#it was also..... very weird bc while my vision was swimming so bad i could barely see and i felt like i was abt to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maraudersandlily20 · 4 years

Text

Hope

Okay, here’s the thing. About 2 years ago, when I was in the THICK of the HPRP community (which is dead now, honestly. RIP.), I found myself drawn to weird characters, SUCH AS: Charlie Weasley, Regulus Black (this one is still very much happening), and Hope and Lyall Lupin. I was doing a bunch of research and investigating on Remus’ parents, and the way those two met and fell in love was ADORABLE. So I started to write that story, and I asked Carolina (aka @the-moon-and-stars-my-love ) to read and edit it for me. I should have known that she would go above and beyond, as is per Carolina. But I was rereading HOPE, the story, a few days ago and decided that the only way I could post it was if I actually PUT Carolina’s commentary into the story. Because it makes me laugh and people need to see it.

I’ve only written 2 parts of this story, because I hit a block after I finished the second part. So I’ll post what I have.

Here’s Hope, part 1. Carolina’s commentary will be labelled, bolded, and italicized for less confusion.

Part 1

If there was one thing that was certain, it was that Hope Howell wasn’t foolish. She wasn’t foolish. She knew better than to be out this late, especially in these woods. There were reports of robberies, rapes, and even murders that happened when people were out too long. But this time, it wasn’t people, it was her.

“You’re really done it now, Hope. Really. You just HAD to go to Carreg today to write. You couldn’t have just stayed home and had tea with mum?” Hope was babbling, of course, which she was hoping would soothe her nerves and help her dismiss the small sounds from the dark crevices of the forest. There were plenty of animals and bugs in this forest, they were probably just making a debut. And if it wasn’t animals, that didn’t necessarily mean it was anything bad.

“It doesn’t matter,” she reasoned. “There’s nothing bad in this forest. People just say there is to keep naughty children away or have them return at a reasonable hour. And I’ve never been reasonable, I’m a rebel. I go home when I want to, dark or not.” She was hoping, somewhere in the back of her mind, that if she could convince herself, even momentarily, and boost her confidence, she wouldn’t feel so completely stripped of all protection.

She should have accepted Miles’ offer to go with her to Carreg, but she had been adamant that she would be perfectly fine. Besides, he would have read too much into it, and she wasn’t going to string him along. She shook off those thoughts and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

“I AM perfectly fine.” she reasoned. “They’re just old wives tales and superstitions. And I, Hope Howell, am not a superstitious person,” she said as if trying to reason with some stubborn part of herself.

A branch broke, making Hope freeze in her tracks. She felt her pulse quicken, but refused to look in the direction of the noise.

Carolina: girl these are your flight or fight instincts kicking in liSTEN TO THEM

She was just jumpy from remembering the stories and legends that were very much NOT true, she told herself. The noise was nothing. Just an animal. Or, maybe a bug. “I’m not superstitious. I’m not. Truly.”

Carolina: sure jan

However, to give herself some form of comfort, she picked up a large branch on the side of the road and wielded it as though it were a weapon. It didn’t mean she was afraid, it just meant she was smart, she thought.

Carolina: hahahahaha I'm just so amused because she is a stubborn woman who refuses to be afraid i love her

Her feet seemed glued to the ground and no matter how many positive thoughts she whispered into the air, she couldn’t will herself to move forward.

Carolina: ooo i see what you did there! with the boggart. uh huh uh huh yes good nice i like it she's already feeling the effects because she's probably looking at it but not realizing she's looking at it so she's already scared. nice little detail!

Suddenly, there was a low groaning noise and Hope’s eyes widened in fear. Slowly, reluctantly, knowing she should have already been running at this point, she turned to look into the darkness.

There was nothing visible to her beyond the shadows of the trees, of course, but the possibilities of what could be lurking just out of view flooded her mind . “I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid,” she whispered, over and over, but her mind didn’t seem to believe her.

Frozen in place, Hope swallowed. “H-hello? Is there anyone…. Is there anyone out there?”

Nothing.

Silence.

“I mean it. If you’re out there, this isn’t funny. If you’re looking to kill me or… or rob me or anything, let’s just move on with it.” she was impressed with how clear her voice sounded despite her high adrenaline. “I don’t even have any money on me, so I’m not sure why you would even want to rob me. But, you’re more than welcome to try.” She sounded ridiculous, she knew, but she wasn’t sure what else she could do.

Again, nothing,

Just the silence.

Hope shook her head, loosening her hold on her makeshift weapon with the softest sigh of relief. “Silly girl. Of course there’s nothing out there. You’re not superstitious. People don’t just go around hiding in forests like it’s some fairytale. This is 1958 for Christ’s sake. Who in their right mind would-” She stopped dead as another noise manifested itself from the space right before her.

“Hello?” She said again, trying to keep her anxiety at bay, but failing miserably. “Hello?” It was practically a squeak.

And then, there, from the darkness, emerged a huge cloaked figure, with broad shoulders and gleaming eyes. It loomed over Hope and she felt all the blood rush from her face. She couldn’t help herself. She screamed.

She screamed and screamed and the figure moved closer to her. Finally, her heart couldn’t take it. Hope collapsed onto the ground, her vision fading in and out. Hope was swimming in and out of consciousness. Almost as if it were a dream, she watched a man break through the trees, holding what appeared to be a small stick. He brandished it toward the cloaked figure and shouted a strange word into the air. A bright light filled her vision, and then the figure disappeared into the trees without a backward glance.

As Hope tried to push her eyes fully open, the face of the man appeared above her.

“Are you alright?” were the last words she heard before everything went black.

The air was cold against her skin, and it roused her from her sleep. It must have been a few minutes before she regained consciousness, as the man who had miraculously saved her was now sitting nearby with his back to her, his gaze trained on the forest, as if watching for more perpetrators.

Hope shook her head, trying to dispel the dizziness that fogged her brain. She pushed herself up into a seated position with a groan. A pair of hands reached out to steady her and there were definitely words being spoken to her, though it took a moment for her mind to unscramble them.

“Easy there,” the man said, trying to sound reassuring by keeping his voice low. His hands were calloused and rough, she noted, which was strange compared to the gentleness he was using with her. Her eyes trailed up his arms, taking in the overcoat he wore and the sweater beneath that looked hand-knitted. Her gaze slowly continued upward, and she couldn’t help but feel both fascinated and silly at her interest of his neck and his jawline. She prayed he hadn’t noticed her perusal of him when she finally met his gaze. Hope looked into warm brown eyes of this stranger and was struck dumb. This man had saved her? He was…. Beautiful.

Carolina: listen this is the cutest thing and i am so here for the moment of "shit they're beautiful" and i'm so glad you included it because yes she was aw awestruck of him as he was of her

Also Carolina: can i get uuhhhh mUTUAL PINING???

While they sat looking at each other, it wasn’t lost on her that there was a chance this was another ploy to rob her. But, at the same time, she was so relieved that the much larger and, frankly, more terrifying man hadn’t hurt her. The man in front of her was so handsome and gentle that she really couldn’t find it in her to care if he was going to rob her.

Carolina: hOPE MY GOODNESS IF I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS MA BOY LYALL I'D BE CONCERNED BUt also it's Lyall and he's been so good this whole time and it he wanted to do something he wouldn't have been there when you woke up bUT STILL (not a bad thing just a realization lol)

“I’m alright,” She whispered, holding a hand to her head.

“Are you sure? You took quite the fall, you know. And over a simple boggart too.” He chuckled, not registering the look of confusion on her face and then seeming to remember something. “Oh, here,” he muttered, reaching into his pocket and fumbling for a moment before pulling out a small wrapped candy. He noticed her wary gaze and shook his head. “Don’t worry, it’s just chocolate. Eat. You’ll feel better.”

Carolina: cries bc throwback/foreshadowing to remus saying this to harry about boggarts too

He handed it to her and she took it, though she wasn’t sure why.

Carolina: dID YOUR MOTHER NOT TELL YOU NOT TO ACCEPT SWEETS FROM A STRANGER??? Hope i love you but dear goodness woman

When he looked away from her, apparently sorting through the contents of his pocket, she stuffed the chocolate into the pocket of her coat. It wasn’t that she wanted to be rude, but she was wary of accepting any sort of food from a nameless, though very handsome, stranger.

Carolina: !!! yes good on you Hope you gots to be careful! stranger danger

As her pulse settled into a normal rhythm, and as she realized there was no imminent danger, she took a moment to take in her surroundings. They seemed to be in the same piece of wood she had fainted in, but somehow, it looked brighter. Maybe it was just the beautiful man sitting beside her that made her think that. She couldn’t be sure.

Carolina: gOD Hope could you BE any more enamored by this man??? how dare you make this so cute, Jo???

And then she remembered what had made her faint. “You-” She turned back to him suddenly. “You rescued me!”

The man laughed with a sheepish smile. “Really, it was nothing. You must have just lost your wits. You would have been fine without me.”

“Are you out of your mind? That man was HUGE! There’s no way I ever could have gotten rid of him without you.”

The stranger stopped. “Man…?”

“Yes, the big cloaked man that you chased off with your little… little stick?” her nose wrinkled as she remembered. “You were holding a stick, weren’t you? How did you even do that? And what did you say earlier? That he was a … a Boggart?”

They looked at each other and Hope felt as if she was being sized up. Some sort of clarity seemed to hit him. “Oh, uh, it wasn’t a stick, it was a knife. I always keep one in my pocket . An old habit I developed from the war.” He pulled out a small knife, holding it out towards her by the wood handle. She nodded. “As for the… the boggart part. In my hometown, Boggart was a name we called scary looking men who were weak.”

Carolina: hA. Nice save Lyall v slick i like it. also, really clever on you for coming up with that being the explanation Lyall would have given her!

Hope nodded, as if she understood, but thought it was a right silly thing to call anyone.

There was a pause. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.

A little laugh left her throat. “Yes, I’m sure. I kept telling myself over and over that I wasn’t afraid and that there was nothing out there to worry about. But at the first sign of danger, I went and fainted.”

“I hardly think your reaction was unreasonable,” Lyall reassured her. “I had the benefit of being rescuer, and not the damsel in distress. It’s always easier to save someone else than to fight things off yourself. I very well might have reacted the same way.”

Carolina: Lyaaalllll what a sweet lad validating her feelings and admitting to probably reacting a similar way if he had been in her shoes. what a man :')

Hope smiled, finding it funny that he was trying, in a way, to save her pride. She had already fainted in front of him, she assumed that all presumptions of pride were long behind them. “Well, it wasn’t an ideal reaction either. You are right thought. Being a damsel in distress is hard work. Who knows what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come along. ” This made the man snort with laughter, which then made Hope giggle, which was something she never did.

Carolina: pRECIOUS the absolute NERDS

Gratitude shone in her eyes as she smiled at him. “Thank you, by the way. For saving me.”

If Hope had been paying more attention to the handsome man’s face as she smiled at him, she would have noticed the flush that covered his cheeks and the nervous way he bit his lip.

Carolina: cuuuuuute. he's already so into her and it's adorable and sweet and pure

However, Hope wasn’t always the best at picking up romantic signals from men.

Carolina: lmao Hope is me can't pick up signals aT ALL xD seriously love when they're both pretty much oblivious at the signs

He studied her for a moment before clearing his throat. “It was my pleasure, truly.”

They continued smiling at each other, there in the fading light of the evening, neither sure what to say or what to do, but feeling very warm. It was almost like if they moved, they would break the sort of spell that they were wrapped up in, and so both were reluctant to move even an inch.

“I’m Lyall.” he finally said, his voice soft. “Lyall Lupin.”

It was a name that suited him, she thought. “I’m Hope Howell.”

Carolina: dO YOU HEAR MY CRYING??? MY PRECIOUS BABIES

The man, Lyall, her mind supplied with a giddy jump of her heart, got to his feet and extended a hand down to her, which she accepted. Once they were both up and dusted off, Lyall rubbed at his neck.

Carolina: *nervous boi is nervous around cute gal he just met

[h e a r t e y e s]

Hope’s eyes snapped to trace the movement, but she immediately tried to act like she wasn’t blatantly staring. He grinned. Not wanting to embarrass her, he played it off that he hadn’t noticed. He had definitely noticed.

Carolina: seeeee?? she thinks you're handsome and wonderful tooooo you've got a shot boy-o!

“Well, I think, Hope Howell, that it may be time to get you home. Would you mind if I escorted you there?”

Carolina: *insert more happy crying here* WHAT A GENTLEMAN! PUT ON A RING ON IT, HOPE

Her cheeks flushed red as her name rolled off his tongue and she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’d appreciate it.”

So the two walked together, side by side, along the forest path. Hope couldn’t help but notice that the trees no longer appeared menacing and somehow everything seemed lighter. Even though the stars twinkled down at the both of them and the air was growing chilly, the two new acquaintances didn’t seem to mind. They seemed to be desperate to speak to each other and so they talked. And talked. And talked. Back and forth they asked questions and told stories about things they normally wouldn’t have said to someone they had just met. But they just had a feeling.

Carolina: THE FEELING IS LOVE IT'S OKAY YOU CAN SAY IT

Hope couldn’t remember a time when she had laughed so much. She had been pursued by multiple young men in university, and even Miles was now pushing for them to “see where things went”, as he so eloquently put it. However, none of them, not a single one, had the ability to make her feel as warm as Lyall Lupin did. For some reason, she felt as though he were looking at her and seeing more than anyone else ever had.

Carolina: do you know that this sentence made my heart melt just a bit more???

Hope led them along the path back to her village, where her farmhouse sat on the outskirts, away from the main square. She almost wished it had taken them longer to arrive, but she tried not to seem too disappointed.

“Well, here we are,” she said, standing at the end of the walkway that led to her door. She didn’t want to bring him too close to the windows, in case her nosy mother were peering out. She had made it very clear that mothers had a seventh sense when their daughters brought home boys. Hope had laughed at the time, but currently, she wasn’t anxious to test that seventh sense out.

Carolina: jokes on u Hope - mOMS ALWAYS KNOW IT'S THEIR SUPER POWER! but also if hope not wanting to bring him closer a'int a mood lol

“Oh.” He seemed as reluctant to part as she was. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Hope.”

Carolina: oKAY NOW ASK HER OUT LYALL DO IT

Also Carolina: go on and kiss the girl (on her hand bc that's cute as heck and she is a lady, lyall lupin

“You as well.”

“Don’t go wandering around in the woods in the dark anymore, alright?” he quipped, eyes gleaming with amusement.

“Wouldn’t want to attract any more Boggarts, now would I?” she replied, teasingly.

Lyall started a bit at the word and then let out a laugh a second later. “Exactly.”

Carolina: lmao he must have been TERRIFIED for a moment. "oh no i just broke the statute of secrecy" must have been his internal monologue for a moment there

They stood, staring at each other for a moment, that same warmth covering them, and both wished that this didn’t have to be goodbye.

“I should… probably get going.”

Carolina: oh my gosh...that reluctance...my inner hopeless romantic is scREAMING

Hope nodded, sure that her disappointment was clear, though she was attempting to play it off as tiredness. She did not succeed. Lyall turned to leave before stopping. In a second, he was facing her again.

“Would you mind if I came to see you again? Just to check up on you? Would that be alright?” he asked, nearly stumbling over his words and his barely concealed excuse.

A grin covered Hope’s face and she didn’t even care to try and hide it. “I’d really love that.”

He laughed, his grin matching hers. “Good. Then, I’ll see you soon, Hope Howell.”

“I’ll see you soon, Lyall Lupin.”

Carolina: full names?? fULL NAMES?? BECAUSE THEY JUST WANT TO KEEP SAYING EACH OTHER'S NAMES??? HI YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU

She bit her lip, trying not to burst into excited giggles, because, really, that was so uncharacteristic of her. After a beat she turned and walked swiftly to the front door. When she reached the handle, she couldn’t help herself and turned to wave at him. He was still standing exactly where she had left him, watching her as she went. He wiggled his fingers in return and she sighed, content.

She pushed into the front room, feeling the warmth from the fireplace cover her in an instant. Everything was where it had been that morning. Her house was still her house, the couches and tables and blankets were all exactly where they had been before she left for Carreg. But she was different.

Lyall Lupin made her feel different.

Carolina: can you hear my squeals of delight over how gosh darn lovely their feelings for each other are???

“Is that you, calon bach?” came her mother’s voice drifting out from the kitchen.

“It’s me mam.”

“How was Carreg? Did you have a nice time?”

Hope bit her lip, shaking her head in disbelief as she remembered the warmth and compassion she had seen in the eyes of Lyall Lupin.

Lyall Lupin.

Lyall Lupin who wanted to see her again, just as much as she wanted to see him.

Carolina: i love that her thoughts keep going back to Lyall it's cute

Her hand drifted into her pocket and pulled out the small wrapped chocolate, the wrapper shining in the light of the living room. She turned it over and over in her hands, grateful for the anchor to reality, the promise the chocolate seemed to portray. It was a promise that Lyall Lupin was real. And he was going to come back to her.

Carolina: imma just go and say it. chocolate is incredibly important to the lupins as a family even before remus became a werewolf and i think that's wonderful because it just carries on into each aspect of their lives. i really like that you brought it back to the chocolate

“Yeah, mam. I had a real nice time,” came her belated reply and she stuffed the chocolate away again, heading toward the kitchen.

Lyall watched as the beautiful woman disappeared from his view and the door closed behind her. He couldn’t help the grin that covered his face. He must have looked nearly manic, going on so.

“The lads will never forgive me if I carry on like this,” he whispered with a laugh. And then, suddenly, the place where Lyall Lupin was standing was empty, the young man appearing to have evaporated into thin air.

Okay, well. That’s part one. Lemme know if part two is of any interest to you. I mean, I’ll probably post it anyway, but whatever. I hope you enjoyed Carolina as much as I always do!

#remus lupin #hope lupin #lyall lupin #the lupins #my writing

14 notes · View notes

redandfranticfeelings · 5 years

Text

okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique.

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!

#be more chill #bmc #actuallyautistic #autistic headcanons #long post #be more neurodivergent #queue are so busted

278 notes · View notes

jungnoir · 6 years

Note

NCT Lucas bullet point headcannon as a bad boy or bodyguard you can pick

a/n: alright here we go with this loser

bad boy!yukhei,,, thinks he’s hot shit

he is Not

definitely can walk the walk of a bad boy being what,,, six foot,,, a Beanpole,,, also those strong ass eyebrows are kinda intimidating all on their own

and while yeah, he totally pulls off the all black look and has probably mentioned his pocket knife like five times in conversation with another guy who also thinks he’s hot shit, yukhei has never been one to really do anything serious

he has a loud and authoritative voice that, when paired with his towering height and death glare, makes any fool run for the hills

but it’s like,, it’s always the people who he doesn’t know that think he’s some ruffian

meanwhile, his closest friends could flick him in the forehead and yukehi would probably crumble into a heap on the floor

jungwoo is his best friend, and when ppl see the two of them hanging out, they’re always super confused bc??? sweet and soft-tempered jungwoo?? whose laugh is equivalent to a thousand fairies singing lullabies and who is head of his school’s gardening club?? friends with big bad boy wong yukhei? it’s more likely than you think

whenever ppl ask jungwoo what yukhei is really like yukhei is always like “hey,,, dude,,, pls tell them i can bench press 350,,,” and jungwoo is like “man i saw you almost collapse under the weight of my fat cat the other day, be realistic”

so instead of lying to save yukhei’s pride, jungwoo just tells them that they should get to know yukhei for themselves and find out on their own

and, well, that’s all fine and dandy but getting to know yukhei is harder than just saying hello and starting a conversation like you would other ppl

after all, he has a reputation to uphold

and that sometimes means that he keeps the cold, indifferent attitude turned up all the way at all times

but this isn’t helpful when you’re tasked with inviting people to join your friend jisung’s new gaming club because the only people that had joined so far were you, chenle, jeno, and mark out of pity

so jisung is like hey!!! can you look around for some people to invite to my club? and you end up coming across jungwoo because you know he’s relatively friendly and who knows, maybe he likes games too

but when you ask him he’s like oh! i know someone who likes games

and you get really excited bc a lot of the ppl you’ve asked so far don’t really care about gaming, so if you could find at least one person who was willing to check out the club, jisung wouldn’t totally roast you for your recruiting skills

but then jungwoo is like “yukehi is a big fan of video games, you should ask him” and your mood just drops

but jungwoo, used to the reactions people get when he talks about yukhei, is already prepared for the look on your face and quickly begins to reassure you

“i know he looks like this big scary dude, but i swear he’s just fronting. the dude wouldn’t hurt a fly, and definitely not you. just ask and if he says no, you can at least say you had the guts to go near him, alright?”

you tell him you will, if only to not diminish the hope in his eyes, and then slink off, totally set on just going back to jisung empty-handed rather than facing the possibility of yukehi biting your head off for bothering him

only,, to bump into yukhei,, on your way back to the classroom

yukhei was staring at his phone when he turned the corner and bumped you, making the item fly out of his hand and onto the floor between the both of you

immediately, you apologize and proceed to drop down to grab his phone but he does too

and your heads unceremoniously knock into the other’s with such force that you fall out on the floor due to the momentum of the hit

you immediately cry out in pain and then you suddenly feel arms curling underneath you…. hoisting you into a lap

there’s a soft voice in your ear and you raise a hand to your forehead to stop the sudden swimming feeling you feel, your vision a little blurry as you try to blink away the pain. you can’t discern what’s being said, just that someone sounds very panicked and worried

finally, you feel a little more together and your vision focuses

and there is yukhei, arms under you and tucking you into his chest as he looks over you in worry, his words a little clearer as he says “please tell me i didn’t kill you”

you hum and frown, squinting at him as the fluorescent lights above the both of you sting your eyes

“i’m not…… dead…. u just hit me really hard… your skull is extremely tough…..” you grumble, and you really must not be in your right mind if you’re talking to wong yukhei like this, someone you would avoid eye contact with if you ever passed him in the halls

despite your preconceived notions about him however, he just breaks into a really boisterous laugh that catches you off guard

he laughs so hard that he has to cover his mouth to muffle the sound, removing one of the arms he has holding you to him from underneath you to do so

“you sound an awful lot like my best friend” he says, still snickering

when you feel like you’ve regained yourself once more, you suddenly feel embarrassed for laying in his lap, staring up at him as he checks you over and makes sure you won’t suddenly pass out on him “you really are good, right? you won’t faint on your way home and then sue me later, will you?”

you furrow your brows, “n-no, I really am okay… actually, I was meaning to talk to you”

he blinks at you, tilting his head to the side, “what about?”

patting around your pocket on your pants, you reach a hand down into your pocket and pull out the small flyer that jisung had created for his club, holding it out to him

yukhei takes it and looks it over before his eyes widen, “you’re in a gaming club??”

and you just nod slowly, waiting in worry for what he might say next

“i didn’t know the school had one! i have to join, i’m so sick of playing against jungwoo. he really sucks at multiplayer games ya know…… hey are you headed there?” he’s spouting off his words in excitement, and while you have a little trouble keeping up with him, you definitely catch the last part

you affirm that you’ll show him where it is and begin to slide out of his lap, ready to get up and lead him to the room when yukhei suddenly moves in front of you and crouches

you stare at his leather jacket clad back and lose a little of your breath when he cranes his neck over his shoulder and beams at you with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen, something you never would have thought wong yukhei of all ppl would ever be capable of showing, “aren’t you gonna climb on? you’re in no condition to walk like that”

and you’re just like,,, i didn’t break my legs yukhei i can walk

but also,,, how many ppl can say they got a piggy back ride from the wong yukhei in their lifetime

plus the fool won’t get tf up off the floor

so you relent and climb on, all the while v much flustered

he takes a hold of your thighs with an iron grip and honestly, you might’ve believed jungwoo if he told you yukhei could bench press 350

and so you end up walking into jisung’s club with yukhei piggy-backing you, eyes all wide and excited as he walks up to the much younger boy and is like “hey!! i ran - literally - into your friend here and they told me about this club, can i join???”

jisung doesn’t quite know what to process first: yukhei wanting to join his gaming club, the big bad boy at school who looked like he stole children’s candy for fun, or the fact that you were riding on his back like it was another day in the life for you

you just make an “i don’t know either” face over yukhei’s shoulder at jisung and the younger boy gets up and starts to smile nervously, welcoming yukhei to the club

and so, weirdly, from that day on, yukhei is just part of jisung’s gaming club

it becomes part of your daily routine to see him hanging around jisung, discussing some game from the 90′s and bantering like “it’s a classic!” “you weren’t even born when that game came out, jisung” “neither were you!” or seeing yukhei with his legs kicked up on a chair in the club meeting room as he tries to throw popcorn into his own mouth (because once donghyuck joined the club, they were constantly trying to one up the other in everything)

and ppl really start to notice

suddenly you start seeing people talk to yukhei more and vice versa

slowly, yukhei begins to let down that weird bad boy aura and just starts being friendly

starting with you

at first, the tall boy teasing you and running up to you in the hallways would always shock you, but after you had gotten used to his presence, it was like he was just another one of the boys

and yukhei would always make fun of you and the day you first officially met, always saying that you’d really “fallen” for him

followed by a chorus of disbelieving and disgusted groans amongst the group of all your friends

even some of your friends who had no want to join jisung’s club would sometimes just come by to hang out with yukhei

it peeved jisung at first, but even he found that he enjoyed talking to yukhei and the rest of you more than sitting around trying to defeat chenle in mortal kombat

you guys had gotten so close that you all had even welcomed yukhei into your group chat

you would often wake in the day to yukhei flooding the gc with memes and other silly musings throughout the day that had all of you always somewhere between blocking him and physically fighting him next time you saw him

you had never known yukhei would be so open and lively, and now that you did it was like you couldn’t see him any other way

jungwoo really wasn’t kidding!!

and it’s one night that you all stayed a little longer than you usually did after classes, and you know you’ve got to walk yourself home in the dark and you’re really not looking forward to it

usually, you’d ask one of the boys to take you home but they’re all busy and have to bail but they tell you to text the group chat when you’ve made it home safely

but that,,, that really doesn’t sit right with yukhei

and since he has nowhere to be, he just grabs your backpack for you and slings it over his shoulder and says that you guys should walk home together

at first, you’re really surprised and kind of don’t know what to say but he just quickly assures you that it’s no biggie and that he’d been meaning to get a little more fresh air in lately. an extra long walk home would be fine for him

so you let him walk you

it’s kind of chilly out so you naturally gravitate closer to yukhei, hoping he wouldn’t think it was too weird

and about five minutes into your walk home yukhei just laughs and wraps an arm around you, tucking you into the warmth of the fur lining inside his leather jacket

you’re surprised by the sudden touch but he doesn’t seem nearly as blushy as you

“you were practically curling into my side. i thought i’d save you the effort” he says

you don’t notice because you’re still so surprised, but even yukhei has turned a pretty shade of pink while you fumbled over your feet as you tried to walk in the new position

the walk home is relatively silent, him not saying much despite your expectation he would

after all, he was always a chatterbox around the boys

but it’s not like you’re uncomfortable with the silence and it’s not like you don’t enjoy it

and so you embrace the silence and let him hold you close while he lets you lead him toward your place

by the time you arrive, your mother is waiting for you and is surprised at your strange partner walking you so you quickly begin to introduce yukhei but he beats you right to it, dropping his arm from your shoulders as he does so

“hello mrs. (l/n), i’m wong yukhei. i go to (y/n)’s school and i’m a friend of theirs. we and a few of our other friends stayed at school a little later than usual so i thought i should walk them home. it’s nice to meet you” yukhei steps up and holds out his hand for a handshake, that of which she takes with a small smile forming on her mouth as she greets him back

“thank you, yukhei. i would have been upset if i found them coming home all alone. in fact, i was just about to come pick them up myself”

yukhei grins, “you won’t have to worry. i’ll be happy to walk them home whenever… that’s… if they allow me…?” yukhei suddenly turns to you, and he’s such an unbelievable sight compared to the yukhei you usually saw

i mean, how many layers did this guy have??

he stands tall and straight, hands folded in front of him and smiling politely at you under his ash blond fringe, batting his eyelashes at you as he awaits your response

unable to think of anything else to say, you just quietly nod at him

he grins wider and then looks back at your mother, “and is it okay with you, ma’am?”

and OFC your mom is like yes!! please handsome young man!!! go right ahead!!!!

“great! i should be heading home now, but it was nice meeting you,” yukhei bows his head at her and then walks back up to you, grinning wickedly as he stands so that your mother can’t see you or his face, “same time and place tomorrow night, then?”

“w-what?” you splutter, not at all affected by his proximity

that was sarcasm

you were definitely malfunctioning with how close he was to you lol

he tilts his head and nudges your shoulder, “when i walk you home tomorrow! it can be our thing”

you blink up at him “but.. isn’t that usually a couple thing?”

he leans imperceptibly close, so much so that while your mother probably can’t sense it, you absolutely can, “it can be if you want it to be… but i’ll let you sleep on it. night, (y/n)”

and then he walks off, inhaling your exhale and your peace of mind in the palm of his hands

and starting that night, the “bad boy” who you’d grown to see change over time had pulled another surprise out of the hat for you

your mother laughs as you rush upstairs and gather your bearings with a quick scream into your pillow and a stupid grin plastered on your face, right before sending a quick message to yukhei and tossing your phone across the room in case you tried to take what you said back in nervousness

yukhei feels a vibration in his pocket as he begins his trek home, ears red as he attempts to catch his own breath because where did he even get the balls to do something like that? was he out of his mind???

he pulls his phone out of his pocket, hands shaking slightly as he fumbles to read the notification on his screen

💕(y/n) 💕: i think i’d like it to be a couple thing

if you thought he had stolen your breath, you should’ve seen him

#lucas scenarios #lucas imagines #lucas au #bad boy!lucas #yukhei scenarios #yukhei imagines #yukhei au #bad boy!yukhei #lucas #wong yukhei #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct au #bad boy!nct #nct #majwrites #sbmusings

2K notes · View notes

sailorswelcome · 5 years

Text

WOWZA

tagged by @hi-im-eilidh thanks mom ur the loml and i would Absolutely die for you. also in writing this i just discovered grammarly has a tumblr extension. hmmmm.

what’s the smell of your shampoo?

I wash my hair..... like once every two weeks? bc i have so little of it and it doesn't need to be washed ever. the shampoo i keep at school is rosemary and the stuff i have at home is lemon, but it took so much effort to remember this bc i just never wash my hair bc im disgusting.

what’s your aesthetic?

luckily for me i have a pinterest board called aesthetic with 2.6k pins so i have a VERY clear idea for this. lumberjack shit, “the north” in general; ice and woods and glaciers and mountains and stuff. museums and classical things; art history and rome and greece bc thats just my shit. coffee shops, pretentious looking people smoking cigarettes, warm socks, log cabins, standing in the snow, words written in paintbrush over photos of landscapes, the moon, the sea, the desert.

what’s your favorite time of the day and why?

between 2 and 3 am bc i am horrible at sleeping. the light is always very beautiful then no matter where you are idk why. it is nice to look out the window then or take a walk or sit in the hall when everyone else on your floor is asleep. its just always very quiet and beautiful.

what do you most like about the beach?

GOOOOOOOD I LOVE THE BEACH uhhhhhh hgngngngngn i like it at night and in the winter and i like to look at it from on top of a cliff bc i love the way you can see every dip and sandbar because the color of the water changes... i love when its really clear in the early spring and you can see the seals after they dive underwater. I love the beach at night and swimming at night and the moon's reflection on the water and i love when it gets REALLY cold some winters and parts of the harbor will actually freeze and you get these huge chunks of ice washing up. I love when big chunks of driftwood wash up and you can use them as benches. I love the beach a lot can u tell.

what do you worry about constantly?

dark question op! i worry about Everything but mostly that I’ll never be happy, and that i’m annoying and a bad friend. everything else is just stemming from that.

what is a song you’ve cried to before?

i’ve cried to almost every single song i know but the number one hard hitters are I Need My Girl by The National, Lakeside View Apartments Suite by The Mountain Goats, and I’d Rather Be With Them by Marika Hackman. Those last two are both hit me with their lines about being really sad and throwing up which is just a trope that gets me I guess. oofa.

what are some relaxing tips for your followers?

i have never once in my life been relaxed but i would say mixing up the ways that you relax? having a really consistent routine to relax has never worked for me bc it stops working after a while and i just autopilot through it. talk to a friend, play some music, draw, go for a walk, take a nap on the floor instead of your bed, take a bath. journal, drink some water, eat something. try something new every time depending on what is stressing you out. go with the flow dudes.

what are some things that make you tear up?

like. all music as i said i have cried at Every song. also a lot of movies make me tear up. idk this is a bad question bc i just start crying sometimes for no reason i think my eyes just do that. i was hanging out with a friend one time and my eyes just started leaking and he was like hey whats wrong? and i was like no idea! its a mystery to us both

what is your favorite from each sense?

sight - sunlight falling on the floor through windows

smell - hey this is going to sound so weird but im OBSESSED with the smell of the chemicals they put in air conditioners and freezers. its my favorite smell in the world. i dont know why i just smell a refrigerator and nut

taste - this is honestly the first thing i could think of but on christmas eve i was at @hi-im-eilidh ‘s house and her mom made biscuits and like holy shit

sound - catholic boys choir hitting a high note in a big cathedral

touch - holding hands im gay

what is an alternative reality you’ll like to live in?

noir detective novel where i am very cool and i have 20/20 vision and a gun and i can monologue

what are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

i am always stressed and lonely and i have no money for gas as i drive a pickup truck. also my friends who i love dearly always SPILL FOOD IN MY CAR, AND DONT PICK IT UP, IS THIS YOUR FUCKING BEDROOM I DONT THINK SO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF GGOD

what is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

there is this post-apocalyptic book called After The Snow and i don't remember much of it but i know the protagonist was this boy and he had a cave full of animal skulls that he like worshipped and talked to and i just remember that made me really sad bc everyone thought he was weird for having any sort of remaining spirituality after the world had ended but like god he was doing so well it made me big sad

say something to your followers:

sorry this post was so fuckign long and depressing! i promise i am usually not this sad! these are just cursed questions. also hey... i love u all.. thanks for putting up with me

im tagging @brushite bc i love her and want her to suffer thru answering these

3 notes · View notes

lazy-stitch · 6 years

Text

Ya girl needs very little encouragement to post things lmao, so here y’all go. (also, I’m really sorry if there’s weird symbols where the apostrophes etc are? I can’t see it on mobile, but on desktop it’s all over my posts... They only show up when I put a read more cut, but since this is so long I’m not gonna exclude one. I’d get rid of the symbols manually if I could, but they don’t appear when I’m editing the post. They disappear once you click keep reading tho.)

Title: sock slides.docx? Lmao it doesn’t have one yet bc titles are generally the last thing I do Rating: g+ - it is dumb domestic stuff with mutual pining, some cursing Ship: Scarlet Vision Word count rn: 6669 Warning: This is still a wip (and if I knew what to do with it, it’s like... only 2/3rds the way done?) and I make zero (0) guarantees I’ll ever finish it since it has been troubling me for so long. If I do, I’ll post the link to my ao3 I guess (tbh tho my user there is the same so I’m not that hard to find).

"You think they know there are live cameras all around the compound, even in our living quarters?"

Five pairs of dubious eyes turned from the computer screen to Steve. He shrugged, a sort of smile on his face. He’d only recently figured out Tony had installed cameras into the living areas of the Avengers Compound, so it didn’t hurt to ask – especially since he felt watching this feed was an invasion of privacy (it was a cute video, granted, but it just felt wrong to watch it if they didn’t know there were working cameras all over the place).

“Maybe they think they’re dummy cams?” Sam offered. He, too, had been a bit late on noticing the camera system, and it was only when Steve had asked about them that he’d been told they were recording everything. Considering how big the Avengers Compound was, which was comparable to a large museum, he didn’t feel ashamed that he’d assumed the cameras in the living quarters were fakes. At Sam’s side, Tony snorted and rolled his eyes.

“They probably didn’t think we’d check,” Tony said, because he knew for a fact at least one of the two in question knew about the extensive camera system at the Compound. He’d helped Tony install the cameras, which is why Vision knew the living area feed would only be checked if a problem occurred. There hadn’t been any red flags sent up while the rest of the Avengers had been on a mission, leaving Vision and Wanda to housesit, no. It was the fact they’d had the Compound to themselves. Natasha claimed Vision acted differently around Wanda if he thought no one would notice (and vice versa), and Steve voiced similar opinions that Wanda and Vision seemed to favor each other after watching simulation trainings. That had garnered the interest of the rest of the Avengers, new and old, and there wasn’t a better opportunity to observe them than on the camera feeds while all of the other Avengers were on a mission. They all acknowledged it was a bit underhanded, but, as leaders of the New Avengers team, Natasha and Steve did need to know how their team acted around each other. They’d need to know if Vision and Wanda were closer than originally presumed to plan for possible bad reactions if one got hurt.

Or so Natasha said before they’d silently returned to the Compound and entered the tiny security room to watch the video feeds.

The two drifters who rarely visited the Compound and had little to do with the New Avengers, Clint and Tony, had their own justifications to wanting to see the feed. Clint wanted to check in on Wanda after hearing whom her supposed favorite person was. Since Pietro’s death, he’d become a father figure to her, so Clint felt responsible for looking out for Wanda, especially if she ever decided to look for a romantic partner. He didn’t think Vision was a bad guy (far from it, in fact), but there was the question of if Vision had emotions. Clint didn’t want Wanda to get hurt. It was a bit hard adjusting his behavior and advice to a young adult from his children who hadn’t even entered their teens, but it was definitely worth it even if he accidentally overstepped his bounds every now and then. Tony just wanted to see how things were progressing with his self-proclaimed “robot son.” He felt at odds with three of the four newest Avengers. Sam was easy enough to get along with, but it wasn’t like Tony really knew the guy. And Wanda and Vision were on a whole different level of… everything. He wasn’t sure where to start with either of them even though he knew Vision should be easier to talk to than Wanda. There was just something that made talking to the guy really, really difficult for Tony.

“Boys, you're all wrong. They're kids being kids, and kids do weird shit when they're bored - and they don't care who sees. This doesn’t even classify as 'weird shit' because I'd call you a damn liar if you said you hadn't done this before - except for our resident fossil," Natasha laughed, swiveling around in the computer chair to face them. She’d claimed the single chair in the room immediately upon entering it, leaving the men to awkwardly scrunch together behind her. Rhodes and Clint were at her sides while Sam, Tony, and Steve were pressed together behind them.

"Okay, no, it definitely counts as 'weird shit' because pretty much anything involving Vision classifies as 'weird shit,'" Tony argued, pointing at the screen as Vision quickly appeared on it, barely noticeable red wisps around his ankles and wearing clothes none of them ever thought he’d wear.

"You don't know the guy 'cause you're rarely here, Tony. Vision is the embodiment of ‘weird,’ so this is normal by Vision standards. Weird was when Nat was teaching them how to swim," Sam countered.

“And when Tony drunkenly tried to teach Vision to twerk at that Stark charity ball thing,” Clint sniggered. Everyone but Tony had a chuckle remembering how Tony had nearly succeeded explaining why people twerked before Wanda dragged Vision away from him.

“Hold on, that wasn’t weird - that was father-son bonding time!”

“Anyone else smell that? It’s the patent Stark bullshit.”

"I just want to know how she convinced him to join her," Rhodes said, a bit loudly for his norm, wanting to stop the oncoming squabble between Clint and Tony.

"First of all, Vision rarely says no to things. Second of all - and this really negates the need for my first point - it's Wanda," Natasha shrugged, swiveling around to look at the screen again. On one hand, there was no chance she could blackmail Vision with this because he seemed to have no shame, but Wanda, on the other hand...

"... True," Rhodes agreed, holding his hands up in the air in defeat. Clint wished someone had a follow up comment to disagree, but silence enveloped the room as they watched the camera feed for the third or fourth time through.

"Hey, Steve… are those your socks?" Sam squinted at the screen, pointing at Vision's feet. Natasha paused the video since it was one of the few times the living room furniture didn't block out Vision and Wanda's lower halves, and Rhodes moved aside so Steve could get closer to the computer and get a better look.

"Yes, yes they are."

"Vis, come on. It's not like we're breaking in. The only time Steve locks his door is when he’s sleeping, and he only does that because Stark drew on his face while drunk one time," Wanda said, tugging at Vision's hand. He’d followed her willingly enough from the living room to Steve’s closed, but admittedly unlocked door, yet his stomach had twisted with each step they took. Vision felt curiously jumpy and had to stamp down the need to look over his shoulder as if the rest of the Avengers would burst into the living quarters of the Compound at any moment. He knew they were not due back until at least the following morning, and yet his shoulders were taut under his shirt and his mouth was dry.

"You told me that closed doors meant the room's owner did not want others coming in on their own free will." It wasn't a lie - Wanda had told him that. Vision just didn’t want to tell Wanda the real reason why he didn’t want to enter Steve’s room, though he wouldn’t be surprised if she could read his mood. He was feeling rather… silly, really, about the whole situation. Over the ten months since his birth, Vision had learned and done many things, but there was one thing that always seemed to elude him: denying Wanda when she requested something from him. All she had to do was turn her green eyes to him and give the slightest hint of a smile, and his systems always seemed to fail. He figured it was a fault in his programming (which was done by Tony, who could never say no to a pretty face, something Wanda definitely had). Not that she’d ever made him do something he truly didn’t want to do, just… things he normally would never even think of doing. Humans were very, very odd sometimes, but he did enjoy humoring them (especially Wanda, who came up with the strangest things).

Vision avoided looking at Wanda’s face after his comment and instead concentrated on their linked hands, knowing she was about to start pouting at him. He had, after all, caved in to her request and was already wearing what she deemed “appropriate” clothing for the occasion. Her pout would also likely mean his immediate downfall, as Vision knew he agreed to whatever she said after she pouted 96.742% of the time. There was just something about the way Wanda’s lower lip jutted and her eyebrows worried her brow that made him forget his misgivings and do what she wanted him to do. It was even more effective than her various smiles.

Vision’s eyes automatically followed his hand when Wanda brought it up to her face by her chin, and the corners of his lips twitched upwards as he accepted defeat. She’d brought his attention right to where he’d been attempting to avoid. Sometimes, he wondered if she actually knew his weak points or if she was just insanely lucky.

"Yes, but we're doing this in the name of science, Vis. Science. You love science. And, also, it's Steve. If he even found out, he wouldn't mind one bit. It's not like we're stealing any of his possessions. We're just borrowing a pair of his socks, which we're even going to wash for him when we're done,” Wanda paused slightly, and she continued before Vision even had the chance to open his mouth, “You won't get them dirty, but the floor might. And it’s common courtesy." Vision expelled his breath through his nose, halfway between amused and amazed. She’d done it again. It was hard not to question if Wanda ever read his mind even though he knew she never did without his explicit permission. She always seemed to know what he'd say before he said it. Vision had gone to Sam to question him about Wanda’s knack for knowing what to say and do, and Sam had laughed it off, saying that’s just how best friends were. There wasn't any real proof behind it, it was just something that... was. A soft, full-blown smile wormed its way onto his face, a warm buzz filling his chest that soon traveled across his whole body. He repositioned his hand that was caught between both of hers so he could squeeze one, completely ignoring the hum in his lips that could only be silenced by meeting Wanda’s cheek.

Vision really needed to look into his coding to figure out how to say no to all the absolutely ridiculous things Wanda got him to do and how to shut down the odd impulses he had around her.

"In the name of science, then," he said, artificial heart skipping a beat when a radiant, toothy grin spread across her face. Which definitely did not have anything to do with why he agreed to her schemes, no, not at all.

That was absurd as well as impossible for someone like him.

With a tap to the monitor screen outside of Steve’s door, Wanda got them access to his room. Vision bit the inside of his cheek when she didn’t release his hand and instead intertwined their fingers. It was a little awkward, since her hand was smaller than his and their vastly different heights made the position of their arms uncomfortable, but Wanda seemed as keen as Vision was to let go – which meant she was going to hold on until she absolutely needed to release his hand. Vision let her lead him into Steve’s room, but he didn’t peer around it in respect of Steve’s privacy since he’d never been in Steve’s room before. Wanda, however, apparently had been because she led him confidently to a chest of drawers on the far wall and dropped to her knees to open the bottom drawer. Vision had to lean over awkwardly to not let go of her hand, but it did provide him with a better view of what she was doing as Wanda immediately reached to the very back of the drawer. Though it was filled with white and gray undershirts, she pulled out the socks she wanted with a flourish and a wicked smirk over her shoulder. Steve had described the socks as “garishly wonderful.” Vision preferred referring to them as an assault on his eyes. The crew socks had been part of a five-pack of male Avengers themed soft, fuzzy socks, and Sam had gifted them to Steve on Steve’s birthday as a joke. The socks currently in Wanda’s hand were the Captain America themed ones. They were obnoxiously red, white, and blue to replicate Steve’s original costume from the 1940s, complete with little white, protruding wings at the top that were reminiscent of the ones on his helmet.

Vision’s eye unconsciously twitched. Wanda’s smirk grew wider.

"Are you certain I actually need to wear the socks? I can just copy them myself." It was futile. Vision knew it, yet he felt the need to ask anyway. The strange prickliness of his skin was back, tightening his muscles, as he stared at the socks instead of Wanda’s devious face. He, along with everyone else, knew Steve sometimes wore the socks “because they’re comfortable.” Vision felt that wasn’t an adequate reason for wearing the horrid socks, but he was never going to tell anyone, especially Steve, that. He’d learned that humans sacrificed comfort for beauty in social settings, and they sacrificed style for comfort when they were alone. Vision was glad he never had to do either, as he could make his clothes as comfortable as he liked while they still looked fancy.

"Yup. Science, Vis. What if your molecules behave differently than the actual socks and create a different amount of friction? You’ve never tried replicating something like these before. And besides, we already did the worst part of this - entering Steve's room without his explicit permission." If it was possible, Wanda’s smirk became even more wicked, and Vision knew that expression. He wondered what about it that made his systems come to a grinding halt (he kept files on all the smiles she gave him and what they meant, and this particular smile, in the top three of the “smiles that’d make him do pretty much anything for Wanda” category, meant trouble), though an easy answer was that he had a soft spot for Wanda when she did almost anything. It didn’t matter that what she said wasn’t exactly right or that she was asking him to put on those absurd socks – all that mattered was she smiled and he couldn’t dream of saying no to that smile, and because he wouldn’t exactly have to look at the socks if he was wearing them.

Perhaps now he’d learn why Steve wore the horrid things.

“I doubt that, if I could not copy them correctly, it would significantly change the amount of friction between myself and the floor,” Vision said, though he did not refuse the socks when Wanda exasperatedly shoved them his way. Completely and utterly defeated, he carefully sat on the ground next to Wanda, crediting all of the reluctance he felt to having to put on the socks rather than having to finally let go of her hand. He couldn’t help the frown on his face as he unrolled them and pulled them on his feet, barely resisting the need to voice his displeasure with them again. There was one redeeming factor about the socks, though – they weren’t too terribly small for him. Wanda had chosen Steve’s socks to borrow since Steve was the tallest Avenger, besides Vision, and was the most likely to have a similar foot length to him. Or so she’d claimed. Vision knew most of her reasoning had to come from the bright blue socks currently sitting innocently on his feet. A curious sort of heat was pooling in his neck and face as he stared at them, pout deepening at how they clashed with his deep red skin.

Vision’s attention snapped up from his feet when he heard muffled snickers. Wanda turned her face away from him, but her giggling, hidden being the sleeve of her sweater, didn’t stop. Vision’s head tilted to the side ever so slightly, assessing the sweater. It was navy blue and had previously been his. Pepper had ordered him about a week’s worth of clothes before she’d known he wouldn’t need any, but he did end up being grateful for them since having the physical copies allowed him to duplicate their texture. Recently, after Wanda had realized he wasn’t wearing them, she’d asked if she could have the sweaters. There was no logical reason to deny her, but Vision also couldn’t deduce why she’d want them. Wanda’s smaller frame was completely drowned in the sweaters, and the sleeves ran far past her fingertips. He’d searched the Internet for answers, but it just led him down paths he knew had to be false (he was not her boyfriend and she couldn’t possibly want him as her boyfriend - and he’d never worn them so, if he did have a particular scent, it wouldn’t be on the sweaters). Because of the romantic connotations, Vision hadn’t dared ask the other Avengers for a possible explanation, because he didn’t want them getting the wrong idea or to embarrass Wanda if they questioned her about it. He knew he could just ask her, but… seeing her in them and knowing he was the only one she let see her in them…

Vision clenched his hands into fists on the ground. The heat in his neck was building. He needed a distraction to stop overheating. His gaze returned to the vile socks that felt very strange on his feet. Vision had worn physical clothing before, but he’d never worn socks, let alone the fuzzy kind. The fabric was indeed quite soft, but he was still unconvinced the softness was worth the ugliness. Experimentally, he wiggled his toes, still trying to pin down why Steve willingly admitted to liking them.

By his side, Wanda almost choked on her sleeve. She’d started peering over at Vision as soon as she felt his heavy gaze, and seeing him wiggle his toes was surprising to her. He’d been taking things in stride, as usual, but the socks had been the one thing he’d nearly put his foot down on. Wanda knew he thought they were atrocious. His disgust at them rolled off of him in waves whenever he set eyes upon them. She bit her lower lip, a familiar, pleasant ache building in her chest because she knew he was only wearing them for her. She couldn’t believe he’d agreed to her plan – all parts of her plan. Wanda supposed it was only because they were alone, but she wasn’t complaining. She knew a Vision the others only got glimpses of. If the others could see him like he normally was with her, they’d understand him better, but she was selfishly glad he was taking much longer to warm up to the others. It was nice having him to herself.

Taking a deep breath, Wanda calmed herself, willing to risk looking back at Vision to continue their plans. She knew she wouldn’t be able to contain her laughter again if he was still wiggling his toes, but Vision was, thankfully, just pouting adorably at the socks. She concentrated on his eyes, trying to catch the way his irises rotated and how quickly they were going. Wanda didn’t want to make him do anything he didn’t want to do, and he wasn’t likely to tell her he was truly upset without some prodding. So she’d learned how to ascertain the minute differences in the way he expressed himself (and having an excuse to stare intently at his face was always a plus, she wasn’t scared to admit that to herself). The corners of his mouth twitched when he was overflowing with some emotion he was trying to hide, and his irises went counterclockwise when he was upset. Since neither was happening, Wanda rotated her body to face him fully again, flicking one of his bare knees.

“Stop moping. I’ll join you in the bad fashion, okay?” Though she made sure her voice was whiny, Wanda wasn’t really upset. She didn’t see why Vision disliked the socks because she thought they were fun – stupid, yes, but fun. When Vision looked up, a gentle smile replacing his pout, Wanda had to look away before her face could start heating up. There was something about the way his face softened from the hard lines surrounded it and the way the skin around his eyes crinkled that made her heart skip a beat. In order to distract herself, Wanda forcibly made herself concentrate on the socks, sticking her hand back into the open drawer to find them. There were only three remaining pairs since Natasha had started a prank war with Clint with the Hawkeye socks. So far, Clint hadn’t been able to find where Natasha had stashed them away, and he was determined to find them before they fell out during a mission, which had happened when Natasha started the war without telling Clint. Sam and Natasha had made fun of him, relentlessly, for days until Natasha found the socks in her own gear bag during a mission.

Feeling the little additions to the socks, Wanda easily found the Thor ones. The Hawkeye pair would’ve been her first pick, but as they were unavailable, she’d settle for Thor because there was no way in hell she was going to wear the Iron Man socks (and the Hulk ones just felt… wrong, all things considered). The Thor socks came with little buttons down the front, reflecting Thor’s odd armor, and had not only little white wings on the top but a mini flowing cape as well. Wanda thought they were cute, but the cape did make her wonder which pair of socks Vision would like better since he liked capes.

“Cape or wings, Vis? You pick since I’m making you do this,” Wanda asked as she closed the drawer and held the socks up between them. If Vision chose the Thor socks, she’d be a bit disappointed since the Captain America ones clashed so horribly with his skin, but she also wasn’t going to refuse him if he wanted to swap. Wanda narrowed her eyes when one side of Vision’s mouth curled upwards, irises rotating quickly. She knew that face, even though it was the second rarest expression he wore since he seldom let himself be a little shit. It made her feel better, though, because now Wanda knew, for sure, that Vision would enjoy himself, even just a tiny bit. It was also nice to see since he always denied his humanity, but it was an expression he’d come up with on his own without mimicking any other Avenger. One day, Wanda hoped he’d finally see and agree he was human enough. Until then, though, she was satisfied knowing he was comfortable around her and allowed her to see him develop. It was always the little things like these that made heat bloom in her chest that kept her warm for days.

“I prefer golden capes to red ones. I am perfectly fine with these socks.”

Scoffing and rolling her eyes, Wanda removed one of the socks she’d already been wearing, chucking it at Vision’s face. He caught it deftly, laughter bubbling up through his body. Wanda puffed up her cheeks petulantly, wishing Vision had slightly worse reflexes. It would’ve been nice to see him get nailed in the nose and try to shake it off, but she had gotten him to actually laugh (another testament to the feelings he denied but Wanda had buckets of proof for).

“I think you just don’t want to wear the little buttons on the front. He has silly armor,” Wanda huffed, shaking one of the Thor socks in Vision’s face. He batted it away, chuckling; Wanda bit her lip as she smiled back, acutely aware of how her face was heating up. Perhaps if they were normal young adults living normal lives, probably in a college dorm goofing off because they had no immediate deadlines, she’d kiss him. Maybe it’d be a peck, just to relieve her burning affection for him threatening to boil over, or maybe it’d turn into something a little more.

But they weren’t normal young adults. They weren’t college students messing around before they did something stupid. They were Avengers, and, on top of that, they’d never be normal, either. Vision was a synthetic human, and Wanda was an enhanced person. It was dumb to even think about “what ifs” because they were literally impossible.

Shaking her head to physically rid herself of asinine daydreams, Wanda quickly pulled off her remaining sock and tossed it at Vision with less animation than before. He caught it as she pulled on the Thor socks that were far too large for her feet. The heels poked out awkwardly behind her Achilles tendons, and they traveled farther up her calf than crew socks were supposed to go. Wanda pretended to try and rearrange the socks for a better fit, face burning but shoulders heavy, while she really just took surreptitious glances at Vision as he rolled her socks into a pair with too much precision. Perhaps it was the clothes she’d gotten him to wear that had spurned her stupid what-ifs that pulled at her darker thoughts (because if she was normal, then Pietro would be alive, as would her parents… but then again, she would’ve never met Vision, and though Pietro’s death still stabbed at her like a red hot knife – or, more accurately, searing bullet holes mincing her torso and arms – she felt more alive with the Avengers than she had since before those missiles fell on her home in Sokovia when they were ten). Wanda wanted to reach over and tug at the slightly unkempt sleeve of his white t-shirt. It was odd enough seeing him in a t-shirt and the same loose, athletic shorts she was wearing, but some normalcy could be returned if he kept his clothes unwrinkled. It wasn’t a bad look for Vision, just a complete 180 from his normal outfit of pressed sweaters and slacks. Wanda could see more of his skin than she’d seen since he’d burst out of the cradle, and she found herself holding back the urge to run her fingers along the vibranium that ran smoothly with his musculature.

“You do not need to hesitate, Wanda. You are not forcing me to do anything I do not wish to do.”

Vision’s voice tore Wanda’s attention away from his forearms. She looked sharply at his face, wanting to laugh. He was sometimes insanely good at reading her mood, but most of the time, he blundered around awkwardly while trying to reassure her. It was another one of his many endearing traits.

“Whatever you say, you big dummy,” Wanda said, rolling her eyes in good humor. She stood up, nonchalantly adding, “I still can’t believe you tried getting out of the socks but didn’t care about the other clothes.” She knew his aversion to showing off his body, one of the few negative things he’d developed on his own. His insecurity stemmed from his differentness, the vibranium and red skin with a texture only he could tell differed from normal humans’ (though that probably made it worse than if everyone else could also tell), and he’d adopted a style to cover up as much skin as he possibly could. Wanda knew he sometimes even avoided reflective surfaces on his bad days (which he, of course, denied to having, but Wanda made sure to play as many games of chess, Shogi, and other strategy games he liked best on those days). When Vision didn’t stand, Wanda nudged his knee with her shin, noticing how he’d placed her rolled up socks on the floor beside his thigh. Instead of responding, he looked down at his attire, using one hand to tug at the end of his t-shirt and the other to gently skim to lower edges of his black and white shorts. She couldn’t see anything but the top of his shiny bald head, but Wanda could feel that his pout had returned based off of the turbulent emotions twisting off of him. His mind started leaping chaotically from one thought to another as he went through logical simulations, but she didn’t try to enter it, instead waiting for him to come to his own conclusions to tell her. It was uncommon for Vision to be unable to come out of his thought spirals on his own, and she hoped she hadn’t unintentionally caused it to happen.

Finally, after two minutes passed that felt like hours, Vision looked up at her, brows scrunched together over his eyes like how his lips puckered. His irises were rotating in intervals, switching between quick and slow speeds, and Wanda felt a chill spreading down her back. She knew she had to diffuse the mood he was about to start drowning in.

“I do not understand. I thought you said this type of attire was required for this ritual?” Wanda looked at a spot right over his left shoulder to avoid his unintentional sad puppy eyes. How could she stop him from dropping into his funk? Mentally, she berated herself, because she had brought it up without even thinking.

“It is, I promise. You just don’t normally… It was dumb to say. I’m sorry, Vis.” Wanda hoped her backtracking would work, but she knew it was a long shot. Vision was almost as stubborn as her sometimes because he didn’t like letting go of some topics once they were introduced.

“I do not…” Vision paused, expelling a soft sigh through his nostrils. Wanda glanced at his face and winced upon seeing the corners of his mouth twitch. She immediately crouched down in front of him, shoulders sagging under an invisible weight.

“I am different.” He gestured helplessly at his body in general, not meeting Wanda’s gaze.

“You have not treated me differently, for which I am grateful, but—“

“Vis. Look at me,” Wanda interrupted him, not wanting him to complete his sentence. She frowned when Vision only glanced at her for a few seconds before looking away again.

“I apologize, Wanda, we should—“

“Vision, stop,” Wanda interrupted him again, reaching out as she spoke to grab his face in both of her hands to force him to look at her. His irises stopped turning counterclockwise for a second when he met her gaze. Vision gripped her wrists, probably to remove her hands form his face, but Wanda locked her joints to keep her arms in place.

“You’re not ‘different.’ You’re just like the rest of us. Skin color, hair color, prosthetic limbs, artificial organs – none of it matters. Bodies do not matter, Vision. They should not. How people live – theirs souls, that’s what matters. And you have a wonderful soul, Vis – the most wonderful one I’ve ever seen. You are worthy, okay? Even Mjuh… Mo… Thor’s hammer—”

“—Mjölnir—”

“—Yes, that, agrees. Natasha told me that none of them could lift it the night Ultron was born.” Vision blinked slowly at Wanda, and she was honestly stumped on if he took her words to heart or not. His face was blank, but his irises were rotating clockwise again, which was something. When he tilted his head to lean his face more firmly into her left palm, Wanda knew the storm had subsided. She brushed her thumbs over his high cheekbones, wiping away his invisible tears, before teasingly pinching his cheek. Vision winced, flinching out of her grasp even though she hadn’t physically hurt him.

“People are dumb. Ignore them and then tell me so I can kick their asses. You look good. You arms and legs look fine, Vis. And if you want a hug, you’ll get one,” Wanda said as she stood up, shaking out her legs. She didn’t take her gaze off of Vision’s face, though. It was still blank, but there was something about his eyes that she couldn’t place. It was happening a lot more frequently as of late, and she was determined to figure out what it meant. His spinning irises slowed to a barely discernable crawl, and his pupils constricted. The look always made the hair on the back of her neck stand up, but not in a threatened sort of way. If he didn’t have a perfect memory, Wanda would hazard a guess that he was memorizing the moment (or, as her traitorous heart thumped, memorizing her). Instead of trying to reflect on his newly developing behavior, Wanda just held her arms out, raising an eyebrow at him. Vision blinked once, and his eyes were back to normal. A gentle smile graced his lips as he stood up, leaning into her open arms. His arms were feather-light around her, but Wanda made sure to squeeze his torso with all the strength she possessed. He generally avoided her touch if he was feeling down, so it was nice he wanted a hug. It made Wanda hope that he felt as rejuvenated as she did after hugging him. Even though he never fully squeezed back, it felt nice pressing her cheek to his chest, hearing his heart beat, and being encircled by his warmth.

A relaxed silence fell around them until Vision tapped Wanda’s shoulder, his silent signal to tell her he’d had enough. Still feeling a bit guilty, she gave him an extra squeeze before letting him go, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“You are very good at… this,” Vision mused softly, gently gesturing his hand between them. Wanda caught it, intertwining their fingers again; she almost missed when his lips twitched upwards at the corners. She had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from beaming as her heart thrummed desperately in her chest.

“Not really – just with people I know. Clint is actually much better than I am even though he can’t read minds,” she said nonchalantly, leading Vision out of Steve’s room.

“Perhaps it is because he is just more experienced? He is older than you, and he has children,” Vision offered, squeezing her hand. Wanda shrugged, not too concerned with it. She wasn’t exactly a people person, unlike Pietro. She’d definitely help people in need, but she’d never been good at conversing and making friends with them. Pietro had been the charmer between them, always able to talk to someone even if he didn’t necessarily like them. Wanda absentmindedly entered the lock code to the panel to her room, which was right across the hall from Steve’s, trying to imagine how Pietro would have adjusted to life with the Avengers. He would’ve had an easier time talking and maintaining conversations, but he was still as guarded as Wanda was with his affection. Wanda doubted he would’ve been on any better terms with any of the others than she currently was; though, she also doubted he’d be on the same level as she was with Vision.

“Are doors an inconvenience to you?” Wanda asked without turning to face Vision when her door eased open. She needed a distraction from thinking about Pietro, and Vision’s aversion to using doors was an easy topic to latch on to as she pulled him through the doorway to her room.

“Since I can phase through walls, yes, though I am trying to use them more as per your teaching,” he replied, and Wanda felt the slight pull of his arm on hers when he shrugged. She rolled her eyes, tugging his arm teasingly.

“You say that as if it is a bad thing when it is just how most people need to move around buildings, Vis. I think I’d be just as inconvenienced as you are, though, if I could walk through walls,” Wanda mused, glancing over her shoulder at him. She hoped she’d phrased her thoughts properly to not accidentally push his buttons again. Twice in less than ten minutes would be a first (excluding a time Tony was over since Tony liked using nicknames that he knew grated on people’s nerves when he was in a bad mood). Vision just wrinkled his nose at her, making Wanda laugh. She had to let go of his hand when she walked over to her desk, rummaging around in her chaotic drawer to find two rolls of electrical tape. Vision was still behind her, close enough to feel the heat radiating off of his body but far enough away that she couldn’t accidentally jab him in the ribs with her elbow (which would end up hurting her instead of him, ironically).

“The goal with the tape is to mark our progress, since we’re doing science. We’re going to run down the hallway outside to build up speed to slide on the kitchen floor. Mark where you stop with the tape. You get blue to match your socks, Vis,” Wanda explained, snickering. She heard, and felt, him breathe through his nose in an almost-snort (since he was too polite to actually snort), making her snicker more until she finally found the rolls of tape. She’d borrowed them from one of Tony’s labs earlier in the week, and she had never gotten the motivation to return them.

“And what is the purpose of this clothing? If it was to reduce air resistance, which there will not be enough to make a discernable difference for sliding on the floor with socks, you would not be wearing that sweater.” He used his free hand to ghost his fingers along her shoulder, following the seam that held the arm to the body of the sweater, and Wanda wanted to lean into his hand. Vision rarely initiated physical contact with her (or anyone, really), so it was tempting for her to prolong his light touch. Instead of focusing on him, though, she pulled up the happy memory that had been the catalyst for her asking him if he wanted to slide in the kitchen in fluffy socks.

“It’s just…,” her voice trailed off, fingers tightening around his momentarily as she tried to remember the correct word in English, “It is something my father started. We always did it in our sleeping clothes, and we always had a competition of who could slide the farthest every other week.” Heat blossomed in her chest, overwhelming her to well up in her eyes, as she thought about her family. There was no pain accompanying the mental image of her father, clad in an undershirt and boxers, showing her and Pietro how to slide around on the floor; there was only a soothing warmth that had a bittersweet twinge. Pietro had always been faster than her, even when they were five and the sock slide tournaments started, beginning his reign of fearless leader of the two of them. He’d always assured her no harm would come to her, that he wouldn’t let it, and Wanda had always tried to remind him to think of himself sometimes. All the signs of his arrogant but caring personality had been there from the very beginning as he’d bragged about being stronger but purposefully let Wanda win most of the sock slide competitions (the times he didn’t were the few times he was upset with her for some reason or another).

#scarlet vision #scarlet x vision #Scarlet Witch #wanda maximoff #marvel vision #the vision #wanda x vision #mcu #avengers #stitch's fanfic

46 notes · View notes

cookinguptales · 7 years

Text

Oh god, I forgot to post the end of year writing meme. So here it is about a week late. I wrote so goddamn much this year. I never expected karabita fandom to just kind of. Happen. haha. It was weird going through my fics and thinking about things like good lines or good summaries. I wonder if anyone who reads the fics remember lines better than I do? It feels weird thinking about someone having a favorite fic of mine or a favorite line from one of my fics or something. After all this time, I still kind of think, like, “well, no one’s really reading/enjoying/remembering what I write” so it’s odd to think of my fics inside someone else’s head. I guess that’s what they’re for, though...

Anyway, my fics this year were full of a lot of ups and downs. If anyone wants to talk about any of them, or you have any questions or anything, it was really fun looking back through them and I’m kind of nostalgic now. lol

(under a cut bc wow this is long)

End-of-Year Writing Meme for 2016.

Stats

Total Word Count: 144,500 on AO3, but probably about 5k more if you count all the fics on Tumblr. I’m…setting aside the nonfiction. So let’s just say 150k.

Total Completed Fics: 44 on AO3, christ

Ship/character/fandom breakdown:

Just going for the ones on AO3 now, so add several more karabita Tumblr fics and and I think some danganronpa, gravity falls, muppets, and maybe SU? I can’t remember all the non-Osomatsu ficlets I wrote this year. On AO3, though, 34 Osomatsu-san fics, all karabita I think. One also contained Ichimatsu/Xmas Couple and Jyushimatsu/Homura. Two fics for Arsenic and Old Lace, both gen. Two Danganronpa fics, Ishimaru/Mondo and Gundham/Sonia. One Gravity Falls fic, Stan-centric gen. One Scooby Doo fic, gen. One Pokemon Go fic, gen. One The Final Girls fic, Vicki/Gertie. Two Muppets fics, both Bunsen/Beaker. Jeez.

Specifics

Best/worst title?

Best… I had a couple I’m fond of. Probably “The Road Not Taken (Again and Again and Again)”, “Six Sips of Strychnine”, or…god, a lot of these are puns. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that some of the pun ones, like “Fowl Play” and “A Ghost of a Chance” and “The Pokemon Trade” are the best and the worst. I’m also not thrilled with “Love’s Carriers”.

Best/worst summary?

Hmm. Frankly, I don’t think I’m very good at summaries. “There is a difference between living and surviving. Karamatsu hovers between the two.” wasn’t too bad. And both “Karamatsu knows that Chibita is drunk, but it's a little hard to take the moral high road with a hand on his dick.” and “Sometimes when two men love each other very much and one man is kidnapped by some aliens and some [censored] [censored] stuff happens, a beautiful miracle is created.” made me laugh. “Sometimes Karamatsu can see the choices he didn’t make, and ones he’s sure he did.” is probably the best, though.

Worst…uh… Most of them… My summaries are so half-assed. Probably either “Chibita loves his new dog, but Karamatsu is hiding something. (Spoilers: NO, he is not a werewolf, he's just allergic to dogs.)” or “‘Write a fic where [Karamatsu] eats a salad’ That's it, that's the fic.”

Best first line?

Errr. I have a few that make me laugh. “For a long time, Karamatsu had labored under the blissful delusion that he was basically a good person.” (All’s Fair In Love and Blow Jobs), “After being attacked by a horde of vampires, being held captive in their den of villainy, and becoming a denizen of the night himself, Karamatsu understandably had to make a few lifestyle changes.” (Developing A Taste), “There were some times, some crimes, that made Velma seriously consider getting a day job.” (Fowl Play). (That one in particular makes me laugh, but I don’t think most people got the allusion.)

I also think a couple set the mood pretty well, like “It all began with Karamatsu kneeling on Chibita's floor, head pressed to wood and his wings folded tight against his back, the perfect picture of submission.” (Feathers and Favors) or “Karamatsu stared dully ahead, not entirely sure whether it was the steam or the alcohol that was making his vision swim.” (The Road Not Taken)

Honestly, I think most of my opening lines are pretty good, or at least serviceable.

Best last line(s)?

I just closed all my fic windows. ;~; Honestly, most of my last lines are more like last paragraphs, and kind of sum up the themes of the fic. They don’t always work well outside of them… But this one is probably the funniest without context.

"She really was nothing but a giant chicken.” (Fowl Play)

General questions

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I wrote far, far more than I expected I would. I wrote almost three times as much this year as I have in all the other years put together on this pseud. (Though actually, I think I did write quite a bit on another pseud last year…?)

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I MEAN I FEEL LIKE KARABITA WAS THE DARK HORSE. I wasn’t even that into it when I started writing it!! I kind of became more comfortable writing the pairing as I went, and now I have a million ideas. I think it really was like 90% the support I got from the fandom that made me keep writing. Uh, that and personal stress. lol

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Uhh. I think Feathers and Favors is the one that meant the most to me, but I think Like Moving Parts is my favorite. It feels homey to me.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

GOD haha um probably mouth full of roses, eyes full of stars. I never, ever thought that melodramatic fic would be as popular as it’s become. It was such an experiment. I’m still not really sure why it caught on. Love’s Carriers also shocked me. I wrote both of those fics in such a short period, and I was expecting them to go largely unremarked. And then others I thought would go over well and they were basically ignored. so. Fandom is weird.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

I REALLY LIKED MY POKEMON AU but I also acknowledge that many of the best parts still remain on my hard drive. God, I need to post the rest of that fic. I guess the Pokemon craze has kind of passed, though…

Life Line, Heart Line wasn’t exactly underappreciated… I was just writing for a fandom of one and I knew it. It wasn’t shocking to me that no one read it, and it was mostly just a short ToT fic so it didn’t sting. (I…learned my lesson about writing really involved fics for minuscule fandoms after I wrote that Sleep No More fic.)

Story that could have been better?

Er… Probably a lot of them, all told. I’m really not very good at writing sex, so probably some of those especially.

Sexiest story?

I…guess probably the sexy rent fic, haha. Though again, I think a lot of the best parts of that are still on my hard drive.

Saddest story?

Errrr… Probably Little Ghost, Little Ghost or the zombie ficlets. Both of them that involve dead halves of my OTP and the other half coping badly, essentially. Or The Devil At The Crossroads, because that one involved suicidal ideation.

Most fun?

Probably the Muppet fics! It’s a fun canon. Or, oh my god, that silly, stupid Scooby Doo fic. I loved it, people loved reading it, it was stupid. It was really fun haha.

Story with single sweetest moment?

Uh.. Frankly, I think I specialize in sweet moments, so this is a bit hard for me. The confession scenes at the ends of Like Moving Parts and Feathers and Favors stand out, but I think most of my readers would pick other moments, lol.

Hardest story to write?

Emotionally, it was Feathers and Favors. I…cried a lot while I wrote that. It touched on some very personal parts of my life. Love’s Carriers probably required the most research. I had to walk to florists haha. The Arsenic and Old Lace fics fought me a lot, largely because of election angst, which is why I ended up writing two. I’m relatively happy with Six Sips, though.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

I had fun with basically every single monster one, hahaha. I have such a type. Paradoxically, I think that Feathers and Favors was also one of the easier ones to write. I wrote so much in such a short period of time, because it just flowed really well. I guess writing it was kind of therapeutic.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Honestly, I think I thought a lot more about gag characters than is really right or proper this year. My perceptions changed a lot, and I came to love both Chibita and Karamatsu even more. (Which…is what happened to me when I wrote Beaker last year…)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Uhh… I mean… I wrote a lot of short, weird little fics this year, but largely in a fandom where I mostly knew I’d have an audience. (But I did worry a lot about alienating said audience, especially after they got used to fluff from me.) The zombie ones were outside of my comfort zone, but everyone was writing zombies so it wasn’t that much of a risk. The Road Not Taken actually was a risk; it was one of my first Osomatsu-san fics and I had no idea how it’d be received.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

I don’t know… I’d like to finish a few of the karabita WIPs I have on my hard drive, but… It does kind of seem like the fandom for the pairing is dying off, doesn’t it? I still have a lot of stories to tell, but maybe soon I’ll have no one to tell them to… So maybe one of my goals should be finding a new fandom, too, huh? I tend to hunker down when I find a pairing I really like, but I often stay long after the audience has moved on, which just leads to frustration. Sometimes I look at the karabita AO3 tag and feel kind of embarrassed because I’ve written such a large percentage of the fics that are there, like maybe I’ve glommed onto something dumb too much? But it’s been one of the few fun things in a terrible year, so oh well, whatever. Still, branching out a bit couldn’t hurt.

I’d also like to write more of my ideas for original fic, though I’ll admit I find that very… large. My origific ideas have a habit of getting away from me, and then they’re too big and I get overwhelmed and set them aside. I should probably give them a chance to grow, though. I have so many f/f ideas, and the world needs more f/f origific.

#just me

9 notes · View notes