#it will change me in a way that I cannot even explain

[jjinx1998]

xxtc-96xx Callout post

To start I want you to know I didn't want things to have to come to this but after recent developments and discussions from others I cannot ignore what's been going on for years now. This is a problem revolving around the user @xxtc-96xx , the comic Endertale, and the Undertale fandom. I will try to explain what I know and offer proof when I can, but there might be some sloppiness as this is my first real post on Tumblr. If there is any technical issues about this post, please let me know so I can fix it.

Let me start from the beginning. I have been a long time fan of xxtc-96xx since about 2016 (I will refer to them as TC to make it easier). I have enjoyed looking at the art they create for many years, mainly the ones revolving around Endertale.

Endertale is a fan comic that TC made of the game Undertale. It's a very decent story with a pleasant art style. I would recommend it but I cannot and I will get to why. You see TC has suffered from something that just about any creator can relate to, burnout. The most recent comic page being posted in 2021 though there was already a hiatus established before that.

While they made it long clear that they needed to go on break for personal reasons, people wanted to ask for when they will continue it. Some of them calm and reasonable and other's were very much not nice. TC answered them honestly at first.

Then it started to devolve into troll responses or just not answering.

Not just on Tumblr but people kept asking on Deviantart as well. In fact people are still asking today in 2024. It has gotten so frequent that TC felt it necessary to change their profile header to this:

And it has stayed that way for so long I lost track of when it started. To be fair, even I found the frequent questions to be overwhelming and they just like every artist who makes stuff for free is entitled to take a break from their work. However this post isn't a complaint about how long it takes to finish a comic, it's about something that started because of the wait.

See, their original reason to take a break was because they were too busy with personal matters for them to commit to an actual comic. But as their history up to today has shown that's no longer a valid excuse. As time went on they started to show an interest in the Pokemon fandom. specifically the pokemon known as Mewtwo. To make a long story short, what started as small doodles grew into a whole bunch of fancomics and animations. To compare, they have drawn nearly four times as many Pokemon drawings compared to Undertale. Now, it is perfectly fair and acceptable to find an interest in a different fandom. And while I personally prefer Undertale over Pokemon I completely supported their decision to focus on other fandoms and enjoyed what they made. I also understood their issues with the fandom at the time, some people were rather aggressive, rude, or demanding the comic to be completed, a comic that's completely free that they make no profit out of. I even recall one point they tried to unsuccessfully drag a different content creator into this issue as if it would somehow work.

However I started to notice they had a warped perception on the fandom. Rather than blame the few people that harassed them online with constant asks, they believed that the entire fandom as a whole is to blame as declared it all toxic. Something they insist on repeating to all their fans and making them believe their opinion as fact.

Now for the record I am very aware of how toxic this fandom was and can be at times. I was around since the beginning and have seen just about every drama that has come. From the fans harassing you for not doing the pacifist route in the first time playing, people arguing if either Frisk or Chara is a really bad person, arguing over Frisk's and Chara's gender, is genocide the right choice, is Toriel the bad guy or Asgore, and a controversy revolving around a certain creator of the au Glitchtale (the last one TC coincidentally emulates their "Delay work for one week for every ask" and finds it amusing). I know this fandom is not the best but I love it all the same, it's as much a part of my life as it is for TC. I know I am not perfect at showing my interest for Undertale, as this image of a private ask shows.

Or this time I made a obviously joke ask and apparently I didn't realize a lot of people don't understand sarcasm.

Or when I tried to ask this sincere and nonaggressive question, one of the few times TC isn't putting up some kind of attitude.

Or this other ask from me.

At the end of the day this is just a comic. No one has any right to demand them to continue it or make death threats, this is completely unacceptable. However, at the same time this doesn't mean the creator should dehumanize the entire fandom or punish the few that are being respectful. They wait and what do they get, people mocking them and bullying them. That's what I realized in the past week when I engaged in the comments of a few posts. TC allow their fans to bully the fandom.

I tried to be as calm and reasonable as I can and yet I get called out as a toxic fan. And in the end did TC scold everyone else, no, they basically told me to shut up. I overestimated the fans intelligence and if they could handle basic logic, read the comments for yourself to see my point. As someone with Asperger and anger issues, it's a god given miracle I am still trying to maintain my composure within this insanity that has been going on for years. I have spoken with several content creators who asked to remain anonymous about this entire fiasco and we have similar conclusions about TC.

TC has been through a lot of painful and hurtful comments over the years that they did not deserve in the slightest. They are entitled to do whatever they want with their comic and works. Saying a fandom is or isn't toxic is unhelpful as you fundamentally miss the mark on how fandom culture works. As a creator, it is not right to hang this hiatus over people's heads and string them along. TC does not respect their Undertale fans in the slightest and mocks those who is still waiting. They indirectly encourage their other fans to bully and dehumanize the rest.

I held back on making a comment about all this for two reasons. One, TC's fandom terrifies me. They are complete smug hypocrites who spend way too much time on the internet that they don't realize that if they use their words in real life they will get punched in the face for it. Two, despite everything I still believe that TC can change. I like to believe the best in everyone and that there is hope that maybe this time TC will realize they have become the very thing they hate. That hope has faded to cinders. I'm done with TC, my only concern is the people remaining to wait for the comic.

To everyone who is waiting for Endertale and/or following TC because you like their Undertale stuff, leave them and never come back. They do not respect you, they look down on you, they laugh watching you wait, you deserve better than them. Even if they do finish the comic eventually it will not be made out of love or passion.

DO NOT harass and bully them because of my words. I will not tolerate any attempt to do so.

My final words are for TC if they even decide to read this:

TC, I know we are not friends, you made that clear long ago but I was hoping we could've been. You were a huge inspiration for me in the past and was what pushed me to attempt learning about art. I looked up to you and tried to support you when you were feeling down. You are no longer that person.

You do not have the right to condemn an entire fandom as toxic and declare it as a fact of life. It's people like you that keep the fandoms so divided to this day. It's because of people like you I am scared for my life if I ever mention Undertale in public. Your fixation on the sins of the past prevents us from moving forward. I do not excuse what happened but the past is in the past, get over it and grow up, you are an adult so act like it.

You say you don't owe us any comic or works, well at the same time if you want to mistreat the fandom I care about then I or anybody don't owe you any respect yet I did for nearly five years.

Why? Because I cared about how this all made you feel. What do you see when you look at me, another obsessed toxic fan who should keep their mouth shut or a PERSON with their own thoughts feelings and beliefs?

One of your problems is that you think nothing ever seems to be your fault, just the fans who keep asking. Well maybe they wouldn't have asked if you didn't leave them hanging for almost five years. To me, it no longer matters if you finish Endertale or not.

Maybe you still think it isn't your fault, then that makes me the idiot for hoping you can be better. You hurt me, really hurt me. I don't think I can ever trust someone like you again.

Do you know what I really want?

Your apology. I want you to make a genuine apology to me and the fandom at your actions over the years. I won't block you because being the idiot I am I hope my words mean something to you and you'll want to chat.

But until you wise up ask yourself this familiar question,

Do you really think you are above consequences?

#Endertale #Undertale #call out post #toxicity #cw: vent #undertale comic #long post

[spiritstein]

spirit albarn has histrionic personality disorder, change my mind

i often see people ask what the hell is wrong with spirit, which is a great question. that guy's got issues. here's my take on explaining some of them!

notes: i have HPD myself so some of the evidence/examples i'll give will have personal anecdotes (although i've avoided projecting to the best of my ability for this post.) this is based mostly off the anime, as i have not finished the manga.

full post under the cut as it's ended up both very long and image heavy

one of the major traits of HPD is dramatic and exaggerated behavior/expression of emotion, which spirit displays nearly every time he's on screen. (typically in regards to either maka or his past and potential future romantic pursuits, we'll get to that later.)

this is typically played for comedy, but i don't think that discounts it as evidence at all-- kid's OCD is often used for jokes but that doesn't mean he doesn't have it.

these outbursts often involve very sudden shifts in his demeanor, and almost feel like an internal switch is being flipped on or off. this can make how he acts seem shallow at times, which is also characteristic of HPD. (emphasis on seem-- i do believe he's expressing his true emotions to the extent he feels them. the exaggerated self-expression of individuals with HPD is often tied to feeling those emotions far more intensely than the average person, at least for me.)

note how quickly he returns to a "resting" or "default" expression in the second gif here. he's kind of got a resting bitch face, honestly.

another defining trait of HPD is excessive flirtatious and sexual behavior, regardless of the person's attraction to whoever they're making advances on. i'll be using manga screenshots here since dialogue is important, but this is the symptom spirit shows most obviously by a long shot.

(not pictured: many, many more examples of this...)

he tends to flirt or otherwise get involved with women regardless of if the situation calls for it, and often to the detriment of his relationship with others.

the most blatant example of this detriment is his divorce with maka's mother and maka's subsequent dislike of him. no images provided since i presume you're familiar with that if you've gotten this far.

notably, he appears to feel guilty about this trait, yet does not or cannot curb it. one could easily read this as spirit needing the attention and approval from these women. excessive desire for these things (along with a more general need to feel liked or loved) is a major driving force behind other HPD-influenced behaviors and is a symptom in and of itself. while there is no concrete evidence behind this explanation for his provocative behavior, there is one person we know he desperately seeks approval from-- maka.

while nearly any parent would want for their child to love them, spirit wants for maka to merely pay any attention to him to a degree far beyond average.

in all of these examples, he's upset by her not even acknowledging him (or the thought of it) as opposed to hating him. the thought of her loving or admiring him appears to be a far-off fantasy to spirit, to the point of barely being able to handle it when she interacts with him positively:

...to the point of vomiting after this, which i won't show because that's gross.

maka is by far the person spirit's most shown to value the attention and approval of, but he still likely seeks it from others in more subtle ways. inversely, he reacts very strongly to both perceived and actual rejection, which is another HPD symptom. he assumes the worst when lord death calls for a meeting of all the death scythes, and is shocked when he finds out he assumed wrong.

people with HPD also tend to be gullible and easily influenced, which is most obvious in spirit's interactions with stein. he allegedly didn't catch on to the fact that stein was experimenting on him until his ex-wife pointed it out, as well many examples of stein just sort of fucking with him over the course of the series.

this could also just be that spirit's a dumbass, so take this part with a grain of salt.

that's everything that i can directly tie to HPD symptoms, but i'd also like to note that alcoholism is common in histrionics and they're at higher risk of divorce. as well as these manga screenshots of spirit being Just Like Me Fr as someone with HPD that i couldn't find anywhere else to put.

i hope this wasn't too clunky of a read and possibly gave the 5 spirit fans something to consider in their characterization of him! thank you for your time ^_^

#soul eater #spirit albarn #death scythe #how the hell else do i tag this?? #se

[hansoeii]

we go just right.

#when the date went so wonderful that you don't even mind that you forgot your umbrella at home #crowley is doing his best and aziraphale appreciates it very much #aziraphale's very special version of pride and prejudice can't get wet #so you gotta use the four year old newspaper you found in your bentley #I am not mentally ready for season 2 #it will change me in a way that I cannot even explain #thank you neil gaiman love of my life fr #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens fanart #good omens 2 fanart #aziracrow fanart #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #david tenannt #micheal sheen #neil gaiman #digital art

[itspileofgoodthings]

Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——

#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her #like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’ #she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel #she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love #and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy #so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless #like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now #because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it #just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11 #and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want #so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different #but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy #and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change #like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground #and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does #and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts #wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way #and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her #because she WILL find a way to win #but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL #it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is #because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say #ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her #and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy #of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants #and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands #like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time #and she feels every blow! #whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just #this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!

[lightfulonion]

top 5 serirei moments go

This is a great ask because i really dont have an answer ready jkhskda

Ok! These are my top five serirei moments! I have taken into account the anime, the hot springs OVA, the manga moments that didnt make it into the anime or that havent aired yet*, the official art which probably isnt canon but i cant NOT include them, the fanbook and the omake that i have read ...

*i am an anime-only but i read spoilers so i have only approximate knowledge of whats going on manga-wise lol i havent read everything tho so my opinion is not as well-rounded as id like yet but i made an attempt with what i know thus far (which is enough tbh). i have spoiler warnings wherever i deem necessary but please tell me if i need to add something!! what i included from the mp100 fanbook doesnt contain any spoilers, most of them are related to what we've seen from season 3

Anyway here we go!!!

5.

JK JK JAKSJAKKKALDKJALSJD

I am obviously not counting that since it technically ISNT a serirei moment because Seri isnt present. Obviously. That's the reason.

For real now:

5.

Reigen seeing Serizawa for the first time is a moment ingrained in me because the very first thing that Seri did was protect him using his umbrella aka his only source of comfort and security???? while he went against the one person who he thought understood him??? i dont know if it was meant to be read as an exchange of sorts or as a metaphor or as foreshadowing or all three but it's so incredible..

(spoilers, probably? --->) i think in the manga at some point Serizawa got an umbrella and it was clear instead of white or any other color, so when he was using it he was visible and so many fans were saying that this is a metaphor for him not being afraid anymore and standing on his own two feet as a person :'( anyway this is sort of irrelevant but it's kinda related to Reigen too (i think the umbrella was a gift from him??) And the fact that in the anime he uses the cards Reigen gave him as a weapon opposed to the umbrella Touichirou gave him....... (<----end of spoilers)

Also this tweet seems relevant and lives rent free in my mind

4. from the mp100 fanbook

the farting chair..... i cant like a pairing without them being absolutely ridiculous. Reigen doing whatever ridiculous thing he's doing and Serizawa being either "hm. sure." or "??????" is so funny to me. them going to the bar and getting drunk together and Reigen showing him a trick with Seri responding "i have a test tomorrow Reigen-san.." in contrast to what we've seen in the anime so far with Reigen being dramatic and actually impressing Serizawa is so good....... what do you mean this is more than one moment.......

3. (from s3e9)

this and the way they framed Reigen's wait-youve-never-liked-a-girl meltdown and then moments later showing him googling "how to ask girls out" must be an indicator for something (🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉)..... Also the way Reigen lets himself be a little vulnerable in front of Serizawa shows that he trusts him and that's weird since he is so guarded all the time while trying to show how great he is.. I like that he has someone he can share things with and maybe even be himself with

(the above are from this video)

2. the famous moment they cut-off from the anime (specifically from s3e9) (after no3 chronologically)

when i first saw this i was so sure there was something going on canonically that will slowly unravel. i have only seen bits and pieces of the manga but i still feel there is something here. its a small moment and then it changes scene back to mob. considering this being a little later from no3 it makes you wonder if its building up to something or not?? (the answer is its not but still. behind the scenes maybe?) Moreover Reigen's desire to be a good partner makes me??? I cannot explain correctly what this makes me feel because writing this made me both want to cry AND want to make that one meme with timmy's dad (since it couldn't make it into the anime)

1.?????

whatever??? this is???

I first saw this a year or something ago and it still mystifies me to this day... what was the purpose of this? what is trying to convey?? is this supposed to attract the male-loving fans of mp100??? i literally cant NOT read this as gay... it makes me lose my mind every time i look at it. They are literally gay married... (spoilers----->) they even co-own spirits and such at the end of the manga as far as im aware........ (<------ end of spoilers)

there is no way these guys are heterosexual, i think i drove my point home

There are so many things i like about their dynamic and canon didnt show us as many things as i wish it did (how reigen employed serizawa, what happened when they went for drinks and ended up both drunk etc etc) I love them both and I'm glad that they got to meet and work together in the manga and i got to read about it!!

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

#this was. so unnecessarily hard. #i love serirei so much and i still dont know that much about them?? apparently???? #maybe because i am so focused on each character independently and i like that they seem to fit as opposites of each other kinda #i dont feel like they are soulmates exactly. i dont know about fate but i like the concept of two people #figuring each other out and attempting to love each other despite their flaws #its amazing how sincere serizawa is where reigen cannot be and how flashy and dramatic reigen is when serizawa doesnt #need to be... #i dont feel like they were born as opposites but they learned to be as they work side-by-side #idk it feels amazing to me to be able to change and be yourself together with another person after #being alone for so long #and its not like seri didnt have his mum and reigen didnt have mob but now they learn to depend on each other while letting themselves be.. #they need one another and they want one another and they shape each other according to the other #they call for each other in different subtle ways #the idea of two people finding each other and truly seeing each other at their worst moments #deciding to stay even after that and even in the small day-to-day stuff #and the concept of found family tying it all together makes me feel some type of way (kicking crying contemplating existence etc etc) #i think thats what love is #am i explaining this well??? ah words are hard #anyway this answer took so much time because i am a perfectionist in this kind of things #wild #onion talks #onion also probably needs to shut up i have written an essay all the way down here #i have worked less for presentations i dont know what happened #cicada my dear friend thank you so much for this #thank you so much for asking me about them!!! im dying to talk about them but i needed an excuse to do so #mp100 is so great if someone read all of this and hasnt watched it: you should. serirei is good but youre gonna love mob #i am complaining a lot all over this post but mp100 is more than ships anyway #i hope i am more comprehensible than i think i am also #this is a mess. bon appetite. #asks

[timeisacephalopod]

Lol out of curiosity I looked up my old job on Indeed and yes they ARE urgently hiring for the position and if I didn't get treated like dog shit for expecting a stress free work environment with reasonable expectations and not wildly cunty management who seemed to be under the impression they were doing THE most important job at THE most important store ever maybe I wouldn't have just not shown up one day 🤷🏻‍♀️ asshole thing to do to my poor coworkers but I didn't even have the energy to quit right after spending a month and a half feeling deeply surveilled at every aspect of my job lest I get another frivolous writeup no one else got for doing their jobs worse than me so fine. You want me gone enough to threaten my livelihood and SHRUG when I point out I have rent to pay, fine, but I wouldn't put up with that behavior from anyone in my life generally and I LIKE those people so my JOB pulling bullshit? Oh hell no, if I wouldn't take it from people I CHOOSE to be around on purpose I ain't taking shit from a fucking JOB. I refuse to be in a work environment that's unaware it's a GROCERY STORE, not a 5 star establishment frequented exclusively by world leaders or some shit. Like Sam, my job is cooking food at a fucking sobeys and you're acting as if I'm disarming bombs it's so important get reasonable priorities and standards for employees and then apply them equally to managers and not EXCLUSIVELY minimum wage staff 🙄

Which is funny because my new job everyone seems surprised with how fast I've caught on to stuff down to a coworker yesterday telling me he thought I worked in a shoppers prior to the pharmacy I'm in because Im catching on so quick. This isn't unusual for me either, some time in the last five or so years I've found every workplace I'm at I end up being heavily relied on because I'm good at my job, so fucking sucks to suck for sobeys because it took me some week or so to be consistently praised for being better at the job than the guy I replaced only for them to throw that out because they think management should be able to do whatever the fuck they want while they shove minimum wage staff under a fucking microscope to ensure they're doing their shit right and even that isn't consistent. They punished me exclusively because I did not lay down to be treated as a door mat and dished the treatment I got handed. If you treat me like shit I WILL treat you the way you treat me, no worse, and sometimes a little better because I don't lose my moral standards in that treatment either. Just because I'm being an ass doesn't mean I'm willing to do whatever the fuck, just enough to ensure that the person who's decided I'm their new plaything knows that'll be going both ways so fuck off. I've never had a job so willing to keep on shit management they had at LEAST a dozen meetings with regarding performance and I was the one who got punished for being frustrated about that. But I will take a new significantly less stressful job 🙌🏻

#winters ramblings #anyway theyre “urgently hiring” and if they listened when the fuck i told them i was so stressed i was clenching my fists #so hard in my sleep my hands would be DEAD STIFF and locked in place in the morning and required me to carefully massage them #and exercise the muscles and even then my hands still hurt. i told them ive been throwing up from stress AND i told them i was job hunting #because this was all bullshit. they KNEW where i was at and they should have listened but they didnt so fine #fuck me around 17 ways to sunday teo can play at that game and i didnt come here to be involved in a game at all #but force me onto that fucking biard then dont get mad when i flip it and walk away #im a grown assed adult i have no patience for workplaces that don't understand youre not a fucking slave #and the workplace isnt something Extremely Important And Special its a cucking GROCERY STORE and i wasnt even workinh #one if the jobs that DOES absolutely make a grocery store necessary i made fucking hot food everyone treated as Top Notch Shit #when ut was frozen boxed chicken strips and ut us INSULTING to me to teach me HOW to cook fucking BOXED FOOD #and NO i did bot take that “”“too personally”“' while they were trying to ”improve“ store standards #its fucking BOXED CHICKEN STRIPS guys why the fuck are we treating it like ROCKET SCIENCE??!? #i dont actually think its unreasonable to be angry your manager cannot even trust you to make food from a fucking BOX #without a chef coming in and treating you like some kind of idiot whohas never made a food in my LIFE despite #me cooking a lot more complicated shit at home on a regular basis. give me a fucking BREAK acting as if #it was StOrE sTaNdArD changes or whatever do YOU nit understand boxed food isnt HARD to make or do you need that explained #to you?? like i take shit too personally no YOU have unreasonable standards for EXCLUSIVELY your lowest wage staff #and im NOT bring held to a higher working standard than MANAGEMENT

[vaguelyhauntedcornfield]

Okay but like I really need to rant about this a bit so like spoilers for ep 3 of tlou below but like

idk I’ve never played the game so I had no idea what to expect going into this, but when Frank showed up, I was like “I can’t tell if Bill is going to kill him or marry him.” WELL. Nick Offerman did such a GOOD job of looking on guard and uncomfortable. His shoulders are like up to his ears the entire meeting sequence and it made me so jumpy, and then we skip 3 years and he’s so visibly relaxed. And my heart started to melt. And I found myself so enamored with these two men who, against all odds, found love in a situation where that should have been impossible. Frank was the last alive from a group fleeing a collapsed quarantine zone, Bill a preper who had decided to be alone long before the pandemic even started. We expect Bill to die the whole time--comments about him getting old faster than Frank, getting shot by raiders. The jump to Frank being sick...they showed so much through his paintings. You weren’t expecting it, and they showed you through his art how his illness has been progressing, and how him being able to see that himself affected him. They showed how Bill broke down and made a deal with Joel to get medicine despite saying he never would. This show. THIS SHOW. I was sobbing up until Bill became weirdly calm during the dinner, because I realized he’d made the decision too. They died on their own terms in a world where that had become nearly impossible. They had a beautiful life together in a world where that had become a pipe dream. Two characters that we never even meet thru the main characters, not in the present day, but who matter so much.

#also i have a lot of feelings as a chronically ill artist about everything with Frank (not bad ones! just like i feel a lot 🥲) #it hit close to home #honestly bill resonated with me too but not bc of the preper conspiracy theorist part lol #more bc of the self-imposed solitude and not seeking out relationships #i know from other posts that this is nothing like how they were in the game but this seems like such an improvement tbh #like this episode deserves awards for how much it hit me in the feels #tlou hbo spoilers #the last of us spoilers #it's 5 am so like i am not coherent but i also cannot sleep #idk how we got my horror-hating mom hooked on this show and now we're making her sob over gay romance like #that right there tells you this show is good lol #i feel like i could write an entire book on how illness can impact art and handwriting #my handwriting became that of an entirely different person when i started to get sick #my drawings changed too #tho maybe not in a way anyone but me noticed #my friend who has a similar health issue just with more presentation had to give up art almost entirely #idk it's a kind of hard i can't explain and that i dont think you can understand unless you've experienced it yourself #seeing the progression of your symptoms in the things you create #seeing how you're unable to hide it even with care #idk man #it's honestly an emotion i dont think i could name #but i feel it so strongly every time i look at more than a few lines i've written by hand #or at a page of studies ive drawn #i feel like they never made frank a tragic character. they never made illness tragic #they just made it real #the tragic theme was the idea of one without the other and it went both ways #they hit on that repeatedly throughout the ep #and in the end they didn’t have to face that tragedy #idk i feel like it’s one of the few depictions of chronic illness/terminal illness ive seen that doesn’t play the illness as tragedy #and i found that…refreshing

[quickhacked]

favorite moments from last chapter under the cut because i need to talk about it or i'll explode. sorry i need attention hiiii

#1): panam and vincent banter. they're besties and i keep forgetting about it because i didn't write about the in-game events a lot #but oooghfh they're such good friends and i love the way they talk to each other and i need to write more about them fr #2): heist parallels. any mention of jackie and t-bug makes me insane because at this point in time it's been a year since they died #3): vitali once again needing to make tough decisions. it's worse because it's also the wrong decision but. this alone is already ouch #he's trying so hard to make the right decisions but nothing works out for him :)))) a #4): american accent vitali because he has a special place in my heart <3 SGHFJGHDFGDHJ #vincent has southern roots and sometimes his accent will shine through a bit and vitali can perfectly mimic it. important info #5): >:) the man himself. hiiii <3 sorry i'm allowed to be a freak about him i know more than all of you #6): >:) vitali should burn things actually. might make him do that #7) + 8): very cinematic bits that i cannot explain to you. the Vibes. it's about the Vibes scoob #9): yeah. [gestures vaguely] yeah #something changed alright. things are happening #anyway hiiii i'm normal about this chapter i swear. so normal #gonna be even more insane about next one possibly. who knows #sorry in advance but again. i'm in the need of attention i'm like a cat. an annoying one #personal

[nowimhaunted]

me waiting for my coworker to do something mean so I have an acceptable reason to dislike them

#you can ever just like FEEL someone talking down to you? #literally cannot explain it but the way she talks to me annoys me so much and makes me feel dumb #I stopped helping her write her show because whenever i did she would always just completely change my work even if theres nothing wrong #shes also like a harry potter huffle puff millennial which i think explains enough

[noxturnallyevermore]

either the duffers have only had bad dnd experiences or they've never actually played dnd at all

or maybe dnd games were different in the 80s, but it can't be this drastically different

I say this because everytime that I'm reminded of the fact that eddie not only refused to change the date like he has some sort of complex because of some petty high school drama that he's definitely way too old to care about (and expressly distastes), but he also aggressively refused and manhandled dustin and mike around (it looked like he hurt their arms like???) into finding a sub

I get so irritated, not even just because it's a "he wouldn't say that" moment

but because actual dms that aren't fucking asshole pricks (like they portrayed eddie in this scene, I'm sorry but we have to admit that eddie is an asshole dm), especially one who allegedly doesn't give a fuck about the high school hierarchy or cliques, would be understanding of a scheduling conflict

I appreciate fics so much that fix this btw

because dnd doesn't have to be at school, they can reschedule so easily to literally the next day

I get that its a club and likely the only day they plan to have dnd, but i doubt that they have very much else to do as high schoolers unless they have jobs (though there's no evidence to suggest anyone does)

they could reschedule band practice and host dnd then, if its that much of a scheduling issue

if they truly don't want to go to the balls in laundry baskets game, they could even SWAP band practice day with dnd day and not go, the only ones who want to go are lucas, dustin, and mike who aren't in the band

and thats another thing, that game has probably been brought up WAY before the day of, lucas definitely wouldn't have waited until the LAST MOMENT to talk about the scheduling, even if it's frame that way

and even then, this likely isn't the first friday game lucas has been apart of, and it most certainly isn't likely that eddie was unaware that lucas played basketball or knew what days it'd be on

at the very least, eddie would know how important basketball is to lucas, he shouldn't give a shit if he's trying to be both a jock and a nerd

it just irritates me so much

like, given his character and what we learn about him later and even what we knew about him up to that point, it is so fucking out of character for him how he treated that situation

in fact, given how sports games are mostly held on the same couple of days, with the most important ones landing on fridays, I wouldn't be surprised if eddie originally chose fridays as hellfire days as a fuck you to the jocks

that much is in character, but blatantly icing out one of his "sheep" because of having another hobby, even if it is being a jock, is not

especially given his interaction with chrissy literally moments later, fuck, chrissy's death (in the munson trailer, anyway) could've been avoided entirely if they'd just rescheduled dnd until after the game later on the same day

maybe I'm just spoiled because I've been in the same campaign for a year now and scheduling conflicts have never been an issue, like if we can't have a session, "its fine, there's always next week"

but every campaign except for one has been like this, most of my dms have been very forgiving, so the fact that eddie is not, when he's later portrayed differently, is upsetting

but that brings me to another thing, dustin, mike, and eddie act like summer break means they can't finish the campaign, when it really just means no hellfire club as a set time and place for sessions, they could literally finish up with the first few weeks of summer??? jeff probably isnt moving away as soon as he graduates high school???

and they LITERALLY played dnd in the wheeler basement for YEARS before this, scheduling and location, and even SCHOOL, are NOT AN ISSUE so why is it treated as one? because that's the only logical reason (that isn't super fucking petty) that I can think of for why eddie would say no to rescheduling

I get that it was to progress the plot with a dramatic paralleled scene and even for character development and to create conflict, but they obviously could've easily done that differently without making eddie an ass

it basically feels like eddie doesn't exist out of a school setting, which is stupid because you'd think he'd at least know dnd can happen when school isn't in session

its probably the one thing I would change about s4 if given the option to change anything

fucking hell, mike's taking a flight to california the next day, they could've even rescheduled hellfire for earlier in the week

I also can't believe that this isn't ever talked about again? at least not with Eddie involved, I don't think? (correct me if I'm wrong on that, I'm still rewatching s4)

#dnd #stranger things #hellfire club #eddie munson #mike wheeler #dustin henderson #the scheduling issue makes me SO viscerally mad i cannot explain it enough how many ways this couldve gone better #im so mad i literally had to retype so much just cause i was making so many typos #this is probably the only thing i wont forgive the duffers for doing #and that means alot #with how they treated steve's character and literally killed eddie #even above those #this insignificant little event thag never gets brought up again #yes this is the one i would change in a heartbeat #this is why fanfiction exists

[pepprs]

in my despera (despair era)

#purrs #talked to her about everything and uhhh. i think she simply cannot compute that being a mom is about more than feeding your kid and bringing #them stuff when they need it (not that that isn’t important or real or anything ofc) or that she has hurt me in ways that run to the deepest #parts of myself. i think i did a good job keeping things civil and not being inflammatory like i usually am but everything i brought up she #refuted by pointing out something that i did wrong which i would then address / explain and apologize for and own up to and then when i woul #would point out stuff she did wrong she would just deflect w my own wrongdoings or change the topic or whatever. lol! and i told her she #night love me but i don’t think she likes me (hashtag ladybird) and she said that that was hurtful to hear but i explained why i felt that w #way and then she did nothing but continue to exhibit the same behaviors that make me feel disliked and quite frankly unloved by her so um. #lol and lawl and lel i suppose. the absolute hopelessness of it. she is never going to understand or change. there are the most basic things #in the world that i need from her which are also the hardest things in the world to ask your own mother ofr and i couldn’t even bring up the #favoritism thing bc everyone was around LOL but um. wow! she does not understand how she is hurting me and nothing i do or say will get #through to her. this will continue and worsen ♥️ i do not feel better i feel worse ♥️ every day brings a new reminder that she is emotionall #unavailable and unwilling to even try to be nurturing in ways that will impact me for the rest of my life ♥️ #delete later #the energy it took not to start crying during that and now im too tired. what a fucked up day it’s been #like it’s as if i didn’t even say anything. she is like i pretend i do not see it <3 #also she was like i had these same kinds of fights w my father but i realized what counted was that he was always there for me and i eas #like you’re not wrong but also… maybe that at least partially explains why you are an emotionally unavailable parent! lol!

[readymades2002]

it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce

#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult? #i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst #and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him #and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united #was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad #and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying #some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally #every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?' #like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn #that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him #or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um #it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her #she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person #and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her #at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day #even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it #it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well #for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes #and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her. #and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she #she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses. #when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so. #i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person' #not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted #where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating

[fuck-customers]

(half rant half story)

I'm a physicist. I work for a company that helps develop car parts. Essentially, car companies come to us with ideas on what they want from a part or material, and we make/test the idea or help them make/test it. Usually this means talking to other scientists and engineers and experts and it's all fine. Sometimes this means talking to businesspeople and board execs and I hate them

A bit ago when AI was really taking off in the zeitgeist I went to a meeting to talk about some tweaks Car Company A wanted to make to their hydraulics- specifically the master cylinder, but it doesn't super matter. I thought I'd be talking to their engineers - it ends up being just me, their head supervisor (who was not a scientist/engineer) and one of their executives from a different area (also not a scientist/engineer). I'm the only one in the room who actually knows how a car works, and also the lowest-level employee, and also aware that these people will give feedback to my boss based on how I 'represent the company ' whilst I'm here.

I start to explain my way through how I can make some of the changes they want - trying to do so in a way they'll understand - when Head Supervisor cuts me off and starts talking about AI. I'm like "oh well AI is often integrated into the software for a car but we're talking hardware right now, so that's not something we really ca-"

"Can you add artificial intelligence to the hydraulics?"

"..sorry, what was that?"

"Can you add AI to the hydraulics system?"

can i fucking what mate "Sir, I'm sorry, I'm a little confused - what do you mean by adding AI to the hydraulics?"

"I just thought this stuff could run smoother if you added AI to it. Most things do"

The part of the car that moves when you push the acceleration pedal is metal and liquid my dude what are you talking about "You want me to .add AI...to the pistons? To the master cylinder?"

"Yeah exactly, if you add AI to the bit that makes the pistons work, it should work better, right?"

IT'S METAL PIPES it's metal pipes it's metal pipes "Sir, there isn't any software in that part of the car"

"I know, but it's artificial intelligence, I'm sure there's a way to add it"

im exploding you with my mind you cannot seriously be asking me to add AI to a section of car that has as much fucking code attached to it as a SOCK what do you MEAN. The most complicated part of this thing is a SPRING you can't be serious

He was seriously asking. I've met my fair share of idiots but I was sure he wasn't genuinely seriously asking that I add AI directly to a piston system, but he was. And not even in the like "oh if we implement a way for AI to control that part" kind of way, he just vaguely thought that AI would "make it better" WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEANNNNN I HAD TO SPEND 20 MINUTES OF MY HARD EARNED LIFE EXPLAINING THAT NEITHER I NOR ANYONE ELSE CAN ADD AI TO A GOD DAMNED FUCKING PISTON. "CAN YOU ADD AI TO THE HYDRAULICS" NO BUT EVEN WITHOUT IT THAT METAL PIPE IS MORE INTELLIGENT THAN YOU

Posted by admin Rodney.

[mysticarcanum]

love getting an edit request on my writing so stupid that i. what is the meme. turn into the joker? have my joker moment? i am the joker now. i am fucking off from work half an hour early because i am so angry

#THIS MOTHERFUCKER should not even be a reviewer at ALL #shes a PRODUCER!!! #she is not supposed to leave comments!!!! #she left more comments than ANYONE on my module and 80% were about PUNCTUATION. mostly comma removal #like!!! some of the asks were fair but most of the commas were there for SENTENCE FLOW PURPOSES #and the other 20% of her asks were to add in the word 'that' where it WASNT NECESSARY #after id been told EXPLICITLY by someone whose job is to ACTUALLY edit my work to remove 'that' from my sentences WHEREVER POSSIBLE #my joker moment tho was when she asked me to move a correctly placed comma to somewhere that was no longer gramatically correct #THIS ISNT EVEN YOUR JOB!!!! WE HAVE AN EDITOR!!! SHE IS NOT YOU!!!!!!! #like. im allowed to disregard comments if i can reply to them and explain why im disregarding. #but i simply cannot think of a way to reply to this that is not EXTREMELY harsh #like. 'disregarding because this change is not gramatically correct'???? i cant say that. #can i?????????????? #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaGghhggh #biting ripping tearing chewing

[deuxs]

im not even that active as much as i every day itch to change the theme vibe lmao. like i lose interest in smth ive invested time choosing to set the next day... fr ex, i already want smth new

#the craziest moment was me working on my own edit which included lot ot shit effort #and the moment i was like 95% done w it i was no longer interested in that theme #setting a theme is the only thing i do nowadays lmao #changing aesthetic is like changing skin everyday #or socks in the morning #like i cannot explain #like what fits me today it doesn’t tomorrow yk? #im already someone new im never the same #tumblr is the only place i can express this #i like the algorithm but then this app>>>any other #tblr truly the it girl between the socials #idk how i even got to here but yes #HOW CAN I HAVE ALL THE THEMES I WANT SIMULTANEOUSLY? #🤨 #i wish i wasn’t so affected by nice images and video media lmaoooooooo #but im sucker for photography and videography #i almost lose my marbles when piece of media is executed to its divine degree #and i itch to alter it my way

[feminist-space]

Cat in the Hat:

"The German Health Minister gave an important update on the Covid situation yesterday.

I’ve written up the section of his speech from the video below for easy reading.

It’s immensely refreshing to see a government minister warning of the harms of Covid in such a transparent way."

https://x.com/_catinthehat/status/1732092683508678954

Prof. Karl Lauterbach

Health Minister, Germany

4 December 2023

"This second (long Covid) round table was very interesting, lasting three and a half hours. It serves as a unique forum for dialogue among scientists, researchers and those affected by long Covid, facilitating the exchange of ideas.

There are many new findings about long Covid. Not all of them are good news. One piece of not-so-good news concerns the fact that long Covid is actually still a problem for those who are newly infected. One estimate that has been put forward is that the risk of contracting long Covid now, even after vaccination, is around 3%. Now you may say, "that's not such a big risk" , but there are tens of thousands of people who are repeatedly affected in a short period of time. And so, the long Covid problem has not yet been solved.

We have also established that there really are many subgroups of long Covid and that we do not yet have a cure. And it was clearly pointed out that we are also dealing with problems here that will challenge society as a whole, because vascular diseases often occur after long Covid. Throughout Europe, we are currently seeing an increased incidence of cardiovascular disease in the middle-age group - from 25 to 50. This is associated with the consequences of Covid infections.

We also very often find cognitive impairment in older people. And one participant pointed out that it may well be like the Spanish flu, where 20 years after the Spanish flu there was a significant increase in Parkinson's disease and probably also dementia.

This is something we must pay attention to, as the past infection afiects how the immune system in the brain functions, as well as the brain's blood vessels, potentially increasing the long-term risk of these major neurodegenerative diseases. This is why we need to conduct very intensive research. This research has played a major role.

What is the overall assessment of the situation now?

We have to be careful. Long Covid is not curable at the moment. We also know that over 40% of those who have several manifestations of long Covid, for example, five or more, still have symptoms after 2 years, so it doesn't seem to heal spontaneously. We also know that those whose symptoms are more pronounced at the beginning are less likely to heal.

So some of what we know from the demographics of long Covid has been confirmed, and we now know more precisely which mechanisms in the brain, but also in the blood vessels and the immune system, are responsible for this. Professor Scheibenbogan will explain this briefly later.

At this point, I can only say the following - this is particularly important to me:

First of all, long Covid is a disease that stays with us and that we cannot yet cure. And we are seeing an increasing number of cases as the waves of infection continue to affect us.

Secondly, Covid is not a cold - with a cold, you don't usually see any long-term effects. You don't see any changes in the blood vessels. You don't usually see an autoimmune disease developing. You also don't usually see neurological inflammation - these are all things that we see with long Covid. Therefore, one should not assume that Covid infection is just a common cold. It can affect brain tissue and the vascular system, and we still lack an effective treatment, making these studies crucial.

Significantly, we know that the risk of long Covid decreases when you're infected but have been vaccinated. That's why it's concerning that only 3 million people have been vaccinated with the new, adapted vaccine. That is a very bad result.

Please protect yourself from severe infections.

Please protect yourself from long Covid.

Currently, the danger posed by Covid is indeed being underestimated. Nothing is worse than infecting someone at Christmas who then becomes seriously ill and may not fully recover."

Alt text is included in all images of this post.

#covid #not a cold #please wear a mask #pandemic #pandemic not over #long covid #Karl Lauterbach #Germany #German health minister