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jianqzai · 2 years

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A little one-shot I wrote for ace week <3

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Sizhui didn't remember when was the last time he felt this nervous while making his way towards the Jingshi. Maybe it was last year, when he went in an unauthorized night hunt with Jingyi. Upon their return, they had been screamed at by the elders, and then they were sent to his father to ask for punishment.

They had been scared for nothing, since it turned out Hanguang-Jun had only been worried about their well-being because they hadn't informed anyone of their whereabouts. Sizhui was crushed into a hug, and Jingyi, much to his delight, also got to be fussed over.

His father had assigned them a light punishment only for not asking for his assistance, but congratulated them for taking the initiative of helping those in need, even the ones the sect might not think worthy enough.

Now, he was walking towards the Jingshi out of his own volition, as it was his habit every time he returned from a night hunt. His nervousness had a more personal cause. Despite being a grown up, Sizhui always went to his father when something was bothering him — there was something about his calm countenance that made you feel cared for as he listened to you intently — he also gave good advice, and if there was nothing to do, he knew how to provide comfort.

So, as experience had taught him, he was certain his father wasn’t going to judge him for what he wanted to tell him, and still…

"Come in," came a reply from the other side of the door. Sizhui did as instructed, bowing upon entrance and removing his boots. "A-Yuan" To others, his father might have looked the same, but years of living with him had made Sizhui a great Hanguang-Jun interpreter and translator. He could hear the warmth in his voice and see the almost there smile directed at him, showing how pleased he was to see him.

"Baba."

"How was your trip?"

"We managed to subdue the spirits without much fight, we even had time to explore a bit." He produced out of his sleeve the sweets he had bought for them to share. His father's eyes lit up. "I hadn't seen these ones before, I thought we could try them together."

His father took one, inspected it, and then ate it. He looked at him in approval, Sizhui beamed and took one for himself, closing his eyes in pleasure at how good it tasted. It was citrusy, but not at the point of making it unbearable.

“I'll definitely buy more if we ever go back to that region.”

"Hm, good idea" His father said, while popping another treat into his mouth.

They kept talking about the hunt, about Sizhui’s studies and the composition he was trying to complete for one of his classes. It was normal, but he knew it was noticeable how not into the conversation he was.

"A-Yuan, everything alright?" His father asked, after the third time he missed one of his questions.

"Yes!" He replied, too quick and high-pitched to be genuine. He winced. "I mean no? It's not really a big deal, I just…"

His father waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts. This is why he loved talking to him, there was no pressure. Despite that, Sizhui dropped his gaze to his hands, it was easier that way.

"I saw by mistake, a few months ago, a letter about a marriage proposal for me. I was not snooping! I just came to drop something for you, but you weren't here, and when I walked to leave it at your desk, I saw my name so I got curious and—”

"It's alright,” came the calm reply, stopping his ramblings. He nodded and took a deep breath.

"Right. I know you will never pressure me into anything, that’s not— that’s not the problem. I was just shocked because before that day, I hadn't considered marriage as a real thing. As something I will need to eventually do, to fulfill my duty and have children. It also made me notice more how others act, flirting and eager to be in relationships and I—"

He paused again. Should he tell him how some of his peers talk explicitly about the things they do with their partners when they are unsupervised, and how uncomfortable that makes him feel? Or how he witnessed, for the first time ever, the way Jingyi was flirting with the girl that sold him the food they just ate and how that made his whole world come crashing down?

He really wanted to, but the more he thought about it, the more the words didn’t come. All the while he was fidgeting with his fingers, the tea cup, the candy wrappers. A big, warm hand came to rest on top of his, halting his movements and making him relax immediately. His father was looking at him in that intense way of his that meant, ‘You can tell me anything, it’s alright’

Sizhui had been the recipient of that look many times before: when the other kids were calling him names, and he came home crying, when the elders were mean to him and to stop listening to them, he had stopped going to the main hall to eat, or when he had sneakily acquired more rabbits from a trip he made with his uncle, trying his best to explain to his father why they needed more.

And each and every time, he knew he was not going to be screamed at, or be unfairly scolded. Instead, he was going to be listened with rapt attention.

"I think .... I think I'm not like everyone else.” He settled at last. “I don't want those things. I don't want to fall in love and marry, or have to produce heirs. I have Jingyi, and for me that's enough". Or at least, he will have him until he also decided to start courting and then marrying.

The thought made something bitter curl in his stomach. It was not jealousy, he noted, only sadness, a deep-bone sorrow at the thought of being left behind. The more he grew up, the more it felt like that, as if he and everyone else were in a race, but with different pacing and goals, moving apart with each step they took.

“I see. Have you talked to Jingyi about this?

“What? No, why would I, I don’t want to hold him back from finding someone he likes. Someone that could love him back the way normal people do.”

His father frowned slightly at his words.

“Not wanting what everyone else desires, does not make you abnormal, A-Yuan. It only makes you different. And that’s not a bad thing.”

“I suppose not,” he said, looking down, trying very hard to not cry, “but it does make you feel alone.” A small intake of breath made him look up again, his father’s eyes were so full of sadness, he felt bad for putting it there.

“It is difficult, but you don’t have to be alone. Talk with Jingyi, I am sure he will understand.”

“And what should I tell him. ‘Jingyi, I don’t want you to marry anyone, because I want us to be together all the time, but not in a couple kind of way, just like friends!’” He was desperately trying to keep the conversation lighter, but the reminder of losing his friend made the tears finally fall down. “What if he wants to marry, I can’t hold onto him forever.”

His father let go of his hand, which worked for him, because he was openly crying and he needed his two sleeves to dry his tears. He felt him settle next to him moments later, and then arms were pulling him into an embrace. He cried angry tears, at the injustice of everything and at himself, for making it a big deal.

Finally, his sobs turned into hiccups, but his father didn’t release him. He kept him enveloped in his arms, like he used to do when he was smaller. Sizhui was grateful he hadn’t had to ask for this small comfort.

“A marriage is nothing more than a partnership between two people, or more, if that's what the ones involved wish. Only they can decide how to honor that vow. Just as there are loveless unhappy marriages, with children involved, there could also be happy ones with none. Marriages where romantic love is not the binding force.”

Could he truly do that? Wait. Was he—?

“Are you suggesting I propose to Jingyi? I’m only 15.”

His father’s chest moved in silent laughter, rocking him gently in place.

“Hm, you’re too young, maybe when you’re my age.”

This time he was the one laughing. He finally dislodged himself from their embrace, accepting the cloth provided to wipe his nose and face.

“Thank you for telling me. I will always support and love you, no matter what.” Before Sizhui had any time to start tearing up again, he continued. “I believe my brother could be of more assistance than myself in this regard, since he is of your same mind.” It was true his uncle had not married yet, despite being the Sect Leader and had the bigger responsibility to provide heirs, but it had never occurred to Sizhui that it could have been because he didn’t want to. “Do you want me to talk to him?”

“Hm, yes, I would like that. And afterward, I will talk to Jingyi, I promise”

“Do you want to stay here tonight? I can ask for dinner and prepare your room.”

“Yes please, thank you baba.”

#mdzs #lan sizhui #lan wangji #aro/ace lan sizhui #because I make the rules Jingyi is also aro/ace he is just a flirt and also a bit due to comhet #but when Sizhui comes out to him he's like: YOU MEAN WE CAN MARRY?? AS FRIENDS??!#and that's what they do a few years later and live happily forever #it's up to you if you want to picture the 4 juniors in a qpr but i def approve of that hc as well #ace week #zhuiyi #but in a queerplatonic way #loto writing

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randomnameless · 1 year

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I know you love to call sothis the worst mom but I can't help but feel the only reason her (byleth too to a degree) gets shoved into never being able to take stance on anything is due to edelgard.

The multiple route systems and the devs trying (and failing) to make every side "have a point/reason". We can't let byleth (who sothis is stuck to) make choice by default to go against edelgard. Few characters are allowed to get pissed and stay that way with edelgard in both games. They shackle both byleth and sothis to "any route can be canon" so they don't get to react or remark to anything. No matter the route in hopes its the same for them. I wish they just committed to having byleth/sothis be the main villain protecting their family in hopes but they needed them both for marketing.

I don't see either character truly bad due to being underutilized and stagnant. The multiple-route system has to have them agree with all the routes regardless of whether it makes sense or not.

Of course anon!

That's the Doylist answer to Sothis being, well, nothing more than a plot device who has to follow the player's choice to side with X or Y, even when Y sides with Agarthans and swears to obliterate her kin.

Tru Piss is basically "fuck Sothis" route, but with a greater emphasis on Rhea because red herring and because "Rhea BaD", even if Supreme Leader is barking at the wrong tree!

And yeah, ultimately, all those characters are written in a doylist POV to fit with what the devs intended.

However, even if the Fodlan continuity is rife with, uh, writers and devs wanting to convey one thing but doing it in the most roundabout way possible so no one actually buys it - time and time again they could have written Sothis as a character who gives a fuck about her family, but doesn't.

Voice Line Anon (tm lol) is kind enough to provide me with a translation of her lines in Nopes, but basically yeah, the writers had her actually interact with her fam in an AU of an AU with NG+ on top.

And it would just be, annoying but okay-ish if a certain character's entire arc - as we're supposed to believe per the writers - is about meeting her again!

Mind you, even in SS (or VW), we don't see Sothis, fully aware, react to Rhea giving the most important infodump of all infodumps - answering one of Sothis's biggest questions after she woke up - and in the worst S-Support of the game, we're told they, uh, spoke while Rhea was flying in her half-berserk state and told her some words that made Rhea wonder if she should be happy not to have died.

We're not even in "any route can be canon", because Felix can be recruited to other routes than his own, but at least in AM Felix has plot relevance, has words for Dimitri and reacts to his dad's death. SS could have been the route where Rhea's despair, crying or begging for Sothis just to hold her once again, would amount to something... but no.

To give a parallel, the devs deliberately wrote Dedue as unrecruitable, but who participates in SS/VW to take down Supreme Leader. The same devs wrote Hilda as unrecruitable in Tru Piss - even if in Nopes she dgaf about Supreme Leader anymore and can join her team.

But the devs never bothered to make an event, less a line where Sothis talks to her children - especially to her heartbroken daughter - save for Nopes' AU of an AU. Heck, even in FEH they dance around it, and she looks even more callous because F!Rhea in her FB pleads for Sothis's presence and just wants to see her (even her lvl40 quote!) but Halloween!Sothis refuses to see Halloween!Rhea - when she knows she's the progenitor god!! - for some reason, and I'm pretty sure it's not one that is only tied to Supreme Leader.

Ultimately, yeah, I agree, Sothis is underutilised and stagnant, but both her apparition off-screen in SS and her S-Support in Tru Piss (any routes but Tru Piss takes the cake) really makes me wonder, did the devs really intended her to be a mc guffin but unconsciously wrote her to be the worst parent of the franchise - heck even Sonia looks better - ?

Nopes's NG+ lines really made me reconsider because gfdi she has lines she could have acted/reacted in the game damn it, they even got a characterisation for her regarding each of her relatives... but no.

At times I really wonder if the main crux of the game isn't the corollary to Hresvelg Tea - everyone should love Supreme Leader, of course, but "Rhea BaD" because if she's not "BaD" then what is the player even supposed to be/do? And as sad as it is, Sothis - in general - was used to fuel the "Rhea BaD" pyre more than, imo, the "Hresvelg Grey" uwufest, even if indeed, the two are closely linked.

#anon #replies #sorry I prepared something then TUmblr ate my reply #damn it #Worst mom #is her parenting looking like shit only because of the devs not realising what they wrote?#maybe maybe not #someone put it in better words than me #if FE4 gets a remake we will inevitably get the Lachesis discourse #but mothers being crap in fandoms is rare enough to be noted #and writing Rhea's main trait being desperate to reunite with her mom #while said mom knows it but doesn't pop up to say hello is just gfdi idk #shitty? I mean look at all those fanfics around #they could have turned tru piss as Sothis turning against her kid but being vocal about it #not 'btw idk what my daughter did but no worries about the crest stone let's get married uwu'#Is Sothis ending up like a shit mom only a result of the devs forgetting to code events in CF or not caring about her?#Or was it actually on purpose?#4 years later and I still can't make my mind

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