#it didn't come out wrong!!! i guess!!!!

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[anaalnathrakhs]

oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me

fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.

people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.

they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.

the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”

like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.

for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.

the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.

basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.

of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.

#ed tw #ana #notprojusttags #proana #ed #last year i got into an argument abt this that was so potent #it caused me to turn all my childhood attempts of having anorexia into actually having purging disorder #out of fucking spite #guess what you dicks from last year i have anorexia now i still think you're wrong #in an act of good faith i'll say i'm ready to admit that maybe it's just that my debating skills suck #maybe i'm just a shitty argumentative writer #maybe i didn't formulate things right and that's why people got the wrong idea #and that's not a maybe i was not considerate enough of causes of anorexia that aren't related to weight directly #like food insecurity as a child and whatnot #however #no matter how bad the delivery might've been #we're not working with a completely different dictionary here #i remember people actively arguing with things i literally said the opposite of #you can't chalk everyone and everything up to that but man some ppl were really not in a state to have this kind of discussion #come back after your omad #broadcasting my misery #discourse #vent #fatphobia #fatphobia tw

[hellooo-one-and-all]

me: so you see, Brennan, it's explicit in the rules that the ability to take a bonus action depends on the ability to take an action. that's why effects or conditions that prevent you from taking an action never specify that you can't take a bonus action either – it's implicitly clear that you can't, they didn't just forget to include it and you don't need to let people take bonus actions in these cases

dimension 20 staff member: ma'am you simply have to leave. how did you even get on the set

#dimension 20 #brennan lee mulligan #dnd #my toxic trait as an actual play enjoyer is that if the professional dm is confidently wrong about something that i know works differently #i just have to correct them out loud talking only to myself #like come on brennan #i didn't know bonus actions had that rule either #but the first time i watched brennan tell someone 'i guess you can still take a bonus action so go ahead' #i went 'that just can't be right' and looked it up. like it would make no sense otherwise!!

[radioactive-cloud]

one of my biggest wishes is for people to stop praising and admiring russian culture and language 🥰

#“omg umazane misli in russian wow so brave” #if singing in a language of a terrorist country is brave to you idk what to tell you educate yourself or smth #and ask yourself maybe why is singing in this language “brave” #“but they are innocent and didn't do anything wrong and probably don't support putin 🥺” i literally don't care #i'd exchange my knowledge of russian language (that i didn't ask for) for a handful of banana chips #writing this while i hear explosions btw (because of oh so brave people who speak russian and are so fucking proud of russian culture) #joker out #i'm not active in the fandom anymore so my opinion doesn't matter but i'm so fucking pissed i'm throwing it out there #i'm just a stereotypical angry ukrainian i guess #comes with seeing your country be destroyed

[front-facing-pokemon]

#vibrava #i know the eyes are fucked up i have no idea why. i didn't think it would be so noticeable but apparently it is. so. here's. that #i zoomed it out just a bit so that you could see the rest of it to make it clear it's vibrava because quite honestly i wouldn't be able to #tell that this was vibrava if i didn't. y'know. make this post. i sent it to someone else and they said they wouldn't be able to tell either #i think vibrava into flygon makes sense. i dunno if trapinch into vibrava makes much sense. i used to think that vibrava was the first evo #in the line and flygon was a second evo. but i found out trapinch comes first‚ which looks like an entirely unrelated pokémon to me #i dunno if it's just me. i've talked about not understanding evolutionary lines in the tags before and folks have commented on it telling me #Why They Make Sense Actually and i was just like Damn Ok. it's like interesting to know but shit am i just looking at it wrong #i tend to look for common color schemes and design aspects i guess is my problem. but vibrava looks nothing like trapinch #i dunno what these are supposed to be exactly so maybe it makes sense somehow. like a larva bug hatching from a crab. thing. i dunno #trapinch doesn't look like a bug and vibrava does. i don't. i don't know. why does it get wings. and stay a ground-type

[tonyglowheart]

Okay, wait lmao. I got to chap 45 and was surprised too see what I think is That Betrayal that I see some people get so so hung up about. Is this it? in Chapter 45? Chapter 45?? out of 128?? Like the way I saw some ppl cite it as a "I like yanshen except-" or like this is an unforgiveable thing by YWS.... and it's like. idk man, we're not even at the halfway mark yet. YWS is still like in his enacting his theorem on the world to try to get SQ to see it as a proof of concept stage. It also didn't really feel like it came out of nowhere at least not for me lmao, I was like, yeah this makes sense as a next step, like. whatever YWS does has to be an escalation and it has to come from him, and it has to be something that WOULD be personal like this. Especially after SQ called him his friend (even if part of the excuse was that it's easier to explain and etc)

#qian qiu #yan wushi #idk anyone else feel like this? lol #I just am like.... bro we're at chapter 45 / 128 #I guess if it were a WIP and I didn't know how many chaps there were it might be more shocking #or more of a like oh no how badly is sq going to get fucked up and can be come back from it #but like. knowing that we're like a little over a third of the way through.... #and honestly. I only went back to check the chap number once I saw oh is this The Thing? so like even chap number notwithstanding..... #it still made sense to me as a logical progression from like YWS's perspective #sorry some of you guys can't handle YWS's toxic yuri swag ig! #anyway I am still very much here for yws's girlboss wrongs #(also arguably- yws knew or suspected or thought that sq would be able to figure out a way to handle sjx) #(and if not then perhaps it's still two birds with one stone)

[cowboy-like-moony]

Matty Healy and Taylor Swift could literally be making out in my living room and I'd be like "oh my god they found a way to exchanged musical cues through their tongues, they're clearly working on a 1989 vault track"

#did you ever hear about the girl who lives in delusion? #I'd just love a 1989 collab with the 1975 #I guess they could still collab if they are dating #edit: i didn't know about most of the stuff he has done/said when i first posted this and don't want a collab anymore now that i know #why she would date this musty crusty problematic man is beyond me #I don't actually care that much #I just hate being wrong #I truly thought the sun was just making shit up #but of course matty healy had to ruin it by coming to her concert #and then taylor did the whole “i love you” thing like wtf was that? #she is so messy right now #I can't wait for all the crazy stuff that will happen at tonights show #also I'm not up to date with anything so most of my takes are already outdated when I post them #like found out phoebe brought matty on stage like 10 minutes ago #i can't deal with all of this #taylor swift #matty healy #1989 #the 1975

[wizardsix]

it's fun to look through datamined stuff but I need some of you to stop getting mad at larian for scrapping ideas you thought were cool. cool doesn't mean it'll make sense in the overarching story, and maybe larian likes this version better, or sometimes ideas just didn't work well with what they had in mind. I know this first hand from writing stories, I'll have cool ideas but realize later it doesn't fit the original tone of the story. it's okay to scrap stuff, but you can always use it for something else.

also, like it or not, it's larians game first, their story, their characters (I know.), it doesn't matter if we think something is cool, the reality is that not everything works in the end. and that's fine. that's how all art is, it's alive and ever-shifting, it'll go through many, many, versions, to the point where you might get sick of chewing on the same plot, and in the end the final version might not be as good as you thought when you look back in a few months or years. and that's ok. art isn't supposed to be perfect.

everything is subjective and I think fandoms would be a more intellectual place if people learned to critique art for what it is not what it isn't.

#of course don't get me wrong i have my own issues with the game that completely counters my point #but im not gonna sit around being upset over what could've been #overall i enjoyed bg3 i wouldn't have 600hrs if i didn't #to me this is like asking why an artist painted the forest instead of the dragon that was just out of frame #ofc you think the dragon is cooler but if the artist never told you they went to the dragon forest youd appreciate the forest for what it i #in art its like. the negatives elevate your subject. sometimes less is more no matter how cool it is #idk if im making sense ive been feeling sentimental about art recently and this is my favourite philosophy when it comes to my work #this isn't to say roll over and accept any art. always be critical always be a hater but the skill is knowing when and how #also im a believer of steal like an artist so if larian had cool ideas they didn't use? guess what? yours now. go crazy #i didn't mean for this to turn into a philosophy lesson on art but. theyre related #can you tell that ive gone insane from rewriting the same story bc i couldn't decide which version i liked better. i finally got it tho yay #oh god typo in the gc.... kill him . im not fixing that #six speaks #bg3 #larian critical

[soleadita]

me: makes a silly little teen wolf post on my silly little tiny blog

rabid sc*tt stans i literally have never crossed paths with ever in my entire life: derek hale is the devil incarnate, actually, and here’s why

#might delete this later im just so ??? and needed to vent #like. i understand it’s the public internet but why are you adding comments to a post and arguing with a fucking stranger? #u don’t know me i don’t know u it’s fucking rude??? #JUST. KEEP. SCROLLING. #i'm just sitting here trying to figure out what i did wrong. is it bc i tagged him? is it bc i didn't censor his name IN the post? #do these people just live in the sc*tt tag and argue with everyone who dares to breathe there? #i should’ve known better but it’s 2023 i thought we were fucking over this #and like. i'm also not AGAINST HIM? as a general rule i just think all the characters are a little silly and. that's all i was saying? #the only teen wolf adjacent person you're gonna see me actively disparaging is jeff fucking davis like. COME. ON. #it’s not that big of a deal ig bc block button <3 but i keep getting jumpscared seeing derek slander on my own post :( #btw this is NOT about bestiemutuals lovingly roasting derek in the tags bc lets be real he deserves that <3 #leo.txt #anti scott mccall #(<- again not ACTUALLY but like. just to ward off Those People i guess)

[mikurulucky]

About the ending of The Troubadours of Roc-a-Pic...

I know Maximin's dad wanted to give him a reward for resisting his anger and Guillemette a reward for saving his ass, but after reading this one again for the first time since high school, I initially refused to believe that they just got married right then and there. They hardly interacted afaik. Idk it just seems kinda rushed at the time.

But eh, arranged marriages weren't unheard of in the middle ages anyway. Even if neither of them like each other in that way, at least they'll have heirs. I'm betting they were both like "Aw nice, I get to live with my best friend!"

Can't really see the marriage being very romantically fulfilling for them tho unless one or both of them are somewhere on the ace spectrum. But I guess after thinking about it, I can kinda see how it would be likely to happen considering the time period. Duke gets his heir back, and now there will be ANOTHER future heir to the dukedom. Guess it's a win win as far as inheritance is concerned ig. :/

#johan et pirlouit #johan and peewit #spoilers #ig #it's a french comic from the 90s man #bande dessinée #for the record i headcanon maximin as gay and guillemette as a lesbian #and sadly homophobia was quite common in the medieval era #so i guess i shouldn't be too surprised the dad would marry his son off to some rando he's an acquaintance with lol #i'm thinking in a modern au they might've dated once early in college when they were still in the closet #then they found out they weren't into each other in that way but guillemette didn't know why #some years later guillemette came out as a lesbian #and that gave maximin the courage to come out as gay #maximin knew he liked men since at least freshman year in high school and guillemette is a late bloomer sapphic who was stuck in comphet #and to be fair my reading comprehension in french is still not that great #but better than it was back in high school at least #so i may get SOME details a tad wrong?

[trans-cuchulainn]

i guess the reason so many books featuring trans characters have them able to go stealth and make it so other characters don't know they're trans unless they say something is because that's an escapist fantasy for many trans authors who don't get that and want to imagine what it's like to live in a world where you don't get misgendered on sight every single day, and because they don't want to write about the latter (very fair)

but also when these are YA books it depends on the characters being able to medically transition at like 14 and i have literally never in my life met a single person who was able to do that (partly because I live in the UK where you can't and also I am old enough that for people my age, coming out as a preteen would've been way harder and rarer than it would be for current teen-aged protagonists)

so idk. i would like to read a book with trans characters who feel like real people living in the real world occasionally. it's hard to walk a path when you never get to see other people do it first and never get to witness it safely in fiction before you experience it IRL, and only ever seeing people walk roads that don't even exist in your reality doesn't really help at all tbh

#i have mostly only read fantasy and historical adult books with trans protags #aside from Confessions of the Fox i guess. which is still 50% historical #but i never come across contemporary-set adult books with trans protagonists #compared to the growing contemporary trans YA scene #this may be that i am looking in the wrong places #but i can more easily find historical trans romance than a novel with a relatable 20 or 30something transmasc protag #oh i did read detransition baby i guess. but it didn't really speak to me for various reasons #(most of them to do with me being trans in a different direction but not all of them) #anyway idk. i read a lot of YA because a lot of my friends write YA and it is easy for me to find things #but even though i am glad there are trans YA books now I can't relate to them at all #i guess because I didn't know i was trans as a teenager #so the trans teenager experience is always inherently one i did not have #i am looking for something that will never be what i need it to be #i want coming of age and self discovery and all that because I don't feel like I've DONE it yet in gender terms #that's why i want the YA vibes but. i guess as a 27yo still trying to do that I'm not going to find it there. not meaningfully #so i need novels about adults coming of age and figuring shit out and being newborn baby trans adults i guess. where are those #and nobody is allowed to be cool in those books because i am unable to continue reading about cool people sorry #néide has opinions about books

[keelanrosa]

terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'

terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'

#science #transphobia #cass review #less 'cass review' generally more 'zucker specifically' because this same problem exists outside cass #have lost count of the number of times i've seen 'well THAT study may have said most trans kids persist but it MUST be wrong' #'there's another study says the exact opposite. that one's right. obviously.' #but cass is why i'm annoyed by it now #normally i don't have a problem with critical observations and questions. yeah check your science! that's good! #there have been some bullshit studies and some bullshit interpretations of good studies! scientific literacy is important! #and normally also am willing to pretend the people pulling reaction 1 on some studies and reaction 2 on others are. not the same group. #but now there's a ton of cass supporters tryna say 'oh the cass review didn't reject or downplay anything for being pro-trans!' #'some studies just weren't given much weight for being poor evidence! not our fault those were all studies with results trans people like!' #…….………….aight explain why zucker's findings are used for the 'percentage of trans kids who don't stay trans' stat instead of anyone else's. #would've been more scientifically accurate to say 'yeah we just don't know.' #'studies have been done but none of them fit our crack criteria sooooo *shrug*' #like COME ON at least PRETEND you're genuinely checking scientific correctness and not looking for excuses to weed out undesirable results #am also mad about zucker in particular because his is possibly the most famous bullshit study #quite bluntly if you're doing trans research and think 'yeah this one seems reasonable' you. are maybe not well-informed enough for the job #there's just no way you genuinely look at the research with an eye toward accurate science regardless of personal bias #and walk away thinking 'hm that zucker fellow seems reasonable. competent scientists will respect that citation.' #that's one or two steps above doing a review of vaccine science and seriously citing wakefield's mmr-causes-autism study #it doesn't matter what the rest of your review says people are gonna have OPINIONS on that bit #and outside anti-vaxxers most of those opinions will be 'are you actually the most qualified for this because ummmm.' #people who agree with everything else will still think someone more competent could've done a much better job #people who disagree with everything else will point to that as proof you don't know shit and why should we listen to you #anyway i'd love a hugeass trans science review with actual fucking standards hmu if you know of one cause this ain't it #……does tumblr still put a limit on how many tags you can include guess me and my tag essay are about to find out.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

"yuri lowell is a manly heterosexual"

yuri lowell:

#DCB Comments #keeping this off my tales blog/out of tags bc i know the heteronormatives will come for me LOL #with their heteronormative v3speria dub (yes the dub actually altered/watered down #his relationship with a man probably bc it was too undertoney for them and western media is allergic to that) #not pictured in this post: the way yuri is used in official artwork with other tales characters #and is often surrounded by men. or the comic of him admitting he's popular with guys #also not pictured: the way yuri's alts for gacha games often feature flynn's color coding #and/or both of their color coding mixed into his outfit or accessories #also not pictured: the way yuri's wedding outfit alt is flynn color coded #also not pictured: the way yuri's bouquet in the other picture of his first outfit on this post #is almost identical to flynn's ''joke weapon'' bouquet of roses in the game #also not pictured: the entire gacha game of rays (that's based off respective game canon). i can't explain that to you in just tags #also yes yuri has a metal corset in that fourth picture. i don't... know many men who wear a corset #and the only other one i know in this franchise is in fact also the other main m/m pairing in the franchise #i also don't know many manly straight men who the character designers dress and style like this #i just want you all to know. if you're looking for a non heteronormative man. yuri has you covered #just maybe not so much in the dub just ignore that LOL. also worth mentioning that #japan gets a L O T of extra yuri material thanks to gachas merch and other official side material #everything in this post is official artwork and the last one is from this year #it's merch up for pre-order for t@lfes so yes they're still playing with his hair LOL #and yes if you ever pick up his game i am here to advertise to you not to play the dub (even tho the text will still sometimes be wrong...) #i am in fact writing giant lengthy posts abt it on my tales blog so i will not explain to you here in these tags #but the dub sapped yuri of so much emotion to make him seem cool and edgy and more of a troll #instead of playful fun and silly and just a dork but who is emotional when it matters #woe is them to let yuri's voice shake with heartbreak when he's worried abt a man! #i bet the localizers didn't even realize the entire opening theme song was abt yuri and another man and their relationship #maybe one day i'll make a fun post with all of flynn's color coding slapped all over yuri #also i BET there's someone out there who will see this and be like ''she's reaching'' #yeah i guess the official gacha game is reaching then too with how it treats yuri and flynn the same as the franchise's canon het pairs

[healingheartdogs]

I love being in America where I have to decide if the pain of something clearly going wrong inside my body is urgent enough to risk getting COVID at an ER from sick people and doctors who are no longer masking and having to deal with a grossly inflated medical bill that I already know I can't pay because I have no insurance or income currently.

#digestive stuff again #had me passing out from pain earlier this morning on the bathroom floor cuz that shit was at a 9 #and i almost gave in and told Selene to take me but it got a bit better after a bit so i didn't #and ive been sitting at like 5-8 range since then but smoking and laying down on my stomach or side helps take it down to 2-4 range #i was nauseous as fuck earlier too and that shit had me in a cold sweat when it got bad #my current guesses as to what is wrong are... idk diverticulitis maybe #and i don't know what to do about that if it is because I CAN'T AFFORD MEDICAL TREATMENT #LAND OF THE FREE #free to die in poverty #the pain is like around where im used to experiencing period pain #low low abdominal area but also is radiating around my sides and to my back #but unlike period pain it is not going away and it comes back with a vengeance anytime i need to use the bathroom #which is making me not want to eat or drink tbh #ndr #not dog related

[arctic-hands]

My last bout of sleep paralysis (which was when I was recently hospitalized for nine days and getting no sleep because literally almost every half hour someone was waking me up for vitals or a blood drawl or to give me medicine or to prod my stomach or the attending bringing in the interns because I'm a great case study or because my infusion pump wanted to make obnoxious noises for no reason) was so horrific that when I told my therapist about it yesterday she visibly paled and freaked out on my behalf. Is that a good sign?

#would have loved if i had been hooked up to the heart monitor at the time to see how fast my heartrate shot up while it happened #and it would have been mildly amusing to see the nurses freak out over it #coincidentally and predictably my nurse did in fact come in a few minutes later to give me my meds #at like 2 a.m. because that's just how schedules roll i guess #and she say ME all pale and bug eyed as i desperately tried to distract myself on my phone because i didn't want to fall asleep again #and when she asked me what was wrong and i told her she clucked her tongue and said honey i wouldn't want to sleep after that either #I've had four boughts of it over the last six years or so which doesn't sound like an lot but one time is enough for me #so I'm gonna ask my PCP this week for a sleep study #sleep paralysis #sleep disorder #nightmare #the art i made about the sleep paralysis disturbed my therapist but i thought it was rather mild in comparison to the actual hallucination #art therapy #sleep deprivation

[friendofthecrows]

Wish I had more of that stereotypical "refined genius psychopath mystery villain" vibes and less "dysfunctional no sleep cycle can't tell when/if they have emotions traumatized mess doesn't feel like a human paranoid future true crime psychopath" vibes. So that was word salad. Moving on.

#i have been described as a genius but unfortunately the #aspd and other mental illnesses mess with my impulse control and risk vs return and energy/motivation levels #so it kind of gets in the way of showing off my intelligence most of the time #which probably makes me less insufferable but also leads to some people underestimating me #or just thinking of me as too much of a mess in general #both of which i hate #and when it comes to the 'coolness/sophistication factor' vs 'unfortunate creature that needs to stop interacting with humans vibe' well. #trust me i would go into seclusion for the rest of time if it was financially viable and if #my various projects didn't require working with other people #ugh I'm not really that upset today I'm just frustrated by my brain #also my body and other people and the universe and the concept of time but that's a whole different subject #sometimes the stars align and it's like the best aspects of everything 'wrong' with me are displaying at once #and i actually feel like myself and like myself #then something shifts idk but the worse things start showing again and the best bits lose some of their influence and #suddenly I'm struggling to get through a day with a decent level of functionality and without engaging in destructive behaviors #the AND is very important because i can usually do or. At least i have that i guess #today i don't feel like a person i feel like a poorly written character who's been brought into real life #only to find out that when faced with normal everyday problems #their fucked up little traits are way more of a disadvantage than they thought #i could probably blame it on the trauma or the aspd or a million other things #but maybe it's just because i am the person i am #and idk how to feel about that #just want the stars to align again