy before him, just as still as everyone around him. His tattoos were glowing so bright that they shone from beneath his various layers, and he knew his wings must be visible at his back. Both Lara and Yvette had taken a step back in shock, while Vaughn and Sasha looked more mournful than anything.

“I don’t believe it,” Lara breathed, her surprise morphing into a hungry grin.

Rhys felt his energy dwindling, the combination of his emotional instincts to protect those he loved and the residual power boost from eridium exposure in the vault still not enough to keep up with such an expenditure without actual, physical eridium in his system. Rhys fell to his knees in exhaustion as the suspension portal he’d created disappeared, the bullets clattering onto the floor. The light of his tattoos continued to pulse, but Rhys felt completely drained.

“Leave them alone,” he said, well aware that his voice sounded as tired as he felt. “You can have me, just leave them alone.”

“Rhys, stop,” Sasha hissed, still trying to staunch the blood flowing from the wound.

“Rhys, huh?” Lara mused, squishing his face between his fingers once again. Her nails, which were a shade of violet slightly darker than the rest of her body, dug into his skin, and Rhys bit his lip to keep from whimpering. “Weird name.”

Rhys laughed bitterly, trying to maintain his confident facade. “If I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me, I’d be paying my way off this planet in no time.”

The way that Lara’s face split into a grin made Rhys feel nauseous, and he probably would’ve puked if he had the energy to do so; he was having trouble forcing his mouth to form words at that point, nearly on the brink of passing out.

“Don’t worry, kid,” she said, her face way too close to Rhys’ for comfort. “We’ll be leaving this shithole soon.”

Rhys barely had time to register the metallic collar being removed from Lara’s pocket, still trying to comprehend her words through fog in his brain, before the device was slipped around his neck, locking in place with a click. It pressed against Rhys’ windpipe, and he had to make a conscious effort to get more air into his lungs.

“You shouldn’t exist, you know,” Lara mused, her nails dragging down Rhys’ jaw and neck before tearing open the top few buttons of his shirt. The silence in the room aside from the heavy breathing allowed Rhys to hear every echoing bounce of the pieces of plastic as they skidded across the floor. Rhys felt goosebumps rise on his skin as Lara traced the swirling pattern beneath his collarbones, the aggressiveness a stark contrast to Sasha’s gentle, wandering touch.

“Don’t touch him!” Sasha snarled, trying to stalk forwards to pry the woman off of Rhys before the shotgun pointed towards her by one of Lara’s underlings stopped her in her tracks. She knew Rhys was too weak to protect her if a shell started to hurtle her way, and the weird collar around his neck seemed to exhaust him even further.

Rhys looked guiltily towards her before a yank on the collar forced him to turn around.

“What are you, siren boy?” Lara hissed, pulling up on the collar and forcing Rhys to his feet.

The pressure on his neck made it practically impossible for him to speak, and even if he could respond, he had no idea what the hell he’d say. That he was some freak of nature? That he’d tried to change everything about himself but failed?

“Let’s go!” she barked to her lackies before tugging Rhys after her. “I need some time to get to know our new friend.”

“What about the others?” one Darksider asked, jerking a thumb towards Rhys’ friends.

“Leave ‘em,” Lara replied. “We got what we came for.”

“No, wait!” Vaughn shouted, having finally found his voice. “You can’t take him!”

Lara cocked a brow, reached with her free hand to aim the pistol at her hip at Vaughn. “What was that, Shorty?”

“Don’t,” Rhys rasped, voice quiet and strained. “It’s okay. Just- just take care of her.”

He wasn’t quite sure if he was referring to his company or his girlfriend, but the looks on both Vaughn and Sasha’s faces showed they both got the message.

“I’m sorry,” he said, stumbling after Lara as she began to drag him away.

Lara muttered something about finding the nearest Fast Travel station, and before Rhys’ friends could even react, the Darksiders had left the office, the unoiled door squeaking shut behind them.

The three exchanged worried glances as the truth of what had just happened sunk in: a gang of scavengers had threatened to kill off the entire Atlas base in search of a siren. A siren that happened to be Rhys, who’d given himself up to save his friends. And now he was gone, taken off-planet to who knows where.

“What do we do?” Vaughn said, sniffling as he realized he was crying; he really did love his bro.

Sasha shook her head, apparently too emotional to even answer him.

Surprisingly, it was Yvette who finally responded. “We’re taking Sasha to the medic. And then, we’re getting Rhys back.”

read the rest on ao3

#rhysha #rhysha fic #trans rhys #siren rhys #trans siren rhys #Rhys the Company man #sasha the kid sister #angst #torture #trash writing

[bentonpena]

How to Read Long and Difficult Books

How to Read Long and Difficult Books http://bit.ly/2NQBd1W

In the last year, I’ve managed to finish a number of lengthy, sometimes hard-to-read books. Ron Chernow’s 900+ page tome on George Washington. 600+ dense pages on James Madison. Andrew Roberts’ massive biography of Winston Churchill. (Yes, I’m into biographies.) A couple of Dickens’ novels — they’re all big. Melville’s American masterpiece, Moby-Dick. Robert Caro’s legendary, epic series on Lyndon Johnson. And most recently, all 1,400+ pages of Les Miserables. 

Even though these books were enjoyable, and I had a genuine interest in the subject matter, they were often hard to read, if for no other reason than their sheer volume. Large pages, small fonts, tiny margins. Les Mis, because of its actual weight, had to be read sitting up, and often in a chair with an armrest because the thing was so dang heavy and unwieldy. (While I could have read an e-version, as I’ll explain below, I often prefer hardbound copies of classics, even if they’re harder to wrangle.) 

While Hugo and Dickens are a delight to read, the reality is that their language is so different from today that it takes brain power to really digest. And while those biographies I mentioned aren’t necessarily old, they are dense with facts, especially when you’re new to that person/time period. They’re just intimidating for folks who aren’t used to that type of reading which requires sustained focus and a bit of endurance. 

Before the last year or so, I would have probably counted myself in that camp. I had tried to read Washington: A Life and gave up after a few hundred pages. I’d tried Moby-Dick and met a similar fate. The allure of a big, meaty book was great, and yet I couldn’t find the stamina to actually finish many. 

So what was it that finally put me over the top and allowed me to get all the way through these hefty tomes? (And then to keep going too!) At the time, I wasn’t quite sure why. I figured it was some combination of having a plan and finally having the gumption to just keep flipping the pages. But after thinking about it, I realized that there was some innate method to how I was accomplishing it. There’s no need to be intimidated by old books, long books, or just plain hard to read books. It really is a skill to be learned in our Smartphone Age. 

Here’s how I did it (and continue to do it), and how you can too: 

1. Make a plan for yourself. 

Without a doubt, part of my success in reading at least a few of these books was that I had embarked on a couple different reading projects. One was to read a biography of every US president; the other was to read all of Dickens’ novels. (Both were set with indefinite timelines so that I can read other things too.) Having an end goal sure made it easier to get through Chernow’s Washington and Dickens’ sprawling and loosely connected series of vignettes that make up his first novel, The Pickwick Papers. 

Have a particular area of interest you want to explore? Is there a list out there that has really piqued your interest — perhaps AoM’s “100 Books Every Man Should Read”? Do you have a favorite author whose canon you’d like to explore in full? Make yourself a reading plan. 

2. Set a small amount of time or pages per day that you’ll read.

One of the keys in achieving that plan is giving yourself a micro-goal. My plan to read 44+ presidential biographies (some of which are multi-volume) gives me helpful direction, but it’s too distant an end goal to sustain my motivation from day to day. Even focusing on simply finishing the next book in the sequence is tough, when that book is massive — presidents’ lives are often very well explored and documented. 

So I go even smaller and set myself very attainable reading goals. I often flip through the book first to get a sense of how long chapters are; with Washington: A Life I set out to read a single chapter a day. With chapters averaging just 10-20 pages, this was totally doable. For books that have longer chapters (like Caro’s LBJ series), I’ll set a time-based goal, usually 30 minutes a day. 

Working from home, and not having a commute or anyone to disturb my lunch hour, I perhaps have more spare time to read than others. If you’re really cramped, give it just 10-15 minutes per day. You’ll get through those long and hard books far quicker than you’d expect, and when time and energy allow, you’ll often willingly do more than what you’ve allotted. 

3. Engage/interact with the text. 

One of the things that helps keep me engaged, especially when reading a long and/or difficult book, is making myself interact with the text. I almost always read with pencil/notebook at the ready, underlining interesting tidbits and writing one-sentence summaries of each chapter or important section. In James McPherson’s Battle Cry of Freedom — a classic history of the Civil War — I literally drew an illustration in my notebook when he mentioned the concentric circles of anti-slavery beliefs in the North. If you’re reading an e-version, underline and take notes in the same way. It’s a little harder (mainly for the notes part), but still worthwhile. 

4. Get an edition that you like. 

This can make a surprisingly big difference in your reading experience. Reading can be a far more kinetic activity than you’d think. The weight of the book, the styling of the font and the design of the text, even the cover art — if a book is nice to look at and easy to hold, you’re more likely to pick it up. 

Tangible and tactile, and free from the distractions built into my phone, I prefer paper copies for most of my reading, and often hardcovers specifically. Paperbacks are more portable, but the text is often a little harder to read with darker, smaller font size and tighter margins. And while I enjoy used bookstores as much as anyone else, I don’t like reading copies that have any notes or underlining in them already. It’s too distracting. So I always make sure to get a clean copy. 

When it comes to classic literature, you often have a ton of choices. Old versions are sometimes fun to have, but often harder to read, with small margins and overly dark text. I also like explanatory endnotes and lengthy introductions, which older versions almost always lack. Penguin Classics is the gold standard in my opinion. I have a few handfuls of those black paperback covers staring at me from my shelves. If I’m really feeling like I want a hardcover for whatever reason, I also really like the Everyman’s Library editions. 

In spite of the above, I’m also slowly getting back into reading with my Kindle. I tend to go in for an ebook when it’s not a volume I’m collecting, or that I desire taking up shelf space, or there’s simply a Kindle sale going on that’s too good to pass up. Certainly, when it comes to comfort, reading on a couch or in bed with a lightweight Kindle is hard to beat. I can read a weighty biography with a single hand, and even still chase kids around the house if need be. Plus, it doesn’t have the glare or distractions of a smartphone or tablet. And one final benefit of reading on a Kindle: free classic books! Anything published in 1923 and earlier can be had for free and downloaded within seconds. 

Ultimately, find what you like. Whether it’s a cheap used paperback, a new hardcover, or the ease of a Kindle edition, find the book version that you most enjoy reading. 

5. Have a dictionary/encyclopedia handy.

When it comes to long and difficult books, part of the struggle is just that they can make us feel dumb when we don’t know certain words or don’t have the contextual knowledge that would make it easier to understand. When I started to delve into Civil War reading, I got myself an atlas of Civil War battles and movements. When I read Les Mis, I kept my phone nearby to look up French phrases, antiquated and out-of-use words, and facts about the Battle of Waterloo (a section of text which nearly killed me). 

You’ll likely find it helpful to keep your phone at hand too; while you could invest in a hardbound dictionary, you’ll often need to access various resources to investigate various references (historical, cultural, etc.). Looking things up on your phone can invite the temptation to browse other apps, of course, but just fight past the Instagram itch. If that’s too difficult to do, block distracting apps during your reading time (here’s how).

6. Just get through the hard parts. 

With every long and/or difficult book, there’s bound to be a part that disengages you and makes it hard to pick back up. My encouragement to you: just get through it, even if it means skimming or (heaven forbid!) skipping chunks if needed. When reading the aforementioned Churchill biography, I skipped a section on his experience in the Boer War since I had already read Candice Millard’s spellbinding account on that same time period (and listened to her interview with Brett). 

Even if you don’t already know something, don’t worry about missing things. The first time you read a book, especially a long or difficult one, you’re going to inevitably miss things anyway. If it’s a novel, you’ll catch up to the plot quickly enough; if it’s non-fiction, you’ll survive missing a few facts — if they’re important enough, they’ll come back up. Trust me: It’s okay to skim things. 

7. Take advantage of the momentum! 

Part of why I’ve been able to read a lot of long books in the last year, I think, is simply that I finished Chernow’s Washington, which is a book I had previously given up on. Turning the final page and closing the back cover was quite gratifying. I knew that I could read the next hard book, whatever it might be. (It was David McCullough’s John Adams; McCullough is a great storyteller, but even he had a hard time making Adams’ decade in Europe exciting. Nevertheless, I got through it easily.)  

The same was true of Les Mis. After 1,432 pages and two months of reading most days, I was rather proud of what really felt like an achievement (perhaps more than it should have!). Finish one big, hard book and you’ll have momentum on your side. Really all it takes is one “win” to bolster your confidence in your reading capabilities. 

I know now, moving forward, that I can read and finish just about anything you put in front of me. With a little bit of daily diligence, intentional engagement with the text, and some strategic skimming and skipping if necessary, you can do the same. 

You can follow along with what I’m reading — plenty of long books included — by signing up for my weekly newsletter: “What I’m Reading.”

The post How to Read Long and Difficult Books appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

via The Art of Manliness http://bit.ly/2NeG3FZ September 3, 2019 at 01:58PM

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How Can a Novice Translator Develop a Effective Vocation

notarised interpreter Prague 1 1 of the key road blocks that any amateur translator faces right after completing university schooling or postgraduate diplomas and courses lies in the most professional way by which he can confirm his competence and proficiency as a freelance translator. Whether approaching a translation agency or a immediate customer, the full method can be truly much more intricate than it seems to be, with view to the truth that both equally conclusion people of his services are only right after licensed/sworn translators or knowledgeable translators with proven information and references. If so, how can a beginner freelance translator take care of to hold out of this vicious circle? If you are approaching translation organizations, you will have to abide by specific regulations and tips. To embark on your new job as a freelance translator, you may come across it required to get the job done for free of charge a couple of months or even a year as a trainee in any translation agency. This will help you to include realistic expertise to your know-how, find out the knowhow approaches of the occupation, understand how to use CAT resources competently, acquire talent and get suitable speed and competence in your fields of curiosity. You must always don't forget that your brain is your asset. It is the school of cause that need to be regularly broadened and up to date with pertinent up-to-day activities, and expertise. Therefore, you really should under no circumstances forget about the worth of enriching your topic expertise and boosting your knowledge by intensive studying in a variety of domains and disciplines to be ready to offer proficiently with this sort of specialties as the will need arises (no matter whether this be in the business, specialized, health-related, lawful, economic, literary, or IT domains). You must also maintain track of the most up-to-date CAT tools' releases and always be keen to create your effectiveness in utilizing this sort of tools in an expert and dexterous fashion. Immediately after getting the simple knowledge and preliminary know-how skills, you have to commence your lookup for a trustworthy worldwide translation agency that would be prepared to hire you and pay you for your solutions. You have to go down with your price to motivate these companies to contract with you. Placing into thought that most translation agencies established a demo time period to all freshly-hired translators in which they can closely analyze and keep track of these translators' function, you will be necessary to supply, as much as can be humanly possible, an error cost-free expert translation, that is a true rendering of notion, model, and authentic composition, as nicely as a target text that is constant in top quality and exact in information. To assist you produce an correct translation and a initially excellent end merchandise, you need to always resort to suitable authoritative references, means, specialized dictionaries, glossaries and terminologies. The due dates predefined by your companies must often be noticed and confidentiality of all managed tasks need to often be revered no matter whether or not you had been questioned to sign their non disclosure arrangement. Try out to profit from your current entire time employment by devoting all your energy to more enrich your subject matter know-how in your fields of specialty and enhance your very first hand expertise. In spite of the issues in abiding by all the above talked about nuts and bolts, nevertheless observing them is your only way to ensure that you will be the target for any translation company. On the other hand, if you are approaching a direct consumer, whether or not corporate customers or individuals, this will be your next move in the area as a licensed specialist translator. When you have polished your expertise and encounter and really feel you can start your very own occupation, you should transfer to a part-time contract so that you can have the time to make your possess clientele database. You will, probably, confront a ton of difficulty striving to achieve obtain to these purchasers. However, to aid these course of action you have to develop your possess web page and undergo all the phases that it would entail from development of the web site, to optimization of its information to be Web optimization friendly, to the research of techniques and implies to acquire traffic, to the use of all feasible cost-free or lower price range e-advertising strategies. In this regard, most small corporations start out producing use of all absolutely free indicates obtainable on the net to gain visitors to their web sites by registering at absolutely free directories, developing free adverts, or constructing hyperlinks and reciprocal backlinks to their internet sites. Meanwhile, you should also bear in head that company consumers and companies want, in the 1st position, to outsource their translation desires to partners who are equipped to offer extensive options. They search for businesses that can fulfill their translation requirements in a array of different languages, are offered 24/7 several hours a day, can acknowledge managing translation of specialised domains, have DTP and typesetting providers, keep procedures that ensure all deadlines are fulfilled and notice the private character of all taken care of employment. Getting into thing to consider their need to have for range, capability, continuity, and confidentiality, it is scarcely astonishing that quite a few this kind of organizations immediate their decision to a a single end shop translation company relatively than particular person freelancers. Even though a translation company may possibly be a lot more high-priced than a freelancer, nevertheless the more thorough support and high quality acquired justify the further investment. As to particular person purchasers, you are not able to get access to this kind of consumers apart from if you have a extensive scope of social acquaintances and relations or a website to showcase and current market your services. On the other hand, this does not typically function and quickly you will uncover that you have to start off your promoting marketing campaign. Making contact with a qualified organization to cope with your e-advertising campaign at lower spending budget for tiny businesses is 1 of the uncomplicated and immediate answers to get obtain to your probable consumers. Social marketing has also come to be an essential software which accounts now for a great share in the marketplace with watch to the reality that about 96% use social networks these kinds of as Fb, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, and MySpace. Once your freelance get the job done delivers you with a perform flow that engages you 20 to 22 several hours a week, you can now terminate your aspect-time contract and start out your own career and private company. Whilst going via all the earlier mentioned techniques, you have to be systematic, logic and individual. You should by no means embark on a action except soon after becoming positive that you are going to stand on strong floor. Becoming in the exact same stand as a health practitioner, a translator can't establish himself in his profession with out possessing large understanding backed with point out of the artwork technologies. Although translation experienced been 1 of the most important pillars of civilization and cultural improvement, and experienced marked the evolution of several contemporary sciences, it carries on, presently, to occupy an elevated rank after the introduction of globalization and the launch of the world wide web. It goes devoid of expressing that translation presents a interesting and gratifying profession to any person who has the appropriate blend of language expertise, the ample specialist dedication and intuitive small business acumen. While commencing up can be extremely tough and the competitors can be incredibly fierce, yet the really expert, fully qualified and sufficiently enthusiastic specialists have wonderful potential clients to success.