✨✨✨✨I just lost my job✨✨✨✨
So if anyone wants a commission so I can pay my bills please hit me up but know it might take awhile bc I'm still stupid sick :')
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broooo not my ex making posts abt how hard it is to come to terms with being conventionally attractive while having low self-esteem issues and how wild it is to get compliments randomly on their appearance when they go out and how they're worried that their new transmasc boytoy is only into them bc they're hot -_- i'm tired... meanwhile i'm just seen as a gremlin now that i'm not hyperfem... they truly have the biggest issues in the world lol
also they were like "omg turns out i'm not ace i just needed a bf lol" and i'm like yeah. i know. you've been lusting after male characters for years. you were horny as fuck just not for me bc i didn't transition. you only made moves on me when you were bored, lonely or drunk. i always asked if that was the case and you were like no baby it's just your insecurities i don't need you to transition uwu. for 5 years. my trust issues are thru the roof now yayyyyy /dies
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dude, i hate the wilhelm scream, it lessens media and immediately ruins the moment for me, kinda wish it'd stop being used in everything :/
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Love that we collectively hate the hill in Innsbruck
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Every year I’m disappointed at my family for inviting my parents to holiday events and every year about the end of January I block out that that happened for my own sanity, even this year that I’m planning to skip out on the holiday parties because they’re going to be there it still hurts that in their mind it’s not even really a decision to invite the people they have acknowledged abused me and in turn not have me be there or in previous years be there but having a little panic attack, because they will choose the path of least resistance to them over my comfort and safety
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not to get too existential and dramatic but lately it just feels like I have to choose between my family's love or my own happiness
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Can I?
Can I speak?
I can go without McDonald’s or Starbucks, and even Disney.
But what sucks about the boycott is? Media with diversity is suffering.
Like We have a Black Princess that’s going to stay Human for the entire film.
We have a Black Annabeth, A Black Girl in an action/adventure series.
The Marvels features a Black female superhero
This is just such important representation and we can’t even support it.  And you know the big people at Disney are “just gonna be like yeah Black people aren’t profitable,  blah blah blah.” And not take accountability that the reasons why their profits are so low is because they’ve literally donated 2 million dollars to the people that are bombing hospitals and killing people. Families their main demographic. 
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this year has been an actual hell year of deaths and illnesses and back injuries and random job losses, none of which we can afford at all, and we’ve scraped through on seemingly lucky chances, but i’m worried something’s gonna snap next year and the shit’s gonna hit the fan and I’m very scared some people I know aren’t gonna live much longer. and of course right now i’m trying to start my adult life on top of all of this craziness.
oh, and of course today i have to find out that we need to euthanize my entire flock of chickens because they’ve contracted a disease that can spread to other birds in the area but the vet that actually takes farm animals and can make house calls is out of the country for the next month with no warning! nowhere else i could find will take chickens, and certainly not make house calls. I don’t have a car right now, I can’t drive nine adult chickens somewhere. I am in no way equipped to euthanize my own animals at home, certainly not behead them like its goddamn charlottes web like has been recommended. I just don’t have the stomach for that, and I want to make sure they don’t suffer. of course it’s Gertie and my rooster Morestan who contracted it first, the two favorites, and it’s horrible to watch. I’m a mess over it.
i’m sorry for the vent on my monkees blog haha. the holiday season is shaping up to be terrifying. i hope everyone is safe and well right now.
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also, i am dealing with a big old brain slump and having dumb negative emotional things which are wholly imposter syndrome and depression related and not accurate i'm having a hard time convincing myself to write bc my brain is doing that whole nobody really likes your blog / writing / existence thing that happens and i know that's not true but brains are stupid, so right now i'm just letting a random number generator tell me what to reply to bc otherwise i'm just going to sit here and be miserable, so please know that i love you all and all the plots i have going with john mean the world to me and if i've been shitty about replying to memes / drafts / plotting or whatever it's absolutely not you it's just my brain being fucking stupid and ilu all.
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really wanted to get into hades II but uhh turns out the whole plot is trying to get your dead mom back?? not exactly ideal for someone who just lost their mother lmao
luckily steam did refund me, I did give my reasoning was my mom passed because I did play 2ish hours of it. I'm pretty sure a human looked at my request and I appreciate the kindness.
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i genuinely hate that actors like jennifer lawrence who has the shittiest personaly ever play characters like katniss everdeen who is a symbol for revolution and is used to discuss real-life matters like palestine for example
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When I crushing on a girl but then I remember I wasn’t born a guy and everyone will always see me as a girl no matter how hard I try to look like a man.
And all of a sudden I’m comparing myself to all of the cis guys in school or all of the cis guys my age and it’s just like
What do they have that I don’t? A dick? Seriously
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