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thebachelordiaries · 4 years

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Clare seeks HIMBO: ‘The Bachelorette’ cast first impressions

The Covid-19 pandemic has been rough for the entire world, but Bachelor Nation faced some dark days too. Going eight months without a single new episode from The Bachelor franchise is something I would really like to not relive.

Fortunately, those dark days are over. Clare’s season has me sucked back in.

The quality of this image is atrocious.

Most of these men—presuming they followed CDC’s social distancing guidelines— haven’t seen a woman in months, are touch deprived, possibly unemployed and contemplating moving back to their hometown while stalking the housing market on Zillow. Everyone’s desperate. That makes for some pretty good TV.

This season features men ranging from ages 26 to 41. We’ve got a boy band manager, a grooming specialist, several men who look like they masturbate in front of full length mirrors and even more who probably want me to join their MLM pyramid scheme.

I’ve never been more ready to roast a bunch of men who have nightmares about going bald. It’s all I’ve wanted to do since March.

Let’s go:

AJ, 28, Software sales

AJ is the kind of guy who writes “Looking for the Pam to my Jim <3″ on his Bumble profile. His bio is generic and probably not reflective of who he is as a person. If I were Clare I’d swipe left.

Ben, 29, Army ranger veteran

“Ben's favorite indulgence is an ice bath.“ Well then.

Alexa, play “Run” by AWOLNATION.

Bennett, 36, Wealth management consultant

Bennett’s profile is the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. This man says he is the total package but hasn’t always been "this successful and good looking.” But wait, there’s more: “According to Bennett, his high school girlfriend is the only girl he's ever had to work for.“

Can someone tell me what NYC neighborhood he lives in so I can blacklist it?

Blake M1, 31, Male grooming specialist

Blake’s just another stereotypical “29th round draft pick who sat on the bench of the practice team before getting cut, but claims he left the sport due to an injury on his own accord.”

Blake M2, 29, Wildlife manager

This Blake is an outdoorsy Canadian who seems pretty genuine and cool. Unfortunately, he has the face of someone who’d get sent home on night one. I hope I’m wrong.

Brandon, 28, Real Estate Agent

Just another boring hot person. Nothing to see here.

Brendan, 30, Commercial roofer

Brandan, not to be confused for Brandon, “loves some good true crime, working out and hanging out with his friends.” I can’t even make fun of this man. We have the exact same interests.

Chasen, 31, IT account executive

The Winklevoss twins are actually triplets and Chasen is their long lost brother. But more seriously, have you ever seen someone who looks more like their name than this man?

Chris, 27, Landscape design salesman

“Chris hopes to find a woman who is sharp and witty but also easygoing.” Chris, sweetheart, have you met Clare? Easygoing...? There’s still time back out of this before it’s too late.

Dale, 31, Former pro football wide receiver

Dale aggressively screams “Bachelor material.” I’d say he’s auditioning for that role but Matt James already scooped it up. Better luck next year, Daley.

Demar, 26, Spin cycling instructor

Demar is a “very popular spin instructor in Scottsdale and says he can get on that bike and spin to any beat thrown his way.” Imagine how many trophy wives Demar has f*cked?

Eazy, 29, Sports marketing agent

Eazy is very similar to Dale on paper. Except his name is Eazy so he automatically loses that battle.

Ed, 33, Health care salesman

“Ed is looking to find a woman who has natural beauty without looking overly fake.” Ed deserves to die alone.

Garin, 34, Professor of Journalism

Garin’s bio is giving me hubby material vibes. And maybe a little bit of a “gets eliminated on night one” vibe too.

Ivan, 28, Aeronautical Engineer

Ivan, what are you doing here? We’re in a recession. Please go back to your normal job before it’s too late.

Jason, 31, Former pro football linemen

“He is a former NFL offensive lineman who, after suffering too many concussions on the field, decided to prioritize his health and change the direction of his life.” A big, brawny HIMBO with CTE? I feel like he’s Clare’s type.

Jay, 29, Fitness director

There are too many things about Jay that I dislike and I’m trying to keep this brief. Jay says “it's time to take a break from worrying about others and focus on himself instead.” I am willing to bet money that this man has never made a woman c*m.

Jeremy, 40, Banker

Jeremy is the oldest contestant ever to come on "The Bachelorette,” which may seem like a monuments accomplishment but he’s literally only one year older than Clare.

He also “hates Instagram models, both male and female,” so he should have a lot of fun here.

Joe, 36, Anesthesiologist

Before I even saw his profession and location, I thought Joe looked like a doctor I’d find on a NYC dating app...and...uh...I probably did see him on there now that I think about it.

Anyway, this man has apparently been through seven stages of hell while on the front lines fighting Covid-19 in NYC so I definitely think he deserves to find love. Someone marry him please.

Jordan C, 26, Software account executive

I can already tell Jordan is going to get the “I’m young but mature” edit which means he’s probably not going to be good TV.

Too bad someone a tad younger (like Tayshia) wasn’t the Bachelorette. I feel like they’d make a cute couple.

Jordan M., 30, Cyber security engineer

I was going to say something mean but Jordan’s into cyber security and I don’t want my blog to be deactivated, so never mind. Cast photos are historically bad so I’m sure he looks much better in real life.

Kenny, 39, Boy band manager

I could go for the obvious drags regarding this man’s profession (or his sh*tty chest tattoo, or his suspiciously boyish face relative to his age), but I like to think I’m more clever than that.

I’d like to take this time to talk about men, who are obviously difficult people, who rant and rave about how they want an “easygoing” woman. Look into the mirror, bud. No, not the one you use to jerk off to your reflection; the mirror that looks into your soul. Out of respect for the rest of humankind, have some self-awareness. Or maybe just see a therapist.

Mike, 38, Digital media advisor

Mike is seemingly a decent catch, but I can’t help but wonder why he’s still single or how he never (accidentally or on purpose) impregnated a woman in his 38 years of life.

And now that I’m thinking about it, do any of these men have children? I have yet to see any mention of it in their bios. But there are eight men left to review, so there’s still time.

Page, 37, Chef

I spoke too soon. Page is a father! He also hates football! I’m a fan of this man. I was initially going to drag him for his name and say that Page is not a real name. PAIGE is a real name. PAGE is a piece of paper. I’m allowed to say this because we have the same name except mine is spelled the correct way. Based on my (mostly positive) review of his cast bio, I have decided not to hold his name against him.

Riley, 30, Long Island City

Riley, once married with children, would like to go on a family vacation that consists of touring every single MLB stadium in the country. If i were his wife, I would simply never give this man children.

Robby, 30, Insurance broker

No more Robbys on The Bachelorette. Society has evolved past its need for more Robbys.

This Robby described his dream woman as: “Incredibly athletic and able to throw back a few beers with him after a day of hiking. She has a sweet personality and won't mind that he spends his Sundays on the golf course.”

Someone please give this man a sex doll. He just wants a hole.

Tyler C., 27, Lawyer

“Tyler C. is a badass lawyer who says he is a businessman by day and a cowboy by night.” How does that make him a lawyer? Does this mean he’s into cosplay? I’m confused.

Tyler S., 36, Music manager

Tyler makes an honorable living off riding his brother’s dick success as a country singer. “He just LOVES his job!” Uh yeah, I would too if I had a low-show, high-paying job off the merits of nepotism. It’s the American dream.

Yosef, 30, Medical device salesman

Another dad! He’s totally going to pull the “girl dad” narrative. That saying is kind of sexist to me but the masses generally eat it up, so I’m fairly confident Yosef will get the "sweet guy” edit he’s looking for.

Zac C., 36, Addiction specialist

“He loves Philadelphia sports and dreams of sharing a Philly Cheesesteak with his future wife while watching the Eagles win a Super Bowl.” This man is so South Jersey it hurts.

On a more serious note, I don’t think anyone in recent history has spoken openly about their personal struggle with addiction on this show, so I hope Zac gets a chance to tell his story.

Zach J., 37, Cleaning service owner

Zach is seemingly obsessed with Clare already and hopes to introduce her to his mom as his fiancée. Since Zach watched Clare on Juan Pablo’s season, you’d think he’d know that Clare would first meet his mom during the final four hometown dates. Assuming he makes it that far. My prediction is that he won’t.

Final thoughts

After eight long months Bachelor Mondays are back!!!

Uhh....wait.

Actually, we now have the less-exciting Bachelor Tuesdays. Yeah, it definitely doesn’t have the same ring to it. But I’ll take anything at this point.

Here are my final predictions:

First impression rose: Dale. It just looks like he can turn on the bullsh*t charm

Final rose: Jason. Clare wants a HIMBO I just know it.

Bachelor: nobody (Matt James is The Bachelor)

Most likely to get engaged on Bachelor in Paradise: Blake M2

Most likely to get canceled online: Bennett

Most likely to get sent home night one but deserve better: Chris

Who are your favorite men cast on this season?

#The Bachelorette #abc #clare crawley #chris harrison #photo credit: ABC

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

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Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, V!

You have been accepted for the role of LILY EVANS! We really enjoyed reading your application. We were floored by the sheer beauty at some of the imagery and truly felt something when reading about your Lily. She was unique enough to feel like yours, while also sticking to what we know from canon. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: V

AGE: Twenty five

TIMEZONE: GMT+11

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I work full-time but as I’m on the other side of the world this shouldn’t impact you all too much! I’ll be able to meet the activity requirements for the group.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nope!

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Lily Jane Evans

AGE: Twenty one

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cisgender female with she/her pronouns. In terms of sexuality, Lily tends to assume she’s straight. It’s never been something she’s really interrogated, despite how varied her friendship circle can be, although that’s not to say she’s right. Lily prides herself on having insight into every aspect of her life - why not her sexuality? She supposes it’s because since she and James got together, there’s not been much point wondering about anything else. For the most part Lily is straight, but I can see her questioning this a little as the group develops. It would, necessarily, be in counterpoint to her relationship with James, as that’s her frame of reference. But, weirdly, I could see her sharing a kiss with another woman and going, “Oh, that’s nice,” and then never really thinking about it again! So, in short, while Lily’s never actively thought about it, but she’s probably straight.

BLOOD STATUS: Muggleborn

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor

ANY CHANGES: Nope, everything looks great!

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Lily is, by definition, an optimist. Naturally warm and compassionate, she is a firm believer in treating people with respect and on their own merit. She’s sensitive to the whims of others, and focuses on listening closely when they speak. If there’s anything she knows, it’s that people rarely say what they mean. Too often they hide behind flippant remarks or boisterous behaviour. Or, in the case of Severus, quicksilver smiles and double-meanings. Lily holds each word in the palm of her hand before giving it back, gently, as if it were a robin’s egg. That is not to say Lily is endlessly patient and giving, although for the most part she is. She has a streak of righteousness that is hard to tamp down. It coincides with her ego, which draws breath from the near-constant nice things people have to say about her. Lily is often reassured by the knowledge that she’s likely considered every aspect of a situation more than anyone else, so they really ought to listen to her. When she was younger, this manifested as assertiveness to the point of bossiness, though she’s calmed down a lot in recent years. Lily can still have a tight hold on the reins, but she’s far more likely to hand them over to someone else if she can see they’re capable of doing a better job than her.

Lily doesn’t often lose her temper. She went from pleading with Petunia to trading acerbic remarks with the Marauders, to merely laughing whenever someone tries to insult her. The only way to really get under her skin is to undermine who she is. Lily has a very strong sense of self. She prides herself on being independent, level-headed, and quietly confident and collected in most matters. If she’s close to the end of her tether, logic flies out the window. In lieu of her characteristic diplomacy she’ll trade on emotions, managing to spear the heart of the issue with uncanny accuracy. One harsh side to being insightful is knowing just where to press and for how long. Lily hates that part of her, and dreads confrontation as a result. She would much, much rather keep the peace than let that side see the light of day. Deep down, Lily cares about how she comes across to people and how she’s earned her reputation. To be reckless and throw it all away in the heat of the moment is unnatural to her and quite distasteful.

Lily is remarkably creative. Her mind is ordered, logical, but she has a willfully romantic streak that makes her heart beat fast. Lily cares about the gentle, beautiful things in the world. She takes comfort from small moments: a daisy in a vase, the morning sunlight on warm wood, the smell of chamomile and wool. She often takes the time to center herself and focus on the world around her to act as a reminder. This is what you’re fighting for. This is what matters. For Lily, nothing matters more than personal freedom. To be shackled in any way - emotionally or, as is the threat these days, literally - is beyond words. Lily abhors feeling trapped. That is, perhaps, why she works so hard to make people comfortable with her. She wants them to know that she’ll be there for them, that there is no judgement. She is, in this sense, a good person to come with when you have a problem, as there’s nothing she likes more than trying to fix someone up. It’s a way of giving the illusion of control, even when, sometimes, she feels like she’s in free fall.

As it happens with many people, Lily can come to resent in others what she perceives as simple measures of human decency. For example, she works hard to be understanding and helpful. When others don’t return the favor, she can be wry in return, and will remember it for the future. She holds others to relatively high standards as a result. Lily takes so much time thinking about her own thoughts, actions, and motives, that it’s endlessly frustrating to be around people - like Sirius and, sometimes, James - who just jump in without caring about what comes next. Lily can be as impulsive as anyone else, but if it has the potential to backfire or hurt someone else, she’ll draw the line. In this sense, Lily has a very strong sense of justice. She cares about the dignity of every living thing, and would defend anyone’s rights until her last breath. The only time that wouldn’t be the case is if that person has completely disregarded everyone else in their pursuit. Case in point: Lord Voldemort.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Cokeworth, a city wedged in between Coventry and beneath Northampton and the poorer for it, because people zipped past on the M45-M1 for one or the other, and otherwise completely overlooked that squat, ugly, brown-bricked place that perched on the River Nene like a river rat. It was an industrial place, straight out of Dickens, with a weary, perfunctory air so practiced by housewives with soap-reddened hands and children who cycled to school and spat in the street. The Evans’ lived in a terraced house of identical terraced houses, with a box of flowers beneath the front room window, and a narrow chimney that smoked, without fail, every day of the year, even in summer. The hallway was carpeted with lurid yellow-green flowers - her mother’s concession to 70s style - and the walls hung heavy with photographs of their childhood. Lily and Petunia squinting in the sun on a Yarmouth beach, them in school uniforms, a portrait of their nan. The living room was small but neat; the kitchen, up the back, equally cramped. The door was often propped open to keep the breeze going through, and it opened onto a small paved yard which was big enough for a few flower pots, a washing line, and the outside loo. Upstairs consisted of a bathroom and two bedrooms.

Lily and Petunia had always shared a room. Even when Lily was at school she’d come home every summer and lay awake in that sweltering bedroom, with posters fading on the walls and the windows thrown open to coax any whisper of cool river air. Petunia’s side of the bedroom was immaculate: a painstaking recreation of any teenage magazine, with a dressing table, a vase of dried flowers, a small bookshelf with Enid Blyton and Paddington Bear serials. Lily’s was more chaotic: trinkets cluttering every available surface, clothes strewn on the floor or the foot of her bed, where a game of solitaire lay abandoned. But in the middle of the room, on a small table beneath the double windows, was a record player. And it was there, on the carpet before it, that she and Petunia was lay for hours, sucking sweets and knocking knees, making their sedate way through the hits recommended by Petunia’s group of school chums, all of them giggling and pink-cheeked and mean and members of various clubs or sports teams. Petunia, needless to say, was not sporty, but she was doggedly loyal, and followed those girls around with a martyred, slightly desperate air, that Lily, even at nine, found repugnant. Of course, she didn’t have much to go on. Severus was deeply unpopular, especially among the boys on their estate. Those boys wheeled around chasing dogs or trying to filch cigarettes from uncles or older brothers, and would sail past Severus as he stalked along, calling him names and jeering.

It was boredom that drew Lily to the river bank. Boredom and irritation. Her parents were well-meaning but ordinary people. Her father worked in a factory, and her mother worked in the employment office. They were frugal, clean, conventional. Lily’s father had neat fair hair and a moustache that bristled when he read the news or smoked his pipe. Their mother was a tall, well turned out woman, who cooked tea quickly and efficiently with her hair in rollers. These days, Lily can see the truth: that they had once been young people with no other option but to get married, and so they decided to make the best of it. But when she was a girl they were too nice, too oppressively stupid and boring, that it was all she could do sometimes to stop herself from screaming. Lily wasn’t necessarily a badly behaved kid. She did her homework in front of the television, laying on her stomach with her legs in the air, glancing between her arithmetic and Granada. She ate her greens and helped her mother with the washing. Early on she felt a restless stir. For a long time she was content to lose herself in books or music or television shows, but then, when she was around ten, the itch grew unbearable. She tried wandering the estate but that became impossible - mainly because of the boys, who whistled whenever she walked past - so she went to the places everyone had forgotten or grew tired about: the backs of shops with weeds springing the concrete, a scrubby park with a broken swing-set, and, eventually, the river.

When she received her Hogwarts letter things changed quite dramatically. Lily had to leave her school, which wasn’t too terrible. What was terrible was the falling out with Petunia, who wouldn’t speak to her until the following Christmas, and that was to ask her whether she’d pass the sugar, thank you. In the years that followed Lily stopped thinking of her childhood home as a trap and more of a warren, which, while feeling like a maze, at least ended somewhere, at some point, and so it was only ever a matter of time before she would have escaped. Likely that would have been through marriage, or getting a job, or attending secretarial school, like Petunia. Like all people who have grown up with little, Lily became fiercely protective over her childhood. The other muggleborns had divisions of their own - divisions based on comparatively newer, but no less insidious ideas around class and place. Lily’s Midlands accent, with the lazy vowels and clipped endings, made some of the toffs wrinkle their nose; and one boy who’d boasted about attending Harrow before “all this”, once called her a yampy (that moment was alleviated by another equally horrid boy making a snide remark about Harrow being the homestead of Eton rejects, which drew fire from Lily for at least five minutes). Strangely, it only bolstered Lily’s sense of sense. Yeah, she was poor. And yes, she was a no-hoper from nowhere. But at least she had some bloody integrity about it. Perhaps that was the most important thing her parents ever taught her: pride. Pride in work, school, family. Above all, to have pride in herself. There was nothing those toffs could say that Lily hadn’t thought about herself a hundred times before, anyway.

OCCUPATION:

Trainee, Committee on Experimental Charms, Ministry for Magic.

When Lily left school, she didn’t have a plan. For the first time it felt like she didn’t need to plan three steps ahead. The whole country was gripped with a kind of fever, a remnant of the early part of the decade, where love was free and happiness was contagious. Since then, of course, a war had broken out, Margaret Thatcher became the PM, and Lily wasn’t a girl anymore. Despite that little voice telling her to buckle down, do something useful, she couldn’t resist life in the city, where the men wore platforms and the women glittered in the night. Where music eclipsed her, and she could disappear down muggle warrens without a care in the world. Eventually, however, her parents had a word. It went along the lines of, “Lily, darling,” and, “Come now, poppet, don’t you want to do something useful? Make something of yourself?” And, naturally, Petunia had a few snide remarks to make, about magic and nonsense and the stuff of fairy tales, and, well… Lily might pride herself on standing firm, but it’s a little different when your family’s staring at you over the mashed potatoes, looking all po-faced and Concerned. So, a little under a year of her graduation, Lily applied for an training program at the Ministry. It’s quite possibly the most middle-class job she could imagine, but it’s surprisingly enjoyable. Lily’s natural gift with charms has served her well. She likes it primarily because charms make people’s lives better. A ditty to keep the tea warm? A waggle of your wand to keep the flowers alive? Lily treasures the small moments in life; from her perspective, there’s not enough beauty in the world - it’s fading fast, faster every day - and if she can do even something small to keep spirits up, she’ll do it.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Once, when she was much younger, Lily might have found the Order a terrible thing. In a voice that sounded a little like her sister’s, she reasoned that anything that disrupted society was by nature dangerous. When she was twelve years old, things changed abruptly. Her parents had never been particularly well-to-do. They were, in fact, from proud working-class stock, the sort to have fifty cups of builder’s tea a day and talk knowledgeably about roof tiles. When the labor strikes started across the country, the tone of their conversations went from cheery to strained. When her father was laid off after twenty five years at the same job, Lily was filled with indignant rage - a rage that simmered for most of the 70s. She studied other labor movements and found within her a kindred tie to all of the men and women who fought for their rights. That soon expanded into any movement for the gain of freedom: miners, women, the queer liberation movement. Lily shouldered their hopes and took it upon herself to lift alongside them.

It should come as no surprise that when Lily found out about the Order, she agreed with it immediately. That decision was made in the heat of the moment - graduation was looming, the world outside was growing darker, and seemed more and more every day that she and her friends were at the mercy of ancient forces well beyond her understanding. Now that she’s been a member for a few years, her attitude has mellowed, matured. Lily’s flash of righteousness has been tempered by cool logic. For her, it’s a melting point of conflicting interests. What about morality, ethics? If the Order act without guidance, doesn’t that make them as bad as the Death Eaters? Lily has a measured, open mind. Capable of holding many viewpoints at once, she is as considerate with these arguments as she is firmly loyal. Though some of her friends - Sirius, mainly - would consider any dissenting viewpoint to indicate disloyalty, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Lily is aware of how damaging zealotry can be; how puritanical ideologies can crush as well as triumph. She believes in discussing each decision, in weighing options and considering each seriously, on its own merit. When she decided to form the Dissendium Task Force, it was with no small amount of thought.

For her, the Task Force represents something larger. It’s a direct address to every strain of bigotry in their society. When she was a girl on the riverbank, Severus by her side, she thought the Wizarding World to be infinitely tolerant and marvelous, a peaceful and enlightened society. Now that she knows differently, Lily doesn’t necessarily think that idyll is impossible. Difficult, certainly, but not beyond the realm of possibility. With Dissendium, the Order, everything, Lily wants to strike at the heart of the problem, to shed light on the complex and overlapping issues that have led them to this moment, to pull away the curtain and speak with the voice of an outsider. Lily has been called many things. But being a muggleborn and a woman has given her insight beyond what her peers are capable of.

Unexpectedly, Dissendium has given life to a different kind of problem. Lily never intended to be the caretaker of anything, but accidentally creating what more or less could be termed a commune was not on her list of things to do. Her immediate issue revolves around Dissendium’s duty of care. How much can she, Marlene, Remus, and Emma do? How much longer can the McKinnons care for all those they’ve rescued? These issues are pressing to Lily - and she can feel the tide within her start to shift. Sometimes it’s all she thinks about. What to do with everyone, how to care for them, to ensure they stay happy enough to make their lives again once all this is over… It’s so much, even with everyone helping her, and though, logically, Lily knows she should fear what this obsession might do to her, she’s blinkered herself. Dissendium, what it represents, means so much. Can’t people see?

SURVIVAL:

Lily is fortunate to have James. She’s not going to deny it. Of course, she would survive without him. Had things been different and they had resisted that insistent tug between them, Lily would have found a way through. Living in London proper is a fool’s game, these days, what with the Death Eater elite swanning around the magical zones. She might have burrowed into a fringe muggle society in a smaller city or town, maybe even with Marlene - or Remus. Lily’s theorised what it might be like to live with Remus, to make a tidy home together, and it’s a remarkably comforting thought. Life with James is a good deal more different than the life she imagined when she graduated. Their townhouse is… big. James likes to go all modest and bluster things like, “Oh, it’s really not bigger than average, really,” and, “Have you seen Alphard’s place? Merlin knows how Sirius doesn’t get lost every bloody day,” but Lily just gives him a deadpan look and he takes the hint. Truth is, it’s a little too large for her. Lily grew up in a two bedroom terraced house in Cokeworth. The type that, until recently, had an outside loo. Living in a townhouse like James’ is, at times, strange. Lily doesn’t know what to do with all the space. The few things she’s left scattered around always seem slightly out of place: a forgotten scarf, a pile of books with the spines broken, a yellow glass cigarette dish she found at Oxfam. In the flat she lived in before - a cramped loft in Coventry, with old factory windows and worn down floorboards - these trinkets were kitsch, intriguing, unusual magpie symbols of a woman with eclectic, slightly old-fashioned tastes. But in the harsh light of James’ house, they’re ugly. Cheap. Once, in a flash of shame, Lily almost threw them all away. She resisted on the basis that though they were cheap and, yes, ugly, they were hers, her own. They had been gathered from the recesses of muggle shops and given to her by her gran, and she loved every single battered lamp, 50s crockery, and disfigured cat statue she owned. They had been warmed by her hands, carefully arranged on windowsills or bookshelves. In a way she hasn’t managed to yet articulate, her things in James’ space is symbolic. Lily feels out of place. She’s just not sure whether it’s bad enough to do anything about it.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Lily needs people. While she likes a measure of solitude to recharge, she needs to be with people, to share thoughts and dreams, to balance one another, to keep each other company. For her, relationships with other people, and especially the Order, are among her priorities. Lily works hard to keep her relationships with other people. If ever she feels something is amiss, she’ll be the first person to address it head on, arms folded, head cocked. Lily is direct. However, she’s not omnipotent. Lily does, occasionally, favor her vision of people over the reality. She’s not totally blind to people’s faults, but she will, almost unconsciously, reinvent and gently manipulate them into something more desirable. A habit of cockiness, for instance, can be turned into confidence; selfishness for independence. Lily has an unwavering ability to see the good and bright in other people, even when they don’t see it themselves. For this reason she can, sometimes, think that everything is going quite well until it really isn’t. In those moments she’s always taken aback: surprised at her own willful ignorance, her tendency to the beautiful over muddy reality. At the moment her relationships are… well, they’ve been better, but they certainly could be much worse. She’s in a happy medium with almost everyone, and it’s not reached a point of crisis enough for her to intervene.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS:

It goes without saying that I see James and Lily together! Having said that, I am more interested in developing a realistic relationship than simply getting them together for superficial purposes. In fact, I would like to explore the more mundane elements of their relationship against the backdrop of war. I have, personally, recently hit a major milestone in my real life relationship, and it prompted me to think back on what those early days were like. The splendor! The excitement! The anxiety! The hitherto hidden insecurity! While Lily knows herself, it’s something else to know yourself in relation to someone else, especially in a romantic sense. Not only that, but she and James are living together. I’d like to see them come to terms with their relationship while balancing the war and Order commitments. Do we really have to argue about the washing up before an Order meeting, etc. That sort of thing! I’ve read Karli’s application and I completely agree when she talks about the darker or more complicated parts of their relationship. I can absolutely see Lily and James clashing over ideology. And if he’s concerned she’s slipping away… I think there could be some truth to that, but it’s not necessarily because of James. If anything, I think there’s a pressure to drop everything to focus on the war effort, and what we know from canon is that James and Lily defied and rejected that on the basis of their love for each other and, eventually, Harry. In those terms I would like to see how they fare in this new world. I am definitely up for breaking them up and getting them back together, or doing basically anything!

In terms of other ships, I also have a real soft spot for Lily/Remus. I think their mutual respect, compatible personalities, and gentle warmth could blossom into something deeper. I’m not sure how it could - if at all - manifest in this group, but I’d be interested to see how Lily would handle it. I think she is intensely devoted and largely monogamous - she is, after all, a pretty traditionally-raised young woman. But I could see her having a moment of stupid desire and not letting herself overthink for just one moment. Of course, she’d overthink the hell out of later, but until then it’d be wild and exhilarating and frightening and I think she might need that, even if it’s only once.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

While Lily grew up working class and a woman, she was white and reasonably well-educated. I think, actually, that a defining part of her is the notion of class, especially when she went to Hogwarts. In her world, people like Sirius wouldn’t have crossed her path, except in the form of a character on the television or in a book, or maybe someone she’d pass on the high street (a dash of black silk and tailored trousers; an air of arrogance and ownership). Even, to an extent, James. Aside from their compatible personalities, that’s probably why Lily resonates so much with Remus, and I definitely think Peter, as well. She senses the underdog in people and is drawn to them because of it. Her interest in working class or other labor movements positions her strongly in the context of the Order and especially Dissendium. She is so finely attuned to bigotry, regardless of its shape and creed.

I actually see Lily, especially when she was younger, as being very sharp to people like Sirius and James. She would have clocked them immediately for who they are: rich boys with nothing to lose. I think that helps explain a lot of her early (canon) animosity towards them both; though this would be directed at James, possibly because she was attracted to him. Over time that has mellowed and she’s not at sharp-tongued as she once was, but Lily’s still sensitive to any passing comments that could construed a certain way, and she’d be the first to dryly point out someone’s privilege.

That being said, Lily’s certainly not without fault. That old sense of self-righteousness and martyrdom can creep in whenever she’s not careful, and I think it’s at those moments that she’s the most unbearable, like someone who’s willfully blind to their own issues because it suits their argument. I think just as Lily has a notion about other people that she prefers to uphold, she also views herself in a similarly flattering light, and would prefer to live in that space than be fallible and human. I think, actually, that Lily might sometimes struggle with authenticity. It is possible, after all, to be so giving and genuine that you give the impression of insincerity, and while I don’t see it happening often, I would not be surprised if another character perceived her interest to be slightly self-serving. Lily identifies strongly with her position as an underdog, and I think that comes out in strange ways.

In terms of blood status, it’s self evident that Lily is a target in this game and, of course, in canon. She would not, under any circumstances, take any shite for being muggleborn. Largely, I think she’d prefer to be direct but polite about the whole thing, or to make an off-hand joke to alleviate the situation. But she definitely would not let anyone have a go at her. That’s possibly where she clashes the most with other people. Sometimes when you’re so sensitive to something, you take any opportunity to teach someone the error of their ways. Lily would certainly see herself as an educating figure, someone who by default has the moral high ground. I can see why Sirius, potentially, might find that irritating, or would call her out on it.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I was drawn to this roleplay largely because it ticked all my boxes. Emphasis on development and writing? Genuine desire to explore characters and throw them into all sorts of nonsense? A solid admin team and interesting writers? I haven’t roleplayed on for a while, so this is a little new to me. That being said, I feel excited and confident to write Lily in the context of this group, so long as you forgive any stupid mistakes I might make!

PLOT DROP IDEAS:

This application is already so long! So I’ll cut it short and say yes, I absolutely have ideas. I’d like particularly to explore Lily and Dissendium further, and I’d like to see questions of ethics arise within the Order. Lily’s at a place to really push everyone to think about their motivations for being in the Order beyond “fighting evil”, and I think that could prove valuable to several characters. Oh! And I would love to think/write more about Lily’s past and where she’s come from. I’ve done a lot of research into the Midlands and the sort of vibe she would be grown up with, and let me say, I have an absolute arsenal of period/region appropriate slang for you all.

ANYTHING ELSE?: I have thrown together some things on a mockblog for Lily, but it’s all over the place/untagged/generally a shambles. I wanted to collate images that reminded me of Lily and Cokeworth and the 70s in general. You can find it here.

#harry potter rp #harry potter roleplay #marauders era rpg #marauders rp #marauders era rp #homenumaccepted

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mastergreywolf67 · 5 years

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My journey in the D/s

I have always known I was Dominant, I just didn’t understand it. I am a very sexual creature. Always have been. I even knew this as a small child. In 1st grade I was chastised for drawing pictures of boobies in the back cover of a school book. My parents were called to the school and boy did I get my ass whooped when I got home. I didn’t care. It just taught me to be a little sneakier about it. I didn’t care that adults were upset by this because I thought boobies were pretty fucking fantastic, even in 1st grade.

Later in grade school I would fasten a dog leash around the neck of a playmate and lead her around. Once again those meddling adults interfered, telling us it was wrong. “You shouldn’t do that”. We did it anyway. To us it was just a game we would play. We just learned to be careful and not get caught.

Growing up into my teenage years I discovered the joys of Playboy Magazine, Hustler and Penthouse. Dad thought he had hidden them well. Did I already mention that I learned to be a sneakier little fuck?

I lost my virginity at the age of 14. She was 21. Her name was Gina, a Latina girl. We never really forget our first, do we? She taught me a few things about sex, a woman’s body. I am grateful for that experience. It has served me well over the years.

My senior year in high school I dated a woman that was 22. I had a thing for older women back then. Now my tastes are for a younger woman. Go figure.

Joined the Army right out of high school. 4 years. Combat Engineers. 85-89. Dated a stripper while stationed at Ft Sill. Dang, she was fun. The last 2 years I was stationed in Berlin, Germany. Fond memories of some wild times experiencing European girls. Had sex in some pretty crazy places. I fucked this pretty French girl right up against the Berlin Wall underneath an East German guard tower. The 2 guards were cheering us on. She was screaming “oh oui! oh oui!” when she came.

Had sex in an M1 Abrams tank with a female MP. That’s not nearly as fun as it sounds though, the logistics of it all were pretty complicated. It’s pretty fucking cramped in those things. The next day she showed me some bruises. Looking back now I would appreciate those marks a lot better.

Me and an Army buddy tag teamed 2 girls live, onstage in front of an audience at a club called Mon Cheri’s that featured live sex shows. In a hot tub full of bubbles even.

During my time in Berlin I dated a woman for most of the 2 years I was there. We lost touch after I rotated out and came home. She found me on facebook several years ago and I was so glad she did. I am proud to count her as a dear friend to this day, after all those years had passed. She was my first love.

Throughout all these years though, something was missing. I have spent my entire life searching for it. Up to this point in my life everything had been so... vanilla. I craved more. I needed something more flavorful, deeper.

For most of my life I didn’t understand it nor did I have a context with which to put it. I knew I wanted to bend a woman over, smack her ass and call her dirty names while fucking her hard. None of my early relationships wanted anything to do with that shit, lol

From very early my Dominant side was showing. I was in charge when it came to sex. Always. I used a form of mental bondage. I would have partners put their hands above their heads and they would have to keep them there or I would stop whatever I was doing and I would refuse to continue until they complied. I liked that control. Looking back on it now I realize that they liked that control as well. Oh how I wish I had known back then what I know now.

Then, 12 years ago I was seeing this gal. She had a leather paddle. She asked me to spank her ass while she sucked my cock. I got off on it, I liked that I got off on it, I liked that she offered that to me, willingly. That’s where it began...

From her I went on to an affair with a married woman that had needs her husband couldn’t provide for her. Great guy, he just didn’t have it in him. She confessed to her fantasies of consensual non-consent. She fantasized about being raped. Not really my thing. I needed her to give herself to me freely, not take her against her will.

We explored and found a middle ground that often found her handcuffed to my bedroom wall or tied to my bed while I used her. My inner Sadist was coming out. We explored impact play, my collection of impact tools began to grow. I rewarded her obedience with countless orgasms. That’s my favorite part about all of this, making a woman cum over and over, under my control. Giving her that precious gift for pleasing me. That went on for 3 years and I really began to learn a lot more about myself during that time.

In the end, I sent her home to her husband with newfound confidence and more than a few naughty ideas. I actually helped her improve her sex life with him. They are still quite happily married and I am happy for both of them. I now know that I am a healer, a sexual healer.

However, I still didn’t necessarily understand it all. Yet...

5 years ago, she broke my heart. Her name is Kelly. Vanilla relationship but I loved her. Looking back now I’ve realized that I need to thank her for breaking my heart. Because she did I was able to continue my journey. If she had not done that, I wouldn’t have been able to become who and what I am today. I am grateful for that.

4 years ago I ended a relationship with a woman where our dynamic was definitely rooted in bdsm. By that time I had acquired a leather flogger, paddle, riding crop, nipple clamps, rope and handcuffs. She liked being bound while I used her. I would hurt her. The pain would intensify her orgasm. I enjoyed hurting her during sex and I still didn’t understand it yet.

I had vanilla relationships here and there over these years, I just always knew something was missing.

After her I realized I just couldn’t go back to a vanilla relationship again. I now knew I had needs that wouldn’t be found there. That’s when I found FetLife and then Tumblr. That was when everything fell into place for me. I had never experienced the Lifestyle with groups of other, like minded people before. Our community. It was quite eye opening. It gave me resources, ideas, direction and friendships. My Mentor and Sister of the last several years is one of my closest friends. My knowledge and understanding grew considerably from there. I now know and understand that I am a Sadist, yet I am not sadistic. The power exchange is what I needed. When she willingly submits to me, when she gives me her power. The level of trust and respect that I had to earn to be trusted with that is intoxicating to me. Trust and respect are very high on my list. I cannot ask anything of a submissive that I have not earned. My integrity is everything to me.

After all these years and so many different experiences, the years and wisdom that have come, I now know who I truly am. I am a Dominant, a Master, a Sadist and a Daddy. It is the D/s that feeds me. The kinky sex is just a bonus.

I need a strong, confident and intelligent woman for a submissive. I need her to be every inch my equal. I need to earn her submission. When I find my Alpha Submissive, I will kneel before Her...

#mywritings

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daniloqp · 3 years

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40 best sales from July 4 (2021): technology, mattresses, exteriors and more

https://theministerofcapitalism.com/blog/40-best-sales-from-july-4-2021-technology-mattresses-exteriors-and-more/

Happy Independence Day! We hope you can celebrate this holiday weekend with your family and friends. Maybe you’ll stay home this year to get your mind off it the heat wave is making its way through the US. If you are out, we have a lot of tips how to stay cool. The good news is that money will be saved on some of our favorite home and outdoor products this weekend thanks to a July 4th sales amount.

Updated July 4, 2021: We have reduced an agreement and added two new ones, as well as checked prices.

Special offer for team readers: get one One-year subscription to WIRED for $ 5 ($ 25 off). This includes unlimited access to WIRED.com and our print magazine (optional). Subscriptions help us fund the work we do every day.

If you buy something through links to our stories, we may earn a commission. This helps support our journalism. Learn more.

Table of contents

Cafeteria Coffee-House with a touch of coffee Mr. Coffee and cappuccino

Photo: Mr. Coffee

See our guides at latte and cappuccino makers i robot vacuum cleaners to make your home a perfect oasis for parties and summer stays.

This is a lower price than we saw Prime Day. It’s important to get the weight off the ground and grind to the right size when chasing the perfect joe cup. That burr crusher takes care of this thanks to its integrated scale. Just set the size of the shredder, choose a weight and you’re done. It stops when it is finished.

Initially, this was better than what we saw Prime Day, but the price has already gone up a bit. Still, it’s still a decent deal. This Oxo coffee maker (9/10, WIRED recommends) can brew up to eight cups of coffee, making it an ideal choice for large families and very easy to use. It will be prepared at the right temperature for the right time. Also, if you only want to earn the value of a single cup, a drip accessory is included.

The DeLonghi is a simple machine and one of the best priced no with discount. It is very easy to clean and you get a frothy wand.

That’s $ 10 less than the price during Target’s Prime Day rival sale. We haven’t tried it, and while Keurig machines aren’t our favorite way to make coffee, there’s no denying that it’s one of the machines. simpler methods around. Be sure to pick up K-Cups.

Roborock S4 max

Photography: Roborock

This is our favorite robot vacuum cleaner for most people. It has more expensive vacation features, such as mapping, problem spot detection, and virtual barriers. In addition, it has a larger than average dust container and a battery life of 180 minutes. It was discounted to $ 310 on Prime Day, but it’s still a solid price.

Cut out the coupon on the page to see the discount at the time of payment. We saw that this robot vacuum cleaner cost $ 100 more Amazon Prime Day, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth picking up that price. It’s a great vac homes with pets. Suck dog hair from low pile carpets and best of all, your cameras can avoid obstacles like pet poop. You don’t have to be afraid to go home and wrap greasy pets in your home.

The D8 has a Turbo mode for special problems and an automatic recharge and recovery function for when the battery dies while still cleaning. We i loved the old Neato D7 when we tried it and you can get it Place of Neato for the same price right now. But the latest model is probably the way to go. You can also find this offer at Bed Bath and Beyond i Lowe’s. If you buy the D8 directly from The site of Neato before July 5th, you can get a side brush and four packs of filters with the discount purchase using the promo code SUMMER21.

Apple MacBook Air with M1

Photography: Apple

Apple’s latest MacBook Air (9/10, WIRED recommends) uses its own M1 chip instead of an Intel processor and the result is excellent. It’s a really well-rounded machine, with great battery life, powerful performance, a nice screen and the same classic, slim design. This is the lowest price we have ever seen.

This price is not as low as we have seen Prime Day, but still a good deal on a flagship phone from 2020 (8/10, WIRED recommends). The 90 Hz AMOLED screen is one of the best you’ll find at this price and it’s hard to find such a powerful Android phone for less than $ 500.

This is not the lowest price we have seen at iPad Air, but if you’re in the market for Apple’s latest mid-range tablet, it’s worth it. It has the modern design of the iPad Pro without facial identification; in fact, Touch ID is embedded in the power button. It is powerful and has a great battery.

Want an Android tablet? We like the Tab S6 Lite. The performance won’t be as smooth as the more expensive whiteboards, but it does the job. The screen is nice, as are the speakers and battery life.

Want to record videos frequently with your iPhone? This is an easy way to update the microphone quality. It can also be connected to professional DSLR cameras or mirrorless cameras with this adapter too. Read more about our story at Material and tips you need to make homemade studio videos. If you want a wireless solution, it’s more expensive, but so is Rode’s Wireless Go system on sale for $ 182 ($ 17 off).

Tribit StormBox

Photography: Tribit

You will probably spend time outside for the next few months. We have guides on all things grilled, included gas grills, charcoal grills, portable grills, i accessories. Also, check out our favorite Bluetooth speakers if you want to play DJ at your next party.

Click on the coupon button to see the discount at the end of the purchase. This may not be the biggest discount, but the StormBox is ours preferred budget Bluetooth speaker. It has an IPX7 rating, which means you can take it to the pool or beach while you celebrate the summer. It has a battery life of 20 hours and strong bass.

It’s nice to have a fridge on hand when you organize (or go to!) Parties in the back garden, take a trip to the beach, or host any event. The 16-quarter Stanley Adventure is hard, relatively light and has 21 cans of drink to choose from.

Nothing says summer looks like ironing. If you do an ironing regularly, you should get an instant reading thermometer. This Thermapen isn’t cheap, but WIRED senior writer Scott Gilbertson says it’s worth the investment. It has an automatic backlight and folds for easy storage.

ThermoWorks signals

Photography: ThermoWorks

This is Scott Gilbertson’s favorite smart center for senior writer WIRED. It is ideal for anyone who cooks slowly, smokes or anything they need to maintain a constant but low temperature. It has four channels to watch various temperatures and you don’t need to have your phone on to see all this information.

Click on the coupon button on the page to see the full discount at the end of the purchase. Most people don’t think they need gloves for ironing, but it makes things easier. These gloves can withstand up to 932 degrees Fahrenheit, but caution should be exercised even when wearing gloved hands.

If you’re on hikes this summer, trekking poles will help relieve some of the strain on your legs and knees by transferring work to your upper body. You should buy some rubber tips to throw at the end and avoid dragging the sticks while walking—hanger scars can damage the environment.

WIRED employees have used a few different versions of these bottles and like them all, but this one has a nice sleeve with a pocket to store the keys. All bottles have a 15% discount until July 5, so you should be able to find something you like.

Brush to straighten perfection Amika Polished 2.0

Photography: Amika

You may be a little rusty in the prep department. See our guides at hair straighteners, hair dryers, i tools for hair removal for all our favorite selections.

From Sephora Summer sales runs until July 5th and our brushes to straighten Amika’s favorites are discounted. It’s worth it at this price if your hair type reacts well to the brushes. I pull my curls out of my hair, but it leaves me swollen and I’ve seen others get iron-like results in less time and with less damage.

This dryer is so cheap, so another $ 5 discount is nice. It works well for spreading curls and has the best design of the 90s. However, the low setting can be too low and the high can cause curls in delicate curls. An average choice would have been nice.

This dryer has a quick-drying oscillating nozzle that moves quickly from side to side as they dry, mimicking the back and forth movement you can do with your hand.

Photography: Tineco

Cut out the coupon on the page to see the discount at the time of payment. It is an expensive dryer, but automatically adjusts heat and air flow based on humidity levels and air temperature.

This Dermaflash is on our list of the best equipment for hair removal. It is expensive and the leaves are disposable, but removes dead skin from the skin without irritation.

Helix Midnight Luxe

Photography: Helix

It wouldn’t be a vacation if not all of our favorite mattresses were discounted. Read our guide on all mattresses we have tried more. The following prices are for queen sizes.

Use the promotional code July4200 to see the discount at the checkout. This is our favorite mattress. It’s quite expensive even on sale, but it’s really great to relax at night. This offer includes two of the free propeller cushions.

Use the promotional code JULY 4 to see the discount at the checkout. We’ve seen this mattress go down in price more, but it’s affordable even when it’s not for sale. Comfort also does not suffer in the name of a bargain.

Natural birch

Photography: Birch

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cerastes · 7 years

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So I've been working at getting better at Overwatch, any general tips? I've been favoring supports primarily, though I'm starting to pick up Reaper and the tanks.

HEY HEY HEY yes I do, glad you are enjoying The Game!

This seems obvious, but learn the maps well. Even if you are playing as a character with low mobility, always know the map real well so you know where you could get flanked from and when. Getting flanked = a huge HP loss or even dying.

Understand the significance of dying in Overwatch. This is 6v6. The moment you lose one head, that’s already 5v6, and if they have a Mei who knows how to aim Those Ice Walls, that can turn into a 2v6 really fast, and you know where I am going. Whenever you die, that means a lot of HP damage was dealt to you, that means a lot of Ult to the enemy team. Don’t be afraid to get hit, but understand your death is a lot more important here than it is in, say, TF2.

PLAY WITH YOUR TEAM. The arrows/chevrons you see around the map are your allies’ locations. If you respawn as Reinhardt and see no one engaging the point, what do you do? Do you head out alone? Nope, you are useless alone as Reinhardt. You wait for someone else to respawn, and you go together. Losing a couple of seconds to go with more people is much better than rushing in alone and getting shot and killed alone and feeding the enemy more ult. Move together, unless your character is Sombra or Reaper, who can move with more independence (and even then, your time as them moving independently is to be spent flanking, you only should strike when the bulk of your team engages)

For Reaper, you should know when to strike. Flanking is half the game, the other half is not sucking at picking the moment to strike. Unless it’s one or two squishies, don’t fucking go alone. When your opponents engage with the main body of your team, THAT is when you go in and start blasting fools. Don’t shot from far away, either. Get close confidently, and unload your every shot from close range. Use your insane damage properly.

For tanks, well, move with your team. Rein is helpless by himself in most match-ups, because he is a big shield. Anyone with half a brain can solo a lonely Reinhardt. Give Reinhardt someone to team with him, however, and he becomes a huge threat. Don’t be a lonely wimp, be a huge threat.

Even the more mobile tanks like Winston are not to be used as DPS. Jump in, put your shield down, kill a squishy or rake damage around, jump out, heal, jump in, etc. “Killing” is not the only way to play the game. “Being Annoying” is excellent and will carry you a long way. You are not playing tank to get kills in the first place, you are there so they don’t get kills on you.

As Roadhog, you have to play unconventionally. He has a huge hp pool, sure, but no ways to mitigate damage at all. No shields, no defense matrix, nada. A Solly76 can eat you alive in two seconds of sustained fire (especially if they don’t suck and aim at your huge massive pig head). Move with your team, flank, and attack when they are not expecting it. The hook is INSANELY strong. Once you reel them, aim at their torso, blast an M1, and immediately use a melee. That kills most anything, and what it doesn’t kill, a second scrap gun shot will. Roadhog shines at his maximum potential when used alongside another tank. Hog+Dva and Hog+Rein are insanely strong combos (Hog+Dva+Ana is my 3v3 comp with my friends, actually)

If you want more specific stuff, do ask, since there’s lots to cover.

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slumberinglabyrinth · 4 years

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someone in a server im in asked how enmity works in terms of not dying immediately in granblue and i kinda. forgot to restrain myself so here’s a complete breakdown of the second most busted weapon skill type (and the first!) in granblue

stamina and enmity both give bigger boosts than just plain old attack up with the trade off being that that higher boost drops significantly the further away from max/1 hp you are. enmity at 1 hp gives a bigger boost than stamina at full health because there's a greater risk in running enmity.

Dark's situation in enmity is special, but weapons with two attack up skills give a higher net boost than weapons with just one attack up skill, which is why AES, Tiamat Gun, and Celeste Claws form the core of Fire M2, Wind M1 (and M2 to a lesser extent, which is more crit-focused and uses Grimnir harps as the core with Tiamat Guns as filler) and Dark M1/M2.

Side note but Fire also goes with AES now that it has a 4* uncap because it has crit, and crit chance on weapon skills from the same modifier (in this case magna) add together so with 4 aes and double 5* colossus you have like a 98% chance to crit for 50% extra damage. I think. Incidentally this is also why Earth runs 3 axe with single ygg and 2 axe 1 rotb spear with double ygg and why Wind M2 runs three harps with double tiamat and why the new Light M2 spear makes Light M2 crit not only possible but also viable.

Other elements have farmable enmity options but they're generally considered either worse than other grid types (crit in earth, stamina/crit and/or sword in light) or they don't work well with how the element plays (water is a sustain element and it's pretty easy to stay at full hp in a lot of fights with the right characters)

Fire has a dedicated enmity character in Yuisis and she's definitely one of the best characters in the element in terms of sheer damage output (she has no team support tho.), but aside from that and like. characters that consume hp to use a skill like wind Melissabelle, the reason why enmity is run aside from 'two attack skills good' is because it breaks even with regular attack up somewhere in the 70-80% range. You *do* get a massive boost when you're at super low hp, but even though enmity is the high risk, high reward playstyle it's still better than non-enmity at a reasonably high hp percentage and it's relatively safe and easy to let yourself get hit into that range and try to stay at that point or below. Shield effects (like on Colossus Omega 4\*-5\* and a bunch of other sources) also create a shield and raise your effective hp without *actually* healing you, making it much safer to run.

Primal grids also have access to garrison weapons, which act like enmity but with defense. it caps at a 400% boost and gets stupidly safe with shields. like. you have 1000 actual hp but you have 30k effective hp. or something like that. if you’ve heard people complain about farming Majestas (”palm trees”) from tiamal this is why they’re subjecting themselves to that. Majestas is one of the only f2p garrison options, and while it’s locked to primal grids it’s like. disgustingly good. especially since it’s in dark.

Speaking of Dark, Dark has grand zooey. grand zooey isn't like other girls grand characters. if you look closely, you'll see she has her whole tiddy out. this is because grand zooey was a summer character and is wearing a swimsuit. but why is she grand now? because Conjunction is the single strongest skill in the game.

it sets your entire frontline's hp to 1

it gives everyone unchallenged, meaning they don't take damage for an entire turn

it gives everyone several turns of drain, meaning they regain some of their hp so they don't die on the next few turn but still deal lots of enmity-fueled damage

Grand Zooey was so good and so meta-defining and still is *that good* and *that meta-defining* that cygames had to make her available to spark on a rateup banner once a month instead of once a year on a banner that would probably have standard ssr rates. She's the only character this happened to in granblue and I haven't heard of a remotely comparable situation in any other gacha. Grand Zooey singlehandedly enables the playstyle of an entire element. Grand Zooey is probably the most recommended spark target in the entire game

and it sucks because her ca and other skills aren't really impressive and conjunction has a 16 turn cooldown, so she comes in, does her thing, and is basically dead weight for the rest of the fight. there are ways to get rid of her but i wish they'd like. make her other skills do something worthwhile or whatever :(

i want to get off grand zooey’s wild ride.

Dark also has a bunch of other characters that synergize with enmity really well. off the top of my head:

Kolulu: attack and defense go up as her hp drops. can endure a lethal hit once per fight. if her hp is below 25% at end of turn, she uses her already pretty strong 6-hit damage skill without putting it on cooldown. her ca also activates that skill. she can redirect all attacks to herself and halve the damage she takes once every six turns.

Vikala: grants the party dodgerate buffs and can paralyze the foe for a few turns, making it super safe to mash attack. can increase hostility and

predator: has salted wound, jammed (enmity: the buff), double strike, bonus damage, can inflict onslaught (enabling salted wound whenever), has 100% ta rate, dies in like one hit even before conjunction because she has 70% reduced defense but it doesn't matter because she has a 40% dodgerate and can boost it to 100% once every 6 turns if she's under 25% hp, and has a passive that's basically another enmity buff for the whole party

seox: gets exponentially stronger each turn he doesn't take damage, has several ways to avoid taking damage. 5* uncap takes this up to 11

nier: grants auto-revive and an indefinite drain buff if she switches in because someone died. she also gives a """"debuff"""" where your HP can't increase if she dies from something other than her own “dies after x turns” mechanic, meaning you can do galaxy brain strats and conjunction, kill *nier* instead of zooey with Death, and mash attack and deal massive 1hp!enmity damage for four turns

olivia: has cap up and 100% ta and bonus damage and a seraphic mod and gains a shield. also can clear two charge diamonds after she cas and prevent special attacks for two turns.

rei: grants someone else double strike with 100% uptime with the caveat that she's not attacking. or, she switches with someone in the backline and gives them attack and cap up and 100% ta for a heavy defense penalty. *peggle voice* predator... 2!

vaserga: deals pretty good damage. also got a buff this year that accidentally let him live forever with a proper setup, so they tweaked his kit twice and couldn't get it to work as intended so cygames gave up and just made it so he literally doesnt die for 20 turns.

orchid: two turn 70% damage cut, has her own shield, and pretty strong autoattacks

dark is. loaded. The reason why dark can handle enmity is because even if it dies a few turns in, it just deals so much damage in raids that it accomplishes what it needs to by the time they explode. dark is an element that realized that your enemies can't kill you if they're already dead and took that idea and ran with it. dark is the perfect storm and i am so ready for dark-advantage gw in november

#im starting to think that maybe i shouldn't have. like #posted this complete writeup in a discord server #and perhaps. linked to it #oops #i am nothing if not thorough

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xpwewarchive · 4 years

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XPWEW LOCKDOWN 7 (5-23-2020)

XPWEW LOCKDOWN 7 Date: May 23rd, 2020 Location: Rashid Stadium in Dubai, United Arab Emirates Attendance: 38,444 Weather: Sunny near 100 degree temps with lows of 88 Network: FITE TV streaming media $39.99 Running Time: 3 hours & 40 minutes Theme Song(s): "Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd, "Come And Get It" by I Prevail

The show starts with a video highlight package of the 6 previous Lockdown events. The footage is narrated by the gravy grizzled voice of Masato Tanaka Clips include: Jake vs Jacques at LD4, Slayer vs Chris Johnson at LD3, Ledge vs The Rock at LD1, Kanye West vs Xtreme Giant LD2, Jake winning the title at LD5, Bryce sitting at the ramp after his loss at LD6

Narration: voiced by Masato Tanaka: Tonight. Lockdown 7. Some rise. Some fall. Man is flawed, Humanity is in peril but when family is all you have. Do you have willpower? Do you have grit? Do you have the energy? How much energy can you tap into to? Make yourself famous. Go big. or Go home.

Shreya Ghoshal performs the “Ishy Bilady” ‘United Arab Emirates 🇦🇪 National Anthem to a chorus of huge fireworks of Red, Green and White embracing the colors of the UAE flag as they rain down majestically over Rashid Stadium gleaming in the orange sunset over the water. Huge pyro over the stadium and even fireworks burst at the tallest building in the world the Burj Khalifa as "Lockdown VII" paints the skyline

A video highlight package is played using the theme song “Blinding Lights by The Weekend” as it touches on Jake vs Slayer, Death Machines vs All Man & All Woman, McGraw vs GT, Jacques vs Jordan, Champagne vs Troy, Doxy vs Prisiclla vs Kiera and then lastly the music changes to serious symphony music as it recaps Ruckus vs Golden Bryce and how important this shot at Lockdown redemption is so important for Bryce and how Ruckus coming out of the trap house to the winning the 2020 Xtreme Rumble is just as important”

We are shown the Lockdown 7 stage and a huge pyrotechnic display is set off as we are introduced to our commentary team for tonight dressed ever so dapper. Kaitlyn Khaos and Nick Simmonds are joined by XPWEW Legend Joey Styles as they introduce us to Lockdown 7: The biggest event in XPWEW history!

Leonard McGraw enters (crowd cheers)

Leonard enters first to a great reaction from the Dubai crowd, Leonard aggressively walks out from the curtain to the huge stage and with a cold thousand mile stare peers with intensity looking through the camera at you at home as he makes thundering steps towards the ring. McGraw is all business avoiding contact from the fans reaching for a high five. McGraw steps in the ring and then runs the ropes hard as he waits for the match against GT that he's been salivating over since February when this rivalry began when Garrett and his partner Ethan Bedlam would attempt to break the arm of McGraw so after many games of cat and mouse it comes to a head tonight. Leonard made his Lockdown debut last year in a win over Jacques Dudley

Garrett Thompson enters (crowd boos) Garrett enters with pyro rain effect behind him as he stands still only to bust out with a burst of energy as he knocks the entrance coat off his shoulders to the ground as he makes a intense long walk to the ring for his 4th match in Lockdown history. It was in 2011 he lost a 3 way between Ruckus and Eddie Edwards, 2012 he would lose in the main event between Jake, Slayer & Chris Johnson and just last year him and Eddie Edwards came up short to the legendary team of Takanaka

Referee Johnathan Chambers has been assigned this match

<<Early on before the ring of the bell Garrett hesitates to even step in the ring because of how intense McGraw is acting jumping and running the ropes like a madman. Referee Johnathan Chambers tries to get McGraw to settle down but McGraw runs around him the GT runs around the ring which becomes a chase, they make 2 laps around the ring, McGraw changes direction and then they both run opposite directions in the ring to which McGraw hits Garrett with a classic Lou Thesz Press and gets some closed fists in as the bell rings. The opening contest is underway. Garrett slows the pace with a sleeper hold to which McGraw slams him into each corner turnbuckles which culminates in Thompson catching himself onto the final post and hitting a huge moonsault which McGraw catches the big man mid-air and hits a devastating pile driver that looked quite dangerous. McGraw stomps a mud hole of Garrett in the corner and gives the middle fingers as a huge tribute to someone familiar? Garrett mounts a comeback when he hits a fallaway slam on McGraw that sends him over the top rope. Garrett jumps off the top rope to the floor and connects a double axe handle and eagerness gets the best of him as he attempts it a second time but McGraw catches him with a devastating lariat-o in mid air that damn near takes Garrett's head off. McGraw gets behind GT and lifts him in a Doomsday Device/Electric Chair position, gets a run and go and hoists him into the front row to which Leonard backs up, and gets a run and go off all 3 commentary desks and goes for a Clothesline From Hell over the barricade onto GT standing dazed in the crowd but in a flash Garrett hits "THE GT!!!" Garrett hits the elbow finisher on a raging bull McGraw and is able to drag him over the guardrail and into the ring but it is only good for a 2 count. Garrett hits Wasteland once rolls him up Samoan Drop style by rolling him right up for another and connects against. Attempts a pin-fall but only gets a close 2 count. Garrett feeling desperate goes up top rope for a moonsault and McGraw lying down below moves away in the knick of time to grab both legs quickly and apply a Boston Crab. Garrett fights away the submission but ultimately after McGraw clenches it in for nearly a whole minute, unable to find the ropes Garrett submits>>

1 on 1 M1: Leonard McGraw defeats Garrett Thompson

Video package airs of Jake Awesome's new series "Captain Falcon" with Jaden Smith and Ron Pearlman now streaming on Netflix! Right now!

Backstage, James Westerbeck interviews Ruckus w/ The Set behind him hyping him up and getting him loose and gassing him up for the biggest match of his career tonight. James: Ruckus, tonight is easily the biggest match of your career, How has your game plan altered since The Set will not be allowed at ringside? Ruckus: Are you serious? The Set grabs Westerbeck by the collar and shoves him out Lexoni: What a dumbass nigga Ruckus: I'm a man who stands ten toes down at all times. The Set is the squad but I can handle that pussy ass bitch myself tonight, thank you very much. drops mic

The Devil's Playhouse pay-per-view promo June 28th, 2020 streaming on FITE TV for the low, low price of $19.99 use the promo code DEVIL to get 10 percent off right now

Referee Xavier Beckham has been assigned this next match

Jacques Dudley enters (crowd cheers) (Press box you see his protegé Alveno La Flare watching intently knowing this match could have been his spot however Jacques defeated him for this opportunity two week's ago on Friday Night Pyro)

XPWEW Juniorweight Champion Jordan Oliver enters (crowd boos) (accompanied by The Set: Myron Reed, Kotto Brazil & Chrissy Rivera)

James Westerbeck is set to announce both men's names while they stand across from one another in the ring...

Well. Well. Well. (crowd pops) Joel Gertner enters It is I. Joel, from Shanghai to Dubai the ladies unzip my fly to see my third eye. Last name Rivera. First name Chrissy. Missy do you speak carny? Gizzy on your Knizzys and Gargale Mizzy Lockdown Seven, Jordan Oliver how old are you? Eleven? Yo yo yo Kotto, No homo but you look like bozo had sex with hot cocoa. Joel, all these years later still HARDER than the tree that hit Sonny Bono. but Myron Reed, Can you read? I saw your child on I-G but if you ask me that looks more like Jordan Oliver's seed. The Set wants a rep? Bet? You guys aren't even a threat cause none of you can grow a set. Gertner!

<<bell rings. Jacques and Jordan both high rank skilled in the quick pace, catch-as-catch-can department. Oliver and Dudley is truly a game of the veteran and the young cocky kid as they trade holds, lots of monkey flips, hip tosses and under-throws as the match quickly becomes a game of speed which evolves into a sprint of "can you top this?" offensive display. Ultimately The Set's Myron Reed would make his presence known as he aborts a Jacques 630 splash that could have potentially won the match, moments later when Jacques would have the upper hand he instead opts to crash onto a prone Oliver in the ring, chooses to 630 splash onto all of Reed, Brazil and even Chrissy Rivera outside. Oliver hits a wicked buckle bomb on Jacques on the outside that hits the corner ring post. Oliver then hits a version of the 6-1-9 but Jacques moves and Jordan busts his kneecaps on the steel posts. Myron shoves Jacques's lifeless into the ring, then Myron and Chrissy help Oliver to his feet to avoid a countout, with ref Xavier Beckham distracted Kotto Brazil has possesion of the Juniorweight title and hits Jacques in the back of the head knocking him out but in the corner of his eye Beckham catches the illegal shot and then points his finger at Kotto, Kotto pleads for mercy, Myron and Chrissy jump on the apron also pleading with the ref. After the crowd gets sucked in to the moment, Oliver tries to plead as well. Xavier then rejects THE SET from ringside as they all sigh in anger and hopelessness. Jacques hits a big boot, hits a triangle dropkick on Oliver. Jacques teases going to the top rope. Jacques hits the 630 for the close 2 count. Jacques goes to the apron lunging towards Oliver who hits his finisher "The Clout Cutter" mid kip-up to an amazing pop from the crowd. Oliver hooks the leg with swift speed for the 1-2-3 and STILL the XPWEW Juniorweight Champion: Jordan Oliver because he's young, he's dumb and he reps The Set

XPWEW Juniorweight Championship 1 on 1 M2: Jordan Oliver (c) defeats Jacques Dudley

Myron, Kotto and Chrissy come back and help Oliver up the ramp as he retains. Jordan lifts the title triumphantly as he wins his Lockdown debut

Backstage, All Man and All Woman are doing pre-match workouts like jumping jacks and running in place. All Woman: This is the biggest event of the year and crazy but memorable things will happen tonight All Man: Like us winning the XPWEW Tag Team Championships AND making history by doing it for the first time ever as a man/woman duo All Woman: Well I meant like the weird stuff (Al Snow & Steve Blackman pan into the camera) Al Snow: I have a prediction as AL "The Psychic" Snow ofcourse...Steve..Steve...do the fourth wall thing we rehearsed man that's the punchline Steve Blackman: exhales I'm not dancing to Ke$ha...(looks at camera) winks Al Snow: rubbing magic 8 ball Tonight a woman will win a title typically held by men All Man: Jordan Oliver was already the champion? All Woman: What? All Man: Nevermind, nevermind. Bird chest..thing, I don't nevermind All Man: Al! Do you do questions? Al Snow: Well sure All Man, what is it? All Man: Will I make a Lockdown moment tonight, like a moment that will last forever Al Snow: reading...reading..analyzing....Yes! Yes! All Man tonight will be the best night of your life All Woman: hmmm.... All Man:...well worth a shot

Referee Kevin Madrox is assigned this next match

Troy Clausen enters in a baby blue 2021 Bugatti Chiron Super Sport Car to the song "Bugatti" by Future (smoke pyrotechnics. car drives slow)

Champagne Clausen enters on a camel being walked by two arabian females only wearing underwear and a hajib

Freight Train lags behind and gets a hug from said arabian girls from Champagne's entrance. Champagne rolls his eyes.

<<Troy tackles Champagne and rains down punches and applies a rare MMA-esque Rear Naked Choke on Champagne that clearly surprised him but Champagne is able to crawl to the turnbuckle and ram Troy's head into the bottom turnbuckle over and over, undoing the bottom turnbuckle exposing the metal and pressing Troy's face up against it. Champagne then searches for plunder underneath the ring and finds a bag of what is presumably thumb tacks, a cookie sheet, duct tape, a steel chair and a kendo stick. Champagne then whacks Troy over and over with the kendo stick as Freight Train winces outside. "This one is for you!" and Troy hits a low blow. Troy sets up the chair in a sitting position irish-whipping Champagne into it, sitting him on it proper in the corner. Troy then grabs the duct tape and wraps it around Champagne's torso taping him to the chair, Troy let's Freight Train continue to wrap the tape. Freight then grabs a long piece for Champagne's mouth but Troy says to wait and grabs the bag of thumb tacks, shoves the tacks down Champagne's mouth and then tapes over his mouth for a gruesome spot. Champagne then grabs the chair to the middle of the ring. Grabs the cookie sheet and nails him over the head knocking Champagne backwards. Troy then goes to the top rope and makes what appears to be a Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka tribute as he leaps and hits a diving crossbody onto Champagne still taped to the chair, with duct-taped tacks in his mouth. The big crossbody breaks the tape off. Champagne recovers first and yanks the tape off and then walks over the apron and spits the tacks in the face of Freight Train who is temporary blinded by that assault. Champagne whacks Freight Train with the kendo stick in the face that bloodies Train, Champagne punches Train over and over at the commentary table leaving blood all over the Indian announce table. Troy in the background quietly goes to the top rope and does another crossbody, this time from the top rope to the commentary table down below, Champagne runs out the scene quick and Troy crashes and burns and big splashes Freight Train through the table and Joey Styles is going crazy the 65 year old Troy Clausen just took that crazy bump from the top rope down to the Indian commentary desk. Champagne then looks under the ring and finds a table and shoves it in the ring and sets it up. Champagne drags life-less Troy from outside to the ring. and has Troy on his shoulders for The Chardonnay but from the back appears Regina Clausen who makes her first appearance since Champagne shoved her in the Clausen-Mobile back in December and pushed her off the Friday Night Pyro set. She comes in and uses mace and sprays it in Champagne's face, blinded but not downed Champagne snatches her up and hits a spinebuster on her through the table. Troy latches on a sleeper hold from behind, still blinded Champagne tries not to fade away, he blindly reaches for the nearby ropes once he finds them, he grabs a tight grip of the top rope and back kicks Troy right square in the groin. Wiping his eyes from the mace. Champagne does a cocky pin on Troy and gets the 1-2-3. Son outdoes Father in this hardcore war>>

No Holds Barred 1 on 1 M3: Champagne Clausen defeats Troy Clausen

Kaitlyn Khaos, Nick Simmonds and Joey Styles announce that tonight's Lockdown 7 event in Rashid Stadium has brought out 38,444 fans in Dubai. A skyline shot of the city is shown.

Kevin Madrox is assigned this match

The Death Machines enter Joe Gacy and Audrey Carbine walk at different paces because they aren't a well oiled machine of a team quite like they're opponents tonight for the Vacant XPWEW Tag Titles

All Man & All Woman enter in unison with quart cartoons of milk and matching red chain mails as they cheers together and we are introduced to "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner making his first public appearance since his hospitalization last February

<<"Loud" All Woman chants fill the stadium to capacity to start off. Carbine pie faces Woman during a face-off then a fired up and fed-up All Woman fires up which she's really yet to do and the crowd pops because they like seeing Carbine get her butt kicked by a female competitor for a change. All Man big back body drop on Gacy. Gacy tosses Man out of the ring with some help from Carbine. Gacy whips All Man into the steel steps then slams his head repetitively on the remains of the indian commentary desk that was destroyed in the previous match. Carbine sweeps the leg and sambo slams All Man, Woman tries to intervene but Referee Kevin Madrox stops her to keep order. Carbine double suplexes All Man and All Woman and shows off her super human former marine strength. Gacy hits a spinebuster on All Man on the apron and All Man sells it like he just had all the wind knocked out of him when he comically falls off like a 2 x 4 board. Carbine locks in the Art of Ballistics armbar on All Man, Gacy goes to throw a punch, All Man ducks, but Gacy stops before accidentally hitting Carbine. All Man hulks up and hoists up the 300 pounder Gacy with a gordbuster. Carbine locks the figure four leg lock between the turbuckle on All Woman and Madrox tries to break the hold, even threatens to call a DQ. Carbine obliges then kicks All Woman violently in the head after. Carbine chest bumps Gacy as a sign of disrespect. Carbine lands body shots on All Woman and drops her with one to the gut. The crowd is going nuts for this match because they really like All Woman and really detest Carbine. All Woman powers back kicks Carbine and goes for an armbar on her for a change. Carbine knows her hold and how to block it but All Woman adjusts, Carbine then resorts to cheat tactics by raking her eyes to escape. All Woman recovers lands a knee and a DDT on Carbine. She goes for a pin, but only gets a one count. All Man yanks Carbine out of the ring hard. Gacy steps in and makes the save, Gacy and Carbine start to face off, Fans eat it up. Gacy hawks a lougie and spits nastily in Carbine's face and she lands combos beating up Gacy in the corner of the ringside, and then in one shove Gacy pushes her back but All Woman soars through the sky with a whipser in the wind taking out both Death Machines. Back in the ring, All Man lands three amigos on Gacy. Gacy lands a knee strike. All Man uses a trio of german suplexes, Gacy reverses the 4th one hitting his finisher "Chainsaw'd Off" All Man then gets up right after it essentially no selling it and gets Gacy for an ankle lock, Carbine makes the save, Carbine throws a kick All Man catches it and the crowd wants him to clobber her, He puts Carbine in an ankle lock. Gacy shoves All Man out, All Woman jumps on Gacy's back with wild punches and puts Gacy in the "EMMA LOCK!". Carbine goes to save Gacy but All Man dives and grabs her ankle and has her in the ankle lock, Carbine and Gacy reverse the submissions simultaneously and swing All Man and All Woman into each other bumping heads together. Gacy shoves All Man into the chair he wedged between the ropes before this match even started. Carbine irish-whips All Woman into the corner. All Man counters the "Chainsaw'd Off". All Woman counters Carbine's attempt at that finisher as well. Gacy spits the yellow liquid mist but ducking it All Man grabs hold and hits the Almond Joy on Joe Gacy then jumps to his feet to cactus clothesline Audrey Carbine out of the ring as they both tumble outside, All Woman covers Gacy for the 1-2-3 and the NEW XPWEW Tag Team Champions! ALL MAN and ALL WOMAN!!!!!!!! All Man grabs both belts and they both hold them high! All Woman and All Man share a kiss as fireworks display over the stadium>>

Vacant XPWEW Tag Team Championships Tornado Tag Team Match M4: All Man & All Woman (accompanied by Scott Steiner) defeat Death Machines (Joe Gacy & Audrey Carbine)

Backstage, Golden Bryce is holding his newborn child Stefon in a touching moment "I'm gonna make you proud. I'm new to this dad thing and I'm gonna make you proud. Bryce holds the title in his lap and kisses Stefon on the forehead as you hear him recite the Lord's prayer as the camera fades away

Video package of the history and career legacy between Jake Awesome and The Dragonslayer

Referee Johnathan Chambers is assigned this match

Jake Awesome enters (biggest pop of the night)

Slayer enters (huge pop) accompanied by Rosemary

<<During the introductions. Rosemary is setting up tables wildy outside each side of the ring. She sets up 4 tables. As soon as the word "Slayer" exits the lips of ring announcer James Westerbeck, Jake Awesome big boots the mush of Slayer and this bout is on! Bell rings! Awesome then hits the Awesome Bomb and goes for the pin and gets a 1 count! And in the first 3 seconds of the match Awesome has hit his finish on Slayer and after what Rosemary, Lotus and Slayer have put him through the last 3 weeks and really what Slayer has endured him with is a career of hell. Unsuccessful of the pin but Awesome doesn't waste any time grabbing Slayer by the hair and sling him with ease of the top rope and slings him dangerously right into a table Rosemary set up moments ago. Awesome goes outside the ring, shoves Slayer in and picks him for a gorilla press and turns him mid air and again Slayer crashes through a second table merely a minute into the contest. Awesome throws him back in the ring yet again lifting Slayer on the turnbuckle and hits a stalling suplex for 30 seconds holding Slayer for about 30 seconds then slowly falling back and Slayer flips on the Superplex with velocity. Awesome kips up and The Mammoth is unhinged but as soon as he turns around Slayer pops right up and gets right in his face because Slayer will not give up! Not when the lights shine bright. Jake presses a middle finger up to Slayer's forehad to which Slayer does the same right back, Slayer and Jake trade punches until Slayer backs up hitting the ropes, Jake goes for a clothesline, Slayer ducks, still running, Slayer ducks the elbow, Slayer hits the ropes again and head-scissors hurracanranna takes Jake down as he rolls outside, Slayer gets a run and go hits a dive through the ropes, goes back in dives to the oustide again, goes inside for another dive this time Awesome grabs him mid air in Bomb position but Slayer counters it with another hurracanranna. Slayer goes to the apron, climbs to the nearest top rope and a senton connects, Jake is laid out. Rosemary then pulls multiple chairs out from under the ring and throws chairs ontop of Jake until he is buried in lie 9 chairs. Slayer gets a running go and just flings himself over the ropes onto the chairs with Awesome underneath which really hurt Slayer more I guess. Slayer then grabs each chair one by one hitting awesome over the back eight times and then throws the chair Sabu style hitting Awesome it the face, Awesome falls back into the barricade, to which Rosemary come over and gets up in Awesome's face dripping her bloody lip on him to which Awesome shoves her from his face, Slayer grabs Awesome throws him on the apron. Slayer ascends the top rope and hits a 450 splash to Jake on the hardest part of the ring. Jake rolls to the middle of the ring, Slayer follows and applies the Indian Death lock, rare move but Jake is selling it as Slayer applies the pressure on the long legs of 'The Mammoth'. Jake eventually counters with his legs pushing Slayer "sparta" style kick into the turnbuckle and Slayer bounces back collapsing like a rap doll. Jake gets his hands on the rope to get back to his feet but Rosemary sneaks up and bites Jake's hand and will not let go, Jake's hand is now bloody from Rosemary's bite. Slayer goes to dropkick Jake's back, Jake dodges and the kick hits Rosemary and she falls flat back onto the floor of chairs from earlier. Jake kicks Slayer out the way, Jake gets a running go, then goes for a Suicide Dive onto Rosemary who moves and Jake lands crooked onto the pile of chairs and a "You Fucked Up" chant erupts. Rosemary then applies a camel clutch to Awesome who then carries Rosemary on his back as he gets up on the apron, Slayer off the top rope, flips over Awesome standing on the apron, yanks Rosemary off him now inadvertently Slayer is holding Rosemary in a standing power-bomb position, he turns around and Awesome runs off the apron and hits a doomsday device on Rosemary that Slayer was accidentally holding her up for, Awesome decks Rosemary clean off Slayer's shoulders. Crowd pops huge and we get a "This Is Awesome" chant. Slayer then goes to grab Jake, Jake then scoops up Slayer like a child, runs him to the ramp and chucks him onto the last glass panel of the ramp on the way to the ring and just chucks him and drops Slayer and the loud thud of Slayer's weight cracks the glass leaving it shattered and cracked but not broken through. Jake goes into the ring, awaiting Slayer to stand up. Awesome going for the patented Suicide Dive he connects and him and Slayer crash through the glass that was already weakened by that last spot. Awesome and Slayer fall into the cracking glass panel and now the are both drenched but the water at that spot of the ramp is probably only 1 foot deep at best. Just enough to wet the hair, Slayer has blood on his back, Awesome has a cut on his forehead and a trickle of blood running down his right arm. They both stagger into the ring. They both use each other as crutches to stand up. They trade punches. Jake wins that war after the 3rd blow. Jake then applies the Helm Sharpshooter on Slayer for the first time ever! Slayer is locked in his own hold. Slayer finds the rope and Jake breaks the hold. Lotus runs down the ramp. Lotus enters the ring but Jake sees her coming and picks her up and teases the Awesome Bomb, Rosemary jumps in and he sandwiches them together and hits the double awesome bomb. Slayer gets up and stumbles back into the scenario and Awesome kicks him and hits the Awesome Bomb for the 1-2-3 and the NEW XPWEW International Champion is 'The Mammoth' Jake Awesome!

XPWEW International Championship 1 on 1 M5: Jake Awesome defeats Slayer (c)

Jake Awesome is now a grand slam champion! Jake celebrates by grabbing the microphone "Dubai. I've wrestled all over the world but you guys made it special. This International title is for you! The fans! The international fans! I love you (crowd pops)

Lockdown 8 promo video package reveals that next year Saturday May 22nd, 2021 for the first time ever XPWEW will host any event from the most famous arena in the world: Madison Square Garden! New York City hosts Lockdown 8 - 05-22-21. The theme song is playing is I Like It by Grand Puba “And ya say New York City?”

Referee Sandy Mongeau has been assigned this next match!

Doxy Deity enters

Kiera Hogan enters accompanied by 911 Brian Lee (green flames pyro)

XPWEW World Women's Champion Priscilla Kelly enters (turnbuckle pyro is very Kane-esque)

<<Priscilla spin kicks Kiera and Doxy, Kiera and Doxy get technical bridging each other for backside pins trading counters until Priscilla breaks it up with a rolling thunder. Priscilla grabs Doxy and Doxy turns it into and Undertaker old school attack, Kiera double sunset flip on both competitors neither pin works out, Priscilla throws Doxy to the outside, Kiera grabs hold of Priscilla with a "PTO". Doxy hits a superkick to Kiera right on the chin. then Doxy tunes up the band for Priscilla but Kelly twists the foot into an enzuguri spin kick counter taking Doxy to the outside, Priscilla gets a running start and hits a topae sucicida onto Priscilla and still lands on her feet because she's extremely agile. Kiera gets on the top rope and hits a Twisted Bliss from the top to the outside but crashes and burs landing on the hard ground. Brian Lee checks out her leg and knee that made a dangerous thud on the landing. Doxy and Priscilla battle in the ring, Doxy goes for the Mexican power bomb three times and gets a near two count. Priscilla knees Doxy in the back and hits a back cracker. Priscilla and Doxy trade punches on the top rope, Doxy flips Priscilla off her back landing in the ring reluctantly Priscilla lands on her feet then pushes Doxy's bum and Doxy falls off the top rope onto Brian Lee making him a non-factor if only for the moment. Kiera recovers and goes for a roll-up, Priscilla kicks out then grabs Kiera's wig off of her head and shoves the wig down her tights and hits Kiera with 'Murder She Wrote' (Double Arm Facebuster) for the 1-2-3. And STILL the XPWEW World Women's Champion: Priscilla Kelly>>

XPWEW World Women's Championship Triple Threat Match M6: Priscilla Kelly (c) defeats Kiera Hogan & Doxy Deity

Highlight video package highlighting the rough upbringing and insane life of crime and a tale of street life of Ruckus to his 2020 Xtreme Rumble match win last month sealing his fate for the Lockdown Seven main event. Pans into a highlight package of Golden Bryce's quick rise to superstardom, becoming a grand-slam champion in under a year and ultimately losing last year at Lockdown Six to Jake Awesome and how tonight is a redemption story, Then a video package of Ruckus stealing Bryce's air jordan shoes and burning them, Bryce: I have to work, fight and claw for every breath and step here. Ruckus: You wouldn't last a day in my hood. I don't want that belt. I want the money that you are a making and I'm not

Eerie scary hymn music. plays

Jordan Oliver, Myron Reed, Kotto Brazil, Siaka Lexoni, Chrissy Rivera, and Ruckus' 7 kids ranging from ages 20-6 walk out all holding flaming wooden sticks. They stand 6 on each side.

The 4 Dancing Pallbearers enter with a casket perched on their shoulders and they spin around slowly to the music and then they stand still.

-They all throw their flaming sticks into a pile creating a large flame

Thunder bolt pyrotechnic explodes

(Bankroll by Lil Boosie blares) (crowd pops)

Dancing pallbearers flawlessly dance with the casket doing several dance moves with the coffin then gently place the casket on the ground and Ruckus' youngest son opens the casket and Ruckus hops out with all the swagger in the world and hypes himself up walking confidently to the ring.

Ruckus enters (huge pop) The Set and Ruckus' kids walk to the back

crowd cheers even after Ruckus' music ends leaving nothing but pure cheers from the crowd

Lone drummer bangs his drum and behind him another drummer, another drummer, another drummer, they all open up and we are shown 4 very talented dancers and marching band from Alcorn College perform a rendition of "Guwop Home" by Gucci Mane in march form with the "Dega Diamonds" dance troupe in full as Golden Bryce enters at the crushendo of the song

Referee Kevin Madrox has been assigned this contest

<<Golden Bryce holds the title up and Ruckus smirks at him and grabs the title and throws it on the floor. Bryce decks him and the bell rings. Bryce punches Ruckus with strikes in the corner and then hits the 10 punch spot but only gets to about 4 when Ruckus reverses it effortlessly into a Tarantula submission reminiscent of Tajiri. Ruckus breaks the hold to hit a classic drive-by dropkick that damn near took Bryce's head off. Ruckus runs back and goes for a Stinger Splash in the corner and Bryce reverses with the Book-End like Booker T slamming Ruckus down with authority. Bryce slaps his chest hyping himself up and steps on Ruckus' back showing a darker side that Masato Tanaka urged he needed to bring out to defeat a guy like Ruckus. Bryce scoops up Ruckus with ease and hangs him upside-down for the tree of woe. Bryce then gets a running start from the opposite corner runs steps on the bottom rope for elevation and drops a vicious elbow drop on Ruckus who is hung up in the corner. Bryce drags him over for the pin and Ruckus kicks out at one. Ruckus does a roll up of his own and Bryce kicks out quickly. Bryce head butts Ruckus and Ruckus knees Bryce in the groin. Joey Styles points out it was the very same kick in the groin move from Jake one year ago that costed Golden Bryce that Lockdown win, kept him from truly capturing that career defining Lockdown moment and three-hundred and sixty-five days later Bryce is looking to capture that moment. Bryce powders to the outside to regain composure and take a breath. Ruckus runs through the bottom rope and hits a tornado DDT on Bryce and capitalizes in his moment of leisure. Bryce gets up on the apron and attempts a heart attack but Ruckus connects a pin-point perfect drop kick knocking Bryce right back down to the outside. Ruckus hits a corkscrew over the ropes landing on Bryce on the outside and Ruckus is making this look easy. Ruckus kicks Bryce on the head mockingly then shoves him back inside. Ruckus took a little too much time getting up and Bryce on the inside grabs Ruckus on apron. Bryce jerks Ruckus up and over the ropes then picks him up for an T-Bone Suplex much like Shelton Benjamin! Bryce then foot chokes Ruckus in the corner and grabs both his feet and pulls him to the middle of the ring and applies the Golden Cloverleaf and Bryce has it cinched in and Ruckus is in the middle of the canvas. Ruckus can't out power Bryce but he eventually crawls the rope and Referee Kevin Madrox counts 1-2-3-4-5 and Bryce still doesn't break the hold so Referee Kevin Madrox grabs Golden Bryce and forcefully yanks the champion off of Ruckus thus giving him the use of this brief advantage to hit the bankroll out of seemingly no energy but Ruckus is slow to get the fall he gets a very close 2 count but Bryce gets his shoulder up. Bryce irish-whips Ruckus into the ropes, Ruckus stops himself, Bryce gets down thinking Ruckus is gonna jump over but where he stopped himself veteran instinct savviness from Ruckus pays off when he applies "The Gangsta Stretch" submission hold and Bryce is able to out-power him and kick Ruckus back knocking him back into the ropes: Ruckus does an Ambrose like rebound off the middle rope and comes right back with a laser sharp dropkick to a sitting Golden Bryce and goes for the pin and only gets a one count. Ruckus tries to get up, Bryce grabs him by his overalls and hits the Dominator much like Bobby Lashley. A downed Ruckus swings at Bryce and misses wildly. Bryce yanks up Ruckus to his feet and hits The World's Strongest Slam for a two count. Bryce looks flustered that Ruckus keeps kicking out of these high powered maneuvers. Bryce hits a deep corner suplex on Ruckus and Ruckus' legs bounce off the bottom rope looks like a bad landing. Bryce goes for a belly-to-belly, Ruckus goes for a elbow shot, Bryce ducks it presses Ruckus forward into the ropes, Ruckus rolls backwards, Bryce counters the roll up with a heavy german suplex into a bridge pin that Ruckus counters with elusiveness sliding out of the ring avoiding Bryce's grip, Ruckus falls off the apron onto the floor like a sack of potatoes. both men endure a 7 count as they are both down on the mat, Bryce still down but Ruckus climbs to the top rope Bryce gets up to his feet quickly and hits the Goldrush Destroyer onto the top turnbuckle. Golden Bryce hits "Done Deal" on Ruckus and gets a 1-2- NO!!!!! Ruckus kicks out! Bryce then irish whips Ruckus and hits the Low Down courtesy of D'Lo and the pin combo only gets a two but Bryce isn't phased, he gets up quick and takes down both straps of his Black Panther singlet and lies in wait for the 6 Rings spear. Ruckus prone in the corner slowly gets up and Bryce goes for it, Ruckus leap frogs, Bryce misses but then Bryce turns around quick and goes for what appears to be an Awesome Bomb but Ruckus counters by hitting The Bankroll out of nowhere and Ruckus makes the cover for the 1-2 and Bryce kicks out. Ruckus hits the Razzle Dazzle and Bryce hulks up and Ruckus hits the Scissor Kick and does a sweet little break dance move to regain his upward mobility (not the spin-a-roonie though). Bryce rolls under the apron and tries to get up to his feet using the ropes, Ruckus gets a run and pushes Bryce and he goes diving onto the English commentary table and rolling all the way over it onto Kaitlyn, Nick and Joey but they all move safely in time, despite the big crash the table doesn't break. Ruckus goes outside, sits Bryce on the table flat. Ruckus then gets on the apron and without looking back hits a asai moonsault onto Bryce and the table DOES NOT BREAK, they just roll off to the back end. Ruckus and Bryce both crawl into the ring moments later after being sprawled out on the floor. Ruckus gets in first and crawls to the opposite end of the ring, Bryce slowly creeps behind him, Ruckus tries to do a quick Bankroll, he rolls off Bryce's sweaty back, Bryce looks for a samoan drop, Ruckus rolls right back off, bounces back off the second rope and hits a Bankroll off the 2nd rope, easily move of the night and pins Bryce but Bryce is able to get his arm on the bottom rope, If that rope was not there then Ruckus would have won this contest. Ruckus is tired and so is Bryce but Bryce uses the bottom rope and clings to it, pulling himself to the closest corner and Ruckus lays on him basically and when Bryce is in the corner Ruckus chops him slowly just once to the WOOOOOOOOs of the crowd. Bryce slowly slugs him back, Bryce slowly irish whips Ruckus hard into the opposing corner, Ruckus like Ric Flair hits the buckles upside down, brings himself right back up and Bryce picks up Ruckus for the Goldrush Destroyer, Ruckus lands on his feet then vaults up and over at an angle hits The Bankroll for the 1-2-3 and the NEW XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion is Ruckus!!!!

XPWEW World Heavyweight Title 1 on 1 M7: Ruckus defeats Golden Bryce (c)

Ruckus is so tired and Bryce is so worn out they both just lay there and they do until The Set run down to the ring and help Ruckus up and they put the world title around his waist and Ruckus can barely stand but they carry him up the ramp, Myron, Kotto, Jordan are so hype and Lexoni hugs Ruckus tight as Ruckus becomes a Grandslam champion here tonight at Lockdown. The camera then pans over to Golden Bryce who is staring up at the night Dubai sky as he slowly rolls out of the ring and walks up the ramp with his head down. The camera pans back to Ruckus holding up his first world title as The Set has him standing up right. Huge pyro explodes over Rashid Stadium as Ruckus now raises the belt high and he's being lifted up by his faction: The Set. We see Bryce emotionless walking up the ramp in disbelief. Show ends

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dylanissicc · 5 years

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XPWEW All or Nothing 2019

⚡️XPWEW All or Nothing 2019

Hammerstein Ballroom

New York, NY

July 28th, 2019

Commentary: Joey Styles and Kandi Khaos

Opening Video Package:

Song: Nothing to You by Twiztid

Showcases the feuds of Priscilla, Regina Clausen, Troy Clausen and Audrey Carbine then Slayer vs Moxley then the Case Your Luck match then Edwards vs Awesome

Will Olaffub gets his own entrance to no music and a chorus of cheers which is completely bizarro. But that’s the Hammerstein Ballroom for you!

Eddie Edwards enters first as the challenger to a big reaction. A “Fuck him up Eddie fuck em up *clap clap*” chants that resonates throughout the Ballroom. Edwards salacious smile as he feels he has home turf. Edwards even starts jaw jacking with Casey Alfonso sitting in the front row.

Jake Awesome enters to a mixed reaction. Chants of “Fuck Jake Awesome” clashing with “Awesome Sucks”

Awesome even stops halfway down the aisle way to notice a fan in full on Captain Falcon gear

Quote: Joey Styles “I’ve had the pleasure to call every single Jake Awesome World Title match and tonight something feels at jeopardy”

M1: XPWEW World Heavyweight Title

Sixty Minute Ironman Match

Jake Awesome (c) vs Eddie Edwards

Creative chants throughout this match go:

* Captain Falcon clap clap clap clap

* Fuck him Eddy fuck him up

* Fuck Jake Awesome

* Awesome Sucks

* We Love Olaffub clap clap clap

* Chris Benoit chant

* They start doing Nakamura’s theme song chant for some reason

* Yes there will be beach balls

After 27 minutes of action Awesome gets his Awesome Bomb countered as Edwards absorbs the impact and rolls hum into a crossface and Awesome taps out

Edwards is up 1-0 with 33 minutes to go

About 8 minutes later Awesome connects a big splash for the top and a slow pinfall gets him the 1-2-3

It’s now tied 1-1 with 25 minutes left

19 minutes pass without a fall and Edwards starts to show his desperation and tells Olaffub to hit awesome with a weapon, it’ll get him disqualified and cost him a point but maybe he can catch up and make it even before time expires. Will Olaffub hits Awesome with a steel chair and it doesn’t even phase Awesome and the ref awards a point to Jake for that DQ making it 2-1 Jake up; Casey Alfonso gets fed up with Ollafub’s subtle remarks to him at ringside the whole night and he jumps the rail and tackles Ollafub and starts to wail on him and Jake pulls him off but the ref deducts a point from Jake as a DQ making it 1-1 now after all that about 5 minutes remain. Edwards starts to get some chain Olympic style wrestling on Jake to make the time expire but Jake starts to outwrestle him quite a bit and somehow Edwards locks in the crossface with about 2:35 left. Awesome powers out and lifts up to his feet meanwhile Edwards still has his crossface haphazardly allpied Jake drops him outside onto the thin mat outside the ring. Jake goes to the ropes, Suicide Dive connects and Jake rolls Edwards in the ring Edwards seems done, Jake covers 1-2 KICKOUT! 40 seconds remain and Jake hits a quick awesome bomb and this time that’s enough for the 1-2-3. Jake then dumps Edwards out to the outside of the ring landing on the exposed concrete and Edwards can’t get up as 19 seconds slowly expire. Awesome wins 2-1 and still the XPWEW World Heavyweight Champion

Winner: Jake Awesome 2-1

Awesome celebrates and begins a proper Hey Hey Hey Nah Nah Nah Nah goodbye chant. Edwards scowls at Jake and walks off with the crowd hitting him with that chant. The crowd play made this seemingly long match a lot more enjoyable. Well paced

Promo: Heatwave 2019 commercial

Song: Born to raise Hell by Crazy Town

Charlotte North Carolina

Sunday August 18th, 2019

Doxy Deity and Toni Storm enter followed by Amy Lee then Kiera Hogan with Rosemary. Enter Genevalisse who enters the ring to big fanfare now makes her debut! Based Fabian even introduces her himself

M2: 6 Woman Tag Elimination Match

Amy Lee, Rosemary & Kiera Hogan

Doxy Deity, Toni Storm & Genevalisse

* Doxy, Toni and Genevalisse triple pin Amy Lee

* Rosemary eliminates Toni Storm

* Kiera Hogan rolls up Doxy Deity (her first pinfall victory in XPWEW finally)

* Genevalisse superkicks Rosemary and pins her

Now it’s down to Kiera Hogan and her long time Major League Wrestling rival opponent formerly known as Ivelisse going at it 1 on 1

* Genevalisse defeats Kiera and wins it for her team

Genevalisse, Toni and Doxy defeat Amy, Rosemary and Kiera Hogan. Kiera Hogan’s losing skid is over her and Rosemary jump for joy and even Based Fabian with his Juniorweight title comes out and puts it around the waist of Genevalisse congratulating her on her debut victory

Nick Simmonds Interviews the All Man; All Man asks where the fuck is Dr. Cube he’s running around in the shadow realm with the XPWEW No Limits Title But who cares I’m focused on tonight. My night. My show. Do you like the stage setup? I have a chance tonight. A chance albeit a chance split up between 8 people so that gives me realistically what a 12 and a half percent chance of victory tonight? Those odds aren’t great but I always have a plan A, Plan B even C.

Best 2 out of 3 Falls

M3: Champagne Clausen defeats GG with no help from the Freight Train which was a huge criticism from General Manager Romeo Roselli. Curt wins both falls in the contest 2-0 over GG! Curt Clausen is now 6-0! Troy Clausen comes in the ring and even says 6-0! 6-0! 6-0! Freight Train comes out and nervously asks for the mic, Troy graciously gives him the mic, sure Freight Train you are apart of the family. What did you want to say? Freight Train: since,,since he won the match two times I think that makes him Seven and Zero! Troy laughs! Yes! Yes! Yes! Seven and O!!!!!

Post Match Interview Champagne Clausen pops a bottle of Champagne and says his little sister Regina Clausen is going to become the women’s champ tonight!

M4: Chris Johnson defeats Dragon Kid and he’s now the #1 contender for the XPWEW Juniorweight Title (current champion Based Fabian)

Interview: Nick Simmonds is joined by Slayer. Slayer says this match is over a decade in the making. I’ve been wanting to see the myth that is John Moxley in that ring for so long. I knew one day he was gonna be in my ring. Now I’m gonna make him tap. And I will walk out of the Hammerstein Ballroom this infamous and beautiful venue with the IWGP United States Title in my hands

M5: XPWEW Tag Team Championships

Ruckus & Lexoni defeat Vinny Testaverde & Rondo in a bloodbath. Easily one of the best matches for Free Agency as a team.

nZo blood smeared in his face tried to talk but this Hammerstein Ballroom crowd can’t let him get a word in without some creative chants; “you may have won the battle but you smucks have not won the war”. Ruckus and Lexoni laugh it off holding their titles in the air!

M6: XPWEW World Women’s Championship

3 Way Dance

Priscilla Kelly retains the title defeating Regina Clausen and Audrey Carbine

Closing sequence Priscilla Kelly puts her tampon in Regina’s mouth causing Regina to forfeit. Curt Clausen tries to interfere and Audrey applies the art of ballistics on him and while she’s got the armbar applies Priscilla comes off the top rope with a steel chair straight to the face. Stuns her! Priscilla pins Audrey 1-2-3 for the win! The crowd goes insane! Priscilla is really over here!

Backstage: Troy Clausen is banging on the door of General Manager Romeo Roselli! Where in the god damn articles of confederation does it say anywhere that a medical, rag, sheep wool, sanitary Tampax pad can be used as a weapon. I know the books in here this used to be my filing cabinet you know that, and you probably moved all my shit around. Romeo listen Troy, were XPWEW. Fans can bring the weapons here ok there are no rules. A tampon while albeit disgusting and disturbingly unique is all fair. Troy: Oh fair? You know what’s not fair. This crowd. This sea of human waste throwing their garbage at my son and daughter. Think about that Romeo, human garbage flushing garbage at athletic royalty because of what? Jealousy. Is that fair? Is it fair that a jagaloon like Audrey Carbine thinks it’s fair to attack my son, who wasn’t even involved in the match. I’m sick of it. My daughter probably has HIV. And we’re gonna get here tested. Better than that we’re gonna test. Priscilla Kelly. And knowing your lifestyle Romeo you should consider a check up yourself. I’ll be back on Friday with a test and we’re gonna make some changes around here.

M7: Unsanctioned Match

IWGP United States Championship

Slayer vs Jon Moxley

Closing sequence: Jon Moxley has concocted this board taped with thornbushes and Mox Drops Slayer onto it from atop the ladder for the 1-2- kickout Slayer applies the helmed sharpshooter from the dead essentially and Moxley taps out

AND NEWWWWWWWW IWGP UNITED STATES CHAMPION THE DRAGONSLAYER. Moxley picks him up after and they both praise the audience!

M8: Case Your Luck Ladder Match

Golden Bryce vs Leonard McGraw vs Brodie Croyle vs 3M Ultra vs All Man vs Joe Gacy vs Based Fabian vs Jaques Dudley

Best High spots: Leonard McGraw lariat mid air off one ladder to a hanging 3M Ultra

Jaques and 3M hit side by side 630 splash off ladders onto Croyle and Joe Gacy But they both move out the way

Jocelyn Washington jumps the rail and tries to wake up Golden Bryce and Brodie Croyle grabs her and hits her with the Silent Echo and crowd pops huge. Croyle scales the ladder, Leonard McGraw tips the ladder slowly backward and Croyle does a sick no look bump falling onto A table. Unbelievable spot!!!! Leonard McGraw goes to climb the ladder (Dragon Kid and Ms. Ryu cheering him on, he hesitates to climb and Dragon Kid gives him the mask and he puts it on but that might of spent too much time because when he grabs the case up top he’s hit by some powder - like substance by this bust blonde woman wearing a milk man? I guess milk woman suit. The powder was a little distracting but then she pulls a flourscent light tube out of a belt holster and nails McGraw across the back. McGraw drops like a sack of potatoes and All Man in a raven taunt slump in the corner gets lifted up by this female and hoists him on the ladder, All Man regains consciousness enough to speed up the ladder and he unlocks the hook and wins the case Your Luck Ladder match! All Man is Mr. Case Your Luck

Winner: All Man thanks to a busty blonde female in a milk woman outfit. Who turns out to be Emma from WWE under a new name

After the match: Crowd is boo-ing throwing garbage and trash and this female grabs the mic and excitedly announces herself as Emma, Tenille Dashwood she is the ALL WOMAN!!

All Man and All Woman Walk up the ramp with smiles on their faces and they look at the entrance setup with basically a tribute to the All Man and they give each other this look and go to the right side and pull down a curtain to reveal a giant poster of All Woman as well. Great moment. What a debut. Show Ends

#fantasy #jake awesome #eddie edwards #all man #tenille dashwood #priscilla kelly #audrey carbine #regina clausen #slayer

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jonathanbelloblog · 6 years

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The Best Cars We Drove in 2017

We’re incredibly fortunate to have access to the cars we do. All year long, we an abundance of the planet’s most precious metal sculptures, flogging them on tracks, roads, and everywhere in between. This year, it seemed like our quotient of top-notch machinery was at an all-time high as we drove some of the most desirable cars right into the pages of this website and our print magazine.

Choosing a favorite is not easy. Do we pick the luxury and comfort of the new Rolls-Royce Phantom, the always-ridiculous Bugatti Chiron, Lamborghini’s V-12-powered-swansong Aventador S, or something like the all-new Jeep Wrangler? While not as combative a task as picking winners during our annual All-Stars awards, we had a wide range of opinions.

Editor-in-chief Mike Floyd: The term ‘greatest car in the world’ can mean different things to different people. It can be the car you’ve had for 15 years that never let you down. The muscle car you only take out of your garage on sunny summer days. The supercar you plastered on your wall when you were a kid. The astonishing, multi-million dollar vintage machine you drooled over on the lawn at Pebble Beach. Or the eighth-generation Rolls-Royce Phantom.

Maybe it’s the mystique that’s developed around it. Or its price tag. Or the marketing hype. But the Phantom represents the ultimate, the excess, the dream of being someone rich, important, famous. By the way, the all-new Phantom is also a damn good car. It’s big and heavy, yes, but its twin-turbo V-12 just pulls and pulls. It actually turns pretty well too, and is underpinned by a world-class, aluminum intensive architecture. But more than that, it’s what’s inside that has been properly done. The craftsmanship is astonishing, the materials, the overall execution is unlike any modern production car I’ve ever been in. As it should be. And that’s without even mentioning the Gallery, the art installation in the dash.

Yeah, I know, it’s a car for the .001 percenters. Why should anyone care? Because it’s the greatest car in the world. It was an honor to drive and be driven in it. And it’s been an honor to have you along for the ride this year. Thanks to you all, from all of us here at Automobile.

My honorable mentions: Lexus LC 500, McLaren 720s, that day in Utah in the Ford GT, the Civic Type R, the Toyota Camry (damn right I said it), MX-5 RF, that day in dirt in the Honda Ridgeline Baja truck, that day at Streets of Willow in the OVC and Revology Shelby GT350s, Camaro ZL1 1LE, Range Rover Velar, Mercedes-AMG E63 S, BMW M2.

Executive editor Mac Morrison: In retrospect, I don’t know what I expected as I headed to the first drive of the 2018 Porsche 911 GT2 RS. The car’s on-paper numbers—700 hp, 553 lb-ft, 3,200 pounds and change—are bonkers, but aside from a general understanding that this 911 would be fast, I was quite curious to discover the end result. By the end of a full day of driving, including a handful of laps on Portugal’s Algarve circuit and more than 100 miles on the road, I realized it had been quite some time since a new car made me smile and giggle so much. It’s not just the silly power, torque, and seemingly never-ending acceleration, either.

The GT2 RS’s ability to use every bit of its twin-turbo 3.8-liter bang is astounding. Its combination of aerodynamic and mechanical grip rewrite the rules of quick cornering, and the steering and brakes are not only up to the task but also feel great to use. This is one of the rare modern cars to find the right balance of performance and feedback, feeling a long way from overly refined and boring without crossing the line into the realm of scary or intimidating hair-trigger snappiness. You certainly know you can get in a lot of trouble driving it, but you can also enjoy it without holding your breath while always waiting for it to spit you into a ditch. Dare I say this is the best driver’s 911 of all time? I know Porsche geeks will never reach a consensus on that title, but there is no denying the new 911 GT2 RS is a performance-car masterpiece.

Editor-at-large Arthur St. Antoine: Is it fair to choose a full-blown race car as a “best drive?” It is when said machine rearranges both your preconceptions of the laws of physics and your DNA. Hurling the Ferrari 488 Challenge around Canada’s Circuit Mont Tremblant was an electrifying, soul-awakening feast of race engineering at is finest: a screaming, 660-plus horsepower V-8, brakes that stop like a padded bridge abutment, an aero-aided chassis that cornered so hard it could pry the fillings from your teeth. Does such extreme prowess come at the expense of fragility or finickiness? That’s this Ferrari’s coup de grace: for two days I pounded around Tremblant, lap after lap after lap. Not once did the 488 Challenge so much as breathe hard. I call that the performance of the year.

Detroit bureau chief Todd Lassa: I want to choose the Honda Civic Type R, but I don’t know if I can get used to the idea of being on the same page as associate editor Jonathan Klein. The Type R is fabulous fun; more engaging than the supercars on our 2018 All-Stars drive, with sharp steering and handling and that great gearbox (the latter of which makes it more engaging than, say, the Ford GT or McLaren 720S). On the track, it dances with the best of them and can kick out its tail like a RWD sports car. But rather than align with Klein, I’m going to go with the Miata Cup Racer, which handles the (small, tight M1 Concours in Michigan) circuit exactly as I’d expect from a street-legal Miata. It’s nice to know they’re virtually interchangeable. I know what you’re thinking; the Miata is a #noboringcars car because I own one. No, but I own one because it’s a #noboringcars car.

Automotive design editor Robert Cumberford: Quiet, fast, spacious, comfortable, the Tesla Model 3 is very impressive. This was a top-spec, extra battery capacity car with about $20,000 in options. I’d like to have one, but can’t afford it, alas.

New York bureau chief Jamie Kitman: I loved the Porsche Boxster S I spent a week in, but my priority characteristic in a sports car is steering feel, and the Lotus Evora Sport 410 has this in spades. In addition to robust power and an extraordinarily supple ride, it amounts to a half-price supercar you can use. Now that Lotus has Geely funding behind it, I expect it is a harbinger of even greater things to come.

Features editor Rory Jurnecka: Time will show the new Ford GT to be a special car even decades from today. Built mostly to win Le Mans—which it did—the limited-production, road-going variant is unique and engaging to drive with an experience all its own. It is wholly different from the ubiquitous McLarens, Ferraris, and Lamborghinis that compete for background photo space on your laptop. That this success came from a small, skunkworks team of rogue engineers hidden in Ford’s basement is nothing short of amazing.

Senior digital editor Kirill Ougarov: As I’ve expounded upon since it sadly left our care, my pick has to be the BMW i8. The mix of design, tech, and solid grand-touring dynamics really meshed with my personal tastes. “An enjoyable to drive, distinctively stylish grand tourer that offers a preview of coming electrified attractions” is probably the best summary I have, which I stole from my own story.

Online editor Ed Tahaney: The Lamborghini Huracán LP580-2 Spyder beats out my other favorite ride of the year—the Honda Civic Type R—only because it’s a drop-top. Both cars are a blast to drive and will make you an instant celebrity wherever you roll up. I love the Giallo Tenerife paint job that makes it look like an angry wedge of cheese, while its V-10 screams 580-hp obscenities. The cup holder sucks, but everything else about the Spyder does not.

Senior copy editor Kara Snow: Not only is the Ford GT the wildest car I drove this year in terms of both the actual ride and its hyper-futuristic design, but the experience in Ford’s race-winning beast was as emotionally thrilling as my very first time behind the wheel.

In his day, my grandfather worked on Fords for movie studios. My dad loved Mustangs. He owned many through the years and was hoping to fix up his 1946 Super De Luxe before he died unexpectedly five years ago. I’m sorry he never got to see what Ford would follow up the first two generations of these supercars with: a wonder of design, handling, and quickness—with all of the turbo’s whizzing and whooshing and the 647 hp V-6’s stunning growl.

Getting to drive the new Ford GT completes the circle for three generations of car lovers. It was a dream come true to pilot an American supercar made by a company with deep roots in our country’s history. And in my own life.

Daily news editor Conner Golden: Somehow I managed to sneak my way behind the wheel of the 2018 Porsche 911 GT3, claiming the golden tiara of my favorite car of the year. Porsche is loath to admit it, but the 991.2 GT3 takes what made the 911 R so incredibly desirable and offers it to the (still wealthy) masses, minus a handful of lightweight panels and stylistic affects. With a 4.0-liter flat-six whizzing all the way to a 9,000-rpm redline and a delicious six-speed manual transmission (seven-speed PDK optional), the GT3 was unspeakably excellent in every scenario.

Creative director Darren Scott: Hands down, the Volkswagen Golf R is the best VW I’ve ever driven. At first, I didn’t even know it existed but I quickly learned it’s a pocket rocket on rails. Its over-hyped little brother, the GTI—of which I have driven many examples—is a Bush League second baseman compared to this lightning shortstop. No flash, no nonsense. It delivers acceleration, power, and handling on-demand; supercar sophistication in a street-size package, a real driving experience. There are two downsides; one is the Tamagotchi style center console (come on VW, it’s 2017), and second, all the parking lot wannabes telling you the Ford Focus RS is better. Who cares! All that means is there’s two incredible cars to choose from.

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jesusvasser · 6 years

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The Best Cars We Drove in 2017

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eddiejpoplar · 6 years

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The Best Cars We Drove in 2017

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daniloqp · 3 years

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The 39 best deals for the fourth quarter of July: household items, outdoor equipment, technology and more

https://theministerofcapitalism.com/blog/the-39-best-deals-for-the-fourth-quarter-of-july-household-items-outdoor-equipment-technology-and-more/

Happy Independence Day! We hope you can celebrate the long weekend with your family and friends. Maybe you’ll stay home this year to get your mind off it the heat wave is making its way to the US. If you are out, we have a lot of tips how to stay cool. The good news is that money will be saved on some of our favorite home and outdoor products this weekend thanks to a July 4th sales amount.

If you buy something through links to our stories, we may earn a commission. This helps support our journalism. Learn more.

Table of contents

Cafeteria Coffee-House with a touch of coffee Mr. Coffee and cappuccino

Photo: Mr. Coffee

See our guides at latte and cappuccino makers i robot vacuum cleaners to make your home a perfect oasis for parties and summer stays.

Withdraw the coupon to see the full discount in the box. This is a better deal than what we saw Prime Day. This Oxo coffee maker (9/10, WIRED recommends) can brew up to eight cups of coffee, making it an ideal choice for large families and very easy to use. It will be prepared at the right temperature for the right time. Also, if you only want to earn the value of a single cup, a drip accessory is included.

The DeLonghi is a simple machine and one of the best priced no with discount. It is very easy to clean and you get a frothy wand.

Roborock S4 max

Photography: Roborock

This is our favorite robot vacuum cleaner for most people. It has more expensive vacation features, such as mapping, problem spot detection, and virtual barriers. In addition, it has a larger than average powder container and a battery life of 180 minutes. It was discounted to $ 310 on Prime Day, but it’s still a solid price.

Withdraw the coupon on the page to see the discount at the time of payment. We saw that this robot vacuum cleaner cost $ 100 more Amazon Prime Day, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth picking up that price. It’s a great vac homes with pets. Suck dog hair from low pile carpets and best of all, your cameras can avoid obstacles like pet poop. You don’t have to be afraid to go home and wrap greasy pets in your home.

The D8 has a Turbo mode for special problems and an automatic recharge and recovery function for when the battery dies while still cleaning. We I loved the old Neato D7 when we tried it and you can get it Place of Neato for the same price right now. But the latest model is probably the way to go. You can also find this offer at Bed Bath and Beyond i Lowe’s. If you buy the D8 directly from The site of Neato before July 5th, you can get a side brush and four packs of filters with the discount purchase using the promo code SUMMER21.

Apple MacBook Air with M1

Photography: Apple

WIRED review editor Julian Chokkattu is testing this phone and says it has incredible value, especially at a surprisingly low price. It’s fast enough to run most apps and games, the camera is surprisingly decent, and the battery can run for about two days.

Want an Android tablet? We like the Tab S6 Lite. The performance won’t be as smooth as the more expensive whiteboards, but it does the job. The screen is nice, as are the speakers and battery life.

Tribit StormBox

Photography: Tribit

It’s nice to have a fridge on hand when you organize (or go to!) Parties in the back garden, take a trip to the beach, or organize any event. The 16-quarter Stanley Adventure is hard, relatively light and has 21 cans of drink to choose from.

ThermoWorks signals

Photography: ThermoWorks

Brush to straighten perfection Amika Polished 2.0

Photography: Amika

You may be a little rusty in the prep department. See our guides at hair straighteners, hair dryers, i tools for hair removal for all our favorite selections.

This dryer has a quick-drying oscillating nozzle that moves quickly from side to side as they dry, mimicking the back and forth movement you can do with your hand.

Photography: Tineco

Cut out the coupon on the page to see the discount at the time of payment. It is an expensive dryer, but automatically adjusts heat and air flow based on humidity levels and air temperature.

This Dermaflash is on our list of the best equipment for hair removal. It is expensive and the leaves are disposable, but removes dead skin from the skin without irritation.

Helix Midnight Luxe

Photography: Helix

It wouldn’t be a vacation if not all of our favorite mattresses were discounted. Read our guide on all mattresses we have tried more. The following prices are for queen sizes.

We’ve seen this mattress go down in price more, but it’s affordable even when it’s not for sale. Comfort also does not suffer in the name of a bargain.

Natural birch

Photography: Birch

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ubercharge · 7 years

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some more misc tips (that you may very well have heard of before) because i’ve been playing a fuckton of comp. again, i’ve played everywhere from upper gold to mid diamond. if you’re a GM reading this, i can’t help you

something i’ve found that helps ground me in a teamfight when playing ana (especially if my stupid cold hands get shaky) is reminding myself to make every shot count. she doesn’t fire too quickly, but this has been helpful in helping me land shots on teammates (sometimes on enemies), as i play her unscoped most of the time.

another important tip particularly for heroes like ana and mccree is not to constantly reload in a fight. i’m terrible with this because i got very used to autoreloading in tf2, but maining a hero like ana, you really have to put your ammo to better use. especially with ana being a healer, the time spent reloading can mean the difference between life/death for a teammate.

know how your abilities work and how/when they work well. for example, the angles to launch a d.va ult and from where to launch it (around a corner at approx. 45 degree angle is pretty effective). the arc and range of biobomb. cooldowns. genji’s dash resetting upon kills and when ulting. the range of reaper’s ult (which reaches UP a pretty high distance, too). etc.

be mindful of launching projectiles around a d.va. this is coming from a d.va main. i eat grav. surges and dragonstrikes for fucking breakfast.

don’t be afraid to ask your teammates to switch with you. if you feel you’re not doing well in your role, switch heroes or ask to switch roles. (e.g., ’i don’t think i’m doing very well as tank, would anyone mind switching with me?’)

don’t be afraid to switch heroes. be mindful of your ult %; you probably want to use it before switching if it’s high.

the above tip imo applies even more for DPSes. e.g., if you start out as genji/tracer and are instantly hard countered by an enemy winston, it’s probably good to switch sooner than later.

if the enemy tracer/genji/winston/pharah/d.va is good at picking you off as mercy, it’s probably good to switch sooner than later. if they’re gunning for the mercy pick (as they should be), be mindful of that. being dead when you need to rez sucks, because if you get picked off that’s the enemy’s cue to make their ult plays to start wiping your team (which is why you want that luci/zen ult)

hit tab often to check on the enemy team. take note of when they switch heroes.

know when to retreat. this is crucial. it’s better to back up (or throw yourself off a cliff) and not feed enemy ult % when you’ve decisively lost a teamfight.

don’t trickle. going in as a full team is more effective than going in solo and dying immediately because 1. you feed enemy ult % and 2. your team has to wait for your spawn again

please for the love of fucking god pay attention to the group up commands. be mindful of where your teammates are, where they’re going, what they’re doing.

don’t stand still unless you’re 100% certain you’re safe (e.g., just outside of spawn) and the enemies are far away from you. this sounds like it should be common sense but people get picked off for this shit because they stood still on the cart, assuming they were safe, when the enemy sniper was watching from afar

seriously if you’re waiting for your team/healer be aware of what’s going on around you and who could be around you/looking at you don’t get fucking sniped!!!

try to keep track of enemy ults, whose ult was just used, which ults your team has, which ults your team just used, which ults your team is charging/will be ready soon, etc. ults can be the deciding factors in teamfights and i fully realized this at like 3am one match, thinking about how much math is involved in this.

also try to keep track of what combos both teams can do.

as a combo of the two above: if the enemy team just decimated you with a graviton blade and your mercy rezzed, can they follow up with a hammer down/barrage? did they just use their other ults? does your team have a sound barrier/trans to combat it? what other ults can you use to combat them? etc etc.

do not expend more ults than needed. if you can get it done without ulting, do it. if you win the teamfight and don’t need to ult for the cleanup, don’t ult. save it for the next fight.

keep an eye on the time and the objective

get on the objective

remember that the cart needs people on it or it won’t fucking move forward

YOU HAVE TO BE PRETTY CLOSE TO THE CART TO PUSH IT

TOUCH THE CART

GET ON THE CART

3 people on the cart will make it move the fastest. if you’re on 3rd/4th round payload constant overtime, stay on the fucking cart because the overtime meter will run down QUICK if you get off.

positioning is key. three of the major factors in overwatch are aim, positioning (which i think goes with general game awareness), and mental state/morale/etc.

(to cont. the above) most important for mercy but applies to a lesser extent for luci/zen: if you find yourself getting picked often in teamfights, especially if you have ult, ask yourself if you should be somewhere else.

you know that video ‘what 200 hrs on mercy looks like’? the way that they avoided the reaper ult on numbani? think like that.

to give a recent example, i was playing lucio on eichenwalde attack. the zen was sitting still on the cart, which was midway across the bridge. i booped him off into the river. the mercy was crouching behind the cart/by the wall, maybe hoping nobody would see here (even though i was right there??). two hits of m1, eight headshots and she’s dead. this was play of the match.

if you can, record your games so you can rewatch them and ask yourself what you could’ve done differently. maybe another position would’ve been smarter, or the use of a certain ability, not ulting or using ult at a certain time. switching to a certain hero, whatever.

familiarize yourself with the maps and hp placements, especially if you play characters like lucio (wallride - know the boundaries and whatnot of the walls and surfaces you can get on) or flankers.

understand the advantage of high ground and when you can take it. for example, pushing hanamura point b usually means going for the balcony (top right). from there, you get a good view of the point and quite a bit of the castle interior. it’s great for mccree ults. if your team can get balcony, it’s an easy cleanup of the enemy team then a drop to the point. high ground makes it easier for you to hit enemies below while making it harder for them to hit you, you can just back up to avoid shots, etc.

please join team voice chat if you’re playing comp (and are not deaf, in which case i understand why you’re not joining). you don’t have to talk; just listening to teammates’ calls can be helpful. it’s good to know when genji’s behind you, if you should focus a certain enemy, if an enemy is low hp, which way to push, etc.

if someone in comms/chat is being shitty, then that’s your cue to mute them.

the in-game commands are useful. let your team know your ult %, if you need healing, where to group, etc. especially important if your team has ult combos, particularly zarya.

say hello to me in pregame or i’m solo rezzing/boosting the hanzo with 10% weapon accuracy

know when to take a break/stop playing! get yourself some water and snacks. sometimes you just need to pull away for the night and call it quits. chill in qp/arcade if you want, watch some netflix, scroll through your dash. you can always try again tomorrow.

have fun :)

#dave.txt #mine #overwatch 89 #long post #text heavy

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