#it stressed me the fuck out. and then. stomachache. at that point i was ready to cry
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imagine being like. human. i'm just a silly little creature. happy cryptid. occasionally a very sad cryptid who ponders its own existence and questions his sanity but. that's mostly during the winter months. we do not speak of the winter months. except for the fact that we are in them and. fuck never mind. i just need some tea and a bit of will wood to ensure my serotonin levels go back to normal and i can be. happy cryptid
#random thoughts#i also do this when i have deprived myself of food for a certain amount of time. don't worry. i am making spaghetti#there will be sauce. with an obscene amount of garlic. i apologize to potential vampire boyfriends#my stomach hurts though so. maybe i'll eat later#but FUCK. i don't want it to be cold#hng. microwaved pasta is just Not As Good. yknow what i mean. it tastes much better fresh#perhaps i will simply eat it cold. i will put parmesan on it. then it will not melt. melted parmesan makes me cry because#i'm a pathetic piss baby who can't stand the texture. or maybe it's the autism diagnosis i don't know#do not mind me. i am simply discussing whether or not i should eat my spaghetti#wait. why did i say making? i haven't even made it yet. lmao#yknow what? no spaghetti for today. i'll just suffer i guess#admitting to pain irl in any way is embarrassing as fuck for some reason? like i felt like i was going to die in french class#the lights were so bright and everyone was so so loud but i couldn't wear my sunglasses in class. hng. and then of course#it stressed me the fuck out. and then. stomachache. at that point i was ready to cry#then my friend saw me and asked if i was okay. i just said yes. she believed me. i think#still suffering. not fun. not fun at all#WHY THE FUCK AM I SO OFF TOPIC. credence you need to stop. please just post this already#actually wait. i will post this. and then just make the sauce. i will put it in the refrigerator and eat it the next day#it is similar to tomato soup. except. cold. and obviously thicker. i don't know why it tastes good. hng#on my way to make the sauce. goodbye everyone
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For @jegulus-microfic prompt for August 23rd Stomachache (699 words), (nsfw, explicit sexual content)
Stress twists Regulus stomach. He knows he shouldn’t let this exam get to him in this way, but right now he could throw up. It’s just the most important presentation of his life, and he could drink five gallons of milk directly from a cow that his stomach ache wouldn’t be that bad.
He still has a full night to of torture himself with his doubts and anxiety, and he is ready to do so when his doorbell rings making him jump with his whole body, adrenaline pumping high because of the tension and surprise.
He gets up from his bed to open the door.
« Hey love, thought I might come by and try to distract you ? »
James, all tall, deep golden bronze skin, lean muscles, stands here, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Regulus feels the smile tugging at his lips as if in reflex when he looks up at his boyfriend.
« Distract me ? » he asks as he stands back to let him inside.
« I know you have this big presentation tomorrow, and you always get so stressed out for those I’m afraid you’ll give yourself an ulcer, so I thought I might come around and distract you. » James’ voice is full of promise.
« Really, and how did you plan on doing that ? »
Instead of an answer, James gives him a wink and starts crowding him, pushing him against a wall, and a jolt of excitement courses through Regulus. James leans slowly until their lips are almost touching, breath hot on his mouth, and Regulus feels himself growing hard in the tense moment right before the k…
« Just like that. » He hears James answer, voice low, as he drops to his knees.
Oh. Oh.
The sight of the tall boy on his knees in front of him, his mouth so close to his crotch already, is a sight that makes Regulus' brain blank out. White noises and soft cotton for a moment.
James makes quick work of his jeans and underwear. Regulus barely has the time to register that he is willingly helping him get them around his ankles, legs slightly trapped. The reverence with which James his looking at him as his hands travels from his thighs to his stomach, to his nipples, and give them a pinch,… Oh, it does something to Regulus, and his cock stands proudly against his belly, already hard and red, almost to the point of leaking.
Without a second thought, James gives a long lick from his balls to the tip of his cock and takes him into his mouth. Regulus’ cock is heavy on James’ tongue, the feeling of the hot, wet mouth making him dizzy already. So eager to fuck into his boyfriends’ mouth, open and inviting.
Slowly, James takes him inch by inch, until Regulus can feel the tightness of his throat, and James’ nose is brushing against his crotch. Regulus’ hand tightens and James looks up. His eyes are already glinting with some tears at the strain of holding him down like that, and some spit is dripping down his chin. Still, he bats his eyes and gives a slight nod, the only indication Regulus needs until he starts moving. A bit slowly at first, but quickly, he is fucking James’ face with all the abandon of someone chasing his high. It doesn’t take long for him to feel the want coiling inside his belly ready to release.
« James, I.., aaah I’m close. »
He doesn’t make more sense than that but James understands and with a twist of that smart tongue of his, he swallows him down entirely. The tightness of James’ throat and the picture perfect image of him on his knee is enough to send Regulus over the edge, and he comes inside his byfriend’s mouth, his name on his lips like a prayer.
After that, Regulus slouches against the wall and falls next to James who holds him in a hug, and kisses the top of his head softly.
Mission accomplished, he thinks. His stomach has stopped hurting from stress, and is now full of butterflies instead.
What a cliché.
He wouldn’t trade it for the world.
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Between a starring role in Cinderella, live performances, and a forthcoming album, it would appear things are business as usual for Camila Cabello. But there’s a difference: Before the pandemic her work was leaving her drained, anxious, and insecure. Now she’s found a way to be a pop star on her own terms, and everything—from the music to her relationship with her body—has fallen into place.
By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.
But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.
Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.
“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”
Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.
By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.
“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”
Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”
Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”
One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.
“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”
Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.
Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”
Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.
“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”
Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”
A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.
“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”
Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.
That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”
It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”
It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.
“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”
By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.
“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”
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The Mask Stayed On ~ 1/2
Batman / Bruce Wayne X Reader
Summary: reader and batman have been in relationship for a while without knowing who each other really are. Is this relationship really enough for Reader?
Warnings: Love, pain, conflicted feelings, some weird kinks, thoughts of not being enough, evil siblings, ETC
A/N: So This is technically my first Batman fic so I hope you all enjoy it. I’m doing little flics here an there as I try to figure out where my Series are going. I want to spend a lot of time on them to get them perfect, so for now enjoy these little one shots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don’t really know how it started, but after a rather difficult mission one night, I ended up in bed with Batman. Then that one night, turned into another, and another; until it became routine for us to sneak around and meet up after a mission. We did have a set of rules though.
1.) Never remove our masks.
Batman and I were very secretive. Only a select few League members knew what his true identity was, and the only one who knew mine was Connor.
2.) Do not tell anyone what we are doing.
I feel like this one was more implied than enforced, and lastly.
3.) Do not get attached. If we do, it is over.
This one. This was the one that was now the cause of my turmoil. I mean, how could I not get attached to someone I was having sex with regularly. It was inevitable. Now, here I was lying next to him in bed completely naked, save for my mask, and he was fast asleep. As I stare at his profile, I couldn’t help but want to take his cowl off. I wanted to know who was beneath the mask. If things were going to end anyway why not sneak a peek?
Yeah right, I couldn’t do that. I sigh to myself as I climb out of bed and looking around find my uniform. Spotting it in the corner I grab it and quickly put it back on. Then opening the window, I take a deep breath and run. I usually didn’t leave before him, but tonight I had too. I was not going to be able to sleep next to him and not wonder what it would be like if we showed each other who we truly were.
Finding the nearest boom tube, I type in the coordinates for the Cave, or Mount Justice. I lived in the living quarters along with a few others. I wasn’t a member of the Young Justice, hell I was older than all of them, but I frequently went out on missions together with them. It was just nicer to be with a group of super kids, rather than a group of moody adults. Even though I was a moody adult myself. Reaching home, I quickly take a shower and then climb into my own bed.
~
Waking up the next morning, I found I was no closer to figuring out what to do. All night, I had been plagued by the what ifs. What if he found out I liked him and ended it? What if he secretly harbored feelings for me and was happy, that was the least likely result. Letting out a heavy sigh, I pull on a pair of sweats and a comfy hoodie. I pull my hair up into a messy bun before I put my mask back on.
Walking out of my room and down to the lounge I am surprised that it is still quiet. Maybe they were all out on a mission. Shrugging my shoulders, I sneak to the fridge and opening it, grab a pint of ice cream, I also grab a spoon from the drawer. Since no one was here, I move over to the couch and grabbing the remote turn on The Nanny tv show, the one from the nineties. It always seemed to boost my mood when I was feeling down.
I sit there for so long I do not even notice when I run out of ice cream. Now I had a stomachache, and I was no closer to figuring things out.
“Well, this just sucks.” I say to myself as I set the empty pint on the coffee table and leaning back on the couch let out a heavy sigh. “Dear Lord, how many times am I gonna do that today?”
“Do what?” I hear a familiar voice ask from behind me and I turn to see Connor searching the fridge for food.
Connor was the only one who knew who I really was. The reason behind that was because during a mission with the Young Justice members, Connor and I had become trapped under some rubble and my mask had fallen off. After that, the two of us bonded. We became best friends. I was able to be myself and not the superhero everyone expected me to be.
“Sighing like the emotional wreck that I am.” I joke as I dramatically turn and lean against the back of the couch making him snort.
“No, you’re not.” He replies grabbing a jar of Queso out of the fridge.
“If you bring that over here, I will steal it from you.”
“You’re not strong enough.” He retorts making me furrow my brow at him.
“Just because you have super strength doesn’t mean I can’t take it from you.” I counter making him shake his head.
“Why didn’t you go on the mission this morning?” He asks and I cock an eyebrow at him.
“Didn’t know there was one.” I reply laying my head down on my arms. “I was tired… and stressed.”
“Why were you stressed?” He asks and I shake my head.
“I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” I add making him shake his head as he grabs a bag of chips and walks over to sit next to me on the couch. Setting the bag of chips down on the coffee table he twists the lid of the queso off and tossing it on the tabletop grabs the bag and leans back into the couch. He holds the queso up in between us so that we can share, and I smile. He really was a good friend.
“How do you feel about going out later? You know that way we can talk about some things.” I ask making him cock an eyebrow at me in confusion. “Plus, there are cameras here and I’d rather not air my dirty laundry out for the League to see.”
“Sure, as long as there’s not a mission.” He replies shoving a queso covered chip in his mouth. “Your treat though.”
“Fine,” I concede making him chuckle.
~~~~
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and bite my lip. I was in a pair of black skintight leather pants, a baggy white blouse, my favorite black leather jacket, and a pair of black high heel boots. My hair and makeup were so on pointe, I would have asked myself out. I quickly slip my mask on and grabbing my purse, I head out the door and down the stairs where Connor was waiting with M’gann. I liked M’gann, but I did not like that she thought she could enter my mind whenever she wanted. So naturally, I would fill my mind with the most annoying sound in the world so she would not read it.
“Hey M’gann, what’s up?” I ask as I near them.
“Just wondering where you two are headed off to tonight?” She asks and I shrug my shoulders.
“Not sure yet. Depends on whether the bar is full or empty.” I answer honestly making her let out a heavy sigh. “You’re more than welcome to join us if you’d like.” I offer but she shakes her head.
“No, you guys go out and have some fun.” She turns back to Connor and says something with her mind to only him and I try not to roll my eyes.
“Okay, if anything comes up call Connor, because you know, I don’t have a phone.” I add making her nod.
“I’ll see you later then.” M’gann adds at Connor making him nod before he leans forward to gently kiss her lips.
“Be back soon.” He replies before turning from her and meeting me at the Boom Tube.
“Ready to go?” I ask and he nods.
“’Let’s go.”
~~~~~
“So, what you’re telling me is you’ve been sleeping with…” He pauses lowering his voice. “Batman?”
“Yeah,” I answer downing a shot of whatever was in front of me.
“Why the fuck would you do that?” He asks and I shake my head.
“I don’t know. I mean I have always admired him. He is human and yet he is one of the greatest superheroes out there. Plus, he’s hot. So, you know, he’s got that working for him.”
“Does he know who you are?” He asks and I shake my head.
“Nope, he’s never seen my face. The masks, never come off.”
“That’s weird, please tell me you know that.” He replies and I nod.
“I know, but what can ya do. The first time was an accident. But all the other times? Those are the ones I do not understand. I mean I’ve heard of him having one-night stands with girls before, so I thought it was just a one-time deal; but then he started searching me out after him missions, so I did the same.”
“You ever think about telling him who you really are?” He asks and I shake my head.
“Not gonna happen.” I reply downing another shot. “Then I wouldn’t be able to stay on the team anymore.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Oh, I do, I mean what superhero league would willingly employ a relative of a villain.” I pause my brow furrowing. “Especially the one I’m related too.”
“They’d understand.” Connor adds and I shake my head.
“No one ever does.” I say sadly as I motion for the bartender to bring me another drink.
“(Name),” Connor starts but instantly stops not sure what to say.
“I didn’t come out here to feel sorry for myself. I came out to have a little fun, and also to get some clarity on what I should do.” I say letting out a heavy sigh. The Bartender returns with my drink sliding it across the bar towards me. I give her a wink as I reach down and pulling the glass up take a swig, I feel it burn as it slides down my throat.
“About Batman…” Connor starts making me nod, “I think you should tell him how you feel.”
“Okay? Why?”
“Think about it. If you tell him and he is okay with it, you two could get together.”
“But if he’s not?” I ask running my finger around the rim of my glass.
“Then that will give you the boost you need to end everything.”
“You’re right, however, if he says no, you know that means I’m going to leave the league right.”
“What? Why?”
“Well not permanently, just long enough to get my thoughts together.” I add and he nods.
“That’s understandable.” He adds and I nod. “You’d deserve that time.”
“I may even go back home.”
“Now that’s just fucking stupid.” Connor raises his voice slightly making me meet his gaze. “Do not do that.”
“I don’t want to ever go back there, but I’m afraid that if all this goes south and it gets revealed who I am, I’ll have no other choice.”
“You’ll have another choice, even if I have to find somewhere for you to stay so you don’t go home.”
“You’re a really good friend Connor. Even after you found everything out, you never turned against me.”
“That’s because I am you friend. I would never do that.”
“Alright, that’s enough of me being a Debbie downer, let’s drink, dance, and have a little fun, shall we?”
“Sure thing, (Name).” Connor replies a smile on his face.
~~~~~~
Dick heard the commotion first as he was sitting in the mission room running over some old files for a mission. It sounded like singing mixed with people laughing. Furrowing his brow, he walks toward the boom tube to see Connor carrying a woman on his back while she sang out loudly that she was bad at love. Her voice surprisingly sounded familiar, but he did not recognize her face.
“Connor, you are the best!” she cries out as she hugs tightly to his neck making him smile.
“Woah, Connor, who’s this?” Dick asks as he nears them his eyes looking her up and down.
“What’s the matter Dickie, you don’t recognize me?” She asks making Connor’s face turn white. He had forgotten to put her mask back on. “I’m king of the world!!” She yells throwing her hands up into the air.
“That’s (Name),” M’gann says in disbelief as she moves to stand beside him. “So, this is what she looks like.”
“She’s hot.” Wally says from nearby earning him an elbow to the stomach from Artemis.
“Okay, Connor, I hate to say this, but your muscles are amazing.” (Name) says as she starts to admire his shoulder muscles. “Put me down, I wanna play!” she yells out wiggling in his grasp.
“What the hell is she on?” Dick asks as Connor sets her down on her feet.
“She was stressed, so we went out and she got a little drunk.” Connor replies as (Name) pulls her coat off and tosses it onto a nearby chair.
“That was fun.” She announces a bright smile on her lips.
Suddenly she was all over the place. Bouncing up and down as she jumped from one place to another with surprising agility. I mean they knew she was a meta-human, but this agility was something new entirely. I mean she was walking on the ceiling for heaven’s sake. Letting out a chuckle, Dick pulled out his cellphone and decided to record the whole thing. Jason would get a kick out of this.
“She gets hyper when she’s drunk.” Connor adds shaking his head clearly used to this.
(Name) continued her little acrobat show for a while before she hopped back down and noticing Dick ran over to hug him. Letting out a laugh he let her hold him tight. It was finally showing how drunk she really was. She smiled bright at him for a moment before leaning up to his ear and whispering, “I know how big Batman’s dick is.”
And then she passed out.
Dick instantly shut the recording off. What the fuck just happened? Catching her in his arms, he lifts her up carrying her bridal style and turning to Connor says, “We need to talk.”
Will Continue
#berjhawn#berjhawn writes#bruce wayne#Batman#bruce wayne x reader#batman x reader#batman fanfiction#batman fanfic#dc x reader#DC fanfic#the mask stayed on
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By mid-September, Camila Cabello was feeling burnt out. In the span of three days she had performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, attended the Met gala with boyfriend Shawn Mendes, and shot the first-ever global cover for Glamour. So when she finally returned home to Miami, rest wasn’t just desired—it was essential.
But rehearsals for New York’s Global Citizen Festival loomed. Before jumping back into pop star mode, Cabello put on a yellow bikini and headed to the beach for two hours of blissfully uninterrupted downtime. She sank into a chair and cracked open a book, her favorite pastime. The salty air enveloped her; waves crashed in the distance. This is why she lives in Miami, her hometown, as opposed to a showbiz hub like Los Angeles: more privacy.
Or so she thought. Somehow the paparazzi found out where she was for those 120 minutes. She didn’t see them at first, but there they were, snapping away.
“I didn’t consent to those pictures,” she tells me over Zoom, camera off as she drives in Miami. (At one point she says to someone on the road, “Why are you honking at me, bro?”) “I got my period on the beach. I’m in a bikini and on my period, so I don’t know if I have a fucking period stain and that’s going to be everywhere. I didn’t sign up for anybody to be taking pictures of me in a bikini.”
Cabello has developed methods for dealing with invasive situations like this. She’s had to. The 24-year-old—born in Cuba, raised in Miami—has been in the public eye since 2012, when she competed on The X-Factor. She auditioned as a solo artist but was later matched with four other girls to form the pop group Fifth Harmony. They released two albums before Cabello embarked on her own—and achieved mind-boggling fame. Her singles “Havana” and “Señorita” (with Mendes) topped the charts worldwide. She’s earned three Grammy nominations, become a face of L’Oréal, and tried her hand at not just acting but starring in a feature film: this year’s Cinderella remake on Amazon Prime. Her third studio album, Familia, is due out later this year.
By all accounts it’s a lot. Careerwise it’s the closest things have felt to prepandemic times, when she was working constantly, arguably to an exhausting degree. As COVID-19 shutdowns went into effect last March, Cabello was able to realize just how tired she was.
“I by no means am trying to complain,” she says, “but it was such a thing of, ‘I have to get onstage tomorrow and I’m performing at this big thing,’ or whatever. ‘I want to do a good job. How do I do that when I feel nervous?’ I did this without being like, ‘Am I even happy right now? Do I even feel healthy?’ I didn’t have the space to ask myself those questions. I’m still working a ton now, but after quarantine I’m able to be like, ‘You know what? Right now I’m just not happy. I need to change something.’”
Therapy helped her see the changes she needed to make. Cabello tells me she’d experimented with therapy before the pandemic, but it was always situation focused—quick fixes to help her tackle the next performance or songwriting session. But with time at home, she dug deeper: “Because I wasn’t stressed about all the things I needed to do the next day, I was able to slow down and have enough stability to look at my stuff.”
Cabello doesn’t expand on what that “stuff” is. She does, however, explain why she decided to switch therapists as her internal work continued. “I wasn’t feeling like I was progressing in the areas I wanted to progress,” she says. “But when I switched, I found I was able to apply what they said in a way that benefited my mental health.”
One lesson she’s learned is the power of saying no. Two hit albums under her belt give Cabello the freedom to do things her way. Now she always has one day off a week, minimum. And when time came to start work on Familia, she forwent the standard pop music factory for a more intimate approach. The new album was made with just a handful of collaborators she could be open with. If Cabello was feeling anxious or nervous in a session, she had the space to address it. As a result, she says, it’s her best work yet.
“It’s the most grounded and calm I’ve ever been making an album,” she says. “I worked with people I wanted to have dinner with, and I was like, ‘I’m not going to write every single day for months, but write a few days a week and have time to gather experiences and be a human being.’”
Shawn Mendes is one of the people she’s gathering experiences with. The two singers confirmed their relationship in September 2019, and they’ve been tabloid magnets ever since. Everything from their laughably slow pandemic walks to their kissing style is dissected with a fine-tooth comb. A clip of them getting ready for the Met gala went instantly viral.
Cabello tells me she and Mendes try to avoid the social media chatter about their relationship, but it inevitably seeps in. “When stuff that’s negative is out there, it’s going to get to you,” she says. “So yeah, that’s very, very challenging. I feel like it’s another thing therapy has been really helpful for.”
Mendes goes to therapy too. While Cabello says she and Mendes haven’t done couples therapy—though she’d be open to it—they very much work on their mental health together.
“For better, for worse, we’re very transparent with each other. I think that’s why we can trust each other so much, because it’s a very 3D human relationship,” she says. “I’ll be venting or ranting about something, and he’ll be like, ‘Have you talked to X about it?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No. I’ve got to do a session.’ And he’ll do the same thing to me. I think even just the language of being like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been distant with you or snappy with you. I’m just struggling and I’m feeling kind of anxious.’ That level of transparency really helps a lot.”
Mendes echoes Cabello’s thoughts. “Camila and I give each other an extreme amount of patience and understanding,” he tells me via email. “I think the truth is that when you’re struggling with mental health, it turns you sometimes into the version of yourself that you don’t like to be—and kind of loving and accepting your person through that, and being there for them through that, is life-changing. We give each other so much space and understanding and patience.”
A behind-the-scenes VMAs story perfectly illustrates this. When Cabello was nervous meeting new people at an after-party, she caught herself leaning on a habit she’s trying to break. Mendes helped her through it.
“I have this pattern of eating a lot when I’m anxious or uncomfortable,” she says. “It’s a comfort thing for me. I’ll just kind of become unconscious and zombie-eat a lot, and then I’ll feel sick. I’ve told Shawn about that. So at the VMAs party, I was like, ‘I’m doing it.’ And he was like, ‘It’s okay. You’re doing it. That’s okay. Let’s just take a breath and not do that.’ It’s really good for me to be able to talk about my patterns with someone.”
Food and body image are two things that have really been on Cabello’s mind this year. A July TikTok she posted shutting down body-shamers racked up 4.8 million likes. “Being at war with your body is so last season,” she says in the video, which she posted after photos of her running in Los Angeles made the rounds online.
That mantra is true, sure, but it’s easier said than done. Even Cabello has difficulty following it. She braced herself for what she might feel when those aforementioned bikini pics went live: “I need to work out. I need to eat better.” “Not that those things are bad,” she says. “But maybe I wouldn’t think about them as much if there weren’t people taking pictures of me.”
It’s not just the paparazzi who ignite moments of self-doubt. Cabello tells me about a time she was exercising with her trainer, Jenna Willis—who’s great, she says—and feeling insecure. “She’s the same height as me, and I was kind of comparing myself to her, because she is a lot skinnier than I am,” she recalls. “I was just like, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been working out and I look better, right? I look better, right?’”
It’s Willis who helped silence those voices in Cabello’s head, reminding her that how she feels is more important than appearances; that life is about balance and enjoying food. These are health philosophies we’ve all heard—but when you’re Camila Cabello and millions are picking apart your beach photos, it’s hard to tune out the noise. Now when she’s feeling down on herself, she just turns her phone off and goes outside.
“When I’m having negative thoughts about my body, that’s actually when I’ll want to binge-eat cookies, and then I have a stomachache,” she says. “It’s this weird psychology: The more I love my body, the more I actually want to take care of it…. As long as I’m healthy and working out and feel good, that’s the best I can do. There’s no point in trying to have another kind of body.”
By this point in our conversation, Cabello’s made it to her destination. When I ask if she’ll have time to chill and decompress, she says, “To be honest, not yet, but I will after this weekend.” There’s a calmness in her voice when she says this—a stillness, a readiness. She seems perfectly prepared for what lies ahead: album promo, performances, and undoubtedly more scrutiny about her body, her relationship, her everything. But she’ll be fine, because just around the corner is a day off. That’s nonnegotiable.
“It’s important to be on top of not just what’s making you sad or anxious, but also what’s giving you joy,” she says. “I want to be happy and enjoy my life. That’s kind of it.”
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Stuck -- Chapter Fifteen
Masterlist Previous Next
Word Count: 3243
“This game is awesome,” I squeal as Jungkook, Jimin, Taehyung, and I win yet another game of Overwatch with two random players. “We are the best!”
“You are just saying that because we are on a winning streak,” Jungkook laughs.
A few hours ago we made it home, and everything has been going great. Namjoon and Emily are hanging out at the dorms doing who know what. Seokjin and Nari went out grocery shopping, and should now be back at their apartment relaxing. Yoongi and Hoseok are at Yoongi’s place probably writing music. The four of us left over are at Taehyung and my place getting our fill of a new video game.
“Jagi, how do you have such good skills?” Taehyung looks over at me from the other end of the couch.
“Don’t you play video games all the time, cutie?” Jimin looks up at me from the floor.
As always, Jungkook and Jimin are sitting on the floor, but Jimin is near me while Jungkook is by Taehyung.
“Just Pokémon, Animal Crossing, Harvest Moon, Mario, and some small random Nintendo games,” I pet Haipeo’s head as she is lying next to me. “Tae plays all the games like this. I’m more of a handheld and computer girl.”
“Princess, you are such a geek,” Taehyung giggles. “I love it so much.”
“I love you,” I coo, sitting up and fixing my glasses. “And I think I love two other boys in this room too.”
“I think Keyowo loves me,” Jungkook is overly cocky with the dog sleeping in his lap.
“You forced her to sit in your lap,” Jimin shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s love.”
“She didn’t run away,” I stick up for the youngest boy. “That must mean something.”
“Thank you, adorable, for sticking up for me,” Jungkook looks over at me. “You are the sweetest.”
I smile, “That’s how I am. Just wanting to be as nice as possible to every single person.”
“And that’s how we got together,” Taehyung boxy smiles. “Because I am the same way.”
“She also accepted your weirdness,” Jimin says. “Which we were seriously interested to know if she would.”
“Hey,” I pout. “What’s that supposed to mean about me?”
“That you are a lovely girl who knows her soulmate when she found him,” Jungkook gives a forced smile, batting his eyelashes. “You also proved us boys wrong because you two make each other so happy.”
“It was still hell hearing Tae-Tae talk our ears off about you,” Jimin groans. “It’s like he loved you right after the first meeting.”
I look over at my boyfriend, his cheeks reddening at the comment. “Can I let you in on a little secret, babe?”
Taehyung looks over at me, a small smile on his face. “Is it bad?”
I chuckle, “No, not at all. It’s cute, and a bit weird, but you’ll like it.”
“Go for it,” he winks.
I feel my cheeks heating up, but I don’t shy away. “After I met you, I went back to Nari’s and looked up pictures of you the second I could. I had to check if you were the real deal, and put a picture for your contact.”
“That’s unfair,” Taehyung pouts.
“What?” Jungkook, Jimin, and I look at the boy in shock.
“You could look up pictures of me, set pictures up, and remember exactly what I looked like,” Taehyung explains. “I had to remember what you looked like by memory. And I only saw you for ten minutes!”
Jungkook, Jimin, and I burst into giggles. Haipeo even lets out a small bark.
“Aw, Tae babe,” I resist the urge to crawl over and sit in his lap. “You could have just asked for a picture.”
“That would have been creepy, and you know it,” Taehyung sits up on his knees and points at me. “Jagi, I could have drawn your face after that first meeting. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
I look away, waving him off. “Whatever Tae. You’re too cute.”
“I agree,” Jungkook says. “I mean, he’s known as one of the cute ones.”
“I love how close you seven are,” I get comfortable on the couch again. “Now, can we get another game started?”
“You used to be cute, Kookie,” Jimin chuckles. “Then you hit puberty.”
“I am just able to be cute and sexy at the same time,” Taehyung boasts.
“I trump all of you in cuteness,” I giggle, looking down at my laptop. “Just deal with it, and let’s move on.”
“You are also super sexy baby,” Taehyung says. “Hot, beautiful, stunning, all those words.”
“Stop,” I wave him off, feeling my cheeks and ears heating up. “Let’s just get back to Overwatch. We can talk more after a few more rounds.”
********
A warm bath is always nice to have at the beginning of my period. It helps soothe my cramps as the painkillers take their time to kick in. Taehyung was actually the one to wake me up and tell me that I had blood on my pants. He was so sweet about the issue, kissing me all over my face to make me feel better. He carried me to the bathroom, and got me new shorts and underwear. He’s the best boyfriend I could have asked for.
I sigh as a new slow song I’ve never heard before starts up. It’s on playlist called Bubble Bath Time that Taehyung made for me in times like this. “If only I wasn’t alone,” I mumble, beginning to feel like a prune.
The song moves on, and not even a minute into ‘Butterfly’ does my phone begin to ring.
“What the fuck?” I groan, sitting up to look at my phone.
Taehyung’s dorky face is now taking over my screen as his voice telling me to pick up in many different voices fills my ears.
“What is he doing?” I giggle, drying my hand to answer the phone and put it on speaker. “Yes Tae bae?”
“Bae?” Taehyung’s deep laughter fills the air. “Was that a slip up?”
I giggle, “Did I not say babe?”
“No, you didn’t. I guess you are just too relaxed to think straight.”
“Tae bae slides right off the tongue. I like it.”
“So do I, so keep saying it.”
“Okay, now that that is out of the way. Why did you call me?”
“To check in on you, of course. How is my wifey?”
I chuckle, “That is going to be so hard to get used to.”
“Call me hubby.”
“In due time, maybe,” I sigh. “I’m doing fine, Tae. I’m in the bath right now, and my cramps are way better. It’s a good thing it happened this morning and you were there to take care of me.”
“I knew you were going to start because of last month, and because of the random stomachache. Wait, how are you taking a bath? Isn’t it getting everywhere?”
I burst into laughter, unplugging the drain so I can calm myself down. “Oh, you innocent child in some aspects of this big world.”
“The fuck was that?” Taehyung is holding in his laughs.
“Tae! I rarely hear you curse.”
“You liked it didn’t you? You curse all the time!”
I giggle, “Yeah, I do say some bad words more often then most. It’s how I let off steam. But I will admit it was hot. Don’t go crazy, though.”
“So, what am I so innocent about, hm?”
“Tampons, babe. That’s how I am able to take baths,” I stand up, grabbing a towel to wrap around my body.
“Oh,” he breaths out. “I saw those at the store.”
“Yes, that’s where they sell them.”
“I’ll Google them later. Now, what are your plans after the bath?”
“Well, I’m done with it now, so Ill get dressed and then make lunch. Oh, and let the dogs out. Then write, and maybe color to destress.”
“Are you stressed, jagiya? Do I need to come home?”
I chuckle, picking up my phone to set in on the sink counter. “No, Tae, I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine until you come home. Plus, you can’t just drop everything to come to my side when I feel bad. You have a job.”
“That I work hard at every single day. I can get a few hours off to come help you. If you are really in pain or something.”
“I a fine. Plus, you called me. It’s one thing if I called you.”
“True,” he chuckles. “I should let you go then. To get dressed and go do all the things you need to get done.”
“I love you, Taehyung. Work hard and let’s make dinner together tonight.”
“Sounds perfect, baby,” he hums. “See you later. I love you too.”
“Bye babe.”
He makes kissing noises before the line goes dead.
The slow music starts back up again. ‘Butterfly’ giving me a weird calm.
“That boy, too sweet to me. Fate is a crazy thing.” I quickly get dressed, deciding on some sweat shorts and a tight t-shirt with ‘BTS’ on the front and the boy’s names on the back. My hair ends up in a tiny bun as I exit the bathroom.
I leash Haipeo and Keyowo up to take them out for a bathroom break and a walk. The action making me feel like a grown-up, and proud of how far I have come as a person. Once back in the apartment, I fill their food and water bowls, and get to making my own lunch. The only thing I feel well enough to make is a cheesy toasty and a tall glass of milk.
“Social media time, I guess,” I take a bite of my sandwich, opening up Instagram. All kinds of pictures fill my feed, looking for something out of the ordinary. I don’t spot anything, and check my latest post. It’s a picture of the tub full, bubbles almost overflowing, and a caption are positive, asking if I am doing okay. Twitter is where I see hate almost instantly. It’s hard to just skip over it, and I close out of the app within minutes of opening it. “I think I’m going to clean,” I smile, placing my dirty dishes in the sink and turning on the faucet. “And I am going to blast music because I am a bigger person than those haters. And I always will be.”
********
“It smells so good, doesn’t it babies?” I smile as Haipeo and Keyowo play tug-of-war with a rope toy.
I’ve been quite productive on my day off, cleaning the whole apartment so I broadened my music horizon. Now getting to know so many different groups. When I had the cleaning done, I decided to rest and color for a bit. The weight of the harsh words drifting way. The dogs let me know when they needed to go out for a bathroom break and another walk. I will always be grateful that they love taking the elevator.
“Chocolate chip cookies are always good,” I slip off the barstool, walking over to the oven to check the progress of my last two batches. “And with everyone who will want some, it’s a good thing I doubled the recipe.” Cookies upon cookies on paper towels take up the counters. There has to be at least seventy cookies out right now, with around twenty ready to come out of the oven. “Too bad I didn’t plan dinner,” I turn off the oven, putting oven mitts on to take the two cookie sheets out.
Haipeo and Keyowo rush to the front door, signaling Taehyung’s return. The dogs being able to hear the key in the lock will always make me smile.
“Welcome home, Tae bae!” I shout as I hear the door close. I turn down the music, grabbing the little spatula to move the cookies.
“Princess, it smells so good,” Taehyung’s voice fills my ears. “So many cookies!”
I giggle, doing my best to transfer the cookies faster. “We have so many friends, so I had to make a lot of cookies.”
“What’s for dinner?” Taehyung wraps his arms around my middles, pressing kisses to my neck.
Haipeo lets out a bark, causing a giggle to fill the room that isn’t Taehyung or myself.
“Jimin,” I peal Taehyung’s arms off of me, turning to see Jimin on the living room floor with Haipeo and Keyowo.
“Hi cutie,” Jimin waves at me. His smile so big his face squishes up.
“What’s going on?” I walk over to the sink, getting to the dishes right away.
“Well, Seokjin is with Nari,” Taehyung picks up a dry dish towel. “And Namjoon is with Emily. Jungkook went out with some friends, and Yoongi and Hoseok stayed to do some song writing.”
“So, Chim-Chim had no where to go,” I hand a bowl to Taehyung. “Are you going to help with dinner, Chim?”
“Of course,” Jimin nods. “I will prove my worth.”
“Good,” I shuffle around on my toes, slowly feeling insecure in my outfit. “That means you two boys will start the meal and I can change.”
“What?” Taehyung pouts. “Jagi, don’t do that,” he whines. “You look so hot,” he taps my butt a few times.
“Do I make you uncomfortable, Amber?” Jimin seriously asks.
“No, no,” I shake my head. “I’m just underdressed and feel out of place.”
“You look fine. Don’t worry about it. Perfect in everything you do.”
“And I won’t let you change,” Taehyung kisses my cheek. “My beautiful princess.”
I feel the heat spread across my cheeks. “What are you going to make for dinner?”
The boys chuckle at my quick change of subject.
“Well, Tae here doesn’t cook much,” Jimin replies. “So it ahs to be a simple meal.”
“Ramen,” Taehyung cutely looks around at the both of us.
“Aw, that’s perfect,” I pat my boyfriend’s cheek. “Can we take a picture for my Instagram?”
“I want to be in the picture too!” Jimin shouts.
“Of course, Jiminie,” I giggle. “I would never leave you out.”
“Why the need for the picture?” Taehyung whispers as we begin to pack away the cookies.
“Just, reasons,” I shrug. “Nothing to worry about, I promise.”
“It was hate, wasn’t it?”
I sigh, “I’m fine now, Tae. I did a lot today, and the comments have left my mind.”
“But you want to show them wrong, right?”
“I guess.”
“What’s all the whispering about?” Jimin asks as he steps into the kitchen.
“Just, stuff,” I turn and hand the boy a cookie. “Now, are you ready to make dinner?”
********
Taehyung’s hands are on my hips as he stands behind me, chin resting on the top of my head. “So, did someone take the picture yet?”
I giggle, reaching my hands back to place them on Taehyung’s shoulders. “Namjoon does outfit posts, Tae and I can do couple posts.”
“I know ARMY will go crazy,” Hoseok laughs.
“I got some good pictures,” Yoongi grins. “So you can stop now.”
Taehyung kisses the top of my head before pulling away from me. “Break time will always be fun with you here.”
“Any time is fun with Amber,” Jungkook skips over to me. “You just bring something that no one else can.”
“Yeah, it’s because she’s a girl,” Yoongi shakes his head. “You perverts.”
I chuckle, “So that’s it, hm?”
“We just think she’s cute,” Jimin rushes up to me, tickling my sides before picking me up like a bride. “She’s so much fun to be around, and always makes us smile.”
“She’s sweet like that,” Seokjin smiles. “Always wanting the best for others, and then thinking of herself.”
“Give her to me, hyung,” Taehyung pouts, holding out his arms for me.
“As you wish,” Jimin taps his nose to my forehead before handing me over to Taehyung.
“What is she, a doll?” Namjoon rolls his eyes. “Put her down.”
“She’s a princess,” Taehyung rubs his nose across mine. “Do you want down, jagi?”
“Well, breaks almost over, and I need to do something with those pictures,” I run my hand over his cheek.
“Oh yeah, we took pictures for a reason,” he giggles, placing my feet on the ground. “A kiss?”
I press my lips to his, smiling as his fingers sneak under my shirt to pinch my sides. “Okay, don’t go too crazy, Tae.”
“No bae?” Jimin teases.
“But you’re my bae, Chim,” I smirk.
“Ah, well, you little,” Jimin pokes my cheek. “Cute.”
“All of you guys are my before anyone else. I love all of you!” I skip over to Yoongi, sitting down as close to him as possible. “Thanks for taking pictures.”
“My sister asked, so I delivered,” Yoongi places his arm around my shoulders. “I’m not always a cold hard ass.” He hands me my phone.
“Thank you,” I rest my head on his shoulder. “You like taking pictures, don’t you?”
“I do. It’s a bit of a hobby.”
“Like Emily, but not as deep into it. So, do you ever snap pictures of me when I’m not looking? Moments where I look cute, or you just have to take a picture to remember the moment.”
“As does Tae. We can’t help but want to take pictures of you.”
I have a tight lipped grin as I select a picture to post on Instagram. “Is it my looks? My cheeks?”
“Your puffy cheeks?” Yoongi gently pinches my cheek. “Maybe that’s what it is.”
“Maybe it’s the hair,” I sigh, posting the picture. “Or the eyes.”
“It’s just you.”
I look up, catching Taehyung on his phone as his thumbs type away. Jimin is next to him, watching over whatever he is doing on his phone.
“Okay, is everyone ready?” Mr. Son asks as he enters the room, a group of back-up dancers behind him.
“Are we practicing ‘Fire’ now?” Seokjin asks.
“Yes, for Amber’s sake. She has only done it a few times with the whole group.”
I place my phone down next to my jacket and water bottle. “I was actually going to ask if we could do a few run throughs for myself.” I slowly stand up, giving a few quick stretches. “Okay, I am ready to do some dancing.”
For the song ‘Fire’ I am placed in the middle so no one can spot me and cause a shit storm. When the boys walk through the middle at the end, I am able to reach out and high-five them. Though I would never do that in front of hundreds of ARMYs.
“It’s so cool to have you here with us,” a girl next to me pats my shoulder. “A great dancer, dating Taehyung, and such a kind soul.”
I giggle, “Thank you. I’m just doing the best I can.”
“Some of us talk about inviting you to hang out, but know you are busy with so much. Probably school, and then being a girlfriend.”
“Well, I have no school, so I don’t have to study. Being a girlfriend and taking care of two dogs takes a lot. I do have friends, and go out. I’m still kind of a kind.”
“Well, next time we go out to lunch, we might invite you.”
I give a small smile to the girl, “I’d like that. Can’t say I would go, but I would always give it thought. You guys are more than co-workers. You are a family, and I want to be a good member.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hope you enjoyed reading! About 2/3′s of the way through now! :D
#BTS#BTS fan fiction#BTS x OC#BTS imagine#Jungkook x OC#Jungkook imagine#Taehyung x OC#Taehyung imagine#Jimin x OC#Jimin imagine#Namjoon x OC#Namjoon imagine#Hoseok x OC#Hoseok imagine#Yoongi x OC#Yoongi imagine#Seokjin x OC#Seokjin imagine#My OCs
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What’s one thing you really want right now?
I feel like I’ve answered this a few times lately.
Is there anything you’re looking forward to?
No.
Are you in love?
Nope.
Is love even existent at your age?
Love exists at any age. In terms of romantic love, yeah I’d say it exists for people in their 30s. Not for me, apparently, but yeah.
When was the last time you exercised enough to break a sweat?
Several years ago. However, I can break a sweat by doing nothing at all because it’s so fucking hot D: My body doesn’t regulate heat well and summer for me is absolutely miserable. It’s not even summer, yet, and we’re having triple digit weather! Sorry, but I’m going to be complaining about this a LOT.
Have you been annoyed at someone/something today?
Not so far, but I’m sure I’ll be annoyed about something at some point today. I’m such a moody, irritable person.
Are you avoiding anybody at the moment?
You could say that.
Is rap your favorite genre of music?
I like it, but I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite. I like variety.
Are you one of those people that gets jealous easily?
I haven’t felt jealousy in quite a long time, but I do feel envy a lot. :/
What was your favorite show as a kid?
The kid shows of the 90s.
Do you get along with your whole family?
Yes. I’m closer to some than others, some I haven’t seen in years, but I mean yeah we all get along.
When was the last time you were sick?
A couple months ago I had a cold.
What’s one thing you want to tell somebody right now?
I’m scared because things are starting to slowly, but surely open up again and my family wants to start doing things like eating out at a restaurant. They’re not like wanting to go all over town, but still. Even just going out to eat worries me. I’m not going anywhere, yet. I had my first outing in over 3 months a few days ago for a doctor appointment and I was terrified, so yeah, I’m not ready to start going places. We are not in the clear yet, guys. Please still be careful and take the same precautions. I know people are getting antsy and businesses are ready to open again cause they’re hurting financially, but... things can’t be how they were before all this.
How are you today?
It’s only 4:30 in the morning, but as of now I’m tired and have a stomachache.
Has anybody close to you passed away in the last six months?
No.
Have you ever lasted a relationship longer then two months?
If you count what Joseph and I had, yes.
At the moment, what’s your favorite song?
You know it’s hard for me to choose favorites with most things.
Are you obsessed with anything?
Currently it’s been Animal Crossing: New Horizons and binge watching The Gilmore Girls.
Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized?
Yes, and it is in a lot of places now.
Is it safe to walk around your neighborhood at night?
I wouldn’t. I don’t live in the best city.
If you could visit any state/country you wanted, where would you go?
There’s a lot of places on my travel list.
If money weren’t an object, what would you do with your life?
Travel.
Are you a fan of heights?
Noooooo.
What is the last compliment you recieved?
I don’t even remember. I don’t get complimented very often. Not much to compliment on, so.
Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10?
10.
Is there an instrument you can/wish you could play?
I wish I kept up with the piano and took it more seriously when I did play.
Are you artistic at all?
Nope.
Why do you take surveys?
It’s my way of journaling and it also allows me to release tension or stress or anguish when it’s necessary. Also, very few people do it so I find it private enough that I’m able to share with people interested in reading answers, but not to the point that the audience is overwhelmingly large. <<< YES.
Where are you?
In my room on my bed.
What is your goal in life?
I’d like to get to the point where I have my health managed better, I’m taking better care of myself, and actually doing something with my life.
Do you enjoy tanning?
I don’t go tanning, but it does happen when I go to the beach cause I spend hours out there.
Is everything going your way right now?
Uh, absolutely not.
What’s one aspect of your life that you want to change?
There is one glaring aspect in life that I’m sure everyone wants to have changed, but we don’t have any control over it at the moment. <<< That’s definitely one of them. And on a more personal level, I’d say my health.
Do you text more then you talk on the phone?
Yes. I don’t text very often either, but I definitely do that more than talking on the phone.
Is music a big portion of your life?
Not as much as it was when I was younger, but it’s still apart of it.
Does anybody call you ‘baby’?
No.
Is there someone you want, but can’t have?
There’s no one I want.
Have you ever broken the law?
I downloaded music illegally back in the day, shhh. lol.
Are you scared to grow old?
Yes. Very.
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1: Name
Sarah
2: Age
23
3: Fears
Everything, I have anxiety
4: 3 things I love
Dogs, weird movies, sunsets over water
5: 4 turns on
Long hair, facial piercings, good sense of humor, back muscles
6: 4 turns off
Poor hygiene, rude to service workers, adults who are still obsessed with Disney to the point where they make it a personality trait, Trump supporters (or the equivalent in other countries)
7: My best friend
@wanderingwondererofthings
8: Sexual orientation
Bi? I think? IDK not straight tho
9: My best first date
I’ve only ever been on one date in my life and the dude ghosted me afterward which turned out to be a blessing bc it was not a good time in my life to try to start a relationship
10: How tall am I
5′2″
11: What do I miss
Mental stability
12: What time were I born
3:45 am or thereabouts
13: Favourite color
black
14: Do I have a crush
celebrity crushes but I don’t really count those
15: Favourite quote
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
16: Favourite place
bundled up under a heap of blankets by myself in a dark room with good snacks and a good book/movie
17: Favourite food
chocolate
18: Do I use sarcasm
do i
19: What am I listening to right now
my housemate doing laundry
20: First thing I notice in new person
what they’re wearing
21: Shoe size
womens 7
22: Eye color
brown
23: Hair color
brown
24: Favourite style of clothing
love that goth shit
25: Ever done a prank call?
not that i can remember
26: Meaning behind my URL
adam darski’s true form
27: Favourite movie
Ink (2009) dir. jamin winans
28: Favourite song
UHHHHHHHHHHH
29: Favourite band
Eluveitie
30: How I feel right now
like shit lol
31: Someone I love
My friends
32: My current relationship status
single
33: My relationship with my parents
it’s good and i’m very grateful
34: Favourite holiday
the day after halloween when all the candy goes on sale
35: Tattoos and piercing I have
none
36: Tattoos and piercings I want
seriously considering getting my eyebrow pierced soon. if I ever cut my hair short i’ll pierce my ears
37: The reason I joined Tumblr
to follow an art blog that made amazing JTHM fan art
38: Do I and my last ex hate each other?
what ex
39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
yeah from my mom
40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
yeah it was my mom
41: When did I last hold hands?
yesterday with my grandma
42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
takes me well over an hour to actually get up but then like 3o minutes tops
43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?
no
44: Where am I right now?
in my room
45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
i’ve never been that drunk because i hate hangovers
46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
reasonable level unless i’m at a concert
47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
not anymore
48: Am I excited for anything?
sexy eggman is coming to san francisco
49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
no
50: How often do I wear a fake smile?
basically whenever i have to talk to strangers
51: When was the last time I hugged someone?
yesterday
52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
my mom is allowed to kiss other people it’s okay
53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
i don’t think so?
54: What is something I disliked about today?
i’m tired of being tired
55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
my soulmate
56: What do I think about most?
spirals of existential dread
57: What’s my strangest talent?
I have no talents lol
58: Do I have any strange phobias?
going down stairs. i’m fine going up them but going down them freaks me out
59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
depends on my mood and whether or not i’m ugly that day
60: What was the last lie I told?
“I’m okay”
61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
In person or don’t fucking talk to me
62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
yes and yes
63: Do I believe in magic?
idk. i believe there’s things that happen that we can’t explain yet so maybe that’s magic
64: Do I believe in luck?
i believe in good chances
65: What’s the weather like right now?
dark
66: What was the last book I’ve read?
The Habitation of the Blessed by Catherynne Valente
67: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
yes as long as i don’t have a headache or stomachache
68: Do I have any nicknames?
just dumb shit my mom calls me
69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
worst acute injury was the time i tripped onto an outdoor heater in kindergarten and burned the shit out of my hand. i also have a stress fracture in my spine that will never heal from gymnastics but that happened over a matter of years
70: Do I spend money or save it?
i try to save but i spend a little too much
71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?
with a tongue? yes. with my tongue? no
72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?
my fluffy pillow
73: Favourite animal?
take a wild fucking guess
74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
trying unsuccessfully to sleep
75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
Columbus
76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
That Time of the Month by Harley Poe
77: How can you win my heart?
be a dog
78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
ceci n’est pas un corps
79: What is my favorite word?
sussuration or cathedral
80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr
this is the internet equivalent of the judgment of paris
81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
eat the rich
82: Do I have any relatives in jail?
not currently
83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
shapeshifting bitch
84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
i’ll say anything on the internet i don’t give a shit
85: What is my current desktop picture?
86: Had sex?
no
87: Bought condoms?
no
88: Gotten pregnant?
no
89: Failed a class?
yeah, fuck ochem
90: Kissed a boy?
no
91: Kissed a girl?
no
92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
no
93: Had job?
i’ve got one right now
94: Left the house without my wallet?
yeah lol
95: Bullied someone on the internet?
no
96: Had sex in public?
no
97: Played on a sports team?
i ran track for a couple years as a kid
98: Smoked weed?
yup
99: Did drugs?
no
100: Smoked cigarettes?
ew no
101: Drank alcohol?
yuppers
102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
no
103: Been overweight?
no
104: Been underweight?
yes
105: Been to a wedding?
yes
106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
only 5?
107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
only 5??
108: Been outside my home country?
yes
109: Gotten my heart broken?
yes but not romantically
110: Been to a professional sports game?
many
111: Broken a bone?
nope
112: Cut myself?
not on purpose
113: Been to prom?
yeah and it sucked and i wish i hadn’t gone
114: Been in airplane?
yes
115: Fly by helicopter?
no but I want to
116: What concerts have I been to?
a multitude
117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
yeah lol
118: Learned another language?
can I give this one a half a yes?
119: Wore make up?
yup
120: Lost my virginity before I was 18?
no
121: Had oral sex?
no
122: Dyed my hair?
yes
123: Voted in a presidential election?
yes
124: Rode in an ambulance?
no
125: Had a surgery?
do wisdom teeth count?
126: Met someone famous?
yup, holla atcha doug jones
127: Stalked someone on a social network?
no, i don’t care that much
128: Peed outside?
who hasn’t?
129: Been fishing?
no
130: Helped with charity?
i’ve donated some money
131: Been rejected by a crush?
yeah but a) I never actually asked him out, b) we were 12, and c) turns out he’s gay so like i’m not made about it
132: Broken a mirror?
no
133: What do I want for birthday?
a new laptop
134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
why would i want kids
135: Was I named after anyone?
my great uncle and great grandmother
136: Do I like my handwriting?
i have no opinion on it
137: What was my favourite toy as a child?
legos or something similar you can build with
138: Favourite Tv Show?
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
139: Where do I want to live when older?
somewhere near the ocean
140: Play any musical instrument?
i wish
141: One of my scars, how did I get it?
i only have acne scars and those are pretty self-explanatory
142: Favourite pizza toping?
sausage, bell pepper, and onion
143: Am I afraid of the dark?
no
144: Am I afraid of heights?
sometimes
145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
no, i’m a good girl
146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end
yeah, FUCK OCHEM
147: What I’m really bad at
being a functioning human adult person
148: What my greatest achievments are
not killing myself in college
149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me
idk man i get upset by everything even when it’s not mean
150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery
pay off my friends’ and family’s debts, set aside a big chunk of money for grad school, maybe get my own place depending on how much is left
151: What do I like about myself
i have nice hair
152: My closest Tumblr friend
idk
153: Something I fantasise about
what don’t i fantasize about
154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?
hey demons come and get y’all juice
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Text
Winter Song - Ch. 4: Drink
Klaine, M, A03
Written for Klaine Advent 2017
A story that picks up where “A Lost Boy Comes Out” left off: after Blaine comes out (as a vampire), things aren’t as easy as he and Kurt had hoped they would be. Written for Klaine Advent 2017.
Chapter 4
Kurt’s reorganizing the spice cabinet (fine, so he’s a little stressed these days, this is a healthy coping strategy, he tells himself again) when Blaine comes out to find him. His dark curls are going every which way, a sure sign that he’s been running his fingers through his hair. It’s adorable.
“Ugh, I can’t do this anymore,” Blaine whines, sagging against Kurt, who leans back against the kitchen counter to take his weight.
“What’s wrong?” Kurt asks, a little afraid of what Blaine is going to say. “Are they boycotting our shows now or something?”
“What? No, nothing like that,” Blaine replies, wrapping his arms around Kurt and digging his nose into his neck. “I just can’t get this lyric to sound right. I’ve been working on the same line for hours and it doesn’t even sound like English anymore. By the time I’m done I’ll just be harmonizing nonsense words with Cooper.”
“Cooper might enjoy that.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Kurt shifts Blaine in his arms and plants a kiss on his lips. He pulls back, but Blaine follows, looking for more.
“How about I pour us a drink and we get into bed?” Kurt suggests, sliding his hands down Blaine’s arms, and then tugging him over to their wine rack. “We deserve an early night, don’t you think?”
“I think that is an <i>excellent</i> idea.”
It doesn’t take long before they are blessedly naked, wrapped up together under their warm down comforter, their wine glasses left half empty on the bedside tables.
Kurt is so enjoying the feeling of his husband’s bare skin against his own, the scratch of the hair on Blaine’s legs against his body, the growing hardness of Blaine’s cock against Kurt’s thigh, that he almost forgets the question he has been meaning to ask Blaine.
“Sweetheart?” Kurt asks, mouth falling open in a sigh as Blaine begins to stroke him, just a tease at first, the way Kurt likes it.
“Mmm?” Blaine leans down to Kurt’s chest, lapping at a nipple, and Kurt knows he has to spit this out now because in another few seconds rational thought will be a thing of the past.
“Why haven’t you – oh…”
Blaine somehow found the lube and is stroking harder now, and Kurt squirms to get in just the right position. Wait, he needed to ask him –
“Blaine, stop.”
Blaine freezes, hands whipping away from Kurt’s body. “I’m sorry – I’m so sorry – did I hurt you?”
Fuck. “No, nothing like that.” Kurt takes Blaine’s hands together in his own and kisses them. “I’m fine, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just couldn’t think with you… you know. And I needed to talk to you about something.”
Blaine pulls one hand away from Kurt so he can turn on the lights, and now Kurt really is sorry - he’s made this into an overly dramatic moment, and Blaine looks like he’s bracing himself for terrible news.
“Okay,” Blaine says slowly. “What is it?”
Kurt pauses, pressing a kiss to Blaine’s knuckles, trying to see if there is any way to turn down the drama at this point. He doesn’t want to make Blaine more anxious about anything right now, but he can’t hold this in any longer.
Although Kurt hadn’t meant to blurt it out to the paparazzi on the night Blaine told the world he was a vampire, it was true that Blaine did drink Kurt’s blood – just a little – as part of their extremely enjoyable sex life. Blaine had resisted at first, wouldn’t even try it until they had been together for years, but once he did, Kurt <i>loved</i> it. There was something about it that was even more intimate than sex alone. When they timed it just right, it sent Kurt tumbling and flying into an orgasm that was, in Kurt’s opinion, supernaturally amazing.
“Why haven’t you bitten me lately?”
“I have,” Blaine says defensively, but then closes his eyes and sighs. “Or maybe I haven’t.”
Kurt snuggles closer to Blaine, laying his head on his chest and rearranging the sheets more tidily around them. As much as the act of being bitten turns him on, obviously this conversation needs a more sedate setting. Blaine responds to Kurt’s caresses with a grateful hum, sliding his hand into Kurt’s hair.
“I know the timing lines up with when we saw those awful messages on social media,” Kurt says gently, “but what I don��t get is why that makes a difference?”
Blaine shrugs, the motion familiar against Kurt’s cheek. This isn’t the first time they’ve had a difficult conversation curled up together this, and it’s not likely to be the last. “I don’t know. It just feels wrong.”
Kurt gives them both a minute to think about this, and then takes a chance. “Wasn’t this whole thing about not hiding who you really are?”
“I’m not hiding. Everyone knows. That’s the whole problem.”
“And yet, you’re hiding from me. Pretending. Like you did when we first met.”
Blaine chuckles. “It took you forever to figure it out.”
“You had an excellent show face.”
“And a stomachache, after every one of our dates.”
“You didn’t have to stuff yourself with Carole’s lasagna every Friday night.”
“I thought of saying I was lactose intolerant or something, but I didn’t want to put you off. I mean, cheesecake was your favorite thing. How could I have told you I didn’t like cheesecake?”
“Oh, and telling me you were a vampire was better?”
Blaine laughs again, and Kurt does too. “Fine. But at least that was the truth.”
“And, my point is made,” Kurt says triumphantly. “Stop worrying, okay? I love you. All of you. Pointy teeth and kinky love making too.”
“Kinky?” Blaine asks. “Did you have something new in mind?”
Kurt can feel a blush spreading over his cheeks, despite himself. “That… wasn’t what I meant. But, um, I’d consider it?”
Blaine kisses him, deep and hot. “Maybe we’ll talk about that next time?” Blaine says when he pulls back.
“Mmm. Maybe.” Kurt kisses Blaine, letting his tongue run lightly over his teeth, where his fangs will drop down just as soon as he’s ready to bite. “But can I look forward to a return to our regularly scheduled level of kinky tonight?”
“Yes, sir,” Blaine replies, sliding his hands down Kurt’s naked body.
“I can’t tell if we’re still talking about kinks or not,” Kurt says, his voice trailing off into a moan as Blaine digs his fingers into the curve of his ass and tugs him closer.
“Less talking, more-” Blaine jerks his body up against Kurt’s, pressing himself against Kurt’s returning erection, and Kurt laughs again.
“You’re the worst.”
“Mmm, but you’re the best.”
“Sap.”
“Yeah.”
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